DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum Tee Dum Episode 42 – These shows can’t get any longer

These shows can’t get any longer

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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 42 – These shows can’t get any longer appeared first on DumTeeDum.

Duration:: 1h 33m
Broadcast on:: 20 Jan 2015
Audio Format:: other

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Ask what you can do for your country. There is not a Black America, any White America, any Latino America, any Asian America, or the United States of America. Listen to the first show exclusively on Mix Cloud Today and subscribe to us on iTunes beginning January 18 from Washington to Obama, 10 American presidents, the new podcast from Royfield Brown. Because people have got to know whether or not they're presidents are crook. This show is sponsored by John Burns, who'd like to highlight the work of Virgin Unite, the independent charitable arm of the Virgin Group. The primary aims of the foundation are to make sustainable change through economic development towards tough social and environmental issues. These include addressing the issue of delivering healthcare to rural parts of Africa. If you'd like to find out more visit virginunite.com. [Music] Right. Right. Have you been? Fine. Well, no, that's a lie actually. Yes, it's good to twitter, you're sick. I have got a virus thing, which is not surprising as most of Tillie's school has got it. I'm a bit set up with it now. How long have you had it? Have we got the Fish Wives Choir this week? Oh yeah, I thought just stretch back up. Yippee! They were very good and they don't really, you know, they've only ever had one air ring, so let's give them a second air ring. Yes. And if they're Fish Wives, they'll need an air ring. [Laughing] Tell you, I've had the most loveliest weekend. Have you? Yeah, well. What did you do this? This dumpty-dum thing. Yeah. It's a bit global, you know. This. Yeah. No one told me. I did have to remark to Robin, Robin, Robin winning, sorry, who is I Lanthiroza. I didn't know. Oh. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Because I said to her, you've never rung in. She went, yes, I have. Oh, it, no, you haven't. She went, I'm I Lanthiroza. I went, Oh, MJ! Yeah. So, um... You didn't say, oh, MJ. Well, no. Are you a 15-year-old girl? I'm not going to answer that. I don't know. Well, I didn't go, I didn't say to her, MJ. But I did say, my by golly-gosh. Anyway, cutting a massive long story short, you know, it's that whole thing where I jump off the plane in Toronto and I get a message from not contrary to when I come to a party, I come to San Francisco and my weekend has been full of dumpty-dummers. So, I've been driven up to Sonoma and Sonoma, kind of a wine-growing country. I met Robin winning and her family, a lovely husband, Jeff, and a daughter. They took me to a wine-er-rated wine-tasting, walked among the red woods, and it took me for a Puerto Rican meal afterwards. I met Doug Foynt in the Mission District, who's a salty old sea dog, who's a member of Amra. So, nose of Cosmo through the electronic notice board, that is the newsnet. And he's an old salty sea dog. Salty sea man. Sorry, I just had to. Yes, thank you for that. And he is currently between Rhode Island, San Francisco and Seattle, because he's doing a course on how to be a ships engineer, because that's what he does. He sails ships being an old salty sea dog. And so, if there are any dumpty-dum listeners out there who fancy an old salty sea dog, Doug is looking for love. And he's a man of means, ladies. He's a man of means. Send photo of ship. Is that the kind of thing? Yes. Robert Dinky will not do. It's all about... Yes, I've asked behind. Many masts and sails and all these kind of things. But he was a lovely guy, and I just literally came back to my flat on Sunday evening. I was like, "My God, people are just so lovely." And he took me out for a burrito on Saturday afternoon, and then Robin and her family and her husband were just like, "So lovely." Jennifer Eber drove me all around, and it's just like, you know, there is a dumpty-dum Northern Californian chapter. Cool. And it's just lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely. Yeah, that's great. I'm really happy for you. No vlogger has ever taken me anywhere, because of dumpty-dum. Never. That's not really true, Lucy. If you think about it, I've taken you to the '02 shop on Tottenham Court Road, because of dumpty-dum. Because of that. Oh, actually, no. I taught you to the Sanderson. How bloody dare you? Did you pay for that? Well, you didn't. So who did then? I think I've walked out without paying. Just don't put that in my office. So you're to the bloody Sanderson. How dare you? Sorry, yes. But no, I just had a lovely, lovely, lovely weekend, and just talked to live philosophy, love, politics, the archers invariably. And it's just been, oh, most awesome. Oh, that's lovely. Yeah. Very nice. And I got told I was a head girl, what was it? A slightly posh head girl who sounds like she's a bit of a goer if you've got to know her, or something like that. I remember what he said. Well, I agreed with him up until the part where part of she's a goer if you get to know her, because I don't think he quite said that. And I said, I'm a gentleman, I couldn't possibly comment on the last bit of that. Lucy, shall we crack on with this show? Yes. Because I'm feeling all archered. Are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. This is, dumb to dumb the show about the reality of Dr. Drama, that's centered on Ambridge in the heart, the Midlands. I'm Royalfield Brown, who's arrested after walking amongst the Redwoods, and with me, I have the woman who's walking in Waltham's stove, who is Lucy Freeman. And the people who are wondering with us are you folks today's rendition of Barret Green, who's brought to you by the Fish, Wives, Quiet Lucy. Can you remind our listeners how they can win the accolade of dumb, deep dumber of the week? Because the burgers aren't sending them in, and we need some fresh ones. If you know the difference between kissing and proper kissing, send us your definition on 02030313105, or send us a dumpty dum and get in touch by a speak pipe on the site. Thank you to Shambridge for her marvellous voices, and to Derek for the load of the back bedroom. He's out at the minute because he's been asked to go and do some DIY work around the village. He's got our way through fixing the bathroom door at the ball, but he had to abandon it midway through as the damp made everything swell up and he didn't have big enough nuts. Oh, it's me now. Call a winner. Yes. Call a winner is this week. We have a bypass load of them folks. John Cop, he wants to discuss the dairy. We have Andrew Horn. Is he an easy and new caller in her? I think he is. He's a frequent Twitterer. Oh, okay. He's a frequent Twitterer, but he's a new caller in her. Andrew Horn, who wants to give a shout out to Millie Bell, Janice and Nokkontreary, who both need a coffee, Claire, who approves of living within your means. Yes. You don't look at my finances, Claire. Meet Miss City, who's a little horse, Nick Tobit. No, there's another new caller in her. We've got a doll. No, no, no, he's an emailer. Oh, all right, then. Okay. A new emailer in her. Okay. Well done, Nick. He just wants to say, "Hey, Toots." And Maeve. Oh, my lovely Maeve, the original one of my ladies. Maeve, she's back. My lovely Maeve, she's back. Who thinks Rob will say Jess has bewitched his titchy knob. Mystery's Colis, who wants Alice's job and Paul Roome, who gives us his medical opinion, but first, Loose. Before all that, why don't we just get stuck into the last week in Ambridge, innit? We began the week on Plow Monday. This is a historic day in which the whole of Ambridge celebrates the fact that they have to plow through story lines, which never seem to reach any sort of resolution. Alan put in one of his rare appearances and immediately convinced Tooty Jill, who is now completely paranoid as a result of Carol de Boggan's tea, that the entire sermon was a covert attack on her nearest and dearest. Shuler comforted her. She was in the congregation, cleansing her soul after feeling decidedly shifty, and accepting the Justin Elliot shilling in order to install a manicurist for the horses at the stables and disabled rug on the vibrating bed in Dannekins' bedroom. She then went on to say, "We're a wash with keen ringers at the moment, which I misheard and dropped a teapot." The rest of the week seemed to be focused on cleaning for inexplicable reasons. Helen and Tom had a weary chat about the shop, which is apparently turning into a sort of slurry pitch with a few wrinkly apples bobbing around in it. The most worrying bit of the whole exchange was the crunching noises they were both making while they were supposedly eating parsnip soup. Then we went to visit, we were going to leap in on you. How did you know that? It's like an ear. It goes click. Oh, well, just to say that my hostess with the most this of yesterday, Robin Winnin, has a theory about the shop. Do you want to give it? Yeah, yes. Her theory is that Kirsty is running a rival organic shop idiot. Oh, the one that Kate mentioned. Exactly. But we can't talk about that because Kate only mentioned it yesterday and we're not doing spoilers. She didn't mention it yesterday. She did. She mentioned it on Sunday evening one. Well, she must have mentioned it before because... Oh, yes. