Lawd have mercy, today we read a reddit story and give our opinion. Enjoy! <3
Emotionally Unavailable
Episode 24: Help Me Help You (Anonymously Unavailable With Jane Doe Episode 4)
for you maybe in this circumstance you'd have all the control in the world but let me tell you what me no the second i thought come out like bitch what's this if i'm being honest i'd probably call her now so after that hey uh you're fucking weird on the internet man no girl it doesn't it's how the fuck doesn't want a portion it's not confirmed welcome to emotionally unavailable the podcast where we dive deep into the world of emotional availability and intimacy i'm your host melissa hepner and i can't tell you how excited i am to have you join me on this journey of self discovery and connection whether you're navigating the complexities of relationships or exploring your own emotional landscape this podcast is here to inspire empower and entertain so get cozy and let's explore the depths of human emotions together hello everybody welcome back to anonymously unavailable with jane doe it is episode four today before i talk more about that i'm going to say hi to my brother jason jason your word of the day is interminable tire tiresomely long seemingly without end interminable interminable okay so how's everyone doing today is a good day as well for me i am looking into so i have my merch store up the website's working and i really want to like open that future page up to guests or anyone else that would like to send me information for things that they sell and i will happily if this is a small business i'll say uh where you're saying you know you're selling handcrafted stuff or designed stuff or whatever and you want me to display that in my store i would be happy to do that just email me or go to the podcast facebook and hey guys if you wouldn't mind please go to if you have an apple phone please also go to apple podcast even if you do a sense botify just make sure that you've given the show a five-star rating please and like anywhere that you can download the episode like don't just stream i don't know just delete it right if you download i don't care but that's how algorithms work so the more interaction something gets the more it gets pushed out so while it helps that you're interacting with my stuff on facebook because that will help it reach on facebook it would be the best to be on the actual you know spotifier wherever you're listening and make sure that you're interacting in at least two ways on every single uh episode even if you're not listening right then i would just really appreciate that sport and i don't think i have anything really deep to go into today i don't want to get too contemplative because i'm in a really good mood and i just want to leave it at that uh you know i'm practicing making my relationship patterns different than my past and to be vulnerable with people to not just place myself in their life to take care of them and to shine on them but to ask for reciprocity and to continue to step farther and deeper and wider into all of my power so uh hope that you guys are doing well too and i just appreciate you a lot and i hope that you like today's anonymously unavailable with jane doe episode hi jane doe are we can you hear me i can hear you now you okay are you excited for anonymously unavailable episode four i am so excited okay so i want to explain the premise of today's episode i listened to this podcast called smosh reads Reddit stories okay that's a pretty self-explanatory title so we won't get into that um and then i also listened to this podcast called normal golf tip and uh that one is what it sounds like they listen her sininess story and the host is phenomenal and she delivers the story in like her way and she picks a guest host each show is different really good at matching host with stories like personalities like you know so she'll be like okay here's the first part of the gossip and then checking in like okay who said are you on so far like that kind of thing you know and then this reddit story one is like that too and i was like okay well i have been wanting to incorporate shit like this into episodes so you know while we're you know strapped on time i thought that's a very good way for us to be able to stay on track so as you know i see you three possible headlines mm-hmm i'm gonna read those out loud okay my 27 female boyfriend 27 male asks for blow jobs multiple times a day how can i slash we get past how this is making me feel okay just so you know i have read the stories well i read that one i don't know that i read all the other ones okay this one's crazy oh my 35 male significant other 37 female is a record troll and i absolutely am dumbfounded on what to do cry cry and last but certainly not least my husband no i'll keep 38 female shot an adult scene when i was 18 my husband 40 male doesn't know and i just found the video again on the internet bitch you were searching she should i tell me okay so i'm letting you choose which one and then i have them each pulled up so i can get straight to it once you pick oh my gosh this is so hard i know let's talk it through i mean when you talk it through like you know you want to know what are we doing i have one to tell you the last one and she seems thirsty so so boring wait i've already forgotten what was the last one i did a mini-porn i will be honey look girl every single