Backyard Hang
Episode 48: Alex and Andy
- Welcome to the backyard, hey, welcome to the backyard, hey, welcome to the backyard, hey, we don't even have a name, welcome to the backyard, hey, welcome to the backyard, hey, we don't even have a name, so, welcome to the backyard, hey, you know what, even have a Tommy John again, he's dead, alright, okay, we should start a band, it's fucked up, we haven't started a band, me and Alex are on Zoom, we're not in the backyard, we're in our apartments, say, me and Andy, we got, okay, so the Zoomies tonight, yeah, we're just over here, check out this ring line I'm using, how about, I mean, you're on the Patreon, maybe you get the video, maybe you don't even get the video for this, what happens with the video when we do these, Alex? - Well, they go on the Patreon, yeah, that's one of the perks, one of the beautiful perks. - Okay, so if you're on the Patreon, beautiful perks. - I want you to see this ring light investment that I made during the pandemic, you know, so I would look good in meetings, it's on right now, about to turn it off, okay, we're going to hang back on, you can't see me. - I want a sick freak, this guy looks hideous, turn that ring light back on, I'll get that ring, you can tell who I am, I'm an anonymous podcaster, okay. - It does look like that, it does look like we're protecting your identity, it looks like you've seen some things, well, I'll tell you this, I mean, you're not, you know, the only one talking about the video, so I just noticed, what is this little guy, who's this little bud that showed up? - Oh, got an area, that's a my pet monster, that's a little guy, that's his name, my pet monster. - That's his name or that's what he is. - I had this as a stuffed animal when I was a child, and then I saw on Instagram, I think they were selling it as an action figure, a few years back, so I bought one to set on my desk. - God, you are keeping so many businesses afloat on Instagram, it's just- - I feel like I've done this before, but I have a fun desk, if you've got a walker. - Okay, oh, he's got Yoda in the backpack, troll doll, absolutely. - Go back, go back. - Yeah, I didn't know we were having guests on tonight, that's very cool. - Oh yeah, I got this too, I got this, I don't know if I've ever shown you this, Alex. I won't even, like, just to, in case it embarrasses anyone, I don't, I won't disclose who it is, but this is a trophy, I don't know, can you see what it's for there, can you read that? With your guys? - Best lover? - Wow. - Best lover trophy. - Actually, you get it, you gave that. - I mean, you can't hang that up, I mean, that's the gold medal right there, I mean, you gotta wear that with pride. That's basically just bringing a resume to your new relationship, that's all that is. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, the thing is when you're dating, you walk into someone's house, you're dating them, you notice that they have a few, I have a few of them, a few trophies for a best lover, they give it out every year. - I know this person knows how to put it down. - That's why, in my apartment, I do a similar thing, I wrote in Black Sharpie on my wall, likes to get his dick sucked, and, you know, to varying results, but, I know, I see where you're coming from. - Oh, fun. - Definitely a relationship. - Fun relationship. - Well, you got a fun thing going over there, let me put your attention to this over here over my right shoulder, what do you want to use? - What you'll see here is three paint swatches, okay, these are paint swatches. - Okay, okay. - Now, this wooden dresser here, I'll tell you this, and he's going to be one of these three colors. - Okay. - Wow, you're doing home improvements over there. - We're doing home improvements and upgrades on this Ikea dresser we bought. Now tell me, any from your perspective over there, miles away in Santa Monica, which one of these three colors, would you say, this dresser should be exactly the same? I mean, you know what, look, can you go downstairs, maybe find me someone with a little taste? You know, I'd like to ask them a question. They're green, they're different shades of green. You want to tell me specifically what they are? We got a conifer green, that's right here. - It's conifer green, that's the kind of tree evergreen, I believe. - This is global green right there in the middle, global green. - Okay. - And then over here, this one's leading the pack right now, it's herb cornucopia. - That's what you guys are feeling. - We're kind of feeling herb cornucope. - My man, isn't around a lot. - Well, I think this is going to be it unless you were to come over the top of Santa. - You're conifer is above and beyond the best. - Is that right? - Okay. - You should mention this system, yeah, conifer, that's how you want it. - We might have to sell this whole fucking dresser, I mean, he's just really true. - Or paint it that weed color you like. - Okay, you know, I think, you know, it's California, baby, it's legal. You know, we're just expressing our true taste. The truth is we tried to stain it, we thought we'll buy this wooden dresser for my cue, we'll stain it and then we found out that's not so plug and play, it's not as plug and play as you think it's going to be, apparently this is a pine dresser, notoriously difficult wood to stain, just for as you're walking around later in life, yeah, it's very porous. It takes in the stain unevenly, it just looks like shit when you do it. The back of some of these dressers hideous. - Did you learn it by staining it or did you get some intel? - Well, we did it, we did the back of a dresser to test it, then we go, "Well, that looks like shit. What are we doing wrong?" Then I googled it and there's multiple YouTube videos dedicated to how this is a difficult wood to stain and they're like, "But this is how you--" - It's like, yeah, not have the finest woods, you know, I thought it would be up. I thought it would be a particle board, it would be a real breeze to stain. But he was like, "You got to mix water and glue and you put that on first, then you stain it, then you lack it." And we're like, "That's too much. We're just going to go to home and paint this thing." - Do you think you're going to go up the art before you paint it? - I think if you want