DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

DTD - 109 - We are back!

On this week’s episode we have calls from Ms Alliance who’s feeling meaty Blithe Spirit who says it’s all a Greek tragedyJan from Can who wants to know what david knows..Glyn Fullelove who says it’s all gone Gothic Yokelbear who’s found a kindred spirit in JimmusWitherspoon who’s basking and Andrew Horn who’s looking at the facts and figures.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:: 1h 22m
Broadcast on:: 11 May 2016
Audio Format:: other

"My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man, then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laughing at me to this day." Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get a $100 credit on your next ad campaign, go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. Linked-in. The place to be. To be. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said, "What the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood f*ck." So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at Mint Mobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes of details. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. Hi, I'm Sarah Smith. If you're the type of person that goes to Liberty as other people would go on Safari, and the fact that John Lewis doesn't have a funeral service makes you fret, Sarah Smith cleaning plugs are for you, Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's for the posher washer, proud sponsors of Dumtee Dum. It's May the 2nd, and we are in New York, and whenever Dumtee Dumas get together throughout the world, what they do New York Nigel, they sing a song, a Dumtee Dum to be precise. Are you sure? I think so. Could you second that, Beth? I second that. Do you want to third that? I do. Very bad. you though Morgan Morgan and where exactly are we mister with a spoon we are in front of the Norwood Club in New York City so after three [LAUGHTER] One, two, three. [SINGING] [SINGING] [SINGING] [SINGING] [SINGING] [LAUGHTER] [SINGING] [SCREAMING] [CHEERING] [SINGING] [SINGING] Did you meet handsome husband? I did. Well, I've actually met him before. I met him last year. Oh, yeah, when they came over. Yeah, they came over. Because he's Scottish, don't you know. And they met in London about 10 years ago or so. And with a spoon and a handsome husband. So I met Alan and he's an artist. And I went back to Witherspoon's place and was very lovely. Very lovely. And all of Alan's artwork was everywhere. And it was great. We had a lovely time. I met Angus Haggis. Yay, what's it like? Oh, it's like a dog. A little cute dog. And Witherspoon took me on a massive walk, preamble around Manhattan. So we met just north of Soho. And then we went to the Eleanor Roosevelt's house. And then we went over to Roosevelt Island when on the Sky Tram thing, which was all very exciting to go over the East River. And we hung around there. And actually, inadvertently, we walked directly past New York Nigel's church. But we didn't notice his church until he met him later. We went on the High Line walk, which was great. And I spent a whole day with Witherspoon. And it was very lovely. And it was just a great thing to behold. And we ended it by doing a dumdee dum. Yeah. But Lucy. Have you got hay fever or a cold or what? I've got a cold. I've been having this kind of dry coughing for the last couple of days. Oh. I think it's because I was inappropriately dressed one evening in Toronto. It wasn't that cold. It's baking here. It was seven to seven degrees. I heard people were there. My mum said, "Royfield will have missed all this nice weather," she said. Did you tell her that I'm going to California? Yeah. But then she said, "Oh, no, hang on. I bet they'll have some good ones there as well." She realized, but it's not the point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I heard everybody was melting in London yesterday. That sounds absolutely lovely. But anyway, we're getting off the point, Lucy. Because this is all about the arches, not about us. About us needy presenters telling everybody what we've done in the last seven days. But if one of our listeners would like to emulate a dummy dumber of the week, how can they do that? Uh, yes. If you would like to sing a stumpty dumpty dum, give us a plot prediction or attend a police station and give evidence on behalf of your daughter who is up on a murder charge with no legal advice or presence whatsoever, then ring us on 0-2-0-3-0-3-1-3-1-0-5 or leave us a message on Speakpipe. Thanks to Lovey Shampages for our amazing voices, to Cosmo for his podcast, Roundups, and to Sarah Smith for sponsoring us. Um, thank you also, Derek, for learning back bedroom. Derek is knackered. Uh, today he was fighting with that flipping maple. Uh, he had a hell of a struggle putting it up. First of all, it wouldn't go up. Then he couldn't get it down afterwards for hours. But then Artie Cardboard offered to give him a hand and it collapsed in a trice. Ooh. All right. Uh, sorry, you know, you get distracted by social media, don't you? No, but you do. I do. Yeah, I've got a short attention span. I'm sorry Lucy, but you didn't notice that I wasn't really paying attention. Did you? No. Great. On this week's show, we have calls from Miss Alliance. Who's feeling meaty, blind spirit. He said it's all a Greek tragedy. Jan from Cannes, who wants to know what David knows. Glenn Fuller Love, who says it's all gone gothic. Yoko Bear, who's found a kindred spirit in Jimus. With a spoon who's basking and Andrew Horn, who's looking at the facts and figures. But first, before all that, Lucy, I'm surprised we had that many calls. I suppose it is two weeks' worth. Two weeks, yeah. Oh, there you go. Before we get to the calls, let's hear about Lucy V. Freeman and a week in Ambridge. Pip walked into the barn and interrupted her mother having an intimate moment. So embarrassing with working on your mum and drawing a bit of Netflix and chill with a heifer. She's borrowed some more cows from her friend, Ashley's dad. Because Ashley's dad is like really cool. And he said he'd drive her and ask you to the trampoline park and then he'd take it for pizza afterwards. And he never liked nags. Anyway, surprise surprise. He's probably stitched Pip up like a kipper and she's agreed to buy a load of caps on stilts or something. I've become rather fond of Henry since he started referring to his grandmother as Arstula. And that's all I'm saying about a little bit of dust. But what is nice about this storyline is that it has given the BBC radio workshop an opportunity to give all its work, experience technicians, catering staff and runners an opportunity to pretend to be judges, solicitors and barristers. Surely that can be the only explanation. The whole Bridge Farm Brigade is saying it's my fault. Open over again and the whole village is still going. Ooh, isn't it awful? And David said it's hard to even go there. Which is the most un-David-like thing I've ever heard anyone say, let it all David. It would have been worse if he'd said it's hard to even go there, but only a bit. Then Helen rang from the prison for the first time and Tony didn't know where Pat was. She's not going to be trekking through Kuala Lumpur is she, Tony? Bloody hell, she's in the dairy. She's always in the dairy. "We have to be upbeat when we see Helen," said Tony. Okey-dokey. "Who are you going to send then? You haven't been up beat since 1954 when you found half a KitKat down the back of the sofa. Anyway, then Pat went trotting off to the police station to have a heart to heart with Richard Madley without a solicitor or anything, as you do. And as a result, is now witness for the prosecution. Well done, Pat. Have these people never watched Rumpole? Tom's asthma is getting worse, particularly when he went through the shopping list of stuff that arrived at the Shut Shop. Shit shop? No, Shut Shop. Shut, Shut Shop. Johnny isn't a fan of stuff. But that might be due to the out-of-date flapjacks. Tom seems to be pimping Johnny out to other people's farms also, which is slightly weird. Between them they sound like patients in the end beds in a TB ward. While Johnny was unpacking 14 terms of split peas for Pat to make a nice cake, Jazza appeared and went pssst. "You usually are," said Johnny, "but what do you want?" While the pigs were waiting for Jazza to come back, they got bored and had a rave in the poly tunnel. They were glow sticks and rizzlers all over the shop. Talking of Jazza, Jimus unveiled a cowardly streak a mile wide and kept leaping sideways into wheelie bins trying to avoid Jazza, who is very keen to get off Fallon's sofa. Time was, he wouldn't give his I.T. to get on Fallon's sofa, but he wasn't banking on harassment, lying or not eating dead, really dumb, 