FM Talk 1065 Podcasts
Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour 7-27-24
[music playing] The following broadcast is brought to you live and in color. I don't want to hear no more of that goofy talk. Shield of the talk and all you got to do is be a good listener. Popular radio entertainment for the masses. Sweet Jesus, please let this work. Stabilize. [screaming] It's time to have some fun. There's a good chat all the way. [music playing] Yes, it's time to laugh and sing. Time to brighten up, y'all Steve. We got to lean up in the house and the rocks baroply is on the way. Coach Rick Cleveland is in the studio. I understand you say I waste time on the show. What do I do that slows productivity? Talking on her cell phone, drinking coffee, putting on that gum lipstick. Am I liking myself clear? Yes, sir. [music playing] Hey, man, I took her to the prom. Who? Flat Patty, dude. She got that name because-- That's enough? Yeah, you don't want to know. Yeah. [music playing] [music playing] [cheering] Happy, happy weekend, everybody. Hi, everybody. I'm Jolene Roxbury. Welcome to my variety hour. Well, it's called the Jolene Roxbury variety hour, but it takes a village. And the people in the village. Yeah, the Roxbury players. They're here. Yeah. I think everybody's done with their summer vacations. And over to my right, significantly talented. John Bell, everyone. Greetings, everybody. And how are you? I am breathing and out of jail, so I am well. John, who do we have over there in your room and the room behind that? It looks to me as though everyone is here. See, every door has a big plexiglass double pane. Can you have double pane plexiglass? It is. So we can see one another in both control rooms, and then we have two production rooms. And we can see what's going on in all four of them. I especially have to see what's going on. Ah, yes. You never know who's going to bring in some folks to kind of sit around and watch us work. I don't like that, by the way. Stop doing that. I'll take your keys. Okay. So we've got four rooms that are kind of in a circle, and a circular hallway connecting all of them. So I guess the whole studio is laid out like a sand dollar. So okay, I see, yeah, I see you, John. I see, I see Aunt Bill. She's here early. Larry Carey, who's here sometimes, and ugh, Arnie. That's Earl T's cousin. And I see Earl T. I need all of you strong men, because I need to get a dozen or so bags of plotting soil. The big bags. Yeah, I've been lifting way too much lately. Okay. Got to stop strainin'. And since Arnie has that big cargo van, I guess we need to use it. Or we can use yours, John. It really doesn't matter. We can take my Jeep. The cars are all blocked in by the construction guys, so we may have to call a cab. We could always call Uber. Yeah, we can do it in the way I may have made it. What's the problem? A car's not gonna be bigger than that. My Jeep has plenty room for all of us. Larry, would you pull the Jeep around? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do I mean? Please pull the Jeep around front. I need you guys to help me get all those big bags of potting soil into the trailer. I can't lift those things. The Jeep will be fine. Would you please pull it around front? Okay, okay. We're gonna have to get a pickup truck. Oh, that means we're gonna have to call Goober. Goober. Right. Because you think anyone who has a pickup truck is a Goober. Right. Sweet. How do you contact Goober? I have my Goober app for me, please. Thank you for choosing Goober. Seriously, nobody's gonna believe this. You guys, that sounds exactly like me. Oh, hey dude, it's okay. Most of the time it is, but you guys are just wasting production time. And you can't put that voice right next to mine when I'm talking. It doesn't work that way very well. This show is for entertainment. Entertainment. Please. Fun purposes is only, dude. Uh-huh. I mean, like, anyone who hadn't figured that out already shouldn't be driving anyway. You have a point there. So, like, they need Goober, dude. So, just let the lady talk. Okay. Thank you for choosing Goober. We are contacting a pickup truck to get to you as quickly and safely as possible. Because at Goober, we put safety first. Or somewhere down the list. Please keep in mind that when you use Goober, you just might be riding with another person. Or chickens. Or other livestock. Riding in the bed of a truck is just fine. Oh, boy. But it's also $2 extra. And worth it. In a few minutes, you're going to need to be watching out for your Goober driver. And I mean, watch it out. Most of our trucks ain't got no brakes. Why? Thank you for choosing Goober. Where your desperate need for transportation is our meal ticket. It's speaking of tickets. If your Goober driver gets one, you are the one that's going to pay for it. At Goober, we have found that most of the