This week, Andrew offends a barkeep. We also run through the Holy Spirit, blind waiters and queuing at the Post Office.
Boys Gone Wild
Boys Gone Wild | Episode 232: The Wafer and Wine
(upbeat music) ♪ There's a boy ♪ ♪ There's a man ♪ ♪ And he lives in my imagination ♪ ♪ There's a boy ♪ ♪ And he lives ♪ ♪ In my basement ♪ ♪ And he's chained up ♪ - It's lovely. ♪ He pleases me ♪ ♪ He I please him ♪ ♪ Not as much as he pleases me, though ♪ ♪ Bad boy turned out to be ♪ ♪ I saw him ♪ ♪ Bad man ♪ ♪ There's a little boy in my basement ♪ ♪ Wouldn't think to know it ♪ - What song is that? - It's in Charlie and the Chocolate Battery. - Really? - The arm with me. - Oh no, I thought no the other bit there. Was that second bit part of the same song? - Yeah. ♪ Da da da da da da da da ♪ ♪ Da da da da da ♪ - Do you mean it's a clap? - Yes. - Do you mean it's a clap? Hello, welcome back to another episode of Boys Gone Wild. - We're starting with that. - Yeah, of course. I'm joined here with my co-host, Andrew Cohen, and I'll approach you to Charlie. - I like how you introduce me every week. It does feel like it kind of gives the illusion of difference when every week is exactly the same. - Joined here, it's always joined here. Like I've decided to rock up for this week. - Oh, you're here. - It's like piss Morgan with Fiona Harvey, that's how I feel, you know. - Ooh, get in your mind, what does she say? - No. - No, no, no. - No, he's clingy and weird. - Yeah. - He's a homosexual man. - Yeah, that's it. - He's not bad, you know. - How have you been, brother? - Brother in Christ. - Brother in God, in Christ, in Savior. - Oh. - I'm trying to say, oh, hi, you gotta put a man on it. - Yeah, it's true. - Good. - Don't leave the Lord hanging. - Yeah. - 'Cause when you start it out, the Lord's like, and then when you don't finish it off, you know. - It's like, it's like edging the Lord. - Yes, don't edge the Lord. - Because the Lord edges himself for now. - Exactly. The Lord is stressed. Well, you know, I think it's been quite a stressful tiring couple of weeks for us with everything going on, Edinburgh, et cetera. But you have to remember how exhausting must be for the Lord. - Yeah, well, we'll be talking about God or Christ. - Would, that's a really key question, which splits different denominations. It depends which denomination you are. - God's, God's. - They're all one thing, the tripartite, Father, Son, Holy Ghost. - I mean, God or Jesus. - I'm talking about God, 'cause I think Jesus, I don't know how much-- - God does the leg work. - I don't know how much admin Jesus is doing these days. - Exactly. - Why is Jesus doing these days? - He's not, I don't know. - Is he in part of God? - No, I can't help. - I tell you who I don't really understand what he's bringing to the table is the Holy Ghost. - Yeah, he seems to get a lot of credit for not a lot of work. - I don't know, because a lot of the Jesus does stuff, and then the Holy Ghost is like-- - He did loads. - He did a lot. - He did more than anyone has ever done in their life. - Not as much as God. - Yeah, it's true. - Jesus has taken a lot of the credit for God's work. - Well, I guess Jesus is what sets Christianity up. Everyone's got like a God sort of thing. Jesus is like, he's our guy. He's what makes Christianity specific, right? - Yeah, sure. - But then the Holy Ghost is like-- - What kind of the lowest place? - Isn't that all God? Isn't that, to me, that's just God? - I feel-- - Or is it God? - Here you go. - It's God the Father, isn't it? - Here you go, here you go. - Christianity for dummies. - Yeah. - God is Dumbledore. - Yes. - Jesus is the wand. The Holy Ghost is the magic. - Okay, yeah, so-- - So imagine God holding Jesus when God in the Leviosa, the world's created. - So I guess the Holy Ghost is the kind of just the ethereal of the things that-- - Yeah. - comes out of God's creation, right? - Yeah, it's the magic that makes Christianity. It's the magic. Jesus points and you, I feel like Jesus, to turn water into wine, Jesus used the Holy Spirit. - Is that what they're saying? - I don't think that's what-- - I don't know what the Holy Ghost is, you know? - Well, the Holy Ghost is that different to the Holy Spirit 'cause, you know, the Holy Spirit-- - They're the same thing, they're the same thing. - Yeah, the Holy Spirit sounds far more cheeky, the ghost sounds unwelcome. - Yeah, a ghost is negative. - The ghost is a bad thing. - Holy Ghost. In Jesus' God. - In Jesus' God. - In Jesus' God. - In Jesus' God. And the Holy Spirit, otherwise known as the Holy Ghost, is the divine force, quality and influence of God over the universe or his creatures. Yeah, it's the magic part. - Yeah. - It's just like the shit, like, God wouldn't be able to do all the shit he does if the Holy Spirit wasn't there, you know? - You'd just be a dad. - In Islam, the Holy Spirit acts as an agent of divine action or communication. - Pretty much the same shit. - Very similar. - What's the one fighting about? - Oh, dude. - What are you fighting about? It's the same thing. - Transestantiation, I guess. - Yep, which is a favorite topic of this podcast because we learn it in one history lesson together and have never shut up about it. Your thoughts on transestantiation, we haven't had a transestantiation check it in a while. - I guess I used to be more against transestantiation, which was the idea that when you eat the bread and wine-- - Yeah, it actually is. - Is actually as boring as wine 'cause I was like, I thought that's-- - It actually turns into the volume of life. - I'm like, that's fucking mental. - That seems a bit much. - Yeah, it seems that we're already taking some fucking leaps. - Because I've seen them, I've seen, like, church wafers available to purchase online. - Which feels, yes, but they're not, yes, they have to-- - They're not, yeah, blessed. - Yeah, they have to be blessed. They're blessed wafers. - But one of our, one of the vickers that we were privy to, he stole from-- - Chaplain, indeed. - Yeah, Chaplain. - Yeah, it was different. - Yeah, well, he stole from the charity funds of the school. So-- - Really? Who? Name or shame? - Name or shame. - It was before your time. - Okay, but it was at your time. - It was my time. And yeah, he stole from the charitable donations of the school and-- - To spend it all on wafers. - To spend it all on wafers. (laughing) - She's my line of the line. She's 600 pound church figure in life. She's just at home, stuck herself on the body of Christ. - Well, it's always-- - But he's also a vicar, so you can bless all the-- - You can bless all of the bread. - And you can't bless Quaid-- - Also, why I'm to bread? - Yeah, that's also something that-- - I don't think a waste-- - I understand it's, I understand it's impractical to have bread. - Bread. - It's hard to store. - Like, non-bread's difficult to make. - But I guess-- - They probably want to go for an arborate. - It's like a, it's still a wafer season. - We break this bread, no, you crack that wafer. (laughing) That's actually true. 'Cause I remember being like, loads of people just go-- - The wafer and wine. - The wafer and wine. It doesn't have the same ring to it. We crack this wafer to share in the body of Christ, though we are many, we are one body because we all share in one wafer. - Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ will come again. - Terrify a bit of this, everybody. We used to say that every week. (laughing) - But no, I used to think 'cause a lot of people got, this is a weird insight into our school, isn't it? A lot of people got confirmed, just because we had to go to church every Friday. And it was something, people got confirmed just so they'd have something to do in the church. So they're, 'cause you can stand up and go and get like bread, like wafer and wine. We had friends who did it. - Yeah, when I was a sat Christian, remember, just 'cause I was bored. - Yeah, yeah, just 'cause-- - 'Cause I wanted a bit of the action ring. (laughing) I got so, I realized that I was just stimming so hard, sat for an hour at the end of the week. I thought it was just better to be sat up there, ringing bells, and it was more fun. - In sense. