DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'
Dum Tee Dum Episode 43 – Midnight calls
Dum Tee Dum Episode 43 – Midnight calls
These shows can’t get any longer
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- Duration:
- 1h 25m
- Broadcast on:
- 27 Jan 2015
- Audio Format:
- other
Hey I'm Ryan Reynolds, recently I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation, they said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those owners to your contracts, they said, "What the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood f*ck?" So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speed slower above 40 gigabytes of details. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friend still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B. But with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. Linked in. The place to be. To be. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. Said Britain is just a small island that no one pays attention to. A former colony won the way to determine its own destiny. Hello and welcome to Mint Atlantic, the show where we look at the news and the views from one side of Atlantic from the perspective of the other. My name is Royfield Brown and I'm ably assisted by my two brothers from another mother. Over in Dublin we have Mick Wright. Hello dumpty-dum, it's Claire from Scotland via Canada and I seem to remember I missed the dumpty-dum awards because I was singing Mozart's Requiem and I think you thought it was a tremendously good reason for not going but I was in fact singing it and I realised in light of this I probably owe you at least one song dumpty-dum. Having said that, I am a high soprano. If I sing it on dumpty-dum, it's going to go horrendously wrong. I have tried this. It does not work. You will have it stretching somewhere in the register of F at the top of the staff. So here is dumpty-dum on more recordable syllables. This shit isn't it? What is it that you're having to do this at three o'clock in the morning or one of it is? It's only midnight. Does it say that is three o'clock in the morning for me? I turn into a pumpkin after half past ten. No, no, just a midnight's fine but it's more the yeah. I know. I was in bed about 15 minutes ago. It's amazing. It's amazing that we're both compost menthol enough to actually string a girl hearing sentence together. We need to do dumpty-dum cheer or something don't we to wake ourselves up? That's probably not a bad idea. That is what I tell you. You're wrong. You've hit the ground running. You're dumpty-dum. Energy, mine's starting. I've had a lot of coffee. William, which my little coffee maker? Does someone treat it that morning as well? The ad for Camp Coffee made of acorns. They said it tasted like, it's supposed to taste like ache corns and I said no, it tasted like despair. Oh, it's horrible. But no, William, my little coffee maker, boy, is bringing me copious cups of coffee. Yeah, good boy. Right, I'm just one minute just before we get going. I'm just trying to find some people who are giving you love. Really? Oh, come on, I'm so bloody surprised. Oh, and last week they were all having a pop at me, weren't they? Saying, yes, you're closer than half. Well, I am a nicer person than you, but as we said last week. Even I would agree that you were in as a person than you. You're just much more interesting, eh? Much more interesting. In the way that hell is supposed to be more interesting than heaven. I'm starting to get reviews for 10 American presidents. Yeah, good, good, good. Which I still like to do, it's still on my podcast list, sorry. Listen to any of my stuff. I do. Well, no, I do when I've got time, I'm too busy listening to the arches. Listen to how you make her and you haven't listened to 10 American presidents. I haven't, but I'm going to and it's on my list, honestly. I can send you the screen grab. Well, it's like heaven for moineness and my, you know, proper true fans, because they actually, you know, you know, don't just like say they're going to do stuff. They go do it, download it, play it, enjoy it, write reviews, and like you anyway, Andrew mens, more Lucy love, right? 10 American presidents, nothing to do with you, right? Here goes. I followed Roy, Roy feels output with mixed results, mixed results. Anyway, let's let that one go. How did you make it? It was too noisy, bar humbug to that, but I missed it that one go. Don't be dumb is addictive, although I refuse to listen to it's subject matter. I do, however, adore Lucy. Aww. Hmm, mid Atlantic was great, but it's gone to ground. Now, 10 AP, stunning, amazing. Loves you, doesn't even listen to the artist with you. Loves you? Well, very nice. Mixed results, he said. Nobody said stupendous and amazing, he just doesn't like the music on how Jamaica. Are we being all needy again? We're going to get told off aren't we? We've been needy. Oh, bollocks of people so that we're needy. But you know what we should do, right? We should probably do the shows, shouldn't we? Yeah, because I need to go back to get okay. Oh, you still in bed? Because it's ever so rustly. No, no, no, not at all. I've been bed with someone called Russell. Oh, hello, what have we done? It'll knock me along clock over now. No, no, no, just move, move the chair, and I'm starting not to move my legs. I was waggling my legs, maybe that's what you could hear. Waggling your legs? Yes, I was waggling my legs. Why? You know, I just that nervous kind of energy thing, really. Ah, I'd be like, that's what I was doing. All right, but I've decided to stop because this is dumd in the show about the reality ducky drum that is centred on average in the heart of the Midlands. I'm the Clara and Podgey Show, Roy Field Brown, and with me are the disastrous pantomime, that is Lucy Freeman. And the most important part of the village calendar is you folks today's rendition of Barry Green is brought to you by Claire in Scotland, sometimes in Canada. What a lovely prolonged she has Lucy. Yes. Can you remind our listeners how to win the accolade of dumpty dumber of the week? Yes, if you would like to speculate wildly on what, oh, exactly, Matt is doing in Costa Rica. Give us a call on 020030101105 or get in touch via Speak the Pike on the site. Thanks again to the amazing Harriet at chambridge for the sponsorship messages and to Derek for the loan of the back bedroom. I don't know if you guys realise, but Derek actually does our Twitter feed very occasionally. We let him send messages, but a lot of the time he does collect them and put them in a file for us to go through when we do the show, preparing the show. And so you have to be quite careful the kind of things that you send because you can occasionally hurl him into a sort of erotic tail spin. And the 12 didn't help this week by tweeting, "Please explain to us provincial types what taking Lucy Freeman up the sanderson involves." Now this caused no end of complications because it took Royfield and I a good fortnight to explain to Derek what that meant and what the connotation was and how it had not really happened. So yes, please do be careful what you send because we don't want to inflame Derek any more than he is inflamed already. He has the ointment and everything, so yes, just beware. Okay. Good. Yes. I'm glad that's all been cleared up now. Unlike Derek, anyway. Derek's implementing. This week, we have caller iner as the law. We have calls from Yoko Ber who's Akel, who are up. HB Purple who doesn't care whether Ruth or David go or not. It's a lot of people of the same mind, you know. I know. Spoon. Obviously part of the pub chain. It's my new favourite caller. Don't be mean about him. It's my new favourite caller. Really? Yes. Oh, okay. All right. So, Ruth with a spoons cousin who wants Kate on the couch. Claire, who thinks that Susan has castrated Neil. She and a whole load of other archers. Listeners, think the same. Ms. Marples, who wants to know, Tina's history, Scarlett's diva, who hates Robbie even more, if that is possible, and Mistress Colus who sets the record straight and proves yet again that I was right. But first, before all that, Lucy V. Freeman, tell us what you got in your pig art this week. At Brooker's, Jill has been hauling 40 years' worth of shite out of the attic. So far, she's found a tailor's dummy, some Barbie dolls, and Daryl make peace. Judy Jill confessed she and Phil named their children by getting pissed and using alphabet blocks. "Grand, they could have been called anything," said Pip. "Yes, I made banked." God, they ended up being called something sensible like Penton and Shulah. David's getting shirty. The first, tiniest inkling that they may have made a stupendous mistake has just set a tiny little alarm ringing in his suit-like head. So now they're not going for another three months, or at all. But let's not start pulling on that sodding threat or that thread or the whole show will unravel. He was pretending not to hear when Jill asked him if he wanted to keep any of his old toys. She found his toy farm and said he was all still there, and only few of the animals had legs missing. Unaccountably, as a man in his forties, he didn't really want to spend the day playing with a box full of paraplegic sheep, so he was a bit cut with her. He was also feeling a bit touchy, as he thought of them in