The guys discuss what cologne is the most dangerous to wear within 2,640 feet of big cats, how a SWAT Team souvenir is merely a down payment on a new front door, and why it’s necessary to cancel your flight when the pilot pulls up in Ford Focus.
That Checks Out
Commandeered Communion, Berserker Bylaws, and A Deathbed Drummer
- You do your countdown to like, you're like. (laughing) - Or you just do that. - Or you just. - Just do your countdown, dude. - Did it. - Yeah. - Hello everybody, welcome to That Check's Out with Damon and Ted and apparently Mack wants to go home. - Yeah. (laughing) - I'm Ted, you don't hear Mack and that's Damon. - Damon, how was you week? - Okay, have an observation. - Observation, okay. Since we drove both drive similarly out. - Past certain things. - Like we, the end of our commutes overlap. Very similar, okay. So, you know, there is a very small airport there, okay. They have hangers. - Right after one of the last Howard Johnson buildings left on this planet. - Correct, which is about to become something else. - Right, yeah. So anyway, I go past the airfield this morning, okay. As I go past, one of the hanger doors is open and somebody's working on their small plane, single engine plane. Here's my problem, okay. If you have plain money, because it takes money to have a plane and to have a hanger at a place with a door, you know, it's not just sitting outside, it's in a hanger. So to have that, it takes money. Let me tell you what car was parking front of it. A Ford Focus, okay. Here's my deal, okay. I don't care if we're best friends. If you tell me, do you want to go up in my airplane that I maintain in my hanger and we drive there in your Ford Focus, I am not getting in that airplane. - Here's my theory. (laughing) A lot of those planes, especially ones, if you're, if your affordable hanger is the, is the Joliet Unisipolar Airport. - Yeah. - A lot of those people are like, it's kind of like a timeshare where four or five guys have money in it. - Gotcha. - And they all, so yeah. He's probably the, I can put a couple hundred bucks. - Yeah. - Do I need gas money? - Yeah. - Okay, I got gas money. - I can pay for a tire. (laughing) How many times do I get to fly it? Well, in the hottest days of the year. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Which is sick. - Yeah, when it's super humid. - But I just thought that-- - Yeah, that is weird. - Yeah, so here's the deal. One of the most unreliable cars on the face of the earth is a Ford Focus. So now what you're telling me is, I have modeled my life. I am a Ford Focus guy, okay? That's what you're telling me. So by the way, getting this airplane, all right? It is at least as in good a shape as the car that drove you here. There is no way. There's no way in that. - I mean, it, you might as well to slap some wings on that and see if it-- - Correct, yeah. Might as well fly the Focus. You know what I mean? Might as well. So, and it was a propeller plane, of course, that's what they are over there. They're all propeller planes. - Right. - I don't think you can land anything bigger than that. I think you have to go to, like-- - Well, if you do, you land in the cemetery across-- - Correct, I was gonna sail the street and you're good. - Yeah, you're gonna see people, dead people. But the fact of the matter is, as soon as I saw that, I thought, those are life choices. And either that, now I understand what you're saying, where there might be a lot of people to kick in, and he's like, hey, look, I have a toolbox, okay? So I can-- - Just remember you all won 12th of the rent on Thursday. (laughing) - Yeah, but dude, the new Madden comes out. I'm not gonna have money for that, you know? It's like, you and your Ford Focus can go home, stop touching our plane, you don't get to touch it. But I never really thought of it that way, so I guess you're right. But again, are you trusting that guy? Are you like, your life choices have led you to just pull up in this car? - Somehow I got on the YouTube channel where these people, this one pilot will tell you what happened in emergencies and crashes and stuff. Sometimes they make it, sometimes they don't. And after watching some of these, I don't know if I'd ever get in a two-seater like Sessna. - Correct, I don't know. - Correct, because you know what's weird? They have a better chance of landing a big plane somewhere. Or even without the landing gear or this or that, you see the stuff and you're like, oh, okay, you get a little one, no way. - And they do some of that where they've talked, they've talked someone down and everything and they're like, but they show that on movies and everything, but even people that have been in smaller planes they get in there and they're like, what is this? - Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, that's, I mean, honestly, I couldn't even sit in one. - I'll tell you though, some of the stories where these people have sadly lost their lives or whatever, and usually it's when they're the trainer teaching a student or whatever. It's the Fort Focus guy who was like, yeah, you know, all the other trainers wouldn't train this guy, I wouldn't let him fly, but I was like, I can teach him or some other or it's kids that are like, yeah, I know that I was told I'm not rated for instruments, but I'm gonna go up in the middle of a storm, it'll be fine. - Yeah, I got this. - It's just tragic. - Yeah, it's at night, I can't see. - And you can see them, like, you can see like, and here's the point where if they just want to listen to the tower or instructor, they would have been fine. And then all of a sudden it's like, they're flying straight and all of a sudden it's like a weird, like jagged pattern for that, you're like, ooh, I don't think he's gonna make it up. - But see, so that's what's weird. Now, you know how I feel about planes and anything else. - Yeah, you won't get in the safest way. - Yeah, and I'm not gonna get in one that I weigh more that. - Yeah. - Okay, I'm not gonna do that. - Much less, you know. - Yeah, it's like you sit there and they go to weigh it for the take off, they're like, it just doubled in weight. Well, yeah, he was eating cereal. - Let's less pay. - Okay, Ford pray for us. - Yeah, but my point is, is that I, where I live, now, you know, there's a private airstrip and they take up gliders. So they take up planes, they pull 'em up in the air, then they let 'em loose, and then they glide around forever and land safely in a grass field. I have lived there 20 years, okay? Now, knock on wood. There's never been any kind of- - Damon's getting a glider in a pool- - Yeah, it's a ball roll. - Okay, I hope you have insurance on that thing because that's my pool. Yeah, so- - You're sounds gonna like to Damon? Did dad just do a cannonball or a loud splash? - What did dad do? - Rather need to see a glider. - Yeah, but my point is, is they land these things, they flame around with no engines. So it's like, in reality, you would think like the propeller, you know, the propeller goes out, you're like, you should be able to land that thing, you're just gliding, right? But it's different. - Yeah, well, yeah, 'cause they're weighted for the glide. The propeller ones, I mean, they can glide pretty well as long as you know what you're doing, right? - But the ones that get me are the ultralights, where someone was in Louisiana riding a speedboat, and I wonder what happened with your parachute on it. - Right. - If I take the cage from a go-cart, right? - Yeah. - Put this on there and the zero parachute on top. You think I fly? - Yeah. - I don't think I fly, let's try it. - It's like a big fan, just a big fan. - I'm gonna try it. - This boat gets up pretty fast, I don't think we can do it. We skim on the water, but we skim in the air. - I tell you what, there's no gators up there. I feel a lot safer, dangling my feet. - Off it at the air. - There's people, though, they're like, 'cause the balls are steel. - They're nuts. - Yeah. - Like