DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum tee dum Episode: 86 - More Archers, more calls and more Andrew Horn love

Roifield returns but awesome Andrew Horn has become the Terminator and he WILL BE BACK. Dumteedummer of the week is Aunty Jean repeating herself from last week.Lucy translated the Archers into Peanuts characters this week. Discussion revealed an Archers event in Bristol which indicated that Rob and Helen may well continue into 2016 despite earlier thoughts it would finish at Christmas. The writing team have once again been unable to cope with the balance needed by different stories - too much weight given to abuse of Helen whilst the Grundy homelessness has been given short shrift. This happened before when Adam was kidnapped and other stories were neutered.Roifield sought calendar contributions of suitably arranged, tasteful, photographs with any funds from the calendar raised going to Refuge. Lucy offered Christmas cards signed by either Derek in the back bedroom or Sabrina Thwaite after proof of a donation to Refuge.Absences and staying in touch. Soon after completing this summary I shall be heading off to India again (Aus/NZ are next year). Blog posts should appear - so read those if you want to know what I am doing. Ruth can do the same for her two weeks - so Usha should read those!Housing problems in Ambridge confounded our commentators - no room for the Grundies whilst Kirsty is given a room at the drop of a hat.Sean called in - not for the first time. His suggestion that Rob would want the termination of a female baby was instantly the subject of cold water from a great height.Yokel Bear reckoned that Pip has grown up too quickly - but has forgotten that for a long period she has been absent at university and so we have not heard her growing up - the stroppy teenager was some years ago when she was seeing Jude. The new voice has perhaps added to the sense of change in Pip.The "Lady in the Van" was discussed and my view is that the film was a far better format to convey the entire story than the stage play I saw many years ago. I think having one person play both Alan Bennetts worked extremely well. Roifield had also seen it.On this week’s episode we have calls from:Sean Gerahty who has a very nasty idea about RobEmily thomas who can see eating disorder clues Dusty Substances who says New Zealand is the Oxford ring roadAndrew Horn who is looking for propertyKate Unwin who thinks Charlie will become derangedYokelbear who thinks he’s Sigourney WeaverWetherspoon who is looking for portentsand Goddess Deeva who’s become a Dalek

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Duration:: 1h 30m
Broadcast on:: 30 Nov 2015
Audio Format:: other

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Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first-three-month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of details. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. All right. Yerano. At Bridge Farm Cafe, we always use their smith cloths. When I was at Brookfield, they only have those nasty blue and white ones. But these are vintage, like our furniture. Balance it so I have to call our cakes vintage, not more style. There was Smith for the posture washer. Hello, everybody, it's Auntie Jean here. I just listened to this week's podcast and I would need to explain where I was when they were all singing the dum dum dum because I wasn't there. I was in the toilet and I didn't hear things. So I think they must have soundproofed that toilet in that pub because I didn't know it was going on. When I came rushing out and said to Lucy, "Why didn't we get everybody to do a dum dum dum?" They went, "Well, we've just done it." And I wasn't in it. So I aim to put that right now. No, I'm not obsessed with toilets, by the way. I know I was going on and on and on about spending 30 feet away, but I still think that's dreadful. So now I'm going to sing you a dum dum dum. And with only that, William Parrot, hello, William Parrot say hello, hello. It's going to join him, but you know, don't hope for much because he's not got much of a voice really, except for screaming. So, here we go. Dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee. Hello, darling, to you as well. And that's us, William Parrot and me. he was better than I was. I'll speak to you again soon. Bye! The AC's Dumb Did On The Chef at the reality dociderrama that has sent out at Erne Ambridge in the heart of the Midlands. I'm the sparkling new farm shop that is not Andrew Horn and with me I have a plastic cup of warm white wine that is Lucy Freeman and the last part of our God of Roping folks is you. Now today's Dumb Did On His Repeat of last week's wondrous intro from Auntie Jean and her parrot, Lucy. Yes. Can you remind our listeners how that when the accolade of Dumb Didona of the Week? Yes, if you would like to sing us a Dunty Dumb, give us a plot prediction or hide your bits behind an entirely inadequate corn sheaf rumours on 020310105 or leave us a message on Speakpipe. Thank you to lovely chambridges for her amazing voices, to Cosmo for his podcast round-ups and to Sarah Smith for sponsoring us. Thanks also to Derek for the loan in the back bedroom. He is inevitably helping with the nude photoshoots for the calendar. It was his job to warm up the barn before they did Linda's shoot, but he didn't do a very good job and poor Linda whipped her card he often nearly had Jenny Darling's eye out. Ooh. Just in elits I was nearly taken out too. I know. Very, very, very funny. Lucy, we've got calls galore this week haven't we? But you know what though? What this Sean Garrity is trying to have one over on us. I know he keeps saying I'm a first-time caller and he said that three times now. Exactly. Sean, you're not so stop it. Calls this week come from Mr. Sean Bullshit Garrity who has a very nasty idea about Rob. Emily, lovely, I love you Thomas all the way over in Paris who can see eating disorder clues. Is that her new name? Emily, lovely, I love you Emily. Well I do. I sent her an email. I think Martin Greaves might do as well. Really? Yeah. I'll step aside. Martin, she's all yours. I've got to sneak your feet in a little bit young for it. I was going to say stop, aren't you to step aside quite that readily? No, no, that's male code and honour. Sorry enough. Dusty Substances who says that New Zealand is the Oxford Railroad and Drew Horn is looking for property Kate Unwin who thinks that Charlie will become deranged Yoko Bear. He's back. He thinks that he's Sigourney Weaver with a spoon who's looking for poor tents and Goddess Deva who's also back who's become a Dalek. But first before the call at Rinares, before little aside from me, before I reminded that I'm not Andrew Horn, before I say things like Bloody Hell, Andrew Horn. I told him not to be so good but he was awesome. It's Lucy V, Freeman and a week in Ambridge. David and his wife Pip have patronisingly decided that Ruth is having a mid-life crisis. She will come back with a sports car, a toupee and a 22-year-old Kiwi boyfriend called Matt. Ruth is clearing off because David stopped telling her what he was doing. So he made the intelligent decision not to tell her that he'd nearly killed the cows by forcing them to eat pear drops. Anyway, Lucia came round to visit her and asked her to keep in touch. On a fortnight's holiday for crying out loud. Rob had a lovely surprise for Helen. He is not going to get a job ever. And he's going to be at home constantly dogging her every footstep, hiding the checkbook and confiscating her car keys. What a nice man. However, he may be forced into getting a proper job as Justin is pursuing him to replace poor old Charlie at Barrow. I am now starting to see Charlie as Charlie Brown from Peanuts. Oh good grief! Neil is Linus, Linda is Lucy, I'm getting carried away. Anyway, I am sure Rob will accept this new role with his usual grace and lack of glorying in victory over Charlie as that's the kind of magnanimous chap he is. Ha ha ha. I've now changed my mind by the way over Charlie being Justin Steppson as Justin calls him Charlie Thomas and although the upper classes are stilted and peculiar even they don't call family members by their surnames. The Grundy's still have not found a place to live. Shame Jenny Darling gave away that kitchen really as they could have lived in the white wine fridge. Kathy regained the power of speech to have a word with him about Joe's behaviour, wandering around the bar at gay grabels in his undercrackers. Apparently a guest complained when she caught a glimpse of his ferret. Roy and Krusty had a chat. She tried to persuade him to take a role in calendar girls and get his kit off. "It's only a small part," she said. "Yes, that's what I'm worried about," said Roy. Anyway, she'll see exactly how small it is when she moves in with him. And bizarrely, he'd get another entirely ridiculous plot twist Elizabeth, who has been seizing up every time Roy spoke to her on the phone and has been slinking around Lower Locksley hiding from the entire village, is now not only happy to act as his wife in front of the entire village on stage and get her kit off in front of him, she invited him out for a drink at the bull, which is the equivalent of posting something in the bar just to echo all, giving Jennifer a slug of cooking Sherry and asking her not to tell anyone. So not only is Elizabeth dreaming of Roy, Will Grundy's dreaming of Justin Elliot the night before the shoot, high and fast, that's how Justin likes him apparently. I wonder if he's met Kate? Titchy knob went sliming around the gentry, probably wearing his barber ratcatcher hunting pink and ascot top hat all at once, just to prove how much he fits in the git. "Such a shame all of our holiday cottages are booked," said Jenny Darling in sincerely at the prospect of the Grundy staggering around home farm brewing cider in the pool and filling the Welsh dresser with some of their turkeys. Meanwhile, Adam showed Justin his herbal laze and he pretended to be fascinated. Justin seemed more fascinated by Jenny Darling, to be honest. Anyone else think that Justin may be going to try and get into