his forties, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, is he? Yeah. Oh, yes, yes, isn't he? Is he 50 yet? He's quite over 50, we're talking about. He's safe. Yes. Oh dear. Oh dear, I might have to reassess my feelings. He was also feeling a bit touchy, as he didn't want to admit that when fingers get stressed along the farm, he nips up to the attic and plays Febreze of Felpisham with Shulah's old girl's world. Is that what's all right for you? Are you going anywhere nice for holidays? Shanice, can you take my lady up to the basins, please? He finds it comforting, but it's not the kind of thing you can confess to your mother or your wife when her idea of femininity is taking her wellies off anniversary sex. What fun in the shower for Jolene? Jolene, as we know, is never at home anywhere, as when she's peering through steamed-up frosted glass. The lock on the bathroom door was faulty, she said, and with just a soldering iron, a phoenix screwdriver, 20 minutes of a carp into the door accidentally came open to reveal harassment playing with his misdemeanor in the shower. She was overcome with embarrassment, obviously, and rushed out after she'd given him a clean towel. She said, and showed him how the thermostat worked, and re-grouted the tiling. She told Lillian about it, but slightly oversold Harrison as she got confused in what she was actually seeing was his soapy noofa. Harassment? Well, I'll just say something, Lucy. Right, have you ever accidentally walked in on somebody? No, because hear the shower from about three miles away, and the shower doesn't run by itself. Well, but she thought that Fallon, her daughter, was in there, so I get that, say, because she was going, Fallon, Fallon, and she walked in. Right, but then, when you see somebody else in there, what'd you do? You go, "Oh, sorry," and you closed it up. You suddenly don't stop and give him a towel. Yeah, and then go, "Oh, Harrison. Oh, hello." And then he doesn't go, "Oh, Jolene, and have a conversation with the kid in the bathroom." Exactly, exactly. By the way, David Archer, he's supposed to be 55-56. Well, me? Oh, God. Oh, dear. Well, I'm just going to have to forget I know that. We must be listening, yes, of course, because I was when he was growing up when I was listening. Yeah. Because it's like my teenage, I was learning how to be a teenager by day through David Archer. Oh, wow. Yeah. That explains a lot, isn't it, really? So, I'm a few years of teenage rebellion then. Yeah, exactly. Just doing young farmers. Sorry. Harrison went to recover himself by partnering Lilian at the dance class. Harrison took this opportunity to ask Lilian searching questions about the maths absence. Does he think that a ballroom dancing class is an appropriate place for an interrogation? Has this man got any actual proper policemen credentials? Has no one noticed that his badge is made of tin foil and he doesn't have a squad car, but he runs around the village shouting, "Whoo, Helen had a little tickle in bed." Presumably while Rob was seeing Tina at the shop. If, indeed, that is really what he was doing, it has got to the stage where if Rob says he's had a cheese sandwich for lunch, I shout, "Ha!" So you say, uh, Ed has managed to get himself chucked off his own land. Fortunately, Carol took organ with her faultless memory of a village he hasn't lived in for 30 years, suddenly recalled that Dan Archer used to have a milk ground. "Well, I don't want to view arches, take it on," she said bossily. "One of you arches? You mean the ones that are leaving or the ones that are about to become bankrupt?" So now, Ed, who, with his custody, excellent business luck, will be employed by one of those arches to carry on with the milk ground for about a fortnight, until Handy Hotkicks blowed to the shower of nitrates and everyone runs out of money. However, in that fortnight, Ed had been Ed, he would have bought a Lamborghini and promised them were a swimming pool. "Chitchinob." That's exciting. What? No, but Ed was doing it as well. He hasn't said, "No, we can't get married because I haven't got any money and we've got, you know, I owe loads of money." He went ahead and did all this stuff for Christmas. He agreed to get the pay the rent on the thing, even though he couldn't earn any already knew that he owed about five grand. Mm, silly arse. "Um, what, Titchinob? Suckly? Let Adam know that he knew about the passion and the Privet on New Year's Eve." He said, "I wouldn't say anything to Helen." And then asked Adam where Ian was and offered him a shandy in the tongue sandwich. "Helen, then challenged Adam. It was just a New Year's kiss, but we got a bit carrying away," said Adam. "And then we found an old tennis ball in the Privet edge and we both bent down to get it at the same time. I was gonna him a piggyback. I was opening some champagne and it was in my hand. I'm totally fine. I need to update another ball." He's not scared, you know, but he's decided this time it's going to be a smaller breed, covered in fur, one of those ones with the twitchy nose and it's sort of hops. Kate is continuing her mission to drive Phoebe back to her father. "I didn't really do possessions living up," said Kate, just the laptop on the car and the rent-free accommodation on the house, but they were all given to me so they didn't count. She appears to have a crush on a man called Jake who sleeps in a hammock and has worms. Nice, that must have been one of the elements. Kate referred to the fantastically dull trust-afferians she was with as "the cool kids" which automatically places them so far off call they are hotter than the surface of the sun. That has definitely gone. Gone to Costa Rica, according to the text that he sent Lillian. "I don't know why, Costa Rica. I had a look online and all it has is volcanoes, rainforest, species, hot springs, mountains, and surfing. So I don't know why an earth that would appeal to Matt more than the turkey fortune-telling and the lower-loxity-tree-top walk. Some people don't know when they're well-off, but now Lillian is trotting around the Dower House on her tod. This does mean that Fallon can have her stupid t-shop there so that'll be nice. Lillian can sob all over the gypsy creams while Fallon fends off Harrison Burns and he's out of control so plufa. I need to say goodbye to him. Hang on one sec. Bye bye. Have a lovely day. Love you. Be good to hear your family's coming. Okay, good boy. Sorry. It dropped my family stuff. I'll do the last one again. Bye darling. Love you. Have a lovely day. Be good. See you later. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Last but not again. Lillian can sob all over the gypsy creams while Fallon fends off Harrison Burns and he's out of control so plufa. Coincidentally, one of Kate's children is called so plufa if memory serves Kate. Let's back to you first see teaching four Africans how lucky they are. If they weren't depressed before, a bloody well will be once Kate's got all of them. She is unbelievably making friends with the other students. They're not all country Hicks from Borsicher. She said no. It's some of them are country Hicks from Felpisham. Tony has been moved from Birmingham Hospital to Felpisham Hospital. At his current rate of recovery probably jumped there. Anyway, it's jolly good news and to demonstrate it how he could get up and down the ward using only his crotch but I may have misheard that bit. Over at the increasingly bonkers Bridge Farm chuckle brothers Tom and Johnny were moving the pigs. Poor Neil was hopping mad as that was going to be the high point of the winter for him. He did it on his calendar for months. It was the only thing in his diary apart from changing the screen wash in the car. And he got to Bridge Farm all excited to fight the chuckle brothers doing it in between a spot of marriage counselling and dyslexia screening. Susan cornered Neil and after her ranging and bullying him for ten minutes told him he needed to stand up for himself. "If you act like a doorknob people will walk over you," said Susan, wiping her feet on him. "Oh Neil, don't you want your daughter proud of you?" "Yes," said Neil. "I want to be able to look her in the eye and say well your mother's an ex convicting your aunt's delusional one uncle's an armed robber and the other's an orphanist but I am a pig man and nobody puts Neil Carter in a corner." "The end." "Oh I like that, that's good, that's good." Costa Rica, do you know what it is? "No." "Well it's claimed to fame is." "No." "Doesn't have a standing army and never has to." "Really?" "Yep." "That must make him want to vulnerable. Maybe that's why Matt's gone there, he's going to make one." "Yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe." But no, it's one of those kind of quirky facts about countries and Costa Rica. It doesn't have a standing army and never has one. "I could be wrong, I maybe we've got some listeners in Costa Rica that are of failure it's constitution but I think in the constitution they can't even have one." "What's a standing army? You need an army that's just there whether or not there's a war or whatever." "Yeah, yeah, yeah." "They don't have to stand about." "No, no, well and they're going to march about up and down and left and right and you know two-jow and all of that stuff but yeah." "Our knowledge of military