Align Within
7. Are you letting go of friendships during your spiritual awakening?
let this video sink in and really sit there and think about it. If you've been feeling like you are alone in your spiritual journey and you're realizing that you're feeling quite different to your friends and you're feeling like they don't understand and they don't get you anymore and they're starting to push away or they're starting to challenge you a little bit with your new journey that you're on, just sit and really really think about it. Really really think about whether this friendship is true, loving, kind, generous, caring or whether it is actually borderline toxic right because sometimes you don't realize we're in toxic friendships when we actually are. So just really really deepen it and really think about it. Give yourself time and don't rush to just cut people off. Hello my loves and welcome to Align Within, a podcast to bring awareness to your most authentic self and guide it in a way to help you ignite the infinite wisdom within your own being and consciousness. Posted by Lauren Fleck, a multi-passionate playful spiritual authentic freedom seeker who absolutely loves to dive deep into all things spiritual, sacred wisdom, being consciously aware and unapologetically authentic, just to name a few. So within each episode we're going to be discussing a range of topics based on new and old age spirituality, found and shared from my own personal experiences as well as through the experiences of others around me. So we can collectively heal and continue the journey with a more playful and not so serious approach. So take what resonates and leave the rest behind and if you want to dive deeper you can follow Align Within for more juicy episodes. All links are within the show notes so let's jump in. Hello everyone and welcome back to another video and I'm going to start off with a permission slip. Here is your permission slip. Okay, permission slips all round. All round. So obviously the title of today's video, you would have clicked on it because it's probably in TreeDune and that's good, that's what we want. We want the intrigue because this subject I feel is something that doesn't get talked about enough and I feel like there was such a big theme happening in the spiritual community around this topic at the beginning of this like blow up of spirituality, new age spirituality, specifically, where you had to sack everyone off in your life basically. That sounds really, that sounded really rude. Where you get rid of everyone that's not spiritual in your life and I have come here to tell you that I disagree with that and I disagree with it from experience and from seeing and recognizing what people are like in the spiritual community and not everyone in the spiritual community are being true to themselves basically. Not everyone is being true to themselves, right? I can tell you now that in every type of community whether it's spiritual or not, there is falseness, there is people that are not being themselves and there is lies and deceit. Okay, I have come here to tell you today that you do not have to get rid of all the people in your life that are not spiritual after you've had a spiritual awakening. Okay, now hear me out here, hear me out because I've got some things I want to say about this. There's some stuff I want to talk about here and we're going to free flow as you know I love to do. I love a free flow session, that is how I roll. You don't have to get rid of all the people that are not spiritual in your life after you've had a spiritual awakening and the reason I say this is because I've been for an experience at the beginning where I felt like I needed to eliminate all the people in my life that were not spiritual that didn't get it and that is to me personally the wrong approach and the reason I believe that's the wrong approach is because like I said you know there's people in all sorts of areas, all sorts of communities, all sorts of walks of life that are spiritual and yet don't have your best interest at heart and this is a thing. This is a true thing. I don't know why it became such a big thing. Well actually, no, I do know why. I have a feeling I know why. Why it was such a big thing for people to preach that you should get rid of all the people that aren't spiritual in your life, right? After you've had a spiritual awakening people don't get it, people don't understand you are going through such a big change in your life, you're going through such a massive eye-opening experience that people might not necessarily understand that aren't on that journey. Yes, that is true, right? That is true. But from my own personal experiences of going from like having friends that are you know still from school, I still have very close friends from school. One of my longest-standing friends, we've been friends for 28 years and we're both 30 years old now. So 28 years of friendship, right? And we are so not alike and my friends from school, we are not alike but we're also alike in very different ways, right? So we might not relate on the spiritual sense which has actually changed a little bit now to be fair because people have you know opened up to their own personal experiences and they're going through their own things in life. But it doesn't mean to say that these beautiful people in my life, I need to get rid of. Now I understand when you go through a spiritual awakening, you are like I said going through such a big change in your life through such a big process, you're recognizing things in your life that may be toxic, things that are not serving you. Now when I believe removing people from your life makes sense is when those people in your life are genuinely toxic, they're genuinely not good people. They genuinely don't have your best interests at heart. They genuinely don't actually care about nothing but themselves. So it's important to recognize who is true, who is trustworthy, who is loving, who is caring, who's the OGs you know and who's actually not. So I think when you go on your awakenings, you are so hyper aware of your surroundings and the conversations and the things in your life that are starting to feel uncomfortable. And