DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum Tee Dum Episode 69 – Helen and Rob get wed, a nation revolts!

An opening Dum Tee Dum from the excellent meetup at Cocodelic as the podcast barged on line. Lucy completed the monologue without interruption and then both hosts praised Brian’s awful offer to Adam over the farm share. It is right that Adam should share the risk, the structure, removing Adam’s salary, was frankly wrong and not the way partnership transitions work elsewhere as Andrew Horn later said. After all there is a mortgage to pay on the hot tub at Honeysuckle Cottage as bought from Lilian.

Roifield asked the Pope to call in if he was listening. Many of us consider it likely that Rex will end up milking the Brookfield cows.

Ms Alliance reckons that the increasingly suspicious Charlie will prove to be heroic, teflon-coated Rob’s nemesis; all agree we are a long way from him coming unstuck. Lucy was depressed by news of the new Mrs Titchenor and she almost jumped overboard when hearing of it; she believes Kirsty/Krusty will save Helen. Goddess Deeva expressed the view that Rob might be a touch of a control freak and deserves to die.

Tweet of the Week referred to a stonking erection which goes well with this podcast number!

Kosmo.

This weeks Callerinerers
Mary Not Contrary who thinks Calypso has been recruited
Morgan Johnson who is worried about becoming a John
Ms Alliance who’s heavy breathing.
Claire from Scotland via Canada who is making tea
Andrew Horne wants a round of applause for Fifi
Rosie Liz who’s worried about Helen’s future
Yokelbear who’s warming towards the Farebrethren
Miss Mid City who thinks Helen’s friends are cowards
Blithe Spirit who thinks charlie’s in a difficult position
Goddess Deeva who’s despairing of Helen.

The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 69 – Helen and Rob get wed, a nation revolts! appeared first on DumTeeDum.

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Duration:: 1h 7m
Broadcast on:: 04 Aug 2015
Audio Format:: other

Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my hundredth mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. No. Honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited to premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at midmobile.com/switch, whatever you're ready. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes of CD-Tails. To remind you that 60% of sales on Amazon come from independent sellers, farmer Bob of Princeton Popcorn. Howdy! We'll read 60% of this ad. Fire away, Bob. Small business owners like myself are growing their businesses faster on Amazon. By getting help with things like shipping. Shop small business on Amazon. Especially Princeton Popcorn. Amazon. Every day better. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. Hello, I'm Sarah Smith, proud sponsor of DMT Dum. If you want to polish up your Albion, give your optics a wipe, or even mop up after your ferrets, Sarah Smith cloths are eco-friendly, usable and washable. And, you know, a bit posh. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury. For the posh or washer. Proud sponsors of DMT Dum. I'm going to be going to the next one. I'm going to be going to the next one, I'm going to be going to the next one. All right, take two. All right, I'm going to be here all the time. I'm going to be going to the next one. All right, all right, let's go to the next one. I'm going to be going to the next one. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. DMT Dum. Lucy, can you remind our listeners how they can win the accolade of DMT Dum of the week if they can be so first? Yes, if you would like to sing us a DMT Dum. Give us a plot prediction or play Guzbury with Adam and Charlie Ringus on 0203013105 or leave us a message on Speakpipe. Thanks to lovely chambages for her amazing voices. She's Sarah Smith for sponsoring us and yes, and to Derek for the loan of the back bedroom. Roy, we are going to have to share the back bedroom next week with Milena from Vladivostok because she's coming over. Derek's flying her over. She asked him to book her on business class, but he misunderstood and he booked her as freight on Aeroflot. So she's coming over with 42 tons of frozen cod. On this week's show we have not contrary who thinks that Calypso has been recruited. Morgan Johnson, who's worried about becoming a John. Miss Alliance, who's heavy breathing. Claire from Scotland via Canada, who's making tea. Andrew Horn, who wants a round of applause for Fifi. Did forget that last week it was very good. Rosie Liz, who's worried about Helen's future. Yokel Bear, who's warming towards the fair brethren. Miss Mid City, who thinks that Helen's friends are cowards. Blind Spirit, who thinks Charlie's in a difficult position. And goddess David, bringing up the rear, who's despairing of Helen. But first, before all that, let's hear Lucy V. Freeman's week in Ambridge. This week in Ambridge was sponsored by people who would rather do other things than have sex. We started the week at home farm. When they're all here, it was just like when they were little, said Jenny Darling, yes? The noise, the screaming, the tantrums, the tears. Brian has now been reduced to a series of hmm noises, while Jenny Darling helpfully points him in the direction of Kish. "If you re-nake on that deal, I will never forgive you, Brian," said Jenny, adding that to the long list of things she has said she will never forgive Brian for. And immediately has done as soon as he's waved his checkbook around. "I could bear to lure another child to Hungary," she said melodramatically. "It's not bloody Sophie's choice, Jennifer. The bull is going to be redecorated." "It will no longer be a damp, dingy disaster. It will be now an open plan," breezy disaster. That'll really keep up the ambiance of a cozy country pub with a force nine-gale whistling through it. We then had a short lecture on the hospitality industry in the United Kingdom, completely pop closure figures 2014 to end of the financial year 2015. This was thankfully ended by Brian announcing he wanted a large one. Ian rang Adam on the phone when he was driving the combine down the lane, which is very tricky, trying to get a massive great thing up a really narrow gap. Anyway, he said to Ian, "It's all right, I'm on a straight bit," which gives him something in common with Charlie, who it has been decided by common consensus, was after Debbie. Charlie is nothing if not both open-minded and persistent, as he then asked Adam to come to the cricketer-degepeston. "We can sit together and giggle and share sweeties, Adam. Oh, your husband wants to come. Good, good." Adam further pissed on Charlie's romantic chips by choosing to go and eat omelette and leftover jam tarts in the Stuffy Hotel room with his husband while listening to Van Morrison, rather than get pissed with Charlie and fight him off in a private hedge. This left Charlie spending the evening with Brian, nothing like hitting on a married man and ending up with his dad. We then went back to the ball again, where they were still banging on about the English public house industry. Brian then chunted away for a good ten minutes about the weak chief at Beckwell. If you don't like the weak chief at Beckwell, Brian, I'll never forgive you. Who cares about the bloody weak chief at Beckwell? We're struggling to envisage architectural changes to a pub we can't see, as it is. Don't bring another imaginary hostel into the mix for God's sake. Anyway, the ball is going to become a gastric pub