there's one guy, he'll take off in Atlanta McDonald's, get some food and fly back up, and that's just all like, 'hey, look what I did,' no thanks. - Yeah, no, no, you really do, you have to have just the brass colonies. You have to be like, 'listen.' Or you have to just like, you're like, you're so content, knowing that whatever happens happens. And see, I don't, I have beliefs, okay, but I still don't like, I don't want tomorrow to be the last day. You know what I mean? So I still-- - Well, there's beliefs and there's also like, I'm just gonna waste it all on this gamble. - Right, yeah, you know what? This might pan out. - I don't know, I drive a Ford Focus. - Okay, I would. - I make good life decisions. - What's the price of the pole in the slot? - Yeah. - All my life, man, we'll do it. - And we'll give it a shot. - Whoa, three sevens. Is that good? It's not good. You did not want to get perfect on that. So, but no, that was, that was really all I had to talk about 'cause I drove past it, I'm like, this is insane. And that's, that's not the guy where you're like, I want to go up in that plane. - Unfortunately, the light stops at the other end of the field. I wish it stops you right there. So you could be like, - Hey! - Yeah, yeah. You know what would have been great though too, is if you looked at that and you saw him taking the subs out of the trunk of the Ford Focus and putting him in the plane, like, look, I got to have tunes. I want to be up there. I got to have tunes. - Yeah. - Okay, that's what I'm doing. - First I thought you meant that he was going to doordash, like, over to a, - Hey, I got to get these over to Aurora. Traffic's, traffic's mad wild. (laughing) I'm going to take my Ford Sessna up in the air. (laughing) - Yeah. - It's up so fast, you freak. - It's up so, yeah. Honestly, they just, they come right out of nowhere. They come right out of nowhere. So, but Banjamee's sitting in the backyard and sub-star, like, Jamie John, sub-star falling. I'm like, oh, no, first off, Jimmy John's is dead to me. We went through that. But anyway, you're going to drop free subs. I'm going to eat them. Okay, I'm going to eat them. - Lord, give me a sign if I should continue this eating pattern. (laughing) - Gargage was just lands on your deck. - Damn it. (laughing) - I guess I gotta eat it. - Yes, I'm taking. - I guess I'll eat it. I hear you Lord. - This do in the name of the Lord. (laughing) - I would say grace, but this is so perfect. And you could just have a second sub or just one dollar price. - What did I, well, how do you do it, baby, Billy? - What did I tell you at my house when we were kids? 'Cause you said something. You said something about, you guys don't say grace. And we did when I was a kid. And I said, no, we say Florence. - Or we said something. - Possibly like that. - I said something. And I just remember that you, dude, we couldn't have been eight or 10 years old. We were taught, it was like a Brady bunch reference. I'm like, no, we don't say that. We say Florence or something. And it was one of those things. And that still sticks in my head to this day when people go, you don't say grace. Now I say grace all the time now, so it is what it is. - Right? (laughing) - Yeah, I love though, like we'll go out to a restaurant and it's like, first off, we wait till the food to come. Why don't we sit down? We just ordered, let's say grace now, okay? You wanna wait till the food's sitting in front of you. Let's bless whatever's coming, okay? Because here's the deal. When it gets here, I'm gonna eat it. - I trust that they're gonna bring out some delicious food that needs blessing. (laughing) I have faith. All my dinner's been pre-blessed, okay? My blessings were right here. You set the plate right on top of it. We're golden, that's how it works. - Dear Lord, I'd like you to bless the food I'm about to eat. And more importantly, I'd like you to bless the hands of probably most likely the high schoolers and bad cooking set food. - I'd like you to bless the washed hands that hopefully made by dinner. - I would like you to bless the certainly washed twice once before and once after hands, wearing gloves and other hygienic equipment as they touch my food. It's Jesus name, amen. (laughing) - With the guy who does not have an itchy butt standing next to the grill, you know. (laughing) - But I'd like to bless the fact that I will not use my toilet as soon as I get home. (laughing) Amen. - Amen. And we all said amen. - Amen, yeah. - And the Lord's people said amen. (laughing) - So what about you, how was your week? - Well, we're gonna tell you something. (laughing) So, you know, it's been like, you know, Satan's anus out here lately, where it's just, and honestly, the temperature on the clock, not that high. - No. - High 80s, low 90s, which, you know, some people are like, whoa, that's not high. Yeah, but it's like below water, below sea level. - It, the humidity has been bonkers. - Oh yeah. - Swastastic. - I mowed the lawn yesterday, just the front yard. - Yeah. - Bro water I was drinking, was wearing a hat, was, had my collar turned up, like, was wearing like long pants. I was not like, maybe I had shorts on, but anyway, I was not like, please, burn me in, I think I got heat syrup at one point, 'cause I just stopped sweating. - That's, that's scary. - I stopped, and then I started getting cold, and I was like, oh no, like, I went inside, and I just was like, oh, this isn't great. I thought I was gonna throw up, it was awful. - Yeah. - But I say that about the sweating thing. You know, I don't have any hair, I know that's the shock. Everyone, collect yourself, I'm gonna wait for a minute. - Lord Jesus, we pray, that this man will stop talking about his bald head. - His follicles. - Anyway, you know, I sweat, I'm wearing some hats, right? - Right. - So I thought this, I keep-- - And friendships, but go ahead. - Yeah, well, yeah, whatever goes. (laughing) You know how the phones here, you even though you're not talking, well, they started giving me these things like, you know, hat protectors or whatever. - No way! - So I ordered some. - Yeah. - Open them up. Turns out, no sweat hat protectors by this company, which is a reputable brand, I've seen it in many places. I've seen it in stores. - You have one? - I have one in my hat. Turns out, it's just like a panty liner that's colored black. - No way! - Yeah, it's awesome, bro. - It's not wet, go ahead and feel it. - That is all that's so awesome. - And I said to the other people in my house, I'm like, if you guys would just start buying black panty liners, we could buy in bulk. - That is cool. - 'Cause these are way more expensive, and all it is, it has a little cutout, so it fits kind of the hat contour a little bit. - Is that a hat pun? - What do you call it? - I'll let you have that one, that was a good one. - Yeah. - But with those wings. - Because I live in a house where, you know, I see those all the time. - Yeah. - I grabbed it, I was like, this feels familiar. - Oh, you could just do that? - Not like, not like, you know, I knew exactly what it was, but like, I can't put my finger on it, but I felt something like this before. - Right, I think I've moved these in my bathroom. - Yeah. - They were light, I threw them away. - Yeah. - No, I'm still wearing it, 'cause I paid for it. - Right, yeah, and the irony is I haven't worn this hat enough, 'cause it's a new hat that I was like, well, if it gets ruined, I won't be that upset about it. - Yeah. - But I just bought, I just bought that checks out hats and I wanna ruin 'em, so I wanna see if this keeps it from getting that light. - So those are your insert you're putting in there. - Yeah, that's really all you're doing. - That's literally it. - Okay. - And it, you know, stops the... Well, it's supposed to absorb it, too. - Okay. - And that's what, probably for... - What if you're having a heavy day? - For the original use, that's what it's for. - Right. - Mack, I'll let you know