DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

104 - Helen stabs Rob, The Archers just got real!

Roifield and Lucy normally try to avoid events on Sunday evening when they record on a Monday morning but this week the allegedly momentous happenings are covered in forensic detail. So spoilers for this week appear below.Although the sound of the knife dropping to the floor was missed the rest is covered with every bloody fingerprint examined. Well written, well performed and the sound effects team are almost given a Roifield clap. What lets the side down Roifield explains in measured and certain terms is that within The Archers universe this was the wrong ending. As he points out the opportunity to provide a clean and undisputed solution with Helen being permitted to rediscover her inner self and strength in line with her long standing character attributes has been sacrificed for column inches and notoriety. A soap ending when it could have been so much more and achieve better realism than police and the law stamping all over an already down trodden woman.Titian73 uncannily predicts the Sunday events and it could be said that she struck lucky. Many of the other calls get stuck into the events on Sunday as well.Kosmo says "Blossom Hill Cottage stands on a side road off the Borchester Road, not far past Grey Gables". It is pretty rural and well out of the village. Willow Farm and Kirsty are well off to the east of the village.Aunty Jean has a dumteedog - what is it?And Paul Trueman's fund raising has now exceeded £100k - which is amazing.KosmoOn this week’s episode we have calls from Susie who wants Lilian to take herself more seriously, Titian 73 who is clearly psychic, Witherspoon who thinks Helen’s story is riveting and revolting Jacqueline Bertho who’s following the moneyGlyn Fullelove who has a complaintYokelbear who’s relievedAndrew Horn who defends HenryNew York Nigel who thanks me for giving him the clap Clare Page who had a restless nightMorgan from NY who said this is what we want people to hearAmy Gilbert who’s a quivering wreckSara Browne who doesn’t want to listen at lunchtimeAunty Jean who was so moved she said oh goshGoddess Deeva who says it’s al been worth itandEmily Thomas who missed French class

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Duration:: 1h 43m
Broadcast on:: 04 Apr 2016
Audio Format:: other

Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind, but still really important. Life insurance. Why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones, and can help them pay for things like a mortgage, credit card debt, it can even help fund an education. And guess what? Life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think. In fact, most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is. So with state farm life insurance, you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank. Not sure where to start? State Farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget. Get started today and contact a state farm agent, or go to statefarm.com. To remind you that 60% of sales on Amazon come from independent sellers, farmer Bob of Princeton popcorn, we'll read 60% of this ad, fire away Bob. Small business owners like myself are growing their businesses faster on Amazon by getting help with things like shipping. Shop small business on Amazon, especially Princeton popcorn, Amazon every day better. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. Hi, I'm Sarah Smith. If you're the type of person that goes to liberty as other people would go on safari and the fact that John Lewis doesn't have a funeral service makes you fret, Sarah Smith cleaning cloths are for you. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's for the posher washer, proud sponsors of Dumpty Dum. This week's show is sponsored by Tracey Shevin, who is raising funds for her local cancer unit and stoke on Trent. Her husband Andrew was diagnosed nearly five years ago with stage 4 cancer. He's been lucky to survive these five years, however, unfortunately the cancer has spread further, and he's got to the stage where treatment wouldn't be effective. During the five years Andrew has had several chemotherapy treatments as well as operations. He's received fabulous treatment by the staff at the hospital, and Tracey would like to give something back to the unit, maybe a comfy chair for a patient or their relatives. If you'd like to donate to her fund, the page is justgiving.com/tracey-chevin. That's C-H-E-V-I-N. Thank you from Tracey Chevin with Dumpty Dog Nancy and Dumpty Mog Pooshk. Boy Relert, we are going to be talking about Sunday's episode, we don't do this often, but this was the episode we couldn't avoid, so you might want to swerve it if you haven't listened. Thanks. So this is Dumpty Dumpty Dog, the reality doctor drama that has sent an ambridge in the heart of the Midlands. I am the bubbly 80s TV personality that is Roy Field Brown, and with me at the Village Hall curtain, that is Lucy Freeman, and the last part of our celebrity packed Village Hall opening is you. Wait a minute, was there some 80 celebrity on the arches last week? I'm screaming you have put that to the back of my mind. I did when I was writing this monologue, I was thinking, "Come on, other things have happened, think Lucy." I was like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever." OXO cubes. Yeah. Oh God. Ruth Laughing. Mmm, today's Dumpty Dum, brought to you from Brittany, from Jacqueline Bertot and her posse it's through the praise of last week's, because it was a good one. Now Lucy, can you remind our listeners how that within the accolade of Dumpty Dum of the week? Yes, if you would like to sing us a Dumpty Dum, give us a plot prediction or shout, "Stop the clock, Kenneth!" And that's confused. Thank you to lovely champages for her voices, to Cosmo for his podcast roundups and to Sarah Smith for sponsoring us. Thanks also to Derek, the loan in the back bedroom. Derek said there are a lot of blue lights in the village last night and he was worried because he thought the police had caught up with his specialist audio recordings, whose titles include the "Tigay" programme with James Naughty, "Desertile" and "Poo and Yours." Oh, I hate "Poo and Yours." On this week's... I was going to say "Poo on Yours" but I thought that was "Poo." So I didn't. Should be pleased to hear. That's called "Scat" isn't it? No, that's singing. No. No, it's not. No, it's not. Yes it is. It's coprophyllia. No, we started certainly on this show, haven't we? We have. We've already done. This week's episode, and this is one for the ages, folks, we have... Basically, I think it would be fair to say who hasn't called in. George Osborne. Okay, that's about it. Everyone else you went in. On this week's episode, we are of course from the Susie who wants Lillian to take herself to see it more seriously. Titian 73, who is clearly psychic, with a spoon of things, Helen's stories riveting and revolting Jacqueline Bertot, who is following the money. Glyn, full of love, who has a complaint, Yokel Bear, who is relieved. Andrew Horn, who defends Henry, New York Nigel, who thanks for you for giving him the clap. That was his gag, not mine. I know, I know, I know, I know. Glare Beijing's had a restless night, she sounds like a first-time quarter in a row. Morgan from New York, who says this is what we want people to hear, Amy Gilbert, who's a quivering wreck, Sarah Brown speaking, who doesn't want to listen at lunchtime. Auntie Jean, who's so moved, she said, "Oh gosh, Goddess Deaver, who says it's all been worth it." And Emily Thomas, who missed French class, but first, before all of that, let's go to Lisa V. Freeman in a week in Ambrig. We started the week at the fair. Remember that? The Easter fair, jollity and folder roles, etc. Elizabeth was pictured by the local rag with a Harris hork perched on her arm or upon nose or something. I wasn't paying attention. I was too busy listening to her doing her oozy schmoozy voice to Docky Locky. Also, Elizabeth gets all snobby about the local press when I think she should be grateful she gets any coverage at all. "Oh, it's just next week's chip paper," she says. The only two interesting things about Elizabeth is that her husband did a triple psycho off the roof, and the fact that she roghed her assistant manager senseless while pissed on scrumpy. She can only talk about one of these things, and quite frankly, she talks about the wrong one. I think the voice at your echo would love an exclusive, with pornographic intent, my life under my under manager, by Elizabeth Pargita, it would sell tens of copies in the shop. Once Susan had scratched out the interesting bit of the sandy knife, obviously. Helen lost her temper with Piggy Wheelie, but quite frankly, you don't have to be pregnant and tense not to cope with Piggy when she's in full-daily male spade. Why has your son, little Henry Soundfect, got a cuddly toy? Is he a girl? Well, don't worry, Piggy, Rob then chucked the thing down the waist disposal, so that's that. Dan's friend Dorothy finally turned up. She sounded... well, she sounded like all the other middle-class women in Ambridge. Shula met her, and on finding she was tea-total, hastily pretended she hadn't knocked back a bottle and a half of Chardonnay before she arrived. Anyway, Dorothy said, "Don't worry, Shula, you just sit back after lunch, and Dan and I will wash up and make a cup of tea," or rather, "I will," while Dan stands about looking macho. Not that Dan has got much to look macho about, as he's oatless, so Dorothy, of the chastity belt, has got her knickers firmly all ducked up just under her under-wired M&S bra, and she ain't droppin' them for anybody. Well, not until she meets Toby Fairboughtock anyway, or possibly Brian. Hello. And the village hall has opened. Hoorah, goodness how we've missed it, haven't we? Oh. Linda drew back her curtains and Annika Rice jumped out, which is a shock for all concerned. For those of you who don't know who Annika Rice is, she was a TV personality famous for leaping out of a helicopter in a jumpsuit with a big bottom. And it's not often you see a helicopter in a jumpsuit. Bridge has officially had more celebrity guests now than Graham Norton, so far. Next week, Elton John and David Furnish drop in on Adam and Ian. Anyway, Annika made a moving speech. She sounded a bit like the Queen with a bit of a chesty cough. When I heard the headlines about the floods and the sewage, my thoughts immediately turned to Ambridge. I thought of you all a great deal and hoped several of you were drowned. Sadly, I can see you here today. It was all worth it though, for the opportunity to hear Linda caroling, "Annie car, Annie car." Just a quick catch-up on Annika Rice for those of you overseas who don't know what we're on about. She was on a program called Treasure Hunt, in