Tired of boring advice that puts you to sleep? Wake up with the Hold My Beard Marketing Podcast. Jake the Wizard and Mitch Barham serve up Red Hot Marketing Insights with a title after. From branding blunders to AI breakthroughs we've got you covered, subscribe now and turbocharge your marketing game. Welcome to the Podcast Prophets Unleashed Podcast on Midwave Radio and all podcast platforms. If you're a coach, consultant, therapist or healer with an online program and would like to find out how to grow your business whilst having fun podcasting go to podcastprofitsunleash.com/free. Let's dive into today's episode. So welcome to the show. I'm so excited about today we have a very special guest who I had on about a year ago, Andrei Paradis, who is a relationship coach and an NLP coach and today we're going to be covering a lot about relationships. I'm your host, Karen Roberts, helping coaches and experts design, create, launch and grow their podcast to turn them into a sales machine. Now, Andrei helps people specifically who want to build healthy long-term relationships. So welcome to the show, Andrei. Thank you. Good morning. It's always great for you. Good afternoon for you. Good evening even. Wherever you are in the world listening to this podcast, yeah, it's going to be different times of day. So first of all, Andrei, if you'd like to share with the listeners, what was the inspiration for you behind you wanting to help people have these long-term relationships? Oh, okay. Good story. So it started in childhood, really with a kid that was to miss fit everywhere. So I had to be, I became very curious with why I don't fit in or how people get to be cool or not cool or the human condition was fascinating to me, just trying to understand my own circumstances as five-year-old forward. And with that, I'm constantly curious and watching people and by the age of 23, I started taking personal development workshops. I needed to know what I didn't know and I get my brain naturally curious. So I just constantly, I'm a researcher, I'm a geek, I don't think I'm a musician, but I'm not. I was a dancer, but I'm a research monkey, you know what I mean? So personal development, business development, in my own sense of self, how do you always in workshops? My friends back in the day, people thought it was weird. Dude, we go to the beach, I go, yeah, I'll be in the workshop for two days, like, what's fun with you? It was that kind of back then unusual. Anyway, so fast forward to 2006, I'm in a workshop in Northern California on a business workshop, because I had my business at the time, I was trying to raise the roof on it and I had taken as far as I could with my knowledge, so I'm in a workshop for three days, of course. Learning tricks, learning tools. On the flight back to Los Angeles, I'm sitting with a couple that I met in the workshop and the ladies, this is such a moment in time, this moment completely changed my life. That moment in life, which I actually thought was random, changed my life on a dime. The woman says to me, "What are you doing next weekend?" I go, "Next weekend I'm free, why?" She goes, "You want to come to a workshop? It's on me." And I go, "Of course, free workshop, are you kidding me? Because those things are going to be expensive and I'm curious. I know whatever it is, I want to learn something." So I'm agreeing right away as I'm invited, and then I go after the fact, "Oh wait, so what's the workshop? What's the card? What am I getting into?" Because I always said, "Yes." She goes, "Oh, it's called understanding women." I have to say, every time I say the story, the man, if it's a man hosting, they always go, "Oh, really? That's such a thing?" That wasn't my reaction. My reaction was, again, I always had an ease of the ladies, and I thought it was me. I couldn't explain it to you at the time, but I always attracted sweet women. When you meet my wife, people go, "Oh God, wow, you're such a lucky guy, I know." She's an angel, she's sweet, but I always attracted that type of woman. So I didn't do the crazy stuff my friend did in a yelling and said, "Wow." But I actually thought it was me. So I couldn't explain to you what, I just thought it was my artistic ways, or whatever. Okay, so understanding women, I'm all, "Oh, I just agreed to spend a weekend in a freaking hotel ballroom on a steady limit." Really? Because I'm thinking, "Well, I got this, I'm thinking it's going to be cute." Anyway, so Saturday morning, driving to LAX by the airport, winning their back words, just because my weekend is okay. But when I stepped into space, there was 400 people in the space, and instantly I got there, "Oh, this isn't going to be cute." Something was important here. That's all I can tell you. I realized it was not going to be cute. It was worth sitting and listening. By the way, there was also 400 people, 200 women, and I'm like, "What is the girl doing here? What the hell is this?" Because if you had a workshop called understanding men, you would not find one man in the space, not one. So I remember thinking like, "What's going on here?" Anyway, sit down, sit down with ladies, sit down on a purpose, sit down with ladies, and she started. All I can tell you is from a guy we thought, "I'm pretty much know this," and it's easy for me, blah, blah. At the end of the workshop, I slipped off my chair probably seven times, like, slipped off my chair on the floor, and the workshop leader would say, "Just so you don't think it's me, the crazy woman in front, tell you these stories about, "I'm crazy," and this is what I'm teaching you because we take a couple of minutes to check with the ladies next to you. That's why they had us sitting with women around us, right? And I go, "What?" And I go, "Yeah." I'm like, "How do you?" I said, "We are." But that would be like, "Making you crazy." It does sometimes. And I'm like, flabbergasted and what truly happened at the time and married with two little kids, my wife and I do well, and we do fine. I'm not looking for this. We're good. We're good. We're good. But that day, that workshop, that at the end of it, I realized I do nothing about women, not even a little bit, not fate, which then meant I knew nothing about my wife, and that scared the life out of me. I have to understand my siblings, I have four siblings, all divorced, three married, two, three times, one, four. I have my family, I have my wife, I have my girl, I have my angel, and my brain, who's thirsty for knowledge, who's just really went into it. I'm not going to be a statistic because I didn't know. And that made me go crazy. Literally, I just went crazy. That moment changed my life where I ended up taking the entire curriculum with a company that had nine to ten different workshops about