OK, so this is Emery Geeser. Thank you. [APPLAUSE] We'll just do it together. So it starts. In, out, deep, slow, deep, slow, breathing in. I call my body. Breathing in, I call my body. Breathing out, I am smiling. Breathing out, I am smiling. How wonderful is now. In, out, deep, slow, breathing in, I call my body. Breathing out, I am smiling. How wonderful is now. One more time. In, out, deep, slow, breathing in, I call my body. Breathing out, I am smiling. How wonderful is now. Just a three-breath meditation. In, out, deep, slow, breathing in, I call my body. So this is Emery Geeser, Sondra, Wayfarer, Mother. What else? Human being? Human being. [INAUDIBLE] Stay at home, dance with the universe. Emery Geeser. [APPLAUSE] So welcome. Thank you for being here. So I just thought I'd share with you some questions and some thoughts about parenting as a spiritual practice. But actually, just before we start, I just thought I'd like to ask people, just anyone who's got anything there, just to say, those of you who are parents, what's your current challenge at the moment? What's just a couple of words? The time, is it? What's a current challenge that you're in right now about being a parent, separation? Whoa, what's the kind of challenge that you're in at the moment? Exhaust challenge. Exhaust challenge. Time. Time. [INAUDIBLE] Making real contact with her. Reducing screen time without paying her. [INAUDIBLE] 13. What about 13? [INAUDIBLE] Not a child anymore, because it's kind of an in-between today. [INAUDIBLE] Have to be present to play when you're thinking about 101 other things. Anyone else? Current challenge? Tantrums. I would say like a connection of any kind. I've got 13 year olds kind of people. Gone. [INAUDIBLE] Yay! Making choices about what I want to do in my life, but will affect her life. And the kind of anxiety I want to do, what I feel I want to do. And I'm kind of designing some things, will they? [INAUDIBLE] So hopefully we can get around. I'm not going to give a very long talk. We're about 20 minutes, half an hour. And then we can come back to some of these issues that people have raised. And just kind of reflect and talk and see if we can give each other some pointers. I think the thing that I sort of start with is, for me, quite a fundamental schism in my psyche about whether or not to have children. I mean, I started my spiritual practice 19 years ago. And I never actually had a very strong sense of, I want to have children and get married and they're happily ever after. That just never was my dream. It just didn't wasn't there. So, and there was a very, very strong aspect of me that was like, absolutely not. I would not do that. And I remember seeing somebody who's an older member who got pregnant once. And then I remember seeing her getting pregnant again. And I remember this thought in my head was like, oh, come on. How could she? There was this aspect of me that was just absolutely not. That is just not the way if you're a true spiritual seeker. And yeah, the older I got, as I went through life, as I went through and I was practicing, I was going more and more retreats and I thought, there was this little, this little, I don't know, quite what it was, this little aspect, my being that would just tug at my little, isn't it? Please, can I have a baby? Please, just, can I please have one? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We're on serious matter here. We're not going to trouble ourselves with that. And then it just, no, no, no. Please, can I have one? Please, just a little one. And this voice just sort of started getting stronger and stronger. Now, I remember once being at one of the retreat centers at Teerat Naloka, just having this absolute, excruciating pain where I really felt that there was this, there was this two aspects of my being that felt like they couldn't both coexist. I just couldn't both coexist. And I was just crying my heart out, just crying and crying at the, I couldn't have both. I couldn't, I felt like I just couldn't have both and somehow that felt like a real obstacle to my spiritual path. And then I read later on this, someone said that, if you were walking down a road and you came to like a sign and you knew this was a vital sign post, on one side it said life that way. And then it said on the other side post, that way is enlightening it. Life enlightening it, you're standing there. Which are you gonna choose? Which are you gonna choose? Come on. And it was what was really interesting in this book that I was reading. It was actually saying that that is the false dichotomy that a lot of religious practice sets up. And actually it really, it really isn't that. It really, really isn't that. And now it's just kind of like this blubbering heap, the sign post or the bottom of the sign post. And it was soggy and limp and not kind of thinking like going either way. So... Yeah, and I think it is a very real, I don't think we can sort of avoid it at issues that what's been considered real, true