if my heavy flow is captured by the hat. - I'm cutting the grass. My cousin flow should be here in a minute. - The same thing you said, the same thing I said when I opened it up and pulled it out. I was like, are you kidding me? - Oh god, this is exactly what it looks like. - Exactly. - This is what really pissed Tina off for walking on. I was like, and of course, I'm paying more because it's black, the man tax. - Yeah, right, yeah. - I can buy a pouch of these and Walmart. - 'Cause you know if you go by the same razor and it's like blue, it's eight bucks. You buy it, it's pink, it's 13. - Right, exact same razor. - Oh yeah. - So I was like, you know, they're man-taxing me on this 'cause they're called colored black. I'd wear a white one, but that would just look weird. You got one of them pads in your hat? - You wanna know what's weird? - You know what's weird is that some dude was like, man, you know what? That really sops up, your juice pretty good. Let me put one of the name in my hat as a prototype. - That guy. - And that guy's now making millions of dollars 'cause he put his wife's maxi pad in his hat. - Exactly, imagine though when his wife goes, or his wife or daughter goes looking for him. And they're in all of his hats. You're like, we bought those a week ago. I've been cutting a grass. I work outside for a living. - I go through those. - Yeah. - Is it one, it's a construction guy? - Yeah. I go right through those. I'm sorry. - But his prototype used to dumb to like, you know, have someone make one so he just sharpened. - Yeah. - Sharpie to black. - So he's just got like, you know, the pad shape on his forehead. - It's like, what is that on your head? - What are you doing? - I don't know. - I don't know what that is. - What are you talking about? - I don't know what you're talking about. - That totally though, that's a hat pun. - That's exactly what that is, I'm telling you right now. I did not expect that. I did not expect, when you open that up, first off-- - You're welcome. - I know that didn't come with the hat. - You're welcome. - Yeah. - Now, from a distance, I don't know if you know if that's what it was. You know that something, you would know something foreign is in my hat. - But I had two feet in front of me and I touched it. - Right. - Oh yeah, it was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. Yeah. - Right, hey. - And I still haven't worn it long enough to know. - So I gotta ask, how many come in a pack? How much a pay? - I just bought the three pack 'cause I didn't want to buy 'cause you can buy 'em and I think I'm like quite a large pack. - Okay. - I don't remember what it was, but it was way more. - Yeah. - Way more per pack than what-- - We had to make sure they work. - Yeah, but it was way more than if I would have bought like just gone to the Walmart's. - Yeah. - And purchased and always pack or-- - Gotcha. - Yeah. - Wow. - All right, I don't remember, I don't know the names of all the other brands. - All I can tell you right now. - Tampax, I don't know. - Yeah, something like that. - Yeah. So, hat packs. - Hat packs. - Hat packs. - So, hey, if we get those made with TCO. - TCO. - We could brand those. - TCO absorbs it for you. - Oh, that would be so great. - Yeah. - That's what's out. - Okay. - That's what's out. - Yeah. - That's all we do, that's it. We brand 'em, we put 'em in there. Yeah, that would be, you know what we do though? We put our face on there. And so then when it sweats, you get like, it's almost like putting silly putty on your forehead. You don't have any like silly putty on a paper. It just comes right off on your forehead. So then that's branding for us. So we could give 'em away free. We could actually make those and then people would just walk around with us on their head. It's putting them backwards. So, but I really am impressed by that. I'm impressed that some guy said this, 'cause you know it was a guy. There's no woman that made this. - No. - Not one. That's a guy. And that dude was walking around the house going, "What can I do?" That's my giver. That is my giver right there. You know what I mean? That's amazing. I would not wanna buy bubblegum from him or anything else, you know, or a pixie stick. - Oh, not when Chinese was prototyped. - Yeah, I wouldn't. - 'Cause we know where he's getting his raw materials. - Correct. - Yeah. So, yeah, we don't, we don't, we don't, - I'm not done yet. He sat there and he went, you know, that really stops up. Everything, you get out of you. - Wait a minute. - How about it? We're for me. - So, fun fact. - Yeah, so let's. - Ted has, Ted has a headpons. - Headpons. - Fun fact number two. All right. Viking preserve. - Mack, do you wanna feel it? - No. - Come on, come on. All the cool kids did it. - No. - Yeah, all the cool kids did it. All right. Viking berserkers were known for their frenzied fighting and uncontrollable rage in battle. But over time, they became too violent even for the Viking society, leading to their eventual outlying. Now, you're so crazy and psychotic. The Vikings go, we can't have this. Okay? - Yeah. - That's a badass. But secondly, are you paying attention to the fact that you're outlawed? If that's how crazy you are? - Well, I mean, it'd be like the college kids at Animal House going to their neighbors and be like, "Did you guys?" - Guys, keep it down. - I'm gonna need you. - Just a bit. - Just a skosh much. - Just pull it back. - Just pull it back a little bit. - We just drove a tank car. - Yeah. - Through this house, you guys gotta calm it down. - We're trying to study. Okay, we're trying to study. But again, when you're called a berserker, isn't that what you're technically supposed to do? - Yeah, isn't it? - It's not a Viking, I don't know, pacifist. I mean, what are you looking for? You know what I mean? We don't really wanna fight. We wanna just talk to people. - You think they're the thing where everyone's all cool and everything when they're doing stuff to other people and suddenly they turn against each other. They're like, "Wait a minute, come on down." - This ain't cool now. - I don't, what are you doing? - Yeah. - Who told you this was cool? You did a second ago and we were burning down that town. - Are you a berserker? We're gonna outlaw you. This is straight up, you're gonna be outlawed. And again, I gotta think 10 berserkers could take out 1,000 Vikings. So it's like, how are you gonna enforce this? - Well, yeah, well, that's it. They get them all riled up. They send them out. They do the thing. They start coming back, like, "Wait a minute." Everything you're doing out there was cool. - Yeah. - Not here. Okay, so let's just, we'll just use the term outlaw. Loosely, outlaw, you have motorcycle gangs that are considered outlaws, okay? Multiple gangs, they're considered, you know, they're against the law, they're this and that. You have the mafia, you have whatever, okay? You have the cartel. Have we stopped any of them? - No. - Okay, we can't. You know why? 