Ahoy! Steve and Captain Evil are fresh off their family vacation. They share their experiences and also a few DOs and DON'Ts of cruise vacationing.
Steve & Captain Evil: The Podcast
Family Trip Episode
(upbeat music) - How are you looking at me like that? - I don't know. Why are you looking at me like that? - Well, no, 'cause-- - You were gonna say, were you gonna say something mean? - No, I just want people to understand, Renee's just not herself today. She's feeling the little drag-assy. - I feel like we said that last episode too. Now, people really are gonna think I'm pregnant, 'cause last episode I was like, I don't feel well that I'm not pregnant. - Why do you gotta go there? Why do you gotta go to pregnant? - Well, 'cause, what cause? - Maybe the exact opposite is happening to you. (laughing) And that's why, (laughing) that's why you don't feel well. Maybe that's happening. - I was saying that I must have been my protein shake out. - Well, to be honest with you, number one, we apologize for not having an episode last week. - And we didn't even say we weren't gonna have an episode. We just kind of forgot about it. - Well, yeah, but we went-- - I mean, don't forget about the episode. We forgot to share that we weren't recording an episode. - But we do have lots to talk about. - Yeah. - There's lots to talk about. - Yeah. - We went on a family cruise. - Which is why we did not podcast. - It was all of our parents. And I say all of our parents because I am fortunate enough to have step parents. - Uh-huh. - So it was-- - We have six grandparents. - It was Grandma Dora, Grandpa Arthur, Grandpa Joe, Grandma Sarah, Daddy Raymond, Mamma Mia. It was Renee's sister and her husband. It was, I mean, we're gonna get into it, but it's like a fucking sitcom. It's my sister and her husband, Kitty Wayne, and her three teenage daughters. - Yes. - It was my cousin Tim, his wife Clarissa, and their tween boy and 10-year-old son. We all went on a cruise and comedy ensued. Comedy, it was literally like, if you were to, and Brian's here hanging out, the writer, Brian, and Brian, it was like, if you were to write characters, right? If you were to take, you know, Rebecca-- - We had all the character archetypes in our group. - Rebecca was the, none of this food is good for me. I'm a bodybuilder. I work out super health conscious, right? Her husband was sneaking food on the side to not get in trouble with his wife. - Which is crucial buffet is perfect for that. It's very easy to sneak food. - You had Kitty Wayne. I'm gonna go hard on the first day and you won't see me the rest of the trip. You had my sister who was like the ultimate. Like, I think I'm having fun. I'm not having fun, right? My sister, Lisa, and her husband were like, woo-hoo, this is the coolest thing that's ever, did Roland's like Zumba class with mom. - Oh my God, that's the cutest video ever. Roland's in the Zumba class. My sister and her daughter Lizzie are like going to all the shows. They were the show family. We're going to all the shows. We're not missing a show. Grandma, Dora's having a panic attack. - Oh, legit. - Full on fucking panic attack. - You hear on the ship, they call for like, medics. - And it's for our family. - It's for our family. - It's for our family, yeah. So then I get a phone call, I get a phone call. Well, it happens to be the day that, so Renee and I were like, okay, we got our kids. I'll do the massage, you stay with the kids. - The first day on the boat, you do the massage, and I say- - And then the second day on the boat, she's like, I'll do the massage, you stay with the kids. - And we kind of tried to plant it around nap time, like when Delilah would nap, so it would be like chill down time. - So, I pond Garrett off on the other families. I'm taking Delilah to nap. I'm like, perfect, 'cause I went hard too. I'll nap with Delilah. All of a sudden, my phone in my room is ringing like crazy, and they're like, Mr. Trevigno, your mom is freaking out. She's in a wheelchair, she's shaking. Can you please, she wants you. I go, I can't leave. I got a three-year-old. I can't leave a three-year-old to sleep in a hotel room. And then finally, they're like, okay, we found one of your nieces, she'll go to you, I got dressed. Dude, mom's like, hi, hi, and it's moving too much, and I mean, freaking out. There's like five people that found her, the original people that found her, panic in her there, Arthur's there, and I'm like, mom, just breathe, hold my hand. I finally calmer down, like full-on fucking panic attack. We're nice trying to get a massage. - Well, so I didn't turn my phone on silent. So I hear my phone going off like crazy, like beeping nuts, but I don't know what's happening. And I'm like, sure, like, I never imagined I was your mom having a panic attack that it was like a legit emergency. I was like, it's okay, it's okay. - And part of the reason is because we decided to go on a cruise during hurricane season, and it was a full-on fucking tropical storm, almost hurricane, and they're like, yeah, we're just gonna go through it. - And kind of around it. - Yeah, you know, we're just gonna cruise, everybody's okay. And then at that day, I mean, you could really feel, most days you couldn't feel it. - No, there were definitely at least two days you could feel it. - Yeah, where you could kind of, you're like, okay, we're, you're walking, and then you're like, oh, I'm kind of walking to the left here. I was grateful we packed Rama-Mean. - So to add to the characters, then you got Garrett, almost nine, eight years old. You've got a three and a half year old. Then you've got my sister who has an 18 year old, a 17 year old, and a 16 year old. - Yes. - They're way too fucking cool to hang out with any of us. So they're on their own. Tatum, the tweenie, is he's trying to keep up with them. Christian and Garrett are kind of doing their thing. - They're really too young. - But Garrett wants to hang out with the big kids. The big kids don't want the little kids. It's, I mean, you want to talk about a full fucking shit show. - And I don't know if Delilah can be contained on a ship. - I will say. - I don't know if I would sign up for a three year old because of Delilah. - Daddy Raymond, day one, is like, ee, we're gonna gamble. I can't wait to play crafts and we're gonna play crafts. So we all plan, we're gonna, and by the way, we get on that boat and we start drinking immediately. - Yeah. - Right? All the dudes are hitting it. - There were several buckets of beers. - Yeah, they're hitting it hard. So Sean snuck away from fitness Becca, right? To come hang out and gamble with us. I convinced Kenny Wayne and Tim, cousin Tim, to gamble with us and this dude shows, well, first we're doing good, we're doing good, we're doing good, we're playing. So this dude shows up and he's, you know, I like to, here's the move for those of you that do not know how to get a craps table going. - Oh, this needs to be part of your craps manual. - Yes, part of my craps manual. When