which an elderly newsreader in Hormrimmed Glass is sat in the studio with Eileen and Malcolm Dumpett from Cleck Heaton. And they answered clues like, "When church bells ring sideways and water falls upwards and there's no place like home." And then Eileen and Malcolm thought for a moment and then said, "We're not sure what we think it might be for Chalfants and Giles." And then got tangled up in lots of ordinary survey maps while Annika buzzed around in the helicopter waving at gaggles of cheering schoolchildren. They entered another one called Challenge Anika, where she'd help communities restore youth clubs and church halls and things by persuading, leering plumbers to offer their downpipes for free. There we go. Quick cycle through 80s English TV for you, and that was the good stuff. And then we had the village production, a Bolshevik look back at the jolly pre-mechanical days of farming. Mayday celebrations, consumption, malnutrition, it was even more boring than normal and Annika said she could only get to it if she could have Jacob's Creek on a drip. The audience seemed less than impressed, but that may have been because Eddie took the unusual step of muttering the last few words that everyone said on stage. It's a theatre equivalent of someone whose lips move as they're reading. Over at Gaslight Cottage, things continued in much the same vein. In two plot holes, Joe could drive Bartleby through, head and left her phone unattended yet again for Rob to pick up an answer, then Rob left his phone unattended, and then the midwife left a message with the husband rather than speaking directly to the mother. But then we had Sunday, when Helen and Henry held Rob down, chopped his genitals off, and filled the resulting hole with custard. Did that not happen? Well it happened in my head, the end. Woof, so where do we start, Freeman? Oof, gold. Right. What am I quite like? What is the finish hall? I'll start. I'm going to be brief. Now, super writing and acting. Timothy Watson and Louisa Vitakis were absolutely amazing, and you heard Rob go through the gears of emotion. You did his false bonomy, you saw, or at least you heard naked raw anger, he tried to be insiliatory, then he became aggressive again, he went through the range of just naked emotion beautifully. And because he's obviously such a consummate actor, Timothy Watson, and because the storyline is on this believable bastard, that his acting, Timothy Watson's acting, is actually overshadowed, you sublimactic of Louisa, and you saw her yesterday, or at least we heard. This is the thing, because this is done so well, I keep on saying, we saw, you know, it's that good, it's that good, that you think, you know, you think you've seen it. She was absolutely tremendous, and actually has been for the whole two and a half years of this storyline, you know, we don't give her the plaudits that she deserves. And then the writing was absolutely top-notch, it was top-notch, yeah, absolutely top-notch. And then, you know, there's another and then, the sound effects, because we're absolutely superb. So, it was so claustrophobic and intense, it was an incredibly believable, and when you go, because I hardly ever listen to the shows twice over, but I had to listen, as I'm sure everybody else did, to this again, and you heard the slap, the punch, when Rob hits her, you hear the knife, it's all there, it's all there, it's painted such a vivid picture. So we need to absolutely duff our caps to the Special Effects Department, to the script writer, to and to the actors concerned, where the whole thing falls down, is that it shouldn't have happened in the first place, it's the clock. I knew you were going to say that, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. Now, it was piss-pull, no, no, I'm sorry, but let's just call it as it is, surely. Surely, and you just went, yep, and I thought, oh no, he doesn't like it, I know. Surely a fitting tribute to the sterling work of highlighting coercive control to the great British public in a dramatic setting would have been for Helen to leave Blossum Hill cottage, not without a struggle, but to have her leave there with the help of Kirstie, because that would have been realistic and leave there with Henry, not to have her put a knife in the man's guts, however much he deserved it, how empowering was that. All of this work, she's in the small village, where is she supposed to go to a mom and dad's? I know, but he's, you know, to her mom and dad's, or to the very least, or to the very least, she could have knit round to Kirstie's and gathered herself for a day or two, and then gone round to Marlon Paz, because we all know that Pat is not going to understand, she just turns up on the doorstep, she's not. So she needed a day or two. She said she's going to do that, she said, I just, she said to Kirstie, I'm leaving, I just need a day to, I just need a couple of days to sort myself out, but then when he went for Henry, that was what triggered, she never meant to do that. Lucy, we had, they've had the opportunity, all of the press that they've garnered, good sensitive press, actually to show a woman, or somebody who's in that situation, how to get out of it. So they've told you how to spot the signs, they've told you what number to call, they've told friends what the signs also to look out for, and then just said, I know by the way you stab him in the guts, it is so bad, you know, they've, I'm going to be, you know, to be true to how terrible I think this is, I actually think, and this could actually scotch anybody in the arches coming on this show again, I actually think a V sign is being put up to us listeners. Quite simply, there is a, there is a, can I just read it, this is you saying that, not me, normally it's me, I can't believe it's you saying this. Well, I feel that strongly about it, there is a conceit between us listeners of the arches, and the conceit is that we think we're a little bit smart, let's be quite honest about it, and we think we don't do soap, we think we don't do drama with obvious tropes, and this is partly the reason why we love this thing, it's a long form character drama, and we are into the characters. And we do not like to be reminded that actually this is a soap, we don't. And this is such a massive cop-out that it reminds us that actually we are listening to something which is in the same genre of EastEnders and Coronation Street. I repeat, there is no way that the good press, that this thing has garnered, deserved that shoddy ending, and the thing is it's not even an ending, we're going to have to sit through another year of her being on remand, behind bars, whatever, then the trial. It reduces this to the periodic court appearances that happen on Coronation Street, a programme I used to love, and EastEnders. And the other thing is we have reduced Helen to being an utter, utter victim, not a woman who could find strength in finding herself and through the help of a friend, and actually saying I'm strong, I can't overcome this, she's just some pathetic weak soap character. And I've said this time and time and time again, the archers has been the Helen archer show, actually for a number of years, it actually has, it actually has, and she is this complex and great character. You know, she is the protagonist that most people didn't like, and she could have reinvented herself slowly, but believably, and this storyline could have been the catalyst for it. And what we have is a sub-1990s Brookside storyline. To say I was disappointed is putting it mildly, I'll repeat, the acting superb, the writing of the episode superb, the sound effects people, you know what, they deserve whatever bonus they're going to get, you know, you know, they deserve it, they deserve it, right. It was an absolutely riveting bit of drama. Does it serve the archers in the long term? Absolutely not. That's the truth. It doesn't serve this thing at all. It was a wrong mistake, not even a wrong mistake. It was the wrong move to make. Absolutely. I would like to think, I would like to think, I've said what I've said in a somewhat kind of constructive way. I know. But we know, don't we, ultimately, that this was about, oh, I've tried really harder phrases, the long term interests of the archers were not the foremost concern of the people that designed this storyline. And the fact it's rapid conclusion. Dramatic conclusion was linked to other timing, you know what I mean, don't you? I think I know what you mean, and it's hard not to come to that conclusion also. And I think, you know, looking at this, you know, from 30,000 feet above, they chose the right character for this storyline. You wouldn't have believed it if it was Jolene. You wouldn't have believed it if it was just, it wouldn't, it couldn't have been anybody but Helen. They chose the right vehicle to show a nice middle class, middle England, that domestic abuse doesn't just mean a slap to the chops, punches, you know, et cetera, et cetera. And that abuse can come in, in this, at the start, a more subtle way. And then it becomes incredibly corrosive and as damaging as bones being broken and bruises to be left on, you know, on arms, et cetera. And whatever I feel about this whole wider thing, I have to acknowledge that I've learned a lot, and I know many people have learned a lot that women have been suffering from this type of abuse for years. And you know, so again, you have to say, well done. But we've been subjected to two and a half years of this to end up in Albert Square. We've gone, we've gone from Ambridge to Albert Square. And it's taken us two and a half years to get there. And you know, as I've said before, we watch our Scandi dramas on Netflix. We dig out some rare classic play on BBC Four because we like informed, detailed, richly layered character drama. And we've just been let down spectacularly. We really have. And everybody that was told to turn up and to deliver this did a superb job, but it shouldn't have been asked to do it. Whoo, so you didn't like it then? It's about ambiguous though, I couldn't quite tell, but yeah. And the other thing is as well. So, another thing, purely is an afterthought. So let's take Helen out of the mix. But now we've set Henry up to be some kind of weird psychopath for the next 50 years of the arches. Do you know, my son, who is 10, I didn't let him hear it, but he asked me this morning why my Twitter was going bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, and he said, Mommy, Mommy, what's going on? And I said, look, Helen's might have killed Rob, we don't know if he's dead or not, on the arches. And he was asking me why, and I said, because he was attacking her, and then he was trying to attack her son, and William said, Well, that's traumatized him for the next 10 years, he said. And I was trying to explain to William that the actor wasn't