Hello, and welcome to The Get a Six Figure Job You Love and Thrive Podcast. This is episode 206, What to Do when you're not given the credit you deserve. Stay tuned. Welcome to The Get a Six Figure Job You Love and Thrive Podcast, where I, Natalie Fisher, am teaching you weekly how to land your premium role that you love and thrive in it. Let's go. Hello, and welcome to The Get a Six Figure Job You Love and Thrive Podcast. So excited. I just got off an awesome client success interview with my client, Yi. I call her the badass mama because she was on the coaching calls with her baby and I loved it. And I used to bring my baby to coaching calls too. When I was on my maternity leave and I wanted to continue growing my business, I was still on coaching calls with my little baby. She must have been around under one, like nine months, or I was just showing up regardless. And not to say you have to, I mean, just that's how my mind is. I'm just committed. I love to learn. I love to progress. I love to be in it. So that's what I was doing. And so Yi just kind of reminded me of those days and we just finished the interview. So she will be on next week. So stay tuned for that. She's going to share her story about how she landed her job as a software engineer. Just shifts she made and the awesome mindset breakthroughs that she had during the program where it only took her a couple of months to get this job and previously it had taken her over a year. So really cool story. I hope you tune in for that. That'll be happening next week. And for this episode, we're going to be talking about what to do when you don't get the credit you deserve. So this has come up quite a lot through coaching over the years. It's like you end up, you don't end up getting the credit you deserve. So let's say you worked so hard. You worked on a project. You were working somewhere and you made such a huge impact. Everybody told you like maybe coworkers told you maybe other teams, but maybe your manager didn't tell you that you had done a great job. Maybe your manager didn't acknowledge that your manager didn't give you the credit you deserve or leadership didn't, right? It's usually that. It's usually leadership doesn't acknowledge it. That's what I find from coaching people. But let's say it doesn't actually matter, like anybody could, you can feel bad for not getting the credit you deserve from anybody, right? Like if you believe that someone should have acknowledged you, then that's going to feel bad. So what happens with this and I'm going to bring in my humanness into this episode quite a bit because I don't agree with that. I think people should definitely give you credit when credit is due. I think it's so important like the way that I think about what I'm doing here, it's like my clients often want to give me way more credit than I deserve. Like they are the ones who did the work. They're the ones who showed up for it. They're the ones who changed their mindset. They did the heavy lifting. I just put some things out that was able to help them spark the genius in themselves, right? And so it was kind of magic when it comes together. When you come together with the right coach, it's like, it can be magical. But they're the ones really doing the heavy lifting. They're the ones doing the investment in time and money and problem solving with their brain. And I'm like giving them all that I've got, but it's them that's doing it, right? So the problem that we normally have is when we don't get the credit we deserve, we get swept up in the fact that we should have gotten it, right? So a lot of thoughts are we should, I should be appreciated for this. I should have been acknowledged for this. It just felt so crappy to do all that work and then have nobody like even acknowledge it, right? Or not have the leadership acknowledging it, right? So and that sucks. Like I've definitely been in that situation before. I can remember one thing where I was working for a cafe and the woman who owned the cafe, she literally, she used to be in the Israeli army. She actually did. That's a fact. And so maybe that's part of her personality. But basically I would maybe do a great job of something. I remember I cleaned up the whole place. It was a huge place. There was like hundreds of chairs. I put them all away myself. I cleaned up all the tables and then I went to her, like all proud of myself being like, okay, everything's done, everything's closed up. And she goes out and she's like, you missed a spot over there. You got to go like, there's a spot on the ground there that looks dirty. You need to go clean that. And it was just so disheartening. I'm just like, I'm just remember feeling like all the wind was taken out of my sails. Like I feel so proud and so great. Like, oh, I just worked so hard and it was so rewarding to feel like I got this done. And then she's just looking at the one little spot or crumb on the ground that I didn't pick up right. And it sucks. It doesn't feel good. So I can definitely relate to it and I don't think it's right. And I think it's for many, many reasons, it's bad business practice to not acknowledge people. However, we can't change people. I could have never changed her. I couldn't have said, hey, you need to credit me for our job. Well done. You're demotivating me by just telling me what I missed. Like I could have said that to her, but she would just be who she is, right? It's like, I often refer to people as zoo animals. I'm just like, you know what, there's zoo animals. They're doing their thing. We can watch them and we can interact with them, but we cannot change their nature, right? We cannot change inherently what they