Jenny Darling's underwood's finest cashmere camis? Mia is playing Mary in the nativity. That'll put Kiera's nose right out of joint because she's only understudying a brussel sprout in scene two. And then we had the hunt ball in which Charlie gave a hugely disappointing blow, but Rob toodled away in triumph in his role as the evil baron in the village pantomime. I know they're not having a village pantomime this year technically, but Rob's behaviour is now so overtly boo-hiss that I keep imagining him with a swirly cloak roaring at small children in the front row get taken out in tears. And the hunt ball, naughty Jenny Darling got a bit pissy boots very quickly. She went from "Oh hello, how lovely to see you to. Oh my God, I shouldn't say this is what I'm going to." And inadvertently gave Titchinob enough ammunition to see off the entire village practically. Well done, Jenny Darling. If you and Pat will make a concerted effort to send Helen into an early grave, you could not be doing a better job the end. Oh, that's quite good this week that was. I quite like that, Lucy. There's some jokes in there. And some rye observations on the weird and wonderful goings-on and the residents of Ambridge. You know what I feel? I've got an overwhelming sense of a little bit of a slow burn in Ambridge in the last few weeks. We are gearing up for some kind of big block-bustery nonsense at Crimbo New Years, aren't we? Yeah. Well everybody's saying very hopefully, oh good I can't wait for Christmas because I just want all this to be over with. It might not, you know, it might not be. We always think whatever is going to happen is going to happen at Christmas. But there's nothing to stop them, you know, spinning this bloody out. Well, there was over in Bristol and it's over on the forum. Auntie Jean and- Yeah, no God, just Deva said in her call that she'd done. Yeah. Yeah. So what is it? What is it? Well, there was some Ambridge, Ambridge arches, arches thing and Uncle God, Kerry Davis was there, Tim Bentink, etc, etc. And the distinct impression has been left that this is going on way into next year. Now I'm going to slightly call- Now I know that there is a whole load of people saying they can't take this anymore and there is the, you know, kind of inherent reality of this. And if gas lighting goes on for years and it is slow and insidious. This is a thing, isn't it? This isn't real life, so we're allowed to speed it up. Well, this is a thing. And my thing, my thing, my thing, my thing. And I know I've said this before, so the people are going to say, "Royfield you sound like a BBC repeat," right, is that I'm tired of the lopsided nature. Yeah, yeah. Of the thing. That's what I'm tired of. The storyline in and of itself, yeah, I'm just saying just get to the end because you're an evil bastard and we need to get rid of you. So there is an element of that. But it's just the fact that he's just written, he's actually written too well, too well, too much detail compared to everybody else, compared to the fact that the grund is, and I'm just slightly jumping into potential into a corner or two, can just go back into their home and just wait until they're told to, you know, there's all this exposition in detail into this slow abuse of Helen. And then it's like the grundee solution is quite simple. Okay. Well, you actually do have a home, it's been done up to the nines, you give your stuff in and then wait until they don't want to get all this stuff out of storage. They could just sort of camp there. Exactly. Except the only thing I did think, have they disconnected the water and the heating and everything and the electricity? That's never stopped and before, has it? That's true. The grundees have put themselves in. All of a sudden they're now the most law-abiding bastard. But anyway, I'm jumping into potential call answer territory. Lucy? Well, actually, can I just, Amy Gilbert sent us a very, Amy who's on the show, sent us a very good email the other day that made me laugh. She said, "If I have to see another comment on Facebook that says something along the lines of, I refuse to listen anymore. After tonight's episode, I'm off. I mean it. I'll never listen again. I really do mean it this time. I am going to scream." If people don't want to listen, then fair enough, each to their own and all that, but you don't need to tell the world a million times that you don't intend to listen anymore. When we all know, you'll be tuning back in next week. So could somebody, please, for the sake of everybody else's sanity, create an archer's disappreciation society so that these people have somewhere to vent their frustrations? Now kindly bugger off and let the rest of the listening contingent enjoy the prospect of a load of middle-aged women getting their tips out for charity. Hand over, bracket. Please note the above is meant for humorous purposes only. Close bracket. I'm talking about getting your tips out for charity. Are you? Yes. Are you? I'm getting me moves out. Getting me mad. Well, there's been too many people saying that they want to do this calendar. With the spoons jumped in as you know. And so this is what we're going to do, folks. Very obviously, there is no photographer that is going to take these pictures, right? This is just a ruse for you to get people to send you nudie pics. Lucy, let me continue. Sorry. Okay, right. Now, I think, I said on the show, and if I didn't, I definitely said on the Twitter, is that we already have a submission from a listener. And she's there, and it's very tasteful. It's very tasteful, right? And it didn't have bright, not my afternoon when it plucked into my... You can't imagine how sleezing you sound saying it was very tasteful. Oh, it was, though. So this is what, if you want to be on this calendar, this is what you have to do, right? Very obviously, I'm not after any nudgy shots, right? But get your partner or get a mate to snap you with your iPhone. And have the vegetables kind of in place. And I think we only need to do... Vegetables! Yes! You mean, have the vegetables in place? Well, all the objects, whatever. Use your imagination. What would you automatically think of vegetables? You're a very strange man. Well, isn't this, wait a minute, isn't this fundamentally an agricultural drama? But there's more to farming than vegetables. Okay, but the average person doesn't have a hoe or a scythe to hand, do they? Yeah, but we can all lay our hands on a putrefined dog pelvis. Yes, of course we can. So, whatever household implement you would like to cover your modesty with, please do so. A cotton bud, if necessary. Can we get to the end of this, please? Because we've got calls. People are waiting for the calls. And then, get your mate, your friend, your hubby, your wife, to send the picture through. And because by the last looks of this, looking at the Dum de Dum Forum, I think there's about six people who says they're up for it. Now, with me, with a spoon, and with the fact we already have a picture already, easy mass, that's 10. So, we're almost there. And what we'll do, we'll print this up on cafe press, and then we'll send the money off to, what's the charge we're going to send it off to, is it refuge? We'll send the money off to refuge. So, there you go. You never know, there might make £3.50 out of this refuge. So, if you want to do it, email into royfield@gmail.com, make sure that you're all, you know, you're all tasteful and everything, and we'll get this done. Because there's too many people that actually really want to do it. And nothing you send us will go any further than the police and the inland revenue. Can I do my charity thing that I was thinking of? We want to do stuff for refuge because of the Robin Helen storyline, because it has highlighted for a lot of people, what a horrendous situation. People find themselves in. And they will love it, the Dum de Dum do last year. They were very good. We were thinking, I was thinking of asking, Derek in the back bedroom, because he's got a bug or all else to do, and he's just going around interfering with this new calendar. And ideally, we don't want, because Derek was up for coming round and visiting everyone individual with a long lens. So, you know, it is retractable, he said. Rather than having Derek invade everyone's privacy, I thought that I could keep him busy by writing Christmas cards for you all. And I'd appreciate that the gentleman may not like, well, not all the term of the gentleman, may not like anything from Derek. And they might prefer something from Sabrina Thwaite, I don't know. But if you would like a Christmas card with a little handwritten message from either Derek or Sabrina, I suggest opening the one from Derek with gloves because you never know what's going to be in it. Then just make a donation to Refuge, and then send us the proof that you've made the donations somehow. It will say, thank you for your donation or whatever. So if you screenshot that or send us a link or whatever, whatever, whatever. And then I will organise Sabrina and Derek sending you a Christmas card to brighten up your mantelpiece, or alternatively, give you a really unpleasant shock on Christmas Eve. But anyway, one or the other. Yes. So that's that's that's that's that's two charity things you can do to brighten up this holiday season. Right, shall we crack on with some calls? Yes. Smashing. Hello, Ambridge 3962. Hello, it's Dusty Substances here, the wrong sort of listener. Well, it would appear that New Zealand is the new Oxford Ring Road, except that it isn't. We are now so well used to being toyed about with with promises of Ruth going off, that we probably don't believe anything now. I mean, I didn't even believe Mike and Vicki were going to go. I got that wrong, but I think Ruth is with us forever now, really. What a fuss about a fortnight. I mean, it sounded like it was going to be forever. New Zealand came out of the blue. Did I miss a comment about it weeks ago or something? But real fuss about just a fortnight. Penn State David, get a grip. And Ruth, don't be vigilant. They had to run the farm without you, so don't blame them for doing it. They did really well. Changing the subject, I'm looking forward to calendar girls on so many levels. I think it's going to be a hoot. I really hope it's going to be a standalone drama like we had with Life Spirit. I thought that was sad. So that would be really nice. But one way or the other, I'm really hoping it will mean that the Helen and Rob storyline gets a bit of a prod in the direction of a conclusion before, certainly my nerves are shot to pieces. Really frightened to listen now. I get very edgy when I know that Helen and Rob are going to be in it. And I'm still edgy when they're not, because I'm expecting them to turn up. I'm really not enjoying it. It's well done and everything, but I'm really hating every second of it. Changing the subject again. Thank you to Roy Field for organising our wonderful meal out. It was absolutely fab. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to speak to more people than I did, but I loved being with Ms Alliance and Auntie Jean and others at our end of the table. And a big thank you to Paul for being such a gent when my name sticky label went down the inside of my frock. That was embarrassing. Anyway, that's it for now. Dusty substances. I know. This is pissing ridiculous excuse the language. This, she's going for a fortnight. For a start, no one goes to New Zealand for a fortnight, because it takes you a day to get there, or two days or whatever it is, because I don't really understand this clock's going forward in back business. And if the flight, so the flight's that long, it takes you sort of three days to get over the jet lag. She'll have one day looking at a sheep and then she'll be coming back again. And there's this kind of, why is it we should say keep in touch? You don't say to someone keep in touch when they're going away for a fortnight. I know. It should completely disappeared for about a year and a half. Nobody battered an eyelid. No, the whole thing is rather peculiar. And for me, there's been some kind of snafu here in that she's going off to, because basically, if you go off to the antipodes or Canada, it means you are going away. It's a big deal in and of itself, in real life and in dramatic purposes. Yes. Do you think the actress has suddenly had to go off or something? But two weeks, you can do voices off on whatever, can't you? You can still muddle through for two weeks. Well, is it going to be two weeks though? Is she suddenly going to say now? She's enjoying sheep she is. Yeah. She's going to stay and help somebody or she's whatever. Well, there's something weird going on because you're completely right. Nobody says... You're going to come back, David. I don't know why it gets found like a 90-year-old alcoholic, but anyway, I apologise to our friends in the North. What you don't do is say keep in touch, because you know what? There's Buddy Facebook. You'll just be posting pictures of sheep and of cows or whatever the hell she's doing. And that's how you keep in touch. So it makes no sense. And I saw this two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, because it should be you're gone for two months. Yes. Exactly. I was expecting to think, 'cause I got this wrong and I had to go back and listen again when she said she's going for a... And I thought a bloody fortnight, flaming Nora. I know. Oh, and also, Dusty, she says, 'Thank you to Paul for being so tapped for when the sticky label went down her front. Which, Paul? Paul Douglas? What was he doing, fishing around your front? I don't know what's going on. That completely passed. I must have been all manner of shenanigans going on down that end of the table. I had no idea about it anyway. Lucky Paul. Lucky Paul. What I did like though, there was a little instance last week where Ruth talked about Sam, didn't she? Yes. And David was Sam. Sam? But he said, "Who's that tall chap at the departure gate?" She said, "Oh, I do all that stuff." Well, I mean, it's nice though, because now he's free to marry Pip, so that's excellent. Also, she didn't say, "I love you, did she?" Well, she's... She is being spectacularly questioning all of that and has done with Usha. But I kind of get it now, the reason why some of your listeners don't like Ruth. And it's because she's just unremittingly actually grim, isn't she? She never brings any lightness. No, she's very earnest. She's too earnest. And the thing is, a earnestness, for the most part, comes from a really good place. But when somebody's just remittantly just kind of, you always have to be serious about this. And, you know, our mothers just died. Don't get me wrong with what I'm about to say, our mothers just died. But on the other hand, she's just about to try as a quarter million quid, and even that, it was like it was like she'd been given a dose of botanism myself. Aren't she miserable, old bint? Be gone with those, what I say. You know, I came into doing done to done, and I was going to quite light Ruth. But it's actually now doing this thing, when you're forced to sit down and actually think about the characters. And I've gone actually, I don't like her, because she's just, she grinds the light out of every 30 situation, that woman. And don't get me wrong. I don't, you know, losing a parent is not, you know, is not a pleasant thing, but exactly. But she used up all of her kind of given the benefit of the doubt, you know, tokens years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Yes. Well, you're welcome to her New Zealand. Hang on to her for as long as you like, honestly, fine. You know, they're having a referendum down there at the moment. Excellent. They'll make a president then and then she can stay there. No, what didn't be president? I don't know. The Queen is the head of state, the prime minister. Oh, right. They're both in on a new flag. Oh god. I love a bit of exelology, me. Exelology, is that what you, I can't even say. Exel obsolete, yeah. Yeah, I do like a bit of flagness tells, tells you a lot about a people, a country, a nation where it sees itself as coming from and going to. I had a lovely story about that the other day. Go on. They interviewed, this was some time ago in the 50s, they went around Washington and they, it was on the state. What DC? They interviewed all the dipper mats from the embassies about what they wanted for Christmas. And they went to the English ambassador, he was very busy hosting a reception, said, we're doing, sorry British, we're doing a piece on them on what you want for Christmas. And he said, oh, I don't know. Oh god, pipe, pipe, Paris, Paris slippers probably. I don't know. Goodness, I don't know. Anyway, a piece appeared the next day, Christmas day. And it said, our wishes, wishes from the embassies, the French embassy wished for international peace and solidarity. The American ambassador asked for understanding nation, untenation, and the British ambassador asked for a pipe in Paris. Which I think says more about Britain. I think that's the perfect British answer, actually. Actually, it's what I want. Thank you. Anyway, we have a depressing email from Cameron Chambers. Thank you very much, actually, it's not a difference. It's from the book of Face. We are not going to see the back of Rob for a very long time. The new baby will be his much wanted prodigal son who will ultimately turn Henry into a male version of his mother. This is not for the faint heart of this call. Rob will in the short term get his job back at Barrow. He is going to become must the hunt and receive his much dreamed of status in the community squire titchener. Helen will slide into herself and lose all her self worth. The more sympathy Rob will garner from all those around him. He will be perceived as her savior. He will get his hands on Peggy's house and Helen's share of the farm. Either by power of attorney over Helen or through her untimely death. In short, the burst of titchenob will be casting a dark shadow over almost every aspect of the arches for considerable time. As much as I'd like to see him head to an early grave in some unfortunate instant with one of Tony's tables, it just doesn't go to happen. Well, thank you, Cameron. What little ray of sunshine you are? I spent my week's content play every time he does anything, I think. Oh, good. This is how he's going to die. And then he lives to fight another day. Very annoying. Yes. I just thought that that post on Facebook just had such a ring of like authenticity about it. You know, it just felt all ridiculously plausible. It's something, you know, when you talked about the imbalance that when you think, my goodness, this, this, the, the Robin Helen storyline is so well nuanced and so much attention given to it. And it sort of, it set the others off kilter slightly. Yeah, what dusty substances said as well was even when she said, I worry when they're in it, when Robin Helen are in it, because I find it too tense. But then she said, when they're not in it, I'm worried because I'm waiting. I think, what are they doing when I'm not there? What's going on? When we don't know. And you know, I am sort of braced for them appearing. And so even when they're not there, they're dominating because we're so worried about them. I can't even feel any relief now when we're mucking around with the grandis, because that's all doom and gloom and joy is making everybody cry. You know, and apart from this piddling calendar, there's, there's, and even when that's happening, I'm thinking, I'm just, I am, I know exactly what she means. I'm braced to go back to Robin Helen and think, Oh God, what's happening? No, it's true. It's true that it's like, you know, these gathering storm clouds, these potential storm clouds have been there for so long that in lots of ways, they're kind of stopping the light shining on kind of all aspects of the drama. And I hadn't thought about it that way, because each, each time you switch on your radio, you're thinking, right, then, okay, more doom and gloom, you know, literally, yeah, and you break yourself. And then you are forced and this is actually deliberate. You are forced then to read into every little nuance of actually then what he says, you know, and I feel like I listen so intently. Exactly. My ears are going to start bleeding. Oh God, don't listen that hard Lucy. I can't advise you to continue sitting there, turn the volume down love. I think it's a clenched teeth and my neck locks. I don't blink for about 20 minutes. Um, yes, Emily Thomas, this is a bit Robin Heleny this time. Uh, wait a minute, sorry, greasy, greasy. There you go. I'm just stepping. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Hello, Dumpty Dum. It's Emily, the au pair calling from Paris. First of all, thank you for the messages that continue to come in from the artist's fans and Dumpty Dumas around the world, including you, Roy Field. I did get your email. It went to my blog email address. And as you can imagine, writing a blog about living in Paris has not been very fun for the last week. So I've been on a temporary hiatus, but I did get your email. Thank you very much. Onto matters of another kind of depressing, the log flow of despair that is Robin Helen. We often talk about Rob wanting to be in control of Helen. And in the last Dumpty Dum, someone actually mentioned Pat wanting to be in control of Helen. But I'd like to talk about Helen being in control of Helen. Now, I'm hoping that with a spoon and our lovely new psychotherapist friend, Michelle, from what Lucy called Bird Island, can offer a more professional perspective on what I'm about to say. But here goes. A few weeks back, I noticed and tweeted about Helen being a bit funny over food. It actually tweeted about it so long ago that I can no longer find it on my own Twitter feed, which is probably evidence I tweet about the archers too much. But that's another story. I'm wondering if this was an incredibly subtle plant by the script writers. Because this week, Helen was being funny about food again. Rob was trying to offer her a salad. And she was first very tired. And then she was saying that she wasn't feeling very hungry and that she didn't want dressing on it. And finally, she said that she was feeling sick. Now, it could be that this is just first trimester nausea and reading too much into it. But I think it's worth remembering that Helen is vulnerable to eating disorders. Eating disorders, and I can only speak from personal experience, are often not just about feeling fat or having issues with your image, but are also about trying to exert control over one aspect of your life, in this case, food. And then as you lose control of another part of your life, I think that this could be more evidence that Helen is starting to rebel against Rob. I mean, she has surrendered so much of her control to him. And in the last few weeks, we finally started seeing her say no, or doing things her own way. And short of force feeding her, and let's not put it past him, but short of force feeding her, Rob can't actually control the food that Helen puts into her body. So I'm going to leave it there. But 11 croissants, do you all beazoos? Grieves' girlfriend, Emily Thomas, says that Pat is also wanting to be in control of Helen. And she talks about the... What? Can I just say, one of the reasons why Mr Horn was so excellent last week, is that he told me something, which I did not know, that one of the reasons why Pat is so protective about Helen goes... Yes, I've forgotten that as well. Yes, well done Andrew Horn. Yeah. You know, so it puts... And we cannot catch out the script writers at all in terms of sowing the threads as to the reason why relationships are developed into the way that they have. And us as listeners, it doesn't matter how kind of on it and passionate we are as listeners, we forget stuff. You know, so there was the car accident, apart from Cosmo. Yes, but even Cosmo hadn't brought this up any. You know, there was the car accident 10 years ago, which I remembered, but I've forgotten. So there was that charm with Pat saying, you know what, Helen, you need to take it easy. We all know that Helen has had eating disorders before, and he's actually going through one now, and that's been for the past years, but all these clues about her not having lunch or whatever. But then it goes all the way back to her birth. Andrew Horn... Well done, sir. Well done, sir. So Pat's behaviour towards her isn't so inexplicable when you need all those threads together. Well, do Andrew's horns call now? Are we done with Emily? I love you, Thomas. Yes, because that's what she said. Oh, OK. All right. Gracie, let me know how it goes, sir. Greetings Earthlings. Andrew Horn here. First of all, I'd like to thank you all for the lovely feedback after last week. I was touched and surprised. I thought I might get one or two comments, but it's been going all week. So thank you, thank you. And now two points on the stories. Comedy. Lovely to have a little bit of comedy on Friday with Justin, Linda and Jennifer away from the unremitting gloom that we've had most of the rest of the week. That was welcome. And the Grundy's housing, the Grundy's do have a house in Ambridge. Number one, the green belongs to Will, and I know that Emma and Ed have offered in the past now they need to insist. And Carrie, Joe and Ed, you need to move in. We need to put this storyline to bed. Thank you. Andrew Horn said that the Grundy's either need to move in with Will or Nick, or Ed and Emma, or Rick Yard, or even back into their own bloody house. That would do, wouldn't it? Really. Nick sounded a little bit eucalypt, didn't she? They can't come here. We're full. We're full up. No room. Everyone go away. Nothing to see here. We have no room. No, no, no, no, no. And she's very sympathetic, Nick. I'm not sure she would do that, but I could see the the trepidation of thinking, well, this isn't a short, it's not like moving in temporarily because of a flood. It's moving in because actually we have nowhere else to go, that's another thing. Sorry, we're doing everything. That's another thing. You know, Kirsty said to Roy, yes, I'm thinking of moving back to Ambridge. And he said, oh, brilliant, where are you going to live? And she said, I don't know. I don't know. And you kind of think you don't decide you're going to move back somewhere and that, you know, you say, oh, I'm moving back to Ambridge here. I'm moving back to this place to live here. Not just, I'm going to move back to a place where it seems to be in Ambridge. If you need a house and you are integral to the storyline, you will get one, however ludicrously the memes, i.e. Fallon and Harrison just sort of pop up with Auntie cardboard's house. But if you're, you know, if it's, and crusty just within 10 minutes, she says, I'm going to move back to Ambridge. I'm going to live with you. I am now living with you in Ambridge, you know. And then there's the poor old grondys who would spend the whole time bemoaning the fact that there is no reasonably priced accommodation. And yet when everyone else needs somewhere, there it is. To be fair though, it's a bit different as a single adult. You know, you're much more kind of flexible in terms of, you know, you can go crash on someone's set E for a month. You know, the worst comes to the absolute worst. Or so. Whereas the grondys are a job lot, aren't they? Who's moved into Mike and Vicky's? Somebody has moved in though, because remember Roy once said, oh, those new people have moved in. Yeah, I know they are, but who are they? We've not seen hide nor hair. Well, we haven't seen anybody in Ambridge ever loose. No, we know what I mean. Yes, you are right though. Very suspicious if you ask me. Hi, it's Sean here, first time caller in a row. I wanted to phone up to keep some praise on Andrew Horn, who I think did a marvellous job in standing in for Roy Field last week. And hopefully we'll have him back on in the near future. Well done, Andrew. The thing that's been played on my mind this week, which hasn't really been mentioned anywhere, is this extra scan that Rob has organised for Helen? And I'm just wondering if it's going to come back as a little girl, and he's going to mention the idea of a termination, which could all really kick things off. And that's how things come to a head. We'll see what happens on there. But I think this booking extra scan is going to be quite a big deal. Now, Sean, see the master? Yes. Sean, it's not. It's not the first time I've ordered it. It's not just a thing that you say, Sean, it actually means something. [LAUGH] Now, he says that if it's a girl, Rob's going to suggest a termination. No, not even because Rob is not. I mean, he's horrible. He's a vile person, but he's not stupid. And he knows that that would lose him sympathy. And the way the only way he can operate is by still appearing to be a nice guy. And if he would lose Pat, he would lose everybody that at the moment is propping him up and allowing him to manipulate everybody that he needs to. Kate, unwind. Hello, Kate, unwind here. I just think it's so implausible that Jenny Darling would have told Rob about Adam and Parvall. I just can't get my head around that. I just think that's ridiculous. And now I just think that Rob is just plain evil the way he's basically just trying to destroy their lives, for what reason, because he's a massive homophobe, just because he's evil. So he's going to obviously try and stir that up either on the wedding day or previous the wedding day. I think Justin is going to replace Charlie with Rob, which is just, and then I think Charlie's going to sort of become a bit of a sort of crazed man on undercover and he might fly out to see Stefan and work out everything evil that Rob's done and present it all somehow. That'd be fun. And then I think Helen's going to have a miscarriage. And I think Rob is going to sort of verbally or physically attack or both, attack her and someone's going to see it. That's going to be the crescendo. Yeah, I'm hoping that more and more people are picking up. So he's probably really mean to Fallon and Harrison and he's spreading his negative, horrible evilness around. So gradually everyone's sort of, you know, cottinging onto it anyway. Yeah, I'm joining the people who can't better listen to it much anymore. It's just terrible. But yeah, roll on Christmas and a resolution to the subject. Anyway. Oh, love Kate Unwood. Very creative, don't you know? I know. She says it's implausible that Jenny Darling would tell Rob about Adam. I love the idea of Charlie becoming slowly deranged as Rob eats away after Rob ruins Ian's marriage, which he will. It ruins Adam's marriage and replaces Charlie at the farm. And Charlie's just going to go steadily more and more paranoid and deranged. She could join forces with Jennifer and they could set up a detective agency. Spreadsheet and Albion, detective agency. No job too ludicrous, I think. I don't know whether Kate was applying deodorant while she made this school, but there was a lot of weird hissing noises on it. So yes, nice to know that you're smelling nice and fresh while you call us Kate. On the face of it, it did feel bonkers. But Jenny was a bit tiddly, wasn't she? That that was the thing. She's a bit tiddly and it's kind of fallen out of her mouth. I think that because otherwise, no, why would she have said that she has no relationship with Rob worth talking about? No. You know, but they're at the stove. He does flatter her doesn't he? Like he does, like he does Pat. Yeah, yeah, no, he does. You're looking gorgeous as ever Jenny and she is a bit prone to believing bullshit, isn't she? Yeah, and she was a bit tiddly and you got that when you listen to it, she's a bit like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So, you know, she was indiscreet, she was indiscreet and that. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. With the price of just about everything going up during inflation, we thought we'd bring our prices down. So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a thing. Mint Mobile unlimited, premium wireless. Have it to get 30, 30, but to get 20, 20, 20, but to get 20, 20, but to get 20, 20, but to get 15, 15, 15, 15, just 15 bucks a month. So, give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. 45 dollars up from payment equivalent to 15 dollars per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. 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It's fell out of her mouth. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Hello, I'm stomach joker bear here calling from Yokosha. I didn't phone him for a couple of weeks. But this was mainly because my job was quite busy and I got behind on listening to the archers. Two things say this week. First of all, I have got or Sigourney Weaver over Justin. If he's going to sack or demote Charlie, I'm going to be like Sigourney in that aliens film. I'll be all like get away from him you bitch. Basically Rob's evil is just spreading outwards. But as you know, I'm a big fan of Charlie. A big fan of Charlie's. So you know Justin, you're going to do anything bad. You've got to come through me first. The second thing I realized this week was I don't like the archers family. I'm an archers fan who doesn't like the archers family. They're just all a bit annoying. David kind of having everything handed to him on a plate in that sense of entitlement. Jill, God, if passive aggressiveness was electricity, she could power the national grid. You've and Pip as well. Pip, does anyone just not believe the personality change that Pip went through? Okay, I know it's a new actress and everything like that. But going from awful, sulky teenager to totally grown up farm manager in like three weeks. I mean, come on. They're all just a bit annoying. And then there's the other kids as well. You know, Ben. Oh, Ben's all right, I suppose. But, you know, Josh, the King of Ambridge reminds me of my cousin who, you know, wanted to be an accountant by the time he was eight. God. So, but yeah, not this anything wrong with accountants if there's any accountants, you know, out there. But to be one to be one at eight years old, I think is a little bit odd, really. I want it to be an astronaut, possibly a ballerina. Yoko Bear, nice to hear you back, Yoko Bear. And the prospect of you wanting to be a ballerina when you were small, made me laugh a lot. So thank you for that. He's decided he doesn't actually like the archer family. At all. He doesn't like any of them. Well, no, he means the Brookers archers, doesn't he? Yes. Because there are a few branches of the archers family on this show. I, well, we have talked about this before. And I feel, I feel someone just loyal saying, saying this again, because I actually really liked him. Yeah. But they are the least interesting branch of any family that are actually on the show. But if you understand that they are the moral center, then it makes sense that they actually are the rock of which the whole drama, you know, kind of spins around. And it's all about continuity. And people say that Tim, Tim, sorry, that's Freudian, David has this sense of entitlement. I don't think that he has. He has a sense of being a custodian. That's what where I see it. But they are the rock, just like Phil and Jill were the rock also. And because there has been this passing of the baton, and there is much more nuance to the relationship of, you know, the husband and wife, which are at the center, David and Ruth. Yes. You know, Ruth does question whether she really loves David. And she almost had an affair once, etc. But you know, she's going to come back. You absolutely know that this family is solid. And are you and they've been used to demonstrate how dysfunctional other relationships are, you know, as a way of compare and contrast. So I absolutely agree with you, Yoko Bear, in that they're not that interesting. I would say that that I hate them though. And the two younger boys are just, you can't even say they're criminally underused. They're just not used. No, you know, yeah, absolutely. So, you also commented about Pip. And I was thinking about what you said at Yoko Bear. And I was thinking, can I imagine, Pip, that three years ago, she was messing around with Jude, the obscure, Jude, Jude, the obscene, probably. And she does feel, it does feel like a different person. But then does, is that what happens when you look back at how you behaved when you were 17, and then how you behaved in your, you know, early 20s? Do you, is it that you, are you so different that you are basically a different person? But I really can't say, I do think that you're right. I think her maturity has come up. Well, her majority was accompanied with that fabulous description of somebody gave on Twitter, that she's now a languid divorcee when she came back with that new voice. But yeah, it does feel like a huge character shift that is more than simply maturity. You know what though? Thinking about this, and I hadn't thought about this until this seconds, this is an ill worked out brain fart of mine. But literally of all the professions there are, the most conservative, the most, it's got to, it's got to be farming, right? In terms of just tying you to a place, to a way of working, which is written, is literally written in stone for the century after century. So viewed one way, it makes sense that you have a brief period before you start, you know, working on the farm, so to speak, where you are a young farmer and a bit of a hooray henry, and you can let your hair down. But of all the professions, like, you know, of which when you actually start working, God, do you need to grow up fast? It's going to be farming. Yeah. And you are constantly listening to the advice in the wisdom of elders. Yeah. Constantly. In a way that, let's say, if you're an actor, you don't, if you are a graphic designer, you don't. You know, I'm sure I could go on and on and on, you know, with these types of jobs, where you have still have a much lengthy period of being a... Prentice sort of thing. There you go, there you go. But with farming, you know, you buckle into a way of working. So they all go a bit rebellious and nuts before you mean, before they acknowledge the way. And yeah, you know, and so I think the gear shift that the character of Pip has made, he just more pronounced because it's a different actress with a voice that sounds 20 years older than the previous one, because the previous actress sounded very young. There was that as well. It wasn't just it was a different voice, she sounded very young. And I think that's playing on our minds quite a bit as well. But if you think back to Pip beforehand, you know, she was doing all this kind of social media stuff and whatever. But actually, you know, she's always been incredibly pro the farm. She always has been. But you know, but because she was younger, she was always talking about new techniques. Let's do things in a different way. But it's always been extremely pro the farm. She always wanted to be a farmer. So I think it's the fact that it's this different voice, which is thrown it into a bit of a loop as to how mature is actually, you know, become. Obviously, there has been a change, but I think as pronounced as really as we'd like to make out. Another seven days in Ambridge and more conniving from Rob covering several fronts this week. As usual, he's been trying to keep Helen barefoot as well as pregnant and trying to ingratiate himself to Pat. Pat now sees Rob as the knight in shining armor, though there was a slight chink when Rob mentioned to Pat that he had turned down the job. Though not sure it was actually offered to him, but science are pointing to Rob, perhaps not being satisfied with becoming the lord of the bridge farm manner, but angling for Charlie's position. I also can't wait for a bad review of the decor of the farm starts to come out in the echo this week. Rob, there was no reason to be sarcastic with a 90 plus year old man offering his opinion, especially when he was asked. And why is Rob so interested in torpedoing Adam and Ian's marriage? It's gone beyond his hatred of Charlie, is it to cause a rift in one of Helen's only close friendships? And a reminder, Jennifer, loose lips sink ships. I've even forgotten that Jennifer knew about Adam and Pavel. I went all the way back in the summaries and discovered that it was on Wednesday the 19th of September of 2012 that Adam had confessed to his mother that he had done the dirty with Pavel. It was Jennifer's sound advice at the time that Adam should not break