Confidence in Trading

Emotional Control or Mastery

In this episode of the Confidence in Trading podcast, host Agnieszka Wood explores the intricate relationship between emotions and trading decisions, shedding light on the high failure rate among traders and the unique challenges faced by male traders. She discusses how societal norms and traditional masculinity often leads to difficulty in navigating the challenges of controlling emotions in trading.

Broadcast on:: 06 Oct 2023

Agnieszka offers insights into the impact of emotional suppression, coping mechanisms, and the importance of recognizing and addressing emotions for improved trading performance and emotional well-being. She highlights the need for emotional support and encourages male traders to break free from societal expectations and embrace emotional fluency for better trading outcomes.

About Agnieszka Wood

Founder and CEO of Ahead Coach, Trading Mindset Coach

Agnieszka Wood, is a passionate and accomplished day trader with over a decade of hands-on experience in the financial markets. Coming originally from Poland but having spent most of her life abroad, notably in the Netherlands and the United States, Agnieszka brings a diverse perspective to her work. Her journey is marked by conquering challenges, a deep passion for self-development, a commitment to unlocking her full potential, and a relentless pursuit of excellence.

Since 2019, Agnieszka has taken on the role of Founder and CEO of Ahead Coach, a coaching platform where she conducts her transformative work as a Trading Mindset Coach. Through Ahead Coach, she offers coaching programs for traders that draw on her extensive 20+ year background in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), life coaching and her own experience in trading. Her holistic approach is designed to empower individuals not only in their trading endeavors but also in all aspects of life.

Agnieszka's influence extends beyond her coaching practice. She is a respected speaker at various trading events, where she shares her insights and knowledge with fellow traders and enthusiasts. In the trading education industry, she is known for her expertise in mindset coaching, helping traders overcome psychological barriers and build consistency.

Passionate about guiding individuals towards tangible results, Agnieszka thrives on taking on new initiatives and projects that promote personal growth. Her multifaceted expertise, unwavering dedication, and holistic approach make her a trusted coach for those seeking transformation and success.

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Contact Agnieszka Wood | Ahead Coach:

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Transcript:

[00:00:08] - Agnieszka

Welcome to another episode of the Confidence in Trading podcast. I am your host, Agnieszka Wood, and I am absolutely thrilled to have you with us today. Today is episode number 15, and if you have been listening to my podcast, you are probably wondering who is my next guest. So I've got a little surprise for you. After hosting 14 wonderful guests and having incredibly inspiring conversations with them, I decided to shake things up a little bit and do something different, partly because I am a trader and I got so used to getting regularly shaken up by the market that I just felt the need to change something.

[00:00:56] - Agnieszka

But also, I have a strong dopaminergic personality and I get very easily bored. So I am constantly looking for new experiences. And if you wonder what a dopaminergic personality is and how dopamine that powerful brain chemical might be affecting your trading behavior, then you absolutely must subscribe to my show. The upcoming episode is poised to blow your mind as I will be exploring the intricate relationship between dopamine and your trading decisions. And before we dive into today's discussion, I want to make sure that you are aware of a fantastic resource that I've prepared for you.

[00:01:41] - Agnieszka

If you head to confidenceintrading.com, you can access a complimentary copy of my comprehensive guide, Ten Easy Ways to Improve the Consistency in Your Trading. It's jam packed with actionable strategies and insights that can help elevate your trading game to new heights. All right, so today is just between you and me, your exclusive conversation with a Trading Mindset Coach. And in today's episode, we are going to dive headfirst into a topic that has the power to disrupt even the most level headed of individuals. Drumroll, please.

[00:02:29] - Agnieszka

Emotions. Yes, those unpredictable and often unruly forces that can send shivers down the spine of traders worldwide. In the trading realm, they are often viewed as the elusive boogeyman lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce when least expected. Emotions. Whether you are a seasoned pro or just starting on this roller coaster ride, emotions are a constant companion.

[00:03:00] - Agnieszka

And today I am going to peel back the layer that nobody looked under before. So grab your favorite cup of coffee and fasten your seatbelt, because we are shaking things up. Today, we are embarking on a journey of self discovery, empathy and growth. And I am thrilled to have you along for the ride. It's common knowledge that the failure rate among traders is critically high.

