DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'
Dum Tee Dum Episode 55 – Daddy Brown wants to know if I’m coming from breakfast
Dum Tee Dum Episode 55 – Daddy Brown wants to know if I’m coming for breakfast
Dum Tee Dum Episode 55 – Daddy Brown wants to know if I’m coming from breakfast
Podcast rss feedThe post Dum Tee Dum Episode 55 – Daddy Brown wants to know if I’m coming from breakfast appeared first on DumTeeDum.
- Duration:
- 1h 28m
- Broadcast on:
- 29 Apr 2015
- Audio Format:
- other
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This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. All right, you're on off. This episode of Dumb Didar is sponsored by Lickety Like on the Fellowship Road. The chap's called hammered and he's so lovely. Doesn't mind if you come in twice a day. Don't tell anyone. Thank you very much. G'day. This is Kootso Archibald. I'm the oldest sister of Gemma Archibald and the daughter of Millie Bell. [MUSIC PLAYING] What makes it so interesting, Flip? So is you don't even listen to the arches? [LAUGHTER] Everybody breaks yourselves because this is Dumb Didar on the Show about the reality ducky drama that is centered on Ambridge in the heart of the Midlands, which is where I am right now. I am the first cook who's bring that is Royfield Brown and with me have the one-legged East End pigeon that is. That's your dad calling you. Oh, God. [LAUGHTER] I'm doing my podcast in the spare room. Did you notice the chops in the middle of the game? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, then. Thank you for that. I didn't even hear him. That was daddy. I know daddy Brown. All right. Where should I take this back to? You sound like a teenager doing your own. Dad, I'm busy. I'm talking to my friend, Dad. I said, don't come in. Yes, all right. I'll feed the cat. Now. Yeah, I need to put a big sign, not disturb. Right. And the most important part of our bird-spotting competition is you, folks. Now, today's rendition of "Randy Green" is brought to you for the second week by Calypso Archibald. And it's brought to you for another week by Calypso Archibald because you buggers haven't sent in any fresh ones. So please do that. Now, Lucy. Yes. If that can be first bothered or asked, can you in mind I listen as having with the accolade of the Dummy Dummy of the Week? Yes. Give us a ring on 0203031105 to sing us a dumpty dum. Get in touch via Speakpipe with your plot predictions or your suggestions for where Pip might like to go with points awarded for the furthest possible destination. Thank you to Harriet at Shambridges for her fantastic voices. And to Derek for learning the back bedroom, Derek has been extremely busy with local politics this week, getting ready for May the 7th. I asked him if he'd enjoyed the hustings. And he said he didn't know as he'd never husted. That joke's lost on May by notes probably rude. It's not rude, it's not, it's not, it's not, it's not. OK, all right, OK. Well, you know, do you remember a couple of weeks ago, we said that there'll be no mention of the elections. Yes, there was though, wasn't there? Mm, Pip and Dannequin. Because Pip doing a, oh, I don't know. Does it involve me in any way? No, well, they're not much interested. Stupid. I didn't really see that as being kind of a truth in Pip's character. 'Cause I would have thought Pip would have been, she's into the young farmers and all-- I think she would know agricultural politics. Absolutely, she'd be, she'd be exercised to vote. It'd be a first time voting and, you know, she's into rural life and politics. So I didn't quite believe that. I think they've just been told to haul in, you know, Jamie Perks, yes, absolutely. Exactly, exactly. But not, they've just been told, haven't they? They've had a line down, right? Come on, you're just gonna do a bit of youth vote. So they've just picked those two. Yeah. Anyway, anyway, this week, we have calls from Andrew Horn. He's all worried about grandis. Have you had your lunch with Andrew? Not yet. Okay, still haven't had my lunch with anybody. Not that I'm going to tell you when I have, but anyway, I haven't. Why wouldn't you? 'Cause you'll be all stupid and make me flustered. No, well, I think it's really nice that he's taking out the lunch. Dusty. (laughing) Yoke or Fair, he's disappointed at the Rob's storyline at all. Wasn't that a turn up? John Jeffries disappointed me. John, you're supposed to call in and say, "You're John the third." But anyway, John Jeffries, who thinks we may have Rob wrong? Cosmo doesn't know where he is. And in Will The Spoon's Corner, we have an analysis of our Lillian. And yes, everybody, we've got a raid spectacularly wrong. So stop tweeting and emailing us. But anyway, Lucy. Yes. Before we go to the calls, why don't you tell us about The Last Week in Ambridge? OK. (dramatic music) The bird-spotting battle between Robert and Jimus continues a pace with them getting their tips muddled, largely. And FYI, cuckoos are not beautiful, Robert. They look like massive, stupid pigeons. Robert has added into his Robin Cook impersonation the distinct impression that he is constantly about to burp. Maybe instead of referring to Jimus a great tit, he should be investing in a course of Zantac. Rob tried to persuade Tom that Helen couldn't do anything as they were 100% of the time rogering to impregnate Helen. Tom immediately trotted off to Helen to say, "Is this true then that you and Rob are doing make a baby bouncy bouncy?" Rob did his usual, "But I did it for you, Helen." Tony is lusting after bulls again. You'd think he'd have learnt, but no. And he's bought one because he liked the look of its arse or something. I couldn't make out what he was saying through the dribble. Anyway, he's bought the damn thing from someone called Madden. A Madden bull has three months in a coma, taught the man nothing. Anyway, in other mad cow news, Patton Helen have decided to move the shop permanently into Bridge Farm and sell hand knitted yogurt and cheese made from the scrapings of the reed sewage system. Uh, then there was a really, really, really funny bit where it was like hilarious because Tom suggested Tony could help with the teas at the cricket because he can't play and that was really funny because only women can pour tea, seriously. "Larious man doing teas." "Man, do you know how long I'd last at that?" He said hilariously, "Well, what's that realized?" Tony had a penis, even one in plaster and that would get in the way of the spouting something. "You would fuck at all, anyway." (laughing) That was very, very, very, very funny. - You know, just say so. - It was really nice to have mention of the cricket team because I did a pint some weeks ago that we needed to get back to normalcy and hearing about the cricket. - Single bloody wicket ear wicket. - Well, I don't like that so much, but just the average cricket team. All things are right with the world, the family pampered is playing cricket again. Anyway, crack on, Lucy. That was my mum, she just said the door was there, that me and what the hell's going on here? - Why are you talking to yourself? (laughing) - Ooh, ooh, that's quite good. - I don't, I've been, what, what, what, what? - Why don't you crack on with the rest of your monologue in your posh West Indian-- - Oh God, you know. - No, go on, that's very good. Anyway, then, Pip played Guisbury with Adam and Charlie. He went off to look at some farm technology nonsense. Pip had a lovely time slagging off her parents, saying how boring they were for wanting to stay back at the farm, messing about doing the milking and shoveling shit about. When they could be getting to grips with proper farming by eating ostrich burgers and watching grown men smile on each other's vulvos with drones. Back at home farm, Adam was getting stuck into the U-bends at the Pickers' Caravans and he just snapped his marigolds on when Charlie ran and said, come over, I've got something to show you. Adam raced over there, Charlie said it was a video, Adam got even more excited and said, hang on, if it's Daryl does Darrington, I've already seen it. But sadly, it was just some blokey-- - Sorry, that'd be Daryl Dossys in Darrington. (laughing) - Sadly, it was just some bloke in Ohio, whittering on about grazing systems. Eddie distressed Clarice's sideboard and then distressed Clarice when she saw it. Eddie, who seems to have reverted to his original character arc as village idiot, has repaired the thing with some of baggies left over timber. But however appalling it looks, they may need to hang onto it as they'll be living in it if Hazel's sloven gets her way. And Amakin Skywalker squired his mother around the village, holding her shopping bags with his great big shoulders and his great big hands. To be honest, it's a relief-shuler set-asites on Dr. Dick. She made Alistair a sandwich then for a wobbly because he didn't have time to eat it. Then she said, "I'm going in to Felsham "and I want to tell you about it." I was surprised when he didn't scream with the lights, sit down with his little hands clasped and shout, "Tell me, tell me, I can't wait!" So, off Shuler went for her brief encounter with Dr. Dick in the coffee shop. Shuler darling, you look beautiful. That pucker Mac brings out your eyes. (laughing) Oh Richard, don't, I can't bear it. How is your wife? I don't have a wife, she's gone. Oh Richard, don't be sad, I can't bear a droopy dick. She said, she said she would just have a flat white. Dr. Dick said there was no need to be personal. She invited Dr. Dick for lunch and then got cross when Alistair didn't wet himself with excitement to the prospect of that either. What we need is for Dr. Dick to get his