DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum Tee Dum Episode 53 – Bumper two week episode, with extra bedwetting to boot

Dum Tee Dum Episode 53 – Bumper two week episode, with extra bedwetting to boot!

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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 53 – Bumper two week episode, with extra bedwetting to boot appeared first on DumTeeDum.

Duration:: 1h 58m
Broadcast on:: 15 Apr 2015
Audio Format:: other

To remind you that 60% of sales on Amazon come from independent sellers, Farmer Bob of Princeton Popcorn. Howdy. We'll reach 60% of this ad. Fire away, Bob. Small business owners like myself. Are growing their businesses faster on Amazon. By getting help with things like shipping. Shop Small Business on Amazon. Especially Princeton Popcorn. Amazon, Everyday Better. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations. [MUSIC PLAYING] This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. All right, you're on off. This episode of "Dumb Did Are" is sponsored by Lick-a-You-Like on the Felicia Road. The chap's called hammered, and he's so lovely. Doesn't mind if you come in twice a day. Don't tell anyone. Thank you very much. Time is now 140. We're taking you straight over to Ambridge. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] This is "Dumb Did On The Shepherd" reality. Drama that has sent to the Nambridge in the heart of the Midlands. I'm the Dawn Service on Lakey Hill. That is Roy Field Brown. And with me I have the heads up head, and that is Lucy Freeman. And the most important part of our village meeting, folks, is you. Now, today's rendition of "Bag Queen" is brought to you by that colossus of Artis fandom, Miss Alliance. No, it's not. It's brought by Cosmo. [MUSIC PLAYING] Because we changed it, didn't we? You changed it. [LAUGHTER] [MUSIC PLAYING] Today's rendition of "Bag Queen" is brought to you by that colossus of Artis fandom. Cosmo! Cosmo! [LAUGHTER] Lucy, can you remind our lovely, lovely 18,000 odd listeners have it when the accolade of "Dumb Did On The Week." And some of them are very, very old. Yes, if you would like to, then give us a ring on 0-2-0-3-0-3-1-3-1-0-5 to sing the hallelujah chorus, or less disastrously, a dumpty-dum. Or get in touch by a speakpipe with your pluck predictions, your secret crushes, or whatever, or whoever else you fancy. Thank you to Harriet at Shambridge for her fantastic voices, and to Derek for the loan of the back bedroom. Derek is doing this ridiculous bird watching thing with Jimus and Robert. So far he's seen an e-grit, a couple of tips, and a shag on offence, but that serves him right for spying on Jazza. [LAUGHTER] Oh, you're good at those, aren't you? [LAUGHTER] Now, this week, it's all about the callerenaress, because we've got two weeks of callerenaress to get through. Now, we've got Claire from Scotland by Canada, and probably somewhere else besides who thinks someone has moved Easter. John from Newcastle, with his arches nemesis, Yoko Bear, who's from Swindon, but let's not talk about that, who says that Brian has an oral fixation, and Drew Brown, who gives us the politician's view, Blithe Spirit, who is pleased to hear that Tony is moaning against so am I. You know, things are all right, we all have Tony having a good old mo. Cosmo, me old muck and me old pal, the accountant, or my accountant's doing my books at the moment, is very good. Anyway, Cosmo, who's a accountant, who's probably going off on his holiday somewhere, who's concerned about health and safety, Jacqueline Burdle, who is disappointed about Jacqueline Burdle, who's disappointed about Frieda's death. Mary Lettuce, who loves the ferrets, needs to. With a spoon, he's back, who wants to know if strawberries have feelings. Andrew Horn, who's part of Lucy's posse, who says Heather has restored sanity and mid-missity. Another returning fan, who is irritated by the paternity suit. But first, before we do all that, Lucy, the ample bosom to Freeman. Why don't you give us your rendition of The Last Week in Ambridge? Hazel Woolley, the slithine, visited the village, and Susan spotted her with a man who was looking a bit smart for a loss adjuster. She said, "What does a loss adjuster look like wearing a bin bag with a dog on a bit of string?" Tom is donating his pork to the village, apparently, which makes a change, as that's normally Brian's role. Brian was not in a good mood as Kate cooked over Easter weekend. Kate, who is starting to sound pissed, even when she is sober. After experiencing Kate's celeriac and lentil bake, he had to rush away from the table on shoot business. I think he said shoot, anyway. I'm not quite sure what is going on at Bridge Farm, but the acoustics and the new shop sound like it's located at the bottom of a well. Mind you, when David did his opening number at the village meeting, he sounded like it was being held in Westminster Cathedral. So there we are. Anyway, Susan is now plugged into the network, and not before time. A couple of electrodes through the cerebral cortex will do with a pair of good. And Helen has made the shop look amazing after a prolonged hunt for some rustic wooden boxes. They're on a farm. How hard can that have been? Let's get some of those rustic looking wooly things too, the ones that make the funny noise. Anyway, Tom was delighted at the change in the shop and gave Helen the most physically awkward, unspontaneous and embarrassing high-five ever. They're like the crane boys, those two. Tom's, er, Tony's interview with the health and safety man went terrifically well. The lesson seemed to be never thrust your chest in front of a psychotic bull. Just call me your agricultural correspondent. The health and safety man had one of those admin type voices, but health and safety are at Bridge Farm so often they probably have their own mug. Well away from anyone else's if they've got any sense. Roy went ferreting about, not for the first time, but this time actually found a ferret and in a faulty towers type episode in which Edston had a reception with a huge net and Joe climbed in a laundry basket. It's just everyday life you know. Kenton and, oh, hello. Kenton and David Milleband are taking sibling hostility to new levels. Kenton Milleband is saying... That's very good. Kenton Milleband is saying, "Yeah Dave, you're not the boss of me." Accused him of not behaving democratically, then challenged him for the leadership of the village. I bet he looks funny eating a bacon sandwich too. Kenton said Jolene's eggs were in the wardrobe, which is presumably euphemism for the menopause. Hootie Jill patternized Heather Pette, who's teeth were jolted out halfway down the motorway when Josh Swerve to avoid scruff running down the hard shoulder. Anti-cardboard talked movingly about the fact that she lived in Ambridge all her life and had some of her best experiences here. Her husband had... What? I'm really sorry Lucy. Right. But we have to talk about this Heather Pette and the teeth. It's ridiculous. I can't put any on, or did she actually just have ill-fitting teeth. I don't know because... What is going on there? You can do that voice, is Joyce Gren... We're back to Joyce Grenfeld again. She did that voice quite a lot where you sort of put your tongue behind your dentures when you were talking. So you can do it as a voice, you can do it. But that's real, I think. That's not put on. So either the actress just... I mean I don't want to be pur... I don't want to be personal. I don't want to be personal when all I do on this is just be personal. But it just seems quite odd, doesn't it? I mean... It's spectacular. Is it... Is it... Is it... Have they just said no? Take your teeth out. Take your teeth out Mrs. Let's just have a proper, you know, older lady who's maybe teeth don't fit. Particularly well or... Is it the actress that no one's told her or what? I don't know, it's just very strange. Well, I literally cannot listen to her now without just saying... Get yourself some new teeth woman. It's kind of too much. If this is some kind of parody, they need to wind it down a bit. But it makes her sound like she's 105. Yeah, when she's talking to Jill, it sounds like she could be her daughter. Jill already patronises her and talks to her like she's 150. But the teeth aspect doesn't help really, does it? Not much, no. Anyway, listen up. Why don't you crack on with this and maybe we'll return back to Heather Petts' teeth at a leisure adventure? Auntie Cardboard talked movingly about the fact that she lived in Andra Joel her life and had some of her best experiences here. Her husband had died, her house had been burned down and then flooded and she'd been taken hostage. You can see why she doesn't want to leave. Rob made poo on toast for Helen and Henry in a dirty protest at having to cook his own tea, the massive bellend. Talking of massive bellends, we move on to Adam and Charlie and their drone. But once it got rid of Kate, they had to go surveying the land with a flying camera. "You don't have to move it around too much, Adam, and don't do it too hard," said Charlie, in an exchange that would have had the woman that wrote "40 Shades of Grey" going, "No, that's too un-subtle." They then went out for lunch together. 50. Oh, sorry, yes, 50. Ha! A Mr. Shade, I'm a 10. They then went out for lunch together, which was cooked by Adam's husband, which either made Adam seem to be suffering from Mr. Magoo levels of emotional short-sightedness or transforming into a side sociopath. It was alright, though, as Susan distracted them by screaming when she saw something big and hairy. I'm not sure why Gay Grables has that effect on Adam and Charlie, to be honest. Sheila tried to dress on, which was yellow with feathery bits, and Alistair appeared at her through his binoculars and then ticked Big Bird from Sesame Street off on his observer book of massive tits. Poor Dan Dan the Army Man ended up with his own grand perving over him, and then his parents went to Santa's to pull his pips off. But don't worry, that's the kind of thing that made this country great. The end. Ah, I enjoyed that sweet. Anyway, so that's that. The end, right. What's next? We've had a brilliant, trillion calls, haven't we? Are you cracking on? No, sorry. Before we just, like, have a little bit of a recap and just set our thoughts on the week that was. Are you just, are you just, like, speeding off? No, sorry, sorry. You should just crack on. Yeah. No flunk. No talk about what we think about the last week of the year. Who cares what we think. Yeah, exactly. We've got, well, the listeners do. No, they don't. They're just nice. They're just waiting for us to shut up so they can never go. So why don't we just do that then? It was just first. Um, first, we have Claire from Scotland by Canada. Hello, Ambridge 3962. No, don't take up the course. We're just very pleased. We're very confused. We also need to explain to me because this is what I was confused. What the services at St. Stephen's are. And if you can't do that, you need to tell me where to find a bulletin that lists the services because when Helen started talking about a Friday, the July panic. The course. I am at the course. And I am having to sing the tritium and I'm having to learn the music for it. And I run around at the lunatic doing this. And I certainly thought I'd got the days out of order. And the Easter even was happening the day early. And then I realized I was talking about a Friday which opened it was okay. And I certainly stopped talking about it but I did become very confused. And it shouldn't actually matter except for having been brought up with a deep love of Barbara Pinkman Dorothy Sayers. I haven't even built sort of love of the minutiae of the church life. So I want to know. Because I can't imagine they're having what we are having getting the generations of the cross. Probably can. Because I've pictured St. Stephen's been very high church. Another part of me thinks that Alan wouldn't like to hold the service and Enbridge is a collective wouldn't either. So I don't know what the future is but I do want to. The alternative of course is that they've got a very early watch of the passion on Good Friday morning. But if they're reading things out of that, then I'm even more confused than I was to start with. So please, the bulletin for the church services, I can stop tying myself and not trying to work it out. Claire from Scotland via Canada wants to know what the service is of the, hang on a minute, my mic's gone funny. That's better. She wants to know the church services because Enbridge seems to have more church services. They seem to have one on the hour every hour as far as I can tell. A bearing in mind because you know the countryside. So the countryside is about 15-20 years behind the proper bits of the country. Like the cities. Right. Let's see who else