[00:03:28] - Agnieszka

To put it all into perspective, consider this according to the latest data provided by the US. Bureau of Labor Statistics, approximately 20.8% of private sector businesses in the United States falter and fade within their very first year of existence. It's a harsh environment for entrepreneurs, to say the least. Now, in trading, particularly day trading here, the stats paint an even more daunting picture. And I really hope that these numbers are not surprising to those of you who are just at the beginning of your trading career.

[00:04:07] - Agnieszka

After all, you need to know what you are getting into. So various studies and industry observations show somewhere between 80% to 90% of day traders ultimately throw in the towel within their maiden year. Five years down the line, while over 50% of businesses are still standing, only a meager 7% of day traders persevere. To put it bluntly, if you are a day trader, it can sometimes feel like participating in Hunger Games, a relentless high stakes battle where the odds are stacked against you. Interestingly, the majority of those who undertake this grueling journey are men, making up approximately 85% of all traders.

[00:05:01] - Agnieszka

Female traders tend to emerge as unsung heroes of this arena. Over time, they often outperform their male counterparts. Why? Well, it appears that part of the credit for this goes to women's remarkable ability to keep their egos in check, relegating them to the background, and allowing for a greater degree of self control in their trading decisions. Isn't it intriguing how the most tricky aspects of trading emotions and masculinity are often intertwined in a delicate dance of complexity?

[00:05:44] - Agnieszka

And today, we will be turning our focus squarely onto the 85% of traders who are men and explore the unique challenge they face and, most importantly, how they can tip the scales in their favor in this high stakes arena of trading. So let's talk about emotions. Controlling emotions in trading, particularly in day trading, stands as perhaps the single most intimidating challenge most traders encounter in their trading journey towards their success. It's a relentless battle, one that tests the strength of character of even the most seasoned traders. And as if that weren't intriguing enough, emotions also play a role in the realm of masculinity, presenting a unique challenge for many men.

[00:06:39] - Agnieszka

Do you know what the challenge is? The challenge of expressing those emotions. This leads us to a compelling question. Is it possible to effectively navigate through the turbulence of emotions if one doesn't dare to look them in the eye? Picture this.

[00:07:00] - Agnieszka

You are trying to move past something, but it's hidden in the shadows, obscured from view. It's like navigating a dimly lit room, and it's only a matter of time before you stumble over the very thing you can't see. So that makes me wonder if there is a close relationship between the challenges of controlling the emotions in trading and the challenges of emotional expression. And that's the reason why I wanted to focus today on just men traders. Because the difficulty of expressing emotions is especially true for men, it's crucial to acknowledge that when it comes to emotions, there is a universal truth that transcends gender boundaries.

[00:07:52] - Agnieszka

Emotions are an inherent part of the human experience, and every individual, regardless of gender, possesses the capacity to feel and express them. Men and women are born with remarkably similar emotional landscapes, filled with the full spectrum of feelings. Yet here lies the conundrum as boys matured into adulthood. Many societies have long adhered to traditional norms that at times discourage emotional fluency, particularly when it comes to so-called softer emotions such as sadness or fear. This societal pressure can stifle the open expression of vulnerability, creating a cultural environment where emotions are constrained.

[00:08:50] - Agnieszka

Phrases like "act like a man" or "don't cry like a girl" have echoed through generations and shaped the way men perceive and express their emotions. The implications of this emotional suppression reach far and wide, affecting not just individuals, but entire systems within our society. Families, politics, workplaces they all bear the imprint of these expectations. As boys grow into men carrying these societal norms, they often find themselves disconnected from their emotional core. They may struggle to define their true self-identity, refrain from seeking help when needed, and experience emotional blockages that deny them permission to feel and express their innermost emotions.

[00:09:51] - Agnieszka

The pressure to act tough and manly conforming to the standards of traditional masculinity, even though it might not seem like a big deal, has a big impact on many people's lives. This is a complex issue that impacts men's emotional well being and their journey in the world of trading. This pressure can make it feel shameful for men to show vulnerability, ask for help, or seek emotional support. Some men fear that expressing their emotions will make them appear weak or less masculine in the eyes of others. That could be the reason why most trading chat rooms are not exactly the place where you will find a lot of emotional sharing and as a result, not much emotional support either.