head through Lizzie's tent flaps and that'll sort the miserable old cow out. Millions new face is not going very well while we can't tell if it's going well or not really as she looks like a Siamese cat in a high wind. But anyway, she took her new face out for a drink to a white bar in Felsham. But they had a row and came back again. Jenny Darling suggested that Lillian took her mind off it by suggesting she joined the Flood Action Group on the grounds that his acronym is FAG, presumably. So now we have the Save Campaign and the Flood Action Group, both clumping round to each other's houses, eating each other's biscuits, waving clipboards about importantly and talking about social media and strategy. Why don't they combine? They could then be FAG Save, which surely would appeal to Lillian. And then we have a temporary conclusion to the Rob's Spawn story. He is not the daddy, allegedly. Did he fake the letter? - Told ya. - Yeah. - Did he fake-- - Told ya. (laughs) - Did he-- - Told ya. (laughs) - All right! Did he fake the letter? Did he fake the test? As long as he fakes off? I don't care. Finally, over at Brookers. Pip dropped back in on her way out to an acoustic session with Danakin Skywalker, just casually to let everyone know that she was contemplating a job in Kuala Lumpur farming zinnias as prompted by Charlie Bob's spreadsheet. See you then, Pip. Don't let the door hit you up the arse on your way out. We look forward to you returning as a baritone with a German accent. The end! - I told you didn't I? - You did? - I did. I told you. - But we need to-- - But we need to, we need to, there's a lot to talk about. That, the Rob thing we're talking about, yes? - Yes. - Yes. - And the terrible news is for Helen, this is gonna make him worse because she is gonna trust him 110%. Now, even if there's only 1% of nagging doubt in a moment that he wasn't a knight in Shai Nama, he's got rid of that. So things are gonna get worse and he's gonna be strutting around. I don't know why I told you so, I told you so. But, I knew it, I knew it, I called it. Also, can I just quickly say, I loved a little bit of brief encounters in the middle of that. That was an homage, Darling, to not to brief encounter, it was actually an homage to Round the Horn, where they used to do these two characters called, oh god, Celia, Dame Celia Molstranger, and Binky, Strangler, and Binky Hockaback. They used to do this, ew, Darling. I feel for you, I long for you, and let, I hate you, and things like that. And it was very, very, very funny. So that was more of that, really, than breathing. - But the idea-- - Yeah, but they take, but they take it from breathing. - Yeah, they do. - So I was right there. - Yes, you were. - Have you said I was wrong? I was right. - Sorry, sorry. Yes, Round. - And then-- - This whole podcast is just descending into you guys. You see, I was right. (laughing) Yes, you were right. - Well, it's what when people email in or tweet, and they say, I actually agreed with Royfield for a change. And it's the case of the people who sound so surprised, I have the voice of moderation and reason. - And-- - You're right in the way more than me. - Absolutely. - I'll get carried away. - Mm, I'm the grounded one. - You're the voice of boring realism, you are. - Grounded, anyway. Can I also say, we talked about accents a couple of weeks ago, and I switched on my Bakelite radio halfway through an episode this week, and didn't know who was talking to who. And I'm not just saying that, I had no idea about-- - And for those of you that have not yet heard Sunday's episode, brace yourself, because there's another one. (laughing) - Hi, it was Danakin' a new pip. - Yeah. - I had no idea. (laughing) - Who are you, people? Somebody tweeted the other day. Could they introduce themselves, do you think? (laughing) Hello, this is Pip, I will now speak. (laughing) - I, honestly, honestly. - But when, when the thing happened, that happened last night, I was just sad, stared at them, and I said, you have got to be joking. When I-- (laughing) Oh my God, another one! I don't know what they're playing at. It's just like they've taken people off a conveyor belt or something. (laughing) Privately school educated people from the home counties. Even the pitch and the tone and everything. God, anyway. - Well, the thing is though, to give, to cut them a little bit of slack, the cast and directors down there, you know, we're dealing with a bit of the country, which is in a place where a lot of people do speak like that and a social strata where a lot of people are going to speak like that, see if it's going to be authentic. - Yeah. - You know. - Yep, it's not, that's what I'm saying. It's not just the accent. I mean, Jim has an RP accent, and so does Robert Snell. But Robert Snell sounds like Robbie Cook now, for some reason, is that going, and Jimus just sounds lovely, he has a great voice. They're both RP, but they're completely distinctive and different voices, all the young ones. The tone and the pitch is exactly the same. It's like they're all imitating each other. - They're called Lucy. With all the more reason why we need to get old Harriet on. - Yes. - Well, let's not call her old Harriet, it's a bit disparaging. - But, no, I know we make her. - Yes. But I think she's up to her armpits in Labour at the minute. So let's let her have the baby, and then we'll get her on. - Right, there's a Labour party manifesto. Is she handing them out? - She certainly has a Labour manifesto, yes. She's hoping it's going to be sooner than May the 7th, I think, because she's fed up. But anyway, we'll see. - Right, now, just before we get to the calls, I just have to say a couple of things. I saw the Avengers not once but twice. - That's the first thing I've got to say. - Okay. - The second thing I've got to say, right, is thunderbirds. You don't know how happy I am that thunderbirds he's back on TV. - I do, because you've been banging on Twitter about it. - Not about thunderbirds, I haven't. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, not about thunderbirds. - No, not about thunderbirds. - Okay. - No, we were talking about superhero stuff, and we were talking about Miss Marvel, the new, she's from Jersey, she's a teenager, and she's Muslim, and she's most awesome, and she's a superhero. And the comic has been going great guns, 'cause we're talking about portrayals, of ethnic minorities in the media, off the back of this show. And he brought to my attention that John Stewart, not the presenter on Comedy Central, but there's a comic of a superhero called John Stewart, who's a green lantern, and Neil Adams, he's created a bio-guy called Neil Adams, and Neil Adams created him and said, right, we're gonna break all the stereotypes here, he's gonna be black, he's not gonna have a dodgy criminal past, he's not gonna be hip and cool and jive, he's gonna be called John Stewart, and he's gonna be just a regular guy. And I wasn't aware of that, and Stephen tweeted to me about that, off the back what I said about ethnic portrayals within the media, and also ethnic and minorities off the back of talking about Adam and Ian. I was gonna say Charlie, but it didn't work for me. - Oh, Freud did. - Yes, exactly. I was like, "Hmm, next week, yes, this week, no." - Anyway, so we're talking about minority portrayals, and then we're not talking about ethnic and minority portrayals, and it was most good, so we talked about Miss Marvel, and basically there has been this long kind of trope within comic books of if there is a black hero, either an African prince or princess, he got the black panther or storm in the X-Men, or the other trope is they were involved in some level of criminality, but then came good. So that's the Falcon, and that's Power Man, et cetera. And one of the reasons why Miss Marvel is so popular is number one, she's Muslim, and she's a teenage, so it's very between the model of Spiderman, where you get kind of teenage angst and whatever, but she's from New Jersey. - I always think it's hilarious that Spiderman is a teenager and shoots sticky white stuff out from his fingers, and no one. It's not exactly difficult to trace that, is it? Anyway, nevermind, sorry. - I had never thought of that. - Really? - No, never thought of that. Such a monkey mind, such a monkey mind. - No, it's just, you know, to me, it's just the epitome of two, I don't listen. - Hmm. - Anyway, carry on. - But anyway, I really have really come to the end of that kind of like little bit of a monologue segue, but I did see the Avengers twice, and it is very big and very spectacular, and the truth of the matter is, I didn't really enjoy it as much as I wanted to enjoy it. - Ah, yes, I don't think Simon did either. - Hmm? - I don't think Simon did either. - This kind of-- - Have to share, you'll have to share reviews with him, 'cause he was a bit, mm, mm. - I'm getting a little bit fed up of the world being in peril. - Yeah. - I don't want the world to be in peril. - I think we're all fed up with that, but in a very real sense, Roy, not just kind of in pretend. - It was just very big. - The world was in peril, and I said, "Oh, God, here we go again." - "Where's the flour and produce?" You said, "Where is the single wicket?" - Exactly. - The single wicket, exactly. - Which is the reason why I so adored Daredevil, because Daredevil is on such a small scale, and if you just go with the fact that a man can be blind, but have heightened senses, so he can do things with these other heightened senses, everything's pretty real. He gets punched in the face by a baddie. Next day, he's got a bruise on his face. You know, it's that real. And this was just all a