DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'

Dum Tee Dum Episode 38 – Christmas tears

Lucy and Roifield talk about The Shoot, Noah, Ella, Quincy and asylum seekers

E-mailTwitter

The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 38 – Christmas tears appeared first on DumTeeDum.

Duration:: 1h 33m
Broadcast on:: 23 Dec 2014
Audio Format:: other

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy to see if you could save when you bundle your home and auto policies. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates, potential savings will vary, not available in all states. Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those onerous to your contracts, they said, what the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood f*ck. So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes of details. This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. All right. Yeah, I know. This is the story of how one small island conquered the world. Jamaican Pachua. And a fair star, the south of town. Usain Bolt is also out well. Here they come down the track. Usain Bolt. It's a story of music, sport, and style. How its rhythms, athletes, and language went global. This is how Jamaica conquered the world. Now available on iTunes. How Jamaica conquered the world. The podcast for people who didn't know it had. That's podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. This is Dumb to Dumb. We show about the reality of Dr. Farmer that he's sending on Ambridge in the heart of the millions. I'm Royfield Brown, R-R-I-F-I-E-L-D, and I'm here today with my little pixie. Lucy, be free then. As you can probably tell, we have a new editor at Dumb to Dumb. Who's kicked off the old presenters. You have to get used to some new voices and to us acting out of character. Just to let you know, the more grandad used to be the doctor. And Lucy's grandma was my sidekick. In case you're worried about Eric, well he's fine. This is grandad used to be a doctor. Anyway, I'm with the show. So Elle's the same age as Tilly then. Yes. And the little one, Quincy's five. He was all four, two days ago. Oh, you went there for his birthday? Oh, were you? Yeah, I was there for his birthday. And then he has a party today with his little school pals. Yeah, all right. But he's going to be a bloody brain box that boy. He's very clever. Yeah, he was playing with his lego. His lego crazy. And I bought him this police truck. And he was saying, "The villain is in the back." I went, "I beg your pardon." He says, "Daddy, it's the villain." Oh, Jesus Christ. You know, not the bad guy. Not the bad-y. Yeah, the villain. Excellent. Boy, after my own heart. So how are things there? No, no, good, good. Me and Noah, Noah and I... No, it is me and Noah, isn't it? There's a podcast. There's a podcast which you should listen to called The History of English. It is phenomenal. Nominal, yeah, yeah. Done by a guy called Kevin Stroud, an American. And you kind of think, by definition, you're not qualified to do such a thing if you're American. He's up to the... Just before the Normans invade, he's very up to at the moment. And it's not, you know, it's history, but it's not, you know, history, history. You know, and like he was doing pronouns and the fact that our pronouns, the root of them, haven't changed for, since the Anglo-Saxon period. But how you is actually derived from French, that's a French Norman influence. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And how you was a polite way of, you know, addressing somebody and, you know, we used to say "thou" and how, you know, "thou" is a relic. It's a relic, it's still left over, only in the Bible and a kind of in poetry. But that was how you spoke to your nearest and dearest. And it was only when you speak. But in Yorkshire, they still use a version of that, which is dar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just phenomenal. And you would absolutely love it. I really recommend it. The history of English, it's just absolutely brilliant, you know. And he's done how we got the alphabet, and that's Father Phoenicians. Oh! You know, that was the Phoenicians, and the sound of the letters, and how the sound of various vowels have actually changed. And generally they move forward. So, he used to sound like "I" and, oh, he used to sound like "you". You know, they shift forward, you know, over the period of time. Oh, it's just a fucking phenomenal. You just got to listen to it. There's about a good 40 shows, and he's only up to just before the Normans invade. So, it's the whole time of Viking influence, and all the words with SK, which are fundamentally Scandinavian, you know, skills and skate and whatever. And, you know, oh, brilliant. I did that university. I studied for the first year. I studied Anglo-Saxon English. And there's one word in Anglo-Saxon English that means "in the middle of the garden". And it's one word, and it's "ni-oxana-wanga". "ni-oxana-wanga" means "in the middle of the garden". And I just, I really like it. No, it's brilliant, absolutely brilliant. You know what? We should best do this, because I've got a little, little cubal walking down the stairs or something. He's got a little... Oh, I can hear him! Oh, a minute. QE? Oh, you know what? Let's just try and do this. Okay, please. This is "Dumbly Dumb The Share" about the reality ducky drama that is centered in Ambridge, in the heart of the Midlands. I'm Roful Brown, who's hovering under the mistletoe. And with me, I have... Lucy Freeman. Who was sat on Santa's knee and broke it. And the last part of her, "Ooh, me heart is you". There's a bit of a Lucy Freeman-esque clearing of the folk. I'm in the middle of recording, honey. I know, that's why I did it. I know, but don't know. Yeah, I'm clearing my throat, Lucy. Because I've been told I need to make an apology. To who? To you. The interweb seems to think that I was hard on you last week, Freeman. And Phillip Dave. Well, I'd... Yes, well... Phillip Davey on the Twitter has admonished me and said that I should not tell you to... Shut up. Because now I'm wearing glasses. I look super intelligent and I should instead say, "Would you desist, please?" So, from now on, I'm going to be nicer and I'm going to use... "Would you desist, please?" And never shall we revisit... Dum-dum number 35 ever again. What do you mean you're wearing glasses? Yes, because I'm getting old and my eyesight's failing me. I went