to be honest, when you're going through an awakening, a lot of times people that have been in your life for a long period of time that are trustworthy, that do care about you, that do love you, but aren't necessarily on the same journey. It can be a bit of a shock to them because people are used to you being who you are. And then when you start shifting into a new frequency vibration, or just a different version of yourself, which when I say different, I mean more of who you are, because I believe when you go through a spiritual awakening anyway, you're becoming more of yourself, you're becoming more in tune to you, you're becoming more authentic. Sometimes people aren't used to that and it can ruffle a few feathers. I mean, I mean, it can ruffle a few feathers, my hair looks a little bit crazy right now. It can ruffle a few feathers and it can make people feel slightly uncomfortable because maybe you are recognizing things about your life. And you're having these conversations with the people in your life that you have known for the longest time and they might not necessarily understand or they might not necessarily relate. And then that can make you feel like you are really alone. It can make you feel like no one understands, no one gets it. I feel misunderstood. I feel like I can't talk or voice my feelings and opinions around these subjects because they don't necessarily understand. And I fully, fully, fully get that because I've been there. I've been there. I've been on this journey for like a decade now. And trust me, I've been through so many different experiences and motions and feelings. And I went for a phase where I was like, I need to get rid of everyone that is not spiritual. Like I even went for a phase where I was like, I would not date anybody unless they're spiritual. And then I dated someone that was spiritual. And then that changed my mind. I'm not saying that they're all like that. Obviously, they're not. But I just want to bring awareness and give people the permission slip that you don't have to just eliminate everyone in your life if they are not spiritual. You will be surprised at how much your friends, your loved ones, find inspiration through you when you are just living authentically. Because being spiritual isn't about preaching. I don't personally think you should preach to people that aren't spiritual, like to push them into their spiritual journey or push them into understanding because not everyone wants to. Not everyone needs to. Not everyone has to. Not everyone chooses that journey in life. But that's your journey. And you own that as your authentic journey. You don't need to like pressurize other people into being on that journey. It is just all in their own timing. And some people might eventually like be open to it and might eventually warm and find their own path through it. And some people might not. But that doesn't mean to say that you just need to go, I do know what done done with that person then. Because those people, the people that really, truly love you, how have you been relating before? How have you been relating these people before you found yourself through your spiritual journey, right? And I think sometimes as well, actually, I think sometimes as well, we can feel so wrapped up in our journey that we want to, we want other people to understand and we want other people to get it and we want other people to, you know, talk to about it and then have this conversation because you want, you also feel like you're quite alone in it. But it's more so about sharing your experience, sharing what you're moving through, sharing what you're going through, rather than being like, people need to understand me. People need to understand this. Because listen, right, I have a bit, like I said, I've been in this journey for a decade. When I first stepped into my spiritual journey, I was living a lifestyle that wasn't serving me any good. There was a few times I realized that, okay, the people that I am surrounding myself with aren't living the healthiest lifestyle and it's influencing me in the wrong ways. But it still didn't stop me from choosing what was right for me. And for a while, I was choosing to do things like instead of going to the pub now every weekend, I was choosing to stay in. I was choosing to go for walks instead. I was choosing to not drink as much because I was at one point before I came onto the spiritual journey, I was drinking like every weekend when I hit like the age of 18, I was drinking pretty much nearly every weekend at the pub for probably until I was about 21, I want to say, or 2021. And so I realized had this like awakening, realized that lifestyle wasn't serving me any good anymore. The drinking every single weekend was making me feel depressed. But those sorts of things that I was doing, I had made connections and friendships through doing that. Therefore, my relatability to these people were drinking, going out and drinking, every time we'd go out, we'd drink, every time we'd do this, we'd drink. And it made me feel like, Oh gosh, like what am I going to be able to relate to them about? But it's actually very surface level when you think about it. So when you can have those deeper conversations and those deeper connections, when you start changing your lifestyle, people may be inspired by that. And it's a case of what I started doing was actually just asking to meet for a coffee or go for a walk instead, rather than going up the pub and drinking, or just going for dinner or going for lunch and not drinking. So it's finding like other things to do with the people that you love and having those deeper conversations just about life, it doesn't need to be necessarily spiritual. I just feel like this is a really important subject to bring people's awareness to because when I first came on this journey, I thought that that's what I had to do. I thought I had to just eliminate all the people that weren't spiritual in my life, so that I was just surrounded by spiritual people. But actually, there's so much to learn from other people that aren't necessarily spiritual. Like, I know this from, to be honest, last year in 2023, I have friends that are spiritual, right? And