one of us has got a video somewhere hush it on up and that guy married do he knows what you're about you know you all know you're a scorpio venus and you get freaky okay we all know that nobody's nobody's crying about it and you're the only one who cares and also you just wanted to be on reddit so you didn't see it would blow up bitch i grabbed the other ones ooh it is tough it is okay let's talk it through okay that first one the reason i'm thinking we skip that one is because that can lead into real serious conversations which i didn't really think about i just was like especially if you read the story i'm like honey why are you with this man but why like because here's the thing like what are you a child like we need to manage expectations so either she needs to manage expectations or she's not respecting pick your damn headline so we have that i think it's the second one that's so crazy if this is something that i would be here okay what would you even do like i know okay so i'm gonna get into the story okay all right i came home from work today and noticed my partner just sitting at the desk laughing to herself with her headphones on so i assume she was watching a movie or something and left it at that not long after i poked my head round as i was gonna ask her what she wanted for dinner and to my surprise she was unread it which was odd to me because she is anti-social media etc but i thought it was nice she was trying something as she suffers from agoraphobia and doesn't get out much without me but briefly got got a glimpse at her name and thought it would be interesting to see what she had posted yes i know this was an invasion of privacy no it wasn't i mean maybe but there's no expectation of privacy and our relationship or on and on right and to my shock oh this is dirty are you ready the account was eight years old oh this means it's predated our relationship by a couple of years so what's even more shocking was the stuff she had said on there so much hate towards random people for seemingly no reason at all this was not just one comment here and there either literally just an account dedicated to hating on people and she seemed proud of it in her comments one recent example was she spent an entire day just battling someone it doesn't even stop there because she will make up stories oh this is horrible are you ready and fat shame people it gets worse this oh oh god bullying those with disabilities and this is all there as she knows i have autism and claims everyone who tells her she needs probably help is projecting he put quotes on that i would sometimes come back from work and she would be in a bad mood but wouldn't tell me why upon looking at her common history a lot of her bad mood seemed to line up with days she got downvoted a lot she even goes as far as to lie about her physical appearance just to bring others down it's sick lies about her physical appearance to bring others down what does that mean she's like oh yeah well my 36 triple d natural titties my 26 inch waist but my xl ass you know i mean i don't know but that's my guess because uh you can't say you have some deformity or otherwise and think that's gonna like knock someone down a peg so you know i guess she'd be lying saying she's a lot cuter than she would how do i even approach this this stuff is just downright hateful and i i don't want her to freak out at me what do i even do i'm scared she's one argument away from someone coming to find her maybe they should baby i can't believe she ain't gotten docked yet even jakes gotten us docked shit yeah or or not docked what is it when they fucking hard reboot your system from their computer far away because they got your ip address oh we've had it happen because these piss people off on the internet we sure the fuck yes we have the entire internet went out yep and i was like what happened and jake had to be like oh um so okay dude what would you do what would okay no this is so unreasonable to be because let me just men have this capability and actually i guess i know a couple of women like this but dammit you and i i'm not going to speak for you maybe in this circumstance you'd have all the control in the world but let me tell you what me no the second i thought come out like bitch what's this what and well here's how this would actually go i'm just gonna i'm going to give you a little example of a day in the life you know a minute in the life with molesa okay so i'll be like bitch don't don't it ain't worth it you know don't do it unless i'll talk self-talk self-talk i don't think it's funny that um you said you didn't like social media what do you consider reddit because you've been on that shit since before i met you and if i'm being honest i'd probably call her an asshole after that i would do the same but in around about way i would like whatever the last thing was i would be like you're not gonna believe and just like weave it into stuff and just wait a minute and that i would i would mess around with that for like a day like oh my god you're so smart and then just like that's so smart and okay so are you saying like oh my gosh you know sharia work done showed me this damn reddit that kind of blew up it's crazy like why would you say that to somebody like why would you do that oh my god no no no no no no you put it in a fake af powerpoint and you said it was the center of a of a of a training that you