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm talking bollocks. Yes. Yes. The one in that, yes. Where was it from? From you to talk bollocks, Lucy. Yes, it's not right. This and the whole show is going on bollocks. Um, yes. No, that's very interesting because Kate said, they've, they've, they've, they've, they've shot a better look to its loved ones because they're so much better, didn't she? Yeah. Was it in? Orchester? Bought history or function? One or the other, you know, but it's, it's somewhere else. Yeah. So and, um, and I thought, all interesting theory. Yes. Then we went to visit Roy in his den of filth. It's hard to tell when Brophy is missing Hailey, Phoebe, Elizabeth, or a cleaner. Tom, in between diagnosing dyslexia and generally now being the hero of the hour, counseled Roy in typical archers' manufacturing. This meant... What was that? That was my phone, I thought it was not a silent, blooming thing. Um, shall I do it again? Nah, you're right. Professional. Um, yes. Tom, in between diagnosing dyslexia and generally now being the hero of the hour, counseled Roy in typical archers' manufacturing. This meant that neither Roy nor Tom fell table to actually name what they had done. So we had to listen to a bewildering conversation in which Tom expressed regret for the thing of me, what's it? And Roy said he wished he'd never got involved in the whole oojima flip. The whole thing was a fault of euphemism, which can't have been helpful to either of them, but was referred to afterwards as a good chat. And then the most astonishing episode of, which seemed to go on for several days. We were pitched to about an electronic dairy or some such cobblers for hours. We keep being introduced to these new people. That's not factically correct now, is it? If the show, if the show lasts for 12 minutes, yes. Right? How could this have gone on for hours? I'm talking, you know, time is relative. When you're listening to somebody just talking about mastitis, it feels like a long time. Okay, veggies. That point I take on the nose. Go on, go get Lucy. We keep being introduced to these new people, all of whom are named and are clearly terribly RP and Articulate. Are we going to have to listen to every resting actor in the UK read us out the sales pitch from the Witch Guide to Milking Parlors? It all got very technical and at one point I started laughing and couldn't stop. Honestly, I could go on sodding mastermind now. It is almost as if one of the script writers in the meeting said, "No, honestly, look, I did the research, I drove to Yovil and I sat in a freezing milking parlour with a cup with a farmer for three hours while he talked about herring bones and collecting yards and I am buggared if it's going to waste, so we're putting it all in on Wednesday." Johnny left the table after finishing a bowl of pat's chewy soup to go and set up the cow race. That's nice. They have to go through the slal around the really bones twice around the living room of the last one into the collecting yard gets mastitis. Bridge farm seems to have gone completely mad in Tony's absence. Not only are the cows running races, they are also on a low-carb diet. Apparently, then it's juicing a fast day, every Wednesday, and mindful meditation with Kate. Clary is fed up of working with Helen. "You ask her a simple question and she jumps down your throat," she said to Susan, a simple question like, "I've just sneezed in the rhubar of yogurt. Is that okay?" Clary and Susan have making Emma's wedding dress after Emma threatened to wear once she pulled out the bins around the back of Underwood's. "I thought that was lovely by the way." It was quite sweet wasn't it? "Yeah." "We've been making clothes all our lives," said Clary. "Really? The only thing I've ever heard Susan stitching up was Jennifer when she suggested she might have picked up on sticky units. "Some outfit called the child support agency has written to me," said an outraged rob, making them sound like a firm of dodgy plumbers, rather than the organisation that is going to dance upon his brave, or more likely, Adam's. But more of that later, Helen, what? "I'm sorry more of that later." "Yes." "Helen, your secret is safe with me, Archer, trotted off to Pat to express her shock and horror at Jess's audacity, in suggesting that little Ethernet, maybe the product of Titchysperm, Pat gave a sharp eye at all, which leads me to predict high jinks ahead with Pat chasing him around the cyberdairy with a vacuum pump, shouting, 'I just want to be sure' log, and every member of the archer's plan is spending like there's no tomorrow on the shaky premise that Justin Elliot is going to buy the inexplicably waterlogged Brookfield and they are going to buy the overpriced Handy Hook. Kenton announced that he wants to be in control of his own destiny. This is a man who is merely in control of his own battles, but no matter, we have the save campaign, or do we? The opposition seems solely to exist of Jennifer and her private detective agency, saying, 'Well, it makes me cross and shoeless, sighing, so stand by for the save for save campaign and offshoot of the banner bypass bypass lobby.' And finally, fans lose for Lillian. Matt's ski is off ski to do a bit of bearback wrestling with Vladimir Putin. Lillian got back from her jaunt to find the safe door open, the pictures, and the good wine gone. Harrisman burns in his role as Ambrage's permanent on-site policeman, which is amazing as most rural police forces have to cover about 400 square miles. Trotted over to the Dauhaus, sharpening his junior detective's notebook and turning over a new heap of his pencil. 'Did he take the good wine?' he asks Lillian brightly. 'No!' He took the earnest and julio gala and left the shadow-margo, Harrisman's massive durbrane, but did his razor-sharp detecting brain stop there? 'No, it did not!' 'Oh, look!' he said, adjusting his plastic deer-stalker hat, available at Toys R Us, age three to four, where it ticked over one eye. 'A piece of bear throw, it's the writing on it! Or a note, as we call it in English. Now, this, of course!' Triggered Jennifer's anxiety clacksome. It's like the Batman signal in reverse. She hears the clacks and identifies the crisis and whizzes straight over to make everything so much worse. Lillian, to her credit, made her stand out in the rain and then refused to make her a cup of tea, which I thought was quite restrained. If I'd been Lillian, I'd be giving her a thump up the bracket just for the hell of it, but then I'm like that. So there we leave it. Four-plus cat, abandoned, alone in the echoing Dauhaus, her only souvenir, a massive pool in the cat tree. 'Right, now I'm not happy about that, disappearing. And I'll tell you that I need some wine.' Right, apart from the fact that him and Lillian were just gold together, absolute gold, and you believed in their relationship down to the Tiger Pussycat techniques, etc, etc, etc. Though Matt's backstory was a little bit too colourful, he was one of the few male characters in the whole bloody thing that had another dimension to him. Yeah, and he wasn't just middle-class permanently. Listen, that's your hobby horse, right? Sorry. You've been a member of the middle class, you go for this thing of self-hating, so I want to move on that Lucy, right? But, but, but, but, he, you know, the more I think about the archers, the more I marvel on the fact that somebody like Helen is written so, so deftly, and all the characters who truly, truly, truly are written with subtlety and with colour, with light and shade, etc, are all female, the men are, to the, almost exclusively, somewhat 2D. And you had a character which we all loved, who was a little bit of a rogue, you know, he displayed his love for Lillian, though he had another side to him, etc, etc, and he's gone. And I just wonder, why is it that the male characters aren't written with a little bit more colour? Yeah. And also, he took the Mickey out of the village. Yes. He didn't fall for all the rubbish about it, you know, but he didn't, he didn't go go whoopee about the flaring produce show, and, you know, and he took the Mickey out of Lillian and knitting, and, you know, he was always a bit sort of boringly patronising to Peggy, because, you know, he's sort of very conscious, but, yeah, she's a matriarch and we have to go through this stuff. But, it was just great, yeah. And it's a, apparently the actor has left. I really, really hope that's not true, and I really, really hope that is going to be back, and the original actor coming back. Yeah. Well, yeah. Well, I think Matt Crawford, the actor that plays Matt Crawford, is in that, he's in that kind of pantheon of arches, as you couldn't replace him, because his voice is so distinctive. You know, he's literally up there with the actor that plays Linda Snell. You cannot replace him. People would just give up and just like switch their radios off, and ratings would just plummet if they have, you know, some kind of RP Matt that just turns up. Yeah. So, I hope, I hope, I hope he hasn't left. It did cause humong it that when I get onto the tweets of the week bit, there is, it caused more chat than anything else this week, because people were so upset that he would have gone. And also, it didn't seem to fit with the, you know, he's put up with so much from Lillian, she's put up from so much with him. Would he just vanish with absolutely no backstory? No. I mean, I'm hoping that we are going to get some kind of fill in as to what had happened, but I don't know, it's just very sudden, very abrupt, and everyone's going, what, what is gone? You know. Yeah. Well, the only way it makes any kind of sense is if it is the Russian mafia's kind of caught up. And I'm quite happy. But then that only makes sense if you listen to Radio 4 Extra. That makes no sense to me. That's what I was just about to say. And then actually, I'm quite happy to leave all that Russian mafia nonsense, which I thoroughly enjoyed, but it was nonsense over in Moscow and also in, gosh, where did they go? They went somewhere in the Adriatic at first, didn't they? Then they went over to Moscow. So, and we don't need, you know, mustache twirling Russian heavies, you know, so to speak. Up and down the board is a bypass, you know, look at that, it's somewhat ridiculous. So, you have