Get ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready, ready. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of The Vower Podcast. I'm your host, Malt Stix. I'm your host, Malt Pix. Have you guys please explain that Malt thing? Over there is Malt Clix. And that's Malt. Malt Pix. Malt Pix. Malt Pix. Malt Pix. Malt Stix and Malt Clix. Yeah. Yeah, buddy. We've went over that, but for everyone new listening, first off, welcome to the podcast. Thank you guys for joining in. Thank you for helping us take over the world. Thank you for being here. If you are very new here, it's like your first time Alt clicking. Yeah. My real name is Paige. And I'm Chelsea. That's Maggie and Brett. Yeah. And if you are an OG and you've been around and we haven't scared you away yet, you are our people and we thank you for being here. So Ed Bassmaster is one of our favorite comedians, content creators, YouTubers, we're obsessed with him. We love Ed Bassmaster. He's the king of YouTube. Yeah. And he started pranks on YouTube pretty much. Yes. And if you have never watched Ed Bassmaster videos, go to YouTube and just type in Ed Bassmaster and spend the day. Okay. He has a bunch of different characters. He has this one character. I can't hear it. Is it just mumbles? Mumbles. And he just goes around mumbling to people and he'll throw in a, "I don't want to get a malt leaky. I don't want to get a malt leaky." And so we just picked up and started saying malt leaky and it turned into Malt Stix. Malt Pix. And malt Stix. So that's kind of where it originated from. It means nothing. It just is a fun word to say. Yeah. So say it along if you want, if you're driving in your car and you see a stick on the side of the road go, "Oh, there's a malt stick." Yeah, I say malt streaky malt leaky baby. Yeah. Just say it. And it feels good to say. And almost gives off the same vibe as saying, "Fuck." Oh. Uh oh. There goes our timer. The timer I just said. Good one. Malty for malt for giddy. malt for giddy. Also, if you're new here, we try not to cuss in the first 10 minutes as a little game and Maggie made it 27 seconds. This whole episode will just be a recap of what we do on the podcast and what it stands for. Yeah. So what else is up? So another thing that we do on this podcast is the first 10 minutes, we kind of don't know what to say without swearing. So we kind of just come up with things. Okay. No boo. I have a question. Soggy cereal? Not too soggy. Now I will say this. I don't like it freshly poured and crunched. I don't get hard and crunchy. Okay. I usually let it wait a good three to four minutes before I dig in. I don't want it too soggy. Dang. That's a great question. Mm hmm. Three minutes. I ate some cinnamon toast crunch last night and I made it and I put, and I'm an extra milk guy. You pour it all over the cereal on one spot all over the cereal and it's covered. That's how much I like milk. And when I poured it, I waited a couple minutes, went in the living room, was watching righteous gemstones and I'm waiting a couple minutes. I thought, okay, it's ready now. Took a bite still too hard. I had to wait another couple minutes. Whoa. So I like it. You are malt picky. I like it a certain way. Moshige. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What about you? I'll usually just go for it. I pour it in one spot and then go for it. Hey, I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss you, Tammy. Also that means nothing. It's been something we've been saying a lot. Well, it's from Tammy Banks. My character is named Tanya in Tammy Banks and she's very mundane. Well, can I just say that Tammy Banks is almost premiering? Whoa. When's the release date? Well, don't know exactly, but we're getting the first episode done and ready, so if you're not on my Patreon, you won't get to watch Tammy Banks and there's currently over 40 episodes up there. Maggie's boobs are on there. Paige's boobs are on there. So if you guys want to see all of our boobs, it'll watch a really great real-life comedy TV show. Go to my Patreon. Let's do it. If you want to see some other things, you can go to my O.F. Page. Yeah. Go to that. And what else do we have? What else do we have going on? Our trips, we have so much traveling, like a lot to do this year. Oh, I know. I know. I feel like there's just not enough time in the day. I feel like minutes are getting shorter. Even seconds are getting shorter. That's a thing though. I know that's a thing. The older you get, that's a scientific thing. The older you get, the faster time goes. Bye. No, why? Because when you're bored, and as a kid, going un-bored. Well, when you're 10 years old, five years is such a long time because that's half your life. It's not a long time to us because five years goes by. It's not. Mm-hmm. You think we're just looking forward to things? When we're younger, like, "Oh, I'm going to be 16, I'm going to be 21, and there's these milestones," and then after that, it's just kind of like a lot of work and a lot of things start building up. A lot of pre-come. Could be. Could absolutely be. That makes sense. Yeah. They just go by so fast. It's crazy. I have been with Greg longer. I have been with Greg longer than I was before, and that's... What? Has it been 18 years? It would be only 19 years. When I was 18, was her dating. Oh my gosh. How weird is that? I had 18 years with Greg with bull back. You deserve a medal because... Because damn. Because damn. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. You deserve that J.D. power and associates who loved it up here. Yeah. To me. Yeah. From everyone that's ever known me and Greg. Mm-hmm. Gary. Shaped in the size of a big old. Yeah. Look at him. Gary's on the ground swimming. Going nuts. And popping. Blay. She... What? Did you have a childhood pet, ever? I can't remember. You know what? We had a lot of childhood pets, but not one particular that was mine or ours. My grandma had chihuahuas. Oh yeah. You said yeah. Gizzy and sugar. Gizzy. And then they had babies, and then she gave all the babies to our aunts and our mom got one. So Gizzy was like a mean little dog, and we couldn't stand him. And one year for Christmas, I mean Maggie made up the song and we sung it to our grandma. We were like in high school. Mm-hmm. And it wasn't a full song, we just go, "Gizzy's not to sing on an open fire." And she got mad. Pissed. Dude, she needed to grow some. She got pissed. Every time we would sing it, she would get mad. You just said that that's not funny, and we were like, "But it is funny." Oh my goodness. Only that we would make our older siblings and parents watch us do dumb dances. Mm-hmm. Watch this. Yeah. Hey, watch this. Call. That would suck being a parent. Yeah. There was this. There's this