DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'
Dum Tee Dum Episode 75 – What did happen last week?
Who knew? The world’s problems can be solved, according to Lucy courtesy of Pip, with a tuna pasta bake! Rob knows how to turn a local organic farm shop into a world dominating chain of supermarkets, by dropping the local, organic and farm products. It was a quiet week as the new scriptwriter bedded herself in with Joe’s tomato plants. And it was equally boring, according to Larkin, in 1955! Various comments were made about some turgid writing this week.
Dusty Substances thinks the geese will be an opportunity for optimism over the next few weeks with an inevitable cock fight between the geese and the turkeys on the local dining tables come Christmas.
For Lucy’s benefit Smethurst’s book confirms (from Godfrey Baseley himself) that Ysanne Churchman died as she had been attempting to convince cast members to join a trade union to get union pay rates. Lucy did not mention that Tom Forrest’s omnibus commentary was replaced for a while by Lizzie.
The over emphasis on The Archers themselves and Brookfield is now placing unreasonable strains on the structure of the serial and was the subject of much comment, the balance reflecting the village has been lost.
Millie Belle popped back from a gig down under and asked online posters to be nice to each other which was echoed by Roifield.
Kosmo
On this week’s show we have calls from:
Dusty Substances who has a little glimmer
Witherspoon who’s in a state of grace
Andrew Horn who’s been playing archers bingo
Glyn Fullelove who is not impressed with Usha
Paul Roome who goes wittering on about Derby County
Catherine Baigent who wants to clean Neil’s face with a spitty tissue.
The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 75 – What did happen last week? appeared first on DumTeeDum.
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- Duration:
- 1h 32m
- Broadcast on:
- 14 Sep 2015
- Audio Format:
- other
Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my hundredth mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know, honestly, when I started this, I thought only I'd have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited to premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at midmobile.com/switch, whatever you're ready. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speed slower above 40 gigabytes of C details. Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind but still really important. Life insurance. Why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage, credit card debt, it can even help fund an education. And guess what? Life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think. In fact, most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is. So with state farm life insurance, you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank. Not sure where to start? State Farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget. Get started today and contact a state farm agent or go to statefarm.com. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. All right. Yeah, I know. Hello, I'm Sarah Smith, proud sponsor of Dumtee Dum. If you want to polish up your Albion, give your optics a wipe or even mop up after your ferrets, Sarah Smith cloths are eco-friendly, usable and washable. And, you know, a bit posh. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's, for the posh of washer. Proud sponsors of Dumtee Dum. I'm a long-time listener, but I know that Lucy and Royfield are lefties because I've listened to you talk about your political views. And I'm not, but I thought, considering the election of Jeremy Corbyn, you might quite like this. Hopefully you'll both see the funny side in that. This is Dumtee Dum, the show about the reality ducky drama that is sent to an ambridge in the heart of the Midlands. It's on the gigantic mirror that is Royfield Brown. And with me, I have this sewage fertilizer that is Lucy Freeman. And the last part of our flowering projects show is you. Now, folks, today's Dumtee Dum is not a Dumtee Dum. But it's a sheep singing the red flag in honor of Jeremy Corbyn's election. Juicy Loose. Hang on, was it you? What do you mean, was it me? Was it you doing that? Why do you say that? Because it sounded like a bit like your voice. Comrade. Wasn't me at all Comrade. Who was it then? Red Ken. I know, but who is Red Ken? Well, I don't know, Dumtee Dum listenership. Red Ken, please out yourself. Lucy. Yes. Can you remind our listeners how that will win the accolade of Dumtee Dum rather? Because I think it's about time Comrade, Lucy, that we actually had a Dumtee Dum. Yes. That was a Dumtee Dum. Rather than a half cop to tent by a parakeet and a sheep. Yes. If you would like to sing us a Dumtee Dum, give us a plot prediction or massage your marrow. Ring us on 0200 31313105 or leave us a message on Speakpike. Thank you to lovely chambages for her amazing voices, to Cosmo for his podcast roundups, and to Sarah Smith for sponsoring us. Thanks also to Derek for the loan in the back bedroom. He has been very impressed with Joe's sewage fertilizer, so to speak. And he's decided to use it himself, but he's taking the more direct approach and he's just doing it directly onto the plants, which isn't easy when they're in a hanging basket. Oh, that Derek Fletcher. I don't know what we'd do if he didn't keep doing things for our field. It's good, isn't it? We'd be in a mess otherwise. We would fit like that's hanging basket. It must be a bit of a mess. They're outside the ball as well. That's what's even worse. On this week's show, we have of course, from dusty substances who has a little glimmer with a spoon who's in a state of grace. Andrew Horn, who's in playing arches, being go Glen full of love, who's not impressed with Dorsia, Paul Roon, who gets all witchery about Derby County and Catherine Bajant, who wants to clean Neil's face with a speedy tissue. Bit like all Susan. But first, be four the cooler ineras. Let's hear about Juicy Luce's week in Ambridge. We opened the week with fighting at the WWF. That's the world's writing desk federation. David and Elizabeth locked in mortal combat with the thing wedged half at the stairs at lower Loxie while Hootie Jill hopped up and down shouting, "Up your end, David!" The script writers seemed to have got a bit bored with Ruth, so they decided to start revving her character up and then panicked and did an emergency stop which made it a rather jerky ride. She initially spent the week ringing up trying to find out what was happening at home. Which David responded to like a sulky fourth year coming home from school. "What have you been doing?" "Nothing." "Did you have a nice day?" "Right." "I mean, although it wasn't someone you could ignore," said Ruth to Usha over a Chelsea bun. Although she successfully managed to ignore her for bloody years. So would we. The only person to whom she was apparently vital was Usha, who said, "She was certainly suddenly a presence, hey?" David very graciously said, "You just bring whatever you like, Ruth, from your mother's home to your own home, Ruth. That's fine. I give you permission." And she said, "Oh, thank you." And I said something very rude. Then she started being astonished at everything Pip and David had decided in her absence and spent an entire episode saying, "Stubble turnips? You hogs? Whales?" Then in the most bewildering bit, she came back from Prudder, all lovely dovey, said, "Hello, Mr. Wall, had a little cry at missing everybody. I'll make you some crumpets." Gave David a watch from her dad, and then within two minutes was yelling at him furiously, stomping around and banging doors because all the decisions had been made without her. Pip then fixed everything by making a tuna pasta bake and eating it. My goodness! Who knew it was that simple? Someone tell Corbyn all he has to do is knock a patuna pasta bake and sit down with a shadow cabinet, make desultry conversation about sheep and granny heather, and it will all be fine. It was the shortest narrative arc in radio history, and quite frankly, it was nonsense. Joe Grundy, with the freedom that only being very nearly 494 you know, can bring, has decided to grow his tomatoes in the gay-grable septic tank. I don't know what it is about the Grundies and germs, but it's like catnip to them. Which means Joe's tomatoes are now three feet across and are the only tomatoes in history of the world that come ready stuffed. This will come as a nasty surprise to Anita Millingfoot, a hastily invented new character who is going to be a judge at the Flower and Projuice show, Bloody Incomers. Rob made helpful suggestions to Helen about the organic farm shop, Stocklist. It's a local organic farm shop. Rob complained about it being local and organic. He wants them to stock pepper army, jinsters pasties and WKD. In fact, maybe they could branch out into selling petrol too. And from steaming piles to dreaming spires, Phoebe is going to Oxford. Good for her. She can come back and rule the village with her reading and her writing 'tis the devil's work. Brian decided to suck up to Jenny and tell her she could have gone to Oxford. Jenny couldn't find Oxford on a bloody map, Brian. Kate has returned to her default setting and gone from quiet and sulky to noisy and irritating. I want to field, I want to bomb, I want to lose. She helpfully told Adam he could dig us some trenches if he was very good. I'm not sure that pooing in a trench is quite the relaxing vibe she's aiming for. It's more Tenco than Babington House, but what do I know? Adam told Brian he sounded like a dinosaur. Tycoona saw us grump, God bless him. In Lillian's apparent absence, Brian is now the only character that is providing a hefty dose of reality. And long may that continue. St Jill the martyred mover potted round the village thanking people for things. No thank you, Ruth, for forcing me out of my own home so your mother can move in. I'll tell you what, I'll just lie down in the road outside Brookfield and you could all drive over me. Oh thank you, Pip, for moving into a cottage I could have had. Talking of that, I must check if I've got any cottages anywhere I've forgotten about. I'll be so annoyed if I buy a new one and then find I've got two in the garden I've just got used to seeing. Bert popped round