recently moved into Lower Locksley. Do you know a man called Met? Yes. Yeah. So, let's hope that he hasn't left left, and it's just some brief little sujourn, and we're going to get him back because, you know, a couple like that, you know, you break them up with their peril. Yeah. Absolutely. Loose. Oh, by the way, did you notice? I didn't really interrupt. Did you notice? I did notice. Did you notice that Jolene, Jolene, is following us? Is she? She is. And I screamed, and then wrote it on Twitter that I'd screamed. And I said, will you come on the show when she hasn't answered? So, that's great. But wouldn't it be fab? Oh, yes. We need to get Jolene on the show. We need to get a picture of Jolene in her Hello You Two t-shirt. And I was awoken because of the time difference here. I was awoken. I mean, electronic devices were buzzing in a tweeting, and I woke up to the fact that there was a hashtag Pray for Royfield, hashtag Pray for Royfield. Yes. Yes. It was followed up by Joanna Van Campen saying, get over it, man. Bit harsh, I felt, but, you know, it's your point. So, anyway, I'm completely over-fallen, and I'm all about this right now. That really made me laugh. I'm going to- But with Yoko Baer saying, thoughts are with Royfield are just difficult times. But anyway, I've moved on. I've moved on. I'm all about Kate Autridge. I'm going to, you know, what Connie couldn't do, I'm going to do, I'm going to tame her. Really? Yes. Okay. Okay, I'm lying. I'm still in Novi Fallon, but I just need to deflect here. I just, like, it's so hard. That's hard. I know. But listen, this show is not about us. We have egos of plenty, you and I. Why don't we turn things over to our wonderful caller Inneras? Law. Ambridge 3962. Hi, this is John Kopp here. I don't want to talk about this week's EastEnders storyline, or the fact that that core act through played Lucas that you had on a little while ago, never looks likely to get a call now that new Kate who's even more flaky than old Kate is back and has dumped herself African family. It's generally if Roy gets back to her, does that count as number two archers woman or number three archers woman that he's been through. Anyway, I want to talk about the state of dairy farming in the UK because it is supposed to be an agricultural program and there was a news item this week about the disastrous state of the British dairy industry, driven by the predatory pricing of the supermarkets over milk. And next time you go on a supermarket and buy four pints of milk, repair and think about the poor farmer. Anyway, they interviewed a farmer who had just installed a robotic milking parlor and he said, well, it was just keeping him above water. They have to David and Ruth and their daughter. They just anticipated this money, which we know is never going to happen, but it is a fantasy. So if it does happen, they're now planning to spend an enormous amount of money on capital expenditure on a robotic milking parlor. They're never going to get it back. They've obviously got no business sense at all. They don't talk at all about the state of dairy farming in the UK, even though we're supposed to have a agricultural editor. And what worries me most is that their daughter who's been to college doesn't seem to have any comprehension of what the business plan is because if I had that sort of money, I'd buy a Lamborghini rather than spend this on a milking parlor. My last point is on that subject that their right field's got people to declare their occupations. I've never heard a farmer ring in. Have a nice day. Roy and Kate could get back together. He's vulnerable. I'm not sure he's that vulnerable, and I'm also not sure that you should use the phrase 'been through' Kate and Elizabeth John Cop as it sounds more like Dinah Rod than anything else. Yes, and he talks about this flipping nonsense with robotic parlors and cyber cows. Who will it trade? There's less bullying in the collection. We don't care. We know it's about farms. We get that. The farming is what we put up with to get to the good bit. And we've had a lot of farming in the last week. But no, no. You know, these bloody scriptwriters can't win because you people, your moan, right, you've got Cosmo who forerens it, he takes everything to peace. And then they put in a bit of detail to say, look, we have actually done some research. I could do a filming parlor from Sodding Memory now. Would you mean a bit? I thought it added detail to the complexities of setting up a new milk in parlor. And because they're not going anyway. You know what, what? Every body is screaming at me. You just say the archers and they say, they're not going. What are you doing this? Even Buzz Bummy boy who follows us now said, they're not going. He actually sparked a row, a family row on his day, he said. A bit of internecine squabbling because he said casually, well, they're not going. And his wife went nuts and said, yes, they are. They finished up having a massive row on New Year's Day about the archers. Oh, that was excellent. That's a sign of a devoted listener. If you can disrupt your entire, an entire family occasion. Well, I tell you, I tell you what, right? It's interesting watching the dynamics of a couple. The Mr. and Mrs. Winning, who are very obviously not only devoted to each other and the thoroughly decent human beings, but so Robin is, you know, I'm the archers listener and they got into listening to the archers when they lived in Keswick in the early 80s. They check this out. They lived for one year. Bear in your mind, this is about the early 1980s, you know, because they talked about Norman Tebit and his cricket test. So he's talking about 1982, something like that, 1983. They lived for a whole year on £3,000. Blimey. Blimey indeed. Blimey indeed. Right. But anyway, so she's the big archers fan and she got into the archers then. And Jeff has had to put up with it. And of course, he says, oh, I don't listen to it. I don't know what's going on. Oh, I'm not actually going to leave and go to the room. It's like, you know, this kind of foe, oh, I don't listen to it. I don't know what's going on. Blah blah blah. Oh, nobody likes Ruth though. Do they really feel that way? But anyway, so yes. So what's my opinion on this Lucy? Please tell me. I've got no, I mean, do you genuinely think they're going to go? Yes or no? No, in that they are the absolute centre of the show. However, so far we've subjected to a forensic market research into flipping milking technology. Why? Why can't they have those scenes on their own? Who cares? Let's see how we can imagine a release band, some of our imaginary money that we're not going to get on an imaginary move. Yes, yes, on an imaginary move. And I do understand that the whole thing is imaginary, but do you know what I mean? It's just massive waste of time. I'd rather listen to Clarion's Susan just gossiping in the flipping dairy than that. And where the hell are they getting all these incredibly white middle class RP actors who are all called something that are memorable to make sure that we don't actually bond with them anywhere? You're telling you a county school, that's where the game. Oh god. But I tell you what it doesn't need. Now you complain about the detail that they're going into about research in the move when other people have said they've done no research at all. So I'm saying that maybe these script writers have had a steerings somewhat of a middle path. The one last thing I'll say about the lovely winnings who just treated me so well yesterday is that actually Jeff is a geologist. So he kind of knows about the underwater tables and whatever. And I said, man, just call in and he says, but Royfield, I don't know about the geological topsoil or whatever nonsense in Ambridge. I says, do you get it to go? Who cares about knowledge, bring in man. Do you think any of us know what we're talking about? But you know, you can take apart all the reasons, you can, you know, all the reasons why this movie is not going to go ahead are just writ large down to the fact that, and we've mentioned this before, and it sounds a bit heartless, but like why would Ruth uproot her whole family and move a farm to be with her mother who must be at least 80, who's not going to be around too much longer. And that's somewhat brutal, but it's the truth. Yeah, right. You know, so there is that there is the fact that there is some water shenanigans going on underneath Brookfield. There is the fact that, wait on a minute, just the fact that the road is supposedly going to be built through the farm, you know, you're going to get a massive payout for that. And you could easily stop there and just put a bridge over the bloody bypass. It goes on and on and on and on and on. All the reasons why this isn't going to happen. So I'm tired of that, and I think we should... It would be like bridge over the river choir, and they could call it the choir pass. There you go. You know, that one saved up, haven't you? Oh, stop it. Stop it. Stop it. You've so been queuing that one up. Yes, it's actually me that suggested the whole bypass storyline to Kerry, just so I could get that in. What a payoff. What a payoff. I know. All of it, especially when you cut it out. Next call. Next call is Andrew Horn. Morning dumpty-dummers. It's Andrew Horn here. Two points. Neither of them specifically plot-related more admin for the podcast. Goddess Diva Yoko Bear, what stars you are. This must be a regular feature. Maybe twice yearly, sort of a summer solstice one, as well as the Christmas version. Shaq Mary Kill. Fantastic. And the second one is about the book of faith and Millie's contribution moving into the main part of the podcast well overdue. It was beginning to annoy me that you kept saying now we're finished, and then go to the book of faith when there's so much good content there. Anyway, keep up the good work. Hope everyone's enjoying 2015. Speak to you