DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum Tee Dum Episode 49 – Water water everywhere and Roifield swears

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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 49 – Water water everywhere and Roifield swears appeared first on DumTeeDum.

Duration:: 1h 36m
Broadcast on:: 10 Mar 2015
Audio Format:: other

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This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. Alright. Yeah, right. This episode of Dumb D'Dar is sponsored by Licki You Like on the Belgium Road. The chap's called hammered and he's so lovely, doesn't mind if you come in twice a day. Don't tell anyone, thank you very much. Hello. This is Tim Bentink. You might recognise me as David Archer or you might just think I am David Archer. Well, I'm not. I'm Tim. I like you listen to Dumb D'Dar as much as I possibly can and I'm here to tell you that on Monday, March the 16th between the hours of eight and nine and probably going on a bit longer, there will be a live episode. So you've got to tune in or podcast or download or whatever it is you do because I shall be sort of just finished recording an episode of the arches up in Birmingham and I shall be driving home. I'm going to be legally because I've got a hands-free kit on the motorway driving down and ready to answer all your questions whether or not it's about whether I actually saw my father, heard my father or whether my father just inhabited my head or whether I drowned Eddie Grundy quietly on the side. Weather freedom is my fault because of course David manages to knock off most people in Ambridge. It wasn't. All those sorts of questions will be answered by me on the motorway live. But Monday, March the 16th between eight and nine o'clock. Perfect. Brilliant. All right. Brilliant. So much better than Joanna's Trail. [laughter] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] This is Dummy Dummy Show about the reality. Ducky Drama that's centered on Ambridge in the heart of Midlands. I'm the rep. I am the flood rescue service that is Roy I feel Brown and with me I have the drooping bulk that is. Bullcock. Not bollock. Why would I have said bollock? I wouldn't describe myself as a drooping bollock. Americans and their plumbing. Their plumbing isn't as robust as ours. Is it not? No. No. They're talking about bullcocks. You know. The toilet here. You've broken the lavatory in your flat haven't you? Hmm? You've broken the lavatory. Not me. Not me. But there was a bit of a party last Friday and somebody put something in the bathroom. Something in the toilet which the toilet couldn't quite cope with. And the bullcocks struggled shall we say. Right. Okay. That's all I've got to say. What a way to start Dummy Dummy. Moving on. But you know what? There is a link there. Water. Water. Water everywhere. Mmm. Oh and the most important part of our Brookville floods is you folks. Oh. You like what exercise this week? Call Arenaress Galore. Mmm. Today's rendition of Backroom is brought to you by Jimmy Hendrix. [Laughs] Did you even dredge him up from the dead Lucy? [Laughs] This came as an email from Mark Redmond. Mmm. Who said. Dear Row Eye Field and Lucy. I understand your cupboard is bare so I'd like to commend this to you. The exact provenance is unclear. It is thought to be a bootleg recording from Woodstock in 1969. After shredding the star spangled banner Jimmy apparently turned his attention to Barrett Green. It is of course entirely plausible given that as we all know a year later at the Isle of White Festival he gave a shout out to my main man Walter Gabriel and offered to buy a round for all those motherfuckers in the ball. [Laughs] I think he made that last bit up. I don't know who Mark meet Maniz but I quite love him. But Lucy. Yes. I don't know why I've started this episode of Dummy Dummy in such a chipper mood because I'm not happy. I know you didn't enjoy it did you? Mmm. But you know what. But before we go into the fact that I'm not at all happy about all things Ambridge this week Lucy why don't you remind our listeners having the accolade of Dummy Dummy? Dummy of the week. Yes. If you want to ring Roy out or mop up Mike then give us a ring on 0-20-3-0-3-1-3-1-0-5 or get in touch via Speakpipe on the site. Thank you to Harriet at Shambridge who to my surprise suddenly appeared at the window in a Calf kids and punt and handed me the sponsorship messages which was very nice. And to Derek for the load of the back bedroom where I've been holed up, trapped for the last week. Derek's in his wetsuit which he always wears on a Monday anyway. And I have collected all the little sachets of silica that you get inside handbags and have stitched them together to make a form of garment which is keeping me dry. So if you have any more please send them to me C.O. Derek's back bedroom thanking you. Mmm. This week call the winner is. We've got Cosmo he's back. Yeah. Isn't he going straight back? When he's going again. Alright Cosmo he doesn't know what day it is. Dusty senses. Oh the main girl does. Oh I'm not allowed to say it anymore. They're not my main girls because that's sexist. Sorry. She's one of the wonder women. Yes. And they're not my wonder women. There's women who are wonderful. Well one does. And empowered and not at all part of the patriarchal society and no man owns them. And their own women. So Dusty's one of those. So Dusty who's crossed that no one. No one drowned properly. A lot of people wanted Ruth to go didn't they? I know. And she knew, that's the reason why she hightailed it out of amber. She knew the floods were going. She's like oh look at the forecast and she was off. Just skid marks in the yard. Yeah. She is who's full of righteous anger. Love me some Allison. Ben who loves a nice flood. Jojo's sexy heels. We've got more calls than this, haven't we Lucy? No. Really? Mmm. And Jojo's sexy heels. Who cheers the return of Jazza the jizzza jazza. But first before all that Lucy the Freeman. What have you got in your main drain? What a wet week in ambridge. We started the week with people commenting on the rain. Goodness is whether isn't getting any better is it? So to everyone to everyone else. Elizabeth visited Shula. Oh I'm dripping all over your floor said Elizabeth. And then hastily said goodness is whether isn't getting any better is it? Just to make sure Shula and Lucy hadn't weed herself. They had a chat about the forsaken Brookfield money. Oh well we'll muddle on I suppose said Shula self pittingly. Muddle on. Yes you just muddle on with your lovely house and your son with his trust fund and your husband's salary and your horses and your business. Ed Grundy muddles on you don't you silly cow. Ruth. Who to Jill and David had a row on the landing at Brookers in a curious scene in which they all appeared to be eavesdropping on each other from inside the air in cupboard. People kept saying oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to over here in a space that must only be ten foot long. Ruth then left Brookers with Jill running along behind her shouting goodness is whether isn't getting any better is it? A drove off to Prada in a high dungeon which he left in its engine running in the yard. And no sooner had her wheels left the premises than the pit star. What's a high dungeon is that like a new form of like is that like a new muddly BMW or four by four? Yes. Yes. Jennifer had left the boiling water tap running in the Albion and it flooded bloody everything. Nobody mentioned it was warm floodwater and it was only when Josh's chicken started laying boiled eggs that Jenny Darling realised what had happened and pabbled off to go and turn it off. Eddy did something peculiar in the drain under the yard at Brookfield but involved a lot of coughing, retching and spluttering. It sounded like synchronized swimming but it turned out he was ramming one of Hooty Jill's bread puddings up the main drain in an effort to stop the damage. There was more retching and spluttering at the ball but that turned out to be Fallon and Harassment Burns duetting. Fallon could have been shirty with Harassment for expressing concern that large bits of ambush were floating off. "Stop fussing!" she said, "And take a picture of me so I can send it to Mum and Kenton to make them feel guilty. I should think that coming back to find their nearly bankrupted their business an entire family will make them feel guilty enough, Fallon. I'm not sure you pranced it around on a collapsing riverbank will make them feel any worse." The deluge provided opportunities for the local he men to explore their macho status. Tom blew up his sausage water wings and doggy paddled over to Brookers to help Pip, who was having to cope with Bert Fry who sounded even more depressed than normal, having watched Frida go over the weir on an ironing board. You could tell it was a proper crisis because Pip went northern. Anyway, they unplugged the thing that gets the milk out of the cows and stood it somewhere dry and then plugged it in again and got the milk out of the cows and that qualifies Pip for the George Cross or something. I don't know, I wasn't listening, I was too busy wondering why Linda had gone catatonic and where was Scruff? Charlie got his barber trapped in the plugola named Drought. Luckily he is a fidget young man and can go down for hours. Adam got a bit panicky, hauled him out and performed CPR on assorted parts of his anatomy. It was on an orthodox way of resuscitating someone but it brought the roses back to Charlie's cheeks. By the time he came to, he was tucked up in bed wearing his bed jacket. Bob stood like King Canute shouting at the floodwater to go back and getting very stroppy when it ignored him and then seemed very keen to get himself back in the dry, followed by Helen and Henry as an afterthought. Happily he got smacked in the Rolex trying to rescue onto cardboard, it couldn't have happened to a nice fella. It got so chaotic, at one stage I just stopped trying to establish who was where, whether drowning or dead and just sat there smiling, be itifically like an old granny at a toddler's birthday party. While characters surged around me shouting, "Have you seen Emma?" "No, but I've just spoken to Helen who said Supremeless Way to see her as she floating past with Oliver Sterling at Mrs. Willy." "I