DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum Tee Dum Episode 44 – Keeping things juicy

Keeping things juicy

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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 44 – Keeping things juicy appeared first on DumTeeDum.

Duration:: 1h 31m
Broadcast on:: 03 Feb 2015
Audio Format:: other

Hey, it's Mark Marin from WTF here to let you know that this podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. And I'm sure the reason you're listening to this podcast right now is because you chose it. Well, choose Progressive's name, your price tool, and you could find insurance options that fit your budget so you can pick the best one for your situation. Who doesn't like choice? Try it at Progressive.com. And now some legal info, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliate's price and coverage match, limited by state law, not available in all states. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. At Mint Mobile, we like to do the opposite of what Big Wireless does. They charge you a lot. We charge you a little. So naturally, when they announced they'd be raising their prices due to inflation, we decided to deflate our prices due to not hating you. That's right, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at Mint Mobile.com/Switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of details. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. All right, ladies and gentlemen, please remain standing for the singing of our national anthem. So Britain is just a small island that no one pays attention to a former colony won the way to determine its own destiny. Hello, and welcome to Mid-Atlantic, the show where we look at the news and the views from one side of the Atlantic from the perspective of the other. My name is Royfield Brown and I'm ably assisted by my two brothers from another mother over in Dublin. Mid-Atlantic, political and cultural chit chat from across the pond. Find it on iTunes, Stitcher and all other good podcatchers today. This show is sponsored by John Burns, who'd like to highlight the work of Virgin Unite, the independent charitable arm of the Virgin Group. The primary aims of the foundation are to make sustainable change through economic development towards tough social and environmental issues. These include addressing the issue of delivering health care to rural parts of Africa. If you'd like to find out more, visit virginunite.com. Hello, Lucy. You were hanging out with stars yesterday. I was loving it up like you would not believe. So what happened? It was good, yeah, it was a very good evening. Julian Rhine-Tuck and Stephen Mangan were sitting in front of me. You fancy that Mangan geezer, don't you? I do. I just stared at the back of his head in bliss for hours and Julian Rhine-Tuck was up against Ian McKellen for best actor in a radio drama and something went wrong with the VT and halfway through someone else's acceptance speech we suddenly flipped to Ian McKellen, giving his acceptance speech for an award he hadn't been given yet, so everyone cracked up laughing because it was really obvious that Duke Paul, Julian Rhine-Tuck and sat there for an hour and a half listening to other people getting awards in the hope that he was getting one and then he suddenly realised he wasn't, it was all over, you know. So when they did announce it, the actors pretended to be deeply surprised that it was Ian McKellen and Julian Rhine-Tuck stood up as if he was going to accept it, it was very good. I'll tell you, wasn't that level of amateurism at the dumplings of awards was there? There was not, there was not, apart from possibly the live streaming of the sticky tape, but apart from that- And not having the awards on stage? And not having the script numbered and- Yeah, but apart from that- I thought that we could teach them a thing or two, I tell you. Absolutely, absolutely, and on that, that note, Freeman, I think we should get on with this dumpty-dum thing, because we've got calls of plenty, and I've got millions this week. And I've got things I need to get off my chest. Ooh. It's been plants. I tell you, right. Talking about implants though. Oh God, I see the seconds I say it and you say, "Ooh, I think, oh no, he's got an implant story." No, no, no, no. Well, it's less a story about implants per se, but about the things that we take for granted being British. Right. Right. So, a very lovely dumpty-dum listener who has told me not to mention her name. She invited me around for dinner to meet her and her husband and some friends on Saturday. And as middle-class Americans do, a conversation drifted to healthcare, and one of them turned to me and said, "Do you have computerized medical records in the UK?" Now, I thought this gentleman was taking the piss somewhat, but it was a genuine question. Right. And I said, "Well, I presume so," but I just go to the GP or the hospital. They patch me up and send me on my way. And they give you the cream and say, "Not again, we've told you." And he says, "Well, what about all the paperwork?" I went, "Well, we're all in the computer and it's all fine." And the whole table went silent. And I ended up having a half an hour conversation, which should have been accompanied by Elgar or something, when you realize just how vastly superior and how fair our system is. And they were talking about double set single payers and your partner this and your X, Y, 90. And I said, "Well, I don't know. If I go run over tomorrow, they'll scoop me up, put me in an ambulance, take to the hospital. If it takes 12 months, 12 years for rehabilitation, then that's what it takes, and it'll kick me out. It is amazing when you put it like that, it is absolutely amazing, isn't it? Listen. And then this woman says, "But plastic surgery, you couldn't get that." And I said, "Well, yeah." I says, "You know, it can't be frivolous, but if a woman's had a mastectomy, they'll give a reconstructive surgery, give her implants." And she went, "Really?" And you don't have to pay. I went, "Well, no." And you know what? I felt incredibly proud. And it's just what we take for granted in this country, that's how many years. And they're coming for you, right? They are. That's home and security. Enough of your American passion is getting back out of the country. But no, it's just the silence around the table. And you know, people's talking about, "Well, it's really good because on my health plan, you only have to pay 80 percent." You know, the insurance comes the other day. Just like, "What?" You know? And they were happy. And of course, when you hit them with the reality, they're not, but they're like, "Yeah." They weren't knocking the system. They were talking about how wonderful the health plans were and just love them. I don't know about that. This is, you know, if you are, if you happen to be born on the wrong side of the tracks in life, you know, at least equal lies things when it comes to health. You know? So at least you don't have that to worry about. The biggest cause of bankruptcies in this country is that your healthcare is absolutely a scandal. It's absolutely a scandal. And ours has just been quietly dismantled. Well, I did talk about that as well. And, you know, nibbling at the edges and, but anyway, that is a conversation for my mid-Atlantic podcast. I forgot to say who the most famous sister person that was in the wards last night was Rupert Brin. Oh, yes, he did. Well, that's the reason why I knew that you went because he tweeted it. Oh, yes, he did to me. Said I was well behaved. Mm-hmm. Me, my out-of-control consonants. I'd hate to hear what he says about the way that I speak and my, uh, malapropisms all over the place. But anyway, let's, uh, let's crack on with the show. Yeah, because people don't want to hear us talk about our lives because, uh, this is a radio. Don't hear us at all, Roy. No, no, no. That's not quite true. That's not quite true. I would, I'd go so far as to say that people unanimously, Lucy, want to hear you. Us. You. Opinion divided about me because this is done, you've done this show about the reality ducky drama that is centered on Ambridge in the heart of Midlands. I'm Jennifer Zimakla, Albion Kitchen, Roy Fuel Brown, and with me, I have the foam be called Phoebe Fury, that is Lucy Freeman, and the most important part of our happy home farm is you today's today's, even, let's put my teeth in today's rendition of Baragram is brought to you by Rosie Cross. And we dug that one out the vault. Rosie. Sorry for not using it before. Mm. Lucy. Can you remind our wonderful listeners that each week goes up by that? Approximately 8% we have more listeners each week. Can you remind our lovely listeners how that with the accolade, a dumb d dumber of the week, if they know how to use a microphone, a computer and can send one in. Yes. If you'd like to kick Kate or stun Susan, give us a call on 02030313105 or get in touch by a speak pipe which temporarily disappeared from our site, but he's now back. Thanks again to the amazing Harriet at Shambridge for the sponsorship messages and to Derek Fletcher for the load of the back bedroom. He is in a foul mood today because he got confused and stayed apart and like watching New England Patriots because he suffers with IBS and he was hoping to get some tips from the super vowel. Right, but Lucy. Yes. Okay. What happens next? Do I say something like what calls we have? Yes. All right, cool. Right. So calls this week come from Isabel, who has bored herself. Diane, who is being, he gets turned on by research with a spoon. He's back. I tell you, you've got some fans with a spoon with a spoon who disagrees with the right. What do you mean he disagrees with me? He doesn't disagree with you. I'm infallible. I'm like the Pope who disagrees with me because he's a fool about my life. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a fool. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. 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I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be a fool about my life. I'm going to be the city where my handsome husband was born and raised. Then Witherspoon sailed across the Atlantic to New Jersey and became a very important president of my alma mater, Princeton University. He also signed the Declaration of Independence. But enough about my namesake. Okay, second bone, Matt Crawford. I'll give Sean O'Connor the benefit of the doubt that he did not chase the actor Kim Durham off the set with a meat cleaver and that his leaving was of his own accord as the Radio 4 article states. But who knows? Given that, I think the script writers created a story of Matt doing a runner and breaking Lillian's heart that was indeed consistent with his character, which I know is an important issue to you. The website article also notes Matt's "near sociopathic striving." In fact, Matt, while likable from a distance, has a long history of playing fast and loose with other people's money and property and endangering the safety of others. Remember not only Paul, but that nice old couple in the rental house with the disappearing floorboards. He easily meets diagnostic criteria for anti-social personality disorder. So Matt leaving and stealing from the woman he loves is not inconsistent at all with his character. But I have a feeling one day in the future will be hearing Matt opening the front door of Lillian's abode once again. Third and last bone Roy Field. Instant coffee, really? That's just a big, big, big no-no. It is 2015 after all, not 1963. Lucy, by this man of French press, preparing real coffee with it takes seconds longer than boiling and mixing up that instant brown water. That's all I have to say on the subject. I still love you both. And Lillie Bell, you do have a very sexy voice. With a spoon signing off, until next time. Mr. With a spoon, you cannot not call in regularly now. You can't just announce, oh by the way I won't be calling in regularly. You are our dumb to dumb analyst and we've now developed massive attachment issues. So if you suddenly just clear off now, you've said a spoke into a decline. So you can't. You have to think bloody well ringing in. He said that Matt Crawford's behaviour was entirely in character, actually. And I had forgotten about the old people and the missing floorboards. That's very true. Okay, but there's two dynamics here. There is the psychology of the character. And I completely take that on board with a spoon. And I'll just go to back on what Lillie says. We need you regularly to be calling in to give us this psychological lowdown on the characters and what their motivation is. However, the other aspect where this is massively, excuse a friend, shit, is because they were a tremendous couple together. So there's a dynamic imperative that we needed them together in the show. I don't care about psychologically, was it plausible? Who cares about that? I want, you know, the most compelling couple left on the show. And that's what I was moaning about and that's what everybody else is moaning about. That they've gone and we've still got Shuler and Alistair. How is that fair? Yes. It's like when people die, you think. And yet, fair and so is still alive. That's not right. But we've now got, this is very strange. At our show, we spent a new and weird dimension with a spoon in his call. It's now flirting with Millie Bell through Speakpipe. So she has a sexy voice. She does have a sexy voice. I think her husband's a stinker to say that she's to laugh when he said that. I was going to try her current partner. Oh, sorry. But with a spoon and Lucy. I have instant coffee at home. It's not the only thing that I drink and I don't drink it when I go out. But if I just want to have some. A brown drink. A brown drink quickly. I'll just throw some hot water on some granules. And you know what? I don't feel that I should know. How do you? I have such a snob. I don't feel really that I need to explain. But I have to because I'm obviously middle class and I feel somewhat like I've been shamed into the fact that I drink a drink which three quarters of the planet drinks. I don't drink it all the time. Not exclusively. I have no particular brand that I'm aligned to. But you know, I did go to Safeway the other day and go and buy, you know, a jar of instant coffee and it's there for emergencies which happens three times a day when I need a quick coffee. Now, let's move on Angela. An emergency that happens at regular intervals three times a day. And the other thing is life spirit's cool. Yes. She thinks that Titchinob and Tina are in, she thinks that rather than Titchinob and Tina being in groups and siphoning off money for Jess, she says that Titchinob just wants average organics to fail so that he can effectively put Helen under house arrest. She's never going to be allowed to go out. She's going to have to give up a dairy and the whole thing. But she wants to hear with a spoon's analysis of Rob. I think that they need to have an entire podcast. Well, you know what we should do? We should have with a spoon's corner, shouldn't we? Yeah, we should. Every week, every week, he just says, and now we're going to dissect Shuler. He could be like, say that he could go, I'm listening. Hello, time to jump. This is life spirit. Just to let you know a little bit about what I do, I'm a writer and editor. I write on music and media and in addition to editing, I also help artists and creatives bring their books into the world. I'd just like to follow up on the Titchinob and Tina situation. One of your callers last week suggested that they might be in cahoots, siphoning off money to Jess. Now, while the conspiracy theory is really quite delicious and I'm really liking a lot, I think it's possibly a bit more straightforward than that. Now, when Helen decided to leave her job and employ a manager, it was obvious at that point that Titchinob's plan to control Helen was already very much in place. Now, he's playing a very long game and he wants Helen's business to fail so he can have her for himself. He wanted that right from the off. Okay, so here's my theory. Rob's dear Helen towards employing Tina precisely because she wasn't the best candidate. Helen wanted to employ the other guy. We saw that when they were talking about it. And I don't buy the idea that they're in cahoots because if that were the case, the shop would basically be in good nick and there would be a discrepancy in the takings. But what Helen's noticed there is a reduction in profits and that's completely different. Another thing that we can recognise is that some of the other characters, I think it was Alice and possibly Jennifer, are they commented that the shop's looking run down. And we witnessed exchanges between Tina and Helen in January, which make it pretty clear that Tina is not competent to do her job. Even though Rob is repeatedly saying she is obviously to serve his own end. Now, what I think is that Rob's allowing Ambridge organics to fail. He wants it to fail because it's the first phase of transforming Helen into a Stepford wife. And the ultimate goal is to destroy her personality and take complete control of