DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

DTD – 98 Pantomime Villians

Roifield returns as the straight guy to guide Lucy through the comical world of a week in Ambridge; unbearable Ursula sleeping in a nonexistent bedroom at Blossom Hill Cottage, wacky baccy Wayne baking at the Bull, Bert the builder & his egg-mobile barouche, Johnny and his chick collection plus Brookfield at Borchester market.Ro.i.field feels Lucy should stop worrying about how quickly Ed recovered from his crack cocaine addiction; Roifield also likes "Brief Encounter" because it has resonances for him whilst Lucy retains her non-belief in romance of any description. Lucy even dreams about the Archers these days with Helen Baxendale playing Helen Titchenor.One poorly plotted Friday transmission has destroyed the hard work on the Rob/Helen storyline. Roifield and Lucy have recognised that it is now pantomime (oh no it isn't, oh yes it is). Roifield then loses it with a lengthy diatribe over how dumbfounded he was by this twist in events and dropped his bacon sandwich.Derek has planned the live DTD recording to start at 19:00 on Monday 7 March (Kosmo's birthday) which will prevent the participants hearing The Archers - which clearly shows good planning. The recording may commence late.Kosmo is resigning as John West has replaced him. Kosmo has not been invited on DumTeeDum!It was a bit of a Roifield week - obviously having a week off has fired him up!KosmoOn this week’s episode we have calls from Cedarmaster who thinks Jolene and Kenton are unprofessional,Glyn Fullelove who’s in the dark, Maeve who can see romance with Rex Blithe Spirit who thinks Helen needs to see a professional Clare from Scotland via Canada who has a medical query Andrew Horn who likes a bit of contrastSteven Perkins who’d move tables to get away from the FarebrethrenClaire from Clapham who’s surprised at JennidarlingYokelbear who had a tear in his eye on Valentine’s,New York Nigel who thinks Lilian’s going to use JustinJacqueline Bertho who has a request for the new editorWitherspoon who was fooledKat Brown who wants to know where Ruaridh spent half termJo Jo Sexy Heels who wants to know why Rob’s trying to bankrupt the shopGoddessDeeva who’s got something to show Tobyand Lesley who thinks Lilian should go for it

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Duration:: 1h 42m
Broadcast on:: 22 Feb 2016
Audio Format:: other

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[MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] for sponsoring us. Thank you also to Derek for learning the backboard rim. Derek is a bit miffed this morning as he's been fired from his very short-lived job with Jean Harvey helping her clear her garden. She got impatient with him because he couldn't find her clematus fast enough so she said I'll just leave it, I'll do it myself. Yeah, it can be a bit of a hazard. On this week's show we have loads of calls, we have loads of calls, loads of good. Everyone in the world has rundumpty-dum basically. David Cameron. He's to be from getting us stuffed out of Europe and then. Right, so on this week's episode we have Call of Inwards Galore, Cedarmaster who thinks that Jolien and Kenton are unprofessional, Glen, full of love who's in the dark, Maeve. All along with me some Maeve who can see romance with Rex Blythe spirit who thinks that Helen needs to see a professional Claire from Scotland via Canada who has a medical query and Drew Horn who likes a bit of a contrast. Steve Perkins who he sounds new. He's not. Is he not? Is he a second time called old? Yes, right. Like Stephen Perkins who moved tables to get away from the fair bedroom, Claire from Clappen who's surprised at Jenny Darling. Yokel Bear who had a tear in his eye on valentines. New York Nigel who thinks that Lillian's going to use Justin, Jacqueline Bertot who's got a crest for the new editor with a spoon who was fooled. Kat Brant. Couldn't East goes on and on and on. Kat Brant who wants to know where Rory spent half term. Jojo's sexy heels who wants to know why Rob's trying to bankrupt the shop. God is Steve but you realize I haven't said and. God is Steve who's got something to show Toby and thank God for that. Those three little words mean so much. And Leslie who thinks Lillian should go for it but first before those mountain of calls. It's an EU bottom mountain of calls isn't it? Let's hear about Leslie Freeman in a week in Ambridge. It's been a very good week on the archers with no less than three right you are. That's always a good sign. However no one saw themselves out. I was sad to note. The general jollyness was only marred by practically every member of the archers clan saying what a lot they had to look forward to which means one of them is going to be dead within the fortnight. Wayne seems to be flirting with Jolene through the medium of parsley. She garnished something. He told us she had a light touch with parsley and she used her Cadbury's caramel voice to say I don't know whether that's a compliment or not. What of course it is trying to turn that into some sort of arch in you endo would be a reach even for me. Yes Jolene saying you are good with parsley is a compliment. If he'd said you're a massive idiot and he never had a clue what to do with bloody parsley that would be an insult anyway. Kenton is being a dick about it which is a huge surprise to absolutely no one. So Jolene shut Kenton and Wayne in the kitchen. They both got their willies out from them on a chopping board. They stressed them and Kenton's was a bit bigger so he won and somehow Wayne ended up with a permanent temporary job in the ball kitchen. The Brooker's arches did their normal completely normal and completely normally normal not weird at all thing and parents, child and child's boyfriend all had Valentine's day together. No nothing odd here nothing at all move on. Keith is coming to assess Johnny's final practical next week. Judging by the way Johnny has been plowing a furrow through the women of Borsett shirt, Malaga and everywhere else. I'm not quite sure exactly what kind of practical Keith is actually going to be assessing. Even Bert seems to fall in love with the artist formerly known as Rich. You remind me of himself. He said seven minutes after Tom said Johnny reminded him of John. Poor Johnny. It must be great to have an entire vintage knife in the foggiest who you are and just keep talking about how much you remind them of someone else. No wonder he's having an identity crisis and keeps changing his name. Next week he'll announce he wishes to be known as Friedafry. Tichinob has left a chicken in the chill cabinet. I don't know dogs in the cattle feed, agricultural workers jamming up the culvert. You're losing your grip darling. Have a sit down you'll be over ordering coconuts next. And talking of nuts the fair brethren were invited to pips birthday drinks as were Chris and Alice. Yay invite the mute blacksmith and his wedding planning astrophysicist wife. They always make the party go with the swing. Why not invite Carol to Boggern too and they can all chat away together. Bossy Gittbert started interfering with Joe and reminding him as Joe swangled around Grange Farm shouting get off my land that A it wasn't his land. B it wasn't his farm. See they weren't his house hunting. He probably shouldn't have poked the cows that weren't his on the land that wasn't his in the first place but still bugger off but and a load of cows left Brookfield and we all wept. Probably well I didn't. I was trying to scrape baked on mash off the worktop but I felt as if I should be crying. Anyway don't worry this is Brookfield. They'll probably get halfway at the m3 and either all start singing my old man said follow the van before they all die at a service or they'll turn around and gallop back down the hard shoulder so they shouldn't leave. It was all a mistake. What were they thinking? Linda is doing some sort of flipping nonsense pageant thing. Could we not have a break? We've had the auditions for calendar girls. Then we had the calendar girls crisis. Then we had actual calendar girls. Then the calendar girls sodding reunion. Please God could we have a week without someone being forced kicking and screaming to play a part that they turned out to be brilliant at. And the decline of Lillian spirals gloomily on with her showing Justin around the dau house. Justin is basically marrying Lillian apparently without her knowledge. His wife appears to have cleared off and he has co-opted Lillian as new wifey. She is repainting her own house with his money. She is dressing herself with his money and it's all completely baffling and is frankly making her look daft and him look creepy. And I've got nothing against Justin being made to look creepy. But for heaven's sake could Lillian please make a sensible choice about a man just for once? Or better still could she not discover her inner Birkenstock, throw caution to the winds and have a mad lesbian affair with Anthea. She's capable, forceful and she sounds like the sort of woman who could get Lillian up Lakey Hill with her eyes closed. The end. I think she could find her calamitous. She could. Again, her eyes closed. You reminded me of something. Right now there has been some chatter has that on on the twitters and there's been a little bit of chatter on the book of face about our calendar. Oh yeah. Yeah right and I've made an executive decision folks right. I am benching our calendar until Christmas of this year because quite frankly we've got Paul Truman who has just gone and raised £55,000 for refuge. And quite honestly even though we had we were going to be doing this from last year our fundraising efforts are going to you know chances are they're going to pale in comparison and it's also going to look like we're trying to. Even if we sold the calendars for £60,000 each. Exactly and also everybody. It's going to look like we're trying to somewhat steal his thunder but you know we and we absolutely aren't. So in the last two weeks I've done lots of thinking and I just thought to myself this is just kind of silly. So what we should do though is try and do something and maybe the something and I put this out to you good listener is that we should get somebody from refuge basically on the show to talk about their good work. So at least it can have the oxygen of publicity through our show and we can still talk about Paul and his fundraising that way. So that's the reason why I've gone incredibly quiet on the calendar. I did speak to with a spoon and I did have a little bit of a chat about this and goddess diva has been saying Roy if you know what's happening what's happening and I think when I kind of explained to the pair of them that says well that actually makes up a whole load of sense. So it's not like I've forgotten