DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

DTD 89 - A Festive Dumteedum some of the best best bits

A special this week revisiting the best of the last year with Lucy corpsing over Roifield being a Duffus whilst he repaid the compliment over Lucy and her bollocks.Plus all your favourite contributors get a word in edgeways including Graham Seed.Millie Belle is going to get blown away and your summariser wishes you a Merry Christmas!KosmoA Festive Dumteedum, some of the best best bits

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Duration:: 56m
Broadcast on:: 21 Dec 2015
Audio Format:: other

Hi, this is Christopher Kimball from Milk Street Radio. I often shop at Whole Foods Market since they sell the kind of food I like. Organic vegetables, a great meat counter, and of course a great staff. For Thanksgiving, Whole Foods offers Brian Turkeys, as well as a spiral cut bone and ham. The Whole Foods Market Bakery has a large assortment of pies, even a vegan pumpkin pie, or grab some brioche and butter flake rolls for the table as well. Or you can ask the Whole Foods team to cater your meal for you, including the bird, the sides, and desserts. Get your holiday party started at Whole Foods Market. The holidays are all about sharing with family. Meals, couches, stories, grandma's secret pecan pie recipe. And now, you can also share a cart with Instacart's family carts. Everyone can add what they want to one group cart from wherever they are, so you don't have to go from room to room to find out who wants cranberry sauce. Or whether you should get mini marshmallows for the yams or collecting votes for sugar cookies versus short bread. Just share a cart and then share the meals and the moments. Download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus, enjoy free delivery on your first three orders, service fees, and terms apply. This podcast is a Roy Field Brown production. Find others on iTunes. All right. Yeah, I know. At Bridge Farm Cafe, we always use service-made cloths. When I was at Brookfield, I only had those nasty blue and white ones, but these are vintage. Like our furniture, balance it so I have to call our cakes vintage, not in style, but out there with smith for the pusher washer. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Hi, it's Morgan from New York. On Twitter, I'm at Morgan and Leih and Leih, but I don't use it as much as nearly a lot of you do. I'm a first-time caller and I was introduced to the archers by my co-worker Beth. Her husband is British and when she told him that she got me hooked up with the archers, he was like really of all the podcasts she recommended to people. That's the one that stuck with someone. Then a little over a year ago, she was excited to come to work one day and tell me about this new podcast that I just started called "Dumb to Dumb." And here we are. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Even my other half said the other day, "Why is Brian shouting?" and I said, "Because he's crossed about a herbal lei," and Simon said, "What's up, no!" [Music] Oh God, it's taken me 24 hours. Thanks, Roy. That's all back now. It took me to do a Sunday evening to stop that, and now you started doing all over a year. [Laughter] Simon got his first name. [Music] He was going, "What's a herb?" But no, don't tell me. It's fine. I'm getting drawn in. I don't want to know a herbal lei. [Laughter] All the way back to Wobanabi I was singing that. [Laughter] It works really well. [Laughter] It's been, "I know! I know!" [Laughter] It's turning in the morning! [Laughter] Oh! [Laughter] All right, this is the next call. I don't know. I'm not sure I care. Hello, dumbsy dumb, got a steve here. Back from the worlds of Dorset, where I got ended up with a damaged back and engaged. So, one, one, yay! Because of damaged back and painkillers, I'm not really being able to keep my edge straight, so I rope some notes about this week's the arches and see if they make any sense now. All right, what have I got? Kirsty, wellie wanging. Oh, Lizzie lost her purity hand key when she used it to mop up her ground sheet. I think I was being quite rude. I'm not quite sure what's going on there. Oh, this was the fate as well, I think. Jennifer is happy to watch Brian's smash stuff with his balls. Hello everybody, it's Auntie Jean here. I just listened to this week's podcast and I would need to explain where I was when they were all singing the Dundee Dunn because I wasn't there. I was in the toilet and I didn't hear a thing, so I think they must have soundproofed that toilet in that pub because I didn't know it was going on and when I came rushing out and said to Lucy, "Why didn't we get everybody to do a Dundee Dunn?" they all went, "Well, we've just done it." And I wasn't in it, so I aim to put that right now. No, I'm not obsessed with toilets, by the way. I know I was going on and on and on about spending 30 feet away, but I still think that's dreadful. So, I'm now going to sing you a Dundee Dunn and with only that, William Parrot, hello, William Parrot, say hello, hello. It's going to