history is unsurpassed isn't it?" "They make the cops about a bit." "But yeah, Costa Rica. Where are we Lucy?" "Shall we have an advert or some calls?" "Because I need a coffee to wake me up, because I'm at 6s and 7s, I don't mind admitting." "Fancy getting your mouth around something warm, something comforting you can really get a firm grip on. Why not buy a dumb-dee-dum mug from the shop at dumbdiedum.com. Goes down lovely." "Oh, there you go, I've had a lovely cup of camp coffee." "Well, you've had a cup of camp coffee, but it was not lovely. It can't have been." "Well, listen, I told you, I'm somewhat undissearning when it comes to that putting that kind of brown liquidy stuff in my, got it, I told you last week, but now." "And now you're persisting half of San Francisco to take you out the coffee, you can try every single..." "Yes, Jay Selvin is taking me out on duty." "Even after you're at that risk to her, she's still taking you out." "Well, yes, but..." "How did you do it?" "I'm charming, I think the difference between..." "You want me to take the song to something?" "When I put that in front of you, you didn't have a leap at the opportunities that I didn't give you." "When you..." "Sanssen." "Well, I live a quiet night." "I thought you'd never ask." "But no, we had a lovely morning. Yeah, that was really nice." "Actually, you get to take a little chef, to be honest." "But anyway, listen, enough of your puns, and let's do some quarter interest. Let's see what they've said about the last week in Ambridge." "Hello, Ambridge 3962." "Hello, Duntersdum. It's Yoko Bear here in the Wilds of Wiltshire. I've got my hackles up. Nobody but nobody treats Lillian like this. How come I do this? It's... I don't know. I can't get my head around it. I mean, who would want to leave Lillian? She's fabulous. I wonder whether this is some kind of delayed revenge for the affair that Lillian had. I wonder whether Matt got back together with her through convenience and has actually been planning to go for a while. Maybe this is a kind of long game thing. Or maybe, you know, he's just fickle. I don't know. It's a real shame, though. I mean, Tiger and Pusscat, it's just they were just brilliant because of the interactions, the kind of, you know, just that spark between them really, really made the show. However, I am going to try and look on the bright side. And I think this opens up some potentially really interesting storylines for Lillian about her kind of getting over this. Maybe somewhere down the line meeting someone. I don't know. I mean, I really feel for Lillian at the moment. You know, I think she's just brilliant. As you know, I'm definitely team Lillian. That's for everything else going on. Well, Rob, I just, oh God, Rob, I just want to smack him in the face with a shovel. The gas lighting continues to pace. And the whole thing about I've given Tina a call and, you know, I've told her off. He's just, you know, I just want, I was screaming at the radio going, Helen, can't you see it? But I think that's obviously the point of the storyline. She can't see it. And this is how this works. And it's horrifying to listen to and see it unfold. Other than that, I'm pretty quite weak. I thought I don't know. I mean, I kind of caught up with everything yesterday. Brilliant that we had some wonderful Lillian laughs at the beginning. Harrison in the shower was hilarious, but more hilarious was the conversation between Jolene and Lillian afterwards. And just the sniggering and the, and the kind of salaciousness. That was great writing. So script writers, well done. Big round of applause for that one. Okay, that's my thoughts this week. So Paul Lillian, I mean, if Lillian wants to pop around, you know, I can take her out, we'll go out on, you know, a bit of a drink up and help her get over it. Because, you know, I'm really feeling familiar at the moment. All right, cheers. Bye. Yoko Bear has his hackles up on Matt about Matt, who would want to leave Lillian? And he thinks it might be some kind of delayed revenge for the Paul affair. And did Matt get back together with her through convenience? Well, yes, he did. I think, I mean, there was certainly they never seem to have kind of properly discussed the Paul thing, did they? He just sort of went up, you know, he saw Paul off by setting his heavys. Yeah, by setting his heavies on him and frightening him as a cardiac arrest. But there was no kind of, it was all kind of sort of a tacit understanding that this had happened and that it was all over and they weren't going to mention it again. But Lillian was definitely less feisty with Matt after that because of the guilt. So maybe, yeah, maybe he never sort of came back from that. Well, he's done something catastrophically stupid with his business. Well, I was out knowing whether the actor plays Matt has walked off in a straw, whether they've given him the bullet or whatever the heck I think. The only way this makes any formal sense to me is that he's just going, you know, well, I don't do this anymore. This is the archers. So we've had to, we're trying to reverse engineer and certain, and the right factor, reverse engineer, the reasons why he walked off, because their relationship, as far as I was concerned, was absolutely rock solid. And it was, and that was, and it was because Lillian who gave him, sorry, he forgave Lillian for the affair. And she forgave him for the, you know, the, the criminality. The nonsense in rubbish he came to ask you, and they both realized that they were, you know, indebted, emotionally defined, and every which way, but to each other, they went, okay, you know, pussy cat, tiger, this makes no sense to me. It makes him grow. God damn sense, other than you have to just for a matter of this. Have you read that there's a very anodyne little piece in the, on the archers website about maps leaving, and it's quite kind of, some of it's been written by a PR department, you can tell a mile off, because it's sort of like, I've, it's left me free to explore other opportunities, which is what people say when they've just been fired. And, you know, he sort of said, it's been interesting playing Matt and seeing where he's got to, but he leaves it slightly more open ended about whether or not Matt is coming back. But then he'd have to, because you can't completely, you can't tell what this is that, you know, if Lillian thinks that he might come back, you can't then put the Putin and say, no, I'm definitely not. But it was a very strange little piece, quite uncomfortable reading, because you thought, you kind of had a vision that he had a gun to his head while he was writing it, or they were all written. I consider him what Uncle Kerry said, a few, you know, a few months ago, when he came on the show, and he talked about the fact that we need, he's specifically talked about older women and can be wrong characters. We've now got them coming out of our ears. Absolutely, absolutely. And also, these older women who are the strong characters, with the exception of Jenny, none of them are in relationships, or at least in relationships of relative equals anywhere. You had that with this pen, you know, it's much more bonkers than new Tom. This is much more bonkers than I think just about anything. When you sit down and think about how well written they were as a couple, how believable they were, you know, because that was a relationship, which was spanned time, and there was- And how popular they were. Exactly. As soon as they were here, did some of these little furries- Oh, Matt, Lillian, Puska, Alga, blah, blah, blah, yeah. Exactly, they were written so well that there has to be some unforeseen reason why they've had to write him out, because it is bonkers beyond belief. Yeah. I feel quite strongly about it, you know. Yeah, no, me too. And also, one of the reasons I like them, as we mustn't bore on about this too long, but one of the reasons that I like- Oh yeah, we can. Hurrah! Three days later, they're still going. One of the reasons why I like Matt and Lillian was because they were one of the few couples who completely accepted each other's failings. They had very, very public, open failings, and it wasn't like Susan's a bit of a gossip, or, you know, he was a bit of a wimp or whatever. It was full on imprisonment, you know, passionate affairs, drinking too much, you know, just kind of really flawed human beings, very sort of real. They were real. Exactly. Yeah. They weren't this cozy middle class couple. They were, you know, living in the dauhaus, like Caroline and Oliver. They weren't, you know, full on. They didn't always do the classy thing, and they didn't always, you know, make good decisions, and that's what made them lovely. And now they're gone. Anyway, well, that really brought me down there. Sorry. Sorry. Well, this next one is not going to cheer you up, really. Hello, this is Helen, also known as HP Purple. First time, call it Inura. Love the past podcast. Just wanted to give you my thoughts on the whole Brookfield nonsense. It is a nonsense. I actually originally didn't want them to go. Now I don't care whether they go or not, and I'd rather they just got on with it. It's a shame because you just connect with the characters. I was never a great fan of Ruth, but I always liked David. And now I just, I just don't really care, and