DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum Tee Dum Episode 52 – In your face!

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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 52 – In your face! appeared first on DumTeeDum.

Duration:: 1h 27m
Broadcast on:: 01 Apr 2015
Audio Format:: other

Hey I'm Ryan Reynolds, recently I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation, they said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those owners to your contracts, they said, "What the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood f*ck?" So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speed slower above 40 gigabytes per detail. A little self-care can go a long way, especially amidst the hustle and bustle of the holidays. That's where Vegamore comes in. Trusted by millions, Vegamore is all about giving your hair the love and care it deserves. With their vegan and cruelty-free formulas, you can nourish and revitalize your strands while indulging in some much needed pampering. Because let's face it, who couldn't use a bit more me time this time of year, go to vegamore.com/acast. That's V-E-G-A-M-O-U-R dot com slash a cast, code a cast. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. Alright, you're on off. This episode of Dumb D'Dar is sponsored by Licki You Like on the fellowship road. The chap's called hammered and he's so lovely. It doesn't matter if you come in twice a day. Don't tell anyone. Thank you very much. That's irrelevant because this is Dumb D'Dar is a reality doctor drama that is centered on Ambridge in the heart of Midlands on the DNA test that is Royfield Brown and with me, I have the saliva swab that is Lucy Freeman. And the most important part of our paternal celebrations, folks, is you. Now, today's rendition of Barricruin is brought to you by my brother Paul Roome, who won the clock back 30 years to give us an 80s tastic intro. Now, lose can you remind our listeners? We know we say this every week, right, but don't do it today. But for the new buggers, the new buggers that are downloading the show for the first time, so if you've been listening to us before, you know what, screw you, right? Because you don't react to what we say anyway, be for a new bugger. It's just what they call listener engagement, yes. Shouting, screw you at your listener. Listen, it's the only way these people understand what I'm saying, abuse, abuse, right? Now, right, new listeners who aren't yet buggers, right, do only a bugger if you stop doing what we ask you to do, right? So new listeners, right, Lucy, listen to this, because Lucy's going to tell you how you can bring the accolade of Dumb D'Darmer on the week. Yes, if you would like to sing us a Dumpty Dum, or give us your estimate as to how many times Peggy Woolley has changed her will, and we will accept answers rounded up to the nearest 50. Give us a ring on 0203013105, or get in touch via Speakpipe. Thank you to Harriet at Shambridge for the voices, and to Derek for the loan of the back bedroom, Derek has been canvassing for You Kip this week with Nathan Booth, it's not going well. Alan told him that Jesus welcomed all, Kate called him a fascist, and Sabrina Thwaik told him to get his hand off and rocker. Do you think there's going to be any election going on? No, no, no, they never do. No, they don't, do they? No. Who do you think Kenton votes for? Once Graven Lumi party? Lib Dems. Joe Grindy. Labor. Really? I, you know, I seem as a working-class Tory Joe Grindy. Like Clary is? No, that's Susan. Yeah, no, I think Clary is as well. Really? Yeah. I don't think Joe Grindy votes Labor. Because he, he's very, he does like everybody to have their title, the proper, you know, you know, it's so easy, but like they're Mr David Archer, you know, he's how about, all right, one last one on this. This is as political as we're going to get with this forthcoming election. Who do you think, oh, okay, it's all just obviously Green Party, that's obvious. Or the Yo-Gix Flyers or something. No, those lunatics. Oh, yes. I actually went to the young socialist spring fair on Saturday. Did you? Yeah. It was, it was at the end of the road here. It was, it was a bit of a hodgepodge of humanity. It really was, it was 20 pence to get in. It was at the school at the end of the road, it was 20 p to get in. And if there were 100 people, and that's if they had the Sadie Spouncy castle, lots of jumble, and but really good chorego and rice. So that was good. And had some Indian sweets. And lots of beaten up books. Lots of books on Lenin, funnily enough. And actually the reason why I'm mentioning this is because the prospective member for Wolfenstow for the socialist party was there. His name, I forget, he gets on touch in my arm and said, do you agree with what the government's doing? And I basically said, no. I don't agree with what anyone's doing. That's literally what he said. I said, I'm against most things. He said, what in particular, I said, I've just against most things. Most of the time, really. Name me something and I'm the chances are, I'm against it. Yes, exactly. I listened to Radio 4, you know. I hate everybody and I'm against everything. Anyway, who he was. Find out who he was and tell me. No, no, no. I will do. I will do. And the very, very, very last thing was, have you ever run a raffle in your whole life? Yes, it's a nightmare. Winning a raffle is a nightmare. Not running it, winning. Oh, sorry. I thought you said running it. No, yes, I have won the raffle. Yes. What did you win? I can't remember, but I'm having a very Joyce Grenfell morning. So all I can think about is Joyce Grenfell winning the rabbit in the sketch. No. I'm talking now, but anyway. What have I won? I've won some really, really, really nasty body cream. Really horrid. What was horrid about it? It smelled like imac. Oh. Yeah, oh, it was foul. And it's kind of pale blue. And it didn't, I don't know. Oh, it was just horrid. Sounds like I won't. Well, it, yeah. No, pale blue, not dark. I wasn't like, you know, what's his name? Mel Gibson. Did he start, did he start strip off to the way to have your bosom's hair like booty currant dough charging off when you, when you put it on your body? No, I didn't. Anyways, um, you know what? I can't concentrate now because I'm just thinking if you all bare chested bosoms, stop it. What did you win in the raffle? Did you win in your session? No, no, no. I thought I thought I won something in the raffle, but it was an old, an old gentleman called Roy, because he made a real point of saying, so you used to pay 20 pence to get in with your programme. And he says, you've got a writing name, got a writing name, because of the raffle, because of the raffle. And he says, you've got a writing name, got a writing name. So I wrote my name, and then, um, bought the wine, second thing, and Roy, he wouldn't have bought the wine and I thought, well, I thought Roy feel that I, I stood up, and then some old guy got up, the real Roy, and I was like, oh, God's sake, you know, but anyway, I needed his picture taken and everything. It was all really, really quite cool. He had his picture taken for winning a bubble of wine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. To go in a socialist worker or something, or another eye to eye, I don't know, but they won't be getting my vote, the socialist party. No point really is there. Not really. You know, all this bloody revolution and stuff, and then, then, then, voting for no point. However, I did enjoy the cupcake, and that's the reason why there's people that never really get a prosper, because they're there to fundraise, and it was 20 pence for a cupcake, and I picked up a cupcake. I was about to handle one's 20 pence, and don't worry about it, brother. You know, that's the reason why the system is never going to work. You've got it right there, that's the whole thing encapsulated. Exactly. Don't worry about it, brother. Yeah. Yeah, that was the economic manifesto writ larger, but you know what, you should have taken my money. You're not adding my vote on that. Especially, it's only 20 p. We charge a quid at the school fate. Really? Yes, but we add cupcakes, have crack cocaine and pee, so I'm very expensive. It's the only way we can all get through the white elephant school. Lucy? Yes. What is our podcast about? I've forgotten. Cupcakes, young socialists, raffles, don't know. How about psychiatrists from New York? Yeah. Oh, hey, do you know what? What? You thought you, I've linked in with with a spoon I have. Me too. And he's very handsome. I don't know how handsome handsome husband is, but if handsome husband managed to ensnare handsome with a spoon, handsome husband must be like pulled up or something. What a dreadful actor with great abs. Smothered in baby oil and unconvincing muscle definition. Yeah. Oh, I did like some gogglebox and gogglebox is the only reason why I even know what the help hold dark is, but it is proper cheesy. That is one dreadful drama, you know. But even I'm