are going to do and how they're going to behave. Right? So the problem is that we get all caught up in trying to and just believing things should be different can be a painful way to exist, right? Like they should credit me. They should do this. They should do that. And while that might be true and I might agree with it, it doesn't help you because what happens is, is you end up devaluing yourself because you're, you end up, what ends up happening is you end up making it mean that because they're not valuing you or acknowledging you or giving you the credit that you deserve that maybe you didn't do a good enough job or maybe you didn't deserve it or maybe you could have done more. No, not everybody thinks like that, but sometimes that can seep into your mindset and you can start to think like that and it would be totally normal, right? So, and what happened in one case with one of my clients recently was that she was like, I'm afraid to put my all into another project like that. I'm afraid to raise my hand and say, I will take it on because it just felt so crappy at the end, not getting anything in return, right? Other than, you know, she got paid for doing it, but she didn't get the accolades or the, or the raise or the reward, like she didn't get any of that. And so it's, it felt vulnerable for her. It's like, it feels vulnerable to put my all out there, do something again only to then be really disappointed when I don't get, you know, when I, when I was expecting or, you know, what I thought I should get, right? So that is really setting her back because now she's holding back her own capabilities and her own greatness. And she's giving the people who decided not to give her credit all her power, right? She's giving them her power by basically saying, okay, well, you didn't credit her knowledge me. So now I'm not going to do anything great again because it scares me. And while that's human and I can understand that it's not helpful to her because if she goes on thinking that for the rest of her career, it's like, and maybe it's a subconscious thing. Maybe she doesn't even realize it, but when she's offered, you know, an opportunity to go all in on a big project, she's going to hold back and be like, Oh, that's scary. I don't really want to do that. I better not, right? And so that will hold her back. It'll hold her back from evolving. It'll hold her back from her greatness. It'll hold her back from learning. It'll hold her back from making more money. It's just all around not helpful for her, right? So and I'm going to share the way that I coach on this and how you can think about this differently because while we can't change them, we can't make them appreciate us. We can't make them give us raises. We can't, you know, tell them to do what they should do and they're just going to do it. We need to come, we need to have a different way so that we don't lose out like the person who did all the work. Their confidence doesn't erode. They don't be made smaller, right? Because that's not fair either. Okay. So, so let's say the circumstance is that project completed successfully and let's say made company a million dollars, made company an additional million dollars to bottom line. Let's say that's a circumstance. I'm just using an example here, okay? And then the other circumstance would be no appreciation, no words, like no words of kindness were said, no acknowledgments, no, like nothing, no credit was given, okay? No, no verbal or monetary credit was given, okay, for that. And then the then that person would have a thought about that. And normally the normal default human thought would be, I didn't get any credit for that. I should have, how dare they not acknowledge me for that? I put in all that work for nothing. This was really unfair. The least they could have done was, you know, told me that I did a good job or the least they could have done was acknowledge me in front of the group or like these are the kind of thoughts that our brain would normally go to, which makes absolute perfect sense, right? But what happens is those thoughts create a feeling of disheartenedment, right? Disheartenedment, lower confidence in some cases, discouragement, not wanting to put yourself out there again, fear, they cause bad feelings and something I teach inside my program and we work extensively is this thing called the model, which I'm going through with you right now. The circumstance is the fact. So I make a very factual, completed project that made a million dollars and no words of encouragement or acknowledgement were spoken and no monetary gains were given to that person who was responsible for it. Okay. So that's the circumstance. And then the thoughts, normally the thoughts that are triggered by a circumstance like that would be thoughts that I just said, like, that's unfair. How dare they not recognize me? I did all that for nothing. The least they could have done was blah, blah, blah, right? And those thoughts create pretty bad feelings, like, makes sense, right? Anybody thinking that would feel discouraged, disheartened, angry, right? Like, probably I skipped over an important one there. Probably feeling angry, resentful, irritated, like any of those would be totally normal and understandable as well. And then when you feel that way, then you're likely going to shut down, not take on bigger projects, you're not going to want to jump in and do something else and use everything you learned or use your skills or strengths or to go do something else. You're probably going to hide and you're probably going to be, like, seething and, like, maybe stewing in some resentment, maybe not working as hard, making yourself