DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'
Dum Tee Dum Episode 65 – Kate, Phoebe and Alex
Herbal ley, Herbal ley! Phoebe and Alex get caught with their pants down.
E-mailTwitterThe post Dum Tee Dum Episode 65 – Kate, Phoebe and Alex appeared first on DumTeeDum.
- Duration:
- 1h 10m
- Broadcast on:
- 07 Jul 2015
- Audio Format:
- other
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If you want to polish up your Albion, give your optics a wipe, or even mop up after your ferrets, Sarah Smith cloths are eco-friendly, reusable and washable, and, you know, a bit posh. And I'm Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's for the poshia washer. Proud sponsors of Dum T Dum. This is Dum T Dum, the show about the reality of Dr. Dromba that's centered on Ambridge in the heart of the Midlands on the noisy little Gosling that is Royfield Brown. And with me, I have the tough old bird that is Lucy Freeman. And the last part of our pulk adventure folks is you. Now, today's rendition of the archer's theme tune, Barric Green, Barric Green. I always get confused as to which one it is, Sentine by Jackie. Back in the day, old school Jackie sent that in and all about May of last year. Right now, Lucy, can you remind our listeners how they can win? The accolade of Dum D Dum of the week because we need some fresh ones. Yep. Come on, we're going through the, we're going through that we're going to be back down to Bing Crosby, unless someone rings in quick. If you'd like to sing us a Dum T Dum, give us a plot prediction or take some Goslings on a Joyride, ring us on 02031 3105 or leave us a message on Speakpipe. Thanks to lovely sandwiches for her amazing voices, to Sarah Smith for sponsoring us, and to Derek for the loan of the back bedroom. Derek and Malena have been sexting. Well Derek has. He sent Malena some intimate photos, but she misunderstood and replied saying she didn't realise they had blood sausage in England and was that his dinner. On this week's show, we have Claire from Scotland via Canada, who's going to talk about some stuff with a spoon who's enjoying a joyful moment. Mrs Bentos, who thinks that Rob is honest to keep with it, lies spirit who makes a great point, mid Miss City, who's worried about Pips loves life and loves a little bit of Debbie. Goddess David, who's pupils are dilated, but who misses Cosmo and Yoko Bear, who is stressed. Oh, we've got loads of juicy calls this week, but first, before we get to the juicy calls, it is a bit a juicy loose. This week in Ambridge was sponsored by Strange Management Speak. We had Neil being right across the pigs, which gives the AI man a break I expect, and a lot of nonsense about going forward from everyone else. Over at Home Farm, we had Brian Aldridge in the Herbal Lay, which is like Harry Potter only more cross, but we did at least get here Debbie, who is always a delight and more importantly, the same Debbie, yippee. She is taking time off from her very busy job being made redundant, to come home and tell Brian what a silly old sausage he is and maybe have an affair while she's around. "Your career is taking off," said Linda, inaccurately to Kate. "Yep, taking off like the Hindenburg, and career meaning to hurtle downwards really fast." Kate asked Adam for some advice on dealing with Brian when showing him the business plan for the Kate Aldridge Centre for Psychotherapy or Organics, or CACPU. "Don't get emotional, don't get defensive, and show him the figures," said Adam. Kate listened carefully. She then approached Brian and Jenny with the business plan, got defensive, got emotional, but she did write a nice long list of numbers, none of which had any relation to the business plan. Brian understandably told her to sling her hook, as any business venture that centres on a yurt is doomed to failure. Rob had to face some full tosses at the cricket. I know he's a star player, but flipping it, there's no need to go overboard. In triumph, he is taking his dysfunctional little family off to the Isle of Bloody White. Rob, on a small island, it'll be like Bergerac, bodies all over the shop. However, Peggy with her usual, empathic and entirely accurate grasp of character thinks that Titchinobi's thought found him such a nice man, so it must be true. The hospital don't want to see Tony again for another six months, neither does anyone else, but sadly we don't get a choice. Pat and Tony announced that they were chucking in the farm completely, yep, it's all over, apart from working on the farm, and in the dairy, and living in the house. Apart from that, it'll all be completely different, and they are not going to talky. Talky breeds a huge sigh of relief. There was a strange bit when they made the coin announcement that they were retiring, and Pat went a bit julian and sandy and kept saying, "Go on Tony, tell them, tell them, go on Tony, tell them." Oh, what a surprise, Stefan is not coming back. Case closed on the culvert, Charlie sounding as convinced as a BBC executive hearing that the top gear Argentine and number plates were a random coincidence. But unless someone goes back to Transylvania, wrenches open that coffin and removes the crucifix from Stefan's chest, Titchinobi has gone away with it. Kate behaved nauseatingly at Phoebe's party, no one wants to hear about a dilated cervix when they've got a face full of lamb kibab. However, Phoebe was planning a much more exciting party for she was playing party games like musical chests and hide the sausage. Bert told Carol to boggar that he'd had a good look at her veg. At least I think that's what he said. Anyway, she made him some seed cake, which is revolting, but an old recipe so therefore must be nice, along with gruel and tripe, and as a result he decided against setting fire to Frieda's corpse and floating her down the am as she might get jammed under a bridge and burn the village down. It's like paying poo sticks for the dead person. What the hell is in seed cake? Toby the sheep dog drove the Gosling's to holiday. He did the steering and two of the geese sat in the front helping him with the satin half. It was like shawn the sheep. He bought them from Norfolk and being Toby couldn't help Norfolk about and bought twice as many as they actually needed. And the weak climaxed, so to speak, with Kate bursting in on Alex and Phoebe. He in flagrante had a less ends and had a good old shet. Kate was abducting small children smoking crack and trafficking illegal immigrants by the time she was 14, but that did not stop her taking the moral high ground, which was actually quite pleasing to hear. Maybe there is some maternal material in there so where, after all, she'll be making bloody jam and distressing furniture before we know where we are. The end! No, that's a triumph this week. However, having said all that about Kate, when I heard yesterday, I know when I listened to yesterday's, I thought, oh my God, because she's completely messed it all up for herself. She had a moment of sympathy and a moment of kind of, hmm, maybe she's not that bad for her. And then she completely blew that out of the water with her behaviour yesterday, which I will not ruin for those what have not heard it. I felt a little twinge of sympathy for old Kate. Because if you're going to walk in and see that, it's going to