Lower The Tone Podcast
Episode 9 - Part of a multipack, not to be sold separately
This week, the undynamic duo jump on to the air fryer bandwagon, I say "jump", it would be nearest they'd have come to exercise in the 2 months they've been doing this if they had jumped....
it's also difficult to determine what's meant by "duo" anymore...
Maybe there's just 1½ of them.
Enjoy this fun-size podcast responsibly.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- Duration:
- 38m
- Broadcast on:
- 07 Aug 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
there we go. Right. We're off. There we go. We're recording. Same. I've just pressed the button. Good morning, John. So perfect. Good morning. Hello. Welcome along. Hello. Well, welcome to the podcast. Once again, two middle-aged men talking about weight loss, which arguably we need to take. I think we need to get us a new tagline. I think it needs to be the weight loss podcast for people that don't want to lose weight. It needs to be something completely different because clearly we're not losing any weight. It should just be called "mid-lage spread." Here we are once again early at Your Be Hest. The first one was at Your Be Hest, I'm going to be honest. The first one was because you wanted to go and get your new car and you're all excited. Today was, I just thought, well, I might as well do it, get it over and done with it. It's school holidays over here, so we're into six weeks holidays. So you've got a day out. There's plans of foot. And I need to do it early because I also realise that I'm doing a gig tonight in Bishop Auckland, which means I need to leave at five o'clock. So I can't be having a day out and then with the child and then going, "I've got to go. John's got to drive for two and a half hours." It goes to his gig tonight. Yeah, fair play. I like the early start as well because I record this, as you know, in my shed and in the afternoons, this shed is in direct sunlight. I imagine that shed's like an actual greenhouse as well. Yeah, it's actually not bad with the doors and windows open. It gets quite well ventilated. But I don't fancy recording a podcast with the doors and windows open. I shook my window because I realised that on one of the last edits that I was doing, I could definitely hear the outside noise. Yeah, just on that, John, why don't you now? Let's have a little vape amnesty for the next 45, 50 minutes. Take a big old tooth right now. Go on, take a big old tooth. You couldn't really hear it that much. It really comes out strongly on the edits. Because we speak via Zoom. Yeah. And I think the sound recording equipment that I use on the microphone probably picks up more sound. So that is going to be ultimately loud, I reckon. What I just did, you're going to be like, "Oh!" So for everyone listening, that's what I have to put up with during the edit constantly. Now, John, why don't you just stick it in your pocket and I'm a typical ex-vipper. I do know that. I haven't worked much of a bell and I've just been just then. Yeah, but I've now just thrown it far away, so I can't reach it. Happy days. Well, I'll tell you what else I'll do. So now you're going to have an edit in the podcast where it's me just scrabbling around on the floor in a bit. It's like, I reckon that means we'll definitely be finishing the podcast nice and early. It'll be at least tight record today. You need some more niggets. We'll be done by quarter past nine. I've said it's like an early start and then you've just revealed that it's only nine o'clock. That's early for us. It's early for us on a Friday. As we've discussed previously, some people have proper jobs. We don't have a proper job. Of either of our listeners, they may have proper jobs. I can only presume not. I can only presume. I know two of our listeners definitely have proper jobs because one of them is shell and one of them is Kelly's. And one of those has been very adamant about the fact she's got a proper job. The other one has given us information because she's watching it while listening to it whilst doing her proper job. Yeah, I have to say, I hope her employers don't know that she's sort of listening to podcasts while she's doing it fine. Is it? Is it all right? No, is that part of the model? I'm probably too old fashioned. Yeah, I think it's all right. I don't see how you can listen to this and concentrate in whatever it is that you do. Yeah, exactly. I think that's the way for, though, isn't it? I always used to listen to music and stuff when I was working. Oh, well, thank you for your patronage, Kelly. Don't forget to keep looking busy when someone important comes off. Yeah, when someone was on a port of Wall's Pass, just make sure that you look like you're nice to doing some work right now. Don't look like you're just going eggs. So, here we are. Here we are on the podcast loosely connected with weight loss. Yeah, I have to say it. I've done I've done very little this week, John, again, I felt like this is the same exactly the same start every week. If we had if we had like a different topic and maybe we have some content to talk about or I mean, the alternative would be to do something towards the weight loss. The things I want you to. Active