I have friends that aren't necessarily spiritual, but everyone's spiritual in their own way. It doesn't need to be the same way that you think is. It's like everyone's spiritual in their own kind of way. And it's like my dad, for example, right? He is so not spiritual in any way, shape or form. But then when I deepen it, I'm like, well, actually, he lives very much in the present. He doesn't overthink. He just does things that he enjoys doing. He's very authentic. He is who he is, and, you know, he speaks his truth, and he has his hobbies that he continuously, consistently does. And he's just very present all the time. And that, to me, is quite a spiritual thing. Like it takes people a long time to practice presence. And he has mastered it in ways that I can't even imagine. So he's more present than me on a daily basis, right? And he's not quote unquote spiritual. So that's what I mean, like tapping into what is it about that person that inspires you? What is it about that person that you can learn from? You can learn something from them. And for me, I have found that my most biggest value within relationships, and I mean relationships across the board. So romantic friendship, family, right? Work relationships, that sort of stuff. Across the board, for me, the most important thing is authenticity. And last year, I had this deep realization that being around the spiritual community, I saw a lot of bullshit. I saw a lot of falseness. I saw a lot of fake people. And I'm going to talk about this in another video, actually. And it's a subject that I've thought about a lot. And I've had to be like, it's going to have to take the right moment for me to sit down and record that video, because I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But I've seen a lot of beauty and a lot of love and a lot of realness and a lot of connection and a lot of authenticity. And if anything, I found that the spiritual community gives you the permission to be your most authentic self, right? But at the same time, there's this sort of box that gets created. And I feel like people feel like they need to fit into a certain box to be part of that community. And that to me is not right. And you end up eliminating all the people from your life, because they're not fitting into that box that you've created. And then you're then trying to fit into that box that's been created. And you think that you need to dress a certain way, you think you need to speak a certain way, you think you need to, you know, express yourself in a certain way when you're not actually being true to who you are as a person. And that gives me, I'm actually not going to say that, because I'm like, God, the cross is quite rude. My heart goes out to those people. And I say that because, and I see it because I've been there, right? I say it, and I see it because I've been there. And it's hard in those moments, because I understand why people do it, because they want to fit into a community, they want to be accepted into a community, they want it to be, they want to be accepted into a space. But the whole point of spirituality, I personally think, is being authentic. Coming back to the truest, most realist route of who you are as a person, the most realist version of you, the most authentic version of you, the highest version of you, right? The highest self version of you, right? I've been there, I tried to fit into, I thought I needed to dress a certain way to fit in. There was one point, especially when I was traveling, where I was dressing like a proper, proper hippie, I don't know. I feel like as the most hippie I've ever looked in my life, you evolve. You evolve as a person, you evolve, you evolve when you find yourself, you come down to the root and the core. I personally feel like the true authentic spiritual community will welcome anybody with open arms, a very, very beautiful inspiration for you to step into your highest power, your highest truth, your highest self, right? Because I feel like we've been so conditioned by society to fit into a certain box that we naturally end up creating these boxes in these different communities to fit in. So then we think that that's what we have to do. Even school is fitting into a box because they get us to wear all the same uniform and then we have to do the same classes and we all have to be really formal and we're basically being trained to be machines. And you know what I'm saying? So maybe I'm going a little bit off track. I just think it's really important to bring awareness, especially if you're new onto this journey, that you don't have to eliminate everyone in your life. That is not spiritual. All my friends that I'm most closest to now aren't necessarily deep into spirituality. They don't look into things like I do, but that doesn't stop me from being best friends of them. Like I absolutely love all my friends with all my heart. I can think about all my closest people to me and most of them I've known for longer than anybody that I have met since stepping into this journey. A lot of them are friends from school, friends from when I was like 60 when I first started getting to know people from my local town. And last year I had a bit of a, well, more like a realization, a deep realization about obviously finding what I found most valuable in friendships and that was authenticity. That was but I kind of had like a bit of an awakening around friendships and I basically welcomed. I'd realized that I'd welcomed quite a few people into my life. I'm very much like welcome, come in, let's have a hug and get to know my family, get to know my community, get to know my people. And then like something happens and I see the truth in them and then I get completely freaked out and then think, oh my god, they're actually not who they say they are. And that's happened a few times and I think that because that's happened to me a few times, I realized that I have been a little bit too trusting at the get-go with some people and then that's been taken advantage of. Suddenly they start showing their true self and then they start, I call it leaking. I can't comment where I had this term but leaking is when somebody's again trying to fit into a certain box