in the studio where he's recorded separately, and William said, No, I meant in the arches, not in real life. And I thought, Oh, we've got a potential dummy here already, Julia, but yes. So but I couldn't quite understand, sorry for those of you over squeamish, did she pull the knife out of him? She I don't know. She's pulled it out of him. But she was out or something, did he say he goes, he goes all Helen, all Helen, and she stabs him again. So if there was a witness to that, let's say, not that I'm any kind of legal expert, but obviously he threatens Henry and to defend Henry, she attacks him. Yeah. So to my lizard like legal brain, that's somewhat defensible. What then isn't is the fact she delivers a couple of more stabs afterwards, because he very clearly says, Oh, Helen, blah, blah, blah, and she goes, ah, and goes again. Yeah. Okay. Right. Which I didn't even realize on on first listening. I was too busy, I was too busy driving the car and just in shock through full and broadway at that point. I did my usual half way across the kitchen with a mug and teaspoon in my hand. It all happened. And I sat there with my stood there with my mouth open and didn't move again for 13 minutes and then sort of came to at the end of it thinking, Oh my God, yes. Because um, yeah, that but then if he when he when he when she stabbed him first, if he then went back to her to try and grab her, she she could say she was stabbing him again in self-defense. Lemon lemon tree, my dear, on the twitters this morning said she was hoping that the phone had been left on so that Kirsty could hear what was going on, but she didn't did she? No, she then to ring her. Yeah, to ring her. Exactly. So did I on the end of the first listening, I thought on crumbs and then the more I thought about it, I thought, well, actually no, Kirsty's heard the whole thing, but no, she hasn't. No, she's had to ring her, didn't she? Because she said, are you all right, are you all right? And what I would say is that because there is a little bit of chatter saying, well, is he actually dead? And I, my initial thought was, is he on the cast list for next week? Well, as according to Amy Gilbert, no, but but his parents are, she said, his parents are. So things are looking good, things are not looking good. But initially I thought he's not dead, he's going to, you know, he's going to crawl off into a corner and he's going to be fine, which would have been, you know, the most Hollywood of kind of, you know, twists and whatever. But with all of the press, he is dead. There is no way the publicity department of the beeb wouldn't have been just slightly dampening things and all, but let's just see what happens. Yes. He is dead. Okay. The Daily Mail said dead, didn't I? Yeah. Oh, we know how reliable they are. Can we do the 750 billion calls? Yes, why not? Right, if I whisk through your call, chaps, it's not because I don't love you, and it's not because the call wasn't really good. And whatever else, it's just that we have got so many and so many emails. I can't, we can't spend our usual 15 minutes wittering on. So sorry in advance, Susie from Wisconsin. Hello, YouTube. This is Susie calling from Wisconsin and the United States, longtime listener, first-time caller, and I work in information technology, querying a healthcare database. So I guess if we ever find ourselves forming a post-apocalyptic, dumpty-dum community and we need a database queried, I'm your girl. I've been listening to dumpty-dum. Since the first big storyline I remember is Elizabeth stopping speaking to David because she decided it was David's fault that Nigel fell off the roof. So I never did no Nigel, I just only ever knew of Nigel. And the thing that I called in to talk about today was just to echo everybody's frustration with the women of Ambridge. And in particular, the business conversation that Roy Field and Lucy, you had a couple of episodes ago, really piqued my interest. I think there are a lot of strong business women models on the show. And at the same time, there's a lot of frustration that doesn't make very much sense. And the example that I'm thinking of is Lillian working for Justin in exchange for a credit card that he gives to her sort of under the table and presumably can take away whenever he decides he wants to take it away. And I was really annoyed by this arrangement and then a couple episodes of The Archers later, there was a scene where Brian was working on something outside, a motor of some sort. And I think it was Jim who came up to him and said, "Oh, hey, Brian, I see you're messing about with that motor," and Brian said, "I'm not messing about, I'm servicing it." And while we don't obviously want Lillian to be saying she's either messing about with or servicing Justin Elliot, I think that she could really take a page from Brian's book in saying, you know, if you want a PR person, a marketing person, someone who can massage your persona, that sounds like a euphemism now too. When I'm talking to you, everything suddenly sounds like a euphemism. But you know what I mean, like be your handler, okay, I'm just gonna stop, but I think you know what I mean. And you know, I want a title, I want a salary, I want business cards, you know, none of this, will you help me in exchange, you can have this credit card to go buy pretty dresses. So annoying. Hi, Dumpty Dum, this is Susie from Wisconsin Calling, a physician once told me that ex-sanguination is actually a really peaceful way to die, apart obviously from the trauma that probably precedes it. Either way, I think it's too comfortable a death for Rob, and I think he's still alive. He'd better still be alive. Susie Love, we are in a post-apocalyptic world after last night. I couldn't sleep. I feel, I honestly, I feel as if her bum has gone off. A lot of people, I have to sort of, we're doing the calls. Some people called before Sunday, we just say usual chatter about what had happened, and then we had another call later on going, "Oh my God, I've just heard!" So some of these calls will be welded together, for example, this one was Susie's call in the beginning, and then it was Susie's call post the stabbing, so she said, "We're putting the both together." Is that all right, Roy, if we do that? Yes, she's talking about, you know, Lillian working for Justin in exchange for a credit card to buy dresses. I know, ridiculous, but you know, Lillian is, she's just a bit of a berk about blokes, isn't she? Sadly. She wished she wasn't, because I love Lillian, that's the one thing about her that really drives me nuts, but you know, everyone's got their weaknesses, and that's hers, sadly. Everyone has their grip tonight. Yes. Rob, where did she stab him? I'm really hoping it was the nuts. Well, stabbing someone in the nuts is not going to be fatal. No, you're going to lose, you're going to lose a lot of blood. Yeah. There's a lot of blood. It's in dignity. Well, if it was the world of the walking dead, you need to stab him in the head. Yeah. Chop it off. No, no, no. Just stab him in the head. As long as that knife goes into the brain, it does something to the brain. They're walking. They're walking. Whatever it's called. Yeah. Wilder. Yeah. There's stem brain, they're brain stem, and then they'll... Bit of a sucker. Mm-hmm, exactly. Yeah. But I'm guessing it was just in the guts. Do you know what was the bit that made my blood run cold and the fury in me actually felt visible? Well, I'm guessing it would have been just about all of it from when Kirsty was basically caught there. And he goes, "Hello, darling." No. And then Kirsty had to run around the back. No, no, no. That would have made... It was the tuna. Really? It was a bake. It was the fact that he... I think God, as David talks about this as well, that he had that first thing. It was like a flag to us all. I am going to reject what you have done for me and make you feel inadequate and make it feel as if something you have worked really hard on is completely... He's a failure and it's your fault for not paying enough attention to me because you are not as good as you think you are. And then her kind of... "Oh, I'm sorry. Rob, I had no idea." Well, I did tell you Helen. No, he must have forgotten. "Oh, yeah. Silly me. I'll tell you what. I'll cook you something else, shall I?" And then that and for him to go so glibly, I love tuna. It's the night. This is the nicest thing you've ever cooked. And someone Jacqueline Bertos said, "How come she cooked tuna if she knew that he hated it?" She knew that conversation with Jess had suddenly brought everything into sharp relief for her and she'd realised that everything he had been doing for two years. It wasn't like 80% of the time he was nice, 20% of the time he was just a bit controlling or just a bit over the top or just a bit of protective, that she had been the victim of a game the whole way through, a deliberate attempt to make her feel delusional. And it was that, it was the try at the glee in his voice when he said, "I love tuna." And you could see this standoff, this their eyes locking and her thinking, "I know." And him knowing that she knew, "Okay, now you know, do you have the bollocks to do anything about this?" Well, I thought, so let's give you, sir, I was at full and broadway when he got it in the guts. I was round about Wandsworth when that tuna bake line was delivered. And I said to myself, "Okay, here we come, it's gonna be, you know, Beyonce, it's gonna be single ladies, it's gonna be, you know, woman reinventing herself, sisters doing it for themselves, yadda, yadda, yadda." And I thought, "Okay, all right." And then what we're gonna have here is, she is gonna be able to get out of there with Henry. It's not without a screaming match and I thought, "This is the thing." He's... He's gonna go in his face. That's what I thought. She's gonna chuck it at her. I just thought, you strong, clever woman, give him the tuna bake, he eats it, you tell him, "You know what? You're full of shit, rub, right?" She's gonna grab Henry, he's gonna be their foaming and thruffing at the mouth, screaming and shouting, "Somebody in the village is gonna see," and then we're gonna have the next two years where she just surgically, intelligently, psychologically takes the man to pieces. Yeah. That's what I'm paying my license fee for. I'm paying man for gardeners as well. You know what? Yeah. I saw Batman versus Superman last week, right? Rubbish, lose the absolute tripe, it was, right? And I paid, right, I had to pay for my brother, my Yisha, my little niece. So I'm, I'm poning up best part of life, I don't know, 30 quid for that, right? I expect cliche and crap, to be honest with you, and buildings to fall down, because I'm paying my money for Batman versus Superman. If I am paying my license fee, I want intelligence. I really do, I want subtlety, I want degrees