and content-wise, this morning, this morning, I've had a way in. Yeah, and immediately after I come, Friday is my cheat day. So then I've tucked straight into it. I've just finished and did this. This is breakfast of what may as well have been pretzels in the teller. Because. Well, the past few days, it is on my mind. It is on my mind. Yeah, it's on my mind constantly eating and it just feels like. I don't have the willpower to stop it. Well, no, how was those 48 twixies looking? Have they gone? No, they've not actually. I've still got some of them left, which I'm impressed with. That's one thing I am quite impressed with. No one thing I'm not impressed with this morning. So I was walking up early, woke up quite early to get this. I thought, well, I've gone. I need to get some water because I like to drink bottled water. That's one thing I do like to drink. I don't like it out of the tap. It does taste weird on the tap, which I get to hit myself for saying. I know. I feel like it's, yeah. But I mean, I do go out the tap sometimes, but I prefer to have bottled water. And I've got a fridge that's got one of those dispensers on it. So I'll just pour a bottle nice and cold. It's amazing. So I thought I'm going to get some water. And I was also like, oh, I've run out of slim fast powder. So I picked some of that up in Morrison's at the same time. What's the point? What's the point? I mean, anyone would be listening. It's just the pudding. What is the pudding now? John, just buying milk. Just buying this quick. You don't have to buy slim fast. Just buying this quick at this point. So I bought a buy some of that. And I also thought I'd get some single concentrate juice to put in some water every now and again. It's a lot because I'm a child and I can't really drink water water. I have to drink something that's going to be a little bit sweet. Yeah. Yeah, a bit of flavour yet. So I've all got some of that. Went to Morrison's. Put it all on the counter and scanned it all through what the self-service thing. And then it went to pay and it came up with system fault. Please contact operator. I've definitely got money because I know that to try it again. And then it turns out that all of the systems are down for tap, rather than so for contactless, all down across Morrison's. Learning to accept a card in with the pin number. Didn't have my card on. I'm going to get my phone. This is it. This is the new world. Oh, John, it's finally happening. No, well, yeah. So I had to go right, that's it. You're not leaving all that. Can't do that. Across the road from Morrison's is McDonald's. Oh, no, this story is going. Just a quick note, John. I'm going to be honest with you, their contactless is working. I will be honest, the hour aware, I'm sure that McDonald's do do a delicious range of salads. Yeah, they do. Yeah, not in the morning. Oh, yes. Breakfast only in the morning, isn't it? Breakfast only. Yeah, breakfast only. So, yeah, no one's ever heard of a breakfast salad. That's ridiculous. Who's having a breakfast? I mean, I know they do fruit pouches or whatever it is, but, yeah. So, but, yeah, their contactless is working. So, my shopping is currently still probably sat on the self-service checkout at Morrison's as I walked away and discussed and I walked straight into McDonald's. I honestly hurt the world as it is. Yeah. It was much simpler. I hated myself. I hated myself for the fact that it would have been easily been resolved if I'd just had my card on me. I never carried that. Well, I don't, I had never carried it, so I just always used my phone. So, I was already annoyed at that. If I just had my card, I could have bought this, got home, had a slim fast, had a glass of water with some, with my probiotics that I bought. And, you know, I could have got on with my day, but now I feel disgusting in myself and the fact that I've already had a shower and now I'm full of a greasy breakfast wrap. No, no, Mason, you look happier for it, John. This is the happiest time I've ever had. Do you know what? I'm the same. I never carry my card and sometimes I'll get out and go and get something and I'll leave my phone in the car. Do you only get paid cash for a gig? I like having cash in my pocket because I like paying for things in cash because the looks on people's faces are like, what? We don't get, I mean, obviously we declare in all of that any cash gig is all being declared. Yeah. 100% I declare everything. Some gigs I don't know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I'm so low paid and so far away that you just think, what's the point? I've like made nothing of this. I've just done this for tax. Everything I've just done has been for the social benefit of other people. What a kind soul you are. I've travelled to Wolverhampton for the NHS for this little bit. I had a little buy for the NHS. But it's going to do something, yeah. It's going to do some good. But it was, where was I? I forgot what I was saying. Oh, you're paying for something? I'm paying for things in cash, the looks on people's faces. Oh, it's mental. Yeah, what's this? How do you operate the tilt? My parents love cash. My parents are massively into the cash. My mum and dad. So my mum and dad go