bit kind of, however, the Hulk and the Black Widow was actually quite, quite touching. There's some lovely moments there. So anyway, we're talking about-- - I've just realised you, I've just realised this whole cartoon, sorry, not cut, what do you call it? You're not allowed to take cartoon. - Superheroes. - Superheroes thing. It's your Miss Marvel, and I miss Marvel. That's kind of the main difference between us, isn't it? And it sums us both up quite nicely. - Marvel and Marvel. - That's pretty good. That's pretty good. - Should we set up a detective agency? Marvel and Marvel in queries? - That works. That works. - We'll have to have a theme tune. We can't have another theme. We've got so many flipping theme songs. (laughing) We need to have a chatet. Well, yes, we need to have A, I need to say something. I am very, very disappointed in the callers this week. In fact, I'm disappointed in the callers, and I'm disappointed in the arches itself. This week was a completely sexist week in Ambridge, and some of the callers are being really sexist this week, as well. I don't know what is going on, but I don't like it. Cease and desist, or you will have me to answer to. - Right. - I don't think the arches, the past being the arches, have bothered about answering to us. - Bloody bothered about anything? Oh, did you see the response, by the way? - Which response? - The open letter. - From @TheArches, yes. - Yes, yes, yes, yes. No, please address your thing to the press office. So then I said, who will then immediately send them to the editor, and there was no reply. (laughing) - But we should at least do that. So at least then we'd be getting mown and grown up. - Well, Cosmo suggests in his call that we put in requests for every single cast member of the arches. So put in like 43 requests. Including Clive Horribin, Scruff, everybody else, to come on the show. (laughing) And then he said, then they'll have to answer each one individually. (laughing) - Right. But we need to talk about Rob. I know you've said, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I win. - Mm. Have we talking about Rob now? - Yes. - And not the calls. - No, what do you think is going, 'cause I think the baby's not his. I don't think he faked the letter. I think the baby's not his. And I think that, but I do think that they had sex. - Yeah. - And I think that this is, somehow that Jess will find some way to be the avenging angel or, and that will happen at the same time as says some sort of crisis if he hits Henry. That's what I think. Well, let's go back slightly. As I said before, this is actually gonna make things much worse for Helen, because he's gonna feel like he's a man who's been wronged, but he's been vindicated. So he's gonna have, so he's gonna feel very much emboldened. So he can, whenever he's questioned at all going forward, it's gonna, you know, - Did you, I thought that was lovely, that bit where she said, oh, thank goodness for that, that's a relief. And he said, what so, you didn't believe me? And she said, oh, yes, yes, I did. I'm just saying it's a relief. And he's saying, well, why is it's a relief? So you did, you know, did you ever think that it was true? And oh, dear. - He's, I'll tell you what though, his response was very much the response of somebody who, if he is somebody who hadn't actually had sex, with, you know, with the person who's claiming him to be the father, you know, he was very much like, well, I told you. - Yeah. - You know, so, but he must have had sex because he wouldn't have sweated 'cause he's sweated on the phone to a once or twice. - Yes, yes. - You know, he has, he has. However, his response was just, you know, to negate, you know, all of the past, you know, but he has kind of worried. So he has had sex with her, but I don't know what this means vis-a-vis, gess. I really don't know. And kind of I don't really care because I'm not emotionally invested in her. You know, as I said many moons ago, she wasn't quite right. Now, if she's having to have sex with somebody else, doesn't mean that she's all wrong, but there was something not quite right. So, you know, there were those little Easter eggs laid by the Barn secret writers for us, which, you know, some of us did pick up on. Move on with Jess 'cause I don't really care about her. I care about Helen. And I kind of care about Henry. And that's where things are going to get really lovely. - Yeah, yeah. Yes. Oh, yes. - Right. - It's been played and written so well. - Yeah. - So, well, I say it all the time, but it really is. And I'm glad that they've put the easier reason either baby thing to bed now. But it has been, it's been a prop. No, not props are on the word. The reason for this is to accelerate is controlled in this and is nastiness. - Yeah. - You know, going forward. - Yes. - Right. So you do some calls. - Yes. (bell ringing) - Hello, Ambridge 3962. - Hi there, everyone. Andrew Horn here. Just a quick observation for this week with two points. - I absolutely agree that the grandies are being built up for another fall. Hazel redoing their cottage to a high standard. Isn't it obvious? She'll double the rent. Now, I'm sure one of our legal friends will tell us what protection they may or may not have under their tenancy agreement, but I see they'll be camping on the green before long. And second point, I agree with Cosmo. I was confused as to why Shuler was flirting with PC harassment, carbon burns, until I realized that actually it was a Dr. Dick vocally they're too similar. Anyway, that's it for me this week. Have fun, bye. - Andrew Horn said, "I know, Andrew." He's worried about the grandies, said the rent's gonna double. What, you know about renting and things, don't you? 'Cause you rent your house out. What protection do the grandies have? If Hazel the Slovene suddenly doubles the rent, whatever. - One minute lose, he's from a dad again. - Go for breakfast. - Come in? - Go for breakfast. - Are we going out? - No, you're going for breakfast. - Yeah, yeah, I've got to finish what I'm doing. I'm recording that. (laughing) (laughing) - Yes, that's from a dad. (laughing) - I love this. Can your dad be on every week? (laughing) (laughing) - I really need to put a sign on the call. (laughing) - He's gone and says it's a gym. He's not eating and he's still talking to himself. (laughing) - There's something wrong with the boy. (laughing) - Bless him. Are you coming for breakfast? Are they going out for breakfast then? - Oh, that's what I thought. 'Cause he's holding his jacket. He looked like he was about to go out. He was about to abandon him. He was gonna go somewhere flat. - I'm still doing this, Dad. I'm still doing it. I'm talking to the people. Dad, you don't understand. (laughing) - I'm lost now. Oh yeah, rent. Hazel. - I don't know. Because they could well be something within their tenancy. You know what? I don't know Lucy. I don't know. And I don't want to make up. - Oh, we're gonna have Usha back, aren't we? It could be another. Who do we know who can fix everything? Oh, I know Usha. - Yeah. The lawyer deals with every asset of law. - I specialize in pretty much everything. - Yeah. - All I do. Don't I keep on banging on about San Francisco? 'Cause it's fast becoming a distant memory. But one of the big surprises of being over there is the amount of rent control properties there are. And you'd think America, the home of capitalism, there'd be no such thing. But there are ways of Manhattan and San Francisco. Just the two places that spring to mind are where there are rent controls. But it's quite peculiar and it really does distort the market. i.e. over there. A property that's been built before 1979 can be rent controlled. And what that means is that the landlord can only put up the rent by 1% a year full stop. If that building is built after 1979, it's a free for all. So you have this weird situation now because rental, the price of property in San Francisco has gone through the roof since 2008. So basically, since the economy tanked, property prices in San Francisco, just like London didn't. And they were propped by the tech industry in San Francisco. So what happens now is that a landlord will turn round to attend in a rent control property and offer them anywhere between $50,000 to over $100,000 to leave. - Really? - Absolutely, because what they want to do is get them all out the property because then they sell them off to developers because they'll get much more money. So I had dinner with Jennifer and Eric and Jennifer is a dumb to dumb listener. I had this friend named Mary and said she was offered just last year $125,000 to leave the flat. - Flame and Nora. - Yep. So it has these really weird effects because there is massive pressure on to get rid of these rent controlled houses and they were absolutely there to help support service workers or workers, the working class, et cetera. And now you have the mass tours of Silicon Valley descending and there just isn't the housing stock that it isn't. So landlords have been tapped up by property developers and I'll give you X amount a million for this place. Landlords just have to get people out and they are going because you're offered a six-figure sum and people are taking it. But you know, the other distorting effect of this is that Mary said that within her block, there was this old woman that died just last year and been in there since the 1930s and was paying $300 a month rent. - Wow. - Yeah. You know, and she was sitting there quite pretty until she died. No money was going to get her out and then she died and the landlord thought, good. - Yeah. - And has left the place empty. - Right. - You know, I just want to get rid of