but you know if you were looking at this from the outside you just think well why are they trying to do this and you know and there's going to be donation fatigue as well you know. So that's that folks so we're going to push it back to next year so don't worry you will get to see auntie Jean in her spade but I'll be in December of 2016. Right now I don't even think we should talk about any thoughts and feelings about what's happened in the last week juicy loose because we've got a gazillion of cool. So no more chat let's go straight into corner and res hello ambridge 3962 who's first cedar master is first. Hi it's Sean here from Coventry I haven't rung in for well quite a few months now what made me want to ring in is this situation with Kenton and Jolene at the ball it's ridiculous that they haven't sorted out as chef properly they're probably shut down for about six months and they've been running on agency staff and now Zoe's walked out it just seemed very unprofessional having run pubs for over 17 years you'd have think they'd have sorted this out while the pub was shot and had somebody suitable in place by now it just doesn't ring true and I don't believe the storyline. Yes Kenton and Jolene they literally couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery as has been shown on many occasions um they that place seems to just run entirely on a wing in a prayer they forever just abandon the bar completely and disappear off somewhere else everyone's always shouting for them you know Kenton's been drunk behind the bar which is completely not allowed by licensing laws um they do dangerous things with no risk assessments they do uh you know there's no mention of how they get their supplies in about the law how anything is delivered ever or um I don't know do we want that level of detail no we don't but that's what you're moaning about good point what am I moaning about that he's saying that they've been shot for you know three months and didn't manage to use that time to recruit anybody I mean I think some of that time was spent with Kenton facing bankruptcy and having a nervous breakdown you can see how that would occupy some of his mind and time because if they are fairly time consuming there was breakdowns but um yes it is it's not something you do as a hobby really uh but yeah it the fact that they haven't done it and it's now you know was it the morning of the the morning of the huge pancake thingy that they would do it pancake evening they were interviewing people to actually come in and cook the things that night you know it is just in in hindsight yes there are um they've been logistical snafus in terms of them getting the pub up and ready uh they used to keep nicking off for a shank didn't they just abandoned when they were all hot and heavy at the beginning I was trying to say is I'm just happy to hear them yeah so yeah I'm just glad to have them back and that can be written as shoddily as you like I just quite like the pair of them well I suppose you know now now now this apparent you know like Ed Grundy recovering from crack addiction in the fortnight is you know Kenton's now completely fine and Lucy when when did that happen as about 2005 I know but I can't forgive it well I'll tell you what talking about things I can't forgive there's an incident this week which you know what I'm just out of a certain story like I'm out I just don't care anymore which what incident well we'll go okay I'm damn I can imagine so I'm sure it's gonna crop up um yes uh yes I completely agree Sean they could not I wouldn't put either of them in in charge of a herbaceous border never mind a pub I think that's overly harsh myself but but anyway anyway it's nice to hear you see the master yeah glimpse for the love is next hello done today it's going here I was ringing to talk about the last few minutes the last scene of Friday night's archers which I think was one of the most sinister things I've ever heard on the radio let alone the archers and it did make me wonder whether the story this storyline is going to take yet another dark very dark term I am a supporter of the fact that the archers has become more of a drama over the last a couple of years under the new editorship but I think any more darkness in this story will be very challenging for many listeners including including me I have to say he says it's too dark it's the storyline that shall not be named and the meaning of obedience it was too chilling he says yes that was horribly horribly scary and there is going to be some sort of massive repercussion on henry where henry is going to turn on Helen and say mama you you're supposed to be obedient to daddy and you're not being something like that there he is he is creating a horrible horrible monster with this rob is creating a horrible horrible monster with this the way he's talking to henry the way he's treating henry hideous don't think we need to say anything more about that do we make some depressed Maeve has clambered out of the big press hello hello Lucy hello Royfield it's Maeve aka in the big press just ringing to say hi and also just to ring and then slightly about PIP I can't stand PIP her voice comes on and it makes me it's like it sort of nails down a blackboard and it's that sort of kind of voice i don't know whether it's in her throat i can't really that kind of anyway it's terribly terribly annoying and i'm not sure whether it's a character i despise or whether it's the actors sort of characterization of her but i just hated i hate her i hate her i hate her the other thing i kind of hate about her is this whole romance bollocks between her and death Matthew and poor old Toby or was it Rex anyway whichever is the slightly less arsehole brother pining for her but i did think it was it was quite touching though when he went to the pub with her and all she did was talk about how much she loved Matthew and and he discovered that he was absolutely in the friend zone which i now having googled it i know what it means now so this storyline i think what will happen is that uh it'll all fizzle out with Matthew and that yeah and i think she would end up with whatever his name is trex Toby Rex rexy Toby whoever and yeah i think that's what will happen and she'd probably then have a shag or an affair or whatever you want with the other brother just to make it all more complicated and even more tedious in my idea scenario she would have been whipped up by storm imaging and we would never have seen or heard from pip again but that's unlikely to happen well i think you're a little bit harsh on pip i can completely see uh Maeve why she gets on your wick and yes i know when she when she says oh i am the sort of i'm not the sort of girl men pine over the thing is she's had so little experience she's got brothers she's very close to her dad we keep saying she's a sort of i mean her mother's not exactly a shining example of of sort of how to handle yourself as a as a what do i mean kind of as a what do you mean as a as a fully rounded you know sexy woman she's not she goes marching around in dungarees and she's covered in cow shit what are you saying Lucy that's that there's a fully rounded sexy woman are you saying that uh Ruth flip around in you know mules and a and a feather boa but as you do but constantly what i'm wearing right now waiting waiting for your man to come home um but she kind of hasn't had any example you know she's not close to lillian or any of the kind of the more sophisticated women so she does she genuinely doesn't have a this is a third boyfriend she had jewed she had the one before she uh the voice changed and the dispenser there you go and then she's got uh got got Matthew yeah and she's only what 23 she's had a kind of girl though that says you know it was really good for you know i could i like him i look you know i could wrestle him to the ground kind of thing she's like she's like like an arm wrestling type of girlfriend rather than a girl i'm glad that you are saying this and not me because i would have a whole load of you know approachings along at me if i was saying what you're saying what are you saying lucy what i'm saying is that she genuinely doesn't understand the romantic side of men at all but i think that's because she's still relatively young but she's trying to recreate her parents' relationship so she's moving far too far to Matthew she's spent three weeks with him is it altogether what's wrong with that pretty much earlier we go you can start crying now look don't knock don't knock briefing counter don't knock romance more ill-formed thoughts from me okay no they can join mine then which are incredibly ill-formed i thought that episode was actually really quite touching what's wrong the valentine's day episode really that's what we're talking about aren't we yeah and yes i'd get it that for a whole load of people it will just be a wardrobe adducts back you know it'll be just a case of ours somewhat kind of small c and did i think that maybe people was a bit ott probably but we go through life and we are little islands and every now and then we do bump into somebody and we connect with them on a spiritual physical emotional level and and we kind of realize the power of that sometimes through looking at the stories of others and and also by having a crass hallmark celebration of a day as well and i a big one for valentine's day no have i ever celebrated it yes you know but i don't think that just be i'm all up for sentiment and if some and i and also on a personal level i actually quite like that film because it does have resonance for me and i can completely see i completely chimed with with david in this in that what he took out of it was he was the husband but she came back to him and you know that didn't happen to me you know so i looked at that and and it played out something in my life where you kind of think that there are two you know if you look at that as as a story um there's two outcomes that she either goes off with with the handsome doctor or she goes home uh to to the hubby but there isn't there's a third way and the third way is that she then thinks well maybe i should be on my own and you know i could listen to that and it chimed with chimed with my life and and i think that is the power of kind of kind of great drama is that it forces you to look at things that have happened in your life and you get a different kind of perspective on it so but again pip is what 23 possibly 24 she's pretty young and if you said earlier on in the show she hasn't got a whole load of experience but if you can't be young and giddy and stupid when you're in your early 20s when can you be i know it's just when she was saying to Ruth when Ruth when she said oh i feel like i can face anything now i've got Matthew and and and Ruth said well that's what