her. Once he's removed Ambridge organics from the equation, his next phase is basically getting her away from the dairy. Although that's going to be a lot more difficult because Bridge Farmer and all her family are involved. He's going to have to do a lot more scheming. It's going to have to be a lot more Machiavellian to make that happen. But once he's got that out of the equation, once he's basically ruined and wrecked her business world, her business plan. After that, she'll be completely dependent on him. And has got us Deva alluded to last week. It's getting pretty grim already and it's going to be seriously grim. Once he reduces her world to the size of a peanut. On a more cheerful note, now we've got a psychiatrist in the house. I would love to hear his expert analysis, Titchin of Psychology. I could venture an amateur guest and this really is only an amateur guest that he's a sociopath and a misogynist with pathological insecurity rooted in childhood. Or he may just have a really, really titchin of who knows. Anyway, I leave the formal diagnosis to the good doctor and very much look forward to hearing his expert analysis. That's it. As ever, loving the podcast, keep up the brilliant work and have a fabulous week. Cheers now, bye. She thinks he's got sociopathic tendencies. Yes, sociopathic tendencies. Yes, we have an index review from Rupert Spoon. Alright, well, but blind spirit, first time caller in a row. So, well done, well done, well done. Welcome to the team. Hello, you two. I'm Isabelle. My Twitter name is @ifwehepneyham. I have a dull office job. I do a lot of email. I hope that helps if you ever need a lot of email doing. I'm calling in about David and Ruth's move. I'm bored of everybody going. They're not moving. Whenever they mention it. I've even bored myself now by endlessly shouting that at the radio. So, I've decided to pretend that the move is real. I'm going to firmly pretend this until I believe it. And I have some questions and some comments about it. Er, right. Have David and Ruth put a removal van yet? Have they done any packing? It's hard to pack even one cow. Let Lona herd. They are going to need a lot of bubble wrap. Have they arranged schools for the children? David has lived in the same house for about 50 years. And from the sounds of it, when Gill and Phil moved out, they left behind a lot of shit in that attic. These aren't people who have regular clear outs. They're planning to move in 12 weeks' time, and they're only just at the, ooh, look at this manky old rattle stage. Get on with it. Justin. Does anyone think Justin's the kind of guy to buy your house and your land, and then let you stay there for about three months? Or do we think he has plans for the house and nefarious plans for the land? Er, have they fixed a date for a farm sale? There are all bits of toot in the farm machinery that they're not going to take? Or are they taking it all? And finally, why are they taking the cows? Why? Why not sell the cows? Do the building work? And then buy new cows to go in the buildings that they've built? Why would you take your actual cows in vans? Why? I don't understand. If anyone can explain it, then please. OK, finally, I'm picturing Removal's Day. It's a very slow-moving convoy. David's driving a tractor. There are eight vans full of cows. There are about five vans full of shit from the attic. Josh or Ben, or whatever his name is, is driving his new car. I hope he's sober. Pip is driving her car. Josh or Ben, the other one, gets left behind in the confusion. He's standing in the yard holding Jill's final cake and some soup that Pat dropped off. Mum, Dad, Pip, Josh/Ben, the one that I'm not. Where is everyone? Oh, cake. Dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee dum dee. Isabel is trying to... if we had anyhow, she's very funny. She said she's trying to persuade herself that the Brookfield thing is happening. And I agree. Just an Elliot nonsense about years I'm a hard, tough businessman, ruthless, and I'm going to put a roadstripe through the middle of the land. But yeah, you can stay off for the three months, that's fine. Bullocks, that wouldn't happen, but do you have a listen to... I don't know about that, to be honest with you. I think that happens quite frequently. No, seriously, I do. No, no, no, because actually he's actually going to get revenue from the misery. So he sells on the place and actually he's making money. Incredibly, it actually happens quite often. And a friend of mine sold their house last year. And then paid rent to the new two owners for six months because they didn't have somewhere to live. Yeah, it was quite, quite frequently. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well... Sorry to blow a hole in a call, but it's... Sorry, pay them. No, that's fine. But do you ever listen to fleek expectations? No. I'm ready for a 6.30 thing. It's like a piss-take of a Dickens, but it's a parody of a Dickens novel. And they have this character in it. The terrible baddie is called Mr. Gently Benevolent. And that's what I always think of Justin Elliot now, is just in Gently Benevolent Elliot because he sounds... He's now sounding so smooth and nice and reasonable and everything else and you think, "Yes, I'm not. You're waiting to out-pop the cloven hoof any minute." So, yes, Gently Benevolent Elliot. Yes, he does have nefarious plans because he is in a various bugger. And Isabel also wants to know why they are taking the cows to Handy Hawk, why they can't just sell them and then buy some more when they're there. After this... Who's that farmer that emailed us a couple of weeks ago? Nick, give us the answer to that one bit. They've got all the figures, haven't they, on these particular cows? And they know the stock that they come from and the breed that they are and the inheritance of them and the inheritance? So, what do you call it? They're like the background of them, they're pedigree. And they've done the expensive cows. Well, it has to be said that. Well, they are special magic cows that can talk from the beach. It's like maybe it's that. Who knows? I did think, when they were talking about the move, I did think one. Why don't you just flog them and get some new ones? But, yeah, you've seen their Lucy. You've been from the country and all of that. You seem to have come up with some very good reasons. The reasons why you would take the bleeds away. Yeah, but I've just made them up. I don't know if that's true. Well, okay. So, what's his name? Nick, who? Who's our farmer? Nick? Robert. So, I'll bet. Please email in. We'd better still call in and let us know the reasons why they have to take the bovines all the way up to Hadley Hoch. Hi, Nicholas Barnes here. You may know me from such answer. A chance for a message uses the Dunty Dun voice mail line on 0203031 3105. Yes, for my sins, I own a telecoms company. Anyway, that's not why I'm calling. Last week on the podcast, Millie Bell asked her husband. Do I have a sexy voice? Well, to be honest, the sexiness or not of any call or inners or presenters has never occurred to me before until, well, until Millie Bell went on to say. We'll be very naughty, Nicholas. So, that little bit of oral gratification is now my ringtone. Thank you very much, Millie Bell. Anyway, moving on. Plot predictions. Right. Okay, so the Springer Brookfield is the head of an underground aquifer. The land's unstable and a survey will show that Ruby can't be built without spending megabucks. With Ruby gone and the death of Heather Pet after she trips up over her in accent, David and Ruth decide to stay. In a brief display of business acumen, Ed persuades David and Ruth to rent the useless piece of land with the spring on it to him. He builds a bottling plant and Chateau lo de Grundi turns him into a million air overnight. It turns out that the business genius is actually Emma, who's using Ed as a frontman. Apparently, the time she spent baking fairy cakes and distressing furniture with Fallon taught her everything she needed to know about the world of business. In the meantime, Kenton and Jolene are forced to sell off their half of the bull in order to pay Kenton's credit card bill. After all, business class flights to the other side of the world don't come cheap. Interesting, though, that the purchase stays anonymous but uses a South American solicitor. Hmm. Righty-hoe. Anyway, that's enough for now. I'm off to ring myself. Bye. We'll be very naughty Nicholas. We'll be very naughty Nicholas. We'll be very naughty Nicholas. We'll be very naughty Nicholas. We'll be very naughty Nicholas. Nicholas Barnes. Isn't he? He's the man who gives us our phone line, isn't he? He is. He is. Isn't he lovely? He is. He's lovely. Yeah. And he's got a lovely voice. Mmm. He's my new favourite. Exeter to Dormouse is now. Not a conch. It's all about the Barnes now. Oh, I forgot to say, just before you go on to Nicholas Barnes, the life spirit. If you'd like to be inducted into being one of my lovely ladies, feel free. I thought your call... Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Wasn't there? Doing what happens. Oh, you're the original one of my ladies, so you know exactly what you had to do to be part of the club, Lucy. And I didn't. I don't remember you complaining either. We said we would not talk of this. But no, listen. I find passing to say that it would... Yes, it would not go any further. Listen, what? No, I'm just saying, fly spirit. Your membership card with the keys to the membership den are in the post. So you are member number, I think, four. Was it five? I forgot. We've got in there now, Maeve. Dusty, life spirit. Who else is in there? Oh, mid-missity. Oh, mid-missity. Oh, and Sarah Brown speaking. I wouldn't lock up Miss Micity in your dungeon. It's not a dungeon. Oh, sorry. Is it not? No, wait a minute. If you're going to give somebody keys, it's hardly a dungeon. Go and come and say it's in the room free will. No, I have got friends who have got their own dungeon. And for very specific purposes. And they have keys. Hmm. That's right. You'll find it. Yes. They normally it's you with the racy stuff. Now it's me. Yeah. Look at that. Listen, Lucy. I need more detail put on those bones of that story. So flesh them out for me. Please. I have a fair to friends who got together later in life. And they'd been very respectable, respectable, respectable people. All the way through their lives. And then they sort of discovered together this mutual liking for a bit of S&M. Bit of dungeon, shenanigans. And they built a dungeon in the bottom of the house. Good heavens. They've got planning permission for that. I mean, I'm not sure they specified that's what it was for. But yeah. And they've got all the bits and pieces. And you've been in it, have you? I've heard in great detail what it's like. I haven't been to see it. I was asked if I would like to. You are partaking in a little bit of the spanky, chainy fun. I'm more M&S than S&M. [LAUGHTER] To be frank. [LAUGHTER] I'd tell you many, many, many, many moons ago. I found myself on the fringes of that scene. And when I say the fringes, I mean the fringes. And it was when I owned my shop in the early to mid 90s, we did this range of clothes from this company called Modern Armour. And everything they did was rubber. But it would be like a jacket denim style, but it would be made out of rubber. So it wasn't kinky stuff, which I took. Yeah. However, everything else in their range is incredibly kinky, but I never stopped that. And because I was the stockest, I got invited to a couple of racy parties. And I had to travel to this one party. And holy komoly. [LAUGHTER] Things were hanging in a wobbling. [LAUGHTER] And a lady came up to me and said, "Would you like to play?" And I said, "No, thank you." [LAUGHTER] I'm just watching. [LAUGHTER] I'll hold your thing while you can't do it. She said, "Are you sure? Are you sure?" And I saw this guy a nice way. [MUSIC] Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. With the price of just about everything going up during inflation, we thought we'd bring our prices down. So to help us, we brought in a reverse auctioneer, which is apparently a thing. Mint Mobile unlimited. Premium wireless. [MUSIC] Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of detail. The holiday season is now approaching, but at bluenile.com, there's always something to celebrate. Whether you're looking for everyday elegance to elevate a casual outfit, or a statement piece worthy of your biggest holiday looks, bluenile brings sparkle to any occasion. With some of the highest quality standards in the industry, and jewelry experts on hand to answer any questions, you can be confident in your purchase. Right now, celebrate the season with 30% off at bluenile.com. That's bluenile.com. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states. Thank God, Lucy. This guy was getting whacked within like an inch of his life. And that did not look playable at all. And I'm like, "What did you know?" And there's this woman in the boobs that I wear. This rubber says, "Would you like to fly with not on your nelly?" Do I? I'm not playing on your nelly. No! What did you tell me away, madam? That was a night and a half. I went with my mate. Interesting etiquette, isn't it, about how you actually say no? Well, it's a safe word, isn't it? Oh, the world, yes, yeah, yeah. I don't mean no, like, stop it for crying out loud, you've cracked a rib. I mean, you know, like, "No, thank you very much for asking." Because you do know, you don't want to be rude, but at the same time you don't want to get, you know, hit with a double-ended tilt. But what is it? So, I went to that. I went to a couple of fetish, because I was purely a stockist. And after the second one, I thought, "Okay, you know, I've seen what I need to see." I'll store this away for a podcast, which I'll do about 20 years later, right? About me. Yeah, about me. That would be really relevant. And I did, in very similar circumstances, I did find myself at the Club Aquarium in Shortage, a couple of years afterwards, at the fetish party. And that was another site to behold. And it was, like, a bank holiday. And everybody was dancing, going for it like the raft. And everyone was kind of dressed up. Whatever your fetish was, you needed to come as your fetish. Now, you know, I'm a bit, you know, I might like to think I'm a bit of a lover. I'd like to think I'm a bit of a lover, man, and all of that. And, you know, and... Yeah, you're a bit vanilla, aren't you? Yeah, exactly. That's exactly the word I was coming to, Lucy. You know. And so, my fetish was, I just had this long, kind of... It looked a little bit like a Pimp Daddy Mac, kind of, sheepskin coat. But there were people dressing all manner of, like, you know, there were astronauts, you know, with their bottom halves and all sorts of things. It was great fun. Great fun. We have a massive trouble. Yes, we have liftoff. And I've never been encountered by so much friendliness in all my life. Because you get through those doors and the normal social realities just go out the window. It's a case of, well, wait a minute. We're all of the similar mind. We all don't mind a little bit of tits and ass. And let's go, you know. And, you know, just people were so friendly. You know, you would have a conversation with a woman who was half naked. And you were just a conversation. You didn't mean that, you know, she wanted anything. She said, "No, no, what do you do? What's your name?" Blah, blah, blah. And there was, you know, I had a lot of... Frisbee, Madam, but I'm like, "What's my point? You've got your rest, baby." But I didn't ask me a lovely lady from Belfast there, you know. Oh God, Lucy. I fell in love for all. I fell passionately in love for this lovely little lady from Belfast, who I met there. But that's a conversation, really, for another time. And I'm getting all wistful now. But anyway, you know, where did we come in on this? I have no idea. I was just thinking. You've got friends that have dungeons and they've got planning permission. Why did we get onto that? Oh, you and your lovely lady. Oh, that was it. Bly spirit. Bly spirit. So yes, your membership card with the keys for the membership card are in the post. I think the chances of anybody wanting to be part of your lovely ladies and now evaporated. What? Or you can be a very specific sort of lovely lady that you may attract now. Oh, why? Because you go to fetish clubs. No, Lucy. I went to two 23 years ago. I'm hardly a regular. I do like the fact that the only fetish you could think of was a nice warm coat. That's how British I am. Oh, no. That's completely opposite, actually. But anyway, we do Nicholas Barnes. He had a very clever call and tell us about his oral gratification. He said that Kenton and Jodie were going to be forced to sell the bull and that Matt will buy it. It's interesting. I'm not quite sure how that would work, but it's interesting. And he then said that he has used Milly Bell's lovely voice where she said, "Oh, do behave Nicholas." Or that it's a little bit naughty Nicholas. And he's used that as his ringtone. Now, to prove that, remind me about ringtones, I need a proper telling off about that, but go on. So, yeah, that just proves Milly Bell that you have got a very sexy voice because now A) with a spoon splirting with you and B) Nicholas Barnes has got you as his ringtone, which actually makes me quite jealous of you, but I will forgive you because you are very lovely. Um, yes. Next call. And just before going to the next call, I will do the ringtone of granddad. No, more granddad. You know, I really will get it done this week. I'm really sorry. I will get it done and I will post it wherever it needs to be posted so people can use it for their ringtones. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Hello you two. It's Diane here. You're honest. I'm the Twitter's. Uh, you've been asking for a little by-office from us and I was born and bred in Coventry. Uh, but I've been living down south longer when I lived in Coventry now. I used to be a history teacher, but now I'm a data analyst for my local authority, which isn't very exciting. But actually it is because I get really turned on by doing the research. Anyway, it is Thursday night and in this evening's episode, Phoebe kicked Kate a new one, Good and Hard, and came out of a lot of home truths that needed to be said. No, there's been a few people saying, "Oh, Phoebe has been, you know, a petulant child. She doesn't understand relationships, etc." Well, she is 16 years old. Basically, relationships and behaviours in a very black and white way. Um, it's very binary. And one of the things that you do not do is commit adultery. So, um, is there any wonder that, sort of, no, she would react in such a negative way? But I'm very concerned about what effect this is going to actually have on her. She's got a mother who's rejected her more than months and started a new life and more than months committed adultery. She's got a father who's committed adultery. She's got a stepmother who left and took her half-sister, but not her. And she must be feeling very abandoned and very alone. And that can have a very serious effect on a young person. So, whether she ends up going off the rails, alla-thready and sort of, actually, alla-her-mother, and starts misbehaving badly and thinking about the hair, and drinking, etc. Or whether it actually has an effect on her mental health. Um, I think it's the latter, but I'd be more concerned about it in the next few months. We might be seeing her going down and down a very slippery slope. Um, nothing else to say really. I'm glad Matt is gone, because I did not like Matt. I always felt that Lillian could do much better than her tiger, and all that tiger pussycat stuff. And when it first started, back in the day, I really disliked it. Um, other than that, Lucy and Royfield, please keep up the good work. The "Dunted and Podcast" is one of the highlights of my week. It is a bit embarrassing when I'm sat at my desk laughing my head off. Um, especially as I sit rather near the bosses, but anyway. Um, keep up the good work. Thank you very much and speak to you soon. Bye! Oh, Diane, my ness, I think she is using her advice. I don't know if you've heard this Diane's call, but she appears to be using her appliance all the way through it. There's a high-pitched buzzing noise going on in the back. I hope you're on about her juicer. Yeah, yeah. In every sense. Oh, you are a mucky woman, you know. Um, she says she doesn't think Phoebe is being petched at all. She just thinks, uh, you know, people have been saying, "Phoebe is being petched at teenage." I don't think she is. I think she's, I agree. I think she's just being massively, justifiably, bloody furious. And, uh, you know, she's been, she's been dumped by her mum twice. And her mum just lies, and, you know, it's just really unpleasant. So, yes, we'll laugh or Phoebe. Does her mother lie or is she delusional? You know, I think, you know, Kate is massively socially delusional, isn't she? As opposed to out and out lying. Uh, I, I, you know, so when she's having a go at Roy for having an affair, you know, it's... She genuinely doesn't believe that she's done the same thing. Exactly, because she fell in love or it was a mistake and it wasn't at all calculated. She got swept up in the moment. Whereas what Roy has done is something that can't really be calculated. I don't think that Kate lies. She's just incredibly delusional. Yeah. And she thinks the whole world universe revolves around her, you know. So, there is no other viewpoint on her actions other than she's just, uh, driven by, um, light and love. And, you know, and macrobiotic, um, organic, vegan, caraffes of wine, you know. I didn't love the way her voice just, Kate's voice just collapsed. Because she's got this incredibly over-assartive way of talking, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And then when Phoebe said, tell her what, tell grandma the truth or something, and she sort of said, I don't know. And she sort of, her voice really went broken and quiet. And you just thought, ha, she was a broken woman. But what I continue. But what I'm slightly confused about and was the fact that she had an affair before the EZ went to South Africa as well. Yes. But that hasn't been mentioned because I thought people would have said, and there was a time when I was in South Africa. But she didn't. No. But anyway. Yeah. Unless that is the affair. No. Because, well, why, because, um, Lucas for Gabor, he's only just kicked throughout now. Oh, okay. Right. Yes, yeah. But I suppose that was on Ambridge Extra, so they can't talk about that because technically we don't know that. Mm-hmm. Okay. All right. Hello, dumpsy-dum. A full of cold goddess diva here, wanting to talk about Kate. Yes. She's annoying. Yes. She's selfish. Yes. She's horrible. And yes. We were all cheering when Phoebe gave her both barrels, but I'm going to have to defend her on one thing. Cat ears. What is the problem everybody has with a woman of her age with cat ears? What's with all the internalized misogyny and patriarchy that means that we're having a woman about what she puts on her head? I will confess, having a bit of a bias here, because I did tweet today my picture of myself wearing my cat ears, which I love. And nobody will ever take from me, you will pry my cat ears from my cold, dead hands, which will probably be colder dead because I've over-invited festivals where I tend to wear them. Do I have one then to the office? Well, I digress. It goes along with this whole thing of expecting women to be a certain way at a certain age. And I'm afraid I'm not buying into it. Anybody who saw me at the dumb to dumb awards knows that I'm quite comfortable wearing either jeans and a jumper, or when the mood takes me, a dress and a corset, and said bunny ears, or cat ears, or tiara, or whatever. I say give Kate a bloody break. She wants to wear cat ears and take selfies, you let her wear cat ears and take selfies and stop bloody putting women, especially of a certain age, which pisses me the right head off. Into a category where we're supposed to be in twin set and bloody pearls and sitting in the corner and behaving ourselves so we don't embarrass our children or sod them. If our children are embarrassed, we've done a bad job of ringing them up. Other thing to say this week, oh my heart breaks for her every time she talks about Matt. It really does, but it was lovely to hear the Lillian and Jolene show again. I'd miss them. The last time I think we had them together being just Lillian and Jolene was when she was shagging Paul. That's Lillian, not Jolene. I don't think unless I missed something. Anywho, more of that please, and let's have Hailey back as well please. Let's have Hailey back to put Robin in this place, to put Kate in her place, to make Phoebe happy, and so Roy can grab a little ass off to her. I'm assuming he's got a little ass. I don't know. I don't know. Has Robbie got a little ass? This is the sort of thing that will now keep me awake tonight. Cheers for that. So yes, so that's me for this week. Leave the catted one alone, as far as the catted is a concern, obviously. Team Lillian forever. And ever, and ever, and ever. Oh, where is Aunt Thea? Where is Aunt Thea? Is she in Costa Rica as well? Hmm. Nobody's mentioning her. Hmm. Okay, right. I'm obviously delirious at this point, so I'm going to go and have another LEMSEP, and I will speak to you all soon. God of Stephen, she says, "Stop having a pop at Kate wearing cat ears." Er, er, I don't know if I'm going to agree with the goddess on this one. I've got nothing to do with the age of the woman, and whether after a certain age, she