DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

DTD - Ep 102 - A cocksure talk of all things Ambridge

Goddess Deeva by proxy who’s fed up with Pip, Vicky from Cambridge who finally sees the point of Carol TobogganAndrew Horne who’s learned a lotFelistee and Jo Jo Sexy Heels who can both see attempted murder and Witherspoon who was surprised by George

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Duration:: 1h 11m
Broadcast on:: 21 Mar 2016
Audio Format:: other

My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B. But with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get a $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. Linked in, the place to be. To be. Why get all your holiday decorations delivered through Instacart? Because maybe you only bought two wreaths, but you have 12 windows. Or maybe your toddler got very eager with the advent calendar. Or maybe the inflatable snowman didn't make it through the snowstorm. Or maybe the twinkle lights aren't twinkling. Whatever the reason, this season Instacart's here for hosts and their whole holiday haul. Get decorations from the Home Depot, CVS and more through Instacart. And enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. Hi, I'm Sarah Smith. If you're the type of person that goes to Liberty as other people would go on Safari, and the fact that John Lewis doesn't have a funeral service makes you fret, Sarah Smith cleaning plots are for you. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's, for the posher washer, proud sponsors of Dumpty Dum. This week's show is sponsored by Jean Rose, who would like to ask you to give something to a very good cause. But it's not money, it's something much more vital, much more fundamental than that. You see, she wants your spit, or at least your saliva. Let me explain. Every year, many people are diagnosed with leukemias and lymphomas. These are cancers of the blood and lymphatic system. Unfortunately, her husband is one of these people, having been diagnosed with rare incurable lymphoma in 2012. Some of those diagnosed, well at some point in their treatment, require a stem cell transplant. This won't necessarily be a cure, but can help people live longer and more fulfilled lives. And here's where you can help. Request a spit kit from either AntonyNolan.org, if you're aged between 16 to 30, or deletebloodcancer.org.uk, if you're aged between 17 to 55. Simply follow the instructions, give a sample of your saliva, and that's it. Your saliva is tight matched, and you'll be placed on a register which is searched when someone needs a transplant. You could quite literally save someone's life. How great is that? And it won't cost you anything. Thank you, from Auntie Jean. (music) (music) (music) (music) (music) (music) (music) (music) Thank you, Valder. That was lovely. She does a best, but I still think of the St. Stephen's organ as Phil's. Phil's Sunday relief has popped over to New York to visit Anise, and she wanted to keep her hand in, and has to use our facilities for Easter while she was away. She brought her best dairy boots to wear in New York, but she still found the bottom parts a bit tricky. While she was tinkling our ivories, she actually did a dumpty-dum on our very own organ bench, and I was lucky enough to be there to catch the download. Over and out from New York Nigel and Happy Easter from Valder. (music) This is dumpty-dum the show about reality, doggy drama that's under the enambridge in the heart of the Midlands. I'm the 65th birthday party that is Royal Brown, and with me have a kleptomaniac guest that is Lucy Freeman. And the last part of any celebrations, folks, is you. Now, today's dumpty-dum is from Valder in New York and New York Nigel, who shows off his organ. He's chair-chorgon, folks. And Lucy, can you remind? Oh, listen, how do I go in the accolade of dumpty-dum of the week? If they've got a valder, and if they've got an organ, they're going to give it a will. If you'd like to sing us a dumpty-dum, give us a plot prediction or become chair of BL for the next week, at least. Then ring us on 0-20-3-0-3-1-3-1-0-5 or leave us a message on Speakpipe. Thanks to lovely shampages to Cosmo for his podcast round-ups, and to Sarah Smith for sponsoring us. Thanks also to Derek for learning back bedroom. Derek is in a very good mood this week. He was chatting with Peggy Woolley about the resignation of Ian Duncan Smith, and they both agreed that they've got no time for that kind of wooly liberalism. Oh, it's a proper turn up that, isn't it? What a liar, honestly. Oh, God. Europe! It's about Europe! Just say it. It's not about flipping disability benefit bulk. Anyway, it's just an old-fashioned one-nation Tory, and he says, "If we're all in together, we should all be in it together." On this week's episode, of course, from Goddess, diva by proxy, who's fed up with Pip. Vicki from Cambridge, who's finally seen the... Vicki from Cambridge is finally seen the point of cow to Boggan, Andrew Horn, who's learned a lot. Felicity and Jojo Sex Hills, who can both see attempted murder, and with a spoon who's surprised by George. But first, before the corner in her is before news of reviews, before Millie Bell, it's Lucy V. Freeman and a week in Ambridge. [music] Bert lost it with Linda. Sadly not too Linda, he lost it with Carol Tobogon as proxy Linda, about her admittedly ludicrously pompous scheme to open her garden to the public to celebrate their survival of the flood. Bert lost his wife. Linda nearly lost her dog. You can see why she's the natural choice. I'm confused now. We've got Linda's detergent garden or whatever it's called. Bert's garden for Frieda, the bull planting a rose for Frieda. What next? Why not rename the village watery doom and do tours of the Frieda Fry of Burial Henhouse? Shuler leapt out at Docky Locky from behind the roaded entrance as he came back from a run. She'd followed him up and down Lakey Hills, so she was panting a bit. He said, "I'll pop something on over my top." And Shuler said, "No need, first let the air get to you," and pulled his shorts down. Daniel is back from his regimental rugby tour. Full of it, he was, said Shuler. Brian, surprise, surprise, has been made chair of BL, an emperor of the known world. Jenny Darling described Justin as a cunning man. Yes, he is a cunning man now, Jenny Darling, but the second he appears in real life, you'll be hurling yourself at his brogues and smearing venison pasties all over his share options with your tongue out. Joe told Eddy about his super-secret surprise that they were going to tell him about anyway, so that was hilarious. Why does anybody bother, honestly? Linda appears to be reproducing the jarrow marches with her class-conscious socially-stuck rising interpretation of Beatrix Potter. I'm a puddle duck as a suffragette leader of the trade union on behalf of the National Association of Carrot Growers, Peter Rabbit, and flopsy mopsie cottontail and derrick Fletcher a striking coach minus. Ruth and Pip were left trying to practice with the cows. Push them into the building, drag them out. Apparently said Ruth, they have to convince the cows to go into that building because there are lovely dairy nuts in there. The only dairy nuts anyone's interested in looking in a building are her and David, but there we are. Lillian and Jenny Darling were trying to out-blue-stocking each other about Latin inscriptions above St Paul's, and then we had a big chat about fonts. At one stage, Jim was just reading them off the font list on Microsoft Word. Garamund, Tommy, Roman, is this what we pay our lives in before? Yes, as it happens, it is, if it means it keeps us out of