to do a good job, you paint it ahead of time, but we've had this, it's been this for two plus years. So we're just-- - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, with this watch, we bought it with this watch, and we're just now getting around to pull the trigger on the purchase. Next time we do a zoom pod, Andy, this is going to be green, baby. And you're going to be like, "Wow, the fucking pops." - Where are you going to paint it, just in the front of your apartment? - I think we have not talked about it. The drawers we've been taking outside to the garage area and trying to stain out there. But you know, maybe if we take the drawers off, we could carry the whole thing down there, or maybe we put a little drop cloth down in the living room, paint it out there. - Okay. - I don't know. - I don't know. - Paint it in the house. - Huff a little paint for a minute. - It's house paint. It's house paint. - Yeah. - I think you're supposed to paint it in the house. - Breathe it in. - Breathe it in. - Huff it. Get high. Have a good time. Have a fucking dance party. - We got to. Do you want to hear what we're going to talk about? - I was going to ask for the rundown. - Well, I got it. We, the fellas, me and Tommy, we went to, and Tori, she was there too. She's one of the fellas. We went to watch Olympic basketball at a movie theater, exciting recap coming up. I also got a couple of fun Olympics conversation starters. We got a question from a fan about, uh, Cheaters on TikTok. - Ooh. I heard the nipple prosper. - Alex, you got a story. You got a conversation. What'd you call this? Oh, you called this segment? Who's got an asshole? Is what you told me? - I said, who's got an asshole? I said, who's got an asshole? Who's an asshole? I had an asshole. Where's the asshole? Let's find it together. - That's what we're, that's what we're talking about. That's the rundown. - All right. Well, let's, we are, and I, I'm just going to say we're postponing the game where we guess what jokes Tommy wrote on episode two of season two of that 90 show because Tommy is, uh, what do you, what'd you say? Dead? - He's dead. He's incapacitated. Uh, I think we can tease it is that, uh, and this guy's got a, he's got a cracked rib, but, uh, stay, stay tuned for how because it will knock your sacks off. That's a tease right there. He told us that he was in the worst pain he's ever felt in his life. I've been thinking about it. Alex, what was the worst pain you've ever felt in your life? - I was telling you earlier, I bruised a rib. Just bruised it. - That was the worst. - Deep bruised on a rib. - That was the worst. - I don't know if it was the worst, but it did hurt very, very bad. Every big deep breath in, every time you move, trying to sleep was a real nightmare. I don't know if that's the worst, uh, pain though. You know what? I'll tell you either what the worst pain I've ever felt is, Andy. And I have yet to be diagnosed. I asked one lady this, who was a physical therapist. She said I was dehydrated. It cannot be right. I, have you ever done the stretch where you lay on the ground and you put, uh, one leg, like you cross one leg like this, then you pull it, you pull your leg towards yourself? Does that make sense when I'm scrubbing? - I want to stretch the glute there. - Got to stretch the glute in your lower back. So I was doing that in New York once and I felt not a pop, not a tear, but a slip, like a, a tendon in my knee slipped and I, and he was at a 90 degree angle and I couldn't, I couldn't extend it and I couldn't move it. It was just like something was jammed behind my kneecap. And it was the most excruciating agonizing pain I've ever been in. And I laid on the ground, writhing in pain for like what felt like an hour, maybe was like five minutes until it like naturally worked itself out. That's happened to me two times. - Wow. - That is one away. Are you paranoid? - Got away. - Do that stretch still? - I still do that stretch, but I don't pull it as far, um, because the stretch is very helpful on my back, but, uh, and if anyone knows what the fuck happened to me, please write in and let me know, because I don't think it was that I was dehydrated as this, uh, - You're dehydrated. - Lady told me it could have been. - It could have been chronically dehydrated, but what about you, Andy? What is the- - Why are you chronically dehydrated? - I don't know, but blood tests have confirmed it. Every blood test I get, they go and, uh, drink more water. You're dehydrated. And I go- - Wow. - If I drink more- - I know the cure for dehydration. - Well, here's the thing, Andy. I'm walking around. I'm LA's number one, gotta go pee guy. And if I drink any more water, I'm just spending 23 hours of the day in the bathroom. So I'm walking a fine line here. I'm at max capacity for what I can put into my body. - Maybe you gotta give me tub every once in a while. - I get the tub, dude. I like that. - I'm the big fish and that big fish guy, he was like, "I'm dried out," and then he gets in the tub and then we'll be a big fish. - Uh-huh. - Yeah. - I like it. - I'll do that. It's a good movie. What's the worst pain you've ever been in in your whole entire life? - Worst pain I've ever been in was when my, uh, jaw got broken when I got beat up there in Boston and then waiting in the hospital because it was Labor Day weekend for a doctor to come. So the, I just had to stay with the jaw broken, you know, it didn't get fixed for two days. Just laying in the hospital bed, that's the worst pain I've ever had. - Pain medication? Morphine drip? - Yeah, yeah. I had a drip there and they, you know, they regulate it, they don't want you to get addicted to it. And so I would be, it would be like, when can I have more? You know, it was really, when, when I have more, I want more right now. Yeah. It was bad. - At any point while you were laying there, did you think about writing a rap that you could have, uh, spit through the wire of your draft? - Yeah. I actually wrote that Kanye song. I did, that, that's mostly-- - Oh, you did. Oh, I had an idea. I'm sorry. - It's mostly me. Yeah. Yeah. - I would have been giving you-- - I've been doing a lot of his recent stuff too. I'd snuck in for a second. - Oh god. Handy. Handy, don't tell people that. Keep that to yourself. Through