should be having catties. You shouldn't be having catties at any age. God of Stephen's got catties, though. Listen, I'm a big goddess diva fan, she knows that. Big love to you, God of Stephen. I'm like puffing out my chest and thumping it kind of hip-hop, urban American style. Much love for you. However, as a fashion choice, it's just kind of wrong. It's a bit like a onesie. There's never a time for a onesie. You know, unless you're 18 months and younger. You know, there's no time ever for a onesie. There's no time ever for catties. I'm sorry. A onesie. I'm enjoying this week's show. I'm going to have to have a lie down. I'll keep this week for that, I think. Oh, you're going to get your juicer out, but anyway. God of Stephen, what are you going to defend her? No, I just think. I'll get all strident now and you'll tell me off of being shrill and annoying. But there's this thing about, she's right, about what you can wear and what you can't wear in terms of age. But also, there's this other thing that drives me completely nuts, which is kind of similar attitude of. I can't wear, I will treat myself to some new clothes or I will treat myself to whatever. When I am thin enough. And you think, what? If you like something, wear it. If you look like, if it means that you look like what you want to look like and you feel as if you're wearing clothes that represent you, then that's a right, not a treat for God's sake. Men don't say, well, I'm not going to buy myself. Maybe they do, I don't know what people don't. Oh, no. Yeah. Well, and it's like women that say, oh, I've been really wicked and had a scon. And you think, no, mugging an old lady is really wicked. Having a scon is eating. It's food, not a moral choice. God's sake. It's just that kind of, oh no, I don't deserve. You know, and unless you've got a certain level of, you know, you've just got to get on with it. And, you know, stop thinking, oh, I can't wear that because I'm this size or, you know, if you want to wear it, wear it. And if it's, I just can't, there's a onesie or a pair of pants on your head, good on you, I say. Listen, I'm with you, my sister. Right. You know, a woman should be able to wear whatever she wants to wear. Anybody should be able to wear anything they want. Women in particular, though. Women in particular. Of course, and it's, of course, I'm just being flippant and stupid. Anybody should be able to wear what you want to wear. However, sometimes people will have a reaction to what you're wearing, which isn't necessarily based on the fact that we live in a patriarchal society. Or that what you're wearing doesn't make you feel empowered. Sometimes people make bad fashion choices. That's all I'm saying. And I'm putting the cat ears in that category. Can you wear them as a woman in your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s? Absolutely. But I just think they look kind of a bit rubbishy. That's all I'm saying. But I would absolutely man the barricades for anybody that wants to wear cat ears. However, afterwards, I give them a stiff talking to them so they don't ever fucking wear them again. They look crap. I will defend to the death of my cat ears. This is going to go down in one of the weirdest shows I've ever done. Anyway, thank God we have Gore Blimey here to keep us all straight and narrow. Hello, YouTube. This is Gore Blimey on Twitter as @doubleagent73. I just wanted to offer a theory about Matt. I wonder if Anthony has done him in and buried him under the Dauhaus patio. She'd have sold all the paintings and wines, then run off with her money to Costa Rica. And while she's there, she's been sending texts from his phone pretending to be he's still alive. Let's be honest, she doesn't even need an alibi because nobody's actually noticed that she's vanished. And that includes her employer, Lillian. One other thing, as I got this right, the Brookfield story might be going on for another three months. Please tell me I've got that wrong. Cheers. Who said that Anthea has buried Matt under the patio? Because he says it's very odd the way she has spontaneously combusted. It is because, as he said, even Lillian hasn't said, hang on a minute. What is the woman that works for me? She doesn't need to be here anymore. No, it's all gone quiet. Nothing, nothing. And with you go blame me, I cannot bear this flaming Brookfield story land for the three months. I'm not even, I just can't even bear it. I don't even engage anymore. No, no, no, I don't even mention it. Other than to say, first I'm cooler in a well done. Yeah. Well done. And Andrew Horn, who says he does not have the horn this week, he wishes us to know. So it's not just us, everyone's at it this week. This is Andrew Horn, Andrew Horn without the horn today. But that's just the way it is. I thought it was quite funny last week. Anyway, a couple of thoughts about teaching of one, we know that Jess is a bit mad. So what if Rob isn't the father and he proves it, then he will be invincible and Helen will just suffer even more because no one will be able to challenge him. And the other thing, by the way, I hope that doesn't come true, the other thing is his interest in Adam and Charlie is not so much to get one over Adam. But when Charlie starts giving him a hard time, that will come back out and he will make an attempt to blackmail Charlie and then Charlie will source him out good and proper and it will be Charlie that finally gets rid of Tichinob. Those are my thoughts. By Tichinob will be stopped by Charlie. Tichinob will be his plan to ruin everyone's lives will be destroyed by Charlie. Barb's spreadsheet, which will be cracking. Very good, I think. Because Charlie is kind of, he's outside, you know, he's not related to anybody. He's kind of outside the village, outside the dynamic. He's kind of the person that could do it and I would love to just see. I want someone to bring Tichinob down, ideally a woman, but if it's Charlie, that's fine. Anybody will do to be frank. Well, Andrew Horn, you also said that, you know, that Jess ain't quite right. And I hope, just for the sake of a storyline, that he isn't the father and it's conclusively proven. And it's not a case of all, well, maybe he could be and blah, blah, blah. He isn't to add the next to a kind of dimension to this, but, you know, we're all loving this, this Robin Jess and Helen Ride and Long Make continue, though the man is absolutely evil incarnate. We've had two emails from Elizabeth Church who has a go at me and says, I am wrong. Ed sells his milk direct to Mike. I was moaning about water being cheap for milk. Erm, no, wrong around milk being cheap with the water. She says, no, Lucy, you are wrong. Ed sells his milk direct to Mike. Mike pays Ed per pint. If Mike charges 70p a pint, which is the normal price people pay for doorstep milk, then Ed will be paid a reasonable amount for his milk. The 30p elita is not relevant here. She puts in cupboard letters. So, yes, sorry. Take your word for it. Erm, and Rob Ald has emailed us with an email that he has sent to BBC this week because he's so cross. Did you read this? No, yes, yes I did. Yes, this sure no corner bloke needs to be gone. He says, why has Matt Crawford been axed? Erm, I'm going to edit this because it's a very long and detailed email about all the things that he thinks, which is an awful great deal of people who have said the same sort of things. Erm, I can only think he says that you do not know how much characters such as Matt are loved. Please take a tour of the various message boards and websites to see the reaction it has had, and you will see that you are not just shaking up the cast but turning listeners off. And I use the word character deliberately as Matt was one of the best. It's not too late. Bring him back. He says, this is the latest in a string of character changes. Adam from Strength to Weakness, Dave from Defiance to Bottler, Roy from Family Man to Bedhopper, Tom from Save to Unhinged, and back again. Jenny from Family Stillwater, Miss Marple, Linda from Eccentric to Ridiculous, Emma Fallon from Youthless in Live to Business Women of the Year. The character transplants seem to affect them all. Now Spillip Townley on our Book of Face page pointed us all in the direction of a rather good article, which the first line is, it takes something for the director general of the BBC to directly call out one of his own programs because Tony Hall has said something about the direction of the archers. He said it's because his own family listens. Tony Hall's family are archers fans, and they've all been learning about it. Well, there