DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

100 not out

On this week’s episode we have calls from: Tiffananda who loves BrianWitherspoon who wonders who the Hilary Clinton of Ambridge isHappy 100The podcast provided a unique opportunity to hear Shambridges real voice as she joined Lucy & Roifield at the recording which opens with the live rendition of Dum Tee Dum.Lucy gave us her usual brilliant dissection of the week's events. There are cast contributions; some special Shambridge inserts; plus a range of celebratory calls, comments and emails.What prevents more people calling? Shyness shouts the lady in the audience! In contrast Shambridge revealed some nervousness at talking to a microphone without a script!80 minutes of fun to be heard. No prior DTD, the Archers or podcast listening experience needed.KosmoVicky Cole who wants a home birth rantAndrew Horne who says hurrah for HenryNew York Nigel, Blithe Spirit, Andrew White, Felistee, Jacqueline Bertho, Aunty Jean, Susan Rae who are just generally lovely!And a special message from a caller in South Africa.

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Duration:: 1h 26m
Broadcast on:: 08 Mar 2016
Audio Format:: other

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Blue Nile offers an endless selection of bold gold styles, gemstone jewelry, and classic diamond pieces. So, you can take your holiday party look to new levels of glam, or gift yourself elegance for every day of the year. Shop now for up to 50% off jewelry at Blue Nile dot com. Hi, I'm Sarah Smith. If you're the type of person that goes to Liberty as other people would go in Safari, and the fact that John Lewis doesn't have a funeral service makes you fret, Sarah Smith cleaning plots are for you. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's for the posher washer. Proud sponsors of Dumpty Dum. This week's show is sponsored by Jean Rose, who would like to ask you to give something to a very good cause. But it's not money, it's something much more vital, much more fundamental than that. You see, she wants your spit, or at least your saliva. Let me explain. Every year, many people are diagnosed with leukemias and lymphomas. These are cancers of the blood and lymphatic system. Unfortunately, her husband is one of these people, having been diagnosed with rare incurable lymphoma in 2012. Some of those diagnosed will at some point in their treatment require a stem cell transplant. This won't necessarily be a cure, but can help people live longer and more fulfilled lives. And here's where you can help. Just spit kit from either AnthonyNolan.org, if you're aged between 16 to 30, or deletebloodcancer.org.uk if you're aged between 17 to 55. Simply follow the instructions, give a sample of your saliva, and that's it. Your saliva is tight matched, and you'll be placed on a register which is searched when someone needs a transplant. You could quite literally save someone's life, how great is that? And it won't cost you anything. Thank you, for Monty Jean. This is Dum de Dum, the show about the reality doc drama that has centered in ambridge in the heart of the Midlands. I'm the noble Centurion that is Roy Field Brown, and with me I have the 100-year war that is... Lucy Freeman. And the last part of our 100th anniversary folks is you. Give yourself a round of applause. Now, today's Gum de Dum, it's a rather lovely and sweet one from you, so give yourself another round of applause. Because we are live, and we're at the BBC Club in London, that is London, England, not London, Ontario for our Canadian listeners, and you people are here to celebrate with us, because how many have we done again, Lucy? 47. No. What you got in that drink here is there. This is our 100th, and Lucy, but before we crack on, because we are going to crack on, aren't we? We're going to keep you tight this week. Right. No flabby podcast this week. Can you remind our listeners of which we have a first metering with us here today, how I think we're in the accolade of Dum de Dum of the week. Yes, if you would like to sing us a Dum de Dum, coax your pansies to bloom with a hair dryer, or have a quick sodgeon when no one's looking, then ring us on 02030310105 or leave us a message on Speakpipe, thanks to lovely chambrages, who is actually here with us. Harriet Carmichael, famed in Song and Story, who has consistently provided us with absolutely jaw-dropping impersonations of archers people, thanks to Cosmo for his podcast roundups and to Sarah Smith for sponsoring us. Thanks also to Derek. For helping to shift his unfeasibly large equipment out of the back bedroom and into the BBC club, Derek is slightly overexcited at being here tonight, and he splashed out on a new pair of jeans, but luckily it came off, and you can hardly see the stain now. It's you. Sorry, I was tweeting. I know. Sorry about that. Except you said we have calls from Sarah, who wants Ursula to unzip her bodysuit, Tifananda, who loves Brian, with a spoon, who wonders who the Hillary Clinton of Ambrage is, Vicki Cole, who wants a home, birth, brand, Andrew Horn, who's here with a dickie boat, rather jaunty, who says, "Hoorah for Henry!" And then we have a whole smattering of congratulatory calls from New York Nigel Bly spirit, Andrew White, Felicity, Jacqueline Bertol, Auntie Jane, I love me some Auntie Jane. Susan Ray, Dusty Substances, and they're all just generally being quite lovely and nice, so we've got lots of calls. Oh, and we also have an extra special call from South Africa, which is very good. That made me laugh like a train when I heard it. It's very, very, very good. But first, folks, before all the good bits, you're going to have to soldier through, you know, soldier through, Lucy V. Freeman and a week in Ambrage. We began the week with Bert, talking movingly about the floods and how it was like David being lost in the wilderness, wandering around asking why has thou forsaken me and why has my wife cleared off to New Zealand and why is the corpse of my mother-in-law sitting in a service station outside Newport Pagnall being asked if she wants AA membership? I found solace in prayer, he continued, "When I found myself asking, why freed her and not rob Titchener?" After a bit of crutching at Rutgers, we trotted over to Home Farm, where Lillian was using her appliance in the kitchen again. There was a distinct buzz, and then she said it had been that sort of lunch with Justin Blimey. The reoccur must have been good. She then got cornered by Toby, who sadly remains uncrudged. In his bid to court the older women of Ambrage and persuade them to fund his wretched pastured eggs. Toby has Justin in his sights. He's developing technology whereby each of Toby's eggs will feature a picture of Justin Elliot grinning as he emerges from a hen's bum. Daniel is off to South Africa to play with, shut, funny, blah, blah, blah, blah. Daniel is off to South Africa to play with funny-shaped balls for the regiment. Carry on, hebdenloyd. Linda has been hunting for a unifying theme for her garden. Most people spend this time of year searching for the hoe they left there in October. Anyway, Jimus has encouraged her to refer to it as "resurgam. I shall rise again," which would also work should the garden ever be sponsored by Viagra. Henry has started a dirty protest against wobb by peeing in his bed at gas-like cottage every available opportunity. Good for him. I hope he doesn't stop there and gets a cute diarrhea. Brian was fiddling with butterfly nuts. Amazing. You'd think that'd be too small to find, while Justin interrupted him to tell him that surprise surprise, Brian, heads up, you know, old chap you might be coming back as chair. Then they both had a good ogle and a snigger at the calendar girl's calendar, #bance. It does seem odd when you think about it that you're standing up in the potatoes underneath a picture of your neighbour with a king edwards out. Johnny, the idiot, has got to choose which course he's going to take next. Of course, he's brilliant! He decided to take advice from Titchinob so that he can have the sort of career that Rob's ad. What? Narrowly avoiding being fired, sponging off his wife's granny and working in the shop. He's hardly Sir Allen, is he? Over at Grange Farm. Stop breathing on that fridge, Eddy. Emma and Ed have been sharing the duvet with a load of ferret nail clippings. Trying to usher Ed out of the irrevocably grunty mentality, Emma has been urging him to take courses which will mean he'll be licensed for many things, including unfettered use of a lawnmower and wearing wellies on the right feet nearly every time. Then he said if he passes the course, he'll be out spraying off a borsage, which was rather unpleasant. Most people use the phone box on the green. Kate's Yoga Centre, or Pixie Village, as Brian happily refers to it, has still not got off the ground. It's a spiritual retreat, as everyone's spiritual retreats at 70 miles an hour, but she has got a holiday let for her cottage, so as long as they don't mind the fact that the whole thing smells like Kate Moss's knickers at Glastonbury, and they'll be banging their heads on rainbow wind chimes and falling over to betting singing bowls, I'm sure they'll have a great time. Toby has developed an annoying habit of giving everyone a nickname. The