spiritual practice has been taking place, our consideration of it takes place in monasteries, doesn't it? Takes place on the hills, it takes place in caves. It doesn't take place in the midst of family life. You know, while certainly my sort of stereotype, the idea of what a spiritual practitioner is, certainly not someone that's changing nappies. Really, if I think about my archetypes of what that is. So there is this very real tradition. And so, you know, the Buddha left his family. He went forth from his family and said no. In order to find the truth, this is what I need to do. I need to leave that. I need to leave, I need to go forth from that. So, we've got some pretty powerful images about what it is to be a true spiritual practitioner, true Darwin warrior. And I don't think yet they really encompass, there's not many images out there of encompassing true spiritual Darwin practitioners with children, you know. And yet, we know that, you know, in the lay life, it is possible to practice. We kind of, people tell us that and we think, yeah, we're just doing so because they're trying to be kind. (laughing) Yeah, you come back to this. (laughing) It is possible. (laughing) And I think, you know, one of the things, one of the first things, you know, when we look at practice is that, you know, pretty much the first stage that you're trying to enter into is tranquility. You know, in order to have access to, you know, our Buddha nature that's just kind of buried. It's present, it's there. But it's buried underneath all of the conditioning. And one of the first prerequisites for that seems to be that we need tranquility. So that some of that, all that business, some of that fog, that ignorance that is there begins to settle, begins to calm down. And so tranquility, compassion, and then insight. So, you know, one of the things, you know, the lay life, the life of children, and the most difficult, the first tumbling block is tranquility, you know, where do you get it, actually? You're certainly in the first sort of 10 years. It's pretty hard to come by. So I think, you know, people just sort of take one look at that, and you know, you kind of fail at the first hurdle. But you don't actually realize that beyond that tranquility phase of the spiritual life, in terms of the compassion, in terms of the insight, there's a lot, there's a huge amount that, you know, can be drawn into. So, I think one of the interesting things is that, you know, I think we're in a time now where it is actually possible more and more for lots of different reasons, historically and socially, and what life, how hard life used to be, and how hard, you know, just domestically like used to be. I think now there's a lot more, you know, we have a lot more time, really, than, you know, in past. So I think it's different conditions now, and I think it is more possible. There is more, there's more available for us to be able to practice within our current conditions as householders, as lay people. And one of the things I find sort of intriguing about the universe and life is that there are, you know, there's so many different gateways in. So if you think about, like, in alternative medicine, you know, there's iridology, and apparently, like the whole of the body, you can kind of read it in an eye, you know, it's got a whole, and then, you know, the whole body, you can look at it, you know, on your foot, and then you can look at it at other places in your ear, apparently, as well. There's a whole of the, you know, you can, all the different organs, you can locate them in your ear. So it's like, in any one part of your body, everything else lives, and I think it's the same, you know, my intuitive sense is that actually, if you keep looking deep enough into anything, everything is there, and I think that's the same with, you know, parenting as a spiritual practice. You know, there's a lot that can put you off it on the surface, but if you keep looking and you keep going deep enough, there is a thousand darmadores, you know, in parenting, in that family life, you know, universe, you know, you can find the universe in a grain of sand then, surely you can find it in the whole of the family life. But, but it's hard, isn't it? It's hard. And the reason why, one of the main reasons that it's hard is that part of practice is about trying to get a perspective, trying to get a big enough perspective on ourselves. If we just get bogged down in thinking that we're this, and that's all we are, you know, we have this perspective and actually what spiritual life is trying to get us to do is trying to get us to see ourselves in a whole different perspective. And what can sometimes keep us bogged down is all the calls from, you know, the present, you know, and in family life, that's a hundredfold, okay? So part of why we go away on the treats, part of why we go, you know, we go away is because we're creating a gap that we can see our habit, we can see how we're, you know, who we're being. So we get this