[00:10:43] - Agnieszka

For example, you might fear that sharing your emotions or asking for help will lead to being rejected or even laughed at. Just think about it. When you are struggling with a losing streak, you are probably feeling overwhelmed and stressed about your financial situation, but you are not very keen on sharing it with anyone. You probably don't have many friends that understand much about trading. And your family always say you're gambling when you even say one word about the market.

[00:11:15] - Agnieszka

So logically, you are trying to deal with a situation on your own. Not to mention the fact that often your losses are a result of you breaking the rules and you simply feel ashamed to talk about it to anyone. You worry that others might think you are a loser. Eventually, your stress level is compounding and interfering with your ability to make rational decisions. Sometimes not being able to express your emotions might be just a matter of practice.

[00:11:48] - Agnieszka

If you have grown up in a family with no opportunity to express your emotions freely, you may simply have difficulty not just communicating your feelings, but even identifying what you feel. In the world of trading, there is often a prevailing belief that emotions should be completely eradicated from the equation. Many traders buy into the notion that to succeed, they must become emotionless machines, unaffected by the highs and lows of the market. This mindset can lead them to avoid acknowledging or even identifying their emotions altogether. And because they strive to push their emotions aside, believing that doing so is the key to making rational, unemotional decisions.

[00:12:39] - Agnieszka

They don't even notice that they have an expression issue. Many times, people develop alternative coping mechanisms for dealing with emotions. For example, some people use humor when traders feel pressured to suppress or ignore their emotions. They also develop alternative coping mechanisms to navigate the emotional roller coaster. These mechanisms can take various forms, from over-trading in an attempt to numb emotional discomfort with constant action, to turning to external distractions or even substance use as a temporary escape.

[00:13:16] - Agnieszka

These coping strategies may offer brief comfort, but rarely provide lasting solutions. In fact, they can compound the emotional challenges over time and potentially lead to more impulsive decisions and more trading losses. Another way to handle emotions is simply pretend you don't have them, rather than directly expressing what you feel. The only thing with pretending is that it doesn't make the feelings go away. In fact, it can actually intensify them.

[00:13:51] - Agnieszka

A classic example of this is anger. Many people believe that it is better to temp down anger than express it. It is true that we need to control our emotions to some extent for our everyday interactions. Just imagine for a moment a world where every time we experience anger, frustration or irritation, we immediately acted upon these emotions without any restraint. It is not very hard to envision the chaos and the discord that would follow, right?

[00:14:24] - Agnieszka

In this sense, temporary suppression of our immediate reactions is not only beneficial, but often essential for maintaining social harmony. However, here is where things get intriguing. When we simply suppress our emotions in the moment, but fail to revisit and process them later, we unintentionally engage in a form of emotional suppression. It's like putting a lid on a boiling pot without ever allowing the steam to escape. Over time, this emotional pressure can build up much like a pressure cooker, ready to release its accumulated steam explosively.

[00:15:09] - Agnieszka

Have you ever found yourself suddenly exploding in anger or frustration with seemingly no apparent reason or trigger? This experience is not uncommon, and it often stems from the buildup of suppressed emotions. It's as if those emotions have been lurking beneath the surface, waiting for the slightest provocation to erupt. But here's the kicker. Suppressing your emotions doesn't just impact your immediate social interactions.

[00:15:40] - Agnieszka

It can also have a profound effect on your internal well being. Did you know that it can contribute to increased stress levels? Stress, as many of us are well aware, is a silent and pervasive force that can significantly affect various aspects of our lives, including our performance in high pressure environments like trading. Now, let's tie it all back to our main focus trading. Could it be that unaddressed emotional suppression is lurking beneath the surface, quietly adding to the stress and challenges you encounter during trading?

[00:16:25] - Agnieszka

And if so, isn't it essential to recognize that understanding emotions, processing and effectively managing them should be your main focus as a trader? Suppressing emotions isn't just an abstract concept. It also has tangible physiological effects on our bodies. While short term suppression typically doesn't cause lasting problems, it's something you can certainly feel if you have ever treated yourself to a deep tissue massage. Stress, often a result of emotional suppression, can tighten your muscles, leaving you feeling physically tense and knotted.

