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[ Music ] >> Brought to you by the EveryDollar app, start budgeting for free today. >> So I've gotten myself into a big hole. I apologize. Right now, my account's negative, $600. I have no money. I've, in the past 60 days, I've paid over $1,300 in overdraft fees. I'm going to call my bank to cancel that over fast, because I realize that's ridiculous. And I just don't know where to start. I'm behind on my mortgage. And I just don't know what to do. >> You buy yourself? >> I have a husband and we have two kids. >> Okay. Are you handling all the money by yourself? Or is he just watching this happen or what? >> So we're trying to talk more about it. Originally, it was he was just giving me money to pay the bills. But he had his car broke. He had to get a new car. And so he's not, he has not been giving me money with his paycheck. Here and there he will or buy the groceries. But it's pretty much been all on me. >> Holly, are you working? >> Yes. >> So you guys have separate accounts? >> Yes. >> So he kind of earns money, does whatever he wants to come to home. >> In your paying, yeah. >> And you pay all the bills. >> Yes. >> Does that not feel weird to you? It feels weird to me. >> It feels very weird. >> Yeah. Like wrong. >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> And have you guys talked about that? What does he say? >> Well, he just says that he doesn't make as much. And he's trying to pay, he pays, so he pays for his car, his insurance, and then our kids do go to a private Catholic school. And I know I could just cut that out and I wouldn't have that monthly payments. But it is something that's really important to us. So he has that payment for his daughter because her mother refuses to pay for school. So we've taken that on. >> So he has a child from a previous marriage. And then is the other child, both of yours or was it one? >> The other child is just mine. >> Okay, from a previous marriage, okay. >> How long have you all been married? >> Since November. >> Okay. All right. Okay, you have several, the overdrafts are not the problem. They're the symptom. And so what we're hearing is there are several problems that when you solve those problems, the overdraft will go away, okay. Does that make sense? >> Yes. >> Okay. Problem number one is just disorganization, because no one intentionally runs their checking account into the red. You might have, if you were like buying groceries or something like that, because you didn't have the money to eat otherwise. But most people, it's just disorganization. If you laid out a game plan, your game plan would not be, I'm going to intentionally create $1,300 in overdraft fees. That would not be your game plan. I don't think you did that. You're too intelligent to do that on purpose. Does that make sense? >> Yes. >> That's kind of what happened as a part of the chaos in the disorganization and coming up short. Because your portion of the responsibility here is larger than your income. You're coming up short. >> Yes. >> Okay. Problem number two is you all are running your relationship in your household horribly. And that would be that the two of you need to sit down together. You probably need some good marriage counseling. Because you need to sit down together and say, "All right. We just got married in the preacher said, "And now you are one." And you're not acting like it. You're acting like two. You're acting like roommates that both have a kid. >> Right. >> And it's killing you. It's causing you to be afraid. It's breaking your heart. You feel disrespected. Am I saying things that are untrue? >> No, you're spot on. >> Okay. All right. And he's probably wounded and hurt from his last relationship and is still carrying some of that and then projecting that onto the new relationship, I'm guessing. That'd be kind of normal to do that, by the way. It wouldn't mean he's a bad guy. It just means it's like, "Well, last time I got burned when she was acting like this, I'm not doing that again." Right? I'll just keep everything over here and I'll take my part. You take your part and we'll see how it works out. That's generally, that's the voice of hurt. That's the voice of a wound. Okay? So, I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but he is really mistreating his current wife. So, if I were your older brother, I would tell you to put your -- to sit down tonight and turn off the TV and put the kids to bed and say, "Hey, dude, this is not working." >> Mm-hmm. >> Turn the lights on. As John Deloney says, "Turn the lights on in the room." Because we're all kind of walking around in a fog, acting like this might work out. It ain't gonna work out. Turn the lights on and go, "This is not working." We either made a huge mistake or we got some work to do to get on the same page, because I'm not gonna live where you treat me like you're surfant. Does that sound right? >> Yeah. >> Okay. >> Holly, from just a tactical sense, I'm curious, if you combined both of your incomes and you guys really worked out of one account, you paid household bills together out of that account, would you be behind on the mortgage right now? >> Um, I don't think so. >> Yeah, I don't either. >> Because I feel like I would have a better handle on what each of us are kind of-- >> Yeah. >> And there's a little bit of you to have a full handle on it. >> Yep, and so much, Holly, of money. And the way we use money, the way we view money, the way our dreams are around money and our fears, all of that is so wrapped up into who we are. And when you keep that part of you from your spouse, which is what he's doing, there's such a lack of transparency that's going on. And on a really extreme, terrible side, we see people with addiction that they hide stuff from their spouse, another light. I mean, stuff just happens when money is hidden in the dark on an extreme side. And on the other side, I pray that it is what kind of Dave said earlier. He's just like, "I just don't want to get burned." And I've been through a divorce of this and this, you know. >> Well, if you've been married eight years, I might be suspecting him of a lot more. You've been married eight months. >> Yeah, yeah. >> So I'm trying to give him the benefit of that. >> Yeah, that's fair, that's fair. But the lack of transparency, too, is one of the reasons we talk about the level of unity. >> Oh, it's horrible. >> Because it's just everything is everything's there, and you're working together, and you're a team, and you're not being held like this. I mean, Holly, when you said I'm behind-- >> You're not behind. >> You're not behind. >> You're not behind. >> Yes, yes, in that amount of weight that is on you. >> We are about to lose our house. >> Yes. >> Because you are standing over there in the dark, handing out money like I'm your child, giving me an allowance. That ends tonight, Bubba. Okay, that's how the conversation goes in Tennessee. You know, so you can-- In Albany, New York, you might be nicer than that. >> They're the kind of-- >> But we get all dill billy about it around here. I'm just saying. >> Oh, Holly, we're cheering for you, girl. >> Yeah, go get some marital help. >> It's worth pushing into this. >> Yeah, you can win this battle. I've seen people overcome it many a time, but he needs-- he does not understand how much harm he's doing to it. You enter the marriage, and you're getting ready to lose his house, because he's being stupid. Y'all got to get on the same page here. Go get some help, kiddo. 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