gas-like cottage. Pip is on a rescue mission to save her relationship with Matthew, making the long journey up to Cumbria. She could take a corpse with her in the passenger seat for old timesake, and call me Cassandra, but I can see this not ending entirely well. She will be plummeting into the arms of a fair buttock before we can say dairy nuts. Don't do it, Pip. You'll have children called Clementine in India, and you'll have to go to Tuscany every year. Sorry, y'all. We end the week on a shocking note. I hope you all heard the advisory warning at the end of the episode, and it's certainly about time the BBC put this on. If any of you have been affected by Wayne Toussons singing, there is helping the end. That was shocking, wasn't it? Ooh, that's singing. I was staring in incredulity at my radio, and also it's the wrong way, isn't it? It's a new Wayne. To be honest with you, I wasn't around Old Wayne long enough to know that it was even a new Wayne, but... That was a nice, solid voice, but he did sound a bit like Alf. So, whether Old Wayne is now a new Alf. Oh, God. But anyway, new Wayne, I don't like him, and he can't sing. So, there. Which, you know, somewhat destroys the very heart of that character, because he's supposed to be a singer, isn't he? Exactly. As well as a bit of a near-do-well. Yeah. And a baker. And a baker. Interests, their do-welling and baking. Thoughts and feelings of the last week there, Lucy Freeman, away from your monologue stuff. You've got any? Gaslight cottage. I can see an end in sight. I'm feeling relieved. I can... Somebody cheered me up immensely by saying that they'd read ahead in the radio times, and it said Helen makes a phone call, or something, on Good Friday. So, I was thinking, "Yay, you'll ring, refuge, or she'll ring, curse to you, or she'll ring somebody." I thought that was very well done. The call with Kirsty and the refuge person. Well, it was a public information show, wasn't it? Yes. And I know that we have a many listeners, many old-time listeners of how to go at this storyline. But we have to at least take our hats off to the fact that not only has this storyline given great awareness to us as individuals that gaslighting exists, that coercive, what was the expression? Coercive control. Coercive control is a thing, because I didn't know it was a thing. It's garnered lots of press and publicity in the media. And we have to acknowledge that, and we have to then say that actually, this goes back to the original remit of the artists, which is to educate and also to inform. It's just that it's not about farming techniques. So, Mr. Rowe, we doff our caps to you in that regard. But all I've got to say is it's two years. Two years of the same thing. A listener said to me that her hubby said that it's abuse porn. Yes, there is an element of that. Yeah. We are seeing how you can do in every conceivable way. Yeah. Couple of instances of marital rape now, you know, just, but... I'll tell you what, let's not call it marital rape. Let's just call it rape, because rape is rape, isn't it? Lucy, well done, yes, you know. Yes. He's done it twice, at least. Yeah. Right, when he said, oh yes, no, let's have a nice evening again. I was thinking, ah, no, don't eat, you know, oh, God, it's just terrible. Yeah. Right, let's crack on with some calls. No, hang on, there was an inconsistency that I wanted to... Stop it. Inconsistency, the camera doesn't suck with that, it's under your head. No, that's why it sprung to mind, Royph, no. What the hell was it? I was very moved, I was, by Alf coming back, even though I'm not quite sure about him, and Joe's reaction. I thought it was very sweet. Joe sounded a bit wobbly, all of a sudden. No, it did, it did. And this didn't take me back to the arches of about 20 years ago, actually. And then the fact that, you know, money's gone out of Clara's purse already, you know, so... I don't remember Alf at all. No, it's not that I specifically actually remember Alf, but I remember that Eddie does have a brother, or did have a brother, who on occasion did wonder in, and was absolutely a wrong one. You know, not in a totally kind of evil way, in a kind of slightly pathetic way. Kind of, that's what I remember. And for me, it's in kind of in stark contrast to, you know, the storyline, which is kind of dominating the airwaves really, that we are remembering that the Grundy's specifically, there is a wider unit to the Grundy's. You know, the other Grundy characters, who occasionally do kind of wondering and wonder out type of thing. But that's all specifically, I couldn't tell you one storyline with Alf, but I just know that, you know, Eddie does have... Do you think this stuff going missed? Because it's quite ambiguous, isn't it? Stuff going missing out of Clara's purse. And then he makes a big fuss about how he has brought stuff in from outside of the farm shop to pay for it, rather than just me. Is this going to be one of those things where he gets accused? And then he says, "No, I'm going straight now. I can't believe you didn't believe me blah, blah, blah, blah." And it's all going to be about redemption, sort of thing. You know what, I think so. And that's the reason why it sounds like Deja will be all over again. Because, you know, we've had this kind of similar thing, I don't believe with, whether it's with Clive Horribin, whether it's with Alf, it's sort of, you know, it's... I tell you what, Alf's voice, though, sounds exactly like Tracy Horribin's dad, Susan's dad. Which reminds me, where is she? Yeah, I liked her. She was funny. Yeah, she was brilliant. Yeah, absolutely brilliant, but just faded out into the thickness, just as she was getting going. Yeah, yes. You know, yeah, I don't mind the retiring people who are kind of, you know, just minor or secondary or sort of on their way out anyway. Their storylines run, it's cool. But just, you know, when someone's just got going, it seemed, you know, just got into third gear, it seems a bit rude to suddenly throw them into reverse. But anyway, there we are. Who was she chasing after? Somebody inappropriate, she kind of quite fancied. Isti. Was it Isti? Isti Karr, yeah. So it was her against old tent flaps, and that didn't work out very well, did it? [LAUGHS] Who's now businesswoman of the, well, well, not nominated, but she'd be nominated. Anyway, right now, of course. [BELL RINGING] Hello, Ambridge 3962. Who's first Lucy V Freeman? Andrew Horn. Oh, Horny Boy. What's Horny Boy? Horny Boy? I'm not sure we should call him that. [LAUGHS] He's just been, he's just been up skiing, don't you know? Personal criticism in that, or personal comment. No, no, no, no, no, no, not at all. Not at all, not at all. All right, um, no, he's just been up skiing. Ezzy, Ducky Hib. Yeah, there's pictures of me all over the book of base, on the piece. Ah. Yes. Greetings Earthlings, Andrew Horn here. I have to say, the storyline that shall not be mentioned is catching up with me now. I felt physically sick on Monday night when I was listening to the recounting of the sleepwalking and how she'd been frightening Henry. And then the grooming before going to the-- to see the specialist, it was just, I think, the guardian I've used the word, or independent, creepy. It's beyond that. It is just horrific. But looking for brighter things, what good can come out of this, I mean, outside the story, I've learned an awful lot about this, about a subject I didn't know anything about, really. And, um, and I know, uh, Candida Beach, she feels the same from a tweet I saw earlier today. And there's, of course, the wonderful fundraising. So all I'm going to think about is focus on the positives, if all