In a world full of lies, David Hoffman is on a mission to deliver truth. Hoffman, author of the book "
Relationships Over Rules: 7 Principles to Lead Gracefully and Love Generously - Harnessing the Power of Relationships to Overcome Your Past and Embrace Your Future," is a successful business leader and family man today, but his journey didn't start out that way.
"The world tells us all these rules of what you can't do," he told CBN News. "I grew up Jewish, so I can't be a believer ... I was raised in a broken household without a lot of love, and so I can't be married with kids and show them unconditional love." But while many people might buy into lies like these, Hoffman said there's another path — one centered on the Lord. "With God in the center, I just want to encourage people that, with Him in the center — with the gifts He gives you — with the relationships He places in your life, you can reach your true potential," he said.
Hoffman said his own upbringing led to complex feelings and emotions in his life. Overall, he felt a lack of love and this missing puzzle piece left him with a great deal of pain. "My father left when I was 11," he said. "I grew up with like a lot of neglect and I felt like I was alone a lot." Hoffman continued, "I would ask God why He would let all these bad things happen to good people."
It's understandable why he felt so conflicted. Hoffman described a childhood filled with abuse. The challenges were profound. Over time, though, he came to understand God's nature and character, realizing the Lord isn't the author of any of the evil we might face in life. As time went on, rather than living in lament, he came to appreciate those sentiments. "I just want to encourage people ... that your past does not define your purpose," he said. "And your past doesn't dictate your potential. And, so, for me, not having ... many loved ones in my life, not feeling a lot of love, not having a lot of opportunity ... it made me crave those and appreciate those."
and this is a show where we go behind the headlines every day to bring you an interview with a pastor, entertainer, politician, or other notable news figure. And this is a show, again, it's daily, but it's based on our weekly TV show, which is also called Newsmakers. You can watch it on the CBN News channel and also on our YouTube page. And on this show, every day we dive deep, it's a little more longer form with one of the people who you will often see on our Newsmakers show or across the CBN News platforms. On today's Newsmakers, author David Hoffman is on a mission to bring truth to the masses. He joins us to talk about his new book, Relationships Over Rules and how he went from chaos and abuse to Christ. Here is David Hoffman. So, David, you have a new book out, Relationships Over Rules, seven principles to lead gracefully and love generously. Love that title. What was it that motivated your writing of this book? Absolutely Billy. There was a lot, but foundationally, you know, the world tells us all these rules of what you can't do. You know, I grew up Jewish, so I can't be a believer. You know, I moved to Charlotte's side on scene, so I can't build my own real estate business. You know, my mom was paralyzed from delivering me. She chose life for me. And so, and I was raised in a broken household without a lot of love. And so, I can't be married with kids and show them unconditional love. You know, I didn't have any relationships growing up, Billy, so I can't buy relationships. The world tells all of us all these things that you cannot do, but with God in the center, I just want to encourage people that with him in the center, with the gifts he gives you, with the relationships he places in your life, you can reach a true potential. Yeah. Well, and a lot of those things, they're just lies, right? Like, you can't do this, you can't have that, you can't, you know, because you've gone through this traumatic thing, or you haven't been given an example of how to do something, there's no way you could ever do those things. And those lies really hold people back, you know, in your own life, was there a time where those experiences were holding you back? Yeah, absolutely. Billy, I only got to visit my mom three or four times a year for three or four hours of time. And so 10 hours a year as a little boy, teenager adolescent growing into being an adult. And so I used to always challenge God, I used to always go back and forth between, let's agree to disagree to you don't exist. And so I just didn't feel like I had a lot of love, you know, I'm, my father left when I was 11, you know, I grew up with like a lot of neglect and I felt like I was alone a lot, so I didn't feel any love from anyone outside of 10 hours a year. And so there seemed to be a lot, very little. And so I would ask God why he would let all these bad things happen to good people. And now I realize it's not the author of any of the evil. But I learned as I got older, Billy, you know, I've got two boys that we just took custody of a precious 10 year old girl about a month ago. And a few years ago, my older son, we were sitting down at the dinner table, my older son looked at my wife and said, mom, seriously, this is not filet. You know, it was a sirloin. And I jumped up, we've got a little Yorkie and I ran to the kitchen to get a can of dog food. And I looked at my wife and I'm like, I'm not giving it to cane, but I'm going to eat it myself. Because when I was a kid, if I was hungry, I wasn't, I wasn't allowed to leave my room without permission. And it was like certain hours a day, but I was hungry and the food was being counted. So I went