A little solo rambling sesh to start off our week. <3
Emotionally Unavailable
Episode 34: Acceptance
[MUSIC PLAYING] Welcome to Emotionally Unavailable, the podcast where we dive deep into the world of emotional availability and intimacy. I'm your host, Melissa Hepner. And I can't tell you how excited I am to have you join me on this journey of self-discovery and connection. Whether you're navigating the complexities of relationships or exploring your own emotional landscape, this podcast is here to inspire, empower, and entertain. So get cozy and let's explore the depths of human emotions together. [MUSIC PLAYING] Hello, everyone. Just got done recording with Jane Doe for our next anonymously and available episode for Friday. And I'm really excited for that. Monday's episode is going to be solo because I couldn't find anyone to record with because I just really didn't have a lot of opportunity. I just got back from vacation on Friday night. And I've been resting a lot and also doing more like administrative tasks that make me happy. The good news is I got to keep up with laundry on vacation. So I didn't have any laundry to do when I got home. And I got to put it away pretty easily. And so got right back into routine, but I've just been having to sleep a lot. So one of the things I wanted to talk about today is the book group that will be starting next week's anonymously and available episode on Friday will be their first book group recording that you'll hear. Jane and I were talking about the different wounds and how much a lost wound encapsulates. And I got kind of emotional about it because I think not acknowledging the different losses I've had that weren't death and not experiencing the feelings connected to those losses has kept me in kind of a stuck position. So I'm really excited to floor that. I created a new website today, not to replace emotionally unavailablepodcast.org. But I created Empowered with MelissaHepner.org because one of the things I've done this weekend is create a business plan. And one of those business plan strategies has to do with getting more downloads on the podcast because if I ever want to monetize the podcast, I've got to be like a successful one. The only way to show success is by the downloads. So I'm going to be creating some sort of widget where I'm giving you live updates about the amount of downloads and I'm going to show you how to download episodes so that I can get those up. Because let's see, if I were to look on my business plan, I need 976 downloads for July. We are currently sitting at 253 downloads for this month, which is a little lower than what I usually have halfway through the month, but I haven't been able to promote as much recently, just with how busy I was with getting caught up on hospice stuff and then traveling. So right now, like I said, I have 253 and I need a total of 976, so about 725, something like that. Little over 700 downloads is what I need. And I need everyone's help doing that. So just make sure that you are downloading the episodes and not just streaming them. You can even, if I post the direct download link and you download from there, that'll count for downloads, but that's the data that anyone's going to be looking at. So the streams help, I think, but I think the downloads. I don't really know, guys. I just, that's the numbers that are throwing at me, so I don't know. Anyway, so that's that. I need your help, looking to grow my private practice just a little bit. I don't really wanna carry more than 12 clients at a time. So my goal for July is to pick up one. So if you know anyone looking for some, you know, like all encompassing, non-traditional methods for therapy, send them my way. I'm also trying to sell more of the shit I've designed in my little online store, so I'd appreciate it. People would share more of that. I mean, look at it. There's some cute shit in there, y'all. And then I'm, you know, working on promoting my books a little more and all that, so. Anyway, those are the things that are in the works for me for anyone wondering what I'm doing. Not getting paid for shit yet. I have sold a total of three shirts from my online store. Truth be told, I haven't looked at book stuff in a while and they only send me a check every three months, so I might still be selling some of those children's books. That would be cool. But, you know, I'm just now, up 'til now, I've just been kind of doing wherever the spirit led me. And now I have the ability to have a more streamlined focus. And so that's what I'm doing. But as I go, I'm finding more and more and more of my own authentic voice. And so that's been a really big deal to me. And I was just talking to Diana before recording this. And I was just talking about how much of our shadow selves we really attach shame to. And we really struggle with imposter syndrome because we're still struggling on such a fundamental level at times. And I'm like, man, you know what though? That's exactly what we're