old VHS tape, which we get our hands on it of us in my grandma's front yard of her trailer. You. Especially. Yeah, I know. Chelsea was the worst. I know. And my aunt was just like videotaping everybody. And there was this tree that had been cut down, so there was like this big tree stump. Yeah. And I was probably, what, eight, nine, maybe, and I would stand on top of it while my aunt was videotaping the kids. And I'd be like, "Look at me." Yeah. Watch me. Yeah. Dude. That's when you know you want to be an influencer. Yeah. Yeah. How annoying. She wanted the camera only on her. Oh my God. It's out of control. Hey. It's like kind of still like that. I mean, kind of. That's funny. You know, in a way. These freaking annoying kids at this baseball game, people, you know, go to the side and throw at the players. Yeah. And these little boys are over there saying, "Can I have a ball? Can I have a ball?" And they kept saying, "Not right now, buddy." And. Aw. Every second. Can I have a ball? Can I have a ball? You should go over there. Can I have a ball? I was sitting right there. Me and our friend Brittany and Brittany is like, "I'm going to ask." But I could not stop saying, "Can I have a ball?" And I've been saying it for weeks now. Can I have a ball? And dude, their parents weren't saying like, "Shut the hell up." Go sit down! Yeah, that's what I wanted to say. I don't know what I'm saying. I scared me. I was like, "Oh." And there was one little kid standing there, not saying anything. And when the two boys walked away, they threw a ball to him. And the freaking, the silent kid missed the throw. Don't know. Shocker. No. Just kidding. Yeah. Damn it. Can I have a ball? Yeah. But he got the ball evens for Lee. Wow. So I guess just don't talk if you want a ball. Yeah. You like to go to baseball games. Any sort of event I'm there. I love events. I want to go to another fencing horse thing. You know what I want to start doing? And I'm being dead serious. And I might have talked about this. What? Bungee jumping? Hell no. That court ain't going to hold me. You kidding me? If I want to die, it will hold you if they had, yeah, I would. You don't know that. I'll hit my head. Just do it if there's a lake at the bottom. Oh, holy moly. No. I think the weights like, sorry, three, but you're under that. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Make your bungee cord. Fuck you, Brett. Hey, Brett. Fuck you. Brett. Fuck you. Fuck you, motherfucker. Fuck you. If you have a cage on your dick right now, fuck you. No, just kidding. Um, so the bungee cords hold 300, and you think I'm under 300. That's cute. That's real cute, Brett. No, some I've always wanted to do is get one of those pottery tables and make pottery. Dude, I've been saying that for how long? I know. I love watching those videos. Well, here's the thing. If I were to get one, I have no space to put it. Oh, I could find a corner just looking around right now. I know. No, because you would want plenty of space because those tables are big. You want all your stuff. You need like a, you need a space for it. Yeah. And you have to like spread your legs. Yeah. Yeah. Um, let's go to a class first. Yeah. I want to go to many classes first. What do you think about people like hugging those pottery things to get their shape in it? Like they'll make a big, beautiful pottery and hug it so their tits are on it. We should do one where you hug it on a side and I hug it on the other side. I've never seen it. Oh, yeah. And here's my thing. Sure. I'd like to make beautiful pottery, but I don't even have to do that. I think me just setting there and fucking with that dough and messing with it would be a good like decompressing, yes, a good like mental like just pop on some pink Floyd and just damn me or we could make some content from it and like shape them with our titties as it's spinning. Put your tits around it or oh, yeah, bro, Chelsea, you can wrap your titties around the whole damn pot. Mm hmm. That'd be beautiful. One on each side. Titty pottery. And if I made a big vase and I wanted like some lines around it, I could just take my hard nipple and put it as it's spinning to have it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Nobody's doing that. Nobody's doing that. Nobody. I am a genius. Pretty much. You guys could just need me. Huh? Need? You said you wanted a need. No, this ain't need for speed. Brad, this is not need that, but you have, you have been quiet. Should we let Brad talk just for like one minute? They could even do a cottery. Cottery. Cottery. Yeah. Mm hmm. I've noticed a lot lately in like bars, like gay guy will try to talk to me to try to find out if I'm gay and he'll say like a gay joke and then I'll say I'm actually gay that offended me and then they say I'm actually bi and then I tell him I'm actually not gay. Just a little mess with them. Okay, um, zinn is really hard to find right now, sixes. There's a rumor a plant got blown up, but I was talking to Jim over at Marathon and he said no, we got a shipment right now, like tons of them, I'm like, cool. So I'll just get a roll and there's still a discount. Oh my gosh. Christ. Okay. All right. Brad. Wow. I don't want to touch on none of that. Yeah. No. I really don't care to touch on none of that. That's up to you if you want to. Doesn't stuff is interesting to me. I will say that because some people are saying, oh, they're not selling zinn anymore in California. Some people are saying the zinn plant blew up. Some people, everyone has a different story about zinn and you know, it got super popular in the past couple of years, like they're making too much money. Those are those little packets that people will stick in their mouth almost like dip, but it's not dip. Yeah, zinn pouches little nicotine pouches. Okay. It's just from a plant. Isn't that weird? And some people are saying like, hey, we're not getting any shipments in for a long time. I don't know. I didn't know nothing about it. Yeah. It's bigger right now because the people loves and I didn't know nothing about that. Maggie. Maggie. You guys didn't like my gay gas light though. Yeah, it didn't make any sense. So a gay guy talked to you and he said a joke and you said you were gay and then he said his body said you're not gay. And we laughed because he knew I got him because he was trying to find out if I was by trying to hide it. Also, he's probably just talking to you. No, we laughed pretty hard about it because I tricked him because I knew he was trying to do it. Imagine going up and talking to you. The first time you're probably like, what the hell is this guy saying? You'll turn around so quick. No, he's trying to figure me out. I bet if that guy has a podcast, he told that story. Probably. Yeah, probably not. Probably not. Oh, yeah. All right. Here we go. All right. Spings. Languages, whites, languages. Here we go. Languages. Get your buzzards. Get your buzzards. But older. We got our buzzards here. For the first question of trivia. Right. Okay. How many letters are in the English alphabet? 