we can go for. Well, you know there's a lot of church services in Enbridge. It kind of feels to me that Enbridge is like pre-the reformation. There are more church attendance in Enbridge than it must have a greater congregation than many, many other churches. And people seem to have a greater awareness of it as well in terms of Easter and Lent and you know, observing religious festivals that I'm fairly sure. I'm not a church goer so I'm not quite sure how, but I mean, considering none of them are exactly kind of, I mean, I know there's people who have genuine sort of faith and are, of course, yes, I've known lots of people have genuine faith but are very sort of committed to it and everything. And they know it from a sort of, yeah, and appreciating God's love and all that stuff. And then there are people that just go along with it for the tradition. And it's like, I always think of it as like, you know, the cricket, you know, you listen to the test match special or whatever. And it's sort of like I listen to the test match and I listen to the archers and I go to church. And it's kind of in that same, it's just what you do kind of. Well, there's something. Yes, and I think you put your think on it there. You know, Shula had a massive crisis of faith, didn't she? She had a genuine crisis of faith about a fair and then Alan Anusha, yeah. But I think you put your finger on it. There is something deliciously cozy about the C.A.V. Yeah. And of which, Ambridge is kind of large where nobody professes their faith. They don't actively deploy it on a day-to-day basis in terms of their reasoning and why they do this and why they do that. But they'll roll along to church on a Sunday. Absolutely. And then roll back again. Well, if you want to really, really horrify a member of the middle classes, you talk about God seriously. Or you talk about love seriously. And their engines start revving. As you're taught, you know, you can feel them backing away both mentally and spiritually. You know, it's sort of, it's that very English thing of, you know, you can believe what you like and it's absolutely fine. Just don't frighten the horses. There's no need to show off. There's no need to make a big song and dance about it. And there's no need to, as they say, be silly about it. Which means, you know, actually show some sort of passion. No, that is one of the big differences between us and our transatlantic cousins, isn't it? Yeah. At least in the middle bits of the United States, you can profess your belief in a supreme being. Ad nauseam. And people say, well, that's perfectly fine. And of course, if you're going to run for president, you need to profess the belief in the supreme being. Whereas over here, we just see it as absolutely odd and peculiar. Yeah. You know. But anyway, so, have we answered Claire for Scotland? No, not in the slightest. But she wants to know, is there anywhere where there's a schedule of services for some Stevens? Why does she want to know this? Because she's interested in how many they seem to have. And then they mentioned a Friday vigil, because she was doing Easter things at her own church. And they started talking about a Friday vigil. And she thought, "Crikey, are we supposed to be having one of those? When is it? Have I missed it? What's going on?" And it's sort of a centric of panic, so. Yes, but I mean, there are most things are cheesy, somewhere on the web. But I have never seen a schedule of services for some Stevens. Maybe we should ask the Twitter people. The web people. We could ask lovely Andrew. Hi everyone, it's John from Newcastle here. I'm actually off work today. I'm on study leave. I'm in the middle of studying for my economics and statistics exam that I've got coming up in a couple of weeks. I've been at it for about an hour and a half and I'm sick of it already. So, hence, I'm skiving off to send in a little voicemail. Because I've been working hard. I haven't really been listening to the arches much this week. Plus, there was a day in the week when the podcast was delayed and it wasn't available until halfway through the following day, so that threw me off no end. So, what I'm going to talk about today instead is my arches nemesis. I've submitted my arches crush before. It's still Linda Snell. But I haven't told you that the one person that I really can't stand, and that is Susan Carter. I hate hate the woman. I absolutely cannot bear her. I don't hate people in real life, but for some reason, Susan Carter just really, really reminds me of whether it's from her saying that Neil was a doormat and the way she treated him then. Or whether it was her outburst at the village meeting the other day, or whether it's just the fact that she stirs it up something rotten and she's always gossiping in the shop. I absolutely despise the woman. What a shame she didn't go away with the flood in the manner that Scruff seems to have unless something has happened since I've last caught the arches. So, yes, bring back Scruff, wash away Susan Carter, please. That's it for me for this week. Sorry I didn't catch the live show, by the way. I was busy occupied with buying nephews at the time, but I'm hoping that there'll be another one very soon that I can listen to. Thanks again. Keep up the good work. Bye for now. John from Newcastle, his arches nemesis. Who is Susan Carter? I hate Sir, I hate Sir, I hate Sir. John from Newcastle is doing an economics and stats degree, and the arches is ruining his revision time because he keeps going off to listen to them and the arches and everything like that. But isn't John from Newcastle some big clever person in the bank? He is. Which would explain why he's doing economics and stats I presume. Because we have lots of John's that listen. We do. We've got John from Dorset as well. Yeah. Yeah. If your name is John, and you listen from somewhere other than Dorset or Newcastle, please tweet us, email us, or speak pipe us, and tell us which John you are. Yeah. Please. What do you think about Susan? Lover. Really? Yeah. No. I, like all of humanity that listened to the arches, I was absolutely horrified by her. For years. And, but she, she's needed in, in the fact that she plays an archetype, which is, you know, every community of people has the gossip. Yeah. Has the person who's, you know, snide with a subtly several overtly so. Yeah. And you need her just to go, and she puts all the other characters into sharp relief. Yeah. But also, she doesn't fall for the bullshit either, Susan. She has got no. No, but, but she doesn't even fall for the truth. No. No. Susan Carti believes what Susan Carti wants to believe, which is the worst of everybody. Even her own husband. Everybody kowtows to Brian, you know. But she, no matter, she sort of has a grudging respect for him because he's got money. But the fact that he, you know, shags around and has children left right and center kind of, it's never far from her thoughts. She never ever thinks anybody's better than they should be to use that sort of thought. I'd just say, I couldn't disagree anymore. She's got a massive inferiority complex to do with money and social standard. Oh, yeah. Well, that's her. That's her whole thing. No, but her resentment at that, her resentment and her acknowledgement of the fact that, you know, she's kind of married into the all judges, but she will never be one. Kind of means that she's the only one that continually brings up. Oh, she, no, no, no. But if it's now your Sami and Lock Susan Carti, say she's married into the all judges, no. Her son is married into the all judges, and she believes that she has. Yes. I did love that. And it's, you know, total social climate as much. She's concerned. But she never, she never lets anybody start believing their own publicity. You know, whenever she's rejected by Jennifer, she brings up the fatlet Jennifer and brought up in a pub. And, you know, whenever Brian is throwing his weights around, she sort of will bring up Rory or whatever, and she never kind of lets anybody start bleaching. I don't know. The negative is never far under the surface, but sometimes you need that. But that's because she's negative about it. I don't know. Free body. And, but it has to be said, though, that the whole thing about the kitchen and the invite for the unveiling of the kitchen was absolutely delicious. Not as good as the ski trip. I love the ski trip when he went off with, um, what was she called? That incredibly posh girl, sort of a ridiculous name. Do you remember? I don't, you know. Oh, God. He went on a ski trip with her. Oh, and she's called her name. Oh, what's her name? Lavinea or something. And everyone's going to email me now and go, "It's so exciting." I know. Um, and Susan had never didn't know anything about skiing and she was getting to grips with all the lingo and, you know, she bought him tons of stuff and she really got carried away with it. I remember her name about three o'clock in the morning, aren't I? I'll probably wake up shouting it just over. Tell you what. Why don't you just Google it? No, I can't because if the skype connection is working now, I don't want to tempt fate by even touching my computer. Should we do the next one? Um, and we wrapped up with Susan Carter. I think so. Nihorabin. Nihorabin. I think she's one of the best actresses. Mm. I think her, I think she's one of the best comic actresses. Her and Linda, I think. Well, she plays it with a straighter back than Linda, doesn't she? Yes. You know, that you can actually listen to her performances and if you read them on a piece of paper, it wouldn't necessarily be comic, you know, but she just adds that little touch. Yeah. Whereas Linda is much more... Broad brush. Yeah, pantomime. Almost. Hello, dumpty-dum, it's your Uncle Bear here, calling from Swindom, but let's not speak of that. Um, yes, very interesting podcast this week. Um, stuff like Young Socialists. I was in the Young Socialists when I was, well, quite a bit younger. Um, it wasn't a very good one though. Um, I remember when to this summer camp, as Young Socialists summer camp thing out in the wild somewhere. And when we got there, it was all kind of, um, very communal, as you'd imagine. Um, and I was told, well, everyone has to take a turn, you know, um, taking the rubbish away and, and peeling the potatoes and, and serving up the food. And I was like, oh, honey's, I don't cater and I don't do manual work. Um, I wouldn't say that I was a champagne socialist, more of a cheap night out with a lamp, with a really socialist, to be honest. Um, but yeah, so it was quite interesting that I came up and dumped it up. But it's all about the artists. So, um, yes, I'm interested in things this week. But I've noticed something about Brian. Have you noticed how obsessed he is with food? Um, and well, it's kind of his line in the sand, isn't it? You know, cake combustion too far. But then when you mess with his dinner, then that's it. That's the line in the sand. Um, so I think that's quite interesting. I think he's done that before, isn't he, when the kitchen was being put in? It was all about the, where's my dinner? Um, it's a very, um, oral person, it would seem. Um, I don't know, maybe witherspoon can give us a bit of an analysis of that. Mind you, witherspoon should probably give a bit of analysis of me of the fact that I've noticed it. So, but anyway, there's my thoughts, random thoughts, young socialists, Brian being a bit oral. Um, so that's me done for the week. All right, and bye! Yokel Bear. He was a young-- He's my nemesis. He's my archer's nemesis. He liked your young socialist bit. You know, you talked about going to a young socialist thing. Yes. Um, because he was one. I don't know whether he sold cupcakes for 20p. Um, and he says, "Have we noticed that Brian is obsessed with food, and that the only time Brian actually puts his foot down about anything is when there's a threat to his stomach." Um, but honestly, Yokel Bear, I don't think we ever need to question the fact that Brian has an oral fixation. Um, it's sort of-- Brian is a very sensual man, isn't he? He loves good whiskey, good wine, nice women, um, sex, you know, sort of, uh, sort of very luxurious things or very sensual tactile things, and food is all part of that for him, and he's been deprived of the sex because there's no one around that he either has another sex with or wants to. So, um, you know, he's now left to start having illicit thoughts about venison casserole, so, yeah, as soon as it comes to any sort of, you know, threat of that disappearing, like Kate cooking something utterly disgusting, something that looks pebbledashed. Uh, then, you know, it's a huge threat to his persona. Bless him, I love Brian. My name's Andrew, first time call a runner, otherwise known as @onexwiddle on the tutters. I normally listen, um, when I'm delivering leaflets for-- with the talk party