love is and everything i thought you've known him for three weeks you know you can't face it you figure out what you can face by yourself before you start deciding that you can't face anything without that person okay Lucy what if you can't say something a bit bloody stupid at the age of 23 24 when can you cut us some slack right whatever we want to say about pip she works bloody hard right she might annoy people she might sound like a languid devil's say or whatever the heck it is but she works very hard and she's committed to that farm and i don't know why i understand all of the hate that they get thrown i don't hate her at all that i'm not saying you but it's you know three quarters of twitter right and i just think you know she's not rob titchener she's not she's not an Ursula titchener cut the girl some slack if she wants to be giddy with with Matthew let her be giddy and just say good luck just it makes her so vulnerable when you hear you know it's like well you're gonna make me sound like that bloke at first dates you know to be in love is to have a little bit of vulnerability you know it's like oh come on right you give of yourself emotionally and we're all a little bit potentially vulnerable and and that's what makes us feel alive move on come on okay all right it was babe not me have a go at mave anyway oh no i don't want to have a go at mave i love mave uh she says that she wants Pip to end up with the slightly less arsehole brother as she describes i think that's probably what's gonna happen i think i like the way that of the you know the main thing that we can think of to say about rex is that he's slightly less of an arsehole it's a much less of an arsehole there's no comparison between the two on the arsehole stakes he is a hard analyst um blind spirit he needs a backbone is what that boy needs he does he does he needs to get shot of toby he's so much toby's Toby's everything that's wrong with rex is toby if he could just remove Toby from the equation his life no no no he does need to develop a little bit of a backbone and be a little bit more assertive he really does okay and that's not Toby's fault okay um is he invertebrate they don't them back bones do they no they don't the invertebrate rex invertebrate rex sounds like a dinosaur um blind spirit a therapist will listen to Helen not um not to what rob is the picture that rob is trying to paint at Helen that is why people with narcissistic personality disorder hate psychotherapists because they threaten the narcissist's control and uh it's a very sort of traditional pattern that they don't believe in therapy and they they uh get very very freaked out by anybody going to therapy they don't like it at all because it's um they fear that somehow it will it will put a um wedge between their direct link to the to the victim their sort of uh their their ability to control them um i don't really understand i mean i know i keep moaning about this storyline so i probably don't actually want to know but i sort of do want to know i find it astonishing that Helen has just been sent home having been diagnosed with anemia and arexia she seemingly gone straight back home with no follow-up stuff no one from the health authorities coming out to visit her the midwife hasn't been there was supposed to be some psychiatric assessment rob did say that the week before last he did right he did he did but nothing's happened from that well i don't know how quickly these things actually happen and the amount of detail that the script right has actually gone into and kind of research i'm presuming that it it's not necessarily because as far as they're concerned maybe psychosomatically she wasn't in imminent danger it wasn't as if she was deranged and bouncing off the walls i'm presuming so maybe a 10-day wait from being uh um let out of hospital is actually quite reasonable i don't know all i do know go on loose i don't think you you transfer the care of the patient to somebody who you have not yet assessed is to whether or not they're an appropriate caregiver well well we guess well i know i'm guessing so i just don't know and i haven't done any research and kind of you know it into the subject but what i do know is i'm out of this storyline now really out twist on friday was to excuse the french fucking much it was too much what Ursula oh come on yes right i i went with it that Ursula was actually all right i know when when she first came she was a bit kind of prickly and and whatever and i thought okay actually this is more proof that rob is just twisted and there's nothing really really wrong with his mother but that last call was so pantomime was so dun dun dun yeah and we have been commenting for for days weeks actually for literally a year if not over a year as to how well this has been written i am sorry with that ill written no no i'm not going to say it was ill written it's ill plotted because somebody somewhere has said and here's the twist that we need that actually robs in cahoots with his mother who he apparently he hated he has no relationship with just some months ago because some poor script writer had to write that it's the plotting it's bonkers it's just too much the whole thing is Byzantine there's too many layers of twists and and just evilness and that's it i'm through i don't i don't care no more i don't care it's absolute rubbish and i just said to myself you what i i was dumbfounded i was utterly dumbfounded it's like are we supposed to really believe that these characters exist yeah that he can be in cahoots with it because what what's wrong with kirsty what sensible sensible person after the exchange that kirsty had with helen would say she's the wrong type of person possibly she said about her protesting past you will you know what i just i'm out loose i'm out i just it's just too much yeah it's just too much it made sense it makes sense that the that a character like rob exists and they've done an amazing job highlighting emotional abuse because you know as a bloke i don't i'm i'd like to think that in no relationship that i've had in the past have i emotionally abused anybody let alone physically but you can look and you can see couples and relationships and you go crumbs maybe you know just because he's not hitting her doesn't mean that he isn't abusing her and and that's brilliant it's highlighted this terrible thing which goes on in some relationships and i still applaud the script writers for that but they've just now made it into soap that rob is in cahoots with his mother and they're both a pair of evil bastards and i'm just jealous yeah i'm out i'm out cat brown in her call which will actually play at the end said um she described that as a pantomime snippet it was it was and i just feel sorry for i don't know how these stories kind of come about i'm presuming that it's um the editor on high i don't know and he says basically here is a here is the plot and they all sit around the table him and uh the script writers and they you know and they we and they actually weave how this story is going to play out but at some point somebody's made a big mistake saying that then Ursula is going to be complicit in all of this because we just this is too many plates spinning there's too many plot holes which haven't been plugged up culverts which haven't been unblocked in terms of the storyline there's poles back in Poland who are kicking their heels wanting to have their revenge this there is missing money us and then oh come on now yeah i can't fucking take it anymore yeah yep the actor is brilliant the setup is fantastic it's too much we didn't need another layer of this nonsense on top i can go on if you want no you probably need a lie down do you want to cold cloth on your head well i was applauding then i completely agree i did go what oh for fuck's sake that was my response at least i was dumbfounded yeah i said no it was a different Ursula and everything well i i said to an American friend um who was i chatting to i was chatting to somebody about the arches and i said when that scene happened i dropped my bacon sandwich and he and he says oh we're eating a bacon sandwich i went no it's an expression they went what and i said it's a very good one i went yeah but i just oh yeah oh anyway Lucy seriously yes but put that cold plan lama for it please because i yeah no just just maybe we'll book you in for a course with with a spoon um uh yes before before while royal does that i just need to give a quick message jam from cam i got your messages uh jam and it's absolutely fine thank you very very much that's it now uh Claire from Scotland via Canada hello dumpty dum Claire from Scotland via Canada here apologizing ahead for raising the issue of the rob and headland storyline but something's been niggling me ever since Helen returned from hospital and that's Rob's approach to Helen's eating i prefaced this with saying that i'm not an expert i only have a very limited amount of experience helping friends cope with eating disorders and of course that's not the same thing because it was an evening that Helen went into the hospital to be treated for but as i understood it you couldn't go from and indeed shouldn't go from eating very little the suddenly eating a lot all at once it sounds as if that's what Rob is trying to get Helen to do as i say i'm not an expert i hope i'm wrong i'm hoping somebody will call in and tell me i am wrong so that's next week's project but in the meantime it's making for hugely uncomfortable listening i am very glad you rang in Claire because we haven't heard you for ages and i thought i hope she's all right because you went to be quiet um wasn't the anemia caused by the anorexia so she was she what i thought she'd be taken to hospital because the anemia but they'd realized it was because she wasn't eating at all never mind not eating enough iron and i can't understand how apparently Rob is able to force feed her because she doesn't seem to be particularly protesting she's not purging afterwards or not that we're aware of and it would be aware of bloody every other farts going on in that storyline so i don't understand why we would be aware of that um so yes it all seems very odd and anorexia is not something as i think it was goddess diva said last week that you can just switch off and get get better you always have it like you always have alcoholism but it's something that you uh sometimes it's under better control than other times um so to be suddenly fine to be eating without complaining to say everything's all right now just seems absolutely extraordinary and again i think that goes in in Royfield's category of this storyline has been built up it's now so ginormous it's just toppled over on top of them basically that's kind of what's happened it feels like that they've got themselves so