Joshster, Burnsy, but Toby doesn't have one himself, let us redress this. Tobester, the Tobe's Myster, the Tobinator, oh no I know, Dickhead. Massive, massive, massive, Dickhead, the end. I quite enjoyed that this week, well done you. Now before we looked like Pratlon in front of these good people, I skipped a bit. And I think we need to rewind operator one time, and go and have a quick message from Ruth Archer. I just wanted to thank you all for your support, it's been a tough year for me and David. Pip, Pip, Pip, shut the gate, the cows are leaning up against my car. But now we're all settled with the new cows, oh god, now one of them has just gone in the green house, and we couldn't have got through it without Duntey Dun and Sarah Smith's cleaning cloths. I don't actually do any cleaning, that's why I've got Jill, but you know, I'm sorry I've got to go, I've got it on my floor, sorry about that, I've got to go, the cows are in the living room, trying to reset the Xbox, but a happy birthday, Duntey Dun. Thank you Miss Archer. Yes. Now I'm going to be quite honest with you, right, I snored and snoozed through last week in Ambridge. It's because we're all waiting, aren't we, what we were waiting and waiting for the end of the story. I'll try to show. If only we were waiting for the flag. Single wickets. I want some single wicket action. No matter how they try and distract us with Linda's Flipping Resurgam Garden and whatever else. Eddy's Shepherds hurt and you know, it's not happening. All you're thinking is, what's happening at Blossom Hill Cottage? What's happening? I'm not. Do you remember? I'm out of that story line. Yeah, you are. He's resigned, haven't you? Two bits of jazz-er. That's what I remember from last week. Yep. I love me some jazz-er. What was he doing? I can't even remember what he was doing. Doesn't matter. Two little thingy, wasn't it? Little Johnny. Oh, yeah. Rob is not going to be happy, is he? Sorry. Sorry. The person that you say doesn't. This is very difficult. We've got a story line that can't be named. The person you won't talk about, but when he realises, the person who can't be named in the story line that we can't talk about, that Johnny has not taken his... You can talk about it. Okay. I just choose not to answer. But Johnny, that'll make it a rather one side to the public. You'll be like, one of your monologues. If Johnny is deliberately not taking... Johnny is choosing not to take Rob's advice, and Rob does not. So that means the campaign to oust Johnny will begin very soon, and he'll suggest that he shouldn't get a job when he's finished college and he shouldn't be involved in the family farm. Blah, blah, blah. Well, I snoozed through that last week, but I actually really enjoyed it though. That was... Yeah. He was not engaging. Yeah. You know, I don't want to be beaten up emotionally week after week. No, don't you? For years on end. No. It's a reason why I listen to the artist, because... I was wondering why you do the podcast anyway, but I'm... Fair enough. But we shouldn't really talk to you. Can I just say, though, just talking... What, you can... I know we're not talking about... Talking Mark on my jacket. No, it is very nice. Thank you. And a lady in the audience, Kate, Kate, Kate said to me earlier that's not Royfield, because Royford's... that looks too smart. Because I looked such a mess on the podcast normally. And I introduced myself to gentleman over there, and I said, "I'm Lucy," and he said, "No, you're not. "Your hair's the wrong colour." Well, on that note, I think we need to crack on. OK. And I'll have words with you later, Madam, right? Because we've got a gabillion amount of calls. Hello, Ambridge 3962. Rightly, Lucy, who's first. - How did that come from? - My mouth. - I thought it in my brain... - It's a brain, you know what? It's because we've got, like, a heart impressionist with us. I thought I'd have, like, a little joining. They're doing who? They'll all come out the same if it was me. This is my David Archer. All right, Lucy. - Do you want my Mac Crawford? - Yeah. - All right, Lucy. - They're all the same, so... I tell you, you can do Eddy, you just have to go, "Blur me, Nick." That's all Eddy and Blur me, Nick. All right, Lucy. Very good, it's like he's in the room. - I think we have Sarah first, do we not? - Sarah. Sarah. Right. - Don't tell you what, should we have whoever you press? - Right. Why don't we have first Andrew Horn, because he's the first one here. - And he's here. - Right, let's go. - Andrew Horn. - Lucy. Greetings, earthlings. Andrew Horn here. One little point about the archers and the story that shall not be named. I sensed the, as goddess David described it, the light relief across the land when Henry did, did the business on Tichino. I think that was a nice light touch in what is becoming increasingly grim. I don't understand Ursula. I don't understand what her plan is with Pat and Tony. It's all just sending me into a bit of a tease. Anyway, what I really wanted to say today was well done for reaching 100 episodes. I said it for the 50th, and I'll say it again now. There is the family. The third part of the team, which is us, your loyal dumpty dummers. And it really is a family. I see the friendships on Twitter that go around either side of alongside and around the podcast. So congratulations, both of you, for creating this. And we'll be raising a glass tonight. But I hope everyone else will be too. And looking forward to the next 100 episodes. Bye. Oh, he's a bit of a creep that Andrew will be. Um, so how do you respond to that Lucy? Well, you don't like praise, do you? I don't. I love praise. I know. I said to him earlier, let's not play the ones that are just like, "Oh, you're so great." And he said, "Yeah, we are playing every one of them." You said about Ursula, Andrew. I felt like I'm on question time. I've got someone with a roving mic. You can go around. Oh, oh, can I be the UKIP person, then? Yeah, I was gonna. You'd be a challenging candidate for UKIP, but why not? It's the Ursula thing, completely madness. Plot holds a mile wide that you could drive a horse and carp through, or a slurry lorry, or whatever. Are we now actually supposed to believe that Rob is like he is because Ursula was horrible to him, and therefore the whole domestic violence story is because of a woman, is because of a mother's behavior. You think for goodness sake, can you not give people a bit more credit than that? Why, when Pat talks to her, has Pat never said, so how come he never came to dinner that time you were supposed to come to dinner, Ursula? And that just vanished, doesn't it? To be fair, that's not gonna be the first thing you say to somebody, is it? Why did you not come to dinner? He turned up round at their house with Henry draped over a shoulder, his most ridiculous scene going. You think when you come in, you've had a cup of tea, and blah, blah, blah, how's the hubby, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then you go, "Ooh, yeah, then, then, but I don't understand why people don't use mobile phones. Why doesn't Pat pull out her mobile phone and call the daughter?" Helen did not call her mother on Mother's Day. That's just nonsense, isn't it? That is, well, because we didn't hear it, did we? No, we didn't, no. And there's all that whole nonsense about... It goes like nod off during that picture. Pat and Tony were talking about on Friday, weren't they? And Pat was saying, "I think I need to talk to Helen," and Helen, and Pat said, "I'm sorry," and then Tony says, "No, you know, we need to give her a space," and whatever. It's a case of absolute nonsense. Anyway, anyway. Yeah, am I allowed to speak? No, no. Why do you think you're here? You might need to find you too close to the mic. This is what Harriet really sounds like when she's not being everybody else in the world. Is it quite odd to not be to using your own voice? No, yes, very. Is it on a mic because you're so used to doing other voices? No, I'm not used to not having a script. I'm used to having a script. It's a bit weird to talk without something that someone else has written. Well, actually, no, that's not. Shall I write, Harriet? Yeah, yeah. Anyway, yeah. Carry on. That's what you wanted to interrupt us and say. I wanted to say that Pat and Tony see where she was going, "Oh, yeah." Well, Tony was going, "Oh, let's not interfere." That was so unbelievable, wasn't it? And when was Pat and Tony? It was never. It was ridiculous. And also, when she had bought Henry Round, they would have been a kind of, "He's my grandson more than your grandson." They would have, you know, they would have been... Yeah, it was really annoying. People keep saying, "When is Pat going to wake up?" And it is like, "I've got some strange step foot Pat." Who isn't normal Pat, that's all. Well, you did a good job there of not talking about the thing you didn't want to talk about. I was dragged into it against my better-willing judge. Who's next, Lucy? Next, we have Witherspoon. Oh, okay. Witherspoon will be W there. Greetings, Lucy, Royfield, Millie Bell, Dempsey Demers gathered at the BBC club, and Dempsey Demers all around the world. It's Witherspoon and Angus Haggis here, almost live from New York. It's very exciting to know that you're sitting, having a G&T in a city