think I'm a bit surprised to hear, 'Oh look at Keira over there playing with Richard Nixon and Mrs. Antribus.' "Hooty Jill and David had an emotional rep." Yes, well exactly, there were so many characters, most of them were silent, popping up left, right and centre, I couldn't establish what the bloody hours ago. "Hooty Jill and David had an emotional reconciliation with tongues once he discovered that she hadn't died, but had been eating custard creams in gay greyballs while everyone had been splashing around madly trying to find her." Jill suggested that Killa Toboggan should move into Bruckers largely so that she had someone to hide behind when Ruth started chasing around the kitchen table with a screwdriver. "Gay greyballs opened its doors to the great and washed and bitsoggy, including Elizabeth who had a coy exchange with Roy, asking him to turn round whilst he took care of Thor." "Surely that is…" "You watch because they're all wet, wet through." "Well, nobody's drained water, isn't it? So that brings up all the sewage." "But he said what was that smell, didn't he?" "Yes, but he said it on Sunday, didn't he, which we're talking about." "Oh no, I'm not talking about it." "Yes." "How do we know it was Sunday?" "Because I listened to it last night." "No, because nobody knows what day of the week is." "Ah, that's true, yes, it could have been anything, it could have been a week last Friday." "Roy has been up close and personal Elizabeth's tent flap, so a bit of side boob isn't going to bother him." "Roy, with his usual immaculate timing, decided the middle of a natural disaster was the ideal time in which to tell her that Hailey wanted a divorce." "He's the type of man who'd tell you that he thought the chicken he had at lunch might be off in the middle of an earthquake." "But I had a thought about all this upbringing." "What was that thought Lucy, what was it?" "The thought was what they need was to follow the Dutch example and someone needed to put their finger in a dike." "I am very much hoping that might be Helen, as she comes to her senses and gets shot of Titchinob, here's hoping." "Come back, Anthea, your time has come." "Oh, well done Lucy, thank you." "That little link to Holland and Dikes is quite prescient actually." "Is it, oh no, we're not going to start talking to the country borders." "Well, I didn't want to, I didn't want to." "We are out there." "But you've got that lady that goes in for a search." "Not contrary, he's now our unofficial but official unpaid intern Fat Cheka, the dum de dum Fat Cheka." "Not contrary, we're over in Toronto." "She doesn't just take what I say, she googles it afterwards." "And yeah." "Right, now I said it was barre on the saw." "Which was the crazy place on the Dutch and the Belgian border." "Yes, where there's bits of Holland and bits of Belgium." "And there are enclaves within enclaves, it's absolute bonkers madness." "Now, I'm going to Fat check her, because she says it's barre Herzog." "Right, which is true." "But that's a different name in the place." "Exactly." "So, no, no, no, not contrary." "Right, but she did also Fat check me." "I think now she's an employee, you're technically not allowed to go." "No, I'm just giving her a official warning." "You get any more fat wrong on air, not contrary, you'll be sacked." "Right, let's take that as your first official warning." "But then, but she did absolutely, completely correct me on the fact that I said." "This is a gynecological chart about the country." "And no more emails and texts and tweets about penis-shaped islands, please." "Come on, let's move on." "I don't know, it's not that the thing is with a spoon." "I know my audience." "You know, I've got some adolescent hang-up, I know my audience." "My god, have you dumbed, you've done me run with this." "So, there's some island, just off the second island in Fiji." "It's called Massive William." "The proper peritestic times at the end of it." "It's quite the thing, but no more tweets about penis-shaped islands or country splits." "But, not contrary, did correct me." "Now, if anybody has any remaining penis photographs, however, please feel free to send them to TV free." "No, don't, no, no, I don't really want them to." "Andrology, if it's the male, naughty bits, not dinosaurs." "So, well done, not contrary, one out of two." "Well done, continue to fact check, please." "Now, right, I've started this show in a proper perky mood." "Which is in dire contrast, Lucy V. Freeman, to the way that I feel about last week's shenanigans in Ambridge." "I loved it, I thought it was the funniest thing I've ever had." "So, what is funny comedic, funny peculiar?" "Just, just, just, I thought the sound effects were..." "No, right, come on, I've got to be sensible." "No, it's a dumb, dumb podcast, we don't want sensible." "We don't want sensible." "Sensible is the domain of witherspoon, who didn't call in this week." "That's true." "But anyway, he didn't." "No, he didn't." "He didn't, right, mmm, go." "I think we've pushed him into an existential crisis." "We sit with his head and his hands crying." "Anyway, I thought that the script was actually quite reasonable." "I thought that there was a lot of classic radio drama lines." "At one stage I was fully expected someone to say, are you serious?" "And then to answer." "I've never been more serious in my life." "It was starting to sound like something from, you know, 1943." "But I thought that as a sort of a representation of, you know, that did happen to people." "In some a sec, it happened to lots of rural areas last year, admittedly not this year." "But, you know, and it's absolutely devastating." "And you think of fire and everything as being obviously fatal." "But the damage and the disgusting health hazards and the scariness of the power of water is really, really frightening." "And I think they got that across quite well." "But also, actually, if someone else has said this, for the first time actually felt a bit concerned about Pip." "That she'd been left with Bert and she didn't know what to do and, you know, yeah." "Well, she's proven herself to be a very capable young lady." "You think, on her feet, she's sort of everything with the pump and tummy." "That's a great idea, let's crack on." "She's related to Tom, isn't she?" "The second cousin's or something, aren't they?" "Because they seem to get on quite well and I was thinking, oh, hello." "What is it we've done that route, are we?" "What is it with you and half our dummy-dom listeners that, you know, mail and..." "Every time anyone gets on, yeah, I know." "There you go, there you go, in love, incest, family-bonking, you know." "Right, now here's my take on the last week." "Now, I haven't properly formed all of my thoughts because I just, I'm just exasperated." "It's very small, four letter words." "It's what I said, if not last week, the week before." "And probably even like the money for that and the money for that." "I tuned into this for character-driven drama." "And I appreciate, because I had a bit of a..." "Not drama-driven character." "We didn't need this, but it has been a handy plot device to actually wrap up a whole load of storylines." "And I don't mean the very obvious one about route B." "But David and Ruth, Reproshma, sort it." "Happy to see you're still alive." "But that happened on Sunday, but that's Sunday's ago." "Well, what day of the week is it?" "I'm confused, and that's the whole, that's another thing." "I didn't like that bit. I felt like it was like the bit between Christmas and New Year when you keep saying..." "What day is it?" "Because you've lost all sense of time passing." "Because I kept thinking, is it the next morning yet?" "And they're thinking, hang on, they're all still at St. Stephen's." "Well, is it still raining?" "You know, I just did not know where I was." "Well, let's start with the positive." "I thought Tim Benton's performance was brilliant." "I thought it was absolutely brilliant." "I could absolutely see the poor guy rushing around the village." "Panicking, feeling that we had to save the day." "And I thought that David Archer was a hero." "And, you know, when he got all emote because Linda had to go in and whatever." "You know, I felt his pain, you know, and Lizzie saying, you know, tell her, tell her." "You know, that brilliant." "And I absolutely agree, I think the writing in terms of the character driven." "A bit of a bit of writing was great last week." "I have a massive problem with this whole biblical flood, Malachi." "Now, I appreciate, and I've said this before." "You are the new editor on this long run, sorry, Dottadrama." "And you want to put your stamp on it." "You can dress this up somewhat as." "Well, I'm going to put things in peril." "So people realise that the archers belong in Brookfield." "And, you know, how steadfast people actually really are." "And yadda yadda yadda." "But this was the wrong device." "Because it does smack of planes crashing into Emma Dale." "Plays on Brookside." "It happened. This happened to people in rural areas." "It's the biggest threat that faces people in rural areas." "Apart from things like foot and mouth and all that." "The problem is that the pace of this show viewed from a slight distance as massively gone up." "And it cannot be denied now." "That's what we're talking about." "That in the last year we've had big storyline after big storyline." "And I get it, right. We are fundamentally tuning into something to be entertained." "And it can't, you know, we can't have twitches every week." "As funny and as humorous and as heartwarming as that was." "You can't have that week after week." "You can't have old shower, clarion, Susan making a wedding dress every week." "You can't get it, right. But I can't catch my breath." "In a funny way, this is great for us Lucy." "Because we've actually had, every two months, a big storyline." "To get our team into and to discuss." "You know, if we start this podcast, if you could have started a podcast 20 years ago." "We might have struggled with the material." "We do the flaring produce show every week." "So I suppose, you know, I'm biting off the hand that's feeding me." "I just, the whole thing with moving to program." "You know, and the fallout between David and you." "I thought that was going to be something where we could actually save." "It was going