relationships. I took all of the workshops, soaked it all up. After the program, I was done with the program. I started assisting all their workshops, the same workshops over again, to hear it again, to hear more questions, to a different approach. I went crazy. I was to me, in the more I found out, the more I learned, the more I realized there's more, there's always more. There's always more. There's another layer, another piece, another piece. So the frenzy of I want all of this just took me over. So this was 2006. By 2009, I became in line to become a teacher with that company, a workshop leader, because I'm a teacher at heart. So that was just a natural job. I want to teach this stuff, because it's whatever. I'm a performer, put me in front of people, and I'll feed it. And it turned out, eventually, I didn't end up working with them, but that, as I stepped out from that network, I stepped into that training with other masters in the field. Esther Perel, John Gray, I continued studying with different masters. So I'm standing on the shoulders of five masters in the field where there's shifts in different angles, anthropology, psychology, human behavior, obviously. The chemistry of our bodies, that's the work of John Gray. So I just never stopped, because the more I found out, the more I realized that I didn't know everything is on, and there's a layer. So 2009, I started Portuguese when I was officially, and I started teaching the people around me, my friends, my family, and it took off on its own. And it shifted in the past 10 years, which is interesting. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Isn't it interesting? Isn't it interesting that you know what? I think the most dangerous words are, I know that. I realize that as I get older, it's like, the more I know, the more I realize I know nothing. And for you to just be actually curious about it, because quite often, a lot of people at that moment in time might have gone, I don't need to go to that workshop. I know this. I've got this. But something made you step into that, to have actually a listen, to be curious. And then that just opens up everything. And almost you had to empty all the knowledge that you thought you had to rebuild it again. It's funny how it's funny how it goes. It's funny how it goes. Okay, you got there. But you know what, Andre, there are lots of people out there who are or who will claim that they are relationship coaches. So for you, with what you're doing right now, and you're helping people so that they can have fulfilling, healthy, happy, long-term relationships, is there some kind of secret processor? How do you do this? It's ultimately rather simple. There's an ABC to everything. You're going to get a college degree, you go to college and you learn the curriculum, right? And at the end you go, "Tada!" You learn that all, like whatever is specific. So for me, in the realm of relationship, is the misunderstanding between men and women, but it's not only men and women. It's like men and women. The dynamic that work for relationship building does not matter with it. It doesn't matter what's between your life. It's very interesting. It's actually the gay people who put the cherry on the Sunday into realizing, "Why do stump couples last 30 years, men or women, or whatever orientation, and why do the same other people, the whole type of relationship go straight to hell?" Like, "Why do the ones who succeed do?" And we realize they all do the same thing. Gay, straight, lesbian. Fascinating. Because when you take out the men, women dance, because men and women are so different, obviously, we confuse each other. And that used to be up to about 10 years ago, mostly the body of work that came to me. She didn't understand him. He was cold. He was distant. He didn't talk enough. He gave it one word answer. She felt disconnected and abandoned. And he thought she could stop talking and take everything personally. It would be great. I should just need to stop. So that was always the pushback, not understanding how we function and operate and what we need to be connected and feeling good about it. But 10 years ago, things started shifting. And it became this thing where women got more and more masculinized in our culture. Girl, girl, boss, babe, strong enough and in the powerful. Nothing wrong with that. But it's actually really beautiful for business and money-making. But it destroys the dynamic of relationships. It's the kiss of death. And no one is aware of that. And the same thing we made, we shamed men out of being masculine, right? And it's supposed to be sweet, sensitive and vulnerable. That's not a man. That's your girlfriend. That's your girlfriend. But if we force men to death space where they don't get to step up to their own lives, build their character, build their confidence and do something relevant in the world, they have no self-respect. And they get zero respect from men or women, right? A man who is a loser for his own standards, right? It doesn't step in and it's not relevant in the world. So men who have been shamed out of becoming something, who are stepping into their lives and managing it, they get nothing. And they're flat-lined. So again, shaming men are being masculine, destroys men and relationship possibilities, pushing women into strong, independent, powerful men. And actually, it's even worse than this because now we have a fear-mongering system that says men are dangerous, toxic. You can't trust them through cheaters. You better off on your own. Well, how is this going to work? It's not, right? So what you're looking at is if you make half the planet toxic, because your mother says so, your teacher says so, your girlfriend, everybody's been hurt in relationship. It doesn't mean men are bad. Not understanding men does not make them bad. Some women have made terrible mistakes with the wrong kind of men and will project all men like this. And it's absolutely not the truth. So in my world, really, we decode the men. There's three types of men in my life, my world. There's also three types of women, temperamentally. They look the same. They act completely differently. Men, guys, boys. If you get yourself attached with a boy, your life is going to go to hell and you won't understand why, because he will say the right thing. He will do the right things in the beginning. It's very seducing. He tells you everything you want to hear to get, but he's not wired to provide it for taking chairs with him. And this is an old story. I don't want to go into it so much, but this is the decoding that has to have in the front. If you don't know how to spot a boy who's not a man, but looks like one, who's out to take from you, take your time, take your energy, take your advice, take your body, take