that I love so much, and we're all celebrating two shows and two groups of people, both fictional and non-fictional, whom we have grown to care about so much. So, as we look back on the last week, on both sides of the pond, here's a question to discuss among yourselves. Where has the cast of characters more lost the plot? In the reality, Dr. Drama said in the heart of the Midlands, or in the political party so popular in the heart of Middle America. But today is a special day, and I promised myself, Anne Royfield, that I would be positive and upbeat, so no mention of the story that shall not be mentioned, and no talk of the Dark Lord and his mother. As politics has been on everyone's mind, lips, Twitter feed, and Facebook page here, I was thinking, who would we say is the Hillary Clinton of Ambridge? I believe that honor goes to the Buddhukha of Borchester herself, Jennifer. Both women are sensible, smart, organized, have changed with the times, forgave their charismatic, but now aging semi-retired husbands when they strayed, and are now stepping into the forefront and showing that they're effective leaders. I'm sure that Hillary must have gotten a new kitchen when she wanted one, and still finds the time to cook a gourmet meal for her family on occasion. Amidst all the trials and tribulations of the week in Ambridge, my favorite moment was a quiet one, way back last Sunday. It was one Bert, who has gradually emerged as the heart and conscience of the archers, talked before the congregation about the emotional path he has taken in mourning the death of Frida, and returning to the home they together had made. He spoke of the importance of the support of his friends and neighbors in this journey. That's one of the elements in the archers that resonates so much with me. The archers is like a great British novel by Austin Dickens or Trelop. Many characters of various backgrounds and varying levels of morality tales to be told and challenges to be overcome, but ultimately goodness is rewarded and evil is punished. I think that we, the members of Dum T. Dum, share a love for such storytelling, and a belief in helping others and that the world can become a better place. So thank you to Lucy V. Freeman and Royfield Brown for creating this. Not so virtual reality, where we can all gather, share our thoughts, stories and humor, and where friendships can grow. Now, may I ask all Dum T. Dummers in the BBC club and around the world to lift a glass to Lucy and Royfield and to all of us in this unique community of smart, caring and funny people. Cheers. Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling toss salads and scrambled eggs. Mercy. I think I'm going to see you next month. Are you? I think, well, I think I'm for pastures near me. This is a silent. So Harriet, what are you doing for the next? Andrew? Well, I know you're just going to shift bases, aren't you? Yeah, and not come back, right? But I still do, Dum, do you, Dum, if you'll have me? Of course, yes. Well, kind of, because you know, right, that the last couple of years have been a little bit hectic for me, right? So, and one of the constants in my life has been the arches since about the age of 13. So, and I've said it before, it's kind of part of this kind of teenage rebellion, you know, let's listen to radio four, because that's just not what you do in earning any Birmingham. And the arches have been pretty much a constant and it's been off and on, but pretty, but more, much more on than off all the way through my life. And then, the last year's has been a little bit traumatic as well, you know, bit of a separation, bit of heartbreak, you know, go find yourself. And I just wanted to say, Lucy V. Freeman, that you have been the most constant lady person in my life in the last three years. Yeah, but Roy, for me to be the most constant lady person, that's a very narrow feel. I know, you know, but no, but jokes aside, jokes aside, you absolutely are the beating heart of this, as well, you know. And all these people are only here for one thing. Well, two things, a lot of the arches, and actually to meet you, because you're bloody amazing. And I just want everybody just to give her a round of applause, because she, you know, the origin story of this is that I had the idea of doing this. And I've kind of said this once before, but on our hundreds, because I never thought we'd get to 100. I thought this was a petra after about 20. I never thought we'd get to three. So the origin story of this is that when I was that little teenager, all of 13, 14, I decided I was going to get myself a job at the BBC. And I've failed spectacularly. And here I'm at 47, but this is the closest I've got. I'm in the BBC club. We are recording a show with you. And to say that this has given me pleasure and joy, not just working with you and with you, Harriet, but also all the tweets and all the messages. And just the fact that I was taken out for lunch today by JoJo Sexy Heels. I tweeted my boy in Toronto and I said, "Your dad's going out with JoJo Sexy." You've done that before, aren't you, Dad? And the fact that I can go to San Francisco and go to Toronto, and people rat me in their bosom, so to speak, speaks. (LAUGHTER) Not yet, JoJo, the night is still but young. But no, I've got friends all around the world because of my love of the arches and because of the age of 13, I wanted to work for the BBC. You never know it might happen one day, but this is just absolutely lovely and amazing. And the very fact that, you know, with the spoons kind of inviting me over to New York, again, just speaks volumes of kind of what we've created. And I don't know what that's got to do with the spoons core, other than unfeeling. There's the two families. Oh, yes, there you go, families. Yeah, I thought that was really awesome. How many kids have you got, then? Three. I've got a few, too. Yeah. (LAUGHTER) How many have you got, Lucy? It doesn't work in the same place, though, that's the difference. (LAUGHTER) I've got two. Mm. You never talk about your kids on the show, do you? They come on it frequently, when they've forgotten things and say, "Where's my dannies racket?" And I'm recording and I'm going, "Dah, dah, dah, dah!" (LAUGHTER) Hmm. I had a whole load of things to say and I kind of, I kind of wobbled a little. I did. What do you mean you wobbled? I got a little bit emotional. I know, I've been crying all day. But you're just a big soft dude. I know, but I've been listening to all the speakpipes things and they were so lovely. What are you going to be like on your 500th episode? Dead, yeah. (LAUGHTER) Well, can I just respond to with a spoon or salt? Because it was about 100 years ago, he did. Go on. Go on. Do we think Jennifer is the Hillary Clinton? Mm. Yeah. I hadn't put that together in terms of, but why are you shaking your head, sir? Is that just a nervous take? You weren't shaking your head. Okay, I'll take it back. Um, if anyone deserves a new kitchen or 12 and some new houses and a jet, it's probably Hillary Clinton, to be honest. So, I think just getting one new kitchen from Brian, in exchange for a child that isn't hers, that she's bringing up more Jennifer. I was thinking about Jolene, actually, as more Hillary Clinton, because I think she's very astute and clever. And she gets her way without appearing to force it in any way, whereas Jennifer will use her feminine wails. Actually, Jolene does, doesn't she? Mm, yeah, she does. Okay, I'll shut up. There we go with Jennifer. I had a little bit of a think, and I couldn't think of any direct analogies, to be honest with you. I wasn't so sure about the Hillary Clinton analogy, but I'd be interested to find out which member of Ambridge is Donald Trump. The Trump. That's the thing. Fat Paul. No. Adele the ferret. What do we reckon? Donald Trump? It's a hard one. It's not easy. It's not easy. 'Cause you can't even do a Bernie Sanders. Because politics is so written out of the arches for the most part. Yeah. You know, so there isn't... Mike Tucker, back in the day, would have been the closest thing. When he was a proper union leader. Yeah. When he was the closest thing to Bernie Sanders. Yeah. But other than that, I don't know. Anyway, American politics. Has any of them got a far right male in the arches? Susan's quite far right, isn't she? Yes, she is. Well, she's... Susan's slightly to the right of Rommel, I think. It was next Lucy. Shall we do one of our surprise caller inners? Ooh, all right. Pick one. You know who I mean, don't you? One of their... One of like Terry or something. Oh, all right. Yes. How about this one? People, don't do that. Hi, hi, hi, Roy Shields. And Lucy, hi. It's Lucas, look at Marika and me here. Calling all the way from South Africa. Listen, I just wanted to congratulate you on your 100th show. The entire Marika and family wanted to say that... Well, actually not the entire family because that's Kate. She's over there in England with you, isn't she? Do you know they are men walking down the streets of South Africa who give me knowing looks that suggest that they knew my wife... Sorry. Sorry. I shouldn't be calling about Kate. I'm calling about you. Let's talk about you. Fantastic. One hundred. You know, one hundred. Whenever I hear that number, it always reminds me of when South Africa