I can actually see the arches carrying on without the minute, which is something that I never thought I would be able to say. Also, what's happened to Mike and Vicki? Last time, I remember is that the Elder House fell through. I haven't had any more about that, which is a shame because I love Mike and I don't mind Vicki anymore. Oh, I haven't told you what I do. I'm an IT consultant. I live in Hampshire. I also run my own freelance virtual PA business. And when I'm not doing that, I'm doing a psychology degree with the Open University. So yeah, I think that's all I've got to say this time around, finding Kate very annoying, as I think everybody is. And I kind of, I kind of like the fact that she's a bit sort of hippie side, but they've just taken it completely over the top, which is a real shame. But they can't have somebody with a bit of an alternative take on things without making them into a massive caricature. But yeah, anyway, let's talk about it as I said, and hope to call in again. Bye. Helen, HB Purple. She says, "I don't care now whether Ruth or David don't fall not." That's what Claire from Scott and Vi Canada said last week. "Just somebody make a decision about something and do it." This ridiculous. Oh, now we've got to stay another three months. You think, "Oh, for God's sake." So we've got another three months of this flipping stupid storyline, have we? Three sodding months. That will take us to, what, early summer, Easter. Chris Carter's got his pecs out again. Yeah, what he's speaking to me. Where the hell is he? Yeah, in last week. You know, Shag, Mario, Kill. Surely. Chris Carter. Now, too stupid, really too stupid. Really? Yeah. What's too stupid since he was kicked in the head by the horse? No, he's got the thingies. Oh, dear. This is, I'm sorry. This is probably a really bad idea to say this, but you can put up with somebody attractive. If they're thick, if they're at least funny, and they've got some self-awareness, Chris Carter manages to be quite kind of pompous somehow. I don't know. He's just too, you know, he's like a male model sort of thing. I don't think I agree with you, but I appreciate this is Ampere Jekstra, because when he went down to Southampton, and he was with Alice, and Alice's friends would be somewhat disparaging about it. They were all proper middle class, and had gone travelling in the whole nine holes, you know, and he was in effect, this working, not in effect, a working class Yoko from the countryside, you know, he took it for a little bit, and then he put them absolutely in his place, in their place. So, he's a little bit, he's got a little bit more about him than he gave him credit, and he's fashioned in that business. Well, we presume he's, you haven't heard of him since last, last April, I believe. Now, you know, the last time, sorry, I mean, he was hammering away, is hammering in a in a leather apron, for God's sake, wasn't it? And nothing else. No, let's just think about that for a little bit. Yes, and Helen also wants to know where the hell Vicky and Mike have gone. They're mentioned in passing now, aren't they? And she likes Kate being hippified, but she's been made to over the top, and she's just a bit of a comedy character, she says. But Helen is an IT consultant living in Hampshire, which is exactly like Sammerid. Sammeridee, sorry, I always say Sammerid, Sammeridee, who is also an IT consultant with him in Hampshire. And Helen is doing a psychology degree, which is like Susan Carter, who in real life is a psychologist. Yeah, do you have to think we have when we have when we're kind of tricked over by some apparent personality, you turn, yeah, characters, we can call on HV purple to give us her kind of intellectual, professional, educational view on to where the as to where this is really a you turn or whether this is, you know, some thought out kind of character arc of which, you know, is backed up by psychology. Well, not only HV purple, we could also call upon this next caller. That felt like that was a neat segway. I know, that was almost professional, wasn't it? Very nearly, very great danger of signing professionals with a spoon. Greetings from New York City to Rayfield Brown, Lucy Freeman, and the Dumpty Dum universe. My name is Witherspoon, but you can call me Whit. Well, that's not my real name. It's the name of my dog. Actually, it's not his real name either. It's his end name. His real name is Angus Haggis. I'm American, could you have guessed, and I'm a physician, specifically a psychiatrist. So either you or the residents of Ambridge may avail yourselves of my expertise. I've been an archer's listener for a decade, and therein lies a story. Well, a short story. I met my handsome husband a dozen years ago, and for several years, we split time between London and the Big Apple, but we've been living in Manhattan full time since 2006. The archers, which would be on in Handsome Husbands Hackney Flat, slowly began to invade my consciousness, and I gradually learned who was who, and have since become a bit of a fanatic. As I said, I'm happy to clarify diagnosis and/or treatment plans for any Ambridge resident. For instance, Kate clearly has narcissistic personality disorder. No surprise there, but a pretty pessimistic prognosis. I hope she gets kicked out on her, as you say, bum. Pretty soon, before she creates havoc for her family. But chances are that Jennifer will continue to indulge her. Now, for poor old Ed Grundy, I'm sorry, Roy Field. On a personal level, I have no use for him and have never forgiven him for being such a miserable brother to will. His recovery from drug addiction occurred much too quickly and smoothly to have been realistic. That being said, he needs psychotherapy and antidepressants. But no one in Ambridge ever sees a doctor or is prescribed psychiatric medication. Just a little herbal tea, Carol, please. On that note, I'll sign off for today. Until next time, Witherspoon. My new favorite caller in a row. In New York, he's a New York psychiatrist. He has a dog called Angus Haggis, and I've written on my notes, who has a dog called Angus Haggis, a psychiatrist. The dog is not the psychiatrist. And he met his husband in London, and they lived in Hackney, and he started listening to the archers and gradually got to know who was who. And he says Kate has got narcissistic personality disorder, which is very interesting. What do you think it's about us, the needy care? I don't think. Maybe he could give us a quick once over, so to speak, next week. Give us a running error. I'm just taking you up with Sanders, and I'm just giving you. I don't think she's very interested in taking me up with Sanders, and to be honest, you're much more likely. I'm so sorry, Witherspoon. We don't normally descend to these levels. Actually, we do. That's a complete lie. We descend to them all the time. But yes, give us a quick 5,000 mile service on our psychological well-being, and whether or not this is wise that we continue with this podcast or whether we're in great danger of being sectioned imminently. And he also said that Ed Grundy's recovery from addiction was much too quick. Which is absolutely right. Do you remember that? Yes. One minute he was slumped in a heap, and the next minute he was doggy round the green. Fine, it was a great yarmul, some more random. Yeah, yeah. And he points out that no one in Ambridge ever sees a doctor. That's true. You go to hospital, but nobody goes to the doctor. That is absolutely true. I think one comes to the laurels, doesn't it? Oh god, I know much too much about this. Sometimes I just think, oh no see. Well, does anyone have a warm taste in the laurels anyway? Yeah, and he's dead now, so. It's a fruit forest. Still isn't it? No, fruit forest diet, hasn't he? My fruit. And but Thomas in the laurels before it was a cheat, wasn't he? You mean Jack? No, Thomas in the laurels. What's up here? Yeah, but a little bit, then he died. Yeah, listen, your knowledge if you are. And what's in there? I know. What's in there for a bit? Anyway. Hello, Deputy Dermot Scott from Scotland by Canada. I'm back in Scotland, we said he'd come through, but I didn't bring you up to tell me about that. I got in touch because of the armatures, and what's been happening while I've been listening this week. It is in crisis. It seems to always be in crisis. I'd correct me if I'm wrong with everything, ever since I have been listening, which must be at least four years. I don't know. He's had some kind of trouble with the grounds I heard. I have vivid memories of hearing lots and lots and lots and lots. I thought an accounting program, Ruth, was teaching him how to use, that she tried to teach him to use it on air. I didn't understand two words together in the entire sequence. I don't believe Ed did either, because it hasn't made the least bit of difference as far as I can work out. There was also buying feed in bulk with Brookfield. I don't know if that's still happening. I would like to know if it's still happening, but I would really like to know when I'm hoping somebody can explain you, or fellow listeners, or somebody. I don't know. It's why in spite of the fact that they have consistently written Ed to be improving the currency of milk herd, it has just sort of lurched from crisis to crisis. And we've never been shown the improvements that he's meant to have done, are made to a traverse. So I don't understand that. There seems to be a disconnect there between what he's doing and the profit he's making, and I would like somebody to account for it somewhere, because it seems to be very hard-working. Explaining football to the friend who's just there for the nachos? Hard. Tailgating from home like a pro with snacks and drinks everyone will love? 