far in they can't get out again uh oh did you know i have you ever had a dream about the arches Royph no i had my first dream about the arches because you think about the arches 24/7 i know there is nothing else in my life literally nothing um i had a dream and it was about robin helen and the weird thing was i couldn't see rob i could only see the back of his head he didn't turn around but helen was played by helen backson dale from cold feet oh okay uh and i thought actually i could see her playing that that's kind of how i think that's you uh and uh yes and i was there and i was very comp and i was talking to them in the kitchen and i was very conscious that rob didn't want me there and i was trying to get helen to come out for a walk with me and then i woke up that's fascinating dream isn't it but it was very very weird and that's the first time i've ever dreamt about the arches sounds to me like you were kirsty oh could have been i haven't got the squeaky this the squeaky throaty kirsty voice though exactly you haven't i do like kirsty's voice you're quite good at impressions that was a bad one i know it's terrible i love her voice i've got no idea how you do it i love to ask him and she's a lovely weed little thing isn't she she's me uh but for those of you who like the voices on our show i don't mean our voices i mean of course harry at queen of the voice chambrages harry at car michael she's going to be at our show on the when is it seventh so mark yes uh so you can um i might get her to do a voicemail message for me as a character i think you should yeah i think um can i just say all right considering that you kind of did this on your lonesome what the you and derrick organize oh yeah yeah no derrick principally well like to keep his hands busy in cahoots with you yes i have been nowhere near my cahoots can i just say but yes carry on right which smart arse person says right we're going to have a recording that starts at seven o'clock on a weekday considering we're all fans of the arches what fool yes you might want to bring that up with derrick i don't think i shall well i suppose we'll do a communal listen shall we and then we'll start the recording maybe at twenty past seven maybe maybe that's just an idea i don't know oh that's right funny ah dear yeah next call greetings earthlings andrew horn here i'm calling on Tuesday so fairly early in the week but um i've been lacking an inspiration recently hence my radio silence but congratulations to yoko bear um really enjoyed the show and um the two of you have sparked some thoughts so is lillian falling for justin i'm not sure that she is i think she's maybe falling for his credit card and a little bit of attention but i'm not sure that she'll be uh she'll be taken in i have high hopes for uh for lillian that she uh she's wise now and the other one that i think or spot on with is with rob popping up at the school he has got find my iphone on her phone it's switched on and he keeps an eye on her movements that's how he did it apart from that loved the uh johnny and burt scene and the poignant sort of across the generations it's something the arches script writers do very well on occasions and i did enjoy that but then as lu she says i'm a soppy old fool looking forward to seeing lots of you at the hundredth and uh keep up the good work andrew horn is lillian falling for justin or his credit card um i think she's fallen for the credit card initially but i've got a horrible feeling she may be heading towards falling for justin she was slightly too uh when she said if you wouldn't mind accompanying me and he said oh i'd be glad to lillian and and and uh and she went oh and i thought god here we go again um lillian is a bit lonely and she wants a bit accompanying and i think anyone um as long as i had a pulse that battered her eyelids in her direction she would have got all silly and beside herself it just so happens that this man has oogles of cash so if you don't have some checkbook there you go there you go so um i think she's actually into him it just so happens that um he's minted too yeah oh lillian um andrew also reckons that rob has got find my iphone on helen's phone so he can track where she is good will be true don't even want to think about that um and he liked all the intergenerational stuff uh with johnny and burt fry and um all that sort of thing and if we now play new york nijl's call uh he says uh he agrees with who? andrew hone oh okay hello lucy and hello royfield and hello tall fellow dumpty dumners and dumpty dogs as well it's new york nijl here and i'm still basking in the glow of lucy calling me a dorris i can actually remember when she died well her speaking role would come to it and i can't quite remember the story of why but for the longest time the archer's plan would refer to her through the noises she was supposed to be making in the background there would anyway just a couple of things i wanted to say uh first of all i'm really appreciating this age mix that the writers have got around to achieving it was all starting to see a bit to the elderly wasn't it with jim not cardboard and peggy the return of the toboggan the bridge parties with jill i think there was nothing wrong with that but it's it's nice to hear storylines developing with johnny and burr say that was really sweet and even warming i hasten to say to those fair bathroom although all that can cracking and broing and mipple of lofting is a bit annoying but perhaps it's no more annoying than the talk of fondant fancies and hand-stitched curtain ruffles and i don't know rubbing up a batch of scones might be annoying to some of the listeners i've also got a plot prediction this week i've long harbored a desired seetiger surging back into the village after making vast amounts of money in russia and then getting back with lilyon and saving the village from hazel woolie but now i'm seeing things a bit differently i think just an eliot is going to use lilyon to get into the good books of the village and you know perhaps incidentally into her newly purchased non-pelly able boutique lingerie from chaltenham and part of this story line is going to be for lilyon to persuade him to connive with her against her mother's ghastly stepdaughter now i'm still not adjusting fan because you know there's going to be a price to pay once the script writers have got to like him for whatever reason or got us to like him for whatever reason i agree with yoke or better lilyon deserves a bit of happiness but you know maybe this is it i'm very excited about potential don't you done meet up with royal field in new york city and i'd certainly be up for it new york Nigel you are our favorite dorris do not doubt that you are having um yeah we have johnny and bert lilyon and kate uh and you know he said people will find the fair brethren as annoying yeah older people will find the fair brethren as annoying as the younger generation find you know peggy wishread on about curtains um i don't i i don't think i get annoyed by oh i don't like it when it's all older people and you kind of think what the hell is happening with christen and all that you know they've just vanished i don't like it when people just vanish i don't care really how how old they are i would love tiger to come surging back into the village uh and get back with lilyon um i don't think that's going to happen although recent developments well where you go recent developments yeah we can't say about that can we um it's just in going to use lilyon to get back at hazel that would be good the trouble is with hazel she's got a lot of money and it's kind of like she's got a lot of money and peggy's got a lot of money and it's just who can throw the most money at something to make it work but she has got more money than uh piggy but he has got more money than everybody in the whole world so he went good uh so he can come back and um and i wouldn't say rather than just in earlier has got more money than the duke of west needs to know is he the one that lived at number one london i saw something like that that was his address wasn't it and yes thank you for your good wishes uh Nigel we are going to need all the kuraj we can get love i'll tell you for this bloody life thing oh god anyway um who is next steven purkins hello dumphu dum it's steven purkins here i am a second time caller in error and i'm afraid i feel the need to vent about the fair brothers i worked out this morning i think i've been listening to the archers for about eight years and in the last episode i listened to which would have been wednesday's episode they drove me to do something that i have never done before which was i skipped ahead during their scene now i mean i've listened to some pretty awful things uh in my time on this show i didn't skip any of darryl's scenes no matter how much i hated those i haven't skipped rob no matter how much he sets my nerves on end but i have to skip rex and tobi because they're just so awful if it's a scene of one of them or both of them speaking to a character who has some sort of point or purpose i can just about tolerate them but when it's just the two of them wittering on to each other about pip or pastured sodding eggs i just can't do it if i had these two talkings with each other in the pub in that awful bro bro bounty bollocks fashion i would move tables to get away from them and i can't stand having to listen to it on the archers so as much as i hate to be a complete misery about this i really hope the new editor either finds a purpose for them very very quickly and gets them something to do other than be an incredible annoyance or just sends them somewhere very far away from ambridge sharpish he would move tables in a pub to get away from the fair brethren and he now skips ahead i don't disagree with that you know because though uh tobi might well be a bit of a bull right in terms of being in a pub and you're having a drink it's going to be somewhat entertaining do i want to be with him at a dinner party no do i want him to be my best mucker uh no but actually propped up against the bar for 20 minutes half an hour i think he'd be actually quite entertaining no i'm with steven i think i just want to punch him really yeah i'm trying to think who i would move away from probably many there's many more kind of recourses you'll have to you know exiting you know at that situation actually punching the man in the clearing the face you see yeah it's just the tactic i happen to it's my preferred tactic all right uh i was just thinking would i move away i would move closer to brian because he's very entertaining yes uh i'd probably move away from shuler yeah shuler and caroline moaning you wouldn't find shuler in the pub anyway would you no unless it's sunday for bit of sunday lunch she's looking for alistair who's