join him, but you know, don't hope for much because he's not got much of a voice really except for screaming. So here we go! Hello darling two to you as well and that's us William Parrot and me he was better than I was. I'll speak to you again soon. Bye! A Christmas Carol Tragorran by Charles Dickens the writers of the archers and me. Two years after the death of her benefactor Daddy Jack Woolley a miserable mean spirited old cow named Hazel McScrooge was working in her office. She loves money but hates almost everything else including but not limited to happiness, fun, love, freedom, family, the human race in general, poor people in particular, acts of generosity, village shops, calendars, girls, calendar girls, Christmas and puppies. One particularly frigid Christmas Eve Peggy reluctantly phones to invite Hazel over to Christmas dinner the next day. Hazel yells a tirade of abuse at her and frostily refuses the invitation rather to Peggy's relief. When Allen then inadvisably appears at her door collecting for the poor of the parish Hazel punches him hard in the face spitting out an angry bar humbug in reply to the vicar's bird spattered "Merry Christmas! Farewell!" She stomps off to bed in her expensive but tacky footballers wife style Budwehr grumbling about the fact that her lacky Eddie Grundy gets a whole day off for the holiday. That night Hazel receives a chilling visitation from Daddy's ghost, a haggard and a pallid looking jack with a face like a bad lobster in a dark cellar. One so that the dead who led bad lives are forced to roam around and not be at peace. Looks Scrooge tells him with respect to F off. The ghost of Jack Ignorza claiming that three other spirits are going to appear to Hazel and warns her to change her mean and wicked ways before it's too late. And as looks Scrooge curtly tells him that she'll check with her accountant to investigate whether such a drastic lifestyle change would be a sound economic investment. As Jack leaves his melancholy ghost calls out for Captain as his shade fades wisply into the ether. Hazel dismisses all of this as a hallucination caused by a bad pint of shires and she collapses into a deep sleep but sure enough she soon gets a visit from the ghost of Pullen past a strange and ancient phantom with a brightly glowing head and a disturbing propensity to hang around outside the village's only public convenience. The wisened old spirit of Bob takes her on a tour of her childhood and Hazel McScrooge quickly develops a warm and fuzzy feeling of pride when she remembers herself as a spelt entitled brat whose bad attitude has ruined Christmas for all and sundry down the ages. The review of Hazel's past also features scenes from her young adulthood when she discovers her Slovene side. Slovene don't do Christmas. Hazel, deeply moved by the vision sheds tears of sheer pride before the phantom Bob Pullen returns her to her bed in despair and because frankly his prostate is giving him real jib. Now it's time for the scruff of Christmas present a supernaturally erudite dog who sips martinis and wears fluffy antlers and a Christmas-themed doggy jumper. A much sophisticated air is spoiled only by the unsettling absence of one of its hind legs and approximately half of its pelvis. The phantom canine flies Hazel McScrooge on a whistle stop tour around ambridge to demonstrate how pretty much every other human is making the most of the season by getting together with friends and family. The flyby includes a look in at Peggy's house where Tony is burring for Britain about his energy. Tom is droning on about the provenance of the organic pigs in blankets. Pat has sensibly passed out on Lambrini. Johnny is wrestling with Bill and Ben to stop employing his eyes out and Rob is glaring at Helen to prevent her from uttering a single squink. Scrooge also gets to visit Wendy's field where the dirt poor founder have been rehoused underneath bottle bin. Clary lovingly prepares a miniature Christmas feast by plucking all 48 remaining turkeys to be served raw and a meager handful of Bert's brussel sprouts also raw. Their youngest son is Tiny Ed, a simple sickly courageous boy who couldn't hang onto a herd of cows of his life depended upon it. As Christmas Day turns into Christmas night the canine spirit gets noticeably more poorly. His hind quarters obviously starting to decay badly as Hazel complains about the dreadful smell of botulism. She turns to notice a sinister dark hooded figure coming towards her. It is the third phantom, the ghost of PIP's future career. Having passed up on the opportunity of a lifeline at Webster International Agree Business Theme to return unneeded to a non-existent job of brokers the specter of PIP's future life is a pretty doer spirit and she can't sometimes look Scrooge often witness the future village that she helped to create. Spoiler alert, Ambridge yet to come is a pretty grim place. Sean O'Connor is still the editor for starters and all the Ambridge residents still sound exactly the same as one another. In other news, Tiny Ed is dead. The grundies are more bankrupt than