soon. Bye. He very much enjoyed Goddess Diva and Yoko Bear's game of Shaq Mary Kill as we did. Who would you Shaq Mary or Kill? I mean in the arches, not in real life. Well, I would kill. My name is incredibly obvious. Harrison, Shaq Fallon. No, no, no, no, I wouldn't kill Harrison. I wouldn't kill Harrison, right? Because I think he's going to bore Fallon into submissions. He's just two square, you know. There's a piece of paper with some writing on it, you know. It's just, oh, dear God, man, please. Hello. Hello, you do? It's like the wheelies. I'm not getting a little wheelies. Oh, I still love talking in the wheelies. I know it's great when it's Harrison. Every time he speaks now, I just get this image of him whizzing around on roller skates. Well, I would absolutely, obviously, you know who I would marry. Yes. All right. Who would I Shaq? Kate. Just just put talking for a bit. You know what, right? You know what? She's all yogurt up, isn't she? Yeah, she's all bendy. Yeah, she's going to be all kind of flexible and you might teach her a trickle too. I would like myself for it, though, because I'm revile her. She would talk all the way through it. Yeah, I really would, you know, oh, God, you'd be doing it and you'd be hating yourself and enjoying yourself at the same time. And then who... Like, that's not happened before, but anyway. Sorry. Yeah, that's good. Who do I actually hate? Tell me who I hate. I really don't know. You're nicer than me. I am. I wish there's another thing which is being commented on numerous occasions. Really? Yeah. I'm much more even tempered, fair-minded, balanced, and just thoroughly decent. But you're much more interesting. That's a thing though. Well, it's nice to know that people all across the world hate me. That's lovely. Thank you, people all across the world. The thing is, I don't particularly like shooter, but I don't hate her. No. Cameron Fraser. Oh, God, you are going back now on. That's all I can think of anybody that I'd actually want to die. Clive Horribin. He's just nasty. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Both kill him. Yeah. Yeah. What about you? Go to your list. Um, Shag Ed, Marie. Oh, limey. None of them are, yeah, golly. Yes. No, none of them are leap. No, nobody's. Could I have a civil partnership with Lillian? And kill Clive. I'll tell you what, interestingly, I've spoken to a couple of recent converts to the Church of Archer. And, um, again, I'm keeping this in California. And, uh, Jennifer Reba doesn't understand Ed love. She just said, is a whiny, windy, uh, loser deadbeat. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. You've only been listening for nine months. I'm gone through the whole, um, him fighting with Will growing up, Will getting, um, you know, the kind of cottage from Caroline, him being on drugs and him straightening himself out, you know, etc, etc. And actually he's doing a damn fine job. But, you know, the cards are kind of somewhat stacked against him. Um, and it's going to quite interesting because a couple of people now have said this to me, I just cannot stand Ed Grundy. And the, the way that this whole storyline is going to go with them is that, you know, she's going to be the earner and she's actually going to be the trouser wearer, isn't she? And then that's going to be his, um, he's stick, you know, to beat himself up with the fact that, you know, he's, he's why his partner is a success, he's the successful one, his brother is successful, etc. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is quite amazing, isn't it, how one day hopefully women will be allowed to wear trousers. That would be great. We can only hope and possibly earn money and everything, you know, could happen one day. Nah, come on. I've changed my mind completely now. You've actually put me off Ed. I would shag David. I would marry Jim Lloyd. Oh, forgot about Jim. Which would mean I'd have to kill Auntie Cardboard, but that's the right because she never says anything anyway. So no one would mind. Yeah. Oh, and this is a good time for us to do Millie Bell, so to speak. Sorry, Millie, we're going to do you now, love. Um, because Andrew Horn says she is jolly good and she should not be, uh, jettisoned to the end of the, not jettison, that's the wrong word. She should not be shoved in at the end of the programme. So we're going to insert her here. Stand by Millie Bell. Start today with a quick plug for an arches-related activity. It's being organised by a very good friend of Dumpty Dum and a huge arches van, Paul Charles Wilkins. He organised a similar activity at the end of last year, which was really successful and clearly a lot of fun. And I wasn't at all jealous when I saw the photos on Facebook. No, no, no. He's organised this time two arches-oriented tours at the BBC Birmingham Studios and they're on the 25th of April of this year. He's, um, been able to secure two. He only had one last time and that's great because what it means is they're going to have a tour and then they're going to go to lunch and hopefully the people that go to the afternoon tour will also come to the lunch so you'll all get to meet each other. Um, and there's only 24 each session so you will need to get hold of him to let him know if you're interested. If you get hold of him and I'll give you his email address in a moment, just let him know the number of places you want reserved, whether you're a concession or a full adult fair, and also whether you would prefer the A.M. or the P.M. tour. Um, he said the fee for the tour is eight, oh not eight dollars, it's eight pounds 50 and it's nine pound 25 full adults so that's sterling, not Aussie dollars merely. Okay, um, so at this stage they're looking at going to a place called the Cafe Rouge because that can take 40 people but if anybody's got any other suggestions, he'd love to hear from you. Also, they do invite any cast members who are interested and other dignitaries such as the lovely Carrie Davies, so if any of the cast are listening or the script writers and they'd like to be involved, please let Paul know as well and just so that you know if they do offer free lunches for the cast and for the dignitary so you may be asked to contribute a little bit towards that but I'm sure you won't mind. So if any of that excites you then you need to get in touch with him. Paul Charles Wilkins at gmail.com. That's Paul Charles Wilkins or one word at gmail.com. So I want me going as a timings rubbish for me this year. My third child's in the last year of high school and I'm experienced enough now to know that this means lots of cups of tea and lots of mopping of brow for her not me. However, we are hoping that Dumpty Dum has a presence and that your post lots of pics on the day so that I can enjoy your fun vicariously. Facebook's been very busy this week with a club of peeps making up special cocktails for Ambridge residents on the Amview page and a fantastic rewrite of Bohemian Rhapsae on Arches' appreciation group by Martin Clark which was well-mirth making and I encourage you to go and have a look at that if you haven't already seen it and had a giggle. On Dumpty Dum we asked what storyline you'd like to see introduced or reintroduced to the Arches. Some of you naughty peeps were a little opportunistic and created storylines that made some residents available who are currently not single. We know who you are Robert Brum. Ben Hardy thinks we should hear more from Rob's parents and Hayley Brett would like Pip to become the first lesbian character and thinks recent plotlines have paved the way for this with perhaps a free song between her and the female host at the robotic dairy farm. But the consensus seemed to be that we would really like some recently silent characters such as Jamie and Kathy and Matt to return and it looks like we may be disappointed where Matt is concerned because he seems to have nicked off. Anyway, keep an eye on our Dumpty Dum page today this week and get involved. We love to hear from you and I look forward to speaking to you next week. Hello Roy Field, hello Lucy, it's lovely May for you. Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while I've been probably and yeah just kind of out of circulation. However, my predictions for 2015 I think that Rob will eventually be forced to do the DNA test but he will convince Helen that Jess is in fact a witch and has bewitched his DNA and so therefore that's why it's positive for Ethan or whatever the child is called. There'll be a big parlava she's done by him and then he'll go and showcase and do him a little bit. Okay, bye. Right, so that was Millie Bell and then we moved on to Maeve in the big press and she thinks. Hey, this is Paige from Giggly Squad and this episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. It's a season of Wonder all the way at Nordstrom. You'll find the best gifts for everyone you love including tons of ideas under $100 and gift experts to help. Wondering what to wear? They have everything from cozy styles to party perfect looks along with free style help from their stylist. Plus they'll make your shopping easy with services like in-store order pickup, gift wrap options, free shipping and returns. Discover the wonder of the holidays today in stores and at Nordstrom.com. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. At Mint Mobile, we like to do the opposite of what Big Wireless does. They charge you a lot, we charge you a little. So naturally, when they announced they'd be raising their prices due to inflation, we decided to deflate our prices due to not hating you. That's right, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes of detail. Forging ahead together drives Colorado's pioneering spirit. At Chevron, we donate funding and volunteer thousands of hours in support of the community's we call home. We also employ our neighbors to deliver the energy needed as the state's largest oil and natural gas producer. All to help improve lives in our shared backyard. That's energy in progress. Visit colorado.chefron.com So that Rob is going to end up shacking Kate, which a lot of people have said. After announcing that Jess has somehow bewitched his penis. I have heard many excuses in my time, but she bewitched my penis. There's not many circumstances under which you could get away with that. I don't know. I think if anybody could say that with confidence, so it would be Rob as he just thinks that he can just say anything to anybody and is outraged when they don't believe him or question it or even twitch an eyebrow. He's like, "What? I can't believe you don't believe me." Kate does fancy Rob. Clearly she keeps saying her attractiveness, but Kate is not thick about people. She finds people's insecurities quite quickly, which is how she's managed to manipulate the whole of her family and everybody that knows her. And I don't think she'd fall. Well, old Kate wouldn't have fallen to Rob. Maybe new silly meditation, living the moment Kate would, but old Kate wouldn't. She was feminist. Well, I think she would still say that she is, but Rob, on the face of it, Rob wouldn't go anywhere near a woman like her. No. Unless it's that some blokes have to go and tame women, like you just said about Kate. Before we get the feminist listeners have done tweeting an email, I was completely joking when I said that. This is the people, the misogynist. That was a joke. Then it'll be kicking up the wazoo with a jump. No, no, no, no. The only plausible scenario that is of this is that Rob would have some moment of inadvertent commerce weakness. He's drunk a little bit. Something's happened with him in Helen and then Kate and a Texas advantage. But there is no way if that man is properly cognizant and straight of mind that he'd go anywhere near that woman. Here is a man that likes to state and kid me pie. What would he be doing? Knocking around with a matro, biotic vegan, drinking, yoga, mat, carrying nutmeg. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And now Claire from Scotland via Canada. Hello, them to them. It's Claire from Scotland via Canada bringing up. I'm back in Canada at the moment. I'm between these, so it's not between countries. I can't actually believe what I'm doing as a result, because it does mean I am sorting out what I do once I have caught the visa. But I am trying to get back to the UK. But I was dreaming to say how lovely it was this week to hear somebody talking sensibly about costs and about money. I'm thinking of Emma and the wedding dress. And it was lovely to hear Clarrie and Susan suggest making it. But more than that, it was just Emma's determination not to go out and buy something elaborate and expensive with all frills and things. And she does, I remember when we had what wasn't quite the little doric plot night that we cured. Either Neil or Susan talking about her. She had some stage gone through whichever one of them was deemed a princess stage. It's very young girl. And there was such a danger really that that could have been resurrected for sweating with it. But she's she's had all of that as boats with the wheel. And she says it didn't work out. So it was nice hearing her talkings, I say sensibly and wanting something simple. And I think probably getting more nearly what she wants out of it. I mean, in that vein too, I'm sorry that I'm going to say this and I'm hoping I'm not the only one that finds it a bit improbable that at this late stage, David and Ruth are only discovering an alternative to a robotic milking and be milking the cows more efficiently. I mean, I knew they partly moved to Prada because we're talking about moving to Prada, rather I haven't actually moved it if only they would. And I don't care what they do. I just want somebody to make up their mind, stick to it and get on with the plot. But no, I find it very hard to believe that in looking into one of this and looking into ways of enhancing the farm before moving, they didn't happen upon what I think they called on the program a 50 degree milk partner. If it's as efficient as all that, and as effective as all that, I'm not really sure why they're only thinking about that now. Anyway, even if there's no way it's going to get around the updated storage system thingy about which I understand absolutely nothing, but it looks as if they're beginning finally to put the nails in the coffin for this move up north and it will, you know, like it would cause as many ways as would have been caused by their going. As I say, I don't mind which they do. I just want somebody to do something. I'm loving the pointy house to keep up a little work and take care. Yes, I can't just say something just before you start with your answer about Cleven's gotten. I must admit, I don't think I've ever encountered somebody who speaks quite as fast as you do, Claire. I was just about to say that. I thought she was on one and a half speed. I kept looking at how I could slow speed part down. Claire, you have an amazing delivery and long made delivery. But she never searches for a word. It's all there and it's just like, and off it goes. Yeah, but anyway, go Lucy, go. I agree, Claire Emma has been a bit of a revelation recently. She is being extremely sensible about this wedding. She said, yes, okay, I went completely nuts last time, but look how that ended up. So this time I want to do it. When she said, aid wouldn't mind if I turned up in my pajamas and I thought, well, I don't know. I might look a bit odd on the photos, but you know, she sort of said that she wasn't going to let her mum bully her into going, spending loads of money that they haven't got, just for the sake of it. No, you can't possibly not do that. You can't possibly wear a second hand dress and all that stuff. And she just seems to be really grown up, really sensible. And yeah, it was good. I'm getting to really like it. And she seems a long way away now from the silly bag that wanted Sabrina Thwaite's Carstoff tracksuit bottoms, Juicy Couture and all that crap. No, she just seemed, she just seems, yeah, sound now. And I don't know, well, that said, Ed's influence or her just growing up or what? Well, I suppose this kind of her, you know, kind of growing up, if you look back and it's been coming for a little while, because she hasn't been in it for so long, I've forgotten her name, Will Grundy's Misses. What's her name again, Nick? Because actually, her and Nick have actually been able to, they have actually been the conduit between the two brothers and them. Emma grudgingly has kind of gone along with it, but she actually has. So, you know, if you want to draw a line, you know, and to say, you know, where is this new kind of Emma come from, you know, it has actually been in the gestation for about a year or so. Yeah, and the... It has, which is rare at the minute, and it's what I think people would like to go back to, in that we have watched Emma grow up. Yeah. For the last sort of, you know, 10 years from this very confused little girl, who didn't know what she was doing, she was a bit spoiled, bit of a daddy's girl, throw a flip every time she didn't get what she wanted. And now, you know, she's a good mum, she's, you know, she's helpful, she's actually trying to help Ed rather than moaning, you know, she's, I don't know, it's watching her, watching a child turn into a person, and that's amazing, very good writing as well. Yeah, yeah, again, I'll just repeat a well-written female character who, you know, you know, anyway. Well, that's what you said about coronation street as well, though, wasn't it? Yeah, but the strong women and then... But with that though, they were all utter matriarchs, weren't they? Yeah. And actually, they were strong female characters and, you know, they had the moments of weakness and whatever to give them kind of colour. But, but, they were always formidable, and they were always at a certain age as well on coronation street, you know, whereas, you know, Emma looks like she's kind of coming into her own and she's still relatively young, you know, with arena sharpels and, you know, Becky. Yeah, and they were all of a certain age and, you know, had their rollers in their hair, etc. But anyway, anyway, let's crack on with the show. This is not a curry podcast, and I keep on referencing curry, got to stop. Hello, YouTube. It's Miss Niv City. Thanks again for a great podcast last week. It was really good to hear from such a diverse range. The call that inner is quite a few of whom I didn't agree with, but that's cool. You don't have to be with everybody. And we're moving on to the archers, this week. It's, it's Friday morning. So I've got as far as listening to Thursday evening's episode and just stunned by this complete betrayal of Matt and what he's done to Lillian. Yeah, why, why should I be feeling so upset? These are fictional people. Anyway, forget they're not fictional, they're real to me. What, where did that come from? I don't like being stunned in that way. I don't really like things coming out of the blue, quite like that. But I guess that's life. And that's what can happen. It's just such a shame because I love the dynamic of Lillian and Matt as a couple. They were clearly a lot of fun together. And you could tell they must have been at it like knives, even though they're not in the first flush of you. And it's just a really nice depiction of a, you know, a mature relationship. And they seem to balance each other out. She's a bit flighty and he kind of kept her feet on the ground a bit. And she softened him because he's a real rogue and he's basically a crook and a criminal. And she, she supported him through that huge crisis he had with being in prison for fraud. And, you know, he really wanted her back and wanted to make things work after she was unfaithful to him, with his, his brother, poor. And that, yeah, the stupid business about what happened