Weight loss. It needs to be fast and sustainable. Nume GLP1 starts at just $149 and shifts to your door in seven days. Take it from Klevossier, who lost 35 pounds on Nume. It's a psychological thing, too. Nume is teaching me the habits so I do not have to be on weight loss meds forever. $149 GLP1s? Now that's Nume Smart. Get started at Nume.com. Real Nume user are compensated to provide their story. Individual results may vary. Not all customers will medically qualify for prescription medications. Compatting medications are not reviewed by the FDA for safety, efficacy or quality. Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind, but still really important. Life insurance. Why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage, credit card debt. It can even help fund an education. And guess what? Life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think. In fact, most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is. So with state farm life insurance, you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank. Not sure where to start? State Farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget. Get started today and contact a state farm agent or go to statefarm.com. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. Hello, I'm Sarah Smith, proud sponsor of Dum T. Dum. If you want to polish up your Albion, give your optics a wipe or even mop up after your ferrets, Sarah Smith cloths are eco-friendly, usable and washable. And, you know, a bit posh. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's, for the posh shop washer, proud sponsors of Dum T. Dum. Dum it's 'cause you and it's sorrow. Dum it's 'cause you and it's pain. The only one who wants to take you off me. The only one who wants to take you off me, is in the hurtable lane, hurtable lane, hurtable lane. Hurtable lane, hurtable lane, hurtable lane. I only want to take you off me, in the hurtable lane. I don't know whether you've had a chance to listen to our nonsense. Oh, I do every week. Do you really? I really, really do. I've found out about you in November, so I've listened to everyone since November. I haven't told Roy Field this yet. Oh, have you not? No, but Angela Cayman did some stand-up at the Rose and Crown and Martin Greaves saw her. She said she was the world's greatest arches fan and he said he contested that and then she said, "Oh, but do you listen to Dumty Dum, and are you a caller-inerer?" So he texted me and said, "She's got all the lingo." I can prove it. Excellent. Okay, my daughter is not very well, so she keeps coming in and out to get glasses of water and generally see what's going on. So if you hear Squeak Dawn sound effects, that's her. Oh, bless you. It's not a sound effect, it's an actuality. It is an actual thing. I'm kind of going to go for it. Okay. Oh. No, I'm actually going to go for it. Do it. This is Dumty's on the show about the reality ducky drama that is centered in Ambridge in the heart of the Midlands. I'm the Maize Field that is Roy, I Field Brown, and with me are the Oklahoma Dust Bowl that is. Lucy Freeman. And this week, we also have the comic and archery super fan that is. Angela Barnes. I'm so excited. I read on the Twitter's you said you're beyond excited. So what exactly does that mean? So pass excitement, Roy Fields. I listen to you guys every week and when I got the tweet asking if I'd be on, I was so excited, I nearly burst. Honestly, I'm such a big fan, such a big fan of you guys. And the archers, I hope. Oh, yeah, of course. Of course, of course. And the last part of our soil erosion folks is you. Today's Dumty Dum was not a Dumty Dum. It was a herbal ascenting by Mary Knott Contreary, which made our Lucy and Ice Bitter our collective waters over our keyboards. And we have two other versions, one from Auntie M and Jojo Sexy Heels at the end of the show for you. Lucy? Yep. Next week, I think we should be back to Dumty Dums. So can you tell our wonderful listeners how the accolade of Dumty Dummer of the week? Yes, if you would like to sing us a Dumty Dum, give us a plot prediction, or chat to your granny about sex. Ring us on 0203 0313 105 or leave us a message on Speakpipe. Thanks to lovely chambrages for her amazing voices. To Sarah Smith for sponsoring us and to Derek Villow in the back bedroom. He's been inspired by Wimbledon. And he's been playing tennis on the green, but it's very muddy and slippy. So he's ended up with growing strain and his balls have gone a funny colour. Oh, sorry. I was texting again. I really love it when you do it. It wasn't really texting. It makes me feel very special. I wasn't. I wasn't. On this week's show, because it's a mega one, folks. You have Marilyn Tis, who's been shouting. Dusty Solences, who's opening old wounds for Yoko Bear, Mrs Bentos, who's having a flounce Yoko Bear who wants to know Ian thinks and with a spoon who thinks that Kenton's a bit of a dickings. But first, before all that, Lucy. Yes. Tell us about the last week in Ambridge. This week on The Archers, was sponsored by Anton Chekhov and Jane Austen. Pip, a supposedly together, enlightened young woman in her early twenties, suddenly turned into Elizabeth Bennett at the shock of seeing Toby and his undercrackers washing himself under a pump. "Last, sir," she said, "you are revealing your boobs and I am overcome." Meanwhile, Charlie wants to experience more of Adam's herbal laze. Adam has decided that the problems of most of the modern world can be laid at Maize's door. Adam went all one man crusade messianic and he's going to stop producing Maize completely. "No, that means, but that means it will completely change. I have no idea why such a terrible thing. The whole system is broken, Charlie," said Adam, "and I want to fix it. It's all about the land." Charlie went rushing off, tell Adam's daddy that Adam was not playing very nicely. "Please could he tell him off." Brian got all hysterical and squeaky and sent Adam to his room and Adam came down later to say, "I hate you, I'm leaving and not even my real dad." And as a result, Adam is leaving home farm. That escalated quickly. "The all-judges seem to operate on a principle of one in one out." Debbie's back, Adam goes, Kate returns, Rory vanishes. I don't know how they do that. I mean, they've got enough bedrooms, surely to go on. Meanwhile, over at Crippen's cottage, Titchin' Ob was getting twitchy because Helen was excited about opening the farm shop. He doesn't like it when Helen is excited as it means she struggles against the restraints. But how would you manage Helen looking after child and a fully grown man and a carrot shop? Because now it is a carrot shop with carrots outside it as well as inside it. So that is much more work. "Who come on, Mr Grinch?" She said fondly. "Mr Grinch my arse. Come on, Mr Shovan is controlling murdering sociopath." At Bridge Farm, they had one of those chats they have when they talked to us all as if we are backward children and as if the entire family has never laid eyes on each other before. "Come here, Helen and Tom, my children, and talk to me about the new shop that we're going to run together. Yes, mother! Here are where the carrots are going to go. They are orange. We like carrots. It's like check-off for the