play England. We often go one hundred. Not out against you. In fact, the last time I played cricket in England was in Ambridge. I scored one hundred. Even Kate was celebrating. Kate was celebrating with you. Anyway, I've moved on from Kate, as you can tell. I think we should all move on. We should look to the future. So I look forward to speaking to you when you hit two hundred. Yeah, two hundred shows. Listen, take care. Say hello to everyone. And most of all, congratulations once again. Okay, my friends. Bye-bye. He's very good at that. He's brilliant. He's very good. We'll have to have him on again. Yes. Who has been your most favoriteist guest? Bear in your mind, you've got a couple here. Yes, she was very nice. I have to say, only because of the sheer reaction was not a graham seed. Because when I was trying to hook up Skype with him, and I don't think he'd ever used a computer before, never mind Skype, you could hear him in the background talking to his wife, who clearly is the controls, and graham just like a little darling. And she was saying, press that. Press that now, darling. Now, talk. Now, talk. And he sort of went, hello, hello. And I went, Nigel! Completely ruined it because I was supposed to go, hello, graham. It's Lucie from Dumpty Dum. Completely messed it up. But it was just so lovely to hear his voice. And that was, he did a really good interview, didn't he? He did. Really, really good, I thought. He hasn't caught anything. He doesn't hold anything. He doesn't hold back. No. And he didn't hold back. Do you reckon? Quite a lot of wine when we went, when we went up in the round. But it was lovely, lovely, man. No. Got your camp coffee. Yes, I do have my camp coffee, but we'll come on to that later. I quite liked, and I like the surprises. Right, so I liked when we had Amy on. Amy, who's over there? Hello, Amy! Hello! I also quite like, you know, who I really liked. If only I was taller, she was shorter and wasn't married. That cat brown. Because you know, she's into superheroes too. I know. She's like, my ideal woman, apart from the fact that she's married and tall. But yeah, and who else did I like? Oh, and I liked when I spoke to Joanna. I got all giddy, didn't I? You did. You got so giddy, you forgot your headphones, your mic, everything else, didn't you? I just looked into her eyes. I know. I mean, and she was sort of saying to you, "So are we doing the interview now?" And you were going, "Oh, what?" She did say, "Can we now start?" So I was just too giddy. And take your hand off my leg, yes. But I did go a bit funny and I put lipstick on to interview David Archer over Skype when he couldn't have seen me. There's the irony of that. The stupidity of that did cross my mind as I'd done it. Because you embarrassed me by saying, "Oh, look at you with your lipstick on!" I thought, "We have had some great guests, haven't we?" We have. But it's not really about the guest per se, is it? What is dumb about Lucy? I've no idea, really. Because it started off as one thing, didn't it? And now it's about, I think it's more about, it's about, it's 50% as much about the listeners as it is about the experience, the listening experience, as much as it is about the actual thing. An expert time for me to say, "Well, let's have another listener then." Oh, sorry. Yes. All right. So, should we back that one up? Yeah. So why is dumb to me about Lucy? It's about the listeners. Oh, let's have a listener then. Okay. Who's next? You take your pic. Oh, all right. This is exciting. It's a good list. Like I said, isn't that what he got? You know, show them, show them, show them, hold it up. All right. So, this is where, this is what really well on the podcast. This is Derek's genius. This is why his equipment is unfreezably large. There we go. So, on this iPad, I can decide to go to Andrew White next. Happy 100 Lucy and Roy Field and all of Dumb Two Dumbers out there. This is Andrew White from Portland, Maine, a third time caller in her, I believe. Definitely wanted to wish you another 100 episodes. And thank you for all of the joy and laughter. You bring into our lives. No comments that I can repeat on the public airwaves regarding the storyline that shall not be named, other than to say. It's completely ridiculous. And I'd love to know where he's in and all of this. Roy Field, I also wanted to thank you for the Jamaican podcasts that you've produced, which I have been listening to alongside reading Marlon James' history of Seven Killings. It's been quite, I've immersed myself in Jamaican history over the past, over the past month or so. Anyway, happy 100, have a wonderful live broadcast, and thanks for all you do. He's got a lovely voice. Yeah, hasn't he? Paul Gamberchini. Yes, he is Paul Gamberchini. He must come from the same place. Well, Maine is next to Canada. So, it would make sense that the is not as standard as us Brits understand it, American accent. Okay. Bit of a deviation. Okay. Well, you're eating. Uh, a grape. Oh. Eric has passed me one. Derek, anyone wants one? Derek's sharing his grapes. Um, so where is Ian in all of this? Has Ian, has Ian actually... Has Ian, Ian and Helen had a ruprochmal? No, not at all. Exactly, so that's where he is. He's still got the hump. Yeah, but I mean, I can kind of understand. I can kind of understand. Yeah, exactly. I don't know why anyone's acting surprised or even Helen was like, "But why don't you like me?" Probably because you told my horrible husband. But does he know that... He knows that she told Rob about what happened. Hang on, I've had a pint and a half now. Slow down. Because, so Ian, Ian... Because Rob came up to Ian at the party, didn't he? Yeah. And said, "Oh, Helen's been talking about you to everyone." Yeah. But Ian's only said, "Helen thinks that Ian... thinks only that she's told Rob. But Ian in his mind thinks that she's told everyone." Really? I don't know. I thought it was enough for him that she thought he'd told Rob because... Yeah, I know, but she doesn't know the full extent to what Rob said to Ian, does she? No, I don't think so. But she seemed to sort of swallow that very well, didn't she? Well, that's the thing, that's why I thought, "Oh, well, because Ian knows there's a whole lot more." But she thinks, "Oh, yeah." It didn't work completely, did it? Well, it hasn't finished. Very long list of stuff that's going down the pan in order to keep one storyline going forever and ever. So shall we move on then? Yes. Right. Who shall we go? West Country, shall we go? Somewhere just north of London, shall we go? Brittany or shall we go? This is like battleships. Three down, two across. Three down, two across. Brittany. Hi, it's Jacqueline Berto from Sanguine here. I have to say, I've not been listening too much to the archers. For the first time in over 40 years, I've absolutely no appetite for the archers, but I've also had Lucy's bug. So I've not had any appetite for anything. It's bad. I made myself listen this week, because then I can understand the dumpty-dum a bit better. So I have no predictions or anything. But I do want to wish you all a fabulous 100th birthday edition. Thank you so much, Royfield, Lucy and Derek, for having such an impact on my archers listening. And here's to hoping that normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. Au fois. Au fois. Au fois. Erm... Get well seen. Yes. Not my bug. I don't know why she's blaming me. [LAUGHTER] Erm... Bristol? Yeah. Hello, dumpty-dum. So aren't you doing the calling? Yes, I am reading this, because I have to write it all down because I can't remember anyway. Erm... I'm sorry I can't be with you tonight, but how many commitments keep me here at home? Well, who to thank it? 100 podcasts, and some of them funny and everything. Thanks to Derek for the name of the lovely back bedroom, without which Royfield and Lucy would have no way to go on a work Monday morning, or even a life home for that matter. Thanks to Cosmo Middie Bellum, with his food for keeping us all over straight and narrow every week. And to all the calderinerers, hurrah. Keep it up. Calling in, that is. Whose thanks to Sarah Smith for the sponsorship. I'm now a posher washer, and my mother would be thrilled. To Andrew and Yoko Bear for stepping in when Royfield couldn't be bothered, and last but not least, to Royfield and Lucy, for making dumpty-dum what it is. A funny, informative, herable days, anyone. Kind and caring community, to which I'm proud to belong. Love to all, and get spitting from me. P.S. Rob's comeuppance. Soon, very soon, I can feel it in my water. I'll speak to you all soon. I'm on to Jeanette. Bye. I love that auntie Jean out. She's so gangster. Apparently, Graeme Seed has just tweeted, and said there's a lot of love in the room, and he's very excited about the life dumpty-dum. Bless it. No, love, no. It's not life, no. Oh, because it's a live twin thing. Have you heard of the interwebs? I'm not on it enough. No, I don't really like it. Obviously not. I've had a lot of them. Right, um... You know, how's this going out live? What channel? Anyway, sorry, carry on. You're on a film as well. You're all, yeah. Now, this next listener has got a great taste in podcast host. She thinks i is awesome, and everything i say is correct. Hello, dumpty-dum, widespread calling. Well, before I get on to the 100th episode, I just wanted to clear up a quick question that Royphal posed about my location last week. I regret to inform that the fog on the time is not all mine. Not remotely mine, in fact, because I've never lived in the Northeast, and I am, in fact, a dyed-in-the-wall southerner. I am formerly of your own parish in North Kensington. I know Portobello very well. So yes, former London refugee and now residing somewhere north of the Montropolis, but not that far north. Anyway, to the 100th episode, Royfield Lucy, Millie Bell, I want to thank you for building this community around the arches. It's immense fun to be a part of. Everyone has a voice. Everyone is listened to. It's massively egalitarian. I want to thank you, and I'm very grateful for the energy and the spirit and the commitment that you've made in putting this podcast together. 