the back and checked Carol's Marrows and Christine entered her own scones. There's so much angst at the moment, I think we just get a brief way of flour and produce related riddle-dree to distract us all. It's a dramatic equivalent of a unicyclist whizzing past the window at a funeral. Now, hands up who thinks it's a good idea to introduce Elizabeth, she of the ever accessible tent flaps, to the fair brethren, sons of the man she rogged senseless in her early twenties. Hmm? Because it's not like she has a Porsche for impacunious younger men, is it? Oh well, at least you're getting goose out of it, nothing else. And finally, Kenton took the king's shilling and compromised his high principles by accepting the money from his family. He even went so far as to shake David's hand. But he's still got his own back as he'd only just finished helping Joe fertilise his tomatoes. The end. Oh, triumph this week. I think the Titter Quoten went up. Did it? It did, yes. That's good. There's a lot of Tittering and Gefor and on my part of the podcasting. Mike, well done, Freeman, I applaud you. I applaud you and your round of efforts. Thank you very much, Roy Field. Because you know what, yes, Comrade sister, because you know what? You managed to make the last week sound interesting. Okay, it was a bit, wasn't it? Blimey, oh, Riley. I was getting to sort of Wednesday thinking, please come something happen. Otherwise it's all going to be a bit tricky. That's a problem when they squish everything happening in one week. Then they have three weeks where all go, da, da, da, da, da, da. Wait, it's something else to happen. But you know what? We're a funny bunch. Because we know that it's too racy, then we moment nothing happens. I know. I just think we're a bunch of owners. We are. Well, we're English. It's kind of, it's hardwired into our DNA, as the times would say. They all say that about everything. I've had it being told to me that I can't be English. Really? Oh, that was me, wasn't it? I know, I said you couldn't be royalty. Oh, I've just remembered something. Can I go for two seconds? Talk amongst yourself. Hang on a second. Well, I have been reading Philip Larkin's letters to his sort of girlfriend, friend, colleague, whatever, Monica, over the last week. And they're very good, if extremely irritating. He's a very annoying man. But I got to, I can't remember what year. It's 1940 something. Hang on, I can turn you. 1955. Sunday morning, I lay in bed listening to the omnibus, the archers. How dull it is. I wish I could have the writing of it for a week. Carol Gray, who is now Carol Trigorran. Carol Gray would seduce Christine, who would turn into a prostitute in an effort to atone for the laps. Jack Archer would be running in for water in the beer. Walter Gabriel would be gored to death by a bull. Tom Forrest would be caught in one of his traps all night. Dr Cavendish would appear in the news of the world as running a high-class, brothel-come abortion clinic. The possibilities are endless, don't you think? So, see, even in 1955, Philip Larkin was doing plot predictions, however bonkers, because he was going, "Oh, this is so boring, I wish." And even he was saying about Carol Trigorran, even then he was going about Carol Trigorran seducing Auntie Cardboard and all this sort of thing. Because she obviously had a kind of a racy sort of character then. You know, her character stayed true to how it was then and how it is now. I just thought that was really interesting. It made me sort of jump when I got to it. I thought, "Woo, we're doing the same thing." The more things change, the more they stay the same and all of that. Yeah. Mm-hmm. But, Luce, because we've managed to, you've managed to make the last week. It's an incredibly interesting, why don't we go and hear if the call arenas have managed such a feat? Hello, Ambridge 3962. Who's first? Dusty substances. Apologising for being a misery boots. Hello. Dusty substances here, the wrong sort of listener. First of all, a bit of an apology. I've been a right misery boots over the last few messages and I'm sorry about that. Must have been really tedious. However, I think I have a little glimmer of optimism that there might be something worth listening to to cheer us up over the next few months. And it's the geese. Toby, if I've got this the right way round, Toby was sent out to purchase three Goslings or something and came back with 250. And so far has shifted 30 of them to a company called Regals. Not quite sure who they are. I did think until about this week that they were called Weevils, but I think I've probably misheard that many were Regals. And Rex, or the other one, if I've got this the right way round as well, is hoping that Elizabeth will take a hand for Lower Lopsies Christmas extravaganza. But geese are blooming big. She wouldn't need many, would she? So I'm predicting that there will be the thick end of a couple of hundred geese still to shift before Christmas. So my prediction is that we're going to have a bit of a run in between the Fairbreath run and the Grundiz trying to shift all these flipping birds, because for once in living memory, ambridgites will have a choice of two sources of salmonella for their Christmas lunch. We're getting a bit disenchanted, weren't you, Dusty? She says the geese are going to take over Ambridge, or she says she's looking forward to the geese thing. And the inevitable clashes with the Grundiz over who's going to supply people's Christmas paltry. I'm kind of, they just don't seem to be, I mean no thought seems to have been given, because geese are massive. No thought seems to have been given to what they're going to do if they don't shift these things. Well, that is the, that is the kind of like the hint which the script writers are thrown into this now, isn't it? But, going to have tribes of rogue geese roaming the village. Who is that wonderful email arena and forum poster that wrote about the Archer's family and I think very briefly mentioned the Fairbreath run. Oh, I can't remember. You told him to go and post it on the forum. Ah! Oh, Isaac, Q. I've been telling lots of people to post things on the forum. Is no point sending me great big emails, put them on the forum? Well, because people want them read out, don't they? They want their moment in the sun, so to speak. Or their moment on their iTunes podcast download, which is the equivalent to the sun. Because they rotate around it at 265 and a quarter days in duration. But we're going to mention him later, aren't we? Yes, we are. Okay, then, because I think he's wonderful email. Yes, it was very good. It is a great email, but kind of touches on a little bit of this kind of pip and the Fairbreath run, malarkey. And yes, so I'm just going to just like pass on. But Dusty, it's nice to know that you've come out of your funk. Yes. I don't like a funky, funky Dusty. Funky Dusty. And it was, it was, we especially don't like funky substances. It was nice this week, it had a lighter touch, the World at War. It was a slightly, slightly, it was like, this week it was like the World at War. You agreed with me that it was boring. No, it was a bit more like the World at War crossed with the Chuckle Brothers. There were kind of jokes about fertilizer and furniture moving. And there was no opera. Who wrote? So yes, that was very good. Do you not like opera? I do like opera. I don't like listening to middle-class people whittering on about it and kind of sniggering at people who don't want to play. Why do you have a real sense of class self-loathing music? Because this is a long-running thread between your, you know, in your comments. Because I'm a natural outsider and I don't like cleeks and I don't like people. I think writery people often are on the outside looking in. And our urge is always to break up cleeks and groups of people who feel bonded together. I don't like it, it makes me feel uncomfortable. And I don't like that kind of smug middle class. Oh no, we can do it because we're different, but you all have to not do it. And I don't like that at all. I'm surrounded by it, that's probably why I don't like it. Okay. Well, you know. All right. Yes. Good. Perfectly adequate explanation for your class self-loathing. Who's the next caller? We're the spoon. Oh, we're the spoon. Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling, toss salads and scrambled eggs. Messy. Greetings Lucy Royfield and all dumb tea dimmers around the world. It's Wooderspoon and Angus Haggis on an always slightly more somber 11th of September here in New York City. But I always have the archers to make me smile. And some husband who suffers from a bit of insomnia woke me up this morning to listen to Grace Archer on Women's Hour, teasing us with the great reveal that she had not been killed off because of the ITV debut, but for other more personal reasons. Stay tuned till next week. It kind of feels like the buildup for Doctor Who's 50th anniversary special and that wonderful movie and adventure in space and time. And makes one realize that the entire reason for the introduction of the fair brethren and Jill's expression of her odd resentment toward the ghost of her late husband's first wife is for all of us to get to listen to dead girls tell no tales. This has been an unpaid advertisement for the BBC. Just finished listening to the uncomfortable moment of Kenton offering his hand to David and then in a moment that reflects his level of maturity telling Jolene, nah nah just kidding. I didn't really mean that at all. I'd say that Kenton would be one tough nut to crack in my office. It's been a difficult week for David, hasn't it? Moving heavy furniture, his mother nagging him, wet t-shirt races with his daughter, his wife giving him a watch one second and then screaming at him the next? He's a hard worker and a well-meaning man. But it wouldn't have been too difficult to keep his wife informed on some significant financial and business decisions. The fact that he didn't just didn't ring true to me. To use a tennis metaphor in honor of this weekend and flushing meadow, double-fault script writers. But as David and Ruth are the touch-tone couple of the archers, it all ended happily with a smooch. One more thing, why did it take this long to figure out that Pips should move into Rickyard? Wasn't she partying there