SharkFarmerXM's podcast
Tim the Dairy Farmer from FL 8-6-24
We're in the studio today just outside of Bradford Illinois Studio, powered by Bex Hybrid. As Janelle James singing our music at somebody asked yesterday on an old email, it is not a song she made it just just for us. I know and I love that part but I always feel bad because they're like, "How can I download it on Apple Tunes?" No, no, you can't. She should just put it on there and charge like 50 bucks to download and if you get someone that hits it on accident, it's like, "Ah, get a free coffee that day." We have a lot going on on the farm today. We have had semis dropping stuff off. I'm so excited. The whole barn is going up. FBI buildings is putting it up so everything is arriving today so I've been taking lots of video footage. Yeah, the pad is done and today they dropped off the trusses and a couple of those telehandlers or whatever. I haven't seen what they're going to dig the postholes with. The actual augers are here and they're huge. Going with the permacommas by the way. Nice. Yeah. Nice. Let's go down to Florida. They're old friend. Tim, the dairy farmer. How are you doing, Tim? Great, buddy. How are y'all doing today? I'm doing pretty good. You're down there in Florida and, yeah, how's the weather? We've got plenty of rain today, Rob. We had, Debbie came to see us yesterday actually for a couple of days and it's pretty muddy and you're just talking about the pole barns. I lost a barn almost a year ago in a hurricane and we had just put the last bolt in and finished it up last week and then Debbie came through and I'm like, you know, I got a little PTSD and I'm like, no, this can't happen again, but the new barn stayed and lost the back end of an old barn, but we're fine. We got, they say we got eight to 12 inches of rain, but I don't know if you've ever tried to fill a little rain gauge with 40 mile an hour rain's coming sideways. It is. I don't. I don't think so. Doing great. So, is that considered like a side glance from a hurricane because you've been in a lot of hurricanes that are much worse than like 40 mile an hour, haven't you? Yeah, it was so far out in the Gulf that we just got the heavy rain bands. Now, I don't know what's going on up in Georgia and the Carolinas today, but I think they were getting head on, but we were fortunate. We just had a lot of wind and a lot, a lot of the worst part was we had to put floaties on all the cows. Where exactly do you put those? You put them high up above the knee, that way they don't work themselves down. Oh, yeah, older Rob, that way they make some more buoyant. Tim, the dairy farmer, the funniest man in agriculture, a professional comedian, but also a functioning dairy farmer. Are you talking about the floaties, Rob, there? I am. I was thinking with you being a comedian, the joke was going to be to put them somewhere else. Well, I'm glad we kept it where we were. We're family friendly, thanks. So, Tim, you and your brother grew up on a dairy farm, correct? Correct. Well, we grew up, my brother and I grew up in what they call the dairy heifer replacement, and we would raise heifers, and then when they would fresh in, ready to milk, we would sell in the dairies. So we did that, and then we did a beef herd, and then my brother and I, when we got out of high school and kind of out of college, we started our own dairy. Yeah, that's pretty amazing. Generally, the dairies, they're all kind of down generation to generation. You guys, starting your own, that had to be, that had to be pretty nerve-wracking. Yeah, it was, I mean, we knew cows, but we didn't know a lot about finances at the age. I mean, we had some good mentors in my uncle and even my dad, but it was kind of scary. We lived on Raman noodles for about eight years, and it's been good. We've been doing it for 30 something years now. Well, and you guys are like a great team because your brother came back and wanted to do that first, right? And you kind of like helped him finance that as you were in college, or how did that all work? Yeah, he, I helped him start, and then I still had two years left to college. I would help him because I was pretty much his only employee at the time. And then after I got out of college and decided after a week and a half that medical sales wasn't my profession, I knew the first day, but I stuck it out for a week and a half. Yeah, so then we, we partnered up and, and been doing it ever since. As far as comedy goes, whenever I'd have to leave and go do shows and whatnot, my brother's always, you know, supported me and covered for me while I'm gone. Mm hmm. And yeah, I mean, you pretty much need that, not just farming, but anybody doing any sort of business where you got to take time off to chase other dreams. You do. You need that help back at, back at home, don't you? Ah, definitely. It doesn't work out without it. Yeah, I wish Emily would take over more for me when. Oh, wow. Does your brother think you're funny? Oh, yeah. My brother takes them funny. My brother's funny. No. I have my brother calling me Emily and see if he can give us some pointers. I would really