forced to admit, he is a bit handsome. He does smolder, doesn't he? I have never seen him move. I've only seen him in pictures. But in pictures, he's certainly worth a second look. Yes. But you don't like your generally, you don't like your your men handsome, do you? You like ugly ones? Yeah. Is that what you're trying to say? That's nice. Pastee and slightly in bread looking. Well, it's no offense to your mouth. Anyway, listen, because you're one of the things that people go on about this podcast, they say there's too much rambling. Yes. So we need to get back on track. I'm going to whip us both into shape in this episode, because to this week, you have calls from Whitherspoon. We have calls from Whitherspoon who admires me for getting it off the ground. God is Diva, who has resigned from The Wonder Women and now is in Lucy's pussy posse. Good riddance dear, God is Diva, who gives us her subtle reaction to tichy nub taking the DNA test. Jojo's sexy heels, well, Jojo's sexy heels, who's concerned about swabs and sperm samples, Cosmo. Is he back or is he off somewhere? He's back temporarily, he's going to Canada in five weeks. Great. Now, Cosmo gives us the accountant's view. Feifee, eventually, we haven't heard from her for a very long time. Hello, Feifee, who has an ode to Frieda Fry and Vicki Cole, who's been laughing at Brian. But Lucy, yes. First, before all that, why don't you give us your last week in ambrage? So, the water has gone down, but his ambrage on its knees is it hell? It has strapped on its little inflatable water wings and is cracking on in its own distinctively lunatic fashion. Eddy is wading around in the sludge suggesting that post-flood is the ideal time to fit a moat or duck or boat house to anyone that still has any money left. Pat is cleaning up the pack house to turn it into the shop and is force-feeding the sogier residents of ambrage with whole-meal quinoa and bits of leftover charred from the veg boxes. As a result, all over the village, residents are hurling themselves in the am, in an effort to drown themselves for the second time, rather than have to eat more of that soup. Frieda, as befits a woman who spent a lifetime hovering over the deep fat fryer, decided to be cremated rather than risking the green burial ground. She is having a rose put in the bull garden as her memorial and her ashes will be sprinkled on the lasagna. "Don't worry, that isn't Frieda on the platform," said Bert comfortably. "Actually, it wasn't. It was a bundle of old sacking. Frieda's on the compost heap at the bungalow. It must be awfully quiet. Now your family have gone," said Carol to Bogon as three silent characters pulled away in their car. Harassment gave Fallon some money for her ambrage tea bagging service, I think. I wasn't entirely sure what he was paying her for, but I didn't want to dwell, as I am now starting to think of Harassment as Fallon's carer, as she seems to be completely barking. "Wait a minute. How much did he give it? Wasn't much, was it?" A couple of hundred quid. "But what for? That's the point. What are you doing? Because there's all manner of funny, squelchy clicking noises." "Is it?" "Oh sorry, it's probably because I'm leaning on the desk, but I'm not going to now. I've taken my elbows off the desk." "Good boy." Fallon has been turned down like a bedspread by the bank, but remains irritatingly cheerful despite having her investment also yanked away from her by Kenton. She has diverted her disappointment by going completely mental and inventing a hen that has to keep its head up. The heads up hen is the single worst idea for an event in Ambridge ever, and I am including turkey and trail fortune telling in that. Jolene and Kenton are colluding with her in the madness and have managed to convince themselves that the heads up hen is an idea of unparalleled genius. Honestly, sometimes I wonder how most of Ambridge has not been sectioned yet. As well as the delights of the sewage strewn flood bar, the pub contingent is creating a pop-up bull on the green. For one horrible minute, I thought they were resurrecting Oscar, who would pop up behind the bus stop near the pond and run amok. "Sorry Lucy." "Who's Oscar?" "It's not Oscar, is it? What's the name of the bull?" "Otto." "Otto, sorry." "You might want to do that last bit again because you're going to throw people." "Do you know what? There's a really rude joke in the end of this." "Okay." "So brace yourself, you might have to chop it out." For one horrible minute, I thought they were resurrecting Otto, who would pop up behind the bus stop near the pond and run amok. Kenton put on his water wings and doggy paddled over to Fagash Lille with his damp little handout, looking for investment for the bull and was turned down as Lillian was struggling to manage darling, pulling on hoguchi slippers and opening another bottle. Joe is very much enjoying working his way through every garment in the village. "Granddad always manages to make the best of things," said Ed, as Joe wandered past, bearing one of Peggy Wollie's 90s Fallon's thong in a pair of Schulers jeggings. "The slithine is back," Hazel Wolliboo hiss. She moaned about Jack's headstone as Peggy had replaced the Clinton card verse, Hazel had suggested, with something more fitting. Namely, a limerick that started, there was an old man from Brum who had a big hairy bum. The flood meeting was suitably boring. Susan asked Alan if he was a chair and he said no, he was a vicar. Matty from Radio Borsettshire was at the meeting, considering local radio stations around the country and dropping like flies, Borsettshire seems to be hiring new reporters every week. Jazza got stuck into Susan's custard doughnut. She told him off for doing it in the shop as it would be off-putting for the other customers to write it would. Titchinob's big end went so Helen offered to take him to the garage in an exciting segment of the show. He took this opportunity to share with her the glad tidings that he was going to prove he was slash wasn't the father of Titchinob, Jr. Helen was astonished at this, astonished. How could someone who was the legal husband of a woman who had a baby within wedlock beak sit at as the father? She was astonished as she was that cursed she didn't want to be her best friend anymore, astonished. It's a baffling world Helen lives in. Over at home farm Adam is worried about the soil degrading rather than his marriage. Brian protested feebly and said oh come on Adam we've put in beetle banks. Oh that is just ridiculous. Where would beetles possibly put a debit card? Anyway Brian was also having a lovely moan about Kate turning down a job at Booga. Bo presumably standing for brutalism. She is doing yoga to cope with her stress and spends every morning, according to Lillian, with her ankles behind her ears. Well I can see how that posture would interfere with your serving up of burgers unless you needed somewhere handy to keep the paper napkins. The end. You can't say stuff like that. You really can't you really can't pour jembe. Crumbs. Now there was for me there was a bit of a link between me talking about getting a free cupcake from the young socialists and then my lovely fellow not getting alone from the bank. The economic system is just against us trolls isn't it? Well I've been writing a piece last week. I've been writing one thing about Aristotle and one thing about entrepreneurs and something like 25% of entrepreneurs in this country have to re-mortgage their home to raise enough seed capital to start. So we are missing out on all the good entrepreneurial ideas that people have that haven't already got either family money or a home to re-mortgage and if as we're heading into a society where people are not going to be able to afford their own homes we're not going to have new business unless we get substantial you know somebody willing to I mean there's a British business bank and everything in the office seed funding and stuff but I just thought gosh that's astonishing. So I thought poor old Fallon you see she's got a great well. A great idea is probably pushing it. She's had an idea for a fame and it's a bit chit but anyway I'm sure it'll be great and yes and she can't do anything because she's got absolutely no money from anywhere. Well they say another way of looking at it is you've got to get over that hurdle of being able to find the cash and it's only the most determined of people then that can either launch their idea without cash or find a way that strive for it and it shows that you know you can have some kind of staying power and business. So there is a kind of Darwinian kind of element to that in and of itself. You could argue. Yes but if there's no chance if you're on a you know if you live in rented accommodation or you're in social housing or whatever and so are your parents and you know where is there to get that I suppose something like the Princess Trust or something like that. No no there is you know you are right that you know people get in having access to