it. You know, I just want to get everybody out the block and sell it on for developers. - Yeah. - So I don't know what that means with the grundies. (laughing) - Are they planning on going to San Francisco or New York? Is it your future? - I'm presuming that they're going to have either a 12-month or 6,000, so I just don't know. - We're going to have 6 months of hand-ringing, aren't we? We're them trying to work out where they're going to go. It's weird though, because Eddie went through a phase. He definitely sort of perked up in the last sort of two years. He hasn't had any major disasters. He'd kind of been jogging along. He'd kind of got his sort of work sorted out. He hadn't done any more stupid skit apart from the flippin' turkey fortune telling. He hadn't done anything that daft and certainly nothing that made Clarie do one of her. Oh, Eddie things. He'd sort of been relatively on the straight narrow and sort of on an even keel. She says mixing her metaphors wildly. But then, but now he seems to have gone stringo. He hasn't paid the insurance. He's had stupid ideas about this sideboard thing. He's cobbling that together. He's sort of gone back. He's encouraged Ed to get into debt. He's kind of reverted back to his old character. It seems to have done anyway. A bit sort of feckless. I think the insurance thing is a little bit harsh because the grundies have always kind of scratched around. Yes, yes. And if you're living is one where you are barely just above subsistence, which is the one of the grundies other than Will, you're not going to be paying your insurance. You're just not, you're just not, you know, 'cause you can't afford to. So I wouldn't beat him up too much about that. And with the sideboard, I thought Clarie was a bit mean, actually, because he knew how important it was to her. It was a mess. And he's trying to get it into some kind of workable shape. And for me, she just happened to walk into the room at the wrong time. Yeah, but he's using leftover timber for a baggie for crying out loud, you know. From Beatty. It's such, it's a, why doesn't he just wait? And, but, you know, do it properly. Say, I can't do it yet. I'm going to, you know. Well, she walked into the room at the wrong time. Eddie, Eddie's always the triumph of Hopo experience. Always, always, always. That's his story, isn't it? But I like the fact that there's more grundies. Yeah. You know, 'cause they did, you know, that they did somewhat kind of disappear for a whole-- Well, otherwise, it would be an everyday story of middle-class folk who were doing very nicely. Thank you very much. And why would you have a problem with that? 'Cause that's your life, you see. Exactly. I want to know a tale about people who are struggling. I want to feel in touch with the little people who are filled. (laughing) Yokel Bear, Yokel Bear Yokel Bear. He agrees with you. He says Ian's too good to be true. And he talked about the Rob thing and said millions of archers, people went, "Hey, what?" He found out he's not the father. But yes. Who knows, who knows, who knows where that's going to go. But I hope it gets there quickly, whatever is going to happen. Next, we have a first-time cholera now. Hi, this is John from Minneapolis, calling in for the first time. So to do some catch up, I'm a librarian. I've been listening since Jude and Pip were dating that tumultuous time in the archer's life. And my favorite character is Jim and his penchant for crossword puzzling with Christine. I'm calling it today to question whether or not Rob Tischner has been getting a bum rap. I'm wondering if instead of being an abusive monster, he might just be a bit of a jerk. And this is in light of the revelation on Friday that he is not actually the father of Jess's baby. And I was thinking about that recently, about how Jess and his relationship never gave off an abusive vibe. It did come off as being a relationship that was ending, but nothing that seemed as evil or malicious as people are thinking is going on with him and Helen. So I'm wondering if we haven't got Rob wrong. So I'd be interested to hear people slats on that. And just to thank you all for a great show over here in Minneapolis. Don't find a lot of archers listeners. So I really appreciate the community of all the people calling in and Roy Field and Lucy for putting this show together. - This is where things get sticky. John Jeffries, who sounds an extremely nice man. - He does. - Librarian from Minneapolis. - Was it Minneapolis or Minnesotia? - Minneapolis. - Okay. - What is Minnesotia? - Yes, it's Lake Wobiegon, country. He said that he's my favourite character. - Prince is from there too. - Who is? - Prince. - Is he? - Is he? - Yep. - Limey. - Yep. - You can see what kind of a Lutheran background does to you. John, I love you. You sound very nice, but you are so wrong. I could smack you in the face. Just because Rob was not discovered for having sex or not and impregnating or not his wife, this does not mean that his behaviour towards Helen, regardless of the whole, whether or not he shacked, what he did with his willy is immaterial. Making somebody feel small, controlling their life, making them feel anxious, making them feel insecure, making them apologise for not being able to read your mind, controlling them to the extent that he is, pinning her down in this tiny little box so that she can't breathe without his permission. That is hostile, it is violent and it is abusive and so you're wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrongity, wrong, wrong, wrong. So we haven't given him a hard time. Comparatively, we've given him an easy time because the man is violent. - I'm going to lose it, I don't like Rob, right? But I'm going to, and please people, listen to everything I'm about to say here. (laughing) I am going to stand up for John, even though he didn't call himself John the third, as he should have when he called. But I'm going to stand up for John a little here. There's a massive difference between what Rob has actually done and how evil he is and where we as the listeners know or at least believe the storyline is going to go. So we're actually crucifying him on future sins that we perceive as going to commit. We are, we are, we're not. - Lose it, lose it, please, please, please, come on. If you actually analyze everything that Rob has done, take the hunt saboteur, take that completely to one type 'cause that's just another thing to say that this man has a terrible temper, there's all this suppressed rage, et cetera, et cetera. But these are the Helen, right here and now, she's still actually working in the shot, she is, right? He is being a father to Henry. And so far, a pretty decent one. He picks him up from nursery. Henry actually likes spending time within the reads and stories, et cetera. Yes, there is the odd episode. The terrible thing about the putting in the lemon juice in the whatever, you know, a couple of weeks back and, you know, deliberately, the man is not right. However, these are not hanging, offenses yet, but we as the listeners know that there's, because, you know, all the signs that are gonna lead to an ugly and terrible place. But he actually hasn't done anything. - What? - These are the Helen and Henry. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what that says to me is that you have never been in a position where somebody has tried to systematically dismantle your personality. - Listen, I'm not saying that you're not trying to do that, but I'm saying-- - But that is enough, isn't it? - Isn't it? - That is enough. - But Lucy, Lucy. In turn-- - Are you going to mansplain it to me? - No, no, no, I'm not at all. I don't like the man, right? But when you-- - Oh, when all bricks turn then, I don't like the man. - In it though. (laughing) - He ain't right, you get him. (laughing) But what I'm saying is, is that the genius, one of the many genius things about the portrayal of this relationship is that so many things could just be passed off as acceptable. You know, he wants Helen to have a baby. He's just looking out for her. He's just worried about her. Now, we as the listeners are putting two and two together and saying, "Ha ha, you know, he's going--" - You don't even know what-- - Because you keep on saying, you keep on saying, "He's going to hit Henry." Now, when Kerry came on all those months ago, he very clearly said, "Rob loves Henry." Okay, so this obviously what's been written into the character is that this man does love Henry, and that is largely plays with Henry, et cetera. Okay, right here and now, literally, what could we crucify the man for? Two or three instances, yes, but these are not hanging offenses. They are not, and I'm mixing my metaphors all over the place now. It's because we are the listeners to this drama, and we have a wider sense of where this story is going. But right here and now, if I can completely understand-- - If you systematically remove people's support systems, so that the only person they can rely on is you-- - I understand that, Lucy, I understand that. But Izzy actually has, Rob, actually said, "Right, you cannot leave the house, you can have--" - No, of course he hasn't. - There you go. - Then even someone as dense as Helen would twig that was something up with that, it's because it is subtle, but because it's subtle doesn't mean it's not real. I'm not disputing the fact that it's well-written and blah, blah, blah. Of course it is, all the ambiguity is fantastic, this is why it's horrible, because it is accurate. But you can't say that he is not abusive just because she's not walking around with a black eye. - I did say it wasn't. - We are not giving him an easy ride. - I didn't say that he wasn't being abusive. And I think, okay, and I'll say this, you said something, she's very pertinent. I haven't been in a relationship with somebody's system that's going to try to control, I haven't, or at least-- - Selling a little or a lot. Shopify helps you do your thing, however you chit-ching. Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. From the launch your online shop stage to the first real-life store stage, all the way to the did we just hit a million orders stage, Shopify is there to help you grow. Shopify helps you turn browsers into buyers with the internet's best converting checkout. 36% better on average, compared to other leading commerce platforms. Because businesses that grow, grow with Shopify. Get a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com/work. Shopify.com/work. - Kenny's family health care benefits kicked in the day he started his hourly job at Amazon. With two kids, he was a big fan of that. Then he took advantage of Amazon's on-the-job skills training program that helped him launch a new career in software development. Kenny liked that, too. That led to a bigger paycheck, so he was able to get his youngest son a drum roll, please. Drum set. Next up, drum lessons. Learn more at about amazon.com, Amazon, every day better. - Need a holiday gift that will keep her sparkling all year long? Blue Nile, the original online jeweler, has experts on hand 24/7 who can help you find the perfect piece. Beyond that, Blue Nile makes the gifting experience easier than ever, with guaranteed free shipping and returns, as well as a wide assortment of jewelry of the highest quality, at the best price. Right now, get 30% off jewelry at bluenile.com. That's bluenile.com for 30% off, bluenile.com. - If I have, I've been aware of it. And a lot of this is to do with the fact that I'm listening to this and I'm a man, and you're listening to this and you are a woman. So there's certain dog whistles that many of the female listeners pick up on before the male ones did. Absolutely, absolutely. And that is because of the power of disparity, you know, within so many relationships. Absolutely. But again, I just repeat that actually, if you were to write this down on a ledger sheet and say, "Right, shitbag rub, this is actually what is done vis-a-vis helen." And actually supportive partner, I think you've been pretty much balanced up right now. That's all I'm saying. We, but we know where this is going. I don't like that, please listen. Do not think that I'm supporting Rob here. But that ambiguity is, there's a very true to life. And I just think when we say, you know, "Stupid helen, and oh my God," and blah, blah, blah, you know, it's much more complex in that. Here is a woman who has been crying out all of her adult life for somebody. You know, she just wanted to-- For daddy, that's who she wants. Well, she wanted somebody. That's the reason why she had to go down to the IVF and have an append, wasn't it? You know, and then who was that guy that had the very, very, very brief relationship with? He just ran a mile, didn't he? He went, "Uh, no, this isn't quite right. "I'm off after the second date," or whatever. She is incredibly needy and fragile and broken. And this is pre-Rob. You know, this is pre-Greg. Men like them, I dentify women like her. Well, I don't know if they do it. Yes, they do. I don't-- I said I don't know. Well, I do know, and they do, so-- Let's take this into an adult spear and blow it up to each other. [LAUGHTER] Listen, Helen Archer said it before one of the most complex and most brilliant characters actually are on the artist. You know, the female listeners don't like her, but then feel incredibly defensive and protective towards her. And she-- I think the actress had played a brilliant job and she just written-- written so well, written so well. And it's arguably, arguably, through all of the Roy and Elizabeth stuff. And on all the tarm and stuff and whatever, you could arguably say the last two, three years of actually being the Helen Archer show. You could arguably say that, because her-- she's been pretty much a constant, and her story line has been so compelling. That's true, actually. I hadn't thought of how many story lines she's been. She's just been there solidly for about two or three years. Yeah. Ooh. Anyway, right, John. You've sparked a massive argument, so we'll stop now. Yes, Cosmo. Hello, Dunty Dun. Cosmo here again. Got a bit confused last week. My Canadian holiday is over a week away, so you should be hearing from me next week. On Friday, we all heard that Jess was mistaken and that Rob, whilst capable of helping a hunt saboteur to the ground, is not the daddy. He is simply trying to keep his promise to Tony and Pat to look after Helen. No doubt, goddess diva will be turning down her demands this week. I am, however, worried about Helen's memory. How come she could not remember New Year when Ian-- one of her best friends-- asked about something going on between Adam and Charlie. And on top of that, she never had the discussion with Rob over the new farm shop before she agreed that, yes, it would all be opened. Can I hope that Pitt does go on her travels? If only to remove that very annoying voice, which doesn't fit, and post it away, hopefully she can be recast with a new best friend. If she does go, Charlie deserves our praise and thanks for achieving it. I noted Lucy's explanation last week about the silly mind games Shuler is inflicting on Alistair, and of which he is totally unaware. Is there any justification for such treatment of a spouse? It merely supports, my belief, that explaining a woman thought process is beyond rational comprehension. Men are simply not that devious. Other than a learner had it right when he penned the words for Henry Higgins, asking why women cannot be more like a man. Anyway, I banged on last week about music, so I'd better go before I exceed my welcome. No financial stuff this week. Just send a request for each and every cast member to the Radio 4 press office, because that's what they're telling you to do. And you can have someone different on each week. Can you start off by asking for a scruff, please? No, I thought not. Anyway, stood enjoying the podcast, stood enjoying hearing everyone each week, and I look forward to being able to catch up with you when I get back. Bye for now. Cosmo Cosmo, there's no where he is. He thinks he may be going on holiday, but he can't remember where to. And there's another sexist comment. Oh, dear. Oh, because of last week, I said that Shuler was playing a silly game to the Alistair, and saying, oh, well, right, if you don't like my souffle, then, right, that's it? That's absolutely fine. I can go off and have an affair. I wasn't saying he's saying men would never do that, because they're not that devious. And that's a pile of bollocks, quite frankly, Cosmo. Um, I wasn't-- it's being devious in a relationship and self justifying like crazy is not the province of the female. It is people do that in relationships. Everybody bargains all the time. And yes, words fail me that you think only women could do that. Yes. Anyway, I think we better move on from that to-- he won't scruff on the podcast, by the way, if we can sort that out. With a spoon scruff. Oh, talking about scruff, did you? I know you listen. You're a woman of a certain kind of social breeding, losing. So you don't watch a DVD. No. So you won't know about this talking dark on Britain's Got Talent. No. So we could actually have scruff on. [LAUGHTER] I only saw the clip, because I don't watch Britain's Got Talent, but I saw the clip on Gogglebox a couple of weeks ago. And there's this guy with his dog. And apparently, he's asking the dog questions and dogs talking back to him. It was just-- it was amazing. Absolutely amazing. And what pipe was he sectioned? [LAUGHTER] Well, it's obviously some kind of ventriloquism thingingly bobbly. But I don't know. It was just very good. And they were just-- everyone in Gogglebox was like, oh my god. The dog's talking. Believe it. In it, no. [LAUGHTER] The dog's talking. [LAUGHTER] And you asked me why I don't watch ITV flaming him. [SIGHS] Yes. Right, well, we'll get scruff on then. Yes. Because he doesn't have to get bloody permission. Well, if he's going to talk like a dog in Gogglebox, he will. Well, I'm Britain's Got Talent. He will, won't he? Get a scruff on, but we could also get tea gone as well, couldn't we? [LAUGHTER] Who else? I want to get the one remaining larmon on as well. Yeah, and the one remaining of Peggy Woody's cats. Mm. Bino Ben, whichever one it is, I can't remember. Someone will know. E-mailing. Ah, right. With a spoons corner. Oh, what with it? What is it? Well, gang or constanza that we've got left? Constanza. OK. You're good, Lucy. But then again, it's 50/50 chance you're correct. [LAUGHTER] Right. With a spoons corner, now we have the phrase of music. Blinky, blinky, blinky, blinky. I really like that. It made me laugh. I was driving down the A1, and that came on, and I laughed. My little head off, I did. [MUSIC PLAYING] Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling, toss salads, and scrambled eggs. Massive. I'm here, Angus. Hey, dudes and do deaths. I mean Roy Field and Lucy and everyone else. With a spoon and Angus Haggis here. So my brother's wedding went off without a hitch. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day. With no floods, torn marquees, tainted ice cream, marauding bison, business rivals, snogging in the backyard, pregnant ex-wives, grooms with last-minute changes of heart, or jilted wailing brides at the altar. Oh, what a relief. Or was it? Speaking of pregnant ex-wives, I just listened to Friday's episode, and I, as all of you, heard that Rob is not the father of little Lord Tichner. Pass the wine, please. That was all a bit of a letdown, wasn't it? I certainly hope that Rob doesn't get off this easily and that there's more to this tale. And I certainly want to hear more from just the Avenger. Two brief items. Lucy, I agree 100% with what you said about Shula last week, but disagree with your assessment of Brian's actions. I thought his complimenting Lillian was a lovely gesture, and the nicest thing I've heard him do. So now, we really need to talk about Lillian. Born on the 8th of July, two years after the end of the Second World War, that would make her nearly 68. We understand and empathize with her sadness and loneliness. After Matt left her. But you know, Lillian has a few narcissistic traits, albeit in a fun way, not like her niece. The totally self-involved Kate. We in the field use a descriptive term called the aging narcissist. It's quite evocative, isn't it? Let me read from the blog of University of Massachusetts Professor Susan Kraus Whitborne for pieces entitled, "The Plight of the Aging Narcissist." Quote, "A narcissist desire to be the center of attention and praise can create challenges in adjusting to the passing years. Society's association between youth and beauty can lead people preoccupied with their appearance, feeling vulnerable. The question is whether and how they meet this challenge. People with narcissistic personality disorder see themselves as the center of attention and crave the approval and admiration of others. Short of having a diagnosable personality disorder, however, there are many other people of narcissistic tendencies that lead them to see themselves in a favorable light. These self-enhancing qualities can become a problem when such individuals must confront the passing of the years after their supposed prime of young adulthood. Because our society associates youth with beauty, getting older can mean loss of social standing. The aging narcissist looks in the mirror and sees a reflection of someone whose status is heading downhill. Hey, isn't that what just happened? So a message to Lillian. I understand why you had the Botox. I knew several women who have, and at a much younger age, and I'm sure some men I know will have it done as well, but it was heartbreaking to hear that you had gone to a bar alone and talk to the bartender all night. You probably had a few too many G&Ts as well. This is unacceptable, and you are better than that. Take your 70 year old sister's advice and join some organizations, do something, but no more trolling the pubs and lounges of the Midlands, please. On that note, I hope that Mr. Sean O'Connor is listening to this and every "Dum-T-Dum" podcast. As Lucy said so eloquently last week, we, the listeners, are community, just like the residents of Ambrage are. We love the archers and we love "Dum-T-Dum". I say free the actors and let them join us. I'm sure no state secrets will be revealed. And remember, any publicity is good publicity. So on that note, it's Witherspoon and Angus Haggis saying, "Our time is up. See you next week. Good boy, Angus." ♪ Hey baby, I hear the blues are callin' ♪ ♪ Toss salads and scrambled eggs. ♪ ♪ Mercy. ♪ (record scratches) Analysis of Lillian. Yes, poor Lillian. She does need to, well, it's what we were saying last week, really, at the risk of repeating ourselves. Just for change. That she's turned inwards. She's just looking, she thinks, right, the way to fix. The way to fix me feeling lonely and disengaged is to concentrate more on me, me, me, me. It isn't, it never is. The answer is always to go off and concentrate on someone else. So hopefully, she will-- There's some charitable work in Africa or something. Yeah, well, don't just get your head out of your own arse. And hopefully, she will go and help the grondies 'cause she's got a bit of record, but she's got a bit of form, isn't she, but helping the grondies out of, out of predicaments? So that would be good. She just, yeah, just, it's when you look at, you know, looking in doesn't help, looking out helps, I think. Anyway, yes, poor Lillian, poor, poor Lillian. And since I couldn't, I just couldn't, that didn't ring true to me at all. The fact that she'd go and sit in a bar and try and talk to people and they'd all, she just wouldn't. Yeah, but Lucy, though it immediately, it didn't ring true to me, she just had her whole light turned upside down, Matt had just taken her to the cleaners, you know, she's now living with a sister and a brother-in-law. You know, some months ago. But I think there'd be some old getting around the golf club that's probably been trying to get into a tenor lady for months, so, you know, someone who's sort of, you know, some old friend of Matt's or something, and she'd have just hauled someone out of the closet and said, right, you know, that's very true. However, you could also argue that she'd be, she's still somewhat embarrassed by what's happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and she doesn't want to have to go through the whole kind of, oh, you know, this is what happened, and you talk to the cleaners, and I've got no money and a lot of blood, you know? So, and also, as with a spoon said, you know, as all these, you know, narcissists can't grow old. Yeah. Did I tell you that when I turned up at the door, the first thing my mom said to you on Thursday is, well, I'm a dress like a 20 year old. (laughing) A narcissist. (laughing) What were you wearing? You're never killed. My biker, laser jacket, and t-shirt, but I think my mom thinks that my trousers are just a little bit too tight. But she said, you do suit them, son. And we'd all, we did have a giggle on the doorstep, but look, look, the upper dancing, why are you dressed like a 20 year old? But anyway, so, there are certain bits of withers spoons analysis of Lilia and I went, mmm, my good, mmm. (laughing) - I was walking through near where we lived with my daughter the day, and this tall girl walked past and said, hi, Tilly, and smiled, and Tilly just started at this school, and I said, oh, she's nice, what forms she in? And she said, mommy, that's my science teacher. (laughing) - I'm a science teacher. (laughing) - Oh god, I don't know, if I could have booked myself in for Botox right then, I would have done it without horrifying, but anyway, anyway. - Right, that's it, and or ye calls, apart from Jekylline Bertou, who cannot buy a t-shirt? She says, I don't think we need to play that, because it's not massively connected for the archers the fact that Jekylline Bertou cannot buy one of our t-shirts, but why can't she not? Why is it saying, you are too foreign, we've got a UKIP server, you are too foreign to buy one of the t-shirts, only English people can buy t-shirts, this is the truth. - Well, that's not true, because we seem to sell quite-- - I was gonna say, we send them all over the place, why does it not work in France? - I've no idea, and Jekylline, I think what you should do is whatever the error page is that you are seeing, and Jekylline, if you could send us a screen grab of that, and email me, and my email address is very easy to work at, this is my first name, at gmail.com, and I will get to the bottom of it, because we can't have you not parading around, it's in Norman, you'll Britain it, it's one of the other she's able to do, isn't it? - Yes. - Parading around, looking all fantastic in your dumpy dumpy t-shirt. - There you go, Jekylline, Royfield, we'll get to your bottom. (laughing) - Should we do top five hash tag the arches tweets of the week? - No. - Okay. - Because I'm feeling a bit pooped, and I think I need to have a rest. - Okay. - So why don't we come back after a suitable period of time, maybe, I don't know, 180 seconds, and resume with things. - Okay. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (buzzing) - Fancy getting your mouth around something warm? Something comforting, you can really get a firm grip on. Why not buy a dumpy dump mug from the shop, at dumptydum.com. Go, it was damn lovely. (buzzing) - Hello, I'm Sarah, and I'm the cousin of Sam Mary Dee, and I'll be with you in two weeks time to talk about the arches, who we love, who we loathe, and I've got plenty to say. (buzzing) - Ooh, I'm all refreshed. Are you feeling less pooped? Did you poop? - I didn't poop, but I'm feeling less pooped. (laughing) I'm feeling revitalized. So let's crack on, and have a touch of Millie, and then let's do these hashtag the arches tweets of the week. - G'day dumptydum listeners, it's Millie Val here. We've had an interesting week on Facebook. I was interested to see that some of our listeners had been to an afternoon tea with Kerry Davies and Charles Collingwood at the Chipping Norton town hall. There was a lot of flurry about this on Facebook, and they were able to learn that categorically that the information that we got about Rod, and whether he was the father or not, was absolutely correct. And so that knocks that one on the head, so the story is going to develop around that. Also connected with that, I saw that Stuart Arendale, in upstairs at the ball, posted something really interesting, and that is that on April the 25th, it is International DNA Day. So that is almost exactly around the time when we learned about Rod. So, is that a coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. We've had a lovely week of chatting on our Facebook page, and I really, really loved that when Roy, no, is it Ro? I feel said that he had put a new dumpy-dum up. Peter Mabot said. My testicles shrank back inside me in fear, listening