DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'
Dum Tee Dum Episode 61 – East of Bristol West of Reading
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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 61 – East of Bristol West of Reading appeared first on DumTeeDum.
- Duration:
- 1h 33m
- Broadcast on:
- 30 Jun 2015
- Audio Format:
- other
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And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those owners to your contracts, they said, "What the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood f*ck." So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes of details. This podcast is a Roy Field Brown production. Find others on iTunes. Hello. I'm Sarah Smith, proud sponsor of Dumte-Dum. If you want to polish up your Albion, give your optics a wipe or even mop up after your ferrets, Sarah Smith cloths are eco-friendly, usable and washable, and, you know, a bit posh. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's for the poshia washer, proud sponsors of Dumte-Dum. Welcome to BBC Radio 4, where all the women are strong and all the men are good looking. Welcome to the new day on BBC Radio 4. The new day on BBC Radio 4.com. Welcome to the new day on BBC Radio 4.com. Welcome to the new day on BBC Radio 4.com. Welcome to the new day on BBC Radio 4. Are you ready? We are. Good, because this is Dumte-Dum, the show about the reality docket drama that has centered an ambridge in the heart of Midlands on the dirt port mini rib that is Roy Field Brown, and with me have the sausage meat buffet bite that is Lucy Freeman. And the most important part of our birthday spread, folks, is you. Now, today's rendition of Barric Green is brought to you by DJ Yoda featuring the Dorset tones of our very own Susan Ray. Now Lucy, can you remind our listeners how that win the accolade of W Dummer of the week if we've got musical talent or even better thought if they don't. Yes, if you want to sing us a Dumte-Dum, turn us something Paul Purple, or let us know who you've rattled recently. Please get in touch via Speakpipe on the site or Ring 0203 0313105. Thank you to Harriet at Champbridge for her amazing voices and lovely Sarah Smith for sponsoring us. Thanks also to Derek for the loan in the back bedroom. Derek is disgusted at the FIFA fraud story. He's actually had first-hand experience of set bladder, but thankfully the antibiotics cleared it right up. Well, it's a proper carry-on down at FIFA, isn't it? It is. Right. This week we've got calls from Felicity who wants a shout-out to continuity. Heather Spoon, who wants to know why Pip won't defend her father, Sean Garrity, who thinks that Pip is a slut. Now, thing is about Mr Garrity. I always think he sells a little bit close to the edge. Well, but that was a j- he was joking with you. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Yoko Bea, who thinks that Articard board is a bit limp, blind spirit, who thinks the Grundes are taking the Mickey. Got a stever who thought that Tony, the sheepdog, and weed in the pool and Mrs. Bajant, all my favorite. He knew a one girl who likes Caroline saying, "Glastonbury." But first, before that, juicy loose. Yes. Weren't you wack us with one of your wondrous monologues? This week, in Ambridge, was brought to you by banter and fast. Felpishum solicits us to the local landed gentry. "Linda is still morning scruff. If only I could have laid him to rest," she said. "Linda enough now. Think of it as a burial at sea. Let's move on, shall we, chop, chop?" Robert suggested a memorial in the garden that I should imagine the circular yellow patches on the lawn will be a fairly constant reminder, to be honest. We had another episode of Carry on Up the Country House Hotel, when Eddie decided to throw open the doors of Joe's room for Baggy's birthday party, or Laffet de Baggy, as Lindy would no doubt call it. Joe pretended to have spotted two car thieves in the gay Grabels car park, who were Norwegian judging by the accent he was doing to impersonate them. Harris McCarpit Burns is on the case of Auntie Cardboard's burglary, which he persists in calling it. He's promised to keep a casual eye out for her jewelry while he constrates on his fingertips search for Fallon's bunting. There was a hilarious interlude in a hayfield with some pork, pie, and an egg. That was very, very amusing. That was followed by a startling announcement from Jill that she'd quite often ridden on top, which my dad looked at her in a different light. And then we had a bit of coin nudge-nudge-winged wink from David Ruth about Ben's conception on top of the hay cart, or the itchy and scratchy search show, as it is also referred to. "Cates quite low at the moment," said Jenny Darling, and Brian managed to restrain himself from pointing out that it made a change from her being quite high, which is her normal state. Heather Pepsak's accent went into revolt, and she was slumped in her chair, and unresponsive said her psychotic neighbour. By the time the ambulance men had reached Heather Peps, her speech was nearly back to normal. Really? How could they possibly tell? But then she was rushed back to hospital again. My money's on that neighbour, who always seems to be around when something has gone wrong, and we will no doubt discover she's actually Ursula Titina. Adam is busy sorting the pickers out. Yes, we all remember what happened last time Adam sorted the pickers out. Charlie, on behalf of Barrow Farm, recruited the entire village into open farm Sunday. Helen gave a presentation called "How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love Robot Cows." Susan gave a speech on symbols, as she misunderstood what Charlie said, and Joe gave a ferret, but his demonstration and Eddie gave a one-man performance of bringing in the sheaves followed by bunging up the culvert. One of the fair brethren went out for a quiet drink at the ball when Pip popped out behind a beer mat, and he told her he was worried about screwing himself before he'd started. I just hope he washed his hands. Not that Pip would care, as she is still fully committed to her heavy-handed flirting technique, which seems to consist of her breathing heavily and saying, "It was really nice talking to you," while the fair brethren frantically invent unmissable appointments to try and shake her off. Clarrie was outraged about Laffet Dubagi, especially as Eddie seems obsessed with trying to sell the food he bought for the party, rather than just tipping it in a bin. Surely it's marching around the corridors by itself by now, especially as Grey Gables was described as "hot" by Adam, I've got visions of mushroom volevons riding up down on the lift all day giggling. Anti-cardboard has checked herself into Dignitas, aka the laurels. Not even the food putter off, they were eating cod in white sauce with mash and peas, which is basically a big plate full of wallpaper paste that someone has sneezed in. Helen and Sausage Boy found something nasty, not in the woodshed, but in the van, and refused to tell us what it was at the way. What was it? My money's on Jazz's copy of Big Knockers at 90 featuring Jill riding on top. Phew, that was a momentarily diverted from stalking the fair brethren by the prospect of her new job, giving cows Brazilians before embarking on the treasure hunt. Toby drove off with Kate, but sadly avoided a fatal crash. Pip drove along with the other sheep, Dog Rex, who panted excitedly and stuck his head out of the window as they drove along. Kate, who is old enough to know how to flirt properly, surely, did her usual half-pist and sleepy voice to indicate that she was hot for Toby. Who is Boris Johnson in a barber? Toby went rah, bloody last girl, tipped rattle powder in the pool, and turned it purple, which was lurious, and exactly the kind of bloody funny stuff that makes young, white, sporty, overprivileged English men loved and respected the world over. So, a busy week for all there, but at least now we know which fair brethren we like, V-Vat Rex, and we'll leave the Regina in the swimming pool. The end! Oh man, yeah, thank you, thank you, I did actually think you'd ended. And I was just about to go hurrah or something, I was going to throw my cap up in the air. But well done, well done. If the spirit of the fair brethren, you were going to throw your cap in the air and shout, "Hurrah for the school!" Yes, yes, and then throw purple... Now, explain what this rattle powder is, please, for a sticky folk. I explained it on the Twitters. I know, but not everybody that is asked for a podcast is on the Twitters. Rattle powder goes, it's usually a purpley-ready colour. In different parts of the country, it can be called "Rattle Powder", as well. It goes in a little bag that is strapped to a ram's chest. And when the ram has a... Ram, what? When the ram rams. Well, yeah, when he has a special cuddle with a lady sheep, then... I think you'll find the correct term is female sheep, or you. I'm from the city, but I do know that. I don't think the correct term is special cuddle either, but then it goes... When a lady sheep and a man sheep love each other very much, they have a special cuddle. Do you think sheep really love each other? Of course they don't! OK. Romantic love is a sort of 16th-century construction anyway, it's a lady rubbish. Erm, yes, then... Do you honestly believe that? That you can't be romantically in love with somebody? No, I've got the whole... The reason it's called romance is because it's a made-up thing, isn't it? That's what the word means. It's a construct, it's an artificial construct. So, the feelings that you have for somebody are artificial? I think what you're saying, I think what you're really saying is... Love ever-lasting for somebody is an artificial construct, to the exclusion of all others. But I think you can genuinely be romantically inclined towards somebody. But you're using that word again, romantically, which is, that's a romance, is an artificial construct. But it's not, though, is it? Because you have genuine emotional feelings for somebody. No, that's an emotional... That's a sexual impulse, it's a psychosexual impulse that we term love. They did an experiment, we're supposed to be talking about rattle powder. They did an experiment the other couple of years ago, and they did a brain scan on some people who had crushes on people who were in love, as we would term it, in love. And they then compared the brain scans to other people who had mental health problems. And the people that were in love, the parts