capital is obviously going to help them in terms of forming new business but then there is also a climate the cultural climate which kind of hinders people as well and you know I'm no massive evangelist for all things American by any stretch of imagination you know I find the place fascinating and scary in equal measure but it has to be said that especially if you're in somewhere like the West Coast anyway that there is a much more disposable attitude towards entrepreneurialism and just people just having the guts or the balls whatever the the word is just to strike out and to do something whereas over here it's a bit like oh that will never work whereas over there they'll go good for you good luck you know they're much more kind of emotionally supportive and actually you know probably actually practically supportive whereas over here it's a case of oh that will never work or what you want to do that for blah blah blah and you know somebody is a bit of an old old lefty kind of irks me to say but new business actually is the fundamental driver of the economy there's no ways about it you know we need to turn over new ideas and have those put into business to help drive the economy that doesn't that's not to say that the whole economic system should be skewed towards business and new business but it definitely is an important kind of component of society and I just think that we kind of slightly have it wrong over here of which you put your finger on it that we don't help me what podcast is this I don't know but I was just thinking imagine all this coming from an imaginary t-shop bloody Nora we do not get carried away don't wait oh anyway um right so so we listen to with a spoon yes why not with a spoon hello ambridge 3962 Witherspoon and Angus Haggis here sorry for being missing in action recently much like Will Grundy though I did have a most excellent time texting with fellow fans during the first attempt at the live broadcast I admired Royfield and Lucy's tenacity in trying to get it off the ground Royfield I know I can give you a hard time but you know it's out of great affection your story this week about your inheritance and giving the land in Jamaica back to your aunt was very lovely and I like Lucy was quite touched by it so our endless winter here in the northeast is finally coming to an end and Scottish husband and I are jetting off to sunny Florida tomorrow to visit my mom for a long weekend hopefully the family conversations will be less icy than those between Hazel and Peggy a few random thoughts in review of the last couple of weeks I actually did enjoy the story of the biblical flood and ambridge it was like a good old time Erwin Allen disaster movie the unexpected death of Frida was akin to Stella Stevens falling into the fiery pit in the Poseidon adventure just when you thought she was going to make it both Angus Haggis and I have also been very upset about scruff and still hold out hope for his safe return Angus is looking out the window for him right now we were very moved by Linda's heartbreak and it's good that she's sublimating her sadness with her renewed focus on the campaign to single-handedly save the village from the evil ones I am also glad that David hit the giant doctor who reset button and is back in the good graces of everyone and average except Susan Susan you're definitely not impressing me right now but then again you usually don't speaking of always giving a negative impression I can't wait to see how Rob tries to dig out of the rather large hole he's currently at the bottom of and Lucy I was thinking the same thing about Charlie Thomas that he's the secret son of Justin Elliot but please script writers and apologies to Yoko Bear cease and desist this prolonged flirtation between Charlie and Adam and bring back Ian who was still listed on the archer's website as the love of Adam's life if you're only going to have one LGBT relationship on the archers at least let it be a happy one on that point of note I'll sign off for now hopefully you will be admiring my tan the next time we speak yes frosty family conversations between Hazel and Peggy the reason I called Hazel the slithine is because she's played by an actress called Annette Badland who played the slithine in Doctor Who Badland yeah Annette Badland she's a great actress and she's been around for years and years and years I know who she is now yeah yes yeah and you know what what I absolutely pictured Hazel Woolley being like her physically yeah I know yeah it's weird she's wasted being on radio playing yeah it's just so out yeah she's a fantastic actress um have you seen Plarches what they've done for her no not yet she's some great lizard creature and can we just say again that it's uh angry synthetics the plarches on the teachers oh it's just so clever yeah so clever yeah uh Angus Haggis with a spoons dog is very sad about scruff um I think that woman in the estate's got him you know the one that ended up with the toy farm when when Jill and David completely lost it and went rampaging around demanding to go through the contents of her attic or whatever it was uh that she bought at the um bring and buy um I think she's probably got the job as well yeah she'll get really fed up because I'm just able to say I was called into my dusty oh okay because she says that's what that's how you make the money yes so a bit old hat is it yeah that poor woman in the estate is going to get fed up with people from average ringing ringing her doorbell and saying have you got all our things give us our things back give us our dog back give us our toy farmback or we don't know that she's got scruff that's a wild speculation I cannot believe he's dead it just seems too hard for him to be dead um is she voteful what the woman on this date she's got a belabor no really yeah she's all grumpy you keep um and with a spoon with a spoon no that's Daryl Daryl's you keep any yeah now his missus has gone up and left him yep you want to all the polls the polls are bad skill craftsman yeah polls coming over here taking his jobs um with a spoon says that agrees that Charlie may be Justin's son so I wish that story land at hurry up and get to find lies so if it's right I can go ha and lord it over you because I said it fast um and now we have lovely goddess diva didn't with a spoon say anything about me in that call I can't remember did he oh yes he said that it was very sorry darling come on said it was very interesting about you being given the land and he's also looking at you with a different eye that's not what I was referring to oh what then didn't he say something like he thinks I'm cool no oh maybe that was a last with the spoon call all right I've got that bit out or maybe you've just made it up yeah yeah that's what with the spoon wanted to say yes that's what he was thinking that's really hello you too it's goddess diva here I've just remembered I've never actually told you what it is I actually do I don't know if you're interested but hey ho what I do is I'm a secret agent also well famous trapeze artist but you can keep that quiet it's all part of the secret agent thing um maybe actually since this do they I'm still gonna be safe aren't I it's fine I'll just look look out for people with umbrellas um being a bit of a weak illam bridge isn't it really may I just say on behalf of everybody where it comes to rob and the paternity test in your face did you know in your face hello again you too apparently lost half my message I was talking about harassment burns I think and how much I hate him and how much I'd really quite like to punch him because he is just like the kitchen of light which sounds really wrong that sounds really really wrong but his accent gets on my nerves I just want to kick him in the face till my feet break he's just so sickly nice but we know he's a stalker really um yeah there wasn't much more I was going to say I don't think apart from I still love emigram day I think um scruff may be found in a ditch but I still think it's more likely that he's been cutting to pieces in his under George Bundy's bet um because I happen to be with Royfield now on this that it is George Bundy he's a devil not Henry Archer oh and Frieda that was the other thing I was gonna say okay I'm bored now I'm really bored um it was very very sad and I was very upset but can we move on do we have to have like ten episodes on Frieda's bloody funeral on this rose I don't care where this rose is going to be honest and I don't even care if that makes me a bad person I am so so bored of it now the wake thing it was like I was at an actual wake I was bored I felt awkward and I was looking for booze even though it was that early in the morning have a lovely week in still loving the podcast and Team Lucy for the win bye bye god steeva's call is in two bits because it conked out mm-hmm so but make sure you put both of them in and join them up join them up in this fashion yes uh god steeva nice reaction to robin the paternity test I like the roaring with laughter um