perspective, and that's what we're trying to get, and that's, I think, part of why, you know, lay life as seen as not conducive conditions, 'cause it's hard to create that perspective, it's harder to create that gap. So one of the things that I was been thinking about is, you know, the religious, the Islamic spiritual tradition, they're really not at all keen on the monastic tradition. There is no monastic tradition within the Islamic, in that sense of, you know, a, you know, seeing that the place that spiritual life takes place is somewhere else in the monasteries. And actually, you know, how do you, if you're really not gonna have that space to go away, how do you practice? And the answer is five times a day. If you're really, really serious about creating a bit of distance, a bit of perspective, then, you know, in the midst of family life, in the midst of business, you know, you get a call to prayer. And I think that's interesting as well, because it's almost like you need that when you're really in the midst of being in the world, being in, you know, you need some of this. Hello, that's calling, whoever you are, you know, come out of whatever you're in. I think that's a lot about the spiritual life is about, we're trying to get, we're trying to keep a perspective of who we really are. So, you know, this thing of being called, in call, be interrupted to remember, ah, remember the blue sky. Perfect, let's do three breath meditation. Perfect. (people chattering) - One of my friends did a course, at an inter-faith seminary, and they took on, for three months, practice of five different faiths. And what was interesting, they said, is that as a group, they all said that, you know, they all had to dedicate themselves to these different practices and these different faiths, and they said the most difficult one was the five times a day, stopping. That was actually what they found of all the different things that they found the most challenging, the most difficult. (people chattering) So, one of the ways that I'm trying to develop practice is this, and I sort of start calling it, five portions a day. Five portions a day, not just fruit and vegetables, but five portions a day of remembrance. And how can we, in a day, come back to a sense of broader awareness, a sense of spaciousness, a sense of what the bigger picture really is? 'Cause I think if you can get a big enough picture on anything, all of a sudden, it doesn't seem so bad. It's like, guess what, 13, it's gonna become 14. Guess what, it's not long before something else happens. If we have enough perspective then, the things that we're worried about, the things that we're concerned about, the things that we're gonna feel ourselves narrowing and contracting and tightening around can begin to not seem so, so fraught. So, five times a day can easily be divided, waking up, meal times, and going to bed. And there's three places, three possible places, where we can even if we just stop three breaths meditation. So I'm trying to get five into this talk. (laughs) See if we can get five in in half an hour. Can we get five into a day, and that's the practice. Other places, brush, brush and teeth, shower. There was a period when I had my second child, where I considered my shower as my retreat. I go on retreat every day, into the shower. (laughs) Seriously, this was my retreat. One of the things that occurs is you really, time, doesn't time become totally different when you're a parent, but I'm kind of thinking of quite deeply as well, which is about Shanti. And Shanti often gets translated as patients or forbearance. But if I could translate it in any way, I think I'd translate it as burning. Shanti, that, that. And it's all there in the Buddha's enlightenment, in that his willingness to stay with and be with and turn towards the experience of Mara. Mara's hordes, hatred and greed, he's willing. Now that for me is the image of the Buddha's willing just to stay with it, not turn away from it, not think he shouldn't be experiencing just being with it. And in that being with, you know, my, the way I see it is that if you can truly be with it, it's almost like you're burning off. You're burning off those habits, those kind of habit energies that are, you know, at the moment, kind of predominant in us. The more we can actually sit with an experience without pushing away and just staying open to it, then something else is on the other side of that. So, you know, what we're called, you know, what I'm called to do in parenting is to surrender, it's a practice that just being with, you know, all the ways in which, you know, this doesn't fit in with my plan. Just sit in with that, let it go, let it go. And in that, we have this ability to observe ourselves, to be, to be about awareness. One of the things I was thinking of is also that our children, we can see our children as aspects of our mind, like we're in a meditation and we're the, you know, the broad awareness, the broad, loving, non-personal awareness