is an article written by Brian Edwards who really does kind of say what the hell is going on with the archers. It's very good. And thank you, Mr. Townley, for bringing it to our attention on the Book of Face. Talking of the Book of Face, shall we have a quick blast of Millie Bell? Hello, you two. It's Millie Bell here with a round up of Facebook for the week. You can't say that our favourite docu-drama is not character driven, and of course the character of the week is Phoebe. We're very excited, as you will have read on Facebook because she's going to be interviewed on the 9th of February, so get your questions in. Remember, she can't reveal too much about the plot, but she can certainly talk about how she prepares for her part and how she reacts the way she does. Which leads me to my second question. Now, I noticed on the other archers' pages that there was a real mix of reactions to Phoebe's outburst with Kate. And I was a little bit surprised because I have teenagers of my own, and I work with teenagers, and I know that they can have outbursts. And sometimes they're warranted and sometimes they're not. And I think many of us would have felt, in this case, it was warranted. So we asked the question, "Have you seen Teens react like this over less and or more? What is your point of view on it all?" And we did have a lot of support for Phoebe. Jan Mitchell said her right to see indignation is well warranted, but the degree of rage in her delivery was disrespectful. On the other hand, she's been through so much, so I don't know, it's a dicey one. Well-acted, though. Sue Howard said, "Out of the mouths of babies." Fiona Griffin said, "I thought it was restrained on Phoebe's part, considering what she's been through to have the sex lives of both her parents rubbed in her face when we all know that parents don't even have sex." The point well made, Fiona. Valerie Bayless actually did a happy dance, and she fizzed bumped herself off and says, "Go, Phoebe." Robin Winning said, "I find it hard to believe anyone is appalled at her outburst that was totally justified and right on point. The actress who plays Phoebe is very good, and I'm glad they're letting her show some range." So a good bit of support happening here. Rachel Louise says, "Appalled at Phoebe for taking a moral stance against her cheating lying absentee mother. Phoebe had every right to be married, especially after all the dribble Kate has been spouting about mother-dorted bonds and honesty." And there were many, many more in the same vein. I think Phoebe certainly got our vote. Ruth Simpson, who could possibly object to Phoebe's telling Kate where to get off. She's had an awful lot to deal with recently. Becky Black says, "I'm totally Team Phoebe." I think the final straw was Kate saying Phoebe was going to come and live with her and have lots of super mother and daughter adventures together as if. I have two teenage daughters, and I must say if I started talking with that language of having super mother bonding time, or super mother daughter time together, I think they would just look at me as I was completely mad. The trick as a parent is just to do it and let them work it out afterwards. Anyway, we're looking forward to another good week on The Arches, and I really encourage you to get involved in our Facebook page. It's getting livelier and livelier. We're 17 of having another magical number of likes. So as we grow bigger, it gets more active, so please drop by and I'll see you there. Ciao. Thank you, Miss Bell. Now what should we do, Lucy? Shall we do the top five hashtag? Well, do you want to show us an advert? Well, why don't we have an advert? I'll go and have a cup of instant camp coffee. You can lie down and get your juicer out, and we'll see everybody in a little while. Oh, you don't take it at the sanders, and that's fine. [LAUGHTER] [MUSIC] Mr. Popfic? [MUSIC] That's the only thing we have to pay. [MUSIC] Four score and seven years ago. When in the course of human events. And so my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country. There is not in Latin America, any white America, and Latino America, and Asian America. There's the United States of America. [MUSIC] [MUSIC] Listen to the first show exclusively on mixed cloud today and subscribe to us on iTunes beginning January the 18th. From Washington to Obama, 10 American presidents, the new podcast from Royfield Brown. [MUSIC] We he's back. So, loose. Yes. Why don't you tell us what your hashtag the launches tweet to the week up. Okay, half a six minute says same old story. Boy meets girl, girl shacks boy's brother. Girl has baby with boy. Girl proposes to boy's brother. Ah, the grondies. They'll be said Emma wants her wedding simple, which is lucky since she's apparently started with her choice of groom. The need in said, you know, when Eddie in the Burns night supper. I'm not the haggis. The need in said, I'm not finding Eddie's disgust at haggis to be authentic. In my head, the grondies eat after birth pie. And I thought that as well. That didn't seem right. So duck, plink toft. Lovely duck, plink toft. So, nominate who is in Brookfield when it is demolished. Uh, tweet of the week is jamfangled. Oh, said Kenton is not so much. Kenton, he says, is not so much tempting fate at the moment as shouting, come and have a go if you think you're hard enough at it. [LAUGHS] I thought it was bacon. Ha! We've done Millie Bell, haven't we? Here we have. [LAUGHS] I think, uh, her car park is Millie Bell. Like, yes. [LAUGHS] And Andrew Horn is in that queue and says, will a spoon. But, uh, but Lucy. Mmm. I think we should start, we should start to wrap this one up. What you reckon? Yes. Right then. All right. So, uh, let's say... Oh, can't we just say Happy Birthday to Annie? Annie, who played, um, Tilly Button. Oh, Happy Birthday, Annie. It's her birthday today. I'm sending a record from us. Oh, thank you, thank you. And how old is she today? 11. No, 12. 12, sorry. Yes. She's in big school now, isn't she? [BUZZER] So, I think... Lucy, that dummy dumb is just about over. Look, I've enjoyed this one. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy the other four or three that have done. But we like the root one, Stephanie. Well, I feel that I've kind of finally fallen down to your kind of gutural base level this week. But I enjoyed, I enjoyed being so low. I really did. It was, it was rather good fun. Um, but, folks, now it's February, January is over. You can all stop pretending that you had any intention stopping drinking for any longer than that and you can buy yourself a dumbly dumb mug to put your booze in. So, get over to our shop on www.dumb.com and bye-bye. Bye. It's that time, folks. It's reviews, news, news of reviews. We have brand new items, reviews from Unthankable. And Sam, Mary, Dave. Now, if you... You know the little song that you sing? Mm-hmm. You know the little reviews? I was singing that for about two days afterwards after the last show. Really? It's really irritating. How much is it? Is it an ear work? It's not a... It is. It's not a good thing, Royfield. Because it made me want to stand people by. Walked about hour three and I was still going, "Yes, yes, refuse, refuse, refuse." And I felt like flying out there and punching you in the face. So now we've got to... It would have been nice for you to... It would have been nice for you to fly out just to see me, Lucy. Not just punch you in the face. No. I'll punch you in the face and then we'll go and have a drink or something. Alright, cool. You can take one of your fetish clubs, I'm sure you've found something. Yeah, 22 years ago, that was Lucy. You know, I'm not the person that knows people who are that committed to SNM, that they construct their own dungeons. No, that's true. Mm-hmm. Right. Now... If you have... Would you guys know them? Listen, you keep your friends to yourself. Right. If you have an itchy donation finger, then click away on the donate button on the site and give us some cold, hard pound sterling. And if you live in a country where pound sterling is not the currency of choice, don't worry, it converts it all for you. Just go on there with your Australian dollars, your American dollars, your Canadian dollars, your Austrian shillings. If you all rose, go click that button and it converts it into pounds and it means that Lucy can... What can you do? What do you actually do? With your proceeds of the Dundee dumb cash? What do you do, Lucy? Um... Buy more batteries for your juicer? Yes. I do. That's what keeps me sounding so jolly. [laughter] Good. So, if you want to keep