'cause I'm watching Farman Sam. Anyway, Jazza told her the story about Kenton being puffed at magic, dragon, larious, and Jimus did a complete U-turn and said, "Yes, of course, come back to stop putting your used tissues in the toaster." Lillian's bizarre dread playing dress up with the Dowerhouse continues. Justin says he can show the house off to his friends and relations. That'll be Miranda then, like Pat. Justin exists entirely in a vac who with no external friends or relations at all. Miranda is entirely horrid, predictably, and she gave us a hint that Justin has been caught with his willy in the petty cash before, but Miranda sounds so horrid I could completely understand why, to be honest. Jennifer has gone bonkers and thinks she's found an elf in grotto in the Minnellium wood. Justin's gone bonkers and thinks that a bronze chair is nice. Lillian's gone bonkers and thinks that she's Justin's PA. This was brought home to her rather sharply when Miranda told her to get out her little scribbly pad and get weaving on arranging Miranda's Bikini Wax appointment. Shula is flapping her angel wings and hovering just above telling the truth about Robin the Hunt-Sab. Obviously, this would mean they're admitting that she had told a fibbi-fib to harassment, so that's not going to happen, as this would sully her carefully crafted reputation as an infomaniac booze hound. Joe, described as a genius by Eddy, which is rather like being described as a bit unstable by Sinead O'Connor, suggested that Eddy should offer Lindy Bottom an extended warranty. Lindy bum bum bum told Eddy he could shove his warranty up his bum bum and extend it. Rex has decided to give his eggs a brand new name. Up your arse eggs. Hurrah! I'm surprised he had time to think of anything because of all the sighing he does. There must be a force-nine gale howling through ambridge every time pick gets another text from Matthew. Baggyme was on the hunt for a variable cowl, so that's good. You see, that's the kind of sentence that makes the arches like an unfathomable cult to anyone outside the Brotherhood. Keir is going to the Angela Probert Finishing School to learn dancing on tippy toes, applying fake tan and armed robbery. It should be good at the last one, it runs in the family. The bar section news ever anxious to cover the pressing issues of the day. I wonder if Wayne Foley's moved into Telly is coming out to film the fair buttocks and their chickens in the caravan. And it was the first cricket match of the season. Ambridge were predictably rubbish despite fielding a crack team consisting of Bert and some of the longer legged of the hairfare brothers heads. Anyway, they were beaten by Little Croxley under fives. The end! Oh, I enjoyed it. I was going to say this week. This fortnight, because I missed you last week. I know, it was quite nice having a break and it was definitely having a nice break, not listening to the arches. But how is that possible? Because your arches bonkers, you're not proper arches fanatic. Yes, but whoops, as we established a cool night. Not at the moment. I can't be doing with the stress. But it was nice to have a break and then to listen to it all in one go. So I did two back-to-back omnibuses, omnibre, omnibye, whatever. And it was alright, actually. I could keep it neutral, keep neutral about it. And I haven't had any more bad dreams or anything like that. But I did note that they said "sodding September". I did have a cool case. September! Did you see Nozilla's tweet said "nobody tell Lucy". Let's all just keep it quiet. Yes, my heart did sink somewhat. I'm just kind of hoping, though, that as much as this storyline can, it does somewhat drift off a little bit into the back girl. There's only so much kind of hand-wringing you can have from Pat and all of that malarkey. So let's have Anna Chagarin and that kerfuffle somewhat in the background. And let's get back to the village green, cricket, the fair brothers and naming eggs and things of that, I'll please. And what the grandies are doing. Let's have that up front and centre. Let's have that kind of in the background. And then I suppose, come August, it's going to rear back into... Actually, what am I the hell am I talking about? She needs to have this baby. God, I forgot about that. I think, though, and I think most of that calls this week are about Helen and Rob. That's a surprise. But I do think that it is having the baby that is going to kickstart the storyline again. And it's going to almost kickstart Helen because she is going to discover that in her. And she's going to think, "I am not giving this baby up." But how many times have we said in the past year? This is going to be the thing of which she's going to go... No, we've always said it's either going to be Henry or... Well, we've said before it's going to be Henry. And it was Henry because it was Henry that provoked her into stabbing Rob. That's not quite true, Lisa, because we said at one point it was Kersey coming back, which is going to be the catalyst. Oh, yeah. We've grasped that many a straw. God, yeah. But something's got to make her... Because I can't listen to her do much more of this. Don't know. Can't remember. Don't know. Can't remember. You know, she's not... I know she's... I know she's damaged. And I understand what Bobgan was saying about, you know... About the fact that Rob's now stopped her being able to think for herself because she doubts herself so much. She doesn't even... She can't even... You know, and I get all that entirely. I could completely see how that would happen. But it's... She's logically... She's got to be able to see... This is... Now she's pleaded not guilty. Now she's made that leap between if I plead not guilty, there is a chance that I might get off... And I might get back to see Henry. Once she's made that leap, the other leap should be slightly less humongous because it will be then. So now I've done this, now I have to actually make that happen. So maybe that will be the thing, but who knows? As you said, we've been here before, haven't we? We have. We've been here about 109 other times, Lucy. You know, Miranda. I don't mean the one, the big one, that keeps falling over. Miranda on the arches. That loathsome woman who feels like another caricature. I was going to say, do you get the impression that somebody writing on the arches has a bit of an issue with the older woman? Well... Ursula Miranda and Hazel Woolley. Well... As Yoko Bear pointed out, this hideous triumvirate. Why... Ursula Miranda seemed interchangeable to me. Yeah. Like, they're actually the same person. I hope, I hope, I hope, I hope that, you know, she does get somewhat... Well, I care for a not a jot because I care for a husband, not really a jot either, to be honest with you. I think he has been shoehorned into this to provide a little bit of a free song interest for Lillian. Yeah. You know, he came into this as the big baddie. You know, he's going to ball those and tarmac over the whole village. That has now been somewhat changed. And all, and I, but I don't specifically care for him, let alone his wife. But then again, I've said that about Marjorie Andrew-Bress when she came into this in the 80s and they said this about Linda Snell. So you do end up loving these characters. Yeah. Yes. Unless it's Darryl. No one ended up liking Darryl. [laughter] Or Clive Horror Bin. You know, there are some exceptions to the rule, but fundamentally, you know, all this flat that the fair brothers are having. You know, whereas I think we can clearly see that there is a difference between the two and people are slowly starting to come round to Rex, even though it's a bit wet. Yeah. You know. Big wet Rex. Yeah. [laughter] So, yes, caricature women. Yeah. I think it's slightly unfair to say that they're all caricatured, because arguably, all those people on the BL board are all just like Justin. They're all sound a bit kind of posh and two-dimensional, you know. And yet they have- And we have not Carol Toboggan, who is the big difference there. Yes, exactly, exactly. So, but yeah, I hope she just shuffles off rather quickly because she's somewhat tight. Did you hear the thing about, I hope we're not going to go through it like last time? Yes. Did you, yeah. And I thought, ooh, what's that then? So, it must have been somebody younger, because that's why she said, couldn't you do anything better than couldn't you get more better? Yes. She's a bit old. [laughter] Less Lillian. Oh, when she was sitting there. Have you got your little scribbly pad? I felt so sorry. Lillian has never been near a scribbly pad in her life. [laughter] He wrote it down the back of a packet of B and H. [laughter] How yellow do you think that chair really was? Animate's that dark corner. [laughter] Like glow-in-a-dark