of shade, but ultimately I want to be, I want instructive drama, and you've got Brookside, and I've got Brookside with a little bit of a curry with lashings of EastEnders. What did you say again? Hello, it's Titian here, from the southernmost tip of the cotswolds. I saw a tight phone with another plot prediction, although my last one about the Easter eggs causing some long-term love has not yet come true, but there's still time. My plot prediction this time is not so nice, there's plenty of talk about how Rob could kill Helen, but I actually wonder if it could potentially go the other way round, but because she hasn't told anyone and everyone's talking about how wonderfully supportive he is, and how difficult she is, I wonder if perhaps, I really bloody hope not, but I wonder if perhaps that might happen, and then we'll struggle with Kirsty being the only one who actually twigged what was really going on, but that would be really horrible and it would never end, so I really don't hope, I really do hope that doesn't happen, but hey there are lots of other plot lines, I love how vile Peggy was recently, that was brilliant, bring it on a bit more, anyway, can't you soon, bye. My God woman, what are the lottery numbers, you guessed it absolutely right, she then, after it happened, she then tweeted us and said, "Did you hear my call, did you hear my call?" she wanted to make sure that we knew that she'd rung in before she heard it. Yes, you were absolutely right, yes, no I didn't, I didn't see that coming, but my first thought even though I know, Brooksidey, I know, Helen's now in colossal shit, blah blah blah, but I still thought, I still felt relieved because it was like a balloon popping, it was the tension when, and I felt relieved, right with a spoon. Greetings Lucy, Roy Field, Millie Bell, and all Dumpty Dimmers around the world, it's Witherspoon and Angus Haggis here, back from our warm, but somewhat soggy holiday in Florida. I should add that Angus behaved very well and sat very still on the airplane, so I did not have to take away any of his treats or toys and throw them in the bin. We heard most of this week's episodes after we arrived home, and it made for particularly difficult listening. As Lucy and Roy Field had discussed last week, the story that shall not be named is now overshadowing everything else that is occurring in Ambridge right now. Oh, Alpha is a thief, Toby is a slob, Linda is a diva, and Dan is an honorable man. All small potatoes, we are both riveted to and revolted by what is happening to Helen. I'm going to now call this Helen's story because ultimately it's the story of how an emotionally controlled and abused and physically and sexually assaulted woman first gains the insight into what has slowly been happening to her and then gathers the courage and strength to leave her abuser. So glad for the presence of Kirsty, and I'm now happy that she hasn't needed the assistance of Tom in this mission of helping to save her friend. In a few weeks ago, I was thinking that Jess would have an important part to play in helping to open Helen's eyes to the situation that she is in. As we all heard, Friday's episode is the key in turning this situation around. Helen is now gaining the insight, but she will still need the strength and courage to leave. For this, I think she will need the hope of her mother. I do believe that Pat will see the light and protect her daughter, much like Helen will protect Henry. Si, the next few weeks, or will it be months, are going to be rough, so I'm going to hold husband's hand and Angus's paw while listening to the goings on in Ambridge. See you next week, it's Witherspoon and Angus Haggis signing off. Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling toss salads and scrambled eggs, mercy. I agree with, I really thought it was going to be a Tom and Krusty plot device. I thought it would play out for much longer. And I thought it would be Tom witnessing something and Tom and Krusty working together to spring her from the house and take her away and hide her. But I suppose during the court case and everything, they'll still pull together, won't they? And then they'll get together, not that Tom deserves Krusty, because quite frankly, I'm not sure Benedict Cumberbatch deserves Krusty, because I think she should be Queen and Prime Minister. And Glen for the love is in shock because of Ruth laughing scene. Hello, dumpedy-dum, get clean here. I know many listeners have found listening to the archers almost unbearable over the last few weeks. And last night, Friday, April 1st, I reached the same point. The moment in the recording was of course, when Ruth started telling David through gales of supposed laughter about Bert's trick with the stock cube in the shower. This was appalling to listen to. And I know Kerry Davis sometimes listens to the podcast, and Kerry and other archers script writers, if you ever do anything like this ever again, I will not listen to the archers for a whole Saturday. That was one of the weirdest, we've had a couple of examples, let's just say, we've had a couple of examples this week of, I think, such fantastic acting from Timothy Watson and Louisa Petito who's name I can't pronounce. Louisa Tatsiki, let's call it that. We've seen some tough examples of acting, which I think unfortunately has highlighted some of the not so good acting. Well, is it safe to say that I would say just not brilliant and maybe Ruth's laughing acting not brilliant? Well, I just think the Ruth laughing acting is a bit harsh. I just think she was told to laugh exactly and keep going and for that, I applaud her because she kept going, but the whole thing was just ridiculous and wasn't that funny and was just so ridiculously bizarre, I presume it's put there to show that Bert is really bonding with them. That's the whole point. No, it's supposed to show apparently, because the silly old plot liney thing that they put on the, you know, when they tell you little synopsis, they said Bert, oh, was it, establishes leadership or Bert, Bert reasserts himself or something. It was a way of making Toby, because he didn't do it to Rex. He deliberately did it to Toby, so he was trying to say that to Toby that he wasn't going to take any shit, because obviously rather than just having a conversation and saying, could you be a bit more mature, you would put a stock cube in a shower head, but, you know, that's what I'd do. That's insane. Did slightly worry me though, when he was talking to Frieda, when he said Frieda said, blah, blah, blah, I thought we're not going to have another dementia story line, are we? Not another one! But anyway. Okay. Jacqueline Berthou. Hi, this is Jacqueline Berthou from Sanguine in Central Brittany. I've been thinking about this story of the money disappearing from the church and to Alph being blamed and that message that Eddy left on his phone, it's all going to go terribly wrong. I think if the story's followed through and recent histories that stories aren't followed through, maybe it will turn out not to be Alph at all, I suppose we'd have to wait and see with that one. Most of her says in character, oh, that Dorothy, oh, Dorothy, she really got on my wick. But I don't know why, because she would have already erased me quite a bit, so maybe there were just two alike, but oh, perfect, mother-in-law, daughter-in-law material. Still don't get the joke about the Dorothy thing, because she's obviously turned out to be a real person and everybody said, of course he's a friend of Dorothy. Well, of course he is, but why is there a Dorothy? And who would call her child Dorothy? She can't be that old. What is Dorothy? Who is she? Well, sorry, who is Dorothy, what is she? The reason that we've got a Dorothy is because we're going to have a down and Dorothy back in Ambridge again. Because one of the outgoing editors' missions was to kind of not only do what he did with the Helen and Rob storyline, but also to kind of re-establish the original, the sense of longevity and the kind of the heartbeat of the original arches, the dynasty element, you know, these families, the legacy, the recurring negacies of things. So yes, we'll have a down and Dorothy back in Ambridge, and I think that's the point. But so far, Dorothy really, really needs to develop a personality that doesn't make her infinitely punchable because of the moment that's all it is. Your cool bear is using his sexy, sexy voice because he has got a nasty virus. First of all, apologies for the croaky voice. I've had a virus the last fortnight or so that's attacked my vocal cords, apparently. I'm calling in after the Sunday episode. The first thing is, is that it's a massive relief in a way because she's free in the most awful circumstances, but she's taken the power back and I know, you know, the whole thing about violence and one of you, but she was driven to that. He made her so frightened and so scared that all she could do was lash out. There's absolutely no way that Helen has fought in any of this. I think like a lot of people, I spent the episode pacing up and down and then when it came to a conclusion, I literally just sat down in the chair and burst into tears and I'm not ashamed to say that. It felt it's been such a hard slog to get to this point, but the main thing was it was almost it's a relief because, you know, to see a woman be free of that is just a really powerful thing. As you know, I've been a critic of this, some aspects of this storyline and, but I think this was just an amazing episode and we just have to see where the storyline goes. If relief relief relief, who Ra, I agree with you, no copay? And sorry, I am hurtling through these, aren't I? Andrew Horn. I am here Lucy. I know, I'm sorry. Well, do feel free to chip in. I don't know what I'm telling you to do. I did suck the oxygen out of the room at the start of this show, so feel free to put some balance back into the universe by just talking on, by yourself. Greetings Earthlings. Andrew Horn here. I just want to say, first of all, I haven't listened to Friday or Sunday's episode, so I don't know what I've missed, although the Twitter feeds are indicating it's fairly epic. But just from the, the scene about Rob throwing away Henry's toy, he's five. Why can't he enjoy toys, soft toys and plush? My little six-year-old will quite happily spend his last penny adding to his collection of soft toys so many, so much so that he can barely give them to bed. There are so many. And I think if he found me throwing one in the bin, he would probably kill me. So maybe the undoing of Titchin' Orb and his murder will be by Henry. And if so, well, who can blame him? I agree, Andrew, there is nothing wrong with a small child, no matter what Rob and, and Piggy think. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a child having a transitional object of a teddy bear or a rabbit or whatever, and in fact, it is psychologically healthy. So whoop to both of them. Hello Lucy and Roy Field, thanks for the nice things you said last week, it's New York Nigel here, and thank you, Roy Field, for the clap. Words I never imagined I'd say somehow. It's also for the theme you chose, there are quite a few English people in New York and a few of us were featured in a photography book with Sting a few years ago from rat captures to some Broadway designers, but I have to say I sound like a complete twerp in the interview part of the book, so don't try looking it up. Just a couple of small things this week. First of all, isn't it lovely to hear Ruth laugh again after all she's been through? No, no wonder those cows are kicking out, I'd probably do the same thing if I was anywhere near that. And secondly, I'm no big fan of Piggy, but in her defence, she does remind sleutie Jennifer of her humble origins from time to time. She was married to that horrible alcoholic Jack for years, not second Jack first Jack. She eventually came round to Adam and Ian, remember that check shirt, incident? And she's got a wicked sense of humour, which Lillian seems to have inherited. So I was a bit sorry when she was sacrificed on the altar of the story that won't be named to become an old, small-minded, hateful, reactionary bitty to provide some sort of backdrop to the binning of Henry's little brown rabbit. It's only a small thing, but poor, 90-year-old piggy deserves better than that. It's always reminded me a bit of the Queen Mother, and I don't think that she'd really react that way around Henry after she was put through sensitivity training when her own son had his lights kicked out by Otto the Bull. And oh, thirdly, what a piece of work that Dorothy's going to turn out to be. I secretly hope that she'll give Shuler as good as she gets. That's all for this week, single sheets and all, and off to a little post Easter break in the hills of Western Massachusetts, so might not be able to call again soon. But meanwhile, thanks for the great work, and all my best to fellow dumty-dumners. Hello, bye for now. That's a note here from New York Nigel, after an earlier call, just in case you decide to talk about Sunday's episode, which I listened to because I'm going to be in a place where there's no internet connection next week. Now, when I said a few weeks ago that it won't be over until Helen says it's over, I have to say that I wasn't expecting that, certainly not so soon. But it's right in the script, try to play books. They get you to love or hate someone for all the right or the wrong reasons. And then they snatch the ground from under you and they oblige you to see the moral ambiguity in all sorts of situations. It's actually one of the things I do my job. Linda is insufferable, but she stepped in after Cathy was raped. At one point, way back in the 80s, the Grundy's life of petty crime and violence drove everybody to look their downfall, but our hearts went out when they were thrown out of their farm. Susan is spiteful and gossipy, I've never forgotten what she had to say about Alan and Usha and Shula to the press, but she loves her husband, she loves her children, and she's a fierce defender of village life when it's threatened. Ruth is a dreary drip, let's face it, but she's stuck by her husband and her children in the face for all the odds. At one point, Lillian, the same to Lillian, was a shady tax dodger who was lurking in the sunshine of Channel Islands when everybody else was struggling with gloomy 70s and 80s. She was frankly an overly permed cow, but her husband died and she came home. Nobody gets what we think they deserve in Ambridge, and that's why I like this program so much. Nobody gets what they really deserve in real life either, and I think that's why I still trust the script writers in the face of this wacky turn in the plot. Is Helen a borderline personality exploited by a narcissistic abuser? Is she guilty of murder or manslaughter or will she be acquitted on the grounds of self-defense? This is all really off the cuff and within five minutes listening to the program. I'm sorry for the women or the men who are in abusive relationships who don't see stabbing as a sensible or workable solution to their problems, and I'm cross that the sanctimonious press around this story is claiming that it's all as true to life as possible. That's not a way out for many, many, many people in domestic abuse. Good luck to Helen and Robot Henry. She won't be sure to blem and drizzle cake or kale salad if she ends up in Holloway, and good luck with the story to Lucy and Roy Fields, New York Nigel over and out. It's a maze that Ruth wasn't kicked to death by the cows and a laughing scene. And yeah, I know Peggy, Peggy, you'd think she'd have learned something about sensitivity to other empathy, sensitivity to other people's feelings with the whole, you know, her son just not understanding him at all. But in my experience, sensitivity training doesn't last very long with some people. And yes, nobody gets what they really deserve in fiction or in real life. So we'll just have to wait and see what Rob ends up with. That's not true, the baddies always get what's coming to them. Oh, OK, so in, well, yeah, I was going to say in light, in light fiction, you know, in superficial fiction, but then if that's what you think this, that was, don't you? So then, then somehow Helen will get off and Rob will be, will be exposed for the hideous monster that is Morgan from New York. I'm not sure that was, but just just whilst we aren't on that, because we're just doing soapy, tropey parallels here, but Mandy Jordash did go behind bars. Yes, you did. And then there was a, then there was the whole free the Brookside One campaign and it wasn't even talked about in Parliament and all kind of nonsense. So, you know, I can't see how she'd come. They're not going to do anything daff like hide the body, are they? No, well, that would be two Brookside. Trusty and, you know, that, you know, that would be two Brookside. But I can't see how she can't, she won't get a custodial sentence. I cannot see or it could be really, I suppose there is just the best. Because of coercive control. I think this, I think this whole storyline was built around the, the, the arrival of the, of the coercive control bill, the passing. And it has to be said that in my initial thoughts are, well, they're just going to literally, you know, lock you up and throw away the key. But then had to remember back to the fact that she did a nurse kind of psychic valuation. No, not in the psychic valuation. No, she didn't say that Robert hit her, but when she calls refuge, she did say that that he had, he had raped her and there'd been a physical altercation. Mm-hmm. Though is that recorded and can that be used in evidence? Well, apparently you need to have an ID number and I don't think she stayed on the phone long enough to get it because Rob came back in. The court, the person that she was calling at refuge said, can I give you a case number, Helen, in case you need to ring in again. And she said, no, I won't do everything's fine. I've got to go now. And went. No. Because, well, then we all know then that in terms of the evidence that he was a monster, in terms of independent witnesses, it's pretty scant. Well, it's Jess and Kirsty. It's Jess and Kirsty. And Jess is a social worker, they remember, so she will be shit-hot on stuff like coercive control. Obviously not because she ended up being in a relationship with the man. Yeah, I know, but you know what I mean. She'll know. Anyway, we got any more calls because this is just world speculation now considering that neither of us are, oh God, all right, go on then, love, crack on, drop off, you your Nigel. Hi, it's Morgan from New York, Morgan, NY and Y on Twitter. I just finished listening to what I'm going to call the Helen episode. I just wanted to call in and say that we spend a lot of time talking about having friends listen to the archers and thinking, oh no, not that episode, oh no, no, that episode was boring, et cetera. This was the episode we want people to hear. That's all. Bye. No, not New York, Nigel. I've done him. Morgan from New York. Yeah, he says that, you know, when it's like the Flair and Fod you show and people say, she's like, if this arches thing and go, we go, no, not this week, not this week. No, they're talking about curtains, don't, but yes, maybe that was the episode we want people to hear. Really listen to, watch their devil and stuff like that, we would quite like to. Claire Page. Hello, this is Claire Page. I'm a first-time caller in a, I'm a Brit who lives in Northern France and I've been an archer's listener since 2000, now, 1989, I was going to say 2009, sorry if I make mistakes, but I'm tired, I'm not sure whether I can blame the archers for a rather restless night. But here I am to comment on last night's episode, as I'm sure a lot of people are doing today. Much as I wanted Rob to stop bullying Helen, I didn't expect it to end the way it did. I hoped Helen would leave or something would happen without any violence. But in the end, with Rob threatening her and daring her to kill herself, frightening Henry, Helen felt it was the right thing to do, may have done it on impulse and she wouldn't be violent normally, but even though I don't condone what Helen did, I can totally understand why she did it. I know I had a restless night to Claire, I couldn't sleep at all, I didn't get stitched at about two o'clock in the morning because I was excited and worried, yes I also hoped she would leave obviously and when he dared to kill herself, there's only two ways it can go really, she'd either kill herself or kill him. But I think it is very, very hard in a small village to do stuff without everybody knowing, you know, if she'd left she'd have had to have, for a start he's got her car keys, she'd have had to have got Kirsty involved, Kirsty lives with Roy, Roy would have said what you're doing, you know, if you're in a big city it's much easier to escape, there are many more ways you can escape, there's not even a sodding taxi firm in Ambridge, you know, everything would require and she's got a ring someone and he's got her phone and you know, I think it is really hard to escape and I think we are maybe underestimating the difficulty of that when we're saying oh she should have just run away, I think it's much harder. No, and I think the whole point of domestic abuse and coercive control is that for the most part it's not only just hidden anyway, whether you're in a city or the countryside, you know, because you know what goes on between, you know, husband and wife, you know, within four walls, you know, people just don't see anyway, but then it's the control element, isn't it, that person, the victim isn't