harassment burn seems to get a lot of people's nerves uh she said to his accent drives her mad you're doing that crunkly thing again are you eating sweeties no I'm not even leaning on the thingy but because we're now recording both doesn't matter to me I'm gonna turn myself down how many times do you have to keep telling me that you told me that every time I forget every single time sorry um well god steeva says she's bored of the freighter storyline move on that it has been a week god steeva and you know that is ample time for a man to grieve for his wife of 50 years a week come on chop chop we've all yes that's sad very cry cry very sad yes she's not impressed with the morning I thought it was quite sweet though and a bit odd Fallon describing Kenton's uh consoling of of uh but in the pub garden but I thought why did we hear that well because why didn't we hear it why were we hearing it second hand through Fallon it just seemed strange but then so much of it is strange I can't really start questioning singling out old bits well I'll tell you the reason why um we didn't hear it because it had to pay the actor another episode fee but uh-huh that's the reason why uh-huh yeah run out of money talking of money Cosmo that's the theme of this show actually if you think about it hello dumpty dum Cosmo here again in about five weeks I should be going on holiday this will be an exciting trip to Canada sorry I missed the golden birthday hunting did I hear my accountancy knowledge being taken in bane last week I think that I'm on the Royfield side here and that I only became an accountant until I found out what I wanted to do when I grew up and I'm still waiting to find out nothing wrong though with a bit of adding up and taking away just not sensible to talk about it the dinner table as you said a couple of weeks ago we were discussing the uh Brookfield inheritance and all the rest of it and you asked if I would kindly paint in some of the finer details I'd like to thank God Kerry Davis who wrote a blog post about this back in October and a quick summary without all the dramatic which accompanied the decision but felt retired Phil and Jill bought deep cottage and would have an income of 18,000 pounds a year now seeing that Jill has moved back into the farmhouse one wonders if that ought to be cut back because at the time it was seen as quite a hit on the profits of Brookfield I believe that Elizabeth and Schuller get to share the proceeds of deep cottage one to dissolve however originally the three siblings were to get nothing of Brookfield this dragged on for some months during which Ruth had cancer they all became pregnant Elizabeth bless her cotton socks was particularly of Strepress and hence David and Ruth would not got parents to the frillies at the time of course Elizabeth was married to an effective millionaire herself Lizzy also was particularly mackey of energy in this period making Phil believe that David lost the plot on the capability of running the farm David also ended up in a sorry pit or something anyway eventually after 12 months or thereabouts Phil finally adopted a suggestion that David had made months earlier and this was a new company was to be formed to own Brookfield David and Ruth would own it but an unspecified number of special shares were given to Schuller Kenton and Elizabeth and we were never told what the split was only if the farm was sold would the other three siblings get their payout and they had no choice about it the recent story implying that they had a choice as to whether or not they took the money or not just wasn't there uh also not mentioned by Karen and it variants the recent events but I don't believe they had choice in the matter they had to take the payout so that Ruth and David were then free to do what they liked for the remaining money anyway that's probably enough of me whittering on tonight I look forward to each edition and I've no doubt that you'll keep going even when I'm away in Canada by for now um yes bloody hell it's complicated isn't it the devealing up of Brookfield I'm glad I am planning on having absolutely nothing to leave to anybody because I will have spent it all on is this where this podcast private aircraft and toy boys what um is this where this podcast becomes an episode of you and yours no money box live oh that's what I meant money box like oh it's just all right so I'm just zoning out over to you lissey wait me up in three minutes thanks it's so nice to have your undivided attention great least if we're in the same remark and kick you under the table occasionally when you knock it off uh no it's just incredibly complicated who's got what and why and when and and everything else but he has reminded me of lissey being a completely revolting money grabbing little bleh I don't even know what to say it was going to be very rude um when she was quite happily married to a sodding land-owning millionaire but god's sake um and she tried to persuade Phil that David was an unfit person an unfit steward of the lounge and all that and uh yes no nauseating woman she is and I keep forgetting that because I got a little bit sympathetic with her over the whole Roy thing I don't know how I ended up feeling sympathetic to her so you thought you weren't you didn't feel sympathetic towards her when her husband fell off the roof ah yes yes yes I mean recently I felt sympathetic to yes hello Dante dumb this is Vicki Cole here first time caller in a row um I'm an optometrist I've been living in Kenya for nearly six years now um the first year we were here I had to rely completely on the email synopsis can you imagine that I can remember being so surprised when I finally heard Vicki I haven't imagined her as brummy as that luckily now though we have iPlayer and podcasts and I don't think I've missed an episode for about five years I'm a bit addicted my husband got me the ringtone of the arches theme music which can cause comment when the phone rings I've been listening to the arches for a while now the first thing I remember was the aftermath of Cameron Fraser abandoning Lizzie um and I also remember David and Ruth discovering they were pregnant with Pic she of the varying accent so I'm guessing that's about 20 years now I love your podcast it's become a highlight of my week I discovered it by accident when Kerry Davis was on and it was publicized on the arches website I'm also very pleased with my Dante dumb purchases my pyjamas and my mug and thank you Roy Fieldfield for your kind comments about my photograph with pyjamas and mug near Kilimanjaro so the latest developments I'm not sure about all the new voices except new Tony who I do like I'm delighted if a little surprised by his speedy recovery like everyone else I can't tell the difference between Charlie and Tom and I'm worried about poor Ian totally intrigued by the rogue paternity story I wonder where that's going and I am loving to hate Kate some of the dialogue between her and Brian recently has made me laugh out loud I thought and I hoped that Roy and Haley would work things out but it doesn't look promising poor Phoebe and poor poor birch that has been very moving and Hazel is back that can only be bad news she is very nasty and I think poor Ed is going to get drawn into all sorts of trouble about disclosing the state of the ditches so there's lots to look forward to I think that's all for now thanks again for the podcast bye for now. Vicki Cole who is an optromatrist from Kimya and also a first time caller in a row first I call her in a row and she's the one who sent us a photo of her up Kilimanjaro and the reason she's the one who started me off on my Joyce Grenfell thing my Joyce Grenfell jag because when she said Kenya and I thought of Joyce Grenfell saying you have to call it Kimya now you know on that sketch anyway she loves I found what could it use the call Kenya then it became independent and they said it's Kenya no but this was recorded in the 50s oh yeah okay when it used to be called something entirely a colonial inappropriate um Vicki is loving the way Brian's character is allowed to flourish when he is under duress yes I like that too when he's stamping around talking about monstrous regiments of women can I admit something really really awful go on you know secret crushes Charles dance white mischief set in Kenya that's a secret crush no Chris Starchy loved her in that yeah no I'm talking about the archers oh for a change um sorry I was stuck in colonial Kenya 13 in her pants when the white elite are all sleeping with each other and then somebody bumps off somebody for shagging their wife great film yeah um uh now you put me off David is my unsecret crush because I tell everybody about it including Tim Benton at great and boring drunken length but uh actually Brian Aldridge is my secret crush I understand that do you it's a man with power money um oh no I'm not bothered about the power and the money it's a sense of humor I like yes he's all he's just sake and funny and dry he's very dry he