that just is witnessing all these other aspects of ourselves, wanting, cleaning, craving, you know, loving, all of those things that go on with our children and being able to, you know, be in that, sitting back, being in that awareness and allowing, just allowing, just allowing. And how, you know, what happens then? That's kind of what happens then? It's not like you can predict, it's not like you're doing it in order to get certain yourself, but you're sitting back and just allowing and seeing what happens then, what happens now. And I found that really useful, really useful practice and just, you know, you what if that was the case, what if they just were aspects of our mind? So, there's a lot in parenting in which, you know, we can transform ourselves in a shambhala, shambhala worries, transforming ourselves. What about transforming the world? Isn't staying at home because, you know, parenting doesn't involve a lot of staying at home? You know, isn't that somehow cop out? How is that transforming the world, you know? I mean, obviously we can say, yeah, we'll live with transform ourselves, we transform the world. We're also looking at something a little bit broader than that, some other way of moving out into the world. And I think, you know, partly I think that, you know, we are sowing seeds as practitioners with children, we are sowing seeds in our children. Two years ago, my daughter was watching one of the plays and carrowing one of the children here, he's come for loads, she was in the play for the day and she was the Buddha. She said, I don't know if any of you saw her, she was the Buddha. She sat like this and Mara's horse, two years Mara's horse came, oh my goodness, with branches, with, you know, swords, I mean, they literally threw all kinds of things at home. And she just, she was extraordinary, she just sat there like this throughout the whole thing. And I watched my daughter, who was then three, watching her, and she was just like this. Watching carrowing, being the Buddha, was standing there, it went in very deeply with her. And then just two, two months ago, we were at a different retreat, so obviously parents and children retreat, and they were doing a play. Guess who wanted to be the Buddha? And guess who, guess who sat like this through, Mara's horse went quiet as the one's previously. But she, you know, sat, the seed was in her, there was something in her, she's got that in her, and I think, you know, obviously we just don't know, you know, I'm sure my daughter's gonna come and encounter it in the city. We just don't know, but, you know, I do believe that all these seeds that we're planting, you know, as parents with our children, practising with our children. I'm sure they're having an effect on the world. I'm sure they're having an effect on the world. And I think that trying, I think more and more, I think as more and more, the retreat that I read, led recently at Badrasina, there was a lot of women there who'd already had a very strong spiritual practise, the four coming, yeah, the four being parents. And, you know, my sense is that, you know, there is a kind of, you know, we are trying to come to grips much more with how do we do this? You know, there's kind of more of a dialogue going on at the moment within the Friends of the Western Buddhist Order and within, you know, within mothers and Buddhists and parents. And I do feel it has something to offer because I think there is a real void in current teaching of children at schools, there's a spiritual void. And children love, you know, they really have a sense of the sacred, they really have a sense of, you know, wonder and beauty. And there's very little going on at the moment for children to participate in, to really get a feel for that glimpse of that. And I think by providing these environments, by just having a shrine in your house and other children coming in and, you know, just seeing, you know, my little boy one and a half. (laughs) Seeing something happening. I just think, I think it is, I think it is putting something into the world that maybe not on a very obvious level, but I really do feel that it's bringing something in. And when I go past, I live in Hackney. When I go past, I see the playgrounds and I see the children at playgrounds and how they're being with each other. And there's just so much harshness, so much, so little sense of kind of honoring something. And there's just religion as a paradigm, as lost, it's ability to move or kind of call respect. Forward. But I think, you know, what we're doing here, I mean, I do have a strong sense that that's laying some tracks somewhere in our children. That's laying some tracks so that perhaps if they choose to take up spiritual practice, they've got something there. They've got something already there that, you know, may allow them to go deeper, perhaps, in their lifetime than otherwise. So one thing I've learned a lot for my daughter goes to a Steiner school. And I think there's a lot, I feel I've learned