nuclear fusion yellow. [laughter] He brought in for to animate Lillian's dark corner. That's why he's there. Steady. [laughter] People have been tweeting about you and your smot Lucy. Have they? Again? Well, no. It's the same one. Yes. [laughter] But anyway. Enough about us. Enough about us and let's hit those phone lines. [phone rings] [phone rings] [phone rings] [phone rings] [phone rings] [phone rings] [phone rings] [phone rings] [phone rings] Hello, Ambridge 3962. Whose first Lucy Lee Freeman? Is the Alliance? Oh, I love her. Who is beating up a beef stroganoff in her Albion? Actually, we might shove her together, if you don't mind, Miss Alliance, with Blind Spirit, because they're both pretty much said the same thing. Good evening again, Damjidam. It's Miss Alliance here from Deepest Suburbia. I'm in my lovely kitchen again. Tonight's menu is beef stroganoff. Let me first apologize to all the vegetarians. I'm very sorry. We do tend to be a bit meaty here. Now, at risk of repeating myself and indeed Lucy B. Freeman's wonderful monologue last week, I'm getting really fed up with this. Why did I start listening to the arches every night? Because I don't have time to watch television. I'm usually cooking the evening meal. I can do that with the arches on in the background, as many people do. So, in fact, the arches is a docudrama that can take one out of oneself for 15 minutes, out of the trauma, the hassle, the general grind of having small children and day-to-day existence and misery. The arches is very grim at the moment, isn't it? I, for one, am not being taken out of my day-to-day life. It's making me glummer and glummer. More and more people are saying to me on the Twitter's and on Facebook, and just generally, actually in life, that they no longer wish to listen. It seems to be losing listeners in drones. And whilst I totally and fully understand that this is, they're trying to have a realistic portrayal, both of Helen in her post-traumatic stress situation, and of the way that the criminal justice system can treat women who've been abused, and of the drip effect of mental cruelty and domestic abuse and coercive control. All of that I totally understand, and I still have a huge amount of respect for the people the script writers for doing this. Having said this, having said this, it's grinding me down to the state that now I absolutely dread it coming on. Bye! Hello, Dunty Dumplied Spirit calling. I'm calling in on Wednesday the 27th of April, and this is a day after hearing Lucy's spectacular diatribe on the show, and I have to say Lucy, I could not agree more. I think this is something that many of us have been dealing with for some considerable time, and it's not a question of feeling like we can't bear to listen to this anymore. It's more a question of the show is actively putting us off. And I also agree with New York Nigel, thank you for that wonderful exposition of how things are right now. The fact is that the archer's has never been devoid of high drama. There's always been big storylines going on, but the point is that they've been dealt with within a cohesive whole, within a complete dramatic universe. There's been a very strong sense of other people and other stuff going on at the same time. The problem that we've got with this particular storyline, which shall not be mentioned, is that it is so massively overshadowed, everything else, that the things that we normally love and feel reassured by in the arches, such as the curtains in the village hall or Lindage Shepherd's Hut, or the small everyday stuff that keeps a universe ticking over, now feels so completely ridiculous and trivial by comparison that the whole thing is utterly out of whack. I stopped listening last Wednesday when I basically could not deal with Pat and Tony anymore. I mean, Pat has just been completely ridiculous at the moment. The whole thing has reached the proportions of Greek tragedy. I'm fully expecting her to put out her eyes and go wandering off into the wilderness instead of finding some bloody cajonas and actually getting on with it. This actually put me in mind of something that you Lucy said a little while back about parents and the primal urge to protect your young, and that's something that I don't detect in Pat or Tony right now. And one thing that they're not doing is asking a very small but significant question, A of the situation and B of the Dark Lord, and that's this. What the hell have you done to my daughter? Anyway, that's my two penith, I'm going to be very British about the whole situation and go make myself a nice cup of tea, so that's it. Cheers now, bye. Hello to all Dunty Dhammas everywhere, this is Glen. Best of luck with your new ventures across the pond royal field, hope everything goes very well for you. Lucy last night in the last show said that she thought things had been going wrong in the archers since they got rid of Darryl packing him off in a quite hasty manner. I'm not so sure about that, but I would pinpoint the moment when the Robin Helen storyline started going slightly awry for me, which was when Ursula was revealed as being in cahoots with Rob from that moment, started moving away from what was a serious storyline about domestic violence into a Gothic horror show. It's now got to the point where I feel we've got archers A, which is the Robin Helen Gothic horror show, and archers B, which is everything else. And when you're listening to archers A, it's compelling, it's very depressing. When you're listening to archers B, you think it sounds like, feels like, very, very bland, very, very boring, and you want to get back to archers A, even though that is grim and unremitting. If you get an episode where you've got both, I feel at the end, I've had five minutes of drama, and eight minutes or so of aimless wittering. Right, keep up the good work. Hope you hope to hear the next podcast soon. The trumpet, it's exactly, I think it's Blind Spirit that says this, that's exactly it. For decades now, I have loved, you know, the wingle ticket and the maple and the bunting and the, and all the flarenprod you show and all the things about you go Oh, for goodness sake, and be secretly quite happy. But now they just look ridiculous. Now they look, because it's offset against this, this, this Bronte melodrama. Right, you've got, you know, the mad woman, mad woman in the asylum, having the baby and the evil husband and his evil autocratic mother and blah, blah, blah. Now they just look as absurd, that those other things have been made to look now as absurd as people that don't like the arches always say Oh God, all they do is, you know, twaddle on about flowers and crops and, you know, who's got the maple sort of thing. And, and I don't, and that makes me feel very, very protective of the arches because those are the bits that you could bizarrely actually get some drama in you didn't need huge great, you know, fantastical stories but now we have got huge great Gothic fantastical stories, and they're making the nice bits just look a bit weedy and they're not weedy. They're the small leatherman you shy the people love. So I don't, I don't like it that that the monster storyline has sort of slowly rolled over everything and flattened it and left it looking all a bit dented and bashed. I agree. I'm, I always agree with Blight spirit. And for once I agree with you here, Lucy Freeman is that we've talked about the emotional weight that the storyline has had on the listeners we've talked about the how the fleshing out of these two central characters Robin Helen is disproportionate compared to, you know, longstanding characters that we've had for 20, 30, 40 years, let alone the newer ones. And my worry is that going forward because let's be honest about it. This, the storyline's got on the front of the daily mail. It's got in every little bit of media. So you can with the Kardashians doing something else that day. Exactly. Kanye West hadn't thought of something ridiculous to say the day when the, you know, Helen stabbed Rob. You can clearly see that the script writers of the arch is all, let's say the new script ready to come in in. It's going to clearly say, haha. Right. This program is a national treasure. And we can use it as a vehicle to get issues out there, issues in in in parentheses, which excites Midland, which gets press, which acts as a way of marketing the show. So, yes, there will always be a single wicket and there will always be a flower and project show and there will always be a Christmas panto, but those will be shoehorned in and around a big storyline. Did you see the, did you see that article in the telegraph yesterday? Nope. That the next big storyline is going to be Brian wanting to give the farm to Rory and to bypass Adam and that's going to be the next big