this activity prevents Helen having similar things to someone like Helen in the future, then some good will come out of it. Well, yes, he says he learned a lot from Helen and Rob. Everyone's talking about, you know, everyone's talking about it as if it's sort of ending, aren't they, which is good. Someone tweeted me on my Lucy V. Freeman account and said, "Could you tell me when it's finished and then I can come back?" No, it's, you know, you sort of feel responsible for people who aren't listening. Yeah, I think we all learned a lot. Don't want to learn any more. Thank you very much. Got it now. But we now move on to Felicity and Jojo Sexyhills, who have various intriguing ideas about how this could end. Hello Lucy and Ryfield and Dom Tiddamas everywhere. It's Felicity. Hope you're feeling very chirpy and spring-like. Or autumn-like, if you're down under. In terms of how long I've been listening, I can go back to the beautiful dark velvet voice of Nelson Gabriel and the days when he had an antique shop and I think Kenton was part of the antique shop and then they set up a wine bar together. So that's how far back I go. I have been listening on and off ever since and at the moment it's very much on and like Lucy. Every time we go over to Blossom Hill Cottage, I'm glued to the kitchen counter. Except I'm actually hunched over the radio with my hands metaphorically around my head for protection against whatever blows it's going to deliver. I wonder if Mr. O.C. is going out with a bang rather than a whimper and that when Helen finds out about Rob's plans to send Henry away to school, there will be an almighty physical confrontation and we will be left with the long-running story of a trial for either murder or attempted murder. Oh dear. Bye for now. Hi there, dumpti-dummers. It's JoJo Sexy Heels here. Was at the Santini edition at the BBC in London. Was a really good night, enjoyed meeting so many new faces. Another hundred episodes, who knows where the show could be. My thoughts this week are around the story that should not be named. I just had this moment and I thought I know how it's going to get resolved. I think that Titchinov's comeuppance is going to be caused because he has been trying to persuade Helen that she is the one with mental health problems. He's pushed her now to actually go to seek treatment and so now everybody knows. She's also mentioned the fact that she's sleepwalking. I think that Helen is going to sleepwalk and will actually kill Titchinov in her sleep and of course it will go to a trial and everything and she will be found not guilty because the balance of her mind was disturbed at the time and she'll get away with it and if she does it even when she's sober or awake or not even sleepwalking she can just say she was because all the evidence is there so she's going to get away with it. So that I hope is going to be the resolving of the whole storyline. Hello Dom Tidum, it's Vicki from Cambridge here. First of all I just wanted to say thank you for a brilliant 100th episode. It was lovely being there so enjoyed it and seeing everybody it was absolutely fabulous and to a lady called Kate who I spent most of the evening chatting to and it was a real pleasure to meet you. Right, the reason for the call, I'm afraid it is about that story that can't be named but it's a positive. I'm not going to talk about the details of the story but what I did want to say is "wahoo" for Carol Tobog and I never saw the point of her before but I do now. If she'd like to make it a dodgy potion so you know who then that would be great. The other thing was Kirsty listening to her talking to presumably the Samaritans or whatever the helpline was but I hope this could be a real positive to come from that storyline apart from the wonderful things like Paul Truman's collection and what that's done. It was just a real pleasure to listen to that and I hope that these two women are going to take Helen in hand and turn the story around. Very interesting hearing what he was saying on last week's podcast about possibly her doing a flip before he stood because looking in the... oh no I'm not allowed spoilers am I but looking in the radio times I think you might be right. Well I hope so anyway. So thanks again all the very best. Keep up the fabulous podcast and Toodaloo. So attempted murder either Helen is going to sleep walk over to Rob and accidentally on purpose chop his head off. What are you going to say is you're going to bother him then? Well yeah no I was thinking that that I thought no he wouldn't die enough so he'd need to be actually have his head chopped off. I wouldn't trust him anyway if he chopped that off it would just regrow. And yeah so we've got the sleepwalking thing or somehow he's going to hurt Helen so badly that he's going to be in a charge of attempted murder. I don't think so. I think that despite the the introduction of ha ha ha Ursula um pantomime Ursula oh no she didn't. I did find myself practicing saying Robert the other day like she does. Oh you're quite right Robert um but despite the sort of interdiction of that ridiculousness I think that it's going to stick to being very realistic and I think that Helen is going to see her chance to escape. She's going to wait until Ursula and um Ursula and uh Robert are out of the way. She's going to hell uh Henry um is going to say I'm going to daddy's new school um which is going to put the fear of God into her. Henry is her touch point. He's her he's her line that she doesn't cross. She'll put up with anything for herself but she won't put up with anything for Henry and she will grab Henry and they will flip to curse his house who will talk to the refuge lady and get her put in somewhere safe. What I didn't quite understand stroke believe was the fact that considering Rob's playing for very high stakes would be going to pass the Henry. What exactly why would you do that for five-year-olds? Yeah. You know if he's excited he's not going to be able to keep that. No. You know if he's worried and scared about it he's not going to be able to be wet in the bed even more. Yeah I think it's it's it's partly Rob's um superhuman belief that he can control everything and that he just says to Henry do not tell Henry will not tell um because they like to test people to see how much they can how far their control goes. Um but also I think he needs to warm Henry up to the idea so that when he does talk about it in front of Helen and Helen says well what do you think Henry? Henry will go I think it's a great idea. You sounded just like him. It's horrible isn't it? Yes Rob! But you sounded a little bit more present and in the room though Lucy. You did not record in three months ago. That's a very good Henry. Well done. Goodness Shambi's got a run for a money. I can personally backward four-year-old whatever he's supposed to have him sound so dense. I think you're right though. You've put your finger on it. That's the reason why he's told him so when the when the reveal comes to Mama that um he can say well you know I'm really excited because otherwise it's just bonkers beyond belief. Bonkers beyond belief. Yeah. Um is there any more um? No I'm not talking about it now. Okay. No don't care. Just get it over with. It's like going to the dentist. I know it's got to come. I know it's going to hurt. I won't like it. I'll feel a lot happier afterwards so I don't want to discuss how nervous I feel about it. I just want it to happen. Yes. Hold on. And I might cheat myself to an echo's cake afterwards. Anyway. We're the spoon. Hey baby I hear the blues are calling. Toss salads and scrambled eggs. Massive. Greetings Lucy, Rayfield, Millie