shopping at Aldi every Thursday morning at nine o'clock without fail, whether it's a school run or not. They've got no kids, but they'll be up at nine and then they'll complain that traffic is quite bad to get to Aldi. Sorry, I'm just having a rant now about my parents. But what they'll also do is they'll drive to Sainsbury's, which is just near to them, where the cash point is, and they'll take the money out of the cash point at Sainsbury's, get back in the car, drive to Aldi, go to Aldi, pay in cash. Is Aldi cash only? No, Aldi's definitely got a chipping pin, contactless, everything. I'm changing my shopping up this week for two reasons. Oh, yeah, where are you going? Well, we've previously used a major brand supermarket. Not Morrison's. And I don't know about that. Morrison's is definitely off the list. That was definitely lowest on my list. If it was Morrison's, that would be a massive coup for this podcast. Yeah, but it's not. - It's not. - No, it's not. And never will be. So it was another major supermarket that offers... For reasons we can't discuss. For reasons, yeah, it's no interest. It's no interest for anyone. It definitely is. This is like the bloody fishing trip in Gavin and Stacey. Yeah, just forget it, just forget it, yeah. Just don't worry about it, just don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah, and every time John took to co-opt their phrase, there are more and more reasons. One of which today was the fact that the chip and pendant worked. - Ridiculous. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort it out, Morrison's. I could come back if this wasn't the game. Anyway, a major supermarket, high street supermarket, who offer click and collect, which is, for me, shopping wise, a game changer. You order it online whilst you're drinking a cup of coffee or a beer. - Why are you... - Why? Hold on, why are you unwilling to name any supermarket that you shop at? If I was to reveal where I do my shopping and how and when I do it, on a fairly, let's be right, fairly regular basis, yeah. It wouldn't be difficult for either of our listeners or one of their colleagues to work out my movements. The next thing you know, there's a sniper on the route and I've been taken out, so just basic SAS survival training. Okay, fair enough, I thought, yeah, I'll get you, yeah, I'll get you. And now, but it's convenient as hell. You order it, you just turn up and you touch your shop in twice, it wants to put it in the car, it wants to put it in the cupboard. Also, I've got to change it up because I've got an air fryer this week. - Oh, my God, this is incredible news. - Yeah, I know. And it didn't do me any favours because of having an air fryer. I had two dinners yesterday. I had a first dinner, which was, I then found out during that dinner that it could cook salmon very well, but Shell had cooked that in the air fryer. I wanted to go on the air fryer. I wonder what it cooks for his fingers and chips. Let's find out now. I couldn't wait another day to find out. So, it brings some-- - How long between? - How long between the two dinners? - I hadn't finished washing the pots from the first dinner before the air fryer was on. The air fryer had not cooled down in any way, shape or form, before we'd even turn it back on again. The air fryer was basically like, "Yeah, back up to heat, don't you worry, I'm off." It's been, to be fair, it's been a long build-up for the air fryer. People have been going on about them for a while. You are a man that I feel like takes his time on buying the new fangled thing. Yeah, well, the way it worked out was absolutely fabulous. There's been a conversation among friends and family and also more pointedly with the people who I work with, how amazing their air fryer is, which seems to be a common theme. Like, it's some sort of magic box that you're throwing ingredients into. Turn a button and then, for heaters, come out 20 minutes later. And a Michelin-style meal just appears in front of you, like steaming on a plate. You put a salmon in, you put some green beans in and out comes. It's an amazing, like, like, Gordon Ramsay's cooked it himself. Correct. That's the exaltation with which people talk about them. Yeah. Anyway, this week, a major online shopping site has had a two-day, a special discount for... Two-day, two-day, two-day. Are they... You could suggest a jungle of any point. I don't know. The reason I'm not mentioning him is that Rich Fucker has got enough money. His pocket is without me, I'd be telling him any further. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Anyway, everyone's chatting. The person sits next to me at the office. He said, "We've got one, hit it, can't stand it, used it twice." So, I obviously, you know where my man's going. I said to him, "I wish you all for it." So, to cut a long story short, he was extraordinarily generous, because I think they were glad to get rid of it. So, it could have cost me significantly less. In the end, it cost me a bottle of chardonnay and a fire stick. No way. Yeah, that's 100%. You're doing swaps at work. You've done swaps at work. You've swapped a fire stick for an air fryer. Sorry, so it wasn't... I mean, that would have been amazing if I'd have given him something of mine and he gave me something of mine. Oh, okay. So, you bought a fire stick on your account, got it delivered to him, and he gave you his air fryer. I mean, you know, no, but something close enough to that. I gave him two-twenties and said, "Go off and get yourself a fire stick." Or something like that. So, we started off this podcast talking about contactless and how you use your phone, blah, blah, blah, blah. At this time that way, you could have been on the app yourself and gone, "Right, fire sticks on its way, mate. Don't worry, two seconds." But, instead, you gave your energy pocket, got 20s out. Yeah. Gave it to him and went, "Go and get yourself a fire stick. "I'll expect the air fryer tomorrow morning." The air fryer came in in immaculate condition and has been used twice. But on the same day, within an hour of each use. Two, yeah, which is exactly the same amount of times that he's used it. And you used it both times in one day. Already got plans for this evening. And indeed, for the rest of the weekend, he's going to be... Yeah, and I've actually have, yeah, okay, got you. As I was taking it out of the car, next door, but one, he was there and I go, "Oh, yeah, that's the same as what we've got." So, it was great. I've never used one before. And he tips, he goes, "I just put it on Max Crisp, show everything in "and take it out when it turns brown." That's the way I cook things anyway, I think. It's just an amazing set of tactics to use. Yeah, this is incredible. Again, my mum and dad. I went round mum and dad's for dinner every Monday at about five o'clock 'cause they eat at five 'cause they're old. So, we're turning the whole, a lot of we're turning the whole, massive fan of y'all should put in, as you well know, from my meals that I have sometimes when I get back from gigs. Yeah. So, this was like that, but with that added meat. And my dad was like, "I'm complaining about the Yorkshire pudding." I was like, "Oh, Yorkshire pudding's not risen. I don't know why." And I was like, "Well, I don't think your oven's hot enough. "That's normally the thing for a rose in Yorkshire pudding." I was like, "What have you got it on?" And he literally went, "I don't know." (LAUGHTER) What do you mean, he went, "Well, all I do is, "I turn that knob three times that way, "and then I turn that one around about three quarters of the way round." (LAUGHTER) That's for everything. Everything they got. (LAUGHTER) I operate a washing machine in exactly the same way. Well, yeah, I do. I operate a washing machine. But for cooking something, I always look on whatever I'm cooking and look at what it's going to be cooked at. I don't just go roughly there, roughly there. It'll be all right. And then sit there and complain that my Yorkshire pudding's not risen. I like his can-do sort of attitude to what I'm cooking. It was a way, it was just like three clicks on that one, which I looked at that knob, and that is the one that's like, "Do you know what you've got, grill?" Yeah, yeah. So that's oven fan assisted. That's where three gets you to. Someone's told him these instructions step by step. (LAUGHTER) If I'm not here, this is how you stay alive. Three quick... I was like, "What? Do you use this for anything else?" I was like, "No, that's literally..." You might as well just leave it on that setting and just turn it off at the wall. That's what it means. (LAUGHTER) So when you want it, I'll just turn it on. Oh, it's hot, you know. It's ridiculous. Perfect, perfect. Well, well, it's emerging because I was looking in the air fry cookbook last night. That was my bedtime reading. It did have a toad in the whole recipe, which did read... I thought that does read really, really easily. Have you got like linings and things... Is there a lining and stuff for this air fryer? Is it a lining on the inside of the box? No, no, you just... No, you just washed the box. Just imagine turning the whole market stuck and things like that, you know what I mean? No, you put it in a dish in the... Oh, OK. All right, OK, I got you. So a lot of the tone, as from now, has become the air fryer cookbook podcast. Well, come along, season two. It is there. We have had a bit of a change. And we're off. (LAUGHTER) How much weight have you gained this week, and what have you eaten? (LAUGHTER) And how did you cook it? And how was it in your air fryer? You prick. (LAUGHTER) I wonder, I think I might get a lot more listeners if we change it. I think we probably would, yeah, we probably would. Such is our commitment to the original direction of the podcast. We're happy just to chuck it out on a whim based on the past five minutes. Mate, I'm not. I'm not, but also I am. But I'm also not. I'm quite happy to try. I'm going to just keep losing weight on my own. If that's where we're going, we're going air fryer-wise. I'm quite happy to try and lose weight, because I saw a picture of myself and I was like, "Oh, my God, I need to do some weight." It's not like we haven't been talking about it for the past seven nine weeks. I know. I know. I feel like that was a proper wake-up call. Two months into the podcast, just real fast. OK, well, we might start seeing a massive downward shift then, who