Read weird Reddit stories with Brian and Me! Almost homeeeeee! <3
Emotionally Unavailable
Episode 33: Exhausted
- Wow. - Yeah. - Because Liarface, stupid ass, said she was a liar. - I should have picked Bumble. - Well, you three months, yeah, baby white, oh my God, I can't even, okay, okay. She showed you, she is, believe her, get the fuck out, bitch. - They were awful feminine, they're showing all your calf. - I mean, people, people like us. - Oh damn, I just got snore everywhere. [MUSIC] - Welcome to Emotionally Unavailable, the podcast where we dive deep into the world of emotional availability and intimacy. I'm your host, Melissa Hepner, and I can't tell you how excited I am to have you join me on this journey of self-discovery and connection. Whether you're navigating the complexities of relationships or exploring your own emotional landscape, this podcast is here to inspire, empower, and entertain. So get cozy and let's explore the depths of human emotions together. - Hi guys, today's episode is not with Jane Doe. Brian and I do a silly little Reddit read and it's gonna be a short episode because mama is just so fucking tired and I think the nalens allergies are getting me a bit. So, you know, if that's okay, that's fine. Also, there's just a lot of fucking people around, so hopefully you're not hearing the kids. Jason, though you will never hear this, your word of the day is fountainhead. What it means, fountainhead is a word usually encountered in literary context that refers to the origin or source of something. Okay, that's a weird word, so we're gonna skip. All right, anyway, Lord Jesus, I'm too tired, so I'm not gonna do anything for this episode intro. I will just say, I hope that I hope that for my fellow trauma survivors, whether it is your big tea or a little tea trauma that has been hurting you recently, I lovingly encourage you to look within, isolate if you need to, know when to go into your show and to hug yourself and know when to come out and ask others for a hug, know what you need and ask for it please. I'm learning and I'm learning to release the pressure of perfectionism and learning to just fucking show my crazy on full display and I think that's the only safeness that will ever allow me to truly heal. I'm just, you know, I haven't had a lot of choice on this trip to decide not to put my crazy on display because if I am tired, hot, hungry or any combination of those things, I find it nearly impossible to control my emotions to regulate my nervous system and, oh Lord, it's been rough to manage my time with a bunch of personalities because I am learning what it is that I need in real time sometimes. So anyway, I am too tired to continue down that path, but I'm holding you guys as my point. You have no idea how much my compassion grows daily for myself and for all of you on this same struggling fucking path with me together. You guys were united in a purpose, so feel that. Feel the radiation of that circle coming together and know that there are people out there who are going through the same shit and learning to love themselves better and learning to love their people better and learning how to get love from their people and learning how to release. So I love you and I'm holding you, like I said, and anyway, I hope that you enjoy this episode with me and Brian being silly about Reddit stories. All right, we're back with Brian for vacation edition of our Reddit show. Okay, Brian, I'm going to give you three headlines. You are going to choose which headline and then I'll read the story and we will discuss. Okay, first headline, caught my girlfriend on Bumble. What would you do 45 male 38 female headline number two, my 28 female husband 29 male confessed that he developed feelings for someone else. What should I do? And headline number three, I 32 told my husband 39 to get another wife and not sure if that was the right approach. Which headline do you choose? Probably the third one because they're supposed to be mature. 32 and 39. Well, the other one was the first one was 45 and 38. Yeah, but I have no idea what Bumble is. It's like a dating app. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's like, what's that one big one? First thing you do and I'm like at Google Bumble. Okay, so now that you know that it's a dating site, does that change what you? Probably the third one still. Okay, all right, just to remind you of the headline, I female 32 told my husband male 39 to get another wife and not sure if that was the right approach. Here's the story. My husband and his friend have been mates for many years. That friend used to be colleague. He's married. Before I even knew about my husband's existence, I would hang out with that colleague on breaks. I considered him a decent guy and a friend. His wife also knew about me. Then that friend would say, do you want to lift? Do you want to get lunch out? This was my mistake. I didn't think anything of it at the time and said, okay. In my eyes, it was completely innocent, especially as he told me his wife was aware. In fact, I told him to invite her to lunch, but he said she declined. My friend then said one of his good friends is looking for a serious relationship and that I'd be a good match. So I agreed to go on a date. That person is now my husband. Before I went on a date, the friend said, by the way, when you want to date with my friend, don't mention that we used to hang out. I questioned why. He said, it's just a guy thing. I said, but you should have known about this beforehand. And to be honest, it's best I don't go on a date as I don't want to be involved in any drama. He said, I was being dramatic and it's really nothing. So I went on the date. Whilst husband and I were dating, that friend would say stuff to my husband about me, that I am too flirty. I am really doled up at work for guys, etc. At work, that friend would always ask me to hang out with him, offer lifts. I would decline. I also cut my friendship. I also told my boyfriend, husband to be, that I used to hang out with his friend before I even knew about my husband. I told him this within three months of us being exclusive. My boyfriend accused me of having an affair. I said that wasn't the case and I only kept quiet because his friend asked me. But I only mentioned it as I liked my life to be transparent. I genuinely saw that colleague as a platonic friend. I