retarded." Things got a bit alarming at home farm. I used to have nice chats at my grandma, but they were usually about her insistence on working the price of everything out in terms of pre-war chocolate. But Jenny Darling had a cozy fire chai- But Jenny Darling had a cozy fire side chat with Phoebe about granny's sex life. I'm still not quite swallowing this if you're part of an expression. I still think Jenny Darling is more about you'll keep your knickers on until you hit the menopause young lady type grandma. And anyway, what do we know of this Alex? What manner of man is he? All we do know is that ever since Kate interrupted him, he's been left with a couple of acres. That's quite good, Lucy. Bravo. Well, whatever Jenny Darling said to Phoebe's, it worked in amongst a lot of very heavy-handed symbolism about cherries. Would you like a cherry, Phoebe? Oh dear, yours seems to have popped. Phoebe's cheered up anyway, having sat in her room, playing the time of your life by Green Day, which is my song for being miserable. How very dare she? Kate had the cheek to say that Alex was some random boy. No, Alex wasn't some random boy. Toby Fairbrother was, though, Kate. Phoebe then triumphantly told her mother to bugger off. "I'm not going to talk to my mother about my sex life. I'm going to talk to my granny about hers." Which is a novel approach. "Sometimes I want to grab my backpack and go," said Kate, to anyone who'd listen. "Good, off you pop. Don't let the door hit you up the arse on the way out." Sheila tried to calm Kenton down, and that went well. He now seems to have decided that David is responsible for everything in the world, from the Palestinian crisis to malaria, and that Kenton is the only one that can see it. "I foresee white coats and a fleeing wife very soon." Pip took Rex out for a walk to some other bloody farm show. "What do you think of it so far?" "He's big!" said Rex, rags, ragging his tail furiously. Pip was torn between checking out the feeds and forage and the livestock. It sounded like the world's worst school trip. "Then we are going to buy some pencil sharpeners, eat our packed lunches, and buy a sticker from the back of the minibus that says farmers get it all over their wellies." Back at hollow tree, Rex and Toby snapped at each other. "Don't lead her on, tell it like it is!" said Rex to Toby. "Tell what like what is!" "I'll stop with the oblique now and go back to when it was all spelled out and coloured in for us. I like that better." Toby is apparently only after Pip for her gozling acreage potential. "We'd win," he said joyfully to vivat Rex, who whined anxiously. "Well, it's only win-win if you could put up with a woman who just says, 'Yes, I suppose so. Yes, maybe you're right. Oh, I don't know,' all the bloody time. "I refer the court to my earliest statement in which I said, 'It will be revealed that Toby is a cat and a bounder, and vivat Rex will emerge as Mr. Nice Guy, and will save Pip and they will live in happy, boring, domestic contentment, punctuated by the odd slash other natural disaster for the rest of their lives, and hours to the end." That was epic. It's quite long, wasn't it? Oh, yeah, as I'm probably going to say at the end, because I've seen to the future, it was a long thing. Now, as I'm probably going to say at the end. Do you like that? You see, I think that... Why don't we crack on Lucy? Yep. And let's turn to our wondrous guest, Angela Barnes. Now, Martin said that Martin, in his guys of Derek Fletcher, said that you had once performed CPR on somebody. Yes, that's my point. Because Barrett Green was used as, by the NHS, was recommended as before they started this staying alive, not staying alive. It was indeed... It was... But I... We don't put it up to them. Yeah, I trained as a nurse, and in my training, we were taught to do chest compressions in CPR to the tune of the arches, because it made the rhythm right, and the right number of compressions for each of the breaths. And this is a story I tell, because I did a preview of my show, which is what Martin saw. So it's a story I tell you in my show about, and a true story, that when I was a student nurse, and I was walking down the street, I was in Islington, and I saw a road accident, and that guy was badly hurt, and I panicked. I was a student nurse at the time, and just, oh my God, I have to go and do something. This is the first time I've had to do anything like this, and I was absolutely terrified. And I went over, and the adrenaline was pumping, and I was, oh my God, and this guy wasn't responsive, so I had to start doing CPR, which I did, and eventually the paramedics turned up, and they took over, and the police took a statement, and I went around the corner, and was violently sick. And then I was just so scared by the whole thing, and then the next day, I got a call from the police, just to say that the guy was okay, and pulled through, and to say that I was the laughing stock of the ambulance centre. And when I asked why, he said, because when the paramedics turned up, I was singing the arches. A little bit off-putting, probably for the paramedics. Is this just a nut case? So they weren't sure whether you were the one that had attacked him, and the first one was like, "What happened?" "What happened?" "I had this one, "and I just spread out of nowhere, and assaulted him." "That's amazing!" It was actually because of that story that I got put in touch with you guys, because I did a TV show back in, we were causing it in November, but I think it was on earlier this year, with Alan Davies on Dave, he's as yet untitled show. "Oh, yeah, yeah." And I was on that, and I told that story, and I just got loads of people tweeted me, because I'd come out on TV as being an arches fan. Tweeting me and kept saying, "Have you been listening to Dumpty Dum?" And that was when I first heard of you guys. "Wow!" "Yeah!" "Yeah, so that's when I started listening." "Caw!" "Yeah, there you go." "That's very exciting." So basically, your arches fandom saved a man's life. "That's how I like to frame it, yes." "Yeah, it certainly helps." Susan Kalman did a brilliant thing about having watched so many medical dramas, that when someone says to her, when if she's in the theater or something, and so that you know, says, "We need a doctor." She has to physically restrain herself from standing up and shouting, "I'm here!" And then she knows where to go, and you know, because she genuinely thinks she can do it. But when you're a trainee nurse, you must have this awful feeling of, "Oh God, you're looking around for the responsible adult," and then you realize it's you. "It was terrifying, because I looked around hoping that there was a doctor or a boyfriend, or someone who had a trump card to me." I remember a few weeks before that happened, actually, I was walking along, and I was in my uniform, again, as a student nurse, and I saw a load of people crowded in the road and thought, "Oh my God, there's somebody who's been hurt." I'm in a nurse's uniform, I can't not, I can't just walk by. And I went over and it was a hedgehog. So I got away without having to deal with that one. But I do think that it is something everyone should go and learn to do, because you just never know. "What