Janie Boo has the Flu but when you need her, she comes through! <3 (PS I gave her plenty of outs lol)
Emotionally Unavailable
Episode 27: Influenza J (Anonymously Unavailable with Jane Doe Episode 5)
Without any proof do I support or block what? I Literally don't even understand what your mom didn't have a period. I don't know what's happening have some fucking modesty God, I mean if it's a no, it's a no for me too. Bye Immediately I was like then you're fucking your friends. That's what I think I hate this girl. I do too if I'm being on You Welcome to emotionally unavailable the podcast where we dive deep into the world of emotional Reliability and intimacy. I'm your host Melissa Hepner, and I can't tell you how excited I am to have you join me on this journey of self-discovery and connection whether you're navigating the complexities of relationships or exploring your own emotional landscape this podcast is here to inspire Empower and entertain so get cozy and let's explore the depths of human emotions together How is everyone doing? Our sweet Jane Doe has the flu But she was gracious enough to record with me. It's just that the episode's not very long So I want to warn you of that Jason even though you're never gonna listen to this your word of the day is cardinal Cardinal is an adjective used to describe things Usually abstract things such as rules or principles that are of basic or main Important they were it is also used especially in the phrase cardinal sin with the meaning very serious or grave Cardinal lots of good stuff happening still very productive time and Getting caught up on stuff feeling so much better, and I am very excited about People who are scheduling in the future to be on here. I wish they were Coming on sooner, but I'm just really excited really hoping to finally like talk to strangers Yeah, I don't know a lot of stuff's happening It's funny how your circumstances have to be like that different to feel so much gratitude Because just the way I feel on the inside is so much better Just a much more positive outlook so I'm glad about that we got to talk today to one of the first board members of the Oklahoma State board of social workers that was very exciting and they have agreed to come on the podcast So I am so excited about that. I also asked for help in a really big way And it was for some of the stuff that I've been behind on just kind of I think I really needed it for my brain because I can get overwhelmed so easily knowing oh my god I've done all this and I still have so much to go But it worked, and I've oh my gosh. I've been working my ass off. I'm so close. I'm so close Gosh, I'm relieved. I'm so relieved and I'm just happy I'm literally just feeling so much better I want to remind everyone that you don't have to know all the steps to take the first one The first one doesn't have to be perfect because perfect is the enemy of good and You're already perfect. Let me remind you that as a human being we are not supposed To be perfect. We are not supposed to Not make mistakes and so if you're doing that and you're what I call human being Just out there doing your best to be a human. You're fucking up some won't hey, you're perfect because that's exactly what you're supposed to be doing And y'all 44 is shaping up to be decent already, and it's only been a couple weeks. I mean it's that's Decents an understatement if you felt the amount of weight that has been lifted from me I also want to tell you all that the friend that I have talked about several times on here with a serious health condition I don't know if I ever said it was shock or not, but they finally got her shit figured out and man She's doing so much better. I'm so happy for her and me and anyone who loves her just happy for them I look around and I've never Empatized with somebody going through such darkness the way I do now In fact, I think like I'm gonna have to be really careful of that level of empathy Maybe we all have the same shame and the same insecurities we we just give them different names So I don't know that's gonna be something I'm up to be careful about because a level of empathy is far and wide for those people because Oh, that was hard. That was very hard Just as a gentle reminder for anybody struggling to feel instead of think I'd like to walk you through that for just a second So before you try to figure out what that feeling is I want you to go ahead and check in with the parts of our bodies that we know carry our attention and are going to feel a strain whenever we are tense Very first you're gonna check in with your neck and your shoulders your upper back How's that feeling then you're gonna check in with your lower back now? I have so much tension in my lower back that it causes problems in my glutes and like other stuff so also my shoulders are so tense and I have a Tendinitis situation the two of those things together are causing a lot of pain in my arm So when I'm in a lot of pain, I have to check in and be like, oh, what am