people join your side of the table, you get to, you introduce yourself. - Okay. - So that you know? - Like if they squeeze in between you. - Yeah, like, well, there's two sides, there's two sides of a craps table. - Yes. - And then whatever side you're on, you need to become friends with the stranger that joined the table so that now you're all in it. - Okay. - A lot of times people want to be individuals at the craps table, I don't do that. - No, you are. - Hey Steve, nice to meet you. We're gonna make some money, you excited. Hell yeah, make some money. What's your name, Bill? Hell yeah, Bill, we're gonna make some, right? And then, so anyway, I got Sean here. I got, he's in position one to the left. I got a gap here, then it's me, then it's Tim, then it's Kenny, okay? This dude shows up, right? Squeezes in the middle and I'm like, hey man, Steve, nice to meet you. That's Kenny, that's Tim, that's Sean. And he goes, I'm Longview, baby, I'm from Longview, Texas. Call me Longview. So we're like, oh shit, all right, Longview, right? So Sean gets the dice, right? And we're all talking or whatever. And then Sean looks at me and goes, dude, I'm about to roll, shut the fuck up, right? So he rolls, boom, right? And I go, I go, dude. And he's like, you gotta say that you hit it once. You gotta say it again. So he's like, dude, shut the fuck up, boom. I mean, we're going like, right? Now I'm going, what day is it? And the whole table's going, it's shut the fuck up Friday, right? Everybody shut the fuck up. And then we'd all wait for Sean to say it. And Sean would say, shut the fuck up, right? I mean, we were winning and killing, and he rolled, he probably had 40 to 50 shut the fuck ups. - No one at the table was offended with all the funs. - Dude, the staff, the dealers laughing. At one point, the pit boss was like, what day is it? Freaking shut the fuck up Friday, right? I mean, we got a crowd. - Was it even Friday? - No, it was Monday. But it was shut the fuck up Friday. And then Sean would go, Sean would go, he'd look at it the whole table and go, shut the fuck up. And then we, yeah, and then he'd throw it, right? Dude, he was a celebrity for the-- - Oh no, I heard people when I was with him on the ship, I heard people like, but once or twice, people pass by and they go, shut the fuck up. And the first time I was like, whoa, that's so impressive. - Dude, he walked through the boat, people were like, shut the fuck up Friday. See you tonight, right? So then, you know, your dad the next day was like, I heard he heard, and Sean already told me it's shut the fuck up Friday. I mean, y'all did good, I heard he heard, I heard he heard. You know, are we gonna play tonight, are we gonna play tonight, I already heard, you know? Oh, dad was there, Grandpa Joe, Grandpa Joe got a piece of shut the fuck up Friday, right? - They were a high fireman on a freaking blast. Why? 'Cause we got to know each other. We got a thing going, it was a great night. And then, the crazy, we did gamble almost every single night. - Yeah. - We'll get to the last night here in a minute when Daddy Raymond got to enjoy. But unfortunately, because of the tropical storm, we got to our first day excursion thing. - We got to Cozumel. - In Cozumel, which was our first day on the trip. - Yes, and I noticed they let our ship port, but then they shut down the rest of the port. So if you had like an excursion boat, were you supposed to take a boat to a beach or to something else? - Well, it wasn't happening. - All that was done. - I mean, dude, the streets were literally flooded. We were in a tropical storm. So you get off the boat, and the only thing we could find was the first restaurant that had like this huge kind of falafel. - It's basically like margarita. - It was in your frogs. - It was like señorita margarita. - Yes, that's what I was thinking. - So the family gets there, we're under this tarp. It is, you can't even walk to the shops. It's raining that part. - Yeah. - I mean, it is like torrential, I mean, you're in a tropical storm. I mean, almost hurricane. So then I got Garrett. I got Delilah. Now the teenage girls loved it, because in Mexico, if you can reach the bar, they'll serve you. - Yeah. - So now they're doing a conga line through the deal. - We're shots. - Oh, well, there's a Mexican host. Okay, y'all ready to get crazy? Where are you from, Texas? We got Texas, okay, Texas. Who wants to take a shot? We're gonna take a shot, right? And he's like, and he's up there with bottles and they're conga line passing him, and it's like, all right, oh, then at one point, Delilah climbs on the table, and she's boogying on the table, and Sean looks at me and goes, "I bet you weren't expecting that to happen so early "in your daughter's life." So then when they were like, okay, not the environment for a three and a half year old and an almost nine year old. - Yeah. - Let's go back to the boat. So back to the boat, bummer, right? And Garrett's at a tough age right now where he really can't control his emotions. He was very let down because we had been pumping up this excursion 'cause we were gonna be on a catamaran and we were gonna, he's been really wanting to snorkel. - Yeah, inflatables on the water. - Yeah, there was inflatable, and we were really pumping this thing up. He's ready to get off the boat and do this thing with his cousins, completely shut down and you have to sit down with him or I had to sit down with him and explain to him, like, hey man, like there's nothing we can do, right? You can either choose to be bummed out, but they're nine, he's eight. You can choose to be bummed out or you can just make the best of it. And he was just really, really bummed out. The cool part was I finally dragged him to the Ovation Theater and they were playing Aquaman. And your mom and dad happened to be sitting there. So I sat him down, he's like, ugh, stupid movie, but it was really cool because it was in this huge theater and he finally got into it and was enjoying the movie. But our first excursion went to shit. Then we all get back on the boat and for the most part, most people made the best of it. - Yeah, yeah, I mean, I feel like all the adults were like, really, it is what it is. Like we have food, we have a place to sleep. - And they were all partying, right? Hey, who wants a shot? You know, and they're on me, you know? But then we go to dinner and then they make an announcement, which was kind of scary because we had not heard the captain's voice much, right? - Well, and it was late. It was probably like what, nine o'clock? - It's about nine. - So we'd already, everyone had already gotten back on ship. The boat had already left port and we were heading to the next city 'cause we were supposed to be in progresso the next day. And yeah, the ship captain comes on. - The ship captain comes on and he says, "Hey guys, bad news. "We are not going to progresso. "The port is closed over there "for your tomorrow excursion "and you just hear the air come out of the