harm the archer's theme tune?" Absolutely, if you don't know, the archer's theme tune would probably be. But because nurses have to do BLS like once every six months, don't they? Yes. To keep their training. Yeah. I used to work at the Harley Street Clinic, and I was useless, because where we had, I was in radiology, and somebody went into cardiac arrest on the table, and the nurse came rushing out at a shot past me and said, dial 111, which was our code to get the crash team. And I picked up the phone, and I looked at the keyboard, the keypad of the phone, and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't, my brain just went flat, complete flat line. Unresponsive, couldn't remember the number, I knew it was 111, but I was just looking at this phone, as if I'd never seen one before. And in the end, she sort of pushed me out of the way, grabbed the phone, did it herself. And I just thought, "My God, I can't even make a phone call." You know, there's me thinking, "Good, probably because I couldn't have an emergency." I was absolutely sodding useless, worse than useless. I reckon if you'd had to, you know, if there was somebody there trumping you, that's why I think that you've had, because there was somebody else. Oh, really? Oh, and if you'd had to, I think you'd be f*cking adrenaline's an amazing thing. Right. Yes, I think that's why I had to go down the corner and throw up afterwards, because I was just, just, you know, that suddenly it's like, this is down to me now, and everything gets clear. You were hoping someone was going to wander past, and so it was just a scope, and, you know. I was hoping for Susan Kalman to walk around that corner. Take over. Is there anybody else here? Oh, my God. It's so hard. Why did they change it from Barry Green to, um, staying alive? Well, I imagine, because it's more trendy, isn't it? I mean, it's more trendy. It's from the 70s, but, um, yeah, it's the shame, really. I mean, they're forever changing the amount of compressions, and now I think they say not to do breaths at all, and to just do chest compressions. And, but that's why you have to do the BLS every six months or so, just because, you know, different best practices are always being discovered. So maybe, I don't know, there's a difference in the rhythm. I'm really not sure. You see, if, if, if, if, uh, taps, if any of you are with me and I go into cardiac arrest, I want to be rescued with Barry Green. Do not attempt anything. Do not attempt to resuscitate with John Travolta. So, so, so. Plot predictions. What are you thinking about Adam? Well, I mean, the ultimate, my thing's been a long time coming. Um, I'm surprised he's hung on in there as long as he has. I, I think he might go, you know? I go leave or go, go leave the serious leave. I, I think him and Ian, maybe we'll sail off into the sunset together. Maybe it is time for him to leave and set up on his own somewhere. I can imagine them going to set up a little restaurant in Tuscany or something like that. No, they're going to take home in the pool. No. Oh, that's not a bad thought. Yeah. But then I don't know what Kenton will do. What happened to Kenton and Jolene? Well, Kenton will be carted off. He'll be sectioned by then, won't you? He's definitely not. He's definitely, he's regressed, hasn't he? Spoil, little brat. Well, he's a man on the edge, isn't he? Absolutely. There's a lot of sort of backlash against him now. But actually, last week, there was a lot of backlash against him on the Twitter. So people were saying, stop acting like such a twat, you know, just grow up. But this week, everyone was going, no, he's right. It is, it has all been about David. And people are coming out in sympathy. I think David is clearly the favourite of those children. And I do think that he's right about that. I think he's only reacted to the whole non-sale of Brookfield. I mean, I'd love to be able to say that, had I been in Kenton's shoes, I wouldn't have gone and spent all that money before I had it there. Probably would have done at least some of it. So, you know, I think part of the the the the glee about it, all is a bit of shard and Freuder from everybody, because we all know that's exactly what we would have done. Absolutely, absolutely what I would have done. And so, yeah, so I can't, I can't hate Kenton too much for it, but he's just the winding now is getting a bit, a bit much. But I do find David, you know, the way, oh God, I forgot her name, David's mum, Jill, the way she is with him, you know, sometimes I just make me feel a bit queasy. Yep. I think that's harsh, harsh, harsh, harsh. But you like all the mummies, don't you, Roy? No, no, I think it's quite understandable. Uh, when you look at the history of that, uh, that clan of the archers, that section of the archers, it was that Kenton always was the wayward one. Yeah. And he up sticks left down bridge, because Andrew was too small for him. He was bored. Yeah, but that's how he got away with so much. Oh, well, sorry. So he's trying to have it both ways, isn't he? Yes, I mean, I guess David is the one who stayed, exactly, and taken on the family inheritance, is taken on the farm. It's not that he's the favourite, but, you know, Phil and Jill had something to be, to be queer to the next generation. It was the farm. Shuler wasn't interested. Lizzy definitely wasn't interested, and Kenton wasn't even in the same hemisphere. Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true. But yes, you couldn't get to me, Roy. You know, burn the place down. Again? Yeah, again. But if you're going to absent yourself from the family, because it's too small for you and you're a little bit, you know, you look down, you know, is it a little bit and think, oh, it's all a bit, you know, it's all a bit rural, isn't it? And I'm made of sort of more adventurous stuff. Then you can't come marching back in and demand, you know, your rights and demand to be accepted back again and have a certain stage in the family, if that was what you chucked over in the first place. Yeah, I think you're right. He made that decision all those years ago to go off and be a man of the world. And David stayed and... I don't know. I disagree with you again here, right? Maybe I'm just coming up with semantic points, but you can demand your share as a sibling of what is yours, which is kind of what he did do. He was just like, let's liquidate it straight away. When you sell it, sell it, and I want the cash. And that was his right, because he was an heir of Phil. But, you know, he's taken on no responsibilities and he has no real attachment. He doesn't have the emotional connection. No, he doesn't at all. And it never has done. He was never a farmer. And, you know, when I first started listening to it, there was no Kenton, because he was sailing the seas or whatever the heck he was doing. For years, there's no Kenton. Yeah, it's off so any seed across the southern hemisphere. Now, there's a comic. Yes. How do you actually feel that since you've been listening to it, the archers has got more comedic or less so? Or, you know, how do you see the way that the script writers weave in comedy into the kind of general drama? I think it's always been there. What I like about it is, although you've