even said he could end the relationship if it's too much for him. He didn't end it. I eventually left that workplace. One day my boyfriend finally confronted his friend about why he told me to stay quiet about us hanging out. His friend turned it on me and said it's because I tried to kiss him. I would put moves on him even whilst I was dating my boyfriend and I invited him to my house and was keen to show him my bedroom. My boyfriend lost it and confronted me. I told him it was lies and if that's the case, why was he setting us to up? Why not say anything before? Anyway, my boyfriend put us on a three-way call. I asked that colleague. He had no response and hung up. Later he confessed to my boyfriend that he made it all up and he actually caught feelings for me. My boyfriend apologized to me but at that point I decided I wanted to end the relationship as it was too much for me. My boyfriend begged me not to end it. Years later we got married. Two years later my husband bumps into that friend and talk. He tells my husband that I have a split personality. My husband and I have been having personal issues but now this has made things worse. My husband claims he believes too that I have split personality. I got angry and told him to get his friend to find him another wife then and to ensure he doesn't catch feelings this time. Not sure I should have said that but I felt so hurt and then she does a TLDR. Husband's friend had a crush on me and it seemed like I tried it on with him. He has now come back into husband's life and making more claims and husbands believing him. I got angry and told husband to find another wife then. Did I go too far? Oh my god, wow. Yeah, it sounds like he's a real big piece of work and of course she's going to have reactions to being. Right and what she said was hey he found you this wife me. Maybe y'all would ask him to go back to the drawing board but like what's the point because he's a liar. I don't understand this like this is such a stupid fucking. Is her husband so abusive that she actually believes that being like over the top mad at him for accusing her of being a liar for no fucking reason because liar face stupid ass said she was a liar? So this is so fucking stupid. Do you think this is fake? I mean I know it's from another country based off the vernacular but. Yeah, it kind of I don't know. It's like a big deal but it's kind of not. Just one person crazy doesn't make a big deal. Right. You just stopped talking to the colleague. The one that hangs up and you think the husband's already cheating and that's why he's acting like that. Of course he acted like that before they even got married to believe that idiot so. Dude this friend is a weird ass. I should have picked bumble. Well you couldn't have known so let's go back and read bumble. It's okay Jane and I have had to do that before too. You don't know what you're gonna get you know. Okay caught my girlfriend on bumble what would you do? 45 male 38 female oh there's an update but we're not gonna say that yet. I 45 male have been dating my girlfriend 38 female for a little over three months. Damn three months yeah baby like oh my god I can't even okay okay. What I can't okay well you know we're gonna read it all right. We originally met on bumble about a month ago at her existence. We both deleted our profiles with her saying I don't ever want you to ever see a bumble notification pop up and lose trust in me. On the 4th of July we took my kids to a water park. Our phones were in our beach bag and she asked me to hand something to her. While digging through the bag my hand hit her phone and a bumble notification popped up on her lock screen. I pulled it out and said what the fuck is this? She turned white and said she had just downloaded it two days before to pass the time. I asked her what her profile said and she immediately got defensive. She said it was no big deal in that she would delete it. We had three more days on the vacation and I didn't want to leave and ruin it for the kids so I let it go and after we talked about it later that evening. Fast forward a week a friend of mine texted me screenshots of her profile asking hey isn't this your girlfriend it definitely is still active and everything about it makes her seem like she is actively looking to date. I asked her about it again before work and she got super defensive saying I was snooping. She was running late for work so we had to cut the conversation short but I'm definitely going to end this in things this evening unless someone convinces me otherwise. What would others do in this situation? Note to address concerns this was the first real time my kids had spent any significant time with her oh god okay it wasn't a family vacation she lives in another city and we went and visited her city she worked part of the time while we went there. Yeah okay yeah so you tell me what you say first and I'll tell you what some of the comments say. I think it's you found out yeah she showed you she is believe her right get the fuck out bit. date people for this reason and she's addicted to bumble apparently. Oh she likes attention yeah yeah well and I just think it's really weird that you're in an exclusive relationship to a point where your children are going with you to travel far away to the city that this girl lives in after three months right so I think with dating I mean honestly I could see dating very casually for three months like like to where it maybe slowly increases in the frequency of time that you see each other but and I mean I think it's reasonable even to say I love you after three months because it feels like love. It's not true love but it I know that we all feel like it is you know so that I can even accept. Yes well she's addicted to the newness yeah the dopamine the adrenaline when something's new and exciting you get the adrenaline too you don't just get the dopamine as serotonin and so much of that comes from those messages and I bet you now I've never had a bumble because none of that was around. I don't believe so when I met you I think the only thing that was out was of course plenty of fish and that was free there was match.com which I wasn't interested in there was a few like a lot of data tender and stuff was out then but if it was no because I didn't even have a smartphone then when I met you you got me my first smartphone so yeah but