everything that he can, which is opposite what men do. Men give, provide, protect, support, cherish, but they look the same. So if you don't know how to spot these men, you will tell stories about men being horrible, and dangerous, and toxic, and they cheat, and they lie, and they con, and they scam. Not men, boys do. So first thing is you have to learn what to avoid, because these are the ones who create all the fear that you have, and all the people being afraid of getting hurt, people not want to get married, because in case it turns out to be, from the get-go, these guys you have to spot a boy in one date. And three weeks into the program, you get to spot a boy on a text, because the language they use is very specific. So that's important, right? So as a woman, if you confuse my relationship with men, you start there. We have to decode that, and the same with the men typically have less problems, because men will respond to women much more than anyone's aware of. So if you don't put standards on the way you let men treat you, deal with you, if we're in a culture of go-girl, get yours, you know what I mean, men are playing out there, go ahead and play like them. Liberation of free is a woman to have casual sex and have fun, and live your best live man. What happened is you're opening the channels for men only wanting to play with you, and never wanted to build with you. Now again, that's a delicate thing. Nobody wants to hear this, but this is what I see every day. It's really missing the boat on the steps, to build the healthy steps that build a relationship. So for men simply, you've got to be something to play with, or something to build with. And again, you have to know what that is, because men typically can't describe it. You're a yes or you're a no. Why? I don't know. She's cool, but yeah, I know she's not what. So men cannot really describe to you why you're a yes and/or no. They have a sense of it, but it's like they're typically going to. She's cool. There's something there that I don't know, she's disrespectful, and she thinks she's cool, but she's not. She's trying to push me around and control me. I'm not doing that. That's not enough in explanation for you to understand what's wrong, right? So I get a calibration, and how you show up is what I do. And the next thing, the first thing before even getting into the teachings of it, is that I cannot get anybody in a healthy relationship until we get to unload the baggage of your childhood and you pass bad relationship, to understand. Like, our nervous system gets affected. We believe things about ourselves, the world, life, people, men, women, right? If you believe that men are all terrible, because you've had terrible experiences with men and/or typically starting with your own father, the dynamic of a woman is always daddy. First, the first relationship, the first love dynamic, if you're dad. So if you have a poor daddy, like a bad daddy, like a drunk daddy, a missing daddy, it will affect how you see men forever. And the same with the boys. So men's primary relationship is mom. So if she emasculated him, if she was disrespectful to him, he literally gets castrated from his own masculinity, and he cannot step into it. So we're all damaged in childhood, different levels, abandonment issues, neglect issues, abuse issues of all kinds of people that have all three plus sexual abuses, unbelievable. But that is what derails us from really being a choice and having a healthy mind to pick somebody who wants what we want. So man's going to women tend to magnetize boys towards them in life, because it's a yin-yang energy, right? If she's masculine, she's going to track seven. And life goes to hell. If you're a feminine man, right, you're masked so fights versus so, masculine women attract feminine men, feminine women attract masculine men. So this is where the two unions got to go. We got to clean that up. We're going to clean up your story in order for you to be clear-minded and actually let go of the false belief that you've attached to the kid, typically it's like in childhood, between the age of five and 11, this is where we actually set and get to believe things about the world people ourselves life, where we deserve that we're not worthy of love. We all have it. It's just different levels. So that is clean up number one, right, clean up in aisle four. And then we go into, then into when your nervous system is clear of all these false beliefs and the sphere, not knowing within a shift, men, women, then I go into, like I said, differentiating the three types on both sides. And how do you build a relationship? How do you, like, how do you date a man? Few days most women have no idea. I'm not going to say most women have no idea how to date a man. They show off, they're pretty, they smell good, they smile, and they typically lean in. Who is this guy? I want to find out who he is because I can't. I'm not going to waste my time. You're not getting a second date just for that energy. What men are looking for? Again, they're so responsive to you ladies. There's a, they have a, they know why they're there. They know what they want to feel. They know what they want to hear. They know what they want to find out. But if you lean in and do it, you step all over him, he'll sit there quietly, look at you. And how many times I see my men going out, they have a day for the disco on the channel. It's been like, oh, I finally got a sheet read. And it goes, how'd it go? He goes, yeah, cool. But I don't know. She's the thing about her was off. She was like, there was something going on the other side that went quite, again, again, this is the danger of ladies, not understanding. If you're nervous, if you hate dating, if you hate dating, because a lot of women hate dating, it's so hard as a waste of time. And I'm tired. I've been working all the time, supposed to be pretty and happy to be there. I'm tired, and I'm hungry. Just that little edge, you will pick up. And if you understand that he's there, because he's trying to get a sense, he's trying to get a whiff of loveliness and warmth and femininity and feel good. He's been working all day too. So he's looking for a little, wow, like it's so good to be with a woman and then delight in that presence and being out of his head, because when you're in the presence of a feminine woman, it brings us out of our heads to being completely present in our bodies, which is where you like us the most. And this is what we need you to do for us to be present. But if you're in your head, because you hate dating and you're tired of, like, the guy's going to go, she was pretty, but nothing there. Or instantly pick up that little thing that is off. Women don't know this. How do you get from the first to