to be a slow burn, but bang, she's come back." "You know, a family was put at peril and it's all sorted." "You know, and I know this was yesterday's and I'm jumping around here yesterday's show." "But I don't, as you said, I don't think anyone knows where the hell they are at the moment." "So I think it's fine." "John, can I read you John Cox email?" "Because he agrees completely with you." "He's headed his email, whatever next to Plague of Locusts." "He said, blah, blah, blah. There is absolutely no need for a major disaster." "Chosen at random from a list of biblical disasters." "I never say never, but my many years of patients have been sorely tested this week." "And I feel I have better things to do with one and a quarter hours." "It wasn't my life each week." "It was a bit drastic, John." "He said, in a dry spring where the Somerset levels are normal, whatever next spring week will start sprouting." "And a plague of locusts will descend from a broadcasting house." "Then he adds, I had a couple of days in hospital this week." "I'm fine, thanks for asking." "And did you know the beds no longer have headphones?" "So you can listen to the wireless?" "Cheers, John." "I did not know that John, that is appalling." "Because the one thing that would have made you hurry up and get better in an effort to get away from the radio." "I was probably having headphones to be able to listen to this week to the artists." "But yes, no, so he's a completely in agreement with you." "That it's just a major disaster chosen at random." "And a few people I've seen on the Twitters on the Book of Face were like old, dry February ever." "And so the script rise got caught out there." "They're doing it three months in advance." "But still, in terms of plotting this over the last 12 months, it's like, come on." "But, you know what, last year when the Somerset levels flooded, they were getting flack." "Because people were saying how come it's not raining and how much?" "No, but they did do a little bit of rain, didn't they?" "They did, but no, they didn't because they took in the cows from the couple in Somerset that were affected." "But that's the only way at the time they would come back." "And they can't win in that respect." "And I was actually going to say, you know what, they can't win and they do this thing three months in advance." "But, but, but." "There is a reason why this thing is on radio for them." "There is a reason why this thing has legions of followers all over the globe who are of a certain type." "And I say that advisedly." "You know, I like Marvel superhero movies because it's my childhood." "And I quite like to see a skyscraper collapse." "Okay, and somebody with a cape, you know, rush and hold the thing up." "And people running here in the room did and said, 'Oh, Captain America, you saved me.'" "But that for me is fantasy." "For me, what's attracted me to the archers is the fact that this is pretty much plausible." "And I fell in love with this thing in the mid to early 80s." "Because of the very sensitive and realistic portrayal of Cathy Perks having an affair with that dreadful policeman." "But a flood is beautiful." "Yes, but it's the amount of drama." "That's my point." "I'm not saying that you can't have dramatic points and tension within the village." "I'm not saying there cannot be no drama because as I said you can't have Robert and Jimus twitching every week." "You can't have that, right?" "But we've had people jilted at the altar." "We've had the ill-effect and a massive affair kind of out of nowhere." "Oh, I don't like my wife's hair in my face." "Oh, I'll have an affair next week, then shall I?" "It's just gone on and on." "Nobody but nobody ever believed that the arches were going to leave." "No." "So there was no real peril." "There was no real peril." "No." "This was some..." "I spoke to Tim who did a lovely trail for us at the start of this show about our 50th episode which is next week." "We had a lovely chatete on Saturday and he's very much full of what Mr O'Connor has done and understood the reasoning behind it." "It was to put everything in peril so that people could realise how essential the main arches family are to the show." "But we never thought that we were going to go." "No." "No one fell for it." "Not at all." "So the peril was false and we've been led down a route of this ridiculous storyline." "You were going to move a whole farm of 3,000 head of cattle all the way up to the North East." "But your mother-in-law couldn't move down." "One old bitty in the front of her years couldn't move down." "And you're going to move, excuse the pressure, fucking farm." "He's just nonsense." "Listen, I always try and give everyone the benefit of the doubt and I sit on the fence and look both ways." "I'm like the Roman god Janus, you know, two heads looking both ways." "Yeah." "And I quite like that." "But it has to be said." "I thought again, sound effects man, people, whoever, great." "Right, the actual acting, great." "You know, the actors dealt with the script that was thrown at them and they did it." "You know, for what it's worth, I thought the gentleman that plays Adam Macy's slightly overacted." "But you know what, his love interest, nearly drowned." "So, so I'll give him the benefit of that with that." "But it did a bloody flood. It's a list. It's a that." "I used to love, and I've said this before." "I used to love and adore Brookside in the Antis." "And it was kind of social realism come, ducky drama comes soap." "You know, you had the grants who were lefty leaning union loving family." "And then this son Damon got a little bit smacked out on drugs and whatever." "But it was all believable." "You looked at these characters, whether it was the grants or the core kills before they weren't crazy." "And whatever, and they were all believable." "For the most part, the characters in the arches are believable." "Even the ones that are slightly comedic, they're still believable." "But the things that are thrown at them, people do not a little country village." "Do not deal with such things on a bi-monthly basis." "That's what I'm struggling with." "You know, calm it down please." "Because as I said before, and I didn't fully form this thought." "But there's a reason why this thing is on radio for." "And it's because people, they're a little bit more cerebral." "And actually want to read in between the lines." "When characters say something." "Do that actually really mean that or does it mean something else?" "If this was on TV, yes, paint it with garish colors." "And have a disaster and a disaster and disaster." "Have some kind of cataclysm every other week." "But that's called these tenders." "And I get that there is this tension between keeping the older listeners on board." "And I'll class myself just about as an older listener now." "If you've got three decades on, you're an older listener." "And chasing ratings." "But you've got to be careful, you don't throw the baby out with the bath water." "You're going really, really careful." "If this is a case of I've come in, I'm editing this show." "I need to put my stamp on it." "You put your stamp on it now." "Let's roll back a little." "Let's roll back a little." "So we can all catch our breath." "Let's get people married off that want to go." "If Adam wants to go off and not be with Ian and be with Charlie, great." "You know, we've sowed enough seeds there and he's saved you from drowning." "And he realizes that he loves him and bubba." "Let them just quietly do that." "Let's calm it down." "You want a flower and produce show." "I do." "I need one Lucy." "I need one." "To be honest, for the next three months, all anyone's going to be doing is filling out insurance claims." "Even that, it'll be very quiet." "Even that, right, has robbed us really of the delicious spectacle of Kenton coming back." "Because actually, he's going to get a shed load of cash." "Yeah, he's going to get a shed load of his..." "Yeah, yeah." "You know, we've been..." "So many things." "Muts are on our mother coming back now." "Exactly." "You know, he's spending on that credit card because he's good mate." "You are good." "Right, you know, it goes..." "We've been, so many things were set up." "Which this water escapade has just..." "You know, put an intended pistol over." "And you know, I feel quite strong about it. I've sworn twice now." "Right, and I'm certain Lucy's..." "I've never seen this exercise." "I never seen this exercise." "Right, we don't need it anyway." "Call her in a risk." "That was..." [laughter] "Whew! Do you want to take..." "I need to lie down." "Right, right." [laughter] "Who we got, lace?" "Ugh." [bell rings] [bell rings] "Hello, Ambridge 3962." "Hello, Dumpkey Dump." "As you predicted last week, I'm now in the middle of packing for my imminent departure to Spain." "Referring to last week's podcast, which I enjoyed, I will confirm that I am not someone who normally watches the voice." "Million that it was on, and the thought came to mind." "And Lucy, can I thank you for stopping Rightfield from reaching out?" "I would agree that the archers have had it so few moments over the years." "I've been listening long enough." "Mayo van robbery, plane crashes, iron stone mining, adultery, usually quite tastefully done." "Plus exploring the social changes, Jenny's baby." "And, um, Kenton, how can I put this?" "Ah yes, not having HIV because that was a step too far." "The other side of this is the constant pain of the last 12 months." "For any single village, there is just too much." "Although I have to say it, the consequent overload simply means that the listener cannot properly absorb and handle the volume." "And alongside this, it means that the stories are not being properly signed, posted, explored and developed by the writers." "I could give you chapter and verse on Ed's lease, but I know I'm a boring accountant." "I do know the purpose of the podcast is to entertain." "But Simon Frith had previously set up a particular point from the lease and Paul Broderick completely failed to get it right." "Concerning the current week, I do hate the concept of each episode not being on a separate day." "This repeated exercise, along with the recasting of particular characters, has done far more to alienate me than any of the actual nonsense stories." "The TV soaps win awards for