the wire, that's great. That's a real, that's a cocktail party anecdote for sure, but keep the rest of it to yourself, buddy. Oh. - What do you want to talk about first? You want to talk? - Olympics? Well, I know she listens, but Tory did ruin another bro hang. And I think that-- - I would dare dress. - I would dare dress. - Oh, she's a sweet woman, comes and hangs out with a city. She's a delight. The whole time. All you guys want to do is do a little bit. - She is a delight. - She's going up. - No, she is a delight. She improves every room that she's in. She is a shining light, always great to see her. - Yeah. Brinkle some more of that in, or else you may never see her again. And she was kind enough to pay for my breakfast after the hug, the huge Tory fan. - Huge hearing. - She's yelling from the other room. She actually wants you to Venmo. - Venmo? - Is that right? Oh my God, take me off the speaker podcast, why am I on the speaker podcast in your apartment? No, but this is-- - This is what we did. - Y'all? - I don't know. Do you think this is nationwide? It has to be, right? - I think it must be. - When Tommy first told us about it, I checked the theaters closer to me, because if there wasn't going to be a group that went, I was thinking, I'll just go to the theater close to me. - Yeah, and I got a name so close to me. I think we really got fucked up just getting up at a reasonable hour. But check your local listings, folks, AMC theaters, at least in California, is playing the Olympics on the big screens. You can go to your AMC and you could watch, like we did, the USA basketball team defeat the Serbian basketball team, but you can also go to the, you know, I think I believe unless Tommy is still incapacitated tomorrow morning, they're going to see the gymnastics final. So I think it's everything. - Yeah, and I could have stayed. The listings said it was six hours long, the showing. So I bet there was basketball and then whatever was after basketball that day. And it was cool. The downside is we live in California and because of the time difference, the game started at 8 a.m. - That is true. - Which I don't think any of us realized when we agreed to do it. - No, we did not, I got up at 6.45 and then you came over the top like a real asshole told me you got up at 6. - I got up at 6. - But keep that to yourself when I'm complaining about how early I got up to you. - So early, you got up and it was actually, you got to sleep in. I would have loved to sleep till 6.45. - Yeah, can I tell you, I love sleeping until 6.45 really, really, how I love to spend a Sunday. - I had gone out the night before that, I was at the Lake Street dive concert. - Oh yeah, I mean better than it's good. - That's good. - That was so good. Man, they got a full horn section. You've seen them before. Alex, you told me you saw them over at 8 brothers one time at the Greek. This band put on a much amazing show, 9 people in the band. Every single one of them is just an unreal talent. They all did solos, they did a fun banter between each other, there were anecdotes about the songs. And I was having the best time. And you know another thought that I kept having while I'm watching this 9-piece band of incredibly talented people just tear up the Greek theater. What a waste of time it was to see a band like Sylvan S.O. live. - You piece of shit, you fucking piece of shit Andy. Waste of time, they're, I feel like it was a waste of the stage to watch these 9 people come up and create this sound that just moves you emotionally. And then these other, this guy just stands around flipping switches who even knows if he's doing anything. That's what I was thinking about watching. - Ungrateful, uncultured fucking plebeian, Andy. They have to do more to entertain you, you've got 9 people up there. You can phone in a couple of songs because no one's looking at you. - I agree. - They have to be more to entertain me playing instrument. That's what they have to do. - That lady, people in the band, that lady dance maybe two and a half marathons over the course of that 90 minute set. I mean, she's moving and grooving. I'm sorry, you know, it's not good enough for you. That's an Olympic event, by the way, break dancing and she's just popping and locking across the stage. Unbelievable. How about this, Andy? How about the beautiful light show they had going on behind them? You know what? You got no respect for the cast and crew back there. You should have seen the light show at the Lake Street dive thing. It was all like red. They had it set up like it was 70s TV stage. It looked awesome. You know, some thought was put into it. - What does that even mean? - What do that, I don't even know what that means, 70s. - There's like, it was fuzzy. - It was fuzzy. - There's four platforms. There's four platforms, two of them are lower and then the ones in the middle are a little bit higher. You know, there's different instruments on the different platforms. And then the back is like the school arch that turned change colors. It looked like the set of, well, you don't know, you've never seen Seinfeld, but they get a, this is a fun episode for you to go find, Alex. At one point, it might be a Merv Griffin. I don't remember who said it is, but they find a TV show set in an alley being thrown out and Kramer takes it and puts it in his apartment and then starts just hosting a show. - That's fun. - You know, he's just hosting a show. It's very fun. - That reminded me of that, that kind of style of set. - Yeah, no, it sounds cool. You didn't tell me that there were risers on the stage. I mean, that really changes things. - Yeah, that's the idea. - Yeah. - What a show. - They got a trombone, a saxophone and a trumpet on one of these risers. - Pretty cool. - Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry I ever doubted you, Andy. I didn't know that they had middle school choir technology up there. - They were rocking your socks. - Yeah, I took the photo of it and I'm going to show it to you and you're going to give me an apology immediately. - What's fucked up is I like this band. You know what I mean? I like this band. You're putting me in a bad spot here to try and take them down a pick or two, but I also enjoyed Silver Esso, a virtuoso electronic music performance they put on