apparently, with the proper chef, whose culinary knowledge extends beyond Pierce Film and Cook On Fall for two minutes. Caroline is brushing up on her Italian, whoever he is. She and Oliver are sodding off to Ciantichere, leaving their hotel full of flood refugees to the tender ministrations of a love-sick former manager of a rival establishment who can't keep his clipboard to himself, backed up by a power-crazed amateur dramatics obsessive. What could possibly go wrong? Caroline is the only woman in the western world, who still actually says, "Yaw, yaw." She showed Schuller and Ian a picture of the Tuscan pad, and Schuller said bewilderingly, "If you were going to draw a picture of where you were going on holiday, it would look like the picture you have just shown me of where you were going on holiday." If Charlie is up for a persistence award, Toby is up for Weedler of the Year. Would you like to walk my goslings with me? Is a new one on me? Rex finally cracked, not before time, and said, "Stop calling me bro!" and I said, "Thank God for that!" Pip decided she would rather spend the weekend with her mum than Shag Toby and have warm fizzy wine forced on her by salesman in pointy shoes. Good for her. Meanwhile, back at home farm, Jenny Darling was saying to Brian, "If you drive Adam away, I'll never forgive you!" Alice there was supposed to be going to camp about at Lullworth with Danakin Skywalker, while he struck poses with guns like a sort of middle-class Isis. Then he said he couldn't go, because he had to do an interview. So Schuller got all excited about the prospect of going instead, when Dan said, "Um, actually mum, it's a special rule that no women are allowed." What he didn't say was that, "Actually mum, it's my special rule that no women called mum are allowed." The books of baro farm are being cooked, and it's something I couldn't quite follow to do with cow fertility. Probably Tichino, propping up his fragile ego by going round and pregnant in cattle. "I can't understand it!" Charlie Barber's spreadsheet will say to Brian. "All the calves are coming out calling women Little Miss Giggly, wearing cords and thinking Jeremy Clark's does a bloody good bloke." And we ended the week at home farm again. Brian went to see his Dickensian-sounding solicitor Mr Snooty a snarky pants, and came back to tell Adam, and Charlie reasonably in my view, that rather than sitting in Brian's lap and helping himself to the contents of Brian's wallet, Adam should take some of the hit himself if he wants to turn home farm into fields of knitted, muesli and vegan slippers. And if he doesn't, we'll never forgive him, Brian. "The end!" "I concur with you there, Freeman." "What?" "I think it's very canny what Brian's done, and actually canny and fair." "It is fair. Honestly, there's what a spoiled brat, Adam. I don't know why there's so many spoiled buggers in ambridge." "Do you not?" "Well, why are there? I'm sure I know more spoiled buggers on ambridge than I know in the rest of my life." "Well, I don't think that's actually really the case. There's one massively spoiled bugger." "Kate." "And then there is somebody who's just smarting from the fact that he's driven himself as close as near as dammit to bankruptcy, Kenton." "Right, but I wouldn't call Kenton fundamentally a spoiled bugger, though he's acting like one right now." "I think inheritance malarkey. I don't, I only know very few people who've actually, who are actually going to inherit or have inherited sort of anything, you know, a business or a property." "There's inheritance malarkey, then there's people who have a sense of entitlement, and Adam is definitely on that spectrum, but he's not, you know, way over to the wrong end of it." "But he does feel that it's his farm, and his way is the right way, and I think it's quite fair for Brian, considering Brian does not agree with him." "Rightly or wrongly, Brian has a different opinion, but he's actually Brian's farm." "And Brian spent his entire life building the thing up." "The last 40 plus years, as he said, I think it's quite, quite fair for him to say, you know what, okay then, you are a partner in this, in effect." "I went for a bit." "Yeah, as opposed to, I don't really agree with what you're doing, but I'm just going to pay you, and you could, you know, drive the farm." "Right, absolutely. I thought you were going to disagree with me." "No, not at all." "I didn't think it's really me." "I thought it was incredibly fair when he said I thought it was smart, fair, you take, if this is not going to work, you will take the hit, and because he's not going to be getting away, it incentivizes him to make it work." "However it works, it's going to incentivize him." "Yeah." "And it makes him, you know, not lose sight of the profit motive." "So, you know, we can, you can help the land, you can help the soil by less intensive farming, but still, we are actually here to make a profit." "Yeah, this isn't a point-scoring exercise by you to prove that you're right, and I'm wrong." "Exactly, I thought it was fair and canny, and couldn't see what the argument was myself. You know, Adam's got all these principles for them, put them into practice, put your money away your mouth is." "Aps of bloody lutely." "Anyway, I enjoyed the monologue this week too." "Thank you very much." "Yeah, you know, better than last week's." "Was it?" "Mmm, mmm, mmm." "For you, can you laugh him for me? I'd like to give you a critique woman." "Don't give me a critique." "Well, I don't know, won't they?" "Why don't we go on to the calls then?" "Hello, Ambridge 3962." "Hello, Ambridge 3962." "Hello, Dungeons-Dum. It's Mary, not contrary, in Toronto." "I just wanted to say that I was very pleased to hear Calypso Archibald's call in last week's Dumpty Dum episode." "Because it wasn't so many episodes ago that Calypso and Millie recorded a Dumpty Dum together, and at the end of that Millie turned to Calypso and Millie." "Well, that's amazing how well you did it because you don't listen to the archers, but clearly Calypso now does listen to the archers because she's able to comment on Brian talking to Charlie." "So I wonder if Millie has been taking a leaf out of Lucy's book and kind of stealthily leaving the archers on in the corner of the kitchen and hoping that Calypso would sort of pick it up and become interested and maybe that's what's happened." "Mary, not contrary, yes. Millie Bell is recruiting. She is following my lead and adopting the Jesuits' approach. Give me the child and that will give you the man." "And she is forcing Calypso to listen to the archers." "Now you're full." "Oh, okay." "Well, it might do, I don't know. If we have any Jesuit listeners, make yourselves known." "Well, if we ever had any Jesuits listeners, I doubt we still have after that monologue, but anyway." "Yes, she does seem to be listening now, doesn't she? Because she made a comment. It's very good. We like bringing in the younger listener." "Wait a minute. I might be getting confused here, but the current Pope wasn't he a Jesuit, but I could be wrong." "Yes, he was. No, he was, wasn't he? Wasn't he brought up by Jesuits or something?" "Hmm." "I might have to go back and check that out, but if you're the Pope and you're listening, just let us know." "Hi, it's Morgan from New York. On Twitter, I'm at Morgan and LyhanY, but I don't use it as much as nearly a lot of you do. I'm a first-time caller and her." "I was introduced to the archers by my co-worker Beth. Her husband is British, and when she told him that she got me