time, if our drivers are ticketed, it's usually because the keg in the back has overturned, which tends to freak out our passengers, and the frank contention of law enforcement. So, yeah, it's your fault. Thank you, fair. Just remember, if you say some blue lights, be cool. And everyone will timely reach their destination. Have a good day. And good luck. Not that you'll need it. But, you know, just in case. All right. So apparently we are using Goober. Not getting in there. Hop in. Whoa! We're in hot pursuit. Driver, I think a wheel just came off. Mr. Stane, aren't they? You want to look out for that police car? Let's have a look. Whoo! And here we are. A little depot. Thanks for the ride, Mr. Goober driver. Let's get out of here. Good idea. Good idea. Arnie, John, you guys go in the garden section and please get the potting soil for me. Earl, I need you to take the Uber Goober back and go get my Jeep. I'm done with this. Please, Jolene, you're always ruining things for us. Ruining thing, I don't ruin anything. You guys are crazy. Whoa! Hi, I'm a high-strung college student. And even I listen to the Jolene Roxbury variety hour. 'Cause, I mean, they're all weird and unbalanced. Just like me. That's it? And my tuition costs so much money. There's the answer I was looking for. The Jolene Roxbury variety hour. The following audio can also be seen in brilliant animation. Wait, wait, wait. You've got the wrong notes. It's on YouTube. This video's on YouTube. It's old. It's a classic. Just search Jolene Roxbury 911 call. Really? Okay. If you say so. Answer, pick up. Hello, 911. Where's your emergency? I'm in the bathroom. Sir. Ma'am. Sir. Ma'am. You're gonna have to talk a little bit louder, sir. I cannot understand you. Mrs. Belkado, I'm in the bathroom. What is the problem, ma'am? My husband has overdosed on those man vitamins. You know? Man vitamins. You have those pills that make men happy and just-- Oh, okay. You talk about those pills on the TV where that ugly man is playing golf with that really big club. Was that goofy look on his face? That's the one in his overdosed. And for the past four days, he's been just enhanced. I can't stand it anymore. We're on vacation. I must ask you again, where is your problem with that? Well, then, we're on vacation. I've got friends over. Well, what would you like for me to do? Would you like for me to send over some other people? No. Or perhaps some cocktails and food to your house or something? Absolutely not. I've got shopping to do. Ma'am, where are you at? I'm in my condo. I don't know. Good use of track and charge. Ma'am, we do not have that. This is not Lieutenant Uhora. You don't have to let me know your location. I don't know the address. I am not being rude. I am simply trying to help you. I do not understand that this is not an emergency. It is to me. We're trying to play cards. I'm looking at my bulletin board right now. This did not make the list of emergencies. I don't say nothing about a woman being locked up in her bathroom with her husband wanting to get his freak on for four days in a row. That's just stupid. You have to go home. No. I'm not going home to HR stiff and stuff. He's making me crazy. You don't have to go home and take care of your business. I'm trying to self like everybody else does. I need some help. I've got to hang up now, ma'am. Don't you dare leave me. I cannot talk with you anymore, ma'am. Don't hang up. No. Don't hang up. No. Don't hang up. No. Hell. And now, another song parody by the Roxbury Players. Which means we didn't write the good part. Never went down to Bama. He was looking for a cooler treat. Using a bind as red bind was blistering from the heat. When he came across his young man, a sweat and buckets like it was hot. The devil jumped up on a dead tree stump and said, "Boy, let me tell you what." I bet you didn't know it. But I'm from a warmer place. And if you care to take a dare, I'll make a bet right to your face. You look pretty worn now, but listen up, old son. I bet ice cream in a bowl against your soul that it's hotter where I come from. Jugging it best to put on your shoes, you're going to take a ride. Down below, that's where you'll go where the devil does your side. And if you find it hotter there as the bed is toned, then you lose and the devil gets your soul. Going down. Down. Johnny went down under and said, "You know, it wouldn't hurt if I put on some long pants and buttoned up my shirt, but flaming sulfur's pretty." He said with a smile, "But you fool, it's so cool. Let me stay for a while." The devil bowed his head because he knew he'd met his fate. And he headed Johnny a golden bowl of chocolate. Johnny said, "Just come on back 'cause it's easy to tell. Ask anyone you son of a gun out. The devil's hotter than hell." Ooh, hi. The one side rings. Ooh. Rock me. Rock me. Rock me. Hey, don't you go anywhere, we