a huge amount about how they do kind of children in a sacred space. It's very, very wonderful. And they rely a lot on rhythm, repetition, reverence and beauty. I think those things are things that, you know, we also provide within the treats, if we can provide that one more within our practice at home with our children. I think that does have a very strong effect. And I think that, you know, obviously the most powerful effect that we have on our children is our own practice, taking our own practice seriously and then seeing us loving it and, you know, being loving, 'cause, you know, as a saying goes, that the spiritual life isn't taught, it's caught. But I think that in, you know, in being kind of mirrors or beacons in some senses, for children, I do think that we are creating the conditions for chambalah warriors to arise in a more strong way. (audience applauds) - We've got about 15 minutes for questions now with Emery Geezer. There's a chance at 4/3 to discuss the themes going more depth and apparently Geezer will be there at 4/3, but he's got any burning questions for Emery Geezer now. - I just asked where the area is. - It's the second on the right. So come out, there's a big red tent. Go past that, there's a white round one. - Okay. - There'll be some shoes outside for me. And also, in the morning, there are two chances to do mind from the meditation of children. A pyrovera is going to tell you about the first one, an 8/30. - Nice and early, 8/30, and unfortunately, the only smother to get, we're going to, I'm going to attempt a workshop, which is going to be what I described as Buddhist meditation for parents. So since he's focusing on meditating for parents, you can bring your kids. I did eat somewhere under five. But they can come along. We'll do a little bit of storytelling with them and then we'll get you to try and do a little bit of meditation with the kids here playing. - Did you say under five? - I do, you know, whatever happens, we talk about chaos, it'll be chaos, but that's fine. - And that's in here. - That will be in here at 8/30. - And then at 9/30. - That's just about two more things. For it to work, I will need a few volunteers who are prepared to give their attention to the children in the second part. So if you're not a parent and you're like kids, please come along. And secondly, if you're coming along with your kids and you've got a few little toys that they might just keep their attention to bring them along as well. - Great. So 8/30, meditations for parents, brackets, bring your children and some toys, and maybe a minder. (laughing) 9/30, mindfulness for children. So Daisy's got this slot in the morning when she's introducing children to the shrine and to our friends. So that's mindfulness for children. Bring your parents. (laughing) - What kind of ages of children? - Any age? - So we're on the age. - It's not only about 10. - It helps to do, it says up to 12 on the program but there were lots of toddlers. - Yeah. - It worked. (laughing) - Is that in here or so? - That's all in here. - Yeah. - Is that happening every day? - Every day, yeah. - I'm sending mine to you, well. Two days. - Yeah. (indistinct chatter) - It's true. - Yeah. - Kids in between kids, yeah. - Okay. - Kids in between kids. - Yeah. (indistinct chatter) - Notice the way that parents and children were completely together with the both of the body and they're not in the theater at all. - Oh. - Oh dear. - They're completely together. - Mm. - And just sit there on the children's okay. (indistinct chatter) - To see them completely together (indistinct chatter) (indistinct chatter) (indistinct chatter) - They're watching with reproduction. (laughing) - While waiting for the show. - While waiting for the show. (indistinct chatter) Okay. So, as I haven't got any questions at all, just points. (indistinct chatter) (indistinct chatter) (indistinct chatter) - Mm. (indistinct chatter) - That song that I signed is one that I learned at Plum Village and at the last retreat, we had it as a kind of mindfulness bell. So whenever we, but we needed it, someone would just start singing and everyone would stop and sing it and it was just really lovely. And a lot of people went home and kind of introduced it into their daily life and bedtime routine as well. Lots of these little things we need to kind of develop them. (indistinct chatter) (indistinct chatter) - We do a three breath, just sing that song again to close. We did three breaths. (indistinct chatter) - You say the words in, out, deep, slow, breathing in. I calm my body, breathing out, smiling, how wonderful is now. ♪ Breathing out, deep, slow ♪ ♪ Breathing in, I calm my body ♪ ♪ Breathing out, I am smiling, how wonderful is now ♪ ♪ Breathing out, deep, slow ♪ ♪ Breathing in, I calm my body ♪ ♪ Breathing out, I am smiling, how wonderful is now ♪ ♪ Breathing out, deep, slow ♪ ♪ Breathing in, I calm my body ♪ ♪ Breathing out, I am smiling, how wonderful is now ♪ ♪ I mean, how wonderful is now ♪ [BLANK_AUDIO]