dining room." Like everybody's just like, "Oh." - They're like, "We're gonna turn the boat back around "and go back to Cosmo." - To go back to Cosmo. So you can at least have a little bit of a day without rain. - Yep, and it was a good day. - Yes, it was. - We got back, we had to do a different excursion than the one that we had planned, but-- - Well, because three ships all ended. It wasn't just our ship, this was happening too. There are multiple ships out there. - Oh, like the dock was like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Royal Caribbean, Norwegian, I mean, they were all lined up because that was their only-- - Yeah, I'll go in and out of that. Same little port. - Had a great day there. Finally got to snorkel. - Yes. - For me, it sucked because as soon as I got in the water, I inhaled through my nose all the salt water. - Yeah. - And that gives me heartburn. I get heartburn. - Yeah. - So now I'm like trying to snorkel-- - But you have a snorkel gear on, how did you-- - 'Cause I jumped in, I jumped in the water, and then for whatever reason, I just took it up the nose and out my mouth, and I was, you know, the feeling guys where you're just like, "Oh!" So then I'm just laying there like, you know, with my little floaty vest, like just miserable, you know, so I did most of it, and then Garrett finished it off or whatever, but that turned out to be a great excursion. - Yes, I'm trying to remember the name of the park 'cause people I posted pictures on my Instagram, and people were asking me, like, what did we do? Do you have any excursions you recommend? Oh, that's what it was, it was called Chunkanab Park. - Yep. - And yes, it's very touristy, but if you're only there for one day, we had a large group. There's something for everyone there. They had tequila tasting, they had dolphins, they had a sea lion show, Delilah played on the beach. The bigger kids went snorkeling. - Several restaurants along the beach. Now, we ended up at this place, and let me tell you why we ended up there, and let me describe what this guy looked like. If you've ever seen a cartoon of a Mayan, that's what this dude looked like. - Yeah. - This guy looks straight up Chica Nixa, or whatever. - Well, they still speak all those different dialects. - Yeah, they still have a guy like there. - And I'm not speaking poorly of him, but the big head, huge hands, short, very little, I mean, literally like the cartoons you see on TV. - Yeah. - In our day, not nowadays, they're more politically correct, but where they over-exaggerate the Mayan features, that was this guy. Now, let me tell you what I loved about him and why we stayed. This guy wanted to serve. - Yeah. - This guy was energetic, moving chairs for us, welcoming, bringing the menu. I mean, this guy, and that's what people today don't understand. Dude, I broke this guy off, and I'm not gonna say what I gave him, but it was more than generous, because you just don't see that kind of passion. In any job anymore. - Yeah. - Here's a dude that is straight up Mayan Indian, right? In Mexico. - Yeah. - As a server, and the pride that he had made me respect this man so much. - Yeah. - I was literally. - And he wasn't a young guy. - Older man. I mean, at one point, I go, the mariachis were way over there, and I go, man, I'd love, hopefully they'll come over here. This dude, full sprint. He heard me say that, full sprint. And I'm like, no, I didn't mean for you to go, but he was gone. I couldn't even tell him, and he brought him over. Just the passion this guy had, to serve us and our family. If I could get somebody like him, and bring him to my home to work for me, I'd be the happiest man of life. Because this dude had a smile on his face the whole time, was so willing to serve. Then I broke him off, probably, and maybe I'm being shitty right now, probably three weeks to a month of the normal tips that he gets, because I wanted to bless him. And I wanted to let this guy know what you do matters. And it was awesome, right? Had a wonderful time back on the boat, get everybody back on the boat. And then we were at the, and we're gonna talk about tips and tricks. We're gonna talk about things we didn't like. - Yeah, all the things we thought for all the random TikTok videos we watched about, what you should buy. - Yeah, so we'll talk about that. We'll talk about that. - We'll talk about that. - What we actually used. - So then, that night, we're at dinner, and Daddy Raymond says, we're gonna gamble, yeah, we'll gamble. Now, on the cruise, which was really cool, in order to gamble, it was 18 and up. - Uh-huh. - Well, Kinsley, my oldest niece there, I don't know, Lizzie was. - Yeah. - But Lizzie's kind of quiet. She's not, I told Kinsley I go, will you gamble with me for a little bit? You're 18, right? Come gamble. - Yeah. - So we all sat with Kinsley, I gave her a couple hundred bucks, and we gambled together, which was cool, because she was only 18. That's not gonna happen in Vegas. She had zero fucking interest, you know. - She probably wanted to take that money and go buy something and win in the shops. - She doubled down, she had 15 on the deal. She doubled down for 15. - She wins. - Yeah. - And she was like, I go, Kinsley, you just won, like 60 bucks. And she was like, oh. Like, I, she was like, whatever. Like, didn't care. - Yeah. - You gotta eyelash on the deal. - Chocolate? - No, eyelash. So then the whole time, I'm like, looking for your dad, right? - Uh-huh. - My date's coming. We have a date, where's my date, you know? Never came. - Yeah. - So now it's the last night. And I'm like, oh man, we're getting off this boat. - I mean, I have to say, I think like, the boat was really rocking. And that night, it was really rocking. I think it, I think it affects people. Like, I think it makes you, Tyroxy is safe. - Not lethargic. - Yeah. - It makes you tired. And then maybe the drama mean, 'cause we're all on drama mean too, but. - It definitely gives you a little bit of, of, - A little loopy. Like. - You have to mentally not think about it. - Yeah. - You really have to mentally go, I'm going to forget. - Yeah. - Well, no, I wasn't thinking about it, 'cause I know, like, then that just makes you sicker. But the day after, the day we got off the boat, when we got home, I was like, I am dizzy. I would get up and I was like, I'm dizzy. - Oh yeah, the day I got off, dude, you're walking and you're like, did the work. - I feel like I'm still laughing. - Can I just pull the earth move? - Yes. - Yes. - Yeah. - So anyway, he stands me up. It's the last night. - He stands me up. - Yes. - I am, I at this point, and I would admit, had been taking a beating in the casino. - Uh-huh. - Dad says, gamblers only tell you when they win, they never tell you when they lose. - No, I'll tell you when I lose. I was fucking losing. I mean, I was like, man, but a lot of that money, 90% was money that I had been winning that I brought with me. - Uh-huh. - 'Cause I had been, remember I had been winning. - Yes. - So I