I do think there's natural ways to I think that we are all a little fucked up at dating because like we're all either avoidant or anxious in our attachments and that's what creates this little dating cycle and so I bet you she's avoidant and he's anxious and she's already like oh god he's got expectations for me and it's honestly now that I mean expectations equal the ick for me like that's it it just shuts off and I can't that's it like oh you need me no but she did get what she wanted which is him to turn it off but then I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't really planning on getting back on it but did and you think she now why would she oh you think that's part of I think yeah I don't think that she was I mean now you know okay I think let me okay I'm a backup here's the deal I am going to tell you what his update said first so he said update I broke up with her and text her screenshots I told her regardless of if she only had it up a couple of days her intentions were clear that I would not stay with a cheater and I regarded introducing her to the kids which by the way is why you shouldn't do that dumbass that I refuse to be a placeholder for the next guy thanks everyone for the post and backing up what I already knew I needed to do his commenters are like the fuck why did they even do that yeah why why did everyone's caught up on the same thing I was which was good job involving your kids stupid and that's the thing is that like how I know well I will say this anxious attachments they cannot break up with people so he's probably a fearful avoidant but if they both are fearful avoidance or she could be a dismissive avoidant and he's a fearful because he can swing back and forth between anxious and avoidant but anxious I mean hello I would have broken up with you because you didn't like me you didn't like my crazy you know so like if I did not have that thing that said no you must make them love you then you would we would not be married I mean period wow that's okay I just I really have a hard time sometimes believing that these stories are real okay do you have any lasting impressions or last opinions to give about that story uh I kind of was from an age before those dating sites so to me no you don't meet somebody from the internet you know actually yeah it's it's a weird concept for you you're saying yeah actually I saw a joke and it had something to do with in the 90s it was don't meet anyone on the internet oh yeah yeah now it's like getting my get in my car strange person don't get in a car with a stranger you know that was probably the first one don't get in a car stranger don't meet anyone up in that have a strange car and a stranger come to you well then I feel like this is a good point I'm going to clarify with you you don't actually believe that if something's wrong with people if they have to meet someone on the internet well I think I think it's there's a lot of things that are much more efficient like there's nothing more efficient if you don't have an outside social circle right right and a lot of people back then didn't had the difficulty okay but yeah but people really did people yeah but there really were opportunities to meet people back then we did things so much different we didn't have the fucking internet like back in the 90s so well I mean you know what I'm saying but like now that's almost the only way to make friends or anything because like for instance 95 percent of my close friendships will not be that a year from now because they were people I worked with right so I think I I've tried to give advice to people in the past about that now I'm just really glad to have a very solid inner circle I feel encouraged to go and expand my circle greatly I'm just real scared of people I don't I I don't want to develop new friendships none of it sounds good but I feel like I'm supposed to you know and I feel like I already have in some ways but I yeah I think about people who have such a limited social circle because they're not friends with all their high school friends anymore I mean the thing about you you had a fucking humongous social circle in college you know like there is not if you're not in college and even if you are there's a way to do everything in an isolated way now so we just confirm our fears you know I get it I I don't think there's anything wrong with using a dating site I'm not even really afraid of people from the internet I'm afraid of people from fucking TikTok I'll tell you that much I'm the the amount of harassment I'm receiving in my DMs now is nuts and it's bots but they're insistent and persistent and they're kind of scary but whatever but like yeah real people I mean I think it's hard like because you how are you gonna get vulnerable enough with people to well I think now everybody is so it's not strange it was everybody's on the internet right it was the strangers oh right so you are saying back then that was the perception and it's hard for you to look beyond that okay for me to change okay because when I tried to get that clarification it's like no so socks and crew socks oh my god yes okay everyone what's your opinion on crew socks versus ankle socks I'll tell you this I'll give a fuck what the style is I still I was happy when ankle socks came in for me they're staying in you know maybe I'll throw a crew on aunt no but we got into a whole conversation about this today and it is hard to move past the styles that were nerdy or whatever at a certain point in your life and brian was saying today that like when crew or know when the ankle socks came out that it was like able those are awful feminine they're showing all your calf it's like that to pints femininity your calf is showing sir that's awkward imagine okay do you want to hear anymore are you good listen listen okay let's see she's got competition now Jane Doe has competition Jane Doe do you hear that all right are you ready for this one just found out my husband 28 male has been paying for another lady female 40 to 50 she ain't sure you know car what would you do the car payments oh my god that fuck okay this man is paying a $900 car payment for somebody else I went snooping through his phone and found this out this woman is a very old family friend of his but I have conspiracy that they were in an intimate relationship he's 28 and she is I don't even know well into her 40s