spectacular crashes, fires, floods and the like, and sadly, there are no longer any radio awards, I believe." "A TV shoot of ambridge flooding would break the bank of all the major soap makers." "So perhaps the team deserved an award for the most references to forgotten aspects of ambridge." "Did you know that there was a boat on the lake at Arkwright Hall?" "And all the non-speaking cast getting mentions as well as the surprise appearance by Alistair." "I have been told that somewhere on Facebook it has been reported that scruff will be found injured and will be sent to Canada to recover." "When he returns after six weeks he will have a different bark." "It was inevitable that at some point the team and the village will be flooded because of the impact that floods have had on the country in recent years." "Sadly it cannot help but dominate the coming weeks as houses and lives are rebuilt." "And that simply can turn the use, the overload I mentioned before." "I hope to be back in time to contribute next week but if I can't I won't be here." "Bye!" "Ahh!" "Cosmo, who was getting very, very annoyed with everything happening on the same day." "And was also wandering around saying is it still Sunday? What's happening?" "I think that did annoy a lot of people." "And again I'm not quite sure why they did that because surely before, during and after a flood gives you three days worth of stuff." "I don't know why they needed to do one whole day on one whole day over sort of four episodes." "Yes." "And he kind of echoed what you said really." "Cosmo wishes everyone to know that he is now going to the Costa del Sol and will call us when he's back." "I wish I had as many holidays as Cosmo." "And he said he does know why and he's willing to tell us if we want at great length." "Why?" "It was ridiculous that Ed was let off the contract for the land early." "But he's not going to because he says he knows that we already think he's a boring accountant." "Which we don't. We think he's an accountant who has an awful lot of holidays." "That doesn't sound very boring at all." "Dusty substance." "Can I just say, Cosmo, this Roy Eifield thing is starting to spread." "We've had two people referring." "It did make me titter. More than one occasion is well done." "T-I-ter." "He also said that he was watching the voice." "He also said that he was watching the voice by accident." "In case we thought that he didn't do that." "Hello, it's Dusty Substances here, the wrong sort of listener." "Well, we're all emerging from the longest Saturday night on record." "I think it finally finished on Friday." "But at last the 2014 floods have hit Ambridge." "And presumably this finally gives Root B the bum's rush." "So we're all moving on wonderfully from that now." "Clearly the most irritating thing is the total lack of initiative of Ambridgeites to drown properly." "I had high hopes of it being Rob, but tragically he now seems to be a hero." "Or be it a rather belligerent one." "I'd even higher hopes of it being Charlie, but no." "Adam had to rescue him as well. I don't feel really cheated at this." "And we were also cheated in the resuscitation department." "Because I thought we needed two or three choruses of staying alive by the Bee Gees to get someone breathing again." "We just had Adam counting. I mean, that's not right." "Anyway, very worried about Linda. I really think Scruff has bought it." "And with the second flooding of Linda's home as well, I think she's on the way to a breakdown." "She didn't sound herself at all." "So what next?" "I think we're going to see the benefits of huge sums of insurance money." "And nobody is going to miss the Brookfield millions after all." "And I really hope that Kenton's going to be all right." "Very worried about my darling darling Kenton." "Anyway, that is it from me. So thank you for the podcast and speak to you soon. Bye!" Dusty substances echoes your point that the floods were the end of Root B. But it also means that the insurance money will now replace the missing Brookfield millions, which is extremely irritating. Now, we have a fan of the floods, John from Newcastle, who is some sort of banker. "Hello everyone. It's John from Newcastle here. I've been away for about three months. I haven't called or entered since before Christmas." "I have been listening in the meantime and I've had quite a busy couple of months." "I've been starting a new job for those of you that are interested in what we do." "I'm an ALM product manager in the Treasury Department of one of our high street banks, a high street retail bank." "Very, very interesting for me, but possibly not for some other people." "It's Sunday afternoon and I've just finished the epic week that was the Great Flood of Ambridge." "This is controversial, but I've really enjoyed this week. I think it's been such a good storyline." "Coming from rural Northumberland, I know that flooding can happen and rivers can burst their banks in the countryside. It happens all the time." "So this is a realistic story for me." "But the upsetting thing for me is to see Linda broken over the potential loss of scruff." "It's not often that we don't see Linda taking charge and leading the community." "And to see her a bit more vulnerable, I suppose." "And as Elizabeth said, she's just been staring into space. I think it was Elizabeth. Somebody said she's just staring into space." "This isn't my Linda and I want my Linda back, the unsinkable Linda Snell." "It's about time that she snapped out of it jolly quick. I hope scruff's alright." "Anyway, that's it from me for this week. I'm still loving the podcasts and thanks very much. Bye for now." "I didn't. I couldn't imagine John from Newcastle being a banker. But apparently he is of some description." "He said that he said the flooding was realistic and that he is from a rural area in the North East and it happens and it is like that." Hello, it's Alison, tweeting as she is, calling in, wanting to say first of all, thank you so much to everyone who said such nice things about the interview I did with my mother-in-law that was broadcast. But I'm so thrilled that so much of it was usable and able to help out the program when they were in a pinch. Because we really enjoyed recording it. And she's clearly really enjoyed being a part of the archers over the years and now she's moved into a new phase of talking about it on the internet. More broadly, over the last few weeks there's been a whole load of righteous anger on the archers hasn't there. Everybody is up on their high horses about shit. Sometimes it's understandable and sometimes it's not. But there's a particular one that I would like to get on my high horse about. And this is about Roy. Roy is getting divorced. And I think that's absolutely as it should be. But I see some of you people going, "Oh, poor Roy, you know." And I mean, people in the show, of course, we've always been turned upside down and blah, blah, blah. And of course, the characters don't know this, but we the listeners know that he was offering to leave Haley to go be with Elizabeth. And so, I don't have any sympathy at all. Am I the only person who doesn't have any sympathy for Roy in this situation whatsoever? I think this is exactly what he deserves. He wanted Haley out of the picture and now she will be. And he's had a change of heart, but really, I mean, let's be honest, let's all be grown-ups. You know, I'm not impressed with Roy and his behavior. And I think this divorce is exactly what Haley should do. I think it's the self-respecting thing to do. But it's interesting to me how few characters in the archers seem to see it that way. Anyway, that's just my thoughts on a straying man. Lastly, you asked what we do for a living. I work in a bookstore, a beautiful little independent bookstore in South London in a village that's frankly not unlike Ambridge at all. I mentioned this to my boss and I said, "Yeah, I could see Jennifer Aldridge living around here." And she laughed and she said, "Oh, yes, there's a few Linda Snelles as well." I also note that there are no bookshops in Ambridge. The bookshops, no libraries, at least something that's been mentioned. So I dread to think that they're all shopping on Amazon, which would be just the worst. But anyway, so yes, I'm a bookseller. Love the podcast. Love it always every week. And thank you so much for last week's, which I enjoyed incredibly every moment of it. The calls were great. I loved hearing Angus Haggis' caller jiggling in the background while Wether's being made his call. It was really nice. And it's just great to hear everybody calling in and interacting and having a good time. So yeah, long may it continue is what I say. Chias says that she goes back to Roy and said, "We need to remember, Roy offered to leave Haley." And I'd forgotten that to be honest. She said she's concerned about all these people saying, "Oh, well, Roy's had a hard time and blah, blah, blah." And I was sliding in that direction until Chias's email sort of, her call kind of brought me up sharp because I had forgotten that he had said, "I will leave Haley and the girls." And yes, that is, in that case, he deserves every bloody bit of it. If he can be that, you know, cavalier about abandoning somebody who's supported him for all this time. Listen. Back last time, I said I was not a Roy, Roy Tucker fan at all. I just think taken from, you know, viewed from a slight distance, I'd be prepared to forgive his transgression. But that's just me. But yes, I fully appreciate that many more people will be much more judgmental and moralistic and be completely nuttly as black and white. But he's always been a bit weak, hasn't he, Roy? No, that's unfair. Because he dealt with Kate back when Kate, you know, swarmed off and took hold of Phoebe. He's been solid in his conventional boringness. That's been Roy Tucker's... No, but he got completely, kind of, completely taken in by those racist idiots who, you know, attacked Usha and everything. And he was just completely, he didn't give it one second of rational thought. He just went, "Oh, are you doing that? Oh, all right." And then he went, "He's just incredibly suggestible." And I'm not saying that as an excuse. Oh, you know, that's harsh. That's harsh, you know. And, you know, for somebody who's a person of colour, right? I just think, you know, he was a teenager back then. That's not to completely absolve many kind of blame and to say that you don't have a brain in your head. But he was somewhat of a suggestible teenager. And I'd hate to, you know, I wouldn't call him, you know, we called him Roy the racist, right? Yeah. But I'd like to think that he's somewhat evolved over the last, kind of like, 20 odd years from that incident. And I wouldn't... Ready to pop the question? With beautiful lab-grown diamonds worthy of your most brilliant moments, their lab-grown diamonds are independently graded and guaranteed identical to natural diamonds. And they're ready to ship to your door. Go to BlueNile.com and use promo code "Listen" to get $50 off your purchase of $500 or more. That's code "Listen" at BlueNile.com for $50 off. BlueNile.com code "Listen". Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind, but still really important. Life insurance. Why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage, credit card debt. It can even help fund an education. And guess what? 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You know, the sins of youth that I would be a colleague for the rest of your life. But anyway, let only fully understand that, us as the listeners, we know that you turn around to Elizabeth and says, "I will leave Haley." And then he was drunk at Christmas or New Year's. It was a great scene. But I truly believe that he loves Haley and he realises he's made and are a massive arc of himself. I still think if Elizabeth had looked at him sideways, he would have been off like a shot again. Even when he was trying to sort things out with Haley. You know what? You could well be correct. You could well be correct. But I think, I think, I think, I think he might even be sorely tempted by that. But he'd go, "You know what? I think my Betty. Which has my Betty's butters and I want to say it." No, I think, but you know what? We probably will never know now. No, I think we will. Really? I think because I think she might come back and then I think he'll be put in that situation again and I think he'll diva again. And he'll do something that will make her think that he's lying again. Well, if he has the opportunity to be back with his daughter, who he clearly adores and loves. Yeah. And he would jeopardise that to be, you know, with Elizabeth. Well then, he's the arse that you say he is completely and, you know, what little kind of sympathy I have for him would evaporate very quickly. You know, because it is obvious that apart from just missing Haley, he's missing his children, his two daughters and he wants to be back with them. So, I don't care how much in sexual thrall he might be under Elizabeth Podge's spell. I'm sorry, but your own flesh and blood and your obvious pain from being apart from that. And if it doesn't, fuck your boy chocolate. Sorry, I'm really angry this week. I'm sorry, Lisa. Roy the fucker. Roy the fucker chocolate. Yeah. That makes Elizabeth the fucker. Hello, dumpty dump. It's Ben here from @BenswineMaking or Chello Suzie's brother-in-law, if you prefer. I just thought I'd get in touch about this week's archers and the flood. I personally really liked it. I know that quite a lot of people didn't, but it's been leading up to this for about a year now and I think was very well-written. The first four episodes I thought were excellent. I was genuinely concerned about Pip and I never expected that I would be. I was pleased to see that Auntie Christine had woken up from playing bridge at Eleanor Bronze. And I thought the scene with Charlie drowning nearly and being underwater was extremely well-written. Well-recorded. On the whole, I thought the script writers did an excellent job. Who knows what's going to happen now? I wonder whether this is going to stop group B and whether it's now solved the whole relationship problem between David and Ruth, which will have lasted all of 60 seconds. Things I quite liked about it as well were Frida Fry panting. I don't think she's ever been heard of even that much before. I liked that Adam said, "How's that?" to Charlie at one point on Wednesday's episode, which made it sound like they were playing cricket. And I'll be interested to see what everybody else thinks I suspect time in the minority. I love the way that this poor man will forever be known as cello Susie's brother-in-law. I know perfectly well his name's Ben Hardy, but I still think there was cello Susie's brother-in-law. And he, along with John from Newcastle, really liked the floody flood. And said the script was very good. He felt that the script was very good and he said that he felt genuinely concerned about Pip. When she was left all on her own. The actual script writing vis-a-vis the characters in peril I think was good. And the acting was good. You know, this isn't a blanket condemnation saying it was all a pioneer. But I'm not saying that at all. It's an overarching flood. So I thought Pip and Tom was very good. And you saw the emergence of the next generation of, you know, the arches of Brookfield. And the fact that that actually when the shit hits the fan or when the am breaks its banks, that's the right metaphor, that Pip Archer. When the shit hits the am, Pip Archer is a capable resourceful farmer. And that was brilliant, you know. So, and then that was writ large. At the end wasn't the whole thing, you know. We know that the farm's going to be safe in your hands or whatever exactly David said to her. And that was all brilliant. But it's just, you know, if this flood had happened, and we'd had just about nothing of any real concert. Farron produce show, The Single Wicked. That nonsense where Chris Carter was, you know, on the cross and whatever. The passion play. If we just had that kind of nonsense the last 12 months, I'd be much more disposed towards, you know, the drowning of Ambridge, you know. But it sucked up. Yeah. And as I say, it isn't just the spectacular over the top bonkers soapiness of it. Which you realise is absolutely soapy because of all the other big storylines. It's the fact that in effect would be robbed of so many other great storylines. Because there I say it, the Kenton money thing is watered down now, pun absolutely intended. I was absolutely, not just me, everybody was absolutely looking forward to that. It's going to get back. Whoa, wait a minute. The ball was under water or maybe the ball escaped being under water. But, you know. So by the way, you haven't got two million quid, but you've probably got about two and a half. And don't even get excited or exercised about that. Because the village was under water. There were bigger things. You know. Fight, come on. You know. It's like we've just had a collision of two completely different dramas. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Hi, Dum Tiddham. It's Jojo Sexy Heels here. And I do hope that in the background Roy Field is playing bridge over troubled water. We need something to soothe our troubled brows this last week. Few things have been winding me up over the whole flooding thing. The rat leaving the sinking ship was clearly Ruth. Couldn't believe that off she went, even though the waters were rising, more interested in getting up to Prada to look after her dear mother. Playing of islands in the stream, yes, all the clues were there in the pub. And the return of Jazza all Hallelujah. Jazza's back. Maybe he can be singing in the choir for the Hallelujah chorus as well. Come Easter. Well, I've covered a few different bases there. And really looking forward to episode 50 next week. I'm sure it's going to be a riot. So speak to you all soon. Bye now. Jojo Sexy Heels said Ruth is a rat for leaving the sinking ship, literally. And she left even though the waters were rising. But she was much braced by the return of Jazza. Who, Ra? For one horrible minute, I was thinking God was he gone. Because we didn't seem to have heard from him for ages. Especially when they had Burns' night. And they had everybody in the bloody village doing funny Scottish accents, except the only one who's actually got a genuine conversation. He wasn't in it, which is ridiculous. So it was started across one man that maybe he had gone, which would be very worrying. But I'm very glad he's back because I do love Jazza. It was noticeable to me that kind of in February, we had a whole load of characters who hadn't been on for a long time. Yes. And I'm wondering. And as well, I love the fact that there were silent characters rescuing other silent. But we did this. Yes. From the floods. And we had, was it free to fry that was panting? We heard, we heard. Yes. But I'm wondering whether this isn't some kind of, and cosmo can help us on this. I've got duty-dension again. But maybe cosmo can help us with this. But you know, it's local authorities at the end of the year. Towards the end of the financial year. I didn't do all that great work. I'm wondering when the bean counters, you know, at the archers. So no, we've got a bit left, Japs, who haven't we heard from? Let's get Robert Snell in. Jimus, come on. All of us are Alistair. And I spent, I was pottering around the kitchen. I came home, ooh, Alistair. Ooh. Every time we heard somebody we hadn't heard from, for a while, I thought you'd silly cow. Now, you're commenting on appearances of people. It's just, it's all this talk you see of people who sit by their Facebook accounts, kicking off on their spreadsheet, who's, you know, who's a, who last appeared in 1973 and whatever. But yes, I did like Sabrina Thwaite commenting on "Freed of Rise". It was, that whole episode was full of reported speech. It was just, everybody was saying to everybody else. Hello, you two. Guess what's just happened to so-and-so? Who isn't in this scene? And it was just everybody reporting on everybody else because there wasn't time to go around. That's why they had to do that infographic thing, was that? Yeah. Go and go and check where everybody is as if we care. But I can't, you know, it was, no injuries really, was there? I mean, Rob got walloped, good, and Charlie nearly died. It's Scruff, Scruff swaps everyone's are holding out for. Oh well, just, just off, off Mike. As I haven't heard today, is Scruff been found? No. So it's Scruff as like? Yeah. Scruff is AWOL. Thanks. Was that some, was that some wag on? Hey, pun. Was that some wag on Twitter? Or