Bell, and all dumpty-dimmers around the world. It's Witherspoon and Angus Haggis here. Angus is exhausted. He's just been barn dancing along with most of average in celebration of Eddy 65th. It's been a busy weekend average. First I'll give my font recommendations to Linda. Copper plate gothic bold. Why? I don't know. It sounds impressive enough for Linda's taste. Speaking of Linda why did Brian fall for her charade or charade if you prefer about casting? He would never have believed that the designation of Justin as a robber baron was purely coincidental and then be so easily connived into staying in the production. Brian does seem to have a weakness for giving into smooth talking women. I had to chuckle when Pip referred to Rex as being such a good mate. If that's not foreshadowing for future romantic complications I don't know what is. Now I happen to like Matthew so I hope he doesn't become a cad. I like Rex as well but unfortunately with Rex comes that Joker Bro of his. He thinks that the lives of Pip, Rex, Toby, and Josh are going to be intertwined for many a year to come. By the way did you take note that the returning Grundy Alf called his retirement age sibling Eddy Bro as well. That sound you may have just heard was my hand hitting my forehead in disbelief. And did you pick up on George calling Ed "Dad"? I thought that was a bit odd. What do you think? Okay now a bit about Helen and Rob. I wish I were a fly on the wall during the psychiatric evaluation. Did Helen even mention Rob's slap? I imagine not as Rob had coached her. But did the psychiatrist ask her about any physical or emotional abuse? Regarding the use of antidepressants during pregnancy certain ones can be used but are indicated in cases of severe depression which Helen does not presently have. It was odd that the psychiatrist gave her the option of taking them or not seemingly without any follow-up. Script writers you should have used me as a consultant on this one. So next week Angus and I are on a break. He's taking his first airplane trip as the two of us and handsome husband will be on holiday in sunny Florida. We look forward to getting our daily dose of the archers while sipping on a piña colada poolside. We will tweet a photo or two. Hey baby I hear the blues are calling toss salads and scrambled eggs. Massive. Did you see my dumpty-dum joke? No what was your dumpty-dum joke? How do New York psychiatrists like that? Oh yes. Are they spoons? Yes. Um how did Brian? This is a very good point. How did Brian let himself get talked into this stupid bloody pageant pants with Linda. Brian's never done any. The only time Brian would ever do any form of amateurinmatics is if they did something like you know 40 shades of grey and he was allowed to molest at Kirsty or something. You know even there's no way he'd get if he thought he was the chance of him getting his gig over. What's wrong with the missing 10 degrees? Oh sorry I don't know what is it 50? It's 50. It's 50 shades of grey isn't it? Blimey. Um so yeah I think that's nonsense he didn't sort of he's never ever had any he's the only person who can deal with Linda really. He just takes Mickey out of there and the idea of him sort of caving and going yes all right then I'll be you know he just wouldn't do it. He would be dignified for a start. And he would also see himself as actually been too busy. Yes yes you know a bit like you know David would never do it because he's just actually just too busy. Yeah except David really is. Exactly. Sitting around watching golf on the television. Yes um and yes I did notice George calling Ed dad. I did. I absolutely did. Because where the hell is William? We haven't heard from William and Nick for ages have we? No we haven't. Another storyline that's been conveniently tidied it up and put away in a cupboard where we'll forget where we put it. But it must be confusing for for the poor lad. You know so but yes I did. But no! But it says William no William sees um Georgey every week doesn't he? They've got very very strict um access agreement. You know they're in the same village it's not like Georgey is ever gonna forget. The thing is the thing is the thing is the thing I don't understand is that George has called William dad for how does he know? It's about ten isn't it? Yeah for ten years why would he suddenly start calling Ed dad does he call Ed dad and George dad and William dad because that's really gonna piss William off isn't it? But we don't know because William's apparently died as we never hear or see. He wasn't even at his dad 65th. Oh maybe he's just on some shoot somewhere you know beating or whatever. It tend not to do shooting at night for obvious reasons. I don't know your country folk you're all weird and peculiar. Yeah well we don't have a death wish though. All I've got to say is I noticed it too and I thought what and I thought it a little bit strange because he is a little bit old to start changing what he calls uh yeah yeah. Did he cause he called him Eddy but he called him Ed before didn't he? Yeah yeah mum and Ed. Yeah yeah very odd. That probably heralds as it's as it's a thing. That probably heralds the return of William then for another row and a race. Well yeah how I missed the days when the biggest stress we had was William and Edward. And Ed would. Punch up in the ball. Kane and Abel. Yeah. What else did with his spoon bladder on about loose? Uh that was it really. Really? Yeah goodness I hope you've got lots of e-mailer in a risk. I have. I've got a very funny one from Feek. Go on then. Um who as a result of you saying reminded me of reminded you of Reek last week from Game of Thrones. I then had a horrible dream about Reek and that horrible bit where they're chasing through the forest and they rip anyway. Um oh do you remember when you heard he's thinking? Yeah shut up. Ah la la la la. Um did it grow back? Probably. No I shouldn't think so. Hi folks. This is one of my favourite emails we've had at Dumpty Dum. Hi folks. I'm a man. I said last week that I have a wife so I'm a man. Oh of course modern things mean that I could be a woman but I'm not. Anyway as the follow-up to my email last week I've just started watching Mr Selfridge on the recommendation of someone at work and in the second episode I thought hello I recognize that voice and very quickly realize that the matriety at the restaurant is none other than that rob-titching-ob. It was only a quick appearance so I've not yet worked out whether he's a goodie or a baddie but my instant reaction was to not like him. I know that's totally logical but hey that's what I thought. That's not logical at all I think it's perfectly reasonable. On the subject of Clary I appreciate that new Clary is actually new old Clary but I prefer the old Clary as opposed to new old Clary. Perhaps we should fall like a current Clary to avoid confusion. To me current Clary sounds as though she's trying to be Pam Ayers and that doesn't work. Keep up the good work. Thank you very much. Yes she does sound quite Pam Ayers-y. In fact when she first appeared Twitter was full of people going is that Pam Ayers? Uh obviously it isn't. Stephen Perkins is Pam Ayers stalker in work. I'm worried about her. Pam Ayers is a stalwart. She is amazing. She is still touring. She does huge tours, national tours and she is booked up within about a minute of it going online and she still appears on Radio 4 quite often and she's yeah bloody brilliant she is. There's something quite warm and cuddly and sexy about Pam Ayers as a little 12 year old may seem to remember. Aww. Like you really just wanted to nozzle into a bosom type of thing so she's like yeah. I don't look up