- The complex relationship between confidence and alcohol
- Tips to set and enforce your own boundaries around alcohol consumption, despite social pressures
- The benefits of reducing or eliminating alcohol from your life and how it can positively impact your overall well-being and professional performance
- Practical advice to help you explore a sober-curious lifestyle without feeling left out
Capture Your Confidence
The Booze Bandaid and Confidence with Alcohol
At what point did the 'wine mom' culture start taking over social circles and social media? Today we are diving into the complicated relationship many women have with alcohol as a confidence booster. We discuss how societal pressures and habitual drinking impact our personal and professional lives, and offer tips on setting healthy boundaries. Whether you're curious about reducing your intake or exploring a supportive community, tune in to learn how empowering sober choices can boost your confidence. Today we cover:
[MUSIC PLAYING] Women in the 21st century are facing a crisis, a confidence crisis. Recent studies have shown that women's confidence actually decreases with experience. And 67% of women say they need more support in being confident. We're committed to changing this, one conversation at a time. Because when women show up to their lives with confidence, everything is better. Organizations run more smoothly, families experience more harmony, more things get done. And this isn't just some you can do at cheerleading session. This is a confidence intervention. We're your hosts, Stephanie Hannah and Whitney Abraham, two successful mothers and entrepreneurs that are here to help you understand what you need to do to capture your confidence. [MUSIC PLAYING] She's back. The 30 Annual State of Women Conference will be held on October 10. And it's the conference for ambitious women looking to dial up their impact, scale back their stress, and create the connections that will fuel their next bold move. The State of Women Conference is an all-day personal and professional development program with a focus and confidence to equip and elevate women who are called for more. This is for you if you know the value of getting in the room with like-minded women for a day of growth and connection. If you're interested in sponsorship, you can email Whitney at WhitneyAbraham.com. And if you'd like to join us live, you can visit the link in the show notes to purchase your ticket. [MUSIC PLAYING] Welcome back to the capture confidence podcast. We're going to talk about the Booth's Band-Aid today. I mean, you might be using Booth's Band-Aid if kind of a conversation. Yes, alcohol is a crutch. And I think we need to preface this with-- we are not medical experts in the space. If you feel like you have an issue, you should absolutely get help. We are huge proponents of that. We are just offering an insight based on conversations that we have heard around us over the last several months. And also, I want to preface this by saying, like neither of us are T-12 lawyers. I drink recreationally, so I don't want anyone to think that we're against alcohol. I think we just want to have a conversation about some trends that we're noticing and also some conversations that we've had with ourselves. And we've noticed our friends having, too, about their relationship with alcohol as it pertains to confidence. Yes, and what we've essentially been noticing is that more and more women are age, right? Like mid 30s up. 40s are giving up alcohol or choosing to consume a lot less than maybe they had traditionally in the past. And it feels like such a hot button issue because I feel like people are either really going home like, yeah, good for you. Or like, you're no fun. I don't want to hang out with you anymore. Yes, I agree, I think. And I also do think sometimes if you make the choice, sometimes it's like a very hard line in the sand. Like now you're like, I'm never going back. Like alcohol is terrible and I'm never going back. And it's hard to find like a middle ground. Yeah, and I also think the way that people, the other people respond to someone's decision to quit drinking is very interesting to me because they'll often be like, ah, like just one, what's it going to hurt? Like a lot of people who will then like try and convince you that like, you don't have a problem. Like don't be so boring kind of a thing and try and convince you to drink when you've made that decision for yourself. And it's not really about them. It's just a very interesting landscape. Yes, and I think it can be tricky sometimes to have the competence, right? Or the courage to kind of state your decision and then kind of live in it, especially if you're in situations where there might be some peer pressure. Yeah, for sure. I mean, nothing feels more disorienting than saying, I'm going to make this already hard choice for myself and then being met with your environment, not supporting that hard decision when you were already mentally thinking that it was going to be difficult for you to follow through and do it. And so we want to talk about building the confidence to do that. And also some of the many reasons why we see a lot of our peers making this move. Yeah, so, okay. So the reason is that we see people around us in, I mean, that we are making it ourselves, right? I mean, I think you get older and you don't bounce back the way that you used to. It hits a little harder, okay? The next day, it's a little harder. And when you're mothering small people, they get up at the same time, no matter what, yikes, okay? Your recovery is not as good. It impacts your next day. And it starts to impact more of your next day. Yeah, and it's not even just the next day. It's even like the way that I feel immediately after. I've noticed a lot, like I love red wine so much. But if I drink more than one glass of red wine, before I fall asleep at night, I already have like a headache coming on. I already feel it even if I'm well-hydrated. It just like, it affects you differently as you get older. Yeah, okay, another reason. People give it up, right? Health reasons, maybe like you. Yeah, if you've got family history and you are concerned about like the way they're using it, I think a lot of women in our circle are not necessarily quitting drinking alcohol because they're worried they have a problem. They're quitting because they recognize life is short. And if I really wanna create a life that I'm on fire for, I can't be operating at 60%. I can't be wanting to focus on increasing my energy and running and playing with my kids and then doing this thing, which I know directly negates the work that I've done to try and build my energy, right? Yeah, and it's