for us at the Hollywood Bowl. - Who knows what they did? They might have just been standing on the stage for as far as I know. - You know what you need, you need riddling, that's what you need so you can focus. I think you're just too easily distracted. You need to see somebody. - Then we watched a whole game and it was fun and it's cool how they do it because it's on the big screen and they leave the lights on. We had a mini debate before if it's movie rules for quiet or bar rules since it's more bar atmosphere. - Well, I think it ended up being, I mean, we treated it as if it were bar rules, but also the closest person to us was four rows away, so I don't think anyone heard. - When we bought the ticket over a week in advance, I think every one of us thought this is going to be something that is absolutely packed and then it was empty. It was emptier than a Kevin Costner presents Horizons showing. - God, I never got it. - I can't believe this is an episode where we don't have the fucking buttons because that would have got some, I mean, that would have got some hot button action. Yeah, I think there was what? I could actually count. There was a couple in front of us, that's two, a guy in the front and a lady in the back, so there was eight people. - I think more people bought tickets and didn't show up because we got curious before we went and we looked online and you know, you can look on the AMC app for the Open Seats and there were 16 tickets sold, but I do not think there were 16 people there. - Well, I think everyone else rightly woke up and was like, "What the fuck am I doing?" I mean, this is crazy, it's just the weekend, I gotta go back to this. - I mean, it was touching go, I mean, my wife was ready to call it. All I had to say was, "I don't want to go," and she would have been on board. - Well, I'm glad. - I was surprised we all made it and I was proud of us. - I'm proud of us too, I'm very proud of us. I wish that someone would have let me know ahead of time that we were, you know, taking a, "We're not going to follow the rules approach and just try and bring in whatever we could," but that was, I mean, you pegged it. - I wasn't with a kona and a coffee and the guy, I just might, you know, you normally sneak stuff into the movie theater, but I thought to myself, "I bet this person that they hired to come in at 730 today isn't going to care if we brought stuff with us." - And they did. - And you were dead, right? - You were dead right, I wish I would have got a coffee. I instead had to eat, huh? - Tommy said that someone in the front row was eating a bowl of cereal. - He said that a lady was eating a bowl of milk. - I would have loved to have been that woman. I instead had to eat chocolate-covered nuts because it was the closest thing to breakfast food that the concession stand had at the movie theater, but then we had just a lovely, lovely breakfasts, lovely breakfast afterwards and great day, solid day. - And then what other, almost nothing for the entire rest of the day? - I think we earned it. I think you get up that early and drive, that's, you did a thing, you know what? You earned it. - I'm done for the day. Oh, I fell. - Absolutely. - Totally with you. - Let's roll this right into some Olympics conversation starters that I got for us. - I'd love to. - Number one. - I'd love to converse. - Olympics. - Olympics is coming to Los Angeles in four years and I was thinking it would be fun. Two things. Well, we'll just start with the first one. What event would you like to add? You know they're always adding new events. - Sure. - I'd like to see at the next Olympics, the 2028 Los Angeles Olympics. And I can go first, if you want me to go first while you think about it, because I've already been thinking about it. It's my question. - You go first. - I've gone over a lot of different things in my mind. I was pretty set on hot dog eating contests. I would love to see those athletes get a chance to shine on a bigger stage. I would love that, especially for the American Olympics. I would love that we add hot dog eating contests, it seems very American. But I think there wouldn't be as much national pride as there would be a beer chugging contest. Perhaps Allah would be a beer fest. You got teams of four. You waterfall the beers. I think the Germans are going to be strong. I think the Americans are going to surprise a lot of people. And I think it would be fun to have these chugging athletes. So that's what I'm adding to the 2028 Olympics, beer chugging. - I'd love to hear what you think, Alex. - I think you're totally right. I think you just make flip cup. I think you make flip cup of Olympic event. - Maybe it could be like swimming where there's different events inside the event, where it could be flip cup, it could be beer pong. These are all beer events, beer related events. - Edward 40 hands, I don't know how you gamify that, but I think that would be fun to just see them, you know? - Dizzy bat. - Would you tape to me? - I think you can get dizzy bat in there. - Is dizzy bat a drinking game? I know that from playing Whiffleball. How do you drink with dizzy bat? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you chug a beer, then you do the bat, and then you run to first base. - Right? - And then you see, anybody pukes? - Yeah, you just-- - Maybe you just have a race. - Yeah, I think maybe. - That sounds fun. I'd watch that. - I'd watch dizzy people run. - I think, you know what, I just watch an Olympics where everyone was dizzy. It's exactly the same, but everyone's dizzy, you know? - I like that too. - Dizzy Olympics. - That's a great pitch. - You know? - The Olympics. - But they're dizzy. - But they're dizzy. Everything's exactly the same, and the opening ceremonies, everything. Imagine Paris, they're just needing right now. - They're going down that river, and the boats are just fucking crashing into its bumper boats, you know, they can't do it. - I love it. - That's real fun. A lot of people puke and probably at the Dizzy Olympics. - Oh, definitely a lot of people puke. - Imagine you're doing the marathon and you're dizzy the whole time. - I mean, you're running so many more miles, because you have to keep course correcting. You know, you keep going sideways and having to come back to it. I mean, the