I tense about and you listen? Tense is my default state at this stage. Okay. I'm not. I wouldn't say I'm walking around dysregulated like I was but I'm Always on the edge of that so it still requires a lot of intention and I'm talking with that But just to state like a fact and so after you check in with your body, then you can say, okay What was I thinking about? When I started to have this reaction, all right, and that's when you just do that work What was the first time you remember feeling that? What did it make you think of you know like I talked about how? My grandma has so many things that Created such a large perfectionist wound and So many things that it's easily triggered because it's a very big wound that just really hasn't gotten enough attention because I didn't know it was there so you have to be aware of What are you actually feeling? What am I actually feeling you guys there are such good? Journals workbooks out there that will help you do the shadow work And the reason it's called the shadow work is because it's the side that's dark to you. It's in the dark So however that word was used before let's just dismiss that because these workbooks are so invaluable I'm so happy they're in the world. I hope to create some myself. I'm just oh my goodness the work It it was painful you have to figure out whose voice you're hearing and You know when those thoughts first start and you think that's just you having a thought no, honey That that's somebody else. That's the messaging in the program that you got from somewhere a long time ago Now you've said it to yourself enough times that you can hear your voice saying it But if you stop you're going to hear where it came from. That's the important part And then that's when you can start to I had to go through a lot very quickly because of How bad things were so all I had time to do was be inside of myself Trying to get better and to crawl out of that hole. So for me, yeah, it was really painful But I was in a really painful place Now, I guess I would say pain is usually our biggest motivator for change because we're all a little afraid of it Even if we crave it So the pain of staying the same has to be larger than the pain of change I guess I'm saying the work that I've been doing doesn't have to be as painful for you So I don't I don't want you to feel like it will be but listen, you know when we're Acknowledging a dark side that we've left in the dark think about something that's been left in the shade or for me It's been 44 years that I didn't know this about myself, right? Okay. Well, if something was left in the shade not nurtured not given sunlight not held touched listen to Attended scene for all those years. It's not gonna be in good shape when you get it, huh? So that's why it's painful and that's the best way I can say it but Growth is hard and change is hard But when you start to figure out the whole reason you felt like shit about yourself in the first place well That's some ashes those limiting beliefs. You know, I don't know guys. I'm just I hope I hope this podcast is helping you You know and it's helping me. I'm not gonna lie. I've just learned so much just from starting down this road and If you are looking for a sign to pursue something, this is your fucking sign, bro Okay, this is your king time fuck everyone else Okay, you've given enough of yourself That's the reason you're here because you do too much. You don't have to do the most for everyone else go do the most for yourself right now I'm so serious if you are one of the people who don't even recognize your voice because you've gotten lost in the sea of voices Find your voice Find your voice because it's beautiful and it's the most beautiful and it's so big and bright and bold and beautiful The world's ready to hear it man. We need it. We need your voice. I need your voice. I need your voice Okay, if you sing go sing if you write go write and Share it light yourself up with passion ignite fire that lights a new path and you know the thing about a path being illuminated by Something like fire Is that it doesn't show you every step of the path? Does it you get a pretty limited vision with the fire, right? You don't get a lot of like foresight, but you do get a Perfectly lit next step. So take it take one step and I'm not even telling you to take one step every day, honey I'm not. I'm telling you to decide on Paper out loud to yourself and one person even if it's me send me an audio note Email text if you're in my personal life, you know, whatever and you decide How many steps per month you want to take guys? We're not gonna talk shit to ourselves anymore. We're just gonna tell it like it is, okay? so look yourself in the face and Ask yourself what you actually have the capacity to do and set some goals around that Your goals can wild and outlandish who cares if that's your goal. Hey, guess what mine are all not landish, okay? They sure the hell are because at this point I just figure my whole life's been wild and