on Ambridge Extra with the Russians. Yeah, that was a stupid thing. That was a very stupid aside. But they, they rebuild their relationship after that. They rebuild it. And they rebuild their business empire together. And we just had the impression that they were working alongside each other really well. So I have no idea how they're going to explain this away, what exactly he has done and why he's done it. Because that's the only way she's going to be able to, to move on from this probably that she can understand why he did this. Because if we didn't see it coming, then she didn't see it coming either. And we want her to get back to being herself. And I don't know how she's going to cope with this at all. It's going to be interesting to see it but painful. And I don't like that kind of thing. It's not nice to do horrible things to nice characters. It's going to be interesting because it sounds like what he's done is completely shafted her with her money. And Millian is seriously wealthy. If he has robbed her blind, that is a really evil start to 2015. But certainly I for one will be tuning in to see what happens next. Miss Mizzity stunned by the betrayal of Matt because she loved the dynamic between them. She said you could tell they were at it like knives. I think she's, yeah, I can, all that sort of the purring tiger business and all that. You know, she clearly did fancy the pants off him. But you know, at least he didn't do, it's not you, it's me or any of that. At least he like nicked all the wine and legged it. At least that's quite an exciting way to get dumped, didn't it, suppose? I don't know. I don't know. If it, you know, if it transpires that the actor is kind of up sticks and wandered off, well, then there's nothing much reading the script writers could do. But I hope that he didn't walk off because of this new regime, or because he wasn't happy about something. He was offered some ludicrous storyline that, you know, that Lily wants a baby or something completely daft. Because what we all love about this show is his character driven drama. And you've just removed one of the key characters in one of the key relationships, which actually was absolutely fascinating to, to listen to and to be told. And as we said earlier on in this podcast, they've both put up with nonsense from the other. Yeah, you know, this isn't as easy to sum up as like Jennifer and Brian Wing. So Jennifer is just, you know, that's put up with Brian's crap. You know, for 20, 30 years, they both gave each other as good as they got really, you know, affairs on both sides and shenanigans and whatever. But you knew they were still devoted to each other. And that is what I wanted to see continue on into the distant future. And to cut it short like this, there'd better be a good bloody payoff. And the other thing I'd say as well is that, you know, we really do need to catch our breath here. I don't want this to be some silly murder mystery, as I said before, Russian mafia, blah, blah, you know, it's like crumbs resolve it quickly. Yeah, let's not be dragging this. Yeah, yeah, Christmas. Yeah. So anyway, I'm getting off my hubby horse because bloody love mat and linear. Hello, you two. It's not contrary from Toronto. Just a quick note to say that I really enjoyed Lucy's comments the last week about how Ambrage residents seem to think that tea and coffee are the elixir of life. I noticed further evidence of this fact in the week when Fallon and PC Copot burns were in bed together. And she asked him for a cup of tea. That was her first request in the morning rather than to have a go on his morn horn. That was my observation for the week. Keep up the good work and goodbye. Mary, not contrary. She agrees with me about the astonishing level of enthusiasm with which tea and coffee is greeted in anguish. And she said that Fallon should an unquotic should not be in bed with Harrison asking to go and make a cup of tea. She should be having a go on his morning horn. Can I just say people say I am rude? I would never dream apart from the fact that I just have said that. Say that, gracious me. Yes, but then she is counted by Janice Wench who emailed us and said just to say that we live in a village and we are obsessed with coffee. It is a family tradition when visiting a town with those amazing coffee shops to arrive and immediately find a coffee outlet. You town your lot don't know how lucky you are in our house. We have several cafetias, a Bosch coffee machine, two milk frothers from Aldi, a coffee grinder and a fridge magnet which reads come back when I've had my coffee. So I don't think the ambush obsession is unusual for a small place. David and Ruth will have similar problems in Play-Doh or however you spell it. Love the podcast, kiss kiss kiss. Thank you Janice. That kind of explains it really. I don't know what else to say. I think that sums it up beautifully but I get the impression that in the arches what people end up with is I think it's the only place in Britain where they still drink instant coffee. You're talking about? Jennifer wouldn't but I bet you, Pat and Tony drink instant. Did you just say that? Are you going to have you drink instant coffee? Of course I do. Yes I've got this cafe in my kitchen right now and I drink a lot of coffee. I drink a shed load of coffee. I drink a carafe load of coffee. I drink a you know whatever the other metaphor is loading coffee. Coffee doesn't taste like coffee, does it? Instant coffee is like a drink of its own. It shouldn't really be called coffee. It should just be called instant brown drink because when you have proper coffee it doesn't taste anything like instant coffee. I can tell you have what coffee you said what coffee? Camp coffee made of chicory used to have it in the wall and she loved it and it was the colour of diarrhea and it was just unbelievably hideous and she'd have it with about half a pint of raw milk in it and it was unbelievable and she said oh I like a nice cup of coffee and I would look at it and think add that is so not a nice cup of coffee anyway. I'm so sorry. Considering I drink so much coffee and it don't make you want to eat if you drink a drink a lot of coffee I wouldn't claim to be any coffee drinking expert about different blends and you know I like a listener that I go to me coffee shop of choice and I'll go Americano please that that's it right I just that fundamentally just like black coffee full stop and one thing which is I cannot you can't I can't believe and I have to keep stressing this to people the amount of coffee shops there are in this town is off the scale and you can walk for three or four miles and they're all independently owned and and now that is the the real thing which is a real kind of revelation but they have coffee shops in launderets here they have you know coffee it's coffee shop attached to just about every other business kind of going and I walked into a really interesting one called four barrels on Valencia the other day and there's two queues there's the do you want expensive coffee queue and the coffee beans are actually there and they'll grind them up in front of you and then and they're initialed separately and oh it's all manner of over the top yeah nurse and you know all there is the would you like your coffee a little bit quicker it's obviously not instant but it's just a little bit quicker and that place was just you know some some way to behold but you know coffee in San Francisco it's just a major major thing and I would say on Valencia every fourth possibly fifth retail unit is a coffee shop but all independent wow all and they all survive that's amazing absolutely then it's a smoke that if they smoke that much grass I guess you need coffee to kind of count and balance it don't you just sort of weight you up well yeah they're talking about the smoking grass thing I've been told I need to issue a correction or at least you know clarify even that people are not smoking weed in the middle of the day that has to be said right and it is a case of over the evening time when you're outside of a bar a club etc then you get hit by the clouds of you know of cannabis smoke so I was told put rifle please clarify we are not stoners 24/7 in this have you accidentally brought down the San Francisco economy investors are pulling out it was the San Francisco tourist board that they know angry tweet to me I'm following on from last week's podcast when you asked for a medical opinion about the rate of Tony's recovery Roy field I drove over to the hospital at Birmingham to look through Tony's notes to refresh my memory of the timeline if JoJo sexy hills gets to hear about this in her role in patient confidentiality then I'll be in big trouble so please keep this just between us Tony had his minor disagreement with Otto on the 13th of November the tracheostomy was put in on the 28th of November and was taken out sometime towards the end of December but this isn't clear from his hospital note he lovingly squeezed Pat's hand on the 12th of December and gasped his first words to Peggy on Boxing Day so it's been almost a couple of months since the bridge farm reenactment of the Pamploma bull run and Tony isn't exactly cartwheeling down the hospital ward just talking and being measured for crutches the other factor that needs to be considered is Tony's sunny and optimistic disposition that will greatly help speed his recovery my medical opinion is that his rate of recovery is par for the course I've had a word with my colleagues at Felpishum General for when he's transferred there and they promised to look after him well and not sit on his broken leg on the bed like some carry-on film on another vaguely medical theme I have a plot prediction that unlike my others that have been wider than Mark I am positive will play out the BBC teaser for Friday's episode was it's double trouble for Rob and Lillian well Lillian as we all know had an affair