completely disappeared um i was reminded i've just come back from a week's holiday in yorksha and i was reminded of susan carter because i was in a farm shop and it was one of those places your partner made you some chilli it won't be discussing that thank you very much um uh we were in this farm shop and it was all very you know artisan cheese and everything was kind of olive green and had bows of dried grass on it and you know all that sort of stuff mmm uh punnits of things and baskets of things you couldn't buy a box of anything you had to be a punnit or a basket and um this this this very breezy sort of uh mid-lady jorksha lady came came in to the um farm shop towing her husband behind her who had a face like a slapped ass and um she she bumped into a friend and she said oh hello thank you thank you she said i knew you love it here don't you and i love it here and i thought i had to bring norman because he's never been you see and i thought it'd be such a i said to him you are in for a treat norm and i said so they're chatting and as the two husbands moved past each other norman muttered to the other one they aren't bloody shankers soon as i saw the sign he said and he just made me imagine me of susan and new susan come along Neil we're going to that new weight rose you know just to try it out so so goes there and make sure you get the bag and all that sort of thing and it was so funny yes anyway so i would i would i was thinking would i move away from susan then no i wouldn't i would stay and listen because i find to have very funny uh Claire from clapham is next oh all right hello donty dumb it's Claire from clapham here second time caller inra and i didn't find any details with me last time i called in so i'll start by saying that i've been listening to the archers since 2002 and the first big storyline i remember was brian and shavorn's affair and the birth of rory and in particular debbie working out that rory was brian's child and having a massive showdown with him which is really memorable and that's sort of relevant uh to the thing i wanted to talk about today which was i was really surprised by jennison's first like lack for the atical attitude to lillian effectively becoming kind of mistress or concubine of just ineliet and her complete lack of concern for his wife from around her is it or melinda uh in that situation uh you'd think that jennifer having had a husband who'd been having serial affairs throughout their married life would have a little bit more consideration for the wife in that considerate situation um but she seemed to write it off very quickly and you know she'd all for lillian you know being the social secretary and so i went into that i thought was quite strange but then maybe jennifer has sort of come to an arrangement with herself but it's okay for husbands to be philandering just as long as they don't leave the wife perhaps i'd be interested in what other people think about that issue so yeah we'll see how that goes well done yoke will bear and everyone keep up the good work yes i am also finding jennifer's attitude to lillian very very odd but i don't know whether jennifer has been dumped on so often by brian that they may be either a bit of sharden froyda in terms of um you know maranda she kind of feels like well it happens to everybody and you know you just have to hang in there and and and she kind of almost wants it to happen to other people so that she doesn't feel as if she's failed possibly um and also i've maybe jennifer thinks you know at least lillian's getting something out of the arrangement i mean jennifer has put up with such a lot and she's kind of made her relationship with brian quite transactional now so he has not true that's not true he saw his lunch it's not purely no it's not remember four weeks ago we had there's that friday episode and we all just said how beautiful that was when jennifer was just you know i'm an old fart i'm a washed up old prune my life's disappeared and brian says no you're not you're an amazing woman i love you get down there put your face on and you're amazing it's not just transaction i can't say that like who'd be who'd be giving you a supportive cuddler lying someone up over your shoulder that's that's yeah but but you've also said is at that age where you know you've got prostate problems that that that old brian's kind of gone now yeah you know come on they're not transactional there wasn't there was an element of that up till you know up until shavorn and well no animal shrivener because when when there's all the bl stuff you're still kind of sniffing around her and she had to bat him away but no bat him away that she did he just imagined oh stop it don't be wasp trying to get into your wine um and yokele bear hmm oh can i just say well done yokele bear have you seen the amount of love that man has on the twitters i know every time you have andrew on or yokele bear on everyone we keep away they get overwhelmed well i i i yeah i don't know what it really says about me being on the show that that that's the thing but no well done well done gentlemen and definitely well done yokele bear um it was uh i actually really like listening to dumbly dumb and um and when i'm not on it i really do because you were still interfering it kept going the script kept going red where you were where you were fiddling around and putting bits in the script as we were doing it because you sent it to me you shouldn't you shouldn't have sent it to me and then said things like me did i i didn't say that's all losing did because you wanted to know what the calls were to put them in the website thingy oh yes yeah see all right okay and then you have a line slagging me off in it rolling i didn't slag you off i just said i was glad i didn't have to read out t-shirt sizes because when have you about to do that before every time i don't take them out anyway hello dumb stomach yokele bear here calling from yokele shire um first of all i'd just like to say thanks for all the messages that i got after the podcast last week i it really made my week um i had much fun doing it it was marvellous and looser you're a star you've completely made me not nervous for um losing my podcast virginity so but the archers um pip let's start with pip how unaware is pip of her surroundings i mean she said this week i'm not the kind of woman that's men pine over as she sat there with rex who you probably need a pencil to wind his tongue back in has she not noticed that he's just kind of there and gagging for her i've been quite amused by the tobi thing this whole tobi trying to intervene the second thing i'd like to talk about this week is in praise of the grandis but what are they thinking i mean all of us turned around and said well why don't you move into the house for a bit just to tide you over and they're setting up an entire working farm let's have some pigs yeah let's get some cows in next next thing you know they're digging up the front lawn putting some maze in it's all going to go terribly terribly wrong isn't it but that's kind of the grandis isn't it really it's they just don't think it through do they even bert saying well steady on now and it was i found it actually quite nice to have Johnny back but Johnny was perfect for kind of Valentine's Day you know like he's he's like that teenager from the fast show isn't it everything's brilliant and i thought brief encounter at the pub was just brilliant some david crying actually you know i've i've had my criticisms of david and Ruth but when they had that little chat about how david was glad that she came back and everything did have a little tear in the corner of me eye just a little one tiny little one what did yoke be say he said uh about he was talking about pit um and the the grandis have gone a bit nuts haven't they really talk i mean i can't believe clarry isn't stopping them doing this i mean she went berserk when she thought when um the piglets when they started talking about the pigs but that was partly because she thought eddie had nicked them rather than you know borrowed them or whatever he is he's done um but put i mean putting cows on a field and subletting it and making money out of the arrangement that is not a small thing that is not something you can pack up at a moment's notice and i can't believe she's just going oh eddie and letting him carry on i don't think she would i think she would go completely berserk and say as she always does if you've really done it this time eddie um but this is just a return to the old we are the 70s eighties nineies nor is where they've just been chartered so that's some 40 years and you would have thought that now they've actually come back into you know their spiritual home that go you know what we need to count our count our blessings here and just keep a low profile yeah exactly let's not mention to ourselves you know and the fact that you know ed is going dad no yeah you know and you're completely right clary would be like eddie no we've got back home we're at the largesse of uh Oliver and Caroline let's just put it in hat on it let's just calm down i'm with it i don't believe this at all but suffice to say i'm much less angry about this than the than i am about the other story long which i've ranted on about so i'll just shut up now and i'll just that pass on i'm upset but i'll pass on Lucy let us pass on to Jacqueline Bertoux one for Jacqueline Bertoux de sanguisi i'm really behind with the archers but i am up to date with Dumty Dum if that helps well done yoke up there for last week and for Lucy for keep having to change partners thank you for all your great beats yoke up there i'm always retweeting you because you say what i think but in but far more elegant eloquently i've seen articles about the change in the editor and i realized that culturally i think i'm really stuck in ambridge because i had no idea who Ruth Jones or Steve Lamack are who are apparently pitching for the job or was that a tongue cheek article who knows i see i'm culturally miles away from everyone personally though i'm happy whoever takes over as long as they can get back to normal and add a few accents or voice defects so i can tell who the characters are or at least tell them apart well so far it's going to be me and JoJo sexy heels meeting Missoula Mayor de Sangua on Saturday March the 27th so if there is anyone else who fancy joining us see the website for details and or contact me by email that's Jacqueline dot Bertot at yahoo point affair or at arabaz je Bertot sanguine on the twitters au revoir yes i agree we need new editor please come we have some voices that sound different from all the other voices that would be very nice uh get rid of the third brethren depending on us uh and let's have some people that sound different and let's have more jazza