was that you? Hey Wolf. Oh. That was me, just now. I did not hear that. But you could have borrowed it from somewhere else? No, I don't borrow. I steal. I don't borrow. Listen, we've done all the colour in our list. We have, but we have some email in our list. A separate. Glen full of love with a plot prediction. A quick prediction for you. The Scratch Messiah will become a fundraiser for those affected by the Great Flood. And at least two major soloists will donate their time for free. Stand by for Brinter, full and Catherine Jenkins making celebrity appearances. Do you know, I've got a horrible feeling. That sounds exactly the sort of utter pounce they would actually do. Who the hell are these people? I'm sorry to be a working class pro. They're light opera. Well, Catherine Jenkins pretends to be an opera singer. She's actually not. But she's incredibly beautiful. She has got a lovely voice. And Brinter, full is a baritone or a tenor. Light opera sort of thing. They're the kind of people that pitch up on songs of praise. No, okay. All right. You know, an allard gives them a big hammer. Anyway. Not for the first time. Um, then we have Phaniss Tea Room, Pavere of Fancy Fondence to policeman with strange names. As she puts it. She said, "I haven't had the courage slash folly to Google male appendages. But let us just say that I cannot now hear Brian Aldridge without thinking of Southwest England or Italy at about 7pm." Um, this rather damp week was like a spot the heroic phrase test. Yes, I completely agree it was. From plot we had, "Ambridge needs you from Adam. Don't be a fool." She said, "Very Paul Temple." And tonight David gave us. It's our home and it always will be. And was it just me or did we have the dramatic music? Did we at last keep up the good workshops? Fliss. Yes, we did have the dramatic music. And Mr. Cullis tweeted to say that apparently the previous editor Vanessa Whitburn banned that music. She hated it. The, you know, with the more potentials, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. She didn't like that. And so the new editor has brought it back to mark his own, you know, his own crisis. Well, I think that should have been... His own grace moment. That's all you needed to do. We did need it in there. Just say, "I'm bringing back is my gift to the arts and bringing back the more dramatic... The dumpedy dumps." Yeah, and that was it. It didn't need to actually carry through anyway. I'm just repeating myself. So we've got any Maureen Mouse? Maureen, no. Yeah, one more. Maureen Fryburger as well. Now, you might be able to answer this one. The subject is, "How is it Ruth and David have control of this farm?" And she says, "What is the deal with Shula Kent Elizabeth having shares? When will they get their shares? Is it only at the sale of the farm?" I've only been listening since Nigel flew off the roof. She put it. I can't remember. I know... I remember the emotion, but typically I can't remember the cold heart. It was... It was Phil, wasn't it? Phil decided to leave the farm to David, and he compensated the others with Chez. Exactly. And then there's a whole plethora of different ways it can then be sorted out. So it's a case of if you sell the farm, then the other siblings get X and Y. And they're non- kind of exec directors of the company. So they can't tell David what to do, but he can't make any... You know, a decision to actually sell it without referring back to them, et cetera, et cetera. But I tread very lightly on company law. So this is where we actually need Cosmo. Cosmo, we know you are a baller. I was going to say, we know the man. Yeah, please just call in next week and just... He's not boring. He's not actually looking a bit at Cosmo. I know, but he says... Well, he worries that we think he's boring. I don't think he worries. I don't think he worries about anything. He's on holiday events of the year. I'm sure he doesn't. But you know... But you worry about that dinner party in New Zealand. And what do you do? Somebody says an accountant. You do go... No! Oh, good. And why are we talking about people and what they're doing their careers? Can I say a special high out to Sarah Evans, who's also known as Jessica Drew Spider-Woman on the Twitters. She asked, she said, Roy thought, "When are you coming back to Blighty?" And I think the answer is on Wednesday. So I will be back for our 50th year episode, which we need to talk about at the end of the show. But the reason why I just wanted to mention Sarah Evans is to say that she has got a very good website called TwigMums.com. So if you're in the southwest bit of Londonium and you're a mum and you're looking for things to do, meet up with other mothers, et cetera, have a look at TwigMums.com. It's a very good website and Sarah does the sales and marketing for it. So there you go. TwigMums.com. That's it, that's the end of the show. So I think we should just about take five and come back with a bit of milling. Hi, this is Johanna Bankhampton. You may also know me as Alan in the arches and Elbira in Blighty Spirits. And I just wanted to say congratulations, Thumb to Dumb on your 50th episode. It's going to be a stonker. And I'm really pleased that you're doing so well because it's a funny show. And I love it. I love listening to it. And Lucy and Royfield, you're great. And you're doing a great job. And thank you. Thank you for keeping your enthusiasm for the arches going. Congratulations, yay! Is that alright? Okay. G'day, Dunty Dummies. Millie Bell here. First of all, I'd like to welcome a few people to our page. Jacqueline Chapman, Claire Bradford, Shane Tanner and Lisa Caddaro. But I would particularly like to welcome Helen Smith, who is our six hundredth person to like our page. So welcome to you all. I've had a bit of a look around at the Facebook pages this week and there's been a lot of discussion about Pitt and David during the aftermath of the flood. Lots of people are wondering whether the situation between Adam and Charlie is the beginning of the end for Ian. The script writers have generally got a big thumbs up for the character driven plot. Some people weren't happy that the flood happened over three episodes but was actually only one night. But that was fairly mixed. And the use of the dramatic theme tune at the end was largely applauded. That apparently was a technique that they used to use some time ago when there was particularly dramatic episode. Some people were disappointed that the only missing person was scruff, not that he's a person, and that the deceased are sheep. But ask some people where are the llamas. Now an interesting discussion started on one site about the geography. In fact, I think most of the sites mentioned this at some stage that the geography just doesn't make sense. So people have been posting up copies of the maps with contour lines where they have them, which is not in many of the maps. But Jasper Gilda said the following. The lack of contour lines is an issue. So let's look at a few options for a major flood. One, Walter Gabriel's beefers, which is scheduled in episode 46 in 1962, have built a dam-down river. Number two, abnormally fast snow-melt, a penny-hasset mountain ski resort has caused a surge. Number three, very rapid global warming caused by an uncontrolled escape of hot air from a script writer's room has caused the ice caps to melt, the sea level to rise and ambush to be flooded. Not matte, not content with emptying lillions bank accounts has returned in that 20,000 cubic meters of quick-drying cement in the river. Number five, David has recruited a Texan stop manager called Quentin Farlow, and he's damned to the river to keep all the water to stop those pesky wounds getting it. Oops, wrong soap. And then finally, there's Joe Grundy's water words, but that's best for Stova. I have a very funny Jasper. I'm sure you don't wear an Anureka either. Episode 46 of 1962 indeed. So, what's been happening on our page? Well, we asked the question, how did you think that the leaking am was going to resolve? And there were a number of suggestions. Susanna said, "This will be what finally scuppers the road, or a water demon will appear in the milking parlor, gradually turning David into a gillion hysterical wreck, while Ruth and Pip become more and more powerful until they have dominion overall." I think that was supposed to be domination, but dominion is good too. Diane Telford opines, "Oh, will it stop Route B like we said it would months ago?" Nicholas Barnes says, "I reckon it's just a device to demonstrate just how bad the weather is. To justify the accident, I hope Ruthless has on her way to visit Hellpet." Peter Kwan says, "The presence of underground streams has been hinted at for many months. A sick hole suddenly appear exactly in the middle of Route B, and a few cows will vanish down it." Jacqueline Burfus is my serious prediction. Jill will have an accident with freedom caused by the rising am. Ruth will come around in support of David, and of course, Route B will be unviable due to soggy bottoms. Oops, sorry, wrong program. Two of you not concentrating. But my favourite was Valerie Bayles, who in answer to how will the leaking am scenario resolve sit. Titchinob will rise up through the mud carrying a ring and saying, "Do Helen come here?" My precious. I love that. Thanks, Valerie. We all have a little inicky to talk to me. Have a great week, everyone, and I will talk to you about Facebook, and I hope that you're all discussing madly with us at the storylines. I will discuss it with you next week. Ciao. Lucy. What are your Top 5 #TheArchers Tweets of the Week? Catherine Rowan-Jones says, "Am up to here!" indicates water level with the archers. Can Farmer Geddon please be over for Sunday's episode? Rupert Brin, why don't you repeat it? Is it definitely Farmer Geddon, not Amageddon? I quite like Amageddon, because the Amageddon kind of isn't. No, she put Farmer Geddon. No, no, but what I meant was, I saw the Amageddon hashtag as well. I think we crossed my mind a bit slow. No, I saw that and I went, "Ha ha ha!" Rupert Brin, hello Rupert, said no wonder Chris was worried about the water. She is anti-cardboard, after all. Very true, bits of anti-cardboard are floating onto the bridge. Hannah Clark said, "To mark International Women's Day, "Can Titchin' Ob drown?" And Steve Brooks