got those comic characters, the grundies, you know, you're in the snow, they've all got real heart and pathos. They also have emotion and bad things happen to them as well. So, there's no real... I mean, the only real cartoony characters are the ones who don't appear, aren't they? Like, the buttons and the... So, I think... I mean, I find Linda Snell utterly hilarious, you know, the snobbery and the... But she's got such a heart as well. And I think that comedy would have worked so much if you didn't love her. Yeah, now, I was completely nutty with one over when Vicki was pregnant and realized she's going to have a down's child and she turned to Linda, didn't she? And that was so touching and Linda was just an absolute rock. And the touching as well, because you know, Linda's here, and that she hasn't got children of her own. Exactly. That whole thing, it was really moving. Yeah, and I think that's why you can laugh at Linda, because you can also, you know, she's a rounded character with proper emotions and, you know... So, I like that there aren't any real 2D comedy characters. They're all people, you know, that you can like and get frustrated with and get angry with as well as laugh at. I think Susan Carter's one of the best comedy actresses on the arches. I think her timing is absolutely impeccable. Absolutely, yes. What was the whole thing with her and Neil recently? The little innuendo? I'm making a chilli, Neil. That was... I've put the chilli on. And she had that little... It's brilliant, that's brilliant. And Lily had the spell, I just think, you know, and again, she's had such difficult storylines, Lily, and it just brought things happen to her, but she's such an old lush. And it's hilarious. I mean, the scenes repair... Hey, this new business venture. Ah, brilliant. You feel a connection with Lily, and don't you? I do. I mean, in no way... Is it a connection through Jin? I said it's mainly a Jin-based connection... Oh, okay. That I feel with Lily and... But I just like the fact that she's... You know, she's got that care-free attitude, and she'll go out and I'll sod it, put it on the credit card, sort of can't take it with you attitude, you know, which, yeah, it's got her into trouble, but I think I'd like to grow old like Lily and... Well, she's one of the grown-ups, is she? She isn't an anti-Christian or a... or a jill or anything. She's kind of... She's... She's kind of got that Joanna Reeve still. That, you can see why Kate turns to her and not to any of the other sort of matriarchal women, because she gets Kate. I mean, Kate's an appalling character, and it drives me nuts. But thank God she's... No, she's an appalling person, but she's a great character. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, thank God she's there, because she's really gives some darkness to her. It has me shouting at my MPP there, that one. Oh. Where do you listen? What are you doing when you listen? I tend to be on so... Because much of my life is spent on trains travelling around touring and things, so I intend to... I download them and listen to them when I'm out and about on the train on my... on my iPod, usually. I have a friend. It's very, very... He's convinced I'm the only person in the world who downloads the archer's podcast. He's shouting at about one million other people who listen to the archers and use a computer. So, are you gearing up for Edinburgh now? I am indeed, yeah, three weeks ago. So, how does that gearing up process look? How does it work? It's... Well, we... So, I'll be taking a new solo show this year, so that's an hour long solo show. So, I started previewing it... Well, I started working on it pretty much when I got back from Edinburgh last year. Started doing previews and working progress shows sort of March time. So, now I've got... I think I've got about six or seven previews to go, and then the run starts in August. Are you not completely sick of it? Having done nothing but that for a year? It's not... Well, I mean, when I'm doing the comedy clubs, I do something completely different. My set in comedy clubs is quite different to the hour long show. So, and the show changes over the last six months, even the show I did two weeks ago is very different to a preview I did today. Just because it's constantly, you know, I call it killing babies. It's accepting the bits that don't work and getting rid of them, you know, and that's half the process is the editing. So, by the time I get to Edinburgh, the show will be hopefully ready, but it will be very different to what it was when I started the previewing process. Yeah. And which other than Brian Aldridge? Yeah. Which of the male characters do you think needs a little dose of humour, a little dose of comedy? Oh, who needs one, did you say? Yeah, because, you know, my thing is that the female characters have written much better than the male ones. On a whole, on a whole. Right. And then if you look at the, you know, there's comedy in Susan, Lillian, Linda, but there's only one male character who has, you know, a comedic side, which he's Brian. So, yeah. I think possibly the one. Eddie, Eddie, it's lots and lots of times. Oh, true, true. Eddie and Joe, yeah. He's so pretty. But then you're laughing at them, aren't they? Exactly. Which is your thing, Lucy, isn't it? Yeah. I think the one who needs it most is Tom. It's just, oh, when you went through that phase, you know, with the whole Kirstie thing, those bloody sausages and the ready meals and the, oh, God, it was interminable. And I can't think of any funny storyline he's had. You know, that it's just, he's quite a, I wouldn't be inviting him to a dinner party any time soon. I go back to my, would you go on a long car journey rule? Oh, I would never go on a long car journey with Tom. Absolutely, no way. No way. He's got nothing else in his life apart from those books. And it's, he's a young man. You know, it's tragic. But he's, it's new Tom. He's a turning for old Tom though, isn't he? Because new Tom is actually, absolutely had a personality transplant. No. Is that a boy's house? He has. He has. He's not. He's turned around two weeks ago and said to Brenda, I messed up. You know, he's like, I let Kirstie go. She was, she was an amazing woman. Yeah, a staggering realization that the rest of the house. Talking about sausages in, in, in, in Paul. No, that's just him two interesting things from stuff. I don't think there was any heart in that. That was just, oh, I'm on my own and you've moved on to Brenda, you know? You two are so wrong. Right. He, he is completely now into the family business, not Tom Archer's sausages. All Tom Archer was interested in before was Tom Archer's sausages. And he wanted to run down areas of the family farm, you know, to make way for his weiners, his porkers or whatever the hell they're called. And he was forever going off to Underwood's, or whatever the heck it was to sell to sell his bloody ready meals. Now, he's all about the farm shop, the farm working with Johnny, etc. You two are so wrong here. I don't know. I think, what do you mean you don't know? Well, because, it's because Tony's, you know, had his accident and he's had to step up. But I don't think, I think if Tony hadn't had that accident, that