yes yes yes there's got to be there's got to be a really good reason why the character who's as universally as popular as jazza is absolutely sidelined you know in the last 12 months how much jazza have we actually had if that man has been in 20 episodes i'd be surprised and everybody loves jazza yeah it makes no sense what to ever maybe they think familiarity will breed contempt and if we get to know him too much we won't you know we will get fed up with him or something i mean he's not an archer obviously he doesn't have any ties to the village of a van when he's got to marry someone to stay in the village hasn't he in the same way that um Neil Carter you know was new to the village and all that hmm i i i don't understand because they've put together their him and jim are the unlikely couple yeah which completely works yeah you know it's intergenerational it's the class divide it's an intellectual it's everything is that but it just works and they don't pay up to that at all no you know and it just just makes no sense to me just makes no sense so maybe somebody from the inner workings of this show might want to call her in a row or send me a discreet message and say this is the reason why because it's just to me you know yeah it just makes no sense just like you know we've gone through periods where there's been no lillian but at least she has some meaty storylines yeah even if jazza was just propping up the bar once twice a week you go okay very enough yeah but anyway anyway right we please tell me we're through with these calls very nearly and we're just spoon hey baby i hear the blues are calling tall salads and scrambled eggs massive greetings lucy refield millie bell and all dumpty demers around the world it's witherspoon and angus haggis here i've been busy this week reassuring angus that i do not plan to sell him to the highest bidder as david and ruth have done with their beloved cows and we just got an angus over his recurrent dream of being lost in torrential rains so i requested the new editor to be please no more storylines that may traumatize our pets i have a thought or two about the major curveball thrown at us in the final conversation of the week first i for one was quite fooled by Ursula's nice mother-in-law act even kirsty's been taken in so what hope do we have earlier in the week as i was listening to ten american presidents while contemplating rob and the point that i made last week that i was both a narcissist and a high-functioning sociopath i realized that he was amperage's own richard nixon i know that dan carlin was doing a bit of revisionist history by saying that nixon wasn't all that bad but come on refield the man was evil just like our rob but now with this up to the minute information about Ursula i'm thinking about that movie from the early 90s the grifters starting angelica houston and john kusack as mother and son con artists based on a true story and rob you don't want to know what angelica does to her son at the end of the film and here's a thought about lillian our reborn party girl i'm happy that she has a spring in her step again but i don't know if anyone else has noticed she's been reaching for that glass of wine or gin on a rather frequent basis and with their new position as social secretary for justin i worry that she's going to fall down a well of alcohol in those new high-heeled shoes of hers and for that matter i still don't get why justin the multi-millionaire hedge fund guy is interested in hanging out in amperage and trying to impress the locals maybe we'll find out on that note angus haggis who is now under the sofa hiding from the auctioneer and i are signing off hope to talk to you all next week that he was fooled by Ursula and the nice mother-in-law act but we won't go into that again because you're but we know but it's the it's the it's not that you've been fooled by Ursula it's just another plot twist and it's just one too many yeah for this to be credible and believable this is just one too many and yeah just anyway he did say well he said he was worried about lillian hitting the booze lillian's always hit the booze blood type is a recess gordens for crying out loud i don't that you know i don't think she's in any more danger of of in fact she's probably in less danger of becoming an alcoholic now than she ever has been uh because she's actually happier and by now she's pickled herself completely so there's you know it's not going to happen um but sort of Ursula i suppose their thinking is somebody like rob does not get produced out of nowhere you have to have had some kind of um screwed up parenting to to be that type of person which i presume is is what they're trying to to to do with with Ursula i don't know yeah a bit of backstory maybe yeah and and i and i get that and i think it was um Andrew hall some months ago that kind of described the type of relationship that rob might have with a woman like Ursula as to the way kind of contributed to the to the way that he is but there's just such a level of collusion that's what i have just said he's just too much if you one thing because we were supposed to believe that he's he had no no mean relationship with his mother and so they didn't come to his wedding he did tell his mother about the wedding um but then all of a sudden he did because she suddenly turned up didn't she and said i don't understand why he would have blackened his mother's name so much to him no no it just you know and anyway i'm out i'm out i don't know what i'm talking about anyway my daughter listened to rob for about a minute and a half and she said oh is that man Donald Trump and i thought actually that kind of crazed paranoid you know that's not a bad analogy actually um because she listened to witherspoon's call where he said that uh that he was like Richard Nixon and my daughter said i think he's more like Donald Trump and now we have cat brown hello dumb dumb it's cat brown here well my mother always said you know if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all and uh reluctant as i am to break the habit of a lifetime and ignore that philosophy i probably should so instead of mentioning anything about things i'm sure lots of other people will already have wax lyrical about i would just like to say how much i've enjoyed brian and jenny this week feels like they are actually people and i've really enjoyed listening to what they're up to and their banter and everything although for somebody who should have been on half-term wasn't really surprisingly silent slash absent indeed it's almost as if they permanently packed himself off to boarding school who knows oh anyway looking forward to something believable happening in the next week they've managed so well this week and then it was just that last little last little pantomime snippet on friday bollocks i nearly got through that call by saying purely nice things oh well cheerio bye where is rury where indeed he's sleeping under in the cupboard under the stairs like harry potter at the dursleys um yeah half-term didn't i think some kids don't some prime school kids don't come home for the half-term if they're doing something but again he just never ever just doesn't get mentioned he will get mentioned when he's 17 and shaggable then he will be mentioned because then he will be a storyline on legs so that's what he's allowed to be he's not allowed to be anything up until then hmm you could well be right first i'm cholera leslie g hello it's leslie g here i'm a first i'm cholera i'm retired and i live in safety oakall shoe which is sort of wilcher door city area thinking back i suppose the artist has been around all my life i remember water gabry or gay who are i'm abusing all that stuff when i was really young but um i suppose the first things i remember are perhaps polypyrp dying and uh mike tucker giving slightly bonkers he was quite a horrible character in those days i don't know what era that puts me in um anyway lillian i think it's totally immoral but i think she should go for it she's a wonderful courtesan sort of type person and she's under no illusions what social secretary means so i think she should just go have some fun and good luck to her um irishiva so is she where is this woman come from she's totally different to what she was before perhaps she's sort of one of these split personality people that every time we we hear her she's uh gonna be different um anyway titty knob i'm just getting such an actual physical reaction every time he's on the radio i actually as same as lucy i did jump when he caught Helen going a wall i was really scared like the panzer by really so please stop that perhaps if tom checks on what happened with the chickens then you'll find out robs duplicity anyway can't stand it much longer so long with everybody else please make it stop lillian as courtesan that is an excellent thought Leslie and yeah i completely agree it is depressing because she's worked so much more than that but you know i could i you know she that she is what she is and she and and you know she will end that that is effectively what's what she's doing but i don't there's a kind of an naivety about her where she genuinely doesn't seem to think that uh that that there is anything old in this arrangement you know which is basically mistress oh yeah courtesan very very strange and i think slightly underwritten in lillian's but in terms of lillian because she's a much more complex character than than that really she's not just a good time girl i don't know how complex she is really i don't think she's just a good time girl i you know i'd agree with you there but i don't know how complex she is she's not as complex as let's say jennifer is no she actually isn't you know lillian is much more 2d and i think that's one of the reasons why she's so she's so likable because actually it's not that she is lacking in of being a character she's just a very simpler character and generally what you see is what you get and she is the life and soul she has that great character cackle um she has she does have a heart of gold she doesn't have a side to her um she's actually you know she's quite simple to sum up and and very easy to like i excuse me i had a thought the other day oh just the one that's a novelty um i know uh you remember paul yes i do that's brother um do you think he was like a dry run for rob goodness because they're very similar all that the controlling stuff that lies about the ex-wife the phone calls where he'd suddenly put the phone down they're controlling behavior with the children there was an awful not a bad shout it's not a bad shout them i don't know why maybe they tried paul and got a lot of feedback from people saying that they were you know like storyline or or found it engaging and so they decided to bring in a a sort of a