and then the cracks start showing and they start leaking and they're leaking is their true self coming through which isn't necessarily always great. So this happened to me a few times, I would say in the last couple of years and that made me realize that, oh my gosh, no matter what community you're in, you're still going to get bullshit, you're still going to get falseness, you're still going to get like lies and deceit and manipulation. It happens everywhere, it happens everywhere and that made me realize that, do you know what, the people that are my OGs, the people that love me for who I am, no matter how many seasons of life I've been through, they are my OGs and they all are the people that I went to school with, that I met when I was 16, like these people are amazing and then also I have a bunch of friends in the spiritual community that I feel like I can trust with all my heart, that I feel like I can speak to about anything that they also accept me for who I am and I trust them and we've built this really beautiful relationship so they're friendships that haven't been as long as my OG ones but the ones that I spend the most time with are my original friends and you know what, just even me being interested in this journey, interested in this lifestyle, living this lifestyle, you know, just being my most authentic self without pushing them and pressurizing them that they should go on this journey and that they should do this and they should do that. I've just been standing in my truth, standing in my authenticity and naturally they have been so open-minded and they've been on their journeys separately to mine, they've gone on journeys that have been really transformative for them and actually is expressing and tapping into their own spiritual truth and their own selves of wanting to heal and wanting to grow and it's never been pushed on by me, they've just done it naturally so like I just want to make sure that people know you don't have to get rid of everyone in your life that's not spiritual when you go on spiritual journey, it is not a thing, you don't need to do it, I feel like. That was said, I don't know whether people still say it now but I do feel like back in the day people were saying that a lot, cut everyone out of your life, that doesn't understand it, it's like yeah but what about all the love that's there, what about the connection, if it's toxic, fair enough, do it, cut them out in a way that suits you and set your boundaries and all of that stuff but even still right, you're stepping into your spiritual journey and you're recognizing that maybe it's making certain people in your life feel uncomfortable, then when you start recognizing certain things about yourself and recognizing that, when you come to a phase in your life where you want to start setting boundaries right because that's always, that's always one, you start setting boundaries or start speaking your truth a little bit more, maybe you don't feel heard or seen within a relationship because actually I had a comment on one of my reels that I posted, this beautiful person shared this really, really warm, vulnerable share about how they don't feel heard and seen within their friendship but they hold space for their friends quite a lot, just imagine that as an example right, you're one of those people where you hold space for everyone and everyone comes to you for advice but then as soon as it comes to you that needs advice, no one is really there for you and to know whether this is a relationship or a friendship that's serving you and you know it's something that you actually really want instead of having resentment towards these people, to know it's a relationship that's serving you is starting to actually do the things that are scary, speak your truth, set your boundaries right and the people that actually give a shit, the people that actually love you, the people that want to build a relationship with you and would continue to build a friendship and to continue to grow with you will actually respect your boundaries and will respect your truth and it might hurt the person at first that you're saying something because they think oh they're so used to you showing up a certain way for them that when you start saying well actually no I need to step back because I don't feel seen and heard my relationship with you so I'm going to take a step back and actually I need you to step up more for me and I need this to be an equal thing, it might take them some time but that person if they care about you they will do what they can to support you in that way because sometimes some of our friends don't actually realize that we're hurt within a certain situational dynamic that keeps happening between you and them and then when you actually tell them you might think in your head it's going to be the worst thing telling them that the friendship is going to break down but it could actually be the best thing that happens to you and it could bring you even closer and therefore building a stronger foundation and a stronger connection with that friend, you could end up telling them look I'm actually really not happy with this and this is something that has been really bothering me and I feel really unheard and not seen within this friendship and it's making me feel like I want to just take a step back from you even though I really don't want that my heart doesn't want that I just feel like when I need you to be there for me like I am there for you I don't feel like you are and that person might actually feel completely like oh my gosh I never realized that you felt that way I'm so sorry I really don't want you to feel that way and I want to show up for you and please let me know if it happens again you know it can actually go away that you didn't expect it because sometimes we end up thinking the worst right we end up thinking the worst situation when it comes to like setting a boundary especially but especially especially if you are a people pleaser oh my god this stopped no way hold on I just realized that my mic had stopped recording for some reason we're just going to continue it should be recording now there it is we love a good tech issue don't we so yeah I don't