before she was transformed into a matron? And does that mean that Jill is saved from being the Dowager Countess of Lower Locksley? And will David have to schlep her writing table back to Brookfield? I can hardly wait for the answers. It's Witherspoon and Angus Haggis signing off until next week. Yes, fair brethren. And Grace, we are hearing a lot about Grace at the moment and that the documentary thing is coming on. I actually heard, and I can't for the life of me remember where I heard it, that the reason Grace Archer was, the actress was why she was sort of finished so dispatched so rapidly was to do with the ITV thing and that they wanted a big bank rash wallop thing to divert attention from ITV, but also because the actress wanted to introduce equity pay rates, which the BBC weren't paying, so she was regarded as a bit of a troublemaker, so they got shot off her. No, I did not get... And you saw this on the week when Jeremy Corbyn has been elected leading off the Labour Party and the Tory government are bringing legislation to the knack of the unions yet to talk. Well, I did not... I have to say, I did not hear that. Comrade sister, content. Comrade, thank you very much. I did not hear that from an archer's person. I did not hear that from anybody connected with the BBC. I heard it from somebody completely outside. And to be honest, I can't even remember who it was, but it certainly wasn't anybody BBC. So it may be a total apocryphal story, but that's just a rumour for Thailand. But I think it's quite good. I quite like that idea. You want to know something? What? Kim Kottrell from Sex and the City Frame. Yes. And Sarah Jessica Parker didn't like each other at all because Sarah Jessica Parker got much more moolah, like, humongously much more moolah for doing Sex and the City. Kim Kottrell is quite left, isn't she? And she's from Liverpool, you know, got big social concerts, and she just complained all the way through. And that was their big schism, and they don't like each other. And she just says, she set up for life, and I think the rest of us also should have been as well, because we contributed to that show, and we didn't get what was due to us. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So there, easily. Quite right. I think Harry was the least interesting person on that show, to be honest. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. Well, it just shows what good actress she is anyway, because you get that from the thing. Anyway. And now, Royfe. Yes. Lucy. You have taken me to task on many occasions for saying that David's relationship with Pip is a little bit cringy to listen to. And you say, I've got to think about incest, and I'm always going on about it. But did you not think this week that it was written? It was like the script writers have never seen a father and a daughter talking to each other. All that, I'll race you back in from the rain. You know, oh, you're soaked. It was, that's like the end of four weddings in a funeral. It's in terms of a sort of a romantic comedy trope. That's when they're standing in the kitchen soaking wet and someone takes their top off. You know, it's that, you know, oh, I don't even notice the rain because, you know, giggling around. No wonder Paul Ruth feels bloody excluded. And, you know, most father-daughter relationships are, hello, it's me. Oh, right. You're right. Do you want to speak to your mother? Hang on. That's it. That's kind of the extent of it. There's none of this kind of, oh, Dad, I need to, you know, it just seems to be written by somebody that has never, never, I don't know, just, I did just seem so, I sort of listened to it. Half of Paul, it's like Pip's really heavy-handed flirting is with her father as well as with the Fred Brethren and everyone else. But David seems to respond in this weirdly flirty way. Well... And it's not just me. Other people have said it. But that's because half the people that listen to this show see secular innuendo in most, you know, in this innocuous... It's funny, sexual innuendo. This is just, yeah! Okay. I will... Just badly written. I will say it was probably somewhat written with a leaden hand, the leaden pen, a leaden quill or whatever it is. But obviously those scenes, they're just to show us how close the pair actually are and how they work together quite well. And, but because you've got the weird mind that you have, you saw into it that, you know, something terrible and beastly was burgeoning. No, no, it's terrible. Beast, I'm not suggesting that, you know, they're... Yeah, you are. You just have something. Well, you know, not really. You've spent three minutes just suggesting it. No, is it the way the message is thinking? Oh, God, this is, I was just going to say, I'm not suggesting that in real life they are, because it's not real life anyway, but... It's the way it's written. It just keeps giving this suggestion. When I know they don't mean to give that suggestion, they're trying to suggest a level of intimacy between them as father and daughter, but it's coming out all wrong. It really is. It's been put through some... And it's not just being put through the weird mangle of my brain, but it's just... Just wrong. Okay, let's agree that it was written with... It was written weirdly, and you've got a weird brain. Okay, we are right, I'll probably concede that. Yes, fine, I'll take that. Andrew, you're in good company. Half of Twitter, all going, "Ah!" Morning, Royfield, Lucy, and Dummy Dummies everywhere. I've got a few points this week, and they are mainly about last week's show, so I'll just rattle through them. I know I agree about the class divide, different attitude if Eddie ejects his job rather than Pip, but on the wider conversation about bankruptcy and approach to bankruptcy, I don't think that's so much a class issue. I think it's supposed to factor legacy, both bankruptcy and redundancy, and now have now had the stigma pretty much removed from them, and it is now much more free economic cycle, whatever you think that's good or bad in terms of protection in the workforce and the workplace, the stigma has definitely gone. I'd like to congratulate Lucy on getting Hazel sliving into the official arches bingo. I think that was you who created that, because that was good. Jamie earned his apprentice. He did start with Mike Tucker, but Mike couldn't offer him a full-time apprentice role, so they found another local woodsman. And now I'm beginning to get a bit paranoid. I think the script writers have been in my kitchen poking around and looking in the cupboards. They will always find a packet of fig rolls, because they are my favourite biscuit. And they will also always find the ingredients for a tuna pasta bake, which is the default option if you need to rustle up something midweek. So yes, I think I need to go and change my locks. Andrew Horn, who rang you to tell us. Nice to let that horn bloke. I know, and he rang in to tell us that fig rolls are his favourite biscuit. So that's good, Andrew. Oh, I've got a fig roll anecdote. Go on, tell me. Right. So, when I went up to college, late eight is, first time living away from home, lived with a guy called Ian, who's from Blackpool, and there's a big fig roll factory in Blackpool. I don't know if it's Jacobs, biscuits or whatever, but anyway, regardless. And he said to me, great working at the biscuit factory, because you can just eat a biscuit whenever you want. He says, but we all take biscuits apart from biscuits that are on the fig roll production line. And I says, why? And he says, because when the figs are industrially just kind of hovered off the leaves and there's insects and flies and then they're just compressed. He says, nobody in the biscuit factory ever eats fig rolls. My God. True fact. True fact from my student days. What the hell's in Gary Baldy's then? Italian Revolution reason. No, because I call them squash fly biscuits. Maybe they really are. Well, or Gary Baldy biscuits, they're all good. They're all good. It was the fig rolls, Lucy. Don't, you know, I'm, we're probably going to get sued by the fig roll, you know, manufacturers association now, because sales will plummet. But yeah, true fact. But it's never stopped meeting them. I love them. I've got a fig story. Can I tell you my fig story? Go on, go on. You can't believe I've got a fig. We're turning into Danny, the band Danny Baker show. I had an ex boyfriend who was extremely vain and used to wear the sort of clothes that made me laugh, which is why he didn't remain my boyfriend for very long. And he went on holiday. He wear a kilt. No, he didn't, actually. He, but he was quite fond of white trousers, which is why I got shot of him, but he went on Johnson. Yeah, I think that's kind of... You went out with John Johnson? No, I think that's kind of who you own, never mind. He was on holiday with his ex girlfriend, and he was wearing these white trousers. And he was sitting on this balcony in Capri, and it was all very romantic and lovely, and he felt very glamorous and everything. And he stood up to go to the bar, and his girlfriend said, "Oh, my God. Your trousers." And he said, "What?" And she said, "You've sat in a fig. It's completely burst all over the back of your trousers." And, you know, because they're like bright purple, bright on his bum. But, you know, they look like he was hemorrhaging, some sort of thing. So anyway, he shuffled off to the loo to try and wash it off, and there's no way it was going to come off. So he shuffled back out of the loo, and he was saying to his girlfriend, "Come on. Let's just go. Let's just go." And it was this incredibly chic bar. And they walked through, and everybody noticed. There was no way he could keep sidling. So someone tapped him on the shoulder, this incredibly glamorous woman, and said, "Excuse me. You're trousers. You've had some sort of accident." And he said, "I know it was the figs." And he just went home, went back to the hotel and sat in his room and sulked all evening, because he just completely ruined his own chic moment. Anyway. I had a trouser malfunction once, a spectacular one. And it wasn't my, it wasn't my figures that were exposed, but my plums were. Yeah. And now this, I don't know why, right, Lucy. But many moons ago, well, when I'm in this shop in Birmingham, this clothes shop, I took to