scramble your brain, isn't it? You can have all the instincts that you think, and then the ethics, and whatever that you think that you're going to have, and all of a sudden you see a pair of pink buttocks going up and down. On your daughter! Yeah, you know. On your firstborn. Get off! Yeah. You know, you're going to, you know, it's going to, your brain's going to take a leap when you didn't want to directly, it's going to leap. Exactly. And I didn't think that what she said to Phoebe afterwards was that, okay, there was the whole kind of, you can come and talk to me and all this kind of stuff, and of course that's just kind of nonsense. But you know, that Phoebe, she is, she knows how to twist a knife, doesn't she? Yeah. But what Kate was saying, we shouldn't be talking about this because it happened yesterday, but there we go. What Kate was saying, basically, was, but where am I in all this? You know, why aren't I? What about me? What about me? What about me? You know, how does this boost my ego? That's what she was saying, wasn't it? Basically. My role is for you to tell, of course, you could talk to me about, you know, you should be talking to me about it, and what I thought was maternal safeguarding, I actually think now, was just outraged that it was something that was happening that she didn't know about. Yes, because she is this great big earth mother, and of course, when her daughter is about to embark on a first sexual adventure, of course, she'd come to her mother and sit down and talk to her about it, and whatever, but as Phoebe says, who does that? Yeah, exactly. You know, in the real world, who does that? Yeah. You know, so anyway, I just, to say that this whole thing was somewhat sign posted is put in it mildly, however, yes, you know, we weren't necessarily expecting Kate to walk in, but you know, we all knew that Phoebe's petals, so to speak, were going to get plucked. Yeah. You know, so. We're going to get one? Oh, plucked. Yes. I think somebody on Twitter said it best, and I'm very sorry, I've forgotten who it was, but they said, "When everyone went, 'Oh, shut up, Kate!'!" They all said, "What could be fair? What were you expecting her to do coming in the lightest cigarette for Alex?" And you've got to think, yeah, exactly, what were you expecting, really? She is, you know, she is human, but then she went and wrecked it by a big, a complete idiot for the next thing, but there we are. Now we've had a little bit of a chat-et about our thoughts and feelings on the last seven days. Why don't we go to the great callerenaress of the universe that he's dumbly-dumb? Are you supposed to watch in the affirmative there? Sorry. Yes, let's do that then. You can't say no, so you'd rather just continue to chat and to hell with the callerenaress. Hello, Ambridge 3962. Hello, Amsterdam. Welcome to Scotland by Canada here. My academic daughter was staying with me for graduation, has graduated and departed, so it's now safe to listen to the archers and to dumb to them again. She did suggest, incidentally, but I tried to convert her to the archers while she was staying. She was going to make sufficient sense to a newcomer at any of the various weeks when she was staying here. We didn't go through with that experiment at the end, and I'm really rather glad we didn't, because having caught up, I'm not sure it makes a lot of sense to me. Now if I've got this right and there's a very large chance I haven't, for now 250 geese at hollow tree, there was going to be 100 geese or possibly there was going to be 200. I can't remember which, and that in and of itself is probably part of the problem, but it struck me as I was listening to it, increasing the number by that much meant a bit more than expanding the pins, because surely now you need to get in more drinking water and more food, and thereby counterbalance any additional profit you'd have made, because surely if you don't do that, the geese are going to be fighting dumbly hard for sustenance, and that cannot be good and it's all left me rather tempted to bring up animal welfare and complain about a case of overcrowded geese at hollow tree on Brookfield Farm no fault of the archers. Claire, to be honest, I cannot remember a week that would be a good week to introduce someone to the archers, because if you pick a week when nothing happens, then the person listens to it and thinks, why the bloody old, I want to listen to a load of people preparing for a vegetable show, but if you pick one when lots is happening, you'd just spend the whole week going, ah, no, no, no, you see, the reason it is significant, that Claire hasn't found a dress for the wedding, or the reason it is significant that Fallon's lost her bunting is blah, blah, blah, blah, at which point the person looks at you as if you should be sectioned, so you know, either way, you can't recommend, you can't introduce someone to it, my I do it by, it's a bit like the Jesuit, sort of insinuation, I just leave it on, and Tilly has now started to listen, if I say, do you want to do the archers, she says ha ha, no, it leaves, if I just have it on, sometimes she'll say who's that talking or why's that man cross, or why da da da da da, so that's quite, so I'm gradually leading her in, you see, that's my plan, and even, my other half said the other day, why is Brian shouting, and I said, because he's cross about a Herbalay, and Simon said, what's that? Herbalay, Herbalay, oh don't want to take a 24 hours, thanks Roy, that's all back now, it took me to do a Sunday evening to stop that, no you've started to do it all over again, but Simon got a surprise, what's a Herbalay, Herbalay, he was going, what's a Herbalay, but no don't tell me it's fine, I don't want to, I'm getting drawn in, I don't want to go Herbalay, Herbalay, Herbalay, Herbalay, All the way back to Robyn Abbey I was singing it worked really well, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I'm not sure I care, it's with the spoon, with the spoon, I just got a bottle of bread, I just got a big limit of brine and a purple basil, and stacked noodles, right, with a spoon, he said it was a joyful event listening to Tony and Pat planning for the future, and Tony had admitted to being Jewish in the past, that's an understatement, Tony has been psychotic for the last decade, anyway, well it's always doomed to failure isn't it, when you hear people on the archers discussing joyful events you know that one of them is going to be dead within the week, so it's just a matter of which one's next, you've got the giggles now haven't you, no, I can eat you chuckling you're big idiots, ha ha ha, well at least you've had your turn to lose it on the dumpster ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha so we talk with the spoon now ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hey baby I hear the blues are callin' toss salads and scrambled eggs, mercy ha ha ha ha greetings to Lucy Refield and all dumpty-dummers around the world, it's Witherspoon, Angus Haggis and Handsome Husband calling not from New York City or my office in downtown Summit but from Chesterfield, New Hampshire, we're sitting on our deck overlooking a beautiful field, it just as well could be Adams Field of Herbalay on a bucolic summer's day in Ambridge, a happy fourth of July