[00:17:10] - Agnieszka

But the real concern comes when emotional suppression becomes a long term habit. Remember, unexpressed emotions don't simply vanish, they linger within your body. They are like uninvited guests that are staying longer than welcome. And over time, they can manifest as damaging physical and psychological effects. Some traders, for example, find themselves struggling with anxiety, depression and other stress related illnesses.

[00:17:45] - Agnieszka

In some cases, suppression can even pave the way to addiction, as people turn to substances or harmful behaviors as a means to cope with the emotional anxiety they avoid facing. Did you know that statistically, men are more prone to substance addiction than women? Could that be related to emotional suppression that is more common among men than women? Before we move on, I want to clarify one crucial point here. Suppressing emotions is not a form of control or management.

[00:18:25] - Agnieszka

It's more like pushing those emotions away, hiding them deep within our subconscious, and operating in a state of denial and unawareness. It's a practice that keeps us emotionally unconscious. Now, for those among you who may believe in the idea of becoming a mechanical trader, one who completely eliminates emotions from the trading equation, let's pause for a second. Because even if you make changes to cut down on negative emotions, it won't eliminate your stress triggers. That means that if you have any suppressed emotions, you will still need to find a way to deal with them.

[00:19:12] - Agnieszka

So instead of striving to eliminate or to suppress emotions from your trading, I encourage you to consider a more effective approach. Emotions, after all, are a part of being human. They provide a zest, the passion and the joy in our lives. And they can be valuable allies in trading when put to use effectively. Rather than avoiding them, aim to use your emotions flexibly and intelligently in your trading journey.

[00:19:47] - Agnieszka

Consider this: what if the reason you struggle to control your emotions in trading is simply because you are not genuinely acknowledging them? What if the root of your trading challenges lies in your reluctance to admit what you're feeling? Keep in mind that you cannot manage or control something if you refuse to confront it or even look at it. So regardless of your upbringing and the baggage you may carry, isn't it worth the risk to embrace your emotions if it means improving your trading results? Emotions are the essence of our humanity, the vivid colors that paint the canvas of our life.

[00:20:39] - Agnieszka

Being emotional is neither a side of strength nor weakness. It's a natural aspect of human experience. They are signals between our brains and our bodies. Ignoring your emotions is like disregarding a vital system in your body. It's like ignoring the signals from your digestive system telling you it's time to eat.

[00:21:04] - Agnieszka

Imagine brushing aside your body's call for nourishment, for weeks, months or years. It's simply unthinkable, right? The point here is your emotional guidance system is as integral to your being as any other physiological system. It's not something to dismiss or ridicule. It's part of your humanity that deserves acknowledgment and understanding.

[00:21:34] - Agnieszka

And by allowing yourself to feel your emotions and extending compassion toward yourself, you will take a leap forward on your trading journey. Because you will realize that the only thing you are fighting with right now in your trading is yourself. Your own resistance. Just think about it. Most people choose to become a trader to achieve freedom.

[00:22:01] - Agnieszka

Many want to become independent from others, having nobody tell them what to do. Being your own boss, what if this has something to do with not wanting to be confronted with yourself? I don't know about you, but in my experience, when you engage with other people, they have the ability to somehow trigger emotions that usually don't get triggered. When I am on my own, does that ring a bell? Usually, other people are a very good mirror, reflecting your behavior that you don't really want to see from yourself and confront.

[00:22:41] - Agnieszka

And maybe you're thinking right now, no, that's definitely not me. Well, I invite you to just observe that resistance and see what is being triggered. But I get it. It could be scary to confront your feelings. After all, there was a reason to hide them in the first place.

[00:22:59] - Agnieszka

And most traders don't even want to hear that. They need to work on their mindset, let alone their emotions. Can you imagine a headline? If you want to become a successful trader, you first need to learn to talk about your emotions. There would not be a good advertising for the trading industry, and I bet this would make trading much less popular, especially among men.

[00:23:25] - Agnieszka

But the truth is, whether you want it or not, trading will force you to reconnect with your emotions. And your trading success depends on how soon you allow this process to happen. And for those of you who still may believe that emotions are somehow reserved for one gender, it's time to embrace the duality within all of us. Within each of us, there exists a spectrum of experiences. The positive and the negative, the feminine side and the masculine side.