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My friends still laugh at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B. But with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com/Results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com/Results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. And it doesn't seem to make any kind of sense to me. The other thing, I don't understand why Susan feels the need of early castrated ningle or the equivalent that there are every time she wants him to do something. She was horrible this evening. She was terribly manipulative, and she would hate it. Dump to dump his talk about how much she would hate it. If he were actually to stand up to her and never mind anybody else, actually, I don't think she'd mind it but anyone else. I think implicit in that, don't be a doormat. It was outside of this house, not to me, not here, not now. Anyway, and then there's Helen. Helen, what has she done? Because she's told Rob hasn't she about Adam and Adam to charity. I mean, I don't think she's got to worry about it going around the houses because Rob isn't like that. He's controlling. We know he's controlling. So what's going to happen? It's probably, I think, going to hold it over Adam's head, and we are going to have to hear about it. And it's going to have to be about as pleasant to listen to. It was one of these sideways rainstorms I get sideways because I'm in Scotland. And that is what they are like. And I think that's everything for me about the archers. The only other thing to say is I was listening this week, catching up on Dump to Dump, broadcast, podcast. You can tell I can't do it at Trump's, can't you? And I was listening to Roy Fields, kind of the ready brick commercial, and the red line that he didn't turn up for him when he went out to school. And I don't have the ready brick commercial to relate. But I do have, when I was very small, I was told by a housekeeper, like lots and lots of carrots. I would, they'd be good for my eyes. So I think you'd tell every child everywhere that to make them eat carrots. I'm, I wouldn't partially sight it and I was partially sighted then. And I was also very literal. I took that to mean I ate lots and lots of carrots. My eyes would get better and I wouldn't have to wear a patch. No, I no longer have to wear a patch. I haven't since I was six. You can't do that to a child ordered in six. They protest. But the carrots didn't do a thing for my eyes. So I still have half of a child to see with and I read with half of one. Other than that, I think I'll wring off or do the electronic equivalent. But I think before I go, just a plea. And I don't think you can do anything about it and I don't think I can either. But I'm going to put it out there anyway. Can we please have something cheerful to listen to? I don't know what it is. I don't know who it happens to. Just something cheerful because I am getting very tired of having to pet every second person who comes onto the archers on the shoulder and say they're there not every couple of minutes. I think it's probably my fault for feeling a compulsion to do this. I probably ought to get over it. But there we go. They've got me to engage with the program. I have engaged with it and now I want them all to be cheerful. Just for a little bit, if not longer. Right. That really is all. Loving the podcast. Take care. Good bye. Hello from Scotland via Canada. How has Ed improved the guns he heard, which we keep hearing about? And yet he's still not making a profit. I think Ed is supposed to be representative of the entire dairy crisis in the UK. Because I was reading about this over the weekend, the milk being ridiculously cheap. And they have been banging on about this for quite some time. And every time they've banged up, I thought, yes, yes, shut up, shut up, shut up. But actually, when you read what is actually happening in dairy farming, it is-- his story arc is-- Neil has a story pig arc, doesn't it? He can't just thought. His story arc is entirely representative of what's going on, where their lower supermarkets are. I'm going Lacey V. Freeman. Right. That's called joining up the dogs. Don't you patronize me. Sorry. Women, no, you just came out. Yeah, but I was reading case studies of farmers. And all of them could have been Ed talking. Small producers and everything. And it is ridiculous. And milk is now cheaper than milk. They're living with their brother's son. Yeah, exactly like that. The answer is dress was being made by their mother-in-mother-in-law. But yes, milk should not be cheaper than water, should it? That is nuts. Yes, that is very true. And she says about Susan castrating Neil. I don't know. I do not know. Do you remember when Neil nearly had an affair? I don't, you know. It was when Susan was in the nick when she was in prison. What year would that have been? Roundabouts. God knows. I duffies something like that. Possibly. I've got no idea where I was. Normally I can pitch it by what I was doing when I heard it. And I've got absolutely no idea. But yeah, and then Susan Neil met this other lady who's husband and led it. And he was very tall. And I often think about her when Susan's having to go in and think I wonder if he'd have been happy or if he just... But then Neil doesn't really do happy, does he? He does content. He doesn't know what he does. That's what he does. That's what he does to get things out of his system. He has three settings. A sleep. Well, we're going big. That's it. But you know, did you, did Claire's call? I nearly, I knew I had went a bit misty-eyed because she was talking about your ready, Brett Redline. And she said she was told, she's partially sighted and she was told when she was a child that she ate more carrots. She'd have good eyes. And she ate tons of carrots because she honestly thought she wouldn't be partially sighted anymore if she ate that many carrots. But that's one of those things which scientists have said, debunked, then there is a little bit of reason for. It's a bit early. Yeah, exactly, because backwards and forwards, because backwards and forwards every five to 10 years. But anyway. But I just had this image of this little girl in an eye patch. Frankly, eating carrots, thinking if I keep eating carrots, you know, it was so sweet. Yes. Anyway. Oh, by the way, God, this diva was on the Twitter surrounding the book of Face. One October said that she also was duped by ready, Brett. Oh, really? Yeah, she went, yeah. Rife with the false advertising. It had me too. I think we can bring a case against them. Yes. Shatter balloons and. Hello, you two. This is a brand new caller in her. I'm Ms. Marbles, and my tweet has at Amy Swinn, although I think I've only ever sent one tweet, so that sounds rather grand. Two things regarding the arches. I thought I'd put into the podcast this week. Firstly, it's about Tina and Amberge Organics and Rob Titchinob. Now, I've long been of the opinion that Tina and Rob have got a history. I wouldn't be surprised if they'd had an affair at some point because she suddenly popped up from nowhere and gets the job running Amberge Organics, which seemed slightly suspicious. So I thought there was some kind of history with Rob because he had kind of found her from nowhere. And now suddenly Amberge Organics is losing money. And my suspicion is that Rob is absolutely well aware that he is the father of Jess's child, and he has visited her and said, "As long as you keep quiet about this, I will pay you maintenance for the child," which he has been doing. But as we know, the household hasn't got a lot of money, so he has been getting money out of Amberge Organics. Himself and Tina have been taking money out. Some of it goes to Rob to pay maintenance to Jess, and some of it goes to Tina to keep her mouth shut. I think the amount he's been able to give her is insufficient, so Jess has now said, "Well, bugger that. I'm going to the Child Maintenance Service, and you're going to be named as the father officially, and everyone will know, so that's that." And this would explain why Rob was so annoyed when he got the letter on the Child Maintenance Service, but also why this shop is doing so badly at the moment. So I think there's something going on there. I don't think it's just bad management. I think the money's going somewhere. So that's the first thing. The second thing relates to Lillian and Matt. I was devastated to see Matt go and to hear Lillian's sobs, but I think she'll be sobbing even more once Kenton doesn't come up with the money to buy her out of the bull. Lillian is in diastrates because Matt has taken all the money. Kenton has now offered her a lifeline with buying her out of the bull. I think the awful thing will be that because she's got no money, she'll start living on credit, safe in the knowledge that when the bull is sold. Sorry, when Brookfield is sold. She'll get loads of money from Kenton for