wouldn't have happened. No. And he's just older now. He's more mature and slightly less of a dickhead than he was. But he's still, yeah, exactly, absolutely, 99 percent. Wait a minute, you personally seem to have forgotten that you're also based down Rob, didn't he? You know, a few months ago. Oh God, what was the instance? Rob came to him and said, right, I want to do X and Y and Z. And basically, Tom said, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, I don't know. I thought we'd be sorting Rob out for a start. That one makes my blood boil. Yeah, I don't think you're alone there. Well, I mean, I've known Tom great Zonzer. It's something of a recurring theme. He just, I've known someone like him. Luckily, I wasn't in a relationship with him, but someone in my family was and, you know, that narcissistic, passive, aggressive bully, I cannot abide it at home. And I, you know, I'm not a huge fan of Helens to be fair, but I wouldn't wish that one anyone. I think that's what's nice about the ambiguity. If you had somebody completely say you had, who could we have? Say you had, I don't know, somebody like Phoebe who was going out with a boyfriend that was treating her the way Rob's treating Helen. There aren't very many people who actually like Helen. But all of us would kill Rob. Oh, absolutely. And I, you know, for all the whining of Helen and, and, you know, I find her a spoiled little. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said, what the f*** are you talking about? You insane Hollywood s***. So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of details. Meet a holiday gift that will keep her sparkling all year long. Blue Nile, the original online jeweler, has experts on hand 24/7 who can help you find the perfect piece. Beyond that, Blue Nile makes the gifting experience easier than ever, with guaranteed free shipping and returns as well as a wide assortment of jewelry of the highest quality at the best price. Right now, get 30% off jewelry at bluenile.com. That's bluenile.com for 30% off bluenile.com. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laugh at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B. But with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Princess, for all that, I would have wished what Rob's doing to her on anybody. No, no, no, absolutely. Yeah, no, it's very dark. Oh yeah. Well, that's a great way to win this interview, isn't it? What a downer. Sorry. A segue from stand-up comedy to domestic violence. So, now we've just about finished chatting with our, like, mega guest. Shall we crack on with some called rumours? Loose. Yes. Hello, Ambridge 3962. Who's first, Lucy? Mary Lettuce, and her things I have shouted at the radio this week. Hiya, it's Mary here. I tweet infrequently as Mary Lettuce. Things I have shouted at the radio this week. Kenton, have you got a brain tumour or what? Kate, no, no, Pip, please, please, please choose the right brother. And Jenny, you are the best grandma ever. I think I shouted most at Kenton on the whole. As but we've discussed all that with Angela, just now Kenton's. Does he have a right to be quite as hard done by as he feels he is? And my answer is no, he bloody well does not. But I know that that is not your answer. My answer that I gave is much more nuanced than that, Lucy. Much more nuanced. No! He has a right to an inheritance, but he doesn't have a right, I would say, to say that David was the favoured son, the favoured sibling, because he upsticks and from day one always said he wasn't interested in the farm. But yes, he's got a legal right to when the things sold and divvied up. Of course he's got a right to it, but he hasn't got that nonsense about David always being the favoured one. I think it's the right to status that's getting on my wick. It does have a problem with the fact that David is seen as being a hero, which for him really when you boil it down is being solid and dependable. Yeah. That's what Kenton is really struggling with. Well, no one has ever been able to rely on Kenton. No. And once again, they still can't. Absolutely. Hello, it's Dusty Substances here, the wrong sort of listener. Sorry about the radio silence for a bit. I've been at a conference in the worst hotel in the world, which had no radio and no wi-fi. I was absolutely isolated. So I'm only catching up with both the arches and dum-dum-dum-dum. Now, a couple of weeks back, Kenton was given a bit of a roasting by Yogult Bear, who likened him to his school chum, Phil Smith, who threw his copy of Lord of the Rings into the swimming pool. Ooh, Lord of the Rings. No. Anyway, I think Kenton is probably en route to a bit of a breakdown, bless him. But he is totally right about Dave being the favourite and getting all the sort of good stuff. I mean, this has gone back decades. Everything was lined up for David's benefit regarding handing on the farm. We were meant to be appalled that Elizabeth and Kenton thought that wasn't fair, but I wasn't appalled, it wasn't fair. I think if Dave was the one who was going to work on the farm, then he should have been paid to do it with the family, with the farm being inherited by all the four siblings equally, and they could run it like a committee. I think it would have been a bit eventful and dramatic, but it would have been fair. Dusty substances has stayed in the worst hotel in the world. It cannot be worse than gay gribbles. Was there a smelly old man dressed in a cheerleader's uniform, sitting in the corner? If not, it was not worse than gay gribbles. And she's reigniting the fire. Yokel Beyer's fire about Phil Smith and Lord of the Rings. We can't go back there again. Phil Smith, I think he's going to start getting a restraining order out on all of us, not just Yokel Beyer. Me, Roy Field, everybody, with a spoon, a whole lot. With a spoon. Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling, toss salads and scrambled eggs, massive. Greetings Lucy Roy Field and all dumpty-dummers around the world. With a spoon and Angus Haggis here, talking to you from Sunny Summit, New Jersey. It was indeed an exciting and eventful week in Ambridge with lots of people yelling back and forth at each other. That's what we like. First on the list, Kenton. He made only a cameo appearance this week, but what an appearance it was, as he continues down the path of involuntary psychiatric commitment. In response to Shula's earnest attempt at family therapy and reconciliation, he decompensated into a paranoid delusional puddle in front of her eyes, casting David as some sort of dick-and-sonian evil capitalist, sitting back and counting his money while his cronies enter the figures, into a ledger and do all the milking and bailing for him. Even his loving mother Jill is too fearful to be in the same room as Kenton. And how about Adam standing up to both Brian and Charlie? Yes, I know Brian is everyone's favorite male character, but he can be a bit of a bully at times. And Charlie certainly has a hard time coping when he's not on top. Where did I mean "the top" in a relationship? Rex and Toby. There's a lot of anger and resentment percolating in Rex isn't there. What was Toby doing midweek? Me thinks it has to do with what deed was done in Brighton that dare not