second date, there's a way the men are, you know, exactly how that works, or what they want to happen for you, for them to step back under the two. Number three, if you get to date number four, you got them. If you get to date number four, he's charm and enchanted, we call it. Like he's now, he's like, whoa, this one, I'm going to step into more. Again, there's ABC is very specific. And so that's part of the work. And then how do you cross the line into intimacy? God, that's such a big deal. And women, the way the culture is teaching it is keeping men from wanting to invest in you. And again, it's an instinctual mechanism here that men respond to automatically that women don't understand. And the idea of intimacy, starting intimacy early, to think that you're starting a relationship, it's exactly opposite for men. So all these things, right? So all the way through, so I call it, if you're a woman, I say I have the owners, Daniel, for men, how to date men, what men want, why do they want it, you know, what does it look like, why do they step in, why do they commit, why do they get on one knee and marry you, why do they want to make you a life partner? Oh, and it's Daniel, right? And these things that are not out there and men can't specifically explain. On the other side, the same thing is I have men, it's not as common, but when I have men come to me with the confusion of my favorite is, the guy came at me a while back, he goes, do they need your hope? He goes, yeah, go for stuff. He goes, why would my wife for 10 years? I go, um, he goes, she used to be so sweet and loving, and so kind, she was so happy to see me when I came home from work, right? We just had this just great dynamic, and I go, okay, what's the problem? He goes, now I come home, she looks at me, he goes, oh, it's you. He goes in the kitchen. He goes, she hates me. He goes, the dog is happy to see me, I don't get it. I'm like, at my first, because I do women, right? This is my work. And I go, I want to call him a dummy. I'm like, okay, idiot. She obviously feels taken for granted. You probably don't talk to her enough for her to feel connected to you. If she doesn't feel connected to you, she feels like you're not caring for her. If you don't have the connection, the conversation, and just looking in her eyes and keep dating her, right? Throughout the weeks, I date my wife once a week, but still date was the week. If you don't spend, again, the state on this, you have to spend a minimum of 90 minutes with your spouse or your significant others in order to keep the personal connection going. That's this dinner. One day, they'll do it. And check in, how we doing? How's your week? Yeah, it was mine. Yeah, it was cold. I was out of sort on Wednesday. I'm sorry. This is like, it really has a tough day because blah, blah, blah, blah. Put down, like, reconnect and explain, because we are all busy and just reconnect and check in and how we do it, right? How's this week for you? I still be grateful. We should see my mom this week. It's still 90 minutes, 90 minutes. It's just a second on this, minimum, like minimum. But if you don't do it, slip apart, women feel like they feel like you don't care. And there's also reasons why men do this because we, and I'm not going to explain here, because it's getting too long with it. Like, the way we maintain relationship, both men and women is completely different. And if we let the not knowing, not having awareness out men do it, that works for men with men, that's very simple. But women do it completely different, women on women. So when we come together, we typically both go into, this is our maintaining relationship, and for men, it's zero maintenance necessary. And for women, it's constant maintenance in order to stay connected. So if you know this, if you don't talk to your girlfriend on a regular basis, right, after a few months, you're going to lose her, because you have to maintain the, "How are you doing, how's life, how's your mother?" "Oh, my goodness." "I've been to you so much. I miss you so much." "We have to get together. I know you're busy." Like, all this stuff is how women stay connected with each other. Men don't do this. Men don't do this at all. So for me, I went back home years ago, I hadn't seen my buddy from college in 15 years. Never talked to him. Never texted him. Never said, "Merry Christmas. Happy birthday." Or never, like, "No." Right? At the moment, we see each other, high five, "Oh, my God, dude, so good to see you." And we're like, "No time has gone by." What I'm saying here is men's dynamic or relationship maintenance requires your maintenance. I don't need to, you think a man would say to me after 15 years, "Dude, I've never heard from you on your birthday, on my birthday. You didn't call anything Christmas. And when my dad died, you didn't say anything." They're like, "Man, don't do this." Let's see what I'm saying. So, one of the disconnects that we do in dynamics, relationships, dynamics, and even marriages, people that have been bonded is, "Man, they will, I married her. What else does she want?" I did the big commitment, "What do you mean to why I love you? I come home every night. I make the money. I come." What are you talking about, right? Not understanding that a woman needs a confidence, maintenance of connection, conversation, sharing, touching, all that. So, women often feel neglected and it's over the same. I married her. There's a ying yang again. So, just to pull her back into your feeling connected, which makes her feel safe, very simple. So, this same guy, right? He's a dude. She rolls her eyes and I would see you. He goes in the kitchen. He stepped in. Again, she had no idea that you both don't have to know this. As long as one of the two in the colors, the relationship understands instinctively what the other one needs. The other one is like response naturally. So, he went into connecting with her. He went to making time for her. He went into looking in her eyes after coming home for work and talking 10 minutes. Not 45 minutes. 