her share of the bull, except we all know that Brookfield isn't going to be sold, so she won't get any money. So she'll be poverty-stricken, and before we know it, Amazon will be sold up to pay her debts, and she'll be on job seekers allowance, and you won't get many gin and tonics from job seekers allowance. So that's my two thoughts for the week. And thank you to so much for the Lucky podcast. I listen to it every week and love it. Look forward to it and you do a brilliant job. So thank you. And assuming this hasn't gone too badly, I'll have to listen back to it. I may roll phone in again. Okay, thanks a lot. Bye. Miss Marbles has invested a great deal of time. Oh, first I'm called Renora. Fourth I'm called Renora. Uh, Miss Marbles, I am slightly worried about what it is you are supposed to be doing, because this theory you've come up with is so thorough and complex. You put Cosmo to shame. She thinks Tina is being paid off by the taking from the shop in a prior arrangement between Rob and Jess that, yes, just before you. Yes, yes. Do you remember I said I cannot adopt this Tina character? Yes. So right, while you explain all of this, right? Yes. I'm going to just nip off and make myself a nice cup of camp coffee. Okay. Oh, where I am now? Tina's being paid. I don't need to do all this because everybody's just heard the call. But anyway, Tina's being paid off by the taking from the shop. No, I'm not being paid off. In a prior arrangement with Jess to say that the baby is Rob's and he hasn't coughed up enough paternity thing money. So her, her, I forgot now. So she's now said, right, I'm going to come out into the open and she's and that's why. So there we go. And Ms. Mumbles, you are impressive to say the least in your comprehensive arrangements. But I don't think there is any set. There are any circumstances under which Rob would pay Jess any money because he's just a recidivist and he just changes. What's happening to suit himself? He just denies things and then rewrites history all the time. And Kenton won't come up with the money to buy Lillian out of the ball, which means Lillian will be poor, which will be a novelty. Yeah, because yes, because they're not going to get their money for ages, but she needs the money now, doesn't she? We really need to know what's going on with Amazon. Because even though Matt has drank the bank accounts, that, relatively speaking, should be a cash-rich business. Because it wasn't as if they're not developing any new properties. They should just be collecting the rent. And anyway, he's not allowed to, because his name couldn't be on it, because of his prison thing. Yeah, but yeah, not a true book. Online accounts, isn't it? He's going to be on my account, but he's going to be able to do that. But as I said, as far as I know, they weren't developing any new properties. So strictly speaking, it should be cash positive that business right now. So even if he's cleared up all the bank accounts now, they're going to have five, six, 10, 20 different rents coming in at kind of different points during the month. She's kind of going to be all right. She can't buy it holidays a year, like she always does. But she's kind of going to have the hand on the readies pretty quick. Always keep your hand on your six-pence million. But where was Anthea when all this was going on? Anthea's supposed to be Missy's, you know, observant. What's going on here? Mr. Crawford's done this. Mr. Crawford's done that. Bloody, not a word from her. Not a peep. It's very suspicious to think they're in and it's together. She's gone to Costa Rica with bat. Hello, dumpty-dum. God estiva here. And surprise, surprise, I'm going to be talking about Tichinob. Just when I thought I couldn't hate him anymore. I'm so, so worried about Helen. So worried. He's now gone from just doing this at home to doing it in public. He growls. She pitchlates. And it's just getting really even more disturbing. I mean, well done. The Spitwright is for playing it so well, but they're ramping it up. It was really starting to get to me. What will happen next? My prediction is when they're out in public, he will keep growling. She'll keep appeasing him. Somebody will notice and she will find herself covering for him. When they're at home, she will mention something about a DNA test and jazz. He will give her a massive thump and she will cover for him and protect him. This is really, really, really getting amazingly good writing. But I really do go back to my earlier point from last year at some point. You know, so it's been so long that the arches really do need to be sticking a helpline if you've been affected by this storyline. So at the end of it, so it's all been a little bit. Oh, I love Gillian's. Gillian's cackle. Who's Gillian? I don't even know. Certainly need more coffee. Gillian's cackle, as ever, made me feel wonderful. And then my heart broke for a right at the end because we all knew. We all knew Matt's not coming back. So my plot prediction for Gillian, that she turns into superwoman and her and Justin Elliott and his wife all moving together and have a polyamorous relationship. Either that or Gillian will find herself in the comments and she'll end up shacking up with the new hot bar made at the ball. Either way, I want some happiness for Gillian. Kenton can just piss off because he's a bit of a twat really, isn't it? I know everybody goes, "Ooh, Kenton's lovely." But no, no, I just don't see it. All right. Oh, I'm going to ask you to make this life-changing decision. I'm going to need to think about it, Kenton. Well, when can you tell me? Back off, don't be a twat about it. I'm talking of twats. Jesus, do we have to picture Harrison carpet burns naked on a Sunday morning? Really? I'm just sad that she didn't say it was all to a bit cold, Harrison. Because really, I can't stand him. But it's long known that I can't stand Harrison burns. I think he's a bit of a weird stalker and Fallon could do much better. So, other things that made me laugh today. Lindybot giving David what for? Crah, Lindybot. Fantastic. About time somebody, bloody told him what for. And yeah, you get annoyed, David, but it's only because you know she's wanted it. So, yeah, been away for a couple of weeks, been on back and still loving the podcast, still thinking that maybe me and Yoko Bear might actually do a joint call every now and then since Mr. C can enjoy it. But don't worry, we're not trying to take your jobs. And yeah, everybody, stop being mean to Roy. Roy feels all right. You stop being mean to him on Facebook and stop moaning about the music. I like the music. Just stop being mean to him. And hello Lucy, miss your face. And we've got to have a tweet up soon. We really do. Okay, that's me. God is Diva out and I will see you next week. Bye. God is Diva. Still worried about Helen, we all are. He says she's covering for him and then eventually he'll thump her and then she'll cover for him again. It's horrible. And she said her heart broke for Lindy and started crying. I think. And she said she hoped Lindy would find herself. I think she'd probably find herself in the bottom of a bottle of Bombay Sapphire. And she said Kenton's a twat. And I think we can all agree with that. And she says that we should all be nicer to you, Roy Field. Yes. And that was because on Facebook, he would be evil. Evil? On belief. Yes. Yes. Lucy V. Freeman. Saying what, specifically Tom Oldfield? Out of the original moon, Paul Charles Wilkins. Now, I said it's our 50th show coming up very soon. What should we do differently? Or no, not what should we do differently. What would you like us to do to commemorate the said occasion? So we have an interview with Fallon for argument's sake. In the bath. Tom Oldfield, a Roy Field sponsored silence. Oh. Charles, Paul Charles Wilkins. I recall you know background music. And you know, out of the original moon, cut some of the bloody background music. Oh, I'm sorry. I had to go on Facebook for a whole day. I was like, cut to the quicker I was. Oh. Hmm. Well, she says she misses my face. I don't know what that means. goddess diva said she misses my face. I think that may mean she's throwing things at it. And she's a bad shot. Right. There were some other suggestions. Calvin Slakston said Sean O'Connor interview. Yes. I have a Joel Heston said, you know what? We're probably saying all the things that Millie Bell's about to say. Oh, okay. Editing process, Roy Field. Yeah. Make life easier for yourself. Oh, God, once we are talking about listeners. Dundee Dump listeners, can we just say a special Happy Birthday to Chris Rolf? And to Michelle Dawson. And also, congratulations to my main girl, Dusty Substances, who has got a new grandbaby, little. Granny Substances. You know, I don't want to I don't want to. Substances. She was so cute. Did you see the picture? I did. I did. I mean, I know all babies look like howling oranges and black wigs. As Nancy Knitford said, but that was quite cute as they go. It was quite sweet. Absolutely. So, well done all. Yes, hurrah. You're all doing very well. Carry on. And yes, God, Dusty, but we would like you and local bear to do joint calls as your one was very funny, especially when you do an asthmery chuckle. I like that. And while we're at it, can we also say hello to do you remember Tilly Button from the awards? She