I'll let this one speak for itself lol
Emotionally Unavailable
Episode 26: Ramblings
You know, just know that I don't for one fucking second believe he's listened to very much of this podcast. Okay, I'm pretty sure Dottie in 10th grade told me we were Gen X and I'm never going to stop saying that now. So, you know, and we're just driving along singing Lady Antebellum, you know, quarter after one, you know, just crying because these dudes don't love us or whatever. [music] Welcome to Emotionally Unavailable, the podcast where we dive deep into the world of emotional availability and intimacy. I'm your host, Melissa Hepner, and I can't tell you how excited I am to have you join me on this journey of self-discovery and connection. Whether you're navigating the complexities of relationships or exploring your own emotional landscape, this podcast is here to inspire, empower, and entertain. So, get cozy and let's explore the depths of human emotions together. Hi guys, how is everybody today? Oh Lord, so many things. I tell you, lots of good stuff happening. First and foremost, I'm going to let you in on a little secret audience. First of all, I saw my brother Jason and listen. He's not listening to this podcast, okay? I mean, not really. So, that's the thing is that, you know, other people text me about the word of the day, but my brother does not, and that's how I know he's not listening. Thank you, Jason. Anyway, I'm just letting you all know that. Just, you know, just know that I don't, for one fucking second, believe he's listened to very much of this podcast. Okay, he's just being sweet, but anyway, I love you brother. But Jason, nonetheless, your word of the day is. Remuneration, remuneration is a formal word that refers to an amount of money paid to someone for a service, loss, or expense, or to the act of paying such an amount. It is synonymous with recompense and pay, recompense. Good lord. Listen, I won't even know that. Oh my lord, I won't edit any of it out. How about that? Anyway, so there's your word of the day, Jason. I get to read at the Oracle on Saturday too, and I just feel like good things are coming. Lots of positives lately, and I'm really, really happy about that. And you know, for my astrology lovers, that full moon and Capricorn, that grounding energy, you know what I'm saying? Like, woof, so good. Things have slowed down a bit, and I'm just really grateful for that. And we're doing our best. That's all I know. So since I'm solo today, I was thinking about kind of a few things. One of the things being emotional, availability and intimacy kind of in this age of social media, we talked. I don't remember who I was talking to the other day, but they, you know, we were talking about, oh, I think it was Jessica when I was visiting. We were talking about social media and just the extra trauma that can come from that that, you know, we didn't have to deal with. And so obviously we've seen a ton of impact in the way they consume social media, but I don't think that we necessarily think a whole lot about how it affects emotional availability and intimacy. So right off the bat, think about how many times either you or someone you know has gotten upset with either a friend or partner, whether it's a casual partner, you know, more serious for something social media related. And I don't mean liking another person's post like of the opposite sex. I mean, like being upset that they didn't post you or that they didn't change their relationship status or that they didn't like your picture, you know, things like that. I mean, how many times have you or someone you know gotten upset about something social media related where you felt rejected, slighted, whatever the case may be. I'm sorry if you can hear Bella in the background. She's a brat. But I just think that's such an interesting concept because that like oh, listen child, I was prime age for Facebook when it came out like I was the target demographic. Okay, so it hit me and I said, Hi, you know, connected and whatever. And it really affected us. And I guess with that inflection, that would imply that it impacted us in a more harsh way than it, you know, does to this present generation. And I don't think that's a fair statement, but I would say for my generation, I identify as Gen X, I don't even give a shit if that's wrong because I'm pretty sure Dottie in 10th grade told me we were Gen X and I'm never going to stop saying that now so June 16th, 1980. Somebody tell me, please, thank you. Everyone I knew, well, especially because we were coming over from my space where it was just kind of wacky, but everyone I knew we, oh, we really based a lot on social media stuff. I mean, I guess I'll just say Facebook because that's all we had because my space became obsolete pretty quickly. We definitely had some weird expectations and I think that we have probably taken those word with us. I think whatever you felt about social media, maybe you would still feel, I don't know. So people would like get upset. Oh, man, let me just be real shoot. I mean, listen, I'm not going to call this person out by name. Okay. But a friend of mine and I, you know, when I was attempting to court my husband and she was attempting to court her husband, you know, and we're just driving along singing Lady Antebellum, you know, quarter after one, you know, just crying because these dudes don't love us or whatever. I mean, what? Man, I remember how much stuff we would get upset about and then like vague book, but like, you know, we would know who the other one was talking to or whatever, but we're like posting these stupid ass Facebook posts that I still come across on my memories sometimes. And we send them to each other because it's so stupid. So anyway, yeah, so we used to do that. And then, oh my gosh. Okay. Well, you know, I admitted in owning my crazy learning to survive trauma that I was like a walking how to lose a guy in 10 days. I mean, I was doing every damn thing that that chick in that movie did. Oh my God, it was like everything that girl did. Oh, so funny. Well, so one time I was out with friends and I don't remember why. Oh, I think I was trying to show his Facebook to a friend. And it's a single interested in females. I didn't have a Facebook yet. So I didn't know that like every profile, when it first started, you had to say interested in male or female. And I thought he was saying, I'm interested y'all because that's kind of how my space had gone. And I sent him a text that said something like kind of not funny. I still remember this. I sent him a text that said, saw your Facebook. It was really informative. Glad I looked. Oh my God. And so, yeah. And then my friend was like, yeah, that was a little psycho because dah, dah, dah, dah, about the interested in. And I was like, no, no. Well, poor Brian had been like, oh, because