interesting too, 'cause I think in the professional space, like in the legal space, especially we hear that lawyers have a really high rate of alcoholism and it impacts their work and they lose their license and all of these horror stories. And sometimes the environment, you hear that on one hand and then we talk about the environment. Well, literally every legal function that you go to has an open bar, so we wonder. And then we also want this profession to perform at a very high level, right? So it's really the same thing, just in any industry, like you have an environment that supports the drinking. You have a little bit of peer pressure and then you also have an expectation of performing high when the very thing that you're serving, the alcohol impacts your ability to perform high. And some of the questions that I've heard like in whispered circles, right, that women are asking themselves like whether or not they should give it up, like how am I using alcohol? Am I using it because I've had a hard day with the kids? So I'm like, I just kinda wanna let my hair down or am I like at a social function and everyone else's drinking and then I feel weird if I'm not, right? Or maybe I'm at a social function and I decided I wasn't gonna drink but then everybody peer pressured me to drink. Like, oh, you're no fun. Just one, you'll be fine, just one, right? - Yeah. - So I mean, all of these questions really highlight your current environment and your response to and relationship with alcohol in its natural landscape. And I mean, not to be overlooked. And I think this is nine times out of 10. The habits and patterns of social get together. So for example, if you get together with certain people with frequency and the habit is that you just open a bottle of wine together, it becomes hard to not do that because you don't want them to think there's something wrong. You don't wanna do that thing anymore. Like there are so many subliminal messages behind that. And so if there's any pattern of repetition with people that becomes even harder for you to sort of set new sort of boundaries and goals around alcohol. - Yeah, I agree. And I think too, if you are around people who have you ever noticed, like sometimes you start to broach a certain topic to like feel the water around you and test the water, so to speak. - And there's a strong reaction. - Yes. And then you're like, okay, well, maybe this is not the time for the full conversation. - She did so it's backwards after the party. But that can really impact your ability and want to have the full conversation. - Yeah. And so I mean, I think the moral of the story here is like, what is your relationship to alcohol? How is it showing up in your life? How do you feel about that thing? And do you wanna change it? Do you like, are you good with it? Are you Gucci? Or do you feel like, oh, I might need better boundaries around this. I might need to like give myself a little bit of breather and not make it mean something, right? Like you don't have to quit. I actually have a client who set out with the intention to not drink for 30 days. And then she just kept freaking going and it's been over a year. And we had dinner and I was pouring wine at dinner and she was like, maybe I'll have a glass and I looked at her and I was like, are you sure I don't wanna break your streak? Like I don't wanna be the one. And she was like, it's fine. But like I, then I felt like I was holding her like unnecessary sobriety in my hands. Like I don't wanna be the one that you ruin this. - And you mentioned the word boundary, right? So it really is boundaries. This is just an example of boundary setting that we're focusing on in this episode. But it's your choice. You have to make the boundary. And then the only way that it works is if you enforce it. - And here's a fun trick for you. If you're the kind of girl who wants to dabble in drinking less but you don't wanna make it a thing in your social circles, this is what we neighbor ham does. We neighbor ham makes fabulous mocktails, okay? And they look like a cocktail, but they're like good for you and they have all sorts of fun yummies and them, right? And so in that way, you've got a drink in your hand 'cause if the social feeling of holding and drinking your hand helps. - And yeah, I mean, like it doesn't have to be a thing. You actually don't owe anybody an explanation about anything. You don't even have to bring it up, heads up. Like you don't have to say or do anyone about this. You can just decide for yourself if that's what you want and not make it a thing. - Yes, and I do think your behavior and your initiation sets the tone. - Amen. - Because there have been plenty of times where I just like don't feel like it. I don't want to. We are a little past the age where people suspect we're pregnant. - So thank God. - So they're not thinking that. But they, nobody really, nobody has said, why aren't you drink? I just said, I'll just have a water. And nobody has made, I haven't made a big deal. Nobody has made a big deal. - Can we just like let them assume whatever they want to assume? - Yeah. - Like fine, let them think you have a problem. Fine, let them think that you're a boring t-toler who doesn't want to like over sleep her alarm in the morning. Let them think whatever it is they're going to think about your positive choice for yourself. Because who cares? - Yes, and at the end of the day, the tie into confidence, right? Is the confidence to make your choice, set your boundary. - Own it. - Yeah. And go with it and know that it can change, right? There may be another season where you're like, actually I can sleep in because my kids don't wake up at 6 a.m. - Yeah. And I want to have a drink. - Right, or seven. - Whichever. - Go ahead, do you? - Yes. - Not our place to tell you. But anyway, we've noticed this is a trend happening amongst our circles. And I think we're both pro. I think we're here for it. - Yeah, no, absolutely. Let us know what you think. Have you noticed this trend? And what do you think about it? - Yeah, and if you have resources for people who are looking to explore sober curiousness and you people that they should follow, please let us know that we can share that with the world too. - Bye, we'll talk to you soon. - Thank you for listening to The Capture Confidence podcast. If you've loved it, do the thing you do. Share it with a girlfriend, subscribe, rate, leave a review if you would be willing to do that. We are so happy to be able to support you on your journey to confidence and we will not stop until every single woman that we come in contact with knows her own power and she walks firmly in it. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (gentle music)