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, but people would do it. And I thought, yeah, I guess I'll do that because I was like, shit, we get bread and wine. - Yeah. - That's a good fucking Friday night for me nowadays. I love wine, I love bread. Any butter? - Yeah. - No. - No. But then I get up there, and when through weeks of being confirmed, this isn't true, and then it's a fucking wafer. - Yeah. - I feel like there should be more respect. Bring back the bread. - And the wine is more of a juice type thing. - Yeah, it's not alcoholic, is it? - Yeah. But so the church we actually went to, it was high church Anglican, which is closet Catholic. I'm trying to work on a joke about it, but it's like drama teacher when you find out he has a wife. And you're like, really? That's sort of like, what high church Anglican is. 'Cause it's basically as close to Catholicism as you can get without taking the piss. - Why? - Is it all of the shit we do? The body, just even taking the bread and wine, I think, is pretty Catholic. - Did we believe in transubstantiation? - Maybe, like it was on the line. - We break this bread to share-- - It was high church, it just didn't look like normal Protestant churches. There was a lot of shit-- - Yeah. - That didn't feel very Protestant. - Quietly Catholic. - A lot of depiction, there was a depiction of Christ. - Yeah. - In the stone, you know? - Yeah, yeah. - The only thing is that we just didn't have the Pope, you know? - Yeah, the Pope. - And confession, but I would love, I'd love confession. I'd love to be a priest, like a local priest. - Good tea. - Yeah, you have a good tea, but I guess it would get pretty boring. - Or depends. - Yeah. - I reckon it gets a pretty much shit. - Yeah, 'cause it is just like, you're getting their darkest stuff. - Yeah, and like if the more religious they are, you've got to say everything. - Now, if you're a Catholic priest and you're hearing confession, do you ever let out like a-- - Audible. - Oh my God. - What the fuck? - Oh, I mean, say 12 Hail Marys. - Yeah, 'cause is there anything that you can phase you or do you have to-- - I think the more graphic-- - Yeah. - I think if it's like, I sat on a fence pole and put myself and then-- - Did they have a lot? - Did they have a lot? - Yeah. - They must be. - It depends on the priest. - Or they think they're telling a joke and they're actually not, they're confessing, yeah. - That's a very cynical priest. - Oh, sorry. - Well, you hear the pitch about again, are you? No, I think you'd take it seriously most of the time. - Yeah. - So you, how have you been? - Yeah, I'm good. I've got a, I got in trouble at a pub. Very loose trouble. And the question I have is, was I, this is a moral quandary for everyone. - Love it. - Nothing, I love more than a moral quandary. - I was getting a drink for me now. And I was at the bar. And the icer, can I have a pint of whatever insert pale ale here, please? - Hong Kong. - You're on the pale ale hype as well. - Yeah, you've always been on pale ale. - You haven't always been on pale ale. - No, I tend to do it like a lager. - Stop showing off, because Charlie's here. (laughing) - I like Bob Weiser. (laughing) - Always been on the pale ale. - Oh, Bob Weiser and Charlie. - I've gotten to pale ale, as we go to beer, similar times as you have. - Sure, okay. - 'Cause you normally, you'd have to go for a long go. - Oh, you have to be so weird about it. - Yeah, no, like, no. - And I tell you what, I don't like IPA. I think IPA's incredibly overrated. I think it tastes bad. And IPA's different to a pale ale. A pale ale's in America. - By how much? - Can we, can we, can we pull that one up, please? - Yeah, we can pull it up. - An Indian pale ale. - And how different, how much difference is an Indian pale? - An Indian pale ale. - I think it's more of a hop. - Oh, you're more, less into your hops, are you? - Yeah, it's 10. - Pale ale's 10 to have more body to them with a medium intensity, while IPA's have a drier mouth feel and a stronger after taste. - I think it's happy with that. - Yeah, some people will probably see this podcast from afar. I wonder what they talk about. They've done so many episodes. - Yeah. - We'll just click at this. - What's the difference between an Indian pale ale and a pale ale? This is at the very start of our four podcast marathon session we're doing tonight tomorrow. I'm already fascinated by this. - I'm gonna call bullshit. If I was to put an Indian pale ale and a pale ale in front of you, there's no way. - I would know from seeing them. I'd know from seeing them. - From seeing, no, but the pale ale is close to a juice. - Anyone knows it from, 'cause it says Indian pale ale on front. - No, no, I mean in a glass, in both in Guinness glasses. - Yeah, okay. Well, in fairness, you probably won't, and I'll tell you why. - Go for it. - I once, I think I probably said this before, but it was ages ago. I once, when I did that, I went to that restaurant in London where you go in blind, it's completely black, it's pitch black, and you can't see anything, you never three-course meal. - Angus steakhouse, Angus Aberdeen steakhouse. - Yeah, yeah, they just had a power cut. I'd sold it as an experience, but it was just poorly cooked steak and a horrible steak. - No, it's that thing, it's called like noir. - Do you go with your mum? - Why you saying it like that? - No, no, no, no. - It was actually a present from her. So, apologize to Sally. - No, no, no, I do apologize to Sally. It's like, it's known as, it's a date spot. It's a, it's an icebreaker. - I think it's, it's an icebreaker. - No, it's like an icebreaker at a date spot. - It's a funny place. - Charlie, when you hear people go to the, you know the restaurant we're talking about. - It's complete, for those who don't. No. - No. - No. - No. - What are you two on, Kyle? - This burger. - Bag of steakhouse. What is it? No. - It's a pitch black, it's a novelty restaurant. - No, no, no, not Angus steakhouse. It's, type in like noir restaurant. It's like, basically what it is, is you go in and it's completely pitch black and they don't tell you what's on the menu. So then you experience taste, well, and I've never been in a more pitch black environment. I couldn't have seen that hand there as it is now, right? So we went in and yes, I went with my mother. I would think, well, amongst others actually, no, I think it'll be quite funny things to do to go on a blind date with someone and then take them to that restaurant. It's a mental place to go on like an early date 'cause you can't see anything. You can't see them. - Yeah, I guess you'll get a bit more like a-- - It's a place where a catfish to take care of. - Yeah, like a hideous guy, he's just trying to get to know them first. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Anyway, it's pitch black in there. You have, they don't tell you what's on the menu. They ask for allergies, of course. Why do you have to include that, Andrew? You go in there and it's-- - You've been talking to yourself a lot more. - I know, I know. - 'Cause I hear myself-- - The self-hatred monologue is growing as you grow old. - I hear myself saying things, like what are you, why does that matter? Why does it matter that they're taking this account allergy to the context of this podcast? It doesn't is the answer. You go in there, it's a completely pitch black and there's blind waiters who take you around because they're proper blind. - Okay. - 'Cause they're really good in the dark. - Positive discrimination. - Positive discrimination. They're really good in the dark, obviously. - But it's also part of the stick, right? - Why, go on? - I'm asking fucking tea. - No, no, no, because they need it. - No, no, no, they tell you when you come in, by the way, the wait is a blind. - Yeah, yeah, that's like-- - Because they have to bring play-- - Oh, I guess so, I guess they are just-- - You walk in, it's not pitch black immediately, that would be disaster. You go in, they talk to you about it and then a waiter, you have to hold on to him 'cause you have to go into the pitch black bit. And then he brings you your food and your white. - Yeah. - So what happens is, you've got a set menu every time, I think, but they don't tell you what it is. And then you, like at the end, you get to write down what you think you had. So like, they'll tell you what they're serving wine for every course, what do you record you had? And like, you know, you have some wine aficionados going, oh, I think that's the '94 blowgong camping yay. - Yeah. (laughing) - And then me and Sal are like, I guess-- - Oh my God, there's a lot of wine! (laughing) - What'd be that, is that, what was that? - No, we were going like, you know, red or white, of course. So then the first one, I think, we said it was white because we said it was white wine on the starter and then because then they're like a fish thing. - Yeah. - And then we said, definitely, definitely white wine. And the main cause was like, definitely red, 'cause it was like, it was clearly like a beef thing. It turned out one was white, one was red. - So you got the other one? - No, no, one was red, they were both red. They were just, and they were exactly the same wine. 'Cause they're fucking with you. - So, but are you saying that-- - Are you saying the one else is between an IPA and a pineapple? - I'm just now telling an interesting story. - It's fine. (laughing) - I'm not, I'll link it at the end. I'll try and link it at the end. Tell him to a fable, cautionary tale. - Yeah, and then the tortoise water. No, it was the same wine, which is interesting, shows the importance of sight in tasting. 'Cause you think, who fucking cares if I can't see? But if I unfold on me, I'll be able to tell you the difference between a red and a white. - Yeah. - The wine. - It's the same wine and you think it's different, partly 'cause of the pairing with the food and also 'cause you can't see. - 'Cause you're not telling me the food. Did you enjoy the food or was it just? - The food was fine. But it was honestly the most mental experience, dining experience I've had, obviously. It was the most pitch black thing in the world. And then there was like other people on our table as well. So you were making small talk with strangers you've never seen. - Did you get the hang of it by the end of it where you get into the flow? - I was like, oh, was it? - I stabbed forks in my eyes and went, this is how I wanna live forever. - No, but I mean, did the conversation, was it all, I just imagine when you're at these restaurants, it would all be, I can't see a fucking thing. - Yeah, that was a lot of movement of the size. This is too dark. I get that this should be dark, but this is ridiculous. - Did it ever click in and become? - Yeah. - We were in there for your whole meal. So I was in there for two hours. I could not see a single shred of life of the whole time until I left that restaurant. - Did you speak to strangers in the dark? - Yeah, but I didn't know that there were strangers at our table, so we sat down and then we were talking and suddenly someone was like, yeah, we think, what the fuck is, how long have you been here, mate? You've got to fucking announce yourself. It's really fucking hit him. - Yeah, we think. - Well, we think it's quite fetching. I don't know what they're saying about. - They're safeguarding, it's all jacking up. - Well, that's the blind people. If there's an emergency, though, people freak out in there. - Yeah, 'cause they can't see it. - Because you have to go round these things. People freak out in there all the time. I felt pretty anxious when I first went in. I was like, this, I was going like this. I was like, I can't, I've got to be in here for two hours, I can't see. You have to really let yourself adjust to it. People freak out all the time. I think someone did when we were there and the blind person. That's why the waiters are blind, I think, because they know their way around in the dark, I guess. Can you say that about blind people? - Yeah. - Well, they do 'cause they were very efficient and bringing it in. - It's bad in saying they have no fucking idea. - They just can't see, they've got a bloody clue. So-- - But you know, this was about the story about the part. - Yeah? - They're going to say it's something. - Problem? What is this? Question time, news night. - Not far off. - What's more of a rigid schedule? One of those two programs. Yeah, well, we were talking about IPX. So I would say, be surprised about your lack of ability to chase things. That's how it all ties into that. - That's the broad story. - And I actually went-- - It was quite bad for pulling you up and saying that you're going to pay an L. - It's true. - It's all your fault. (laughing) And I actually went with my mum, stepdad and stepbrother. So now that's a bit more embarrassing for you. - Yeah, it is. You've una reversed me. - So philosophy corner, ethics corner. - Sure. - Andrew's at the bar, getting a drink for him and L. Andrew Ward is an IPA. - He's miserable. - He's miserable. He's sad. - It's not a pale L. - He wants to end it all. - This is the one thing we talk about. - Okay, no, I might be a bit happier now. I've got my pale L. Maybe I won't end it all this evening. He then, he orders a pale L for himself. Sean says, "May I please have a Campari Spritz?" - For the lady. - For the lady. (laughing) - We're really going into our gender roles there very well. And I do it with the utmost. I'm very polite in these. I'm the very polite person. - You're not rolling your eyes saying bloody L. Why don't women all drink beer? (laughing) - No, I said, "One beer in one time. "One Campari Spritz, please." She then gets me the beer. She goes, "I'm standing at one of my friends. "We're chatting." I then, she then goes to make the Campari Spritz. Comes back, puts a glass of spritz on the table and goes, "Ah, shit, I've just made an aperol spritz." And I went, "Don't worry, it's all good. "She's all good with aperol. "She'll like it. "It's fine. "You don't need to make another one." She goes, "No, no, I'll make another one." "No, absolutely not. "Trust me. "You don't need to make another one. "It's all good. "She'll be absolutely fine with that. "Trust me, I promise you she will. "I'll pay for that. "That's all good." And then she went, "Okay, okay." And then she went, she then did the toting up on the card reader, puts the card down on the table. - And none of you can see the whole time, right? - I, I, it's pitch black. (laughing) It's pitch black, I'm with my mum. (laughing) I'm with my mum and my step brother. Why am I back at this restaurant? What's going on? - It's true, it's true. - I don't know, this isn't like it's a more laundry, so I'll stop. So, after I go, I just do it, I go. No, it's absolutely fine, we'll take it. Trust me, you don't have