hooked up with the archers, he was like, really, of all the podcasts she recommended to people. That's the one that stuck with someone." "Then a little over a year ago, she was excited to come to work one day and tell me about the new podcast that I just started called Dumb to Dumb." "And here we are. Beth and I sent you a picture of us with our Dumb to Dumb mugs in the kitchen at work." "So here's what I'm calling today. Many people really do think Pip is leaving. We know David needs help on the farm. We know Eddie can't do it. Do you think it's at all possible that David could hire Rex?" "I know it sounds implausible, but he is the more responsible of the two. He does already have his own business on the farm. He's already there, so he could work for David and take care of his birds." "What do you think? It's just my thought. One day I want to share my thoughts with you about the road. I grew up on a farm that was cut in half by a highway, so it is a real threat." "And one day I want to talk to you about becoming a John." "And I wonder if being a John means the same thing in the UK as it does in the US?" "Alright, thanks. Bye." Morgan Johnson in New York. Could Rex work for David? That's his proposition. And could Rex be the missing link in terms of the dairy man that David is looking for? "Do you think if he comes in and he starts milking the cows, or Ruth he might take a shine to him?" "Not. Lightning doesn't strike twice. And they can't have." "I think you might find that lightning striking in the same place twice isn't as statistically as rare as you might think." "Right." "Because lightning in and of itself clusters." "Yeah, but I think shagging a dairy man twice in 10 years." "Yes." "That's not a cluster." "It would be a cluster, fuck." "But no, but you didn't shag him, didn't you?" "No." "Just came close. Did a U-turn on the bypass? That is not a euphemism." "But milking, dairy personage, it's not just something any old git can do. You actually have to be properly trained, Morgan Johnson in New York. So, I'm not sure Rex, who so far his total experience has been getting some geese across the road. I'm not sure that counts really as a great deal of agricultural experience." "So, no, because, yeah, because they've got to do this huge performance of recruiting somebody, haven't they? They've got to know all about yields and all that malarkey. It's not just a matter of sticking the clusters on the, yeah, I know a very rude joke about that which I'm not going to tell you." "I'll might tell you after something, not recording any more." "Right, heavy breathing, because I've just rushed upstairs to record this, honestly, Rob. Who would go on a honeymoon to the Isle of Wight, but I think he's done it. There's no fuss, no mess, quite as possible, wedding and honeymoon, there in the cold and rain." "Ugh, because his passport is confiscated. He's on bail. He can't leave the country because he's a felon. Maybe he's committed a murder. Police at the moment are digging up all sorts of patios of all sorts of ladies of a certain age, lonely ones, and he's under suspicion. What do you think?" "This is Miss Alliance, by the way. I just had another thought that I thought I'd share with you all. Wouldn't it be spectacularly and deliciously ironic if the much reviled Charlie Thomas, the scion of big business, were to be the one who uncovered titchy knobs, dastardly plotting, and dispatched him to the wilds the back of beyond? Wouldn't that be good? Bye!" "He, Miss Alliance, thinks that she actually rang in twice, so we'll stick them together. She thinks that Rob has had his passport revoked, and that that's why they ended up on the Isle of Wight. I don't think Miss Alliance, who travels very glamorously, can quite believe that anybody would willingly want to go to the Isle of Wight. She thinks the only reason anyone would go to the Isle of Wight is because they'd have to have had that passport revoked. Why on earth otherwise would you have your wedding there?" "But it has resonance for him, doesn't it? Because he had his childhood holidays on the Isle of Wight." "Oh, good length. Good length." "So, yes, but anyway, I mean, I don't know. I don't even want to talk about Alan getting married to him. I'm so depressed. When you texted me when I got back and you said she's Miss's titular, I honestly felt like jumping straight off the boat." "Oh, no, because I was really hoping. Because I'm still pinning my hopes, you see, on Krusty. Krusty being the one, because Krusty, she's not Pat. Pat, who was it last week who said, I think it was Miss Mids City, who said, "Pat's too frightened of Helen's fragile mental state to ever challenge her." "And to say, no, you've lost it, girl. But Krusty, now she doesn't care anymore. She's in the perfect position to tell everybody like it is because all our bridges are burned. It doesn't matter anymore." "And she's actually got the moral high ground because she feels like I can say what I bloody like because you lot have humiliated me so much. I've just got a license to gob off about whatever I feel like." "And she is a strong woman and I think she is perfectly placed to point out to Helen what is going on with Rob. And I think there will be something that Krusty will discover Helen either being physically abused or something like that by Rob and will actually be the one that saves Helen." "Well, that says maybe, but I just need to bask and crow just for a little bit here." "Basky-Basky Crow Crow? Why are we "Basky-Basky Crow Crow?" "Oh, that's totally right. It was about Wednesday last week. And I talked to the Twitters and I said, hmm, it's all gone a little bit too quiet with Helen and Rob. They're going to come back on Friday with some big news. It's either going to be marriage or a baby. And I said, it's going to be marriage. And see people saying, oh, doesn't she look radiant? I keep thinking, oh, no, don't let be pregnant as well." "A few people said, well, he's not quite divorced yet. And I said, and I can't remember because I think I did this also on Facebook as well. I said, actually, this is scriptwriting 101. It's gone so quiet. It's going to come back with a bang." "Yeah." "You know, it was purely that, purely that. And lo and behold, I'm Mrs Ditch-Nah, you know. And so there you go. I'm basking and I'm crowing." "If you ever needed a reason, good listener, to log on, follow us on the Twitters, there's your reason." "If you get the inside scoops, with your follow dumpty-dum on the Twitters, we know what's going on." "He's kind of near-psychic insights." "Mmm, exactly." "From Mystic Royfield." "Did I tell you, I'm slipping Kerry Davis, you know, 2020's in a bang." "And God for that." "What do you think I was slipping in?" "I don't know, but I really didn't know." "Who's the next call you, Mucky Pup?" "Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm!" "Claire from Scotland, by her Canada here, as you've probably guessed, it was lovely meeting up with you in London and acting on Royfield's suggestion. I have sung him this week's summation of Ambridge or tried to. I can't actually remember what happened this week prior to tonight's episode. So that's all you're going to get. It is not mine. It is Lehaus. It is Vermeri Widow and it's somewhere at the end of the second act, I think. And I haven't actually got a proper opinion. I am in the middle of reordering my nerves, which sort of resembles his bandits at the moment. And I'm going to make tea to sort them out shortly, so I will only add that haven't been to Ride. I can