poetry in a way wish I looked after my teeth as they foamed in the waters beneath and all that. I don't like that but I do like the anecdotal stuff she does about uh she's just she's very good about just being an English woman of a certain age with her husband who gets on her wick and going to the garden center and keep fit and things like that she's just very accurate. She's kind of like a very very gentle quirky quiet more sort of country Victoria would really. She's great. It's gonna say you're a bit like Pam Ayers then really you've kind of described yourself there. You know minus the poetry but just put in you know dooblon tondras and like you know Rubits. Yeah. I've crossed with round the horn. Um oh I wish. No yes that was a very nice comparison sadly unwarranted but yes she's one of my my heroes I think she's brilliant and she's done it very like Victoria would she's kind of done it under the radar no one knows about her she's very down to earth she just gets on with her thing and she doesn't go on loose bloody women or anything like that. She hasn't got a big media profile has she? Because I just thought you know she was probably down the benefits dull office or something. Oh yeah very well nothing could be further from the truth. Goodness. See it is possible to be successful without parading your success around in front of everybody. So basically she's not on Twitter tweeting 24/7 there. No she's not good for her. Steven Perkins says on your last podcast you express curiosity about where we all are when we listen to the archers oh whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa did I actually say when you listen to the archers or did I mean when you listen to dumbly dumb because if that's what I said I meant dumbly dumb to be honest with you. Oh well he's told us where he is when he listens to the archers. Well I'm not interested. Shall I not read it then? No go on. I have a 15 minute walk to the station every morning so the archers is the perfect duration to listen to along the way. Due to my emotional over investment it's some of the story lines you and us both mate. This has led to a few embarrassing moments like involuntary shouting oh you utter shit that Rob Titchler wants in the middle of a quiet residential street cheering loudly when Helen called Robber bastard and this morning shouting yes Casti yes when she turned up a blossom hill cottage on the rescue mission. I have started to think the people who live on my street suspect me of having Tourette's. Yes I am still doing the clinging to the worktop as is Felicity as she said in her call. Yes clinging to the worktop still can't listen on headphones. I will return to the headphones because I used to listen when I listened used to listen to the podcast when I was taking the dog for a walk through epic forest in the mornings but now I can't because I can't have Rob with me in the woods that's even worse than just having him on my headphones. So I have to listen to him in the kitchen and I'm usually holding a knife and chopping something and I can shout oh shut up the second he appears I go shut up shut up horrible man anyway Cosmo in Sydney listening to Alf's return I now fear greatly for Joe. You are a little ray of sunshine aren't you Cosmo? Assuming that all Joe sees is a happy reconciliation of his sons and I do wonder if his fam as long will finally see him off. I'm not at all convinced Alf has reformed we shall see. Right I'm completely mystified by this what has happened to the mafia story he says I was looking forward to machine gun equipped cows grazing the herbal laser home farm making brown office he couldn't refuse although I think Justin may have already done that to Lillian. What what what what what mafia story what's he on about? He's not on about the Russian nonsense is he? I don't know no one cares about that. That's a discontinued uh archer spin officer. Discontinued due to lack of interest. I noticed that Shuna was not bothered about deadly Doc Dick's clothing when they met this plus her use of the Prince Charles line about the meaning of love means she certainly seems to be regretting her life choices. I can see I can see a bit of a a bit of a punch-up over Doki Loki between Elizabeth and Shula. Well that's not gonna be a punch-up is it? No it'll be it'll be a John Lewis punch-up. What's one of those then? It will be all passive aggressive tight-lipped. Do you really think you should be moving on so soon? Elizabeth blah blah blah blah. So soon from Roy? Yes. Because Nigel's been dead about five years. Yes I know but if it was anyone else Shula would be going hurrah get on with it but as it's Doki Loki she's very protective isn't she? I mean if you can if you think that you are entitled to go sailing in and organise a party in someone else's house and invite all your friends that they don't know I think that does give you that does indicate some sort of entitlement. Just while we're on this party thing yeah because I frequently... Well just I'm going to put Eddie's party to one side because I think that's a legitimate party right but the amount of parties that are had in Ambridge which are completely just plot devices for throwing thrown people together it's a little bit tiring. I know it's a little bit tiring. Oh Ursula's about to go let's have a tea and cake party. You know it's like what? You know and then in this case of oh no one will be there it will just be be me and henry. That cup of tea that's not a part isn't it? Yeah just say we'll come round and have a cuppa before she goes. Come back and say come in and say goodbye yeah hoping yeah I know ridiculous. And you're completely right the doggy lucky so welcome to the village I'm going to you know come round to your house and organize a party. This is bomb cuz beyond belief. You just hand over vast amounts of money for the booze and the food and I'll organize all that you don't know. You know you barely know me I haven't seen you in how many years however you know is it. Shall I organize a leaving party for you Roy for now just invite all my friends you just give me loads of money I'll buy lots of gin and invite all my friends around. You needn't even come actually it's fine. Funnily enough somebody did ask me the other day if I was going to have a little bit of a leaving day. Well I think I'm just going to just scut luff. Yeah good and good end to gatwick and just just the scut luff and just you know well goodbye to Blighty. My mum's so contrary you know. My mother for years has been saying boy go west go west right so when I actually say I'm doing it then she says how dare you. No consideration for me father what about us you know it's fine wait a minute mom you've been saying for five years I should have immigrated to America and she didn't know what happened. Lucy as the sales confused was putting it mildly as always eating me rice and peas yesterday rather than a table very confusing. So is she really upset? I can't work it out. You see I cannot walk it out. I was sat there somewhat dumbfounded because she's been the biggest proponent for emigrating for years but I don't know I suppose the realisation is actually going to happen to just kind of hit her. Yeah you know anyway. So we've got email winners have been done and they call that in Germany they call that a Polish goodbye and in oh there's a we have an English we used in the in the 1930s there was an English version of it I can't believe what it is and it's when you go you just sneak off without saying goodbye properly and it's yeah when you go to a party when you're at a party and you know that if you say if you announce right I think I'm gonna make a move then