100 episodes is big, big job, and it's been extremely well done. So thank you. It's one of the highlights of my week every week to search for the podcast, download it, and give it a damn thorough listening to and to enjoy everyone's contributions. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful evening, celebrate, and raise a glass. Or before I go, can I just make a small suggestion? You mentioned last week about theme tunes. If you are preparing one for New York Nigel, who I believe is a man of the cloth, could it possibly be the theme from the Vicar of Dibley? Because it's really good. Anyway, I will leave you to it. Have fun and have a wonderful night. Cheers now, bye. Oh, I love it. You just like anyone that agrees with you. That's true. I don't like you then do I. No, that's why you're leaving the country. Do I. Prett, should we do a bit of New York Nigel now? Well, the Vicar of Dibley. That would be an appropriate time for me to press New York Nigel. Hello Lucy and Roy Field and all fellow festive Dunty Dumbers. It's New York Nigel here, calling to congratulate you to on the wonderful achievement of the 100th episode, and say thank you not just for the fun and the laughter that you bring to the podcast, but also for the moving insights about the arches and about yourselves that you've shared with us as the weeks have gone by. You've encouraged us all to share in a really comfortable place. And we're really grateful for that. I moved to New York a long time ago before the invention of the internships. So I was sort of ambridge amnesia from about 1994 until about 2001. But thankfully we're all much better connected now and you're a major part of that. And in the olden days we used to write airmail letters on rustly blue paper to friends in foreign parts who wanted to stay or go hard with all the plot lines. Now I kept one of those letters in an old box. I wrote it to friends in Canada in about 1984 I think, but typically enough I failed to post it, so it's still lurking about. And I thought you might want to hear a little bit of it, as a little hundredth episode gift and a token of appreciation for adding so much to our enjoyment of the programme. And of each other as fellow dumpty dummers as the weeks have gone by. Here it is. The arches really has got so bad that it has now passed the switch it off. I can't stand it level and become an absolute scream. The plot so far in bits. Nelson Gabriel has been acquitted of a charge of handling stolen goods and said selling them to Peggy, whose daughter Lillian returned from Jersey to inspect Nelson's business and told him that she was pulling out. During Lillian's discussion with Tony on this point, Eddie Grundy appeared on-seat to solicit some cash from Lillian to improve the house for his forthcoming child. He interrupted the Lillian Tony Tetotets. Cast dispersions on Lillian's methods of getting cash from Nelson at which Tony thumped him in the mouth. Eddie, not to be outdone, thumped Tony in the mouth and rendered him insensible. And Lillian said, Eddie, you bloody fool. Things haven't changed. I know, that's just what I was thinking. They're just going, oh, it's so sensational. No, it's all the highland and everything. Eddie and Tony thumping each other, not, yeah. Easy money on there. Ooh, Tony, because he'd fight dirty. Really? Tony would bite, yeah. Bite him where, though. I don't know. Anything he could grab old or? I don't know about that. My money would have been actually on Eddie. But one of the great joys of kind of doing this is that we have bumped into people like Cosmo. And somebody like Andrew Horn. And kind of some of the older, call-rinerers who've got, let's say, a longer vintage than you and I, who could actually kind of drag up stuff like that, really. Yeah, and we're going to put things in perspective. And we are somewhat spoiled being arches fans, because ultimately, it is well-written. We might moan about the balance between certain, you know, plot lines at any one point. But ultimately, it's well-written because we believe in the characters, actually, as people. And we kind of root for them, you know. But ultimately, this thing is a drama. And they need to throw in some dramatic tropes at times. And then you go back and you listen to articles in the 1970s, and it's the winching that we come out with now. You know, nothing has changed, really. But hey, on that note, I think we'll have a little touch of Dusty. Hello, it's Dusty. Substance is here. They're all sort of listener, possibly accompanied by some banging. It's my radiator. So anyway, hope you can hear me. Greetings to everyone. And congratulations to Lucy and Moi Field, and all the Dumpty Dumbers for the 100th episode. I'm really sorry I can't be with you on this special occasion, but I'm looking after the grandchildren. I came late to Dumpty Dum, a bit like Shula coming late to Avocados, but I'm really pleased to have found this wonderful community. Full of anarchic affection for the archers. It's good to be engaging with the sort of listener who can identify which of the silent buttons is which, even if we can't tell a fair brother from a Joss or a Tom or a Matthew, like listeners who know that by was the best dumping line ever to the most worthy recipient. And I love the group hug of sympathy when Bloody Ruth came back from New Zealand. So thank you for all of the fun and the wonderful things that I'm enjoying on Twitter and on the podcast now and Facebook. Oh, there you go. That's a little bit of dusty. One of the strange things we do in this is so everybody who you interact with is kind of like that big, aren't they? It's just their little kind of Twitter. It's a kind of picture. There's that Carl, you know, handsome Swedish person just down there. I know. And you kind of look... He's there, he's there, he's there. Oh, who are you looking at? You know what, I need a new prescription of my glasses. But it's so nice to actually see people in 3D. Like it's a bit nice to see you in the flesh. How many times have we actually physically met? Probably about six. Hmm. How many times have I asked you out for a drink? She's so mean, everybody. Never wants to come out, brings up, I've got children, I'm another, I've got a life, I've got a job, but excuses like that. But anyway, here's one person. If I did ask out on a nice little friendly drink, would come at me? This is Felicity. Oh, no. We don't want Felicity. We want a bit of this. There we go. Here, Becky. Have you seen this? This um, dumpedy dumb lot. You know, Lucy Freeman and Royfield Brown. Looks like they're having their hundreds of birthday or something. Hey, just out of thought. Hey, back we'd grab a couple of bottles of any cider. Get down there and give that Royfield Brown the bumps. Holding that's a plan. Oh, thank you, Terry. Yeah, Terry's lovely, isn't he? He is. Um, and now we're going to need over to Felicity. Hello, dumpedy dumb, it's Felicity. Just wanted to say very many congratulations or happy returns or whatever it is on your hundreds edition. One hundred and not out is a great achievement. So, so congratulations on that. I also wanted to say thank you very much for the little pictures that now appear on my phone when I'm listening to dumpedy dumb. I have no idea how they get there or who puts them there. And it's all jolly clever stuff, but it's very nice having a picture of a river in flood or a pub called the ball and things like that. So, I do appreciate that as well. Thank you for all your hard work. Have a fabulous time at your hundreds recording. And here's to many more. Cheers. Cheers, Felicity. Um, can I quickly do a email? Vicki from cut ambrage says. She's just over there. I know, I know, I know, I know. She said my language would make a scaffold a blush after listening to. This is what I liked. It was the irony of you telling him off for renaming everyone and then renaming everyone. After listening to Toby fecking fair, brother, renaming everyone. I mean, honestly, what an utter cockwombel. Bro is irritating enough, but since when did carpet burns turn into Burnsy, and worst of all, who the hell is the joster? Anyway, we're looking forward to more in night. Not least because I'll be arriving at the hundreds recording two hours after putting my pen down from finishing my last exam at 5 p.m. So, what better way to celebrate getting my life back than my being in the orders for something a bit special with a glass of wine? So, how did it go? No, the exam love, not the wine. Well, you'll have done brilliantly, honestly, we know. Do you have another call? Let's go to Darby. It's Ms. Mid City, and I send you warm congratulations on the hundredth edition of Dumpty Dum, the podcast. It's fantastic. It's a great achievement, and thank you. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations. Whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or a rest. And Peloton has everything you need whenever you need it. Find your push, find your power, Peloton, visit one peloton dot com. Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind, but still really important. Life insurance. Why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage, credit card debt, it can even help fund an education. And guess what? Life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think. In fact, most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is. So with state farm life insurance, you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank. Not sure where to start? State Farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget. Get started today and contact a state farm agent or go to statefarm.com. Forging ahead together drives Colorado's pioneering spirit. At Chevron, we donate funding and volunteer thousands of hours in support of the community's we call home. We also employ our neighbors to deliver the energy needed as the state's largest oil and natural gas producer. All to help improve lives in our shared backyard. That's Energy in Progress. Visit Colorado dot chevron.com. Thank you so much to Royfield and Lucy for creating it and broadcasting it and allowing so many of us who share a love of the arches to have somewhere to meet online and to in a really nice friendly atmosphere and to be able to share our thoughts and ideas in a broadcast. It's been so much fun. These hundred episodes and I hope we have at least a hundred more that are just as amazing. There you go, meet me city. What are you doing passing notes? I just don't want to hear it saying Royfield is a poop and pass it on if you agree. I didn't realize. It says shall we have a drink break in case people want to refill their glasses because I'm quite worried about Vicki who's the exam and now she hasn't got anything to drink. Is that cue for me to do something like oh I'm really part it's now time for me to have some camp coffee and go to an ad break. We should be sponsored by Camp Coffee. I bet they don't sponsor anyone. If they did it with someone like Millies. I'm surprised it's not that nonsense to be honest with you. I know. Have you taken the lid off? No. God it makes your eyes water. Oh so it's horrible. It's like bovril or something. It's like gravy granules mixed up. If anyone wants to smell it. Well they're not going to sponsor us after that. No are they? Sorry, sorry. No they're. [Music] Hello. As you know I love France and I out with the twinning of Mira Yell and Ambridge. So it's with great pleasure that I can tell you about another untold cordial. A Friday March the 25th until Monday the 28th. You can visit Saint Guyain in Britain. He'd courtesy of Dumpty Dumber Jacqueline Bertho. The itinerary includes a trip to D'Nom. The local farmers market a visit to the mayor. A bake of another shenanigans. The cost is £110 and this includes your accommodation dinner and breakfast. Go to dumptydum.com to book and to view the trip. For further info contact Jacqueline for your email. Jacqueline Dumber so at Yahoo.fr. It's the story of a cultural superpower that danced and sprinted its way to success. It brought the world reggae, calm power, rasters, hip hop, bop molly much more. Its story is told to you in full color for your podcasting years. It's the story of how Jamaica conquered the world. Search for it on iTunes. How Jamaica conquered the world. It's probably the best least known podcast and podcast done. Search for it today. And that starts to work. That's the right question. This is going right. 1914 June Sarajevo. The heir to the throne of Austria-Hungary, Archduke Franz Ferdinand. Assassinate. Killed by a Serbian nationalist. About six weeks later World War breaks out. Germany, Austria-Hungary, Russia, France. Britain. Everyone is drawn into its starting in August and then will America be drawn in? Listen to the first show exclusively on Mixcloud today and subscribe to us on iTunes beginning January the 18th from Washington to Obama. Ten American presidents. The new podcast from Royfield Brown. Do you have a national trust sticker on your car? Do you think you could be best friends with Calf Kitson? Do you spend hours wandering around the airport looking for an organic quinoa cafe because you refuse to go to Burger King? Then Sarah Smith cloths offer you. Available from Sainsbury's for the posher washer. Proud sponsors of Dumty Dum. I've just had a look at the Dumty Dum shop. They've got no tracksuits but they do do t-shirts which are very flattering. Nice if you want to show off your figure a little bit. Nick couldn't carry one off of course but I can. Good to hear everyone. First of all, happy, happy, happy 100th birthday. We would have thought that we would have got here 100 episodes ago. It's all very exciting. I really wish I could be there for the live podcast. And of course I'm delighted because we have 1,018 likes for our page. So we achieved our target and I hope everyone who's on the Facebook page is enjoying the interaction. So talking about Facebook page this week, I asked people to talk about their artist's obsession and Dumty Dum. And what did they do before Dumty Dum existed? Joe Andrews says, "I drunkenly hopped on about my guilty pleasure of parties having to find one of the five million who apparently listening and stalked other artist wheat along as didn't I, Roy Field." There's obviously a backstory there. With a spoon says a more important existential question. "How did you feed your Dumty Dum obsession before Dumty Dum existed?" Well, I have to say I talked to myself a lot because where I live is that seeing nobody listens to the artist. But I did used to listen to the artist while I was maybe doing the irrigating whilst I was out walking in the bush. So it was often very odd I'd be seeing Kangaroos literally and listening to the you know, deepest South England. "Thank you Barry," said I just banged on about whether or not people listened to me. Thinking about it, that's pretty much what happens when I talk about most things. Kara Littlewood Poire said, "I met a bunch of weirdos on the interwebs." Kara Little Poire, I resemble that remark. Susan Paul said, "I didn't, I just talked to myself about it. Yep, me, you and me Susan." Mary Williams said, "The little drugs now clean things are done." Valerie Bailey says, "Showing my age, buying the ball chest of echo." Dubbed for once, back in the day I was an unwrapped and Sue George had fond memories of the now defunct artist addicts message board run by Kathy Perks where you could vote for the annual Sammy's Awards, best plot, work, what, etc. I'm happy to report that while the artist addicts started to use no more, the artist's anarchist still exists. I know because I met them in a pop past year. And we also asked on our page, our dumpy-dum forum, so dumpedy-dum.com. The same question, and goddess Stevie said there was only a week where the two didn't coexist. Worst week of my life. I had to spend the time wandering around, shouting goddess Stevie out at random strangers. Unreal hosted. Prison food, not that good. And Miss Bowles says there was the tweet along. Nothing beats the artist tweet along. That is in fact how I discovered dumpy-dum. And of course we don't mind how you discovered us, we're just glad that you've taken the journey with us. And so everybody out there have an awesome awesome 100th episode and I'll speak to you next week. Hooray. Thank you, Millie Bell. She's kind of the kind of silent part of this. I'm going to call it a triumvirate. What's that word? Triumvirate. Yeah, there you go. That word. But it's not, is it? You can sit in the corner there in between you and Harriet. In front of the empty grape stalk and the empty glass. It's a fitting tribute, not really. I think for all of Millie's work, we should actually give a little bit of a round report because she works so hard. [Applause] She works so hard down under in in Melbourne and she's a total rock. She's Elizabeth Pajata working very hard down under. I think we should have a congratulatory message from another, the female residence of Ambridge. Okay. I've been a key listener to Dumpty Dum for years. I do think it's important to support these little enterprises. I always try and patronize local businesses. Actually, I think you'll find I patronize everyone in Ambridge. So, happy birthday Dumpty Dum, who I must go. Scratch found the leg of a Lafayette agricultural worker in a culvert. Lucy wrote them. How's about? We have a little bit of the Midlands. Hi, it's Sean here from Coventry. Congratulations on your hundredth episode and proving how all the stout is wrong. You never thought you'd make it past 10. Well done. What I've really loved in the arches this week is Linda's idea of having themes in your garden. And I've been busy out in my garden this week, dividing the garden up into three areas. I'm