to make another one. We're all good with that. We're, we're easy customers. You know, we're fucking, we're bomb people. We're pathetic, just give it. We'll drink anything you've got. Just give us alcohol and we'll be fine. Please, kill me now. And then she went, she puts, then she goes to put the card on the card, she tots it up, puts it down. And glaring in my face is a, is a, how much do you want to tip? Zero percent, five percent, fifteen percent. And she hovers. - Yeah. - She hovers over me. And I gave it a beat for her to leave. But I promise you, she was looking at me like that. She was looking at me like that. - Hey, my love. (laughing) - We're never gonna get this moral going to be out. She puts it over, she puts it over, she puts it over, she puts it over, she's hovering over me, and she's waiting there as if there was other customers to serve. And I go, well, it's gonna be a bit difficult to give you a tip, isn't it? In a friendly manner. - Okay. - In a partially friendly manner. Well, because she got, I'm accepted the trinkets. She's hovering over, like, so I do that, I take it, leave. - So don't give her the tip. - No, I'm not gonna give it, no one's tip. - No one tips anywhere. - No one tips anywhere. - No one tips anywhere in a bar, it's ludicrous. - Yeah. - So I, just 'cause she was hovering over me, I wouldn't say if everything was fine. I was like, I've literally accepted the drink that I didn't want. And it was just a bit of fun. Well, it was a bit difficult to give you a tip. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, sure. - Left. And then my other, I was standing with one of my friends. - The police turned out. - The police turned out. (laughing) We've had some complaints. "Can we have a world where we've got outside Mr. Curler?" (laughing) - No, so the person, the friend I was with at the bar, then went toward a drink and apparently they went, "Do you know that guy?" And she was, I think she said no to fucking because of the tone. I wasn't fucking happy with that. You know, they were just like, I think she exaggerated a bit, but apparently they were like, "Oh, what a dicket." And like, and then I had a frosty atmosphere with me the rest of the night. - Okay. - Because of that. - I mean, okay, yeah. I do think you're, you're in the right. I mean, I do think you do get yourself in these sort of scrapes more than most people. - I definitely do. - But I'm a... - Were you a bit pissed as well? - Not really. - No. - Well, no, I had a couple of beers. - Yeah. - But that's irrelevant. - Is it not? - I have, the story went how I said it. - Yeah, I do think you're... - It was a slightly larry a thing to say, but it was like, I've just done you a big old solid. So, what she should do, and I think almost any bar, well, maybe not, what she should do definitely in that situation, is put the carb reader over and click on the zero percent tip herself. - That would be, yeah. - Or put it and leave. The fact that she's got me the wrong drink. I've done her a solid and she's hovering. What else? I have to address it. - The big problem, I guess, there is you... - And it's a big problem. - We don't normally tip. - Exactly. - It's not in the culture, really. - Yeah. - But you saying, what did you say? - It's gonna be quite hard to tip you down, isn't it? - It implies that you normally tip. That's where all the tension comes from. - Interesting. If you just press zero percent, that'd be fine, 'cause that'd just be normal, right? - She's the first time I've ever had a Hovra. - Yeah, really? - Have you, do you have Hovra's? - I guess so. I have some glares. We're just like the, in coffee shops, the turn around, and they're kind of like... - What, a turn around and then? - No, no, then they turn around the machine for the tip. - They're screaming zero and then... - Well, they've gotta turn it around for you to do it. - Yeah. - That's irrelevant. - Turn around and then glare it. - So that's a Hovra. - No, but you know the action, the turn around. - And then, yeah. - That's a Hovra. That's what I'm saying. - And I, I couldn't give two ships. - Two flying Fs. - There's not a moment of social anxiety. - Yeah. - Bang. - Yeah, usually... - Bang. - Maintain eye contact. - Bang. - What is this? LA. - But... - Something that pissed me off about tipping coach in America as well, and we will come back to this, is... - I don't think... - That they have a minimum wage over there. That's not terrible. - It's not very good. - No, but they say that, 'cause I'll speak it to someone who's out there. - Pull it up, Charlie, please. Minimum wage, and let's say... - Right, so the wrong way is maybe I'm wrong, and people will get angry about this. - Yeah. - But apparently... - I think it's awful. - Apparently, you get a low minimum wage, $15. Let's talk with you now. - Hold on. The ordinance created a new minimum wage schedule. - What, just for... - So, what happens? Apparently, how it works, and maybe it's not. - $15 is a small employer with 25. - So, what? I guess things are more expensive over there, but the... - 'Cause that's far a lot. - What I found out is that they have a very... Basically, the same minimum wage as us. They don't get paid as a separate, but if they don't make enough in tips, then they have to get paid that anyway. So they get like a shitty wage. - Yeah, they fuck it. - So they get like... Maybe I could read you wrong, but I speak to someone who's a work behind a bar in New York for years and was saying that, I think they get like $8 an hour, obviously ridiculous, but then they're gonna make that all back in tips, way more tips. But if they don't, then legally, they still have to have that like a minimum level. - Yeah. - But they're just completely tipping culture. It's hard to put back in the bottle. I mean, what it gives you is a chance to like... If you wanna make loads of money being a server, then you can, which is good. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It does... I'm sorry, I do think it ruins the rest of society. - Yeah, I completely agree. Why should the onus of the workers pay be boar boar? Just use normal words. Why should the onus of the employees pay be down to the customer rather than the person who employs them? - I guess it's nice. - It doesn't make any sense. - I guess it's nice to have it around drunk rich people. - Yeah. - When it's like we need to fleece these overpaid people as much as possible. - Left each other, yeah. - So wherever we can sort of, but the fact that just everything you're paying a tip on, you're working out a little added number. - And always disappointing. When I went to LA, I was like, I'm going, I disappoint. Even when I tip, I'm obviously a disappointment because you can tip like a lower amount and they're still gonna be pissed off of you. So even when I'm giving them more money than the product because of their service, I'm still pissing them off. - But just in your brain having to make that decision like 10 times a day and then having those interactions, maybe getting it wrong, you're gonna get, you got this wrong in a country where tipping doesn't even mean anything. - I did, yeah. - Imagine what shit you'd be causing in America. This is having like 15 times a day. - A lot of shit. - It's a nightmare than there's the social thing. - It doesn't, no, the baseline is so why are the customers paying for the workers' wages and the company isn't? It just makes the company richer and the customers poorer. - I guess the argument, basically if you work in that industry, you want the tipping culture to stay. - Yeah, of course. - 'Cause you can make a shit load. - Yeah, in the US, in the UK, we just don't tip. I mean, we