think of many wards for it, and I remember it as being quite lovely, but I don't remember it as being romantic. That's not the first thing I think of when I think of Ride. Anyway. Claire from Scotland, by Canada, who said she enjoyed meeting up and is now making some tea. But I don't think she had a great deal to say about the arches, really. So, Claire from Scotland, by Canada, I didn't get to meet you because I didn't go to the thing on Saturday, which was apparently very good. Was it not Mr Brown? Yes, it was very lovely. And people met up, ate food, chatted and talked about their love of all things kind of arches related. They looked kind of spiffing. I turned up in a rather nanny, a jacket and a shirt and tie. And Andrew Horn... That makes you in a shirt and tie. I just thought I'd mix it up like that. And Andrew Horn conducted the Dummy Dummy, which you heard at the start of the show. Everybody was lovely, I sat next to him and dusty. There was Sarah opposite me, there was Vicki from Cambridge. Oh, and I tell you who we had. Guess what? Paul Charles Wilkins, Paul Margaret from Upminster. And Margaret remembers the very first episode of 'Arches'. Really? Mm-hmm. And she was there, you know, top of the table dispensing all manner of knowledge about the arches. Wow. She was absolutely lovely. So, it was a lovely do. And everybody wanted to do it again. And we will do it again sometime soon. Good. Talking of Mr. Horn. Hi, Dummy Dummies. Andrew Horn here. First of all, Roy Field, thank you for organizing the evening last Saturday. Great fun and lovely to meet some fellow Dummy Dummies and Arches enthusiasts. That was great. Second, a request Roy Field. You're getting all the love this week. Could you please do a nice big round of applause for Fifi Fanchor's poem? It was wonderful. I was almost wetting myself. Just really, really funny and deserves a huge script writer style round of applause. So, hurrah for that. As for this week, I think I sort of tweeted somewhere Pip, Pip, hurray. I'm glad you put Toby in her place and it's true to character and didn't go all soppy. I'm sure lots of callerinerers will be going on about the wedding, and oh poor Helen, and oh my goodness what she doing. Well, yes, but she's a grown woman. She can take care of herself, or maybe she can't, but she certainly should be. And I don't really have a lot of sympathy for her. There have been plenty of warning signs if she chooses to ignore them. We'll be there to pick up the pieces, but says nothing we can do. Anyway, the one I do feel a bit sorry for is Adam. Brian's new plan. Very interesting in a way that the principle of getting Adam to put some, to use the horrible phrase, skin in the game. That's fine. I just think completely withdrawing his salary is just so draconian. Fine, maybe to say move a portion to payment by rewards. But to take away all his money, that's just, well, it's just, A, it's not practical, and B, it's just downright wrong. And I'm sure God of Steve and Yoko Bear will be knocking on his door and representing him in front of Brian and putting Brian in his place. And I look forward to that scene. That'd be quite good fun, actually, for any script writers out there. God is Deaver and Yoko Bear taking on Brian for a future episode, maybe. He says Brian should not take away all Adam's money. This really surprises me because Andrew Horn is a proper businessman doing the deals and all that sort of, damn it, Brian stuff. I, he would be, he would, Andrew Horn would be chair of the BL board. That's what Andrew Horn would be if he was on the arches. And he says that it's unfair. He said, you can't suddenly. He has crusted down at St. Stephen's. No, that's too wishy-washy. He's a bit chorister, but he's 90% business. Yes. And he said, you can't suddenly classic C of E material, then. Capitalist because he said, you can't just suddenly whip someone's salary away from them. I mean, even in terms of, oh, no, hang on, do they have a mortgage? Oh, at the moment, they don't have anything. It's not anywhere to live, do they? I'm just thinking about how your mortgage works. Yeah. Don't let me guess. Do they, do they live in some bloody cottage that? They're living a cottage that's donated to. I really can't remember that. No, they bought, no, they bought, um, who's cottage did they buy because Lillian was trying to help them. I can't remember. Dear listener, please put us out of our misery and tell us, call in next week and tell us. But anyway, your point. We're just that it, I think, despite my, my, my tub thumping about, about inheritance, I think it probably is a little bit much to suddenly yank someone's salary. I mean, half the salary or whatever. And say half of it, right, you've got half of it and the rest of it, you're going to have to. No, but you could have some kind of ramping up period to it. Yeah. But I think the fundamental principle of what Brian said, I think is incredibly fair. You are going to run this farm in a way which I disagree with. However, I believe enough in you that I'm going to give you a go. You know, but I'm just going to make you, um, you know, accountable, you know, for the profit and loss. What's wrong with that? Yeah. You know, what is wrong with that? He, you know, if he didn't believe he was a decent farmer, he would just say no. Yeah. But he's, you know, he's built up this business for 40 years and he questions the direction, but not enough to say F off. No. He said, I'm giving you your wings Adam. Go for it. Yeah. But I take the point to a degree that if you are on for argument sake, I don't know what Adam might be on. Let's say he's on 60 to 80 K year. Right. Just say that, um, maybe what you have to say is that okay in, in the first month, it's 80% weight, 20% profit or whatever. So there's some kind of, and then, and then, you know, there's a, what I forget exactly what to the expression is, an early beta or a ramp, whatever. And then after 12 months, he's, he's on, he's on pure profit. Yeah. Totally fine. Yeah, because obviously you will have financial commitments, he's mortgage and he's this and he's that. There is an element of, of vindictiveness though in Brian doing this, isn't there? There is a slut. You can hear really, because I can hear a slight level of glee in this very, very slight. Just because he's saying it's the, it's the old silverback thing, isn't it? He's having a last beat of his chest and he's saying, yes, all right, young and you think you can come along and take. You think you can do better. I'm just reminding you who is actually in charge. But it's his farm. I know, I know, I know, I agree with you. And I, and I think. It's a little tiny bit of Brian that he's doing this not for just purely business like business. But we talked about this last week and the truth of the matter is, is that when you look at their relationship, Adam is much more frosty towards Brian and Brian is towards Adam. There is no great massive love in between them, granted, but when you boil it down, Brian is actually much more trusting of Adam than it is vice versa, much more, much more. And Adam has come back into the village with a sense of entitlement. And with, you know, he was kind of eco warrior, writ large when he came back from Africa, wasn't he, about sustainable farming, which I'm all up for, says the city boy who's never done one hours worth of work on a farm in my life. Have you never harvested any cows or anything? Harvest a cow. No, Lucy. But, you know, that to me does seem to be right in terms of, you know, you are a