outlandish And I'm gonna get some good karma back period your goals can be whatever you want and you Listen in a treatment plan. We'd make it real refined but that's exactly why I don't want to practice traditional therapy because not everybody can do one step a day, okay? Some people can't do one step a week. We'll cannot do one step a month in their current reality, okay? But I'm telling you what you take that first step Especially if it's getting help for something guys if you need help ask for it guys Please go get your help if you need help with an addiction go get help if you need help with depression Anxiety go get help bipolar get helps gets a phrenia get help. There is help and it's harder to get I'm not gonna lie to you But you got to want it because listen if you think that I'm alive today because it was easy your skin wrong Okay, it wasn't easy this last bit of my life has been very difficult very very difficult Every minute of every day for a little bit was really hard and there were lots of days I really wasn't sure I was gonna make it through that day and there were a few days where I knew I wouldn't if I was left alone. So it is hard. It's hard to get the treatment. It's hard to say you need help It's hard to ask for it, but what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give my shame a name my shame's name is Listen, I feel like it would be in authentic to name my shame anything other than bitch ass So I'm really sorry, but that's true. I've said so many bad words in this intro I'm very sorry for people who are offended by that. I'm so sorry. I really am all at it as much as I can How about that? Okay, so we'll call her BA for short. Okay. She's that's BA. Oh, we'll say Bay Okay, now we've we've shortened it and now we're Bay, but it all means bitch ass. Okay, all right So what I'm feeling that shame Because listen, you know how I know it's not me feeling that. It's my inner child Feeling that because of Bay, you know, I'm saying you know how I know that because I've spent my whole life I'm not my whole life But a lot of life thinking about feelings instead of actually feeling them So let me tell you what I've spent a lot of time inside the spring I am smart wise intelligent whatever you want to call me and I'm smart enough to know I don't have a damn thing to feel ashamed of when it comes to this dumbass shit I'm gonna carry that shame for you know fucking up as a mom my whole life because that's literally like the one thing You're supposed to be good at when you decide to put the fucking kid on the earth anyway I mean I forgive myself, but that's a daily practice. That's Not that's not a one and done for me letting myself feel things and honor those feelings and Then you know releasing them for that moment and sometimes they come back that day And I got to do it all over again, you know, but otherwise I guess y'all gonna say same thing Well y'all shame means something to you too, but like think about logically, okay What would you say to someone else who's ashamed of the shit? You're ashamed of you know what I mean? So, you know, I'm gonna look Bay in the face tell her to get out of here because I don't need her shit And I don't have to listen to her, right? I don't I do not have to and that rebel in me So have hope get help take that first step, but guys the atmosphere is changing Okay, there's a lot of change in the air. Please Listen to me when I say get your shit together. We only get this one chance okay, and What I hope for you in the next six weeks is that you begin to have a firm understanding of what? Means the most to you in this world what your non-negotiables are in this life for you not Going to tolerate for one more Minute in your life because right this minute you get to decide that Nobody else you and if you are someone who is struggling with that concept or boundaries in general You let me know and I will send you all kinds of affirmations for you to hang up or you just buy some or whatever But you got this Okay, you're the only one and there's very literally only one of you in this world I believe we all have a purpose and I'm sure it's all kind of the same with different names You have to find out what lights you up? Invest in your hobbies like invest in yourself. Love yourself. It's what this whole thing's about I want to be emotionally available as a form of self-love Because I haven't let people love me and I haven't loved people properly for my whole life And I deserve that and you deserve that so get your fucking shit together, man Cuz I need you we need you. Okay. All right. Um, well that got real deep say sorry about that. I'm a love you Enjoy our sweet sicky poo Jane Doe and I'll see y'all after that. I've got a peace out. Bye. Bye Hi, I'm sorry. You don't feel good. Oh, I didn't tell Bob when I was asleep. That was a nice break Dude, we do not have to do this No, we but the telehealth guy is gonna call to give me an antiviral. I'm gonna get like team a flu or something Dude it