of their brain that lit up, were pretty much exactly the same as people who had bipolar. OK, I'm sure, right, that this experiment was all ethical, and they did all their double blinds, and all that kind of bollocks and stuff. So I'm not going to try and pull latter parts. I can't even quite think of the words to describe, you know, an experiment which is scientifically very viable. However, I think, to equate mental illness... But people are in love, and that's, aren't they? Because you just get completely taken over by this psychosexual type. No, some people do, some people do. All right, some people do, but that's what people say. And I knew it was different, because I felt completely different, though, till it happens again. And that's what it is, it's just a psychosexual impulse to go out and get pregnant. Really? For some women. Because I don't want to go out and get pregnant. Good, bloody job, you've got enough to do. Yeah, absolutely. But no, are you being good with your swollen ankles? No, you're nursing brides, but ridiculous. Because I'm going to go away this week, and I'm going to come back with some deeper thoughts as to whether you can actually be romantically or just in love with somebody. Because I actually think you can be. But I'm going to get some... Yeah, of course, I'm not disputing that you can. Of course, you can be in love with somebody. So what you're saying is... No, I think what you're saying is... This is what I'm hearing. Is that the notion that we pair off with somebody for life because of romantic love is a 16th century construct. With that, I have no argument. Monography. Well, no, but to say that marriage through the whole existence of humanity was constructed, let's say, the glue, which is supposed to bind a marriage together, other than children, was romantic love is a fairly recent construct. 16th century, 17th, whatever. It's fairly recent. I have no argument with that. But to say that it does not exist. No, I'm not saying it doesn't exist. I'm saying our definition... We've created love as a separate thing. When Nianta Solmana would ever didn't look at each other and think, well, she's got lovely eyes, or I really like her as far as I just thought, yes, she looks like she'll have strong children, the end. And the rest of it is a completely artificial construct that we've put on top of it. And we've bounded all up with all kinds of things. Again, I would say that's not quite the whole story, because if I am that Nianta Solmana, right, maybe Nianta... Yeah, you know what, this is all to do with us living much longer after our children have grown up, because you can conduct an argument that says, well, you've got nice eyes at which... Or you've got, you know, a strong pair of hips, which means that you can give birth, but also that you're of robust health, I find that attractive, okay? So I want to have children with you. And then what keeps us together is the children. But when the children then go, we need something else. And it's more than just shared experience, because I've got shared experience with other people as well. My wider family, other people in the tribe, et cetera, et cetera. It's deep affection. And I appreciate that some people called lust love, and then some people called deep affection love, and the two things are all shared experience, love, and the three things can be quite different. But I think you can neatly put a ring around all of them and call it romantic love, and I would never problem with that. Good. All right, anyway, this is the type of thing that TW, TW in the United States said they absolutely hated from me. He wrote us a review. So there you go, TW in the United States. Sorry. I, they must take me as well then, because I've just done it with you, so there we go. Well, anyway, anyway. I think now that we've had our little moment. No, hang on, we still haven't said what bloody rental pounder is yet. Oh, sorry, got crumbs. Yes, because that was actually a serious point. Yeah, we've got every series. But anyway, it's so totally is, because basically now, until you set on... As the ram is having the special cuddle with the lady, you then, the rattle powder comes off the ram's chest and off this little bag thing. And onto the back of the you, and then the farmer can tell which use are pregnant, which have been served. Now, here's a question for us city people. So generally, there's only one ram in a kind of flock of sheep or they're called, yeah? Otherwise, the rams would spend their whole time fighting each other. Yes, yes, yes, yes. But do the male rams then mount their own daughters? Um, no, because the lambs are taken away. They aren't they, to make Sunday lunch? Mm, what about cows, similar thing with the bulls? Serious point, serious point here. I don't, I don't know about, I don't know about that, because no, no, because they would. Oh, no, you bring in a ball from outside. You bring in a different ball. So, and how long does it take for a calf to get too maturity? Oh, blimey, 18 months, I think. Oh, God, we're going to get lots of food. All right, OK, we need help with this. We need one of our agricultural correspondence. There's a different terms for cows at different stages, like horses, but how would they are? You know, it's something which occurred to me, a bug thought to back when I thought, well, there's one bull in a field in his avenues way, and they're going to have calves and, yeah. Well, then, you know, how do we know that he's not doing his daughters and his granddaughters? They don't because they have to keep that separate because otherwise it would breed weakness. Absolutely. No, no, no, absolutely. But I think that's why when when Tony's talking about a bull, they take the bull around to different farms and they use him to cover other cows. But, you know, I would like that process kind of properly explained to me. So if you know this, if you have this kind of knowledge in your locker, so to speak, could you call in next week, or at least send us an email and the e-lick mail? And that'd be great. Yes. But that's fascinating. I didn't know anything about this battle powder. And I just found that, you know, I don't even just love the arches for its dramatic, the dramatic points it puts in my life, but also for the educational flourishes, it also gives my life. And then then you just like finish it off Lucy. It's a scrape smashing, because you're a country person. And that's all great. And that's the reason why we have this, the wondrous partnership that we are. Yes. Good. Now, phone lines. Hello, Ambridge 3962. Hello, Dumty Dum. It's Felicity. Can I just give a word of praise to the continuity announcers? I know that it's not strictly arches. And I do realise that people who listen to the podcasts may not hear the continuity announcements. But they just really are so good. And I think they just need some credit. Examples we've got on another forum, we've got a thread about the continuity and trails. And going back through them, they are so funny. For example, when Kate was being particularly annoying, just before the episode, the continuity announcer said, "Set your teeth to grating, Kate is on fine form." And the reason this has all come to mind was after this evenings episode, when Heather Pette has had a stroke and David and Ruth are faffing around. "Should I drive up north now? "I've only just had three hours of sleep "and there's a cow's to milk and my cake to bake or whatever." And then we get the music at the end. And Alan Smith said, "I think it was Alan Smith. "Here's the solution, David. "All words to that effect. "Why not sell the farm and move north? "Thank you very much for doing Dumty Dum. "It's lovely, it's become an unmissable part of my week." Felicity praises the continuity announcers. Susan, Susan Ray, our Susan is very good. She just gets hit by the hand and just goes, "Oh, Helen, she has fun to do quite a few. "Oh, Helen's with a sort of a grim despair, "a grim Scottish despair. "She does." - Dondonian despair. - Yes. Alan Smith is quite chippy, isn't he? He's quite, I mean, in a good way. He's quite sarky. (laughing) - Don't get down the chippy route. (laughing) - No, no, I don't mean nasty chippy. I mean, he's sarky. That's a better, better word about what's happened. Yes, but I do like, and I always look for, when it ends on a, you know, will we actually get a proper cliffhanger or not? Looks like I will have time for that other cup of coffee. Then I always carry on listening to see what the well, Susan. That was blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, to see how they catch up. It is good, yes. And they are, and, you know, they do listen as well. - Yes. - Which is nice. I think. - I think they're underrated. Those kind of muti people and radio people. - Definitely. (upbeat music) - Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling to salads and scrambled eggs. Massive. - Greetings from Witherspoon and Angus Haggis to Lucy Royfield and all the Dumpty Dumbers around the world. Sorry we weren't able to call in last week, but I was celebrating my 36th college reunion and Angus was relaxing at home. Princeton reunions are like none other in the world. A four day back in the area of orange and black, even better than Luxfest. I've been running on a half empty tank since, so please forgive if my voice doesn't have its usual timber. And the major topic of my discussion today is not so coincidentally, voices. Not the voices in my patients' heads, but the ones that confuse us these days on the archers. I too wish that those deep masculine voices, and I include Pip Archer in that lot, were more distinct from each other. But one new character who does have a unique sound is P.C. Burns. On May 27th, after Handsome Husband and I listened to the 9 a.m. Eastern Time Repeat, over the previous days broadcast, we were tuned into the drama of the week called Sung. Husband said that this play, which starred Jane Horrocks, was written by James Cartwright, who wrote the play in the film adaptation Little Voice. I said, wow, the co-star sounds familiar. Give me a minute, it could be P.C. Burns. I quickly did some research and discovered that the co-star of Sung, Jim Cartwright, was indeed our P.C. Burns. Therefore, actor Jim Cartwright must be the writer James Cartwright's son. So it's no surprise that the son of the scribe of Little Voice has a distinct voice of his own. On two events of the week, I'll be brief. Kent and Archer, another character who needs to be on my couch, continues to project his own self-hatred onto his little brother. And once again, one of my pet peeves. Does no one in this town ever confront each other? Well, Kenton does, but inappropriately so. I speak of Pip. Did you catch the exchange or lack thereof when she was at the pub on Tuesday for the quiz? In response to something Pip said, Kenton replied, "Well, at least you're a straight arrow Pip." Show some pack backbone Pip and defend your father's honor. Tell your uncle to stop badmouthing him and to take a hike. More Pip musings. I just listened to Friday's episode and poor granny Heather has taken a significant turn for the worse. We've expected this for the past year. Will this change Pip's plan of world exploration and domination? And will romance bloom between her and the serious fair brethren Rex? At least we've learned to differentiate the brethren. One likes to jump into purple pools and the other doesn't. That's all I have for this week as our time is up. Cue the music. Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling to salads and scrambled eggs. Message. He reckons that Kenton's projecting self-hatred onto David, which is a very interesting hypothesis. And I think he's right because I am sensing more and more and more kind of buried fury in Kenton because he has hit like a winged on about a huge boring density of the other week. He has reached that kind of what happened to him the laughter stops point in his life where you can't be Jack the lad when you're over 45. You've got to actually, you know, man up. And he's not really good at doing that. And he's married a woman who is good at kicking him into shape. But she's also very loyal and she doesn't want particularly to force him to look at his shortcomings because she wants to support him and she wants to sort of show her solidarity with him even though actually I think she's showing him slightly too much solidarity. And at some point she needs to say, no, get over yourself, you know. And accept, help, move on. We've all done, we've all made mistakes, including you, Kenton. So let's, you know, forgive David and move on and let's all work together to sort this out because people are trying to help us instead of just indulging him in this stupid, stubborn. Well, no, I don't want your help, actually. I don't want your help. I want to be hauling along a broken leg behind me. Actually, it's fine, just stupid. I kind of almost wholeheartedly agree with you there. But when it comes down to, if Witherspoon says it's self-loathing, you know, far big from me or us to disagree with a proper psychotherapist. But for me, the really telling thing was what he said. When he stills thought he was going to have the money and he was going to give the money to give the balance of money. And he said, I'm going to be the man I always wanted to be. That yes, there is some kind of self-loathing that maybe thinks he's an idiot, but his dream has been ripped away. Him as an all-round nice guy. Yeah, yeah. And Benny Fatt, a philanthropist, you know. Here is somebody who everybody loves because he doesn't need to be loved, who's got largesse, financial largesse, and that's been ripped away. Now, I don't know if that necessarily means that he hates himself. But he just sees that that dream has been ripped away from him. And Kenton is very much a dreamer. And Darryl said, you know, in that respect, I completely understand where he's coming from. You know, that, you know, kind of empire building. And then he went off sailing around the world. And, you know, so as far as he's concerned, he's seen the world. He knows how people work. But in and of himself, he's unfulfilled. And he came so close to being, if not natural, kind of millionaire, at least kind of somebody of a lot of money. And he could be the man he always thought he was going to be. And that being ripped away. That dream has just been pissed off from a great height. And then to furiously keep up appearances, he's not admitting the extent of the financial problems. And he's prepared to have another gamble, which is very entrepreneurial. It's a case of keep up appearances. But let's kind of have one great big gamble because actually it'll be all right. And I'll get through this and I'll get through that. And Darryl say, you know, anybody who's kind of set up business is kind of ad nauseam he's entrepreneurial. We'll see a lot of themselves in Kenton and they'll say, I kind of do, you know, in so many ways. So as I said, you know, it was been said it's self-loathing. Well, I'm not going to argue with him, but I don't necessarily see that. I just see it's a dream, you know, snatched away from him at the last moment. Yeah. And with a spoon said, why does Pitt not defend him? When, because Kenton keeps making side swipes at David in front of Pip and she doesn't say anything. But I think, you know, Pip's very young and she's... I thought she was 45. (laughing) Was it languid, Darryl say? She's between, you know, she's got her father and her uncle, both of whom are sort of authority figures, even though Kenton is a bit of a Peter Pan, you know. And she probably wouldn't want to get in between both of them, really. No, she's not quite old enough, really. No. To weigh in, yeah, is she, you know. No. She's only just finished university, so yeah. Yeah. Oh, I do like the way Witherspoon is now queuing his own music, by the way. Yes. (laughing) Hello, it is Jim Bee here and I'm a first-time caller in her art to talk about the show. I'm going to talk about Kenton and David. They just fight too much and I don't like it. I think the brothers should be brothers and happy Raybose unicorns. And I just think they can get over it. Me and my sisters and brother, we, we dicker. We know each other. We tackle each other to the ground, but we all love each other. And I just think it would be more fun if they got along and a better storyline if they had like a big reunion and a happiness. Anyway, that's all. Thank you, bye. Jim Bee, I think it would be more fun if Kenton tackled David to the ground. As you say that your sisters would rather tackle each other to the ground. It would certainly more direct than all the passive aggression that is going on at the minute. And they probably will come to that, won't it? It will probably come to Kent. 'Cause every time they meet up, I think Kenton is actually gonna lamp David. And I think that would probably clear the air and it could all crack on, really, 'cause this is getting a bit drawn out now, this endless sulking. Can't bear sulking. - Hi, it's Sean here. First-time caller in a rurururur. I'm on Twitter @cedemuster. I'm slowly getting used to all the new characters, like Barry and Vince and Pimpley Ralph, the Fair Brethren, and of course, Pippler Slut. I remember when I first started listening to the archers, the characters like Susan Carter and Linda Snell, I found very hard work, but now I love them and I think that the store walks the programme. And it's always fantastic to see Susan sell all the principles down the river when she's got the slightest prospect of any social climbing. I was a little confused this week, however, by Adam saying that now with Rob joining the Ambridge Cricket Club, that he and Rob would be batting for the same team. Maybe over the years I've been a little confused by Adam's sexual tendencies, but I always believed that he bats for the other team. I'm very confused, but it was very amusing line from Adam. Well done, the archers. Move along, nothing to see here. - I don't think we could even describe Susan as a social climber. She's a social mountaineer. She is the ran-off finds of aspirational classes. She has social crampons and underwood's kentle mint cake. And I don't think she's going to stop, really, until she's at the huntball sitting next to Lord Netherborn. I can't really, you know, it's the limit, there is no limit for Susan in where she thinks she could get away with getting. And I loved, I agree with him. I loved listening to her being flattered by Charlie and saying, "Oh, no, I'll come in and talk about Simba. "Simba, Simba, Simba, Simba, wherever it was." (laughs) Little that. - Went the last time. - Lord Netherborn got a mention. - Well, he's normally only mentioned to give sort of a credibility brick to Caroline Bones upper-class background, isn't he? So that's the only time he gets sort of wheeled out. And he's occasionally mentioned by the olderges when they're talking about it. And of course, Thor met another ball will be there. - As long as we're along with Mercedes Goodman. - Oh, yes, I've forgotten all about her. (laughs) - And when's the last time that Clarrie? - I can see Mercedes Goodman probably clearer than I can see Clarrie and she's never said a word. - Talking about Clarrie, when's the last time that Clarrie went to Meriwell? - Oh, yes! - Exactly. - God, yeah. Well, she has been a bit busy, isn't she? - What, we've been-- - Are we still twinned with them? - I think we should need to have a dumb D-dum-lting to Meriwell. - Ah, we could do a booze cruise to Meriwell. (laughs) - We're so classy. (laughs) - I think, I think-- - I haven't mentioned, because it was every other flipping week somebody or other was going to Meriwell or playing ball or-- - Or at least every year, 'cause it would be a good feeling with them. - Yeah, yep. - I really think we should organize a dumb D-dum-lting to somewhere random in France and just call it Meriwell. And wouldn't that be great fun? - It would, they'd be astonished. They'd be like that Welsh community in Patagonia. (laughs) - Who is Clarrie Gunny? (laughs) We could go and see Jacqueline Bertot. - This is all coming together. This is a plan. - Yes. - This is now a thing. - Jacqueline, we're coming to stay. It'll be about between 40 and 50 of us. (laughs) - But I really think we should do this. I really do. - It would be a whole load of fun. - It would be a whole load of fun, yes. And a whole load of organizations. - Is it Sanguan, where she's from? - Yes. - Well, Sanguan is now Meriwell. It's now twinned with-- - Yeah, but she's head of the twinning committee. - There you go Jacqueline. - So, more details on this to come, folks, when that new website goes up. - No, we don't see Ricky Cole in Kenya. (laughs) - You're doing a short haul. I'll do the long haul. Yes, I've got fancy Kenya. - Hello, Dante Dunblide, Spirit Calling. Firstly, Roy Field, what you were saying about Roots last week really brought it back for me, because I believe we're of a similar age, and I remember it very well as being landmark television. It was incredibly important, and it