is still listening every week. God love her. Annie Brown. Hello, Annie. And I saw her mom the other day. And on her birthday list, her birthday list, almost entirely comprises Dumpty Dum merchandise. Really? She should call in and let us know how to get in on with it. That'd be an interesting call. Yes. Yes. Yes. Call in, Annie. And we may need to do an interview with Tilly Button further down the line. Hmm, absolutely. And now we have Mistress Cullis, who registers as a third-time caller in her up. Hi there, Mistress Cullis here. Calling in as requested to register as a third-time caller in her, I think. But I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint us. I'm not really an astronaut, and I haven't got a Dumpty Dum to sing to you. Oh, well, I'm just a boring, old accountant who happens to work in the aerospace industry. But, boyfield, I do have to say that I'm definitely not old enough to be Yuri Gagarin's wife. Thank you very much. Anyway, all is forgiven as I listen to your lovely podcast again. Have a good week, and sending best wishes. Love from Cullis. Bye then. I know you're right. But, she says she's not an astronaut. She's an accountant who works in aerospace, which makes her a space accountant. That's much more better than her. I think I thought a space accountant. Fantastic. That's it. All the calls are done. Oh, good, good, good. I think we should like nip over to, you know, which bit, Derek's bedroom do we go to do the top five hashtag the artist tweets of the week? Just remind me. Well, on the wall-papering table, isn't it? On that little rippity-trestle table. Yeah. With your heft. Yeah. Not taking me up as fast as any more, not after that. Listen. I think we should listen. Oh, it's time for me to say Lucy. Yes. What are your top five hashtag the artist tweets of the week? We're going to tell you now, which is so bloody rude. Um, actually, we've got shed loads. They're not five, but it's about 27. Sam Davy, Sam Davy, King of sperm, as we like to call it. Because what? He's the man who knows about paternity testing. And he's the man who's too shy to ring in, Sam Davy. Yes, it's not very good. He said, what was that? That's off to Costa and he's not coming back. He should have gone to Starbucks. The queue's on for long. Becky Land. I found a note on top of that script. Practice your falsetto. You come back from Costa Rica, a different woman. Ah, Leonard Odyssean. Said the arches is getting so weird, I half-expect Roy to disappear to Syria. And Amanda White Art. Said, Ed takes his cows to market and brings back some of a magic beans. And Emily Thomas. Said, I hope Beebe will have a showdown with Kate and Kate puts her foot through the new wine fridge in the Albion. And the tweet of the week. You still there? You're very quiet. Oh, I'm still here. Was from Exeter-Dormouse, Kate. You're such a disappointment to Beebe. Couldn't you at least, sorry, from Exeter-Dormouse, Kate. You're such a disappointment to Beebe. You're sounding like me. From Exeter-Dormouse, Kate, you're such a disappointment to Beebe. It's because it's Beebe, me. Okay, this is the last time, otherwise I'll be like that. I'm going to do a season right, I'll have to wrap it up. Kate, you're such a disappointment to me, Beebe. Couldn't you at least be lesbian or Chinese or something? And then we're going to bung in Kirsty Dingwall as well, who tweeted about the shot. I'm listening to the podcast and I heard my name. My mug and t-shirt when drunk paid off. Lucy, you're the proof, I suspect. I suspect that most of our dumpty dums are sitting in their dumpty dum pyjamas watching their dog drink from their dumpty dum dog bowls and all that because they made wildly inappropriate purchases when half cut. So, yes, I think that's very good. Drink a lot, you've all done dry January now, it's all very good, well done, you get the badge and now start drinking again and buy things. How much dumpty dum merch do you have Lucy? I don't have any. You, oh, I do actually. I took home Kerry Davis's mug by mistake. Not Kerry Davis, it's, yeah, well, it was for him, but it wasn't his, his mug. It was the best storyline mug. I found it at the end when I was clearing up the boxes and I found this little mug left, so I half-inched it, putting me on back. Have you got any? Of course I do. What do you want to go? I've got dum, dum, dum, I've got dumpty shit and that's it. I don't, I don't believe you. Well, I'll show you documentary evidence on the Twitters in the week. Yes, you're always nagging everyone else to send photos. Not always, I forget most of the time. I forget to nag people. That's why people like you, I remember to nag them, that's why they don't like me. [Laughs] Um, but you know what? Before we say that dumpty dum is over and then Andrew Horn gets all, gets the horn. Yeah. Well, I don't need paper over to the book of Face where Millie Bell is on top of all things arches related. Good day, everyone. It's Millie Bell here. I'm just going to start by sharing a little story with you. My current partner, who has lots of wonderful qualities, two of the qualities he doesn't have though is he doesn't listen to the arches and he doesn't listen to this podcast. So I was just chatting to him the other day and saying, "They get a lot of people that phone in and they all have really sexy voices. Do I have a sexy voice with which he laughed so hard that water came out of his eyes?" I was not impressed. Luckily he was doing the washing up or I would have hit him. Anyway, this is Millie Bell, apparently not with a sexy voice. And this is my brief for Facebook for this week. We asked you, "What hobbies do you have and who do you think in Ambridge would have the same hobbies?" And you came up with lots of really interesting hobbies. We have a very diverse group of people listening to the podcast. Lots of you have creative skills, baking, preserving, embroidering, crochet, etc. And these included with Simpson, Joyce Jennings, Sarah Seden, C. Rowan Jones, Claire Steep and Vicki Cole. Joy Miller is a bell ringer, which I did find interesting. And Ben Hardy I thought is someone I'd like to get to know because he makes wine from ingredients other than grapes, a la, Nelson Gabriel and Reese. We also asked you, "How should we celebrate the 50th episode?" And you came up with some very creative ideas again. Nicholas Barnes suggested an uninterrupted monologue will be very naughty Nicholas. Calvin Zacton wants an interview with Sean O'Connor. Dee Leary wants Susan Rayback because she's so good. Joe Andrews, however, wants a breakfast tweet along where listeners can share their fave archers and podcast memories. So we'll take those suggestions on board and I'm sure that Roy Field and Lucy will come up with something really fun for us for the 50th episode. Andrew Hawley gets the haul. Yeah, I did say to himself, "Hmm, that's probably the wrong metaphor." But he's already left my lips and speak. So that's it, dumb, dumb, he's just about done this week. Um, if you're tired of making tea by sucking tea bags, why not investing a mug? They're even better at dumb, dumb, dumb, mug. They're 30-byed vegan by cake-oldridge and are handmade by organic Peruvian orphans who've never ever touched plastics at go on. Go to www.dumbdumb.com/sop and buy, buy, buy. Now, hey, everybody's favorite section. No, Lucy thinks it's the monologue, but we all know it's reviews, news, news of reviews, we have brand new iTunes reviews from. Bigly baggy. VC120997. HP Purple. Minus. And... From the colony in the frozen north, jam from Cannes. So thank you for those reviews. Folks, you know that he's super duper important because it means that we get more listeners. And we know what that means. Points mean prices and all of that. Um, anyway, whatever. If you have it, if you have an itchy donation finger, then click away on the donate button on the site. And Michael's work doesn't do that at the end of the news. He's going, anyway. Anyway, whatever. Listen, I tell you what, if I was in the jungle, I wouldn't be the second person out. That's all I'm going to say about Michael Burke. Right? Fine. That's all you say about Michael Burke, though. Cool. What does that even mean? If I was in the jungle, I wouldn't be the second one out. He was rubbish and I must see him. Was he? Yeah. What was he even doing on there apart from buying a new conservatory or whatever it was? That's when he was on Netflix. But I've just slightly go out of your way and be boring to be like the second person out in the jungle. He was the first person. I know the really unbearable people that people just cannot stand. Exactly. Exactly. OK. And who was the first one out? Jimmy Bullard. And I can't remember some of some woman. Who's that? Jimmy Bullard was rather, it was a really good football. I used to play for Hall City. He kind of came to promise me for Hall City in the mid 2000s. Great winger, but he was a bit of a jack-of-the-lad. And he was just too much on there. Too much and got booted up. That's not us celebrities, is it? Well, but this is the thing. There's all these celebrity programs. And they're absolutely scraping the barrel. But you thought Michael Burke, touch a genius. The man's got a bit of class. Very terrible. Yeah. Bollocks was he? He was out really quickly. You know, you go out of your way to be boring and a