everyone goes oh no have another drink or have it and then you have to go around and say goodbye to people and you finish up saying goodbye to people you never said hello to which means you're then stopped there for another hour saying hello and goodbye to them and then someone gets you another drink and then before you know it it's three o'clock in the morning and you're in a hedge so you do a Polish goodbye which is where you say I'm just popping to the loo and then you just disappear and then it takes about four to five minutes later everyone says wait where is Sam said and then and then you yeah so you're going to do a Polish goodbye mmm you know a part is a good one when you go into the bedroom to get your coat and there's a couple rolling around on the bed oh that was yes oh i'll just get my coat there do you have to do a go how long do you think because i need to get my coat thing is you don't need to be doing the business on your coat oh actually get the name of the dress to give them dry cleaning bill certainly all right let's come back the other side with a touch of me like and tweets of the week oh oh we've forgotten someone go on goddess diva said he wasn't goddess diva it was her daughter person hello don't you dumbus it's no a grace here who is father stevers daughter person the reason i am calling instead of her is because she has lost her voice she has a horrible cold and she sounds really quirky so she can't do it herself so i'm gonna do it for her she is with me a little list of things to say so this is what she would say she would say fuck fake new pips will you stop going on them either go see him or get yourself to answer them as roof and deeded she's written it like that there has to be a better way to ask for and approve and you will leave so fluff through in our lashes and saying please Karen is back yes now just need us to kick the fuck out of her silo in a village shop whilst using carter films it's a youtube then grab kirsey sallen list the silander some point easter and go after titching our blood the warrior queens they are if pc harassment carpet burns gets killed in the mele i can live with that storky twat i am annoyed at the introduction of Ursula not because she is cantamomone she isn't not because she's unrealistic she isn't abuse is often a learned behavior what i am pissed off about is that there is now a woman between rubs behavior on which was the editorial decision they got wrong i'm wondering what the fuck he has to do before some people stop giving in the benefit of the doubt and this didn't help right amos need to coordinate rub killing to use a carol and the girl goddess diva out so yeah i hope that was all right thank you no a grace who was acting on behalf of goddess diva because goddess diva's lost her voice um but it was a lovely call and i think i think um no a grace should ring in just generally anyway really i don't guess she doesn't listen um she has a lot of advice for everybody goddess diva which is very good she wants to have her own advice column and moments that doesn't sound like goddess diva doling out the advice and she talked about pit being such a whoosh sort of being you know please can i have a day please can i have some holiday we know she's employed properly on a farm isn't she she's a regular employee so she doesn't have to kind of prostrate herself to get um uh time off you know if she's owed holiday she can take it i mean i know it was short notice but it's it's just a bit kind of um it's a bit lillian isn't it again it's a bit sort of flappy abouty and not very assertive well i i think that's harsh in the extreme i just think that yes she's an employee but she's also the employee's daughter and um they know that she's lovesick and she would completely not to be explained in some whatever sappy dappy way the reason why she wants a day off that completely rings true for me however though i'm all for love uh i do think it's all a little bit sappy and a little bit kind of oh come on but as i said before how long did she know Matthew was it like three weeks she was in that cottage quick time there wasn't she first date yeah you know she's one of those girls you know and he's definitely one of those boys so um they did speed through things pretty fast didn't they i just think she's you know her she's putting all josh's eggs in one basket isn't she she's kind of taking things to she is treating this hugely seriously because she hasn't got because she hasn't had much experience apart from that stupid dude and Spencer and you know she's acting like a 16 year old and you forget that she's 21 well she's a little bit older than 21 now isn't she but that's even less of him yeah but Lucy we've had this conversation before if she can't be a little bit head over heels and silly in her early 20s when can she be kind of some slack she she works hard that that pip let let her kind of play hard too okay yeah but she's not she's just wondering about mooning isn't she sorry that's after droll she's mooning about i don't think the fair brothers wouldn't mind that at all if it was mooning plus it would give them some other partner bike anyway uh shall we do a tweet to the week oh no we're good to do really Bell haven't we cosign drew up to do yes all right so for the second time of announcing we're going to go and have a commercial let's talk about something that's not always top of mind but still really important life insurance why because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage credit card debt it can even help fund an education and guess what life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think in fact most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is so with state farm life insurance you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank not sure where to start state farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget get started today and contact a state farm agent or go to statefarm.com selling a little or a lot Shopify helps you do your thing however you cha-ching Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business from the launch your online shop stage to the first real-life store stage all the way to the did we just hit a million orders stage Shopify is there to help you grow Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting checkout 36 percent better on average compared to other leading commerce platforms because businesses that grow grow with Shopify get a one dollar per month trial period at Shopify dot com slash work Shopify dot com slash work 1-800-Flowers dot com knows that a gift is never just a gift a gift is an expression of everything you feel and helps build more meaningful relationships 1-800-Flowers takes the pressure off by helping you navigate life's important moments by making it simple to find the perfect gift from flowers and cookies to cake and chocolate 1-800-Flowers helps guide you in finding the right gift to say how you feel to learn more visit 1-800-Flowers dot com slash a cast that's 1-800-Flowers dot com slash a cast let's talk about something that's not always top of mind but still really important life insurance why because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage credit card debt it can even help fund an education and guess what life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think in fact most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is so with state farm life insurance you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank not sure where to start state farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget get started today and contact a state farm agent or go to state farm dot