do, for restaurants, which is kind of weird. - But 15%, I like that, I get that, that makes sense. Are you saying that just, to be honest, that should be no tipping? - 100%. - It should all be included in the price. - I think there should be none because everyone should be paid a reasonable wage. - Yeah, what am I paying for? - You can add a tip. I think if you've got the money, you should absolutely be adding to it. - But then you're saying, you're right, you're at Aberdeen Angus Steakhouse, right? - How dark is it? - It's pitch black. - It's pitch black. - Price, not again. How have I ended up here again? Nightmare, okay. - You think you're eating the steak? - Right. - It is the steak. - It's the steak. They only serve steak. - Okay. - It's not a fun thing at the end because they only have steak on there. - Guess what it was? Was it steak? - Yeah. (laughing) - It's black out Angus Steakhouse. (laughing) - That's what it was. - What was I saying? Oh yeah, so-- - I'm at the end. - It'd be built into the price of the steak. - No, you have to be wrong. - Wrong. - Someone's serving me the steak. - Yeah, no. - Yes. - Yes. - Well, yeah, that's to me. - No, but tipping, I think it's come out-- - You're saying we should build in that someone has to make this steak into the price of the steak. - Christ, well, that should happen anyway. It happens with every other product. Why doesn't it happen with services? - It's true. - Because it's a way, I'm sure, I'm sure someone's done a thing on this, but I'm sure it's just a way, it was come up by a load of greedy, big wig, top hat businessman, like him and all. - The cars. - The cars, prostitutes, cars. They were like, how can we save even more money? We can get the customer to pay the service. (laughing) In reality, they can just pay, they would be able to keep prices the same if they just paid the way to more. They just have to take a slight cut and their profits because those profits were immorally earned by putting the owners on the customer. - Yeah. - It's exactly the same thing in the hand with climate change. - Yeah. - It's exactly the same thing. Apparently, it's the fucking consumer's fault, not the producers. - It's the producers fault. - In a cashless society, I think the thrill of tipping's gone a little bit. Like, if I was a, back when it was all cash, and I don't know, I'm making a quick dime in the city. There's less taxes, it's not on the books. Like, I'm making, you know, I make a lot of cash. - You've got wands with plastic bags. - And I like to go out on the town. - You like to treat your misses? - Well, late, it's a ray of different lady friends. - What era are we in? - I'm imagining sort of turn of the century in New York. - Right. - Yeah. - Okay, I was thinking of fifties, but. - Sort of like Gilded Age, kind of Titanic era sort of. - Tassels on dresses. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - When the women were women. - The tassels are just gettin' up. (laughing) - Bring back tassels. - Bring back the giant. - The shaky thing. You know where the shakes are, they all go out. - We're women, we're women. - We're women, we're women. But they shake their keister up in the nearest speakeasy. - But I like just like, secreting. - I like to be trying to secreting money. - That's true. - Everyone you meet, you're just. (laughing) Just like, jockin'. - Yeah. - It's like confetti to you, just like. - Well, some of them get really lucky, like, 'cause you don't see which notes you count. - Yeah, hundreds out. - Well, I've been watching Kerb again, and there's a bit. - Tipping's a huge part of that. - It's a big part of that, as you can imagine. But it's fun, just as the paper-ness of the tipping, I agree with. 'Cause that's something like when you know, tuck it in the pocket. - Yeah. - It's almost like you're doing legal bribes. - Yeah, if you have money tipping, it's fun. - Yeah, of course. - If you do not think about it, then it's just kind of like, it's something that-- - Why not, then? Yeah, it's a bit patronizing. - It's very patronizing. But it's just that it's just, you're big-dicking everyone. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Tipping people who aren't asking for it. - Yeah. (laughing) - Like. - I don't know. Someone's telling you that it's terminal, your wife is terminal, and you're just-- - My wife is terminal. - Well, yeah, she's terminally ill. - Okay. - Yeah. - Darker. - Yeah, what did you think? I don't know, I don't know. - When a nurse tells you your wife's terminal. - I knew you meant that. - I just thought, like, is she an airport? (laughing) - Well, why should you have an airport? - It's a tip. That's brilliant. (laughing) - What do you think my wife's part of an airport? She's terminal. - Which one? - Yeah, no, I think the paper quality too is definitely. - Yeah. - Yeah, tuck it in there, tuck it in there. But yeah, no, I agree. If you've got money, if you've got money, I'd give, you know, the biggest tips ever. But, you know, I don't. - Do you won't? So I'm gonna not tip. - Is it fair that restaurant, is it fair that waiters get tips and pub servers don't? Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, so yeah, it's an interesting question. - You, well, no, I think the bar, you go up to the bar. - Yeah, the waiter comes out and says, "How are we doing tonight?" "Oh, hello little guy." - Oh, it's there. - Yeah. - "Hey little man." - And he's sure it has to not have source on it. - That's rude. I used to work behind a bar and he's saying, "I had a saucy sure." - No, I'm saying. - I did. - If you did have a saucy sure, it wouldn't be a deal break. - That's £5 off. I'm just saying waiters need to be held to a higher standard. - There's a person ability towards it. I think the main thing is that waiters serve you, but in a pub, you're kind of serving yourself. You go up to the bar, you walk it down. - It's true. - There's not much service involved. But then I think that should all be included. I think people should get paid more and the company should pay for it. - So it's just all much more complicated with tipping 'cause I was also an American comic who was saying, even though this country loves queuing, it's a nightmare at the bar. And it's true, the system at the bar is a bit of a mess, I think. Like we haven't figured that out. That weirdly people, the British love of queuing, I feel kind of goes out the window at the pub. - Why? - Do you agree or don't agree? I feel like we have a real respect for the queue and turns, but when it's the pub-- - There's a simple answer. - Go on. - Why does the queue not work at the bar? - Because the bartender can't keep track of who's first. - Well, because we're very good at queuing, but you need a long vertical space. This is a horizontal one. I have many-- - So maybe we should have the pub, should be like the post office. - Exactly. Now we're getting somewhere. - Perpio, it'll just kill the vibe, but like, just the last one short thin room where you're at a constant queue for a drink. - And then you get up then, you have to make up your mind. - Number 64, number 64 please. - What was that, Argos? - Yeah. - That would be amazing. - And then what then comes out of bed sort of another place. Yeah, no, I am. - But if you're tipping, then the wait staff do work quicker 'cause they're more incentivized to do a better job. - I've never used one aspect. - No, the service in this country is slightly worse because of it. - Sure. - I don't mind. I don't wanna pay for better service. - No. - But it definitely, in a tipping world, people will treat you better, I think. - Maybe this is the tipping point. So in-- - The chance. - I have some fairly strong opinions