wearing trousers without any underwear. I don't know why. I don't know why. Anyway. So we're in this nightclub this once, and there's a group of us. And we're all dancing away to the latest hits of the moment. And I was dropping some very convincing shapes. And then I said, "Right. I'm going to command this dance floor, everybody." And everybody's like, "Go right-field. Go right-field." And it was like a circle of people. Okay. And then I've decided to get down low. Right. I says, "Look, look at me. I can get down low." And my trousers ripped. And my baby-making tackle fell out. Oh. My trousers, Lucy. And I was just having the time of my life. And all of a sudden, I felt free, fresh air and bruised. I felt it. I had never sobered up so quickly in all my life. I just went, "Okay, party over. I'm going now." Why have you felt all these plums have left the building? Yes. And my girlfriend at the time was like, "What's the matter with you?" You're like, "She hadn't noticed. I don't know if that's anything about the size of my plums or whatever." Oh, I'm sorry. I ripped the pieces out of them. So my balls have just dropped out. And she says, "Really? No, no, they haven't." And I went, "They absolutely have." I tell you, I've never been so mortified in all my life. I ripped the drawing from the front of the very back, and I had the side layer. Oh, but anyway, anyway. That story has another dimension, but this is a family podcast. So I'm not going to bother going down that road. So we started off talking about fig rolls, which Andrew won. Oh, yes. Andrew, well, by the way, thank you for lunch, Andrew. It's very lovely. It's a lovely bloke as our Andrew is there. Did he tell you to the hotel as well? What? No, he didn't. Did he actually say anything of a substance in his call pertaining to the archers? He, well, he distracted me by talking about tuna pasta bake. And he said that he thinks that the archers have been going through his cupboards because they'd have found fig rolls and the ingredients for tuna pasta bake. Everybody has got the ingredients for a tuna pasta bake, but it does not take away from the fact that it is like sick in a bowl. It's disgusting. It's like cat food with some pasta in it. No, I think it looks disgusting, but it's quite nice. Anything with tuna fish just tastes like cat food. When's the last time you ate cat food? It tastes like cat food smells. Picky. Yeah. But anyway, my God, she was treated like she'd just won bake-off, didn't she? Yeah. Sipping it. Whoa. Pete, you're so clever. I didn't know you could put some pasta in a bowl and great cheese over top of it. But her mother, you know, complimenting anybody in their cooking skills isn't really much of a high accolade, is it? No, no. Not exactly. Mary Berry. She. Hello, Tom Chidam. It's Glenn here. First of all, let's say you remain my podcast of the week, favorite podcast of the week, and please keep it up. I'd like to talk about Ruth. I'd like to talk about what Usha said to her about being the center of Brookfield. When I heard that, I almost shouted out, "No, you're not. Just as well. I didn't as I was listening on a podcast and it would rather have startled my fellow commuters." But then I got thinking, "Well, why don't I think she's at the center of Brookfield? Why isn't she the beating heart of Brookfield?" She is undoubtedly a full partner in the farm. She takes as much responsibility for the farmers, David, and that's absolutely fine. That's great. But I don't think she is the co-steward of Brookfield in the same way that Jill was the co-steward of Brookfield with Phil. And by that, I mean, I don't think she's got that emotional connection where she sees Brookfield as eternal and she's looking after it for a period until the next generation takes it on. Glen Fullalove said that when Usha said Ruth was the heart of Brookfield, he sort of went, "No, she's not. And so did I." I think this is being highlighted more and more in a very interesting and for once, thank you quite subtle way in that she's married David, but David was already married to the farm and his family. And you do get the sense that she doesn't see herself as a custodian of the land in the way that David does, or even Pip does. And she does see it as a career, like he said, she's a career farmer. And she is able to put family before it, but for him, for David, family and the farm are so intrinsically wedged together, he can't separate the two things at all. So yeah, I'm kind of feeling sorry for her, but she is still bloody irritating. There is, when I listened to Glen's call, I did go, "You know what, you are right." But the way that it kind of played out for me made sense for me was less so about you are the heart of Brookfield because you are married to David on a slightly, slightly pushed off to one side of whatever it is, but actually as a character, she doesn't actually dive into village life as much as the other. So she, her point person outside of the family is Usher. Yeah. That's it. You know, in okay, she occasionally wanders into the shop. You don't really hear her in the ball. You know, she never won the single wicket, you know, et cetera, et cetera. All of the, you know, she doesn't go in for the plays, et cetera. So when Glen said that, I went, you know, it's actually spot on, but for me, it was because, you know, she doesn't really embrace village life in the way that let's say Pat does. Pat, Pat's best friend is, oh God, what's her name, you're a Catholic. But you know, she, Pat, he's there getting upset about roads or anaerobic digesters. You know, there's things outside of her farm that she actually gets involved in and, you know, and she's, you know, forever down, down the, you know, and obviously there is her and the kind of the pile of business and stuff. So this, she has interaction with Clary and, and with Susan and stuff. So, but no, I think he's actually spot on and it has been written that she's always been an outsider within the family and then obviously when there was the whole, you know, will they kind of move to prodder thing, there was an instance where, you know, Lizzie and Schuller were withering away and then she walked into the room and they kind of, they kind of throw. So yes, you know, absolutely, Glen is right. But there is a wider kind of kind of coldy sack of relationships that Ruth is kind of in. But then I mean, in Ruth, in Ruth's sort of defence, how could you possibly compete with Jill as a matriarch, A, she wouldn't let you, she'd just kill you, somehow she'd win. But also, you know, she is, she is the consummate ultimate, a rural matriarch. And there's no, you know, she can deliver a lamb with one hand while she's whipping up a victorious sponge with the other and, you know, you just cannot compete with that. So, but yeah, but no, but yeah, because Pat has Peggy to deal with, and Pat is a matriarch within her own right, she isn't the ultimate kind of artist-family matriarch, but Pat is a, you know, mother-in-law from hell in effect to deal with and has managed to do that as a healthy respect for a mother-in-law, but doesn't take everything she says, hook, line and sinker, does she? Yeah, no, no, that's true. But she's still not the, quite the same as, she's not the churchy kind of pillar of the community that, that Jill is, Jill kind of does things because, Jill's, because that's what you do. But Pat is, has a more sort of cerebral approach to things, a more intellectual approach, I think. Yes, well, I'll agree with that, Comrade sister. Okay. All right, who's next on the corner in a referendum? Paul Rum! After enjoying listening to the last episode of Dumpty Dum this week, I thought I'd sit out in the garden and have a read of my Darby County Football Club program from the last home game I went to against Leeds. The match didn't go in our favour and I hadn't summoned up the mental energy to open the program until now. It was worth it though, as there was an interesting article about obscured trophies that Darby have run over the years that made me think of times past and brought a smile to my face with a coming together of my loves of DCFC and the archers. Apparently, in the late 60s and early 70s, there was a BBC TV quiz show called Quizball where two football teams were pitted against each other. Darby entered in 1970 with a team made up of three star players and bizarrely Bob Arnold who played Tom Forrest in the archers. The lads done well and made it all the way to the final against Crystal Palace where Tom Forrest, aka Bob, came good and scored in the 4-2 win. We'll take any silverware we can at Darby. Leading this made me reminisce and pine of the archers omnibus edition of old with Tom giving a short monologue at the start of the program about some old country way or the other that led into the first scene. A bit like Lucy's monologues, just not as funny. Ah, how I miss old Tom. It went on about Darby County, I don't know, said something about Tom Forrest. No, he said he missed Tom Forrest, I missed Tom Forrest. Yes. And I've forgotten about that preamble when I think it sort of ended before I started the film. Well, yeah, I didn't know that. I think it was 1972, that's right, it's 1972, they stopped doing that, the Tom Forrest preamble. Okay. Which was when I was born. Which mean you think, in other words, you did a Google. But no, I was reading something else about when it stopped being an everyday story of country folk, and it was in 1972, that's when they dropped the Tom Forrest bit and kind of just gave up and thought, "Oh, no one cares about farrowing, let's all talk about Tom." Who's zooming who? Yeah, exactly. Can I just say that there's a kind of reverse knobbery with football fans, that one of the reasons why lots of, I would say true football fans hate Manchester United fans is because they are fans of them, because they are successful. And there's a reverse knobbery that, you know, my team is really crap, that's the reason why I love them. Right? And I'm a Birmingham City fan, so you know, which side of the fence I sit on this. However, I've got big love for Paul room, but Paul room saying that in the early 70s, we had to take the cups where we could get them, is such a crock of horse poo, right? Because Derby County won the division 1 championship twice in the early 70s. That was the purple patch of Derby County under Don MacKay and then Brian Clough, just saying Paul, anyway, I thought it was a lovely call and I thought it was very clever call. Though he sounds, it sounded a little bit slow and drawn out, didn't he? He did. I think he'd add his mugger don. He had. And no coffee to balance it out. Mm-hmm. Where do you stand on beards? I try not to stand on them if at all possible, unless they're really long and then you can't really avoid it. Where I live, there are quite a few very long beards. I tell you one thing that I've noticed with a beard, right? That beards grey, faster than the hair on your head. Yeah. Can somebody please explain that to me? Considering that the capillaries in a beard shouldn't be as old as the capillaries on your head because... Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. 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In four weeks, a typical Noom user can expect to lose one to two pounds per week. Individual results may vary. They've only just sprouted after puberty. I don't know. Roy Field. Thank you. All right. That's all right. Well, I'm just throwing that out there to our art. Something I've noticed is that you don't want to go anywhere near anyone who's got a beard when they just had a tuna pasta bake. Anyway, Katherine Bajant. Hello, Dumgy Dum. It's Katherine Bajant here. I nearly didn't call in this week as apparently it's a bit boring that I keep calling in all the time, according to one of your presenters, it's a bit rude, isn't it? Anyway, here I am, and I've noticed this week that the arches was mainly made up of terrible flirting and dreadful food. Anyway, there was no mention, sadly, of Susan's Chili this week, although she did manage to remove some debris from Neil's face by spitting into a tissue. I really loved that scene, actually. I just think they're a welcome bit of relief in amongst the misery and wepling wailing. At least you feel they do actually have a bit of a laugh together, unlike Pipp and Rex, who, yeah, I was talking about the terrible flirting. Well, both of them were absolutely rubbish at it, and that scene where she offered to share her flask of instant coffee with him, and then he started waxing lyrical about how delicious it was, it was just incredibly depressing. I think she's her mother's daughter when it comes to culinary expertise. Neil, and yes, the Neil and Susan bit, when she's rubbing his trap of his face with the tissue, and when he sort of spun it out and wouldn't tell her that Justin Elliot had put up the money for the Justin Elliot Memorial Celebration Trophy Hall, whatever it's going to be called. Do you think Justin Elliot is really Donald Trump? Well, no, but I do think that that was another incredibly dodgy bit of script writing, because Justin Elliot is, I put on Twitter, Justin Elliot is far too canny an operator to do that. He's not an idiot, he's not in it, for ego, he's in it for money, he's in whatever he does he does for money, he doesn't just do it for ego, and I don't think he would want the village hall called the Justin Elliot Village Hall? Who would care what a potty little village hall's called? I think that's absolute shite. He might want to call it the BL Hall or the BL something or hall or whatever, but not his own name, that's just ridiculous and he doesn't fit in with the character at all. Lucy. Yes. You have very strong feelings on this, all right? And as you said, you have tweeted about it, and all of a sudden, you know, there's been a certain level of infective in your delivery talking about this. Now, how much character exposition, how much just character time have we actually had with Justin Elliot on our wonderful doggy drama since Justin Elliot as a character was introduced? But it's a class thing, he's played by Simon Williams, who has a genuine upper class accent. He, you know, he is a gentleman farmer, he's like Brian Aldridge and Jennifer Aldridge would be very happy and are happy to have the Ambridge Memorial Wood. But Justin Elliot is a class above, I'm not saying he's a, I'm not, there's no kind of moral thing there, nicer or he's nicer or anyone's nicer, and if it's not about being nice or good or whatever, he is a class above that, and he would see having his name on something as a little bit cheap and crap. Okay, well, you're much more attuned to the rural social strata than me. I'm not being being, I'm not just sort of playing devil's advocate, but it is different in the country. People are obsessed with people knowing their place, and you know, my mum listens to the archer sometimes and she says to me, Eddie wouldn't call Jill, Jill, he'd call her Mrs. Archer or something like that, she, and she knows because that's how we, that's how we were brought up, that's kind of the society we were brought up in, where, you know, the class demarcation was very, very rigid and you just don't get the same thing in cities at all, it kind of, everybody merges and it's much more difficult to know where you are, but in the country it's still incredibly, yeah, it's quite still down to an Abbey, you know, it's still quite marked out, and yeah, I just think it's rubbish, it just didn't sit right at all that, and he knows he would just piss everybody off, if he's doing it as a kind of a philanthropic gesture to make everybody like him, you don't stamp your name all over it, he's not that daft, are they mowing the lawn again outside your house, they are, have you got any, any left, there's a lot of grass for them to mow and obviously they must mow it every Monday morning or, you know, if there's something to be done, it gets mowed on a Monday morning, could you have a word with one of your under gardeners and ask them to do it when we're not recording, don't you, don't, I will do, I will do, there's just a last thing just to say about your three minutes of, you know, declaration about your feelings about Justin Elliot is that you say he's paid by the actor Simon Williams, Simon Williams the actor is a civilian persona of the hero Wonder Man, and that's all I wanted to say, he's a Hollywood actor and he wears shades and, yeah, he's Simon Williams and he's Wonder Man and he's an Avenger, so there you go, mmm hmm, thank you to the people who said that they somewhat enjoyed the slight divergence of conversation last week where we talked just for 30 seconds, that's all it was, possibly even just 25 seconds, possibly 20, oh my longer to be fair, but there was somebody on the Twitter's who went, it was boring and don't ever do it again, but it's only because she couldn't fast forward because she was driving down the motorway, so she had to just listen to it all, that was why she was annoyed, so only about 20 seconds, we've had some emails, ooh, I love a email, uh, Silver Girl said it was a long email and I asked her to put it on the forum and she did, but she says, she's talking about Rob and Henry, she said it all centres on Rob having to be in control of the centre of Helen's attention, you commented that Henry seems a lot more compliant these days, this would make sense as he must be learning that being a good boy keeps the peace and stops his caregivers being tense or angry with him, is the bed wetting a subconscious outlet, yes it is, and I would say, and also I think that he is going to find this joke, the bed wetting is less to do with a subconscious outlet of any kind of anxiety of keeping the peace, I would just say that he wants to be like Rob, I think you nailed it last week, and you said that Henry's going to become a little misogynist because he's going to look up to Rob, and surely what the bed wetting is is the disruption of his routine and going to school, and I think somewhere on the, on our forum, St Mary D, who's got a crystal ball called the Radio Times, he's kind of looked into the future and has seen possibly where this storyline is going to go, that Rob is going to suggest that Henry has a more settled environment, and I think that will, you know, cure him of his bed wetting, not in the short term, but in the long term, I think it's just the disruption of going to school and having a meeting new people, and he's just unsettled, I don't think this is Rob per se, says the person to bed wetting until the age of 11. I wondered about not as bad as a boy that smelled a biscuit, my ears picked up when they mentioned Joseph, as this boy who's not being very nice to Henry, and Helen saying possibly he's not, he's sort of being bullied or picked on, and that's why he doesn't like, so I could just add visions of Rob bearing down on Henry's dad and on Joseph's dad and thumping him or, you know, something like that, getting into trouble. There's a spectacular scene in True Detective where crumbs, what's that Irish actor called, who was in "Bruges", his name just escapes me for a second. Don't, no, don't care. Well, True Detective season two, I've only watched about four of the episodes, his name's Colin something, Colin Farrell, there you go, Colin Farrell plays a detective, and he has a son who now lives with his wife and his wife's new partner, and he takes his son to school one day, and his son is this little, little rolly-poly boy, and he's incredibly timid and shy, and Colin Farrell discovers that he's been bullied, and Detective Colin Farrell takes matters into his own hands by going round to the boy's house and being bullied out of his father, and he's sort of a shocking scene, and you could see that Rob would do a similar thing, and a bit more of a watered-down way, because I think Rob is actually physically actually a coward, but he would at least front it, and, you know, kind of fellow. Exactly. And then go, ah, you hit me, you hit me, you hit me, you hit me, you hit me. Exactly, and the whole thing happens in front of the bully. Oh, okay. And yeah. But I'd be interested to find out people's feelings about True Detective Season 2, because critically, it's been somewhat panned after the excellence that was Season 1, and I've only got three or four episodes in. Normally, when I mention some kind of show, somebody somewhere, whether it's a female, or on the Twitter's, or via voicemail, kind of says, "Oh, ah, yes, blah, blah, blah." Okay, please tell me whether I should soldier on, because if it's not worth it, I won't. Ah, next email is Cosmo, who is bringing to question, I love