received at work about piece of shit people who heard out there's because their pieces of shit that's so funny but also yeah that wouldn't last very long because then i would be like no because the second you played dumb i can't handle it you know what i mean like no it's when you're lying to me so if you if i ask you something directly and you lie to me now i don't trust you and you're dead to me forever i'm coming after you like oh okay well that's weird because i thought i saw whatever like do you do that have you been on that oh okay well that's funny because i have your password yeah that's strange huh yeah i would oh well okay okay no now in my older age i will say this i have gotten a lot better granted i don't do this type of shit anymore but if i'm gonna call a motherfucker out on something he'd be in sneaky about i'm gonna make sure i got all the facts i'm gonna get every fact that i have together throw them in a little file handcuffs on top you know it's interrogation time let's go two-way mirror good cop bad cop you know what i'm saying i don't need to find everything no that's where i'm at is i'm like i'm not gonna be certain yet i think i mean i will not call what he did in invasion of privacy i'm sorry he i'm sorry that's fucking stupid he happened to see her fucking username and so he you know that's the problem honey but sometimes we're a little too healthy okay that's why i said no i'm not mad when i'm mad i'm gonna let you know in a real bitchy way i'm not i'm no longer gonna try to be real i'm using air quotes audience uh healthy about delivering the fact that i'm mad because if i'm mad i'm allowed to act mad and uh in this scenario i'd be pretty mad and i feel that that would be right full of me and i kind of think this guy might be a people pleaser and not standing up for himself a whole lot because like you're scared to bring this up to her i'm not scared i just want to make sure that you're not gonna be able to gaslight me or whatever so i'm gonna get all my facts together but i'm certainly not afraid in any way to say hey uh you're fucking weird on the internet man you know i was like i want to say it i'd be like man you are getting fucking therapy starting tomorrow who the hell talks to people like this you know i would i would i'm sorry i i would and then i'd be like you already know me so i'd come back in with the no baby listen that was not you know i wasn't taking in into consideration anything but i just you know i had a real strong reaction because that's just pretty fucking wronged of you and i'm sorry i didn't hold you in whatever pain you must be in to inflict this type of pain onto others i never even thought about that i just automatically thought you i don't like me again for a liar i don't care what you think so bye girl i mean what about you anyway you won't even leave the house without me that feels like two first six years no exactly okay like i don't want to make fun of a mental like disorder which agoraphobia is but i'm saying like baby you okay you've been with her for six years she clearly is not taking unless you are also like you know maybe he's a tourist they love to stay home you know they want to be a maybe maybe it works for him but mostly i'm gonna say he probably has to drag her out for special occasions probably so we've had that for six years and we know that instead of getting any sort of mental health treatment she's decided to take her pain and try to place that onto others very deliberately i'm out at that point like i'm suddenly not afraid to bring it up it's not even just little stuff like you know i'm not saying that some things are i'm talking about like not even socially acceptable like fat shaming of course fat shaming is wrong but also like you can watch channel five and they do you know what i mean like seriously yeah can you talk about like making like fun and antagonizing somebody with a disability like what is wrong with you and so much more that you're lying and making it seem like your physical appearance is like a thousand times better than it is that's weird i know right okay so are we both in agreement we'd bring it up and then we'd be out oh let me be healing yeah you know that that would be like ours like i wouldn't be able to contain that i would try to figure out some way to get them to like admit or lie and then i'd be like boom got you dead to me get your ish out like done done with you that's just crazy i just don't like i wouldn't be able to tolerate that okay can i read you the first story let me give it to you and you tell me i'm gonna i'm gonna be impartial i just it's again because don't understand i guess i don't understand but maybe at a certain age i would maybe maybe maybe at 23 i could i could see that i might have been like and you know what though there are certain personality types i will say this with men men with deep voices especially i will absolutely find myself in a more subservient place with them out of fear because i'm afraid to make them raise their voice because my body physically responds to it yeah yeah so i guess at like at a younger age when i didn't understand what was happening i probably like with steven my friend Jessica later was like wow i never would have guessed that you did anything subservient ever and i was like i know i kind of really didn't realize it either i kept my haircut short because he liked it that way and was