to all, as it's a bank holiday weekend as you lot say, and I'm on holiday as you lot say, I'll just comment on one joyful event of the past week, a small tier came to my eye listening to Tony and Pat talk with Tom and Helen about plans for the future and Tony apologized about his cheerlessness in the past, their crews must have been most therapeutic, and it seems that New Tony likes New Tom much better than New Tony liked Old Tom and Old Tony liked Old Tom, I don't think that Old Tony ever met New Tom, it also seems that the script writers are easing us into a gradual generational transition at Bridge Farm, Home Farm and lastly Brookfield, ah I see that Angus is doing a lot of exploring, he must be looking for a scruff, as I sip on my glass of Brian's pilfered wine and reflect upon our two nations historic and special relationship, I wish you a good day from New England, until next week it's Witherspoon and Angus Haggis signing off. This is probably the ideal time to say that this July 25th thing is on folks and we have a little venue, which is only the venue that we used before but they're nice there so we decided to go back. So if you would like to come and hang out with 15, 16, 17 odd Dundee Dhammers in London. There you go, Dundee Dhammers come down to Coca Dalek which is in West London on July 25th it's not going to be much of a Dundee Dhammedou because Lucy's not there but it just means that we can have a drink, we have some up to eat and we can have the place to ourselves on a Saturday night. So if you'd like to come along, go on to the book of bass, find us on there and hit the button that says you're coming along on New England. Is there a button that says I am coming along to the event? It's very specific. They've got their game up and they Facebook haven't been on for ages. And the big draw is that the big butch psychotherapist gentlemen from Manhattan will be there too. So there you go. With a spoon will be there. Now talking about people who will be coming along to our event on July 25th. Oh Andrew Horne is, he said, he said he was coming to it. Yes I know. And because he's got it's got a past hasn't he? Yeah. But that was supposed to be a neat link for me to say. Yeah right because I'm a professional, professional podcaster. Talking about people who will be coming along to the event on the 25th. Here's a call from Miss Bentos. Hello Dundee Dhammed, it's Mrs Bentos here. This week I think on the arches was brought to us by a few missed opportunities. I really think with the Phoebe storyline that Alex should have turned out to have been a girl. I think with a sort of gender neutral name like Alex that could have been a nice little twist and I think it would have been maybe a slightly more interesting storyline. If we'd have seen that Kate's so-called liberal hippiness might have been challenged a little bit more as it is I think we all thought she was a bit of a hypocrite for being so shocked and appalled that two teenage kids would have used an empty house to try and you know get up to a bit of naughtiness. I think it's probably a lot less than Kate would have done herself. And also where was Rory? I kept thinking he was going to wander in on them rather than Kate. Surely he must have finished boarding school by now. The term must be over. I'm convinced that in fact he's not actually going to school and in fact he's just been kept locked in a cupboard somewhere in Ambridge. A bit like Harry Potter, maybe he's under the stairs. I'm sure he was sort of thumping about in a previous episode. It sounded like he was rolling around, maybe he's tied up. Also I think maybe Roy is sharing a cupboard with Rory. Rory, because this week he sounded like he was talking through a door. It was all very odd. We're talking odd things. Toby and his obsession with Goslings is just getting worse. I've never heard of anyone getting so carried away that they they overbuy in the Gosling Steaks. Really quite an odd board because sort of imagine him saying oh they were so cute I couldn't resist. Just don't really know what he's he's playing at with his hilarious comedy horn this week as well. Rather than the sort of jukes of hazard theme tune or whatever it was that he was playing. I think his horn should have been the sound of 250 Geese honking. Because that would obviously be completely hilarious and very very appealing. Anyway I think I better go off. I need to go and order myself a hamper and I thought I might order one for Pip and the Fair Brethren as well, a three person one from Fallon. She's come up with quite a catchy name for that one. It's called the squash up on the front seat and don't spare the horn hamper. She has given me a warning that it contains sausages. Thanks very much keep up the good work. Yes talking about the hilarious comedy horn and the over buying of the geese there was a lot of comedy horn in the archers this week. One where another. I don't today even make hooters like that anymore. The flippin dukes of hazard isn't it? They have that. Absolutely. I never watched that you know but anyway. I loved it. Yes comedy hooter he's such an arse isn't he old Toby. But you can tell that Pip really really really does quite fancy him in a kind of a as long as he keeps his mouth shut sort of way. Well there was the scene. She likes talking to Rex but she likes looking at Toby in the nip I think. Well you know there was the uh the shower scene. Yes it was all new or at least yeah and wet and uh hand me my towel please Pip. She said yes but yes um what did you think about this Jill thing? Let's suddenly wrench Grace Archer back into it just because she's coming in for the anniversary issue. What? The actress that played Grace Archer is coming back for the 750 millionth episode of the archers whenever that is and she's coming back in as a just to do a cameo appearance she's about 94 or something. You know what I started reading something and I didn't get to the end of the article it was obviously that article wasn't it? Yeah um she's still alive. Yeah so she didn't die in that fire you see um but but as a result all of a sudden we've got Jill being really really weird about the Fair Brothers brothers and David's a bit guarded with them isn't he but that might be because they're both sniffing Pip's crotch but there's kind of um there's a there's a whole arch a slight frostiness because of Elizabeth and um uh what's his name Fair Brother what was he called? I can't can't remember the one that she had the affair with. Yeah yeah yeah um so I thought you know what I thought the the kind of slight frostiness was the fact that it's Phil's first wife and it was just uncomfortable isn't it? Yeah but Jill's never seemed to express any particular but I suppose it hasn't kind of come up before has it? No exactly what with her being dead and everything but and the Fair Brother in never not been in it for about twenty years. Yeah okay yes it's just all of a sudden she sounds as as uh irritated by Grace's ghost as she was as a newlywed but you know the husband's dead but I suppose maybe that sort of resentment doesn't change I don't know maybe it's something you hold with you I don't know well you could go one of either two ways couldn't it you could say oh you know it was all in the past Phil Phil's dead blah blah blah