acting rationally because they mix even when that person is being abusive towards them, they still have love, you know, in emotional feelings towards them and then there is security, relative security that they still might feel, then there is the safety of the child etc, so there are many reasons why that person won't do the most seemingly rational thing, so yes, yes. Hello everybody, it's Amy Gilbert here responding to tonight's offering, well, I don't quite know what to say, never in all my days of watching/listening to anything have I been reduced to a quivering wreck like I was tonight, now the question is, is he dead? I think so, because I've had a sneaky look at the cast list and Mummy and Daddy Titchinob are turning up this week, I think it's this week or next week, either or, that actor unavailability that Kerry Davies was talking about, was that Rob I wonder, am I getting too involved, I don't know, we shall find out tomorrow, won't we, hands up who listened again, I did, anyway I will speak to you all soon, bye, Amy Gilbert, listen twice, you're very brave Amy, I'm not even going to listen to it again at lunchtime because I don't think I can bury it, and she says Mummy and Daddy Titchinob appear next week, I'd like to hear Daddy Titchinob, I'm looking forward to that, in a grim sort of way, Sarah Brown speaking, I just think he's going to sound like some retired colonel, and he's going to stay with the girls, clearly bad, and he's going to try and take over, he's going to try and adopt Henry isn't he, and the new sprog, and get custody of them, I think the parents are. Just whilst we're on this, you know, there's not even a taxi firm in Ambridge, we're exactly his blossom hill cottage, on the greater map, oh god I never know where anything is, I'm always the most people say, no that's ridiculous because he wouldn't even have gone past their gate to get to there, I think how the bloody hell do you know this, Cosmo, Cosmo will know, or look on the map on the site, well I'm looking at the map on the site, and it's not there, it's a reason, I can see where Gleeb is, I can see where Woodbine is, the police house, we never get mentioned anymore, a honeysuckle cottage, can't see blossom hill, can't see it, it's a shame they named it after him, and appalling wine isn't it, Ernest and Giulio Gallo, that was so very Islington of you, I was thinking today, that that's what Radio 4 is isn't it, it's the urban literati, you know, in and wholly aligns with middle England, you know, so Islington and Sunningdale put together that is Radio 4 isn't it, so hence you can say something like what you've just said. Sorry Brown, can we do sorry Brown? Sorry Brown speaking, good morning dum-dum-dum, it's Sarah Brown here, goodness how exciting was last night, there was I in my kitchen, actually it was dark outside, it was getting quite spooky and quite unpleasant and I really loved it, I just think it's going to be very odd if I listen to it again at lunchtime today, we know all the world is bristling outside with sunshine and birdsong and all the rest of it, and as for those people who say, "Spoilers, spoiler alert, oh dear, I didn't hear it, now I know what the end was," would you know what, I think program makers make their programs because they want you to listen to them as they happen, and if you weren't there, you weren't there, so bad luck, I think it was fab, let's hope that there is more to be said about Rob Titchener, let's hope he isn't actually dead, let's hope he was pretending, let's hope he's just got a little bit of a bleed, and let's just hope that Helen was just a bit scared by the sight of blood, and you know just in her fearful heightened state as she has been for so long, I think it'll run and run, and let's look forward to more, okay thanks a lot, bye. She says she wants him to be pretending, because everyone said, "Oh God, if he's dead, he's just got away with it, hasn't he?" and now she's gonna suffer, but we want him on that, we want him in the book, we want him explaining how all these things happened, and we want the whole village to know what a giddy is. Hello young Titchen, it's Emily, the au pair calling from Paris, long time no call, but I really could not call in, I've just sped, listened to the omnibus on Sunday's episode, this Monday morning as the kids went to school, and all I can say is, "Oh my God, I can't believe this has happened, I am calling you from the kitchen where I am hunched over a counter that's stirring into a cup of tea, what, what, what, what, no I am totally gobsmacked, it's just incredible, but I've been thinking, I have been thinking madly for the last 20 minutes like how we can get out of this situation, and maybe there are more qualified dumpty dumpers out there, but before I was an au pair I was actually at law school, and I think that we, that the only way Helen can possibly get out of a murder charge at the moment is by using a defence of loss of control, under section 54 of the Carnes and Justice Act 2009, but just, oh my God, I was supposed to be a French class 20 minutes ago, but I'm not because they haven't quite recovered. Okay, I'm going to carry on stirring into this tea for another 10 minutes, but this is an au fois. Emily Thompson, Emily Thomas, sorry Emily, this is the most incoherent call we've ever had from Emily Thomas, who is normally, incredibly has a lovely radio for voice, she's like Sarah Brown in training, and she sounds like a gibbering idiot, quite frankly, in a very lovely way. Emily, yes, you are in the state that I was in in the first 10 minutes after hearing it, she says she's got to do the defence of loss of control, but this was all before, because the law has changed now because of coercive control, you no longer have to, it's except it is considered abuse that somebody can control your thoughts and your life and can affect the regular day to day choices that you make, if somebody is controlling that, that's coercive control. So it will be that will feature heavily, I would suggest, in any forthcoming legal action. Who lives at Manacort? I don't know, honestly, was that that one of those properties that Matt and Lilian developed? Anyway, I've now found... Is the old people's... No, no, it's not Manacort, it's Matt Manacort. Blossom Hill Cottage is way to the northern edge of average. And how far away is it from Kurt Krusty? Oh, it's... Well, it's a long way, isn't it? Yes, yes, yes, yes. So, yes, you would have to be trumping down village lanes with Henry and... She's the ladies and Henry. Well, I'm not sure I should get this in the time, I've only just listened to the Enroty Thomas episode, even if you're going to include it in today's episode. It's always anti-jeaned by the way. But I guess you guessed that from the accent. Speechless, wow, wow, we can only hope, can't we? That poor old Helen doesn't end up in prison forever, she might, especially if he's not dead. If she thinks he's dead, he might not be, it occurs to me. Anyway, gosh, well, it had to sort of end, didn't it, at some point? And if the script writers have been in touch with refuge, then it must have happened in real life. To lots of people, I guess, that they just completely lost it and hurt their partners. Anyway, now the dogs joining and she's a titchy little painter too. I'll speak to you soon, oh gosh, bye. Anti-jean says, oh gosh. Yeah, I think that's accurate, anti-jean. I think we can all hand on heart say, oh gosh. And we need to end up with goddess diva, for whom this storyline has had particular residence and who has championed Helen throughout and fought ferociously against titchinob. And she's very upset in the call and you can completely understand why. But she says, all worth it. Not so sure, myself. Hello, John. It's a pretty shakin goddess diva here. Just ringing just to let you all know, but after tonight's episode and the finally with the new month, I'm holding all of your hands and hugging you all close and never let any of you go. I wanted to say thank you for the massive, massive support network that has been Twitter and the Facebook groups and hope beyond hope that if it's helped one woman, just one, get out of this situation, but this whole two and a half years has been worth it. And we knew this was going to happen to wait as soon as he said the word to the bake because that fucking bastard pretended he hated it. And all of us who knew right back from then right back from that tuna bake moment all that time ago, what he was like. And everybody went no, he's just a manly man. Fuck you all. Restart. And no, it feels awful to say I told you so because Helen's got so much more coming. Fucking well told you so. Okay, now he's not the time for dancing. Now is the time for bracing ourselves for the shit that Helen's going to go through with the legal system and hoping upon the hope that Jess comes forward and says what she was like. And right, I'm going to go and get back to a completely melted down and yet loving and compassionate place today that is Twitter and love your goddess Goober out. Well, she said it's worth it if it makes one woman. I think just Paul, Paul Truman's raised kind of makes it worth it really. It does make it easier to get through a finishing line of £100,000 that you know, because you can't open up an internet page which has the word news attached to it without seeing the actress, you know, whether it's the Guardian or whether it's a Daily Mail or the Mirror or whatever. So yes. But I just think that the whole cause has been somewhat ill served with this so betrope-ending but I'm just repeating myself. Lucy, I'm going to rattle through the emails now. I'm just going to give this a little bit of a slight content break because I had, I played Trivial Pursuit last week and played it and it was a rather old Trivial Pursuit about early 90s. What was the name of Jack Woolies dog Lucy? Captain. Well done. I answered that correctly. And which archers character was as a swimming attendant and also an ice cream salesman? Nigel? Of course, of course, of course. I couldn't believe, the two questions because they obviously weren't shuffled properly came back to back. But unfortunately, I didn't get a little cheese slice though. No, no, no, no. But everybody's like, people groaned when the first goes, "Oh, come on. How fair is that?" Then the second question came, nobody's like, "Oh, come on, this is a fix." I didn't, wasn't my Trivial Pursuit board. But so maybe there's somebody out there who could tell us what your Trivial Pursuit board actually has those archers questions and how many does it actually have? Because I was shocked beyond belief that there was not one but two answers questions on the Trivial Pursuit board. And of that level of detail as well, because it wasn't like name the BBC long running soap. No. No, yes. So, yes. Someone will know. Someone will know, so please email in or corner in or in or tweet in or Facebook in please. Or even for them in. There you go. I'm going to whisk through some emails. I'm going to edit heavily, so forgive me chaps, but you don't want to be here for the next fortnight. Olivia Ellery did the same that everyone else did. Sent in a lovely, "My favourite character, I've been distinct since then. I hate Rob. My favourite character is Lillian, and she says, 'I hope I'm like her when I'm her age,' immediately followed by, 'Oh my God, I didn't want that to happen.' As much as I hated Rob, I didn't want him dead. I am off to clean the microwave as my porridge over. I was listening. Speak to you soon, Olivia. I think you will probably call in. There isn't much leeway. You know, when you microwave, you porridge. There isn't much leeway. It's either under, cooked or just, we'll just throw off over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hebbled. That's the microwave, pretty much. Nancy Dickey. Hello, Nancy. We haven't seen her for a long time. She said, 'I want...' She describes Rob as, 'the odious puddle of bottom of the swing-bin slime.' She says, 'We want him to survive, because we want some resolution to culvert-gate.' So much effort by the script writers was put into that storyline. It was essentially the crux of the whole ruddy flood. Perhaps, plus, David had such strong suspicions about it being Rob. 