work. Okay 22 female sex ends once my boyfriend 21 male is done. What do I do? Oh, not him. I know just got accused of sleeping with my best friends female 34 has been male 37 Without any proof. Do I support or block what? Uh-huh and last but not least How do I? 30 female explain to my boyfriend 31 male that my menstrual needs are important I I literally don't even understand what Okay, they're all good, but menstrual is pretty boring and it feels like that guy's mom Like was asleep on the job like what wait your mom didn't have a period. I don't know what's happening Let's do number two. Okay Yeah, I'm glad we didn't go with that story It's basically he won't buy her tampons and she's like I gotta sit at him honey 42 called even everyone has a period it means your body's functioning so like I don't know figure it out That's wrong with that lots of people who weren't allowed to talk about it My grandma was like we don't talk about that mixed company mean boys and girls And so then I went to my aunts on my dad's side and and I was like, you know, like talking and she was like we we talk about that openly Which I thought was pretty stack religious as a child. I won't lie as a guy have some fucking modesty God, but my brother will not and if you say the word period, which of course I do a lot to Josh. He ain't gonna handle it. And so Oh my god, it's so stupid So because of that that like I measured men like hey, could you give me some tampons? I mean if it's a no, it's a no for me to buy like no if you can't go buy some tampons I don't really need to talk to you. Okay, so do you want to do the 21-year-old male? Don't give a fuck if she gets off or the my friend is accusing me of yeah I gotta hear this my story like what just got accused of sleeping my best friend's husband without any proof Do I support or block just what do you mean without any proof? I'm so sorry. What? And immediately I was like then you're fucking your friends You don't have proof if I didn't do the shit Right, okay Into my mind. Nope. I thought the same thing so happy to hear that because That's how I felt too. And that's what made me pick that one for one of the three because I was like But you are fucking your friend's husband and you're coming to write it to act like you're not Anyway, she knocks on my door middle of the night refuses to come in and stares Blank into my eyes quote. I want to hear this from you. Have you slept with my husband? I was in total shock and said if this is some sort of a joke then it's distasteful and not funny She said she was serious. So I took her seriously and said I can't believe you asked me something like that I wouldn't do that to anyone let alone you She didn't let go and went on with her accusations and when I asked about basis non-existing Just a feeling she had after an hour she leaves and right before she leaves She says that it was a mistake and runs off calls me crying and apologizing I just want to add that I've known her since we were 15. I'm 31 now I didn't attend their wedding because I hated his guts and learned to accept him years later because he is a good father This happened three days ago. At first I was shocked. My purpose was to calm her down and have her talk to her husband But the day after I felt incredibly disrespected and felt nothing but disgust for her She made me question my whole being if I'm a bad person or inappropriate in any way Today I consulted with a few friends. Then why the fuck are you on Reddit? Can you make a decision? I'm saying that like I don't do the same shit Uh, they told me I need to remove her from my life Anyone that knows me knows I'm the last person to hurt even a stranger. I find people who say things like that Everybody's very hurtful. I mean, I really Don't say things you never hurt people. I really hurt the people that I love. Right. I wouldn't even hurt a stranger Well, okay, let alone my so-called best friend. I'm in a pickle now I haven't even talked to her since that day Even though she felt remorse. I feel like that was quite messed up She also told me that apparently he has been snapchatting with women So not only were there no proof of me and him doing anything but no actual basis of him being physically intimate with any woman You can fucking cheat without being physically Okay, okay. Should I stay by her and help her get through this or ditch her? Oh, I missed the sentence I I feel confused hurt and just don't understand what brought her to accuse me this way I hate this girl. I do too if I'm being honest. So a couple things her definition of cheating is wrong Yeah, if you're snapping other women With the intention of being flirty and seeking some sort of validation. I guess that's more what I would say I mean, it's an emotion here then I hate you and you're cheating Like you just okay So how she is Even defining it is wrong number two if this is your best friend for over half of your life Seems awful strange to me that your friend would just fucking accuse you of fucking