Gothic storyline. How did they know? Well, go have a look at the telegraph, Google telegraph and archers. It's there. Now, let's just say that that's spurious and it's not going to happen. Let's just say, but go back to my previous point. If you've put together this storyline and it's been put together masterfully, forget whether we agree that it was right for the show or not. It's been an absolute juggernaut in terms of media exposure. That is going to be like catnip to the new. Hang on one sec. It's all right. Well, this Williams just come in and his first sats exam today. So, how did it go? Just tell me. Fine. It feels a lot easier. Was it? Oh, excellent. Was it literacy? And you think you did okay? Brilliant. Well done. Were you nervous? Did anyone cry? Oh, no, who cried? Oh, no, did she? Oh, bless her. Well, she thought she would, didn't she? Oh, okay. Well, that's fab. Well done. Go and have a treat. I'll come down to see you in a bit. Sorry, carry on. First exam ever. That's all right. That's all right. I hear academies for all have been shelled. Correct. Academies for none. Well, no, still still. Some will be going to Academy. Okay. You started. I could have a proper rant about the educational system. Anyway, so it's going to be like catnip to the new editor coming in to say we need to follow this model. Yeah. Oh, so we're just going to lurch from drama to drama. And well, this is a drama. You mean? No, no, what I mean. I mean, from one overwhelming overarching overbearing storyline to another, which acts as like an eclipse. Why can't they stick this? And why can I hear myself back on the mic? Don't know. Why can't they stick this storyline on average extra? Because people, like you said, the hated average extra. Yeah, but people like me also hate this storyline. So then we wouldn't have to listen to it. And the sort of people that like the average extra others to people that go, Oh, I really enjoying this. No, I like to average extra and I don't like it. Oh, right. Except you then. You always have to be the flipping blip on the charts. Don't you? There's different. I do agree, though, that. Well, that was the whole point of man rejection, wasn't it? To look at relationships in the wise possible sense, but story lies in the relationships around them in much more detail. So you had Kent and Jolene going off to New Zealand, etc. You had Matt and Lillian over in Russia and in Sarajevo, wherever the hell they were in the in the Balkans beforehand. You know, it was the whole point of it. And then we had Alice in Chris in Southampton. And I really enjoyed that storyline. I agree with you for once. For twice Lucy. For twice I agree. Limey. Goodness. The Roy Ford and Lucie Accord, this episode. You've clearly had much too much danger. Maple syrup on my day in this. But hello, Glenn. It is very lovely to hear from you. We haven't heard from you for a while. We haven't. But he says absolutely right. It's making the other storylines sound bland. And that is that is exactly the word. It's like swapping. You know, you know Fox News is all kind of, oh my God, we're all going to die. It's like it's like switching from Fox News to Look East and back to Fox News. Look at you. Does absolutely. Meanwhile, a polar bear at Norwich Zoo has got its foot stuck in a railing. We're all going to die. You know, that's what exactly. Who's next? Dan from Ken. Hello, Lucy, Roy Field and Millie Bell, and all Dumpty Dumbers everywhere. It's John Mitchell calling in from Canada Land with a couple of quick comments. First, let me say that I am with you, Lucy. I am now at the point where I have to hit the fast forward whenever I hear even a hint of the Dark Lords or his mother's voice. Thankfully, though, I'm not having nightmares, so my heart goes out to you, Lucy. I think you're wise to take a break. Lastly, I know that we're all disgusted at Shula's lack of integrity in not coming forward with what she knows. But if we've forgotten David, who has a very good idea of what happened at the culvert on the flood night. This is normally a time when misfortune galvanizes most close-knit families into action. But what are the archer's clans doing? Staying in their own safe, happy little corners, making sure their livestock are fed and their lays are being laid. I'm baffled by it all, and I admit, I don't know enough archer's history to make sense of it. Perhaps Lucy or Royfield or a wise, empty dumber will have an insight for me. Well, that's all for now. Bye, everyone, and all the best on your move, Royfield. Now, I can't remember this, Jan. What happened on culvert night, the night of the culverts? Because she says David knows something. He knows more than he's letting on about Rob's behaviour on the night of the culvert. Well, he knows, or at least he heavily suspects that he blocked it up and that he sent away Stepan. He knows this, doesn't he? Because he investigated it through the, and I forget. Well, there was some part of his purview of being a parish council. Oh, yes. So why is he saying nothing then? She's right. I mean, she says they've all sort of closed ranks. And, oh, isn't it awful? Bolt's door. You know, we're glad it's not happening to us though. It's all gone a bit, I'm all right, Jack, isn't it? And, you know, David sort of cycled. He appeared to be cycling around just a bit old. It was like a very strange noise of a squeaky tie in the background. And squeaky wheel. And he said, you know, when people say, I know there's nothing I could do, but would you like a shepherd's pie or something like that? And it's like, there's nothing I could do, but would you like some silage? And Tom came over all unnecessary and said, oh, no, we can't ask you for that. It's too much as if he was offering to give him half his kidney or something. But yes, apart from offers of silage, everyone's kind of giving them a wide berth, really, seems to be. Schueller's gone very quiet because she knows what he's really like. David has huge suspicions. He's gone really quiet. It's all just, oh, well, yes, Helen. Helen was always a bit difficult. Wasn't she anyway? Moving on. To be fair to Schueller in her silence. Schueller has been silent ever since the incident. She was uncomfortable about it. Well, it just merges herself by telling the police that he, that the saboteed David for a pity Rob first. And then Rob, you know, rescued her with that, with a bribery incident cut the munchback. So, but this is a drama. And as much as we hate to admit it, there is somewhat of a formula to successful dramas. All these incidences, if, you know, need to be played out, don't they? So at some point, whether it is when Rob gets everything that's coming to him, it'll either be, oh, yes. And there was this incident in that incident, which would be somewhat weak. And what it should happen is that it proceeds that by, you know, him. Well, Dan had said, well, then must be thinking, my God, what a shower I am looking after here. I've got a defendant. Not at all. Because I think one of the things that's been very instructive for me was she absolutely knows that the mentality of a woman that has been abused. And she very clearly said that, didn't she? She said that she's still acting in a way to get kind of Rob's approval. Yeah, that was fascinating, wasn't she? She's actually trying to do the thing that will make him that she would want her to do, even when it's absolutely against him. Absolutely, absolutely. So, so, yeah. So, and I've forgotten what the hell I'm thinking about. Sorry, I interrupted you. You did. I have, I've had a, I've had a bit of a brain fart and I've completely forgotten the hell I'm talking about. Oh, you said, because I said that she must be wondering who the hell this shower of loonies is that she's representing because they're, you know, Helen won't say anything. No, Pat, every time she opens her mouth, it's only to say to the police. Oh, yes, she was totally unstable. Oh, yes. What can I just say? Can I just say, I completely understand that if your door, if your offspring stab somebody in the guts, right, and he's on the charge of attempted murder, it's going to send your brain a bit do lally. Well, I don't, I cannot accept that a woman with Pat's fortitude, general fortitude and general kind of common sense nurse would then march herself off to a police station to talk really nearly about anything. Yeah. I'm sorry, but that's just a leap too far. If it was Clary. Yeah. Yes. I hope line and sinker, I would buy that. And also, it's not like the police have been lovely to Helen so far, but Pat has seen the police behaving quite kind of briskly with Helen and not telling them what's going on and all this stuff. So, it's not like she thinks of the police as, you know, like, I'm trying to think who would. Shuler would sort of