bankrupt after being presented with a bell for staying in a five-star hotel for eight months inclusive of ferric damage. The Justin Elliot Megaplex and heli court is competing for building space on the village green with the Hazel McScrooge hypermart and Hazel herself is dead with no one to known her. Just teenage rural delinquents, Ben, Lily and Freddie remain to tag her gravestone with obscene graffiti of rotting sheep. After seeing her grave and realising that her secret ungodly experiments to achieve immortality have obviously failed Hazel completely freaks out and promises to reform her miserly ways. And so it is that she wakes up in her own bed on Christmas day. She sends a Godzilla-sized fair brethren goose to the grundies mostly because she knows it'll really piss Eddie off. Goes off to Peggy's party after all where, to the stifled surprise of the other guests, she charitably kills Robin hand-to-hand mortal combat and gives a honkingly large donation to Alan's dubious charity scheme. Hazel completely changes her attitude and lives the rest of her life with generosity, good cheer, warmth and compassion towards the worse off. As the years go by she holds true to her word and honors Christmas with one of her heart, treating tiny Ed as if he were her own child, providing a mere constant stream of new cows for him to mismanage and lose. God bless us, everyone. This podcast is dedicated to the memory of Alison Jones' father. Alison would like to highlight and promote the good work of the Alzheimer's Society. Search for them today and make a donation at www.altsimers.org.uk Hello Ambridge 3962. Hello Dunty Dumplied Spirit calling. Well, I have actually managed to catch up with the program this week and I'm just going to say a quick one on Ian because I know other people will definitely be saying this. Poor chap, to have that poured into his ear, that poison on his stag and then to have Tichinov turning up at his ceremony, virtually popcorn in hand to see whether the whole thing would just collapse is just awful. Tichinov really, really needs to get in the sea. But that isn't completely what's got my goat this week. What I'm having a main problem with is the fact that Tichinov is now beginning to collude and feed, which is ironic, that feed, Helen's eating disorder, his control has become so psychopathic that he will not even allow her to eat what she wants. And what he is doing now is the emotional equivalent of putting a pillow over her face. He is literally controlling and destroying everything that feeds her happiness, her emotions and even her body. For me, this is too much. Now, I know I've said this millions of times and other people have said exactly the same thing, but it is too much. Do we really want to be hearing about someone who is so evil that they are feeding someone's eating disorder? I don't think so. Now, writers, editor, you've had your fun with Rob Tichner, you've created a very effective body, we've all played along and gone boo, here's on the other side of our radios, you've got the reaction you wanted. Now is the time to dial it down, step back and make it stop. Seriously, just make it stop. Rob Tichner, enough, is enough. As for Ruth, she's staying in New Zealand for Christmas, which for me personally is the best Christmas present I've had in years. In fact, what I'd really love to do is to win the lottery so that I can buy her a sheep station and she'll never come back. I'll even buy her a whole herd of cows. Anyway, that's all I've got for this week and indeed for 2015, I'm wishing everyone Roy Field Lucy, all of the Dunte Dummies everywhere, a wonderful holiday and a fantastic new year and we'll look forward to hopefully more exciting, wonderful arches this week in the new year. Oh, okay, that's it for me, cheers now, bye. Greetings Lucy Roy Field and all Dunte Dummies around the world. It's with the spoon and Angus Haggis here wishing you all a happy Christmas or as we say on this side of the pond a merry Christmas. Why the difference? I asked mid-Atlantic expert Roy Field Brown and to Lucy, I'm afraid once again we need to talk about Rob. Quite a week in average, it feels so long ago now that Adam and Ian tied the knot as both the continuity announcer and I turning to hand some husband remarked that was awkward and we found out it wasn't a dramatic Charlie interrupting the wedding but a devious and hateful Rob who uttered a few quiet words into Ian's ear on the eve of the nuptials who nearly torpedoed the wedding. Ian who truly loves Adam went through with it. It was both a frustrating and interesting plot point that at the pub Ian chose both not to punch the dark lord in the nose and not to confront Adam. Both of those took reserves of quiet strength. But he hasn't returned Helen's calls and I suspect all will come out at some point. Poor Helen, clearly she's not eating for one of two reasons, one as discussed because she's become anorexic again in an attempt to maintain control of some aspect of her life and/or because she's unconsciously trying to endanger the baby who is conceived involuntarily. Or