10 minutes of like, "How's your day?" Just for her to go, "Well, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." Right? And then she's good because you care enough to get a little time to check in on her. You know what I mean? It's like these things aren't natural for men, but they're essential to the relationship. And the same thing with ladies, sometimes you want to talk for 45 minutes about your day and we don't necessarily need and want 45 minutes of all that's happened. I'm trying to let the day get behind me. Please, you're killing me, right? So, we have to meet in the middle. My entire body of work is his way, which is wired in his DNA, Hunter brain, get it done brain, no talking brain, right? Her way, which is a gatherer brain, aware of everything and every feelings that comes around at moment to moment with her and needs to connect if you're safe constantly, completed two different machines. So, his way, her way, and we have to meet in the middle. And that's the work. It's like meeting in the middle, so we are feeling connected and good and as partners, because if you leave us alone and you do it all your way, we're going to go crazy. If we do all our way, you'll feel that we're cold, just in disconnected, shallow, selfish, cold, even being. Okay, that was a long one. I'm sorry. No, that's great. From what you've shared there, it really is about understanding and accepting that we are different in the way we and it's and that's okay. And to not try to pretend that you're this other way or not, just show up as your authentic self and have that understanding that, yes, you need to just remember, I suppose we, I get it is quite common for us to think, oh, I wouldn't have done that like that. And you put all your, the way, just because the way you would do something, everybody is different. And I suppose women, they're going to have, I don't know what all the love languages are. I've heard people talk about it, but women as well will have a different priority of their preferred love language. And I presume men will too. And I suppose it's what you've shared there is we've all got to be more aware of what it all starts with awareness. And then you can work together and then then you make it sounds just so easy again. But like, I've heard that when you before, like, if you know the picture behind me is my wife and I follow dancing. Well, so you have seen volume dancers dance. It looks easy. It looks easy. They glide. It's actually beautiful. Wow. Look at it. You know what I mean? But they have to learn. Just don't, just don't, just don't follow them dance. Grab a girl and go, let's go. And when the beginning is weird, awkward, it's clunky. It's like, you have to find your frame. You step on each other's toes. Right? If she is, if she is not open to be led, often she will try to help. This is very common. It's happened to me so many times. Right? If a woman isn't comfortable necessarily or it's very women like to help. But if I'm dancing with you and I'm leading you and you're anticipating what I'm going to do because you want to help, this is when I get the elbow to the face. This one, I get the knee to the groin because you're anticipating and will mislead my signals and I get hurt. I will actually get hurt. So it's an interesting thing because the knee-jerk reaction to be part of is the same in relationship dynamics. Do you know what I mean? So if a woman is not able to be vulnerable and trust the guy that's with the man that she's with and negotiate like, why do you do this? When you do this, it'll make you uncomfortable. When you said this, I felt like this. Is that what you men be able to understand that this person is just, they're not unsafe and you don't need to resist them and or trying to guide them, go to the face, to open the channels. When you did this, what's what happened to me? I didn't like it. Is that what you meant to do? Or can you look into this a little bit for me? And this is how you open the channels of communication conversation because, again, when you could approach each other, this is from both sides, when you could reach, we can negotiate your wants and needs, ask for adjustment, respectfully, the person who cares for you will absolutely want to do it. The idea that men don't change is both, but you have to approach them respectfully and there's a language that's called a manglish. There's also a womanglish that I teach the man, but it's different. Manglish is a little more complicated and I mean that because you ladies get your feelings hurt much more. You ladies are driven by your feelings. We're not. So for us, all you have to do is speak to us respectfully and we're right there for you. Ready to be a hero. Do you know what I mean? But because you're emotional beings, sometimes the frustration will have you get a little edgy in your voice. You'll have a little fight and or he does something, you get frustrated, but it's not big enough for you to bring it up because maybe let's start a fight and again, a fight disconnects you even more. So even though you're angry with him or comfortable to not please so much, you don't bring it up because yeah, like you don't want to start a fight, right? So you don't say anything. But and then they convince yourself, I ask no big deal. It's a big deal. You're a woman. It sticks. It doesn't go away and I call that the pancake plate. You have a plate and I was in the first little injury goes pancake number one. I ask no big deal. Now pancake is there a couple of days later or whatever. Oh, a little little, another little that hurts your feelings that you don't understand why. I can't believe you said that. I can't believe you didn't say that. And you're like, don't want to bring it up. Don't know how to bring it up. This is really the problem. Nobody knows how to bring it up, especially women get so uncomfortable. They don't want to start a fight, but they're upset. But they don't want to start a fight. They don't know how to bring it up because you bring it up. It gets mad. And now it's worse. So you've learned that it doesn't go well when you bring it up because you don't know how to bring it up. It's really easy, right? It's easy. It's so easy. But you don't know. So you resist. You're not sure how. You say quiet. No big deal. Oh, pancake number two. And then we're packing number three at four, five, six, seven, eight, and nine. This is going up for two months now. And it's happened to me. Give this. Give yourself a client of mine. I'm in my office. I finished my coffee. I walked into my office. I walk out of my office. I walk into the kitchen and she'd been cleaning the kitchen. Now apparently for two hours, but I didn't know that I was working. He goes, I put the cup on the counter and go back to my office. And she lost her mind. I go, what do you mean? He goes, what she did is she threw the entire plate of pancakes at his head in that moment. That last little pancake made broke the camel's back. And also she threw the whole plate at him. She lost her mind. And you always, he never, and you know, it's definitely all the work that I do. And he said, what in the hell? So he's thinking this, this has created this attack, right? Like, we're fantastic lives. We live in paradise. We're like, this, but it's not this. It's the accumulation. It's a pancake. So what happened, ladies, is this, not knowing how to bring it up. And then again, you don't forget it. You can't. It's a gatherer's brain. You don't forget