her husband Out of nowhere And if she did and you really are like I have no idea where this came from She needs a hug Yeah, we need to be concerned about her if she is not okay If you're actually that good of a friend and for five seconds, I'm going to pretend like you are even though I don't believe she is okay But you're that good of you're clearly not you're a fucking ready talking shit Anyway, so if you're that good of a friend and you're a friend who i'm going to assume is typically pretty sane Comes to you with some insane shit About how she thinks for no fucking reason at all that you are fucking her husband She didn't say are you flirting right anything. She said are you fucking him in other words? You know um And so, uh, I don't know. I just you jumped straight She I just feel like she she skipped a lot of steps And is you know trying to define cheating in a weird way And like I said, I'm going back to that without any proof. Why are you fucking in no basis? I'm sorry. That's If the only reason that's important is because it's a clear sign of her mental fucking health Mm-hmm. So what what? And i'm sorry that People who say i'm a good person because blah blah blah For me because my grandma said that i've had says that shit all the fucking time I would give the shirt off my back and I wouldn't harm a fly and I do everything to help others and nobody does that Like no, no, you don't People even who thinks that they do that actually what they lack is self-awareness Because everybody hurts people. So if everybody has an ability to hurt somebody No, we do And sometimes If they are hurt, that's also about them and I don't own it So I can't care if i've set a boundary for me and it bothers you That's your problem. That's not my problem. So this idea that i'm supposed to just go around not hurting anybody or taking up space That's a weird thing. You're gonna hurt people when you're doing anything Because boundaries feel like abandonment. So, you know And i'm gonna hurt every fly i see Every single one like i'm auditioned to destroy them. So That saying fighters two fighters two every single one like you're going down That makes no sense. Also. I just don't trust her. No, you don't either Okay, here's a comment and then she went and told all of her friends like oh my god Other friends and now she's on wedding and just talking shit about her friend who's clearly going through it Oh, just so you know op's it looks like This is the latest update i see right now But it does say i decided to take a step back, but i also noticed her distancing herself Well, probably kind of talking shit about her No kidding and then someone's like at the end of this very long comment You have every right to tell her how she made you feel if the friendship is never the same again. So be it Opie. Yeah, just need to find the right time. I'm pretty sure they will solve this and be all happy dandy again What what fucking weird lady so you're just going to be like crazy weird abusive to each other and then just be okay again Okay. Oh, I think we may have found a good one. Okay. I disliked my sister's ex-husband from the get-go They were red flat. They were red flags. He talked about her with possessive language She was weird about her earning more than him and most of all the way she acted around him She just wasn't herself. She seemed to be acting like a woman. He'd want not like herself Of course, none of these things proved anything bad or even made me suspect that the real truth was he ended up being abusive Of course, I didn't know that at the time it turned out he did a lot to get between us and keep her for me She only came to me late when things were really bad. Maybe this isn't the case with your friend But maybe it is she doesn't get a pass for her behavior, but this is not about you It's about her and something is not well with her Yeah, it's not your responsibility But if you can find it in your heart to let her know you care even if You also step back from the friendship a little that might go a long way And this person responded this it's not about you OP You hated this huge gut from the jump guts from the jump. Why probably a ton of red flag behavior This is where this is coming from he is distorting her reality. She is being abused blah blah blah blah blah So I don't want to get too serious, so we'll leave that there Um, but yeah, thank you for because there's lots of comments that are like She she disrespected you She blah blah blah blah and I'm like, oh no, maybe i'm just smarter than there I don't know because if you if you came to me and said Melissa, tell me right now. Are you fucking jaundo? I'd be like That you have the flu, what's going on? What's going on? Are you okay honey? Did you get this schizophrenia? What happened? I'm not happened to be fucking jaundo, but you know shit. Yeah, so uh, I thought that was pretty interesting There are all kinds of folk out in the world aren't there. They're really are that's so crazy I know people are just