com my dad works in b2b marketing he came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend my friends still laughing me to this day not everyone gets b2b but with linkedin you'll be able to reach people who do get a hundred dollar credit on your next ad campaign go to linkedin dot com slash results to claim your credit that's linkedin dot com slash results terms and conditions apply linkedin the place to be to be so julan and come back the other side with a touch of milli bell and some tweets of the last seven days it's the story of a cultural superpower that danced and sprinted its way to success it brought the world reggae calm power rasters hip hop bob molly much more its story is told to you in full color for you podcasting years it's the story of how jamaica conquered the world search for it on iTunes how do you make a conquered the world it's probably the best least known podcast and podcast on search for it today 1914 june serievo the heir to the throne of austria hungry archdupe fran's Ferdinand assassinated killed by a serbian nationalist about six weeks later world war breaks out german austria hungry russia franth written everyone is drawn into its starting in august and then will america be drawn in listen to the first show exclusively on mix cloud today and subscribe to us on iTunes beginning january the 18th from washington to obama ten american presidents the new podcast from ryfield brown do you have a national trust sticker on your car do you think you could be best friends with calf kitson do you spend hours wandering around the airport looking for an organic quinoa cafe because you refuse to go to burger king then sera smith cloths offer you available from sainsbury's for the posher washer proud sponsors of dumpty-dum i've just had a look at the dumpty-dum shop they've got no track suits but they do do t-shirts which are very flattering nice if you want to show off your figure a little bit nick couldn't carry one off of course but i can good day everyone millie bell here and we've had another big week both on the dumpty-dum forum and on facebook so let's start with facebook this week uh in which we asked the question of what had grabbed your attention in ta this week there was so many things happening uh quington benet said the background music uh overgene preferences book references curtains kitchens fonts was i listening to a different program all i heard was rob and by the time i recovered it was back to robin erstula after quietly thinking you baster to myself it was barret green they were telling me there was something else going on i'll have to go and listen again well do quington because there was a lot going on this week jan mitchell said the ominous arrival of alve i didn't know that eddie had a brother alve before today but clearly he's a scoundrel oh please don't let me hang around as long as he who will not be named has he's been in it out before jan i don't think we'll see him for too long mazie jett said no to background music at the tea rooms when hellen and phallen were talking crimee river how appropriate actually it's one of my favorite things to do with the arches mazie jett is to listen to the background music because he's always appropriate frankie ross said reference to diana wing jones howl's moving castle love all her books and hm c was my first and many more in that vein so if you'd like to go and see what others notice this week please jump onto our facebook page just search for dumpty dum and then like and join the other thousands like us uh and i also talked about the fact that there was a sublime moment on dumpty dum this week when doctor who got a mention and uh the arches is my secret passion because nobody really knows it so there's no point in sharing it but anybody who knows it knows that i love doctor who and i just thought i was one for and i just wondered has this ever happened to anyone else and peter mabot uh doctor who has public compassion as the artist for me like you peter i can't tell anybody and with a spoon pea makosh wilson that that bit also said yes the same but doctor who is my public passion and t8 is my secret passion or is it the other way around and mabret Worthington pointed out that they detect even happy valley this week surveying the carnage at the farm and saying an everyday story of country folk okay so we also um have our dumpty dumpty forum of course and some fabulous things happening uh on the forum uh people are talking about uh whether we should get together and have an international recording of dumpty dum which would make Royfield happy because i know he um he likes as many people as possible truth only with their dumpty dums uh there's a discussion about the grondie brothers versus the fair brother brothers uh there's an interesting one about kenton and whether he has a tied pup and if it's not wise you're not uh selling more boutique beers i think they're called boutique beats here i'm not sure what they're called over there or somebody asking whether we've switched off because of rob and it was cathing jago said would you let your children listen and this is an interesting question because jeremy and i used to listen to me are just together and we can't now i can't have her listening to something that is so depressing and awful over such a long period of time i don't think it's healthy forum so of course she knows about domestic violence and she does know the storyline because she asked me but i just don't want to hear that horrible manipulation day after day that's just an individual decision of course. Paul Robinson asked about the remote control chicken house doors he's pointed out something really that i hadn't occurred to me but he's quite right how will they know that the last truck is in uh when they shut the doors and um that's there's some lovely debates on all of those on our forum so if you would like to go to dumpedidumb.com and then joining the forum we would love to hear from you so that is all from me for this week um i am in high spirits because we have changed from summer to autumn and for the first two days in a very very long time i actually feel as though i can bring you so uh from sunny australia to you wherever you are please join in and i will speak to you soon hooroo thank you miss bell can you hear my dad soaring is that i was going to say somebody's soaring what's he soaring you know you know these are oap's are like in the face of chair legs i mean he's just bored there's something about the the wardrobe in in my room something about the door but you know that just potters around oh yes you know there's a there's a slight squeak on that door you know let's let's oil that and saw it down you know i don't know anyway i want to come in i love your dad no he's busy in the other room soaring away um but he's making his presence fail you'll probably go back in your room and find that you're now in twin beds yeah so thank you miss bell um Lucy yes um why don't you uh crack on and tell us which tweets of the last seven days have been the bestest okay a warning most of these are about rob sorry uh this one isn't uh skyser said did jolaine's did jolaine say swing your partner or swing for your partner i think probably the bad mood everyone was in really clarry saying to out um this is a rented house so we want everything to stay where it is kind of would probably swing for your partner um eon at rutherion said would you call his behavior controlling and the answer is does lillian like jin uh morris cobelt said at the denou more as hellen dismember's rob she should do so to the strains of glory agayna all right music editor yes i think that's a lovely idea uh the