had a little stat, I had a little stash, right? - You had a cruise stash that started. But not only did I lose that stash, I lost a little extra, right? And I'm like, shit, man. And then of course your dad's like, hey, we gonna go tonight? And then I've gotta be up at seven. I'm like, yeah, we'll go early. We'll eat dinner, we'll go early. - Last night on the boat. - Last night on the boat. Your dad had the best day of his life. We fucking killed it. Killed it. - And it was just you and him that night? - Well, no, we had a team and we met up. - No, no, but I mean like from our group, our family, we had a team, friends, we'd met at the table all week long. - We had a team, we had-- - I didn't know graphs was a team score. - We were playing with a couple of lesbians. Nash came up and I would describe Nash. Nash was a very big woman. She was black, she was tatted up. - Oh, is this the one my dad kept calling your girlfriend? - Yes. - I didn't realize she was boyfriend. - She was built like a Samoan. - Uh-huh. - And look like a dude, I'm gonna be honest with you. She comes up and she's like, "Hey man, how do you play this?" You know? And I'm like, "Well, I'll show you." So she's just kind of observing, super cool. - Do you think she knows she knew you or recognized you and knew that you loved to teach people how to play crap? - No, maybe. I don't know, I don't think so. - Yeah? - But she was super cool. Like high fiving when we would win and she's like, "Oh, I'm understanding." Another lesbian comes, right? Latina lesbian, right? The short hair, the whole thing. And she's like, "How do you play?" So now I got her and her and I'm teaching her, teaching her, she puts money in right away and doesn't do so well. - The Latina. - The Latina. Nash has not jumped in. - Oh, okay. - Right? Something happens, Nash comes back with $200, okay? We're down. Your dad looks at me and goes, "I'm outta cash, loan me $300." I've got $600 left, that's it. And I'm like, "Well, here's your $300, here's my $300, let's go." - Yeah. - We take that and we roll for the next three hours straight. Nash jumps in, Nash has to hit 'em all. If she hits 'em all, I win $5,700. I told Nash, "You hit that too, oh, we need this a two." I go, "You hit that too, and I've got $500 for you right now." Fuckin' two. Boom. (laughs) I give her the money and she goes, "You were serious?" "You were serious?" I go, "Yeah, look what you just wanted me, right?" Your dad gives her a hundred. I mean, it is Nash's best day of her life. She doesn't know I have ruined her life. (laughs) Yeah, she's gonna go back and it's not gonna be like that. But we're having a freak, and finally, I'm like, "Daddy Raymond, I gotta go." - Well, I know who said you were gonna come to bed early that night. - I still went to bed early, but I was like, I recouped all my money, and I've got some of the money, I mean, all the money back, and I've got a couple hundred bucks. Profit, it's a fuckin' win. - I love your gambling math. I'm not so impressed. - Let's go. - Oh, no, she walked over the morning and she goes, "Why were you late now though?" I look on the desk. - That's how I know he wins, 'cause he lit you. - Stacks, very ugly. - Stacks, stacks. - But we had, here, now Renee and I will get into pros and cons of cruising. - Yeah. - We will get into tips and tricks. - Okay. - Do's and don'ts. - Yes. - I will tell you that the kid drink package is not worth it. - No. - Don't buy it. - No. - And the reason being, I will also tell you that they're gonna ding you every which way. - Oh yeah. - Right, so you look at the crews, they say it's $2,000 for two people, all inclusive, to go. - Yeah. - What you don't know is that parking's gonna cost you another hundred. What you don't know is hopefully you're smart enough, not like us, we were not smart enough. They're gonna convince you to get the drink package for the kids. - Uh-huh. - And what that means is that they can now get sodas and-- - Which, we should have known better. The only thing, our kids don't drink sodas, Garrett drinks a Sprite and then gets like one a day. - Right, maybe. - We should have just, maybe, we should have just paid for the damn Sprite. - But the problem is that the only way that, I thought that when you buy the bubble package, that there was gonna be drink dispensers-- - Like a soda filling station. - Like a soda filling station. - Just go get your soda and go. - Yeah, there is not. - No. - There's water, there's lemonade, there's tea, and that's it. - And juice. - If you bought the drink package for the kids and they want a Sprite, a Coke, a Virgin something, they then have to go to the bar. - Yes. - Now the problem with that is the bar's so slammed by the time they get to your kid, it's almost not even worth dealing with. - Yeah, because it's over it. - There was several times they Garrett went to the bar with me and it just took forever and Garrett's like, "Ah, forget it, I'll just drink water later." Right? So I will say that for the kids, if you wanna buy them a soda a day, it's way cheaper than the $40 a day that you're gonna pay to get the drink package. - Yes, 'cause you can't just buy your drink package for one day either. - Right. - You're paying for it even on the days that you're out at port, which you're not even gonna be on the ship then. But I think I saw Garrett drink maybe four sprites. So four sprites is probably six bucks each or whatever. - Yeah, even if it was 10. - Even if it was 10, that's 40 bucks for the whole week. - As opposed to $40 a day. - Versus 40 bucks a day, right? - Yeah, don't do the drink package. - For the kids. - Well, maybe, and the bummer about the drink package for the adults is that we were like, "Well, we'll buy it for Dad, but we won't buy it for Mom 'cause she's not a big drinker. - If you buy it for one person in the cabin, you have to buy it for everybody. - Yes. - Now, here's another way they fuck you. Day one, your drink package does not count. - And that's the day you're there on their ship the whole time. - So they do it on purpose. - So that you rack up charges that day. - Yes, 'cause you get on the boat and you're like, "Hey, drinks for everybody, let's have a good time." Well, they don't tell you that that first day is not part of your drink package. It didn't kick in until six in the morning the next day. - Yeah. - So of course you want to drink. Of course you want to party. We all spent several hundred dollars buying margaritas and buckets of beer, so they ding you there too. - Yeah. - Then they ding you for the, you want to chat on the boat, that's five dollars each. - Yeah. - A day for everybody. And it fucking sucks. Next time we're taking walkie-talkies. - That's basically what it is. It's like a walkie-talkie app that's through the cruise ship app. - Internet? 