achievement, even more impressive in my mind, you know, even more impressive in my mind. - You get a marathon coming up. What's it doing at Dizzy, just as a trial run? - I mean, I'll think about it. I'll think about it. Now that we've, you know, kind of discussed that it would make me a superior athlete, I'm definitely willing to give it a try. I'm definitely willing to get dizzy. I started my first day of training today, earlier, having even shower because I'm doing this. - Whoa. Thanks, buddy. - This pub, man. - Doing the podcast. - Let's see here. What Olympic-- - What a flex it would be. - Let's say you're playing three on three basketball, you know, you're in that event, and you just are like, we think we can beat you so bad, we're all going to spin around before we play. - You know what? It's kind of like, hey, we'll spot you. - We can do Dizzy, bud. - Yeah. We'll spot you 10 points and also we'll be, we'll play Dizzy. We'll just play Dizzy. - I love it. - Fun house basketball. I mean, that's pretty sick. That's pretty sick. - I think I would like to see, as an Olympic sport, you bring back the Agrocrag. I think, you know, it's in LA, it's Showbiz, you bring back the Agrocrag from guts. I mean, it's definitely got to be sitting in a studio warehouse somewhere. I think you wheel that thing out, the lights, the smoke. I mean, I don't know how that's notably fun. - The single highest rated event for the Olympics. Imagine-- - You think it's still there? - You think it's still there? - I-- - You think you got it? No, where? - The warehouse somewhere? - They have to, right? I also-- - If you meet anybody that was on the show. - No, that's what I was going to say is that, I mean, I thought about that when it was happening, of like, being a kid in college who had a fucking piece of the Agrocrag in his dorm, you had to be the coolest guy, big man on campus. There's no way you weren't. And I don't even know anybody who knows anybody that has that story, which seems-- - You're probably improbable to me. - But if you're out there, you got a piece of the Agrocrag right in. If you write in, if you know anybody who knows anybody that has seen a piece of the Agrocrag. - That's someone that was on it before, but maybe they lied about it as a joke. I can't even remember who it was. - Well, if you-- - Well, if you-- - Well, if you remember right into me-- - I wanted to do more-- What's that? - I said, if you remember right into me, let me know, because I am curious. - I'm going to write into you. That was the thing you wanted to do most. - The obstacle course that Double Dare looked. - So fun. - Double Dare obstacle course. I wanted to jump in that slime and look for that dollar bill, whatever they did. - You stick your arm up the nose, look for that flag. You know what I'm saying? - Oh, yeah. The flag. That's what it was. It was a flag in the up in the nose. - Yeah, define it. - You still want to fix this going to be fun. - I don't know how these shows have not come back, given how in nostalgia is. It's specifically '90s air in nostalgia. It's crazing me that there's no guts or-- - The kids could get into it. - Double Dare. - Oh, God. I got it. Here's part two. - You know what? Let's shut this down. - Part two of my Olympics. - Go ahead. - Come here with it. - Question. What sport, if you were given a year, do you think you could be competitive in? Let's just say that, like, you uncover that your mom is secretly from some obscure country that doesn't have a ton of athletes and you have a year where you could get good enough to qualify for the Olympics. What sport? - Breakdancing. I think, honestly, give me six months. I don't even need the full year, Andy. Give me six months. - I don't even want the full year. - I don't even want the full year. You pay for the cardboard I need. Give me six months. I think I'm making it to the Olympics for sure. Here's what I learned about breakdancing. - Hey, it's not going to be in the LA Olympics, which is a major bummer. This is the last year it's going to be in. - Okay. Yeah. - But be-- - Why not? Did you hear why not? - I did not hear why not. But be boys, they don't know the song that the DJ plays. The DJ just plays a song and they have 60 seconds to dance to it. Isn't that crazy? - That is crazy. - You can't even have a routine worked out. - Uh-uh. You're freestyling. - Yeah. As a fan of freestyling, you have to appreciate this. They're just out there. They got to find the beat. I mean, maybe it's a thing where they know what the beat is going to be, but I have no idea. - Have you watched any of it yet? - I haven't watched any of it. Yeah. Has it started? - I don't know if it's doing one of these. - Yeah. You got to warm up. You know what I'm saying? - I haven't warmed up doing these. - You got to find it. I haven't seen any of the Olympics outside of the basketball game we watched in a movie theater. - Oh, really? Have you seen any of it? - Yeah. I've been watching a bunch. I've been watching a bunch. I was just watching ping-pong before we did this. - Oh, shit, dude. You look ping-pong. - I watched Women's Beach Volleyball. I watched Men's Beach Volleyball. There's an awesome story in the Men's Beach Volleyball where this guy, uh, Budinger I think his name? You hear about this guy? - I'm not. - I've played the NBA for seven years. - Whoa. - And then it's like that's enough. That's enough in the NBA. I've always loved volleyball. I'm switching to volleyball. He's like 36 or 37. When he was in high school, I just saw this when I watched his match. When he was in high school, he was the co-McDonald's All-American MVP with Kevin Durant. - Wow. Okay. - Right. - And I just got this guy's, uh, USA Beach Volleyball player. They just, I just watched him crush a French team that was favored to win according to the announcer. This is a cool story. - That's a fun story. That's a cool story. - Yeah. - I got to watch it. - It was like three years ago. He was on a podcast and his friend was like, "What sport could you make it feel like?" - I bet he had a similar, yeah, I bet he was like, "Don't even bother me." - Give me the ear. - What sport do you choose? So you can have this moment later. What do you choose? - I think that making a thing is a good pick because although I imagine they're incredible