knows? Yeah, who know? Well, we'll see. We'll see. We'll have to tell them McDonald's breakfast, so let's not count that up too much. Yeah, but did you have the way in before that? Yeah. Yeah. Isn't it? He cheated, isn't it? He cheated. I had that long drive to the last week, and I ended up on the way pretty soon into the journey, I was thinking about what snacks am I going to get, because it is cheetah, and then five minutes after that, I passed the garage and stopped, and I bought one of those massive crunches. The ones that do were perfect for sharing. Yeah, right. And then, I don't believe in this duo thing. If you looked at the actual size of the duos, it's ridiculous. I've looked at the boost like duos, and I want it to be two boosts, but it's not. It's two... Yeah, OK, is it a third extra or something or a half extra? Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's a third extra. You get a third extra. Yeah, it's not a duo. Is that not enough for you? You're fat pig. That's not a duo, is it? It's not duo. Well, I'd just buy two boosts. Yeah, exactly. That's what I should do. Yeah. Well, it's a way to have one and a half boosts, isn't it, I guess? If you... Who's having one and a half... There was a bloke that I used to work with. This is to annoy the people that we used to buy breakfast sandwiches off every Friday, so every Friday, office, buy breakfast sandwiches. He used to order one and a half bacon and egg sandwiches. An egg sandwich is a difficult thing to sort of have a half of. Exactly. So he ordered one and a two, he'd have a four, one, and then a half. So he'd have three bits of a sandwich. And we were always like, "That cafe must fucking hate you." Or the guy that's cooking it loves you, because he also likes that sandwich. And he's just kidding. 'Cause he gets half a bacon sandwich that you've been for. But who orders half a sandwich? That's ridiculous. But I wouldn't have had two Yorkies, but I was happy with the york in a half that I bought and the grab bag of wheat crunches. I thought you said a crunchy you had. No, yorky. Oh, yorky. I thought you said crunchy at the start. I may have done, but it wasn't yorky. And wheat crunches, what wheat crunches do you have? The smoky bacon. Bacon one, yeah, yeah. Bacon one, yeah, yeah. Classic. A grab bag, which is a bigger bag. I would argue there's no more wheat crunches in there that are in a normal sized bag of wheat crunches. There's more air, there's more air. No, actually, Kelly's a massive fan of wheat crunches, even though obviously she's vegan, basically. But bacon wheat crunches, vegan friendly. So it's incredible. But yeah, Kelly has those, but you get a little bag, get a mottie pack, get a bag. There's like eight wheat crunches in it. Yeah. Why are we allowing this to happen? It feels like the basis of what revolutions are sort of starting from. Yeah, imagine one day, I reckon the revolution will start. Imagine an actual revolution starts at the back. Someone will open a packet of wheat crunches and there'll be two wheat crunches in it. And I think that'll get posted on social media and then they'll be in uprising and then we'll be burning the castles in minutes. I remember, at work, we saw a van that came around, you know, like a little tuck shop van that saw sandwiches and crisps, yeah. But a packet of wheat crunches from the... No, not wheat crunches, knick-backs from the van. The bag contained one knick-back, yeah. But it was a massive knick-back inside. The bag was just one. I'm not making this edible. It was one massive knick, like an apple. That's like the stuff that things are made, legends are made of. No one's ever heard of that. That must have been the days around about when... The quality wasn't good on food. Like, do you remember we used to get chewy malteses every now and again? Like, you'd have a malteser that was like... How many maltesers are you getting through John to find this mystic chewy one? - So many. - Are you not saying many? Are you thinking of revels? And sometimes they're just of coffee. - Are you thinking of revels? - It's a raisin! - It's a raisin in this malteser. - What's that about? I've been very excited this week. I've been swimming. We went swimming on Monday, just me and Poppy, 'cause Kelly was at work listening to the podcast. So, I mean, Poppy went swimming in family swim time. Not swimming for me, a lot of throwing and carrying. Yes, yes. Did she... Did she manage to increase on the number of words, sir? No, I don't think the number of words were not increasing. I can crew the air on the way to the water. No, it wasn't. I was doing that done. She managed to swim the whole length, deep into shallow end, on her back, doing backstroke, which is incredible for her, that's like a massive step forward in... Is it six years old? Seven, she'll be seven in a couple of weeks. She'll be seven, probably. Hold on. She'll be seven when this podcast comes out. We did swimming that day, and then we did do quite a big walk around the country park, went and fed some ducks. No, that's not exercise. Is it not? I was throwing bread. Can I argue that exercise? I don't know. Shall I use that, shall I? Did you break a sweat? Probably not a good question, given