from which I'm a member and candidate, then goes by the name of the liberal Democrats. I had been thinking about making this call to discuss who we thought in the village, um, 14 for whom, but you kind of preempted that in last week's episode, in any case, um, so I'm just going to add a couple. Jim, I believe, last time voted liberal Democrat. There was a subtle hint when he took the Guardian, um, in the lead-up to the 2010 general election, and one or two other things he said, suggesting that he was going, um, the yellow way. Uh, Susan, I can't decide whether she's a dyed-in-the-roll, true-blue, Tory, who idolizes Thatcher, which is the Tory party where she's still Thatcher, right, and folks for them regardless, or whether she's a Tory who's so Tory, you know, for the UK, they can be quite hard to distinguish. Brian and Jennifer will be proper Tory. Quite possibly, Lillian too. You've mentioned Kate as 14 green. I suspect Fallon might fall into that category as well, um, just to-- just to even things up. The grandes and horribans will be labor-forters. Uh, so there's a quick, uh, whistle-stop tour of, um, some of the residents of the village asked to be they made a foot for. Um, glad I finally-- finally called in and, um, looked forward to doing so again. Oh, one thing, occupation-wise, I currently work for a company of financial advisors doing research, back office admin, and that sort of thing. Uh, my formal job title is "Pad of Planner," and that no date ever knows what that means. All right, bye for now. Um, oh, first-time cholera. Mm. Andrew Brown, who listens to us while he's delivering his Lib Dem leaflets as his prospective candidate. Oh. So, he-- nevermind, Andrew, just to say. Anyway, um, he, uh-- Just why is he collecting your thoughts there? Uh, I was wondering along, uh, wondering along yesterday, Queens Park, and, uh, a Tory-type person. Trust. I-- I'd tell you, loosely, thrust into my general direction, one of their propaganda leaflets. Yes. And I had to look him in the eye and say, "You are so barking up the wrong street. I don't even know where to start." He removed his hand from my path. And-- and-- and-- and averted his gaze, right? Right. But-- and he-- he's a thing, right? There was, uh, a gentleman of, uh, Afro-Caribbean hue next to him, with the biggest 1970s afro, with a massive Tory rosette on his lapel. And I don't mind admitting, it did not bug with all of my preconceptions. Mm. You know, he looked like, in another era, you'd have said he was a member of the Black Panther Party. Ha-ha! His Afro was that big, and that '70s. And there he was, with this big rosette, you know, big enough, baby camera. Shaft! Yeah! The template. Richard Roundtree's little brothery was, and, uh, you know, and I just said to myself, "Isn't it a great science of socially, how we've come on?" Yeah. But anyway, that's as political as I'm going to get with this. However, just wanted to say that somebody, and I've forgotten who you are, and I'm furiously looking on the Twitter's. I did join about the cupcake revolution in the, uh-- Yes, I saw that, that was very good. Yes, yes, it was very, very good. It's good. And I'm sorry that I've forgotten who you are that tweeted that, but it's very funny. It's very lovely. And there you go. But yeah, well, Andrew Brown, Libden, prospective candidate for somewhere else, said. Ambridge says, "Jim is a Libden. Jim is a Libden. Susan is a Tory who idolizes Thatcher, now absolutely bang on the money." He said, "But those kind of people can tip over slightly too far and become you kit." He said, "It's difficult to tell." Uh, Fallon's green. Yeah, I agree with that. And, uh, the grunge is in the horror of, uh, Labour. Then, mmm. I'm not sure about that. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. There's the, it's that working class story thing. Yeah. You know, and especially, yeah, exactly, deferential, you know, stratus of society. Yeah, exactly, exactly. So I'm not so sure about that. Mr. Andrew Brown. Yeah. Mm. Yeah. Um, and then he told us what he did. And the line went a bit funny and he's apparently a parrot planner. I can't really believe that he's a parrot planner. I don't know how you plan a parrot. Well, I know how a parrot would plan a parrot, but I'm not really sure why Andrew Brown's intervention would be necessary. But anyway, thank you very much for your call, Andrew. And have fun with your parrots. He needs to get back and tell us how he got on. Yes. Yeah. In fact, they all do. All the councillors that, that listen to us, and there are many, many millions, as I always say. You always say, "You say that last week." Um, yes, ring in and tell us how you're all doing. What's it like on the campaign trail? How many doors have you had to slam in your face? Hello, lovelies. It's Sam here. I'm on Twitter at @cemaryd. I'm very confused. I cannot get a handle on how old any of the characters are. I understand that the old ones are the age they are. Everyone knows Jo Grande's 93, et cetera, et cetera. I understand how young the young ones are. But I cannot work out for the life of me. How old any of them are in between. Because Fallon sounds like she's too young to be Jolene's daughter to me. Jolene sounds much older than Kenton. Kenton's supposed to be David's big brother, except she sounds like a feckless teenager compared to David being a grown up. David and Ruth were supposed to be trying for another baby, which is something I need mind leech to even consider. Well, Tim Bentink, it was supposed to be pushing 60. I appreciate they're all acting, and so, you know, they don't have to be the age they actually are in real life. But if I didn't know what the familial relationships were, I don't think I could ever guess based on how old I think they are. I mean, many things confuse me, let's be honest. But this is fairly high on the list lately. Anyway, belated congratulations on your 50th birthday. Thank you very much for the entertainment and for the strange looks I get on the 705 from Winchester to Waterloo. And for the new friends. Lots of love to you both. See you soon. Bye-bye. Sam Mary D. Sam Mary D does very good calls because we are all immersed in archers' law, aren't we? And this little weird little world that we live in, but she's a recent listener. So she asks some very good questions that the rest of us have forgotten to ask because we're, we sort of know it all backwards. She says she would find it very difficult to establish how old the characters are if she was just, if she didn't have a family context to put them in. She said Fallon sounds too young to be Jolene's daughter. Jolene sounds older than Kenton. No, Jolene sounds older. Jolene is supposed to be older than Kenton. And Pip sounds now, new Pip sounds much older than I think she actually is. I kind of lose track of how old they are largely because they're on, they're on, they're voiced. Well, they automatically, you know, sort of pre-recorded voice when they're toddlers and all they ever say is, "Yes, wob!" and things like that. And then they disappear, don't they, for about eight years, and then they reappear at the age of sort of ten, eleven? Well, there is that peculiar way of, you know, an ambridge childhood, you know, and the fact that as you said, you hear one or two things and they disappear, like everybody goes off the boarding school in effect, really. And then all you hear is, "Come away from the age!" Blah, blah, when they're on the finished pond. Woo, look at the fireworks, so that's it. But if you take somebody's voice away from them as a physical person, a voice is actually aged at a very strange rate. Yeah. And, you know, there's a pet, isn't it? Well, that's 153. Well, she's, yeah, exactly. She's 153. Then you've got Pip, who does sound like she's in her 40s. Yeah. But Debi Aldridge is a case in point for me. In that, I knew of her voice the years before I ever saw the actress that played her. And it's always a surprise to me when I see her playing a mother with grown-up children. Because I still don't, to me, she sounds much younger. You know, her voice has not a tall age. And I think people's voices age very, very slowly. Some people, especially boys, as teenagers, can have very manly voices and incredibly deep. So we associate them with being older. Whereas with women, it can age at a much more kind of graceful pace, glacial pace almost. Then somebody can actually, in terms of just voice terms, play somebody much, much, much younger. Like the actress, number one, for example, I should say, the actor that plays Bart Simpson, his female. Yeah. And he's nine on 60. Yeah. You know. Well, interestingly, well, interestingly, she says, in inverted commas, you know, Schuller. No, well. There was a time when Schuller was used to play young boys in the afternoon play. Because her voice is a young boy's voice, kind of 10, 11-year-old, is the same pitch as a woman of about 35. So quite often, if you listen to the old afternoon plays, they're ready for extra. You'll suddenly think, hey, that's Schuller. And yes, there she will be. But yes, I think it's fascinating topic. And we should get on. Our colleague of thousand voices, Harriet Carmichael, should get her on. Has Bert ever sounded any younger than he does now? He was born sounding like that. He mentions a child who was sounding like that. Very true. Very true. But then when you listen to the old ones, and sometimes you hear Jill, and she suddenly sounds really buoyant and youthful, and there's a note in her voice that there isn't there anymore. It's really interesting. When do you listen to old episodes of The Archers? If I'm trying to remember what happened, or somebody's backstory, or whatever. You've got them in cassette tape. No, you can find them online. Eight track. Every night I sit with me cans on, pouring over me little. You get out your Bakelite radio. Yes, Bakelite, that's the word. Hello, Dunty Tom, Blithe Spirit here. Just caught up with the omnibus over Easter Sunday with lots of nice hot cross buns and a very large cup of tea, so extremely happy here. This week in Unbridge, well, blimey. Tony's back to normal, isn't he? Well, how do we know this? Well, he's moaning all over the place, about the state of the yard, state of the shop, parking on the farm, about the investigation, and like the really sunny soul that he is, he's gone straight to the worst case scenario, assuming that he's going to be tried, hung, drawn, and quartered for this event that happened on the farm. But it's good to have him back, because, you know, even though things can be sunny, we like someone to rain on our parade occasionally, and let's face it, Tony's the man to do it. Um, loving, really loving the story about ferrets running wild around grey gables, as ever the grondies are giving good fare and a really good storyline, enjoying that very much. Tichinob? Well, yes, I completely agree with Goddess Deaver. I'm not going to top her laugh, because it was absolutely brilliant. But yes, I agree with Lucy. I think with someone like him, when intimidation doesn't work, then he really starts to flail. He feels like he's backed into a corner, and my prediction is that he is the father, and that he is going to do whatever he possibly can to fake this test. I really think he's going to do that. Um, what I want to know, though, is what on earth is going on with Kenton? Has he had a personality transplant or something, because all of a sudden he's gone from a really sunny, jester, life and soul of the party, lovely little chapter, a petulant little nightmare. Um, I really hope that if this does reach Jill, she's going to read in the riot act, because the way that he's behaving, I mean, okay, if he has a problem with David, talk to him in private, but don't really don't air your dirty laundry in public and instigate this ridiculous vendetta. I mean, it's just not on. So someone needs to have a word with him, basically. I think he needs to have a really good word with himself. And finally, like with a spoon and little angostoggy, I'm very worried about scruff. I'm particularly concerned, because if they do find him, with all the changes of personnel recently, the chances are he's going to come back with a different bark. So, um, I really hope they find him soon. Anyway, still loving the podcast, keep up the fantastic work, and I hope you've had a lovely, lovely Easter. Um, cheers now, take care, bye. Uh, Blind Spirit, she says she's glad that Tony is back being Moany, and that is how we know he's better, because he's doing his "we're all doomed" thing again. Um, yes. But he's nobody's going to go to prison, are they? They'll just, you know, if he, if he, I mean, I don't, I do understand that they have to investigate this flipping ball-stampy thing. But for goodness sake, he wasn't negligent, was he? I mean, I suppose having... No, but I suppose... Johnny's wearing some kind of cop show if you call it a procedural. Yeah. And this is an agricultural procedural. And a bit of accident that's happened. Yeah, for Tony, of course, it means... The farm's going to be taken off him, but he's all going to go wrong. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Mm. Because that's just the kind of little ray of sunshine he is. Oh, and she is, well, a Blind Spirit is one of the people who is very worried about Kenton. Because there's a disturbance in the force, and Kenton is now acting like a spoilt. He's not, though. See, I do, I know you've laughed at me earlier, but I do... I can see his point. Kenton is never, ever taken seriously. Well, but... He's always the flighty one that, you know... But this is the reason why there isn't it. Mm. Because, and listen, I like him. Yeah. You know, as Fallon said a few weeks ago, whatever you want to say about him, there isn't a bad bone in his body. Yeah. And, you know, genuinely there isn't. She didn't quite say that, but worse of that effect, you know. When he put his arm around burp. And, and absolutely. And Kenton is angry with himself. Yeah. He had, you know, a glimpse of the person who you always thought he was going to be. And he said that, didn't he? Yeah. He was handing out large essays that daughter. Yeah. You know, he had a bit of, you know, a little bit of coin in his pocket. You know, he could jet around the world, et cetera. And, and so he's angry that his dream has been being ripped away. But also he's angry with himself in that he absolutely knows he shouldn't have spent money. Yeah. You know. And, and, but then again, also for him, he doesn't have that connection to the land. He doesn't. Which is the reason why he went away all those years ago. And he always sees the what he was. Yeah. Yeah. Sell it. Sell it Dave. Come on. Let's go. And that was why he said, look, when Tom broke his vow to Kirsty, and, you know, and cleared off before the wedding, everybody was so angry with him. He had to leave the country. David lets everybody in Kenton's view, lets everybody down, makes some flippant decision at the last minute, makes sentimental speech, and then he's fated as the saviour of Ambridge and everybody's hero. And he, he wanted David to be, I don't know how he could equate the two things. But in terms of letting everybody down, at best he let down two people, Kenton and Shuler. Yeah. Shuler, you know, took it on the chin very gracefully. So really, he only really let down Kenton. So he didn't let down the whole village. But he, he's got that, that sibling thing of, I really want to see the good one get into trouble. Why, why, why isn't anybody getting, why isn't anybody telling him off, mummy go and tell him off. And mummy isn't. Backing David up. But as, as Tim said a couple of weeks ago, this is actually very well written and it was a lovely twist, not just the, the fact that we always knew that he was never going to go. So, so Kenton was going to be left off, off the creek with that paddle, but also the fact that he could have actually called it when he's in Australia and said, "Hmm, stop spending on that credit card." He's off on the visa mate. Yeah. And he didn't, for understandable reasons, he's saying, "Well, I didn't want to root room his holidays." So I thought, let him just spend up more runs, die of miseries. And then had the cover of the flood, you know, to be able to break the news to him as well. So, but it's very good. But I, you know, I, let's, let's just hope that this sibling, sibling feud, sorry put my teeth in. I have to kind of like, head a pet then, you have some teeth that fit, sibling feud doesn't go on too long. Yes. Well, something will happen, won't it, where did somebody will save somebody from something and then it was like the Grundy Boys. When the push comes to shove, they all sort it, sorted out, really. Have the Grundy Boys really sorted it? Well, they can't, they get close to it, don't they? Like when they, when they, when they work together to help Eddie, when he was in trouble. They are slowly drifting closer together, as you said. But again, that's been, you know, viewed, largely because of Nick, who is coming on the show soon. I tell you what, right, Lucy, here's the thing I'm going to share with just you. Yeah. Don't tell me. I can get. He. Can you? Yeah. What am I going to say then? You're a new member of your lovely girls and she's no funny and annoying. No. No, no, not at all. Not at all. She could well be. Right. That's not at all I was going to say. This is what I was going to say. My God, is she not a born actor? Because the person who I met in that pub is light years away from the characters she plays on the arches, in terms of her voice, but her personality, you know, just I, when Harriet told me actually who she was, I said, I beg your pardon, that feisty, ballsy, you know, woman in the corner, no way is that Nick Grundy. Yes. Yeah. I cannot wait. She's very, very funny. She is funny, she's sparky, she's kind of in your face and baller, a count to continue, she can't now sing too. Yeah. She's. Yeah. She's great. Yep. I stood on the chair and sang my shirona with her for no apparent reason. I know. Anyway. Uh. Cosmo. He has requested entry into my, what he describes as toy boy entourage, toy boy, Cosmo, this implies that I am older than you, Bush, and you're retired. Thanks very much. How's it charming? You're not going to get much action from Cosmo, are you? Not. Well, he's never here for a start. Well, he's going to win. He's around. Terminal three. Can it, can it, can it be a rouse to perform? I don't know. I haven't got that far with him. I haven't got any. Where have we? Uh, yes. Cosmo is now officially our economics correspondent, so he is here to give us his, um, his economics round up of, of the arches. We need economics in music here. What, what would economics music sound like? Uh, if you remember the first few dumpty dums when we had the whole Demara capital thing, we used to have some economic news music. Oh, yes, we did. But we'll have to use the Demara capital music then to cosmo's the economic. Huey-up. Now. Hello, dumpty dum. Cosmo here again. Did I tell you I'm going on holiday in about four weeks' time? I have to admit that even I thought I sounded boring last week, sorry for sending Royfield to sleep on the whole line on the side of 50, which likes to be able to hear what I'm listening to, so the bits without music are preferred. But Lucy was a bit quiet at times last week, but it all sounds much improved over a couple of months ago. So all that effort is not going to waste Royfield. And Lucy, as you're planning to spend your money on toyboys, can I apply to join your toyboy entourage, please? Anyway, I think the point of the podcast is to talk about the arches, and Royfield must be pleased that this week had been back to character-legged stories with a donkey being noisy and Tony Bryan, Kenton exhibiting a completely new set of childish behaviours, although he needs to turn the volume down slightly. Plus, I would like to mention a business of ferrets running loose, but it was only one so it cannot be a business. I'm also wondering why we have three beef production units in the village, one at Brookfield, one at Grange Farm, and one at Bridge Farm. When recent research shows that the average beef producers are making a loss of between 74 pounds ahead and 425 pounds ahead. Bridge Farm, in particular, makes no sense to me at all because they've lost the control of the organic milk source for their unique products for Ambridge Organics. Very strange. Moving on to the Health and Safety Act and Inspection Life, I have to admit I actually know something about this. If there has been an accident and forget trying to plead not guilty, no one will ever get off. But the plea and mitigation of this severe sentence should be carefully constructed with Tony limping into court on crutches or still in a wheelchair, even if he doesn't need them, and he should go and tell them how his only remaining son had to return from Canada with a voice transplant and how it has affected him, and I should point out that it is the second time that the Health and Safety people have been to Bridge Farm, given the earlier death of John. So, it's a second offense, pretty unsafe place, conviction will almost certainly follow. Some time ago I half promised to explain it at least, but this sounds like it's turning into another episode of Moneybox Life, so I think it's time for me to go. Still enjoying hearing from you each week, and look forward to hearing the missing live episode at some point. Bye for now. Thank you Cosmo, enjoy your next toliers wherever it is, Blackpool, or whatever. Hi, it's Jacqueline Berto from Brittany in France here, at J Berto Sanguen. I just had a bank holiday catch up on last week's Sir Dhamton, and my 12 year old was listening along in the background, and did make one comment. She wanted to know, how can a man as obsessed by the archers as that Roy "I" field say the pole dark is one dreadful drama. Personally, I love the rambling banter this week, even the mentions of Lucy's bosoms and whipping. French in my world don't do innuendo, so it's a delight to hear. I do want to make a comment about the death of Frieda. Frankly, I find it very disappointing, because at the beginning of the Great Flood I tweeted a prediction that Jill would die as she was due to be given a lift back from St Stephen's by Frieda. That would have been even more harrowing, and the current debacle between Kenton and David could have been taken to another level. Just imagine, I think Kenton is acting just as we'd expect his character to. This is my own personal little opinion, that there may be a gene that is latent in all of them, and it shows only in certain characters like Kenton and Fade. But it needs a little stay-in-a-colonist to really bring it into the foreground, oh, it will be dear Adam next. I love Lucy's silly little queer, Rob Hobb, brilliant insight. Have a good one this week, bye! Jacqueline Berto, for some reason, wants to introduce my bosoms into the conversation. I try and keep my bosoms out of most things, Jacqueline, which is a job and a half, I have to say. She's quite disappointed that Frieda died because she was hoping Jill was going to die. I think reading between the lines, that seems to be the gist, because she thought Frieda was going to be driving Jill back from somewhere all the other way around, and that one of them would perish. But sadly, it was Frieda who shuffled off this mortal coiled very quietly. Hi, Dundee Dunn, it's Mary. I tweet sometimes as Mary Lattice. I really enjoyed the ferret episode with the grundies, the image I had of Ed Standing in reception with his big net, and of Joe wearing his polar bear slippers, well, it made me laugh out loud, and I really, really liked that episode. The other thing is that I am not liking this side of Kenton, it makes me feel very uncomfortable, I think probably because the writing and the acting is so brilliant. I know with a spoon, which isn't the phrase I thought I'd ever hear myself say, but I do think that Kenton is probably most angry with himself because he's once again proven himself to be the, like, the Prosligot silly one, you know, his sisters didn't spend their money before they had it, and he's been left a bit high and dry really. I'm definitely Team David on this one because he just sounds so upset when he talks about it at all, so we shall see, love in the podcast, carry on with work, take care, bye bye now. Mary Lattice, she loved the ferrets in the hood, that was very divisive, the whole ferret episode. Oh, it wasn't a chest, it wasn't a chest. People said, "I'm turning off, this is ridiculous, it's like bloody faulty towers," but she found it funny, but Ed standing in reception with a big net, I actually thought Ed did a cracking performance then, and there was a ferret, he was, he never actually gets to do much funny stuff, Ed, because he's always in the story lines, which I have a horrible feeling, he's heading straight for again. Well, buying that tractor. Brian the tractor, doing the work for Charlie, blah, blah, blah, anyway. But he was, with the ferret thing, he was very good, I think, in his exchanges with Roy, he, yeah, it was, it was, yeah, done really beautifully, I thought, very, very good timing and the really nice light touch, I'm not sure I'd have given the whole episode to a bloody ferret, but anyway, I did like that, it was cool, definitely. I think they just get drunk and write this, you know, and now, it's with a spoon's corner. Can we have the music from Frasier for with a spoon's corner? Uh, are you paying the copyright royalties on that, are you? Nope, okay, we're not going to have the music for Frasier, but you just, just have to hum it to tone, think of something, it's scrambled eggs, whatever it is. Hey baby, I hear the blues are calling, toss salads and scrambled eggs, massive. Good afternoon from Witherspoon and Angus Haggis, first, thank you for last week's lovely compliments, and if I haven't told you yet, Royfield, you're very cool, and don't you forget that. And Lucy, you're very funny and smart, as I will explain in just a minute. No Radio 4 pun intended there. It's been quite a busy few days here in New York City, as all of Scotland has landed to celebrate Tart and Week. We've been having a laugh and a few whiskeys with some wonderful people, and Angus has definitely been the center of much attention, but we've still been working hard. In fact, we've been having a spirited debate today. The question, thank you Kate, is, do strawberries have feelings? We've been doing a deadline search for articles on the subject, but haven't found the answer, so we decided to prepare a manuscript addressing the issue, and when completed, we'll submit it for publication. The next question will be, do ferrets suffer from separation anxiety? The archers raised such profound questions this week. On a more serious note, Lucy, you hit it on the head regarding your concerns for little Henry safety. I also voiced this concern in my second call to you when I reviewed the etiology of Rob's pathology. If you've noticed, Henry has been expressing some age-typical oppositional behavior, and Rob has been more and more short-tempered with him. Abusive parents can certainly be loving to their children much of the time, but if they have difficulties dealing with stress and modulating their temper, as Rob does, remember the incident during the hunt, then children who during the course of normal development will say no. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. At mid-mobile, we like to do the opposite of what Big Wireless does. They charge you a lot, we charge you a little. So naturally, when they announced they'd be raising their prices due to inflation, we decided to deflate our prices due to not hating you. That's right. We're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first-three-month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of detail. To remind you that 60% of sales on Amazon come from independent sellers, farmer Bob of Princeton Popcorn, we'll reach 60% of this ad, fire away Bob. Small business owners like myself are growing their businesses faster on Amazon by getting help with things like shipping. Shop small business on Amazon, especially Princeton Popcorn, Amazon every day better. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates' potential savings will vary not available in all states. On a lighter note, I should mention that I may not be able to call in next weekend because my brother is getting married to a lovely woman he's known since childhood, much like the story of Ed and Emma. But my future sister-in-law didn't marry me first, carry my child, mistake who the father was and then leave me for my brother. But maybe Emma will burn that dress of hers before the wedding when she finds out that Ed, upon the advice of his always sensible and prudent financial wizard of a father, has purchased a tractor for the price of a small home mortgage. You know, when I was a young child, my mother always warned me against following the poor judgment of others by uttering that famous mom aphorism. If your friends are going to jump off a cliff, would you also do it? Well, Ed, that cliff you just jumped off of may have been as high as the ones in Dover. Oh, Angus is telling me enough with the jokes. We have to get back to our research on strawberries. We'll be chatting again soon, bye bye. He wants those strawberries to have feelings, he's going to write, him and Angus Haggis are going to write a thesis on whether or not strawberries have feelings. I'm not sure Kate has feelings, to be honest, I think Kate was probably envious of the strawberries having more empathy than she did. And do ferrets suffer from separation anxiety? I would have thought absolutely because they're mammals, so they're actually quite intelligent so we would. And Old Daffers were squeaking away at Joe when he found out it wasn't really very sweet. They stink ferrets, absolutely stink. Do they? You'd have been able to find it much, much sooner than they did because they bloody reek. Honestly, awful things. No, they're very, I mean, they're nice. People take it for walks, don't they? Do they? Yeah, it's like a hipster thing. Yeah, you can see them round. A hipster thing in the countryside. No, in the shortage thing. So instead of having like a lumbosexual shirt and beard, you walk around with berries. Lumbosexual, I like that. Yeah, yes, no, I've seen people walking them on them down by lead bridge and everything and all around there. Are you serious? Serious, absolutely, yes. My dog does not know what the hell they are. He rears back in alarm, quite rightly, probably the smell. I like the way, when we go to Cosmo, by the way, that you can hear lots of scribbling before he starts speaking. And I get that he's, I'm thinking, I really hope there's not a patient sat there waiting for him to finish, but you know, or maybe he's just writing his notes on the previous session, or he's making some background notes for us, I don't think. Are you talking about with a spoon? Yes, what did I say? Cosmo. Sorry, it meant with a spoon. Yes, I'm getting me, I'm getting me accountants and my psychotherapists confused. Well, it's, it's apparent to me that some of our listeners do have notes as they're going to get. Yes, you sometimes hear the page turning, don't you? Yes. Yeah. We should take, we should take a note from that Lucy, maybe do a bit of prep before we should write shit down before we just say, bla bla bla bla bla. Oh, good to have a quick emailer in a row. John cop, it's very sad, this one. He just starts, well, I love John cop. I have gone four weeks without listening and I don't miss the current format. It has got too silly for me, so I gave up. Ironically, my wife has got into the habit and I will get odd snippets like she told me Rob agreed to paternity test. No one is naive enough to think it'll be his own sample. Anyway, life goes on and I was trying to remember where I first heard it. We left there when I was eight. What samples do you refer into? The sample that impregnated his misses? I don't know. I don't know. Well, the sample swap taken from the inside of his mouth. I'm really hoping that one. Okay. Okay. Um, he said he started listening when he was eight and he is now 68. And in those days, you have to wait for the vows to warm up. And then my dad used to retune the set each time, partly because he was a wireless operator for the RAF in the war. And then he says, all the best for the future of the podcast, "Oh, John, don't go. They will get better." Well, it might not get better, but it'll change. Something will happen. Don't give up on 60 years of consciousness. That's very sad. Come back, John. Put up with it just for us. Well, I think, right. I think there's a lot of talk when people say, "Oh, that's it. I'm off. I'm never, I'm never going to listen again." It's like the buggers that say, "If lightning gets in, I'm leaving the country and they're never the people that you actually want to go and they never go." Exactly. Yeah. And he's anyway, he's let the cat out of the bag, he's listening vicariously through his misses anyway. Yes. So, he's not going anywhere. And he's still listening to "Don't be Dumb" so he knows exactly what's going on. Yeah. He can pretend that you've missed the cock, he can pretend that you've flounced off, but you haven't really. If anyone was going to flounce, John Cop is at the bottom of a very long list. Let's flounce the man I have yet to discover. Glenn Fullalove, who sounds quite flouncy but isn't said, congratulations on our first birthday. Thank you very much. That means that we are now fully potty trained, doesn't it? Oh, you're joking. And we don't get potty trained until you're like getting on two. That's true. Or in your case, 42. "Don't you dump" is my part of the week. Stop it. Stop it. However, I'll be lying if I said I didn't completely stop waiting the bed until I was about 11-12. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of boys do though, don't they? It was highly, highly, highly embarrassing. I'm sure. I remember going off on the streets. Do you know you have a pill for it now? Exactly. Exactly. But back in the 70s, there's no such thing. You're just, I used to just cross my fingers, cross my legs, pray to whatever day it either was that, you know, when I was out at a friend and I didn't piddle the bed, and there was like a one in four charts, I was like this, proper anxiety I had, you know, before I, you know, go around to my auntie's house, you know, during the summer holidays and be even because of the pleas, don't ever, please don't we, let's go? Oh, that's so sad. Horrible. Yeah. So don't joke about these things. Did you, did your mum, did you talk to him up about it? Well, of course, but she, it's like, what could she do? Yeah. You know, now you just go down the dock, the little kid get, get, get to a pill, but back then, you know, there's this boy in school, Mark Plant, he've actually got me to support Birmingham City. And as a little kid, we always used to say, Mark, you're a smell of biscuits, as an adult, a little stale piss, he also wet his bed every night. Pissing up. Absolutely. And he used to wear those kind of nylon roof at the bed trousers, the lathricated waist. So I suppose, you know, they just kind of dried out super duper quick, but oh, God, he, he said, Mark, you smell of biscuits all the time, but oh, stale pea, that's what it was. And he's, you know, his mum should have got, got him sorted with, with the flannel first thing in the morning at the very least, but she didn't. But anyway, you know, so don't joke about these things, it scarred me for life. Oh. Sorry. That was not a pleasant segue for me, but I think when you, with a spoon, with a spoon. But it says, he did say, Royful, be careful what you share, you know. And I feel like I've probably over shared, but I am somewhat, somewhat through that now, but anyway. Somewhat. I hope you are. Well, I haven't peed the bed in the last 30 years, 30 years. Next time I say you, I check you don't smell the biscuits. Ah, anyway, I can't, what the hell will be talking, Glen, fall in love. That's what we were doing. A tremendous surname, by the way. Full of love, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. He said, he went on business to Sarasota on the Gulf Coast of Florida for business. I am not complaining. There are lots of worst places to go on business. There certainly are, Swindon for one. But Sarasota is very, very popular. Can I just bam? Yes. The use of the word Swindon on this podcast. Gratuitous Swindonness. You've just said it. Ha, ha, ha. I didn't. I said Swindonness is different. That is the art of being that place that I'm not allowed to say. Anyway, he said it's, Sarasota is very popular for Americans on spring break and it was slightly weird that in our hotel, my colleague and I were wearing business attire and everyone else is in swimming gear and flip flops. My sense of dislocation was, however, soothed by being able to listen to Brian worrying about Kate cooking on Easter Sunday and Tom trying to get word and edge ways with Susan. Between the dislocation and the jet lag, I was also happy that the drama level while I was away did not exceed fooling around with ferrets. He also says that sounds like a book fooling around with ferrets by J.R. Hartley. In praise of podcasts, I should add that if any dumb to dumbers have not yet listened to Roy Fields 10, American President's podcast about Nixon, I can thoroughly recommend that too. Wow. It's a nice man. Oh. Oh, thank you, Mr. Fuller Love. I'm full of love for you too. Bum bum. Where's the oddest place? The most kind of context, confusing, contextually place you've ever listened to The Archers. Uh, crumbs, you just thrown that one on me. Sorry. You've not wet yourself in panic. I would have. No. I think maybe Minsk Airport about eight years ago. I went on a business trip to Minsk and it was a bit of a nightmare. To be fair to the Belarusian immigration services, visa services, it very clearly says that to enter our wondrous nation, you need, I think it's $150 US dollars. It very clearly said that. Okay. So I wrapped up. And the three quid and a washer. Well, I wish, that would have done me no good even to have three quid and a washer. I wrapped up credit card in hand, the queue was humongous. So there is the queue for Belarusian citizens and then there's a queue for everybody else. And they are going at communist speed. Right. So Biela Rush is one of these weird countries, which is nominally capitalist, but really