He-Man was essentially just a child-friendly Conan the Barbarian rip-off, so it's a shame that when they eventually made a Conan cartoon for children it was forgettable boring rubbish.
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Erm, nothing's funny apart from my holiday as we cancelled. Is that funny? It is. Well no, it's not. It depends on why it was cancelled. Was it cancelled by clowns? Yes. That's terrifying, that's not funny. It's not funny, hey clowns, they scare me. You might want to eat my face and my willy. [Laughing] [Laughing] Hello, and welcome to my video, the podcast that's scared of clowns, one of people. I'm Martin. I'm Martin. I'm scared of it, but also, that gives me a funny feeling. [Laughing] I know right. It might be the best thing ever, I don't know. Erm, so this is part three of our films. It's a film we should find out. I know right. Part three of our films, cartoons made of films that children shouldn't have watched orlogy. Something like that is close enough. And this week, we are watching a cartoon called Conan the adventurer, about Conan, the barbarian. I assume. Oh, he's an adventurer now. Oh yeah, I've got it. S-O-1, E-O-1, the knight of fiery tears. Sounds painful. Do you have more painful than having your willy in by a clown? [Laughing] That doesn't necessarily sound painful. [Laughing] I suppose not. Shall we watch? Okay, it's been uploaded by Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanhakhan, Hanh Well the intro animation looks too good and there's no way that this is representative of the next 22 minutes of this show It's nice isn't it actually looks genuinely good to this intro it does like a lot of interest cartoons did and then we ruined I Mean cereal geek when I used to get that. I wish I still had those actually They used to talk about this quite a lot didn't they about the animation style how it was like several companies doing it And then there was as a result kind of the intro look amazing Yeah, and the show would look like a big pile of dog dirt I mean, we might be surprised doing it on the cheap. Yeah, we might be do if we ever talked about cereal geek It was a magazine wasn't it maybe yeah, that you would have to order specially really on With the internet a little bit more special Yeah, I did because I had most of them and I got rough stupid else. I put money bad I don't know why I wish I kept them and I keep looking on there But the thing is a lot of the time it say oh issues 3 and 4 have to be reprinted think if I want them. I want to get them all at once Don't have to wait Like so for the unless you feel like one to eight and then have to pre-order the others But when it's like two and three and missing it's like I don't want without you know I want one missing in the middle of the I'll be annoying wouldn't it? Are you seeing the immediate dropping quality because actually the detail was okay, but the animation itself is the animation has dropped frames considered land Yes, yeah Conan looks very much more bland. What is this is this him when he's younger? Is this a flashback though? Oh, unless it's him when he's younger because he looks more kind of grizzled my manly Now I'd have to say that the Conan films again the films. I don't think I've ever actually watched I've seen the first maybe half an hour of Conan the barbarian and I've watched Conan the destroyer when I was about 10 because I had a Friend in primary school who was fucking obsessed with it because it's a bit more family friendly. I think the second one Conan the destroyer Yeah, it's got Grace Jones in it I think and it's not okay just a pure like adventure and so I'm assuming this is kind of closer in tone to it Even though it's obviously still very different But yeah, no, he's so he was fucking obsessed with that and Lady Hawk weirdly they were his two films that he was obsessed with Yeah, he had a had a style. I guess. Yes, Clem probably like Beastmaster as well Maybe Mark Singer Which I have seen but it was a long time. I never went on about it He only went on about Lady Hawk and this like all the time. Let's watch Lady Hawk I don't want to watch Lady Hawk, but it's good. You've said I don't I don't want to watch it Well, a lot of our conversations at 10 Nice, I don't I've seen Lady Hawk, so he's read so many True is Red Son. Yeah, is it is he playing Conan in Red Son? Yeah, was it just generic barbarian? I think Conan is on Europe. They're the same universe. Yeah It's probably cone because I've not seen red Son. You're either. I Don't like look it out despite Despite my love of he-man, you think I'd like like Conan as well because he's got the same It's what I don't they did rip Conan off. Didn't they? Yeah, but made it better because it's like a little bit and then loads of other sci-fi and stuff like chucked in Conan and Red Son. Yeah, let's see. I'm pretty sure they're in the same universe. I Mean anyone is interested I haven't really kind of linked to the two on TikTok, but I do have a he-man TikTok channel, which has got way more followers than our I don't before be one Where I do songs about my figures to the tune of he-man and it is as low-ventors it sounds By recently one round man. He keeps ramming your dad There you go did Conan and Red Son yet get together is the question that's been asked no direct relationship between Conan and Red Son Yeah, she