[00:23:59] - Agnieszka

The yin and the yang. These dualities coexist within us, each complementing the other, creating a rich tapestry of human experience. You cannot fully understand how you can make rational decisions if you don't understand how you make the emotional ones. Remember, the path to grow often entails a challenging climb. But the view from the summit is worth every effort.

[00:24:29] - Agnieszka

When emotions shake you and throw you off balance, view it as an opportunity to strengthen your purpose and to refocus. Stay nonjudgmental toward what you feel. Stop calling yourself names when things get rough. And when you feel frustrated or angry about another loss or mistake. Just take notice of the emotion you feel.

[00:24:54] - Agnieszka

Pay attention to the actual sensation in your body, and instead of putting label on it, start writing your observations in a journal, right there in the heat of the moment. It will help you to understand what is happening within you. On a deeper level, it will take your focus away from reacting, and it will give you a chance to decide about your next step. There is no need to fear emotions. They are fleeting anyway, flowing through you like passing clouds.

[00:25:30] - Agnieszka

They are here to guide you, to help you grow. With every emotional experience, you stand at the crossroads. How will you choose to act? Will you react or respond? Emotions illuminate what truly matters to you and offer invaluable insights into your inner world.

[00:25:53] - Agnieszka

Embrace them. They are the compass that points the way on your journey of self discovery and trading mastery. Indeed, self awareness and care are your allies on the path to mastering your emotions. To truly harness the power of emotions in your trading journey, you must remain aware of their presence. When emotions arrive, don't shy away from them.

[00:26:21] - Agnieszka

Instead, greet them with curiosity and an open mind. Take a moment to study them. How do they make you feel? What messages do they carry? Emotions are like messages from your inner world, each one offering valuable insights into your thoughts, beliefs and triggers.

[00:26:43] - Agnieszka

It is essential to understand that you don't need to act on every emotion you experience. Emotions serve as signals, guiding you through the landscape of your internal world. Feel them, acknowledge them, and then allow them to pass like ripples on the surface of a lake. Mastery comes from a place of openness and acceptance, and I hope that you now feel inspired to dare to open yourself up to your emotions, to allow them to be for what they are, without judgment or resistance. Embrace the full spectrum of your emotional experience, and in doing so, you will find a new level of joy, resilience and clarity in your trading journey.

[00:27:34] - Agnieszka

So I want to offer you this as food for thought. Imagine your emotions as transactions in the market of your inner world. Just as you enter and exit a trade with precision, emotions enter and exit your consciousness. It's a dance of energy, a constant ebb and flow. Your emotions come and recede, much like the exhalation of a breath.

[00:28:02] - Agnieszka

The energy that once searched through you now retreats, creating space for reflection and decision making. And then, just like a new trade presenting itself, fresh emotion emerges. It's the cycle of trading, the heartbeat of your journey. The key to trading success lies in embracing this rhythm, in allowing your emotions to move freely within this cycle. To navigate the market with competence, you need to navigate your emotional landscape with skill and precision.

[00:28:41] - Agnieszka

Be present, be mindful, and let the emotional energy flow through you. Let it in and then release it. Let it go without clinging or resistance. Trust that the cycle will continue, just as the market always provides new opportunities. Remember, in the world of trading and emotions, you are the master of your inner market.

[00:29:07] - Agnieszka

Embrace the flow, trust the process, and let each emotion be a valuable transaction on your path to trading excellence.

[00:29:19] - Agnieszka

Thank you for listening to the Confidence in Trading podcast. If you are enjoying my show, if the insights I share here resonate with you, I would like to ask you for a small favor. Your feedback is invaluable to me and it helps me continue to deliver high quality content that empowers traders like yourself. So please take a moment to leave a review on Apple podcasts.

[00:29:43] - Agnieszka

Your review not only brightens my day, but also helps other traders discover the show. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button as well so you can come back for the next episode. Your journey to becoming a more confident and successful trader is very important to me, and I am here to support you every step of the way. If you are interested in gathering more insights in trading psychology, be sure to visit aheadcoach.com and check out my newest online course, Unlock Your Trading Mindset. This course is the first step for anyone who seek consistency and long term

results in trading.

[00:30:27] - Agnieszka

You will learn how to truly make a difference in your trading results. I am Agnieszka Wood from Ahead Coach, and I look forward to seeing you in the next episode. Bye for now.

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✉ Contact me: launchyourlife@aheadcoach.com

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