I had said I learned a lot, you know. And I was like, yeah, you like alcohol because he is a SIGTA, and his profile picture was some drink. He blew magic. I think he named it. Anyways, you have to ask Brian. I don't know. Y'all SIGTA. Anyway, gosh, that's just a couple of examples. Oh, I used to get so upset that he didn't like comment on my stuff. Or gosh, yeah, I think social media was a problem for me for a while where I was just pissed at him all the time. So that's just, you know, a tiny example of how it can impact a society. But think about the things that we're seeing in our youth. Think about the way that we learned so many things by playing and by being bored. And this is not a, eh, this is the electronic generation. This is not that. This is specifically social media. But I mean, think about us as adults, like how addicted we are. And like these kids, man, they're addicted. Think about how it's really impacted social skills because they're even learning on electronic devices now. So with the way the algorithms are created to draw all of us in, gosh, they're good at drawing kids into all of that, you know, which I'm not going to say nothing because, you know, I really consume some social media. I'm not going to lie about it. But I just think about the changes I've seen and the way people speak to each other. And I don't think that's not related to the fact that we oftentimes communicate more in a comment section with people we know than we do face to face. Like, that's kind of crazy. And so if you think about how that affects emotional availability and intimacy, how vulnerable do you have to be? I mean, I know that I'm less afraid to write things than I am to say them out loud, even if I'm scared about it. So anyway, that's just one thought. But like, I'm a person who does not like to see notifications on my phone. It drives me insane. So like, I have my do not disturb set so that I can't see anything pop up. Like, I have to think nobody's texting me or, you know, anything like that. I'm just very easily distracted. Something I know about myself, so I just have to limit my distractions. You know, ADHD, I don't know. Shoot. But think about like how many times you've been out with a partner and checked your phone either for a text or, you know, a notification of some sort. I think it happens a lot. And I mean, you know, Facebook was new to both of us when we met. So we spent a lot of time just chilling on Facebook by each other. It was stupid. I don't know. I mean, just think about like, you know, all the distractions. How can you really be emotionally present in your relationships if you're constantly distracted? And I mean, I think that technology can both enhance and hinder emotional connections, but all the blunders too that have happened. Like the accidental ones. Like, I still see videos like this on TikTok where they'll be like, yeah, so funny story. And they thought they were sending that to their group chat. And they were talking shit about me and my DM. And I'm like, oh, how many times has all of us made some sort of blunder like that? And I mean, you know, that's the thing is that I guess technology in a sense gives us all a little bit more freedom to be a little sassier than we would be with the whole screenshot and screen record and all that, you know. Okay, I also have a question to pose to you all as audience members. So one of the ways that I was point shown behavior of mine that was emotional avoidance was to point out me telling trauma stories in a very funny way. And I personally would say like, agree, disagree, like both, like it could be a neutral for me because, yeah, I guess you do have to be pretty detached to be able to laugh. I was trying to put myself in the place of the person who wouldn't be called emotionally avoidant in retelling their trauma and I see them reliving the moment they're in that moment when they're telling it. And they are that person in their present. And so they are very fearful and tearful. Yeah, I guess I did learn to detach from a lot of those experiences at a very young age. So to be able to laugh about it would be attached. So, okay, I can see that. But is there a time where there's like maybe just a line that you can dance with humor and it not be avoidant. But I don't think that you need to attach and stay attached to your experiences. So that's where I was saying neutral, like I can see where you would say that makes me emotionally avoidant. But if I only do that about past traumas, but I'm willing to engage about the triggers that happen from those traumas in a more serious emotional manner. And to tell you how your behavior is triggering those things. I think that I can still be emotionally available. I just, you know, I don't think that you have to stay attached to every person and every experience that you ever have in your life. There is an art to detachment. And that's the whole thing with like divine feminine energy is like where you just step into this power of, yo, I'm not chasing anything in this life, not money, not status, not friends, not love nothing. I attract friends. I attract money. I attract opportunities. I expand and grow everything I touch. I don't just attract. I am a magnet to those things that I want. And I bring them to me. I will never chase. That is your power. Anyway, so I think that there can be space for both like being emotionally available to the current and being detached from your past. And I don't know. I think for me, I didn't detach prematurely, I will say, from my past. That has been that slow dig through the mud for me and discovery and a lot of pain to see the parts of me that I have hidden far away. So yeah, things are looking good. I feel a little lighter every single day and that makes me so happy. I just feel good energy coming in for all of us, you know. And some of us are still going to have some turbulence, but there's always going to be good again. I feel like I'm going to have to have an arsenal of things that remind me of that so that if I should ever find myself in that position again, that I can remember that there really is a time where it feels better. I mean, you know, I've said I kept telling myself there was a chance and we were going to make it for that chance and by gosh, it's so much better. So that's good. And let's see, since he had her birthday party, it was very cute. This episode's going to be short because I am, you know, utilizing all that grounded energy and have been getting caught up on things that have been drowning me in my life. So I did not have time to do anything big for this, but I appreciate your understanding and support. And I look forward to more inspiring conversation. But that's all for this time. So until then, let's all just keep swimming. Hey, what do you say? 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