Cosmo, the funding of the works at the ball, which seems cock-eyed. Jamie owns something, no one knows a percentage. Sid left the rest of Jolene, Lillian owns 51%, born from Caroline, who bought it in 2000 to fund Sid's divorce. Cosmo, how do you remember all this? Kenton moved in with Jolene, and they married with the exception of Helen, women are entitled to own their own assets these days, and I am not aware that Kenton has ever been formally added to the ownership of the bull, so why is it Kenton's responsibility to find £26,000? And the 49% less Jamie's share would have seen significant sums paid off over 15 years, so why was we mortgaging so impossible? And given that Matt cleaned out Lillian's accounts, I would have thought she would have had more difficulty finding £26,000. I noticed there was a new scriptwriter this week, which probably accounts for some of the words appearing through the speakers on various subjects sounding less than convincing. Ooh, hard words, Cosmo. Um, Isaac, cool, excellent, excellent email. I've had to edit it for legal reasons, Isaac, but I think it is in its full, unexpregated. Legal reasons are just the reasons of length on a podcast, which has no fixed length. Uh, no, legal reasons. Ooh, okay. Um, uh, it, I think it is in full on the forum. Um, he said, as others have pointed out, this hack and slash mentality, uh, has led to sloppiness, unbecoming... That's a great little, uh, written and starred restaurant in central London, and hack and slash. [LAUGHTER] Or, or the media glitter article, though. Yeah. Uh, it is unbecoming of our archer's writers, Jamie and Cathy have vanished with no resolution. Darryl and Rosa may have had a reconciliation scene barely, but still no explanation given for where they've disappeared to. Matt was written out the show in the most half-assed way, well, we know why that was. Even the Grundes, who could generally be considered an exception to the archer family-only rule, have been sloppily handled as Will Grundy's spontaneously gave up a decade of ill-will and made up with his brother and his wedding day, and then there's been no mention of them in a month since. Why are the likes of Mabel Thompson, Artie Satcher, Jamie and Cathy, Patrick Henderson, Spencer Wilkes, still listed with full bios on the official Archers Who's Who website, despite being signs and mention for ages, while Darryl and Rosa make pieces bios were scrubbed off the site within days of their last episode. And think of all the, this is my bit that made me go, "Yay!" Think of all the wonderful peripheral characters who aren't being given a plotline right now because of this pip horse shit. Linda and Robert, Jazza, Amy, Carrie, Ian, Nick, every day we're yawning through another pip scene is a day we could be enjoying one of those other much-beloved characters. Who's Carrie? Has he made one up? Clara. Oh, Clara. Sorry. Erm, so yes. Erm, and that's it. I don't know if Amy Frank's was a beloved character, but I absolutely take his point. And it was, this was one of those emails where somebody has just clarified what the heck is going on. Yeah. And all I can do is this to that email. It's a stand-up and salute because, you know, it, of what he has outlined is absolutely what is happening with this show is that it's become the Archers. Now I didn't, I wasn't listening in the 50s or the 60s or even the 70s and only came in, in the early 80s. And even though it was the Archers and at the core of this village are the two branches of the Archer family and their farms, there were still all these other characters. And it's taken this email for me to realise this is the reason why there's hardly any Grundes, there's hardly any, you know, Caroline, you know, where has Caroline gone? She was, for me, she's been a mainstay of this, well, she says, you know, I love a bit of Oliver, you know, all these other characters have just been sidelined and absolutely what he said is correct. The thing is because, and I love, I love Brookers and I love David and I, I'm a big Jill fan always have been. I loved Phil and I still miss Phil not being around. But because they were the mainstays, they were the heart, they were fundamentally boring. They are because they're solid characters, the reason why Kenton and to a degree Lizzie are actually the, you know, the more interesting archers because they're much more human. You know, Lizzie was always the flighty one, wasn't she, you know, kind of growing up with her little, you know, hooray Henry kind of boyfriends, you know, Kenton, you know, disappeared, etcetera, etcetera, who's come back and needs to joke with the back. And I mean, Isaac has nailed it. The thing is the mainstays, the emotional heart of the whole Kenton caboodle, at least on the Brookfield side, you know, the other archers are a little, actually a little bit more interesting that they're not, they're not interesting characters of a whole. So we do yawn through your pit and a Ruth, you know, interactions. And David is just, as the Americans would say, a stand up guy, which doesn't make necessarily for great drama. We need them there because they are what connects us to the land and to, and to the tradition of, of owning the farm and its different generations, etcetera, here's another thing as well. Didn't they say that Josh was turning 18 this week? Because he said he could legally drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, why weren't we in the ball with him having a drink? Why weren't we in ball section when he's having a lash and when he's on the lash? Yeah. Do you know what? It is getting to the stage now where content, when continuity says, and now we're going over to archers where so and so at home farm, and I think, hooray, somebody interesting, you know, Jennifer, or Brian, or Kate, or, you know, maybe Adam, or, you know, maybe Debbie's wrong. Who knows? Something interesting could be happening rather than flipping Hootie, Jill, and Pip. Oop, bloody curse. Well, I, you know, I care. I do care about Jill, and I do care about David. I do care about the Brooker's end of the, of the archers clan, because for me, that is actually the heart of the show. Whatever farm descendants of Phil Archer are running, for me, is actually the heart of the show. However, I massively will concede that they are less interesting in terms of drama. Yeah. By far. Well, I care about them. I'm just not interested in them. Mm. You know, I don't want to know what they're doing unless it's something exciting. You know, I think, you know, we are, we're missing a trick with Josh, you know, what's happening with all his entrepreneurial skills with these eggs. Well, he's disappeared, doesn't he? And then he's going to reappear at sounding exactly like Charlie Thomas and Fred Brethren and new Tom, and he'll be talking like there's sort of be another rugby-sharted chap with his collar turned up. With his collar turned up, and, you know, wearing his flipping Chelsea boots and everything else. And don't knock a Chelsea boot, but Jamie Perks. Yeah. Jamie Perks was just getting interesting, you know. And we, I was at Q, I'm just going to, again, you nailed it. You nailed it. Yeah. It's been boiled down to just the archers, and they brought in to be fair to the overmized the script writers. They have brought in a fantastic new version of Kate Aldridge. So we can't knock all this because, you know, obviously she is an archer, you know. So we have one, one old art which has come back in a new guise. And she's been an absolutely fantastic introduction. But then it just goes to show how beige, I think is the word you used for Auntie Christine, how beige the Brooker's archers are, who I love. I do love them. Anyway, cool. Next call. That's it. Oh, and of course. Right. Um, you know, we've got after we, after our ad break, Lucy. What? Milly Bell. She's back. Yay! Technical problems have been solved. And yes, um, no, God, it's Deva, you didn't sleep through Milly Bell. She wasn't there. And the program was bereft without her. It was. I love a bit of down under action. Hello, I'm Sarah Smith, proud sponsor of Dumpty Dum. If you want to polish up your Albion, give your optics a wipe or even mop up after your kids. Sarah Smith Cloths are eco-friendly, reusable and washable and, you know, a bit, posh. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's for the posher washer, proud sponsors of Dumpty Dum. Fancy getting your mouth around something warm? Something comforting you can really get a firm grip on. Why not buy a Dumpty Dum mug from the shop at dumptydum.com? Those damn lovely. Good day, everyone. It's Milly Bell here. I've had an awesome day. We've had the most beautiful weather today. We're just heading into spring now. I live in very flat terrain in Victoria, but today I played bass guitar at a gig in Broadford, which is in the dividing ranges heading towards Melbourne. I was just so lovely to see the hills. So I've had an awesome day and I'm all ready to catch up with you guys. I have been having a look around the Facebook pages for those who like the archers and it does seem as though there's a, I don't know, it must be the weather, must be where the moon is, but not everyone's being lovely to each other. So can I just encourage you, whichever site you like to go to, just be nice and be nice to each other, but be nice about the actors as well. It's I think the characters open slather. I asked the question about whether Ruth is being fair because I was a little bit concerned that when she found she only seemed to talk about herself and her mother and hadn't really asked much about her farm, but there was a very, and so I wanted to know what do you think and there was a very mixed response. Some people said that Ruth was being really reasonable and others said no she's not for the same reason that I thought. So here's a quick selection of those. Kirsty Johnson said fair enough, David shouldn't have made some of the decisions without referring to her, but she's not been interested in listening to anybody else unless the conversation revolved around her mother. It's taken until this week for her to remember about the boys and even then she asks about them after the cows. Diane Telford says no, but she is very stressed and feeling very out of the loop so I'm going to cut us some slack. But not for being