custodian of the land and you, you know, you can't exhaust the soil, which is what he said is happening. And the top soil has been exposed by the flood and it was already roping anyway. That all sounds fine to me. But still, they have commercial contracts that they need to fulfill. They have people under their employ and the balance needs to be made between the sustainability of farming and actually turning a profit. And they're all Brian saying to him is you find that balance. And, you know, it's from Brian's perspective, he thinks Adam's going too far in one direction. Bruce saying, you know what, prove me wrong. Prove me wrong. I can't see anything wrong with it. Hello, everyone. It's @rosie_liss from Twitter here coming to you from the vicinity of Prado. I haven't listened to the actors in ages, so I just thought I'd get caught up and listen to today's episode. And obviously, the big news Heather and Rob just got married. Besides the fact that Tony and Pat obviously weren't at the wedding, there's just something so undeniably creepy about their relationship, which obviously is something that's been said before. No, not quite. What's up? Ugh, sell my car in Carvana. It's just not quite the right time. Crazy coincidence. I just sold my car to Carvana. What? I told you about it two days ago. When you know, you know. You know? I'm even dropping it off at one of those sweet car vending machines and getting paid today. That's a good deal. Oh, great deal. Come on. What's your heart saying? You're right. When you know? You know. Sold. Whether you're looking to sell your car right now or just whenever feels right, go to Carvana.com and sell your car the convenient way. Terms and conditions apply. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said, "What the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood s*ck." So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of details. To remind you that 60% of sales on Amazon come from independent sellers, Farmer Bob of Princeton Popcorn, Howdy. Or we 60% of this ad. Fire away, Bob. Small business owners like myself are growing their businesses faster on Amazon. By getting help with things like shipping. Shop small business on Amazon. Especially Princeton Popcorn. Amazon. Everyday Better. Right everyone. The only way I can see it going is she's going to cut herself off from all of her family. And he's just constantly chipping away at his self-esteem. And I'm not particularly worried for Henry because it does seem that Rob genuinely cares for him. I guess you could say that the marriage was extremely romantic. You know, the idea of kind of running away to an island together and doing its fear of the moment. I mean, it's a shame they're family wasn't there. But that's something I can kind of get over. It's just bought a lovely t-shirt on your website as part of my post-drinks Internet shopping, which all the scenes to happen. So I can't wait for that to arrive. And I should be sporting that around produce sometime soon. Bye. Rosie_Liz has been doing some drunken shopping and bought one of our t-shirts. And we highly recommend drinking a couple of bottles of wine and going on our shop. It's an excellent way of wiling away. You know, a couple of hours before you collapse into bed or wake up in a hedge with a cold cucumber in your pocket. And it's much better than going on Amazon because it's not going to be something like you're going to suddenly find a, you know, scuba diving gear arriving three days later. I think what the hell was that? At least you'll be able to actually do something with one of our t-shirts or a tea towel or similar. So yes, carry on with the alcoholic shopping Rosie_Liz. She also says that she's finding the Rob storyline unbearable, invariably creepy as is Miss Mid City, who said the way Helen was talking about. It's like a fairy tale wedding. It sounds more like a sort of a grim fairy tale with the emphasis on the grim. Yeah. I mean, there is going to be a big breakdown of this. But I mean, this could go on for years, couldn't it? This marriage? This situation? Well, the marriage could go on for years, but... I mean, I've been by prophesying things unraveling for bloody months now, haven't I? Nothing has sodding unraveled. He's like teflon. Everything just slips straight off him again. Well, it doesn't know, does it? And I think the thing is, and I said this many months ago, and then people got the wrong end of the stick the way that I was trying to explain the whole Rob thing, is that if you take Charlie to one side, Rob's misdemeanors are now David to one side, and the kind of the cool that Gates, I think, had happened after I made this observation. But if you view Rob's misdemeanors in the eyes of everybody else, they are not sufficiently great for them to say isn't even bastard. We need to get the pitchforks and run him out of town. They're not. No, us as the listeners, we've been putting it all together. Yeah. So it's understandable that from Helen's point of view, considering that Helen did have her doubt, but Helen just wants to be loved, and she wants to be in a traditional family unit with Henry. Yeah. That she had her doubts, and all of a sudden her biggest doubt was obviously about the paternity of Jessie's baby, though she said, "Of course I believe you, I believe you." Yeah. She didn't relate. Yeah. She didn't. No. And he turned out that he wasn't the father, vindicated. That has now given him can't blanch to completely gaslight and, you know, and just be the evil controlling manipulative bastard that we all know him to be. But however, I completely disagree with my city, that it's not a case of, if you are Pat, what actually is Rob done wrong? And in fact, to some degree, he was a hero in the flood. Yes, we know that he was kind of in the last piece of rag with Auntie Christine and stuff. But, you know, you could even spin it, then he was somewhat of a hero. If you are Pat, what has this man done wrong? Yeah. Yeah. It's not even like Helen is expressing any doubt about any of this to anybody else, and he's then being persuaded into it by Rob. Helen, Rob is offering Helen suicidal courses to take, and she is leaping on them enthusiastically. And that's the worst thing. But that's proper gaslighting. That's making you think, that's making the person think they are coming to that conclusion themselves. And it's their own inadequacies that are leading them to end up in that situation. And it's an absolute, you know, just a classic situation. And so beautifully done, which is why it's creating so much. No, that's a brilliant storyline. Yeah. You know, that yes, he is a villain, but his, you know, his villainous traits are not so manifest in the eyes of people in average with the exception of Charlie, who's got a black book, an adosia of crimes of Rob. You know, he even got cross when he was late for the cricket, didn't he? Yeah. He's really, he's just everything Rob does. He's just like, get before he's done anything, which is quite nice. I, but I'm rapidly becoming team, Charlie, purely on that front. Hello, Dunty Dunblide spirit calling. Well, Helen's gone and done it, hasn't she? She is now officially Mrs. Titchinob. I think she's made her bed. She's going to have to lie in it. Things are going to get very dark and sinister in Ambridge over the coming weeks because now she's signed on the line. There ain't no getting out of it. And it's going to be a long downhill, awful, awful thing to witness. And script writers obviously playing a long game with this one. They have, they've