26. Nice. Job. Hey, I press my buzzards at the same time. Yeah. No, it's probably. All right, next. Off. Okay. Here we go. Oh, sorry. I'm sorry, honey. Sittin' sponge. Oh, National Parks. Pink. Pink. National Parks. Well, it's a lot of letters. Okay. True or false. You have to wait till the end, I guess. Okay. In 1964, to protect Yosemite Valley from further damaged from the gold rush, President Lincoln placed the land in a public trust of California. This marked the first time the U.S. government protected land and it laid the foundation for the establishment of the National and State Park systems. True. Yeah. You're right. That was false. I think that's not right. Yeah. That was a good one. That was a lot. Oh. I thought maybe Beth does the questions. I thought maybe she's trying to trick us with, like, it was like a trick question and she like switched presidents, but in 1864, Lincoln was president, so I thought that's true. Yeah. Okay. Good breakdown. Thank you. It was kind of deeper. Breakdown. Something pretty deep there. Okay. Here we go. Big spread. Yeah. The banks, you know. Breakdown potato. History, purple. History. Purple. That's the best video. Purple. Who led the expedition approved by President Jefferson to explore the lands west of Mississippi? One more time. Who led the expedition approved by President Jefferson to explore the lands west of the Mississippi? Ooh, if I had a, if I had an ABC. I think if I give you a clue, you'll get it. Okay. It's two people. Last names. It's, uh, and, uh, oh, we got some Roosevelt's in there. What? Hold on. I know it. Hold on. I know it. Hold on. It's on the tip of my tongue. Adams. What? No, that's not it. Lois Clark. Yes. Oh my God. Yes. Those are those travel. Dude, you're three for three. Keep it going. Let's just keep on going until you don't get one. Yeah. Okay. Me. Right down. Uh, the world and she purple. The world and shit. Which, how about. Okay. Okay. Okay. What's a tropical disease spread by mosquitoes? What's Nile? Or what? I don't. Uh, moa moa moa. It could be an answer I feel like, but it's not here. Oh, you're on the right track. It is. Mm. I just want, is it something? Think more tropical disease, maybe. I'm trying. I feel like I know it, but I don't. I know it. When you say it, I'm going to be pissed. Yeah. Mm. Starts with an M. I was saying malaria. Malaria? That's it. Oh, dude. I was saying that up again. Malaria. Malonia. No, I said at the beginning. He said like half of it. I said Malaria. Yeah. And then I saw it. You get, you got to add that. I wasn't thinking it was tropical. National parks. Oh. Malaria. Okay. A lot of words again. Okay. Ready? Oh, yeah. One of the world's oldest national parks, Mount Rainier became a national park in 1899, just five years after its last eruption, 1894, yeah, in which, in which U.S. state is Mount Rainier located? Where's Mount Rainier located? Wyoming. No. Utah. Think Northwest. I think in some new, some Boston, New York. Washington. Yeah. Yeah. Washington, D.C. or state? The state. Okay. Then that's not near. I said Northwest. Okay. Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, I wasn't thinking. It's okay. Well, we got that one wrong. We got that one wrong. We got that one wrong. Oh. All the time. We got that one wrong. Yeah. So before we dig, we got some, we got some call callers, calls, let me get that out. And we also have, I put on Patreon, hey, honey, any stories or calls that you want us to put on the pod. And there was a lot of those. So I'm going to also read, read those. But before, should we do a sniff nib? Love. Hey. No, no, no, no. Hey. All right. Ready? Do your love. Love. Hey. Okay. What do you want me to go first? Sure. Yeah. Go. Oh gosh. Okay. Something I love when people use tin foil as window covers, you know, it just makes me happy when I see it. Oh, yeah. It looks clean and sleek. Makes me feel it's nostalgic for sure. And not a lot of people are doing that nowadays. They're just buying blackout curtains. Right. Right. The easy way. The tin foil is expensive. Yeah. Dang. That aluminum. Yeah. I love when people buy older houses and just leave them as is. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. That's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. What about you, Brad? What about you, Maggie? No. Who could say first? I love decluttering the house decluttering. There's nothing better. No, there's not. Taking bags to Goodwill. And I like when things have a place. Mm-hmm. They're things organized and tidy. Everything needs a place. You're right. Good job on that one. Yeah. Brad. I love doing dishes. Hmm. Yeah. So that's... He's gaslighting everybody right now. I even though seeing I love doing dishes while I'm doing dishes. No, that's a gas gas. Okay. When we hate, I hate it when you lift your arm up and someone looks at your armpit. Yeah. You feel self-conscious? No, it's just like don't look at my armpit. Yeah. Why are you looking? If you're wearing a cut off or a tank top or something and you like, you just, your arm and then they look at your pit, I want to go, "What are you doing?" Maybe don't look at that. Maybe Brad's in there. Or maybe those little black balls from a sweater. That's what I'm saying. That's... Armpits are not. I mean, armpits are ugly. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Don't look at it. Some people have sex with armpits. Yes, they do. Yeah. Brad. Brad. More men's. Yeah. More men. Yeah, they had a case of armpit rashes. Yeah. They were fucking pits. Yeah. And not Brad. Gary's looking too long. Gary's back. Okay. I hate when you're in a car and somebody sneezes or coughs and doesn't roll down the window to let their... Hey. Or burp. Like, come on. That's a good one. Yeah. Keeping a burp in a car. That's a good one. Ooh. Well, you need to get some fresh air in there to get the... Yeah. Yeah. Get your burp out. Because you don't want to be the person like, "Hey, can you, you know, roll down the window a little?" Good job. Mm-hmm. Get... Brad. I hate it when you burp in a car and the windows are down and someone says, "Why are you burping in the car or something?" What the fuck? Like, they complain like, "Why didn't you roll the windows down?" Brad, you're going to have to lean and rock yourself to sleep. Are you just making up... He's totally fucking me up. Brad, are you just making up scenarios now? No, we... This happened. She's just saying that because this happened in the car. Okay. Maggie. What's up, you hate? I hate going to get my oil changed. Oh. Oh. It's a whole day process. Yeah. And there's always a big-ass line. That's a good one. I'm hearing that they're just doing it when you are sitting in your car nowadays. Yeah. Yeah. Last time I went, that's what they did. I didn't have you in my car. They let me sit in the car, but you have to kill the car and it was like 100 degrees. I wish they could do it as quick as a NASCAR. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It should be a place. Call it Greggs. Call it Greggs. And they always try to sell you shit. You need a new filter. You need a new windshield mapper. You need that the upsell. You need this. You need that. Just give me some oil. And why is it $100? Yeah. Yeah, they've raised the oil. The oil changes be 30 bucks. Yes. No more. The premium. No more. Hold up. I don't even understand it. I just dread going. Yeah. Yeah. The oil change business is something that I actually started. Gary. Gary's here with us and he's talking. Say something else, little. Gary. Why is there no oil on your papas? Well, I hate it whenever you're in a car and somebody burps and they don't run out of the window. Come on, bitch. Throw down the window. Gary. So sweet. This is Mama's baby. Well? Gary. Should we open a can of beans? Yeah. They're spilling. So we should open them. Maggie. Roll that beautiful bean footage. Yeah. Gary. Hey guys. I just wanted to call and ask them what kind of something, but my husband and I, we've been together for five years when we were running for, but in the five years, my husband has never ate my pussy, which has never bothered me because he does other stuff that pleases me. It's never been like a problem. I've always, I've always looked me finished first anyway, so it's never been an issue. Well, lately he's gotten like this wild hair, I guess, and he just, out of nowhere, sort of eaten my pussy one night and I was like shocked to say the least because he's always said that he just doesn't like it and it's just not like his thing or whatever. And I'm just kind of thinking like he, what could I do for him to kind of like surprise him like something different that he's not used to or done before because it's basic. You know what I mean, so I just wanted to surprise him and be like, you know, this is for me. And finally let me know what you guys think. Oh, yeah. I'd probably just send him some flowers with a note that said, Hey, thanks for finally eating my pussy. Yeah. Or don't go, don't go above and beyond or just give him a hat on the back. He don't deserve nothing. He didn't need it for five years. Yeah, I would say. Well, what were you waiting for? Well, if also I agree with you, but also if he's up to doing other stuff and making her come and she's happy with that, sure, that's great. Yeah, but still five years without your tongue. I mean, what's the problem here? I just go to Kroger, get you one of those bouquet of flowers, go get a little card of the desk, but hey, thanks for finally eating my pussy. No, eat my ass. Now, ass next step. Next step, ass. That's what I would do. They don't do nothing else. I don't know. Flowers are a little expensive. Oh, you can get like the cheap, like $7.99 bouquet. Yeah. Even if you're stopped under a bridge on the-- Huh? --in LA. Oh, yeah, yeah. You can get them-- True, at an intersection. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. You're right. She may not be in LA. Yeah. She may have to go to Kroger. Kroger. I just get us the flowers. Like, hey, you finally did it. Proud of you. Or a cake. Have somebody write something on it. Yeah. There's choices. But I wouldn't give him any sexual favors. Yeah. No, hell no. Yeah. I wonder what let a fire in your ass. I know. Maybe he's listening to the podcast, secretly. And he hears this just dogging on people. He's a secret listener. Listen, I'm not true, but I'm not going to doggone someone. If you're doing other stuff and you're really trying-- you know, I'll be fine with that. He's making her come. Yes. That's the important here. Make her nut. If you don't do anything, fuck you. But come on, that's living in the back of your head. Where's the tongue at, though? You just want to feel a tongue. So that's probably her issue. You know, what did light that fire? Right. Hmm. That's interesting. Yeah. Maybe you just started craving it. Your appetite changes. The older. Yeah. And your taste buds change. Yeah. Maybe you just started craving it. You know, I used to not like onions and now I can't get enough onions. Yeah. That's why she likes my armpit smell. Yeah. Dude, you should get a smell of my armpit right now. Why? You would pass away. Why, honey? Why'd you do that? Want to smell? I'll do it. I'll do it. Oh, God. Taco meat. A lot like tacos. I'll say that. Tacos or onions? You got to take off your... Chelsea will decide. Are you walking all the way over here? Oh! Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Describe it. I'm pissed that I smelled that. And I'm... You make your eyes water like you were cutting onions, dude. That's bad. Onions or tacos. I get a lot of aloe vera. A little taco meat, but more so just pit. Brad? You know what, like Brad, you know when your pits just smell like a fucking Brad pit? Hello, and welcome to the Momo Commercials. Who wants better sex? Me. Well, do you know how to get started? I do. I usually go to one of my favorite websites, Adam and Eve.com. Okay. You got everything I'm going to need, and you're going to need to help you have not only better sex, but just better nuts, even if it's alone. They offer lube, cock rings, dildos, small dildos, clitsuckers, butt plugs, even smaller cock rings, cock cages. They got it all, okay? And abonyve.com is offering 50% off just about any one item, plus free shipping, okay? Which includes rush processing. So if you're needing a bus quick, guess what? They're going to get it to you quick, and they know what they're doing. They've been in business for decades. And hell, they're probably getting a discrete shipping from abonyve.com too. And you don't know because guess what? Mm-hmm. Discrete. Exactly. You guys don't wait. Okay. Better nut is just a click away, all right? 