was definitely appointment television. You're completely right. People would stay in to watch it. They would come home to watch it. They would talk about it the next day. And as a social document, it's highly significant, I believe, because if I remember rightly, this is the first epic television series that address black history in any way. You'll know more about this than I do, but I believe that to be the case. So, yes, really, really good to be reminded of that. And you'll be pleased to know that my parents, who are still stuck in the analogue age, have roots on video. It's on their shelf, which I think is pretty cool. So, okay, the week in Ambridge. Well, firstly, the Grundy's. Now, I was happy with the ferret story. It was amusing to have little fairy creatures running around gray gables and causing all sorts of havoc, but now Eddie really is starting to take the mic. He's disrespecting Caroline's hospitality. And, quite frankly, if he carries on like this, they are gonna be back in keepers' cottage knee-deepy mud because Caroline will have thrown them out and quite justified me. So, I feel very ticked off with him. He's going too far and it's gone beyond a joke. It's not funny anymore. Okay, so Christine, terribly sad, what's happening to her. And it's very obvious that the whole flood and her home being affected has triggered some kind of psychological crisis. However, Christine get a ruddy grip. She does not need to go to the laurels. She's not in firm. She's in full possession of her faculties. She doesn't need full-time care. And the whole concept that someone would come and visit her all the time in this place where people are in a far more vulnerable state is just not only inappropriate but highly ridiculous. I mean, she just doesn't need to go there. And Peggy is quite right to try and tell her to, you know, sort herself out really. So, Christine, go back home or sell your cottage, move somewhere else, but don't go to the laurels, get a ruddy grip. Apart from that, all's well, here at loads of her at HQ. I hope everyone's fine with you. - Mm-hmm. - Grandies are taking the Mickey, yep, she's right. But, the grandies have gone through, in my mind anyway, the grandies have gone through a bit of a... What's the surprise? A personality change, Royfield. Goodness, who saw that coming. In that, actually, they're now reverting to type. - Exactly, I don't know if it's personal. - Well, okay, go on, go on. - But for a while, they had a bit of a personality crisis in that they were all being very good. And Eddy was being very, I mean, Eddy is kind. He's a kind person. But there was no, nobody was doing anything dodgy. There were no little, oh, hey, hey, tricks going on. You know, it was all very kind of straight and it was all yeoman's of the land, malarkey. But now, you know, they're in a position where there is stuff to be had and they're having it quite frankly. So, you know, there is this nonsense about the Luffett's Dabagi taking place in the hotel room and Joe taking the Nicki with the breakfasts and the, you know, wearing all the clothes from the clothing bank and all that sort of stuff. So it is that kind of being given something for nothing, being grateful and then trying to work out, you can get an awful lot more of it, which is kind of what's happening. Well, but that is originally run there, isn't it? Exactly. Yeah, but it's not them, it's not Clary. It's Eddy and Joe. Yeah. It's, someone's got more than us, therefore they won't miss it. Well, they always were. Comic foils weren't they? Yeah. You know, they were the... Well, they're the Shakespearean comedy. There's always, you know, there's the all... Oh, the posh ones. And then there's the Yoko characters that are the sort of, you know, crass jokes and kind of trying to trick people out of money all the time and the grand disaster of classic Shakespearean clowns in that sort of sense. And so, as you've just said, really, they're just, just referred to back to type, really. And arguably, it's like the fair brothers coming back, at least, the fair brother family coming back because they've never been in it. And Carol and Mr. Bogan coming back. It's a case of, let's spin this back. Yeah. Let's reassemble the old characters and shake it and see if it falls out. As the old family is, exactly. Now, do you know what? Do you know, I read something today. Jane Austen said, "All you needed to write fiction "was four families in a village." Well, she's written something new. Shut up, you fool. She said, "All you need to write fiction "is four families in a village." And that's what the archers is. So, not only is it Shakespearean, it's Austinian as well. Oh, smashing. Yeah, I thought you'd be pleased. Anyway, yeah. Yokele Bear. Can we do Yokele Bear now? Why not? Hello, dumb stomachs, Yokele Bear here, calling from a town west of Reading, but east of Bristol. Great week this week, I thought. The Grundy party was an absolute joy. I loved every minute of that. It's just typical Grundy's, isn't it, really? Seeing what they can get away with, seeing what they can make some money out of. I love the whole mini little story of Eddy making up stuff against the estate agent. But then being found out by Lillian, that kind of, I really love that conversation between that kind of conspiratorial kind of, yeah, I found you out, but I understand you. Yeah, so I loved that. I thought that was great. So yeah, I thought it was great week. Yeah, really enjoyed it. So that's what I've really got to say. Yeah, I completely agree. I loved, loved, loved the scene between Eddy and Lillian when Eddy kind of sheepishly fessed up to having made up a load of bollocks about being a property magnet to that ridiculous estate agent person. I really, really loved the relationship between Eddy and Lillian. They have always been friends. And that's partly because Lillian has never, ever forgotten who she really is. Peggy and Jenny Darling like to kind of look down on the Grundy's and forget that they, you know, grew up in the pub with an alcoholic. But Lillian knows, Lillian doesn't pretend to be anything other than she is. She's around the same age as Eddy and Jolene to assert that they all sort of grew up together. Eddy, and they all, they're all play acting, all three of them. Eddy's, Eddy tells Phipps to kind of cover his arse. Lillian, you know, does all the darling business, but then that all slips when she does her dirty laugh and she has a fag and everything else. And, you know, Jolene was the lily of late and cross, you know, Doreen Rogers. They've all got this kind of veneer of, of kind, not dodginess, but kind, a little bit of play acting, play, yeah, playing. Those three characters play more than anyone else, Eddy, Lillian and Jolene, but Jolene's like, she takes herself slightly more seriously than Lillian and Eddy do. But I think it's lovely just when Lillian's kind of going, yeah, so what have you been telling him then and Eddy goes, well, and then sort of, you know, gives Lillian and tells her exactly what he's done. And she doesn't say, "Why the hell did you do that?" She knows why he did it, just because, why not? You know, it's fun. And that's just lovely, lovely, lovely scene that was. No, it was, it was. And again, just talking back to the previous call, this is Eddy Grundy of Old. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Just see what happens if I do this sort of thing. Yeah. And Articard Board going a bit limp, wanting to move into the laurels with Dickiness. There's nothing wrong with her. She shouldn't take up a place in the laurels that somebody really needs it should have. For God's sake, she's got enough money. She could have a private carer or something if that's what she's worried about. She could have a live-in lodger, you know. Cool, blimey. She's going to speak a bit much now. My initial reaction was to completely agree. And for the most part, I do. But I understand that, you know, at least I can empathize with somebody feeling vulnerable. You know, here is a woman who's on her own. Yes, she can assume it's a bit of a pal, but she's on her own, her place has been flooded, and then she's been burgled. And she just feels vulnerable. Now, I'm a 46-year-old bloke on whatever. If my place got flooded and I got burgled, I'll be pissed off, but I wouldn't be ready to put myself in an old people's home. But that's because I'm 46, she's considerably older. So, I understand why she might go slightly OTT from our perspective and go, that's it. My life's over, I'm weak, I'm defenseless, blah, blah, blah. Put me in an old people's home, I want to die. I do understand. I do too, but it's a hell of a jump, isn't it? From saying, I, you know, I had a fulfilled life in my home with friends and activities and everything else. There's been no change in her health whatsoever, apart from sort of feeling depressed. But it's a mental, it's a mental state. She now feels vulnerable. And interestingly, you said she's had a fulfilled life. Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind, but still really important, life insurance. Why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage, credit card debt, it can even help fund an education. And guess what? Life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think. In fact, most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is. So with state farm life insurance, you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank. Not sure where to start? State Farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget. Get started today and contact a state farm agent or go to statefarm.com. - Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. At Mint Mobile, we like to do the opposite of what Big Wireless does. They charge you a lot, we charge you a little. So naturally, when they announced that they'd be raising their prices due to inflation, we decided to deflate our prices due to not hating you. That's right, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at Mint Mobile.com/switch. - $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speed slower above 40 gigabytes of detail. - My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friend's still laughing me to this day. - Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com/results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. - Right, and Christine is all, we were never listening to this when Christine was actually a full character in the armatures. - No, no. - You know, 30 years ago, she was already on periphery because she's not a farmer and she didn't have kids. - No. - So she's in a matriarch, you know. - No. - So, you know. - She did have children. I thought they did have children. - Well, if they did, they know we're near Ambridge, no, are they? - No. - Hmm, I can't remember. I'm sure they did. - But, but, you know, if she's just been washed out of house and home, why is it that it's her niece, it's Shuler, who's helping Auntie Christine? Why isn't a son or daughter coming back from wherever? So, I'm guessing that she hasn't got any 'cause I've never heard of any and she's always been this weird periphery character, which again, if you, again, thinking about this new regime in the archers, they're keeping her around for the older listeners who actually remember her being young and being Phil's brother and, you know, et cetera, Phil's, oh god. - Sister. - Sorry. And they're keeping her around, you know, so-- - That wouldn't make you feel proper. - But she feels proper, we just remembered her. - Listen, we all this cackling Jenna stuff, it could weld me. - Let's go to say, it won't be long, will it? If you haven't had a transexual yet, you better take that out. Peter Johnson is her son, travels a lot as the administrator of an orchestra. - Can help, well, but he's not very good son, then is he? - Yeah, he's a terrible son. And I think it really just goes to really reinforce that what I'm saying, that yes, we all look at it, we go, come on, you know, nothing wrong with the snap-out of it woman, but she feels isolated. She has this son, she ain't seen him in God knows how many years, he's never, he never texts, he never re-mails, he never sends her a postcard, or anything for all his traveling around with the orchestra. So she's on her own. - Yeah. Poor old auntie, can't board. Well, I still wish she's done no now. - All of a sudden, you've done a 180. - I have a complete, I've done a complete vault of mine. But it's just, I think it's too drastic, and Peggy's trying to stop her. Well, actually, no, to be fair, Peggy's the only one who knows that she's made this ridiculous plan to move into the laurels. But you might as well get your bath chair out, and you, but you know, she's, it's kind of, well, it is like checking yourself into Dignitas. I can't really, no one comes out with the laurels do they? That's it, it's a one-way street. (laughing) Right, enough of that, depressing Godess diva. - Just before we completely move on, because Cheers asked on the Twitters, why is she called Auntie Cardboard? - Now, I think I know, but I don't, I don't quite feel. - Well, I don't know. All I know is Louise, who, my friend Louise, who was at my birthday thing that you were at. She called her Auntie Cardboard on Twitter, and it just made me cry laughing because it seemed to suit her so much. But I didn't know why she was calling her Auntie Cardboard, and about a year later, I said to her, Louise, why do we call her Auntie Cardboard? And she said, I've got no idea. (laughing) - I've forgotten by them as well. - I thought that somebody-- - Is it Christine Barford? So, crap, I don't know. - I thought, well, I thought I heard somebody at once say, it's because she was a dreadful actor, which I thought was harsh. - I don't know, I don't think so. - And that she couldn't really emote or anything, hence she was like Cardboard. But, which I always thought was incredibly harsh. - Yeah, I think it's harsh, and I don't think that's why Louise calls her it. I don't know why she does call her it. - Well, then, scratch that from Ukrainians, everybody. That's not the reason why. We don't know. (laughing) - But we're going to carry on anyway. We don't know why we do most things, but it doesn't stop us. - Hello, Dunty Dun. You've got a steve here. Slightly more compost mantis after two weeks of kittens, but off my tits on painkillers due to a crochet related injury to my shoulder. This week, I have to say that the thing that made me laugh the most about the arches has got to be Kate, Kate and the fair brother brother. Seriously, when they said that the swimming pool had turned purple, I honestly thought he'd pissed in it. - And what is he doing with Radle Powder? Why does he have it? He's not a sheep farmer. Oh, so many questions. Maybe he wanted to have Kate walk around with it on her back after a while. Who knows? But it was very, very, very amusing. Um, what else going on? Pips buggering off, which is great, but I reckon she's going to end up going with a fair brother bun in the oven. And I don't think it's going to be the fair brother we thought I think it's going to be Rex. So, right, I am off, which is work tomorrow, and I need to prepare to know not, refer to Yoko Bear as Sir, 'cause though he may be what higher grade than me, he's not in my management chain. Nor will he be. Nor will I be practicing kicking him in the dangless because that's just mean. But I will be going on a run at six o'clock in the morning because I'm obviously deranged. Well, love the podcast. Brilliant listening to you last week and Roy Field. You wanna dance off? You're on mate, but you best bring your A again. - Gotta Steve around. - Gotta Steve vacating the fair brethren. Yes, I thought that, you know, there's always those stories that parents tell their children. If you wee in the swimming pool, it will go bright red and everyone will be able to see. I thought that's what Toby the Sheepdog had done. He jumped in the pool and weeded it and it turned it all purple. I don't know why the heliad rattle powder in his, in the pocket of what though? 'Cause as someone said, there's no pocket in swimming trunk. So he had it in his hand, he did it deliberately. He's like chucking potassium into water in it when it goes all purpley and bubbly. Caesar silly ass, it was me. But at least now we know which one of them we like. I suppose. That's the only good thing. - Well, we know which one's an ass and then which one's boring. - Slightly less of an ass. There's a boring ass and a lecturer's ass. - Yeah, yeah. - And I, oh, that thing with Kate, you know, you just think, oh, have some dignity. She's trailing round up. Toby, has anyone seen Toby? You're a, you're a twice married mother of two, you dick, three. (laughing) Row up. - She only died once, but I, but I hear. - Oh, yeah, sorry. Do we think Pip is now actually not going to go anywhere but he's going to stay and get married to Rex? What do we think? - Well, you'd think it'd be a bit peculiar if they get a new actor to play the part of Pip and then with it, and they give her quite a relatively meaty, give a meaty story lines. You know, she helps save the farm during the flood. There was all the nonsense about going up north and she got involved, et cetera, et cetera. Now there's this potential burgeoning love interest or love triangle, whatever the hell's going on. And then all of a sudden, nine months in, the ship are off to Brazil. That wouldn't make any sense. We're gonna contract or what do you-- - Do you know what I think is going to happen? - What do you think is going to happen here, Clarie? - Ah. (laughing) - I think Heather Pepp is going to die, and I think-- - Oh, no! - Or she's not, but she's going to be very, very ill, and War Roofie is going to go back up to Prudha, and he's going to live there, I can't do the accent now, and look after her. - You did a very good job with that accent. - And I think Pip is going to stay and help David run the farm. - I think that is a stunning prediction, which I'm gonna wholeheartedly get behind. I think you might wanna crack that one. - Well, we'll see. We'll see. Goddess David is up for a dance-off when you are. (laughing) - Well, on that-- - We can do it! In Jacqueline Beto, in the community hall that she's going to hire for us to all go to Merriwell, we can have a dance-off there. - Look, we shouldn't say all this stuff lightly, and here's the reason why. Because, and I've kind of gone a bit quiet on this, and I'm a bit confused everybody, and you're gonna hear a real-life conversation between myself and my co-host. Now, I, because Mr. Witherspoon is coming to Engleterre to London on the 25th of July, - Yes. - Thought we should have a thing, a do, a shindig. - A do thing, yes. - Yes. - And then, I just unilaterally made that decision. And then, I told you-- - That's your seat. - Well, because I thought to myself, well, if Witherspoon's in town, I know a lot of people would like to hang with him, and we need to do something for our community of listeners. - Yeah. - So, I'll just win. Okay, bang, do. - Yeah. - Put it up on Facebook. This is about 10. - Did you? - Yeah, yeah. It was about 10 people said they're gonna come. Then I said to you, oh, Lucy, 25th of July, and you said? - I'm away. - So, mmm, what we gonna do? - Well, maybe not put things up on Facebook until we check we can both make it. How about that? - But it's happened now, so I'll never do it again, but what do we do about this situation? - I don't know, how long is he here for? - Like a weekend, a long weekend. - Oh, well, I can't, so that's all right. He's having it without me. - Well, we'll all go to New York, you can do that. - So, we're going to New York, we're going to San Juan, and we're going to Kenya. - We're gonna be busy, I'm gonna have to jack in work. - Well, we still need to work this one out, but I'm very sorry that potentially I could've got people excited about meeting you, and then you wouldn't be there. So, I think, well, if you're not gonna be there-- - They'll be with a spoon, and they'll meet you. I'd be happy meeting with a spoon and you, and not me. - Mm, no, I don't think, I don't think people would be. But anyway, let's try and work that out. We still have a little bit of time, but people, I've said to people to be confirmed yada yada, and if they hear this conversation, and if we then decide that we need to move it, or scale things down somewhat, I think people don't understand. - Okay. - Great. Next caller. - Mrs. Bentos. - Hello, Mrs. Bentos here, otherwise known as Katherine Vagent. This week, the archers was brought to you by the words, Glastonbury and Shufur's, which was completely fabulous. I thought it was very nice to hear Lillian chuckling again, and being naughty. I loved the bit where she was reading her book in the laurels. Although, actually, I think perhaps it was the monkey magazine that Jadza had left behind in the van, actually. I've been having a bit of a rotten week, so I've been feeling quite ill and fluid. I did that thing where you don't really feel like eating very much, and after a couple of days, you