think of the police as beyond reproach, you know, of course they don't mean any harm. They're the police. Shuler would sort of think of the police as beyond reproach, you know, of course they don't mean any harm. They're the police. They're the establishment. No, Pat is anti-establishment. She always has been. Absolutely. But you'd be much more suspicious of the, you know, of whoever is in power in any situation to just blindly assume that everyone's there to make things better for her. And there is absolutely no way that Anna Chagarin would not have said to her, you do not speak to anybody without at least telling me you're going to speak to them first. Just beyond belief, as I said, if this was Clarie, if this was Susan, et cetera, I'd go. Susan, because Susan's been banged up, hasn't she? She knows. Yeah, by Neil, and the law. I'll just put some Chile on. She's been there and she's kind of, you know, she's, she knows what. I mean, who have we got? Who's who's who's legal? Oh, we've got Miss Mids City, haven't we? Would the police, wouldn't the police say to Pat, you know that? I only know this. Thankfully, I only know this from things like the bill. But don't they say, you know, do you want us to listen to present? I mean, would they, would they have allowed Pat to just come in and gobble? Well, they would have because, you know, in terms of the procedural, they've got this, they've got this all sorted. So, yes. But I just do not believe, right? As a personalization. You know, if this is your son, as, you know, run over somebody on his bicycle, you know, and you get called to the police station to say something, fair enough, right? You don't get, you don't need a solicitor for that. I was like, attempted murder. I'm not speaking to anybody without a brief. Yeah. Nobody, nobody who's got any ounce of whip of sense about them would go and do that, let alone Pat. Yeah. You know, because as you rightly said, Pat comes from the position of not trusting authority. Yeah. She didn't even trust Brian and he's a brother. Because he's got money, you know, and power and therefore he doesn't trust him. And she went, went Tom and, and Krusty were, were, were busted for trampling all over the GM crops. She was all rah, rah, rah. And on their side, not the police, but with Helen, it's almost like this is, there's a definite part of Pat that believes Rob. Mm-hmm. There really is. And I don't know whether I'll be able to forgive her after all this. I'm sure she'll be distressed about that, but you know, you can't, you can't make a nominate without breaking eggs for it. What can I say? Imagine a character is going to be crossed with me. Ah, anyway. Right. Next, Yoko Bear. Mm. I got a brand new pump on my armister and I'll give you the deal. Hello, dumb stomachs. Yoko Bear here calling from Yoko Shire. I'm not really going to talk about that story. Like Lucy, I've, I've had a bit of an issue with listening to the archers. I just, hmm, I just, I've been mainly kind of not listening to it and then having podcast binges just to catch up. The one thing I'm going to say about that story, the story that shall not be named, is Tony for crying out loud? Well, to just start getting angry, please, everything seems to be, oh, it'll be all right. Everything, you know, oh, well, what can we do? What have you, Christ's sake's man. Get angry. It's your daughter. I mean, God, I'm really beginning to get annoyed by Tony at the moment. But one thing I did love, I have loved, and then maybe this was because I've been catching up. This may have been the week before, but Jazza and Jim are spacked together. Oh, they should have their own series. I just think it's wonderful. They're just pairing of them. The kind of chalk and cheese odd couple is just marvellous. And I've always had a bit of sympathy for Jim because Jim's, I love the fact that Jim surrounds himself with books. And I'm the same. My family call me the one with book learning. But Jazza, yeah, I know he was an absolute git about what he said, but he doesn't really mean it, does he? It's just his brain doesn't engage sometimes, but essentially he's a really good person. But talking about people who aren't good people, Miranda, God, are you sure she's not related to Ursula? Or indeed Hazel Woolie? Are they all related in some ways? God, she's awful. Couldn't stand Miranda. So, Team Lillian kicking in here. Still that man, Lillian, because you're so much better for him. OK, then, bye. Why isn't Tony angry? I agree. I don't think I could have even, I mean Ursula, Ursula, sorry, comes to the door, and they're all like, "Oh hello, come in, I've made coffee." I'd be like, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'd be like, ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Tony's just going, "Oh, don't worry. Probably all turn out alright. It's fine." You know, have a cup of tea pack and have a lie down, you'll be fine. Um, and yes, the Jazz-a-rejim-a show. Yes, that's lovely, isn't it? Jazz-a-ring-jim-us. I don't know if it is lovely. I think jim-us is being a bit of an evil bastard at the moment. Evil, why? Because he says that Jazz-a can't move back. No, he said he can now. Oh god, how many episodes have I behind this? When did he say that? Um, they met up in the ball, and he was trying to- What day was that Lucy? Sorry? What day? Oh, no idea. Oh god, I missed the key episode. The last episode that I heard regarding them pair, Jazz- That's what you're still alive, it's not- Yeah, um- Nigel was just at the bottom of the ladder. No, no, Lucy. There was- um- Jim was in the pub, and Jazz-a had gone in there, and Jim had, oh yeah, I think I've got to go now to Kenton. Yeah, no, and then- But Shuler wouldn't let him go, and said, no, you're going to stay there, and speak to Jazz-a. Oh, so there's- there were two pub scenes then, because this is the one where Jim did duck out. Yeah, and then- and then Shuler sort of corralled him back in again, and said, you stay there and sort it out. And, um, because Shuler is obviously the queen of facing the truth, and saying unpalatable things. Ha-ha, and uh, it- I think Jimus was going to attempt to be quite sort of bullish with- with- with Jazz-a and say, no. But then- but then- Jazz-a told him this hilarious anecdote all about Kenton being the dragon and, um, uh, uh, Jolene looking. Do you know what I was going to say? Joyfield then, as if I'd made up another character, which was half you and half Jolene. Jolene wearing, um, uh, her armour, and that she looks sexy and all that. And then they were all laughing away, they were. And, um, and Jimus said, oh, all right, then you can come back. But you have to be tidier, and he said, oh, all right then. All right, well, all that will give be cut out of the show, because we know people know that I've actually missed vital episodes. You only missed a bit of one, I think. Mm, still I missed it, though. It's bad, bad, loosing. But you have flown across the world, and chat? Yeah, and there's also a thing called the interwebs with podcasts that be said of the archers. Is that- absolutely no excuse. If you- if you set yourself up to do an archer's podcast, you know what I mean? I used to listen to the archers at some point. Exactly, exactly. No people are, and things like that. Mm, I'm somewhat behind on things, and for that, I need a slap wrist. Okay. Right, um, who's next? Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling, toss salads, and scrambled eggs. Massive. Greetings Lucy, Royfield, Millie Bell, and all Dunty Divers around the world. It's with Spoon and Angus Haggis here, still basking in the warm glow of Dunty Dum Friends, gathering for a lovely dinner in New York City. I hope that Angus on an "I" were proper hosts, at least better than Miranda Elliot would have been if she hosted a party for the archers and Grundes. Just a few observations of the last week. I already had a Twitter rant about how stupid Pat was to talk with the police without, as we say on the side of the pond, lawyering up. But I do feel sorry for her. I'm very happy, and of course, not at all surprised, that Helen pleaded not guilty. There were wonderfully acted scenes by both Louisa Patikis and William Troughton, who placed Tom. Last week, of course, we were all devastated when Rob won custody of Henry. But that's what set up Tom convincing Helen to plead not guilty when he emotionally said that Henry would be lost to Rob, if Helen went to prison. One question, what if Helen filed for divorce from Rob? As he only has stepfather rights, would he be able to keep Henry if the marriage was dissolved? It's a long shot, I know. And a bit of foreshadowing by Ms. Anna Tragorin, when she said that as a barrister, she asked to see both sides of an argument, if only to be able to demolish one of them. I love