pretty vocal about it i dressed for him like i had a whole cool-ass style from high school that i ditched a thousand percent to try to like meet his expectations or standards those were probably the two biggest ways except for that like i let him because i was a stay at him mom i let him be like the boss i guess about finances because i didn't really like fill my place there but so anyway everyone i'm just saying that so that y'all understand that i do know this can be tricky but you know as a 44-year-old now it's it's foreign to me because that was a long-ass time ago okay are you ready i'm writing okay i'm gonna remind you because i hate saying it the way they put it the girl is 27 and the boy is 27 okay okay my boyfriend in four years asks for blow jobs every single day is this normal i absolutely adore my boyfriend and he is such an incredible partner in so many ways we are best friends and we have built so many amazing things together when i was studying and he was working full-time i didn't mind him asking a lot of me because he was supporting me financially and i had much more free time oh yeah okay i am now working a demanding full-time job and i feel like every day without fail he is asking me for a blow job even after i've cooked clean etc on my own but she has to put in parentheses here which i don't mind doing i do bitch i usually come home from work pretty exhausted and it's not that i don't want to have sex with him but i like the intimacy and acts of service to get me really in the mood i feel like every time he asks for a blow job with no other physical contact it makes me want to sleep with him less and less every time he will often get upset about this as he then doesn't feel loved which i understand and is the last thing i want one of the only arguments we ever have is a recurring one about how he doesn't feel loved because i'm not jumping his bones and blowing him at every opportunity and how i don't feel loved because he's not kissing and cuddling and doing anything to make me feel like he really wants me he just feels like i'm a blow job machine to him at times but i feel guilty even saying there would we have been discussing this in the past he's admitted that he tends to withhold affection from me because he doesn't feel i've been doing it enough for him i don't feel as though i have clearly communicated to him baby i bet you have that the more often he asks the less i want to do anything sexual with him yet yeah i bet you have i bet just cuz he ain't listening don't mean you know mm-hmm okay how can we find a balance and work towards fixing this before it becomes a full blown aversion to sex for me and to avoid this recurring argument i desperately want to avoid having this argument again as it just makes both of us feel like shit and pushes us further away from where we want to be for extra information that's her heart that she feels like she needs to tell us this i have ADHD that wasn't diagnosed until i was in my 20s if that makes any difference no girl it doesn't it's so the fuck doesn't want let's review consent really quickly right okay um audience in case you don't know when you need this review of consent here's your information uh to provide somebody with the proper level of consent i would say is that good wording to think okay they must hear from you yes you say yes to that idea mm-hmm and it fucking stops right there if you don't say yes so that's the number one rule of consent coercion not consent nope if i say no or i'm not super excited about it not consent no just like no just leave people alone that and what kind of creep show do you have to be to want to ask sex after somebody's like oh no right you know what i mean yeah no if you're lying for me is like i wouldn't even if you hesitated i wouldn't be able to do it i literally wouldn't because i would be too much like you know my rejection sensitivity i think well now listen if i'm being wrong on us i think we had a talk very early on and it was called like you know i consent to you trying a little harder like sometimes i gotta do the rest a little bit yeah i'd be like uh i'm pretty tired but if you're cute you do like cute little whatever whatever whatever like okay all right i'm in i did express consent right hey because i you know i'm not gonna get into it um i provided consent for some shit you know some pre-consensual things like hey if you ever you know decided he's gonna do that and that's fine that's fine don't even ask okay don't even ask uh so yes you're right that is fine that was a great thing i acted a certain way and they were like hey every time you do this it makes me feel like shit well that'd probably be the end of that being a turn on for me right exactly i would just almost if you were him like not ever ask again that's what i don't understand that's what i was saying is that would be if you even painted when i asked that it was not what you wanted it would be very difficult for me to ever ask again very and if i did and you said no again no i probably would never ask again uh and now this girl though she sounds a little like she's got some things so if he just stopped asking she's probably like oh you're never asking me anymore well that's what she said she's a couple avoidance so she'd be like oh my god dude what are you didn't leave me you know uh but i kind of wonder too like is she beating herself up with self help because