crazier people are crazy I do hope somebody from the audience will write in and tell us their opinion about this So that we can discuss a little more, but uh, you know, just for the audience to take that in if you ever Get accused of some weird shit by your bestie boo Something ain't right with the bestie boo. You know, you just gotta you gotta ask them. What's wrong and care about them and shit Or you know Be a little introspective. Maybe you're not really that good of a friend Like oh listen, you know how I always say if you tell people you're in charge. You're not Yeah, if you have to tell people how good you are Yeah To defend yourself. I'm sorry, but I just don't believe you honey I believe you think that about yourself. I can I believe that your intentions in the front part of your brain Are probably fine, but what I know is if you're not dealing with the back part of your brain, you know Can you even think of one person who tells you what a good person they are? That's a good person That is the equivalent of like I hate drama. I just think do not do drama And they're always the drama. Right. It's like, okay No, now, okay, I will say this. Yeah, I know people who say that a lot. So I would make one exception I'm not saying they are a bad person at all because I don't believe that to be true But I don't think they're like intentions are as pure as they think and I think they have some shit to deal with And so, you know all these little emotionally immature people running around saying i'm such a good person. I give a shirt off my back Oh my grandma used to say shit all the fucking time And i'm like really because that's weird because I've never even seen you give the homeless guy on the corner of dollars That's weird. They're all kind of the same And um, you know, I did purple. We're just calling them and you know What I know about emotionally immature people like myself sometimes is that you think you're doing something with one intention when it's quite Another and also if you're not intentional and you have trauma Then you're only doing things to protect yourself and maybe you don't know that but it's true and I'm not going to argue about it So you just do you boo? Okay, my little sticky poo. I'm going to let you go rest Okay, I'm excited. That was a real trooper move of you there. Hey, and yeah, let me submit Hello, I'm a trooper. That's what I do. I kind of like our friday things. These are so crazy I know I was trying to think of like because I listened I always listen to the episode that airs On spotify that morning even though I've listened to it so many fucking times one for the play But one for just a last chance and every now and then I do catch something that I can hurry and Fix before other people hear it. So I listened to it while i'm getting ready in the morning and um Who knows why I was telling you that started slipping my brain Oh, no, I saw I was listening to the reddit podcast that I like I don't i'm sorry guys I don't remember fucking name now, but I was listening to that because it comes on right after mine for some reason And today's was funny and the people are so that I just love them But I was like, well, I mean I'd like to mix it up a little bit and not totally like copy off them But it's so fun because there was like oh you're so smart going to the comment section But I am going to I think for next week maybe look at like One of the major like pop culture Like stories that people go comment on or just like some viral type thing Or even just a hilarious take talk that we like you know how you love the comment section better than the actual video sometimes Yeah, so i'm gonna do we'll we'll try to find something like that for You know, I want to mix it up a little bit, but I just want to fun on our Fridays, you know, okay I'm here for it. Okay. Well, all right, friend If you look with the flu, is there anything I can do for you? I'm gonna go get that little tama flu real quick and a little gatorade and the hop right back in that bed Hmm important. Okay. Well, good luck. Talk to you later Bye Hey Hey, what do you say Listen first and foremost Please make sure that you have provided this podcast with a five star rating on whichever platform that you are listening If you want to support the show, please rate like and share Also like comment and share on any social media posts that you see for me on instagram or facebook or tick tock Please follow the podcast facebook Emotionally unavailable podcast you can shop my foot online store or schedule a one-on-one with me Emotionally unavailable podcast.org. I'm offering what i'm calling non-traditional counseling astrology readings and tarot readings And self-policing services and thank you so much for listening to the emotionally unavailable podcast Emotionally unavailable My goodness, I'm tired. I hope that you liked that episode jane do we hope you are feeling just Ever so better. I'm exhausted. So, uh until next time. Let's all just keep swimming N-D-E-P-E and cut.