bit non-descript to get booted out that fast. So don't tell me that he's some great broadcaster. And I need to follow what he does. So if I want to say whatever when I comes to the end of a line, I'll say whatever. All right, whatever. However, he's really good on the moral maze though. Yeah, yes. He is actually. He's excellent on that. All of a flipping daily male woman. Who's that? Oh, I can't remember a name. I'm looking at a list of other names. Jam, something, forgotten, don't know. Oh, why do you know who you mean? Yeah. Yeah, anyway. So, Melanie Phillips, not Jan. But he's very good on that. But he was just going down there, just getting paid. Quite simple as that. So, right. Since December, we've had the following. Oh, I'd best just do this all again. People have forgotten where the hell we came in on this. If you have an itchy donation thing, then click away on the donate button on the site and give us cold hard cash. Right. That's what I said before. Now, since December, the following have helped the dumpty-dum balance of payments deficit. Hey, Williams. Alison Jones. Amy Ross. Andrew Ashley. Barre Proprizeman. Claire Maxwell. Claudia Baffigo. Dee Leary. Diane Stokes. Ellen Joy Miller. Glenn Follilove. Oh, does say that, doesn't it? Yeah. Oh, I love the surname. Hello, Palmer. Jane Fitzgerald. Jane Roome. Dean Rose. Anthony Burns. Hey, are we bread? Vione Beavers. Marshall Hill. Mary Argent Catwala. Mary Derby. Sarah Gleason. And Sven Bandaburger. Who plays the chef on the muppets. Ah, well done. Well done. And Tim Parker. Bringing up the rip. We thank you for depositing into the gorgeous of branch of the dumpty-dum bank folks. You can also go to patreon.com. P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com. And search for dumpty-dum. And you can donate $2 a show, which is about $1.30. Remember, remember, remember, you can also send us a voice message via the site or you can call us on O2-03-13-105. From a regular phone. And leave us a message if you can't navigate our website. You can also ping us a regular text. Mepla. You can also ping us a regular text. Your type message via the said same website. She's dumpty-dum.com. Or you can get us on Twitter. Where we are at dumpty-dum. Or you can tweet me @royfield. Or me @lucivivriman. So please, please, please, please, please. Keep those reviews coming folks. It's really nice to actually get some. Because we all know reviews, news and reviews. Everybody's favorite section. We don't have to wither on the vine now, do we? Well, he's got his own theme tune. You know, that's how important that is. Yeah! Because we want to be dark in the podcast jar. Before Ed has to get a wong alone. Aww. I thought really perceptive of you. That Ed is the, you know... It's the whole of the British dairy industry. Yeah, it's the dairy industry. Well done. You are being patronising in sarcastic cuts. No. Really? Oh, for God's sake. Oh, God's sake. Last week. Last week, I said you were really intelligent. Yes. Well, I know that's sick because it's not true. And it makes me uncomfortable. Come on. You put in these scripts week after week. You take this soap opera, sorry, this ducky drama, and you can turn it into comedy gold. Everything, you know. Oh, come on. See, it's gold. It's not me. But you can see the humour in just about everything. When I go... Your absurdity of it. When I go on to the BBC website, right? And you know, when you go on to the listen again bit, and it says, you go into radio for it, and then it says category. And you choose between comedy drama, new current affairs, whatever. I always click on comedy when I'm trying to find the arches. Then I think, oh, no, drama, drama. Every time, it makes me snigger every time that I do it. Ah, dear. Right. You've got to bend you guys now then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But just before I do, so what's your day looking like? Um, I have to write some gags. Um, they've just emailed me to tell me what I'm writing the gags about. And I am, what am I doing? Um, I've got to... I did, um... Oh, it was really sweet. I did, um, I went and, you know, I'm a governor at the school. I did some branding training with the kids to sort of talk about key messages and stuff for their school. So sort of just, it was part of their PhD, whatever it's called, stuff. And, um, they were all sat around in a ring, and there's little ones from four going up to 11. And so I was asking them all kinds of questions about what they felt about the school and things like that. And if it was an animal, what sort of animal would it be and all that? And at the end, we got to what sort of suite would you like? It was just a way of ending up, of kind of closing down. And I said, 'cause it was Friday evening, and if I'd actually know, and I said, you could all have a big shout and shout out what your word is that you think about when you think about your favourite speech. So they all shouted yummy, and then laughed their heads off, 'cause they all shouted at the same time. So I wrote it on the board, and this little boy, who's about six, came, suddenly came sort of rushing towards me out of, he got off his chair and came darting towards me. And he shouted, 'Miss Freedom!' They'd all been calling me, 'Miss Freedom!' 'Miss Freedom! Miss Freedom!' 'I think you are yummy, and I want to eat you all up,' he said. Teacher just looked absolutely horrified, and then rolled his eyes, and he said, 'Set down, Griffin!' It was so cute though. And all the others had, they clapped their hands over their mouth, and was sort of exploding with laughter, 'cause he'd been so sort of cheeky, it was very cute. And I think I might text my name to Miss Freedom. 'Miss Freedom! Miss Freedom!' Anyway, so yes, I'm writing all that up today, because I promised them that I would send them the note, so they could read what they'd all said. Oh, that sounds really quite sweet and lovely. And on that note, I'm going to come back and tell you some ridiculous anecdote, or to listen to a podcast, or anything like that, because for me, it's caught past one in the morning, aren't it? Oh, fine. Okay. So, goodbye everybody. Goodbye, Roy Field. Goodbye children everywhere. And everybody have a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful week listening to Ducky Drama that we love. Oh, and if you need a little bit of a break, maybe go listen to ten and make the President. I'm like, 'You're really great!' One on the top, one on the bottom. Yeah, not that. USB.com will go into iTunes, putting the number 10, and then American Presidents, and go listen to it. And if you do like it, write a review. Goodbye everybody. Goodbye. All right, lose some off the bed. So, right. Bye-bye. August the 11th, 1965, the bloodiest riot in 40 years of America's troubled racial history begins. Los Angeles, California, the district called Watts. Thirty-four persons die. Forty million dollars worth of property is destroyed. Almost 4,000 are arrested. The American Negro. It's now more certain than ever that the bloody experience of Vietnam is to end in a stalemate. I have some very sad news for all of you, and I think sad news for all of our fellow citizens and people who love us. Peace all over the world. And that is that Martin Luther King was shot and was killed tonight. And Martin Luther King is Martin Luther King. There have been some demonstrations at this early hour in downtown Chicago's Grant Park. We heard a moment ago that tear gas has been used. As the demonstrators are attempting to farm a line of parade and mark... Senator Robert Prince Kennedy. On the Africa. Died at 1.44 a.m. today. 2.6. 1968. With Senator Kennedy. The 1960s, as we understand them, didn't really start happening. Until about 1965. The framework and the foundation is lay, of course, much earlier. But if you take a look at photographs of American people, you can see a change in fashion, style, and the entire culture that occurs sometime between 1964 and 1967. Listen to the first show exclusively on Mix Cloud Today and subscribe to us on iTunes beginning January the 18th. From Washington to Obama. 10 American presidents. The new podcast from Royfield Brown. How did you actually sleep last night? If it didn't feel like your very best rest, then you need to upgrade to the softest, most luxurious bedding from Bull and Branch. Their signature sheets are made from the finest 100% organic cotton and get softer with every wash. Millions of sleepers love their sheets and right now, you can feel the difference for yourself during their biggest sales of the entire year. Hurrytobolandbranch.com to shop their best offers. Limited time only. Exclusions apply. See site for details. If there's one thing that my family and friends know me for, it's being an amazing gift-giver. I owe it all to Celebrations Passport from 1800flowers.com, my one-stop shopping site that has amazing gifts for every occasion. With Celebrations Passport, I get free shipping on thousands of amazing gifts. And the more gifts I give, the more perks and rewards I earn. To learn more and take your gift giving to the next level, visit 1800flowers.com/acast. That's 1-800-Flowers.com/acast.
Dum Tee Dum Episode 43 – Midnight calls
These shows can’t get any longer
The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 43 – Midnight calls appeared first on DumTeeDum.