with Matt's half brother Paul Rob's double trouble refers to the plotting Jess who has slept with his long lost identical twin brother in order to get pregnant suggests knows that the DNA test will show Paul misunderstood Rob as the father but he is not Rob won't be able to explain this away and his head will explode simple um and so your brother's rung in Paul room oh um he thinks that Rob's love lost brother shagged Jess and when he finds out Rob's head will explode this is from a minute that this is from a medical man Paul I wouldn't trust you to cure bacon love you clearly don't know what you're talking about no one's head's going to explode and Rob does not have a brother I seem to remember that there was something about a brother but he doesn't really talk about his family false doctor no because he told us about no he talked about playing cricket with his brothers i'm getting really really competitive yes yes well done and somebody last week now who was it said farmers don't ever listen to we said was it awesome yes Nick tobert said hey tucks he's very excited about hearing tucks and he said he talks about games that he would like Manny Calavera from Grimfandango which is a brilliant game and should move into language probably next to Carol tomorrow and he said you've no idea what i'm blabbering about i love the show as always occupation farmer it's true some of us actually do listen to the show so there we go what's matter oh nothing nothing i'll just i'm just relaxing because actually i'm i'm uh broadcasting so to speak i'm recording whilst reclining on my bed and yeah i just had a little stretch and you just caught me and you wanted me to come back and say something i was in mid-stretch and as well don't make that noise that's very disturbing um and cheers who says Ruth described the latest robotic milking parlour as having the parlour in the centre and the paddocks fanning out like a clock face if we all don't start immediately referring to this setup as the panopti cow i am going to be seriously disappointed so that's what we have to do i can't say that word panopti cow no i can't say it how do i say it pan op t cow no i can't say it yeah well i was giving it a go though hey there um alison here otherwise known as callous or mistress callous a second attempt because um i think the first attempt my wife i dropped out halfway through so apologies if you had this before um i just wanted to say i work in aerospace and i'd like to know exactly how alice gets so many holidays and please can i have her job instead of mine on a positive note i was encouraged to hear about the rain in our ambridge bring on Noah's flood lice so we finally hear the last of root bee and moving to prada because i've heard quite enough of robotic milking equipment and what i do want to hear are the howls of disbelief of lizzy and kenton when they find out they aren't getting any money i just can't wait for that and i also can't wait for rob to finally get his comeuppance and have to grovel for Helen's forgiveness when he is forced to take a potential test as he will eventually be have to do and preferably it should be done on the jeremy carl show for maximum humiliation i really want to see him having to groffle thanks for the hard work boyfield lucy millie and harry so i'm not forgetting derrick flesher and um thanks because you brighten up my week no end lovely to hear it every week thanks lot all the best bye and mr's colace yes do you know can't remember what she's saying can you remember um no but i know that mr's colace is i remember mr's colace mr's colace mmm i think she's a first-time caller who are we love her she's very funny too i think she is what first-time caller no i don't think she i think she's calling way back when i thought she was a tweet of the week way back then i way back when i didn't know she'd see one please call in next week and tell us whether you were a first-time caller and then you'll become either a second-time caller or you or a third-time caller because i think you'd be a third-time caller if you call in again yes put a straight please and while you're at it do a dumpy dump because we've run out anyway oh which reminds me we should be getting one via accordion any week yes yes yes yes yes yes again uh my my wondrous host and i'm sorry for boring boring everybody with this but they were just so lovely um you know show me all around tsunami yesterday but she's uh robin is learning the accordion and uh she downloaded the sheet music of barret green took it into her accordion teacher actually said she was struggling with it and she just banged at um dumped you down last week so she's learning that wow yep for bless her and she said um i only want to do rofer when i'm not perfect and i says what's the fun in that record it with all the bum notes in it yeah we like a bit of well-meaning amateur i think as is evident we like stuff with a bum in it we do it's bet me lacy um yes yes mr's colors and she said that she wants alice's job and you know what she said she just dropped in casually she said i work in uh she basically said i'm an astronaut i work in space exploration or similar well she didn't quite go out fuck my lice well but it's exciting though isn't it we've got a load of people that do insurance and then we've got an astronaut you're a gagarin's wife no no you're a gagarin's wife an astronaut oh no no no because i'm sexist remember yeah you know so i'm deliberately calling that she's just an appendage to a man she's not a person in her own right no mr's colors gagarin anyway ah yes i don't understand where the hell alice gets i'm bloody freelance and i get less time off than alice oh um we have a natural alice for one haven't we not since the blind spirit de barkle hmm what it got quiet wasn't good barkle at all no but all the casting nonsense as always mmm yeah i right have we done the calls we have all right and he mails and everything and everything by the way people please know that i'm joking when i said she was your gagarin's wife and i'm not really sexist because god i'm not a friend of rob titchener if i accept the island man every time i open mid go you can upset a few people it's your turn i'm not having the whole episode you know because you just know you just like rubbish that poor wonderful island you know and and i say things for somewhat weak but for comic value and i've got people to know that i am actually joking yeah you just put your size nines in there and dude because that's actually what you believe that the island man is a you know a piddly place but anyway i'm never being there they're going to be off to you now ha ha ha ad break time fancy getting your mouth around something warm something comforting you can really get a firm grip on why not buy a dumdee dum mo from the shop at dumdee dum.com goes down lovely now wheeze back so lucy it's time for what time is it time for the top five arches hashtag no hashtag the arches tweets of the week in it go for it in it no um king kong said i have been pondering the mystery of the missing mat all day he's either run off with anthea or arty christine i'd love someone to run off with on to christine a nice long way away not come back king bag carrier haven't heard of him for well said somewhere in mexico right now mat is doing a shot from a stripper's belly button uh and lady day said lillian mat does not need his outdoor clothes in the caribbean and moving away from mat kara shallardberg said if only johnnie was 25 years older and lived in my town and was you know real which i really liked and tweet of the week do you want to do do do do what's from shaz kao who tweets as pajama llama and she said i love the arches 12 minutes an episode an hour of tweeting which is true no i don't think even the voice gets that much post-show tweeting i think we've done that at a clip as the americans would say have we oh you know what you're actually looking at it we we haven't we've done an hour worth of check an hour's worth of chats actually hasn't been fast at all i think we are just about done but we need to remind you all that we have more arches and dumbly dumb related stuff in our shop so join these cool cats who brought stuff helen redman christie façon ashley rodman mr martin jjago ashley rodman wasn't he oh no that's derrick rodman no not derrick rodman what was he called the basketball player yeah dennis rodman dennis derrick quite like a big old derrick um uh karaan ruttonald miss sb fram emela rue hues noden david's noden polly and comin's live haywood clear maxwell paul room max gary vore matthew plagney helen parma charroden pratt victoria colle mr dp green shelly all bright bridget mary peek rupert brunn let's go field julie mins kirsty dingwall and miss d telford please don't get left out and remember to tweet us or book a face as the pick of you with your goods folks bye bye bye now now we know that you love love us big time and we love you back and there are many ways that you can show your love for lucy and i and the wonderful thing that is dumbly dumb you can hit the donate button on the site and give us cold hard cash or you can go to patreon.com and search for oh sorry that's you thanks dela. thank you. you could search for dumpy dump and you can donate two dollars a show which is about £1.30 and we have eight patrons who have already signed up to and donated to the show they are laura lai john mitchell jennifer reber mayf baby it's a man for dean and happy birthday to you sam jean rose amy ross latin pickering and shawn guerity now um we do have a list of people who have donated but i just didn't want to read out at least in i just didn't want to read out reams and reams and listeners of people so we'll do that next week and we'll explain to you how you can even sponsor the show now on to the biddish show which everybody's waiting for it's news reviews news of reviews well it said well that has run dry folks