rude, she's bloody annoying. Jo Jackson feels that she should be glad that he and David are dealing with it. Now the decisions apart from the loan are that big. She made the decision to move Heather Pette and didn't discuss it with Jill. I'd say she should keep her grumpy gob shot around the loan. It's not her money personally, she's so annoying at the moment. Kevin's letter he said pretty much as, Glenn said it would have been sensible for them to sit down and decide what Ruth should have troubled with while she was away with Heather Pette. She needed to relinquish some control but hasn't agreed to do it, so it leaves her sound like a control freak and David lacking any empathy. Wrestling for disaster. I was just looking for Delirie, who as usual says something, she says, "I am team with on this." It's the ghost of Hadley Hoch all over again. When David decided they were staying, Ruth was rightly upset that he didn't consult her. Now she's under deep stress with her mum, spending weeks away from home and life is going on as usual. Not only that, but David and Newpip are having a laugh at making decisions and she feels a state as a non-Archer keenly, David is being a shit. As you can see, there's a range of opinions there and that's absolutely why we put up these posts because we do want to hear your opinion and we don't care if they don't agree with us. I just would like to talk quickly about something that happened on upstairs at the ball. Stuart Arendale, my very clever Facebook friend, who creates the graphics for the worst character of the week and he really does do a very clever job with them. He put up a post saying, "If on the upstairs at the ball we could raise 200 pounds, which would go to refuge, which helps people in domestic violence situations, then he would put them together as a PDF and he would post them up." He did, and he has raised 474 pounds and he has posted the book up. He put it up as a PDF. I've made it into a flicky book, but he did the clever stuff, just did a little cyber thing. I really encourage you to, first of all, to give to his cause, the cause that he's raising money for and I'll put a link onto our page, but also I really recommend that you have a look at the book clip himself and just see how clever he is. It's so relevant every week, and if you are an avid listener of the artist, you will recognise lots of things in it. So until next week, where I will be calling you, I hope, from Santa Cruz in America. Until then, hooray. Thank you, Millie. Lucy. Yes. #TheArchesTweets are the last quarter of a lunar cycle, please. Jackie Schneider said, "There is nothing like a fig roll to make you re-discover your war." Oh, it's not a quarter of a lunar cycle. No it is. I was thinking of the phases of the moon. Yes, as you were Lucy, Jackie Schneider, go for it. There is nothing like a fig roll to make you re-discover your will to live. I would agree with that. Exeter, little conversation between Exeter, Dormouse and Julie Alarwood. Exeter, Dormouse said, "Her necklace days are over, is that a thing?" And Julie Alarwood said, "Soto Voche, because my other granny cut her head off so she could stay at Brookfield." That's a rather unpleasant image. Barefoot Moa said, "Carry on in the vegetable world, #LookAtTheSizeOfIt." Ginger Beans said, "No, let's have real grace. She faked her death, hid away for 60 years, now she's back to invalidate Jill's marriage and Phil's will." Can you imagine? And my faith, the tweet of the week, "Pip and Rex Fairbrither, they are like listening to, it's like listening to Father Ted, but when both people are Father Dougal, that is honestly what it sounds like, both so thick." And Rex Fairbrither said to, said to Pip, "Have you seen Jurassic World? And she said, 'What, the movie?' And Carrie said, 'No, the freaking jigsaw puzzle.' It's just really made me laugh. It is like wading through porridge listening to those two. You know that ginger beans one? That sounds like a line from the brave and the beautiful. There's a dreadful American soaps and everybody's all dead to lamb, or the bold and the brave and whatever the heck they're called, but that is completely a line from that. Maybe that's where Grace Archer is going to appear. Yeah. That'd be a great way to link up to Docky dramas. That's kind of what he meant. Okay. Ooh. Sometimes, the cleverness of the Twitteris just goes over my head. I don't think I'm intellectually qualified to be hosted for show. I think I need to hang up my podcast in my phone. Andrew Horn, I'm passing it on to you, sir. But until I do, why don't you go on to www.dumbdumb.com to join in the debate on the forum, whether all manner of threads and all manner of discussion and comment going on at the moment. And remember, be nice on the forum as we do not want it going the same way as the other Ambridge message boards, no nastiness or flaming. Have we had any of that? Not yet, but it's come a little bit close. So I did put on a little post yesterday saying behave yourselves. So I'm just saying everybody just be nice. And with a spoon, there's agreed to be the moderator on the forum as well, kind of going forward. Oh, good. Daddy's in charge, excellent. Yes. Yes. We'll have a proper adult in charge of that. Now he's going to analyze why I think of with a spoon as daddy. Oh, God. But serious point, though, is that there has been mustard land, there's been the arches forums on Facebook, there's been a habit or a history of arches related to form of being closed down because people just get too excitable and just get all nasty and unnecessary. So play nicely or we are taking our ball home? Exactly. And we'll kick you in the balls too whilst we're doing it. Now, if you needed another reason to log on to our wondrous website, www.com, you can go there to buy some of our merch. We would like to thank Kevin Proven from South Gloucestershire from taking the Dumpty Dum shop by storm this week and purchasing not one, but two t-shirts. One on, one in the wash. Good for you, Kevin. Absolutely. Now, Lucy. Yes. Remember I said I was retiring the iTunes review section. Yes. Oh, God, please don't say it's getting packed. Well, I don't know about you. I've missed it and I also think it's a lovely way of just thanking people who have gone through the hoops and over the hurdles of, you know, right in a review. So it's making a special one off appearance this week. So we would like to thank Jolene, Giraffe HK and Gen 44 UK for their reviews on iTunes as it is the best way of us getting new listeners to the show. So thank you very much. Yeah, no. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We now have 203 rating stroke reviews and it just shows you that retiring that section, right? How long did we retire that section? Three months. I don't know, but it was so nice. Three months. Three months. Yeah. And because we don't knock people over heads with it week after week, we've only had three reviews in three months. That's what I'm saying. Um, or as a method in my madness, don't forget, you can also go to patreon.com. Now, don't worry about going on to patreon.com if you would like to support the show for $2 each time. I'm going to put a nice big buttony link type thing over on the right hand side of www.dumbdumb.com saying go to patreon. So just go to patreon. Oh God. So just go to www.dumbdumb.com, go on the right hand side and you'll see a button saying patreon.com and then you can click on that. And it's, uh, you can support us with $2 a show. You don't have to totally discretionary, but if you'd like to, that'd be fantastic. And you can also donate to the show by going to our site and hitting the donate button. Cool. Order of John Archer News at the scroll with the names of the John's is almost ready. We've had a bunk of munch right this week, that's a part they could get from W8 Smiths. Did you hear what you just said? You've had to say a bunch of monks and he said a bunk of munch. No, I never. You did. You're right. You're back. We've had a bunk of munch. Right. So. Thinking you were laughing at my, my little bit of a witty line. Sorry. I like bunk of munch. Sorry. I feel rather silly now. Sorry. Oh, no, don't. It was a it was a spoon-er-ism, wasn't it? Mm. Yeah. Very funny. Anyway, carry on. You've got the best parchment you can, oh, John, yeah, I don't even know where to start now. Anyway, the monks. They promise. They will get everything written up. Is it parchment or vellum? I don't know what they've written this on, but anyway, all the quills have been out of quivering and they're writing this all up and then it'll be nailed to something very soon and there'll be a town crier decrying all the new John's next week or so. But in the meanwhile, we've received yet another email regarding the order of John's. Daniel John Heller said I would like to stake a claim to being John the N plus one because he doesn't know quite where we are as another do we? So, yeah. Well, why you may ask, do I feel entirely such an award? Well, not only do I share the same first two names as the late John Daniel Archer, I also have the very same birth month and year, December, 1975, not only that, but my adult listening of the archers started pretty much with the episode in which John was squished by the tractor. Oh, by the way, I can send you a photo of my birth certificate. If you let me know and need no choice, I did laugh when I read this. Dear God, Daniel, do not be boasted on lying. Birth certificates inside leg measurements and blood samples are not necessary people to get the order of John Archer. I love your podcast, particularly the fact that it is clearly a community of people who listen to the archers, but talk about what's on their mind. My particular pet theory is the titchinub has been vasectomized. Is that a word? Otherwise, being capable of fathering a baby, hence he knew he wasn't Jesse's baby father and will be able to keep Helen under the thumb forever whilst they try for a baby. Keep up the good work on the podcast, Daniel John, hella at grinning gibbons on the twitters. Have you noticed how much Helen is trying to avoid, Rob? She's sleeping in Henry's bed with him. Once there's a psychological thing where sometimes schools will notice that children are taking a lot of time off sick and when they investigate, sometimes they will find that actually