what who who is she listening to that makes her think that anything about this is like her fault i mean i understand like if he if he if he has need like hey people have high sex drive i get that and if you're not compatible in that way you're just gonna have to accept that like like that's just that so if that's not something that you can change with joy in your heart then you need to let him know hey uh no and if you continue to do that extra double no and i can't be with you if you're gonna try to coerce me and maybe i just can't meet your needs but i'm guessing sissy poo has some self-esteem and rejection and abandonment issues so she ain't going break up with nobody and he knows they are well and at the beginning she was like well i didn't mind doing it because i had time and you know he was paying for everything right and you know we want to we want to be women who put crowns on our sisters so how can we do that in this scenario yeah this is all i know baby you can't have a secure attachment and and and say the shit you said on reddit is the thing if you at all felt like and listen i know i have friends that are gonna disagree with this statement and that's fine but just i disagree with you i don't think unless you make that deal with your partner willingly because you feel like that's a fair exchange and i don't mean sex for them paying shit although that's fine too i mean if that's what y'all i don't give fuck about your relationship so you know if that's working for you great but i know way too many people out there staying at home with kids male and female thinking that that means that they have to take every ounce of shit from their partner because their partners having unreal reasonable expectations of a person who's home with kid home with kids is a boring b depressing see stressful de disorganized sorry i i mean in my humble opinion so i mean that's i don't begrudge anybody who loves that that's great uh i've been begraged quite a bit for not loving it i'll tell you that much i've gotten accused of a lot of things from a lot of people and i'm like now i'm so much more secure in my decisions and i'm like that's a you know uh you may want to ask yourself what you care so much about what i do maybe that's what you want to know about yourself because i'm fine with my decision on you and i'm not questioning yours i'm good but that's not what you do any but um so i think with her like seriously she's just like it doesn't sound like she's ever enjoyed that relationship like even when at the beginning she was like well i do it but it was because and now yeah she didn't say i used to be super horny for him and want to give it to him every day right she's never been into it so she's always been in a conversation whether it was i don't want him to stop paying my bills or now i don't want him to break up with me right but also like but sex is a pretty big component of a relationship so if you're not compatible like like now before you're just like well but see you and i know because we've been married more than one so those are lessons that you learn with age and a couple marriages under your belt uh because you know we're a long-term relationship whatever but you know like well first of all if you come from any sort of a past it's difficult to stand into your feminine power you know and especially that like dark feminine part of you that's like oh i do have wrath okay and it is absolutely okay for me to dole that out to somebody who finds it appropriate to try to coerce me with sex okay that's a cue but sister Sue auto stank and you got to get you a good little friend to you know you find your bestest friend that is the most honest with you that hurts your damn feelings all time because they're so honest and you just talk to them about this and get the fuck away from that dude because uh thing about you know let's call him dick his name is dick dick um thing about him i have a sneaky suspicion it really doesn't matter how she says it he ain't changing he ain't budging he don't give a book because he's definitely not hearing her you know yeah he doesn't care that much he really don't he's with her like why is he staying i mean well probably because she gives him head every day but but okay but and she makes dinner she cleans the house she has a job like maybe i want to see if she'll give me a blowjob too right it's great but i think it's kind of strange that he's only asking for a blowjob yeah just saying what are your theories on that uh it's pretty non-committal it feels lazy to me yeah you know you like i don't want to put many words yes that is so fucking degrading to be like oh thanks for dinner baby that comes back my dear i'm not gonna move a muscle oh yeah he doesn't want her to have any pleasure from it yeah she didn't get anything from it it's just like and she likes it that way mm-hmm she has a she has a weird thing she has a weird thing like if this is their number one issue then she was taught that sex is wrong in some way wait till marriage or it's dirty or she just doesn't have a high sex drive a blowjob is a job like oh it's pretty minutes to invest in this nonsense not really like she was tired but you're tired but you're but something's wrong here for her to even feel the need to ask reddit this question and not just leave him yeah i agree with that too for six years or not four four i'm getting them mixed up i don't