lives in the same fictional Hyborian age and has interacted with him in a few Marvel stories But only enough to establish her to Conan fans before spinning off into her own set of adventures. So Robert E Howard kind of Knew what he was doing even though. But apparently his red Sony was very different to the one that wears the sort of chainmail bikini that Comic fans, you know, probably do weird things to In their heads, that's the thing in their heads Not gonna do it really I'm just thinking about doing it. That's just as good for me Not in my head. Oh, it's everywhere in my head Horrible. Yeah, so they link them up and it was kind of the Conan multi-verse Before okay before that was a popular thing to do We should say that at the moment there's like a giant snake monster or statue or something and the main villain is like a crocodile head man horns and a cape Design of the villain. Yes, the villain design was very good I think that's the problem with a lot of these things it was net is that they make the villains far more Interesting, and I would say that if you go. I don't think you've got about he-man even though I love he-man Looking at my figure collection The villains are far more interesting design wise. Yeah, but most most of the heroes And so when I said Martin, I text you do you want to come around and play he-man? I said you've got to be he-man though. I'm I'm Skeletor in his gang as I think they were known Skeletor and his gang. I yeah, I did. Well, get on go. Skeletor's gang, Skeletor's gang Each one is evil in their own way Skeletor's the leader and he's such a bad boy. The Skeletor's gang, Skeletor's gang He's got a beast man and an evil in Also, my man and a trap jaws and others as well that I can't think of right now And if you like this kind of improvised, yeah, then you can follow Mark's TikTok about his figures. Yeah, I mean, that is how I do it I just I just stand there start recording on an old VHS filter and then just see what happens see what comes on the map Sometimes it rhymes sometimes it doesn't sometimes it's good sometimes it isn't it does depend Looks like the villain here has been lumbered with a sort of snake snuff Looks like it's got there. Yeah effect slithering between his legs. I do I don't like all wrinkles as well. I I would like a figure of that now It would fit in It was well, do you know what else is gonna fit in with my human figures wardrobe? Yeah, oh you get Yeah, nice Yeah, same size. I thought that would be That's all right. It's allowed. Same size. Is he part of Skeletor's gang or is he gonna be part of here? Yeah, yeah, well, I've counted Skeletor needs another gang member. He's not got as many as he may Because but that's because they're just better. I always like Stratos. No Stratos was one of my favorite figures I had Yeah, I've got him. Do you know what? I'm never had him as a kid and you can tell which ones are my favorites because they're at the front of the Ones of the back. It's like I always wanted whiplash as a kid. I was saying this to my wife the other day I mean she wasn't interested but I said anyway Whiplash is like the worst one I've got I hate his face sculpt. He's these are permanently bent But it was one I was wanted as a kid I never had him and I have a like that He's not like it and if you want to get a good look at Mark's figures in two ways to join our discord Share that I'm becoming a patron or to go to his tik tok. What's the name of your tik tok? Is that one you want to share? I don't know. I've got a attorney attorney a champion. I think Excellent. There you go. Have a look at something shit like that Something equally a shit But he man was directly based on Conan wasn't he didn't they do was yeah figure and just like repaint it or add some shit Essentially that's a bit of a big gym a big gym action or something you tie get something I think just stuck a saddle. I mean now do yeah, and the the kind of the not template what's the word Prototype yeah was called Vikron and came with the different attachments where you can make him Tank head or bullet head and I do have the new version of Vikron Attachments on other figures so I've got at least tank head a lot better than the originals And so it doesn't really make sense now because he's like a space man But is he in canon then so they made a Prototype and then made him a character in the no no, I don't think so I think it is just in the figures. They have said right well This is what he was based on the viper collectors is one of my favorite ones. I've got Because he's got big bullet head Well, no cuz I I bought extra figures you see base figures so I could have the have them all on display at the same time Very nice. I thought about it. It's good. What about it. You see by chronic tank head and bullet head I probably have but you know, I don't remember I'll send you a picture after this after we finish all right or I'll just go to my tiktok and have a look or I'll go to the So many options Why is he different what what's noticeably absent from this Conan cartoon is the amount of horrific? Sexual assault that I think the character of Conan does in the original stories Yeah, it seems to from the first half an hour of the of the film I probably just remembering that much more dramatically But I'm pretty sure isn't it just all did what he want when he want what he wanted when he wanted