athletes and have like unbelievable skill and stuff, it does seem attainable. But what I would choose also in the scenario, maybe I should have said this, I assume I have unlimited funds to, you know, pursue my new sport. So I would do, uh, one of the horse things, perhaps when I just watch sport jumping, perhaps dressage, because I feel like a horse is doing the majority of the work. - I just got a dressage. - That's when they... - Break dancing for horses. - Okay, that's break dancing for horses. - They come out, they have a, they have an accordion and they play something for the horse. The horses don't know what it is ahead of time. - Wow, it's more impressive. - But that's, that's what I think. I'm going with one of the horse things. - Okay. - The horse does all the horse. - It does seem fun. - Hang on it. - It does seem fun. - Like, oh my God, this guy didn't fall off the horse. - I like that. - Pretty cool. - I like it because it's, it seems like the most fun. I'm sticking with break dancing or surfing and for that, I think I need three months. I'm going to go down from six months to three months for the surfing. You just buy my surfboard. If you could wax it up for me. - If you watched any of the surf, I watched some of the surfing today and they're surfing at a place that's called like Skull Row or something because it's so dangerous. - Oh, geez. Oh, geez. - It's just surf there. It's just like this channel where it's like deep on either side so they can have boats and recovery people and whatever and then it's shallow in the middle because there's like this really jagged, dangerous reef that the waves are building over. It's crazy looking. - Yeah. Yeah, keep doing all these bits about how I'm like a great surfer in and like, I am pretty sick at it, but my back still hurts. So I don't know if it'll ever do it again. I got fucked up my back on this one hour and a half of an hour surf lesson. Really hurts. - Yeah, you'll never, you'll never be. - I'm done forever. - You'll never be able to surf in the Olympics. - I gotta hang it up, dude. I gotta hang it up. The only thing from the, the Olympics I've seen is that picture Tori showed me that guy's butt cheeks. That was the only thing I've seen from the surfing. - Google that's actually home. There's a surfer butt, butt right out of the water fell off the board and his butt came out of the water, which I think that guy, if that guy doesn't get a partnership with Sharman or Toshi or any other butt related product, it's a huge missed opportunity. - That butt cream for babies, whatever that's called, it might be called butt cream. It's definitely got to get something. It's just right there. - That's my favorite butt cream for babies. - Oh, dude, it's butt cream. It's real. Look it up. Get out there. - Get out there. - Google butt cream. - I'm thinking to that to babies. I'm thinking of, I'm thinking of butt cream, dude. I think it's for diaper rash, I think. - Oh. - You've got to cream up their butts because they get all rashed up from diapers. Here's what we are. Just two guys who have never had kids talking about it. - Never had a baby. Never had a baby. - What butt creams are. - That's true. - You ever change a diaper? - You ever change a diaper? - I don't know. I don't think I have ever changed a diaper. Have you? - Have you changed a diaper? - I changed a diaper. - I changed one diaper. I changed one diaper. It was a bad experience because I was babysitting. I was with my ex-wife and we're babysitting the neighbors' kids. This kid was probably shouldn't have still been in diapers. You know what I mean? I'm like, I never changed a diaper. She's like, you should change a diaper. I'm like, I'm not against changing one. I'll change this kid's diaper. But it's weird because the kid is fluent in English. I don't know if that's how you talk. I want to say it when a kid learns to talk. - He's 32. - But he can talk and stuff. He can talk and stuff. It's not like a little baby that's just laying there and you do it. It's a full grown little kid in a debt. So he's talking while I'm trying to do it. I don't totally know how to do it. He knows enough about the world to know that I'm doing it wrong. You know? And I'll say he did it number two. He did it number two. And so I was like, I got in a little bit of a fight with my ex-wife. This is the reason we got a divorce, actually. You know, I hate to expose it here. But he had two. And I was like, listen, this kid's like five or how old he is. It's a poop. Could you at least come in the room and tell me how to do it? - Uh-huh. - You just threw me to the wolves, man. - Yeah. - What? - You turn around. He's like, I got it. Just get out. - Yeah. - I'll just get another one on myself. - Uh-huh. I didn't know it was going to be like this. Just leave me to it. I'll take care of it. - Yeah. - Pretty fun. Has that ever been a bit? Because that feels like a bit. - No. No. - Ah, it could be. - Feels like a bit, Andy. It feels like a bit. Give it a try, write it down. - Write it down. - We'll give it a shot. We'll give it a shot. - Think about it. Think about it. - Alex, let's hear your conversation starter. Let's hear who that is. - Oh, wow. - What happened? - Oh, wow. - What you do to people. - Well, let me start off. - That's the thing you did. - Let me set the scene. The old man who lives across the street from us died. Okay, that's where we're starting. - Okay. - With a death. Old man. Live the lone dead. Okay? So what I thought it was gonna be, I agree. So what happens the way I find out that this occurred is that I'm walking birdie and there are... And I've never seen this before. In lieu of a dumpster, there are three nylon bags that are about the length of a dumpster. And they're just being filled with the contents of this man's apartment. All of his things are being thrown away into these bags. Three of them. Life of taking up about four parking spaces, they're in the road, right? - Okay. - And so everyone's kind of like, "What's going on?" That's how we find out, "Well, this man passed away." I assume this is his family because it was like an older guy, maybe in like his fifties, a younger girl who I assume was his daughter and then a woman that was about his age. All just kind of making trips throughout the course of the day. So they fill all of these bags, they're just open bags with his stuff and then they leave. And those bags stayed there for one week. And so I ask you, at what point do I get to stop being empathetic and start being mad that there's just trash? Because what happened was then people came and they were like, "Well, this is good, some fucking trash over here." And people just pick through the trash. And now it's just spilling out onto the road. And there's just trash on the ground. And so it wasn't gross because it was not food remnants or scrap. It was just stuff. There was just stuff everywhere. So who's the... I mean, they experienced a great loss, a great trauma. So obviously we can't just immediately say they're the assholes, they were doing a really... They were doing a difficult thing that no one wants to do, but you have to. They also were in charge of calling to get these bags picked up. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So at what point does it shift? When do they become the asshole? When do I start? Because where's that right in the middle? Who's the asshole? I think two days. I think if they're not gone by the third day, they're assholes. You got to know, you should have called the day you put them out. That's why. That's why. I think so too. I think so too. I kept waiting. Here's the ultimate mega twist. So these bags, they're like a fish, they're gone, but they're official bags. They say like waste management, like they're for what they're being used for, right? And so I'm just waiting because also the straps are huge. They're like probably six foot straps, they're about a foot fix so you can lift it. Is there a chance this is like a city service where they just have one day a week where they do it? That's what I thought. That's what I was waiting for. I was like, what kind of truck is it? Is it a forklift? How do you pick these up? How do you throw them? Do they throw the whole bag away? What happens? So then we wake up a week later and two of the bags are gone. And there's just a U-Haul truck. And the way they were disposed of is a different couple came and the drug dragged, how do you say it, the bags into a U-Haul and then drove them away. That was the system. Wow. Was it? Another couple. That was it. Isn't that crazy? Isn't it? You ever heard of something so crazy in your life? Couldn't believe it. Do you think it's not even one of them? I think so. I think that's why one of the bags was a little more full. Everyone got to that part of the bag and was like, eh, I'm not going to touch it. Well it's gone now. Yeah, that's crazy. That doesn't even sound like how it's supposed to be done. I feel like a couple might have came and taken all that stuff. I would not be surprised if that is how it should get. I think some orders came by and we're like, here's a bunch of garbage we could get. Yeah. And also, I mean, this happens every day, ultimately will happen to everyone. There has to be like a better system in place for this type of thing, I would imagine, right? Or is it just, is that all that it is? Is that you, you know, descendant of person has to go and take everything to the street? Yeah. Bet that there are services that you could hire to take care of it for you. The way you hire, like, estate people that come and do the sale and price everything, there must be one for like, this is all trash. Can you come get rid of this trash? Just come get it. And it felt very, it felt so intrusive as the wrong word, just like where you're watching people pick through just the remnants of a life. Just like a lot of what was in there were like those like lawyer boxes with just documents, where it's just like, I imagine receipts and things where it's just like, your life is just laid bare on the street for people to pick through. And it felt so, it felt weird. Well, get over there and look through that biography. Give this guy a biography, I'll give him the right, you know, the send off he deserves. What I did do was go over there and get all of his birth certificates. I've assumed his identity and I will be starting a new life, which is the one for. You know, he's got to vote a couple of times, turns out this conspiracy is true. But that was my, that was my, who's the asshole? Where's the asshole? Where's the, who's, you know, who's your dad? Where's an asshole? Well, I think it's them. I think, I think everyone was an asshole at some point, because at some point, I felt like I was mad too early, but then I felt like I was right. But yeah. I think everyone's already ready to answer. You're ready to weigh in on this listener question, which I actually forgot to bring up last week. So apologies to that. I think it was on my rundown and we didn't get to it. So, uh, listen. I'm ready. Yeah. Question. You know what this could also be? This could just fall right into a, who's the asshole? You know? Sure. It sure could. It sure could. This is from Candy Davis. Also, you got questions you want to ask us on etiquette or if somebody was an asshole or just, you know, life advice, feel free to write, write to one of us or to the podcast. And, uh, if you're lucky. Yeah. We'll read it. We'll talk. We'll just one coming to us courtesy of Dandy Candy Davis, they call, that's what everyone calls her. Candy Candy Davis. All right. Here's what Candy wrote us. There's a trend right now on TikTok where people are outing people when they're caught cheating. And I just wondered if you guys wanted to discuss, if you think this is a good thing, should people be outing people for cheating or should people mind their own business? If you don't know what this is, she sent me a couple of example videos and it's a video where a stranger is videotaping a couple talking. And this person is overhearing what they're saying and have heard enough to know that the conversation they're overhearing involves some cheating. And so people will videotape it and then they'll write on the video stuff like what's written on this one is, is this your husband? I found him in Omaha, Nebraska with a 20 year old friend in quotation marks. He continued to talk shit about you and how she can't wait to meet your daughter soon. And they're spending the weekend together while you are away for the weekend in Kansas City. What do you think, Alex? Do you