knee dog food at the basement at times. And that adversity gives you a unique perspective to be grateful for what you do have versus wanting so much more the world wants you to, to seek out so much more. And so I just want to encourage people, Billy, that your past is not to find your purpose and your past doesn't dictate your potential. And so for me, not having a lot, not having many loved ones in my life, not feeling a lot of love, not having a lot of opportunity, not ever being told, yes, not feeling love, but having relationships, it made me crave those and appreciate those. Like even this time with you, with your listeners, just means a lot to me because I'm grateful for every opportunity. Being in a place as a child where you don't have people, you can really trust, it sounds like. And I mean, having to eat dog, I mean, the amount of abuse that that takes and the toll that that can take on someone, how were you able? And we'll talk about how, you know, the purpose of the book in a bit here, but how were you able to move forward in a way, because you look at you now, you've written a book, you have a successful business, you have a family, you have all those things that, again, the lives that it told you you couldn't have, when you look back at all of it, how are you able to move forward and progress in an, in a normal direction in your life, even before finding faith? Yeah, truth be told, Billy, because I spent a lot of time alone, you know, and I've learned forgiveness, and so I have no malice towards any one in my life growing up. If anything, that adversity became a gift as I got older, because again, you know, I'm grateful and little, but truth be told, I spent a lot of time alone, and I'll think of myself, I don't feel loved, I don't feel it attention to, I feel alone, and I don't want anyone else to feel this way. And, and so for me, you know, I was on the phone with my mom right before she died in 2004, Billy, and, and she was really proud of me, I was reaching some level of worldly success in DC, and long story short, I said, I'm gonna visit you in New York City. Well, she died three weeks later, because no 52-year-old's supposed to die out of nowhere, and I never got to say goodbye until this general, and so that was my one regret, so I don't want anyone to have a second regret. So for me, it's a lot of lessons learned, and so to your point, it's a great question of, you know, if you face neglect or lack of love, why would you not follow the pattern? And so for me, I feel like it just taught me how not to live, how not to lead, you know, like, I felt alone and neglected, and so I never wanted someone else to feel that way. I had a lack of relationships, so I valued relationships. I felt like I was always being told no, and so I want to always find the yes. Hope that makes sense, you know, it does. You know, as you were just sharing that, you know, I was thinking, you know, that God who you were asking questions to, you were challenging, right? You were kind of bouncing back and forth between why do you let bad things happen to good people, and maybe you're not even there, God. How did you hit that breaking point of realizing not only was God there, but that Christianity was true? How did you come into that relationship? Yeah, absolutely, and, you know, I was raised Jewish, so I never unheard of Jesus until almost 30 years old. You know, I moved to Charlotte in 2005, and unbeknownst to me, God of big plans. I didn't even know him. I just moved here because my mom had just passed, and I felt like I had nothing or anyone, no one. And I moved to Charlotte, Billy, and I hit the ground running. And because of my past, you know, I was working from the age of eight, shoveling snow, washing cars, raking leaves, I always had a work ethic, and so I hit the ground running in Charlotte. I put three principles on my heart, be the friend, be the expert, be present. For me, I feel like no one was present. For me, I feel like I know real friends. For me, I feel like no one they deserve for me to be the expert. And so for me, in 2005, when I got into real estate in Charlotte, I just hit the ground running. I sold 47 homes in 2005, 2006, I think it was '55, 2007, it might have been '70, 2008. I was one of the top agents in the state. And then the other shoe dropped, and everyone knows what happened in late 2008. And so the economy crashed, I had a one-year marriage, my ex-wife left. We were amicable, but she said, "You're not being present. You're focusing on work." But then the money all dried up. The money dried up, and there was no faith foundation, so we went separate ways. And so one day I'm meeting with a dear friend, Billy, who loves the Lord, and the night before I heard God say to me, "I didn't know it was God yet," but I heard an audible boy say, "You try to your way for all 30 years, giving me a chance." And the next day I went to lunch with a dear friend, and he said, "David, you've tried to your way for all 30 years. You look tired. Give it to God. Give him a chance." And this same friend, it took me to church two days earlier, where the pastor had thousands of people there, Billy, but he's like, "Are you from New York? Are you in real estate? Did you lose your mom's most gross? This is your name, David Hoffman. Were you raised Jewish?" And I'm like, "Wow. Am I the only one?" And so then I heard him talk to me, and then my friend said the exact same thing, and I'm like, "Okay." My pastor now reminds me he takes more faith, sometimes to not believe. And so I started crying, Billy, at that lunch, that Tuesday afternoon, February 24, 2009. I said, "I'm