it was a hot day. You're a big unit. I didn't actually break a sweat now, but I did then carry Poppy on my shoulders back to the car. Did you run? Did you run while you were doing that? No, I'm not doing that. I'm not that dangerous. It's already quite dangerous for us, it is. We're walking for a wooded area. I was half expected to get to the car and just see Poppy covered in leaves and cuts. A bird in a head. I'll teach you to take this. So did that, and then just a normal walking that I've normally do anyway, that's it. That's all I've done. Pretty much the same for me. More skipping, more time on the punch bag, a little bit of walking. I was tempted for a jog. Now, we were talking about a parker and weren't we tomorrow. I can tell you now that's not happening. Some things happen to my foot. I don't know what it is. I've heard it a little bit. Gout. Gout. I don't think it's gout because I've not been smashing into any of those energy drinks or cheese or pork or rich food. I don't think I've had any of that. As with everything, I'm just going to hope it goes away. But I'm certainly not going to aggravate it by going for a 5K run. OK, that's good. That's, I mean, I'm so disappointed. I was really up for that. What excuse did you have penciled in? Just in case it's supposed to be? I had it. I might excuse it, but I've got to do it. I'm doing a comedy festival down in Gloucester tomorrow. So I can't, I don't have enough to do it, yeah. That you weren't aware of last week when we were. That I didn't really, well, I wasn't aware that I wasn't aware that it started quite so early. I didn't realise it was an afternoon thing, not a night thing. Standard John locks it as a diary the week before anything. That's how I work on a weekly basis. I was hoping to have some work tomorrow. Something dropped in at the last minute, which I applied for. And I don't think I'm going to get it. It was emceeing an event, a running event that you said. A running event, a mud run event. We could have done, we could have joined in. We could not because it's a mud run event that's run in Birmingham tomorrow, specifically for women. And the normal emcee had dropped out. So I said, so they'd put out it, can anyone do this? And I thought, in spite of having no experience of ever doing anything like that, yes, I can do that. Yeah, please pick me. When I first started doing comedy, John, it was all about, I'll never say no to anything that comes up my way because what is the point? I could do that, I've had no experience doing this whatsoever, but I can do this. How difficult can it be? He's just about winging it, no, no, what type of things get said. You can wing it, you could do it, yeah, you could just be like, go on lads, go on lads, I'm sorry, women, go on women, go on women, go on, run a bit faster. Ooh, that's it. I'm actually so I'm guessing the bloke with no experience in any type of that thing was not at the top of their list, which... No, probably not. I've DJ'd, I DJ'd one of those runs before, having never DJ'd before, other than a bit online when the lockdown was happening. I've got a book to DJ a charity event. Have you been called upon to do it since? No, I kind of gave it up because I was doing community radio for a long time and then I gave it up because comedy just got in the way. So if anyone, if either of our listeners are interested in how you're securing John's services at DJ to your event, please get in touch at lowerthetonepodcast@gmail.com. - Thank you very much. - For a quote. And for a quote, for a quote from Patrick. Do you have any record bags? Can I carry your record bag, so is it all on MP3s? It's sort of, it's MP3s and it's just a USB stick now, mate. - That's all it is. - Yeah, yeah. So you don't need any assistance there. So I won't be at the event unless you wanted a full lower the tone event where I can be there, but I won't, I'll be like, "Bess, I'll bring along." I'll be like, "Tambourine" or something. That should be "Bess" just in the background. OK, so John, as we are so far through the podcast, it is now time to talk numbers and stats. - Let's talk numbers. - One thing I'd like to say as well, I am going to do this skipping challenge that you've done. - I haven't had a chance to do it. I haven't had a chance to do it this week because I've been so busy. So I haven't had a chance to get someone to come and record me doing it. So I want someone else to film me whilst I'm skipping in the middle of town to prove that I'm doing it in the middle of town with people around me. OK, double or quits, as you've not done it yet, which is... Well, I feel like I still need to do it. It needs to happen because it's a forfeit. So I don't want to give it up and I'll say I am going to do it this week. And I'll also take whatever forfeit it is next if I've not lost weight. - So we haven't... - Because, you know, I settle my debts. - Yeah, I settled mine. - No, I waited half. - Yeah, I did. - Yeah, well, it was a cruel and unusual punishment. - Yeah, it was, that's true. - I've also had to point out, I brought on by you because you were the one that gave me the whole... John, normally, you're a bit more of a cunt than this. - Yeah, well... - I was being all nice and