said, "Is nobody dead?" Slightly, petrantly annoyed way. And Tweeter the Week was a wuster yokel. "You just put, put, put, put, put, put!" He just put, "They'll have trouble in hospital, "getting the history from freedom." [LAUGHTER] That's very good. That's a quality tweet. It is. Right, so I think we're just about done. Because we've done milling, we've done the cornering errors. Oh, I'll tell you what we haven't done. What? Roy Fields, you need to watch this show section. Oh, yes, sorry. Yes, Roy I Fields section. So, I tell you what, bold over, bold over this week, right? I watch Transparent. Have you heard about that, Lucy? Yes. You have? Yes. Have you seen it? No. Simon has, I think. Brilliant. Jeffrey Tambour plays this middle-aged man who decides to become transgender. And he's been arrested. Oh, no, we haven't. I haven't. It's brilliant. It's on Amazon. So you can either get down the Amazon route. If you're an Amazon Prime member, I think you get all the Amazon films and TV series. Oh, now Chiarz will be cross with you because she's trying to stop everybody using Amazon because she works for a little nice independent bookshop. Listen, I couldn't agree more, right? And dare I say it, I don't have an Amazon account. And I use back door illegal tactics to download from Transparent. So I think Chiarz. You're just clearly on it. Right behind you, sister. I use the thing called U-Torrent and I went to kickasstorrents.com and I downloaded it from there. But put that completely to one side. Yes, let's not talk about how the fact that most of this podcast is produced on iffy software. Shall we? Listen, I've got something to say about that later as well, actually. Okay. You are full of it today, aren't you? I am. I do your ears in righteous thunder. Well, Transparent, right? So the set of his, the middle-aged man, has his grown family. He's divorced from his wife, lives in Los Angeles and he decides, I just want to wear a dress. He's 24/7 now. Isn't that Bruce Jenner, basically? But much more entertaining. Oh, good. Much more entertaining. He has these three children, incredibly dysfunctional, all in their different ways. And it's a gentle, kind of dark comedy. But the last episode, only 10 episodes in this season. But the last one was an absolute stonker. And I just don't think, let's go. Brilliant. I cannot recommend this series enough. And just to see the stillness of Geoffrey Tambor's acting as the he-she. Absolutely brilliant. Everything he's just, just done to. You can't say the he-she. No. Because, but they flip. Sometimes the kids call him Dad, then they call him... We'll call him the character name, not the he-she. No, no, no. But that's the whole essence of it. That's the whole essence, that it throws everybody's pronouns up to, up in the air. You know, and it's like, what do we... Dad, are you still Dad? There's a fundamental question. And it's so easy that he becomes a she. And then other people still refer to she as a he. And what toilet does he go into? And how ridiculous does he look? And how convincing does he look? It's brilliant. It's absolutely brilliant. And the whole he-she mop-a. So that's the... His children have to christen him a new type of mop-a. You know, it's mama-papa. You know, because they don't know what that's brilliant. You know, at it, it's the best short run comedy series I've seen in a long time. Long time. Stunning, stunning bit of TV. And it won a couple of Golden Globes and I can't recommend it enough. Well, I am watching House of Cards, which is brilliant. So there. Season three. Yes. It's not brilliant season three. It's good, Lucy. It's good. I've watched it. It's good. How far have you got? Yeah, Frank's rapping. He's been told he's not allowed to stand again. You've still been waiting for this. He's trying to introduce Ludicrous America Works thing. Oh, sorry. That was a massive spoiler for anyone who hasn't seen it. Yeah. Frank is trying to introduce... No, you don't think what America Works is. I'm not sure. That's not a spoiler. The opposite of what America Works is. That's true. And I was... There's a bit of an issue at the moment. And I was driving back from the Governor's meeting just now thinking, "What would Claire Underwood do?" I thought she'd wear a really tight dress. That's what she'd do. She just walks around like a cougar that's about to pounce. I know. She has such amazing grace that way. Yeah. Have you seen the scene where she's speaking to the Russian ambassador in the loop? Yeah. Yeah. That's what I watched last night. That's what Claire Underwood would do. Yeah. Throw off your negotiating adversary by having a slash in front of them. Wear a tight dress and have a wee in public. It means go and live in Newcastle. That's what I said. Yeah. Now, I was slightly disappointed with Season 3. Not that I didn't enjoy it. I did. But, for me, it almost feels like this. Slightly padding. But then again, I thought Season 2, the cramps are wasting much into it. Yeah. And he's less of a caricature in this season. He's more believable. Yeah. There's less willingness aside to camera. Yeah. But it's still very engrossing if you love American politics and I do. You can't help but... And I love the thinly veiled references to Putin as well. Yes. But not even thinly veiled. They might as well have just called him Vlad and they're Putin instead. They've called him Victor or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very good. Petra. Victor Petra. Yes. Yeah, so the initials are exactly the same. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So it's the end of the show. So we've done our little segues to keep people happy because we know you'll all love it when we talk about non-art related stuff. Katherine Kavanagh. Why are we talking about spies? Why are we talking about Chelsea Creamers? I'm a bit lost. Is anyone else? Because it's my podcast and I'll do what I care. Now, onto more Dunty Dun related stuff. Shop news. You love a bit of shop news, don't you, Lucy? Yeah, it's gripping. Good. Because the following have bought some stuff. Nancy Dickey, who bought a Dunty Dun shopping bank. Don't you have to tell what people bought? They might not want it shared. I think because what it shows is the range and the breadth and the depth of our merch, Lucy. So, Christina Crammer from New York bought Dunty Dun mugs. Uh, Steve Fox and Dernian bought a t-shirt. Susanna Taylor, which is Shello. Shello. Shello. And you know what she did? She didn't even just buy a sticker. She took a picture of a cello-cased sticker on. Are we selling cello stickers now? There is nothing. We will not slap a logo on there. No, no. We've got a sticker. And I think hers was Team Lillian. And she put it on a cello-cased. And she took a picture of it and she tweeted it. Have you done that ringtone yet? Oh, crumbs. I will do it before I leave North America. Uh, clean full of love. You bought a splash of gin-darling glass. Remember folks, these purchase are only valid if you post an image of yourself with it on social media. Because if not, we reserve the right to recall the goods at any time. You've been warned. You've been warned. So you have news, reviews, reviews of the news. And I've said that the wrong way around. Anyway, this week, we have one. I stress. One new review. Polygens. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Go for it, Lucy. Who's it from, Lucy? It's from Polygens. Uh, from the colony that got away. Now, Poly, hmm. She wrote somewhat of a, how would I say? She said she loved don't do don't. But she said I'm a radio producer of some, uh, of some years. I've some renowned, some repute who is now in North America. Not in America from, uh, from British shores. Except from British shores. And she said, I'm a radio producer, so I don't like hearing the breaths. And... The what? Yeah. Oh, breath. Sorry. I don't like hearing the breaths. I was thinking, what are they doing? Now, right now, if you are not interested in techie stuff, right, switch off here or fast forward for the next minute or so. Adrian McGrath has basically had his way. This is what I've started doing. And you've probably noticed, keen listeners of don't do don't, that Lucy and I's audio has got somewhat clearer in the last, uh, last two or three episodes. Because now what we are doing is recorded. It's wearing new dentures. Yes. Yes. We've both got new teeth. We've invented. And, yes. And I am trying to drop my bromiacs and have more, uh, received, uh, pronunciation. So, everything's clearer and more understanding what we're recording both at source, at each end on Skype. We even tried to use, uh, a bit of software called PodClear, um, which is supposed to record at source and mix it online for you. That didn't work. We have taken everything you say completely on board. What this does mean, however, is it might take me even slightly longer to edit the shows. And I must admit, I was somewhat chasing. When people say to me that the production values can be variable, and that's funny, that it's most, uh, polite. Um, it don't upload the upset, mate, because I don't really think, and I've said this before, people don't quite realise how long it actually takes to edit, uh, a donty-dumb. But I have been using new production techniques, as I've said before, and I'd like to think it's not amateur hour, and, uh, a lot of, uh, my other output kind of go to prove that. However, however, however, we have noticed somewhat of a surge in traffic, uh, and donty-dumb recently. And, um, if we need to change things around in terms of how we physically do the show to help kind of foster and boost that even further, far bit from me, uh, not to. So, uh, we are recording the source, things should be sounding clearer, does mean you might have to wait slightly longer for your donty-dumb. So, that's that. So, Polly Jenkins, thank you for your very lovely review, and I think you can go back now and give us five stars, because he said you would, when the audio quality got better, and it's been much better the last two weeks. And it means you can hear me pouring my water and drinking my coffee and eating my toast and night in there. And me hugely more graphic detail. And me clipping me, uh, feed an ounce a couple of weeks ago. That's how bloody clear things are. That's the nostril hair, are we going to have a crack at that, or are we leaving