like this trend? Well, here's the thing about it is that is that I come out on record and say that I am anti cheating. I want to take a firm stance there. I'm anti cheating. I'm anti cheater as someone who has been famously cheated on. I don't love it. Good joke about it. I mean, I don't want you to get a new bit. We never know. Andy, stop it because I don't like it. But my problem with the trend is how do you know that you're right? Because you're also maybe ruining someone's life. Because you're ruining someone's life. You're either wrong or you're ruining someone's life. Yeah. You know, if it works, if the internet works the way that you think it's going to work and it just makes it to the person's partner, which is an amazing thing that it happens that way. I mean, I post as someone that posts online a lot jokes, it's kind of messed up that these get more views. People like a soap opera, Andy, start getting caught cheating, you know, get a bunch of viral vids out there. Yeah. Have you thought about doing that to be more successful is just, just really going and just getting, getting around? But that's what I think you're ruining someone's life for yard cheating. You're anti cheating. That's how you're coming down. I don't, I don't love it. I think that, you know, you shouldn't be out there doing it. But I also think that you, based on just, you know, 20 minutes of ease dropping on it, you know, you're, you know, you're not fucking Sherlock Holmes over here or a psych or whoever you want to, or a monk. You have no clue what's going on. Yeah. I mean, I'd like to think that this is a couple that is doing a little role play to keep things spicy. That's a very great point. That K, if that's the case, then you haven't ruined anyone's life because then the spouse is in the video. They love it. Yeah. They're like, we, we knocked it out of the park this weekend. Yeah. I don't, I mean, unless you, if that's something you like to do in your relationship, if you've got hard, solid evidence, you saw this guy's wife and kids drop him off at the airport. You know, he smooched him. He says, Hey, I'll, thanks so much for driving me in rush hour traffic to the airport. God, I love you guys. You guys are my number one. He gets on the plane and then you see him go into the bathroom with a gal and you hear the noises and the things and the whatnots. Yeah. Then maybe we're having a different conversation, but all most of these seem like it's just, I think I hear this guy at the phone with his wife and then I saw him flirting with a girl. There's also like, well, I think you just saw him flirting with a girl. You know what I mean? And from these TikToks though, from these TikToks though, she's, they're hearing specific things. They're hearing specific, my wife's out of town. I can't wait to have sex with you while my wife's out of town. They're hearing that specific thing that to note that it is a cheating conversation. Andy, I hear things in the night when I'm falling asleep and I'm certain it's a burglar and it's never been a burglar. You know what I mean? Where I think you can misconstrue some of the things that you hear. It just seems tough. Uh huh. Yeah, I think that's true, that's true. And I'm also going to come down controversially, controversially on the side of a anti-cheating. But I think if you catch, if you're catching someone in your life cheating, you know, your girlfriend's husband, your buddy's wife, then maybe you tell them what you saw. But the thing of trying to out strangers on the internet is wild to me. That's way too much in other people's business. Way too much. I think it's cool when the internet's able to solve murders like this. Yeah. Right? That's cool. That's cool. Yeah. I love that for you. I love that. Yeah. I love solving murders. I'm pro. I'm also anti-murder. So I'm pro-solving murders. You know what I'm saying? Right? But this like ruining people's life. I mean, what about that? What if this guy did all this stuff? Here's maybe speaks to your point. He's talking to this girl. He's talking a big game. My wife's out of town. Let's go back to my place and get it on. I can't wait to sleep with you. You know, my wife isn't nag. My wife annoys me. You're the best. I can't wait. But then they get back to his place and he's like, I know I talked a lot, but I can't go through with it. And so he does the good guy thing, but then his life is still ruined because this video of him talking about it has been posted on the internet. He gets no credit. That's why always film yourself when you're thinking about you. It's just in case you change your mind at the midnight hour. You have. You don't change your mind. You know, to watch, you know, to get yourself fired up. That's why you always have a camera on yourself, you know, just so you have an alibi or, you know, proof to show what a good guy you are. That's why. That's how I feel. But write in. Let us know how you think. Let us know if you're cheating on your wife or your husband. I mean, we also like drama, you know what I mean? We enjoy it. We love drama. If you're cheating on your wife or husband, definitely write in about it. Send us photos of the people you're cheating with and your wife or husband and we'll tell you who we think is hotter. We will talk about it on the show, but we will change your names. So, you know what I mean, we'll try and keep it secret. We're good guys. We're not out here to try and ruin your life. We're on record as, you know, we don't want that to happen. So we just want a little tea, a little hot tea. That's all we want. Yeah. All right. Well, you got any shows, got any shows, got lots of shows coming up. I'm going to be an Albuquerque, then I'm going to be in Minneapolis, then I'm going to be in Las Vegas all this month or no, next month is July, but when's this come out? Yeah. Tomorrow. So, all this month, that's where I'm going to be. Go get your tickets now, Andywoodhall.com, new episodes of Totally Funny Animals on Fridays. Watch Tommy's show, that 90 show and write in the jokes you think Tommy wrote. We will be playing that game when Tommy comes back, hopefully he's better very soon. We assume he'll be on the Patreon episode this weekend. So, another Thursday, now we can sign up for the Patreon and we'll talk to you later. Bye.