will be right back. Rock me. Rock me. Since 1954, people far and wide have come to the master. For vacuum cleaner service. Well, I am loving this. It sounds so '70s. Like an old detective show. Ooh, I know what we call it. The VAC Masters. With VAC Masters, there's no detective work involved in finding great service. David, what makes ANA's service so fabulous? What we do when something happens, I won't need your receipt. I don't need your DNA. You bring it to me. VAC Masters. We look it up, we fix it. Backpack vacuums, rechargeables, uprights, canisters, shampooers. VAC Masters. So who's doing your background vocals? The old people in the back. Yeah, you might want to keep them back there. A and A vacuum. Cottage Hill Road, just west of university. A, A vacuum.net. Mmm, steam shrimp from DiPC Food for dinner. It doesn't get any better than that. Let's see. How many pounds? Hey, hey, hey, hey. You gotta leave some shrimp for everybody else. We got other customers, you know. Oh, you again? Well, do you have anything else that would be easy for me to prepare? Are you kidding me? Have you seen our freezer? We got crawfish pie. Bonus chicken pressed stuff with crab meat. Ooh, undoing sausage, crawfish pie. Oh, pork or crawfish boudin. Yeah, and I want some shrimp and crab chowder. All you gotta do is heat it up. Yummy. Oh, and remember that DiPC Food has the best boiled crawfish around. Hands down the best boiled crawfish. I got enough now to host my own seafood festival. I think you'd need a permit for that. Hey, hey, hey, hey. What? Close that freezer door. Okay. When you raised it up on, I gotta pay for that electricity. No, you need to chill. I don't, you, I do. Get it? Freezer? Don't go eat your chill. DiPC Food 4790123. Whoa, hey, this is Earl T. reminding you that, uh, I can't remember what it is that I'm reminding you of. It has something to do with the Jolene Roxbury variety hour, man. It's time to crank up the Jolene Roxbury Wayback Machine. Sounds like already with a back to school report. Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. Getting ready, huh? Like me and a little Earl Jr. have been getting all kinds of school supplies and stuff. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, so we got this list here. Let me get my glasses on. Appropriate. Okay. Okay, here we go. Okay, I'm thinking I may have already got some of this stuff at home. Yeah, yeah, that's smart. I bought so many packages of pencils and we already had them at home. You know, and that way I can save some money, man. Oh, yeah, exactly. Okay, first thing we need are some three ring binders. Mm-hmm. Binders, binders. Yeah, yeah, those. Oh, wait, I got some of them at home. Okay. One ring, man, and like the paper just kind of dangles out. Yes, got to have three rings. Yeah, so yeah, we got to buy those. Let's see what we got. We need dividers. Yeah. It just says dividers. Like divide what, Jolene? No, no book dividers with the tabs on them. The colored tabs. Oh, wait, wait. I had to wear those when I had braces, dude. My teeth were crowded in the head and the vent put in dividers. So my wisdom teeth would have room to go away. No, no, no, no, no. You, what the vent put a man? What are you talking about? Yeah, that's a word. Where'd you go to get your braces, Jolene? An orthodontist? Oh, well, whoa, wait, he's sweaty. Okay, we got to get Texas. Texas? Texas what? Oh, Texas instrument, calculator later, dude. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Texas instruments, what is that? A cattle prod for a banjo, you know? Do you know? Uh-huh. Jolene, Texas instruments, I know them. Seems they don't need them at schools, though. I mean, we don't see kids playing banjo or zapping each other down the hallway. No, give them any ideas. Trust me. Okay, next we need some number two pencil. What's so funny? Number two. That's like-- You know, mature, Earl. There's like, you know, doing number two. [laughs] Ooh, sharpie markers. Wow, look at all the colors he got. Jolene, all the colors are rainbow. Yeah. Even if colors like this back in my day, we had like black and red. Mm-hmm. And whoa, check out all the highlighters, dude. Yeah, they're not just yellow anymore. Wonder if they make highlighters the same as they did when I went back to school. Mm-hmm. Earl, what are you doing? Wait, wait. Hey. I had nothing, so I guess they don't. You're awful. Plumber. Well, look, Jolene, I just want you to know I'm not mad because you have it, like, cold or anything lately. That's good. I want you mad at me. Even though the fans clamor for it. You know what? I didn't even know you had a son. Oh, yeah, sure. I got a kid. You didn't know that? Uh-uh. Well, you say think it's my kid. I was trying to teach you to talk to her and I said, "Shay, dah, dah, dah, dah." And you said, "Meo, man." But I'm bummed. Leave you, dude. I'll