speak its name. Perhaps he's performing some weekly community service like pulling weeds from the side of the road in an orange jumpsuit as penance for his sins. Lastly, let's not ignore the distaff side of the village. Phoebe's world did not collapse when Kate spilled the beans to Granny. In fact, it was helped because of Jennifer's empathy and sage advice. But will Phoebe be good to her word and never speak to Kate again? We can only hope. I am reminded of what my best friend then and now wrote to me in our sixth grade graduation book. By the way, he's now an eminent trolop scholar. He wrote, "Do not tell a secret to a friend. For when he becomes your foe, your secret the world will know." With those sage words, Angus and I will return to perusing the new Dumte-Dum website. We'll talk again next week. And he mentioned his friend who is now very eminent trolop. I have quite a few friends who are now eminent trolops, I have to say. They're my favourite friends, in fact. In fact, they would probably count me as an eminent trolop as well. So good for that, I like that. Hello, Dumte-Dumte-Dumte-Joker Bear here calling from Swindon, which apparently is twinned with Walt Disney World. I just thought I'd give you a goofy fact about Swindon, though when I've told people this before, they think I'm taking the Mickey, and to be quite honest, I don't think they give a Donald Duck. This week, Adam, I really like it when they bring in more farming issues, and that I'm a bit of a yokel from the country, so it kind of gets me going a little bit. So Adam has got an absolute real point. This is a massive problem, intensive farming, over farming, hugely bad consequences, long-term, and a lot of short-term thinking, really causing problems. However, you've got to balance that against the fact that Adam is a bit of a git really, isn't he? I mean, he stormed into us to Brian, that's it, I'm leaving, I'm just upping sticks. What about Ian? Has he mentioned this to Ian? Has he discussed it? I bet he hasn't. I don't know, maybe he will go. Maybe that's how this whole Adam Charlie thing might be resolved, though I think after teasing us for so, so long, I don't think Adam and Charlie are going to happen. Yokel Bear says that Swindon is twinned with Disneyland. Yokel Bear, that is a massive lie, and you are twinned with La La La. He said, "Why has Adam discussed this extraordinary decision to jack in the whole thing with Ian?" But we don't know, because Ian is apparently not even in it anymore, is he? Because he's vanished. No one said that. He loved to live. The admission in Ian, in terms of the drama, is analogous to the fact that he hasn't said this to Ian in his relationship. So I think, so Ian will probably be in it at some point this week and go, "What the hell have you done that for, Adam?" Because Adam's got form doing this, hasn't he? Yeah, he spends his life going, "You've done what?" That's all he ever seems to say. He never gets his own storyline. He's always chasing behind Adam, sort of 30 yards trying to catch up with whatever... You've just brought up a really good point. Went to last time that Ian actually had his own storyline, not just punched Rob, but there was a point in the mid-2000s when it'd be a case of there'd be some change on the menu and it'd be hassled in the kitchen. Yeah, well I guess it was his father and coming to terms with the wedding, wasn't it? It's a long time ago now. There was a long time ago. Yeah, he's just like Adam's stooge. That's why everyone always thinks the relationship's going to go kaput, because it's not equal at all. It's sort of Ian hopping along behind Adam, sort of 30 yards in front, you know, chasing after him saying, "What's going on, what's going on, what are you doing, what are you doing now?" Adam doesn't view Ian as an equal at all. Very true. Mrs Bentos. Solipsistic. Yes, not Mrs Bentos. She's not solipsistic. Mrs Bentos. Good word, though, Royfield. That's it. I've had enough, don't you, dumb? Unless I get what I asked for, which is a car horn that plays Geese honking the melody of Prince Songs, a large plasma screen on the never-never and free accommodation for a month in the royal garden suite at Grey Gables while my sippers dry out. I am leaving. I'm flouncing and sodding off never to return. Yes, this week I have taken a leaf out of what seems like most of the characters in the arches of late, and I'm making empty threats about packing up my upcycled tea sets and monkey bunting and doing one far away from Ambridge. We've had the will they won't they while everyone knows they won't, leaving story of Ruth and David, and we've had months and months of the tuckers doing the most drawn-out exit, so they got to the point where, when it finally did happen, I was completely shocked. And then we've had Pip, who's supposed to be sworn off to Brazil, but instead she's clearly going to be staying around to be gooseed by the fair brethren. And now Adam is threatening to leave after his spat with Brian, but it's not going to happen our wage. I don't reckon he's going anywhere. We've had so many of these I'm leaving, but not leaving cliffhangers, that their currency is completely diminished. Bye! She talks about Adam and his bloody ultimatums, ultimator, and I remind me of the people that say they're going to leave the country if Labour get in, and they're always the people who you really, really, really wish would leave the country, but the bookers never do, they're all still here. So yes, I'm not a big fan of the ultimator, really. I think you should only do it if you are very, very sure what, you know, it's that old thing, isn't it? Never ask a question if you don't know what the answer's going to be. And yeah, people who do that kind of thing, it's all just, it's like people are always threatening to leave jobs, and casually leave their leaving letter lying around so they can accidentally be seen. So everyone says, "Oh no, don't go!" I don't know, so, you know, you think just be bloody direct, for God's sake. Hi you too, it's Jacqueline Berto from Sanguine in France here. I'm backing up today after weeks of too much occupation. I had a live imitating fiction with the Village Fake Committee and Music Festival, the Tour de France, aged-in-laws, mad dogs, Englishmen and Totsam. I wanted to make a comment about Jill. It appeared from last week that not many dumb to dumbers that understand why on earth Jill should have the fair brother Grace Cloud hanging over her. Well, I'm married to a widower, and when I chose to move into his house and let mine out, I realized that there was always somebody else there who had chosen the furniture whose clothes, despite the years she had gone, were still in cupboards. Well now, a lot of more time has passed under the bridge, and it's my house. But there's always that lingering ghost, and you can't really bad mouth the ghost. Not like could if she was after a divorce, so I think we should just give Jill a bit of a break and a little bit of understanding. Bye for now, keep up the good work. Yes, and that's it I think, we've done all the calls. See you next week. You have? You did them all yourself. Well done. I've got a lot of vim in you this week there, Freeman. Yes, stay nurse. Let's have a break, let's come back, I have a bit of melee, and then do some hashtag archer's tweets of the week. Hello, I'm Sarah Smith, proud sponsor of Dunty Dun. If you want to polish up your Albion, give your optics a wipe, or even mop up after your ferrets, Sarah Smith cloths are eco-friendly, reusable and washable, and you know, a bit posh. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's, for the posher washer, proud sponsors of Dunty Dun. Fancy getting your mouth around something warm? Something comforting you can really get a firm grip on. Why not buy a Dunty Dun mug from the shop at Dunty Dun.com. That was damn lovely. And my name is Kate. My name's Joe. My name's Nicola. My name is Suzanne Herkemy. My name is Mary Parkinson. I'm in Hope House as a client. I have had addiction issues at Hope House. I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian. I'm a comedian eating this sort of heroin crayon addiction. And addiction drugs. Methadone. I'm here because it got really bad. Hope House started off as an 8-bed unit in Maydavale, and we're in all women units. Read an article about Hope House some months before. And when I read about it, what I read or what I took away from the article was that this was a place where women worked to help other women. Coming soon to iTunes, one thousand and one conversations, a new podcast from Roy Field Brown. G'day, everyone. We've had an interesting week with, I think it would be fair to say ghostlings dominating a real good place. I noticed that a little group seems to have started up in support of the fair brethren. So it would be interesting to see how that goes. And Stuart Arendale said in the group that "Fresh Off the Prep is a white paper from the T-Rex Research Group." Mark Gregory has been running the numbers, and we fear a crisis more serious than the Cambridge f-word. A goose apparently poops, one to two pounds poop every day. Ten geese is 7,000 pounds a year. 250 geese, well I'm sure you get picture. 175,000 pounds of goose droppings every year. Our current projection is that handage will be flooded again by the Christmas. So there you go. Sharon Evans also said that she liked the use of the word eco-babble, and if that's not a flounce in using wood, I don't know what is. There's been quite some response to the amount of poop, and I guess you could go look for it. But Mark Gregory did say that the two pounder days on the average over their lifetime for the geese. So I guess halfway through we may well hear "we gotta get a bigger boat," which I rather enjoyed. Stuart Arendale, who's been prolific this week, obviously enjoying the whole geese thing, came up with some facts about geese formation, which you can look up yourself, but it's basically used to be the fact that they fly in the V formation for a greater efficiency. Absolutely loved this. There is a roll call for the names of the 250 geese, and the names run from everything from the, I guess, just the ordinary. Names like Daphne and Daphne through to the article with Andromeda. Through to the funny, there's apple sauce, and there's butterball, and there's cranberry, etc. So the listeners obviously have a little bit more time on their hands than I have realised, and they have been looking through to see what they can call these beautiful geese. On our page, we asked have you ever met someone who listened to the arches, and they just didn't seem to fit the profile. And I asked the question, because I'm very shortly going to go to America to meet some other arches I think. And one of the people that I've become friends with, who obviously knows a lot about the arches, she just doesn't fit the profile. I don't, I still don't understand how she found the arches, because she's American, no connection whatsoever with the UK that I could find. Rosie Cross said that she's 23, she's been listening for about eight years, and apart from that, she pretty much fits the profile. Her sister says she's a 50-oddered heart, so nothing at all wrong with anything 50 or odd. Sue Hopkinson points out that arches addicts are really diverse, and so no one should be expected. You want to expect it? Sarah Charlie finding says she follows a few people looking rising there 20 so listen to the arches. Although she says that her age of 28 is very rare, she speaks to someone who's an arches fan. Gerard Pearson said the wikikeeper for his cooking team, young ladish Dan was the only one who was listening to work. Oh, I found her awful point to add that God is deep, of course, arms does not fit the profile, and that she's obviously a passionate listener. Ollie Bladen said, "Didn't DJ Yoda send him a dump she'd done a few weeks ago? I've seen him DJ quite a few times, and I'd say he's quite far from a mean demographic." So, yep, there were a few of us far and wide. I should be asking a few more questions to try to get to know your little bit better over the next couple of weeks. If you get the chance to go to our new webpage, I really recommend it. It is slick, it is a beautiful looking page. Some of you may know that in my day job I actually teach computers, and I would give a very high score to someone who submitted that website design to me, so well, everybody involved. That's enough leather for me, and I look forward to speaking with you next week. Amen. Thank you for that from Down Under Miss Bell. Lucy, Ratloff, some cracking arches tweets, which have the hashtag #thearches on the end of them. Andy Dutton said, "I think Toby has time travelled here from the 70s." Yes, there is something of the car, the 70s car salesman about him, absolutely. Martin Figura, who said, "Oh Adam, we'll miss your positivity. Perhaps you could take Kate and Toby with you, and start a new venture down under. Please." I'm not sure Millie Bell had wanted, to be honest. Claire Doherty said, "To be fair to Pip, dumpty dum, the 19-year-old who focuses on her new job instead of getting her bit is not a 19-year-old I want to meet." Yes, that was me, wasn't it, being slightly too serious, I'm saying. Oh, she shouldn't be messing around with boys. She should be concentrating on her career, proper feminist. Sarah Duggers said, "Kenton is the new Darryl. If only the village was still flooded, someone could hold him under until he stops whinging." Very true. God, yes, right. He is the new Darryl. Because when he starts, you just think, "Oh, you get the same sinking feeling. Every time he opens his gob as I used to get, every time Darryl started about all my crafts with me." Dee Daley, this is Tweet of the Week. Dee Daley said, "This is about Ruth giving David the sort of roundup of her mother in hospital in Prudah." She said, "I'd be confused and unhappy if Ruth came to visit me in hospital in all phase." That's harsh. Do you know what I've realised in all this dumpty-dumness? That you are nice and I am horrid. No, no. You are just a total brick and you're dependable and you're sorry. I'm a total what? Oh, brick. Thank you. And I think you're awesome. And, but what I have noticed, realised, is that nobody likes Ruth, do they? Not one listener is too rude. No, somebody fancies her, don't they? Who is it? He said, "I like her accent. I like your already accent," he's what he said. And I forget who he was. Who was