who cares I don't think she'd say Phil's dead who cares but I know you never know it's a little harsh hello lovely Dunty Dun people it's Sam here I'm on Twitter's @SamHairyD I missed last week's tweet along as I was busy dealing with Hell's House guest as those who follow me on Twitter will be only too aware so I'm not sure that this week was any less traumatic to be honest given the smut and filth and innuendo obviously I am appalled and shall be writing to the script writers forthwith to demand that they wash their mouths and indeed pens out with carbolic soap because frankly disgraceful but with pip and the fair brethren phoebe and Alex which if I'd had any internal organs left inside it would have turned them inside out and all the general smut that I seem to find everywhere clearly this is not me this is definitely a problem with the script writers because my followers and followers on Twitter seem to have the same problem I'm sure it's not us I'm sure it's definitely them anyway hope all's well lots of love hope to see you soon bye bye Sam Mary Dee um yes she was talking about the the the the rumpus pumpers going on in average phoebe and Alex and the fair brethren and pip and all that it's like cold comfort farm when the soup binds out they're all at it like knives this this fair brethren and pip thing it's all a bit pointless as well for pip because she's going away surely she just becomes attracted to you she's not though is she no she's not but I mean in reality if she if she was a 19 year old girl just about to move away and start an amazing job which might involve her traveling all over the world she's not gonna be pissing around with you know two little backward business men who you know aren't doing a terrifically good job of setting up a goose farm is she no matter how how good they look under a pump well I'm sorry but um I think they're they're doing a decent job with the goose farm aren't they well he bought too many and there's not room for the wall well squeezed them in anyway oh I don't know other than she ain't going to Brazil or anywhere far soon so there's going to be enough time to explore this love triangle between her and the but we've already had that story haven't we we've had we've had emmer trapped between Ed and Will good heavens well done I hadn't even made that connection you know it's just a bit it's the same old same old isn't it well done Lucy thank you very much you get a Sarah Smith cloth yay yay hello dumb stomach choco bear here calling from that place bit stressed here at yoco bear towers at the moment currently writing up my master's dissertation and it's not going terribly well um and so I thought well what better time to call dumb tea dumb and I'm definitely not doing this as avoiding you might write in my dissertation but basically this week in ambridge well it's all about sex wouldn't it um I think this Viagra in the water Carol Tragoram seed cake what a euphemism and of course the dirty weekend coming up between the evil Rob and Helen on the Isle of Wight so romantic but of course there was also the whole Alex and Phoebe thing which actually thinking back now after listening to it it's a little bit uncomfortable with it I thought Phoebe showed a bit of hesitation and Alex was kind of you know pushing go not be alright be alright and if you're 100% confident with that or comfortable I should say um so yeah I'm not sure I mean one thing's for sure I think this is going to really destroy the relationship between Phoebe and Kate Kate has obviously gone storming in there um as you know as I think mothers would but I think Phoebe will interpret this is there is literally nowhere in my life that you're not meddling and poking your nose in Kate so I'm going to be interested to see where that goes to be honest with you right I'm going to go back and start writing more of my well you know let's not mention it stop pissing around and do your dissertation Yoko Bear stop using us as as to stop blaming us for not for procrastination get on with it um and he says as well it's all about the sex but he said that he could detect and I agree with him because I always agree with Yoko Bear um there was a Phoebe did sound a bit uneasy the preparations for this magical event which let's face it the first time is never magical for the woman um uh you know she sounded a bit kind of uh not quite sure so he thinks Kate did her a say on that unsure or was that just dramatic uh license you know the pauses in her voice and whatever and the way it was written so we were under no illusions of what actually was going to happen that you wasn't going to bring a jigsaw around or something you know exactly um and and actually you know I have to listen to those episodes again but the way that it played out in my head was she was just saying yes okay this is going to happen we've talked about it um we're both going along you know we're both doing this together um but it's going to be our first time that's the way that I read it that you know there was a certain amount of understandable uh nervous trepidation exactly it wasn't as if he was saying oh yeah don't worry leave it to me whoa he wasn't like that at all you know he was displaying a certain amount of sympathy uh you know sympathy too yeah you know he he was the way that I read it uh he was you know being a considerate kind of boyfriend but he was but he was you know he was the boy in inverted commas so he was a little bit more dare I say up for it yes than she was but he wasn't you know he wasn't you know he wasn't you know going in there with hobnell boots I was saying don't worry I've done this all before and that would be very very unfortunate going in there with hobnell boots on it seems to do all the sort of thing that you want brings tears to your eyes hello dumpty dumplied spirit calling I've got a question it's demora capital the only mega corporation in existence that doesn't have an HR department why I'm asking this question well because charlie doesn't appear to be able to get stephen's number other than through rob yes I appreciate it's been done for dramatic effect I appreciate that the whole call that storyline is being dragged out to infinity but in normal circumstances what would happen is that charlie would go to rob and say oh I want to talk to stephen about something can I have his number and instead of rob going oh no no I'm the only person who can talk to him because obviously I have something incredibly important to hide and you're not allowed to talk to him rob would say yeah okay here's his number and if rob didn't give charlie the number charlie would say okay well I'll just go to a char then yes just another example of what witherspoon is entirely accurately identified in the archers of the fact that people do not confront each other they do not call each other on things and in this case yes a bit frustrating but obviously being done so that they can drag out the storyline I think miss spirit that that is a most excellent point that of course you just go to HR yeah so would you reckon loose we've had an email which kind of fits in with that um go on uh from elizabeth church who says I predict that Ryan Reynolds here for I guess my hundredth mid commercial no no no no no no no no no no no no no no honestly when I started