two because she's having extreme nausea from preeclampsia which she suffered from in her first pregnancy. In either case it's interesting that Rob who is aware of her ill health has only suggested rest and further isolation and not a visit to the obstetrician. Fear of doctor's Rob? We now know that his path has crossed with the good doctor Locke in the past and Rob doesn't want Richard to recall the circumstances. This of course will prove to be a crucial puzzle piece in Rob's downfall. In response to Andrew Horn's find post on the forum I wrote that Rob would have been a more interesting ambivalent and challenging character if his flaws were limited to being a controlling and uber traditional male as he was early in his arc. Instead the script writers developed an angry misogynistic homophobic lying skiing and assault of cardboard cutout whom we all now love to hate. And as I've said in the past in a show such as the archers no really bad deed goes unpunished forever. We are waiting and expecting a conclusion so please please script writers by new year. Three other brief notes Linda why couldn't you have taken over Carol's role after all you're a great actor as well as a great director and Ruth you're losing fans by the episode to choose not to be with your children on Christmas I'm shocked. But Pip if Pip if you're upset with this you're just as capable of emailing texting, skyping, tweeting, Facebooking or calling your mom as your dad is. As I turn to my left and see my family handsome husband and Angus Haggis snoozing on the sofa and think of all the dumpty demers who have made my life more fun this year I wish you all a wonderful holiday and remember The Charlie and Adam thing I think it's actually apart from me taking the Mickey out of there You know don't you I know you know I know but you'll awfully love you so yeah do you do you really oh we can't carry on like this Kathy are you serious I've never been more serious in my life it's quite interesting because you forget how young Charlie is until he says shit like let's just run off to Scotland and we'll live together and see what happens and you think I'll tell you what'll happen three months in you'll have a massive row you'll run out of money one of you will have to return to Ambridge with the territory in their legs that is what he thinks that's what love is which sort of infatuation and it's obsession because he can't have Adam or he feels that he can't have it is it the fact that he's young but if I seem to remember when Charlie revealed that he kind of slightly swings both ways didn't he say he's never been in love I could be wrong but I think he said he's never been in love do you remember yeah that does ring of a bell yeah but I don't think that this is love I think this is this is infatuation and obsession because if he really loved Adam he'd leave him the hell alone and he'd wait for Adam to come to any decision Adam's gonna make is it in his own time without putting ridiculous fourth year sort of pressures on him you know I'll leave unless you love it I'm gonna leave to be fair to Charlie all right he's got there's a there's a stopwatch or ticking isn't there in terms of that our best say what I've got a say now yeah you know and again to give Charlie barber spreadsheet is due it's not as if he's been peppering Adam with you know sending him love notes and you know suggestive photos of bits of his anatomy via text as it for the last year he's played it pretty straight really considering that you know he's in love with the guy or at least fantasy yeah to be fair yeah I was I was warming heavily to Charlie and then something he says something Ryan Reynolds here for I guess my hundredth mint commercial no no no no no no no no no no honestly when I started this I thought I only have to do like four of these I mean it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month how are there still people paying two or three times that much I'm sorry I shouldn't be victim blaming here give it a try at mid mobile dot com slash switch whenever you're ready $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month new customers on first three month plan only taxes and fees extra speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of details let's talk about something that's not always top of mind but still really important life insurance why because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage credit card debt it can even help fund an education and guess what life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think in fact most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is so with state farm life insurance you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank not sure where to start state farm has over 19 000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget get started today and contact a state farm agent or go to statefarm.com the dsw black friday sale is on take 30 off almost everything in stores and online right now yep you heard that right 30 off stock up on new shoes bags and extras for you and yours from all the