likes the nights very he just wants to be left alone I think basically I am Brian Aldridge in in womanly form really I think that's why I like him if you're a woman I know he's a bit too sane for you it is come on yes like I love you too but you're slightly all over the place kind of emotionally he's is a bit kind of rock solid in in that way kind of emotionally yes yes he doesn't often yeah I would say you'd make a good couple but yin to yang you know yeah and it's actually more insightful than you realize because he doesn't take Kate's nonsense does he no you know he sees he saw he seen right through actually for years and when he when she came back and spat and all the things it's all this Brian Reynolds here for I guess my hundredth mint commercial no no no no no no no no no no no no no honestly when I started this I thought I'd only have to do like four of these I mean if unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month how are there still people paying two or three times that much I'm sorry I shouldn't be victim blaming here give it a try at midmobile.com/switch whatever you're ready $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month new customers on first three month plan only taxes and fees extra speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of city tales this episode is brought to you by progressive insurance you chose to hit play on this podcast today smart choice make another smart choice with auto quote explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once try it at progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates not available in all states or situations prices vary based on how you buy. My dad works in B2B marketing he came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend my friends still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B but with LinkedIn you'll be able to reach people who do get a hundred dollar credit on your next ad campaign go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit that's linkedin.com/results terms and conditions apply linkedin the place to be to be. It's about Lucas and he very clearly said to Jenny there's two sides to every story we don't you know and we're when Jenny was going oh Lucas's didn't support Kate, next one he said and blah blah blah. He said it before say again he is the best stretched out male character on the whole thing by far. Yeah yes who would you if you were a woman on the archer see would you be? The thing is I don't know who I am. What do you mean you don't know who you are? Oh well we get it all existential yes oh I feel like I need to lie down with a spoon over here tell me who am I. You know what I honestly don't know and I'm going to say because I'm a little bit entrepreneurial so I've got to kind of say phalan but that's not but that's because I'm so not like any of the other characters who have proper grown up careers. Yeah that's the only one. Eddie Grundy sorry no that's not a female character and no I'm no I'm joking that's not you. I was just thinking about you know his endless searching for the thing that's going to make their fortunes. Clarin love um who would you but you're not Lillian because you're not you're you're more well clean living than that. I think that you made a really good point a few podcasts ago when you said that people on the archers actually don't have real jobs. Yeah yeah and so hence I'm kind of stuck with a comparison and it's not that I have a real job but you know that many of us now flit from one thing to another whereas the um bridge almost feels like the it career-wise feels like the UK maybe 40 years ago where you have the publican you have the the vet you have the farm yeah people are very clear this is what I do whereas as you rightly pointed out now people just kind of muddle along do a bit of this in a bit of that obviously there are very many people but you know and they're on their unknown middle managers and it seems like 50% of the jobs that we do in this country is some kind of middle management pay for pushing up and down and roundabouts and blah blah blah at which you you absolutely get when you listen to to our listeners you know how many people are doing something in the health profession in admin kind of sort of blah blah blah you know I've realized who you are but you're going to be offended but I don't want you to be offended Linda Snell what because you're really good at starting things and getting excited about things and galvanizing people and getting everyone else who have got galvanized me you know I always say you're the accelerator on the banks all right okay here we go here we go how many times did I say about 30 about 20 podcasts ago let's have a spontaneous grassroots movement for getting this thing on any kind of broadcast the board medium yeah I think galvanized not one of our listeners no no but that's the kind of thing that takes a long time anyway you yeah but you won't you I'm really good man what I'm really good managing great apples yes actually right yeah I can see you doing that I'm Brian Aldridge in your Linda Snell I don't think I'm I think we should turn this over to our good listeners I don't think they tell us who we are yes that's whiskey they spend quite a lot of time telling us what they think we are everybody the person that said we were they said we're inane didn't they last week was it inane somebody said just insane insane no it was inane in the main brain I don't care I'd rather be in inane and happy oh hello oh hi there don't you don't notice it's Jojo sexy heels here giving you my take on the last week's events really I think that the omens are in place with cowl to bogan and her psychic skills there was poor old but going on about never seeing Frieda again now she's in a better place and how he's not going to be able to talk to her anymore I've just got this feeling that cowls either going to get out the weager board and attempt to get Frieda on board to talk to him or she's going to make one of those special herbal teas that she's becoming famous for and he's going to have a lovely trip be reunited with Frieda whilst he's having one of these cup of herbal teas and I'm also worried about dear old Ed Grundy I mean the poor boy I mean he does his best doesn't he and now he's been given this bit of work to clear out the head to do maintain the hedges for Charlie and I think it's going to make him bankrupt because now that Charlie's got him clearing out the ditches as well anything that he finds he's going to have to keep quiet about if he doesn't he's going to end up being sued in the courts and he's going to end up bankrupt failing that he's going to be spending so much time doing the hedges you can't do anything else that he can get paid for and he'll go bankrupt either way Charlie's got him over a bowl I really don't like it really worried about poor Ed so that's my views on the week that we've just had really loving everybody's views at the moment especially Tim Bentink you are a god loved the interview so happy with that last week all those little insights brilliant okay everybody gotta go talking of inane but happy sorry Mustafa grumble but Mustafa grumble has emailed us um he said please take up the idea of yoga maps with your blocking my chakras emblazoned on them it will solve the yet again what do I get my mother for her birthday dilemma and if you can sort out a gym towel with oh no not the sodding arches again please turn it off printed on it that will sort out my father they celebrate their golden wedding anniversary next year and he's never yet managed to break my mother's arches habit although the adam charlie storyline is getting close and joe bolter has emailed us hello joe to say thank you to lovely millie bell for mentioning the arches anonymous on last week's show and she said that she liked the no background music i know this is going to be a bone of contention you doubtless have violent views on whether or not we should know no no no no here's the thing right i all right Maisha yeah proper teenager lump just getting out of bed now um all right close the door here's the thing i've been surprised about the background music debate kafafo right right because um so i left it off last week not completely but whole swathes of the show were were nude of music yes nude yes me monologue was naked yeah you wibbly bits were there on show right and i didn't say out and then on the twitters there were like two or three people saying don't like it or miss the music so i um so there was a tweet in with somebody and i says i got a sneaky feeling that there is a bit of a an age breakdown with this yeah well i can't remember whether i said it or whether it was john john that first said this uh but we kind of speculated that if you're if you are one side of 50 you're going to be much more tolerant of the music than if you're another side of 50 so you can work out really what i'm saying of which somebody on the twitter says well i'm the other side of 50 and i quite like the music so i