nothing to see here please move on now remember you can send us a voicemail message we need you to get involved with the show because it's kind of about you and your opinions about what is going on in archedum so you call us on oh two three zero three one three one zero five from a regular phone if you cannot use the speak pipey bit on our website you can ping us a regular text message you like via this said same website or you can find at dump dump on the twitters or you can tweet me at royfield or me at lucy v freeman so please please please keep those reviews coming because you want to be top of the podcast charts before mackerelford he discovered in lubianca prison oh i've lost my voice can i do a lot of talking in that one i must have done you don't send up you lost your voice telepathy i'm not reading your reading your mind it hurts really but that's because you're all a bit fluy though aren't you yes you're gonna take something lemme sippy yes lockety yes i'll take something lockety hmm so what have you been taken for your fluiness uh day nurse okay i didn't even know they're still sold day nurse oh yes do you know that advert for night nurse yeah yes i was like when i was little i we've already talked about shortening the wheelies i think that we've gone with that ship sailed but i think i always remember thinking i'm sure that woman shouldn't be in that man's bedroom it's very pure tannical i tell you that man's wife knows the wife's nurse is right next to him there tell you about adverts from like the 70s and and 80s and i don't really remember this but my mum and dad always to always tell this story um remember the advert for ready brick yes with the red belonging around you exactly exactly i badgered my mum to buy ready brick mommy mommy by some ready ready ready ready ready ready and you wanted the red line yes yes it was shortening a superhero it was just false advertising for my five-year-old brain i ran out of the house to walk to school and there's no red line i was so disappointed did my mom ask me i come and say how's your day at school sannemann ready brick doesn't work she says what do you mean i didn't know the line right doesn't work my poor mother didn't stop laughing all evening till my dad came home from work i was crying my eyes and it doesn't work it's not funny don't laugh all 70s adverts oh they don't make them like that anymore do they no thank goodness because they really wish i mind you though if you watch citv or something they kind of do because they're terrible i love the bits at the end now that they have to put on you're like american uh magical adverts when they say it's you know this may not this may or may not work it may cause death it may cause injury it may your head may fall off and you may be sick um even if it's for new role or something children stories adverts are like that now i have to say uh batteries come separately the good bits come separately everything i was going to cost you eight million pounds and you're only going to unwrap a really crappy little plastic thing and you're going to be really disappointed but they have to do it so quickly to get it into the two minutes it's so funny to listen to so they um i'm cuz i'm on this kind of uh thing of talking about really good podcasts but there is a really good podcast TED Talks oh you know everybody knows the TED Talks there but there is a podcast basically called the TED radio hour where they mash up two or three different uh TED Talks into like a theme and it could be like unintended consequences and then it's different speakers and then sometimes they go and interview that speaker about their TED Talk etc etc um there's this one which i listened to yesterday which is actually a rebroadcast so it's the TED radio hour it's done done by NPR and uh this gentleman was talking about it's about perception that was it it's about perception and how we are just heard uh heard creatures when it comes to the power of suggestion but how uh we can also how that works in retail um kind of setting yeah and he says so if you have dirty hands the last thing you're going to do is get a dry piece of paper and rub your hands with them to try and get them clean but when we rock when we wipe our dairy air that's exactly what we do and and it and it's this kind of herd mentality when actually we should be using wet wipes but the perception is that um wet wipes when it comes to you know cleaning our posterior after we do do uh do a movement is for you know weirdos and and deviance and it's this kind of you know perception and kind of herd uh kind of behavior and it's an absolutely fascinating show and how Morgan Spurlock managed to make a whole film on product placement and uh the perception of um various different kind of advertisers and the fact that they wouldn't even get on the show until one had and then all that absolutely fascinating tared radio hour very very good and that does enough go along at a speed that that's extremely well produced um podcast so listen to that folks okay i like your weekly podcast recommendations lots of people did your um American one didn't they yes i'll tell you what i've had a a barrel load of downloads and people have been very very good about it and and and and the jean rose since we've been talking as tweeted and said she's done the first review on iTunes for it so i love jean rose she's great isn't she yeah no no no um um what's she like um she's like a nice auntie she's no she is and then just to bring this whole conversation kind of kind of full circle um it's you'd have to go and have another poo if you were going to bring this whole conversation no because i'm not going to put that in the show you see okay but no we have we're very blessed to have such a lovely community of listeners yes yeah um who when you say that you're not well people oh Lucy you know what what's the matter and when i say it between saying that i'm horrible and they don't like me but yeah now you're sounding needy who said that you're horrible Lucy um nobody said that was horrible exactly and you've got to stop typing whilst we're recording because it's done off come out on the um are we not still recording are we yes we are are we it's the end of the show but we still are recording sorry sorry anyway what you're going to do for the now you've perked up have you made your kids their dinner yes i'm going to go and take night nurse and go to bed that's what i'm going to do it's all glamour Royph all glamour bed at seven oh well no i'll have just the arches so bed at seven fourteen probably oh god is your arches on right now yes all right then let's go then let's listen to that all right doodle bye bye bye bye bye oh yeah and of course it's important that we all continue to support you and your brother and your family both fields and with your struggles against the home office and the utter idiocy i have my own run-ins with them but if there's anything that's uh i and i'm sure any of the other podcast business can do for you we'll be right there to help you but it sounds like you're in really good hands there are some amazing uh immigration advisors and definitely immigration council in um in Birmingham certainly not regarded the second city by me there is some certain fine top class advocates in in Birmingham and i'm sure you've been well served by them august the 11th 1965 the bloodiest riot in 40 years of america's troubled racial history begins los angeles california the district called watts 34 persons die 40 million dollars worth of property is destroyed almost four thousand are arrested the american they grow there is now more certain than ever that the bloody experience of vietnam is to end in a stay only i have some very sad news for all of you and i think uh sad news for all of our fellow citizens and people who love peace all over the world and that is that martin luther king was shot and with guilt and i think martin was the king and martin was the king there have been some demonstrations at this early hour in downtown chicago's grand part we heard a moment ago that tear gas has been used as the demonstrators are attempting to form a line of parade and march senator roberter is kennedy died at 144 a.m. today 26 1968 lip senator kennedy the 1960s as we understand them didn't really start happening until about 1965 the framework and the foundation is lay of course much earlier but if you take a look at photographs of american people you can see a change in fashion style and the entire culture that occurs sometime between 1964 and 1967 listen to the first show exclusively on mix cloud today and subscribe to us on iTunes beginning january the 18th from washington to obama ten american presidents the new podcast from royfield brown shorter days and chillier nights can make it tough to keep up your fall workout routine thankfully there's alo moves the app that brings health and wellness to the comfort of your home alo moves offers yoga pilates strength workouts and other fitness classes plus wellness offerings like meditations sound baths and more whether you have five minutes or an hour alo moves has a class or flow that saves you from a frigid trip to the gym get a 30-day free trial and 20 percent off an annual membership with code a cast at alo moves dot com forging ahead together drives colorado's pioneering spirit at chevron we donate funding and volunteer thousands of hours in support of the communities we call home we also employ our neighbors to deliver the energy needed as the state's largest oil and natural gas producer all to help improve lives in our shared backyard that's energy and progress visit colorado dot chevron dot com

Dum Tee Dum Episode 42 – These shows can’t get any longer

These shows can’t get any longer

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The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 42 – These shows can’t get any longer appeared first on DumTeeDum.