20 bucks a day? - No, $135 a day for three devices. - Oh yeah, 'cause that's 20 bucks a day if you just want an online device. - One device. So now you're getting hit for Wi-Fi, which I need 'cause of work, I need to get my emails, I gotta kind of stay on top of the emergencies or whatever, they ding you for that. - Yeah. - Right now. - Which I think they do have like a computer station on the ship if you wanted to be like, okay, I'm gonna go check my emails three morning, noon and night, you know? - Now, as an adult, I do think the drink package is worth it for the adults. - I don't think I consumed my-- - Not you. - I didn't drink my drink package worth, even my alcoholic drinks. - I had 15 a day and I'm not gonna tell, that's my allotment, but I'm not gonna tell on the casino, but I definitely got more than 15 in the casino. - Because they bring them to you when you play in and they don't count. - I was the mayor of the fucking casino. I'd walk around, Mr. Steve! Mr. Steve, Mr. Steve, I wait on you! - You know, I mean, they were like, I was the mayor, dude, I'd walk in and hang out or whatever, but it was, yes, that's the problem. The problem is that you have to look at it as a couple. - Yeah. - Right? Is it worth the drink package because if I cannot get the drink package for me and not for her, if you're in the same cabin, you both have to get it. In the future, I think me and you would say no. - Yeah, we'll just pay for our drinks as we drink them. - Yeah, charge me to my card as we go, because it definitely-- - Well, and because even then, like at dinner, so the buffet is included and you have your certain dinner time every night that's included. - You're gonna expose us right now, you know that, right? - What, why? - You're gonna expose that we're bougie. - What? - You're about to let everybody know that they were fucking 12 brats. - No, but there are restaurants you can pay to eat at. - Which were way fucking better. - They are better. - Than the restaurant. - Well, you know what, some aren't, some aren't. It depends, 'cause one night we ate at the Italian restaurant and it wasn't necessarily that much better, but the steakhouse restaurant was. - And of course, I want a nice bottle of wine. That's not included in the drink package. - Yeah, so I, we'll just buy our nice bottle of wine next time, and that's a nice thing. - Well, you're allowed to bring two bottles. - Yeah. - So in the future, I would bring two bottles of something nice. - Yes. - That we know we're gonna drink for sure. - Yeah. - To eliminate buying those two. - 'Cause you can just pour yourself a glass in your room and then wander around. - I probably bought five bottles, 'cause at dinner, we like wine. - Yeah. - Like, but you know, so is the drink package worth it? If you're both Steve-level drinkers? - Yeah. - Then yes. - But even then, I ordered like a spiked coffee from the cafe, and it didn't taste like it had anything in it, so I asked him, 'cause we have this, I got 15 drinks. It's like, can you just like, pour a little more in there, a little more Kalooa, or a little more something in there? He goes, "Oh no, I can't. You have to wait five minutes and come back." So then I went to, I like wandered around the boat, went to another bar, asked him to pour a shot of Kalooa, and added it to me. - But I will say also, for me, that makes up for you, is the fact that I drink whiskeys, I drink bourbon, I drink scotches. - Yeah. - And I will say that they did have top shelf bourbon, scotches, and whiskeys that I was able to drink. I was drinking Johnny Walker Black all night. - Yeah. - One night, I was drinking Woodford Reserve all night. I was drinking Crown Royal Reserve all night, right? So I do drink the, which technically would be the premium of the whiskeys and the bourbons and the scotches, right? And Johnny Walker Black, through the lives in Dallas, well, that's six, seven bucks, maybe 15, a pop. - Yeah. - Right? And I drank 15 of those. Definitely got my fucking money's worth of Johnny Walker Black, right? So I will say that I will say that, that do not let them fool you in the bingo hall. - You were so grumpy about the bingo and something like this is the bingo too. - I don't know how they get away with it, and I don't think it's cool. - Yeah. - So here's what they did. And then according to my stepmother Sarah, it happens every cruise. - Yeah. - The whole day, or the whole week, don't forget to play bingo for a chance to win $5,000. - Yes, we're very excited about a chance to win $5,000. - All week, that's all you heard. Get to the bingo hall, $5,000. You have a chance to win. And I'm like, fuck, I like a chance to win. And I don't ever play bingo, but it was like, hey, here's a great activity to do with my wife and my in-laws and my mom and dad and everybody. - Well, I'll go play bingo, right? - And the kids could play bingo too, if they want to. I mean, I don't know, the checker that I guess appears. - These motherfuckers, dude, they don't give away $5,000. They basically say, we're gonna do blackout for $5,000, and we will give away the $5,000 if you do it within 40 numbers called. - Yes. Someone has to get blackout in the first 40 numbers. - Within 40 numbers. And there are 24 numbers on a bingo card, is that right? And then my stepmom goes, oh, yeah, they do it every time. And she goes, I have my, and they're frequent floaters. - They know, they know how this works. - Well, no, no, but what I'm saying is that they have been on a ton of cruises. And Sarah goes, I have never seen them give away the $5,000. - Well, and they're doing it with a computer system, so they have to know if it's gonna come up in less than 40 numbers. - Well, legally, they can't technically. - Right, I don't know. - So then they go, okay, guys, well, we didn't get it. So we're still gonna give away some money. - Yeah, but then it jumped down to like, what? Was it $2,000? - $1,800. - Yeah. - So three people won $1,800. - No, no, no, three people did not win $1,800. Three people had split $1,800. - That was pissed. - Which was not clear either. - Because to me, why don't you say potential to win $5,000? - Well, I'm sure in fine print somewhere, it says up to $5,000. But they weren't saying that on the fucking speaker. 