Lucy jolly, um, have you got any spare check? If you want to keep Lucy juicer? [laughter] Just, just you know what to do. So, since the last show, we've had Mueller from the following person, Lonnie J. Bahar. We both salute you and thank you for your generosity. You can also go to patreon.com, P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com. Search for Dundee dumb and you can donate $2 a show, which is about $1.30. Now, remember, you can also send us a voice message by the site where you can call 0203-031-3105 and you'll be using Nicholas Barnes's company's facility, if you call us on that number. Uh, so you do that from a regular phone if you can't use the website because we need your messages. The lifeblood of this programme other than Lucy's rudeness and a funny monologues is your call. So, please get them in. You can also ping us a regular text message, email type thing. If you go on to dumtydum.com or you can find @dumtydum on the Twitter's or you can tweet me @royfildreducevaparo, I've India F-I-A-L-D. Or me @lucievfreamen. So, please, please, please keep those reviews coming because you want to be top of the podcast charts where Phoebe, Roy and Elizabeth all move into lower locks altogether. That's good. That's hell-freezing over. That's where we're never going to be dum-dum. You've got to, if you're going to write this stuff, you have to kind of say like it might actually happen. Sorry. Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this show. Um, however, however, however. Before we say, well, let's say goodbye first and then we'll go on to the post-credits bit of the show. So goodbye everybody. Goodbye from San Francisco, the other side of Derek Fletcher's bedroom. And goodbye from me who is not in San Francisco. Now, on the book of Face this week, I was somewhat taken to task about the show by somebody. And let's not give him the oxygen of publicity as I'm actually not that. Well, I'm quite like not to have the oxygen of oxygen, to be honest, but anyway. Well, number one, number one. I'm obviously people have criticized what we've done, you know, criticized the show before. And I take it on the chin. Obviously, I do, Lucy and I do this as a passion of ours. And the fact that we even get a tiny bit of Shekel and emails and any kind of recognition is just, you know, is absolutely amazing. And what we think we've done is to help foster a community. We haven't created it because that community was already there really onto it. Yeah. And help foster a community of people who are somewhat like-minded. They love the arches, but they can take the Mickey out of it. Yes. But, you know, it's very close to our hearts. Now, obviously, if you spend hours of your day fundamentally free of charge, though, we do get the odd donation doing something. Then somebody says, "That's crap." You know, you do go on bloody hell, you know, type of thing. However, the listener did have some valid points to make. And I just thought I would take this time out to explain the reasons why sometimes we have the problems that we do with the audio quality. Now, quite simply, longtime listeners know, and I've just said it, Lucy and I do actually record this show on Skype. And for weeks, I'll say for months, people, I was actually quite proud about the fact that people didn't realize because the audio quality was that good. Now, quite simply, from the early shows to now, we've had some of an itinerant existence. Lucy always records from the same place, but generally, I kind of don't. And that is one of the key reasons why sometimes the sound sounds better than it does in other weeks. And then the question was, well, there are other podcasts that, you know, do not record in studios or, you know, kind of move around. The issue is there, folks, is that we live and die by the quality of the broadband where we are, as well as the atmospherics of the room. So sometimes shows have been recorded literally from a friend's kitchen. It's sometimes a little bit echoey. And then sometimes broadband just goes down and isn't in the quality of the call on Skype then does suffer. So frequently, when we do record, I have to say to Lucy, please, can you just stop and repeat that bit because we've had digital break up. Now, I would like to think that what we put out is sufficiently good enough that whenever we do encounter technical problems that will be given the benefit of the doubt. And I think most people actually do. But as I've kind of explained to people before, the show does take up a lot of both of our times. Lucy's to do scripts, et cetera, to do a monologue, blah, blah, blah, and then me to edit. And one of the things which I'm most proud of with Dum de Dum is that people don't realise really the amount of editing that actually does go into it. It does sound like it's too mad people who've just drunken a carafe of vegan wine, just kind of going for it. Sometimes it is, to be fair. But, you know, the listener calls don't get themselves into the show by themselves. And if I just take those as an example, some calls are much louder than others. Some have a whole load of background noise in, and I do try my best to filter these out. But I do, I do, I do, I do. Sometimes rush the edit. I'm not going to say that I don't end frequently. I do make mistakes. But whenever I do, and then I notice it, I do then correct that mistake and upload it. This show does take a lot of my time, but I do absolutely love it. I hope that that goes some way for people to understand the reasons why there are some podcasts that sound, that have clearer sound than ours. And I'd like to think that even our worst critics will admit that not every show does the audio sound bad. But if you live and die by Skype and broadband and broadband at different bits of the world, sometimes the audio quality is going to suffer. Right, so that's that. Now, Lucy. And in other news, he's an idiot, and if you don't like it, turn it off. Well, I apologise, because me being all Buddhist and all, that my hackles did get raised, and I tried to be somewhat anyway. I didn't necessarily respond in the way that I normally did. I thought you were very restrained. Well, I got upset about the comment about the fact that I need to learn how to podcast. That was what got me. Not about the fact that why does the sound sound bad. Because, you know, there are technical reasons why it did. But anyway, I hope that answers anybody's questions, is the reasons why the audio sounds like that. Anyway, moving on. Lucy, you got anything to say before we go? No, I think I've said much too much this episode. I really, really think that you play this podcast again. Would you play this podcast to your mother? She does listen, but the good thing is she tends to fall asleep. So, because she listens to it quite late at night, and she finds me quite boring, I think. So, she kind of just nods off. And so, I think she thinks the entire podcast is about two minutes long. Because she hears you saying, "Welcome to Dunty-dum!" And then she hears me saying, "Bye!" And that's it. So, she makes that happen. Listen. Tell me that she's listened to it, and actually she should have listened to about four minutes. Well, that's probably all for the best, because I tell you what. My sea of the going mother is not going to get anywhere near this episode of Dunty-dum. Because it's far too blue. Anyway, listen. It's been wonderful, been in your company, Lucy V. Freeman. It's been wonderful podcasting to you, all people from all four bits of the globe, but also, similarly, listen to us and love the archers. So, goodbye from me and... Goodbye, children, everywhere. Bye-bye. There you go, that was good. I had lots of fun. So, today, it was quite rude. I listened to this back and go, "Ah!" Yeah, I might need to take out one or two references to your juicer. What you like, you? Cue the Fireplace and your favorite Fall movie. There's nothing better than a cozy evening at home with a glass of first leaf wine. First leaf is a personalized wine club that delivers right to your door. Sounds magical, right? They get to know your favorite tasting notes, which varietals you enjoy and whether you prefer sweet or dry wines. So, in every shipment, you get bottles tailored to your unique palette. Go to tryfirstleaf.com/fall to get your first six wines for just $44.95 with free shipping. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com/results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be.

Dum Tee Dum Episode 44 – Keeping things juicy

Keeping things juicy

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