know i wouldn't last five days with that no i wouldn't want to live with me anymore anyone it not me either honey not me either i do want to meet him so much i sure do oh i feel like we need to have any problems boring i'm trying to see how long we've been together oh four years four years too long baby got today who doesn't sound like you need them financially anymore so go find somebody who's sweet to you and fuck them and everyone's happy yeah agree are you good how are you i'm so good uh decided today after talking with lainey brian had this great idea of i have offered to her and like my kids like if you have something you want to sell in my store like i've already got it all set up i can help you get it in with her and then whatever and then brian was like he doesn't he didn't know we had that conversation because i said well i mean not that you i could also just tell you how to set up your own thing like i you know i got i'm not that you couldn't but people feel like they can't you know so i'm like if this is the easy way to get started get you some momentum with no effort on that end of things i'm taking care of all that for you you know i'm just trying to i just want people to see it's possible but brian said hey um you probably haven't listened to you yet but i listened to part lainey makes um clay people magnets and she does a lot of crafty shit she can also crochet but brian was like there could be a store you know blah blah blah and i was like oh my god you're right and so what kind of offered and i was like hey what if i started this page of anybody on this people pursuing passion mission like i can just at least like display it with a little like description of who that person is what they're about whatever you know so and brian's like aquarius mind is just like going and i'm like loving it because he has really good ideas yeah no yeah that's all going really well i feel i feel like now that the website's fixed people will start looking and finding out about it and it'll be it'll it'll go it'll it'll be honest sending you fun like designing shit you know yeah sending you all the good you do i want to i'm waiting for that path to unfold so i'm just gonna see but feeling much more i can't say i have like a hundred percent faith that everything's gonna like i have faith that everything's fine but you know i don't necessarily have faith that all my dreams gonna come true but i'm not scared today so let's do it you know today's the third good day in a row really good day really good day three really good days i love that brian i feel really like proud of that and because you know that's taken a little bit of work because it hasn't been without it's challenges that like loves to throw at me but i am i'm just kind of moving through them and like fuck i don't want this to ruin my whole day i kind of do feel a little scared sometimes of that conflict because i'm like uh if i feel that then it's gonna take over my whole day and but it hasn't i'm doing all right man so yeah it's been a good week so far 44 44 i want to find out what for is in numerology because it's been so significant lately and uh i know it means something man i know it does because it just depends on where like i don't know a true authentic numerology thing and that's the thing i want to get into too well jane doe i'm very grateful for your time i'm also very proud of us for staying on task me too where anything and what do you think about this type of episode was this fun for you oh it was great yeah i agree for fun also i'm going to the night film pretty good that nobody's asking for a blowjob today well yeah nobody's gonna be in a family or so nobody's asked you for a blowjob but your answer wouldn't be no ever shit i like the party what can i say didn't there ain't nothing wrong with it if that's what you want to do but if you don't want to do it don't fucking do it and eat out how that is me i'm gonna do it but uh not funny too okay that's it i gotta go look ended on a good note i love you so much let me do bye hey hey what do you say listen if you want to support the show please rate like and share from whichever platform you're listening on please also like comment and share on any social media posts that you see for me on instagram or facebook or tick tock please follow the podcast facebook emotionally unavailable podcast you can shop my foot online store or schedule a one-on-one with me uh emotionally unavailable podcast dot org i'm offering what i'm calling non-traditional counseling astrology readings and other wulu stuff and self-policing services and thank you so much for listening to the emotionally unavailable podcast i hope that you guys like today's anonymously unavailable episode with jane doe and i i had a lot of fun i hope that you all are doing well so you're gonna talk about putting a space on my website to be able to display people's like handcrafted items or whatever i don't know so you know if that's something you're interested in hit me up make sure if you want a one-on-one with me that you go to the website emotionally unavailable podcast dot org and you can sign up there i'm doing astrology readings and other wulu stuff and non-traditional counseling so if you're interested in any of that make sure that you go to the website check out my store all the things appreciate everybody for their support and till next time let's just keep swimming