small, right? These are the actions that someone might take. If they're feeling angry, resentful, disheartened, discouraged, right? They're not feeling motivated and productive. They're feeling like the opposite of that, right? They're feeling demotivated, right? And then the result that you get from that is you keep yourself small, you don't appreciate your own work. Like you don't even -- this is a big one because while you're sitting there waiting for somebody else to acknowledge, while you're getting angry because they're not acknowledging, they're not giving you credit, you are missing the greatness that you did, right? And I know I did a video on YouTube a long time ago about this, and I got a lot of flack in the comments about how people were saying, "Well, you're not just there to appreciate yourself. People need to appreciate you and validate you. That's what it's about." And so this is kind of an extension of that video, and that's why I'm like, "I'll bring a lot of humanness in," and I'll say, "Yes, I agree with you." Not only the human says, "Absolutely, that sucks," and I think it's terrible for business for so many reasons. You lose people, you lose great people, you demotivate people, morale is down. You can't erode people's confidence if they don't know the model and they don't know how to change their thoughts to create a better space for themselves mentally. But no, it sucks, however, we can't change that. That is happening all across the world. People are doing great work, and they're not being acknowledged for it. And that sucks, but it's not something I have control over. But what I do have control over is teaching people how to think differently so that they are not kept small by it, okay? And this is also something I could talk about in my relationship, right? Like I was definitely in a relationship with somebody who was like this. I would do a lot of great stuff, I would do what he asked me to do, I would go above and beyond, and he would never give me any thank-yous, any credit, any words of acknowledgement. He would just stay silent, and if he wasn't mad, that was a good thing, right? So I can definitely go on about that. However, the result that you end up creating without line of thinking and feeling is that you keep yourself small, you miss your own greatness, you don't appreciate yourself, which means that then you don't go on to do bigger and better and more awesome things, and you don't go, you don't do it enough to attract the right people around you who will appreciate you and acknowledge you, right? Because then you're just staying small, and you're kind of believing that you don't deserve it. You're willing to give it to yourself at that point, right? So, and then my client actually, when I coached her yesterday, she was like, yeah, it's kind of like I'm being a victim. She brought up the word victim, and I said, yeah, it's exactly that, but it's like an unconscious victim mentality, because it's obviously not on purpose, right? It makes perfect sense that people would feel like that. So yes, it's like you end up going into an unconscious victim mentality because you end up handing other people your power. You basically give them the remote to your feelings, and you say, okay, you press the button that said, no credit, no kind words, no raise, and I just shrunk and decided, okay, fine, I'm mad and I'm not doing anything, right? So it's like basically you gave them the remote to your feelings, and you don't have to do that. You can have a different choice. You can have a different way of moving forward, right? And again, I feel like I need to repeat it, I'm not saying this is right. I'm just saying, I can't do anything about it. I can't go to your boss and poke him and say, hey, give her credit. She deserves it, right? I would like, I would do that, but I can't, right? So what we need to do is empower the person who didn't get the credit to getting them to a space where they don't need it. They don't require it to feel powerful, to know who they are, and to kick butt. Hey, if you're enjoying the Maximum Impact series, I have something that will take this even deeper, where we will be coaching weekly, we have workshops, we have a Slack group, and we take it into your personal situations so that you can move ahead and fast track your career into the promotion and the up level that you want. If you're interested in working with me inside my six month Maximum Impact Mastermind, please visit www.nadilyfisher.ca/mastermind and let's have a chat and see if you're the right fit. I'll talk to you soon. So that's the goal, is that you, like, it's nice, like, we do want to get acknowledgement and we do want to get credit and we deserve it, and it's, I fully believe in giving credit where credit is due, however, we don't want to require it, right? So because you can fully do great things without having somebody tell you that you did a great thing because you know you did a great thing and you would have done it anyway because that's who you are, right? So that's kind of where I'm going with this next is, let's say the circumstance is project completed made million dollar for the company, no words of encouragement, acknowledgement, or pay raises were given, okay? And your thought can be something different. It can be because usually I'll ask people, I'll be like, okay, if you could go back and do this again, would you do it the same way? And they almost always say, yes, I would. Sometimes they say, well, I would have left the company, but how, I would have left the company sooner, right? But how would you know? You can't know that you're not going to get the credit you deserve