'Cause that dipshit would, that was, that's one of the most annoying things about a cruise. What's that guys title? - It's called the cruise director. And they're supposed to be-- - Oh, yeah. In the fucking speaker, six in the morning. Hey, here's your cruise director, and we were very inclined, aren't we? - There's six in the morning. He doesn't come on tell them that. But they're supposed to be chipper and the life of the party. And they're your cruise director. - You're trying to take a nap dude at noon. And then the whole speakers go off. And he's like, "Hey guys, and we got this, "and don't forget it's 80s night." And Bob and I were just like, "Shut the fuck up." That was annoying. Yeah. - Okay, bye. - Yeah, then you would go. Okay, bye. - I'll tell you what to sign up every day. - Okay, bye. - I will say that he was very talented. He did get the party going several times at-- - People loved him. - But do we need the announcements guy? Do we need the announcements? - Yeah. - You know, a catalog guy. It doesn't have to be turned up all the way. - Well, we have the app, but you have a bunch of elderly people on the ship and they don't know how to use the app and they can't see the schedule there. So they do need the very loud announcement. - So things I would change. We did do a thing called Faster to the Fund, which was also an upgrade. That's the one upgrade I felt was worth it. - Yeah. - You were on the boat pretty much first. - Yes. - You don't deal with the cattle call. They move you into a room with all the other people who are diamond and diamond elite and all that. And my dad was so proud. I don't need Faster to the Fund. I'm diamond. I'm diamond. I'm a frequent floater. I'm diamond. - Yeah. - So what they do is they put you in a room, I mean, you've probably got several thousand people getting on this boat. - Yeah, I wonder what the population was on the boat. - Who knows. But you're in a group of about 150 to get on first. So I will say that the Faster to the Fund add-on, which was only a hundred bucks for the whole family. - Yes. - To me was worth it. - Yeah. - I will say that the drink package for the kids, not worth it. - No. - It's debatable whether me and you getting the drink package is worth it or not. - Yeah. - What else they don't tell you also, is that they're going to charge, you can either tip as you go. - Uh-huh. - Right. Or you can pay $80 a person. And I chose to do the $80 a person, but I still tipped on top of that. - Yeah. - Right. So again, they're going to ding you for parking. Your cruise was 2,000. You're going to add parking. Now it's 2,100. You're going to add the drink package. That's $40 a day per kid times five. You're going to add the drink package for you and your spouse. That's $60 a day times five times two. - Yeah. - Right. Then you're going to get on board and then it's another $5 a day times five for your text messaging. - Yes. - Then. - Which another resort would charge you your internet fee or your resort fee or whatever. So that gets factored in no matter where you're listening. - And then the first day, they're going to fuck you for another 300 bucks. However, - Thank you that much. - However, I have been told that you are up, you're allowed to bring up to a 12 pack of beer for the first day. - Really? - So there's a hack for you. - Okay. - Right? There's a hack for you. - Yeah. - And make sure this is right. That's what I was told. - I think it varies per shift depending on what line, what cruise-- - So in the future had I told all the men, hey guys bring a 12 pack each and we'll get some ice, wall drink beers. - Yeah. - When we get there. - By the pool, yeah. - You're probably saving several, several, several, 100 dollars on the first day. - Yeah. - Right? If you plan on eating the buffet that is included in your cruise, there's no extra cost in food. - Yeah. - However, there's a candy shop. Kids are going to want the candy shop. That's separate. You're going to want to get a nice coffee, right? That's separate. If you want to eat at the steakhouse or the other dining, that is on you. - Yeah. - However, because I did it as a package, our steakhouse experience was, I want to say it was $60 a head. And I will say that that was worth every single penny. - Yeah. - For 60 bucks, it was, everybody in your group got appetizer. Everybody in your group got an entree. Everybody in your group got-- - We got a little immense boost. In addition to our appetizer, they were like the cutest mini, tiny hamburgers you have ever seen. - And it was-- - Literally like this big hamburger. - And it was, or in your drinks are free because you have the drink package in the steakhouse. But I will say, steakhouse, I enjoyed it. - Yeah. - The food was delicious. - Yeah. - For $60 to get a full course meal, I think that experience was worth it. - Yeah. - Entertainment, we did carnival breeze. - Yes. - Entertainment was, yeah. - Yeah. - Mm. - Yeah. - I didn't know the comedians. - But I think we're-- - They didn't go to the fucking comedy show. - I don't wanna say we're entertainment snobs, but because we do what we do, we get to see some really great entertainment. - Well, when we did Norwegian, that crew, that show that we saw-- - That was an awesome show. - Was freaking awesome. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And Brian will appreciate this. It was Monday night in their little kind of lobby in the middle, they had a live band. And Renee and I and the whole group, we got there and we danced in very good band. I just looked at them as performers. - Uh-huh. - And thought to myself, my God, to be stuck on a boat and to find the energy to sing the same fucking songs. - Yeah. - For no money. - Yeah. - They were making a lot of money. - Yeah. - And a couple of times you could see it in their eyes, they had dead ice. You know what I'm talking about, Brian? Where they're just completely dead inside going through. - Oh, that sounds like terrible. - You know, so I went up there and tipped them and what made me mad, I go, I'm gonna buy you guys all a drink. They go, we're not allowed. - They can't. - And I'm like, let them get fucked up. - No, if you work on it. - No, we're gonna crush it. There are so many rules. - No, the crews we did with Mark Sandoval back in the day, we were buying the band drinks. - I don't remember. - And they would just tell us we can't buy them, but if you buy them for us, we can have them. - Yeah. - Then one of my favorite things to do in general. - Besides play craps. - I love piano bars. - Yeah. - I love a sing along piano bar. - Who doesn't love a piano bar? If you have never been to a piano bar, that's like when we meet people who are like, I've never been in a comedy club and I'm like, what is wrong with you? Are you crazy? - Well, it's coincidentally. - If you've never been in a piano bar. - As I'm sitting here, I think my love for the piano bar happened with me in art because art would come to see me at work except the improv comedy club. - Yes. - And then afterwards we'd walk across the hall to piece piano bar and we'd party there, right? Love piano bars. This guy. Guy. - He was bad. - The worst fucking piano bar guy I have ever seen in my life. - Like when I walked in, 'cause I thought you were there and I went to go look for you, I thought that's where I was supposed to meet you. He was doing-- - This guy doesn't win a karaoke contest. - I was like, how do you not, how does Britney Spears sound this bad? It's not that great to begin with. - You wanna, 'cause I told everybody, guys, piano bar, we're all gonna meet there. - So much fun. - We're gonna have so much fun. We're gonna party, we're gonna do requests. - Yes. - I mean. - I think he was sick 'cause there was one night I saw in this schedule. He was supposed to be at the piano bar and the piano bar was closed. - Hopefully they threw him off fucking, or throw him overboard. - Maybe he was sick. - Because, guys, I don't know how he got the job. There's guys that are bad, but you forgive 'em 'cause it's piano bar, right? We're all singing along, we're all having a good time. This guy's not great, but he's not bad. Let's have fun. - Yeah. - This was, you couldn't have fun. - Yeah. - This was, you'd walk by and just, you'd make this face. - It wasn't the piano playing skills, it was the vocal skills. You know what I mean? You make that face like you're like, get me the fuck I did? 