love that. Well, that's the thing. I mean, if you're just practicing, you know, like you're humor on the farm there and it's just your brother. I mean, your brother could just think it's funny. And then you get to the comedy club and you realize maybe your brother's not that funny. Right. Now, he's a pretty good judge. Well, the cows will think he's hilarious, so he's always got an ear, right? Yes. Today we're talking with Tim, the dairy farmer from Florida. I want to come back. We're going to talk more about his dairy and battling that, battling that with the urge to want to just do comedy. We'll be back right after the break. This segment is brought to you by Common Ground. Are you looking for an easy way to buy, sell, or lease your land? Well, check out Common Ground where they connect landowners and farmers and hunters too, by the way. Go to commonground.io that's commonground.io. On today's our farmer podcast, we launched this morning. It's Amy. Hey. Now she's from Scotland. She married a guy from Australia. So they looked at a globe and say, "Hey, let's live in British Columbia." That just cracks me up. They literally did that. She wasn't even kidding. Yeah. No ag experience. They were doing high-tech radar stuff on boats and yachts and that. Oh, yeah. That's how they met each other was on a yacht, very romantic. But, yeah. And they actually were in China when she was first pregnant and had some scares there, and she talks about that, and that is just unreal. And so you'll have to listen to the podcast to hear that. Yeah. And, yeah. Ended up in Canada, and they're first-generation farmers, and their story is fantastic, selling but we have direct. Yeah. No, no experience ag. And then they kind of, they took the hippie-dippy route, what regenerative and all this stuff. So I argued about with that with her, but she can say "herford" in a way that just calms your nerves. Yeah. "Herford" or something. "Herford" or something. Very Scottish. Very cool. Anyway, that's sharkfarmer.com. Under the sharkfarmer podcast section, you scroll back a little bit, not too long. You'll find that Tim, the dairy farmers, the podcast on there, who is our guest today. He survived. So was it technically a hurricane, Tim? No, it was basically a tropical storm. Okay. Like, I think the first two days, they just gave it a number, like it was a tropical storm number. Wow, wow, wow. And then they decided to name it Debbie. So I don't know what, you're asking the wrong person, Rob, sorry. Well, I mean, you live there long enough, when they start naming it, do you get nervous? No, man, listen, I hate to break the news, but sometimes the weather people just get excited that they get people are going to watch them. And I used to have a joke, I used to, you know, I've got some hurricane jokes. And I say that the weather channel is owned, operated, and financed by Lowe's Home Depot and Walmart. Like, Hey, we got some batteries that are going to go bad. You think you can sell it for us? So I don't know. And bread. It's always the bread aisle. Yeah, there's no more bread left at Walmart. Yeah. Go ahead. I, Tim, the dairy farmer is a functioning dairy farmer, but he's also a professional comedian. I will, I will vouch one of the funniest comedians I've ever heard, definitely an agriculture. Hard to beat that Chris Rock, though. You know what I'm saying, Tim? Oh, yeah. He's got, he's got a market. Yeah. You're on XM. You're on the other channel, though, quite a bit, aren't you? Yeah. And Jeff and Larry Channel 97. Okay. How'd you get hooked up with those guys? Oh, I kind of knew, I knew Larry before the blue collar took off and just from being in Florida and go calls. And we just kind of stayed in touch. And then he started his album company, Get or Done Records. And I was the first phone call and I've done two with him so far. So, but yeah. Done too. What? Oh, I'm sorry. I've done two, two albums, two records. Okay. Did they even call them that anymore? I don't know what they call them. I don't even think they have. Do they have albums? Everything downloaded now, I think, isn't it like, again, you're asking the wrong person. Do you get a vinyl album handed to you when you do that or is it all completely downloads? It's all downloaded. I remember I made a bunch of CDs and I copied the first album and I thought, well, I'll just sell these at my Ag shows. Nobody buys CDs anymore. No. Yeah. I've got about 1500 of them using them as a drink coasters right now. Are like clay pigeons? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, that's, I mean, is it kind of a community there? I mean, y'all guys out there in the comedy clubs and kind of trying to figure out life and that. I mean, you meet a guy like Larry and is it, do you guys actually, he seems to me like you'd be competing. You know, it's, my experience has always been, you know, you meet somebody, you chat with them, you have a good time, you trade road stories, you trade shows. You just have a camaraderie and then, you know, you just kind of, you have a lot in common and you just kind of stay friends with some of them. Some of them move on, you know, get famous. You never hear from them again, but I don't know. I've had good experiences. I haven't had any, you know, I have nobody to talk about. So, you've had good experiences, but you, no whole, no holes barred. You say that you have really been through, like you've died a million times on stage. Like, tell us about like what the struggle is, like when you first got started because you're awesome. I've heard you, but you said it was not always the case, right? Tim, tell us about how you suck. Well, no, no, Emily is completely right. You don't just start out and be funny and all that, you, you know, it's a learning process. You do die a million deaths. I have died a million deaths and I'm not going to say that I'm so good it doesn't ever happen again, but it's just part of it. You learn what works and what doesn't, what's funny and what's not, you know, what's funny in your head may not work in a club or in front of a farm bureau group, definitely. So yeah, it's just a matter of weeding things out. But that's all part of it. I mean, I, you know, listen back to Rob's first podcast. How exciting was that? It's probably not even on the air anymore. Is it? Oh, it's there. Back at you, buddy. Is there, there's got to be a difference between an actual comedy club and the Vermilion County Farm Bureau, definitely, definitely different. There's more alcohol involved in the club. Is that loosening them up a little bit? You know, it's just a different demographic. It's more conservative in the Farm Bureau thing, but I do well with that and it's just different. I'm trying to think of a comparison, but is it like a whole different act? No, not necessarily. I say that when I do the clubs, I kind of have to dumb down the farm, the farm material. Because they don't really get it and I have to explain the jokes more. What you do, the Farm Bureau is what do you have to dumb down? Let's not go down that whole area. I just like to work again. Potential customers out there. Yeah, I get it. That when you're going and, you know, it's like you tell a joke, maybe that's a little more risky and you get a big response. Is that the green light to go ahead and open the floodgates? Yeah, it is. I mean, I'll be honest with you, you know, it's kind of like the canary and the coal mine thing. You'll throw. I have that. I do that a few minutes into my act. I kind of established that I'm funny and I kind of established that I really am a farmer, so we're all the same. And then I'll throw some jokes out that are my canary and coal mine. If that can be died, I take hard left. That's right. Otherwise, full speed ahead. Tim the dairy farmer from Florida will be back right after the break. This segment is brought to you by Common Ground. Are you looking for an easy way to buy, sell, or lease your land? Well check out Common Ground where they connect landowners and farmers and hunters too, by the way. Commonground.io, that's Common Ground.io. It's pretty cool. They're still delivering the FBI building, 60 by 120. Just a cold storage building, nothing special, but I was talking to the guy that just brought the telehandler in and he's like, "Oh, they said this was a sharp farmer's place." He says, "Yeah." He says, "I wonder if I could get an autograph." I'm like, "Sure." And he goes, "Okay, where's Will at?" Well, what have you found for us today? Well, today I'm not in Florida because I am banned from entering that state. Oh boy. Florida man jokes. Here we go. We are talking about my favorite person from Florida, Florida man. We got a couple of Florida man's escapades here. Florida man flees cops so fast that some of his clothes come off. Florida state police could only find a pair of jean shorts, a sandal and a sock at a shooting scene in St. Petersburg after he was a ghost. Yeah. Unfortunately not because the socks proved to be a vital piece of evidence after DNA pulled from it matched one Octavius Jesse Henderson identifying him as the shooter. That's off a Marvel movie. Come on, man. Florida man gets a DUI on a golf cart. Alfred Constant Matthew went for a cruise on his golf cart while driving on the highway. He was stopped by police who noticed he was drunk on testing his blood alcohol content and turned out to be a 0.339, which is, oh my gosh, which is 0.461 above the legal limit. How is he alive? I don't know, golf carts must handle pretty well. In August 2019, two Florida men were arrested by police after they were found giving beer to an alligator they captured. And that's that's wrong. Right. Sorry. Florida man William Carroll allegedly robbed a woman and made away with her backpack. Police caught him, but nothing could tie him to the crime until a brown stain that matched a dog's poop at the scene was spotted on his shirt. Boy, imagine explaining that to your cellmate. That's graphic. Well, we got a Florida woman here who tried to bring a four foot emotional support snake on an airplane, TSA spotted a scaly surprise while scanning a suitcase, four foot long bow constrictor was making its way through the X-ray machine at Tampa International. The passenger told officers that the bow was her