realize you've got to have something, but what to choose. So, I turned to Ambridge for my inspiration, to my relief, it seemed to be a wall-to-wall array of tempting culinary treats this week. I rejected Eddie's leftover party food, because, frankly, it had been knocking around way too long already in an overstuffed, overheating minibar. And tempting, though, the sausage meat buffet bites were, I was a bit too weak to wrestle the pigs for them. Peggy Woolley seemed almost violently insistent that I should try tea, Madeira cake, in a large bucket of sherry, whereas anti-cardboard recommended the laurels bland, cod and bland white bland sauce, which would be a gentle reintroduction to solid food. In the end, I plumped for freezing my back side off on a blasted heath, munching on Jill's garlic pie, with its weird, extruded, horizontal egg, and delicious it was too. And the other exciting thing that's happened to me this week is that I think I've finally worked out the difference between the fair brethren. So, this is my tape on it. Rex seems to be the sort of nice, but dim, but dull, sensitive one. He's the sort of person who spends ages being quite patronising and stating the bleeding obvious. So, like his little business pep talk to Pip about, if you spend all your pocket money on a robotic milking parlour, you might find that you're not actually making much of a profit on your milk. Thanks very much for that, Rex. I can see that you're going to be an absolute business whiz with your geese mining operation or whatever it is you you're going to be doing. And the other one obviously is Toby and I think he's instantly recognisable because he's a monumental arse. I'm sure I've been out with someone like him before, if not him, himself. So, in my experience, I can say to Kate that the best thing to do is to run very fast in the opposite direction. Not going to get very far with him. Okay, thank you very much. Keep up the brilliant work. Ms. Bentos, sorry. She liked glossed and brick. Yes, Paul Lillian reduced her mother round to reading dodgy novels at the lounges of retirement homes. Why would Eddie not just throw that party food away? I mean, I know he's trying to make a quick buck and everything, but you can't even... He's already had... He's had two sets of experience of selling dodgy food. Oh, what was that condemned? Yeah, he was selling bloody kangaroo or horse or something, wasn't he? And then he was... And then Clariono got in trouble for the food poisoning thing. And now he's selling hot in every sense of the word warm pasties or, you know, prawn vollehons by now doing hula dancing around the room. And he's crammed them all into a hot stuffy hotel room in a minibar, madness. But again, and we're just repeating the themes of this podcast, this is actually just Eddie Grundy referring back to the fact that it really is thick. Not even Eddie's that stupid. But he's just reverting back to type. You know, kind of use car salesmen type of nonsense. How can I make a five round of this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yes, Miss Bentos, I have also been out with someone like Toby. I think everyone has been out with someone like Toby or had a near miss. And that's why everyone's immediately gone, oh, he's awful, because he brings back horrible memories. Horrible, horrible, horrible memories. Was this one of your university level affairs? It was, yes. Yeah, what was it? What was his name? I didn't say because he, well, I'm hoping he's not dead. That wouldn't be very nice. His surname, hilariously, was Horribin. Really? And his father was a colonel. And was he a rug of books type? He was a public school. And he told me he was going to cook me dinner. And he made beans on toast, and he attempted to boil the bread. (laughing) Is that the reason why you hate the privileged class? I don't hate them at all. 'Cause you're such a like, you know, working class of India for somebody who's from the countryside and who's kind of like quite posh. Was it the boiling of the bread you just thought? (laughing) Well, these are the quats who are in charge of the country. The type of people who think you need to boil bread to make toast. Which was weird, really, because public school is all about buggery and toast, isn't it? So it's astonishing really that he didn't know out. I presume I don't know if he's any good at buggery, but I do know that he was no good at toast. Well, there we go. Shall I do, appropriately, Glyn Fullalove, now. His email. Go on then. Did a little, little, little, last week. Now, Glyn Fullalove has been reading too much Thomas Hardy. He's been reading due to the obscure, I think. He's got very, very gloomy predictions. So brace yourself for this. Last week, Roy, if you're suggested that Helen will find that she is pregnant after she eventually realizes what Rob is really like. I have another scenario to put forward, which is that after she finally sees Rob for who he is and he is sent packing by whatever means, Helen reflects on the last few years and decides she's been trying in vain to build a perfect family. And all her actions, including conceiving Henry, have been to this end. So the breakup with Rob also damages her relationship with Henry as she questions her motives for having him and effectively starts to reject him. This may be a bit dark, but I fear it fits in well with Helen's mental history. Blimey. Turning to Alistair, he doesn't get any more cheery, can I just say. I think he is suffering from depression, brought on by the stress of the flood and its effect on his practice. Yes. Far from having an affair with Schuller, I think the reason for bringing Dr. Dick back to Ambridge is so that he can diagnose this in Alistair and save the Hebden Lloyd marriage, which may be a brighter prospect than my prediction for Helen. Or not, depending on how you think of Schuller Alistair. No, it occurred to me. If he's shouting out horse painters, that's not depression, he might have a tumor. He's got some on a brain tumor, hasn't he? But it's a short-term memory thing, isn't it? It's when your brain struggles to stay in the moment because you've forgotten something and your brain gets hooked up in that loop of thinking, "What is it? What's the thing I've forgotten?" Which is Alzheimer's, and it's more Alzheimer's, you've seen our dementia. Well, it can't be Alzheimer's 'cause of Japanese, so we hasn't got that. But I think, and if he had some kind of humor, all right, there's a whole load of things in there. And then there is kind of mood swings and depression and just acting and rationally and saying weird and wonderful things. So I said, you know, when I read that email, I thought, "Hmm, then I thought, but then no Ruth had." And I wouldn't know if she did. - No, she had to remember what exactly Ruth had. - Do you really love her? - Okay. Okay, all right. - He says, "To lighten the mood, "I am now the proud owner of a packet of Sarah Smith cloth, "so I'm officially a posh-a-wash-a." - Good man. - We want to see, I've demanded, I haven't said. - Do we know whether we bought them because then our sponsor showed that? - Yes, that's what he says. - Oh, fantastic. - So I told him, I tell you what, this sponsorship is really, really paying dividends to Sarah Smith, isn't it? - He says, "I said he's got to, that's one packet sold." He said, "I said I need to see pictures." And he said he's going to take pictures of himself being a posh-a-wash-a. - I like Glenn for the love. - He's very sweet. - Lovely bloke. - So, but what do you think about Helen? I don't think Helen's gonna reject Henry. I don't think the bond is too strong now. - No, it's way too strong. You know, when it comes down to it, her whole life is Henry. When it comes down to it. Yes, she wants a traditional family in inverted commas and she would want Henry to have a dad, but when it comes down to it, you know, she was single-minded in a determination to get IVF, wasn't she? You know, and to the, you know, when her father said, look, this is kind of bonkers. You know, no, no, no, I'm doing it, I'm doing it. She's invested literally everything in Henry and she wouldn't give him up for any bloke. I don't believe that. - Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Right, that's it. Call's done. Ooh. All right, well, why don't we? Following on from Mr. Fuller Love and his endorsement of our sponsor, why don't we have the officially endorsement from our sponsor? - Can we have a different effort this time? - Thank you. - I'm gonna mix them up, don't worry. (gentle music) - Hello, I'm Sarah Smith, proud sponsor of Dumpty Dum. If you want to polish up your Albion, give your optics a wipe or even mop up after your ferrets, Sarah Smith cloths are eco-friendly, reusable and washable. And, you know, a bit posh. Sarah Smith, available from Sainsbury's for the posh-er washer, proud sponsors of Dumpty Dum. (buzzer) Fancy getting your mouth around something warm, something comforting, you can really get a firm grip on. Why not buy a Dumpty Dum mug from the shop at DumptyDum.com? Go, it was damn lovely. (buzzer) - And my name is Kate. - My name's Joe, my name's Nicola. - My name is Suzanne Hacky, me. - My name is Mary Parkinson. - I'm in Hope House as a client. - I have had addiction issues. - I'm in Hope House as a inclusion. - I was in the Legion and eating disorder. - The heroin, the crayon. - And addiction drugs. - Methadone. - And alcohol. - I'm here because it got really bad. - Hope House started off as an 8-bit unit. It made a veil. And we're in all women units. - I know, it's red and I'm not going to be in Hope House some months before. And when I read about it, what I read or what I took away from the article was that this was a place where women worked to help other women. - Coming soon to iTunes, one thousand and one conversations a new podcast from Royfield Brown. - And now, being as we've done the adverts, let's go down under, have a little bit of mother and daughter time with Millie Bell and Gembae Archibald. (baby babbles) - G'day everyone, it's Millie Bell. And Gembae Archibald, bringing you this week's Facebook roundups. - Robin Winning, in Amber Jaddick, said, "One silver lining to the current Kent and David's drawer line for this American is all the great new vocabulary I'm learning. Bel-end, nor-bend, pillock." - Carol King, from the David Arch our appreciation group, said, "I'm getting a coach trip to open farm someday. Just poured our David, who wants to book a seat. Places may be limited, so book now." - Van der Dyke Costello in The Arch's