going to have a stellar area, a pedigree area, and for the hot summer evenings a slogan area. Thank you, Linda. You really come up with some great ideas sometimes. The other plots I like in the arches that's been developing over the last few weeks is the idea of Burke building this Eggmobile and Ed building the Shepherd's Hock for Linda. What I'd like to see is these two great mechanical contraptions come together in a great, fantastic arches, robot wars where they can fight each other to the death. Hopefully this will get their own spin-off series. Keep up the good work, you two, and have a great evening. Bye. Bye, Sean. It is going to be like last of the summer wine, isn't it? We're going to have Joe career in Rounder down a hill in a ship, an out-of-control Shepherd's hut. Yes. Yeah, it's a kind of nonsense bonkers storyline that I kind of like really today. I know. It's just kind of reassuring and kind of... Would we get fed up though if it was all that? Yeah. We would. So we do need a bit of... Geraba. Are you playing to the audience? Yes. Shamelessly. Hello, dumpty-dummers everywhere. This is Susan Ray, the Scottish bint that does the journey-up bits between the programs on Radio 4 and the smart-ass comments on the back of the arches programs. I've also made an appearance on dumpty-dum. It was a real slice of life, and I've never looked back. It boosted my career to the giddy heights of being nominated as one of the radio times listener's best voices. Still time to vote? Coincidence? Happy Birthday to Roy Field and Lucy, who are a hundred years old today. Keep moisturising. You look amazing. I do, don't I? You do! Now, we have a first-time caller in a row. Hello. This is Tifananda, and I'm from out of town. I'm a first-time caller in a how incredibly exciting. I felt I just had to call you before the hundredth episode, and I just want to say incredibly well-done. What an amazing, incredibly exciting achievement. I've been visiting to the podcast over the last few months, and it has given my life a new cultural depth. I walk around with a smile, knowing there are others just like me, but who are even funnier and even cleverer, but most importantly, I am no longer alone anymore. Yeah, there you go, there you go. She does go on to say in her call that, which is quite long, so we skipped a bit, but she said she really likes Rob's voice, and she finds it really difficult that Rob's voice is nicer than he is, so she kind of has to keep adjusting how he is to how he sounds, and he also reckons that Helen will have a, she also reckons that Helen will have some sort of medical emergency, Kirsty will rescue her and it will end up with some sort of injunction on Rob, which cannot come too soon. Coolerinaress. Yes. What do you think is the single biggest impediment for somebody like all the people that are watching us to stop them from calling in? Not being able to work speak pipe. Well, you just like click a button and it works. People worry when it says do you want to download this, people think no, no, no, no, no, that's if you do it on your phone, if you do it on your laptop or your computer, I don't know. Why don't you call in people that don't. It says the lady shouting out in front of a live audience on the podcast. So what? Phone anxiety. Oh what, when it clicks on to say start recording, you'll go, it's hard to speak with without a script. If you haven't got your scripts in your head, call us write it down, though. Yeah, that's the best thing to do, I think. An auntie Jean who says, I've written this down. We have callerinaress from all over the world, don't we? We do. Name some of the countries that people call in from. Keena. Well done. Hello everyone, this is Vicky Cole in Kenya. First of all, huge congratulations on reaching your hundreds anniversary episode, that is fantastic. I started listening around episode 26, I think, when Kerry Davis was on, and I haven't missed an episode since. So thank you for all those hours of enjoyment, that's such fun. Secondly, Roy, you're quite right, we don't have gorillas in Kenya. We do have the occasional lion that gets out of Nairobi National Park, we've had some of that recently. But to be honest, I think I'd rather have a lion than ferret clippings in my bed. And then thirdly, I just really want to continue my rant from last week about this ridiculous home birth business. It is just so crazy. And now, Silla being present as well, I mean, I get on very, very well with my mother-in-law, and she is a retired midwife. But there's no way I would ever consider having her presence at the birth of mine unless it was a dire emergency. So I'm wondering if this is just, again, device to try and make everybody else realise just how much control Helena's got us up under, and whether it might be the trigger for other people to step in. But at the moment, I don't think Tony and Pat and Tom know about this latest development. So anyway, who knows? Look, I hope you're all having a wonderful evening. Congratulations again. And I do hope one day I'll get to meet some of you. Bye for now. She's your definitely de voiceovers. I know, she's got a lovely voice. But do you think she's whispering because her mother-in-law's listening? And she's sort of going, "I don't have one, she's very nice, but I wouldn't want her there." Who was at the birth of your hundreds of children, Harriet? No, just my husband. And the midwife. I think there was more than one, would you? I would never. Oh, no, it's a good one. No, she might listen. I can't edit that bit out as well, is it? There'll be a technical snafu right now. It's not Harriet. She probably doesn't recognise your voice, are you fine? I would only have my husband and people who knew what they were doing. Did your husband know what he was doing? No, no, but he obviously did, because he knocked around. No, I was going to have to never. That's the first part of the process. That's relatively simple. Really? Yeah, he said, "Do you mind if I just have a sit down and then he went to sleep?" You were in labour and he said, "I'm so tired, I need to sit down." It's exhausting being an expectant father. I had to have a sleep as well. How long you in labour for? Oh, quite a long, yeah, it was quite long. There you go. Four o'clock in the morning, it's been in labour for 18 hours. It's exhausting being an expectant father. Yes, it's quite exhausting passing a melon through your anus, or the equivalent of, for God's sake. I feel a bit sorry though, because I think that if you're giving birth, you are doing something, if you're the father, you don't have anything to do with it, you just sit there going, and it's going very well done, and that's just annoying. Did you say to him, "Shut up, you'll be annoying." Yes, I did, don't talk to me. Go and have your sleep. Nick, oh, can we have the gramicle? Oh, yes, all right then. Here is Mr. Cedar. Royfield and Lucy, hello, this is Graham Seed, wishing you a tremendous evening, and congratulations on your hundredth. Well, that's absolutely brilliant, and I enjoyed having an interview as my alter ego, the late Nigel Pargeter a few weeks ago, and continue the good work, and have a lovely evening, everybody. Bye-bye. What you didn't hear was at the start of that recording, you could hear Graham's wipe going, "No, no, no!" Do you, have you followed any other show that's been on TV or whatever, or on the radio, because specifically an actor from the artist has actually been on it? What do you mean? They've been on a telly show. Yeah, Tim, what's Tim on? He's been on something, he's been quite a few things. By the sword divided, that's what I remember him from. He's been a few politicians. Yeah, he was the, yeah. Oh, yeah, and in the thick bit, yeah. And I saw Rob on, it was like, 'Midsomer Murders' or something, but he did it, he did it. That's Rob! Because it was from quite a few years ago, I can believe it. It's like seeing someone really, really famous. And he's taking George Clooney doing on that advert for fairing. So the artist, no, then. No, me. I don't really watch that much TV. You do. Unless there's, like, unless they've got tapes on their superheroes, it's a Marvel film, I'm not really watching. Can you imagine any arts character in a superhero film? Neil Carter is... Bill Ringing Man. Bill Ringing. Bill Ringing Man, that's Neil Carter, isn't it? Bill Ringing Powers. Less Tim. Love Neil. But this person actually has a very superhero-sounding name. It's Scarlet Sparrow. Hello, Beauty. Scarlet Sparrow here, hoping I'm not too squeaky. Just some congratulations on the 100th show. And I hear both for keeping the entertainment for all 100 episodes. I have been here since the beginning. And just to shoot all the best of luck from Monday, sorry I can't believe they're hope it goes well. Oh, no. Mm. Mm. Right, shall we do the last call in order, and then go for Tweets of the Week? Yes. Smashing. Happy 100th to you. Happy 100th to you. Happy 100th dear Dumpty Dum. Happy 100th to you. 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80. 50, 90, 100. Ray. Do you think she used to work on CBB's? Well, if she didn't, she should be. Can I just do a quick email or an error? Oh, oh, go on then. Um, Amy Gilbert. Who's here? Hello, Amy. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. She said, very good point. She said, we've got all this Robert and Helen stuff, and then we've got the, um, the rocker's cows. Where are the lambs? She said, I don't think lambing has been mentioned, and as we all know, it's a rather important time in the farming calendar. Gone are the days when the highlight of an episode would be David pulling a tiny lamb out of a sheep, which was not nice, but it was expected. Now we get treated to rob a nursery there every night. Is Graham Harvey on holiday somewhere, while the Helen and Rob story plays out? Maybe when it's all over, we'll actually get back to the point of the show, lambing, carving, and everything farmer related in between. I am probably on my own here, but I prefer lambs to cows. I'm done, she said. Very good point. There was one lamb. One lamb. There was one lamb. A lamb, the Brookfield lamb. Oh, I found that so annoying. Do you know how I met the bloke via Derek? Derek. Oi. Who was it? Get off your phone. Who was it when we were sat here, that man that was sitting there? Oh, it's John going down. And he said that he had done the sound effects for John Archer being killed in the tractor. And he said it was two pillows and a washing machine. And he said, if you want to mimic the sound of a lamb emerging with help from the mother, you plonk. Yeah. Just dusting on that, Rupert. You, it was a, did he say it was a plastic bag or something like a wet sponge, landing on a row of recording tape? Recording, sort of stuff. Yeah, which, because that sounds like, hey, it's all nice and rusty, like, hey. But it still bothered me how the hell he did that with two pillows and a washing machine. You should do some live sound effects at your next live, don't you dare. Yes, because it's not stressful enough, Harriet. We all need to add in live sound effects. I don't think you can give all the things you can do for your next live one. Thank you. Thank you. Claire from Clappen as well. Said, Rob walked out of Berry Farm. Turd his nose up at all sorts of other jobs. How come he's happy working on the tail of the farm shop? Rumours of embezzlement notwithstanding. The way I can see this going at some point is that who blame Helen for holding back his career, because he put other jobs on the back burner to ride to Bridge Farm's rescue. And assuming that it all goes tits up at Blossom Hill cottage at some point, and Helen might end up back at Bridge Farm again, who will live there next? Usha let it to Rob because she couldn't sell it in the downturn. Will she sell up? Will it be the longer term based for Fallon Harrison? Kirsty and someone in your character? I think Kirsty and Tom think we might be heading back towards that. We totally are. Totally are. It's the one soapy trope which I'm going to hold. It's a soapy trope. And I'm holding my hand up and saying I actually want them to get back together. He's going to have to, you know, do a lot of making up to that poor woman, but I think they're a good couple. And she's a tremendous character. And he, he needs very different. No more sausage talk all the time. I was saying to Andy earlier, he literally is very different. He's an entirely different person than he was before. So let's get them back together. And if that is the whole reason for this dreadful storyline, the Robin Helen thing, they're basically then figured it out. Well, well then that's an upside. Yeah. Definitely an upside. Yeah. And on that note, let's have some tweets of the weird, glossy Freeman, yes I've temporarily lost them. Oh, look here we are. Right. I'll Anthony Rosa said Risergam sounds like a treatment for acid reflux. This is horrible. If anyone is of a particularly sensitive frame of mine, put your hands over his, Beatrix Helcock said anyone knows you're supposed to put Henry's into cold water and bring them to the boil gradually. Louis Jones was talking about Helen's strange ability to just turn everything into something positive and said, had Helen saying, "Oh, I'm sure Dad's fine. He's just having a lie down under Otto." These are really cruel this week, but they, I was clearly in a somewhat cruel frame of mine. Dawn Oliver said, "Do boarding schools charge extra for incontinent children?" And James A, extra to doormouse, my little favourite, said, had Carol saying, "When she was talking to Bert, I can sometimes still hear John's voice." Get that pillow off my face is what I hear most often. People are so funny on Twitter. I know. All of them should be writing the comedies at half past six on Radio 4, rather than the people that currently are. Their feed is so much better than the programme. I can't let a little remark, a little tweet about a little child that's a little bit incontinent when they go to bed go with that passing comment. Sorry, Roy, if I forgot. Have you got your tenor lady on now? Are you all right? I stopped being the bed at the age of 12, for me, but my mum and dad always tell a story, we went to talkie, and it's about 1977, so I'm like nine. We went to talkie on holiday, and they turn up at this little B&B, and the woman takes a little look at me and says, "Does he piss the bed?" My dad was like, "No, no." And my dad was like, "Mr. Bedroy Finn! Sorry, I'm not just showing the story." Anyone's going to do Jamaican actors around it, it's going to be me, Freeman, right? Some of my dad says, "Don't piss the bed, Roy Finn!" I'm like, "Dad, I won't, I won't, I won't!" And my dad said, "You were so good, we were there for a whole week. I'll get in the morning saying, "I haven't pissed the bed, Dad, I haven't with the bed, Dad." And the next day, my dad says, "The last dear, Roy Finn, you pissed the bed!" And my dad said, "Well, we just like, we said, 'Okay, Joyce, what we do? We just go down to the car, put mine in the car, and we're just driving to Birmingham." My dad said, "We put you in the car, and we're just about to drive on, and we're going to run out, you're going to piss the bed!" And my dad said, "You wouldn't believe, son, I had to spend £20 on a new mattress." And he says, "20 pounds back then." He's like, "She took the mick." But he says, "I just turned back, and I don't, but on the app, my wallet says, 'You did piss the bed.'" Well, on that note, shall we start to wrap things up? We've done a really big load of piss, yes! So, at this point, normally, I would talk about www.dumbdidumb.com. In fact, you need to get onto our website and do loads of wonderful things. However, Lucy, who's in charge of the script this week, says, "Thank you for..." Oh, you're going to say this, are you? No, you're supposed to say, "Now, this week, we're not going to go on about Patreon." Which is kind of what I just said, but I said the website. So, this week, we're not going to talk about Patreon or reviews on the website, even though we had loads of great reviews, which I'll just mention next week, from lots of people all around the world who like to thank us for just putting out this podcast and for bringing joy into their lives. But you don't want us to mention that, particularly. We just wanted to say thank you for ringing in for listening, for including us in your families, for sharing your outrage and your joy over stories, and also for looking after each other, wherever you are in the world as part of the #dumbdidumb family. And I'm going to shut up now because I'll stop crying. Thank you for making this the most fun Lucy and I have ever had with our clothes on. And remember, if you do want to get in contact with us, you can do that by saying there's a voice message via Speakpipe, or you can call us on 0203 0313105 to leave us a telephonic message on your telephonic device. On social media, we are, well, specifically on Twitter anyway, we're at #dumbdidumb, or you can catch me where I'm at, Roy Field. Me at Lucy V Freeman, Sarah Smith @ Sarah_Smith, or? I wasn't listening. @shambridges. And on the book of Face, if you go on to the book of Face, and you just type in #dumbdidumb, you're bumping to our page, and we have some 1,000, and I'd like a lurkers who are just like a lurker and doing stuff. We've got 1,000 and more now because Sean, who refuses to do social media, has done it now. He's announced his stand so he can be an extra follower. Woo, well done, well done. Thank you, Sean. High five now. And I think one of the residents of Ambridge is just knocking, and it's going to say it's going to be a bit of a bit of a rabble-rousing message. Oh, fantastic. Hello all, just wanted to say happy birthday. I'm glad you're having it here and not at the health club, unless you want to watch Frappe Paul going out his bunions with a veg knife. I must go. I'm just off to Blossom Hill Cottage. I've had enough. I've got a length of rope, a sawn-off shotgun, and some of Christine's ginger biscuits. Oh, and some garlic in an inverted cross. I'm taking no chances. Rob must die. Who's with me? And that's it. Thank you very much. Just quite... Well done, you. And we definitely, definitely need to say, thank you to both Harriet and to Derek Fletcher for all the... not just this time, but they've been such fantastic help over the year, and they don't even get the joy of coming on and nattering to everybody like we do, so they just do it very quietly and brilliantly and efficiently and fantastic. 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