before you put in the work, right? So there's no way you could have known that. So most of the time people will say, yes, I would have gone back and I would have done the same thing again. And I'm like, why? And they usually come to some derivative of, well, that's who I am because the alternative would be, you know, not putting in my best effort, not doing my best work, not, you know, giving my all to make this a success, right? And at least the people I work with, that thought is not pleasant for them thinking that, you know, just because I knew I wasn't getting the credit, then I wouldn't do a good job on purpose. It's like, I don't know, maybe, but how would that benefit you? Right? You're the one who's then going to walk away and be like, oh, well, I know I didn't put in my best effort, but I just knew that they didn't care or so whatever, right? And also when you go to your next interview for your next job and you're advancing your career, it's more important that you feel really proud about what you did than that other people do, right? So it's really important. And that's the things we do in my program, like the VC VC method and the self confidence rocket launcher are two tools that we use to make sure that you are clear on the value that you've brought and you're so clear, you could talk about it inside out. You love talking about it. You're proud of it. And you actually understand the impact you've had over the time that you've been in any given place and how they're still utilizing what you've done and how the effects compound and it's even if you don't have exact numbers, it doesn't matter. It's usually pretty easy to come up with some monetary things that you've been able to contribute and how they've compounded over the time that you put them into place. So with that said, your thoughts can be different. You can choose some different thoughts about that same circumstance. And it might be a stretch for some of you. If you're in a place where you're like, you've been really seething about wanting that credit and feeling like you deserved it and feeling really mad that you didn't get it. If you've been in that place for a long time, you might have a difficult time jumping to, oh, I don't need the credit. It's fine. I give it to myself. And that's not what I'm saying you should do when I'm saying, but if that works for you, you can, but I'm saying, who do you want to be in that circumstance? That's the question you want to be asking yourself. It's like, okay, so say you do an amazing job. Say you do a great job for somebody on a project and you don't get any credit. Who do you want to be in that situation? Do you want to be the person who's angry and resentful or do you want to be the person who knows you did a good job and would have done it anyway because that's just who you are, right? So if any of those thoughts help you, I would take those if they're in the situation right now or pass this along. If you know somebody who's in this situation right now who has done an amazing job and is not getting the credit they deserve, okay, do us both a favor and pass this episode along to them because it'll help them a lot. So your thoughts could be something like, this is who I am. I do a great job, regardless of who's watching, regardless of who's giving me credit, regardless of what I'm getting out of it, I'm doing a great job because that's who I am. And if and when I realize that the people around me are not valuing me, I value myself enough to not do a job for them again, I will go do something, do an amazing job for other people, right? And because I mean, we do want to be valued like the ultimate goal is to be in a place where people see our value and appreciate our value. But when we inherently like or accidentally end up in a place where people aren't seeing our value, we need to see it first. It's our job to see it first. So because then when we see it, it's easy to then go and find a place where other people see it. And I learned this lesson in my relationship when I was in that in my narcissistic relationship for 10 years, which I talk about a lot on the podcast. Some of you may know the story, some of you may not, I should actually do a whole podcast episode on it because then I can direct people back to it. But basically with that, I learned this lesson. I learned, okay, because he would say things like, oh, you're not contributing enough to the house. Oh, you're not doing enough house cleaning. I'm doing everything or he would like, he would just be very critical of me and everything that I did, right? And so then I started thinking to myself, okay, I will do more, right? Like, I will make sure everything is clean. I will be on top of everything. I will contribute more than half to the income and I did. Anyway, so I did all those things. I ended up, you know, over delivering. I ended up my mantra that I got from Tony Robbins was, I'm going to do more than anyone can ever expect of me. And I did that. And then he didn't acknowledge he didn't give me any credit. He was like, he like huffed angrily or just huffed. Maybe it wasn't angry. He didn't say, thank you. He didn't say, oh my God, thank you, you're amazing. He didn't say, I'm so grateful for you for doing this. Thank you for listening. He didn't say any of those things. He kind of huffed. And then a few months went by and he got angry about something else. He was like, well, now I don't feel like I have enough to do. I don't really feel significant. I don't really like this or he was like, well, now what am I supposed to do? And so I was like, okay, this is just not working because he's going to find something to be upset about no matter