'We need Titchin' up to get his comeuppance for the culvert, and Stefan is he alive or not. Plus, it would be a huge bonus to get Charlie back, just stick another knife in. Not literally, let's not go overboard. If for no other reason than it would make yokele bears, yeah.' That's it, she says. Thank you. Lonnie. Sorry, with a spoon is with you, Royph. 'I am disappointed in the script writers.' Abused spouses either stay in the relationship and, sadly, the abuse will often escalate or figure out how to leave. While there are cases of the abuse to killing their tormentors, it's very rare. Why shouldn't Helen have successfully left Rob and rebuilt her life? Wouldn't that have been a better but still realistic message to the public? Now we have a drawn-out soap-up for Charlie look forward to, and Helen, no matter what the outcome, will be forever scarred. Did he just, like, inhabit my brain? He did. That's quite weird. I thought that Helen was going to turn things around, but she made the mistake of thinking her abuser would react rationally and empathically to her decision to leave. 'You're in Dumty Dumhood,' he says. 'You're in horrible cortex with a spoon.' Doreen Tyler. 'Looking at the spoilers, I think Helen have the baby this week. The shock and trauma will bring it on.' Oh well, in the words of Martin Luther King, Helen is free at last. Maybe he'll be resurrected, though. Hope not. I hope not. Cosmo, on your side, also, Royph. So he hands over his phone. I know. Rob's phone is surgically attached to him. There is no way he would have handed her his phone. She finds a number that all other men were deleted, also true. Manages to call it, without the call being interrupted or heard, and meet Jess almost immediately. Is this a soap opera or a comedy program? Literally. Oh, that's always been a bit of a grey area, cos most of you on this. Completely, someone on high has said, 'Get it ended. What a waste.' Well, we know who it was. Don't we, Cosmo? 'Love from Cosmo in Bangkok, where it is very hot,' he says. 'Now, I have a new love interest. I have abandoned Andrew Horn and Exeter Dormouse, and I'm now all about the Feak, I'm afraid. I'm all about the Feak.' He says, 'Hello again. I miss Sid. For some reason, I think Sid would have sussed out, Rob, and kick the crap out of him. Does anyone else miss Sid? Feak. That's it. I love him. I do miss a bit of Sid, because I miss the whole kind of him managing the cricket team. But I don't miss his homophobia. Let's not forget he just wasn't up for Adam at all, pun intended. He was rather nasty. Fair play in terms of they fleshed him out to be a believable character, but he just couldn't get his head around the idea that two men could be emotionally involved with each other. Yeah. Graham Blair, first time e-mailer in a row, he says, 'I'm not sure if my profession will help, but I head up an events team for National Mail Order Wine Company in the UK. Oh, you can so help, Graham.' He says, 'I cannot respond to the show in the forthcoming year.' You're what, sorry? 'This wine company.' Yes. He says, 'He can offer an opinion on lower Locksley events barring the tent flap escapade, which, while they may have been wine-induced, do not form part of the events I run.' Oh, never mind, Graham. Better luck next time. He says, he's fed up with everyone moaning about it. He loves it, doesn't he? That's Robin Helen, because he said that he's actually been listening to it twice now, because he enjoyed it. And he said they were alternating a Robin Helen every other day. He was feeling disappointed when the storyline didn't move on, because it got interrupted by a non-titchy knob episode. Can I just say, there was another shocking thing about yesterday's episode, and it was almost as if it was placed there to kind of set the news agenda for the week, but Sunday's episodes are a bit of a nothingness. I know, I couldn't understand why it was there. It was probably because they've got so much to pack in in the next week. It was, you know, there I was, you know, in the car, minding me own business, coming down the A3, thinking, I'll just listen to the arches, nothing much will happen. I've been telling you exactly where I was at every knife stab, you know, full and broad weight, you know, passing scream, and Rob died at Shepherd's Bush Corner. Yes, sort of imponders end. I'm just seeing if I can, I'm going to use this one next week. I love this. Pam Harper emailed me, tweeted me to say, do you watch the chase? Do you know what the chase is? That's the first thing. This is, this is apps. This is, this happened, right? Question, who was the first person to walk on the moon and the contestant said Buzz Aldridge? She said, now that's a story line. And yes, right. That's it. I've done the email in a rush. All right. Quickly font news. Yeah. All right. Everybody. Oh, no, no. I've got to go in a minute. Oh, no. This is going to be very quick, font news, right? Gill Sands. Gill Sands was developed from Johnson Sands, which is actually in Johnson Sands, is the font of the London Underground. But it's a mistake that absolutely everybody makes, and Gill Sands is nicer looking than Johnson Sands, and but yes, he's actually Johnson Sands and whatever. So stop it, stop it, stop it. I know. But proper people who studied this stuff at college, and I kind of half did. So Sarah Pechingham, I think that's your surname. Yeah. She said, I'm a typographer. I went to uni for this stuff, and she also thought it was Gill Sands as well. So it's a common mistake to make. And I think that that, stop everyone emailing Roy for your website. You got it wrong. And I think that the person who wrote that article on the BBC website could well be a dumb, dumb listener, because how the hell after we put out the show on the Monday, this is an article about Gill Sands and Johnson Sands and the relationship between. Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind, but still really important. Life insurance. Why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones, and can help them pay for things like a mortgage, credit card debt, it can even help fund an education. And guess what? Life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think. In fact, most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is. 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Then he took advantage of Amazon's on-the-job skills training program that helped him launch a new career in software development. Kenny liked that too. That led to a bigger paycheck, so he was able to get his youngest son a drum roll, please. Drum set. Next up, drum lessons. Learn more at about Amazon.com. Amazon. Everyday Better. Everybody kept on tweeting the same bloody article. Right, now advertising break. Come back other side. Touch immediately. Tweets of the week. Thank you very much, please. It's the story of a cultural superpower that danced and sprinted its way to success. It brought the world reggae, calm power, rasters, hip-hop, bop-molly, much more. Its story is told to you in full color for your podcasting years. It's the story of how Jamaica conquered the world. Search for it on iTunes. How Jamaica conquered the world. It's probably the best least known podcast and podcasting. Search for it today. I'm not going to fight. That's the right question. It's going fine. 1914. June. Sarajevo. The heir to the throne of Austria-Hungary, Archduke Franz Ferdinand. Assassinate. Killed by a Serbian nationalist. About six weeks later, World War breaks out. Germany. Austria-Hungary. Russia. Fritten. Everyone is drawn into its starting in August. And then, will America be drawn in? Listen to the first show exclusively on Mix Cloud Today and subscribe to us on iTunes beginning January the 18th. From Washington to Obama. 10 American presidents. The new podcast from Royfield Brown. Do you have a national trust sticker on your car? Do you think you could be best friends with Kath Kidsen? Do you spend hours wandering around the airport looking for an organic quinoa cafe because you refuse to go to Burger King? Then Sarah Smith cloths offer you. Available from Sainsbury's for the posher washer. Proud sponsors of Dumty Dum. I've just had a look at the Dumty Dum shop. They've got no track suits, but they do do t-shirts which are very flattering. Nice if you want to show off your figure a little bit. Nick couldn't carry one off of course, but I can. Good day everyone. Millie Bell here. I believe I've got a ripper of an episode to listen to, so I'm going to crack on with this so that I can get on and find out what all of us on Facebook is about. On our forum this week, so dumtydum.com and then just go to forums. We've been talking about pies, knives and elephants in the room. Robin Jess, remote control chicken house doors, celeb appearances and thief. So lots to get involved with on the forum and as I've said before, it is a really nice way to get to know some of our regular posters and listeners in a a less public setting. Facebook can be a little bit public, but you only find out for them if you're interested in dumtydum, so get involved, sign up, get involved. We'd love to hear from you. I also wanted to bring to your attention the fact that, well, first of all, the characteristics for March 2016 have gone up on our front page in dumtydum.com. I do like reading those, but also wanted to bring your attention to the two for one tickets for the Angela Bums, so her theatre show. She is an