its crypto communist still. So, and they are just going at bureaucratic snail's pace speed and looking at everybody's passport, you know, asking the most inane questions and whatever, and then eventually stamping your passport. I get all the way to the front and this is an hour and a half. I was listening to the archers. I get all the way to the front. And then they go, why are you here? I'm here to do business, who are you doing business with? And I said, and you know what they did? They called the business. Really? They actually got on the phone and they called the business. Do you know of a Royfield Brown? Yes. Well, obviously that was selling Biela Rush, but, you know, and da, you know, the other men, and then they put the phone down, asked me some more questions, and he said, $150 please, I handed him my credit card, he said, cash, I went, and I look back at the length of the queue, and he said, well, you're just going to have to find the cash. Lucy, I was in that, oh, I didn't get through immigration for three and a half hours. I couldn't believe it. That's where, and I listened to the archers. So Joe Grundy, Eddie Grundy et al got me through the most frustrating three and a half hours of my life. And yes, they're welcome to Biela Rush, it was just, it was, I was so accepted myself. And then, then what I did, stupidly, I then withdrew the equivalent in Biela Rush and currency out, and he went, sir, you're an idiot. I told you US dollars, this is the equivalent, he went, no. You need to go to the purely charge, not to the ATM, and get me $150 American dollars. He called you an idiot. Well, in a very polite way. He said something, what do you think of, sir, did you not recollect our conversation, but I very clearly said, I had a very confusing moment, you know, remember when we recorded when I was in Barcelona? I was listening to the archers, writing my monologue on the balcony of an apartment in Barcelona that was overlooking Sagrada Familia. And I was also doing some other stuff for Radio 4 that involved listening to War and Peace and writing a piece about Moscow in the 1850s. And I was switching between listening to War and Peace and listening to the archers and writing my monologue, and Simon had taken the children out, and I finished what I was doing, went to meet them, and as I was walking along through Barcelona, I suddenly thought I don't know where I am. I just, it was the most peculiar feeling, and I've only had it a couple of times in my life, and it's so scary. And I just completely forgot which country I was in, because I had half of Moscow in my head, half of Ambridge, and everything else in my head. And I just couldn't remember. I sort of knew where I was going in terms of what, you know, I was going to meet the children and everything, but I just couldn't remember what language anybody was speaking or what it wasn't making sense at all. It was a really, really disconcerting experience. And my friend, and I thought I'm going to keep this quiet because clearly I've got early onset outsiders, and then I did mention it to my friend who is a professor of Hindi literature, and she's English, and she lived in Delhi for a while, and she was in the English library in Delhi, writing all about Ian Foster and everything, came out, and the same thing happened to her. She just had no idea where she was, even though she lived there, and she had to, some children recognise her, who lived down the road from her, and they recognised her because she was English and she looked different, you know, she sort of stood out, and they said we'll take you home, and they got her back to her house again. Oh, wow. But she didn't know what, she's an incredibly sort of cerebral person, she lives in her head, and the physical world just didn't make any impact on her at all. She was just in her head, and she was writing about, and she didn't know what year it was or anything, because she'd just been immersed in sort of Victorian literature. Isn't that weird? Well, my god, we're segueing like that! No, but I think, but you're onto something here, which is part of this taking a little bit of England with you, when you go around the world, and you listen to the archers podcast, and you know, we have kind of touched on this before, and it does make the world a much smaller place, and, and I've said this before, when I go and visit my kids in Canada, that I don't just listen to radio for stroke five live, you know, I know somebody's gonna be horrified about me, admitting that. And then also what I do, specifically if I'm working, is not completely, but for the most part I still keep to British time, so I'll get up at five o'clock Canadian time, which means I've got to cut the bars before the kids get up ready for school, and our lancer emails, and our cool people, et cetera. And you can forget where you are, you know, you're surrounded by these English voices, by these British voices, and it, and it makes the world seem like a much, much, much smaller place. You know, you're walking around with this hour of war paper, which is incredibly familiar. But less exciting, though, isn't it? I mean, don't you miss out then on all that kind of, because for me, listening, I always have local TV on or radio on wherever I am, because even if I don't understand one word, it just makes me feel that I'm somewhere- No, no, no, yeah, exactly, and actually it's I'm surprised that in my last trip abroad, I didn't get run over, because I'm constantly looking the wrong way, because I'm listening to English British voices all the time in my ears, and, and actually, I'm not really properly abroad, I'm only partly abroad. You know, so every now and then, you get this kind of jarring experience where you say something, somebody doesn't understand what you're talking about, because in your head, you'll still kind of, you still, you're still in Britain, you're still in London, whatever, you're listening to me. But that's what the internet's done, isn't it? It's created this homogeneity of kind of, of travel, where everything's just, you take it all, you are your own universe, you take it all with you, that's terrible. And it's going to get me run over the next time, no, listen to that, absolutely. And so, what has this got to do with our caller? I don't know. Oh, it wasn't, it wasn't an email or an error, and it was, and he gave me a big, big chat about Nixon. Yes. And then how did we get on to you? I don't. Knowing where it looks. Absolutely no idea. And John from Dorset, this is the last emailer in the row, he's a first time writer in the row, he says, he says, "Why did you agonize so much about the background music? Did you really think that it wasn't enough else in the program to differentiate it from Radio 4? Loose's description of the possible survey yet halter, for example, yes, I was wondering if that would cause anyhow." And it did. Um, personally I liked the music, but then again I am that side of 50, that side of 60, actually. Oh. Then he says, "Now that Frieda, RIP, has gone, there must be someplace on the payroll for another character. I would be happy to sit in the corner of the ball saying nothing, while others say nice things about me. How could I apply?" Well, John, you have to write to us with a £20 note, and we will forward it to the authorities. Now, I don't want to, no, no, no, this is going to be really quite short. The background music has made a reappearance. Yay! I've done, you know, for all those people that don't like it, you can't say as I didn't give it a whirl. But I've been surprised by the backlash against silence. I've been surprised. Um, it's been there on the Twitters, I've had people call me up and say, "Dude, this thing don't sound like how it used to sound." I've had... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Nobody who listens to our podcast says, "Dude." You'll be surprised. You'll be surprised. No, I would be so surprised. I would faint. Who? Who says, "Dude" that listens to our podcast? Uhh, whoa. Well, couple of people who I met in the States actually. Hush. So there you go. Conveniently out of contact, so we can't. Alright then, me old mucker. I had to cut the people in and say, "Me old mucker, you're a podcast and I was sound different." No, not that either. Anyway, to the music's back, and I think you're stuck with it, because I for one think that what it does do, it gives the show a certain pace. That's all I'm saying, I'm moving on, I'm not going to drone on for another three minutes about it. I gave it a go. More people seemed to like it, which surprised me, than didn't. The end. Andrew Horn. Andrew Horn here, first time on speaker pipe. Two horales this week. Heather Pet. Yes, you didn't expect them to move up north. Sanity is restored, maybe we can now just move on and put this all behind us. And Helen, standing up to the kitchen knob, hurrah, but I think it'll only get his back up, and I'm sad to say I foresee more tears. Bye. I'm going out for lunch with Andrew Horn. Can I just say, right, that considering that the Wonder women have been around for much longer than Lucy's pussy posse, which is obviously now a pussy and penis posse, right? Right. No one at my posse. I've got a lot to go posse. Well, well, no one's ever taken me out for lunch, dusty substances, mave. You know, I just, what the hell is going on here? Well, you've already got it all you have, and it's not what you do. It's not what you've got. It's what you do with it. Well, I feel like that's all I can say. Anyway, Andrew Horn says, very disappointed in you, dusty. Heather Pet has restored Sanity because she said, yes, it's fine. It's no big deal. He was going to go. He changed his mind. The end. Shall I profit? And bored now, which is quite good. Yes. If she put a teeth in and said it, that would have been all for the good, but she didn't say anything. So there we go. We can't have everything. Hi, it's Miss Mids City. After a bit of a break during which time I've been on holiday to Berlin, Prague, Vienna, and Budapest, and otherwise catching up on my archers listening and enjoying the recent podcasts, which have been consistently over a really high standard. So, well done, and thank you for making it so entertaining. Thank you to everybody who participates because the cooler innerists have been great too. I've been provoked into calling now because of recent developments. There's rather baby paternity nonsense as one of them. I, for one, am not impressed by the way it's been handled because it's a real nonsense of a storyline to me. Is it his child or not? I'm not sure I care, but it's taking up so much time that I'm having to take an interest in it. If it's not his child, I really don't know what the problem is with him proving it. If he knows for a fact it's not, it's quite simple. You take the DNA test, so what has he been worried about, why has it taken him so long to take the test? If you've got to worry about get on with it. On the other hand, if it turns out to be his child, he has behaved despicably. But we know him to be amongst it already. He should just pay up and shut up. And for him is that he may never be rid of Jess, and the baby unless he resorts to killing them. And that's a whole 'nother drama'. It's better for the ungrowing clark that he does have a child, but Helen knows how he has behaved and that he has an estranged wife and a child that are going to remain part of his life. And that's a real nuisance to someone who wants to be shot of both of them. But if it's not his child, what is the point? It's a total dead end of a story. Makes no difference to me, doesn't make him a nice person, all of a sudden. It doesn't vindicate him for being enough to swine. And having listened to Thursday's episode, where not for the first time, he was trying to control and manipulate Helen through meal times. It's really sinister, the idea that by deliberately making a horrible meal, she feels guilty enough to think he can't cope without me being at home full time. That is horrible, and it's really uncomfortable listening. Oh, and the last thing, because I'm running out of time, is the return of Richard Locke. It can only mean one thing. Goodbye, Alistair. It's a bit boring, and yeah, it's hackneyed to have yet another infidelity storyline. The Adam Charlie Ian thing hasn't resolved itself yet. We kind of know where that's headed. And the Elizabeth Roy Hayley thing, yeah, that, again, not quite resolved. And here we come with another story of unfaithfulness. I'm a little bit tired of it, and I would have thought it could have come up with something a little bit more inventive to revive any interest in Shula and Alistair. Actually, that's quite hopeless. Don't bother with those two. Why not just have them plunging off a cliff in a car or something? I don't know. I'm not interested in them, and this isn't going to make Shula