50% off plus free shipping, that's a good deal. Tell them where to go. Just enter offer code viral at checkout. That's viral, v-i-r-a-l, at abonyve.com. This is exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code viral to get your discount 100% free shipping and get it fast with rush processing. Code viral. Oh yeah. So yeah, I mean, his taste buds probably changed. Mm-hmm. And let me try it, I haven't tried it in a while. I've tried it in you, you know? Very true. Hasn't ate it in five years. Well, either way, congratulations on getting it licked, honey's. Hopefully he's good at it. Yeah. Maybe he's been practicing. True. Yeah, the only thing that's constant is change. Mm-hmm. Yep. Viral spiral. Yeah, and nothing changes if nothing changes. Oh, dude, and nothing changes if nothing ever changes. That's what I'm saying. Think about that. Listen to that quote. I'm being serious. I know we're joking around here. Listen to that. Nothing changes if nothing changes. That's such a deep quote. Oh. It's the opposite of insanity. Okay. Well, thank you for calling in, honey. I'm going to need to pin him up after that. Love you. Okay. That's a good one. Oh, don't do it. Don't do it. Calm down. Yeah. I'm going to do a little patreon here. Chelsea loves reading. I just like reading. Big reader. I'm a reader. Alison wanted to know, fuck Mary, kill, kill, kill, kill, kill. Chips and salsa, chips and guac, chips and queso. Mm-hmm. Ooh. Ooh. Fuck, Mary, kill, guac, guac, quaso, or salsa. Okay. I'm going to. I'm fucked. Three of my favorite things. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Geez, you can't go wrong with them. Well, some people fuck up the guac, but. I'm going to fuck salsa. Actually, I'm going to fuck guac, Mary, salsa, kill, queso. Okay. I'm going to fuck queso, Mary, salsa, and kill, guac. And here's why. Same. Some guac is not good. Yeah. They don't make it good. They're not. The avocados aren't good. And some guac is off the charts. But you never know what you're going to get. Maybe let's just say the best of each three. I'd still go with that. I'd fuck queso. Mary, salsa. Have you had the guac? Dunkin' donuts? Hail, no. Dude, that thing tastes like doodoo ass. And I don't want to go. I have had it. It's like a spread. A spread. It's different. I hate Dunkin' Donuts. Mm-hmm. Oh, my. It would not get-- And I hate that that's the only place close to us. I still kind of liked it, though. Yeah. Well, you'd be the same as my name. Yeah, yeah. I got it. I'm not doing guac. And I love guac, but I love the other two more. Yeah. Chips and salsa, though. Oh, my God. Yeah, I'm going to marry the guac just because it's good for you. Okay. Yeah. And then what? An avocado. Okay. Fuck the salsa. Mm-hmm. Yeah, kill the queso. Okay. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. So that was a good one. Still like queso. That was a good one. That was a good one. I'm going to show you now in guac. You wanna? Okay. Well, next call. Yes. Let's do a call. Call us up. Hey, honey. Makeup artist here. Okay, so I work at Ulta Beauty and I live in Conway, Arkansas. And so I love makeup and I've been doing it for almost two years now and I've done pretty good at it. So I was just wondering, Chelsea, Paige, Maggie, Beth, where are you all's makeup routine? Like your routine for everyday makeup and then your routine for glam makeup. I was just curious by her niece. Oh, yeah. Malt makeup. Okay. This is kind of... Hey, honey. There's no routine here. Yeah. None of us have a full routine. So it's every day's different for me. This is how I look 24/7. Mm-hmm. And for glam, if it's a photo shoot, we usually have people doing our hair and makeup, but I don't even know a routine. All my makeup has been either given to me, I suck at it. I don't get how people are so good. I will say I only put on makeup. I will put on makeup probably once every couple months. And usually if I'm going somewhere or something, I'll do moisturizer, a little bit of tinted moisturizer, and some mascara, and a lip gloss. And that is it for me. I'm not good at doing my makeup. It looks like clown makeup when I try to do my makeup. I'm not good at it, so when I have it done professionally, it looks great. Oh, it looks so good. I just don't know how to do it, so. It's hard to do. It's like drawing, drawing. I've always said, if you're good at makeup, that's like an art. It seriously is like shading and whatnot. To know the colors, know where to, I mean, that's like you have to be a talented artist. I'm a lip gloss gal. I love lip gloss. And blushes. I love that type of stuff, mascara, blushes. These got to have my lips glossed. Yeah. Yeah. That's number one. But no routine here. I know Maggie's been trying to do her lips, I know she's been doing your lips up the last few months real good. Mm-hmm. I've done this for years. Yeah. The lip liner. Uh-huh. I like to line my lips, and then like my everyday routine is just like a blush. I usually don't wear a foundation, I do today, but, and then just mascara. Yeah. We keep it simple. We don't go crazy. We don't go crazy. That's what I want to figure out is how to get those lines, because people say, "Put powder." Yeah. I know. Then powder looks all cakey. It's so hard. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, we don't have good routines around here. Yeah. Um, let's see. Another, oh, this was a good one. I know this is a story from Patreon. She says, Natalie says, "This was over a decade ago. I was seeing a guy in college. We'd gone on several dates, and he even invited me to go watch him play basketball. And we went back to his place after his game. We must have hung out and gone on about a half a dozen dates. On Valentine's Day, we had sex, and we cuddled in bed together until the sun came up. As he held me, he asked me if I would be his girlfriend officially. I agreed, and we fell asleep holding each other. The next day, I left to go to class. He had classes, too. I never heard from him again. Completely ghosted me. Like a year or so later, he showed up as a recommended friend on Facebook. So I sent him a message saying, "Uh, so does this mean we aren't girlfriend and boyfriend?" And he acted like he didn't know who I was. Whoa. Ghosthead. He straight up asked me to be his girlfriend, and then ghosted one of the weirdest dating experiences I've ever had. Why go the extra mile to say, "Hey, you want to be my girlfriend if you're going to dip?" He's playing games. He's the one that I see that felt like. He's playing games with people and loving it. Leading them on? Yeah. That is not good. That's malicious. That would have pissed me off. Very malicious. Holding each other until the sun comes up and all that, just to be... And she's thinking, "Oh, this is sweet. We're officially girlfriend and boyfriend half a dozen dates. Boyfriend and girlfriend." Weighted to fuck till Valentine's Day. Weighted to fuck. And then ghosted her. Hmm. I mean... Ooh, I wish she would have dropped his name. Yeah. I just... I wouldn't have publicly said it, but I would have looked him up or something. Creeped on him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe she'll send a pic. Yeah. Dang, dude, I just don't understand. Maybe the sex didn't go well or something or what's going on. He has to be girlfriend after the sex. Yeah. He's playing games. Mm-hmm. I think he thought he was doing what he was supposed to do. What? Who thinks that's what you're supposed to do? That's what... I can't explain it. But then what after that? What he thought he was supposed to do? Then he realized what he said and what he'd done. He's like, "Oh, dang, I should just do what Maggie does." And ghosted. I haven't done that in a while, so you can't say that. That's what I do. He probably had commitment issues. Yeah. He freaked the hell out. I've never had anything like that happen to me. No, but I know commitment issues are a big thing with men. Oh, yeah. They can't imagine just, and they probably didn't know how to say J.K. Well, and here's the thing. They do have issues with that because they're scared of only having one pussy for the rest of their life. And it's wild to me because 90% of them don't get pussy anyway. So it's like calm down thinking you're going to get all this pussy when you don't. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Oh, I don't want to be tied down to one woman. I'm going to miss all this pussy. Nobody's falling around spreading their legs for you. Isn't it crazy that they need more than one? They don't. It's a mental thing. Yeah. Like, how could it be so different? Although I do hear that black women have warmer vaginas than white women. I've never heard that. So if you like a warmer? Yeah. So if you like a hotter hole. I've never heard that. Wait. Isn't that true? I don't know if it's like scientifically, but it's going around. It's probably one guy that slept with what I slept with. It was just her body. She probably had a fever. No, it's probably a lot of cute pony episodes. I never never heard that. I've never heard that. And every time somebody's had sex with the black woman, they said, yeah, it's true. It feels warmer. That's interesting. Huh. Oh, yeah. They were saying, oh, it's because the sun reflects. Off black. Dude, I don't know. I heard that as well. I've heard a lot of things. I'm going to be googling later. Oh, yeah. I've never heard that. Wow. But I've never had nothing like that happened to me then. I'd be pissed. I wouldn't be pissed that we boned and he ghosted and whatever, but asking me to be your girlfriend. Would you try to reach out and just threw out that call and text and what would you do in that predicament? Once I figured out, hey, I've been ghosted here. How many days are you waiting? How many days are you waiting? I'd probably text him that first day a couple of times. Had fun with the cuddles, all that stuff. Yeah. And then he started getting pissed by like day three. I think day two, I probably wouldn't even, I wouldn't keep texting. I think my day three, I'd be like, okay. Something's up. Yeah. Jedi? Did you die? Jealous my number. Yeah. Would you go to his house? Would you just show up to his house? Knock, knock. No, but I'd probably like send a mean text message or something. And I wouldn't be too mean. I'd be like, hey, you know, to date me, fuck me and then ask me to be your girlfriend and then ghost me. I'd probably be like, you're a fucking piece of shit. It moves fast. Exactly. And then I would never talk to him again. Say good luck. I'd let him know that I realized what you did and you're a piece of shit. Would you get on one of those Facebook, spill the tea groups and say, hey, he ghosted me after doing all this stuff and... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm on that on the national one. Maggie made me get on crazy. Oh, it's crazy. And I love getting on there. I will get on there and read everything that's going on in the comments for hours. How many times has one guy you've seen a lot of women or how do you know just one thread? How does it work? It's just a Facebook group. It's just like a Facebook page and then women will get on there and they're like, my husband's in Nashville this weekend for work. Let me know if you guys see him and people see them on Tinder and stuff. So they get busted. Yeah. Or they'll be like, hey, I've been talking to this guy from Tinder for the past couple months. He said he deleted Tinder and I'm the only one he's talking to and we're exclusive. Is this true? And the girl's been like, well, been talking to him, talked to him yesterday or went on a date with him? Yes. Like, oh, I love that they're all coming together and busting their asses and it's constant. Uh-huh. Oh, they got to be hate and technology. And you see the same dudes on there? Yeah. Just trolling. I mean, it's the same guys that you see on Tinder. These women got to get this, get this site before. And every once in a while, they'll be like a, nope, we haven't seen this guy. We haven't been talking to this guy and some of you're on there and be like, nope, this is my cousin's best friend. He's actually a really great guy. Yeah. Good luck with him. Yeah. So. And everybody's really nice. Uh-huh. It's cool. It's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. You got to get on this. It's like Nashville. Are we dating the same guy? Are we dating the same guy? They need to have a whole documentary about it. Because I bet some people who make the TikToks about the people dating, they probably go and troll those groups and see, and then, because that's some of their full jobs. Well, these groups are in every city and town. Uh-huh. So they have them near you. So look them up. It wasn't Jerry on one. Oh, yeah. My brother is on one. That is true. Look it up where you are. Your husband or wife might be on there. Mm-hmm. They're very interesting. Oh, yeah. Yep. Dang. And live. Yeah, exactly. Mm-hmm. Kind of. Whoa. Kind of. Dang. All right. Let's do enough of Cole. This is the last. Last Cole. But we have a couple more questions. Questions. Yeah. Okay. Leaders. Hit me. Hey, honey. Three-some-turned-family drama here. Am I the asshole? So a little backstory, my brother dated a girl about 10 years ago. They broke up. Kind of ugly. But me and her became best friends. Fast forward again. Last summer, she comes on a mini vacation trip with me and my man. Winded up having some fun. Really enjoyed it. We did it again one time at home. But after that, just still friends, still hanging, nothing changed. Fast forward again, the beginning of this year. Her and my brother hooked up again. I kind of told them not to, but separately told them they both had stuff going on. Maybe they shouldn't talk right now. But I digress. They did. And he found out about us, and now he hates me. He says, "I'm the worst sister in the world. How dare I do his ex-girlfriend." And dah, dah, dah, dah, but we were just adults with a mind. So me and my brother didn't have a cultural relationship at all over the last 10 years. We