anything. It's part of a survival mechanism. The pancake will stack up. I feel like that. Last little one that seems insignificant and sure that he doesn't know, and then he gets a plate, or, you know, what happens when you go to play that? I'm just gonna attack. It's mind-boggling. It's over the top. It's crazy looking. And all you can do is, what the hell did you have to push back? You're dealing with men, which are warriors and hunters apart. You attack a warrior, you're getting a fight, and you're gonna lose. You are going to lose. And then you see, now you're crying, because he's a jerk. I can't. He doesn't listen to me, and I have to all this. I'm so frustrated, but it's not fair because he never knew any of it. You know what I mean? If you never tell him that little thing bothered you and you don't clean it up, you can't fix it. You can't apologize for it. You can't do anything. Not fair. This is what we all do. Not knowing. And it's so easy to manage, and maintain, and fix. And this is a guy who you think doesn't care, is a jerk, and/or doesn't pay attention, which means it doesn't care for you. That's not at all. It's just the man up in his head, and it's functioning in the way men function, that it's very different than you anyway. So, you see what I'm saying? There's like, there's like bottle dancing, right? There's a ying yang. There's a masculine feminine, but the complementary comes together. It's the beauty. You just have to have to have a dance, how to communicate, how to talk, how to fix, how to problem-solve, and I call it conflict management. It's in a conflict management that you bond. Bring it up at the time, rather than holding on to it. Absolutely. I give you an example of this. I still, you know, and I guess it's small stuff that will kill you. It's not the big stuff that will kill you. It's a combination of the small stuff that you start believing. He's a jerk. He's cold. He doesn't care. He doesn't like you. He doesn't talk to you. He gives you one word answer. No. It's not at all what's happening with men. The men, right? Not the boys. The boys are stable. They'll ruin your life. Yeah. Yeah. I know that. I know that personally. Yeah. So, lack of communication. But what do you think is what's going on at the moment? What is holding people back from having healthy, happy, long-term relationships? Yeah. If you understand, we're so different men, women. Do you know what I mean? And again, that mechanism, like I explained just now, like his way is one way. He's always the opposite that we can't seem to get in the middle, so we take it personally. He gets mad and cold. She gets hurt. And one of my favorite things that ladies do is, I have to say this because it's funny because it still doesn't work, right? When you give a man a sudden treatment, you're not punishing him. He likes it. He likes it because it's quiet. I hate to say it. So, this is how you punish a woman, ignore your girlfriend, right? Don't look at her and just stop talking to her. She's in trouble. She knows she's in trouble. You do this to a man. You're not finally quiet around here. I tell you, I had clients in front of me. It was a live workshop. It was all the couple and this came up and she's, "I haven't talked to him in a week." He goes, "And he doesn't care." He goes, "What?" He goes, "I just thought everything was great because he wasn't bitching for a while." He never noticed that she was ignoring him. He just thought everything was good because there was a complaining. Because you barely always could play. Anyways, well, that doesn't work, ladies. Do not give your men a sudden treatment. That will not teach him anything. He would actually speak. It's nice and quiet, even though he knows something wrong, right? Anyway, so, just saying. But what's happening is not understanding the dynamic. In a culture, we say men and women are equal. It sends the signal. That's what I see. Again, the past 10 years has got much radically worse. It's been this whole new set of trouble because women expect men to act like women. It'll never happen. We're not wired that way. There's nothing about that that's okay, normal. Again, it goes against nature. You could force nature to a certain point, and then you would live. In the same, women to be strong, masculine, and powerful is good for business. If you bring that into your relationship with a man who's masculine, you stand. Again, the idea that men should be softer, women should be tougher, equalize the playing field. I get it on paper. It looks amazing. That should work fantastic. It doesn't work at all. Again, nature has this polarized. It's a yin-yang. It's a masculine feminine. That's the only way to keep the polarity happening for the relationship to sustain and maintain long-term. That's the only way. It's not in the middle that we meet. That neutralizes everything. It's polarity. Back to nature. Everything I teach is science and nature, psychology, right? Our culture has us push against nature, go against nature, thinking it's going to be better and it's a disaster. It's not because we are so different with our hormones. Even this whole dynamic of trying to do what in living or working in a men's world, as they would say, "You guys, your hormones are different. They're running in a 24-hour cycle. You can deal with stuff." Us, we work completely different. If we want to be even... I'm not even talking about relationships here. I'm talking about even business. The way that you're going to work, you want to work with the hormone cycle, that we have a 30-day cycle. Sometimes we want to be creative, other times we want to rest, other times there's a time for it. We're not built to do stuff every single day. It's all different. I totally agree. It's like we're trying to push a little bit too much rather than allow, accept the is-ness of what is and go with that. That's going against nature. That's the work of John Gray for the past 15 years, all over the chemistry of our bodies and what it allows women to be women and to be happy and healthy in our bodies as opposed to force them into man mode to beat, kill, conquer, fight, push, work 60 out of weeks. You're not built for that chemically. You're not built for that. We have testosterone. We're built for that stuff. Actually, it's intentionalized our bodies even. The fighting, the competing makes us sharper. It wakes us up and says, "Come on, let's get it done." We're built for competition and pushing and fighting and winning. It works for us. It brings us another layer of excitement and it's a life. When we win, it's high-fired. We did it. We got the job. We got the contract. For you ladies, that kind of lifestyle causes six times of stress on your bodies and you don't have the testosterone to restore, to