it's not that the child doesn't want to go to school, it's that the child doesn't want to leave its parent alone because it is concerned about its parent. And this bedwetting thing, there might be a subconscious thing of him wanting to keep Helen. He said he won't go to sleep unless I'm holding his hand and all that. There might be a subconscious thing of he knows there's something not quite right about Rob. He's seen the bruises, maybe he's seen Helen lose her nerve with Rob and he might be actually trying to subconsciously protect Helen from Rob because there's a lot of stuff like she's giving Rob the wrong times for when it's pick up and drop off at nursery, she's sleeping in the bed with him, she's Rob said you need to go back to bed for a nap and maybe I'll come and join you and the relief when she said oh no look, Tom's here we can't sort of think, it's yeah very very noticeable. If you agree with what Lucy's just said, or if you're even sitting on the fence about it and just want to a pie and about sitting on the fence and we're going oh I don't know she could be right. You can get in contact with us via voice message via speedpiper, this is the big red tabby thing on any one of your computer type devices that connect to domedom.com or you can call us on 020 3 0 3 1 3 1 0 5 2 leave us a message on a telephone device, device, device and that'd be cool. Or on the twitters, our first most social media avenue we are at domedodom or you can tweet me where I'm at, Roy Field, me at Lucy V Freeman, oh do you know I'm going colour blind or Sarah Smith at @Sarah_Smith and here is a word from our lovely awesome sponsor Mr Clive Burnie who is head honcho at Sarah Smith. The people good domedodom listeners boy do we have a treat for you, we don't just give you the top brass of the archers, we give you now the top brass from Sarah Smith, our new wondrous sponsor. Say hello sponsor, hello, who are you Clive? I am Clive Burnie and I am one of the people who runs the company that makes Sarah Smith. Now I thought we should get you on because you have made a somewhat significant contribution to us for the next year and we are absolutely cock-a-hoo and what's been absolutely great is the fact that listeners of our show have been going on to social media with your cloths but what exactly is Sarah Smith, what are your wipes and why are you doing what you're doing with domedodom? Sarah Smith is a brand of cleaning cloths, kitchen cloths, dish cloths that Clive can I always have always been fascinated by cleaning cloths, so I'm wrapped here, you got my wrapped attention. Are we all though, it's a fascinating area. Well it's definitely an necessity that we all need. And that's the thing is that that's where the idea for Sarah Smith came from in the first place was that as this, you know, bit of the supermarket where pretty much all of us go there at some point, stick out on our hand, pick up a package of something and put it in our basket and walk away. And we felt that it was all a bit too boring, a bit too stayed, you know, a bit dull or sometimes a bit macho and lots of products they're going, "Hello, we're really tough and we've got technology and this kind of stuff." And we thought no, you know, it needs to be a bit more lighthearted, a bit more fun, it needs a bit of colour, you know, cleaning is a bit dull and rather than, you know, being advertised with messages that say it contains new x, y, z, super ingredient, you know, why not just have a bit of fun, you know, lighting things up, some flowers and colour, lots of pink and this muck about of it and that's what Sarah Smith is all about. So how long is Sarah Smith as a product, how long has it been in the shops? Nearly ten years now, it was actually ten years ago this summer that Sainsbury's gave us the first break. It was kind of earlier that year that, or end of 2004 into 2005, when myself, my wife Kate and a designer friend had cooked up the idea of Sarah Smith and people always tell who is Sarah Smith and sometimes I say, well, it's me, but only on the weekend. Other times I say, well, it's kind of the three of us. Sarah Smith was the team name and Sainsbury's gave us a break in the summer of 2005, put it in stock for a few months to see how it goes and it went well enough that they kept it there. And then we did a lot of kind of good food chosen things. I mean, some of your listeners might have met us at some BBC good food shows over the years. And if they did, they probably met Kate, who was for a long time, as well as being part of the business, very much the face of Sarah Smith. She was on some of the earlier packaging with my daughter Lucy and our dog as well was on the website for a while as well. So people have met us in those places. So yeah, it's a family business and, you know, 10 years now. Quite amazing. I'm just imagining that the hardest thing to do after he came up with the whole concept was actually getting a supermarket chain to take them on board and it kind of echoes the story of Tom Archer in the arches where he worked incredibly hard to get a supermarket chain to take his range of sausages. So how exactly was that just making that tangential link back to the arches? Nicely done. Yeah, absolutely. Not quite the same because we were already doing some business with Sainsbury's with some other products. So we already had a business that was doing it in. Yeah, yeah, we had some trade with Sainsbury's, but not actually in that area. We weren't selling them anything in that particular category. And I think there was at the time a young Australian buyer working on that team. And she just liked the idea. She got it. And I think that's what we've found over the years with doing business with the supermarkets is if you get somebody in the chair who gets Sarah Smith and, you know, maybe probably actually if they listen to the arches, it probably works because we did some research at one point. And this is why we know why we're working together right field, obviously, is that we know that our research as people who buy Sarah Smith like things like the arches, like Dumpty Dum, therefore it makes sense for us to kind of, you know, all get together. And because we have the same audience in the sense, don't we? Absolutely. And sometimes that's what happens with the supermarket. You got somebody in the chair who goes, Oh, yeah, I like this. I get this. And so they give you a break. And I guess that would have been the same in real life with the real life versions of people either with the sausages. You know, if you get the right guy on the right day and he likes the idea, you know, then you get in. Well, Tom, there was that he got into, he ended up having an affair with the buyer. It all ended disastrously though. Well, obviously, if I try to pursue a similar strategy, take great exception to that. We'll try not to repeat his error. So just to end up, we love Sarah Smith cloths and you love working with us. But how exactly are you going to keep us on this hat? What's going to be your measurement of success to know that let's say in 12 months, 15 months time, I'm going to be beating a path to your door saying we need to sign you up again. Well, I guess we'd be looking to see that. I mean, at the end of the day, this is this is about commercial interest. We look for fun ways of kind of keeping our products in the in the public eye with the kind of people that we think might like them. So rather than, you know, spending our money on, you know, just just advertising, then then let's have a bit of fun and get involved with with you guys doing some of the makes people smile. So I guess there's one measure that comes back that if we we'd like to see in the pictures of people with the Sarah Smith cloths, so that's all great fun. And you know, obviously, if we see a positive impact on sales, then, you know, we'll be will be begging you to keep keep it going. But you know, it's partly, it's partly, um, having a bit of fun and and and and trying to, you know, be creative and advertise way that's not too, not too dull and boring and, you know, create a conversation with people after all. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit one peloton.com. Kenny's family health care benefits kicked in the day he started his hourly job at Amazon. But two kids, he was a big fan of that. Then he took advantage of Amazon's on-the-job skills training program that helped him launch a new career in software development. Kenny liked that too. That led to a bigger paycheck so he was able to get his youngest son a drum roll please. Drum set. Next up, drum lessons. Learn more at about Amazon.com. Amazon. Everyday Better.
Who knew? The world’s problems can be solved, according to Lucy courtesy of Pip, with a tuna pasta bake! Rob knows how to turn a local organic farm shop into a world dominating chain of supermarkets, by dropping the local, organic and farm products. It was a quiet week as the new scriptwriter bedded herself in with Joe’s tomato plants. And it was equally boring, according to Larkin, in 1955! Various comments were made about some turgid writing this week.
Dusty Substances thinks the geese will be an opportunity for optimism over the next few weeks with an inevitable cock fight between the geese and the turkeys on the local dining tables come Christmas.
For Lucy’s benefit Smethurst’s book confirms (from Godfrey Baseley himself) that Ysanne Churchman died as she had been attempting to convince cast members to join a trade union to get union pay rates. Lucy did not mention that Tom Forrest’s omnibus commentary was replaced for a while by Lizzie.
The over emphasis on The Archers themselves and Brookfield is now placing unreasonable strains on the structure of the serial and was the subject of much comment, the balance reflecting the village has been lost.
Millie Belle popped back from a gig down under and asked online posters to be nice to each other which was echoed by Roifield.
Kosmo
On this week’s show we have calls from:
Dusty Substances who has a little glimmer
Witherspoon who’s in a state of grace
Andrew Horn who’s been playing archers bingo
Glyn Fullelove who is not impressed with Usha
Paul Roome who goes wittering on about Derby County
Catherine Baigent who wants to clean Neil’s face with a spitty tissue.
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