supposed to be doing. And stories are what help heal others. Not giving them a bunch of academic knowledge, but like, hey, this actually did work for me. Or like I was telling her, I promise you, the reward is right there on the other side of getting through this struggle. I promise it's coming. And I know that 'cause, you know, I'm there too. So, you know, I just really want to encourage all of you to really look at yourself and your relationships and your role in those relationships. Maybe think about why you've chosen those people to be in your life. I would argue that it was to learn to accept things about yourself because I believe we pick people based off the things we hate about ourselves, the things that we carry the most shame for, but very subconscious stuff that we're not really acknowledging. And it isn't until you start to go, okay, well, if I hate that in them, but all behavior of mine is about me, then what do I hate about myself? You'll find it. And I guess that's the point, guys. We don't need to hate anything about ourselves anymore. And I think I'm finally there as much as I hurt over the things I do that hurt others. And I'm always gonna hurt 'cause I'm not a bad person. I'm still just accepting that I'm not gonna get better as long as I'm hating myself, 'cause you cannot hate yourself better. So I'm gonna have to learn to embrace and love even the ugliest parts of myself. Because if I don't, I'm never gonna believe that those parts of me are worthy of love from others. And you know what? Yeah, I'm fucking mean when I'm triggered, but I'm not a bad person. I don't wanna hurt people. This person sitting here speaking to a phone to record would do anything to not hurt others. But first of all, that's a normal part of life. Like Jane Doe and I were talking about a few episodes go like, well, that's a real unreasonable expectation to never hurt somebody because we all have our own triggers and shit, and that's not usually our fault. If we're not trying to be a dick, usually it's not like, oh no, anyway. So it's kind of interesting to be at this place now a couple of weeks from when I would be going back to school to start hearing all the trainings that you don't need because you've heard them all. And if you've heard it once, you've heard it all. I have no regret or remorse about leaving education. I do still want to have the type of impact that is my brand on children. So I'm kind of already hitting up my teacher friends about being able to come read to their classes or their school or whatever. And I'm really wanting to get into professional development for educators and help them find their light in the darkness that is education in Oklahoma. And for them to just feel truly in alignment because it starts with the teacher in the room. And if you don't know how to deal with the second-hand trauma that happens from being with these kids or the triggers that happen on a daily basis that you aren't necessarily aware of, I want to teach people how to love themselves better. And that especially includes educators who are hell-bent on murdering themselves for the sake of what. Anyway, don't be a martyr. Be effective. If you're a martyring yourself, you're never going to be effective. So you've got to deal with your shit, folks. And I want to help you do that. In a very ADHD amendment, I would like to say, can you fucking believe that Shelley Duvall, Richard Simmons, Shannon Doherty, and Dr. Ruth all died in the same fucking week when we talk about a Mars Uranus conjunction, my God, all in two days' time. I'm sad about Shannon Doherty 'cause I had just happened to catch some interview with her and the other charm girls yesterday. She's a real pivotal part of my childhood, nine or two and a. Can't tell me shit about that. I love that show so much when I was a kid. You know, for lack of a better way to say this, I'm gonna try to like harness in the energy of my little listeners and try to decide, oh shit, I done spilled a fucking shit all over electrical wires, I just spilled an energy drink. I love myself. I think maybe there are some of my listeners out there who feel like people don't want to see you, don't want to know the real you, or just that you can't get that from people in your low, in your emotions, like down, and you're in your feelings and feel like you've kind of lost the reins a little bit. So if you are that person that I'm speaking to, I need you to understand that the chariot is in your reins. You have control over the path that you take, but if people are choosing to not try to understand you or to see you or whatever, then let go of those particular reins. I'm just picturing you at the reins of this chariot with the horses in front of you, and the horses are getting away from you, and you're freaking out trying to control it, and they're not listening, they're not looking, they're not being intentional, and maybe let it go of those reins. They're not yours to control anymore, okay? It's like that's