recover. You don't have the testosterone, so you're living on your adrenaline plants on top of your kidneys. That energy needed is forcing your bodies chemically to pump adrenaline in your blood and push you forward. This eventually burns you out. This chronic fatigue syndrome is adrenal syndrome burnout, but worse than this, the statistic on this, I'm going to sound the alarm for some of your ladies out there. When you live in that competitive man mode pacing, trying to get the top of the world, again, 20, 25 years of adrenaline in your bloodstreams. There's a lot of data on this now. Go research it. Adrenaline in your blood burns your organ. It eats you from the inside and it opens you up to all kinds of disease and cancers, typically breast cancer or variant cancer, because of the lifestyle that you're not meant to live. If you're going to lean in a command and fight in the world like a man, especially if you do it by yourself, because often men can attach to you in that energy, that mode, you're too much. Men are not looking for masculine women. Men who provide, protect, cherish, and want to be a family or looking for feminine essence in the world, but that's been eradicated from you in your daily life for the lifestyle of the culture. So these women will often will do it alone. And the kiss of death eventually is 45 plus. The body fails. They're unhappy. They're overwhelmed. They're stressed out. They're anxious, which pushes men away even more. That's a devil trap. But apparently in our culture, we say, girl, you're supposed to have it all. There'd be value of what you're supposed to be productive like a man. Really? No, absolutely not. Again, think of nature. Think of what it does to your bodies and think of the repercussion that has for your relationship, all your relationships, and men. It will never make you a magnet for men in that state of mind, that energy, that competing space. I'm just saying. If you don't want men, that's good, but you'll find yourself lonely and tired. But in the end, all my clients, after being a boss babe for 10, 15 years, realize I'm tired. Money doesn't make me happy. This career thing is really just a job. What am I kidding myself for? I'd like to relax. I want to pull back. I want somebody to love me, help me, cuddle me, make my life easier. That's called a relationship. And men are absolutely willing to actually do this. Not the boys. Again, you have to know what you're dealing with. We're made for this, by the way. We both men and women are made to come together and build dynamics to support and help each other to have better lives. Again, more sadistic, both men and women are happier, live longer, healthier, more productive, more creative in healthy relationships. All. So as a primary determination of the happiness of your life is a part of your relationships. We probably need to focus on that a little bit more. I don't even know men kind of stuff. They need to stop. You need us. And we need you so much. We need you so much. You have no idea. Man alone, they don't actually understand. And you feel abandoned and neglected. Right. Energy. Again, the masculine and feminine is not a gender thing, it's an energy thing. We both have it in each other, right? I have masculine, feminine energy, you have masculine, feminine energy. Which do you bring forward? And is it working for you? Because if men are stepping away from you, if you're invisible to men, ladies, you and you masculine, then you have to recalibrate. And that's the work that I do. It's not about undoing being a boss. It's braiding. Be calibrating that you can actually show up as a boss when it's appropriate at work, but be a woman in the world. And then magnetize men, the ones who want to provide protect. I could do this all day long. Love it. Love it. It's really rather simple. But it's not what's out there. But this is the problem, isn't it? We need to get out of our own way because we tend to over complicate things. And this goes, this is so true for everything, that if we just step back and trusted our innate intelligence that we all have within us and showed up as our authentic self and trusted, actually, in nature, a flower doesn't have to struggle to grow, it just grows. Everything around you in nature, but we have been conditioned. So almost fight against everything. Whereas when we allow everything, we get in the flow, we get in the flow. Preach, preach, and again. Hang on, I might be good at, but because I'm not in a relationship. Okay, I'm not in a relationship, right? But I get it. And I can see that I've definitely been going for boys, definitely 100%. And again, the very first thing I'm sorry to interrupt just quick, because it just ties in probably what you said is again, it goes back to we have to clean up your nervous system. We have to clear the baggage because that original belief system, if you don't feel, if you never felt safe as a woman in the world, you're going to step up and be a masculine. Femininity will never get developed, and you become a client of mine. And understanding why nobody wants to eat you, or you can't build an issue with men, or attract boys only. We have to clean that up. It's the same with the men who don't step up to the masculine. They've been castrated by either the lack of parenting, too much mothering, no male role model, right? They're not right. It's not their fault to ask me to clean up. So if that's the base of it, then my point is, regardless how bad you think you have it, it can be cleaned up. And then you're free of the false belief, and you can step in, like you just said, into your own bodies, your essence, your nature to be able to trust as a woman and as a man, that you're capable of being completely what it's called, actuated, right? Becoming the person you want to be. It's pretty, not that hard, except to do the cleanup first, clean up on our four first, you have to clear up on our there's a clear up needed on our four. So for the listeners out there, they might be thinking, I need to clear up on our four. They know it, they know, they know. So what should the listeners do next? All right. So I have two guests for your listeners. If that's okay. Is that okay? Yeah, of course. So like I do this work, again, you know my story, I'm compelled to help men and women, men, it's my job to make, facilitate these things and kind of recalibrate people into what works. And it's, it's not that hard. However, my God mission, I have a God mission is to teach this to the masses, to actually bring hope to the masses. They can talk in like nation and worldwide, to teach this wide and broad, because what's happening is when relationship fails, where we cannot attain sustained and build healthy relationships, to build healthy family, to raise