on this. - Go forth. - Of also-- - You have what behind a bar? - You have what behind a bar. - You have, you have. - But I'm more talking about being a punter. - Sure. - And that is, there is a problem with this country. - Go on. - And it's got nothing to do with like, there's no other option of how we queue round a bar. It just has to be as it is. The space doesn't allow for it. Nor is it on the bar tenders. They can't keep track of what's going on. They're turning around, making a party. - They're planning to coat. - They're doing fucking pasta sauce back there. - Vomit. All of these things. They can't keep track of it. What it needs is for individual citizen responsibility. And that is something that we're sadly lacking. - So like a citizen's arrest. - Every time, I take pride. You won't, and you won't do it maliciously, but you'll do it because you don't think about it. - Go forth. - Is that whenever I'm at the bar, and if the bar tender comes to me before someone was there before me, I'll go, sorry, he's first. Pardon, he's first. And I expect-- - I do do it, but I don't do it. I don't do it-- - You often won't realize. - Every single time. - You're too distracted to do it. It's not out of maliciousness. It's just out of order. - It's definitely grabbed a couple, but I'm-- - Yeah, yeah. - I'm in much more of a rush than you, Andrew. I've got-- - You've got things to do. (laughing) - I just got-- - You grew up in the bar. - I'm at home thinking about all that. - You live in the bar. - I can't see anything. It's pitch black. But, no, and I expect the same treatment back, and that's the worst I've got into slight arguments at the pub. Kind of, 'cause I'll be like, I'll let someone know when they've jumped the queue. Because they know when they're doing it themselves. - Yeah. - And they just go, "Yeah, I'll have this." And I just feel like, "Right, yeah, well, my shop liver." (laughing) Like a true English boy. - You're very experienced having arguments at the bar. You feel very-- (laughing) - I've been on all sides of it. I've had every single argument at the bar. You can imagine it. - From every single thing. - From every angle. About everything possible. - It's true. (laughing) But no, I think people need to-- And this is my-- Let's say this is my gripe actually. It's my gripe and also my call to action. It's that people who don't respect their position in the bar, just because we don't have a concrete system, doesn't make me shouldn't look out for one another. - It's true. But in general, yeah. But it's interesting that it does go out the window at the bar. - Yeah, no, I agreed. - Yeah, agreed. - But it's because it's like an anarchy place. - Yeah. - Everyone's hand if-- - Is everyone's break from side, too? - We're so good at queuing when there is a focal point for which the queue finishes. - Yeah. - When the whole bar is a focal point. The bar, the end is the beginning. - Also, the stereotype British love queuing, right? I sort of get it. - But what's going on in other countries? - The maniacs. - So are they at the post office like we're at the bar? In other countries? - I think they're at the bar like we're at the post office. (laughing) - Wait, no. - No, they're the other way around. So is, you know when you're queuing for the post office? - Yeah. - Are we saying that's like, oh, that's so culturally British queuing. In other countries, are they all just going-- (laughing) - Waving letters. - Yeah, good. No, I was-- - Post it now! (laughing) No, they obviously queued, don't they? But I feel-- - No, I don't really know where this course has come from. You have to-- - You know what? Is it getting any one not queuing in your area? - I think a good example of that would be at a festival when you want to buy a bacon sandwich. We form orderly queues at festivals, right? So like-- - Yeah. - There's a different thing at the bar. - Have you been to a festival in any other country? - No. - Okay. - But we're all at the bar. We're at, I think, it's actually an interesting thing about England, I think. The only place that we're not great is queuing is when we need alcohol. - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah. - Then we're like, give it to me! But in like, if you're queuing for a bacon sandwich at a festival, you know when it's like along those massive paths, there will always be an orderly line that snakes. - Yes, fine. - That's when I think the Spanish might go, (laughing) give me that, give me that tap-as is what they'll be saying. They'll be, they'll be snatching the small plates. Like, it's no one's business. (laughing) Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, maybe it's just an innate kind of subconscious, orderly queue form, you know, the form's just incredible. - What? (laughing) - Anately we organize. - Yeah. - Yeah, I guess it's that. - But I think that's a good example. At the bar, we're terrible. The bar and the post office are opposite. - Yeah. - The post office you have to be. (laughing) - Anyone in any, I'm showing any country, there is a queue, a rightful queue for the post office. - I'm showing some people have a system where you each have a sheet of paper and you have to, whoever waves it, the loudest. - Yeah, but like a catalog gym in Texas. (laughing) - Post. (laughing) - But you know what I mean? There's always gotta be order at the post office. The bar, I think there's always chaos, but where Britain, the good at queuing is in those in between moments. I think the Spanish and the Italians, at a festival, they're mobbing the van. - Interesting. I don't, I wouldn't cause dispersions on the Spanish like that. I'm not, I'm yet to see Spanish people out like that. - Italians, yeah. - Italians, fine. - For sure. - Sure, we'll go through Italians. - Do you want to do Q&A? - Do you want to do Q&A? - Yeah. - This is gonna be quite easy. - I mean, do you want to just mention that Biden's out of office? - Biden's out of office. - I mean, do you have anything else to say on it? I mean, we talked about so much. - Biden's not running. - I mean, I don't really have anything to say on Biden. - Biden. - Step him down, it's just a big news. 'Cause we talked, it felt like the height of Biden was last week where we talked about it. This was sort of inevitable. I mean, it was a great news notification to get. - It was, yeah, it was fun. - It's thrilling. - Old man Grumpel fell off his chair. That's what I've got to say about it. - But it is saying goodbye to some of my favorite news notifications. - It's true. - I'm sorry. - We've got it. - Charlie. - Get those all down there. - Old man falls down well. - Old man falls down well. Old man gets lost in pitch by a restaurant. - Yeah, he's out. There was a, I guess I'm gonna kind of miss him a little bit. I guess his off feelings. - Yeah, no. - I mean, the gaps were only getting better. - Yeah. - It's one of those things that all you can really do is-- - And now everyone's so pro-Biden, 'cause it's all like, it's like he's died. - Pride and pride, but it is like he's died, isn't it? And it's like, no, he did a great job. - Yeah. - And it's interesting. - He's like, he did a good job somehow. - I don't know. - We don't know who knows. - No, it's sad, it's not sad, it's good. It's inevitable, he's, I mean, it was astonishing how long it took him. What is interesting is the sad inevitability of political discourse is that it's like everyone, all of the Republicans are going to get him out and they've been waiting for this moment in a way. It's their worst fear, in a sense, because they want him to stay in, really, because they weren't like, I think that's why they weren't being as harsh on him, because if