tired. I'm just tired, God." Like I just, "I've tried it my way long enough. I'm just going to give it to you." The next day I met my wife. Wow. Wow. It is crazy when you start to trust God how things come together the way they're supposed to, right? We're always trying to push our own way, make our own things happen, maybe even enter into relationships we shouldn't because we have some sort of goal in mind. And the minute you set everything straight with God, found your faith, you met your wife the next day. Yeah. I took the wrestler who was a friend, Rick Flair out for a 60th birthday, and the limo driver pointed out Jessica at the bar. He was flirting with her, and then he went to the bathroom at the end of the night. I sat down with her for five minutes, just holding the seat, and the rest is history. But yeah, it was definitely the next day, and now Rick's moved to another part of the country. We're not neighbors anymore. I've moved, but God makes no mistakes. I've got Jeremiah 2911 up and down my conference room wall in the other room, Billy, because when people come in and they're holding on so tight, and they're like, "How much do I sell my home for? What do I do here? What do I do there?" It's got the whole life on an Excel spreadsheet. I just pointed to Jeremiah 2911, he has a plan for us and for us to prosper, and it's not always on our time, but it's always, it's always true. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. You know, I've often said to like the ultimate form of trust, I think a lot of times, you know, we look at, you know, why didn't that person get the healing they wanted? Why did that Christian die when we were praying for them not to? And really relying on God and understanding that, you know, his purpose is for everything. You know, when our life is done, when our purpose is done, that trust even, I mean, it's a hard, it's hard to get to that place of faith, but it sounds like that's where you have been in your life and where God has brought you. I have to ask you before we round out to a close, you know, looking at obviously your father and, you know, the woman he ended up marrying after, you know, all of the abuse that went on, how were you able to get to that place? Because you mentioned forgiveness, you mentioned having that growing growing up. How as an adult, especially looking back now and seeing the relationship you have with your kids and your wife, how have you been able to forgive those others who have hurt you? Yeah. You know, I'm, I think it took being a father or husband myself. I'll never fully understand, but I think you learn grace where you have a moment where you get angry at one of your kids or you have a moment where you and your wife are communicating or you're not going to love life because you're hoping that one second at one day and, and you say, okay, you know, I'm not here to judge, you know, and, and so I've just learned over the years to meet people where they are, Billy, to walk them on their shoes and say, look, you know, my stepmom wasn't my mother. And so she kept me alive, you know, like I was a perfect, absolutely not, but, you know, I need to give grace and have gratitude. And then my father, all men make bad gods, including my father, including myself. And so, you know, I learned to not let other people's actions and emotions lift me up because then they can't let me down. I served one, my daddy's not found even in my marriage or my kids. I love me with all my heart. My daddy's not found in my work, my daddy's found in my relationship with Jesus. And, and if I can just focus there, you know, I did a little Christian counseling with my wife and being a pandemic, it was really healthy and fruitful, but I'll never forget my counselor said over and over again, we're not going to focus on the marriage. We're going to focus on your relationship with Jesus and your relationship with Jesus. And so that's where I just go to belly, Billy, I just go to, you know, how would he act? How did he walk? How did he live and lead? And, and I have more than I deserve today. So, so even though I went through seasons, I mean, Jesus suffered, we're called to suffer. We're not called for bliss. And so I guess the best answer is the devil wants you to focus on the challenges and on the strife in your life. And I choose to focus on every that's beautiful and all blessings. So final question for you. The book is out relationships over rules. What do you hope people take away from the book when they're done reading it? Yeah, absolutely. The number one thing and I've already heard this from a lot of people from all walks of life, Billy, is God has big plans for each and every one of you in each area and one of us. And I want to encourage people that their past is not to find his plan and purpose for their life, where they're potential and, and that that adversity they faced last night or 30 years ago, Billy, that is actually providing a unique perspective that only they have to really be grateful to see all that God is doing their life. So I just want to encourage them to look forward and to focus on the people that he puts in their lives and not to seek out strangers when he has put relationships in their life that can chase the world. Well, I so appreciate you taking the time, taking us through your story and being with us today. I appreciate you, Billy, it's a pleasure. That's all for today's "Newsmakers" podcast. Be sure to tune in for the next episode of the show and also head over to the CBN News YouTube channel and the CBN News channel to watch "Newsmakers" every week. We'll see you soon. [Music] [Music] [BLANK_AUDIO]