interesting. Oh, Alistair, for that matter, so can they just toggle off into the sunset some other way? Oh, that's it from me. And Miss Midsity, who is very irritated by this paternity suit thing. Can I just say, right, that Miss Midsity, she's got a Bond villain-esque cackle? I know. We've got some great laughs on this show, haven't we? Absolutely. People who listen, they should all, I tell you what, go and please. I know it'll be a trial, but you can take earplugs. Go and listen to some Radio 4 comedies on the 630 slot, just so that I don't have to listen. There's one woman who seems to go to every sodding Radio 4 free broadcast comedy, and her cackling laugh is on every single recording that I listen to. So you locked go and do your lovely, delicious, chuckling laughs instead, and that'll make it infinitely more pleasurable to listen to. Yes, she's annoyed by the paternity suit storyline and by the brothers' milliband moaning at each other, I really don't know what to do about this paternity suit thing. I say do about it, nothing, I can do about it, but, you know, you can't fake it. I don't know what is going on, and it's annoying me now, especially as it keeps going quiet. What's happening? When is he having the test? Or is he too busy poisoning mushroom stroganoff to do the test, but you know what I mean? Because if he can't fake it, then either do it or don't do it, and get the results. Let's go, let's move it on, you know. Well, my thoughts and feelings about this bloody paternity storyline are well documented, so I'm not even going to weigh in anymore. But suffice to say, have you ever faked it? What, a paternity test? No, I can safely say I haven't. And somebody accuses you of faking it, generally what they're referring to. Your enjoyment. Of what? In general. Okay. Let's move on. Do you ever watch that show faking it? Where it was absolutely brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. And it just shows as well that thing about fake it till you make it. You just kind of, you know, if you, the first five times you do something, you're just basically copying other people without knowing what you're doing. And then eventually you just find that you, you're doing it anyway, sort of thing. Brilliant show, brilliant show. And talking about shows, Daredevil's on Netflix, I tell you what Lucy, it's ridiculously violent. I tell you what, if you don't like people getting a bit of a punch to the chops, dreams, they will don't watch it then. But it's... I don't actually don't mention it. But... Give me a camera. Give me a camera. I know. I was watching your little exchange with him, but I'm getting all excited about it. But there is something like, it's, I'm not going to say it's the best drama ever, because that would just be nonsense, right? But in terms of a depiction of a world where people are trying to right wrongs and wear marks. And he is the most believable portrayal of that world. And it's not by accident that it's Daredevil, because he is the blind superhero who just has heightened other senses and, you know, he isn't strong like Superman, he can't fly. And he very much inhabits the real world. And I am seeing on my, on my computer screen, on my TV, portrayal and authentic, realistic portrayal of a hero, a character, which I've loved for some 30 years. And it's... I don't want to say it. I don't want to say it's emotional and start well enough and tear it up, but I'm pretty much am. You know, it's just, I can only imagine that you literally type that read books. And then when you see a faithful adaptation of that, it's when they got that right. Yeah, it's just, they've got this. And it's what, when they destroyed the Blanding's castle thing, it just makes you feel aggrieved, hurt, disappointed, furious, everything else, yes. This is just, I'll tell you, this is absolutely great. So, I understand if sensitive souls would say it's just a little bit violent. If anything, they could have probably rained down a little bit on the punching, the punchy bits, because the whole Marvel Cinematic Universe has been mercilessly free of punchy punchy stuff, you know, with Thor and Iron Man and Captain America, but those are for family audiences. This is Netflix, so it's much more adult. Oh, well Jeremy Clarkson will fit right in then, won't he? I tell you what, you know, I will, if Matt Murdock, who is a dead devil's alter ego, came up against Jeremy Clarkson in a dark alley, I wouldn't mind if he gave him a couple of punchy punches. I'll tell you, I'll tell you, let yourself go, Daredevil, but, but to be fair, why be fair with Jeremy Clarkson anyway? Where do you stand on the whole Clarkson thing, you see? Like a lot of these people, I think, as an entertainer, he is very funny, if we didn't know about his personal unpleasantness, you could separate the two. But the fact is, we now live in a sort of show business world where you know everything about everybody, but you can't, you know, you just don't go around punching people, you don't, you know, especially when it's not their fault. Well, even if it is their fault, you just don't go around doing it. The thing that I find really sad, really, about the people that are leaping to his defence and being very ridiculous about him coming back and everything, they honestly think, oh, you know, oh, it'd be great to go to the pub with, you know, we'd get on really well. He feels like one of my mates. He would rather crawl over broken glass than spend any time with any of his fans. He hangs around with Cameron, Rebecca Brooks, you know, AA Gill, public school, educated members of the, of the middle classes and the establishment. He doesn't have an anarchic, he is a crashing snob and he would rather, he loads his audience. And you know, he takes every opportunity to humiliate him then, and they are the ones that are countering to his defence. And I just think that says an awful lot about the English character. Sadly, that's what I think you probably weren't expecting that but there we go. I think you've, it's a very erudite kind of portrayal of him. My thing is that he comes from this class of, in effect, you can say the establishment, I did say the establishment, the class of people who have a sense of entitlement. Yeah. It's a sense of entitlement that, of which Boris Johnson is, and David Cameron, I don't have, yeah, I don't agree with their politics or whatever, but I'm, you know, in any kind of democracy, you need countervailing opinions and, and the amazing thing is about, let's say, Boris Johnson and also Boris Johnson, then actually Clarkson, is that they have this sense of, in an eight sense of entitlement, but the pair of them are able to hide it and actually, in effect, affect a connection with the common map. So, so even though- As long as it's through the medium of a TV screen, not in actual real life. But, you know, that is a great skill. That is actually a great skill and one, one to beholden. And that's my, my biggest problem is that there is a certain strata of people who have this in-built, in-grain sense of entitlement that they should be running the country, that they do know what is best for the country and actually these people don't have a wider sense of the diversity and some of the, and the struggles that the vast majority of people in our country actually do experience. However, you know, the fact that those two men in particular can appear to be populist, and I say, Boris Johnson is even a harder act, actually, to, to pull up, considering he sounds like a toff, looks like a toff, at least clocks and doesn't sound like a typical toff. You know, clocks are still has that some kind of Yorkshire vowels going on and whatever. And, you know, but Boris Johnson, absolute genius. Here is somebody who can have apparently be populist, who's an absolute member of the elite, you know, and that is a neat trick to pull off, a neat trick to pull off. And everybody who I know has ever been in a room with him just says you walk out thinking like he's your best friend, you know, he has an absolute personal charisma, and you do believe that he's listened to what you've said. So people trot in there and they've got their cause that they need the mayor of London to try and back and whatever, and they come out thinking he's going to back me. Of course, they're never here for me ever again, whatever. But, you know, again, a neat trick that any politician in this age where everything is about how you feel, it's not actually about policy anymore. It's about how you feel and making people feel a sense of connection with you. These are skills to beholden. So do I like Jeremy Clarkson's politics? Absolutely not. Does he go for knee jerk solutions and cheap laughs? Absolutely. Easy. Very clever. Absolutely. Easy. Great broadcast. Absolutely. What do you imagine if he had been just about anybody else and had punched anybody in the workplace? Yeah. It doesn't matter the fact that you're funny. It doesn't matter the fact that you've got 30 years of broadcasting and actually eating string two words together. It's assault. Yeah. He shouldn't have the prime minister of the United Kingdom should not be defending it. No. When we hit people, no one defends us, we just get numbered with assault charges, don't we? When we hit people on behalf of Dumpty Dum. Who have you hit on behalf of Dumpty Dum, you see? You go first. I haven't hit anybody. No. No. I just hit our listeners with you love, there you go. Anyway, have we done all of our four other interviews? We have to call our eneras, email our eneras on all types of arenas. And just, just again, just, please watch Daredevil on Netflix. It's very good. It's very, very, very good. So why don't we now take five, have an ad break, then come back with your ad break. And you can see the hashtag #TheArchesTweetsOfTheWake. Mr. Pop. That's the only thing we have to pay. Four score and seven years ago when in the course of human events. And so my fellow Americans ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. There is not a Black America, any white America, any Latino America, any Asian America, or the United States of America. Listen to the first show exclusively on Mix Cloud Today and subscribe to us on iTunes beginning January the 18th. From Washington to Obama, 10 American Presidents. The new podcast from Royfield Brown. Good day, everyone. It's Millie Bowell here with a roundup of Facebook for the week. We asked to follow along from the podcast who votes for Wachie Manbridge, and not many people got involved, but those that did had some very strong opinions. Becky Black suggested that Brian probably flirted with being a kipper for a bit, but on the day we'll stick with the tourists, to which we said, "What's sure Brian would ever think of verting UKIP as he employs Eastern Europeans as critical as good cheap labor to which he replied. Ah, but you see, UKIP also want to sweep away nonsense like employment rights and protection and minimum wage and stuff, so he could employ British people on crap wages instead of immigrants." Diane's health had said, "Sussan will vote for the man in the best suit." Bert and Joe are old school deferential, so will vote Tory, as will most of the village. Fallon might vote labor if she bothers, and Helen wants to vote both who she's told to by Rob. I was also inspired by making an absolutely outrageously heart attack cake that I've made for my kids, and said, "What are you guys doing for Easter? What are you making? Is anybody following Joe's example and making hot cross buttons?" And there were some lovely answers, and I have to read you my favorite Facebook post of the week. "Placed eats at hot cross buttons and similar cake, both done in anticipation of Easter. One service sung on three more to go, which isn't very obvious, I'm a harried chorister, is it?" Angela Nagel is having buns and events starting off at Easter. "Mark evidence, evidence said, 'I'm sure I'll be enjoying some perfectly wronged hot bumps over the weekend, and I'm not sure if he was sticking the topic there.' Peter Mavitt also said Easter isn't Easter without getting one's lips around Jill's bones. But, my favorite post of the week in response to the question was from Kirsty Johnston, who said, "I'm going to be eating my own body weight in cream-egg brownies, it's what Jesus would have wanted, I love that. So thank you everybody, and I'll talk to you all again next week, scowl." Did you notice the way I said 'the week' like a proper broadcaster? Like Jeremy Clarkson, in fact, 'the week'. Exactly! Yeah! Go for it then Lucy. Oh, okay. There's a lot of these, sorry, because we have two weeks. Cole Rayner said, 'This is after the santest.' So can we queue this up again and say, 'Lucy, why don't you give us your hashtag #TheArchers tweets of the by week for our North American cousins?' Okay. Uh, Cole Rayner, 'Who's that woman in the frumpy dress in that photo?' Oh, it's you, Shula! Um, then there was a very abusing day when everyone got very carried away with Archers rhyming slang. 