talked once a year, and so now I'm on the blacklist. And he doesn't talk to me, but me and my friend are still friends. And I'm just wondering how the curiosity is finally at home. Oh, yeah. Whoa. She said, "We were just adults living life." We need that on a dang shirt. And I know we say everything needs to be honest here, but that's out of control. Just adults living life. We were just adults living life. We must have had another call about us similar, because this sounds so familiar, but it's different, but it's kind of the same. Okay. Yeah. A lot of people just be having three sons with people. Dang. I mean, dang, she had a threesome with her brother's ex. I see both sides. I think if I see her side being like, "Hey, you haven't dated her in 10 years. She's my friend. I'm not close with you. We talk once a year. I'm fucking her." Yeah, we thought this was the 10-year anniversary. Yeah. I see that. Yeah. Also, the brother shouldn't have found out and ain't none of his business. Who told the brother? Yeah. Well, I think the girl who is the ex. Why are you doing that? Yeah. Because the sister said, "Hey, you know, it's not the right time." Yeah. She didn't want anything. Now, if I was the brother, I would not be mad, but if it's like a recent ex, and if situations were different, I could see him being mad, but come on, he needs to chill. It's kind of wild, though, you know, if your brother's just coming in somebody, and then you're doing it. And then you're doing it. And then you're doing it. Yeah. And then you're doing it. And then you're doing it. And then you're doing it. Yeah. And then you're doing it. And then you're doing it. And then you're doing it. And then you're doing it. Yeah. And then you're doing it. And just to say, "Oh my God." Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Eat your brothers. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go there and lick your brothers. Come on. Don't ever say eat your brothers. Eat your brothers. God. Holy my God. Oh my God. If I was the brother, I'd give her a spoon and say, "Here, eat my cum." Gross. Also, even if the brothers sister weren't close, even just to say, "Oh, I'm fucking my brothers ex." Oh, you don't want me to say that. That is, yeah. He's a little weird. It's not that weird. I'm just kidding. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Um, hmm. Well, yeah. Don't do that. I can kind of see more of the brother. Well, they didn't know the brother and sister weren't that close. So how she didn't know that the brother's going to come back for a second. Right. That's what I'm saying. She talks to him once a year. Would you go mess around with Maggie's ex-husband's because it's been 10 years? Haha. Chelsea hated his ass. Hell no. Or ex-boyfriends or anybody. Or would you be like, "Heck, no, my sisters. He's been inside my sister's hole." If Maggie had an ex that they hadn't dated in 10 years and me and Maggie weren't close and we talked once a year, I still would not fuck her ex. See? But why would you not? Because of Maggie? Because I feel like that's weird. Yeah, there's plenty of other dudes out there to be getting... Well, other women to be having three thumbs with. Yeah, I wouldn't. I also feel like it's harder to find women to have three thumbs with. That's why I call it a unicorn. But anybody but your, the person your brother said six. I think it'd be fine if he didn't find out about it. Who's a loose lip? The sister. Don't be telling him. Or the ex is the loose lips. She got the loose lips. Yeah. She'd be going from sibling to sibling. Yeah. She's reaching all the family. That's... I want to meet a woman like that, you know, that's really cool. Just a free, open spirit, open legs, open system. But I also feel like the brother not talking to the sisters a little much. Like come on. Blacklisted her ass. Come on. Stop fucking her. Just let's just chill out. Do a reset. Maybe they could have a family role like, hey, nobody fuck her anymore. And let's just have her as a family friend. Yeah. I think the sister should send the brother a text and just say, hey, I'm sorry for fucking your ex. Mm-hmm. I want to do it again. And then have the husband say, hey, I'm sorry for fucking your ex. His brother-in-law? Yeah. That's brilliant. That was brilliant. Yeah. He's just back there chilling. He's just letting them fight. Oh, no. He's got it on that fuck, huh? Getting his nut, let them fight. Dude, people be fucking out there. Oh, yeah. Big time. That's out of control. But, Dan, I wish you the best of luck and you'll get through it. Yeah. The guy here, the brother, needs to calm down and you're just getting a nut. It's fine. Don't overthink it and thank you for calling in and we love you. Love you so much. Let's do, I've got a couple more little, little coals here. Mm-hmm. Oh, someone, Gwen, I messaged us with her love and hate. I love that. Let's hear it. She said, I love when I first get in bed and move my legs around all cozy like. Ooh, that's what I said right? When you first get in bed and you're getting, uh-huh, nestled. Nestled. That was mine like two weeks ago. Hate. I hate when people bless me when I sneeze. It feels so unnecessary. I know they're just being nice so it's no big deal. I just sneeze so many times in a row, people feel they need to bless everyone. I don't know. It's definitely more of a me issue. I also do not bless anyone. Okay. I usually just do two and then no more than that, like, you're done. Yeah. I've told the story. I got, I told somebody used to work with bless you and they got pissed at me. Yeah. You said. I heard people do that because your heart stops. Yeah. It's an old. I've heard a couple things. It's an old ancient thing that people just think whenever you sneezed, that was the vulnerable moment where an entity could come into your soul. So they said bless you. Bless you. To keep that from happening. I wonder if that's true. Everything's just a big rumor. Right. There's so many sides. Every single thing. Yup. It's the eighth of an organ. Nobody knows one correct answer to anything. Nobody knows nothing. Not even a dang sneeze. No. But someone I used to work with got literally mad. But I think now people just say it as a part of something you're supposed to say. Out of habit. Out of habit to be nice and to kind of like, hey, how are you doing? Yeah. Like you don't really care all the time how people are doing. It's just a thing people say. It's not necessarily a religious thing. People just say, oh bless you. You know, like, oh, you're acknowledging. So why would they get mad because they thought it was a religious thing to say and they weren't religious? The person I got, the person I got mad at me. That's what their issue was. Okay. That's what I was