decided not to save her at the, at the last minute. She's, she's going to have to go all the way through it. And she might even not come out the other side. Who knows? Meanwhile, Charlie, well, he's in a very difficult position because he suspects very strongly that Rob has been up to something with Stefan and the culvert and that business. But now he also suspects that he's been cooking the books. And if he attempts to try and pin something on Rob, it's going to be extremely difficult because Rob will just try and pin something on him because he knows about Charlie and Adam and that. Snog in the bushes. Oh dear. It's an unholy mess, isn't it? I have to say, I'm not really looking forward to the coming weeks. I think it's going to be quite difficult listening. But there you go. That's all I got to say this week. I hope you had a wonderful time at Cocodalic and you'll meet up and you had lots of wine and lots of fun. And hopefully Lucy, you had a lovely holiday. You survived that too. Hi, Dumcy Dum. God is Steve here and I'm going to keep it short and sweet this week. Natch, it's about titching off. You fucking asshole control freak. How fucking much of a control freak do you have to be? So we've gone to the Isle of Wight previously, got an intent to marry, taken Helen over a mariner and Helen seriously love. I've been your main, main defender for so long saying it's not that you're stupid, but really has he got you that badly? That you thought that him surprising or wedding on you was romantic. It's not, it's really not. And now I'm going to have to spend my entire life thinking of new and interesting ways for titching off to die. Today I would like him to burn himself on apple crumble that was too hot and get infected and then try and wash it off in the sea to make it clean again and then get bitten by some horrible bacteria. And I have something flesh-eating and painful. That's today how I would like titching off to die. There's got to be a come-up somewhere. There really has. I don't know if I can cope with years and years of Helen being married to him. I'm not sure that my nerves will take it. It's Miss Mid City with my thoughts on Helen and Rob getting married. I'm not going to rant. It was inevitable they would marry. This is a fairy tale for Helen. She's getting what she wished for and as ever as the aphorism says, "Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it." So fairy tale romance for her without the big fanfare to just decide that it's going to be a very private thing. And the only people who really matter in the whole business are the two getting married. So it's nice to do it that way I think. But I don't think it's going to have a fairy tale ending. I don't know how it's going to end. It might survive like her mum and dad's marriage or like Brian and Jennifer's marriage. Or there's a chance it could end in an early death for one of them. Like Nigel and Elizabeth's marriage or Shuler and Mark's marriage. It's just a shame that her friends and family were too cowardly to stop her getting involved with this guy to the extent that she has got involved. It's just a shame that they didn't stop her. But then having said that, I reckon she'd have gone ahead and done it anyway. But I, like a lot of people, I'm going to just sit back and wait for it all to go horribly wrong. I've come full circle with this. It's inevitable. But then I'm quite hoping to be proved wrong. Lucy? Yes. On Friday. Yeah. When the wedding was announced. On the Twitters, so many people said that's it, right? They're rounding up a posse of people. You know, you know, the leading some witch hunt, you know, for Mr. Tichner. You're a new round here, ain't you? Pidge Force, where we got burning torches were lit and people were getting up. We can't burn. They're being assembled. And you know what we decided to do? What? Print up some tea towels. So many people said, "I'm so angry. Where can I get myself a double tea towel?" So we would... Oh, that is the most English response to conflict. I eat a tea towel. So we... And we need you to come up with tea. So there's a French show to the barricades and we're going to the draining board. It did not make me give up. Somebody tweeted. Somebody tweeted. Somebody tweeted. I'm so angry about Rob Digital. Where can I get myself a double tea towel? What do they say? Are tea towels? You didn't hear me. I said, "I need you to come up with a picky phrase." Oh, sorry. Tea towels. Yes. And tea, Rob Tichner tea towels. Because people want to buy them. We could have free the ambridge wand. You get Helen out. We've got one last cally call, which is Yoko Bear. We very much enjoyed the doo doo doo doo doo. EastEnders. We're married. Bit. Hello, dumb stomachs. Yoko Bear here calling from Yoko Land. What a week. What a week. Ended on a bit of an EastEnders moment, didn't it? Dum dum dum dum. With the marriage. Didn't see it coming. Rob thinks that this is it. This is it. He's managed to get his claws in. He's got his feet under the table. And it's all legal and above board. Not realising. There's all these little things still going on. Colvergate, I think that's going to come back. The fertility counts, spreadsheet, missing data stuff. Because I think Charles is really tenacious. Think I said this before. It's really kind of folks. So I don't think he's going to give that one up. I think he's going to keep digging until he's found it out. And instantly, I've got to say, I do like a man who can handle big data and knows his way around a spreadsheet. I am definitely team, Charlie. Well, you knew that anyway. Slightly obsessed, actually. But there you go. The other thing is that I've really enjoyed the Fair Brethren this week. They're great. Now, Jess, I've really warmed to them. I just think they're great entertainment. But the thing I love about it most is Hootie Jill. She's reacting to them like some ancient curse has come back to the village. And I love the fact that she's mildly perturbed about it all the time. So, yeah, I thought it was a really good week. I can't wait to find out what the reactions are to Rob getting married to Helen and also as well. Just Helen, God. I mean, it's been said a hundred times before. What are you thinking? And I'm loving Jill as well. The ancient curse of the Fair Brethren. Every time they're mentioned. I don't know how she puts a complete sort of, it's sort of a sort of a fwader. It appears in the conversation. Every time there's a... Sorry. Putting a what? A frostiness. Oh, okay. Anytime anyone... Toby, every time anybody says Toby or Rex or whatever, there's like, you can feel... I don't know how she does it because it's solid, but you can feel Jill's shoulder stiffening. She doesn't even have to say anything. And then there's this tiny too much of a pause and she says, "I see." Against my better willing judgment, I'm going to have it. The briefs are brief little segues. But what was that word you just said? Fwader. I do. History of English podcasts, which I've said before is the most excellent part of... Oh, yes, people have been going on it, haven't they? Yes. Yes, yes, yes. But it's now got to 1066 with a normal invasion. And interestingly, what is done this week on the very latest one is the words which have come from Norman French into English as opposed to kind of standard French words. And there's this kind of loop between... Obviously, the Normans call the Normans because they're the Northmen, so they were the Vikings that went to what's now known as Normandy. And the word crutchit and croquet are corrupted words from old Norse, which went to old Norman French and then into English. Oh. So it just made me think when you said fwader. So history of English, Kevin Stroud, it's very, very good. I'll say no more. Lovely. I might have listened to that. Right. Shall we have a quick break and then come back to the other side with a touch of Millie Bell and then some tweets of the week? Yes. [MUSIC] Hello, I'm Sarah Smith, proud sponsor of Dumpty Dum. If you want to polish up your Albion, give your optics a wipe, or even mop up after your ferrets, Sarah Smith cloths are eco-friendly, reusable and washable. And, you know, a bit posh. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's for the posh-er-washer, proud sponsors of Dumpty Dum. [MUSIC] Fancy getting your mouth around something warm? Something comforting. You can really get a firm grip on. Why not buy a Dumpty Dum mug from the shop at DumptyDum.com? That was damn lovely. [MUSIC] And my name is Kate. My name's Joe. My name's Nicola. My name is Suzanne Hacky. My name is Mary Parkinson. [MUSIC] I'm in Hope House as a client. I have had addiction issues. I'm a Hope House. I'm a inclusion in eating disorder. I'm an addiction doctor. I'm an addiction doctor. I'm a methadone. I'm here because it got really bad. [MUSIC] Hope House started off as an 8-bit unit. It made a veil. And we're an all-women unit. I've read an article about Hope House some months before. And when I read about it, what I read or what I took away from the article was that this was a place where women worked to help other women. [MUSIC] Coming soon to iTunes, 1001 Conversations, a new podcast from Roy Field Brown. [MUSIC] Good day, everyone. And thank you to everyone who contributed to our Facebook page this week. We asked you for your initial reactions to the advice that Brian had received. And Kate Nichols said, "Could they have found anyone posher?" And I think Brian's harempt is soon going to be as renowned as Linda Smith. Nicholas Barnes said, "I haven't listened yet. And so I will assume that the advice was, 'Keep rubbing the cream on.'" Andrew Horn says, "He needs to chill. I prescribe a dose of opera. Black meers on at Opera Holland Park tonight if he wants to join me." Diane Talford says, "If he wants Rory to become a farmer, stop sending him to boarding school and get him working on the farm." While Adam and Debbie not beneficial is of his will as only step sprigs, that's much harder to say than you would think, Diane. Andrea Manning said, "My thoughts were, he is using this as an excuse to renege on his deal with Jenny that he would allow her children to inherit in return for her raising his bastard son. Now that the unspellable one is at boarding school and doesn't need much child care, he feels able to go back on the deal as he has most of the benefit from it and not paid out. My question is, can he change the will behind Jenny's back to favour my son and cut out her children?" Vicki Berry said, "When Rory did use to speak a few years ago, I swear he sounded just like a Dalek." And Peter Mabup said, "An unconscious desire to push Adam out of the fold and pack him off to Hungary. But how on earth will Rory take over the farm as he is apparently mute?" We had some really nice photographs on our page this week. We had a fantastic photograph of Roy Field, who was showing us that he is using the Sarah Smith cloths and obviously enjoying using them, finding them useful. And there is the most gorgeous photograph of Witherspoon, who is on the move in Bonnie Scotland, and has Adam Tiedam Tisha. Lovely to have you on our page with a spoon. And we also said, "This Rob and Helen thing, it's just gone too quiet for us." Now, this obviously predates Friday's episode. What's up? What will the next development be? Has anyone got any ideas or clever insight? It's interesting that most of you thought they've got married. So, well, then someone, although a couple of you did think of negative storylines, like someone got pushed off the ferry, she might be up the daft, has he been violent to her on the trip? But we now know, of course, that they did get married. So, thank you, everyone, for your contributions this week. I'm trying to be a bit more circumspect because it's become clear to me that Roy Field does not listen to my segment before he edits it, otherwise he wouldn't have repeated up of what I said last week. So, I'm going to try not to put up things that he may want to say. So, have a great week, everybody. Please continue to enjoy conversing with us on Facebook page. We'd love hearing from you one at all. And if I don't see you on Facebook, I will see you on our website. Hooray! Thank you, Millie Bell. Lucy, what were the best, the funniest, the wittiest? Tweets in the last seven days that have #TheArchers somewhere in their tweetiness. Emma Garfit said, "There was this revolting scene with Rob and Helen in bed after the wedding." And Rob said, "There's time for me to give you a little something to remember me by." And she said, "You said it, Rob." Jill Strattfield said, "This is a bit of a continuity-ish there. Jill Strattfield said, "In no, so little about cricket, he didn't notice. There was no play on Saturday." I don't know what Ian was watching, but anyway. Probably, actually, did they actually say Saturday? Did they say yesterday? I don't know. Because it was the whole big thing that we're going to age Baston. But I actually missed if he actually said, "Oh, so we watched the cricket on Saturday." And of course, there was no cricket. Christine Michael said, "Tobi should ask Lillian out. She owns property and she likes drinking in the morning." Claire Doherty said, "I wouldn't be surprised if Charlie has been doing some rummaging behind the wings. His favourite kind of rummaging." Yes, I imagine Charlie would have a favourite kind of rummaging, to be honest. And Sir Duckling Tuft imagined the conversation between Debbie and Adam when she said to him as they were driving back to the airport, you know, "So how long has it been going on? What's going on with you and Charlie?" And he said, "It's just you seem to have a stonking erection every time Charlie's mentioned." Nice use of the word stonking there. Sir Duckling, yes. And that's it. That was the tweet of the week, by the way. Oh, can I do a post? Yeah. As a post. Yeah. All right. Cool. So this is good, Lucy. Is it? Yeah. Because we're at the end. Okay. And we've proved that we can be, we can run a tight ship when it comes to our blathering about Ambridge and the arches. Lucy? Yup. DumbdyDumb.com is awesome. And to have a sample of his awesomeness, "Why don't you?" and you could listen to log on to Read Cosmo's podcast summaries and where you can comment on the shows. Because you can do that on DumbdyDumb.com now. And on the forum, you can join the debate on Rob and Helen in Weirded Bliss. And we had a message just today on Monday. We're from Landless Gentry, who commented. Yup. I reckon Rob forged slash lied about the paternity test. And is ferriting? Sounds more appropriate than squirrelling for Ambridge. Away the money from the cow factory to pay the maintenance to the ex-wife. Or is she the ex-wife? The divorce wasn't real either. Bigger me! They've all got it in for me! In for me! I know! But weirdly, I thought exactly the same thing. No. But yes, I wonder if that's it. No, cos he's had the letter and she's seen it. Bugger. Bugger me. Exactly. Bugger me? No, Bigger me. That's annoying. We are desperate to catch him out, aren't we? We really are. And it's