what, right? And so maybe you're in a situation where you have a boss like that. I don't know. But I just want you to know that that was my wake up call to be like, hey, I've done enough. There's no way I could be more proud of myself for how far I've come. And so now it's very clear that I need to leave and that I need to find somebody who will appreciate this because I don't want to do this for no appreciation. I could, I don't require the appreciation from him because I know I appreciate myself and I know that I've come a long way, but I don't choose to, right? And there's no way I could have known because I honestly, I was expecting something, I was expecting a thank you. I was expecting a great job. I was expecting and like, this is me in my naivety because now I know I'm like, well, that was a bad situation and not a good match. However, I was going through growth. So I didn't know yet, right? So when you find yourself in a situation where you are doing stuff for no appreciation and you end up feeling bad about it, you get to decide who you want to be in that circumstance. You get to decide, am I the person who is proud of what I did? Like you look at what you did and say, you know, do I assess this as a good job? What I have done is different. What's my opinion? Is your opinion honestly matters more than anybody else's? It really, really does. And I know that's cliche and it might sound like silly, but it's really, it's the truth. Right? And one thing my coach said, she's like, she's like, other people's validation might be nice, but we don't require it for success. She's like, yeah, it's great when people support you, but it's not required. It was like a mind-blowing moment for me. I was just like, oh my God, I don't require other people to support me or cheer me on. I can just do this because I believe I can do this, right? So that was mind-blowing. And that was where I like, I had all these little breakthrough moments all through coaching all through my experiences, trying things. And so that's who I decided I wanted to be. I was like, I want to be somebody who will do more than anybody ever expects of me. But then I choose who I do it for very selectively, right? So he's not appreciative of it. It doesn't seem to be ever enough for him. I don't choose this anymore. It's not fun. I don't like it. It's very clear to me that I have to leave. And at that point, he was like, oh my God, no, don't leave. I'm so sorry. I'll be more grateful. I'll do that. And it's just like, you know what? Sorry. It's too late. You had countless chances. So same thing applies for your work. You do something. You do a great job. You don't get the credit. You deserve. You get to decide who you want to be in that situation. And if it means you go to another team or you're working with different people and you want to do a great project for them, then that's different, right? So it can be still within the same organization, but with different people, right? As long as it's not like the exact same person that you're, you know, pouring out your heart and soul to every time and never getting any credit, that's exhausting. That's exhausting. And if you are in a situation where you have to be because, you know, you are choosing that or I wouldn't say you have to be, but if you do decide that that is the best place for you to be like working for somebody who does that, then you need to make sure you're appreciating yourself more than ever, right? So you need to program yourself to think things like I really did a good job here. I did more than anybody else would have done. I really liked what I did here, here and here. That was actually a really genius idea. I love how I rallied these people for help here. I love how I delegated this. I did a really good job. The results speak for themselves. This is the results we got. And like, I want you to train yourself to talk to yourself like you want your boss to talk to you, okay? Or you want somebody else to talk to you? Because when you do that for yourself and you start feeling pretty good, when you look at the things you did and you go, wow, that was pretty awesome. I'm actually kind of a genius. That was brilliant, right? You start to lift yourself up and then wherever you go, you will see whether or not other people appreciate you or not, right? You will start to attract better people. You will start to attract the people who really appreciate you and the people who are like, oh, my goodness, where have you been all my life? I've been looking for somebody with your skillset who can do this. I'm so glad you're here, right? But you have to start talking to yourself in the way you want other people to talk to you first, okay? That's what I did. That's what I did in my relationship before I ultimately ended up leaving. I ended up saying things to myself like, okay, he's mad. I know I did more than I needed to do. He can be mad if he needs to be mad. That's okay. I can't control him. He can be mad and he was irritated by my change. He was like, he didn't stay mad very long because it didn't matter. He was being mad because he knew it used to affect me, but I'm like, okay, yeah, I understand. You need to be mad. And I was just expecting that that's what he would do now, right? Because that's who he was. He was always looking for a reason to be mad. So it's like back to that zoo animal thing. It's like, yeah, you're a zoo animal. I can't change your nature. Oh, good. You do you. I'm happy with what I did. And there is something I use in coaching sometimes. It'd be like the strongest energy wins. And he was the strongest energy for years. The strongest energy because he had such a strong