was kind of surprised that there were as many supporters for music uh but yes um i don't really carry the way anymore and the thing is is that it does mean that the shows get edited a trifle quicker uh-huh and anything that helps me bang these shows out in a more speedy fashion i'm kind of up for uh so um i think i'm going to do it the same way again this week which will probably set in stone that this is now the format i can't really be first uh as i said before um in terms of marketing of the show and creating something which is about a radio for institution i didn't want it at all to sound like radio for and you can say world wouldn't have an idiot like you on radio for anyway so the fact that you were propping on was well of course it doesn't sound like radio for but i wanted it i wanted this to be a standalone show in every way shape and form and this is going to sound a little bit harsh but if a whole load of radio for listeners instinctively go you know because it's the very cadence of the whole thing is not radio for it's kind of done its job to be honest with you you know and and i don't know isn't it that's what you always say different don't like it well there's there are many reasons why people listen to radio for and one of them is there is no music on it so the very fact people are like music don't like it well of course because you know a lot a lot of people listen to the art it's a radio for diehards and don't don't like music but i think music has its place and it shouldn't be um next to somebody talking because that is um another radio station that's another format so but whatever i'm just all over the debate and whatever let's move on so there you go so there's going to be a little bit of music but not much there you go um joe also says she would like to get into my posse she said she was going to say pussy posse but then she read the sentence and thought better of it quite right joe but you are more than welcome my darling mmm well i think just get get andrew to hodge up a bit and you'll fit in the mouth so you've got three and you're pussy posse now yes i have yeah your pussy posse is almost as big as my wonder woman is it oh they're not my wonder woman kakiva that's so Freudian every time isn't it yeah the the wonder woman so let's see who joins which group next shall we right uh we've got anything at all and we got to do a vicky cole oh no we've done vicky cole we've done vicky cole we need to do our poet uh laureate uh the final word on freda apart from a tweet which is coming up the second from fried final word penultimate word on freda from our poet laureate fifefanchor over to you missfanchor farewell freda fry though we never heard you at all you had the skill to make a pie for those who came to call they came into the plowman's and they all demanded your delicious food you're on a culinary treadmill sometimes boiling never stewed and it seemed to us that you lived your life like a kitchen slave for years never speaking just preparing cooking washing up and we would have liked to have heard you talk or scream or shout you're baking never burned but now your pilot light's gone out do you think burnt would get married again oh god no are you mad but a lot of weird you see women who lose their husbands live longer than men who lose their wives and men who lose their wives seem to well in my experience get they sort of find someone else incredibly quickly because they kind of um are looking suddenly realize they don't know how to use an iron or you know what to mean i've got a cook for myself and they kind of they're looking for housekeeper basically i think but where's he gonna find it is he what's he gonna get on tinder well great it's like there aren't any suitable candidates either you know it's not auntie christine there have a different social class the want of a better expression it's not carol toboger ditto the auntie christine thing so who's you know who's young anyone no let's go to penny hassings go start hanging out in t-shops in penny hassit and you know well you won't need to because the tea bagging service will be opening so you won't it the tea bagging service all right hey listen oh so we don't be calls yeah all right great now shall you went into a little reverie then didn't you thinking about falling tea bagging i wouldn't argue love the tea bagger like that's going going going going going ah are we doing tweets of the week um yeah let's do tweets of the week but why that we first do just a little touch of uh the let's let's go down under okay good day everyone it's middie bell here well i got a really interesting response to my roundup of all the arches fan sites last week uh so i thought i'd just add an extra bit of information i got i went through and checked which of the sites were public and which were closed and also i checked on the numbers and there's an interesting uh an interesting thing that comes out of this so the arches anonymous page is public and that has one thousand four hundred and eighteen members ambridge view is closed and has a hundred and seventy five members uh the ambridge addicts is also closed that has three thousand four hundred and eighty three members upstairs at the ball is also closed and has it has a really lovely welcome it says don't tell me this show sucks don't like it then this is probably not the group for you which i think is direct until point that has six hundred and ninety members and is closed and the arches appreciation group is public now that's been going for quite some time and that has six thousand six hundred and fifty five members another thing that i found interesting is that there are still character fan pages opening up hazel nuts opened up this week and that's for hazel woolly and that's a closed page and now has the it's not quite into double digits uh but i'm sure it will be soon carol trigoron is a closed group and there are 39 members there eddie grondie and i think that page is called realorns these um it's public with 27 members jim loyd is a public group and he there's 144 members in that which is really quite impressive and that's a great bit of fun because they talk in um like pretend Latin sometimes which i really enjoy and sometimes probably real Latin i don't know i'm making it up the tony archer site is public and has 81 members and um so royfield got into a small bit of trouble on the david archer site because he was having a bit of um a joke with uh a tim bentink and said that his uh fan base had shot up to 35 i need to say that in fact there are 178 members there um which royfield did know and that's a closed group and uh tim is pretty active on there i noticed he posted up a song uh that he'd written well not really a song it wasn't really singing but he did post up something that he'd done there so that was rough so the only question that i really asked on dumped it on this week was about what dress code we all thought we would like joe grondie to try next and there was some great some suggestions de leery very very brave suggested nibble tassels if i'm honest i don't want to see joe grondie's nibbles uh steve foxson dernian he wants to see joeing drag with a big wick uh mark evidence hoping for an adamant kind of look um riv Simpson says chav in burberry or maybe gandy complete with little round glasses k newie just thinks joe grondie should get out of her radio katie michelle do hamill said nothing beats a pair of comfy swans and i'm not really sure what they are she posted a picture and i still don't really know what they are diane tellford suggested he could dress up as a hipster which would be very funny he'd have to grow a special little bit of that but my absolute favorite i just loved this mainly because if this were to happen i'd like to see brian's face july pickering said she would like joe grondie to dress up as a gentleman farmer can you imagine brian's face called a hoot anyway i will speak to you all again next week so i hope you all have a good one and uh who wrote from australia hey i love our trips to where's rockin back yay all crumbs it's not called that anymore is it is it no is it called oh god but was something else been renamed and no one's told me well it's been re is dare i say the the traditional native name has been uh re remembered it's been reverted to what it should have been well long uh okay anyway do you want to do two weeks the week then well i don't do them you do them okay i just listen barefoot mower and i don't look at the opportune time um barefoot mower said i preferred tony when he was in a coma um steve rook said why can't allen you thought for the day that i could ignore him in the morning too uh costa lady said i wonder what the actress who played freedom will do now and any reggae to the client there have been auditions but no one has heard any more very good lady hey um peat lambard this is another poetic tribute to freda there was once a woman called freda as locacious as any hoot meter a gossip a chatter a poet a rapper rest in peace and reduce