that line and look forward to her demolishing Rob on the stand. I'm still obsessed as to why Helen can't get bail. I have lots of friends from university who went on to law school, and I've been asking them if it would be different here. One of my college roommates wrote to me, "I don't believe bail could be denied here to prevent a defendant from influencing a witness. A defendant has a constitutional right to bail, in most cases, set at an amount sufficient to assure her appearance in court." So now we know the trial is set for September. It's going to be a long summer Angus and Dumtee Dimmers. But we'll talk again next week, after hopefully a more optimistic seven days. Hey baby, I hear the blues are callin' toss salads and scrambled eggs. Mercy. With a spoon. Yes, exactly. Why is Pat speaking a legal team without any advice? And I did, yes, I was so pleased with Tom for saying to Helen, you know, come on, just think about, think strongly, think how you're going to fix this, think how you got to sort of move forward and everything. And he seemed to be the only person that could get through to her. And actually, I think it was a bit of a blessing that Rob that Pat couldn't go, because she'd have just sat there going, "Oh Helen, are you eating all right?" And it would have been, you know, Helen would have gone, "Of course I am, I hate you!" And then that would have been that. Yes. So that was very good. And with a spoon, I'd never thought why doesn't Helen divorce Rob? Immediately. I mean, surely, I know, you know, infidelity and unreasonable behaviour and also stabbing in the lower bowel. Surely there should be, there's probably a category for that, as divorce, isn't there? Yeah, of course, they wouldn't do it. Yeah, as Joe Brand says, "The quickest way to a man's heart is not through his stomach, it's straight through his rib cage with a hacksaw." Not that we know anything about anything that comes to things legal. That could somewhat, prejudice is probably the wrong word, but give the whole thing somewhat of another slag, couldn't it? And it's not going to prevent him from being the legal guardian. Or whatever the expression is of Henry. So it's not going to forestall that. Doesn't mean that it's not. No, it doesn't supersede that. Because, you know, because in biological fathers, when they get divorced from their, you know, from the mother of their child, then don't have no rights to the children, do they? No. No. So it's not going to preclude that for now. And also, if any of our listeners, any of them know where Jess is, could they please get in touch and give her Anna Trigoran's number? Because this is the only way this bloody thing is going to be sorted out. I think it's going to show some pride. It's going to be much more than Jess, isn't it? Sure. But Jess is all she's got unless we discover another wife. Or that, whatever his name is, Stefan comes back from Ruritania, wherever he lives, and he says, yes, it was me, shoved up the culvert. He made me shove himself up in my own culvert. Yes. Right. So that's with a spoon dealt with. Is it now time for Andrew Horne? It is. In his facts and figures. It is. Bless him. Greetings Earthlings. Andrew Horne here. I have a message for Bridge Farm for Pat, Tony, and Tom. I am worried about your finances. Obviously you have other things on your mind. And I think you need to take some firm action. It may seem cruel, but the way to proceed, you're not going to reopen the shop for a while. You're paying Rob statutory sick pay, and now that Ursula has pointed it out. But the only safe way to get him off the farm for good is to make him redundant, and Helen redundant as well, because he will come back and say they're on a job share. There's no likelihood of you opening the shop, so that's a good reason. So you need to move forward and do this. I don't know what your contracts are, but most contracts, as far as Helen's part, most contracts will time in prison. And we'll get you out of that one. When the dust has settled a year or so down the line, you want to reopen the shop. That's fine. You can reinstate Helen, but you need to move swiftly. Otherwise he will be a thorn in your side and keep coming back for more money. So please get on and do it. I know it's a bit grim and it's not my usual style, but there we are. And I'm just going to finish with a shout out to Sarah, who is the sister of a former colleague and dear friend of mine who I gather has started listening and joined the Mary Band of Dunty Dumber. So welcome Sarah and hope you're enjoying it. Bye. Yes, he says they have to make Rob and Helen both redundant. For reasons that... This is the farm shop. Yeah, because it basically it's been shut forever now, hasn't it? It's been shut for ages. And orders keep coming up and then they're eating all the orders. And it's all very, very, very bad. So that ping then, that was my notification that Pamair's is on tour. I just thought you'd like to know. Anyway, so they should be redundant, be made redundant. Can you make some? Oh, I don't know. We've got bigger things to worry about, quite frankly, Andrew, over whether or not they're going to make their yearly whatever it is. Oh, can we do emailer in there, Russ? Oh, let's do that. This is Susan Carter's report on finances of the shop, bridge farm shop, or rather the community shop and post office. Yeah, it was sent to, again, in the era. This was a very early draft, he says, from Susan. "Survivably the average village community shop depends on the extensive volunteer involvement of local residents. Mrs Kathy Perks and Mrs Archer, who have set it all up have not been in the shop since we reopened in the village. Indeed, the latter has devoted her energies for opening a farm shop, which was supposed to be organic, but now competes with us. However, we are doing a lot better since it closed rather unexpectedly recently, and we are currently doing a lot more business. We need customers to use the resource and more volunteers as they're having to provide additional coverage. Mrs Pat Archer is unable to carry out her normal duties due to very old family problems. And the discussion form on the village website has removed the essential communication role provided by the shop. Some may call it gossip, but I know it was essential to share village knowledge. After all, I was able to assist PC Burns with his inquiries of information concerning Helen's eating disorders, and later tell Mrs Ursula Tichenner what a good man her son is in taking on young Henry. So we are staging a comeback, as you could never post that on the internet. The business continues to lose money, and we need to look for much higher sales. I say use it or lose it. If the latter, that will mean that Hazel Willy can make a lot of money. None of us want that now, do we? Signed Susan Carter. Thank you very much, Susan. Pam has a brilliant plot prediction that I like a lot. Okay. You ready? I'm braced. Braced, right. Okay, some of this bear with, as they say on that bloody program, plot prediction. Jazzy will shortly be studying classics at the OU while unemployed, because of his, you know, this sort of fast track of a classics degree that Jimus has got him on. Harrison Burns will wake up and join some dots on Rob. Rob's relationship with Fallon could not have been sunshine and roses. Miles will prove to be gay, hence the occasional odd comments about him from Rob and Ursula, and during his visit will get upset at his treatment at BHC, go for a pint and spill the beans on his brother to Adam and Ian in the bowl. I like that. I like that. Because they've been so quiet, we haven't heard from Ian for ages, have we? I mean, I know that's, we haven't heard from any ages books. Criminally underused considering what the, this main storyline is. Yeah, but that, that would make an absolute sense in terms of their somewhat guarded way. They say, well, he is still your brother. You know, as if there's something slightly wrong with him. Anyway, let's start, that was talking, talking, talking, talking. You got any more email or emails? I have, Libby, she wants to know, this is Lillie Libby, who's only just started listening. She's, she's only 13, I think. She said, why is Justin trying to make the citizens of Ambridge like him? She said, as a new, dumpedy dumber, she doesn't understand. And she says, I think that Justin is actually getting tired of Lillie, and the little bit at the start of the Tuesday episode of the impending re-entrance of the now silent Miranda. I feel like Lillie is being pushed aside. Well, I did think that, Libby, but then, but then they were got all lovely dovey at the dinner, didn't they, on Friday? I think it was. And they were taking the Mickey out of Miranda together. And it's basically a sort of a charm, that's a, that's