it? Was it Paul Rim? He was somebody like Paul Rim, but it was like, "I like the accent." But actually, she has absolutely no supporters. And I feel that's a little bit mean. Well, she's not feeling a bit guilty now. Now you put it out there. You think about it, she's an idea of a Mad Axe murder, is she? No. You know, the Paul woman's had cancer. Yeah. She, what else she's had was afflicted her. She was the mother of Pip. Oh, Pip. Then there's new Pip. And new Pip. And her rage. That's not good at no mean feet, giving birth to a 19-year-old. Absolutely. Yeah. No wonder she sounds cheesed off. I want somebody next week. That pelvic floor must be knackered. Sorry, you. I want somebody next week to ring in. What sneezes and it's all over. And absolutely explain the reasons why every listener to the archers reviles through the archer, because they do. No one's ever got a good word to say about it. And it isn't just the fact that she always cooks oven chips. Well, I don't like it because I want to have a special cuddler with David and she's getting in the way. She's not, she's up in body product. It's nip over to Ambridge. Oh, yes, of course. Yeah. It's a fool I am sitting here talking to you. And I could be over that in me waders. Lucy. Yes. There's a proper long one that was. There's no double entendre there. No, no. So it's a, or it's my cousin would say, a long ting, there's a long ting. But at the end of that long show, why don't you go to dummydom.com to try our new website. It's all shiny and new and there's pictures of Lucy and people drinking tea out of dummydom mugs. It's awesome. And you can wait and comment on the shows. Like if you're logged onto Facebook and if you're not, just do that and then you can write comments and you always, you know what, Lucy? Yeah. Our website's a triumph. That's what it is. I haven't looked yet. But also, I think what a surprise. I think my monologues are on there and I'm a bit worried about the typing because I haven't checked them for typos. Well, I'll tell you what, you know, I'm a dyslexic, even I noticed the odd typo in there. Let me change them then. You know, you can actually log on to the website and put these on yourself. You have your own account, Lucy. Do I? Yes. You really need to look at it. I know. I will. I'm sorry. You know what, I'm like about new things. No. If something isn't solely about you, you're not interested, are you? No, yes. Of course I am. I'm just, you know what I'm like about new stuff. I get frightened by it. I skirt around it. Okay. Well, if you want me to hold your hand whilst you log on to the new website, I will do that. But do any of your any of your hand? I'm not letting you anywhere near my hand. I'm going to do it myself. Could be absolutely. Good. Or just ask Tilly. She seems the most competitive technical person in your household. Yes. By a mile. But anyway, if you're a little bit more technically savvy than I'm Lucy, dear listener, why don't you log on to dumbydumb.com, create an account, and then the whole world of dumbydumb is in front of you. We can create your own articles and just do stuff. You can follow people and I tell you what Lucy, you can actually see what the call arena is. Look like Midmy City. She's there. Miss Mid City. Same thing. She's a completely different thing. But anyway, she's on there. Because you've said about her plats. I want to go and see those. Yeah. She looks all very lovely. Anyway, so that's dumbydumb.com. Brand new website. Go there and join in. And you know, why don't you tell us about the reason why you love the archers? You can tell us about the first time you listened, write it all down. And if you're the type of person that is scared to call in, all the more reason to commit it to type. So that's dumbydumb.com advert over. Now, not quite. Because we also have a shop on dumbydumb.com. You can go there, buy some stuff, buy it. And when you do it, tweet the pictures out because that's kind of like quite a cool thing to do. So Lucy this week, we've had not one but two of our listeners in our gut display in our merch. First we had Ryan Scofield. I don't think he did that at Christmas time. So thank you for that, Ryan. And we had a little Berto who was sporting a dumbydumb t-shirt during the Tour de France in Brittany. So thank you, little Miss Berto. So there you go. Go to our shop, buy some stuff. And then when you buy it, take a picture and then whack it on some form of social media. And that'll be awesome. Yay. Right. Now, you know what we'd normally do at this point. News, news, news, refuse. And we're not going to do them this week because we've read them all. And we need to get our some cloths and a cup and a mug to our wonderful 200th review. But it doesn't mean that you don't do any more reviews. But anyway, I'm not going to say any more about that. End of the show. Right. So dumbydumb is over. Maybe you can go to dumbydumb.com if you've done all of that. And also, you can just like call in because that's awesome because without that it's just me and Lucy prattling on with the odd celebrity comedian every now and then, which is great. But we are a community aren't we Lucy? We are. Angela, are you part of the community? I certainly believe in am. You are, aren't you? Yeah. And people can get and be a part of our community by going to speedpipe.com. We can do that via dumbydumb. And if you can't work a computer because you're a bit ludded out like you can ring us on ultra 30 313 105 to leave us a phone message. Or if you are kind of like switched on to social media, you can go on to the twitters and we can find us where we at dumbydumb or you can tweet me where I'm at right field or Sarah Smith at Sarah underscore Smith or Angela Barnes at Angela Barnes. And thank you very much for coming on the show, Angela. Thank you. I'll let myself out. Right, you are. Oh, such fun. Such fun. So now we got now we have to put the Jojo sexy heels. Yeah, yeah. And on the end. Yeah, we're welcome at the end. I'm amazed people rang in to sing her belay. What? Why would you be amazed? Because it's not the easiest song in the world to sing, is it? It's the kind of thing you sing either when drunk or in the shower, but not to the listening public. I mean, I know you did, but Angela. Hello. You're you're familiar with Prince's work, aren't you? I certainly am. Go on. Give it. Don't ask me to do it. I honestly, I have such a phobia of singing. I mean, do something which is even braver than singing. You stand on stage and, you know, bear your soul. Oh, I can do that. That's fine. My soul is there for all to see, but my singing voice not so much unless I'm doing CPR. That's the only time you're excused, then. Thank you. Have you been singing her belay? I mean, I haven't stopped singing her belay all week. I've been terribly busy about that. Oh, God. I love the Royfield, your giggles last week, but so infectious. I must have got some looks on that tube. Oh, thank you. Angela, you've actually been our best guest. Oh, you, he's got all the talk, hasn't he? It has, but it is also true. Oh, thank you so much, any time, any time. Okay, guys, it's JoJo Sexy Hills, her belay, her belay, her belay, her belay, her belay. 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