this I thought only I have to do like four of these I mean if unlimited premium wireless for fifteen dollars a month how are there still people paying two or three times that much I'm sorry I shouldn't be victim blaming here give it a try at midmobile.com switch whatever you're ready 45 dollars up from payment equivalent to 15 dollars per month new customers on first three month plan only taxes and fees extra speed slower above 40 gigabytes seat details Kenny's family health care benefits kicked in the day he started his hourly job at amazon but two kids he was a big fan of that then he took advantage of amazon's on the job skills training program that helped him launch a new career in software development can he like that too that led to a bigger paycheck so he was able to get his youngest son a drum oh please drum set next up drum lessons learn more at about amazon.com amazon every day better hey it's mark marron from wtf here to let you know that this podcast is brought to you by progressive insurance and i'm sure the reason you're listening to this podcast right now is because you chose it well choose progressives name your price tool and you could find insurance options that fit your budget so you can pick the best one for your situation who doesn't like choice try it at progressive.com and now some legal info progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law not available in all states while rob and helen are in the eye of white charlie will find out about stephan by finding his details in the office i think that makes a whole lot of sense because where the hell is this holiday come from they've no one ever goes on holiday in ambrage apart from pat and tony who go away then come back well that's not true but holidays and ruth went off to praga couple of years ago and he got a lot of stick yeah but yeah normal people go on the other day more often they're all right okay lillian and jenny went away just just the other day all right then i'm completely wrong i'll shut up yes kenton just went off to australian it's bumped a whole load of money away but you want to say no one ever goes away on a holiday no but just i can't it's like no one ever goes home to see their family that we don't know pat yes who the hell is pat's family she was Welsh once where are they where is the Welsh contingent um elizabeth judge also said she thinks that rob will be infertile and not able to give hellen the baby he wants her to have oh crumbs wouldn't that be a turn up for the book it would i quite like these plot predictions emmy church keep them coming quality quality predictions yeah uh if only all the other predictions we got from our email winners were so good there's the bar everybody emma church has set it pretty high except she's called elizabeth apart from that she said oh no i i did i worked with an emma church that's the reason why i said emma church she wants to know by the way that uh she said can we have a posthumous john because the late mr church was john does that count or is it too late i think we can have a posthumous john yeah no john the eighth there you go marvellous yeah well done john the eighth uh awarded posthumously to john church fabulous hi it's miss mid city here first thought being actually i can now tell the fair brethren apart toby is the one who's a real git and rex is the one who always sounds a bit worried so it's not so much about their voices as to the way their characters are developing that's how i can tell them apart i think i would be i'd be in real trouble if charlie and tom were in a scene with the fair brethren i would i'd really be struggling then the other thought i had going back to the fair brethren is is that where it looks as they were being teed up nicely for another love triangle pip and two brothers there's one who seems keen on her rex and the other one who she seems keen on but is not as keen on her as she is on him toby mmm it's not going to end very well even though pip is throwing herself like a real olympian at toby i don't think he's particularly interested so it sounds as though rex is going to be pining for her on the sidelines and maybe by the time she realises his feelings for her she will be off at her new job which takes her around the world good news if debbie's coming back i like that particular idea because i i like her as a character and it's nice to have people come back those are my thoughts i had some more thoughts but those will do for now miss mid city worried about pips love life well she's going to get stuck isn't she in it's going to be a big dilemma and blah blah and she's going to fall for toby who is going to um you know let her down and then she's going to go for mr nice guy rex and then they'll get married and then that will set the family dynamic up for the next 40 years in ambridge pip as the matriarch with reliable cosy husband vvatt rex um and toby as the near do well brother um can i just um add that um i love tams in thingy bobbly that pays debbie yes um and the fact that she's coming back gives me a proper sense of joy i know and she's so famous she's so famous she's had a massive western run with women on the edge of another breakdown she's done episodes and she's done black books and she's brilliant and funny and beautiful and clever and she's still sticking to the arches which is so great and um friday night is it friday night dinner friday night supper i loved her on that oh yeah oh yes yes yes yeah yep you know one of my favorite bits this week was her conversation with brian where she was telling him to calm down when and when he said honestly i'm surrounded by women and she said well it's never bothered you before because i didn't have to live with them and then he went oh and she sort of tutted if he went sorry and she said oh it's all right i know you by now and i think it's such an honest relationship yes absolutely lovely and also that she's the only person the only sensible person he can sound off to because she understands kate she understands lily and she understands the things that wind brian up but you know it's all right for her she's a nice long way away pral canes having to deal with them all making his swimming pool go purple so you can kind of see really you know um who was our canadian cholera last week from winnie peg isa cute oh well done isa cute and he said that um i think was the isa cute that talked about brian i can't remember i think it was because he's talking about the fact that there are there are very few complex uh male characters so i'm getting this slightly wrong i do apologize but um the more time goes on you do realize that brian is an amazing character in that there is comedy there there is you know the that sense of frustration there is yeah you get you get the whole kitten caboodle with a bit brian don't you you know you go you can go through all of the gears it can play it straight it can play it comedically yeah you know and actually as a character you know there is true true light light and shade but it's not too dark and it's not too light and it's absolutely brilliant so um yes that was absolutely spot on and and i love me a bit of brian altridge in a way that i didn't for years yeah you know and it has to be said it's actually the caller inerus and emailer inerus uh talk