character that that was going to um um you know bully somebody or what i don't know but there but there was and then he was suddenly killed wasn't he yes and he was like right well try this right okay right okay it's work so get rid of him and then we'll bring in someone else and do it properly he was he was much more of a fragile character than he was much more obviously needy than someone wrong but yeah there are certain patterns were the same hmm yeah it's not a bad shout that well done haven't it was that your first thought of the year yes it was to lie down well done too soon it's only february um god is diva hello dumb dumb god is diva here they're a bit off my tips on night nurse and melatonin but have been ordered by the twitter arty from dumpy dumpster ring in anyway um so what do i do when i say i'm this drunk and actually feel this punch drunk and everybody how much i love them i love lucy for being lucy i love voice for being really filled and i love court room and for doing all this fundraising and thank you whichever one from the dumpy dump um account thing retweeted my blog post on how we provide proper services for victims of domestic abuse at the archers rob the twat there is no more need saying than that and hats off to carry Davis for a week that made me throw up and cry more than once shouldn't really be how we base what we've enjoyed it from but but hey oh oh and i have to say kobe fair brother so come around my house i don't some of this show you it begins with us and ends with ist twat right i love your i'm gonna go try and get some sleep and probably send a message treat the morning say please leave this message or not i don't know i don't know it's been a weird old week i'm very weird and very stressed week on the archers and yet again everybody is pulled together and been wonderful so thank you all you terrible enablers who just wanted to hang it's well working giggles if i rang up on my tits love you loads guys diva out bye i didn't understand quite a lot of this cold goddess diva but you did warn us that i wouldn't also when you said you wanted to be to come round and you were going to show him and you appear to spell out the word cyst i'm not sure you meant that you were going to show him your cyst if you did i'm very sorry but you have a cyst uh and i'm certainly that would put an end to his lecturers sexist fumblings yes um but yes as as you warned us the call was a little bit confusing but i'm very glad you love us all and i do hope you get some sleep soon uh talking about people getting uh plored it's um that that lady had a whole load of plored it's for uh last week's quarter in a rest master place didn't she yes did oh it's all over the twitters just saying um jojose sexy heels hi there don't you don't know it's jojose sexy heels here just felt i had to ring in this morning to ask what everybody thought about Rob's views on the stock control in the shop so far he's got no job of his own they must have spent most of Peggy's 10 pounds and pounds by now and he's trying to run the shop into the ground what is the point i it just really doesn't make any sense you know to get rid of the wonderful sausage rolls or the you know the tamarches sausages you know this has always been sort of a brand that's been building up why wouldn't you want it to be successful you know if you want to have a child that's going to be raised in a healthy environment with something to inherit why try and kill off the business it just makes no sense to me um so what does everybody else think okay speak to your sim got a go because i've got a small puppy here who needs my attention okay bye then i don't know why we're almost through with these calls now we've got some more we're call her in a rush now we've got some emailer in a rush from all right go on jojose sexy heels said why is rob trying to bankrupt the shop i think because he has to wreck everything that wasn't made by him so he can then build it up again and say you see that's how it should have been done but no it makes no sense i don't know what the hell they're living on they're living on some kind of money that is fiddled from something i presume but as we don't care anymore about the story line for various reasons who cares don't know don't eh la la la la right and now call her in a emailer in a rush this is from this is from who's it from easy hello easy um she's been listening for almost three decades since she was in nappies uh but she's only been listening properly since tony made as she puts its bad friends with a ball which makes her new tom in our in our categorization she says um i think we need to i'm gonna have to put the rules of who you are very clearly declaring themselves things aren't they yeah just you know just once we'll just kind of state them so people can actually you know exactly they're not bare frivolity on dumpedy dumpies we do it properly or not at all um yeah she's talked about rob um putting himself in a position where he's making shock decisions not just on helen's behalf but on his own behalf and tom has never really been in a position of authority over rob because really he sees rob as acting for helen the sooner he realizes that rob is acting on his own accord the sooner he can start standing up to him uh and but will she's worried that that will trigger anger that rob will then take out on on helen and henry um i think that tom and kirsty she says only when they talk together about someone they mutually love then they'll be able to put the puzzle together i only hope this happens before much longer as i am fed up with swearing at the radio after every episode that's all for now moo she says and kosmo is cross again first of all he wants to nominate kate as borsett she a new business woman of the year excellent yes i second that kosmo and um why are the fair brothers not producing geese all year round i'm sure some decent restaurants need a good goose supply all year round that was supposed to be their target market well goose is traditionally easter isn't it don't ask me loosing and does anyone think those numbers actually make a profit now they're paying rent and i missed a huge stupidity last week right brace yourselves you ready boys i'm braced okay bl had a multi-year contract with rb farming which would have had notice clauses and all sorts of other constraints which commenced on the first of january suddenly with no notice in mid-February the board decided adam is to tilling the land the next day look this is a business not some cozy arrangement rb would need notice which could be 12 months and would also as adam did at the end of 2014 submit a costed bid proposal for the contract at the very least rb farming would demand a chance to put their case and to be allowed to work their notice as adam did when his contract was ended this was very poorly written and executed kosmo in high dudgeon again um that all made perfect sense to me and you did you know and i think they need cosmos the kind of financial and business editor on that no we've got him we can't go off moonlighting for someone else he's ours true true that tell you what loosing if we can't have kosmo as the archers financial and business uh so editor that john west who's our little friend on on the twitters he could do that job he's some kind of financial journalist and i basically did say to him right because he's he's got a dry sense of humor that man and he's not only an archer's fan but he's a financial wiz he should come on the show yeah and it can talk and it can explain all this bl board malarkey to us and where they've gone wrong and you know everybody's projections and their business plans and whatever you know i might fall asleep but i was going to say it's not going to do a powerpoint to see no but look at his excel spreadsheet out you know but no he um i think we should get him on next week and it can just run the rule over you know all things financial because he is quite funny okay all right so john west if you if you're free for next week so um you'll be sat on sat on the bed with loosing you'll be sitting on Roy fields right hand no no selling a little or a lot Shopify helps you do your thing however you chitching Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business from the launch your online shop stage to the first real-life store stage all the way to the did we just hit a million orders stage Shopify is there to help you grow Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting checkout 36 percent better on average compared to other leading commerce platforms because businesses that grow grow with Shopify get a one dollar per month trial period at Shopify dot com slash work Shopify dot com slash work Kenny's family health care benefits kicked in the day he started his hourly job at amazon with two kids he was a big fan of that then he took advantage of amazon's on the job skills training program that helped him launch a new career in software development Kenny liked that too that led to a bigger paycheck so he was able to get his youngest son a drum oh please drum set next up drum lessons learn more at about amazon.com Amazon every day better 25 percent off fine jewelry sounds pretty good right Missouri's biggest sale ever is here from November 25th through December 2nd get 25 percent off everything on orders of a hundred and fifty dollars or more from bold hoops to minimalist stacks and a few diamonds sprinkled in here and there Missouri makes handcrafted fine jewelry for every day each piece is made with responsibly sourced materials so you can look and feel good about gifting and wearing them find something for everyone especially yourself shop your wishlist 25 percent off online at Missouri dot com in store and in app do we got any more emailing us we haven't oh thank goodness for that all right so moving swiftly on folks why don't we take five combat the other side with a touch and really bell hello as you know i love france and i helped with the twinning of mirror yelling ambrage so it's with great pleasure that i can tell you about another untaught cordial a friday march the 25th until monday the 28th you can visit st gyan in britany courtesy of dempty dumber jackalene birth though the ordinary includes a trip to denon the local farmers market a visit to the mayor a bake of another shenanigans the cost is 110 pounds and this includes your accommodation dinner and breakfast go to demptydom dot com to book and to view the trick for further info contact jackalene foyer email jackalene dot birth though at yahoo dot fr it's the story of a cultural superpower that danced and sprinted its way to success it brought the world reggie compound rastas hip-hop bop molly much more its story is told to you in full color for your podcasting years it's the story of how jamaica conquered the world