emotional support pet. What do they do with it? I don't know. I just they probably just didn't let her go on the plane. He probably didn't want to leave the snake behind. If yeah, if it meant that much to her, yeah. And lastly, speaking of paranormal activity in November, 2022, cops pulled over a driver they noticed was driving a vehicle without two wheels. The driver explained to the officers that someone had put a spell on him and had to he had to drive away fast, causing the damage. So he had two of the four wheels? Yeah. I guess it depends on what wheels. If you do it like cat at corner, you'd probably be okay for a bit. Right. It must have been front wheel drive. Oh, oh, that's yeah, that that probably worked unless he was going in reverse. Yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. We should be in Florida more often. Thank you. Uh, Tim, the dairy farmer, Florida's dairy farmer and also professional comedian. Uh, Tim, do you have, do you, do you have neighbors like this? Is this everyone in Florida? Ah, this happens all the time. The golf cart guy was actually, oh, the only reason he was on the interstate. Because my aunt, my aunt was out of Marlborough's and he had to go get some real quick. But can, can you do it well? You need to do a little more research because most of these people are not from Florida, buddy. They moved down here from, from Illinois and Illinois and they're on the witness protection program. That's right. Do you think that there are CIA plants, right? I wouldn't give them that much intelligence, but they're definitely here on the witness protection program and who hasn't traveled with, I, I travel with the support pig once in a while and I, yeah, okay, that joke didn't work, but let's go back to the show. I, you know, sometimes you can see in people's minds where they're trying to go with a punch line and they go, probably better not. Tim, what's it like trying to make farmers laugh because I, I got to imagine we're different. Do they, do they want to hear when they, they have you in front of them? Do they want you to talk farm humor and nothing else or what do you find? I, I think they just want to laugh. The farm humor, I mean, that's, that's my niche. So I can talk inside baseball and I'll, you know, I'll talk about different things and only farmers are going to understand. Sometimes, you know, sometimes you'll get a crowd that you, you can't have a real long joke because the attention span isn't there. What's that now? Oh, man, I can't wait to see you next time you do it. Well, when we watch you do your show, I mean, it was, it was in Utah. I mean, he's a very conservative, but man, you, you would throw out the, kind of the stuff I would be afraid to and you had them dying. Well, I did, you know, I think, I'm not, I'm not putting myself on a pedal, but I think sometimes I have the ability to get away with something that somebody else couldn't. Maybe, maybe it's my personality. Maybe it's, maybe it's the way I say it, but, you know, it's all in delivery. Sometimes, you know, sometimes you can tell the jokes and, and you could sneak up on them with that punchline that they're going to laugh no matter what. They're like, oh, you know, um, I don't know. I think a lot of it is, and thank you for the kudos, by the way. But I think all of it is, is, is timing and maybe how you approach a subject versus a full on, you know, just, yeah, there's a lot to it, isn't there, Emily? Well, yeah, and it's got to feel good to get the crowd rolling in their real rolling on the floor. I mean, that feedback, I mean, that must be like a high. Have you had people come up to you afterward and said, you know, thank you so much for making me laugh. I needed that today. Oh, yeah, many, many times I, um, that, and that's kind of what keeps me going. Yes, it's, it's a high from the laugh and it's gentle and rush, but there's nothing better than, than hearing a story from somebody that's been going through a real rough time and, and they just say, Hey, you know, that I really needed this, that, that's why I do it. Yeah. And I will, I'll tell you, Tim, if anybody's out there, then you want a, you know, just a good, a fun night at a meeting or whatever. I mean, honestly, Tim, Tim, the dairy farmer, that's who you need to connect because if you're worried about someone connecting with an agriculture audience, which is difficult to do, I can tell you firsthand, Tim is the guy to do it. So Tim, where can people find you? My website, tend the dairy farmer dot com. I'm on Facebook and Instagram, but basically just go to tend the dairy farmer dot com and you can email me there and we'll go from there. Yeah. And there, what was the, the thing on YouTube, was it milking it? Oh, yeah. Milk. I got, thanks for reminding me of this. Milk at it. Tim the dairy farmer on YouTube, very cool, Tim, I want to thank you for coming on the show. It's always a pleasure to talk to you and I hope to watch you again here soon. Tim, don't go anywhere though. Sean Haney is coming up next. He says he's funnier than you are. That's bold for Canadian. We'll catch everybody next time. Bye.