he can stay in, Trump's got so much more of a chance to beat him. Where it was now, they actually need to run an election, but they're like, get him out, get him out. And now that Carmeler, is it Carmeler or Carmeler? - No, it's Carmeler. - I think it's Carmeler. Kamala? - Carmeler. - Carmeler. - Carmeler. - Carmeler. - Now that she's in, all of them are going, well, you all fucking knew he was too dead to be able to run for president and did you lie? Or are you stupid? That's what I heard Nick Ferrari say this morning. Were they lying or were they stupid? I was like, no, they were doing politics. - Yeah. - Oh. - 101, politics 101. - But you know what I mean? Now that it's flipped and so now the narrative is, well, you all knew he was basically dying and you said, no, he is going to run. So then why didn't you say it at that time? It was like, well, they can't really decide and there's loyalty and everything. But do you know what I mean? - I do know what you mean. That's fair enough. Let's move on. I'm done with Biden. - Yeah, goodbye. I mean, goodbye. - Good, goodbye then. - So we're going to do, because we've got to do four episodes in the space of two days because of Edinburgh. - We're going to, we've got Q and A's. - We're going to spread out. - We're going to Q and A's. We're going to spread out at the end of each episode to pepper it up, make it interesting and give us something to talk about. - Right. Let's start with first. - So we've got Patreon Q and A's and Q and A's from you. - Yeah, we can do it. Do you want to just start with a voice note? - Let's start with a voice note. - So I haven't heard any of these and a lot of people struggle to send the voice note. - Yeah. So I don't, they're not going to hear this by the, yeah. - Okay, let's just do this one. - Yeah. - Right, here we go. - Who's the first one from? - So if you want. - Just one. - Good morning. Boy's gone wild. Just on a way to big say-nose, Whitechap was finest. My question is how to get an East London boy, because Hinge isn't currently working for me. - I just want your tips and tricks on the old dating scene. Thank you very much. - Now I've been to that Whitechapel and saying that same thing is in Whitechapel. - It's not a good one. - It is the worst supermarket I've ever been in. - Yes, stop. - Do you think? - Yep. The self's checkouts never work. - Is it worse than mine on Tesco's? - It's so much worse than mine on Tesco's. - The only issue about- - Wouldn't be that scary. (laughing) - No, it was seriousness. - Yeah. - The only issue with mine on Tesco's is the aisles are too narrow. - Sure. (laughing) - Surprisingly. Surprisingly, I realize this isn't the question you ask, but I don't ask it anyway. In Sainsbury's, the checkouts are a disaster. The whole thing, the staff are horrible. They just mean. - Yeah, they're cruel. - They're cruel, actually. But then I saw, it made national news that a- - Worse stuff in Britain. - Worse stuff in Britain. That was all of them stood outside going. (laughing) Or just- - Then they're going. - They're going. (laughing) No, but a video came out of a man, a security guard dragging out an elderly woman from the shop. - And you're like, how could you mention this? - I went, everyone's shocked and I was like- - Not shocked. - There would be less shots. - Not shocked at all. Where's that? Even before I knew what the shop was, it went, where's that? Where's that white chapel Sainsbury's, is it? Yeah, of course it is. Been there. - So if you're looking for an East London boy, would you say don't go to white chapel Sainsbury's would be your first? - Yeah. - Do you think she's going there to finally leave East London boy? Maybe that's why she's going wrong. - Maybe try a bar. (laughing) - She's going to the worst Sainsbury's in the country. - You will find nice East London boys in there, but they'll be miserable. They're not going to be looking for a pick up or they're not going to find love there. - What does she mean by East London boy? What she actually means is that she's on the dating scene and she's looking for another middle-class boy who's moved to East London. - Precisely. - I don't know if she really wants- - A gentrifier. - Yeah, I don't know if she wants to have a real East London boy, you know. I can't tell. - No, she doesn't want Steve. (laughing) - Oh, I'd be sad. - I mean, he's still alive, but not to us, he's dead. He's not quite long ago. - We need a BBC News ticker on that one. (laughing) - Steve still, somehow still alive. - Steve, yeah. Not doing repairs, but yeah. How to get one, we do need to characterize what an East London boy is. I don't know, it's that- - A boy in East London, let's go with that. - Yeah, but there's a vibe isn't there. There's the hats, it's the run runs in early morning, Saturday runs and coffee, followed by IPAs and cocaine. - Yeah, it feels like there's been the shift of the kind of clean living self care. There's been the shift from in the last 10 years where people are drinking less. It's a lot more about like being able to have fun wholesomely. - Yeah. - So I wonder if that's what we're also getting older as well. - Yeah. - But was it like, you just look at the booze hands back in the day. - Yeah. - I just feel like adults in their 30s in the 90s. - Yeah. - It was just a piss on them. - They're not doing fucking Sunday fun runs. - That is true. - Coffee and pastry. - There is definitely, yeah, what do you call it, self care, lifestyle. Anyway, so I guess you've, it's all about location, location, location. - Yeah. - That's Kevin McAllister? - Kevin McAllister? - Kevin McCloud. - Kevin McCloud. - Kevin McAllister, yeah. Kevin McCloud, location, location, location. You want to get yourself at the hotspots at the right time. So- - The watering hole. - The watering hole. - Often on a Saturday, I'll go for a drum. Drum and run is what I call it. I'll drum and then run back home from there. (laughing) - Wait, why? - Oh, I know it's like I'm drumming and somebody scared me. And I've had to run out the room. Ah! Yeah, okay. That's good. The screen makes sense. What you've got to do is hit the right location. I'd say on a Saturday, get on your best joggers and go and hit the canal. It is teeming with sexy boys. - There's cock. - There's cock-a-ball swinging about. - Yes, it's true. - I've nearly been not sitting the canal a few times from the amount of swinging cock-a-ball. It's speed. - It's like total wipe out if you're trying to get out. (laughing) - Bouncing on the big red balls into the canal. (laughing) - Okay. - It's time to catch these guys. - I'll plan a Saturday for you to find the, find your son and the boys. Start off on the canal in the morning. Don't have to go on a run, but go on a walk. And what I'd do is accidentally bump into some people. Bump into some hot boys who were running the other way. - Yeah. - Maybe even push them in the canal accidentally. Then- - That's a meekie. That's a start of a rom-com. - That's British rom-com all over. - Absolute start. - The rom-com. - So the advantage is, if you see a hot boy, push him in the canal. - Push him in the canal. - Push him in the canal. - To conversation stuff. - It's true, it's true. Then you want to add about between 10 a.m. to 12. You want to go to a cute coffee shop. You want to go to one that allows dogs. - You want one with really uncomfortable seating that looks aesthetic. - Yeah, and waitresses that were kind of mean. - Yeah, mean, and then the small coffee- - Expectation is large tip. (laughing) - Go there, go to shortage is the best for that. But anywhere near the canal you're going to find people who have finished their run and they fancy, "Oh, I want a little