'Cause they don't care about the law that says you can't do that. Listen, we don't like the way you're killing people cartel. So we're gonna make a law that says you can't do that. That's great, okay? - I mean, this got weird, but it doesn't mean you stop making laws. - Hey, you know what, these guys are gonna make laws. - Right, right. - Let's just stop it. - Anyone can do whatever they want. - Understood, but you also don't, you know, allow that to get to that point where they're like, "Yeah, do it, more, more, more, more." - Whoa, wait a minute. - Hold on a second. - Hold on a second. - Yeah, let's point. - I think it's literally, they came back home and they were like, "Whoa!" - Yeah. - We've heard stories. - Yeah. - We've heard tell of what you did. - So look, this was cool over there when you're doing it to them. - Now you're here, you have no way to do it to them. - You know how you name that ice place Greenland? - Hilarious, by the way. - Yeah, none of that's flying here. - Still laughing, we're still laughing about that. - Yeah, and in the green place, Iceland, not having it. - Yeah, the irony, I just love it, the irony. So, but anyway, yeah, when you say, "Look, you're too crazy to be a Viking, "and so we're gonna make a law that says "you can't be a Viking anymore." I just don't see how that works out in any way. - You don't think they're like, "Oh, all right, that's cool. "You guys in the market for anything "that stops up, stuff in your hat?" (laughing) - Right, right. - 'Cause I stole a whole bunch of these things. - What are we doing? - Yeah. - We can't throw 'em in the ocean, we tried that. - Weird, just weird. So, from Vikings to babies, babies can have accents, with French newborns crying in a rising tone and German newborns in a falling tone, influenced by their mother's speech in the womb. - I mean, I guess that makes sense. - Now, the perfect German baby to me would be crying. You know, you just hear that. You'd be like, "Where did he learn that word? "What is he?" - Crying. - Yeah, crying. - Crying. - Crying. - Is he crying? - Yeah, but he just doesn't want to settle. - Yeah, he doesn't want to really disturbing. - Understand. - I understand. - Yeah, yeah. Does your baby have a mustache? He grew that too. He actually used to be in the Olympics. Okay, so, that's a callback from last week. See, that's how it works. - Well, I mean, I think animals also have, like, I read somewhere that cows have accents. It's like that, really? - There's a family guy where Stewie gets, like, a foreign speaking spell, and he pulls it. - Oh, yeah. - Like, that cow says, "Sharoo." He, like, most certainly does not. And then when he gets the one, I don't know what it was, and it makes a noise. I'm, yeah, all right. - All right, I'll go with it. - Yeah, I'll go with it. - Yeah, but just to think, so that means, like, me and you would have had, like, accents. Which I mean, I guess the people in the South or somewhere else would be like-- - Yeah, I guess an American accent. - I guess it's true, like, the babies in this country I mean, 'cause that's where, like, about shows, like, Star Trek and Star Wars, where they come to a planet and everyone is the same, like, species and has the same, like, vocal dialect and everything. Like, we have countries, like, the size of one state that have 17 different dialects in it. You find an entire planet where all the, howdy! - Yeah, what's up, dog? It's like, what's this planet called? - What's up, dog? - We're the partners. (laughing) - We like to do stuff. (laughing) - And say howdy. - Yeah, God bless your dinner, you know? You see my Ford Focus, you know? (laughing) But yeah, so, but it says it's influenced by their mother's speech in the womb. So, I mean, I guess they hear mom from the, it's like, well, I'm talking to the pool, right? And then what would it be like? 'Cause you're in a pool, you're like, is someone talking? I hear something, you know? You just hear it underwater? So, but-- - You're the Disney expert. Don't they have pools at Disney? Or did they at one time when you went underwater? And you could hear music under them? - They do, yeah, some resorts, they do that, like the pool party, and you can hear it in that. Yeah, you can hear it when you're underwater. - Now, isn't that dangerous? - I don't know. - Like, the kid wants to hear the whole song? Like, you know, you park somewhere, and you get out of your car, 'cause you wanna hear the whole song. - Yeah, my favorite part's coming up. You need to come up for air. Okay, here's what I'm telling you. You know what you can do though? You can listen without going face down. - Why don't we keep playing under the sea? We've lost 12 kids. - Don't do it, it's wet, dude. (laughing) Under the sea! - Yeah. - Don't do that, we are losing kids left and right. - Carl, we don't. - Our insurance is crazy. I love how we just named him Carl. - Yeah. - This is Carl. So, all right, here's my third fun. Carl, the child murdering lifeguard. The Salima Porgy fish can cause 36 hour hallucinations when eaten. It was used for fun during the Roman Empire. - Hey, I got a three day weekend. You got any of that fish? - Yeah. (laughing) - You need tartar sauce? - Not at all. - Nah. - Not at all. - No funions. - Okay, 'cause what's gonna happen is I'm gonna get, I'm gonna eat the fish and I'm gonna be tripping balls. All right, now I'm gonna need some fun. - Yeah, I think you need some soft clothes and some pillows. (laughing) I am gonna be out of it. - Yeah. Dude, you guys see the size of that horse outside? It's monstrous, 'cause remember they said this Roman Empire. That's Trojan horse, right? Isn't my, am I in the right empire? - You're in the ballpark, sure. - Yeah, I'm close, right? - Yeah. - Like five, eight, eight, two, three hundred? That empire? - Empire. - Yeah, that's how it is. But anyway, if you get a fish, how do they know that it caused it for 36 hours? - So you, they had to run tests, right? - Yeah. - Scientists. - You watch 60 minutes until this wears off. (laughing) - I think it looks like 36 times. - I think it looks like 36 times. - 36 times. - I heard the clock ticking. - 36 times. - Literally he's been in there for 15 minutes. - Yeah. - I think we'll take your word for it. (laughing) - You were right here. (laughing) - I mean, we've been talking about this before. - Yeah, put 'em down for 36 hours. - Like, like how do they figure out that the inside of the coconut was edible? - Right. - How many other rocks do they go to try to eat or try to crack open? - Yeah. - Damn it. Damn, is this just that one tree rock? - This one fell on Tommy and it opened right up and it looks delicious, you know? - Yeah, you're right. - That's what it is. 'Cause they should say approximately 36 hours. - Right. - So I have to assume like if Mac had it and then we had it, it'd be different up, like it'd everything. - When it says can't. - Mac runs the entire 36 hour gamut. We're somewhere in like 24 and we're like, son of a bitch. - Yeah. Yeah, I booked out 12 more hours for this to happen. - I knew that, you know, I can't run, I can't do a lot of activity. - Well, you're gonna take away the tripping balls. - Right, yeah. - Just 'cause I'm overweight. - Yeah, I could have been so active in that 12 hours of hallucinations. So much cardio. I miss so much cardio. - Meanwhile, you watch the video, you're just smacking a cat toy that someone's dangling in front of you. - Yeah. - Just smacking. - But I like how it says can cause 36 hours. So it's like, look, these fish, they're not good. - Is it like when they put that on products or like one time it lasted that long? - Yeah, I don't know. But then the guy's holding the fish. The fish looks normal. - Yeah, I wonder if there's a factual fish. They're just like. - Yeah, smaller than your hand though, if that's a fish. So if you get 36 hours out of a fish that's small in your hand, you probably gotta eat skin and everything. - Yeah. - 'Cause I mean, that's not 36 hours worth of fun in that fish. - You gotta swallow it. - Yeah, you gotta take it all down. - Whole, it's gotta be whole. Did you cook it? - Yeah, then you ain't gonna hallucinate. I'm sorry. - You, your balls will not be tripping. - Okay, that's not what's gonna happen. - We'll throw in an extra couple hours. You lick this frog. - Well, let me eat the fish first. - But during the Roman Empire. So it's like, okay, cool, they're efficient. I mean, it is what it is. But it's like, how do you know that's the fish you pull? You're like, look, give that one to tell me. - Yeah, it sounds like you can Google lens that. - Yeah. - Yeah, you can't. - Is this the one you had? Dude, I was tripping the balls. - I don't know. - I can't even tell you who's in it. - I wish. - Yeah. - It came out of the river. - I don't know. - That's all I could tell you. - I got it for McDonald's and that container right there. It had cheese and tartar sauce on it. I don't even know. - Half slice, 'cause they're cheap. - Half