Well cuz Conan is we thought made obviously exists already but kind of the it's a revenge from it Isn't it Conan that doesn't his father get killed by James Elgin is that so the the the village gets Rated and stuff and then yeah, he's he goes and goes and gets them. That's that's pretty much it I think I haven't seen it properly. I had second one's right. I'm fun as I said We're putting on a minute as an adult. Maybe the second one is shit I don't know what was made you say hang on to the fact that they're turning the snakes Well, no the fact that he Tony just pulled a sword out of his back like a sort of power Oh, yes, they just it's like well. I really send snakes. That's weird. I'm a little bit behind you. I think he done Well, that makes them more dangerous if anything doesn't it now. They've got fangs Haha, this will get you evil doesn't then you're the snake man. Oh, no shit. No, you're monsters as far worse Fighting humans was much easier. What in it? Yeah, hang on. Maybe something sort of Portland. He sucked them off Hahahaha sucked them off into a portal Dirty Conan bastard. Yeah, they haven't made this more. Yeah more like he what crap power that is He's gonna push his sword against them suck them off into some weird Portland sky. Is that a standard Conan power? I don't feel like I should not remember that. I mean I took like I said, I haven't seen the film So I don't know maybe that happens every five minutes It's on your going to a portal No Snake man No, he sent a snake man more into a snake man. I thought he was just a snake man Get sneaky kids. Yeah double snake man. That's too much snake man now Conan the destroyer only gets 5.9 out of 10 on IMDB Which feels bad, but then you know through the lens of a 10 year old I guess I guess you remember it much better and I kind of barbarian Powerful warrior seeks to avenge the genocide of his people So not just his dad and the murder of his parents Well has that too at the hands of a snake cult. So the snake cult is a continuation Yeah, they have got the snakes all involved in shit Maybe I should I'm off again Nah, it was friendly Horse of course you sounded like a horse earlier you did a horse noise did a horse I was in the other show that we recorded I've realized now in like this one Yeah Yeah, this animation is patchy at best I would say it's hard to ask he's been bucked off and he rubbed his eyes because it He was Yeah, oh that yeah, we've all done that he is well out proportion with our horse though Unless he's supposed to be massive. Well now he's tiny which he is so whoa. Yeah, they They're not very good at animating things moving closer and further away because no, he's changing his eyes every time all the time The perspective is wack totally wack Do you know why they weren't taught by my history teacher? How did you perspective? That's right mentioning that again for a history teacher to to teach you think an art teacher would be teaching that Not our teachers teachers one of them was too busy swinging from the rooftops He's a hairy monkey man. I don't I don't remember the other one very well to be honest Mr. Horse is tiny now again. It's like a pony stood next to you Now it's bigger. Yeah Well, he's all his legs are very wide apart and when he stands is that Oh, let's see it then It's a cartoon based on an adult film after all. Yeah Reversa seeing Conan's Dom A gander he's falling through a rock the silly prick see what the hype was about Cone dong cone dong. That doesn't work. I'll take it back straight away Just be I just can't just a complete different image of like a traffic cone in somebody's pants on Yeah, well, maybe that's what he's got for our rock monster wielding students. Oh my god They look strong, but he's just hacked an arm off really easily. So I'm not I'm not really seeing the peril here No Again, that would have been a cool figure It would maybe it was I looked them up in a minute. Actually. Well, nothing interesting is going to happen is it so No, tell me if I'm not in arms off switch back Conan the adventurer action figures because we did this for the Highlander one So that is true. They were called as well. I like them and again the enemies and the villains were Better figures than the main character far better, but you always feel obliged to get the main character You do I think it was very similar with the captain power figures as well. Although Yeah, it went down the same route as kind of new adventures of hemat some very generic Kind of spaceman characters for the good guys Yeah, and then really interesting designs for the bad guys and captain power the cartoon is shit But the figures were quite cool. Well, don't we don't captain power. I don't think we have I don't remember doing it We should do that now can talk about the toys. I had And how I bought them in from Argos on my birthday The ones I found on eBay They look very poor I'm pretty sure it's from the cartoon because Conan's wearing that necklace and he's got that same belt design right But they look more like kind of WWE wrestlers than anything else and some of them are not culturally insensitive So I don't know I'm just so sure about those Right, maybe I won't get those in You know, so I lose my theory those are snake men the snake men were turned into men men Would have been a really good really good he-man figure man man man man It's not more stupid name in he-man is it it's not Never question it because we we've had it in our life. No so long, but he-man. You don't rubbish he-man. Yeah, it's stupid I don't know that She-Ra was cuz it was supposed to evoke kind of thoughts of Egyptian goddesses with the raw bit Yeah, but um, yeah, that's stupid as well But it's again all the villains cool She-Ra all the heroes. Yes. So Bo is rubbish Bo is rubbish. He's a stroppy teenager I watched one the other night because for some reason they're on live on Amazon all the time on Amazon Prime He's tuning to he-man is she-Ra live. I don't know why but there's a she-Ra on I tuned it and because he'd been beaten in a Archery contest, but I'm going Patching turd. Yeah, that's cuz boys silly Boys can't cope. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that is true. I mean, I Mean feet and bumps feet. I know that bums. It is funny. You can't get away from that You can't all boys for him smell the feet and bums. Your mum was right. She was right. I didn't have I didn't appreciate until I Had teenagers in my house When you smell somebody else's feet and bums then you realize yeah Funny single mother says you came into your roof. There's some stinks of feet and bumps I think now I think the full quote was something like it smells of boys and we said what's that and she said feet and bums Okay, well, she's again bang or not wrong Not wrong at all. So is this all the opposite of that? It's this old wizard grooming Conan. What's what was his plan there? Just he was sort of his hands are all over him, won't they? Yeah Cones gonna get it It's a big snake. Yeah, so this is the only Any real connection is you know that Conan's running about and they're a snake man with the baddies Yeah, I didn't know much about Conan. I feel it's something that I I should Considering like my interests involve things like D&D and he-man. There's a lot of crossover There's a lot of things that made me think why is Conan not something that I've watched more or read off read some of There you go There you go, then oh the birds come out of a magic portal on his shield I see no wizard did it probably Some good isn't is well now that was an example there of when you know when like the white looks brighter than it should do Even though it can't how how can it be? You know in a car team when something is glowing. Yeah, it always always bamboozled me as a kid about it's still Bambooz right now. Yeah. Oh, yeah, true Completely how can it be though? How can that be brighter than white white is the brightest thing? on a don't get it on a drawing Don't understand it, but still Bamboozles me Bamba boozles me. Oh, no. Oh dear is this red song? Yeah, it might be I don't think so. I don't know Put those closed captions on My son yeah It's a much better more down-to-earth Design than the chainmail bikini if that is it is I hope it is or isn't I don't really mind No impact on my everyday life My mind either. I think she's a baddie. Oh, yeah, she's put him to sleep. She is a asshole. Oh He could have drowned in that soup whatever it is. She should have left him to drown. Oh I think I think he's been made a holiday maker. He has Yeah, this guy's one of the action figures. Wow next to you on the boat that is Very wrong, isn't it? It just feels yeah, it's very 1980s WWE costume. It is Jimmy fly Jimmy fly Jimmy's nuka fly snooka fly Come on up. Yes nuka fly to be continued. Are you gonna have to be continued on the episode in a next time on? The silly rat the mom smashed its face into a shield the asshole idiot. Oh God his name's Zula Wow, they're all getting sucked off the show in us everything with them might as well not even but bother with it to be continued Just saying and this is everything that happens in the next one everything of import Yeah Getting sucked off. I think the intro though. They're showing it again. The animation for the intro is is top-notch I really do enjoy that. That's very good. Yeah It is good And for anyone who loves action figures you can now buy from the whole shebang the Murder she wrote Jessica Fletcher clothed action figure for $39.99. How much is the unclothed one? So sagey tight eyes Does she come with a little gun that has the bang flag on it? I'm a typewriter and a typewriter and a little a little Tom Boswell As a sheriff like a mini version His name Tom Boswell does sound right, you know I was Lee Tom Bosley Bosley Boswell would have been in Liverpool Boswell bloody Boswell's well was Conan the adventurer. I'm so that tops off you get a job. Tell me Boswell It's no good being a sheriff I could be the sheriff in a small town. Tommy Boswell. You'll put money on this table. You put money in my chicken. That sounds wrong Just just do it Terrible Bread that was a bread skit there But that was Conan's that's the end of that trilogy and we're gonna do something else next week Hopefully horrible scary puppets if we can find it. Oh god. Yes So do all the social media stuff We always ask you do kind of patreon if you haven't already and buy some stuff off one way who was would be good Calm those stuff on that buy so why not buy every single thing you can see with your eyes? But just on our website and yeah Come back next week. I suppose you want. I suppose but make sure you get a job Tommy Boswell Get a job put your money up the chicken You Fighting humans was much easier