about him you actually realize no yeah you know brian actually is um a great character and he's been written really well he's been served really well by the secret writers there was a beautiful bit as well brian's so subtle that's what i like about him um he he when Alex did his creepy creepy mother of the girl i'm just about to rob of a virginity um hello mrs allridge grand other rob the girl yeah and and when he was talking to to jenny and he said um and thank you so much mr. oldridge and jennifer said oh call him brian and brian just went oh there was just this it's kind of oh actually i quite liked being called mr. oldridge macute alt aside but it was great and when he rose on the back kates cooking and she says don't touch my vegan ingredients and he said don't worry you know it's just so lovely very very very good i love brian hello dumpty dum um goddess diva here recovered from a week of tent flaps line or riches in cinnamon dreams on the green field i have to say though that unlike kate the only thing that was dilated was possibly my pupils at some point and that was definitely a lack of sleep mmm definitely what one have i got to say about the archers this week well paired myself laughing at the fact that phoebe got laid before pip phoebe even though Alex i don't like him he's a bit creepy like yeah i'm not very comfortable with Alex at all phoebe didn't sound too sure at all about her proper birthday yeah that was really creepy didn't like that in the slightest but what can i say props to her she got laid before piped dead even though pip's been trying really hard with the wet t-shirt competition type thing it all got a little bit confessions of a goose farmer and was innuendo city it was a bit okay and much as this isn't a popular thing now i've had enough of your journey just to piss off really i'm so tired of her being so wistful and whoa now you get on my nerves love stop it actually speak properly because you're just getting on getting on my nerves i don't know if that's lack of sleep an overdose of the hoo and paul weller or just having me rudey mentors broken i don't know but anyhow it's nice to be back it's lovely to still be here in the podcast i managed to treat long at glass and break but couldn't listen to the podcast till i got home and i have to say peeing myself again at patch shaving arrangements i i laughed so hard i needed my inhalers anyhow quick one this week and i will speak to you again soon still loving the podcast more than a year on loving hearing all the new voices and missing cosmo for some reason his dulcet tone seemed to make my week okay tora godess diva is missing cosmo yes we all are because we've all got a list of questions there was a list of questions for cosmo um from claire uh in scotrian via canada that he has to answer so we'll keep him busy when he comes back from his latest trip abroad and that is your lot from the calls yas um we haven't really talked about k-slap down from marin par regarding you know we haven't talked about in any detail you know the investment like that i thought right that yes the figures were a little bit kind of scant because you know we all got to see them of course listening on the radio um but oh that's another bit i loved sorry i'm just in trouble but when we have to listen on the radio to people on the radio we have to listen to Roy listening to david on the radio on the radio sister lures makes me laugh every time they do it then whatever goes on local television it's always local radio sorry carry on yes the business plan no i just thought that they flew off the handle a little bit too quickly but it was a shit biz even the copy was really bad setting a setting this bit relaxing therapy centre setting a beautiful setting or whatever it was and i thought yeah kate has spent i don't know 45 minutes on this business plan tops then she's wandered off to go and lie back by the pool again and have a you know jin and spinach smoothie and and and think that she's done a tremendous job you know we weren't really hard today i deserve this absolutely bloody nonsense business plans take days to do they're horrible yeah but it could have been like a good executive summary but listen i'm i'm with you right and uh all this uh yurt stuff in in the middle of borsett shirt but jenny joined in didn't she normally she's the thing but no she's completely behind brian right now with the uh the kate bashing yeah you know or that's because keeping it real that's because brian is not shagging anybody else when she thinks when brian when brian when brian is titting about that's when jenny joins forces with the children and uses them to uh get at him because she never wants to address actually what he's doing she never says directly you are bonking someone else she just says the children are very angry with you brian well i don't know if that's an oversimplification or an astute of course it is this is me of course it's an massive oversimplification all right so whilst we ponder on that because i think i might well be an astute observation uh let's take five and come back the other side the touchy milli and then the top five hashtag the arches tweets of the last seven days hello i'm sarah smith proud sponsor of dumpty dum if you want to polish up your albian give your optics a wipe or even mop up after your ferrets sarah smith cloths are eco-friendly reusable and washable and you know a bit posh sarah smith available from sainsbury's for the poshia washer proud sponsors of dumpty dum fancy getting your mouth around something warm something comforting you can really get a firm grip on why not buy a dumpty dum mug from the shop at dumpty dum.com those damn lovely um my name is kate my name is joe my name is michola my name is susan herky me my name is mary parkinson i am in hope house as a client um i have had addiction issues i'm at hope house um i was in clinton eating dysent heurian cray um addiction bridging track as methadone i mean because it got really bad hope house started off as an eight-bed unit in made of ale and um we're in all women units read an article about it at house some months before and when i read about it what i read or what i took away from the article was that this was a place where women worked to help other women coming soon to iTunes one thousand and one conversations a new podcast from royfield brown good day everyone it's millie bell here and it's freezing it was minus one this morning we've had another fun week on the book of face and karen makin wall on archer's appreciation has a pithy little wet teeth shirt time gives you the pit jenny stevens in ambridge attic says i still think brian gets all the best lines and i must admit i just think he's getting better and better gerry rowley said david need help needs help at bookfield then kate needs a job and the dots and martin james had coming soon a hilarious episode in which 250 hungry geese escape into david's serials margaret saunter in archer's appreciation says result my three year old grandalter is sitting in the kitchen on a little stall eating a knife solly and listening to the archer's she liked the geese they are her new favorite characters martin pickering in upstairs at the ball said a chance to use my horn oh really david would in archer's appreciation said what's