healthy children, we then if we go on and build their own relationship, healthy relationship and have their own families and children, when that, when family falls apart, culture falls apart, the world falls apart. And that's what's happening right now. So I have a God calling, bigger than my business that says, you are a disruptor, you're going to go out there and disrupt the current belief and recalibrate culture. Hello, I used to resent it. It's huge, right? This is, and the word is like, this has to be Oprah big. Oh, wow. Okay. Let's go take a minute. Anyway, so I want you to thank you. I want to thank you for helping me being a disruptor to send the waves out there that there is hope, there is a way, this is easy to think, but the culture is not teaching you this. And actually everything, the culture teaches you makes it more difficult. Okay. So that said, I do podcasts and thank you again for assisting me to send the waves out that it is, right? Bringing hope to the world, both many women, this is very doable. You just need to know how. Anyway, so I do a lot of podcasts two or three week for that reason. And I notice podcast listeners come in two different types. That's why I have two different groups, two different gifts. A lot of people come in because they want information. They're not sure what's going on. They're tapping in a little bit. What's this men, why the client last week, I'm just starting to decode what it is to be feminine. I just never thought about it before, and I'm realizing it. I probably should step right away. So people who look for information, just because they're curious is starting to poke around. I will send you directly to my email. So if you go to Andre Coaching, the number one at gmail.com, Andre in the RE coaching, C-O-E, C-H-I-N-G, the number one is email, and in the subject box, you write webinar, right? Actually, I saw it's workshop. I recorded a 25 minute workshop. It's completely free. I'll pass it on to anybody's curious. It's informational about the actual, what I see in our culture, women who step into, I call it the love lane, there's a love lane in the money lane. If you encourage to step into the money lane so hard, the love lane definitely becomes difficult. It's not impossible. There's a way to do, because you want both. You want everything. There's a way to do it. That's what that workshop is about. The women who succeed do it in a way that's not out there. So there's a way to have it all, but not in the way you talk. So if you're looking for information and then you get to hear me speak and understand what I'm up to a little bit, it's free for the time it is. Andre Coaching One workshop, gift number one for information seekers. The other type of listeners are typically people will go, "Oh my god, okay, I want to clean up on out four." Right? So if you email me, Andre Coaching One at Gmail and in the subject, just write talk now. I will send you my calendar link. You'll find yourself a spot that's open that works for you. You click on it, it's an hour, it's a VIP hour, exploratory call. I call it. Typically that's an hour and 15. And in that call, what's the problem? Tell me what's the problem, because people usually, people who call, the people who want to take action, typically understand they're stuck in the loop. Same dynamic, same type person, always the same ending. Never, right? Oh, it's a boy, it's a boy. Now some people understand, "I've been attracting boys. How do I get out of this?" Same with men, right? Attracting the same kind of ridiculous relationships and in that call, in 15 minutes, I'm so really good at this. I'm bragging now, but in 15 minutes, we go right to childhood, 15 minutes, and we figure out exactly where the wheels came off of you. What was the moment, again, per your relationship with your father, if you're a woman, and your mother, if you're a man, where the wheels came off, where you weren't allowed to step into your essence, where like other people do from having a normal childhood, right? So what's happening is, especially when women come to me with what's wrong with me, I'm pretty, I have money, I have a lot, and I can't get a date. If I get a date, I get ghost that was wrong with me, a little two-mask it in, and just find out how you got here. And so in that, I guess, in that call, we find out where the wheels came off, and then you realize there's something wrong with you. You're just a product of your past, and if we know what happened, we could fix it, and it'll be, right? And then we go, what's the dream? What's the dream? Is it marriage, kids? Is it long-term? What's the dream? And then we'll talk about if you want, step in, and there's different ways to work with me to learn this stuff, small, medium, larges, five different ways of stepping in. So that's for the people who are action-taker, who, like, resonated and go, okay, clean up an hour forward, I'm willing. And if you don't work with me, that call alone for some people just changes their lives because they only stand and are broken. There's just their childhood, the circumstances of life. That's in itself, it's liberating. So, yeah, brilliant, brilliant. Yeah, no one's broken, you don't need fixing, you just need to be aware, and then to try and see things in a different way, awareness really is key. And I would presume that some of this, they wouldn't be able to figure it out by themselves, because a lot of it will be unconscious, a lot of it will be, you know, we are a product of our own, yeah, our past, and we are like zombies in a way. We do things on autopilot without even thinking about why we're doing that. So that's why it is so important to, you don't have to figure it out by yourself. Why not talk to somebody who knows their stuff and can pull the stuff out of you for you, and then you'll have that. You bet choice really consciously is supposed to be stuck in cruise control with this false belief that you attract the people that continue the story of your life in childhood. That's all of it. Brilliant, brilliant. Look, as always, I love this conversation, I love our conversation. So, thank you so much for your time today, Andra. It's been brilliant, and I think this information is important for everybody out there. Look, myself included, I've just become an empty nester. So I've only just all almost okay. I'm ready. Awesome. Thank you for your time, guys. I will be back next week. Bye for now. Thank you for listening to today's episode on the Podcast Profit's Unleash podcast. If you're a coach, consultant, therapist or healer who would like to drive sales whilst having fun podcasting, head over to podcastprofitsunleash.com/free and find out how you can turn your podcast into a sales machine. We'll see you on the next episode.