talk to you later, Earl. Thanks. Don't go. Yeah, those were the days when Earl would just phone in from parts unknown instead of phoning in from the bunkhouse, which I can see out the back window of the studio. Kind of sort of. I can see the roof line. And he usually doesn't phone in either. He'll just bust on in. It's just how he do. I'm Jolene Roxbury. Thank you so much for taking us along with you. Wherever you are, whatever you happen to be doing, we are glad to be along for the ride. Because we love going places. And you know what? If you download the FM Talk 1065 app, you can take all kinds of shows with you. Because FM Talk has over 50 hours of local programming. Each week, you can catch up on what you missed with Dan Brennan and Dalton Orwig on mobile mornings, the Jeff Poor Show, Midday Mobile with Sean Sullivan, PrEP Sports Report with Coach Rick Cleveland, Randy Bergen and Mark Lasseter, the Southern Fairways Golf Show. I don't know anything about golf, but the important thing is they do. And so many other homegrown local shows. Download the FM Talk 1065 app. It's free and you will have access to all of them. What's that? You don't know how to download an app on your phone? Are you having difficulties with your smartphone? Uh-huh. When you want to make a call, do you wonder where the button's on? Why are they? When you attempt to swipe to a new page, do you always accidentally activate some app that takes 10 minutes to figure out how to get rid of? Do you know where the app is? No. Does your brain have an app gap? Huh? Then your problem, my friend, is that your smartphone is smarter than you. You said it. That's why we offer stupid phones. Oh boy. Yes, there's a stupid phone perfect for you from the Wiley Coyote Clever Phone with limited Acme apps down to the Homer Simpson Basic Phone with Rotary Dial. Go! March, what's your number for 911? So if your smartphone is smarter than you, go stupid. Just send a sign blank, check to "I'm Stupid, 555 Flatline Road." Okay, show your phone who's boss. Okay. Works me. This is Jolene's mother with a very important message from Naemon's Catering. Naemon's delicious menu to go. Have you heard about it? It's right on their website at Naemon's Catering.com. Seasoned to perfection and ready to cook meats, like spare ribs, pork loin. Mediterranean chicken breasts. Large lump crab cakes, bacon wrapped stuffed shrimp. Even fried and barbecued chicken. Delicious soups like broccoli cheese, chicken noodle, tomato bisque. Delicious seafood gumbo. Oh, and a delicious creamy crab soup with the lump crab meat? You can buy all those by the gallon. A bunch of us are going to the beach next week. And I don't want to cook while I'm there. What are you bringing? Look at these breakfasts, French toast casserole, hash brown casserole. All sorts of party trays, salads by the pound, like chicken, tuna. Check out Naemon's Catering. Delicious and convenient to go menu at Naemon's Catering.com. It's a beautiful day on your listening to Cats Radio. Music for Cats. Sponsored by Cats. Yes, Cats. Meow. That's not funny. Meow. Stop it. Oh, we look cats. They now enter and play. Yes, we love cats. Bring us joy in every way. Meow. Yeah, nobody's got time for that. Sometimes you sleep all afternoon. Sometimes you race around the room. You pooped outside your litter box. And you peed on all my husband's socks. You dug up my tulip bulbs from Amsterdam. And shredded all my drapes. You covered all your paws in potting soil. Then across my white rug, you did drapes. You're lucky you won saving grace. It's that sweet look up on your face. That's why Dr. Seuss kept you in his hat. You are my love, my friend. Meow. My cat. Meow. Meow. No, I can't stay angry with you for very long. Rock's better. Jolene Rock's better. She makes me laugh. People just like you talk about their skin irritation. I have this skin rash. It really gets bad when it gets hot in my shorts right up. It's a real bad itching burning sensation. Right where you don't want a real bad itching burning sensation. I was going to my afternoon tea. Even this terrible itch started up. It was like there were fire ants in my blooms. It started between my toes and it worked its way up to my knees. Before I knew it, my stomach was red. My chest was red. Even my neck was red. Man, that itch. That terrible itching burning sensation. You may think there's nothing you can do about it. That's where you're wrong. Purple Planet introduces this three-volume audio cassette collection of people talking about their own terrible itching burning sensations. Once you listen to them talk, you'll realize you're not so bad off after all. 90% of my skin turned bright red and flaked off. Felt like the Dallas cheerleaders were going all over my body with belt sanders. Feel better? Purple Planet. Terrible itching burning complainers. Wherever fine