quite nice and fluffy about it. And you're normally... I thought, "Oh, fuck yeah, here we go." - There we go. - Milk, gone. I did some of it, but as a cruel and unusual punishment, that is, like, sort of forbidden under the US Constitution. So I did some of it. The... What was I going to say? We haven't sorted out a forfeit for this week. No, we haven't. We haven't sorted forfeit. So we need to discuss that before we discuss numbers. So I was going to suggest, I mean, one of the things I was going to do anyway was get our ice bath filled up. - So... - I'm in for ice bath. If I lose, I will let you decide... I'm doing it anyway, but I will let you decide the number of minutes. How many minutes do you normally do? So it's a struggle, but the benchmark that I've set... And I've never done more than this, it's two minutes. - Right, OK. - So if you were to pick 20... - That would be ridiculous, do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, OK. That's why I was asking, that's why I was asking. I didn't want to go, right, one hour. Can we make this one? Let's make this one and we'll do it not together. - I will also do an ice bath. - OK. - So we'll both be there to do this one. - OK, that's fine, yeah, yeah. 'Cause I'll have to come and use your ice bath or something like that. The forfeit for me is not for me to buy an ice bath. - He didn't use it. - No. Are you busy today? Yes. 'Cause it's a warm day, I mean, today would be... - If it was a day to an ice bath, it would be today. - If we keep putting these forfeits back and it gets to the December record of the podcast, I'm not doing a fucking ice bath. Well, that's when I did it. My first ever ice bath was Christmas day. During winter, it was fine, 'cause you could use it without the ice. Now, it'd be like a paddling, but it'd just be like, sort of, cool. So you've got to decide when you're going to use it, put the ice in, and I would say, without being rude to either of us, we're both fairly big units. - Yeah. - We'd probably have to sort of refill it after one person had been in and put more ice in it, you know, in order to... Well, I'm not saying we're both going to do it on the same day. What I'm saying is, the forfeit is that, well, you're doing it anyway, but my forfeit will be that I will have my first ever ice bath. - Okay. - And I will try and beat your two minutes. I'd say let's set a three to four minute challenge for the ice bath. Okay. Because I'll tell you one thing about the ice bath, you will not die, but... - You won't die. - There's one thing they say about ice baths is you will not die. You will not die nice. You can't die nice. All that happens, and I've seen Captain America the first Avenger. All it means is that you'll get found in a few more years' time. The world would have passed you by. - My positive powers. - But you will have super powers, so it's absolutely fine. That would be amazing. But I think the point of race is that your brain doesn't like it when you get in cold water and you want to eat. No, it doesn't. You're very difficult to stay in. It's telling you to get out. It's like, "Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out." "Get out, what are you doing?" And your testicles, I'm assuming, also just nearly go... I assume you go inverted. I don't know what happens to them, John. I just leave them to the hoother on thing. - I'm not bothered. - They look after themselves. - They look after themselves. - John, what you're saying there is, John, we're not doing this ice bath naked. That's one thing that we're not doing. Yeah, yeah, that's not happening. So, ice bath is... I'll be doing two minutes anyway. - That may be... - So I'm going to put two more minutes. Up to four, I think. Put two more minutes. I want you to double your time. If I lose, I've got to just try and beat your two minute. Based on weight loss in the last week, yes? Yeah. You seem confident. I don't like it. I'm not confident. I'm not confident. - I'm... - Okay. Go on then. As what's happened previously, you've done fuck all and still beat me. Well, who wants me to? Do you want me to go first? I don't mind going first, because mine's... What I've remained is fairly consistent. I have had a loss. Oh, well, okay. Looks like I'm... Looks like I best get my trunks on. I've lost. I've lost a... Mind the usual amount of 300 grams. - All right, okay, brilliant. - Good, that's just my standard. Which, in a good way, because I've come down to... The lowest I've been since I started the process. Brilliant. See, now, lower than you've ever been. Yeah. In the last eight weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, whilst I'm not confident that I beat you, because, as we know, you've been out and eaten, like, huge ice cream shit, and still managed to lose weight. Yeah. No, this week, it was... Well, I'm classing it as a maintain. It's actually a loss, but I had to get down to... It's a loss of 50 grams. 50 grams? I can't believe you're laughing at my 300. No. Because normally I weigh myself... Not only I weigh myself in stones and pounds, and it was a maintain. It was exactly the same. There was no change, so I had to change my scales... - We've all been there. - To look at what I was. We've all been there. It's a maintain, but I'm going to say I've lost 50 grams. But, obviously, that's less than you. Yes, it is less than me, yeah. Yeah. So, there you go. You win. I'm in the ice bath for two minutes. Minimum of two minutes, I think. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - You said you were going to beat... - Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're going to beat my two minutes is what you said. Oh, yeah, that is... Yeah, I did say that. That's true. OK, so, two minutes and one second, and I'll be out of that ice bath. At the 122nd mark, my knees will look more, hopefully, still be able to move as I try and get myself out of the ice bath. Did you want to do that next Friday? And then we can record the podcast immediately after. Let me just check the diary for where I am. You're recording a fucking podcast and I know that much from here on. - Yeah, I reckon we could do that. - Yeah, OK. So, potential for, well, between this and the next record, you'll have done your skipping and will have done the ice bath. - Yeah. - We'll have got some actual content. - I can't wait. - I can't wait. I'm actually quite excited. I'll bring my camera and shit round as well so we can get some really good shots of this ice bath situation. Yeah, yeah, honestly, it's not a great look that your first takes on when you first came there, but, yeah, let's look forward to that. Amazing. Thank you so much, everyone, for listening to our... Let's be right, arguably filled attempts to... Yeah, I think... - Failed attempts is a good way to describe it. Failed attempts is a good way to describe this podcast now. It's the failed attempts of the weight loss. - Let me just tell you the most disappointing thing for me is... - Yeah. I now appear to be losing weight on a relatively consistent basis, but I was hoping it would have been a hypnotism. It was, like, some of the weird just doing the podcast. It appears to have been eating less than exercising more. I just... It feels way too... Just standard. A way to lose weight. You wanted to do something big. You wanted to do something big and different. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm worried, obviously, for the suit. I'll have to give that a try to see how many... I want to... Yeah, well, we could do that after the ice bath. We can video you putting the suit on for the first time. I might swap it for something. - I think swap it for... - Swap it for... Swap it for a fight stick. Yeah, yeah. See, if anyone is... There are ways around about, sort of, just less than 16-stone. What we're looking at is a height of six foot and a BMI of 31. - And then this should be absolutely... - Yeah, there's a suit here for you, no problem. Beautiful suit. Yeah. One, one, twice. No, three times. Well done, congratulations. Yeah, this is one of the reasons I wanted that gig tomorrow. - So I could get the suit... - Wear the suit. I could wear the suit for that, yeah. Why would you wear the suit when doing MCing a gig for, like, people running? No, I won't wear a suit for that. Yeah, well, you would, if you maybe spent 300 quid and wanted to get your money's worth out of it. Yeah, but aren't you outside while they're running around, or is it afterwards? I've no idea. I think it's outside while they're running around. Yeah, why would you wear a suit? The ladies and gentlemen, there's a lost child. - It's one of those, I think. - Yeah. Come on, come the owner of the Fiesta with the... Hello, that's ridiculous. All right, OK, well, I won't wear a suit, especially not in the day outside in this heat. No, no, well, maybe you don't have the same commitment to money spent that I do. No, I don't, you're right. I would have sacked that suit off, fucking, two weeks ago. But I'm happy to swap it for some new white goods, to if anybody's got any white goods. When I was going to wash the machine on the go, I'll take one of those off your hands, no problem. Has anyone used the email to contact us? No, incorrect. However, we did have contact from our one listener, Ian Boden has contacted us to say that he's enjoyed the podcast this morning. On a unrelated note, just had my second cooked breakfast of the day. I wonder, Ian, would you use an air fryer to cook your breakfast? Well, I replied saying, "Oh, great, you've had a three-sausage day then." And he said, "Not quite a three-sausage day, four-sausage, four-hashed brown, four-bacon, "two-tose, one-fry bread, one beans, and one scrambled egg." Please, can more people use the inbox, the lo-the-ton podcast at gmail.com, right to us, because this is now starting to feel like we could also have a lot of time by just ringing Ian up on a weekly day. Just give Ian a direct week. Just get Ian on the Zoom call. Not record it, not go through any editing process. Just speak to Ian. But I'll just relay everything. I'll relay everything to Kelly. You'll relay everything to Shell, that's it, we're done. Covered all bases for all of our listeners. Anyway, right, let's go. Thanks very much for tuning in, during next week. We'll have more air fryer recipes and some ice bath nonsense that's going on. In the meantime, tick, I love you. Goodbye. Goodbye, Rod. Goodbye. [music] [BLANK_AUDIO]