croissant on a fucking coffee." - Yeah. - Go home and have a stage of pansies. (laughing) - 'Cause yeah, it's interesting with the coffee shops. The classy the coffee shop, the smaller the actual place for your ass to sit and the coffee. - Yeah. - 'Cause like a coster, you've got a giant armchair and a big mug of coffee. - Yeah. - That is just- - That's the coffee. - Man's coffee shop. - That's the least classy way to have a coffee. - True. - But I agree. - In shortage, you perch on what, you know, ambitiously called a bench. - Oh, nice. Love that sentence. (laughing) Big. (laughing) It's an excellent sentence, close to tell me. (laughing) - And then you have the smallest coffee note to man for like three pound fish. - Small bench for coffee. - Yeah. - But, so you want to go there. Sit on an uncomfortable seat. If you haven't knocked enough men into the canal in the morning, in the early afternoon, you want to be coffee. - Well, you want to cast your net wide. So I'd go, not at least 10 men. - So at least one. - Exactly. - So don't stop at one man. - And then maybe you accidentally spill your coffee on one of these men who was sitting on the small benches. Oh no. - What's happened to the stopping wet men in the canal? - They didn't work out. They were furious. - Okay, so this is-- - Oh no, no, no. - We're building the perfect day. - Yeah, we're building the perfect day. If that doesn't work, then go to this. - Five, five, five, five, trial and error. - Then it's the coffee and they're going to get, so the quality of the man is going to get worse and worse. So you want to hit a running boy, running canal boy early on. - Yeah. - You don't want to hit what my plans are for two AM. - But no, so you go, you're in the coffee shop. Maybe you accidentally spill some coffee on here. Bam, conversation piece. If the coffee shop doesn't want to work out, you're going to want to get yourself to a pub garden ASAP. It could be anywhere in East London, I don't know, Dolston rooftop bar, if you want to freak. Or just any pub garden. And that's all you really need to do, really. And I think pretty much all you need to do is go up to these guys and say hello. - Yeah. - And the rest will be done for you. - Thank you very much Sophie. - And we have a question, a final question of this episode is from Cheryl Render. - Cheryl Render. - What are you rendering, Cheryl? - Well let's give her a nickname if she doesn't have one. It feels like she doesn't, but it sounds like she does. - Cheryl Render. - Cheryl Render. - Cheryl Render is inappropriate images of children. - That's good. - There you go. Magic. - Cheryl Render is in the train. - Cheryl Render. - It's got like a nice ring to it. - It is, yeah. - Cheryl. - Your mouth. - Your mouth there and then you can go back. - Cheryl Render. - Cheryl Render. - Cheryl, you've got there and then you have to go all the way down. - And then you've got a Render. You've already Cheryl, now you've got a Render. Cheryl Render, it's very circular. - Yeah. - Cheryl Render. - Well it's like the Doppler effect. - Doppler. - Cheryl Render. Cheryl Render. - It's like the Doppler effect. Cheryl Render. - Cheryl Render. - Cheryl Render. - Ask if on one hand you could dispense different beverages slash liquids out of each finger and thumb. What would you choose? Okay. Five to choose from, right? - Five to choose from. - Okay. - I'll go quickly. IPA. - American pale ale. - American pale ale. - Indian, Indian IPA. - So you want IPA? - Yeah, I'm having IPA. - Okay. You drink pale ale more than you drink an IPA. - To be honest, I don't know the difference. - I'll have-- - Good start. - I'll have one on the other. - Andrew, you want beer. - I'll have beer. (laughing) - Sorry. - Well that's pretty specific for Cheryl Render. - No, but you don't even know. Yeah, let's be specific. You don't even know what the fuck you do. (laughing) I don't want-- - Beer. - Beer. - No, I'd have a pale ale. I'd have a pale ale and a Guinness. There you go. - We're not gonna have a pub tap too. - Fuck you. Fuck you. What if it would want a health juice? That's what he'd lose his drink. Pale ale and a Guinness. - Yeah. - Then I'm actually gonna have a smoothie for one of them. So go fuck yourself. Ooh, fuck it's getting hard now. - Yeah. - I guess water would be handy for survival situations. - You've got to be pretty. - Yeah, but I'm not doing it now because I don't need it. There's taps ready to be available. I've never had difficulty getting water. So I think it's like you're misplacing your wishes. - No, being able to never have to think about having a bottle again. - I'm okay with that. - Just-- - I'm not gonna, I'm actually gonna go for stuff this harder because I'm thinking about water is free as well. These are things that cost you Josh. - I guess so, 'cause you could start a business. - You'd bloody well could, depending on the quality. - Can you get condiments out of this? Is that kind of liquid? - That is a horrible question. That's one of the worst things you've ever said. - Absolutely not. - It's a ratchet. - If you were to say much mustard, mayo, can I have some mayo from your finger, please, Rachel? Which is thumb, but fine. Beer, no, IPA/PA. - I just want to weigh the awkwardness. You'd hate having to ask me for mayo, 'cause you, I swear to me, you'd have to get your barris. - Sorry, mate, 'cause I just got some mayo, please. Thanks, thanks. It's a lot when people ask me to open their, open their beers and they feel a bit walker. Right, pale ale, Guinness, smoothie. Now, it's coffee. I'm gonna put a whiskey in there. I'm gonna put whiskey. - No, I guess it's expensive. - I don't think about things I drink. - Yeah, it's just, it's out and water. - Yeah, but I just, okay, fine, fine. - And smoothies and coffee. - Hey, it's your choice. - Guinness, Guinness, pale ale, whiskey. - Yeah. - Then a smoothie and coffee. Five, you're done, you. - I'd have a, I'd have a cold Starbucks. - He can't add adjectives 'cause it's making my coffee sell bad. - Well, like a cold coffee. - Like a cold coffee. - An ice coffee. - Well, like, you know those Starbucks little ones. - Yeah, they are fucking delicious. - I'd have those 'cause I kind of, I kind of like the process of getting a coffee. - You're gonna be a fat little boy, though. - Yeah, well, I got, no added sugar. - Great, okay, cool. (laughing) - You're so stupid. - No, this is sugar. - Fair enough, fair enough, fair enough, mate. Go on, just plow on, pour that. - Peach iced tea. - Peach iced tea. - I love peach iced tea. - No, I, I, I've pre-taped peach iced tea off. - Well, bleep that. - I have cokes. I didn't call you. - No, no, let's please. - 'Cause we're context that, no, no, I think. - No, I think, I think when they hear the context that I was choosing to have peach iced tea out my fingers, they'd be like, oh yeah, he's a massive. - Can you bleep every single one of those (beep) - Okay, sorry, thank you to Alex. (laughing) - Coke zero, sadly. - This is, this is like a four-year-old choice. - No, take a peach iced tea off. - Wait, sorry, you've got the Starbucks iced coffee things that you get at the off-e. You've got peach iced tea. - No, take a peach iced tea off-e. - Okay, right, Coke zero, fine. - Water, I've got her. - This is awful. - Well, like sparkling, salapilogrino, all right? Be able to just soda stream up. - Don't even like it. - I do like it. - Okay. - I just can't be honest. It's flat immediately, you know? - It's not out with my heart. - I don't have a Guinness. And then I'll probably have a Chateau Nerf de Pap. (laughing) - That's what we got time for. - Thank you very much. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)