the charm version. You're too blessedly young and innocent to understand this. Of my wife doesn't understand me. When you, when you get older and a man says to you, my wife doesn't understand me, Libby, what that actually means is my, my wife understands me much too well. Yes, so I was with you up until I was with, I agreed with you. And then I heard that Friday episode, and then, and then he's all over Lillian. And he sort of started to slag off Miranda, which is a good sign that, that Miranda is about to be cheated upon, I believe. Well, going back to Miranda's initial question, you know, why is he trying to make the village like him? Libby's in this question. Sorry, I said Miranda, didn't I? Yeah. Sorry, Libby, sorry about that. I think because it's kind of human nature, the reason why he's trying to get the village to like him is because he is a businessman of means, and he has plans for the village. And it's quite simply, it's PR, and his plans for the village go somewhat wider than just Ambridge in and of itself, hence the wanting to sponsor Bortuse a woman of the year, etc. It helps to grease the, you know, the path of business to have people who are disposed to you and to make connections with people. So from a business point of view, it makes complete enough sense to go on a charm offensive. You know, and that, you know, that's on a business sense. And also purely on a human sense, you don't, you know, wander into a village and go, "Fack you to everybody, do you?" I don't give a toss. It's just a human natural response, actually, to put your, you know, put your best foot forward and actually try and make friends with people. And also, Libby, I don't know if you remember, but when Justin first came to the village, the way they welcomed him was by-- So, you know, he probably picked up then, a little bit, a little bit of negativity here. Yeah, somewhat of a controversial entrance into the world of Ambridge. Yes. Hill the witch. Yes, that's all. Oh, and next email from Paul Robinson from Neighbours Assembly. And it's headed Percy Filth. Do you remember Percy? Yes. Yes, he says, "Hello, first of all, I started listening to the arches in the early '80s. I well remember Walter and Nelson Gabriel and the wine bar and the antique shop. Anyway, to the point, the first time I heard the phrase "Percy Filth" was in the 1970s TV sitcom, The Lovers with Richard Beckinsale and Paula Wilcox. All the best, I keep the good work. Paul, and he's even putting a clip from The Lovers with Richard. I did see that clip. That's what my granny probably got it from. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you for that. Keys off. Somebody always knows, don't they? Absolutely. You have a knowledgeable bunch of listeners. Oh, no, amazing. And that's it for the e-rails and the cholera rinderers. Great, right. Let's take five. Let's have a quick sajourn to drink camp coffee, cups of tea, whatever. Beneline. Yeah, yeah, I'll be having some Beneline with a bit of maple syrup, because I'm in Canada. And we'll see the other side with a touch of millie belts. And then it'll be tweets of the last 14 days, I suppose. I've just seen that review, sorry. It's awesome, isn't it? Yep, made me smile for, let's put that in. Oh my god, it's the coolest thing ever. Hey guys, have you heard of Goldbelly? Well, check this out. It's this amazing site where they ship the most iconic famous foods from restaurants across the country anywhere nationwide. I've never found a more perfect gift than food. They ship Chicago deep dish pizza, New York bagels, main lobster rolls, and even Ina Garden's famous cakes. Seriously. So if you're looking for a gift for the food lover in your life, head to goldbelly.com and get 20% off your first order with promo code gift. The holidays are a time to feel and create joy. And what could be more joyous than the look on her face as she unwraps a stunning new jewelry piece from Blue Nile? How about getting 50% off your purchase? Blue Nile offers premium quality priced below traditional retail. Their online experts are available 24/7 to answer any questions. And make sure you've picked the perfect gift. For a limited time, you can get 50% off at Blue Nile.com. That's 50% off at Blue Nile.com. Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at midmobile.com/switch, whatever you're ready. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of city tales. Listener all will be revealed at the end of the show. It's the story of a cultural superpower that danced and sprinted its way to success. It brought the world reggie, calm power, rasters, hip hop, Bob Marley much more. Its story is told to you in full color for your podcasting years. It's the story of how Jamaica conquered the world. Search for it on iTunes. How Jamaica conquered the world. It's probably the best least known podcast and podcast on. Search for it today. 1914, June, Sarajevo, the heir to the throne of Austria-Hungary, Archduke Franz Ferdinand, assassinated, killed by a Serbian nationalist. About six weeks later, World War breaks out. Germany, Austria-Hungary, Russia, France, Britain. Everyone is drawn into its starting in August, and then will America be drawn in? Listen to the first show exclusively on Mixcloud Today and subscribe to us on iTunes beginning January. The 18th. From Washington to Obama. 10 American presidents. The new podcast from Royfield Brown. Do you have a national trust sticker on your car? Do you think you could be best friends with Kath Kitzen? Do you spend hours wandering around the airport looking for an organic quinoa cafe because you refuse to go to Burger King? Then Sarah Smith cloths offer you. Available from Sainsbury's for the posher washer. Proud sponsors of Dumpty Dum. I've just had a look at the Dumpty Dum shop. They've got no track suits, but they do do t-shirts, which are very flattering. Nice if you want to show off your figure a little bit. Nick couldn't carry one off, of course, but I can. So Royfield has asked me to find out from everyone here tonight where and when do you listen to Dumpty Dum? Hello, I'm Annie Brown, aka Tilly Button. And I listen to Dumpty Dum around the house, mainly, normally in the evenings. And I'm Tilly Button's dad, Sean, and I listen to Dumpty Dum while I'm cycling to work. Hello, my name is Amy. I listen to Dumpty Dum regularly on the train from Brighton to London, or London back to Brighton. And before you ask, no, I don't know what Rex was doing there. Hello, I'm Helen, and I listen also on the train from Tombridge Wells to London and back again. Hello, I'm Beth, I listen to Dumpty Dum in the car. Hi, I'm Michael, and I listen to Dumpty Dum on the train. G'day, everyone. So much to talk about when we really can't do this fortnight break thing again, because there's way too much happening on Facebook. On our forum, which is dumptydum.com, and look for forums, we have two sections. One is for all things to do with the artists, and one is for things that are off topic. And the last couple of weeks we've been talking about Dusty's substance, he started asking the saying that she was still desperately trying to give a toss. We're talking about Henry's daddy again. What's the deal with Helen not wanting visitors? That was purple pumpkin. And right for the last book, people were doing on their Dumpty Dum holiday, which turned out to be quite a lot. Some people indeed listening to reruns, which is rather fun. On the Dumpty Dum Facebook page, I was a little bit taken aback with, I don't know if you remember, but I think it was about 10 days ago, Ursula knocked on Pet Store and then just walked straight in, which I found very confronting and not something that's usual in even rural Australia. So I asked, you know, is this usual? Caroline Smith said, I live in a village and some people do walk in, but most don't. The real cracker was when we were still in bed one morning, and the elderly lady who farms the opposite hill appeared in the bedroom to ask about something, but she had at least taken her wellies off. We are much more careful to lock the door at night these days. If I'm washing the lunchtime news, the postman does wander into a living room. Ah, so obviously this isn't an English thing. Other people said, Ali Oliver said happened all the time at my parents' house. People would knock on the front door and if not answered, went round to the back. I hated it. Some people would shout knock, so you had some warning. And then there were others who just walked in. I got caught out more than once with boyfriends and soon learned to lock the gate and doors, if I wanted privacy. It was just really funny. There's a whole heap of those. I really, really encourage you if you're not on Facebook, go and have a look at those because there's some really funny ones in them. I