slice, yeah, well, it's always off to one side. - Oh, for sure. - Someone just throws it. - It's close. - I miss most of it. - Yeah, whatever. - You get the container, it's on the outside of the container. Like, how do you get the cheese on the outside? - Dirty bastards are ordered in fish McDonald's. - Do we really care what it looks like? - Yeah, it's gonna say. - Yeah. - The highlight is a squishy sauce, steamed bun. That's all I care about. - Yeah, this bun is amazing. - So we go from- - I'm tripping balls. - From awesome fish, okay? I never knew this. If you knew this, I'm gonna wanna kind of punch you. Calvin Klein's obsession for men cologne can attract big cats, like tigers and jaguars. Now I would say cougars, okay, huh? There we go. - 60% of the time, it works 100%. - Yeah. - Panther, all right. But it says big cats like tigers and jaguars from up to half a mile away. These animals take long sniffs and cuddle against the scent enjoying it more than their food. Let me tell you something. If you're gonna go on a safari, okay? You're probably not gonna wanna, you know, I don't know, cologne yourself up before you go out in the wilderness. - I will say this explains tiger king more. - Yeah, no kidding. - 'Cause why would any cat wanna get up against that guy and you're like, oh, it makes sense. - Oh yeah. - It was a Calvin Klein. - With the jacar. Okay, I got you. - Except it was like the Walgreens like knockoff version. - Right. Yeah. - It was like dark night. That's what they call it. - Yeah. We're in a war is dark night. - We need a, we need a, we need a simile for obsession. What do we, what do we, we need a infatuation, an infatuation for non-female set of infatuation for dudes. - For dudes, for bros. - Infatuation. - Yeah. - For tiger king. - Girl. - You know, but it's like, I'm never gonna financially recover from now. - But here's what's funny. So they show this, right? And you got this big bottle of stuff and you got this, you know, like, like this, this Puma or whatever, cheetah, tiger looking at it and you go, okay, when would I ever think that I'm out in the wilderness and I go, first off, I might want more deodorant, okay? I might want more deodorant. Other than that, I'm not going to go. Let me get some cologne. Cause you know what else is in the safari? - Yeah. - Mosquitos and everything else I get attracted to. - But how many bras had to die before they figured out it was the clone. Finally, one, one tack in the CSI was like, my God, I found it. They were all wearing. - Yeah. - Calvin Klein, I'm sorry. - There's one dude that's wearing, like, cool water. Okay. And he's like, they ain't touching me. I don't even know what's going on. - Yeah. One of those explains all those commercials. Now they're why they're so weird. It's literally they pan around and it's Chester Tita in a director's chair and those, you know, that weird hat just sitting there going, okay, no crawl in the sand. - Yeah. - Slower. - Now play an electric guitar that isn't plugged in Johnny Depp. - Yeah. Right. - Now say words slowly like that guy Damon hates from last week. - Yeah, do that. Just pause. Just pause. - Yeah. - Obsession. - Cleanness. - Yeah. - Big cats. Calvin Klein. Roar. Roar. Explains everything now. - Yeah. That's exactly what it is. But again, the obvious joke. Yeah. I can see the trekking cougars. Okay. I get that. But when you, when you honestly know there had to been a study, okay, because how do you know? - Yeah. - Did it, can it? And it also says can. It can attract cats. So can meatloaf. - Here's how they found out. Some animal tamer is on the Calvin Klein like factory tour and goes, why does it smell like the cat piss that we use for, you know, that we use for mating rituals down to the. - I feel like I bait stuff with this. This is weird. You guys use that too? What are you guys doing here? You guys got big cats? I don't understand. - And then the other thing is, okay. Now, am I getting a hungry cat or am I getting a horny cat? Okay. What am I getting? - That's true. - I mean, do I smell like enticing from the fact of you smell delicious or do I smell enticing from the fact of, you know, you've been working out. - You know what I mean? - The cat, like the cat's like, I'm going to pound you in the ground beef. - Well, wait a minute. What's happening? - Hold on. - Which one's happening? - I need one or the other. I need to know. I'm even more confused. I need to know because I'm going to take my shirt off. What do we got to do? This is my favorite shirt. What are we doing? Yeah. What are we doing? So, but yeah. That's the thing. It's just the animals take long sniffs and then cuddle against the scent. I don't even know what that means. - Yeah. That's true. I picture the voice from family guy was like, I'm going to eat you. You know what I mean? He just gets along. You know, I'm going to eat you, right? You know, I'm going to eat you. I'm just going to eat you. - Yeah. - You smell delicious. You know, I'm going to eat you. - Yeah. - I'm just, I just had a man just like half a hour ago. I'm letting that settle. - Yeah. Yeah. - I don't like to eat too quickly between me. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But I'm going to eat you. - But I'm going to eat you. - Yeah. Oh, no. No one ate any of the Oreos. You're the coke. - Okay. - I'm home for the cats, making home for the cats. - Yeah. - All right. I have something I want you to read. It is the TCO sells it for you. - All right. TCO sells it for you. - I'm very proud of this one. It's a TCO sells it for you. - TCO sells it for you. Door Ram. $40. Eat in New Jersey. I have a door ram that was left to my house this afternoon by the Atlantic County SWAT team trying to make $40 off it to help replace my door. That's $40 for a door ram in New Jersey. You get all of us. We'll get all of them. - Is that not classy? That is like the best thing ever. It's like, listen. - They left this behind. Okay. - You should have put out an ad for a door ramming service. - That's that. - Or, yeah. You locked out? - Yeah. Put them out for a locksmith. - Yeah. - Yeah. - No door. No door too small. First off. I can get you in there. Okay. They go, you can't break my door down so he throws a rock through your window. I'll just reach in and get this done. Is that okay? - I have a few questions. Do they have the wrong house and they're just sheep sleeping away? And he was just kind of like, hey, you forgot this. - Yeah. I was going to say they back out like Homer Simpson into the bushes. - Yeah. - You forgot your door? - I tried to tell him. - I tried telling him. - I don't know. I mean, I yell. - Or did they do it and be like, ooh, you know what, you just, that's for you. Just delivering this. - My bad. Hey, we're from Amazon. - Yeah. - This is yours. - It's about $45 retail. You get $40 used. - Yeah. I'm sure you get $40 used. Now listen, if it didn't have your door marks all over the front of it, this thing would be like new. Okay. So this is the first door we've taken down with this ram. I'm just telling you right now, but for you to just be bought and if they came in your house and bust your door down, are you going to be able to sell it the same day? Odds are you got taken out of that house. - Right. - You know what I mean? They didn't just leave you there. - And like you're like the, uh, you're the, the friend boy slash girl. - Oh, yeah. - And then your boy slash girl friend got taken out and you're, you're done with them. Like, all right, you're out. I'm done. The only like ray of sunshine in this really crappy cloud is I can sell this door ramp. Maybe replace part of my door. - Yeah. You know, uh, Frank was even on the lease, uh, so I got to pay for this damage. - Yeah. That's my security department. - Yeah. Who's going to buy a door ramp? - Then you call it. You call your landlord and you're like, you need a door and you have a chance. - I'm surprised as we have become familiar with these ads. They didn't try to sell it as a Dodge Ram. - Right, correct. - And then you get to the picture and it's, it turns out, oh, it is a ram, but no. - O'Miles. Yeah. - O'Miles. - One door. - Used once. - Used once. - Used once. - Used once. - Guy wasn't home. - Used once to get groceries. - Yeah. But just the way he says it, uh, it was, it was left this afternoon by the Atlantic County SWAT team. Okay. Look. Did they autograph it? I mean, is this like a special one? - Yeah. - What do they, you know, what are they? The entire Atlantic SWAT team? Atlantic. The SWAT team? That's amazing. - That'd be great if there was just a picture of them, just like, not only holding that, but then the four of them were holding the door sideways because it's been rolling knocked off. - Right. - Right. - Right. - Where you see there's like duct tape on it? - Yeah. - They're like, my bad. - Yes. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Some of them are holding the ram and like two of them are holding, you know, the guy that they picked up at the house on, on warrants. - Yeah. So if you want to buy a door ram, we know where you can get one. Reach out to us. We'll reach out to them. - Yeah. - All right. Now, please mind you that most of these are old by the time we read them, but we'll try. - Yeah. I have it there goes my hero. - This guy. Last week we talked about... - Oh, yeah. - This guy. - Yeah. Last week we talked about a lady that was 108 years old. - Okay. - This, this week, World War II veteran, Roger Wanson of Beverly, Massachusetts, turned 100 years old on April 20th, okay? He flirted with women with mustaches. - That would be great. That would be great. But I know the opposite. - When you get here, I'm going to like, what I do is I drink a coars banquet. - Yeah. - I like zingers and I haven't spoken unfiltered camel in my entire life. - I guarantee you, you're not going to know what he did on his birthday, but I'm about to tell you. Wanson celebrated with his family and friends and a custom cake and by playing drums in his band, the current voltage. - Yeah, the current voltage is clear. - Yeah. And it's defibrillator. That's his other band, but it says, "At his senior living facility on April 24th," which is my wedding anniversary. And our anniversary. Huh? - Yeah. And we're cool. - That checks out. - Yeah. - Most important day in our lives. - Correct. Sorry to call. Wanson also played saxophone during the performance. So this dude, listen, there goes my hero, that's the drummer. You know, it used to be the drummer from what, from Nirvana, right? Oh, there you go. Go Collins. He'd drop a Collins. But then for him to go, "Let me pick up that saxophone." I got this, right? He said his brother got him into drumming when he was 18. He's a hundred. So in like World War I, his brother got him into drumming. - They just invented drumming. For 80 years, I hope he still be a really big guy snare. - Yeah. - Yeah. - No, it's just, you can just put his foot down. - Yeah. - Yes. - That's house music. That's all it is. - Yes. - But it says, it says, when he was 18 and I was 12, I said, "Gee, can I practice on the drums?" And he said, "Sure." "Gee, Wally, can I practice on the drums?" - That's exactly where my brain goes. - Yeah. - Eddie Haskell's in the corner going, "You suck." - You know what I mean? You're never gonna do this. So it says, "So that's the way it started. The current voltage includes some of his fellow residents and staffers from the facility." Okay, let me tell you something. - Yeah. - If your job is at that facility and you go, "Dude, I got a band." Okay, I don't want to know that you got a 100-year-old drummer. - Right. - Okay. Don't tell me that. I'm not coming to your gig. I don't want to know about that. - I don't know if these people have hearing loss, but they can still hear each other. - That's what's weird. - They're all playing different tunes. - You know what, though? This is the only place. It would be the opposite of Mac. Remember when it's too loud. This would be the place where like, "Turn it up!" I can't imagine. You could jam as loud as you wanted there. Nobody's gonna bitch. Nobody. - Except if they would work in there. - Yeah. Well, but the guys working there apparently are playing lead guitar. They were forced to change your name the originally went with, "Don't pull the plug." - Yeah. Yeah. Plugs are cool. Yeah. Now we're current voltage. - Leave the plug in. I don't think you can sing that guy. - I don't think you can sing that guy. - No, that's... - Yeah. - Here's our number one hit. "Do not resuscitate." So... - Yeah. - Instead of DNR. - DNR. - Yeah. - I was like, high five. That's a high five. I couldn't hear that one. - I even raised a mic. - Yeah, you did raise a mic. So, but anyway, yeah. Yeah, DNR. That'd be pretty cool, man. You're like, "He's still soccer." - Welcome to the diaper. We put him in Ted's hat. We got poo and pee. - Yeah. Did I just go there poo and pee? - Yeah, you did. I just said poo and pee. I went different. - I took a high road. - Yeah. Surprisingly, poopy does not mean poo and pee. - It does not. It does not. - Good. - We could have done something. - Is there a market for that? - I don't know. - Jerry's not here. Look it up. - I don't know. - This is a very subpar. - Yeah. - But yeah. - Max Studio is very subpar when other people do not come in and phone. - They do art and look up stuff. - Yeah, it's weird. It's very weird. - So how dare they? So anyway, I got to tell you right now, if you come to me and you go, "I'm in a band." Cool. Who's your drummer? Maybe you heard of him. He's 100 years old. - Well, I can see like his great grandkids are like, "My grandpa is in a band. Wasn't a band?" No, no, no, no. Is in a band. - Yeah. Dude. He is slaying. Okay. I'm gonna tell you this right now. - Is there a picture or a video? - No, none. I wish. I have a video of it. That's how it works. You know, it's not hard to find current voltage. - Yeah. - From a senior living user. - What are you kind of wondering? Is he like playing camp town ladies? - Oh, yeah. I understand. You're right. - Dude. - Yeah. It's all Waltz's. - Dude. - Yes. - John Phillips. - Hey, everybody, what? - Yeah. - The wonderful sounds of John Philip Sousa. - Right. And everybody's like, "Huh?" Nobody can hear it anyway. - Yes. Lawrence, welcome. - Yeah. - And a one and a two. - All right. So I go from, there goes my hero. I didn't want to call this a "but why." This is actually somebody- - But why? - Yeah. - Did you not want to call it a "but why?" - Because this is, the way I best described this is I said, "Look at me. I'm helping." Okay? You know how somebody's so proud of stuff they do like they're like, "Oh, I'm helping. Watch me this. Watch this." - Yeah. - Let me read this to you. When Rhonda Deaver realized she left her credit card at Smith's Cafe in Kingston, North Carolina, in early May, she turned around and headed back to get it. Additionally, listen, I know people in real life that would do this. They don't work at restaurants, but I know them in real life. They would do this. You may know some of them in real life. Unfortunately, a Smith's employee was right at the top of things and posted the front and back of Deaver's card to the Kingston Facebook group and all the numbers were visible. Okay? Deaver's family got in touch with her when they saw the post, but it was too late. More than $2,000 in charges and already hit her account. This is a quote, "I can't believe they did that." Okay, listen. No one can't. Okay? No one can't. Unless you know some of the people I know, no one can believe this would ever happen. - Right. - Okay? I'm here to tell you this happens. Okay? I firmly can tell you this happens, okay? But it says, "But I might be responsible for all those charges. You really might be. You really might be." Because it was published and you left it behind. I don't know how that works, okay? That's amazing. But like for someone to go, "I helped. Look at me. I made your life better." So someone found you. The best part is that she left it at the diner near the gas station that asked her where she lives. - Yeah. - But since all the spending was done right there, they were like, "Well, it must be her." - It must be her. It's got to be right here. Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause you've got to figure it into small town. You've got to like the gas station and buying, you know, chew, you know what I mean? What do you mean? What do you mind? Marlboro Reds? - I'll take your whole back wall here or two. - Yeah. Yeah. I need some dip. How much? All of it. - What are the new like sacks that kids like to put in their mouth? What are those called? - Tidepods. But anyway, it says she's still disputing the charges with Smith's owner and, oh, Smith's owner had no comment. First off, if you're the owner of this establishment, you have to look in the mirror and go, "I hired that person." First off, I have to assume that if it's a diner the size of this room, there's no more than three people working. - Correct. - Which one do you did it? Was it me? - Yeah. - Okay. - And they're probably all related to the Smith lady. - I would also like to say that we were in the clock out. Look, take a look. - Oh, look at that. - All right. Anyway. - 99.59. - Anyway, we did it. So yeah, this one's highly edited, folks. - Yeah. - Well, here's the thing. Like, this is how I would find out. Okay. Which one of us did it? Like, tell me your credit card numbers right now. And then the one that starts going, "Oh, well, it's four. You did it." - Yeah. Yeah. Hey, did you buy it? And you know what's weird? They got the big foam hand. - Yeah. - They got like wrestling shirts. They got all this stuff on. They're like, "Where did you get all that stuff?" - They're just sitting there sucking on a candy necklace. - Yeah. - From the gas station next door. - I do it. - Where did you get that? - Where did you get that? Is that a ring pop? - Anyone that told me you needed to work extra because it was payday tomorrow. - Yeah. - And now suddenly you're eating a twizzler the size of your body. And you're scratching off lottery tickets. - Yeah. - What are you doing right now? - But again, when you, so the best thing I put in my head was, "Look at me. I'm helping." - Yeah, gas station calls up. - Yeah, is Brenda there? - Yeah. She wanted to know if she could buy lottery tickets with the stolen credit card. And thinking back, I have some questions. - Yeah. Hypothetically, if my name wasn't on this card, could I buy stuff? No. Then this is my name. - If I give you numbers from a credit card I found on Facebook, would that work? - Do you have your card with you? - No, but luckily someone found it at the restaurant I left it at and it's right here on Facebook. So let me show you what I have. - I left it at Smith's and some good Samaritan gave me the numbers. - What can I see? Can I see your driver's license? I left it with the card. They didn't put that up. So I really can't show you the driver's license. I mean, let's be real here. They have my whole purse, you know? Now, what do you need? I need $2,000 just to scratch off. - Okay. - I need $1,800 and scratch off. - Yeah, yeah. - And a lot of chew. - Yeah. And it's today, 7-Eleven. I want my free slurp. - Yeah. - That's what I'm selling you right now. So, but again, just to be like, yeah, I want my free one. I don't want to spend a lot. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I, you know, hey, it's a good thing. You know how you found out about this? Because everybody on social media from this town, which is probably very small, called you up and went, hey, you know, your credit card is on Facebook. - I would walk into that place and be like, where's the dumb bitch? Because you know that person to be like, who are you calling dumb? There you were. - Right. It wasn't me. - Who you calling dumb? - I am not a bitch. Well, guess what? You're dumb. - Not only that. Not only that. Don't you have to be approved by an admin for most things that you post in like a community thing? You know what I mean? - True. - So it's like, you say that, but I just recently I went into ours and realized there's so many, not to be fair, none of them got published because I hadn't approved them. - Yeah. - There's so many that was like, oh, well, that's over with. That's right. - Get out of here, really? - Yeah. - Oh, guess we had to turn that on because some people were getting silly and they were putting in like, you should buy this and you should buy it. - Oh, yeah. - We didn't want to get spammed. - Yeah. - Yeah. So that's why. - Well, yeah. It was, it was butts and nuts. - That's really what it was. Yeah. So we had to turn that to where it's like, it needs approval, which we never wanted to do that. It's just kind of weird when it's like, you know, somebody comments are like, did you see this? Go on this page. - This fan account, that's the problem, it wasn't any of our actual fans. - Correct. - That's the people that were. - Well, this one's open. We'll just jump in. - But the people suffer. Okay. They suffer. They don't get us. They don't get you. - Yeah. Nobody gets me. - No one gets you. - Nicole's married to me. She doesn't get me. She has no idea. - Yeah. - Somebody regrets. - Yeah. So many regrets. By the way, I bet you there was zero regrets. I bet that lady didn't even, I'll say lady, but it could have been a dude, whoever. Whatever waiter waitress posted that card, I bet they didn't lose their job. No. And honestly, I wonder from a legal standpoint, if the restaurant can't be held responsible. - Also, suddenly, Smith's went cash only. - Yeah, correct. Look, you can leave your 20s. We won't post those online. - Yeah. It'll be fine. - Yeah, we just don't want to risk it anymore. - Yeah. - Just cash. - Look, we hired her because she's a tax break. Okay. It's like Brenda? Oh, you know what I'm talking about. That's right. Yeah. Here's your waffles. It's dinner time and an ordered steak. Here's your waffles. Yeah, while she was putting that on Facebook, was like, "Help, you're Rhonda. Help, help, you're Rhonda. I'm helping you Rhonda. Help, help, and you're Rhonda." - Look at me. I'm helping. - Yeah. - Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, she was so proud. She went home and told her mom, she's like, "You know what I did today?" She's like, "Yeah, I know. I saw Facebook." - Yeah. - Yeah, I know. - Yeah, I know. I went on a spree. - Yeah. - And by the way, thank you. You're going to get a much better Christmas presents now, thanks to what you did today. And the Zahn gets here tomorrow. - Yeah. - So, but anyway, here's, here's, I have a butt line. We're going through, we're running the gamut today. - But why? - I didn't know what to call that one. This is a butt line. And this title is phenomenal. You ready? Priest accused of biting woman during communion. - Whoa. - Okay. - All right. - Okay, so it says, "Click Orlando announced that on May 23rd, or on May 23rd, that on May 19th, where she attempted to take communion. Father Fidel, however, allegedly refused to give her communion, Brad, because she had not confessed her sins." Now, I don't do the Catholic thing, so I don't know. Is that, do you not get it if you don't confess? I don't understand. - No idea. Mac, any opinions? - Mac, anything? You don't know? - I was telling you, and when I was growing up, like you, it was a tit for tat. - Well, no, it was something you do something like. - No, it was a, you weren't supposed to if there was something going on, and you hadn't, you know, spoken with the Lord about it, but it was on the honor system. - Right. It wasn't, yeah, it wasn't time. You don't just take it to take it. - It wasn't like the pastor was like, "How you doing?" - No. - All right. - I saw you knock it up. - Yeah. - I knew it was the only kind of week. - It's also weird, though, because we always sat in the back, Holler, and you could see everyone. - Hey, no Holler back there. - So