happened to kathleen janey discuss we cannot go through all the people who are not being featured at the moment i'm sure they'll be in there soon jeff slayed in ambridge attic said so when is david going to cotton on the brexton is ridiculous brother or on hand to help on the farm in the absence of roofing the hip mark bradbury in ambridge attic said waiting for the bear brothers boys to be invited around for leavens is just so i can hear the question would you like some tea rex? as mark bradam says he's feeling mischievous the bear brother boys are really featuring at the moment aren't they bethi or bethia i'm not sure jenna in archer's appreciation said that's exchange between virgin mrs toboggan was a bit carry on up the garden park and i did put on a link for the latest chambridge episode which is so funny and if you haven't heard it go to our dumpy down facebook page and just click on the link because it's brilliant now we asked you who would you invest in in that ambridge and uh katine michael do a mile said balance nason business will she just buy the organic shop and get on with it and i until said they obviously need a hairdresser for the ladies it seems to be the event to go and for the man do of them any of them ever actually get a haircut the valoried valoried valor said how about a pet shop for all the non-existent pets in ambridge or an off-glyces to send kenton over the edge you want to leave early and nickels barns wrote an essay which i will endeavour to do some justice to now he said let's see patch tony tom rob i would say helen but let's face it rob would be the controlling factor there no way pat and tony would be backseat driving tom will drop everything and run away to canada again at the moment's notice and rob well robin up said the bull i'd want a controlling share couldn't be doing what kenton did that glass of beer just conspired against me daleidrew pick do i get to spend lots of time going over fingers with new pick yes okay count me in valon i i'd throw a few quid into a cafe venture if it meant i got free tea and buttons every time i passed by here you go rue i feel that's the way to get through to valon um ed uh no bl as long as i could secure agreement from the board that martin's tab would be cleared and he wouldn't be allowed any credit in future yes okay dimara capsule absolutely as long as they stacked a lot first great gables like valance cat i'd throw a few quid in just to get bread and breakfast whenever i needed it edian joe i'm running away very quickly um home farm with brian and charge you know adam and debbie yes chris why not there will always be a need for a barrier blacksmith whatever allister i wouldn't trust the man not to gamble it away and lower locksly no i'd recommend that the national trust take it over that's about it isn't it well it is and that's about it from me and um i haven't had much response from people with ideas about how to make our facebook page more dynamic so i'm going to try a slightly different tack and i really encourage you to get involved i'm going to start finding out a little bit more about our dear listeners some of you phoning regularly and some of you not at all but we'd like to know who's listening to us so with your indulgence i'm going to ask you a few questions over the next few weeks and if you can respond i would love it and i'm looking forward to getting to know you better have an awesome week thank you miss belle uh lucy hit us with now five hashtag the artist tweets of the week no five one two three oh okay yeah okay that's all right because we know we're trying to keep these shows edited and tight so oh yes right lorence kerry it's about time kenton had a film moment kenton can you hear me dad is that you yes stop being a twat um now the happy gardener is a new convert to the archers and even better a new convert to dumpedy dumb hello happy gardener he said he tweeted which prompted a volley of tweets i have only just started listening at the moment i hate everybody who should i hate and lisley f_a_ said i've hated shula since about 1980 i love the way she can pinpoint the year i think it's 1982 um revs seven said was phoebe doing it with earphones in i'd have been dressed by the time kate had hollered her way up the stairs hashtag you've sex yes me too she didn't she was exactly quiet was she but they did have music on in an effort to distract from the pain in general have you ever got discord or nearly got caught with your parents in a similar thing with my parent what do you mean by my parents yes no have you i did what did it to you but it's a family podcast but now i well that you accidentally saw your mum uh what well no don't you remember you when you taught them how to use skype and they sniped you mid-afternoon you said there were boobs going everywhere as you put it exactly you got your revenge then yes did did you dad just stand in the doorway saying right feel you're coming for breakfast like you did the other day i tell you what it was right and i i must have i was thinking i was 17 i won't tell anyone no one's listening it's all right all right good right so i was about 17 and i had this girlfriend called patreon sparks and you know whoa whoa whoa whoa called what yeah she was shed on Gary and parents patreon sparks i don't know where the sparks bit came in but whatever right that's immaterial right so and we used to she's barking before or afterwards sorry go real so we used to sneak home after uh after the sixth form and my dad works shifts that that's the salient point here right and i could kind of work out if my dad left it let's say uh quarter past date you know he's going to be home and about quarter past four but it was never an exact science all right anyway so she says all listening round to yours so we sprinted round to mine after double psychology or something or another i can't remember and and we were just just kind of disrobing uh and she went i just heard a car door i went woman shoshu noise there's no car door she went no no no i've heard a car door and i went please don't be so ridiculous my dad's not home anytime soon she said royfield this so this felt this felt like this went on for about this five hours this in turn we were kind of arguing of course it's more like five seconds she said please have a look i looked out the window i couldn't believe it my dad was on the driveway with my little baby brother and i just like sprinted back to my bedroom went it's my dad and i was properly in the buff and i just threw my clothes into the bathroom closed the door my dad for some strange reason just much straight upstairs opened the bathroom door and said who's in the bedroom i went what and he just opened the bedroom door i only had my trousers on no i had my pants on right he opened the bedroom door and she was sat on the bed fully closed she said hello mr brown good guy i just went oh my god i'm a diamond hmm come downstairs for a cup of tea i was like oh my god i'm a diamond there's someone she went well i'm not wearing anything underneath you know she just threw her dress on there's no brand only because no nothing like this i was like oh my god please see i never been so scared in all my life when my when she when my dad opened the door and oh god hello mr brown it's like an episode