down until Ian and ask for his forgiveness, but to make it up by becoming a better person and partner. So what just is Rob's long game in all of this? I hope we find out soon. Just going back to Rob and Helen and the scan he ordered for her, there's always significance and portend in every out of the ordinary occurrence and average, so I have a feeling that the scan is going to yield more important information than the titcheners we're bargaining for. Two brief last points. First, does Justin have a little crush on Jennifer? Second, it was sad to hear Joe so upset when he heard the news of his being sent to a home. Earlier, Nick wasn't too sympathetic when Will shared his concerns, but I can understand her anxiety about having her in-laws and elderly grandfather-in-law stay with her indefinitely. Well, the only good bit of news is the hope for some tasteful nudity in the coming weeks. So it's Witherspoon and Angus Haggis signing off for now. Witherspoon. I love the way Witherspoon says Rob when he's talking about titchinom. It was very upsetting when Joe was talking about going into a home. It was horrible. Just bewilderment. And I think it brought back all that. Do you remember that horrible, horrible time when they were living in Meadow Rise and he killed the ferret in everything? Oh, it was so heart-rending, that was. So I wish they'd just hurry up and find them somewhere nice to live, for goodness sake. I don't care where it is, just somewhere nice. I tell you a little bit of an echo here. I saw the lady in the van yesterday. Oh, I want to go and see that soon. You've got to see it. It's just the absolute best. And for people that don't know, it's a story of this lady that lived in a van in Alan Bennett's drive for 15 years when he lived in Camden, Primrose Hill and Dame Maggie Smith. Just, she fundamentally always plays the same part. You know, there's miserable, iratable old bag, but she just does it so well. Did you hear the radio version of it? No, I didn't. I loved it when she keeps coming up with ideas for him to write about. You could do a piece, Mr Bennett. You could do a piece about an old lady living in a van. That would be very funny, possibly. Possibly. It's absolutely fantastic. But you looked at that and here is this woman who is obviously incredibly combative and fiercely independent, but incredibly needy in equal measure. And the fact that social services were turning up once every three months, and there was a woman who was obviously in her 70s sleeping in a van. And you just wanted to shout out to the screen, put her in her home. And she absolutely didn't want to go into a home because she said that's where people go to die. And also because of, she'd been sectioned before, she was absolutely petrified of being institutionalized. She just saw it as imprisonment and a failure and that she was being punished. And then she felt that she was on the run, didn't she? Yes. Well, she was, wasn't she? Because she hadn't reported the fact that this guy had driven into it and killed himself. And then her being an ambulance driver during the war, and then she said, well, they took the Jews off to, they said it was a home for them, didn't they? Yes. For their benefit. So even through her kind of deluded kind of craziness, there was a scintilla of, well, actually you understand where that kind of comes from. But it was such a heartwarming piece of cinema. And that whole, and I just loved the whole uncomfortable liberal sensibility of, well, you know... She stinks, she's pouring in the van and there's good continents, pads everywhere. But you know, it's a room choice. Yes. And you know, more power to her, she's being independent. And of course she can kind of live on our street, which is just not next to our house. Yes, it's got downwinds. Yeah. No, I recommend, I recommend to anybody go and see it. There were only like four people in the whole cinema. Oh, really? And it was brilliant. It's a very, very early Sunday morning. But yeah, it's brilliant, go see it. And yeah, the actor plays Alan Bennett as well. It's just, just amazing, just amazing. God is diva. Hello, Dante. I'm God is diva here. Thanks for having me. I still have time to do this. I keep forgetting. I don't know what's going on with my hair, probably because it's full of new job stuff. Yeah, we got a job. I'm now working for the NHS 1119. So if you ring the NHS 1119, it may well be me who asked you as first off if you are conscious and breathing. And secondly, if you've been bleeding, heavily red blood for the last 30 minutes, like I would like Rob to do, like I would always want Rob to do because this is getting ridiculous. And I don't believe even winter that interview. I really don't. I think he's just lying and he's just trying, trying really hard not to leave Helen's side is take over the shop and it's gone beyond creepy now, like proper beyond creepy now. So what else? Loving Roy and his small parts giggled my arse off at that. That made me laugh a lot. And I'm waiting for Ursula. Everybody's banking on Thursday to save Helen, but I think it's going to be Ursula and here's what I think and in what way. I think Ursula is going to come for dinner and she's going to be horrible. She's going to be absolutely horrible. I think Ursula will always love Jess. Jess didn't seem to have a bad way to say about her, but Rob does. Rob loads the woman for whatever reason. And I think that Helen will see the way Rob is around his mother. And then when Helen says, oh, she couldn't have been that bad, Rob will lash out and give her a smack and then she will leave. I think it'll be Ursula, it'll be the capitalist, not Kirsty. I think we're all waiting on somebody to rescue Helen. Also, Kerry Davis saw him the other night and he was just as lovely as ever. And yeah, he wants to come back on Dhamton Dhamton to make it happen. Also, Tim Bentonk isn't he tall? And yeah, they did get, they did give us a spoiler. So, yeah, I know a spoiler about Brookfield and can be bought for money and chocolate and lots of calls to NHS 111. She doesn't even think. Rob went for that interview, never mind be offered it and turned it down. She reckons that Ursula, not Kirsty, is going to be the one that saves the day. I don't care who saves the day as long as someone does, I'm quite fast. I don't care if it is Batman, to be honest. Congratulations on the new job, Goddess Deaver. I am quite tempted, I have to say, I think we should all ring the NHS 111 service and say, hello, my name is Rob Deachable. Because my wife is pregnant and I believe that she should not be allowed to drive. She should do nothing apart from have little naps endlessly. What do you think? And then just listen to the sound of Goddess Deaver imploding at the other end. Yes, go at she's on the job. Well, this Ursula thing, it's, oh God, is it just me, now I sound like Jeremy Clarkson, is it just me that is noticing plot holes the size of sink hole things, Texas sink holes appearing in the middle of a roots? How did nobody's ever explained how Ursula found out that Rob had adopted Henry? Because they said she sent them a card. How does she know? Why do we never, if he is talking to Ursula, why do we never hear it? If Helen is talking to Ursula, why do we never hear it? Why did Ruth Helen say, oh Ursula is coming for lunch, we I've invited them for lunch, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then we never heard anything about that either. Because Eddy said, oh, haven't you met them yet? And she said, no. Where is that going? What's happening with that? There's just, I'm getting slightly annoyed and I'm always slightly annoyed, as you know, that's my default setting is rising irritation. It kind of feels as if we are being deliberately manipulated with this Rob and Helen storyline. So it'll be two years in the making. Yeah, and forgive me if I'm reading too much in for this. Yes, we are being manipulated, obviously, as you said, by this Rob and Helen storyline, but we're also being patronised and that's what I don't like. Because it's not ringing. Some of it is not ringing true and there are big bits missing. And if you're going to go into this much detail, then you have to go into this much detail across all of it, not just the bits that are going to make us go at the radio. That's what I think. And just to bring this all kind of bring this all back together in terms of how unbalanced this thing is, right? And I know Uncle God, Kerry, listens to the podcast. And I know he's a script writer. He doesn't necessarily plot how everything is going necessarily to how the story arc is going to unfold. So to speak, you know, he's adding flesh to it. But Kenton, and I know this has been said, but Kenton came back. Kenton at the start of the year thought he was going to be the best part of a millionaire. Came back, realised that was not going to be the case. Understandably was upset that we misdirected his anger and his frustration out on his brother, though understandably he understood the fact that he'd be frustrated with David, was clinically depressed. He couldn't get up. He wasn't washing. Right. Sorry. I'm not laughing anyone having clinical depression. You're just laughing at what you mean, how quickly that was all tied up. You know, him and Jolene were kind of going at it like rabbits, weren't they? And that all came to a full start. Yeah. Right. He, you know, he didn't get as far as contemplating suicide. So that's the, you know, yeah, but yeah, but no, he was, he was drinking. Yeah. Right now. Bloody amazing, isn't it? That is an instance of how lopsided this drama. That's like, that's like one of those evangelical, uh, church services where people go, it's a miracle. I didn't know you praise a lot. But it's like Ed Grundy, you know, he becomes a delinquent. He becomes homeless. He becomes a crack addict. He returns home. He gets a house, a wife and a business in the space of about three weeks. Yes. Uh, anyway, so why don't we, uh, have some calls? Oh, have some calls. No, no, no, we've done the calls. Why don't we dress and gowns come open again? Come on, wake up. Oh, yeah. Ben is you're a freelancer and you work from