gift worthy brands you love but hurry black friday can't last forever get to your dsw store or dsw.com ASAP to save big exclusion supply details at dsw.com and on oh yes yeah well anybody that has a go at your grondies you don't like them so you're inverted class prejudice so you're like right off in now so if you don't move to Perthshire or Perthshire or have you pronounced it bloody well stay there but anyway wedding's not going to happen is it because it is there's so many you know oh god there's so many things that are destined to go tits up about this wedding it's you know something's going to go catastrophically wrong and i just think Ian is is so obviously that the wise budder of of the whole show in terms of you know how to deal with the situation well the way you know the best revenge is living well isn't it and he ought to say yes all right i've heard what you've said and i'm just going to do it anyway and not let himself be preyed on by that git but no he's just uh yeah is a shit in it it really is yes anyway so where are we uh trying not to talk about last night's service um yeah whether or not it's infatuation or love with Charlie and Adam and i am still coming down on the side of infatuation and as you as you said even if he is in love with Charlie no even if Charlie isn't in love with Adam if he's never been in love before he's kind of fallen for all the bollocks and thinks this is no it's just a phrase there beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep he's falling for the rubbish that's right he's falling for the rubbish he's just falling for the fuck he's falling for the fuck I can't remember what i was buddy saying now he's falling for his bollocks nobody would fall for someone's bollocks it's the story of a cultural superpower that danced and sprinted its way to success it brought the world reggie compound rastles hip-hop bob molly much more its story is told to you in full color for you podcasting years it's the story of how jamaica conquered the world search for it on iTunes how jamaica conquered the world it's probably the best least-known podcast and podcast them search for it today i'm not going to fight that's uh right this is the story right 1914 june serievo the heir to the throne of austria hungry archdupe fran's Ferdinand assassinated killed by a Serbian nationalist about six weeks later world war breaks out german austria hungry russia franff everyone is drawn into its starting in august and then will america be drawn in ten american presidents is a podcast focused on delving deeper into the lives of some of the presidents who became the most influential in united states history for better or for worse each episode provides a rich background of the man in america at the time and how the mixture of both affected each president's decisions and legacy hello just a quickie serismith cloths are really useful if you soak them in jin and make a marvelous molotov cocktail if you ever get the desire to burn down a yurt serismith for the posher washer fancy getting your mouth around something warm something comforting you can really get a firm grandpa why not buy a dumpty-dum mug from the shop at dumpty-dum.com those damn lovely good day everyone while it has been the most extraordinary week weather wise here we've had about three days back to back over 40 degrees centigrade with the evenings around well the nights around 28 degrees although we're going to bed and it's still about 33 degrees so it's been very uncomfortable we have a tradition in this area of having what we call christmas by candlelight because it's still summer so we're outside and as the dust comes down everyone lights candles and i went over stay for the sun check because i'm playing bass guitar and it was looking very dodgy weather wise steaming hot stinking hot but you could see that the wind was starting to come in and we got some advice from the bureau of meteorology that the wind gusts were going to be a hundred k's an hour now the sound towers only take gusts of 40 k's so you can see that this was going to be very very dangerous if we went ahead so that's okay it's been postponed until tomorrow and now i'm sitting looking out of the window watching the most extraordinary wind battle coming in it's rolling in across the bush now so i want to do this quickly in case i lose my internet which is of course very very probable we've had a extraordinary week haven't we in the arches and early in the week we asked whether anybody would want to make prediction on adamsonian's relationship and and anybody else's relationship if it came to that can't win said that adam and eon's relationship doesn't seem to have existed over the past year partly due to the lack of eon writing and partly because the otherwise esteemed script writers seem to have been transfixed on trying to make adam and charlie's new year's half snog are latter day brief and counter this never worked because the same script writers initially wrote charlie as the most unbearable robot victimizing adam all over the place and making his life a living hell there might