presence. He had such a strong tone of voice and he was smart. He had really good points a lot of the time. And when he did come down with something, he did make me feel stupid and it would, I would allow that. I would be like, oh my God, you're right. I was dumb. I shouldn't have done that blah, blah, blah. And as I started to learn more about myself and about my value, I started to realize, okay, maybe that way does work, but I'm going to do it this way because it also works and I enjoy this way better or whatever, even if it wasn't always, it's efficient. But anyway, I'm going off on a tangent now, but that is essentially what we want is to be able to walk away and say, I'm proud of what I did. I'm proud of how I showed up in that circumstance. I'm happy with who I was being there. And the fact that I didn't get credit, I didn't get thank you, I didn't get anything, that's not on me. That's more reflective and representative of them than it is of me, right? So you get to decide who you want to be. And that's the biggest thing. And you don't need to do things for other people, like you don't want to think about it, like, Oh, I did this for you. I did this project and I got nothing. It's like you don't want to do them for other people. Somebody else being a crappy as human who doesn't give credit where credit is due and who doesn't show gratitude is not your problem or your responsibility. You do things because that's who you want to be. You do things in a certain way because that's who you are. So you do a good job of something. You go all in on something because that's who you choose to be so that you can hold your head up high wherever you go and you get to say, this is how I showed up. These are the results I created and whoever is fortunate enough to have me working with them on their stuff will get this type of hard work from me, these types of results, this type of quality thinking, right? And I'm not saying you need to say this, but this is for you to internalize and think for yourself. Right? Seriously. And that's what I was thinking when I left my relationship, I was like, whoever is fortunate enough to end up with me will get this part of me, like the person who grows all in, the person who contributes, the person who helps out, the person who's considerate, they will get that because that is who I am. But I'm choosing very selectively who gets that next, right? But everything in the process is part of building you into the person you want to be. And if you were to go the other direction and continue on with thinking, I did it for nothing. Ah, they don't appreciate me. Ah, this sucks. Ah, what did I do that for? They should have done this. At least they could have done is that if you keep thinking that and that's what you kind of replay in your mind every year, maybe you complain to your friends about that or you complain to coworkers about that over and over and maybe that's something that's very dominant for you, that thinking will keep you feeling down, but not just that more importantly, it'll keep you small. So you won't want to go do amazing things. You won't want to go see what you're capable of next because you're tying it to somebody else not recognizing you and that being the reason not to do it or the reason why it wasn't worth it, right? You get to decide what's worth it and why you get to decide who you want to be and why you get to decide whatever the circumstance is, what you want to think. So I hope I've given you some pretty clear ideas of how to think about this in a way that empowers you, makes you feel powerful, strong, skilled, amazing, brilliant, smart. That's my goal. I want you to feel like that regardless of whoever doesn't give you credit, whoever decides they're not going to acknowledge you, right? And remembering that that's completely on them, not on you. Okay. And also you get to decide that maybe that means that you will be somebody who points people out when they've done something great and you'll be the person who takes responsibility for calling those people out publicly when you know that they deserve some recognition, right? Because you know how it feels not to get that, right? And you may also be teaching somebody this lesson in the future because if you're able to grasp this and you're able to give yourself validation, you're able to talk to yourself in the way you'd want your boss to talk to you, then that's power, right? And so then you just got to get believing that you are capable of giving yourself the motivation to do whatever, whatever big thing you want to do next, right? You totally are. All right. That's it for today's episode. This was another maximum impact series episode. I hope you enjoyed it. And next week, yeah, you'll be listening to Yi's success story. Hey, have you left me a review yet? If not, Leaving Me One now comes with an awesome bonus perk. I'm going to give you access to my $97 course. It's titled, "Eight Reasons Why You Get Interviews But No Job Offers." This course is normally $97, but when you leave me a review as a thank you, I will give you access to it for free. And it's helped many professionals like you land their premium job offers and make more money just by simply going through this four-day training that I did. I received so much feedback on so many of the results just from this $97 training. And I'd love to give to you that for free. So all you have to do is leave me a review on your favorite podcast platform, preferably iTunes, screenshot the review, email it to me. The details are in the show notes of the episode. And I can't wait to read your reviews and send you access to that course. Thank you so much. [MUSIC]