'Exeter to Door Mouse' had Peggy Woolley, Selfish Woolley. That's very good. Uh, Jeremy Peake, Richard Lock, massive smile. Um, this is, sorry about this, isn't it? Massive dog. That's what he meant. Mark. Richard Lock, massive dog. Uh, I have to do my appalling, uh, Jordi accent again now, so I apologise to everybody who's North of the Watford Gap. Uh, cello sous. 'I hear the prouder horn for old Ganchies, he's very nice, heather pet. All Ganchies.' I like that. Uh, Felix keeps on, said, she was only half listening and she said, 'I thought Tony said he was gonna look up some balls. I thought the episode was perking up a bit. Um, Herbie Potts, said, 'Thank God that's, this is the ferrets. Thank God that story line is over, but don't let Roy take the ferret home. Remember what Richard Gere did to that hamster?' Allegedly. Herbie. Um, Miss Person, said, 'Old Daphne was better.' And, 'Tweet of the Week' is, if we had any ham, who said, 'I can't believe, Jill...' Oh, oh, sorry. 'Tweet of the, the bi-week.' Sorry, 'Tweet of the bi-week.' If we had any ham, said, 'I can't believe, Jill didn't bake heather a cake, iced with, 'Ha ha, I won the farm and the family, you fuck off safely now.' That might, might, might, will be 'Tweet of the month.' Or even the bi-month. Oh, come on, that was quite funny. It's the shop news, Roy Field, is it? Uh, I'll tell you what, we do have some shop news, Lucy. Yay! I was worried, people. Would you, would you like to hear some shop news? Go on, then. Tell you what, these fuller loves, they're all over our business at the moment, cos guess what? Have they bought a thing? A fuller love, is only gone and bought a organic men's fitted t-shirt. Doc? Yes! Do you just copy and paste this straight out the spreadsheet? Yes. So, um, I think what we need is a picture of this organic men's fitted t-shirt, Doc. Yes, send us pictures of organic men. In their t-shirts, which are dark, please. And that'd be great, because then it would just prove how handsome fit virile our listeners are when they wear our merch. And you can join them by heading over to Dermpyderm.com/shop to get your own. Organic men's fitted t-shirt, or mug, or tumbler, or iron in board cover, or, oh, we haven't done the yoga mats, but we're going to do the yoga mats. I know, board cover. Okay, I made that beard up. Ah! That's going to say, I thought that was new. Yeah, no, we don't have them in our shop yet, but I promise this week I will get round to you're getting on my chakras, for the yoga mats, because I think those will go down like hot, lentil, bakes, you know, they'll go down very, very well. Well, they'll have to rush off on shoot business again. Mm-hmm. Now, we would like to thank everyone who has donated to the Royal Borture Centre Bank of Dermpyderm. And remember you can donate by clicking on the donate button on Dermpyderm.com. And this week, we'd like to thank Mrs. Sheila Snowden. For depositing her hard earned cash into her coffers. Now, she does this every week and we love you for every week or every month. Oh, crumbs. Yeah, every month. Every month. Every month. She donates every month. And you're most awesome and you're most fantastic. Thank you! And it's meant that we could renew our domain name. Hooray! So we put your money... Otherwise, we'd have to be dumpty bum. So that's good. What? What? Why would we have to be in- Because we'd have to, we'd have to, we'd lose our domain name and we'd have to go and get another one. Oh, that's true. So maybe somebody would have cyber-squatted on dumpty-dum.com because of all the high traffic levels we'd get into it. Yes. Mm-hmm. Cyber-squatted. Yeah. That's what happens. Mm-hmm. Yeah. When you have a domain name and then you, and it has any kind of traffic to it worth talking about, then you forget to renew, then you come to renew it a month late. This has happened to me on a couple of occasions and then it's gone. So I had this domain name, Newsjacker, and now some random company are using my bloody name which are, but it's my own fault for not renewing it in time. So thank you, Miss Sheila Snowden, for giving us the cash so it could renew our domain name. So it didn't end up in a Newsjacker domain name, cyber-squatting type situation because they didn't have to call the podcast something else. Yes. Dumpty-bum. Now, this is part of the show that everybody, you know what? You can really, like, gaze at the temperature of my mood by how I attack the next segment. You just, is this bit all of you now, can I eat the cost of abuse? What are you not concentrating? Sorry, I am now, yep. Right, and normally you sing along as well. Sorry, I was thinking about the hot cross bum. Now, what do reviews mean, folks? They mean that I have nothing to moan about this week because this week we have, listen, the reviews river has burst its banks, folks. Oh, yes. We've been flooded, we've been deluged with reviews, well, okay, it's a slight exaggeration, but we have reviews. I've got something to talk about. So get your dingies ready, we have reviews from John from Dorset. Another dumpty-dum fan. One ex widow. One bad lamb. And from the economy that got away, wet and angus, they're wondering who that is. You can also go to patreon.com, search for dumpty-dum, and you can donate two dollars a show which is about £1.30 if you would like to encourage us to broadcast every week for donating each and every time we podcast. Now, remember you could also, also also also send us a voice message via the site, which is dumpty-dum.com. Or you can call us at 0203-0313-105 from a phone type, apparatus type thing. Tell you it's really sweet, Lucy. Tell you what times we live in or sold farts, right? So my little boy in Canada, little Quincy, all right, whenever I call him, I call him on my phone. He goes through to his mother's phone, he's only four. And we Skype and I go, "Hello, Quincy," and I go, "Hello, Daddy," and we have a little bit of a chat. Now, I cannot remember why, but I had to call his mother on the phone and I said, "Can I speak to Quincy?" And she said, "Yeah, of course." And he went, "Daddy, why can't I see you?" I says, "Because I'm on the phone." He went, "I know you're on the phone. Why can't I see you?" But if you have an old fashioned phone type thing, you can call us on that number, which I'll give you again, if you say, "03-03-13-130, but now," you can also ping us an email, not a text message, an email via dumda-dum.com. And you can join John Carp or Cosmo or the other people that use that facility on a weekly, bi-weekly basis. Now, you can tweet me @royfield if you're on the twitches. Me @loseyv.com. What? You're tangled up in your syntax. No, wasn't. Shut up. Ooh, you know, it's people like me. It's people like... Who does purple then? You did. Why is that? Now, it's people like me that actually push on the English language. You know, I experiment with syntax. I invent new words. You know what? People like you would have really slagged off Shakespeare when he was doing his plays. He says, "Oh, to be or not to be, things like that makes no sense." You know, it's like, "Shush, Lucy, I'm the reason why the English language is great, so stop it." There you go. Silence. OK, don't stop it. Please talk to me. So, please, please, please keep those reviews coming because you want to be top of the podcast charts before Heather Pette decides she needs a new set of teeth that fit. Actually, you know, my son, William, he has sort of a form of dyslexia. It's not dyslexia, but it's sort of a bit like that. OK, go. And he does what you do. He makes up, if he can't get to the word that he wants, he'll make up a word that sounds like it. He'll sort of get close enough to it and bolt other words together to make the word that he wants. And when he was little, he was trying to describe what a blue bottle was, a fly. You know, the big old buzzy ones, horrible things. And he called it this way that way, fly, because he was trying to explain how it, that was the way he could describe, because he thinks in pictures and he forgot the word for wardrobe the other day and he was shouting to me that he couldn't find his shoes and then he did find them. And I said, Oh, brilliant. Where did you find? Where were they in the end? And he said, they were in that thing what I opened the door of and where all my clothes are there. And it's sort of like it's he comes up to the word. The word goes. So he just puts lots of ideas together to make the picture that will enable you to see what he's talking about. But it's very interesting, actually. And I can sort of see a lot of crossover with you, how you use language as well. Badly, sloppily or creatively. Which one of those adjectives? Creatively. There you go. But there is, there comes a moment when your mouth is running away with itself, your brain hasn't quite caught up and out of that rush of conural activity comes new words. Yeah. And it's a beautiful thing to behold. Yeah. He was, he got very excited when he saw the Millennium Bridge because he likes engineering things and he went rushing back to his sister and said, look, look, look, there's the min, what was it, the Millennium, the Millennium, the Millennium, the Millennium Flids, he said. And it was, it was kind of just everything. Okay. Rushing out at once. And then he collapses laughing because he knew that was wrong, but he couldn't get out what the proper word was. So now in the family, it's known as the Millennium Flids or whatever it was. My mum and dad always used to say that as a little kid, I used to call a baby shun, baby shampool. Yeah. I don't, I don't, I don't for every, I always do giggle and say, oh, baby shampool, shut up. You know, 15 jokes old and God, he was so cute. Right. Oh, you know, you know, when the sunlight shines through the window and you can see all those bits of dust swirling around, yes, he calls them light, he calls them light birds. Well, that's beautiful. Because he doesn't, he didn't know what they were called and yeah, but he doesn't say what are they called? He just tries to make a picture out of them with the words. Well, that's, he's got a career ahead of him, you know, a poet or lunatic, one or the other. I'll stop it, but there's, yeah, go on. There's never a dull moment with him because you don't know, he makes you look at the world in a different, slightly off, off, off, kilter way because of the way he describes things. So you have to imagine, you have to just let, rather than trying to force him into saying the right word, which quite often he won't even recognise it as the right word, you sort of have to see the picture that he's seeing and then you, then you see what he means. Well, maybe your William will add as much more contribution to the English languages. The other William, William Shakespeare, because I'm reading Bill Bryson's mother tongue. Oh yeah, yeah, it's a great one. And yeah, yeah, and I forget how many words Shakespeare has said to have invented, whether it's like 500 or 1500, but it's a ridiculous amount of words. And I've obviously, not all of them stuck, but, you know, he was just making up words as he was writing ad nauseam, you know, and, and just so many phrases which have gone into the lexicon, which, you know, absolutely phrases, you know, which are absolutely, you know, he's a gen herself. And then on also, he broke syntax all kind of all the time and, but didn't have the excuse of me of being somewhat of an illiterate and whatever. But anyway, I wish her on. Lucy, we should say goodbye because I don't know what the hell I'm talking about now. And somebody needs to edit together this monster and it's going to be somewhat of a monster to be shared because we've spoken for a long, long, long time and we've got loads of course and we need to say goodbye now. Oh, that's it from me. To remind you that 60% of sales on Amazon come from independent sellers, farmer Bob of Princeton popcorn, howdy, we'll read 60% of this ad fire away Bob. Small business owners like myself are growing their businesses faster on Amazon by getting help with things like shipping shop small business on Amazon, especially Princeton popcorn Amazon every day better. This episode is brought to you by progressive insurance, fiscally responsible financial geniuses monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates potential savings will vary not available in all states or situations.

Dum Tee Dum Episode 53 – Bumper two week episode, with extra bedwetting to boot

Dum Tee Dum Episode 53 – Bumper two week episode, with extra bedwetting to boot!

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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 53 – Bumper two week episode, with extra bedwetting to boot appeared first on DumTeeDum.