Anonymous said, "Does anyone else find it really, really weird and frankly incredible that Jennifer and Brian don't appear to be remotely bothered, worried, interested or concerned about the possibility of never seeing or hearing from their grandchildren in South Africa, not a single peep out of either of them, or from any of Kate's siblings about the children, her husband, her divorce, maintenance custody, et cetera. And that is the sort of thing that has meant I have not listened to the show for over a month. Nobody acts in character anymore. And by that, I mean in character, not caricature like Kenton, right Kate, sorry. It is as if the inhabitants of Ambridge have all become zombies that used to feel true to life, now just silly little bin yet, which don't seem to have any bearing on each other. Ripe over, swish of skirts and slam a door. - I must say personally, I do like a good flounce. - Hucky Smith from Upstairs at the Ball said, "Thinking on Christine's decision to view the Lawrence." - Laurel's. - Laurel's. - It's not a bad idea. One bill pays everything. No housework, no building maintenance, security, no cooking, plenty of company, even the patients are not able to interact. The nurses and career can. - The nurses and carers can. - Carers can. (laughing) - Unlike most of other residents, Christine is able to still involve herself in village life. It's a win-win. - Very good. Hucky Smith in Upstairs at the Ball also said, "I have a feeling there is going to be a brute battle." - Not a brute, a brute. (laughing) - A brute poisoning at Gray Gables 'cause Eddie's left over, of Lady's F.O. - Of course, Eddie's left over far too good. - I don't know why I would pay to send you to school at all. (laughing) - Passes me in Upstairs at the Ball also said, "Did anyone else's cheeks read "and when Kate was talking to Toby in the car? "Cringe back to 10. "Genny Judge in Art of Appreciation. "Just joined, then left the other group "dispancin' shifty on the advice for the group. "Commonry can be fast and furious at times, "but please be civil about and two real people. "A lively interchange of users is a delight, "but we don't want it to degenerate "into a puncher from the ball. "Before posting, "ask yourself, what would Linda Snell think?" And the reason that I chose that one this week is I'm just saying that's good advice for all of us before we open our mouths or before we post something. We should just check what Linda Snell think. - Joan Sendin' up from the Art of Appreciation group said, "I'm the--" - Am I? - Am I the anyone googling rattle? - Yes. (laughing) - She is. And Charlotte Simon in Art of Appreciation said, "My sympathies are with Phoebe, "watching your mother wrestle a mostly naked man "in a purple pool, "doesn't sound like her idea of a fun night." - Paul Dave from the Art of Appreciation group said, "Rattle is my new favorite character. "Charlotte Simon from the Art of Appreciation group said, "at creating the arches in Soho Square, "listening to Jenny Murray introducing. "Apparently, we're not allowed to--" - We are allowed. - We are allowed to tweet. So I assume Facebook is also permissible. So she had a few things to say while she was there. Nicky Smith had asked her to ask about Scruff, and she said, "Of course, a writer is talking at the moment. "Charlotte Connor has already told us "we don't want to know what is going to happen, "but he is wrong on that one." She then went on to say, "The writer almost gave something away. "We increased diversity. "Maybe Carol Christine, Peggy and Jill "will form that lesbian collective." Then she went on to say, "Helen is talking now. "Apparently, Rob is hot stuff in bed." Nicky Smith replied with yikes. "You don't have to tell us everything." Charlotte then said now talking about when Charlotte Connor took over. Apparently, we are all sensitive to changes. Didn't stop him, though. Kenton, "Black sheep remain black sheep," says Charlotte Connor. Apparently, it all stems from their childhood when David was the favorite son, loving the backstories. She also said that Jill and Peggy are a living archive and she loves that idea, too. Apparently, there are things that are going-- that have to happen in February. And she said, "Maybe Kate's new baby." And Charlotte Simon then went on to say, "There is no hard water in Ambridge." That's a relief. I was worried about the shop running out of shampoo. She also said that Charlotte Connor doesn't like killing characters off, except dogs, obviously. And then we moved on. Karen Gray from the Arches Anonymous said, "Well, I'd rather enjoy this week. "Loved Eddie the millionaire. "Always find Kate hilarious. "Her desire to be on Phoebe's team, desperate being-- "Despite being the organizer. Brilliant." Her and Phoebe seemed nicely matched. Like the way Pipp and Rex began to enjoy the fun, especially with the extra info about the area. Closed pub now, a Thai restaurant, liked hearing Pipp's vision being challenged and Rex's gentle word. Best line, she might be over-- - Compensating. - Compensating. So now onto our page, and we said, "What are your thoughts on current storylines? "Was Pipp's job offer too easy? "Are you enjoying the comedy that is the Grundy family? "And how do you see Christine's storyline resolving?" We just thought that you might like to have a chance to play script writer. Jane Fielden said, "Sadly, after about 20 years, "I stopped listening to the Arches. "I follow events through Dumpty Dum, and that's it. "I find the Helen Rob storyline unbearable "and can't cope with listening. "And as others have said before me, "there is so much other stuff going on. "Drama or an action that is out of character "and over the top. "Add to that the disappearance of certain characters, "the indistinguishable voices and ghastly new Pipp, "and basically I'm done. "May I return, but at present Dumpty Dum "is meeting all my Arches needs. "Thank you. "Oh, Jane, do have another go. "Like I've hung in there for the long haul. "I've been listening to it for over 20 years, "and it will come good. "In fact, I think it is good at the moment." Peter Mavut said Pipp gets a Brazilian, a courageous storyline, but the hilarious consequence of Joe Grundy getting a back second cracker for Bruce's of Felpisham are priceless. Catherine Baton says, "I think the storylines "feel like they are marking time before the next big thing. "Perhaps a conscious decision to try and explore "character and bed down the new people. "I'm not convinced it's really working "from a storyline perspective. "Having said that, I do think the recent stuff "has been well written in terms of handling the material, "even though the stories are not winning for me. "I was just going to get Jim Baton ready the next one, "but I'm not because of the swear word." Diane Telford says, "I don't care about Soggi auntie Carpool "because she has hardly been in it for years. "New Pit can fuff off." That was the rude word, Jim Baton. "Not a fan of Eddie doing his Del Boy act, "but you can be the next one. "I want to know how long it will be "before Stefan's bones clog up the anaerobic digester." - Dean Leary, I agree about the Grundy's. It's all getting a bit last of the summer wind up at Gay Gables. - Gay Gables. - Oh, and I have to read the next one. - Dean Leary also said, "Waste, Tiara, "and pisses off at New Pit." Rachel Louise says, "New Pit is awfully unbearable, "and I would love her to go to Brazil and not return." And Robin winning, what does he say? - I have officially achieved maximum funny Grundy. Is this an English thing? Is the mere-- - Mere? - Mere fact that they are working class supposed to be funny? I don't get it. - And finally, would you like to finish off Ruth Simpson? What does she say? - "Pip gets the first job she applies for "as soon as thick to be a graduate unrealistic. "So how? "How so? "I'm sure that happens to loads of people." - Long. - So that's it from me and Gembe, and I'll be back with you next week. - Hooroo. - Bye. (laughing) (baby crying) - Dean Leary, warm the cockles of your heart. And whilst your cockles are still warm, Lucy. - Yes. - Why don't you give us your hashtag, the archers tweet of the week. - Okay. The Starchers said, "When I go down to breakfast at a country house hotel, "I generally avoid any table at which a tramp is sitting." (laughing) Because Eddie was described as dressed as a tramp. And there was a little two-hander conversation that made me laugh between Worcester Yokel and Lady Danny Marinik. And Worcester Yokel said, "What's Pam Ayers doing in bed with Eddie?" And Lady Danny Marinik said, wishing she'd looked after Eddie. (laughing) - And Judith Kerr, Gee, said, "And take that key away from the neighbor roof "then we won't have to keep having to dash it off." (laughing) - Yes. "Just leave her there on the bathroom floor." No, that's not very kind, is it? Gore Blimey said, "Love how Susan reacts to Charlie Thomas "as if Paul Hollywood had just walked in shirtless "and smeared in baby oil." And Keith, loads of these, sorry, there's way more than they should be. Keith dows it, said, "Your unprotected homesteads are not safe. "We will sack and pillage just for fun. "Hashtag buttons are coming." And Andrew Davidson said, "Would you serve the pyroof, or is that beyond you? "Like all the other things that a real woman like me "can do so well." (laughing) And goddess diva is tweeted the week. Small children. (humming) Small children block up your ears. goddess diva said, brace yourself. If Pip wants to impress Toby, she should ditch the running and practise giving blowjobs with a pint on her head. - Oh, bloody hell. (laughing) - She added Oi Oi at the end, which I don't think it really needed. (laughing) - Yes, there we are. - I wouldn't have expected such a, such a tweet from such a feminist. - I think she's being sarcastic. I, that's the only woman that somebody like. - Oh. - Rex and Toby is interested in. - Mm-hmm, okay. Thank you for pointing out the irony of that. - Okay. - Now, Lucy. - Yes! - Oh, is it a sharp news? (buzzing) - You preempted me. - Thank God for that, I was thought for one more of a minute, we've missed him. (laughing) - Yes, folks, it's that time where people tell us what they've purchased from our shop. And this week, you bought some stuff. Well, one person has. - Great! - And that person is Pamela Donaldson, who is the proud owner of a Hello You To T-Shirt. - And you can buy one too by going to www.dumbdumb.com/shop or probably even better still, because there's issues to do with the layout of the shop, which