madam speaker hey and this is my tweet uh no it's not very nearly my tweet to the week this was a tiebreaker this is becky black le uh becky black books said uh had rob talking to adam adam i need some of your saliva in my mouth adam said bloody elm i've already got two blokes on the ground so we haven't talked about that have we uh jade is facing us but you know we have our resident king of sperm um for listeners who might not have uh been with us long enough to know exactly who and what you're referring to you might need to explain that the how he's can't come up with that monkey up king of sperm is uh philipidavies husband and i refer to him as philipidavies husband because i don't know how to pronounce his twitter name which is dev mass or something um he used to work for the csa and we uh we were asking him if you could fake a uh dna but paternity sample test uh because everyone's first thought was ah ha ha adam is going to get adam to uh he's going to blackmail adam into giving the sample it's a cheek swap uh you have to have your um i can't remember the the ins and outs of it so to speak but you have to uh you give the cheek swap and you have id and the um uh the uh so it is very very difficult to fake basically because uh there is id that goes with it and you've got to earn your pictures taken which is then sent to the other party yes yeah yeah yeah yeah so uh because presumably it has to be rob uh will not have been the first person let us say half of jeremy kyle would have been facing them left right and center otherwise so um he's not the first person to to consider if indeed he is um uh considering facing a paternity test so i'm not sure how uh that would work so i don't quite know what rob is playing at except for the fact that i don't now think the baby is his uh i'm not going to be pronouncing this correctly but air's rock is now all your room ah yes that's how we should refer it okay okay cool uh oh anyway we still have done tweets for the last week yet no i was in a bit of asking you a question oh i'm sorry you were too busy looking at i was googling i was googling yes we'll stop googling that explains a funny repetitive clonking noise um what does me pinching myself to keep myself awake whilst he prattled us do you think that ethernet is titchy knobs baby or not answer i won't try to question over your time start now uh well i thought not at the start because as i said um that first exchange was a bit peculiar and she was doing well you are the child's father because we are married and i made a point at least on two occasions said haha there you go he's not because these script writers are quite smart yeah but but subsequent to that in the last couple weeks she has says do the maths we did the do rob yeah um it's your kidly week i still think i still hope that he's not for another twist and turn with this and i'm not really up the twist and turn generally with the arches i just want um one storyline a year the rest is just flower produce and cake baking um so i don't want drama i i just want uh characters however with this um because we are on a soap ride on a roller coaster we might as well just have the well he must be the father he must be the father i i pray hope that he isn't he's still an evil horrible person and i don't like him and he's got an absolute dreadful temper and it has to be said what i'm absolutely loving is this suppressed rage that rob has generally you know this is just he's just this ball of frustration and rage and the actor who we've now met and plays it is such a blob he has this incredible kind of rich uh voice and then the the nuance is just there when you you know it is about to lose it you can just feel it happening and uh it is actually pretty character and i want him to be in um which for a long time though he will drive Helen into a very early grave he'll either put her there physically or you know he'll just send the barking anyway but um i hope that he isn't just you know i'm not one for as i said i'm not one for soapy drama normally but it's just it'll be just two obviously signed post posted if he is i think what's interesting about this i said this on the podcast that that disappeared i think um but i find this the uh narrative the character arc of rob he is now at the really dangerous stage i think because he is now at the point where things are starting to unravel and for somebody who is as controlling this rob that is that makes him vulnerable and things that are you know animals or anything when they're cornered that's when they attack and with some a bully and sort of somebody who undermines other people who um you know uh but i grandize itself a grandize is of the expense of other people's confidence in the way that he does particularly Helen um this is the point where he will start to panic because he will start to feel that his grip on on everything this kind of heavy-handed deadening weight that he puts over everything to control it is starting to shift and it is going to make him panic and this is when they start doing dangerous things very very harmful things this is when the abuse goes from being um subtle to being overt and being physical so i don't think we've got long to wait sadly until somebody gets bashed either Helen or Henry possibly i think Henry's probably going to be more for it really Henry yeah but he does show a lot of love and concern for that boy yes but a lot of abusers do to the out of the outside they could they appear but they appear that as long as they're not challenged as soon as they're challenged that's when you see what they're actually uh what they're actually like what they're what they're actual intent is as long as everybody is as long as everybody is going colluding with their little empire with them as the you know the the ruler they can mask it and things appear relatively normal it's when that is challenged by something i listen i i i agree with your kind of analysis of the ways of a lot of users and can appear to people outside of that domestic situation however we've had more than one insight where um rob has been a good capable of caring um father strikes that that was wet um behind close coats yes but that was when everything in rob's world was going exactly as he wanted he'd got shot of jess she didn't seem to be playing up he'd got Helen right where he wanted her he got the cotton he was lined up to get the cottage he'd managed to avoid you know he'd sort of made lip service to marrying her and that she hadn't pushed him for anything further he seemed to have got robin he seemed to have got patreon on side he'd got rid of um tom uh there were everything he'd got rid of kirsty everybody that challenged him he'd got rid of one way or another and he was living in his little fantasy world where he was coming home and Helen was there to smooth his brow and give him his stake and not cook tuna and all the rest of it uh she'd given up her job she'd done exactly what he wanted and he had created this incredibly claustrophobic tight little world where everything was completely under control but now things are slipping peggy's changed her mind which he didn't expect and he really didn't like tom's back and challenging him charlie knows his secrets and the thing that they really hate is anybody finding out any weakness you could hear that in his voice and when he said it's nothing to do with me rob it's your private life you could hear rob desperately trying to kind of uh weedle his way out of it and sort of say oh well she's mad it's not me it's you know just the horror at being caught out doing something that damages his sort of allegedly spotless reputation um you know all this it's starting to slip things are slipping out of his control and this is this is the turn point he's still left that was quite impressive it's free wow sorry i guess we carried away with this i think it's such a good storyline and it's so interesting and so horrifying to see and yeah well written really well written anyway she did tweet in the week now she says lightning things up a little bit lucky help this is the longest ever tweet of the week except yes ever sorry sorry anyway tweet of the week is about from penny shoe cards dear mr titchener thanks for submitting a sample unfortunately we are identified this as bovine semen kindly try again all right cool well well if you don't it's the week we don't call you've idea monologue uh that means we just i had two monologues i went off on the right monologues did did oh you know it's one it's one of the few times in his podcast you've truly impressed me thank you i think i've always been impressed by your comedic chops but you were just like so insightful your analysis was spot on didn't you know i just wasn't a peep out of it after you give old uh i think you went off to go and get a cup of coffee damn you figured it out the bend down the shot got the milk come back and i was still going with the spoon give him a run for his money that that was that was most excellent most excellent a bit