search for it on my team how jamaica conquered the world it's probably the best least known podcast and podcast on search for it today 1914 june serrievo the heir to the throne of austria hungry archduke france fernanand assassinated killed by a Serbian nationalist about six weeks later world war breaks out germany austria hunger russia france everyone is drawn into its starting in august and then will america be drawn in listen to the first show exclusively on mixcloud today and subscribe to us on itunes beginning january the 18th from washington to obama 10 american presidents the new podcast from ryfield brown do you have a national truster on your car do you think you could be best friends with kafkidsen do you spend hours wandering around the airport looking for an organic quinoa cafe because you refuse to go to burger king then sera smith cloths offer you available from sainsbury's for the posher washer proud sponsors of dumpty dum i've just had a look at the dumpty dum shop they've got no track suits but they do do t-shirts which are very flattering nice if you want to show off your figure a little bit nick can you carry one off of course but i can good a everyone now this report is going to be 24 hours earlier than it usually is so for those of you that get involved after the omnibus i really apologize it's only for one week i'm the backstage manager of the local production of legally blonde and there are so many ways in which it ties in with the artist it's not funny um the linda snell our wonderful director does keep changing her minds about things and i come back to rehearsal and find all the curtains and all the backdrops have changed the numbers in which they they've been put on so i have to change everything i'm doing there are last many adjustments there's a little bit of drama on stage but exactly like linda snell and all her wonderful productions it's all coming together and it's all going to be brilliant on the night so i have a big week ahead of me i'm going to be absolutely knackered but it will be worth it uh having a look at our forum this week one uh miss mid-city pose the question why should we listen to the arches so if you would like to get involved in that and we all have an opinion about why we should listen good or bad please jump on to the forum dumpedidum.com and of course the big news that shono connor is leaving the arches uh it started a really lively debate there's real division about whether people think he contributed or has um detracted from the storyline on our facebook page i am pleased to say that we are not far off having out thousand so if you know anybody who should be a friend on facebook please let them know um i was absolutely i was driving to work when i listened to the arches as i always do and one of somebody said that there was going to be a clean for the queen campaign and i knew he drove off the side of the road i was so tickled by this i thought this was incredibly funny and there were so many inappropriate jokes that you could use with that so i did pose that and Kerry dovey says i'm all in favor of tidying the country up a bit but what Neil conceived title for the project i could not agree more Kerry however mark evidence has i hope beat me to it because he says guaranteed i'll be phoning him with every one of those inappropriate punch lines this week every single one i hope you did mark and i look forward to hearing them um we also asked whether we would notice much difference once uh Sean and Conner leaves and vicky berry said all one more more oh so she gave a thought before she says he spent the last few weeks undoing some of the changes he's made no more vero farm or return to more traditional plot lines well apart from the um story that shall not be named uh she says uh one more thought hopefully the cast will now have their muscles removed and can be guests on the podcast hurrah uh sorry where are my manners i meant to say sad laws sorely missed etc etc right then moving on Rachel lewie says she hopes he'll be returning to hearing from more people um and perhaps less of the bloody fair brethren rudhamton says i just hope that he doesn't completely screw everything up before he finally departs i'm sure he's not going to do that i had Jane Taylor wonder whether it's end of all the classic literature referencing uh i should have had a second coffee before i tried to say that the quenten benet said it's a small change to lucy v freeman's next week in ambridge plots that suggestions on a postcard and vicky cole said i one who could take over hope they read all the arches pages so it is going to be uh a change isn't it uh and uh i guess we can only summarize what will happen and we all have a opinion about whether shano conner was uh has been good for the arches or not but like it or not it has happened and we will move on to a new editor and let's uh look forward to that with the positive spirit that i know we all maintain on the arches and particularly dumbly dumb uh i have to go i thought i'm gonna get ready for a 10-hour rehearsal i key do not and then i work all week and every night we have a four-hour rehearsal afterwards so wish me luck everyone i'm probably going to be completely knackered and if you thought i was in arctic ill at this week you wait till next sunday i will not be able to say my own name but you everyone have a good week jump onto the dunkey-dun forum or onto facebook so that we can keep talking and you can keep me sane hooroo thank you millie uh lucy hashtag the arches tweets of the last seven days thank you very much please uh at if we had any ham said there are a lot of stupid storylines in the arches but quote charming million they're not being invited to parties is the unlike list this is very true yes and i don't think that you know sisidney and macedi's good with whatever they're called uh you know they don't care whether he's got his name plastered all over the village bloody all or not they just want to know if he's got a shed load of cash yes anyway paltruman said our hero paltruman hurrah who's nearly up to 60 grand now i think paltruman said first they came for scruff and i said nothing then they came for the horrifics and i said uh lennard odithian said where is tony is he still in panto just when he is deeded i bet he's playing captain hooking worthy no we need him back penny chukard's uh did did uh henry saying you're not my daddy mr turkey baster is my daddy and jerry pique and as you have forbidden me to comment on mr roifield brown you have forbidden me for commenting on the joyful joyful news uh around the arches this week i will just say this as i'm not allowed to say anything i'll let jerry pique say it for me and with the announcement of mr o conners departure the build up to the farewell story of an ice's attack on adbridge is not that i've prepared you lucy i just think we might need to just learn from our rash behavior before that's all i'm saying rash smash that's what i say mmm right um so the bacon we are in it now uh folks we have a website it's called dondidom.com it's full of wonderful juicy goodness and it's very small and neat or whatever the heck that advert was uh so you can go there dondidom.com and yeah finger fudge and um it's you can go on there and you can kind of comment on the shows not that people actually do that really but what you can do go on to our forum and our milli bell talks about topics on our forum and you can go on to our shop and those kind of things on there so go on to dondidom.com because it's awesome like that now i tunes uh lucy doesn't like me talking about i tunes but it's really important uh we have one new review this week and it's through easy kennedy i love this podcast and have been listening for a few weeks now it's such a lovely community where everyone is brilliant and talks about the archers here here where can i find the archives i want the archives i think you need to start back at episode one and keep going um i think this should be there it should be there on uh on i tunes uh if they're not all on the website i think on the website it's about the last 20 or the last 30 but he actually goes to i tunes i believe they're all there and if they're not tell me and then i'll make some rest promise of sorting it out then i probably went for about six months as is my way i think it was um cat brown or somebody messaged me the other day about with a comment about something about something that was on the podcast and i thought what the hell is she talking about it just didn't make any sense and then she she emailed did she messaged again hurriedly and said oh no don't worry i've just realized i was listening to an episode from last march folks if you want to help us keep our little show on the road there are two ways this can be done uh go to patreon.com/dumptydem and find us to support the show for two dollars or if you want to simply donate you can go to dumptydem.com and hit the donate button on the site awesome awesome awesome uh remember to get in contact with us you can send us a voice message via speak pipe on our website we can call us on 0203013105 to leave us a telephonic message you can find us on the twitters where we are at dumptydem or you can find me on at ruefield. me @loseyvfreeman or sera smith absera underscore smith and finally you can also find us on the book of face where we are dumptydem and we're nearly at the one thousand in fact we are at 959 like a lurkers and we want to get to a thousand by our hundredth show which is in three weeks time stop changing things while i'm reading it you bugger well just read that number out okay in fact we are at 979 like a lurkers and we want to get to a thousand by our hundredth show which is in three weeks time awesome we are almost there kenny's family health care benefits kicked in the day he started his hourly job at amazon with two kids he was a big fan of that then he took advantage of amazon's on the job skills training program that helped him launch a new career in software development kenny liked that too that led to a bigger paycheck so he was able to get his youngest son a drum oh please drum set next up drum lessons learn more at about amazon.com amazon every day better forging ahead together drives colorado's pioneering spirit at chevron we donate funding and volunteer thousands of hours in support of the communities we call home we also employ our neighbors to deliver the energy needed as the state's largest oil and natural gas producer all to help improve lives in our shared backyard that's energy in progress visit colorado dot chevron dot com and uh my laptop so it's got four percent battery left i think that is a perfect time for us to say goodbye so it's goodbye from me and goodbye from him awesome [BLANK_AUDIO]

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