that a little bit? Stop it, I don't have, I don't have, uh, kind of like hairy nostrils. There's your, there's your foot. We would like to thank... Felicity Wardsmith and Maureen Frybarga. For their deposits into the offshore branch of the Royal Borders of Vancouver, donty-dumb, where their kind contributions have enabled Royfield to stock up on some leather swimming trunks. What are you talking about? For the plus? We can go paddling round. I can swim, but I'm rubbish around, large expanse of the water, absolutely pathetic, I'm losing. Don't like the stuff, don't like the stuff. You know, anyway, over to you. Do you know, you know, Ruth? Uh, personally? Yes, obviously we know them all intimately. I was thinking, I was waiting for her to go... I don't have found it. Oh, no, it's H2O. Um, you can also go to patreon.com, search for "dumbty-dumb" and you can donate $2 a show, which is about one pined that in. And we've got about 11 patrons on there, and we thank you all patreons. But remember, you can also send us a voicemail message via the site because the button is back. Yee! Or you can call us on O2O30313105 from an ordinary phone to leave us a message if the web thingy doesn't work or it's just befuddled to you. You can ping us a regular text message via the site, which is www.dumbtydumb.com, or you can find us on the Twitter's where we are at www. Or you can tweet me @Royfieldspelt-r-o-i-f-i-e-l-d. Oh, you know what? I should actually register Roy I feel, shouldn't I? You should. Mmm. You're going to get some of them silly glasses as well, like that man who has... I've got a couple of pairs of glasses back. Yeah, you know I have. I started wearing glasses in December, didn't I? Oh, yes, yes, yes. I never look at you, I don't know. What do you mean we're in Derek's back bedroom? I think we've dispensed with that. Not as called into your little intro every week we haven't loosened. No, I just said I was trapped in the back bedroom. Okay. You're in San Francisco, obviously. Anyway, all me at Lucy B for Ethan. So please, please, please, keep those reviews coming because you want to be top of the podcast charts before Ruth, Drams, Jill, in the milk in parlour. Hey! Lucy? Yeah. What now? No, not that can you? And in general, I was going to say that will make some riveting audio. That was... Yes, I can. What number comes after 49? Fifty. How many episodes come next week will we have done? Oh, God, it feels like about 24,000. I don't know. I'm guessing 50. What's the wedding anniversary for 50? Do we all get rubies or something? No. Get some at Golden, don't you? Yeah, is that Golden? Yeah, I think... I'm googling it now. What is Diamond? What's Ruby in Diamond? Golden! It's Golden. I told you it's Golden. Excellent. Well, that's all right because you are the colour of urine. You're so pink. You can be our little golden shower. I think people have quite often said that my jokes on this show are pissball. And... But next week is our 50th anniversary. And what we're going to do for that to mark that special occasion, Lucy? Is get drunk. No, we're not. No, we're not going to do that, no. No, we're going to be live. Just like East Enders' wishes to be made. Bloody hell. So we... Are we sure if we thought this through? Probably not. No. I don't think anything true. We just announced it on air. I have to do it. Bless you. I hope you're in a leather chair. I am. Otherwise, you need to take Emodium. I'm in a leather chair. We have kind of thought history. And at least I have. And this is how this potentially is going to work, folks. We're going to be live on Ustream between the hours of eight and nine o'clock next week. People can't see us, can they? Nope. Oh, good. God fuck that. But maybe we should switch our cams on. No, because that means I've got to get dressed. We will be on Ustream between the hours of eight and nine o'clock next week. And we are going to be joined by Joanna Van Campen, Fallon, and Tim Bentink, David Archer. So you, dear caller, can ring in and you can speak to them live. So isn't that going to be exciting? It'll be like swap shop. It'll be like swap shop with a live phone, apart from nobody will ring in and say anything rude about five star. These have some real dodgy toys to swap on swap shop, didn't they? They did. You couldn't get away with that nonsense now. Could your kids are just too wily? All those kids trying to swap their cat and their sisters and things like that. So next week between the hours of eight and nine o'clock. No, the show will be recorded. So if you can't log on to Ustream and listen to us live, the will still be a podcast. But dare I say, some of the magic will be lifted from dummy dumb folks. You're going to realize how badly I read things out and how much editing truly goes on into this thing. But it's, we're just going to live by the seat of our pants, aren't we, Lucy? We are. Yes. And I imagine that they will have a detrimental effect on the seat of our pants as well by the end of it. I'm terrified. You got no idea how much stuff. I don't mean you, but I mean, gentle listener has no idea how much of this we get wrong. Before it goes out. Well, no, it's not the way that I get wrong. No, no, no, me as well. You're being polite. But anyway, so go on to Ustream.com, which is the letter U then stream.com, and just search for dump to dump and you will bump into the URL for our channel where we will be streaming live. Now, if you are on the book of faith and if you are on the Twitter, we will put out a link so that you can just click on that. But as I say, I stress. I'm not going to say there is no point doing call arena recalls this week, but I'm not going to put them on the show. The calls on the show will be people that ring up via Skype and then you will basically get on the show and you can speak to either myself, Lucy or to David or Joanna. So if you want to do a call arena recall, fine do it, but it'll probably be put on another week if I put it on a tour. Okay, so that's that. We are a wild man. Well, you know, I don't people think, you know, Roy Field, I went through all this time and effort to call in and you couldn't even use my bloody call. Because I'm warning you now, it's going to be live, so I'm not going to be pressing buttons. This is eight o'clock in the morning on Tuesday. Don't be so ridiculous. Eight o'clock PM till nine. Oh, thank God for that. Next Monday. Yes, next Monday. So you've got the archers and then you've got a 45 minute grace period to get all limbered up for a bit of live dummy dummy. Oh, have a large gin, in my case. Now, Tim told me, Mr. David Archer himself, he said, Roy Field, I will be driving back down the motorway from Birmingham, just so you know, I will be in transit. So for adage, and he says, but I will use my hands free. I will not be breaking any laws. We know my population's bearing in my Tim's tenuous grip on the technology when we interviewed him when he was sitting in his office. Last time. That is true. I can't even imagine how that was going to go. That is true. That is very true. So anyway. Well, you could just chat on to Fallon then, can't you? Oh, it'd be quite nice. You wouldn't ruin it. You're going to go with Silly again. Well, no, no, no, no. I apologize. I have spoke to Joanna since, and I apologize profusely, and I think we're all muckers and pals now. And I've got through my old car. What thought? I apologize for what? I was joking. Come on. I just got all giddy and stupid. I really did. And as I said to you, Lucy, it wasn't just what I said on it. It's what I said to her off it. That was the real embarrassing thing. How did you get to be so pretty? The poor woman just thought, "Oh my God, I have to do this nutter for an hour and a half." But anyway, she's forgiven me. She's going to be on the show. It's all going to be good. It's going to be live. And I'm having a drink with Tim Benton, can't I, on Friday? Yes. Oh, now you're going to be there. Yeah. Unfortunately, I will be back in Blighty on Friday. I will be the gooseberry to your Tim Benton loving. Anyway, I think we should wrap this up because we can't say we need to do shorter, tighter shows and then prattle on for another 20 minutes of that fluff. Yeah, so it's goodbye from me. And it's goodbye from him. Toodaloo, everybody. See you next week between the hours of 8pm and 9pm for our live Dumpty Dum. And let's hope it all dried out by then. Yes. Bye. Bye-bye. Dumpty Dum was a Royfield Brown production. Do you know what else is a Royfield Brown production? The new Fabi Foodie podcast, Let's Eat. In the first episode, I enjoy a Brazilian. Have an in-depth chat with star Bake-Off winner John Wait. And there is gin and coffee with a man for the Starbucks, all on Let's Eat. For in a moose bush of the first show, before it's on iTunes, go to mixcloud.com/letseatpodcast on March the 4th. And follow us, like a spice trail on Twitter at Let's Eat Pod. I'm Susan Ray and I have just one question. What's for dinner? Let's eat. [Music] Let's talk about something that's not always top of mind, but still really important. Life insurance. Why? Because it offers financial protection for your loved ones and can help them pay for things like a mortgage, credit card debt, it can even help fund an education. And guess what? Life insurance is probably a lot more affordable than you think. In fact, most people think life insurance is three times more expensive than it is. So with state farm life insurance, you can protect your loved ones without breaking the bank. Not sure where to start? State Farm has over 19,000 local agents that can help you choose an option to fit your needs and budget. Get started today and contact a state farm agent or go to statefarm.com. Cue the fireplace and your favorite fall movie. There's nothing better than a cozy evening at home with a class of first leaf wine. First leaf is a personalized wine club that delivers right to your door. Sounds magical, right? They get to know your favorite tasting notes, which varietals you enjoy and whether you prefer sweet or dry wines. So in every shipment, you get bottles tailored to your unique palette. Go to tryfirstleaf.com/fall to get your first six wines for just $44.95 with free shipping. [BLANK_AUDIO]

Dum Tee Dum Episode 49 – Water water everywhere and Roifield swears

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