'Cause you walk by it, it's kind of open and there, it's a hallway. - Away. - That you walk by, you're just like, what? Oh my God, this guy was fucking terrible. I will say that because we didn't have, no way I could have done seven days. - No. - No way. - No. - You know what I thought? I was singing like three is the real sweet spot, but the truth is in three days on a big old boat like that, you can't get very far. So where do you go on a three day cruise? - I mean, I guess if you leave at a long beach, you can go to Cabo and back maybe, right? - Well, they did in Sonata. They do a four day, they go to Sonata and back. - Yeah. - Yeah, but I mean, and it didn't help that we didn't get that fun in the Sunday. - Yeah, we were all going cabin crazy. - We couldn't even go to the top deck to relax by the pool 'cause it was raining. - Yeah, so they closed the pools. - Yeah, we were literally stuck in the casino. In the hotel boat the whole time. So definitely got some cabin fever. I came back, I was a little sick. - It kind of started to be like groundhog day. - Grandpa Arthur got very sick. Grandma Dora is sick now. You're not feeling well. Delilah came off with the sniffles because of the, you're confined, right? - Yeah. - Tips and tricks. What are the things that you did bring that you, okay, one of the main things that I will say, there's not very many plugs in your room on a cruise ship. - You could only find one. - There's only one, the main one in front of the mirror. - 'Cause the other one is European. So I would tell you to bring a European adapter. - Charging port and a regular. So we brought our little tower. - Yes. - That we plugged into where you had all the USBs. - The USBs. - But we all, it also had regular plugs 'cause for me to be able to blow dry my hair and plug in a curling iron, I needed the regular outlets. - Yeah, we would have been in real trouble charging devices and keeping things charged. Had we not brought the deal. - You were actually the one who told me you were like, they say the blow dryers on the ship suck, bring a blow dryer. - So don't tick tock. - And I was so glad you told me that because the blow, it's not just that the blow dryer is not powerful, you know, and that it takes longer. It's that if you let the button go, it would turn off. - Like in order to keep it drying your hair, you had to hold the button down. - Oh, sorry. - For this material, it would not have worked. - Paul Renee had to hold the button down. Might, well, my bad. - No, no, but you're like, you've got a round brush in one hand and touchy on the nose. That would be hard to have to like do that and stuff. - Speaking of with her fucking fat over there. - Rick, do you have any questions about cruising? - Yeah, do you have to have a passport if you're not going to get off the ship? - If you're not going to get off the ship, you do not need a passport. However, you do need a birth certificate. - Yes. There were separate lines when we were getting on and off for people who had birth certificates and for people who had passports. And the process, if you have a passport, is much more streamlined because they basically scan your passport on arrival and attach it to your card that is your money, that gets you in and out of your room. So you don't necessarily have to keep your passport on you. It's already loaded. And like when we were getting off the ship, they just like scan our picture and our card and you're good. - So I think to sum it up, it accomplished our goal. And our goal was to spend more time with our immediate family. - Yes. - And when you're trapped on a boat, you're constantly running into each other. So as you're walking around, the center always had live music, you're walking around and oh look, there's mom in art, we'll sit and chat with them. - Yeah. - Oh look, you wake up for breakfast, you go to breakfast and you've got, oh there's Rebecca and Sean sitting down for breakfast, we'll sit with them. - Yes. - And then as you're sitting there, the Shirley's file in, oh hey guys, and then they join in. - And the other thing is like you're assigned a dinner time. - So everyone was, you know how the dinner time together, I will say we didn't have an option, we booked ours a little later, and the late dinner time was only available. So by then, a lot of us were pooped or we'd already eat. - And it's hard to party after you eat late. - Yeah, so getting the early dinner. - People say, people like to say, oh, I like to have one drink with dinner. And my thing is, no, if I have a drink, there's no dinner, I'm going, I'm drinking. Any other questions, Rick, for our fans out there? Family. - Well, you kind of just hit on it. I was going to say, like if you go with a big group, can you have dinner at a restaurant? Can you make reservations? - That part was tricky. So the dinner and the restaurant part, they didn't want to seat a group that big, they were really nervous about that. So we actually did have two separate reservations and didn't realize it until we got on the boat. And I kind of panicked. And I was like, the whole point of this dinner was first to all be together. So if you're eating in a restaurant, accommodating a group, that-- - Now remember, we had 24 people. - Yeah. - So that's a big group. - But your regular dinner in the restaurant, not the buffet, you get a seated dinner every night with an assigned dining time, and then your group can be together. - Any questions from the peanut gallery? - How many off both trips did you miss out on? - One, one full day. Yeah, we missed out. - I think if we had had good weather-- - For both days, it would have been awesome. - Yes. - But the pictures we got as a family on our day offshore were just invaluable. The fun we had together, the running around the snor-- I mean, to snorkel with my sister and my nieces and my son and all of us were-- I mean, it was just, you know, if we would have had two days of that with great son and getting off the boat and being able to go to the top deck and just spend a half a day sunbathing and watching the kids, you know, 'cause we did that the last night, it was finally sunny. - Yeah. - And the kids, I mean, we just chill, man, and the kids were on the slide, you know, going up. I will say for teenagers, right? Like Brian, your kids, a cruise is so great because there's a lot of independence. - Yes. - Because they run off, you know they're on the boat, right? And then what happens is they meet other teams, but my nieces were like, they were the, you know, all the girls hated them 'cause their, my nieces are