also asked people to help keep me organized because I had two weeks and I was going on school camp for four of those days down, and I'm just knacking and I can't listen to the arches. So I asked people to keep me, keep me organized. And Sarah Woodruffle said, "Though the ball don't resist, didn't get a chance to demolish great swathes of war such a countryside for plan A, or was it plan B? The earth movers has still been busy. It seems creating secret pixie hideaways in fairytale leafy glades." Actually, some of these are really, really creative and it made me think that perhaps we should be doing the synopsis for each day. Heidi Griffith said, "Hello there still hasn't realized that the only way she's going to get out of the doggy do she's in is by telling Anna what went on." Anna couldn't see the points of the mind reading classes at uni. Pip is giving up farming and becoming charged of the ex-jerker giving her financial a stupidness. Curran Cunningham says, "How proud David and Ruth are at the fact that DD has managed to screw another farmer right into the ground with her hard negotiating hate you Pip. She still misses the mark with her inflections in every sentence." Oh, not a fan then. Other people said, "Hang on, I did ask for some." This week, Andrew Manning said, "Is that..." Oh no, sorry, this thread was talking about a lovely picture of Royfield and Witherspoon that was put up, in which it does appear that Witherspoon is a 7v tool, but not the case, he must have been on a step or something. So there's a lovely little thread there. You should read that. Oh, there was one awesome one about a kid I've lost in there. Sorry, you need to go home because there's a really funny post in there somewhere, although lots of people want you to know where the dog was, and I want to know where the dog was too. Heidi Griffith says, "Pat ignores advice to get in touch with someone who knows what she's talking about before talking to Plod now. Can't speak to Helen. Was this part of the cutting plan? Rob is on benefits. Pip is being groomed with the next dragon using the bank of mum and dad. Tom's pigs have decided to reenact the great escape on a nightly basis and it hasn't got anything to do with Jazza or has it. I actually feel that's such a good room that I should leave it at that stage. So I will, until next week, please get onto the forums or get onto Facebook because we all love talking to you. Speak soon, hoo-boo. Millie Bell, Millie Bell, Millie Bell, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Lucy, can you give us the last best tweet in the gap since we were last on air podcasting? Thank you very much, please. E. Cornstalk said it would be lovely to have an episode without Pat recording a shriek in a catacomb. Liz Anderson said, "I must have missed the episode where Pat had surgery to remove her prefrontal cortex." Steve Brooks and Rainbow Warrior had a lovely conversation where he said, "We need rum poll," and Rainbow Warrior replied, "Well, I'd welcome Baldrick at this point." Hinge, based on this was after the courtroom scene, Hinge Zandal said, "The judge." And also, one of the prosecution witnesses is over there screaming at the defendant, which kind of proves my point. Carol Hedges tweeted the week, said, "I do think she is being made to suffer an awful lot for claiming she made some jewellery. I mean, my god, we've all been there." I've forgotten that, I've forgotten there's all this old flipping nonsense started. Bloody jewellery. Anyway, oh, sorry, um, was that short and sweet? Was that actually five tweets there, Lucy? Yes. Oh, god, didn't you rap through them rather quickly? All right, in keeping with that, I'll be broke also, um, www.dumbdydumb.com is where you can find stuff on our podcast. On that said, well, website, we have a shop and we have a forum, and we have, like, things you can do, like, you can post your own articles, and you can just, like, commune with other fans of the archers by sending them a direct message, if you care to do such a thing. So that is www.dumbdydumb.com. Now, Lucy, you were giggling like your life depended on it before. I'm going to key you up to this. Lucy, it's news of reviews. News, news, news and reviews. Well done. Some with gusta. From the United Kingdom, we have one review, and this review is from... uh, TK, T. Kylo. And it says... Sorry. It says, genuinely dreadful, drivel, snobbish, and really not funny. Goodness. One star. That gave us a star. Couldn't you not give no stars? Yeah, you can't give no stars. Yeah, that's just the administrative quirk of the starring system. There's no such thing as zero stars. If you can be bothered to write a review, at least get one. Yes. But we got damned with that one star. I think you need to up your game there, Lucy. And that's obviously all about you. No. So please get more funny. Start being snobbish. It did make me laugh, and I saw it all. So, folks, remember, if you agree with that review, you can also come to my dreams and say you agree. If you agree with that review, and you're still with us listening, you've got this far through the podcast. I don't think you do agree with that review. Yeah, that is probably very true, Lucy. But I'm guessing that most people don't agree with that review. So if you wanted to in the interest of balance, folks, just say, "I think I actually quite like them." That'd be great. But if you do see what's up with you. It may also be drivelers. We know that. We don't care. But at least you do touch on archer's things on occasion. Anyway, you can go on to our tunes and write a review because it's important to keep those reviews coming because, folks, it means that more people actually get to listen to our show. There are some other ways that you can help keep on enterprise on the road. First, you can do that by hitting the donate button, which is on www.wondedumb.com or? You can go to patreon.com. Search for snobbish drivel, and you can donate $2 a show, which is about £1.30. Remember, you can also keep in contact with us by sending us a voicemail message via speakpipe on our site, or you can call us on 0203013105 to leave us a telephonic message. If you can't handle speakpipe, and I need to have a cough. Well, I'm glad we gave you a nice going-away present anyway. Yeah. To be honest with you, I think this is my welcome to North America's present. Oh, okay. And then on social media. They won't let you in to America. They'll think you're bringing in SARS or something. I think they've stopped stopping people for bringing in TV. They have to go to L.A. Silent and Cough. I think they held your balls at the same time. They didn't like the way- I'm a bathroom. I don't think that happens anymore. So I think I can actually sneak in. But specifically, social media is what we're talking about now. I'm not my health or lack of it. You can find us here on Twitter where we are at www.me, I'm Roy Fieldswell, R-O-I-F-I-E-L-T. You can find Sarah Smith at Sarah_Smith and Harriet @ Shambridges. And on Facebook, or the Book of Face, where we have 1,223 likes, you can find this by simply going on to the Book of Face and typing in "W" and that's what we'll be. There you go. Very good. Snobbish drivel at its best. Well, on that point, we'd rattle on about something, but I've got no time because I need to catch a play and say goodbye to myself. So it's goodbye from me. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations. Whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or a rest. And Peloton has everything you need whenever you need it. Find your push, find your power. Peloton. Visit 1peloton.com. Holiday shopping is here and Amazon Live has got you covered. Shop for the perfect gift from the comfort of your home with Amazon Live's shoppable video experience. Discover the hottest products from influencers and shop while you watch. This season, join Candy Burris from Real Housewives in her Holiday Amazon Live series, Generation Face Off, where Candy, her mom, Mama Joyce, and daughter Riley share their favorite stocking stuffers and go-to gifts across fashion, beauty, and more. Watch and shop new episodes of Candy series, Generation Face Off Now, by going to amazon.com/candylive. That's amazon.com/candylive. For a limited time, use promo code candylive for $5 off an eligible product featured on the first episode of the series. That's K-A-N-D-I-L-I-V-E. Promotion expires on December 25th, 2024. Limited supply of goods. Terms and conditions apply. For full promotion terms and conditions, go to amazon.com/candyterms. And goodbye from him? Did Lee. All right, Lucy. I'm off-skate. Okay. Bye. I'll talk to you. Feel better soon. I will do. All right, love. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. [BLANK_AUDIO]

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