ex-podcast guest. I'm sure she'll be guest again in the future, but she has been on our show before and she has a great deal for our listeners in particular, and I'll really encourage you to go and support her. She's very funny young lady. On our Facebook page, we were asking whether anyone had any comments after a chilling scene between Rob and Helen. Some of us were hiding under the table, too scared to move, as he kept telling them to sit. Elizabeth's figure said, "Hello, I'm New One here," but Chuffed have found the place to talk about the archers. We're all looking for the resolution of the storyline, but I suspect this is going to take time, partly because it takes such a long time in your life, and partly because if I was a soap writer with such a cracking story, I'd want it to never end. Agreed Liz, but I think we do want it to end. However, why don't you call in to us and be part of the show with your views, because we would love to hear from you. Quentin Bennett says, "It all hangs on how good Helen is at acting Rob. I think she has had the epiphany and knows what is going on, and despite being fragile, we'll find her way through." I imagine having, although I have no experience, that swinging between being in denial and thinking you fast adult killing you is common for people emerging from an abusive relationship. Hopefully it's a case of every day a little step forward, even if there are a few back as well. Tessa Herring said, "When he told her to sit like a bloody dog, I'm afraid I shouted some very bad words at my radio. Paul Henry is going to need counselling as well at this rate." And Sue Gedge said, "The Thursday's episode was so disturbing, and it's a little details that add the twist of the knife. For me, not just Rob's appalling treatment of Henry, making the poor child throw both his Easter egg and his fluffy bunny into the bin, but the gift that was from Pat and Tony, but the fact that Henry was so attached to his rabbit he'd named it, that wasn't just any old rabbit. It was Thomas. And I quite agree. Lots of you have talked about how his relationship deteriorating with Henry that's really starting to affect you now, and I absolutely agree. As a grown-up, I've been maybe standing back a little bit from the storyline because I realized it's a storyline. But once he started to target Henry, which was a few, maybe a month and a half ago now, I have to say I started to become emotionally a lot more involved, so very well done to the script writers, and very well done to the actors as well, of course. So please get involved. We would love to see you on DundeeDum.com, or we would love to see you on our Facebook page. We would love you to call in. Remember, if you want to call in, go to DundeeDum.com. There is a little red button on the right-hand side you can use. Send or smile. So however you'd like to communicate with us, we would love it. And until next week, hoo-boo. Thank you, me, Libelle. Lucy. I do like, thank you very much, please. It makes me laugh every time you say it. We've just had a Twitter, by the way, from Ooh Yellow Car, who said, "I think I'm more excited about the DundeeDum take on things than tonight's the archers." That wasn't a tweet of the week, but whoever Ooh Yellow Car is has just tweeted it. Right, tweets of the week. There's too many. I'm sorry, but you know, stuff. Anyway, Min Monk said, "I am appalled, but my first thought was, 'Well, this is going to play havoc with the shop rotor.'" (Laughter) Nidraelken said, "And no circumstances will I be missing any episodes in the next weeks. In fact, I'm just going to book a room in Grey Gables." Anna Kenyon said, "I really hate custard. That was a very painful episode." (Laughter) "Shambridges!" Goodness me, "Shambridges" said, "I'm a bit annoyed with Kirsty for buggering off when she should have stayed hidden in a cupboard. Perhaps there was something good on the radio." "Paul Truman, hero of the hour, Paul Truman," said Haps off to the archers crew. Tonight's episode of the archers made the Red Wedding look like an episode of Countryfile. Fackers won. He said, "Oh my God, glad it's all been recorded. The cops will have to listen to back-to-back episodes on iPlayer and know what's been going on." Helen Barnard said, "I'm so pleased they didn't interrupt that with Ruth and the Fair Brothers being jocular. They might have been through the stabbings." (Laughter) "And my favourite, schoozer language." Kipper Kate, Kate James, who said, "Meanwhile, Henry pauses the DVD and rummages through the wheelie bin to find Thomas the Rabbit." "Fuck you, Daddy!" (Laughter) "That made me cry." (Laughter) "I didn't see that tweet at all. That was brilliant." "Oh, well done. The other thing is it will actually give PC harassment burns something to do when--" "You might find that bunting." (Laughter) "Well, he's probably still on the case with missing bunting, but he'd be called off that." "If they wrapped Rob's corpse in the bunting, Harrison still wouldn't be able to find it." (Laughter) "Bam, some more on!" "Oh, Lord!" (Laughter) "I'm happy now, I'm going to have to go back to bed for a bit, I think." (Laughter) "Where are we? End of the show." "Dumbdidumb.com, it's a site with all our dumbdidumb stuff on to go visit our shop." "Oh, the shop link didn't work. Somebody told me last week, but I made it work again, and I promise I will put up some team Kirsty's stuff. However, I think that I might have somewhat missed that marketing about it." "Oh, no, I think we can have free the average one." "Okay." "Yeah." "Well, we'll do that then. So, go on to the shop this week, because there'll be stuff and mugs and whatever to purchase. Remember, also it's got a forum and you can debate away, because I know some of you aren't on the Twitters and on on the Book of Face, so you can go on there and commune and debate and chat with your fellow arches, stroke, dumbdidumb fans." "Losing." At this point, I'd say it's, let's have some news of reviewing your sister, but in this whole kind of, I mean, bugger off. "Did I say that loud? I'm sorry." (Laughter) "I thought I thought it." "Yeah, no, your brain thought it and your mouth said it." (Laughter) "That was not..." "My ears did hear it." "There is a time for news of reviews and there is a time for not news of reviews, and this isn't either of them quite frankly, so we're not going to do this properly." "Well, I'm going to, yes. So, we're going to pass on." "Yes." "But there will be news of reviews maybe in a week or two times. If you would like to help, keep our little show on the road folks as to ways this can be done, you can do by hitting the donate button on our website or..." "Sorry, someone just mentioned as well, I forgot. When Helen stabbed Rob, I don't know if there was where you were, but where I was, there was a huge flash of lightning." "Seriously?" "And someone said, 'Lodiel, it's like it's come directly out of broadcasting house.'" (Laughter) "Um, yes, it was Suzanne Yates said, 'Did other Londoners notice a flash of lightning and huge thunderclap just after tonight's episode. It's as if it's shot out of BH.' "Yes, it absolutely did. I did too." "Yes, you can go to patreon.com also." "Search for Dumpty Dum, and you can donate $2 a show, which is about £1.30." "Right. Uh, remember to get in contact with us, you can send us a voicemail message via our website in the little red tabby thing called 'Speak Bipe' or you can call it on zero two zero three zero three one three one zero five to leave us a telephonic message." "There's many people did this week because you know what, Lucy?" "I think when people are kind of at work, all right, they can't necessarily, you know, just go on to their work computer, hit the red tab, 'Speak Bipe' and be talking into it." "But they can just pretend that they're, 'Oh yes, I'm making a very, very important call to a client.' 'Rightfield, Lucy. So yes, yeah, um, and of course, if you don't want to send us a telephone message or you can't, but you can find us on the social medias, we're on the twitters, we're at Dumpty Dum. Me, I'm at Royfield, that's R.O. I for India, F.I.E.L.D." "Sara Smith, @Sara_Smith, I'm at Lucy P. Freeman and Harriet is @Shambridges." "And we have had a little deluge of new Facebook local like us on our book of Face Page, which quite simply you just go onto the book of Face and type in 'Dumpty Dum' and then you'll bump into it. We had a shed load last week and people are chatting on about a knife to the gut's comma 'discuss' and it's all there. So Lucy, I actually think all things considered, we've done that justice, what do you reckon?" "Yeah, I think so. I feel like a wet flannel now." "You feel like a wet flannel?" "Yes, I feel old." "Well administered to your person." "No, well both really, but I feel a bit wrinkled and flat and worn out." "Well, I couldn't agree with you more. It's, you know, is it?" "Do you know who I want to hear his reaction to this? Susan. I can't wait to hear what Susan has to say. I know it's going to annoy me, but I still can't help it. I still want to know because she's spins. Are we so lovely that Rob?" "She loved Charlie and she loved Rob, didn't she?" "Yes. Yes, yes, yes." "I think we've just, we can't speak anymore now, can we?" "No, no, no. Right, goodbye everybody. Look after yourselves, have a lot of hot tea, sit down a lot, don't do anything exciting." "And remember, a knife is for chopping vegetables. As much as he might deserve it, you know, dobbing in to the correct authorities. Don't be stabbing him in the guts because you get yourself into a right load of hot bother and pickle if you do." "Yes." "That should have been the model of this story." "Is that like a parental advisory thing?" "Yes." "Do not try this at home." "Only stabbing and zombie apocalypse." "And then it's through the head." "Yes." "Okay." "Alright, doodly." "Bye." "Bye-bye." "That's it, we're done. All right, cool. I'm going to do some do, and then I'm going to get this out. It's a super fast name." "Just." Kenny's family health care benefits kicked in the day he started his hourly job at Amazon. With two kids, he was a big fan of that. Then he took advantage of Amazon's on-the-job skills training program that helped him launch a new career in software development. Kenny liked that, too. That led to a bigger paycheck, so he was able to get his youngest son a drum roll, please. Drumset. Next up, drum lessons. Learn more at about amazon.com. Amazon. Every day better. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get a hundred dollar credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. Linkedin, the place to be to be. She's cursed. She's new business name. I've just seen that on Facebook. Right, you're going to be going to go. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. [BLANK_AUDIO]

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