know what I was saying I completely lost my train of thought so hopefully I got all the juice out of that but yeah so please just let this video sink in and really sit there and think about it if you've been feeling like you are alone in your spiritual journey and you're realizing that you're feeling quite different to your friends and you're feeling like they don't understand and they don't get you anymore and they're starting to push away or they're starting to challenge you a little bit with your new journey that you're on just sit and really really think about it really really think about whether this friendship is true loving kind generous caring or whether it is actually borderline toxic right because sometimes you don't realize we're in toxic friendships when we actually are so just really really deepen it and really think about it give yourself time and don't rush to just cut people off I am not gonna lie to you the certain friends I'm talking about like to do with school and stuff there has been a few times where especially when I had my Kundalini awakening I thought nobody is going to understand me especially my friends right I actually remember thinking this about one of my closest friends they were coming up to visit me in Glastonbury and I thought oh no we're gonna have stuff to relate on and obviously I've had this huge awakening this huge thing that's happened and I don't know whether that they're gonna understand me or they're gonna think I'm too spiritual or too woo-woo if I talk about certain things but you know what she came up to see me and I had the best time with her and the reason I had such a good time with her is because her energy was so beautiful and her energy is still so beautiful and I absolutely love anytime I see her now like I love her more the longer I've known her and I've known her for the longest time every time I spend time with her I love her more because she isn't necessarily like on the spiritual journey but she's so tapped in and she's so joyful and funny and playful and she's so real and I just fucking love that about her so much it makes me smile like she just brings me joy just thinking about her because she is such a true OG and when I say OG I mean original like she is the original friend from the beginning from before I was like you know growing into who I truly am meant to be she's been with me through every fucking season I've been with her through every season but like when we spent time together in Glastonbury I just was like I just fucking love you so much I just kept saying smell like you're just you're such a good vibe to be around so shout out to Kerry because she is my OG the original she has been in my life for like 28 years and we are not the same and we have been on so many seasons together she equally is a very spiritual girly in her own ways and a lot of my friends are very intuitive very tapped when I say tapped in right they're very intuitive they know what feels right and what feels wrong they support and they carry themselves in a way that's very authentic to them that to me when you know someone is authentic and they're authentic in such a beautiful way that is inspiring in some way shape or form I'm just thinking about them all now and I'm like she really makes me laugh and she's super inspiring and I can have really deep conversations with her and not all the conversations are about spirituality you know it's not it doesn't always have to be that way it doesn't I feel like it's just such a thing in this community when you first step into it that like you feel like every conversation needs to be about spirituality and to be honest I have been on the journey for a decade and I still don't want every conversation to be like that and I feel like we can take this journey so seriously that but you end up feeling like you're higher than them if they can't have that conversation than I'm not talking to them it's actually quite egotistical we need to come down to the root of connections you know the root of the person what is it that inspires you about your friends what is it that lights you up about them what do they bring to you what do you bring to them how do they add value into your life you want to talk about this in another video actually but the spiritual journey doesn't need to be so serious we don't need to have every single thing be a spiritual subject we can just have a normal conversation and it isn't necessarily always surface level like we can have a normal conversation it'd be deep you know it could be a deep conversation I just think that this is where people end up going wrong when they first step into this spiritual journey people tend to think that they are a hierarchy or they they believe they're higher than the people that they this isn't everyone I'm just saying this is something I've noticed and I even felt at one point myself like are these people unaware of like what they're thinking and they aren't aware of what they're saying but but have grace have compassion for them you know like they're on their journey you're on yours like there's no need to judge people are just on their journeys and people are doing their thing at their own time at their own pace and that is their journey okay that's their journey that's their thing but yeah I just feel like my fucking camera we just love a technical difficulty don't we I think we maybe take that as a sign I can't remember what I was saying because I had to wait for like half an hour for my for my camera to do its thing so we'll wrap this video up here if you have any questions if you have any experiences please leave them down in the comments section below here's your permission slip to go out there work on yourself and be the most authentic version of you and recognize who is true and who is poo like and subscribe and hit the bell button down below thank you so much for watching please stay tuned for any new and upcoming videos I post every sunday stick a comment down in the comment section below if anything has come up for you during this video or what your thoughts and feelings were around this subject and I can't wait to see you in my next video so much for watching much love bye you (upbeat music)