to Lucy's chilling and stony eration of the open letter. Ro, I feel, is nervous, laughed, or further added to my testicular trauma. What well said? I feel that was really lovely. We also had a picture up of Glenn Fuller-Lav, who has one of the best names ever, looking dashing in his men's organic t-shirt in dark. So if you'd like to see how gorgeous you could look in one of our t-shirts, please get on to the Facebook page and have a look. And the question that we asked you this week was, and this was relating back to Ian and his chat with Helen. If you know something about your best friend, such as that their partner could be having a affair with someone else, should you tell them? There was a little bit of debate about this. Then more pointed out that Helen has form on this back one, because she knew that Tom had doubts and didn't warn Kirstie prior to the wedding. She may lose Ian too through all of this further isolating her. She's a really good point. Katie Michelle Duhamel said probably the best thing to do is address it with a guilty party first and give them the opportunity to come clean. In reality, she'd probably just find a cabinet tied in until it's all over. Dee Leary said, "I couldn't keep what Helen saw "from my best is, I just couldn't." And that was kind of my thinking, which was one of the reasons why I asked the question. I was thinking, "Well, I don't know if I could do that "to my best friend." Mark evidence said depends. If it was me having the affair, no. If not, then yes. And Jan Mitchell said, "You risk losing your friend "if you tell, so you must really evaluate "if your friend would want to hear it." That's the point too, actually. We all know someone with their head firmly planted in the sand no matter what. Perhaps first speak to the offending party to find out if it was a one-off and they want their marriage or not. I'm going to leave the last word though with a spoon, "He," McCosh Wilson the 30th. And he says it in his usual, wise and learned way, complicated in this case, as the offending party is also Helen's first cousin. And Helen doesn't know that Adam is a serial offender. Will Adam be punished for a one-time kiss when his real betrayal was a role in the hay with a Polish haughty? Is it better for the long-term health of a relationship to not reveal any discretion when it's a one-time slip, but not when it's a pattern? What if it's merely lust and a heart as our oldest living former American president once admitted to? Questions for us and many average residents to ponder. See you next week, hoo-hoo! Thank you for that, Miss Bell. It's so nice to hear her like that. Oh, prat-l sounds a bit negative. It's because it's got the word prat in it, that's why. She is very proud of prat. Rattle on, rattle on, rattle on. Yes, that's less negative. Yes. Still has overtones. Chatting on, that sounds Welsh. Talk. It's good to hear Millie talk. It's good to hear Millie! She'll just leave it like that. It's good to hear Millie. Yes, perfect. Shut up. All right, so, Lucy. Yes. Why don't you hit us with some tweet stuff? Uh, Kate Jones, who said, "Ha ha ha, just laughing at the thought of saying to my other half, "I'm going into Norwich today, I'd like to tell you about it." I agree, Kate. That was some of the most stupid dialogue I have heard for a long time. And that is saying something. What the hell? That's lost on me. What's going on? Shuna said to Alec, when Shuna's setting up this ridiculous psychological competition, if you don't do exactly what I say, then this gives me license to go off and do what I like. And me. Yeah, and she deranged this date with Richard. Her attempt at telling Aleister was to say, "Allister, I will be going into Melbourne later, "and I'd like to tell you about it." And he just went, "What? "Okay, well, whatever, I've got to go." And, you know, he does have a job. She's mental, Shuna. She really is, round the blinking bend. You don't like it, do you? Ugh, no, I don't. But yes, so the idea, she said of saying to her husband, or whatever, "I'm going to Norwich today." I've now fully all caught up. Okay. It was the thing of Norwich. I thought, "I'm Norwich got to do the Grand Bridge." But eight Jones lives outside of Norwich. Get it now. Uh, Christine Michael talked about David Stilemma, "A night in with Ruth or greasing the forage harvester." Tough choice. Better than a night in greasing Ruth, I would suggest. Lawrence Hoorahan said, "Pip's going to go around the world. "Yay!" pulls shut overhead and does happy dance. Yes, there was a great deal of jubilation on the twitters when she announced her cock-eyed scheme to go and help, uh, help the state's modern eyes, or whatever it was she said, anyway. Um, the invisible woman said about Robin Helen, "If there is any justice, Rob will be wearing that rhubarb crumble "at some point in the next 30 seconds." So sadly, he did not. Let's do that, which have been very jolly. And tweet appropriately enough of the week. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Ian Bradley, who said, "Is it just me "that thinks bird-watching does not work very well on the radio?" LAUGHTER No, I don't think it is, Ian. That is the great obsession of the whole twitching thing, isn't it? Yes, I know. And when he said, "Oh, I thought it was a chiff-chaff." He said, "No, I couldn't see it properly." And I'm like, "Oh, my God." LAUGHTER It's gonna be an albatross. It could land on that branch and bring the whole tree down. We can't see. But it was very funny. It was very, very, very good. Right, so we're done. Almost. Almost completely over. But before we are, we need to talk about some other stuff. So how about I play the background music, which means that we're in the final section of the show, and talk about shock news. BUZZ! Now, folks, this is the section where we tell you which Dummy Dummy has brought what. And why don't you join them by heading over to www.dummydummy.com/shop to get your merch. But Lucy. Yes. This week, did you see that hunking, steaming pile of manless that was glint full of love in his men's organic, dark t-shirt? No, I didn't. I'm gonna go and find it now, though, if it's that good. No, you're mad. It's on the Twitters. I know you don't do Facebook, but it's on the Twitters now. Glint, don't get me wrong. Right. But you look at his profile picture, and he looks like a very lovely, cuddly granddad. He puts on that Dummy Dummy t-shirt. Holy Jesus. Seriously. He's buffed. He's strong. Seriously. I'm not making this up. I'm not making this up at all. Lucy, this man could turn me. I'm telling you, he looks so handsome. It's like before, after, after before. It's amazing. Look at him. Look at him. He looks like your cuddly grandpa. Full head to hair. The glasses are gone. Well, it's like a t-fry now. But, you know, the bald Patie is very fashionable these days. But... He looks like a cuddly grandpa. And then, look at the erect manless in that t-shirt. Oh, well, I've got to say first. Are you sure it's a t-shirt and not the thong? To be fair to Glint, I think, good. It's been going down to the gym, because that is just not the same person at all. But anyway, that's what a Dummy Dummy t-shirt does for your men. If you're a middle-aged man, and things are flagging, get yourself one of our t-shirts. You know, a dark, organic one. It is the Viagra of the 100% cotton-based garment world. Absolutely. Proved, positive, look at that picture. Anyway. So, you actually did have some other people actually buy some stuff. So, Lucy, why don't you tell us who they were? Erm... Sorry, I got bleached. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. [laughter] Susan Hardy, Tynan, we are... We don't yet stop putting the flippy description. Susan Hardy from Tynan Wear bought a t-shirt. Well done, Susan. Susan, sorry, not Susan. V-neck, dark, t-shirt. Stop! And then Lani J. Baha from New York, New York bought a men's fitted t-shirt, dark, and a men's tank top. So, there you go. So, we expect to see pictures of you folks, Susan, and Lani in your garms. It's very straight in your garms in it though. Erm, no, right. So, John Hughes. Now, hmm. There's none this week, folks. No John Hughes this week. Which is going to disappoint goddess, Diva, who said on Twitter that John Hughes is a new jam. That's Robinson's, I presume. Now, we don't want this section to wither and die. So, John's, come on. Call in, tweet. Facebook, email. Your podcast and community needs you. Erm, someone did say, and I've just realised I haven't done the emails of the week. Erm, someone did say that this was the first time they'd ever had letters after their name. Order of John Archer, O-J-A. So, they were very excited. Can I quickly do the emails? Yes. Thank you very much, sorry. Er, Doug Faunt wants to know why we don't do tea towels. He said, "They're the one thing I don't have enough of here." Erm, erm, well, I'm sorry about that, Doug. If there's anything else you're lacking, you know, let us know. We'll nip down to Waitrose and get it for you. Every week, I say, "I'm going to do work on the shot and then I don't. I'm going to try and do work on the shot this week." Okay. Erm, erm, Glen Dayafter says, "Is anyone else worried about what will happen to Clarion Eddie once Hazel spent a lot of money making? Sorry. They're in the property, quote, "lovely." Yes, what? What's his name? Well, it's not his real name, but he's called himself Glen Dayafter. Oh, okay. Because we've got a fuller love, you know. I know. He just, you never really know. You never know where you are with these glens, do you? Exactly. The monarch of the glens. Yes, and yes, we're all worried about what the hell is going to happen to Clarion