of Frasier you know where there's all the doors going left right and center and someone's in the bathroom and somebody's gone you know shuffling off sideways into another room and sort of semi clothed there's a lot of a lot of door fast nonsense isn't there um why was your dad so convinced there was going to be somebody in the bedroom though i have no idea i have no idea he just marched straight upstairs and it wasn't as if there's any of her paraphernalia downstairs so knew that there was there was a girl in the house he just i don't know he had dad six cents and he just walked straight upstairs and said who's in the bedroom yeah so how did you explain the fact that you you had a visitor and you were in the bathroom just in your pants my my father's not a fool right but you know he just said you you've got yourself a girlfriend you could get dressed very quickly but yeah very very very funny in in hindsight at the time extremely scary then there's my little brother saying he was in your bedroom he was only about two or so the two or three he was very very small anyway anyway where are we and we don't know the quarter in her is i mean all the all the emailer in her is i mean all the texter in her is i mean all the tweeter in her is you're right you're having a stroke he's we've had we've done one tweet oh okay two tweet uh hannah you remember last week we were talking about places where you couldn't even buy milk but you could buy a bedroom lamp yes bloody seashells or something hannah clark said she grew up near glastonbury my dad tried to buy a light bulb once he failed there you go it's not just seaside places it's places like that should be where it's entirely tourist driven um wendy pit said yep i think kate would have given phoebe some foreplay ideas followed by the keep safe advice actually yes that would have been icky but but very kate like and a jangle spoon this is my tweet of the week you're gonna do your thing oh said bad luck there for young phalanx me name he's probably only got 30 seconds of staying power and mum walks in yes that is the kind of thing that can damage a young boy's uh yes years of analysis there i think probably thing is when you're that young you might have a whole load of staying power but you can definitely reload pretty quickly yes yeah give it a couple of minutes and you'll be right back right what is it your map theory what would you be rock of gibberle to us i mean we're keeping this show sorry topic yes our topic yeah right yeah what is the topic uh underage sex oh no the archers it is the archers so um and because it's to do with the archers we actually have a kind of loosely based art themed archer shop did you know that no i did not did you not well um we sell merch there and if you go to dumpydump.com/shop you can possibly help us uh buy like throw some cash our way by buying some of our merch and this week who's bought some stuff Lucy Claire Doherty and also Stephen Porter bought some stuff great stuff stuffy bar logo on stuff stuff uh right now proper drum roll can do a drum roll reviews news news of reviews this is the last time we are they're going to say this really yeah let's retire it what sorry i mean oh boom yeah it's been momentous folks we've got reviews from batamou empress burger oh for god's sake why have you given me this one gibberle for the moment i can't say it it begins with the g i think someone sat on the keyboard i don't know call max and the 200th review was from claire dot yay claire dot send us your details and we will send you a mug and some beautifully designed cloths from sarah smith sure it's not closed from sarah smith sorry sorry for that anyway so so awesome we've got 200 reviews in the uk itunes chart we've got 21 in the us and only eight in the canadian and like one in the australian and i don't look at any of the others but that's it reviews news can now be put out to past you yay uh remember you can send us a voice message via the site we can call us on 020 30313105 from a phone to leave us a message if you can't get the website to work you can also ping us a kind of email-y type thing if you go on to www.dumdum.com or you can find us on the twitters where we're at wdum we tweet me where i'm at rueyfield me at lucie v freeman or sarah smith at at sarah underscore smith and the new website is going to be up next week isn't it oh yes the new wdum website so we're recording this on monday and um we think we find out the last little kind of kinks so i think it'd be up shoot i'm gonna say wednesday okay i think it'd be up Tuesday but if i definitely say wednesday um it'd be up Thursday show your cake off now and the great thing is with this site folks is that you can when you go on and then register then you can create your own kind of uh content so you can create your articles about why you love the archers who your favorite character is so it could be like a little hub an archer's hub exactly who exactly exactly exactly so um and that'll be dumdydum.com who are wicked so please please please folks oh i didn't even need to even this section needs a rerun cabin so all right for the very last time please please please keep those reviews coming because you want to be top of the podcast charts before Alex covers himself in links africa and chase his phoebe around the garden with a guzzling flavored condom uh i you know what am i trying to say here lucy i don't know i feel emotional do you why yeah no 200 reviews is not to be sniffed at no it's pretty good and even Linda wouldn't sniff it 200 reviews and she should probably do things um so that is what on average just over three no three per episode it's not bad no it's great hmm it's good um what else can we now talk about uh i need a wee quite badly we could probably talk about that for a bit or i could just sit here and wet myself sorry i know listen a woman of your advanced advanced in age you don't know mess around with your water work i know one sneeze and it's all over exactly so i'm not no why don't you say goodbye oh goodbye everybody thank you very much for listening same from me bye all right lucy take care bye bye bye-bye let's talk about something that's not always top of mind but still really important life insurance why because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage credit card debt it can even help fund an education and guess what life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think in fact most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is so with state farm life insurance you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank not sure where to start state farm has over 19 000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget get started today and contact a state farm agent or go to statefarm.com my dad works in b2b marketing he came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend my friends still laughing me to this day not everyone gets b2b but with linkedin you'll be able to reach people who do get a hundred dollar credit on your next ad campaign go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit that's linkedin.com/results terms and conditions apply linkedin the place to be to be
Herbal ley, Herbal ley! Phoebe and Alex get caught with their pants down.
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