have forgotten about that but i hardly think adam has even if he's as dim as a lamppost kicked by one of david's cows denise tomlinson said if i had to choose between losing a roof or eon i'd keep eon as for rob unless he dies or is pushing prison for an indefinite sentence he will hang over our heads forever as it were sarah woods sorry sarah woods rockall is suggesting kersten roy charlie and adam david mooth robin holland valan and the pc p b and the twat really there are more loose ends than a badly made sure and yokobear said if charlie leaves i plan to chain myself to broadcasting house and protest to which with a spoon replied and yokobear if he gets over adam that leaves the field open for you uh we also asked whether this was the real start of the isolation for helen she's not going to her family for christmas for her own good apparently and eons not returning her calls should we be worried glenn fuller love says i'm wondering why eon is not returning her calls does he think she betrayed him by not telling him of the kiss in the same way kersten felt betrayed about tom i'm also wondering whether she will confront him on christmas day are we building up to that that's a very good question glenn uh glenn day after said i think helen is heading for a real low point rob is systematically spitting her from her friends maybe it will take a crisis for her mother to realize she needs help rachel louis says i'm worried too rob's cruel comments to him were as much about isolating helen as about spoiling eons happiness and jenny strong says no that's what he's doing and it is going swimmingly for him utterly dreadful listening and my favorite response told of that was from alexander or port who said eon needs to punch him again now i really am concerned about uh my internet my Wi-Fi because that wind is really picking up and i need to go make sure all of my animals are secure and away and make sure all the wind doesn't shut so i'm going to have to say an early hello and stay safe now we have our first can we have our trumpet voluntary our first time caller inera from the member of the royal family hello this is mary snell first timing caller but i've been listening to the podcast since episode one you were asking for more john connections so let me just get my family tree and then i can tell you that my mother's father's mother's father's mother's mother's father's father's father's father's father's mother's mother's mother's mother's mother's mother's father's father's father or more simply my 20 great grandfather is king john of england thus putting me in the estimated 25 percent of the british population directly descended from the plantagenet royal family but probably a much smaller proportion that have a detailed family tree to prove it thanks to various relatives with far more historical research skill than i do so that's my john connection and emergency puddings yes definitely mash banana with cream but you've got to also add honey and some lemon juice and then it's fantastic so thanks for the excellent work and keep it up bye for now oh yes i took my wait a minute it's not the only royal on this podcast though is he not who else i am descended from my best remember you made that up no you do know you're black don't you you know what the deep ignorance and racism you've just displayed there is breathtaking treatment was it a dog whistle no no that was not a dog whistle you shouted that through a megaphone but but but go on go on no i i i um i was gonna say i'm logging to here i'm not at all how you're related to but but morris snell good name are you related to lindy he's related to linda snell and the royal family what could possibly be better um he's a plantagenet apparently uh and i love the fact that he's the first time cholera tells us he's a plantagenet and all he wants to talk about is emergency puddings although you have to have honey and lemon juice with the banana yes don't he's related to a plantagenet and king john king john so and there's something i forget how many million people in the you care he said 25 percent or something yeah something outrageous now many many many podcasts ago i explained that um from my mother's mother i am a direct descendant from um duffus uh who is in who is the son of mac beth could you just say that what descended from who muk duff duffus right duffus every yes you're a doofus that's what yes yes you're not the first person to say that i knew it i knew you'd said it too quickly from me i tried to just quickly just up all right so this is how it works right so muk beth was a real king of scotland in about the nine sixties he was a real king and you are a doofus he had a son okay muk duff all descendants of muk duff have this wealth not all but the family name is duffus not doofus duffus right there is uh there is an area just outside of in vinesse uh and there is a church and whatever and it's duffus and blah blah blah and that is the family seat now the duffus family shut your cake hole and listen learn something listen people don't want to hear you laughing they want to learn