recordings are sold. Also available in disco mix. Hi, this is Mobile County Sheriff Paul Burch. Preserving and securing the safety of the people of Mobile County is a very rewarding job. But it can also be stressful and demanding. Laughter has been shown to lower blood pressure by releasing endorphins, which counteract the negative effects of stress. In law enforcement, that's a very valuable tool to have. One way we fight stress is by tuning in to the Jolene Roxbury variety album. Join us every weekend on FM Talk 106-5. Thank you so much, Sheriff. That means a lot. Could I get you to change one thing, though? We like to say laughter releases endorphins. Jolene, I grew up on a belt coast and spent a lot of time on the water. And I've never seen an endorphin. Oh, they're not in the water. They're invisible. They come out when you laugh. Oh, okay. Hey, hey, hey. Hope you guys are having a great weekend. And if you're not having a so great weekend, maybe not at all. We hope we can help take your mind off things for at least an hour. And you know, you can extend it to several hours. You can listen to many of our shows or the same show over and over and over again. Just download that FM Talk 106-5 app. And you know, we are here live, sort of, on FM Talk. 106-5 every Saturday afternoon at 4 and again Sunday mornings at 7 a.m. Don't you go anywhere. Meet us right back here. The Jolene Rock Spirit. All right. All right. The Jolene Rock Spirit. All right. All right. I'm Jolene Rock Spirit. Thanks for taking us along with you this weekend, wherever you are, whatever you happen to be getting yourself. Okay, my day is complete. Since we have no nepotism rules on this show, clearly, Arnie is Earl T's cousin. Okay. What is it, Arnie? I'm Arnie Kuntzparz, scientist and inventor. I know. And I have scientifically invented a new invention. Be still, my beating heart. You know how when you text on smartphones and other devices how the autocorrect corrects your silly mistakes? Yes. And on several occasions, the auto spell creates even sillier, sometimes disastrous mistakes. We're in there, Ben and Barry. That's why if I have something really important to communicate to someone, I kick it old school and actually call them and have a real conversation. I have created a device that autocorrects you while you're talking. Wow, you mean like talking on the phone? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. When you're having a conversation like we're having right now, it turns your half-big flux and clumsy phrasing into concise instances. Into what? Consize. Consize. Consize. Consize. Where's my umbrella? Which is like a demonstration. Not particularly. I knew you'd be excited. Put on this helmet. A football helmet? With a glass face shield? Oh, geez. It has sensors in it that not only pick up what you're verbalizing, but it taps into your brain to figure out what you actually mean to say. I'm going to get electrocuted, aren't I? Probably not. Probably? I call it the vocal autocorrectulator. Just flip it on here, snap the chin, snap the chin, and you're ready to go. It's not very comfortable. It got very comfortable. That's not what I said. There's a knot in my eyes, Ed. It needs a few adjustments here. Ed. There we go. Okay, now. Make conversation. All right. Uh, think it might rain today. Stink on my train today. I didn't know you had a train. How interesting. This stupid thing isn't working. The Stoolid is in the Walk King. You stir-fry stew in your walk. That's amazing. I'm going to wring your scrawny neck if you don't get this thing off me. Give me a ring when you want to neck sometime this spring with me. Ah, turn it off. Ah, turn me on. Jolene, I never suspected. Maybe we should meet after the show today. Arnie, I'm going to kill you. Arnie, I'm going to thrill you. You're getting out of control with your passenger. Jolene, control yourself. No, no, wait, wait. Don't take off the... Finally! Got this thing off. Here. You wear it for a while. Wait. No, I got... Is it still turned on? I'm going to kill us a hug. Goodbye, Arnie. Back to the drawing board. I certainly did. Yeah. Whoa. You're sorting this thing out. Yeah, I wonder what. How do things move on fire? I'm not really attired. Yeah! Voice score and seven years ago, our father was born. Goodbye, Arnie. Brief. Yuck. Arnie, please turn in your key. Jim? John, get his key. Okay, he'll find a way to get back in, I'm sure. It's what he does. I'm Jolene Roxbury. Thanks for hanging out with us this weekend. More importantly, letting us hang out with you. 