are now to do with us, you just go to cafepress.com/dumbdumb and you just go straight to the shop. So that's that. Now, whilst we're talking about websites and everything, folks, by hook or by crook, this website will be live next week, that we have a little bit of a problem with the little bit, which means that people who have logged on to the website, who are the listeners or call rinnerers, can actually create content. You can do it, but we can't figure out where and how to put the link, so that you can actually write your blogs or write the features about the archers. When that is done, then it will be live, but it will be live by hook or by crook, by next week. So thank you for your patience. And so many people have sent a little message saying, oh God, it looks really good and everything. And yes, thank you. Just give us a little bit longer and it will be live. Now, has any website in the history of websites, which probably is about three years, ever gone live when people said it was going to go live? It never happens, does it? I've written loads that have never happened. We've never had one up at the right time. - No, no, it's true. It's, it's that, it's a four night, it's still a four night over, it just happens. - Yeah, no, no, no, it's, it's that 80/20 rule where 80% of the visible work gets done in 20% of the time and the last 20% takes 80% and it's totally annoying because you go, well, it's almost ready, you know. - It looks done then and you go, yeah, but don't click on anything 'cause nothing goes anywhere. - Yeah, 'cause it won't work. We must go round in some endless loop. - Well, Jesse, I'm gonna, Jesse is over in San Francisco and I'm gonna get him to try and figure this thing out in the next couple of days so he can get this thing live because we need to get it live. - Yeah. - Because you've all invested in it. - Yes. - So there you go. Now, it's the best section of all of the Lucy's monologues, reviews news, reviews news, reviews of reviews and we are only, you don't wanna type this. We were eight away. - Yeah. - Since we've been doing the show, we're now seven away. - Really? - Big, yep, somebody's written a review so I had it on, which I have done. So we're seven away from the big 200 in the UK. Yes, we are that close and these lovely people have helped to get us closer to our goal. - Oh, sorry. - It's all right. - And lastly, place. Agard, talk amongst yourselves. They now follows a selection of music from the student prints. (humming) Oh yes. Scarlett Sparrow won. - Lady Gav Gav. - S-A-62. - And from the colony that got away, I'd rather brutal review on me from. - T-W-T-W. I don't think we should mention that if they-- - Oh, it's horrible. - Oh, it's fine. It's fine. They listen to the show. They listen every week, they've been listening from episode one. It's fine. You can't please everybody all of the time, Lucy. - No, okay. - And I fully appreciate that some people don't get the kind of ramblings 'cause they're like, well, why don't they just talk about the arches and I'm like, oh, it's a podcast and it's a fans podcast. We don't claim to be experts and it's supposed to be a cozy chat and that's the reason why the community's so important. - Yeah. - And to emphasize that, how many listeners when they call in say this is what I've been doing this week? - Yeah. - Because it's not just about the bloody arches. - Yeah. - You know, as important as that is. - Can we not call it the bloody arches? 'Cause that does well. - Well, well, no, I've probably revealed my true feelings to this review there. (laughing) But no, we still got some stars and it's a valid viewpoint. It's not one I necessarily agree with. - No, for a free speech. - Exactly. Now, TW, TW did say though, Lucy. - Yes. - That, why don't you get a new co-host or just go solo? - Who should? Me? - You, yeah. - I don't want to. What does he mean? - Who says it's a he? - Or she. Probably a they. In these times of, you know, gender multiplicity, let's just say it's a they. Anyway, we also want to thank... - John Burns. - Cedar Master and... - Deep Space Object. - For reviewing sand bridges on iTunes as we asked you to do last week. - Yes. - Because she, she's brilliant. - Yeah. - She's brilliant and she's been hiding our light underneath the bush and we're not actually telling us that she'd actually put them up on iTunes and she needs those reviews 'cause it means that more people will get to listen to her show. - Remember, you can be awarded the Order of John Archer by emailing us if your name is John or you can prove that you have a real link to a gentleman who goes by the name of John and you will be knighted John the eighth. - This week, I've got my sword out for Kate Nichols' father. As she, as she emailed us to say, I wish to claim John the seventh for my dad whose name is John and he was a dairy farm until he retired. He doesn't listen to the arches anymore but I keep him up to date with what's happening. It drives my mad. - I just want to mention also that my name is Kate. I hope I am nothing like Mrs. Madicarnay. This week I have been mainly getting Toby or was it Rex and Adam muddled up. I thought it was bad enough with Tom and Charlie but now I do really need those introductions. And I've just thought if your father, and she does the lovely picture of him which I'm going to put up on Twitter, was a dairy farmer, he can tell us about the cows. - Oh yes. - You can stop them shagging members of the family. Yes, I mean their own family, not other people's family. - Which is totally fine. - You could all... (laughing) You can also go to patreon.com search for dumpedy-dumb and you can donate $2 a show, which is about £1.30. - Now, if you've done all of the above, why don't you just reward yourself by clicking on the donate button on dumpydumb.com. And this week's donators were... - And you're all in full of love yet again. Now remember, you can also send us a voice message via the site or you can call us on otro-30-31-0-5 from an ordinary phone to leave us a message. You can also ping us an email if you'd like if you'd like if you go to dumpedydumb.com or you can tweet me on the twitters where I'm at, Royfield. - Me @loseyveedumb. - Or the both of us @dumbdydumb or... - Sarah Smith @ Sarah_Smith. - So please, please, please keep those reviews coming 'cause you want to be top of the podcast charts before Kate develops a weird purple patch on her back. You're filthy, Lucy. (laughing) - Absolutely filthy. - It wasn't me, he loads of people on Twitter said that. - So you plagiarized somebody else's witticism. - No, I have to, if it's that rude, I have to make sure that other people have said it so people can't say it's not just me lowering the tone. - Fair enough, fair enough. She is absolutely such a dreadl... She's a dreadful mother, she's a dreadful daughter. - Yes, she's a dreadful human being. - She's a dreadful sister, oh, crumbs. (laughing) She's a dreadful student. - Jenny Darling loves her. - Well, no, that's a mother's love, though, isn't it? Anyway, on that note, I just want to say special thanks to Claire Steep on the book of Face for discovering this rather funny, Rhyne Hirsch piece of gold. - The other people I have to say hello to are the people who are listening on Radio 3. Ooh. (audience groaning) Radio 3. (audience groaning) It's going to be part of their new Panto season. (audience laughing) Actually, we've got a bit of a nasty surprise for any bit that tunes into Radio 3 in the next 20 seconds. (upbeat music) (audience laughing) (upbeat music) The archers on Radio 3. (audience cheering) The sky is falling in, the sky is falling in. - Do you know, ladies and gentlemen, that there are copycat programs that the archers order around the world? If they're not careful at the BBC, they get Russian spies going through the rubbish bins looking for the squirts. There is a Russian version of the archers. Did you know that? And this is their theme tune. (audience laughing) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (audience clapping) That was very good, you know, thank you, Claire. (laughing) No, no, no, it's really good, Lisa, it's really good. Who is playing the peprano in the background? That's my issue. - Is it? She's very good, she's doing her scales, isn't she? - Well, I've got headphones in, so I actually can't hear. - No, she's not doing scales. - She's not doing a tune, isn't she? - Yeah, she's doing a tune. - I forgot to say, you won't be watching it. I'm not watching it, but I sort of have to for work. But, you know, home fires on ITV. - No. - There's a program called Home fires on ITV. On a Sunday, it's warm bath TV. At nine o'clock on Sunday evening. And it's about the Women's Institute in the war. And one of the lead characters in it is Daisy Batcher, who plays pep. And she's excellent, actually. - And the WY is 100 last week. - Yes. The WY is a fantastic institution. - Are you a member of the WY? - I used to be, I'm not anymore. - Really? - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm, okay. - Although, there is one just started in Walthamstow. - Mm-hmm. - But the waiting list is now so ginormous. They've had to close the list because so many people want to join. But they do really, they do really, really, you know, really interesting things. People think, "Oh, it's all jam, "and Jerusalem, and raffles, and all that." And it's not at all. They do amazing things. - Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind, but still really important. Life insurance, why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage, credit card debt, it can even help fund an education. And guess what? Life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think. In fact, most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is. So with State Farm Life Insurance, you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank. Not sure where to start? State Farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget. Get started today and contact a State Farm agent or go to statefarm.com. - If there's one thing that my family and friends know me for, it's being an amazing gift giver. I owe it all to Celebrations Passport from 1800flowers.com, my one-stop shopping site that has amazing gifts for every occasion. With Celebrations Passport, I get free shipping on thousands of amazing gifts and the more gifts I give, the more perks and rewards I earn. To learn more and take your gift giving to the next level, visit 1800flowers.com/acast. That's 1800flowers.com/acast.
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