not your path anymore, you gotta release what's not meant for you anymore if it's not serving you, and those horses aren't. They've closed their eyes, they've turned their heads, and they've let you know that's not what we're here for anymore, and so it's time for you to release them, and when you do, then you restore the balance, and your chariot gets a little more upright, and your weight's not all at the front, trying to hold those horses down, and you're about to fucking fall out of the chariot if you don't get this shit together, okay? I don't know what that means, but that's just the feeling I have for you guys, so. Whoever that was meant for, will you please let me know that you heard it, and that it resonated with you, thank you so much. So, for me, I'm gonna start this week, kind of got a little bit of an outline of a schedule down. I'm going to be much more vocal about what I'm needing from people in terms of downloads, sales, everything. I think if I just give you a number to achieve, then we know if you've gotten there, and you all are a part of this mission too. First of all, I have no doubt that the people who listen to this are having their minds grown, they're learning too. I mean, I'm learning all of this in real time and sharing it with you, so. And, you know, for others of you, you're doing what you feel is like everything you can to do the things you feel like you're supposed to do, and yet you're just still a little bit out of sync with your partner. And just know that that doesn't have to mean something super crazy, okay? Like, we're gonna have times where we don't know what action to take, and we're not necessarily in alignment with the actions our partners want to take. There are times that you have to stand on your own, and make sure that you're not holding on to some illusion. Like, you think that the thing that you're holding onto is keeping you safe, like from falling somewhere, but it doesn't, it's an illusion. It's, you know, if you're holding onto a limb, or not even a strong limb, but a little branch, branch is gonna break, okay? So, that's not where you wanna put your face. Put it in yourself first, and turn toward yourself, and that will allow you to turn more toward the people that you love. But as long as you're holding onto some false sense of security, whatever that may be for you, you're not gonna be able to have real security financially, emotionally, whatever. So, I don't know, I guess that's enough to be a fortune tailing for today. Like I said, I'm getting more organized, getting my shit together, really thinking about how to maximize my impact on the world without spreading myself too thin. So, I'm setting up a bunch of systems now to be able to set myself up for success. For my astrology folks, just so you know, Monday at 5.55 pm is a Mars and Uranus conjunction, which means they are basically sitting right on top of each other. Mars is the planet of aggression, action, and Uranus is kind of the planet of fucking shit off. Not really Pluto really does that more, but Uranus has its own aggression, and so for them to come together, I mean, other people explain this so much better, but what I wanna need you to know, if you believe in astrology, is big shit's gonna happen. We're already seeing that with deaths. We saw that with the attempted assassination the other day. I'm not gonna make any controversial statements about that. I'm sure we all have weird opinions about it though, so, but what I do know is it was shocking, and that's what we should expect for the energy on Monday, and maybe like the day or two after, shocking energy. Also know that the 21st is the next full moon in Capricorn, and it is going to be the end of that eclipse cycle. So, for anyone who did do like goals or a direction during that time, it should be the time for all that to kind of come into fruition. So, I am believing for myself that after July 21st, I'm gonna start making money, so if y'all won't believe with me, that'd be great. I do feel an enormous amount of compassion and empathy for people who are struggling, and when I see pain and others, I allow myself to feel that now, where for a long time I've kept a wall in between everybody and me to make sure that their feelings didn't bleed into my life, because I did not have room for feelings, okay? Because if I had felt any of the shit I was dealing with for that whole childhood, I mean, I don't know that I would've made it, right? I don't know, maybe I would've. But anyway, so, this is not a long episode, but I think I'm gonna cut it off here, 'cause I'm just gonna keep warning and believe if I don't. But, let me just remind you, okay, so empowered with melissahepner.org. That's just a little more of a spotlight on me and the services that I offer. I just felt like I had to do something separate from the podcast website, even though they say basically the same thing, just a little different graphics and shit. I don't know, I just felt like that was important. So I am also advertising more for my tarot readings. So here's the deal with that. I have a 15 minute free session on my website, just like an introductory to like you getting a little tarot reading click, so you can kind of understand what it would be like, because someone said to me that like, they don't mess with tarot, 'cause like, why would you wanna know negative stuff that's gonna happen? Well, I don't read tarot like that. I said an intention. That's not the type of energy I will even let in, is that shit that's gonna happen? 