Eddie once Hazel spent a lot of money making. They rented property lovely because loveliness is not something that is generally associated with the grundies. Thus, lovely cannot be for them. So they're going to get the old heave hoe, which is very sad. Catherine Jago, "Royfield is right." I always dislike emails that start with the words "Royfield is right." "I feel this should be banned." "I am 100% in agreement with Royfield," she says. "Alice there is up to something. Doesn't he claim to go to Vex Conferences at the weekends?" Surely most of these are arrangement day to Friday, and if memory serves correctly, he has not bought Shuler either a birthday or anniversary present this year. In fact, I'm not sure he even turned up for her birthday. I think Penny Hasett is a euphemism for something or someone else. Not sure if it's gambling or another woman. Maybe Penny Hasett is somebody called Penny Hasett. You think it's gambling? It's gambling because he says his vet's business is struggling, though he's always at working. Lack of presence, it's money. Money, money, money, balista. There you go. It's all sorted. You've sold the mystery. Cosmo remembered where he was when he remembered enough to email us anyway. And said, "Lillian was born 8th of July 1947 and therefore is currently 67." Jennifer Aldridge was born in 45 and is therefore 70. Good heavens. Brian is 71. You know what's kind of thrown us with this? It's because of Rory, isn't it? You knew that Brian had Rory late in life and when Jenny decided to take him on, she did say, "I'm very old to be a mother again." But still, that's what's kind of thrown us with all of this. You know, we didn't quite realise exactly how old they were. We subtracted... Well, you wanted to subtract 20 years. You said you were just 50. Well, also, you know, at the risk of getting extremely dull about this, I think it's because they're sexually active as well. You're right. Brian likes whether or not he's hot. He thinks he is and he's always up for a bit of slap and tickle. And Jenny Darling is not so much in that sort of vein. I can imagine Jenny kind of mentally making lists for underwoods while Brian's going at her. But you kind of... I think it's that. I think it's because she's still viewed as glamorous. Jenny is still viewed as glamorous and Brian is still viewed as sort of virile. And we are so used in soap operas to seeing people over the age of 50. Right, that's it, romantic life over. That's it. You know what, you're completely right. There's a very funny episode of Parks and Rec where... Do you ever watch Parks and Rec? I've seen one. Did you like it? It was alright. Oh, Amy Paltas is a comic genius. You've been of all the feminist persuasion. I thought you'd be right behind her. She's absolutely brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. And she pays Miss Nopes who is this civil servant Apparacic in this middling, small American town. And she's just very jolly hockey sticks and just wants to get things done. And there's this one episode where she decides to give sex education classes through the council for the OAPs. And they all turn off these grays. And everyone's horrified saying, "It looks like he's grandma." "Oh, my grandma's sex." And they're all like, "We still do it, young fellow." It's absolutely brilliant. But no, I think you've actually put the finger on it there. That it's because they're not paying to the kind of normal stereotypical trope in that, you know, they're still, you know, they're still virile and attractive people. So we thought they were much younger. So I think you'll spot on. I actually agree with you for once, Lucy. Yay! Yeah. Back to the Johns. Oh, yes. Right. So where were we with this? I think it's my bit. Okay. To qualify for the order of John Archer, you just need to be a John. And the next John will be awarded the title, John V. Now, Lucy, I did some research. It's called, "Going on to Wikipedia." Yup. Do you want to hear about some Johns? Dying too. Right. John V was a Byzantine emperor. His long reign marked the gradual dissolution of imperial power amid numerous civil wars and the continuing ascendancy of the Ottoman Turks. So he was a crap John. Right. Now, this next John needs to be more like John V of Portugal. The Portuguese son King who ruled during the first half of the 18th century, John V raised the prestige of Portugal. He was awesome. Exhaled. Exactly. So the next John that emails in for the order of John Archer will be awarded the title of John V and you're going to take after the Portuguese John V because he was most cool. Now, reviews, news, news of reviews. Vicki from C in Brackett's Ambridge, I.E. Cambridge. She saw Victory Viewers and for that we thank you Vicki, but please folks. We are stuck on about 183 reviews in the UK. Just 17 more. Just get us up to 200, then I won't moment ever again. Yeah. Parts of that sentence may be a lie. You can also go to patreon.com search for Dumpty Dum and you can donate $2 a show which is about one pint that year. We would also like to thank everyone who's donated to us today by hitting that donate button on our website because that money goes into the Royal Board. It's a bank of Dumpty Dum. So that's most awesome. And you go there by going onto our website and hitting the donate button. It's as simple as that. So this would you like to thank Lani J. Baha, I've heard that name before in this podcast. And Suzanne Hardy. I've heard that name before in this podcast. The pair of you. You're keeping us going. Yeah. Thank you for being so kind, awesome and for being that little bit poorer by giving away your money to us. So thank you, thank you, thank you. Now remember you can also send us a voice message via the site. I'd say that's kind of the lifeblood of the show, would you Lucy? Yes. Hmm. Yep. That and me talking about Marvel superheroes are what people tune in for every week. And we just have to sit through your bloody monologues. I know. Just go to another 5 minutes. Marvel superheroes. Yay. But please send in those voice messages because they're the lifeblood of the show. And you can do that by going onto the website and hitting this button that's kind of red. And then you just like works because it's magic like that. Or you can ring us on 803-13-13105 or an ordinary phone if you can't work on the website. You can also ping us a regular email message if you like. You can tweet me on the Twitter to @royfield. Me @LucieVFreamen. Or the both of us @... Dumpty Dump. So please, please, please keep those reviews coming because you want to be top of the podcast chart before death, neither fear it takes over the chair of the save campaign. That's very good, Lucy. D and... Mmm. In it though. In it. In it. I'm not dressed. I beg your pardon. I'm not dressed. I'm sitting here in the dressing gown. In your house coat is in all the mountains with hair. My house coat. Because normally you say, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll do it in 9." And then I get an email at 10 going, "Sorry, I've just woken up." But we did. So I thought, "Ah, I'll have ages." So I was faffing around sending emails and doing the dishwasher and then you said, "Are you ready?" And I was like, "Shit!" I said, "I'm a man on a mission." Right. I'm going to now have breakfast with my parents. And then... You're not made... They've gone. No. They're just downstairs. They're already down the waffle shop. Listen, if they were going to the waffle shop, we would have been doing dum-dum-dum-dum. I'd have been talking to myself. I'm going to go downstairs, have a little bit of quick brekkie. Then I'm going to jog around the park. Are you? I'm going to come back fighting, fit, sweaty, and then edit this mother jammer. That's what I'm going to do. What's a mother jammer? I've just made up a swear word. Because I was going to say something else and I thought, "Oh, my goodness." No. I can't say that. No. I'm British, don't you know? Yeah. So mother jammer will have to do. I loved your dad coming in. I love the fact that you've said, "Do not come in. I am doing something." On children and parents, it just has no effect. It's like when you're on the phone. I'm on the phone! Yes. But do you want tea? Can you look at this now? No, I can't. I'm on the phone. It's like the generation below. It means nothing. I am busy. It doesn't count. No, I'm busy. It doesn't count. No. Now, if we've got everything out of our systems, I talked about Dan, he's new Dan. Dannekin and new pips and I didn't know who the hell was going on. Done Marvel superheroes. Done the ferret. We've read out some t-shirt descriptions off an Excel spreadsheet. We've done a bit of Byzantine history. It's a great podcast for you folks. It's going to count. You know, you get these days and your brain just goes. See an old dimension. 1-800-FLOWERS.COM knows that a gift is never just a gift. A gift is an expression of everything you feel and helps build more meaningful relationships. 1-800-FLOWERS takes the pressure off by helping you navigate life's important moments by making it simple to find the perfect gift. From flowers and cookies to cake and chocolate, 1-800-FLOWERS helps guide you in finding the right gift to say how you feel. To learn more, visit 1-800-FLOWERS.COM/ACAST. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates potential savings will vary not available in all states.
Dum Tee Dum Episode 55 – Daddy Brown wants to know if I’m coming for breakfast
Dum Tee Dum Episode 55 – Daddy Brown wants to know if I’m coming from breakfast
The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 55 – Daddy Brown wants to know if I’m coming from breakfast appeared first on DumTeeDum.