or early 50s she's had the car since 2021 or 2022 and for my understanding she had poor credit and couldn't get approved well I just found out he's been paying for it by looking at his bank statement I'm not sure when she stopped sending money for it since the statements only get back to this 2024 year but I suspect he's been paying for it for a while now I guess my question is what would you do he hasn't been in contact with her in over a year I'm sure of this he has no emotional connection to her he's just a nice guy and I didn't want the confrontation I guess or he didn't we just got married in April should I give him a chance to fix this I'm not sure what to do or where to start I left some important details out bulleted item I confronted him last night about it and he lied to me without hesitation he eventually told me the truth after asking him to prove that he wasn't paying the auto lease bulleted item number two I make more than him and pay for all of the bills I mean he pays for the electric bill and groceries but since getting married I asked him to help him out out more numerous times I've asked before marriage and after he's declined and told me he needs to pay off credit card debt bullet point number three I feel betrayed well yeah the fuck yeah at first it was you need to find out more info but now if she's found out more info at first it was well maybe this is a family type of debt and he's getting money you know from from his parents when they pass or or something like that this woman was somebody that the family is supposed to look after or whatever but she's it's basically his mom's friend I don't know why his mom's friend would ask him uh to use his credit to finance a vehicle for her if they had not fucked at some point I'm sorry I just don't think that's yeah I don't I don't I don't know what or why but him lying about it is kind of the you know the big red flag maybe he's an Aquarius and a sneaky motherfucker oh I mean okay here's what I've learned about avoidance I was gonna say men but I'll be sweet I know it's scary to tell the truth in that moment and I would probably lie to right then but once the the moment cleared I can't move forward without you knowing the truth but I don't know that I can always every single time when I'm scared save the exact truth right then but because I hold everyone else to that standard I do go ahead and say like well I mean okay that did happen but I was really scared to tell you and usually you're just grateful for the truth so right um as am I I don't know I think I kind of think something is very weird about this and I think they're in a real doomed relationship if I really apply I know I shouldn't say that but he doesn't pay for much he doesn't he's using you bitch that's probably his actual fucking wife or stuff or she's a family friend but she's been manipulating his ass for a long time like you're being used by someone in the scenario yeah okay the cynic in me really wants to be like bro you've been married for like not that long she said April I didn't see when this was posted but it's April of 2024 and it's only July so I truly think they should get divorced I'm being dead serious like because I think about the work that you and I have had to do over 15 fucking years there's still so many barriers to truth and and you're starting that far behind yeah like uh 15 years and we still have so long to go she's he doesn't even recognize there they've got so much work no to me this is not really like it's not worth it get the fuck out dude because he's lying for for some reason so like and she you caught his ass so that that 900 do to go really well towards his credit cards right like okay first of all that's disgusting that like he was like yeah no you can't know shit about shit and uh no not gonna do that can't know anything like if I asked you to look at your bank account and you didn't let me you'd see it right away oh that yeah I mean if you if you said no I'd be like oh really hmm I mean first of all if you said no then it would be time for me to hire a fucking private investigator because that's what I would do if that's what I had to do and this bit should too because this is stupid so anyway okay well people are weird do you think they should get a divorce I think so yeah I really do think it's months and yeah I do think the guy is old enough to not be and he doesn't seem like he's going you know I've learned the right way yeah because like if I've only learned the things I've learned in my 40s and you've only learned the things that you've learned in your 50s green and people have been exposed to a vocabulary that we didn't have at that age but still I just think there's way too much out there this girl got Instagram she knows what the red flags are yeah they got to get a divorce well sir I really do appreciate you recording with me even though we're hot and tired and sweaty oh I'm not because I already took shower but you're kind of sweaty it's been a long day lots of walking yes and lots of sun and I'm very ready to see my dogs and be in my own bed okay well I hope you like this little reddit read oh Jake scared me on the bat can he okay uh hopefully next week's episodes are going to be back to normal which is safe travels when you hear this episode we will be on our way back home from New Orleans staying in New Orleans now so okay we'll see y'all later and Brian you want to say goodbye bye everybody okay but he's not anonymous and that's okay bye hey hey hey what do you say listen first and foremost please make sure that you have provided this podcast with a five-star rating on whichever platform that you are listening if you want to support the show please rate like and share also like comment and share on any social media posts that you see for me on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok please follow the podcast Facebook emotionally unavailable podcast you can shop my foot online store or schedule a one-on-one with me emotionally unavailablepodcast.org I'm offering what I'm calling non-traditional counseling astrology reading and tarot readings and self-publishing services and thank you so much for listening to the emotionally unavailable podcast okay I hope that you liked today's episode I'm too tired to give too much and there's too much stories happening anyway so until next time let's all just keep swimming.