last rape scene hmm um when rob said oh i'm cold blah blah she said i know a way to warm you up rob this is rachel where trical two i know a way to warm you up kind of paraffin and a zippo absolutely and my favorite was there she rides says i think the tweet of the week it is i think that all babies born this year should be named after kirsty including hellens son especially him i named this boy kirsty yes excellent what would the male version of kirsty be christian christian or something another no it wouldn't would it probably christopher yeah kirsty's gonna be yeah you're right it does a corruption of christopher well done you'll clever well i don't know about university education the university education was not wasted in that i can work out what a bail imaginary soap opera character would be called had she been a boy three years on the student loan to produce that kind of gem fantastic it's the end of the show at least we winding down anyway Lucy um there's a quick make go to domydom.com to visit our shop and to partake in the forum and just general things that happen on domydom.com and um there's some hot debate this week about the most irritating character and about the international domydom sing along idea which Andrew Wright is trying to organize if you want to join in uh with this international domydom go on to domydom.com now if i can uh just quickly backtrack because it sounded like i was to the end of talking about domydom.com um if i can get my acting gear which is highly likely that i won't be able to you might be able to order some team kirsty merch uh this week uh but if it's not there it's because i didn't get me act together but if i did i did if it is i did i mean uh Lucy yeah i know sorry guess what time it is girlfriend oh news news news of reviews from the United Kingdom we have procrastinating again who wrote hilarious podcast random tangents not kidding clever insights to the archer storylines and two fantastic hosts thank you also big love to Royfield sub Andrew Horn and lastly we have a review from hard taskmaster oh i'll say that again sorry and lastly we have a review from hard taskmaster uh absolutely cracking podcast hilarious good nature dart just fun with sparkling to and throwing between the two very able hosts week in week out that's w-e-e-k by the way if you would like to help our little show and to help keep it on the road there are two ways this can be done you can do this by donating by hitting the donate button on the site or you can go to patreon.com search for dumpedy dump and you can donate two dollars a show which is about one pint that year remember to get in contact you can send us a voice message via speak pipe on our website which is dump.com we call us on zero two zero three zero three one three one zero five to leave us a message if you can't get on to the website then you've got a phone it's something that sits in your pocket in your purse on your dresser side table or maybe on your coffee table in your hallway like my mom and dad oh you can find us on social media specifically twitter where we're at dump-j-dum i am at Royfield i'm at lucie freeman sera smith is at sera underscore smith and Harriet is at chambroaches on the book of face you can also find this by simply typing in dump-j-dum and bumping into the growing band of lyca lurkers that live there um he stopped soaring he has he's obviously sorted out the wardrobe wardrobe door um let's see um do you have a sign up for our business um hang in there it will it's nearly over and you can celebrate with a chocolate egg oh sorry sorry sorry i have to remember i was very very remiss last week and i did not thank jam from can for my cinnabons which arrived they went over the road by mistake and over the road opened them and then thought who the bloody hell is sending us buns and then checked the address and realized it was to me not them so returned them with apologies and they were delicios they were lovely and i had them for breakfast me and the children and Simon all had one and they were yum well i had a little bit of a mystery this week and uh jam from can you might just want to potentially put me out of my misery uh because i had a note uh saying that i had a package which was too big to get through my letterbox so i had to go down the post office so i went down the post office only for the man behind the counter to tell me they only keep things for 14 days and it's gone back return to send her how did it take the 14 days to get to the post office because i don't live in the place that i only see exactly so i i so i'm completely not totally confused and now it was me i've bought you a huge thing well um can you send the huge thing back to me if you've already got one then now you've got two huge things oh did you see that if you've seen that what a huge thing the man with two willies it's a good thing yeah yeah no google it google it it's it was massive on reddit about eight months ago they didn't ask me anything yes it was well no and he can both of them are functional both are functional and i think like side by side or one behind the other or what side by side no way and and and he swings both ways well he would but no i kid you not this is already so many people say oh this is nonsense but no it's absolutely real there is the photographic evidence and they ask me anything on and uh does he get trousers that fit him well you just think just as just as child just just dressed to the left or the right or do you plan yeah he just parts down the middle right in this one but no and and he's and he's very happy and he doesn't want surgery and he's happy which one does he we out of he can you know i can't remember what he said about that but but but i maybe just all i know is that they both work in all senses of the word work well i'm kind of quite tempted to google this now but i didn't i think it's absolutely fascinating absolutely fascinating you know you'd think there is a massive uh career for this person in in porn but they've they've swerved that and he has a regular job and you know 99.9 percent of people in his life have no idea uh other than um he's standing next to him at the in the gents well then he goes eenie meenie meenie mo and then they think eh well i think he's safe to say he always goes into the cubicle but uh yes he doesn't want to shock anybody but uh you know what hey you just glanced to your left or to your right but yes mmm yeah so uh on on that uh oh no there is another note as well is that um we were supposed to work um oh yes mr bentig on the show this week now he is coming on uh but he's coming on in may uh so if you sent through a question scarlet sparrow did i know yes um your question uh will be uh put to him then but we will be having terry meloy on in about a month's time so yeah so exciting times exciting times all right so on that bombshell of the man with two penises uh i think we can safely and i know behaviors if they have to when they're feeling when they're feeling um they're feeling what Lucy when where are you going with this i'm not i'm going to shut up no if it's scrap that yes blah blah blah blah no that that will definitely be left in the edit uh so the men in your life um display certainly i was thinking some of the men cocky behavior yes some of the men at work and say a very cock sure of myself as my corporate client quite often i think i can't quite believe he's cocky bastard to be honest yes hmm overly cocky he's too cocky by half too cocky to be sure oh that'll be a fantastic show goodbye everybody goodbye well done but what a note to end on absolutely absolutely

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