'Cause that shit happens to all of us. The way I use tarot is to guide you on how to navigate life's challenges. I don't give you any specific challenges that are coming up. If you look into astrology, you'll know that for yourself. You don't have to believe that, I do. I've gotten enough proof of it for me to believe it, so. But I don't use tarot for a negative stuff. So I have the 15 minute free intro with no commitment to book a full reading at all. And I mean that wholeheartedly, okay? Like, I believe that you getting a 15 minute free reading, it's going to at least make you go get two referrals. Once you get two referrals and they have completed their sessions with me, then you get one for free for 30 minutes, okay? So if you can't afford a 30 minute reading, then just refer two people once they do it. Like, come get a free reading from me so you can see I'm legit. And then, you know, you can get you two referrals sent to me once they've gotten their readings, then you get a free one. I hope that for those who are interested in those types of services that you will do that, I'm also doing astrology readings where I kind of give you what astrology says you should be aiming towards what astrology says your biggest wounds are. I can even give you medical information, like, not really, that's a disclaimer. I can give you four entertainment purposes only, allegedly, not one of my favorite TikToks or said that I could find her. Supposedly, we'll say, if you look in your sixth house, you will see which medical afflictions you'll have. And when I was learning about this other day, I was like, well, wouldn't you know, skin, ligaments, tendons, joints, inflammation, and gallbladder were mine, and wouldn't you know, those are my biggest struggles. So I can tell you what astrology says. You know, but I'm not a medical professional. So although I do have an MPI number now, which means that I'm a national provider, but I also get a lot of fucking solicitations now that they think I'm like a fucking medical provider, or whatever. So here's the deal, I'm never gonna accept insurance for my therapy services. It's too much of a pain in the ass. It gets me locked into some administrative duties that I don't want. A full hour with me is $95. I feel like that's reasonable. 30 minutes is $50. You know, if we ever need to, I can even set up like a text for so long kind of rate too. Okay, I wanna be able to meet people's needs economically, but I gotta make a living too. Okay, so like, I mean, that's, I'm doing it as affordably as I can. And of course, I'm gonna take on like one pro bono person and you know, my goal is for you to feel empowered to continue on a journey with the tools that you've gained and just doing periodic check-ins with me because that's what I don't want you to depend on me. I want you to go out there and flourish, man. I'm so serious. Okay, so I've told you about tarot. I told you about counseling. What else am I doing? I told you about astrology. I told you about the podcast. And then I'm gonna just be like adding more shit to the online store and maybe like categorizing it a little better, so it's easier to find some of this stuff. 'Cause right now I have three categories. So that everything else category is gonna have to become like a few separate categories. So anyways, okay, that really is it now. I know this isn't very long, but I am very tired and what else? So I wish you well. This is all just gonna be one little intro, main body and outro all together. And let me know if any of the stuff I've said resonated with you and until next time, let's all just keep swimming. Hey, hey, hey, what do you say? Listen, first and foremost, please make sure that you have provided this podcast with a five-star rating on whichever platform that you are listening. If you want to support the show, please rate, like and share. Also like, comment and share on any social media posts that you see from me on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok. Please follow the podcast Facebook, emotionally unavailable podcast. You can shop my foot online store or schedule a one-on-one with me, emotionallyunavailablepodcast.org. I'm offering what I'm calling non-traditional counseling, astrology readings and tarot readings and self-publishing services. And thank you so much for listening to the emotionally unavailable podcast. (upbeat music) ♪ Emotionally unavailable ♪ - I-N-D-E-P-E, and cut.