gorgeous, I mean, look at our family. And, you know, all the boys were just like, following the girls around, but they had a sense of independence where they could just go, right? And they had like little clubs for them to hang out and game rooms and so the, for teenagers, it is a great experience. - Yeah. - 'Cause they really feel like I'm on my own. - Yeah. - I was just about to say with Delilah, with little's littles, there weren't a lot of little's littles on the ship. I saw a few, it's hard with the little littles. - It's hard with the little littles. I think the perfect time to cruise is right when your kids are becoming teenagers. - Yeah. - Right? - There's tween. - If you have like a 13 to 18-year-old, man, go on a cruise, they have tons of independence. - Yeah. - And the problem for Renee and I is, we had a hard time partying together because it's like, well, we gotta put Delilah down. - Yeah. - Right? And my sister and all the people that had teenage kids, they're like, hey, y'all gotta bed. Y'all gotta go to your room. And we're gonna go out, right? - Yeah. - So, talking to Y'all now like you with Jacob, you would be able to go, hey, Jacob, you're going to your room at nine, we're gonna go have fun, right? So, that's the right age. - They did have childcare on the boat. That is an option and you can pay for that. And there's late night childcare and you can send them in their PJs, but it's not in your room. - It's cattle call. - Yeah. - So, Delilah went in and didn't care if we were there or not. She was into it. Garrett went in and then what happened was he wanted to go with his cousin Christian. - Yes. - Well, Christian is 10, Garrett's eight. They put all the 10 and up in one group and then all the 10 and under another group. - The six to, yeah. - So, Garrett had no friends, no, like there was, and he was like, "Get me out of here." I don't want to hang out with Daniel. - But even that's hard, like kids feel comfortable. I noticed that with other kids who were being dropped off and the parents asking questions, when they split it up with ages like that, kids are comfortable with their siblings. I think Garrett would have been better if he had Delilah with him, to be honest. - Or Christian, you know, if they would have allowed him and Christian to be together, 'cause they had games and they had board games and they had computers and video games and all that stuff. But the fact that they got separated. - Yes. - And the older kids, you're still in the same room but doing different activities. - There's walls, there's separated walls. - So, Garrett was not into that. But all in all, I think it was a success. - Yeah. I think if you're trying to get a group of people with varying ages, the older, the teens, there's something for everyone. It's a good way for everyone to do it. - I would be interested and maybe Garrett won't be. So, maybe it's kind of one of those go-to-grammalls for a week where we take Delilah on a Disney cruise. - Yeah. - Right? As long as they don't pull into their Disney crap but go on a Disney cruise. But real quick, we gotta wrap it up. Any other questions? - Where are we gonna talk about? - Yes. - What do you know at the table, where can we talk about this? - Let me thank Rick. You can go and build a Funko Pop. - Yeah. - And our friend Rick made a Captain Evil and Steve Trivigno Funko Pop. And the reason I'm bringing it up because, you know-- - How did they get a little twisted? I don't wanna open the box, but you were a little twisted. - I can't remember that. - We have, my manager manages Gabriel Iglesias and Joe Coy, and they both have Funko Pops through Funko Pop. So, if you guys are interested and we get a high volume of interest, we might be able to get a Funko, look at my little flip flops. - I am a bers. - Rick's shitting himself 'cause we're not supposed to open the box, but-- - I'm sorry, Rick. - But we did. Look at my little flip flops. - You're black tanked up. - I mean, I've never been on stage with flip flops in a tank top. - There are actual cargo shorts. - Yes. - It's a little tall. - It's a little tall. You know what Brian? You know what Brian? Get him out of here. - Mine should be just slightly taller. - Let me see here. - Look at that head of hair on that Funko Pops. - Got nice tits on this one. - Mm. - Mm. - I know I need a little boots. Rick, what an amazing gift, sir. Thank you so very much. - You guys are cute. Let me know how that-- - If we had more time, Gigi would have put the tattoos on, but she couldn't paint them. - Oh, the tattoos would have been amazing too. But yeah, so we do have relationship with Funko Pops. If there is a interest, we could probably get some of these going. So thank you all. We gotta thank our sponsors. We gotta thank Aztec Chevrolet, Aztec Ford. We have Dodge. We have Ram. We have Chrysler. We have Yuvaldi Chevrolet. We gotta thank Rau Westernwear. By the way, Tatiana, will you go in there and grab the USA shirt? It's hanging right there. Right now, if you get your order in Rau Westernwear, our design made a nice 4th of July shirt. - It's not just for July. You can wear it for Labor Day. - Oh yeah, Labor Day. It is sort of Americana event. It's a beautiful shirt. - And I had somebody reach out and said, will you send it to the UK? Yeah, we'll send it to you. Of course, you're gonna pay extra shipping, but we will send it, or I'll take it to you on our next cruise. But yes, right now, you have time to order our beautiful red, white and blue. - It's so pretty. - It's a shirt right there. So please get your order in for 4th of July. Arches in general, RauWestern.com. We also, Old Salt Coffee, Trivigno 10. And of course, - Pictureries. - Pictureries, our friends at pictureries. Even though you weren't feeling well, we had a good podcast. - Yeah. - You feeling a little better? - I'm a little better. - You sure? - Yeah. - Put your face. (laughing) We're gonna leave you guys on that. We love you so much. And I hope, number one, that we didn't discourage you from cruising. We did have a positive experience. - We made a, we had a lot of good family time. - A lot of good family time. - We got a lot of good family time. - Yup. So if you're thinking about cruising, I just hope that we were able to give you some tips and tricks that we wished we had known. - Yeah. - So a lot of magnets, a lot of magnetos. - Oh, buy the magnetic hooks and the over the door organizer. - Yes, and stay away from the upside down pineapple doors. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, we got hit up a lot. Me and Renee were very popular. - We should have put the pineapple sticker on the door. - We should have put a no pineapple fucking sticker. I mean, they would look at me and, and I'm gonna no pineapple's here. I told Renee I go, "I'll go first." And then when it's his turn, I go, "Hey, we don't like this. We're not into this and I'll leave." - Yeah. - I'll joke in the side. We love you guys so much. Thank you, bye. (upbeat music) (hammering) [BLANK_AUDIO]