Charlie. He's just compiling that dossier. And crusty. And also, we forgot to say about, you know, the supposed... Well, not supposed to, the actual plus points of Rob Titch of the Hero. Cricket. Yeah. You know. But he's just doing that thing, isn't he, where he's not playing by the rules. It's interesting, you know, I did a course recently. Sorry, I know this sounds like I'm going off, but I'm not exactly going off. I did a course recently about... I have to be friends and influence people. No. It was to do with... I'm a governess. I have to be friends with monologues. Shut up! I am a school governor and it was to do with aspects of governing. To do with safeguarding children. And one of the aspects was profiles of people who are predatory in one way or another. And one of the things was that you have to watch out for is people who say, "I'm a maverick. I don't play by the rules." Because that's a sign of somebody who's narcissistic and who believes that they don't have to be like anybody else or everybody else. And Rob will always bend the rules. So when he's told to be at the cricket at nine o'clock, he doesn't get there until 20 past nine. And he says, "Well, I've still got time." And when he is told to do things a certain way, he does them slightly differently. And it's one of the signs of a sociopath. Very interesting that. Let's deal with that in two parts. Number one, you've been a school governor. This weeks, this American life, you've got to listen to it about a failing school board in St. Louis. And actually, the ramifications of it are that St. Louis had to institute, in effect, desegregation. Obviously, in the 1950s, those brown verses, I forget where, but basically schools in America were desegregated, officially desegregated. And this happened in the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and actually has now been turned back, but it's a demographic segregation. It's not official, but there are schools, and the same similar things happening in the UK, there are schools which are predominantly white, predominantly ethnic, predominantly Asian, et cetera. And why this was really interesting, this only happened a couple years ago, but this school board, after 15 years of being failing, the state gave up on it and said, "That's it. You have failed," instead of being on probation. So you have a quarter of all the school kids in the school board decided to leave, because they were giving the option to leave and go to another school board. Now, because this is the rule of the state, they put in the caveat that they would then decide which school board these kids could go to. But they never thought it was ever going to be actioned, and they basically said, "It's 30 miles down the road to make it difficult for them." But a quarter of all the kids still left this school board and travelled the 30 miles, and these predominantly were black kids going to a predominantly white school board. It's absolutely brilliant. It's absolutely fascinating, and you as a governor should listen to it. And you, good listener, because it's a brilliant bit of radio, absolutely fascinating, and understanding the every side of the story and why the school system actually failed, and there's so many parallels for us actually here in the UK. There's that. And then what was the second point? I don't know. Good God. There's this crack on then. Don't forget to go to patreon.com/dundydum where you support the show for £2, which is about £1.30. A $2, which is £1.30. There you go. And you can also donate to the show by going to our site and hitting that donate button. I had come to the end because I did the thing about him doing the cricket, and then I went on to this American life. All right. OK. Good. Not losing the marbles. So that's it. Dummy Dummy's over. Remember, you can also go to www.com, which we did mention before to buy stuff like Rosie Cross, who did it drunk. Samantha Pollard, who looked great on the Twitters in her t-shirt. Sarah Amanda Heights. Jan Mitchell. Stephen Porter. Claire Doherty. And thank you to Moran on the Twitters for posting a lovely cup of a lovely cup of herself sipping gin out of a tea picture. Oh, you could just put that. I don't think of that as a jigsaw sentence, putting that again in the right order. Mure and on the Twitters for posting a lovely pick of herself sipping gin out of a tea. I know. I got it the wrong way around. Yes. OK. Smashing. Order of John Archer News. We have some applications which we are sending out to Lord Netherborn to be approved. But if you want to also apply to become John the ninth log on to www.com and look at the forum and post your application there. And next week we will hand out the night hoods that have been approved on the show. Remember to get in contact with us and you can send us a voicemail message via Speakpipe on our site. Or you can call us on outro 3 0 3 1 3 1 0 5 to leave us a message. Or you can find us on the Twitters. We were at Dum de Dum. We can tweet me where I'm at Royfield. Tweet me @lucivyfreeman or Sarah Smith @ Sarah_Smith And also Sarah has been writing some blogs which have now gone up on the Sarah Smith website and are being retweeted through Dum de Dum. So have a read because they're funny, particularly if you have small children and are involved with the PTA in any way. They may make you cringe with recognition. Cool. I tried out the Sarah Smith cloth the other day. Did you? I saw the picture. It really worked really well. It really did. How can a cloth not work well really? No, these work even better than ordinary cloths. Come on. Well the good thing about them is that you can wash them. Mmm, yes. And they look like little works of art. They look really pretty after you've actually scrubbed a pot with them. And they're little patterns and everything. So I highly recommend our sponsors' wares. And they haven't just paid me to say that. Do you call your mum "Mumsie"? Yeah, one more minute later you see. What's up mum? Yeah, yeah. Just finish the show. Come on. Yeah, yeah. You put the kettle on for us. Yeah. Tell her mum. Yeah, yeah, I'll come down in a minute. We'll literally just finish. Yeah, I'll call her mum "Mumsie" and "Mummy Yakka" as well. "Mummy Yakka"? Oh, "Mummy-san" as in, you know, like Japanese. Japanese, yeah. Yeah, though, uh, "Mummy Yakka" is probably dying out now though. [laughter] What do you call your mum? "Mal." Yeah. [laughter] My children call me "The Mothership." [laughter] Brilliant. I like that. When I grab William to give him my cuddle, he says, "No! I'm in the tractor beam of the mothership!" My says and does this theatrical sort of B-movie type, "Must get away!" [moaning] Sort of overacting, makes me laugh. A bit of Simon likes to dock with the mothership. [laughter] He's ducking outrageous. He's coming in. [laughter] [laughter] Beam me up, Scossa. [laughter] [laughter] Oh, yeah. To remind you that 60% of sales on Amazon come from independent sellers, Farmer Bob of Princeton popcorn, Howdy, or read 60% of this ad. Fire away, Bob. Small business owners like myself are growing their businesses faster on Amazon. By getting help with things like shipping. Shop small business on Amazon. Especially Princeton popcorn. Amazon, Everyday Better. better. (upbeat music)

Roifield asked the Pope to call in if he was listening. Many of us consider it likely that Rex will end up milking the Brookfield cows.

Tweet of the Week referred to a stonking erection which goes well with this podcast number!

Kosmo.

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