'Cause, you know, if you didn't do that, we'd be stuck with each other. I see people going to college for 14 years. Studying to be doctors and lawyers. I see people getting up at 7.30 every morning. Going to work at the drugstore in a South Flair Pins. But the most amazing thing to me is... I get paid for doing... ♪♪ Good afternoon, everyone. You're listening to Intramutual Radio. For your listening pleasure. Our sincere appreciation goes to Pulaski's deli for your donation of the lovely ham that was mistakenly delivered to your store. Please know, if you run across any additional ham in the future, we certainly enjoyed it. All right. Well, as you know, we have been conducting a financial predicament fun drive. We appreciate your support as it allows us to keep programs on the air, such as everyone's opinion, Thimblepalooza, and everyone's favorite call-in program. We know more about the classics than you ever will. Right now, we'd like to welcome back to the program Derek. Derek is with adequate interiors. A store for the discerning individual with absolutely no sense of style or fashion. Derek, thank you for being here. What is the theme this week at adequate interiors? Well, this week's theme is wild on beige. That sounds very powerful. In fact, we just got in our new deluxe package, which is designed to help you transform your entire living room into the exact same color as before. I see you've brought something with you today. We want to focus specifically on the power of the beige drape. Powerful. These drapes scream. Derek, I was peeking in the store the other day, and I noticed you have throw pillows that actually spell out the word beige. Yes, we do. You'll want to come buy the boutique this weekend as we are premiering one of our brand new colors, neon tan. Fabulous. It's a huge hip for dorm rooms and ecstasy raids. Thank you so much for being here, Derek. That's all the time we have. Thank you for having me. Remember, adequate interiors, the only place in town where you can redo your entire house for just under $4. Stay tuned for cooking with corn. Hey, this is Lorraine Becker. Is my car ready yet? Did y'all fix that noise it was making? It was going her, her, her, her, her, her, her, her. Every time I turned a car, it was making a scraping sand. It was horrible. She's got no sense of discretion. Hey. When it comes to talking on her phone. I'm gonna have to go with the bathroom and go on all eight days. She's loud and she's abrasive. Where you at right now? You wish she'd shut up and go home. Can you hear me? Are you driving? She's talking while she's shopping. I'm at Wally Warr. About her menstrual cramps and pain. Stay free, Mike. Anything bigger than a Max? And I wonder, still I wonder who's stop Lorraine. If y'all come in here, they have got a brand new line of Twilight underwear. The sporting goods at Walmart. I hope you, man. She calls her O-B-G-Y-N. And from the house I was getting just got and fell off. I watched the horror and the nausea. I can't get rid of these cramps. I can take it somewhere else. Listen at our conversation. She goes into great detail. I am Lady. I've heard that J.J. is in pain. And I am heartless. I'm out of here. And I wonder, still I wonder who's stop Lorraine. I can wait for this hamper to get out of my way so I can get it down on the mail. Look, Lady, it's real simple. There's one percent, two percent scam and chocolate. I think the state needs to enter. It's been that way for six hours. Hang on, I'll get you that by our hotline number. Some of us are trying to show up. No one just got a tip. No one cares about all your... Oh, there goes my phone ringing. Personal. Hey, honey. Now I'm just talking to mom on the prepay. Stuff. Then her water broke all over his new motorcycle. That's why they named that baby Harley. It's disgusting. Someone with very odd taste requested the following. Somebody who obviously needs mental help has requested the following. Somebody... Stop. Oh, you're getting out of here. Yeah, all right. Hi, Jolene. This is Billy Davis. Hey there, Billy. Good to hear from you. Hope you're doing well. I'm doing good. I understand you guys had a big celebration last weekend. We had a wonderful time this week. Everything go well? Everything went off without a hit. Good. Even mother got into the spirit of things. She got herself a Miss Piggy costume. Oh. Made a real nice Miss Piggy, actually. She insisted on getting her one of them candy apples. And I told her not to. That the candy was too thick and sticky. And she went and got her partial stuck in it. You know, the part of the parcel that ain't supposed to come out, I guess. Uh-huh. It didn't. Lucky for us our veterinarian was over running the high striker. Uh-huh. And said he could take her up to the clinic and get them loose without messing her up too bad. Okay. Well, aside, a giant Miss Piggy being lit off with an apple in her mouth. But anyway, we had a good time and I hope you're doing well and we'll talk to you later, Joe Lane. Okay. Bye, Billy. Thanks for checking in. Ladies, when the stresses of the day get you down, settle down into a nice hot bath. Open a bottle of champagne. Take a