thinking. But she didn't specify, but she may just, it just may be annoying to her. I don't know. Just after hearing or she doesn't like the repetitiveness. Yeah. She just gets mad. Cause she's a sneezer. Okay. She said she want to keep hearing it. But also if I don't say bless you, I feel rude. Me too. I have to say it and I think it's just embedded. Yes. From hearing it our whole life. How weird is that? This is weird. I know. And what else is weird is that people are afraid to say bless you. To people. Yeah. That is weird. Even I've always said it to people and I've never had anybody have an issue with it with me. Man, that one time got me scared me to death. So you probably are afraid to even say it sometimes. Yeah. I can't remember exactly what they said, but they were not working whole foods in Dallas. She got mad. She was a guy. He got mad. Yeah. I'm trying to think of exactly what he said. I know. I want to know. Like turn around. I was like, I don't need to be blessed. Thank you. Whoa. Don't tell me, bless me again. I'm just like, whoa. Oh, I go. Bless it. Okay. Yeah. Something like that. Something like that. It was very, very weird. That would throw me off too. I don't want that. People want that. Too sensitive. Yeah. Say sorry. I'm a pastor. Oh my gosh. Dude, at my family reunion, my friend Jacob from college was there and we were talking to this guy about raccoons and how you can shove two raccoons up your ass and he was like Mormon and he was just like, he was just like, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. So we're like, oh, okay, sorry, and we shut it up about it. And then right after we shut up, Brett walks up and goes, hey, did you hear about, you could shove two raccoons up your ass and we're just like, oh my gosh, just everyone coming up to this Mormon dude at our family reunion out of control. Brett, come on. It was a big thing at the time. Oh, it was out of control, but funny. Oh my God. I had no idea raccoons could do that. Well, it was just more in the moment, Brett. I know. The scenario was out of control. So what you looking up? Well, look at it. I'm out. I'm scrolling patreon. I got another, got a couple of things here. Scoliosis. Kim says, got a story for you. So I grew up in the 80s. Back in the early 80s, feathering your hair was still popular. Well, I was going through puberty and was soaking in the tub with my, with my young mind thought, hmm, I wonder if I can feather my pubes. So so I'm laying back in the tub with my mom's brush and I start brooks, parting my pubes down the middle. And about that time my mom walks in to grab something and with shock looked on her face says, what are you doing? I replied, well, if the hair on my head will feather back, I want to see if this would I'm on bus out laughing and says she'll not be going, she'll not be going to and from Oh, her nickname from it won't always feather plus. Oh, that's funny. Which is a good one or the front butt cut front butt cut, which is a good one. Oh my gosh. So many good things on patreon. I may have to filter this over onto the next pod. There's so many, so many good ones. Yeah. Save them. Yeah. I should ask on my platforms. Yes. Get some, get some readers and, uh, huh, um, but I don't know, love the calls. This is a great one. And this is a great one to kind of semi end on. Hey, this is from cam bar. Hey, honey's story here. As a high school teacher, I sometimes will play music through a Bluetooth speaker. I was getting said speaker set up when it immediately went to Spotify. The pod started playing. So all of my high school schoolers learned about the different levels of nutting that day. So thank you for being sex ed teachers to my high schoolers. She left that thing planned. Left it planned. Where was she? Yeah. In the room at school. She was in there with them. I'm assuming. I don't know. Turned on the speaker and and just left the pod playing. I guess. Dang. She's going to be. Dude, I'm surprised she didn't get fired. The kids go home. Oh yeah. Have you heard the viral podcast? This is where our teacher played today. We should have all the teachers do this. Just to spread to the viral podcast. That's so funny. Dang. I, being a teacher would be out of control, but in some ways, hey, did you know my mom was a lunch lady? No, that's why I love her. Serving it up. I can see your mom being the nicest lunch lady. I can see her being my favorite. Yeah. Lunch lady. How long was she a lunch lady for? Dang. She was younger because yeah, my younger years, probably like when I was like two to five, I don't freaking know. I don't guess I knew this. She was a lunch lady in California. Y'all know I love lunch ladies. Those L.L.s. Those L.O. Cool Jason. Don't be forgetting about the lunch ladies. Smile at them. Say thank you for that scoop. Oh man. I used to love the cafeteria mashed potatoes and gravy with those rolls. Oh, I remember those rolls and mashed potatoes. Every once in a while, I'll crave a school cafeteria lunch. I know. Where do you go to get that? School. They don't have them like that anymore. They kind of changed the food because I watched the Theo Vaughn lunch lady episode and yeah, she was saying it changes and they're getting a little more healthier. Yeah, Lola and Liv were telling me they have like a schedule too. Like you get the same stuff each week. Like on Tuesdays, you'll get. Yeah. Oh God. And it's like healthy shit. I'm like, y'all don't get those square pizza. I want the square pizza. She was like, no. So. And the orange juice with the ice in it? Yes. I would always go in. First thing, grab my chocolate milk, why are you getting line out of that deep freeze? Oh my God. Chocolate milk. Chocolate milk. Uh huh. Yeah, they're working hard. People. A lot of people are just working hard out there. So just. Yeah. So just say hello to them or something and then I guess we're done here. We're done reading. We're done. We're done reading. We're done with this episode of the podcast. That's crazy. Hey, rock fuckers listening. We love you. Thank you guys. Don't forget, of course, the merch, the viral podcast.co and we love you and don't forget to call in and have some juicy, spicy, good calls. Yes. Yes. Our phone number is four, four, two, seven, seven, seven, three, three, three, one. And always remember you're doing great. You're looking good. And fuck what everybody else say. Don't stretch my legs. We're going viral. Get ready. Ready. We're going viral. Whoo. Gary said, do that whole episode. Look at him on his side. Oh, he's. God. Look at him. He is sleeping. He was sleeping hard. Until he's tungs out. He said, you bet. Just put me in a slide. Oh. Oh. Gary said, do that whole episode. Look at him on his side. Oh, he's. Bitch, just put me to sleep.