than mine um really oh right now if it's if it's the end of the show um we should give you some shop news right now shop news right shop news miss hk Cheshire the proud owner of splash of gin in that darling mugs and asli ronman from illinois you i think i might mention this before but anyway if i did well you've got two mentions uh asli ronman from illinois who shelled out for an organic men's fitted t-shirt now why don't you join the only fit organic men i don't know any organic men most of mine are deeply artificial sorry carry on i think you'll know it's the t-shirt that's organic i don't know you don't want me to start riffing on ai and things like that no good right uh now so why don't you join them uh by heading over to dumpy dump com to uh four slash shop to buy some merch you can get some but remember you've got to tweet or facebook the pics because we like that don't be loosing we like seeing people with their mugs or in their t-shirt in fact i need can you remind me i need to buy a dunty dun baby thing for my friend in america well considering that you said when we set the shop up that all of your christmas uh presence buying was now sorted and you didn't buy new math or you see that people would think i was getting it all for nothing and i thought they'd think you're so bloody english you know the yanks wouldn't matter wouldn't care of jot right and all the family would thank them so that's really good we're supporting you in your endeavor by wearing stuff which has your logo and place and all over it oh wow you're so english anyway um so anyway don't be like lucy just buy stuff that has our name on it whether you need it or not just buy it because i'd be great smashing the super and then tweet the pictures or facebook or instagram we never mentioned instagram we don't have an instagram account but you can just instagram on your own account that'd be great or pinterest use that as well we don't have a pinterest account but if you see them in my space it actually looks quite cool it's actually really slightly designed and all sorts yeah yeah Pinterest my space instagram there must be another social network very badu there you go use that but all but all your picks of you in your kit are there just block it there yeah right now uh now why don't we talk lucy now about how people can just like give us cash yes right now if you'd like to do that because you're all up to your knees or eyebrows or eyes or whatever you're up to in our stuff you know oh i can't have any more stuff that says dumb to dumb what you can do is just like donate some money to us by clicking on the donate button which is on our website on dumb to dumb.com now um who do we need to thank for giving us some moolah in the last week lucy uh july pickering and castering caverna we love you lots the pair of you because you deposited your hard earned cash into our coffers now it's the bit of the show that everyone's been waiting for its news reviews news reviews um absolutely no one has seen fit to review us so thank you very much yeah now seven billion people on planet earth right seven billion that's with a big billion yeah and how many people have as a percentage lucy oh that's seven billion how many people how many do you think actually listen to the arches at least half yes right uh i think you're wildly exaggerated that figure but i'm going to go with that right so that's 3.5 billion people listen to the arches right now every day now out of that 3.5 billion how many people that's why listen again keeps crashing how many people do you think listen as a percentage to don't you don't um three quarters of them so that's probably about 2.75 billion people yeah now you think if there's 2.75 billion people one of the buggers could have been bothered to write a review in the last f in week you'd have thought so really wouldn't well yes quite frankly those sort of figures it's a bad show a poor show i'd say hey it's a they probably think we're a poor show that's why we're not really reviewing us now um this is the thing and i haven't gone on a little Leslie Phillips voice is the absolute char you're all an absolute char for doctor viewing us now i am gone on a rant about this for a little while all right but the reason why this is important it's because eventually we might actually get top of the podcast charts and it does it's not just down on downloads folks the fact that each week more people listen it's about eight to ten percent more it kind of almost matters not a jot to why tunes because it needs the reviews and the listeners for you to get in the podcast charts so if you want to see the end of this section right reviews if you don't it's as simple as that if i just bore you if you are fed up if you are fatigued if you are hurt not whatever the heck you are put an end to it right reviews and i won't say ever again it's as simple as that otherwise this section is going at the front of the show like it used to at the start that would really piss people off so it's in your own hands i wash my hands with punctures pilot style i do think we need to have a serious chat about listener engagement because we've gone from calling them callerinerers to buggers and threatening them again yeah i'm calling them fuckers now so anyway it's in your hands you know there's 2.75 billion of you and that's scientifically worked out you've heard if you find me yeah you know with my great see mass GCSE 20 years ago so there's got to be three or four of you each week that can write reviews yeah there you go even if they just say bum willy poo poo we don't mind we don't care as long as you've just five-star review it say whatever you want talk about something else talk about your real favorite podcast don't care i've talked about m&a it's fine we don't care now there is another way there is another way in which we can get our grasping clause on your money and that if you go to patreon.com which is felt oh you normally do the patreon bit don't you yeah you can also go to patreon.com search for dumpedy dump and you can donate to do dollars a show which is about one pint 30 you might want to sell spell patreon put at her right at oat nah yeah great smashing you can also send there's a voice message for us it's like or you can call Oh two oh three zero three one three one zero five from a phone an ordinary phone type phone actually for some message one of those things people used to talk on before they started texting yeah and playing games on them yeah and video chatting and things on and doing your banking on i find it really helpful to do my banking by my phone it's brilliant but it's good because you can do it before you forget yeah and then when you've kind of forgotten and then you just remembered you don't don't have to then run down to the bank and i will apply but you just do it on your phone yes it's really quite convenient but if you don't have such a clever phone and you just have a like a feature phone uh you can use that now uh right being a text message type we say text message and really it's an email you can send us an email via our website you've gone to www.com click on contact us and this big form thing comes up you can just write your heart's content it's not a text it's an email and you can do that if you like or you can tweet me on the twitters where i'm at Royfield me at Lucy V Freeman or all the both of us at dumpedy dump oh you moved it all around this week haven't you yeah it's got to catch you out yeah you did so please please please keep those reviews coming because we're going to be the top of the podcast but we won't if you buggers do not write reviews so please please please keep those reviews coming because we're on the top of the podcast charts before someone absolutely mindedly rose heads up hen that literally didn't make any sense to me but it's a whole bit peculiar right uh we got anything to say before we go no have you may i just say on behalf of everybody where it comes to robin the paternity test in your vice did you know in your vice this episode is brought to you by progressive insurance you chose to hit play on this podcast today smart choice make another smart choice with auto quote explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once try it at progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates not available in all states or situations prices vary based on how you buy kenny's family health care benefits kicked in the day he started his hourly job at amazon but two kids he was a big fan of that then he took advantage of amazon's on the job skills training program that helped him launch a new career in software development kenny liked that too that led to a bigger paycheck so he was able to get his youngest saane drummo please drum set next up drum lessons learn more at about amazon.com amazon every day better

Dum Tee Dum Episode 52 – In your face!

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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 52 – In your face! appeared first on DumTeeDum.