it'd be weird. It'd be like, "Oh, you didn't take it." - Yeah, you guys never got up. - He saw you. - He did not take of the cup. - Yeah. - Nor of the bread. This he did not do in the name of the Lord. - Foul shalt not judge from my seat back here. - Hey, I'll cover you. Florence! - Yeah. - We say Florence in this church. That's what he's saying. - Nailed it. - Yeah. - So I don't know how the Catholic English is. - Yeah. - But especially if it's one of those big, like, you know, giant congregations, how are you going to know? - Yeah. - Also, how do you know that person didn't do it? Isn't it supposed to, aren't you supposed to go on a phone booth and talk to the wall? - Yeah. - Yeah, aren't you supposed to know? - Yeah. - Hey, Gina. - I know you over there. - I know you've been being a whoa. - Yeah. - You're not getting this Christ. - You don't get any Christo cracker. - I'm going to tell you that right now. - Okay. Why? Because you're a bit of a whore. - Okay. - You're a bit of a whore. Why? Because the last three guys that came in here confessed about you. - Okay. - I'll give you a chicken and a biscuit at best. That's what you're getting. - That's right. Maybe a ritz. - Maybe we're putting on a ritz. I don't know. - We definitely can't give you any wine. - The bent knees or whatever. - Yeah. - But if it's a chip. - Yeah. So anyway, so was she trying to snatch it and he bit her hand? - So here's the next thing. The priest said the woman pushed him and grabbed the tray of communion bread, which is a no-no. - Okay. - Well, that's a bit much. - I don't go to the Catholic church. I know that's a no-no. Okay? I'm a moron. And I understand that if I think I'm going to eat that tray of wafers, I shouldn't take it from somebody. - Again, I'm not Catholic. I was under the pressure that they put on your tongue in the Catholic thing. - It might be different in Florida. - I think that's what happens. - Now, in the Baptist, they bring it around in a tray. Now, the juicy was a little cup. You could, like, a fourth of a shotgun. You could just pick it up your own. - So here's what I picked. - Right? But no, but the crackers are real on a tray and people would just like... - You're correct. - And it'd be like, "Do you wash those?" - Right, yeah. - Yeah. - Lord Jesus. - They're all trays. - Please bless us. - They're all crackers. - But also, it'd be like to see people looking. Like, "What are you looking for the biggest one?" - Grab one and just grab a cracker. - Grab a cracker. - Yeah, it doesn't matter. Take the one on top. How about if we don't play Jenga? - Yeah, that's what it is. - Don't play Jenga. - That's don't play Jenga. - Yeah, there we go. - That's a little culture for a lot of you out there. - So here's what I picture. When you say, "Doesn't he put it on your tongue?" Okay. Do you remember, and I know you do, when we were growing up, we had a gas station right at the end of, like, where I live. Kaler gas station. John Kaler. Remember John Kaler? - Yeah. - Big John Kaler. - No, John Kaler, okay. He wore a change belt because back then you would pay and you would get change. - Wait, okay. That's the scene of the infamous. - Yes. - Yeah, there's more than everybody's on the roof. - That's exactly what happened. - You gotta go way back. - That's exactly what happened. - So do you have that somewhere? - Yeah. - You're going. - But here's where I'm at. Okay. So I'm there. When you say, "I picture the priest." - Oh. - Click in his belt. Okay. - And then you get like half crackers. - Yeah. - And then on the tongue. Okay. Then on the tongue. You're like, "Yeah." Now I picture her being at the self-service pump and just trying to get that on his belt. You know what I'm saying? So that's what I picture when you said that. It was just like, he's playing goalie now. And she's trying to get to it. - So here's what I picture during the pandemic. You know how they have the incense and they're like swing it? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. - So they feel like a cone with like, with crackers and they just like, you know. - Oh, they just wave it? - Yeah, they just wave it. And it's just fly it out. It's just like grab your own, yeah, you drop the mask, catch it, you're good, you're right. - Everybody gets a different one. You never know. - All right. - Now that we have. - Yeah. No two are like. - Thoroughly explained the Catholic religion. - Yeah. - Let's go on. - That again, if you're whore, you don't get crackers. Okay. We just said that. - If you're whole, you don't get no mole. You understand? - But it says, which is a no-no. And the only way, the only way he thought to extract her was to bite her arm. - Okay. So here's a deal. - Also, I think, is that like an eye for an eye? Is that what it is? - Yeah. - A no-no for an oh-no? Like I don't. - It's like, here's a deal. Okay. - 'Cause I don't know what the logic is. But I do know grabbing the tray is a no-no. - Yeah. - But I also believe biting someone in retaliation also goes down as a no-no. - I don't know if two wrongs make it right. - Yeah. - I think you're both going in the booth. Okay. The penalty box now. You're both going in the box. All right. And you're gonna have to confess. And, but what I did was wrong. She reaches out to grab it. He bites her hand. She drops it. He catches it back into his pouch and it was belt and he goes, "Aha!" Then he turns. Right? I think that's how you play defense. - Okay. - I think I'm there. - But I think she got, you know, two minutes for snatching and he got five minutes. - Oh, right. - For biting. I think it's a major, major violation. - Did you leave teeth marks? Okay. Then you have to go in the box. You have to talk about it. It is what it is. So, but it says the priest has not yet been charged. I don't know that you need to charge him. Okay. I understand. I don't know. - I mean, I also don't tell us about this person. Like it could have been someone who was down on their luck, someone who lives in the street who was trying. That was their only sustenance. And it was like, you're not going to give me my cracker. I'm going to steal the whole plate of bread. - Yeah. Well, and it really could be where she was drunk already when she came to church. She hit the community wine. A little too hot. - I heard you guys have a night wine. - Right. Right. Right. So again, I think if you leave teeth marks, but like the title, priest accused, accused. So allegedly. - Allegedly. - Allegedly. - Oh, yeah. We should have thrown it in there. - Allegedly I bid a check. - Just like you blanket your questions. We're going to allegedly. - Yeah. Allegedly that whole story. - We're going to read the whole story. - Just, you know, allegedly this happened. Okay. - Hey, hey guys. I know you got your lawyers on the phone. - Yeah. - We allegedly blanketed this. So do you remember, I talked about John Kaler and how he had that belt? - Yeah. Allegedly. - Allegedly said that Mac was going to look for the drop of mom. There's number two legs in the roof. That was not allegedly. - What? - Yeah. Where can they find us? - You could find us on top of that roof looking for the rest of those deviled eggs and also with that checks out. And all the socials, that checks out WTT. Don't forget. Come on down. Talk to Brian and start your own podcast. They're hot. They're happening. He still got room for you. He wants to expand. He needs your cash. - Oh, no, you heard that. It's true. - Yeah. Cash. Wait a minute. Yeah. Audio produced by Brian Video. Not done today. So not produced by, I'm not going to say poor, we're not for him because people assume he's dead again. - Yeah. Way to go Mac. - This episode has been produced by David Rockio and Ted Wilson. This has been the TCO Productions. That checks out. We'll catch you next time. - Yeah. When they, hey, we should put his credit card on social media. - Mac, can I put it right? - Mac, can I put it right? Oh, I was going to say Jerry's. - Oh, Jerry's. That's what we should. [MUSIC]