home. Um, what time do you normally get out of your dressing gown? Uh, quarter to nine. But not on a Monday. No, on a Monday as well. Oh, you said dressing gowns come open. I thought you were still in your, in your. No, I said yours had. Oh, no. Yes. No, I don't, I don't even possess a dressing gown. I'm sure you don't. You're one of those disconcerting people that just swans around in their pants and people don't know where to look. I'll imagine. Let's come back with some more millie in a bit. He says, already. It's the story of a cultural superpower that danced and sprinted its way to success. It brought the world reggae, calm power, rasters, hip hop, bob molly, much more. Its story is told to you in full color for your podcasting years. It's the story of how Jamaica conquered the world. Search for it on iTunes. How Jamaica conquered the world. It's probably the best least known podcast and podcast on. Search for it today. And my name is Kate. My name is Joe. My name is Nicola. My name is Suzanne Herkemi. My name is Mary Parkinson. I'm in Hope House as a client. I have had addiction issues. I'm a Hope House inclusion. I was in the collegiate meeting disarray and addiction. You really need to have to have methadone. I'm here because it got really bad. A long last, a thousand and one conversation is available to download from iTunes and all good pod captors. This was a place where women worked to help other women. Hello. Just a quickie. Sarah Smith's cloths are really useful. If you soak them in gin, they make a marvellous Molotov cocktail if you ever get the desire to burn down a yurt. Sarah Smith for the posher washer. Fancy getting your mouth around something warm. Something comforting. You can really get a firm grip on. Why not buy a dumb dum dum mug from the shop at dumbdum.com. Goes down lovely. Good day everyone. Congratulations to Andrew for last week. That really was excellent. I'm going to do things a little bit differently this week because I only get exactly five minutes and sometimes I miss out on what the wonderful dumty dum contributors have said. So I'm going to start with the dumty dum Facebook page. Then I'm going to have a little rant if that's okay and then if we have time we will talk about some of the other Facebook pages. So this week we were talking about David and whether it was wise for him to conceal herd information from Ruth after recent events and we really do have some intelligent listeners. Fiona Chavon Powell said on the one hand acetoneemia, I hope I said it right, isn't a major deal. It happens when the dairy herd has been put under too much stress and not managed correctly. A quick glucose, strange and extra caring feeding will sort it. On the other hand acetoneemia in Ruth Herd, I'm sorry but she's always been a stronger dairy manager so I do think a bit as her herd, is a strong indication that David and Pip aren't as juniors of handling the herd as they think they are. If David and Pip told Ruth, she'll realize that they aren't as bloody marvellous herd management as they claim to be until we further irritate with them and quite rightly frankly. When I heard about the acetoneemia, I was shouting at David and I love David, I do but Pip isn't the child genius you think she is David. Tracy Chavon said while she is leaving, hold on, it's only two bloody weeks, will he ever learn? Lisa Thompson says, oh MFG, the guy is a tall oaky-doke and Fiona Griffin says, no of course he isn't, didn't he listen to a word she said? Pip aren't said, tell her she must stay. This is from David's friend. Has he forgotten what happened? She was left unattended with a guy last time. I think it's a fantastic idea, get her out of our hair. She's done nothing but be a short-sighted moaning food or fate and Mark ever denigrations says it's extremely wise if it means she doesn't come back I'm all for that. I wasn't having just a little rant because previously I have been doing these podcast snippets on a Sunday night our time but it means that I miss the omnibus papers so I thought no I'm going to change this, I'm going to do it Monday mornings and I read something this morning and it just made my head explode. Kate Dennis in Archer's appreciation said, did anyone else notice there was a difference in the omnibus episode and when it was aired during the week? In the episode where Rob returned from the interview and told Helen he wasn't taking the job, in the omnibus Peggy's gift was discussed and this wasn't mentioned in the original episode. Now I think it's really not okay, I'm listening to the arches every day and I think I'm just as dedicated as someone who listens at the week and that is extremely important information. If that's true that was pivotal information, the information that that's how Rob has been carrying them through financially, I think we all need to know that. So I don't really pour editing or I miss something through the week and I'm pretty sure I didn't, of course I listened to it twice, rant over, everyone relax. Jeff Page in Archer's appreciation said, I am sure all of us are with David and hope that Ruth has a really good time, a really really good time, a really really really good time, the good of the better with tour van in New Zealand. I'm getting started to get the impression that Ruth is not universally loved, I'm actually a bit of a fan but I don't think everyone is. Julie Bryant in Archer's appreciation said, I don't understand how Ruth was for weeks too busy to put a wash on or do an internet grocery shop and then Jill comes back and suddenly Ruth has nothing to do and no role on the farm. What happened to all the farming jobs that were keeping her so busy before Jill's return? Julie, I could not agree with you more. When she was having that conversation with Jill, I was shouting at my podcast, luckily I was washing at the same time so no one could hear me. Tracy Grace on the Archer's anonymous says, I know this is a completely subjective view because of what is happening in my life for the first time ever in all the years I've been listening, I actually cried when I listened tonight with all the misery, fighting, bombing, killing hatred and shit in the world. Jo and tears has just about finished me off. I'm crying now. This small bit of the day with a small pleasure amongst all the crap I'm dealing with, not anymore. I've rage ranting, got angry, smashed off, indignant emails and I'm as impotent with my arches as I am with everything else. I'm really sorry that you feel like that, Tracy, but I think it reflects life in that there are good times and there are bad times and as I keep saying, we just need to stick it out. Goodbye for now. Hurrou. Thank you, Millie Bell. I quite like you doing it this way around this week, Millie. Well done. Well done to you down under Lucy. It's time for your yap. It's time for your hashtag the arches tweets of the last seven days. Thank you for watching, please take it away. Becky Blackbooks said, when did Rob last tell the truth beyond basics like it's good morning, I mean, and even then I'd check the clock. Dave True said, Rob is accumulating so many enemies that if he were to get bumped off, it would be a hoo done it to rival Agatha Christie's. Yes, it would be like a murder on the Orient Express when it was everybody, the entire village and know everyone takes responsibility. I am Spartacus. Olive Astralla said, Strahla, I think it's a German name, yes, said, she'd never been daft enough not to secure that cow properly. It's what I look for in a partner. Yes, cow securing abilities. Rosie Taylor, has invented a new swear word, which I quite like, brief casing well. That's what she says. If someone, this is when Justin Elliott was, was, was, had been shown the herbal lays and had hidden his yorms successfully of Adam going, and then this is doing and this is chit crate and this is sort of us. And she said, if someone says, I'll take you off my farm, you brief casing well go, you don't go one for around surprising nude photoshoots. I do like brief casing well as I go to start using that. A tweet of the week is Andrew Langston. Who said, I was up and down the M1 yesterday. I observed a minute silence as we passed travel southbound in honour of Heather Pitt. Do you know what? On the anniversary of me more dad's death next year, I think we all ought to send in pictures of service stations to the BBC in honour of. I like the sound of that. Because you can't wear poppies. Oh, you could, you could wear a little, what could you wear? You could wear a little, uh, beef burger, brooch, or a little, a little gregs bag or something, a lack of poppy. And it wouldn't be quite the same. I think it's best if we, if we just post pictures of, uh, service stations we have known and loved. Well, we've talked about that. Great one. I've put, um, just past Carlisle. We have. We have. Mm. Service stations. I tell you, they're, they're a world unto themselves. They really are. And I kind of like the kind of enclosed nature of a, of a service station in terms of, you could set a really good drama in a service station. You could, it's absolutely perfect. It'll be a bit like crossroads, but better. And I tell you the reason why. Because you've got your, you know, your, your standard characters that will always be there, but then you got a legitimate cast of revolving new characters all the time. It's a bit like Holby City. Yeah, but they're not there for very long though, are they? I mean, at least at Holby City, at least at Holby City, they're there for long enough to have. I'll tell you what, it's even better. It's even better because you can have that, you know, that, um, stationery salesman that comes back like once a month. And the, and the AA man, who hangs around the entrance, annoying everybody. Absolutely. And the person with the RAC. And the person. Exactly. And the sky sports salesman doing exactly the same thing. Yeah. Couldn't we tell you the story about when, um, my car broke down and my, and it was just me and my little boy. No. You know what? I saw another, another side to the whole kind of service station world. So I used to have this, this car, um, and cutting a long story short, it was prone to breaking down. My little boy was no more than two at the time. And we'd gone, gone to Birmingham for the weekend. Uh, he, you know, he's grandma, grandpa came back. We're coming back now. It's easy. 11 o'clock. You know, he's well asleep, you know, and he's little, you know, in his little chair and everything, car, car to lose his power completely. And I call, um, the RAC and, uh, they come and pick me up, takes the next nearest service station. They couldn't relay me all the way to London. That, that was it. I had to go. So somebody who was local with a tow truck moved me to the nearest service station. And you could hear him. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. We have Mr Brown here. He has a son. He has about a two years old, two years old. We are coming to Watford Gap service station, whatever. And it was like the red carp had been rolled out for, you know, it was, it was my son, you know, and it was a case of, it was free this, free that, you know, that, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, he was a meal. Oh my goodness. And they, you know, they, I didn't have to pay for a thing because I had a child, a small child with me. It's almost worth bothering. I recommend people faking it. Your essential car kit should be anti freeze. One of those emergency triangle things and a two year old child. Of course, like sedarely lovely. Yeah. And, and, and a little kid. Yeah. It really was. It was a case of magazines, coloring books, meals. We were there for a little while before the big tow truck came and took us off. And for Noah, it was, of course, the most exciting thing in the world. And it's literally, he must have been older than two because he's literally one of his first members. He just about still remembers it. So he must have been about three and a half. And he says, Daddy, I remember, well, it doesn't call me Daddy anymore. Dad, I remember the big truck with the flashing lights. Oh, and, and he was lifted up by them. And I'll just eat, you know, it's just absolutely, absolutely lovely. And I remember just being driven in this big truck, you know, and then toe in the car and then pull him in, pull him into central London. And it must have been about like three o'clock in the morning by then and stuff. And, you know, of course, he'd fall in a sleep and then he woke up again. And he said, thank you to the man and whatever. But anyway, anyway, most of my service sessions, you know, what there's there's there's a bloody good drama in there somewhere. I continue in ducky drama. I'll tell you when my son was little, he was about three and a half. I should think we were going down the motorway and we'd stopped at services. And he had tried to do a wee and said, I can't, and I, you know, you do what he was like, come on now, because you only want to go back in the car. No, no, I really can't, I really can't, I really can't. He did try nothing. 20 minutes away for the service station. Well, me, I need a wee. Well, I can't, and I'm belting down the whatever it is. There's no, you know, you'll own that spit where there's like 50 miles, nothing in either direction. I said, look, we can't stop, Will. Can you hold on? I don't think I can. It's trying to come out. So I said, okay. And my daughter said, there's an empty mineral. There's an empty water bottle in the back. Why don't you wear in that William? And he says, all right, I'll do that. Anyway, so I'm driving along. There's all this muffled giggling and messing around in the back where they're trying to coordinate putting Willy inside nozzle of bottle. Then there's this, I thought, how the hell can it be raining in the car? And then I realized I am being pissed on basically by my son, who's Willy has popped out of the little bottle and is, there's an arc of urine is heading from on my head from the backseat into the front. So I'm driving along while someone is weying on me for about a foot away, marvellous. And ever since then, he's been absolutely verified of peeing in, peeing in bottles, because he's just said, I'm gonna do it again. Traveling with children. Anyway, yes. Okay, so we've start to wrap things up. Yes, I think we have, really, as we're now talking about juvenile pissing, I think we've probably finished. Haven't we? We have. We have. Shop news. Oh yeah. Oh god, we haven't done that, have we? No, you haven't. Shop news. Christmas is coming. So why don't you head on to dumpedydome.com to buy something that has our logo on, which you can give to a loved one that is similarly into the arches as Ben loves it as much as they similarly or you could just give it to somebody who isn't into the arches and just completely mystify them, really. If you want to add a little bit of a surprise value to your choice. So what the hell is it? You could do that. But I recommend you give it to somebody who might appreciate it. Much better. Remember, you can also go on to our website to add articles to it. And we have Chris and Lois, that does this on a regular basis. And he does his kind of commentary on the week in average. So you can do that too. You can comment on the shows or you can message other listeners directly, listeners and caller owners, that is. And just another little big up to the forum. There is, you know, that forum is taking shape and it's got a bit of a life of its own. And the enough is enough. Clone threads are quite funny. So there was Rob Tichner, enough is enough Lucy. There's now Nelson Gabriel enough is enough. So more power to the forum. Go on there. And also just to finish up with Andrew Hornlove. Somebody's even dedicated a thread to him and how wonderful he was as well. So yeah, so go on there and forum away. Why don't you? If you want to help keep our little Mary show on the road, there are two ways that this can be done. You can go to patreon.com/dampededum and you can find us to support the show for two dollars. Or if you want to simply donate, you can go to dampededum.com and hit the donate button on the site. Remember to get in contact, you can send us a voice message via a speak pipe, which is a little red tab on the right hand side of our website. And it appears to be working because all the calls are started flooding back in. Yay! Or you can call us on 0203 031 3105 to leave us a message. Also, John news. Remember, if you are a John, if you know of a John, if you've ever encountered a John in your life, you can apply for a John ship. The order of John Archer is a very respected and ancient order. We made up this time last year. Absolutely. So if you'd like to become John the 12th, because I think we're up to John the 11th, what you've got to do, send us an email or a tweet or something and tell us how you know a John, related to a John, once you were a John, and we'll bong up to Lord Netherborn and we'll see if you'd be united as John the 12th. Now, we are also on social media, of course, which is really where the so was born from. It was born from the Twitters, wasn't it, Lucy? Well, it was born from your head. Really? Yeah, but my head looking at the Twitters. Okay. Yeah. So, if you want to kind of link up with us on the Twitters, we are @dumbdydumb. Or you can tweet me on @royfield. Me @lucifiefreeman or Sarah Smith @Sarah_. And also, we are on the book of face where if you just type in @dumbdydumb, you can find our page and you can like it and comment on stuff and just be part of the community on the book of face. Lucy V. Freeman, have you got anything which you would like to add before we say this podcast is over? No thanking you. Oh, okay. Right. I speak, it's been good to be back in the hot seat. Yes. Was it hot? It was warm. And he left it warm. Andrew definitely left it warm and it makes a change because normally Derek leaves it wet. Well, Andrew Horn did such a wonderful job that I'm sure, well, I'm not sure, I know we will be hearing from him again soon and maybe on a semi-regular basis. You know what, doesn't have our chemistry though, does he? No. Yeah, Andrew, you're fucking you too good. I was really, I was like, oh my god. Listen, no mate, Jake's aside, really well done and we'll sort out for you doing this on a semi-regular basis because you are absolutely excellent. And thank you, thank you, thank you for doing it. And also if he wants to do it on a semi-regular basis, well, who wouldn't want to do it with you on a semi-regular basis? Quite. Hmm. That's all from me. Toodle-pip. Bye. That was cool. Hmm. Good fun, good fun, good fun. Hello, it's Witherspoon again. I'm sorry for calling back but I was just thinking some more about Jennifer and getting more and more angry with her. What kind of mother tipsy or not betrays her son like that. To reveal that your son, who was about to marry his long-term partner, had a one-night stand with someone three years ago, just makes no sense, except for, of course, to create a dramatic conflict the script writers love. That is the type of secret a mother would take to her grave. I could go on and on but I won't. Witherspoon out. Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind but still really important. Life Insurance. Why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage, credit card debt, it can even help fund an education. And guess what? Life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think. In fact, most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is. So with State Farm Life Insurance, you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank. Not sure where to start? State Farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget. Get started today and contact a State Farm agent or go to StateFarm.com. Kenny's family health care benefits kicked in the day he started his hourly job at Amazon. With two kids, he was a big fan of that. Then he took advantage of Amazon's on-the-job skills training program that helped him launch a new career in software development. Kenny liked that, too. That led to a bigger paycheck. So he was able to get his youngest son a drum roll, please. Drum set. Next up, drum lessons. Learn more at about Amazon.com. Amazon. Everyday Better. [BLANK_AUDIO]

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