sip. Isn't it wonderful the way the tiny bubbles tickle your nose. Now, pour it over your head. The tiny bubbles tickle your hair. Then turn into a rich, luxurious lather. Oh. This is no ordinary champagne. Oh. It's shampoo pain. The delicious beverage that relaxes your body while cleansing and deep conditioning your hair. Why settle for ordinary shampoo? It tastes terrible. Instead, for those special moments, enjoy shampoo pain. Especially for those times in the big tub or shower when you're not alone. Toast each other. Douse each other. Give each other scalp a vigorous cleansing rub. Rinse and repeat. Your hair will have an intoxicating shine. Pick up some shampoo pain. Available wherever finer vintage champagnes are sold. Also, at Select Truck Stops and Way stations. We invite you to find us on Facebook. It's really simple. Just search the Jolene Roxbury variety hour and, like us, when the holidays are all around, we're going to be giving away some fun stuff. Yeah, so you can, like, win something from us and then re-gift it. We won't tell anybody. If we find out that you re-gifted our gift to you, we won't put it on the show at all. Coming up in the last segment of the show, we are paying tribute to one of our listeners who wrote into us and she was complaining of some, let's say, hormonal challenges. And she put us to the task to come up with a silly song for her. So we did that and you don't want to miss it. So stick around. Time to get to work on the Radio Spot Spot. What's a spot spot? Funny, creative, original radio spots for your small business is our specialty. You know, a lot of small businesses don't advertise because they can't afford to hire an agency to think up something fun and entertaining. So what's a spot spot? By the way, you are not allowed to do any more voiceovers. Why the heck not? Well, that Macadill Productions right create and produce an amazing radio spot for your business. And we can adapt them to use for your television commercials as well. Make the most of the airtime you're already paying for. We believe in the fabulosity of local radio, local television, local media, shopping local. Maybe it's because local sounds like loco, and that's what we kind of are. But we're good at what we do. Get in touch with us on the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour Facebook page. Or email me directly, Jolene@JoleneRoxbury.com. And what is it the lawyer dude says I will personally return your call? Full disclosure, it might be Earl T who calls you back. And you know what they say in baseball? It's a great day for commercial. Let's make two. Yeah, I don't think that's how that saying goes. And now, live from her kitchen, beatside on Alabama's beautiful Gold Coast. The woman who loves to eat but hates to cook. Actually, she doesn't know how to cook. That's enough. Bell Cado! Hi, everybody. Bell is not in this week. Ironically, she is at the beach. Just not this beach. Here's the real boss at the kitchen, Chef Alec Mammon. Hey, Jolene. You know, I'm always liking to stuff something. You like to stuff stuff? I don't mean just stuff, anything. I mean, Earl's already full of stuff. But we ain't even gonna go there. No. But Ms. Bell really likes this dish. And I promised her one day I would stuff her a Cornish here. Okay. She just loves Cornish here. She thinks she's so cute. You think she's listening? I don't know. Now, all you need for your ingredients for your stuffing is you need a cup of brown rice, okay? I like brown rice because why? It's healthy for you. So, then, if you really want to be healthy, like Ms. Bell has been trying to get me to be healthy, I'm gonna get her two cups of gluten-free chicken. We're working with all healthy ingredients on this dish. Okay. All right. You want to get you maybe, well, a teaspoon of some organic, extra virgin olive oil. Right. Okay. Well, in the meantime, I get me a nice red onion and I dice it up really fast. I get me maybe about a quarter pound or half pound or some golden Chanterelli mushrooms. Chanterelli. Okay. All I need is a pinch of sage, a little sea salt, some paprika, a pinch of cayenne, some mints, garlic, and a little black pepper and a little, just a pinch of cinnamon. Get to oven and eat it at 350. All right. You want to pre-boil the rice. Send me the rice and that chicken broth. Cook the rice in a gluten-free chicken broth. I mean, why mess up the brown rice? Okay. I'm just gonna cook with some gluten-free chicken broth. You're already being healthy, so don't mess up one healthy thing and then put a fun healthy thing with it. Go ahead and boil the rice and that chicken broth. And until it absorbs all the liquids absorbed. Okay. I mean, that means it's about done. All right. In the meantime, heat the olive oil and a little saucepan. So I'll take the onions to the translucent. Add the mushrooms and the sage. Cook