about my royal connections now right so the duffus family you're making me laugh now stop it right so the duffus family moved to jamaica in the 18th century had some slaves and as is the way back then add their way with the slaves right another branch of the duffus family around about the 1840s went to jamaica and you can go on the interwebs and type in duffus family duffus family wedding kingston jamaica and in about 1908 you will see this picture of victorian kind of splendor and before people sat next the edwardian age but it looks victorian and they're all white right okay so you're a white duffus i hate you i absolutely hate you but anyway so i am a directly sendent from uh from macbeth all right however let's put this all in perspective right every other gentleman called charlemagne all right it was even if you heard of him was he a duffus i'm sorry i've lost you now greetings earthlings andrew horn here first of all i'd like to thank you all for the lovely feedback after last week i was touched and surprised i thought i might get one or two comments but it's been uh it's been going all week so thank you thank you hi it's shawn here first i'm cholera hi it's shawn here first i'm halo dunty-dum my name is paul pauly d 1107 on twitter i am a first time caller in iran in an effort at keeping with the branding i'm drinking tea from my dunty-dum mug and sitting here in my dunty-dum t-shirt just my dunty-dum t-shirt mind hi dunty-dum it's lady gaff gaff here i've just listened to tuesday's episode and i am so angry i cannot believe that rob was in the dairy with helen sneakily learning how to make cheese hello i'm a long-time listener and i've never called never called in before but i know that um lucy and royfield are um lefties because i listen to you talk about uh your your political views and um i'm not but i thought considering the election of uh jeremy corebin you might quite like this meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh hopefully you'll both see the uh funny side and that all right we on yeah so joe how old are you i'm of an uncertain age i'm 29 i'm not singing i don't know she's quite fit and Rob's a bit very knob doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo hello dunty-dum it's emily the au pair calling from paris on a very somber and confused saturday morning please forgive the quality of my voice i've been up all night whilst it's not strictly related to the arches i wanted to take a little of your time to extend my heartfelt thanks to the many dunty dummas and listeners of the arches who follow me on twitter for their kindness last night a group of individuals terrorized paris many innocent people have been killed and many others were injured street are in chaos and everyone was confused and frightened and during this night and this morning i have received many messages on twitter from my fellow arches fans asking if i was all right if i was safe if they could contact my family in the uk and also telling me if they had some friends in paris who were offering portivette which was the open doors for innocent people to find safe houses many of these messages kept coming through the night and many stayed in contact until they were satisfied i was safe these are from people who i wouldn't know if it wasn't for the arches community for dunty-dum and for twitter and i would just like to thank all of these people for their compassion and for their consideration of me and thinking of me at that time i'd like to reassure you all that i am safe that the people i care about in paris are safe and that i hope normality will resume soon my heart felt gratitude to you all just with a dumty-dum-el it's just with Paris Ian earlier for i'm harry clap age seven i've just started listening to the arches *sings* these episodes of dumty-dum is sponsored by both Sitchar Technical College in Voila Mental Health Department if you're interested in a career in catering come and learn about dairy or gene in chitney's making and washing your hands carefully my goodness you're my first ever skype how exciting how's that Lucy is that better it is yes it's a bit clearer yes yeah because i i've i've switched up the volume if it's any consolation we interviewed um Tim Benton and he was all over the shop he's wonderful at these sorts of things he's a tech wizard or he certainly was i mean i i could tell to be out of touch i mean i it's it's a bit emotional about you know the arches because it took some time to get used to not being anything to do with them or this podcast is dedicated to the memory of allison jones father allison would like to highlight and promote the good work of the alzheimer's society search for them today and make a donation at www.alzheimer's.org.uk hi it's miss miss mid city here in response to last week's podcast i probably ought to say hello you two and the other thing i ought to say because of the timing of this week's podcast is merry christmas merry christmas to royfield and lucy and to harry at carl my call to all the callerina res and everybody who subscribes to the podcasts have a fantastic christmas and a fabulous new year have a very happy birthday may the sun come shining through sing a happy song your whole life long that's my wish for you other day that's filled with laughter and your every dream come true and all weavers spell to wish you well have a very happy birthday to happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday to you 10 20 30 40 50 60 70 80 90 91 92 93 94 happy birthday joe hello you too it's joe calbert here and god s diva coming at your life on bristle on christmas day yeah christmas day we're phoning in on christmas day we have no life um so basically we thought we'd call in and give you our review of the year through the medium of shag marry or kill so let's get started goddess diva over the last year in the archers who would you shag lillian lillian every time she's just amazing now i know i can't have tilly button because that would just be wrong definitely lillian well who would it be for me i think it would be dan because just think about how buffy is now and you know he wouldn't be in too much trouble because he'd have to go away again dan to sand her so you know i'll have my freedom and all that kind of stuff so yeah dan and he could always clean your boots and do your ironing while he was there and i am slovenly so that would be really handy so mark who would you marry um i'm gonna go for a controversial choice here i would marry charlie parker spreadsheets no yes no it'd be brilliant at the household budget wouldn't he well he would but but still i mean it would probably be quite a loveless marriage but at least i know the finances being ordered and you know he's got a bit of ambition isn't he so you know you know i could quite easily be a kept man yeah that's very very true yeah so who would who would you marry um i would have said kenton because him and joe lina just constantly at it but i think i'm going to have to go for phalan if only to get her out the clutches of pc harassment carpet burns oh really absolutely this one he's not a lovely he's a stalker and she doesn't need to be having second thought she needs to be making sure that she stays well away well you heard it here first folks got a stever may need to fight royfield for out phalan yeah i'd say royfield and he's chicken legs my money's on the goddess um okay so the last one um who would you kill easy tichy knob tichy knob must die tichy knob must always die tichy knob must die in horrible slow nasty ways am i allowed to pick tichy knob as well yeah absolutely go for it okay who would you kill mark well i don't know it's it's a it's a toss up really it would really allow the um i don't know see because i want to say allis but it feels a bit wrong saying that i'd kill allis i want allis just to go away or just shut the fuck up basically but i think i'd go with tichy knob basically because you know gives me gives everyone oh just gives me the creeps about two birds one stone allis kills tichy knob and then she goes away to present sorted excellent are you listening kerry davis i think that's a goa bye bye dumpty dum hope you all have a lovely new year lots of love from me god is stever and lots of love from me yokka bear have a fab new year okay bye bye right i think we've done all our questions but we will stay jacou we will take over jacou and and thank you because you you actually know what you're talking about it's been at times it's a really difficult thing when someone from the press i didn't speak to the press much if they don't actually know what the program is about i can't believe they'd send anybody to interview somebody a character like like yours without actually knowing what they were who they were talking to that's insane you surprised yeah oh well jolly good um so this is going to be in a blog is it uh it is going to be on a podcast which never hear my voice do you yes or do you yes oh right is this going to be edited a bit oh yes yes yes don't worry good yeah can to to make sure that you are you could you please scream for us as you did going off the top of low looks like yes yes yes we're all braced that was spectacular golly if you're looking for flexible workouts peloton's got you covered summer runs or play off season meditations whatever your vibe peloton has thousands of classes built to push you we know how life goes new father new routines new locations what matters is that you have something there to adapt with you whether you need a challenge or rest and peloton has everything you need whenever you need it find your push find your power peloton visit one peloton calm kenny's family health care benefits kicked in the day he started his hourly job at amazon with two kids he was a big fan of that then he took advantage of amazon's on the job skills training program that helped him launch a new career in software development kenny liked that too that led to a bigger paycheck so he was able to get his youngest son a drum roll please drum set next up drum lessons learn more at about amazon.com amazon every day better [BLANK_AUDIO]

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