about four minutes and then keep it over. Then add your little salt, your paprika, and your cayenne. Your onions and your mushrooms and all your little spices are all seasoned. Okay. Now you take the rice mixture and you take these mushrooms and season mushrooms. And you mix it all together. Okay. Then you take... Now, in the meantime, I forgot to tell you, you gotta take the cornice hands. You gotta make sure there's no jiblics and no insides. Yeah. You're running out of some good cold water. Rub your hand down in the cavity to get anything out. Let it flush it out. Really, really clean the cavity. All right. And then you want to take... You want to stuff this rice and this mushroom stuffing all up in the cavity of this cornice here. You'll notice that even the skin on the brush, you can peel it just a little bit, babe. You can get your fingers underneath. You can stuff a little bit of rice mixture under that. Now, the reason for pre-cooking the rice is that you don't want it to swell anymore. It's already pretty much fully swollen and it won't like growing swell inside the cornice hand. So, that's one of the reasons for that. So, in the meantime, you sprinkle the seed. A little seasoning over the cornice hand and you want to bake it in the oven at 350 degrees for an hour and 15 minutes. If you've got some leftover rice, you can place it in the oven after about 45 minutes. You know, that the cornice ends have been in there. If not, just save it, warm it up in the microwave and you can serve the cornice hand sitting over the extra little bit of rice you've got a few or two. That's not a good idea how to use all of your leftovers up in once you've made it. I love it. Alright. Well, Ms. Bell's gonna really enjoy this. I'm looking to impress her. Mm-hmm. Hey, you can contact Alec at namenscatering.com. See you everybody next week. See you next week. Roxbury. So, a very lovely local lady. She sent us a message and asked if we could do a special silly song for her. She tells us she is in her late 40s and she is beginning to suffer from some of the symptoms that go along with being a female in her late 40s. Let's just put it that way. Nice and simple. But she said one of the main things that really, really bothers her is that she will walk into her room and totally forget why she's in there. Frankly, I've done that since I was 15. Something very wrong with me. Anyway. The C-R-S syndrome. Can't remember stuff. Yeah. That's what they call it. Walk into her room. Can't remember why you're there. All while managing a body temperature of 200 degrees. She didn't want me to use her name, her full name, but she said I could just call her J. So, here we go. Jacqueline, this one's for you. Oh, sorry. Always hot. Always heated. If fire was a person, that's how I feel. Touch that AC and I'm killing you. No problem. You'd better leave that mug on 62. Not moving it an inch. I get up to go to the next room. Left my laptop open. Now they're watching me on Zoom. I must be such a sight. As I circle the room. Yeah, but on the plus side, you are trending. 'Cause I still can't recall what I came in here for. Is it bigger than a bread box? No, I still can't recall what I came in here for. Okay, I'm gonna retrace all my steps and then maybe I'll remember. I'm wanting chocolate to pass my lips. I'm wanting Cheeto, orange fingertips. Did I mention I'm on fire? Yeah, that came up. It's a freeze-eye desire. How about some cuddle time, hmm? And don't you touch me with those hands of the devil. They are kind of sweaty. Keep your hot paws to yourself. Feels like I swallowed the microwave. Get me shaved ice, and please behave. One bubblegum ice coming up. 'Cause I still can't recall what I came in here for. To get me a beer? Get your beer out! No, I still can't recall what I came in. Scissors, scissors. I was looking for the scissors. Let me explain what this phenomenon is called. You're gonna mansplain hot flashes to me while I'm standing here with a pair of scissors. Ha? No, I'm not mansplaining. How is it possible you haven't learned by now? I don't want to hear your comments and your helpful tips. I'll get you that bubblegum ice right away. I'm not a smart man. No. On behalf of the Roxbury Players, that's gonna do it for us this week. Thanks for letting us hang out with you and taking us along. Follow us on Facebook, and that way you'll have access to our podcast. You'll hear every Saturday and Sunday right here on FM Talk 1065. See you soon! The Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour contains copyrighted material and cannot be duplicated or rebroadcast and whole or in part without the express written consent of Macadow Productions. We love you, America! Join us next time for more Madcap Adventures on the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour. I'm Mr. Announcer. (electronic music) (giggling)