to the opticians. Was that like the day after your birthday? He said, "You're now officially old. "Here are your bifocals, "your national trust sticker. "Go in the back." "Your flat cap and your license to drive "at 20 miles an hour at the wrong side of the road." Well, funny you should say that. I'm doing exactly that in Canada. I am doing it on the wrong side of the road at 20 miles an hour, because everybody's going the wrong bloody way. Well, that's there. It's up to you to teach them the right way, then, isn't it? Mm, I think that would be a recipe for disaster. If I start driving on the left-hand side of the road, it'd go, "No, no, no, no, no, no." To make a colonial point. Exactly. This is our civil rights. But no. I need to apologize for that. I'm not suggesting that all pensioners wear flat caps and drive on the wrong side of the road. I was just thinking about my grandpa and grandma, who were very, very small, and all you could see of them was the top of his cap and usually a national trust sticker in the back. Furry car seats and usually a flask. Yes, so it just reminded me of that. Sounds a bit like my dad, who's also a pensioner. Is he? Very accurate description of all pensioners. And I think if you're a pensioner-- No, not all pensioners. Oh, they're all, they all dress the same. They don't know what you do. They really do. So if you're a pensioner and you don't wear a flat cap, please feel free to call in and tell us so. But only if you have photographic evidence of you without a flat cap. Now, today's festive edition of Barric Green was brought to you by Paul Room and the cheeky little impression of me and Freeman was courtesy of Sean Garrity. I did, made me laugh too. Well done, Sean. L.A.B. Just try and be quite hung. I know you're doing your best. And try. I know you are, but just try and teensy bit harder. I give it a part. Lucy? Yes. Can you remind our listeners how the wind, the accurate of Dermdy Dermot of the week, if they so would wish to win it? Yes. If you are up to Elbow's insausage me, the cats peed on the wreath and you've got confused with the wrapping and accidentally given your five-year-old nephew a bottle of scotch for Christmas, then relieve the tension by leaving us with voicemail on speakpump on Dermqderm.com or leave us a message on 0203031 3105. Thank you to Harriet at Shambridge again for her amazing voices and to Derek for the load of the back bedroom. He's asked us to pass on his Christmas best wishes to you all. His natureist group, he's busy, he's packing stuff up to send out. His natureist group has made a calendar for the new year for a charity fundraiser thing. Apparently the natureist over 60s group needs a lot of sense, particularly the trampolining team. I listened this week. Well done. That's good, that's good, that's good. Can I just give a quick shout out to the wonderful, very clever and talented Harriet. Have you heard her downturn mash up with Ambrose? Not yet, no, I've still got to listen to that. I've saved it on my phone. It is most excellent. I don't even listen to Downton and I thought that was bloody funny and very, very good. She's amazing Harriet, she's just quietly so brilliant. Absolutely, absolutely. But we do pay the big bucks, you know, so we do more nothing but the best, you know? For that amount of money that we pay it, do have breaks on this show. But no people, please listen to Sam Bridges on SoundCloud, it's very, very good. Christmas edition. Now, call the inners this week are Jan from Cannes, who wants me to make a detour, Jeremy Smith, who has been cheered up by the new characters. Bloody hell. I know, there's one, yeah. There's always an outlier, isn't there? There is. There's always an outlier. Paul Roome is worried about exposing himself and Sarah Brown, who's as mad as an out. Now, we also have calls from Yokel Bay, who's only half listening. John Cop, who had the misfortune of listening to Feedback. Oh god, feedback on Moneybox. And John, who is thankful? But first, before all that. Lucy Freeman, Santa's little helper, please do tell us about the last week in Ambridge. Fallon began the week talking about chocolate logs. I know we all over indulge at this time of year, but there's no need for that kind of frankness. Fallon, particularly when people are trying to enjoy a cream tea at the Christmas car. It's a craft fair. Um, harassment poked his nose in, clearly showing an unhealthy interest in chocolate logs, and was greeted with warm enthusiasm by the omnipresent Carol Toboggan, who to my knowledge has never clapped eyes on him before. Josh passed his driving test, did some unconvincing loud drunk acting, and if this means we're going to have another fortnight of a riveting search for a second-hand car, like we did with Pip, then I am going to hand in my resignation as an archer's fan. Mind you, now Ruth and David are sitting on 85 squillion million pounds, who will probably be spotted driving around the farm in a Bentley Continental. Now, Pip seems to have developed the irritating pauses in her speech that Charlie Barber's spreadsheet and new Tom both have. She wants to start farming Weetabix or something I wasn't listening. It was the usual nonsense about it would mean a big investment, oh but we have to move through the time's daddy-o, well we'll think about it, and so on until the end of time. Robert Snell has been reduced to being a noises off, and all anyone is saying to him is, "Could you shut that door please Robert?" Whereupon he bashes a few more cupboard doors or together and that's it. Linda is being utterly vile to Lillian about Blind Spirit, which looks as if it's going to end up having fewer laughs in it and panorama or Miranda. If the script writers... If the script writers... I don't like that program at all. Oh god, but anyways, you've got an email saying that I interrupt too much. Yes, I'm trying my best not to. It's going very well. Yes, you are, seriously. You're not doing it hardly at all, are you? Apart from I've just interrupted myself, I think, anyway. Exactly. Yes, it's all me. If the script writers pull this blind spirit thing out of the bag, I shall give them unto half my kingdom. Douglas Harrington made a completely pointless silent appearance, no one knows their lines, and the standard lamps demanding a full biog in the program. However, to cheer Linda up, Jimus and Carol Toboggan did an excellent job at the undercover dogging. Carol asked whether Jimus wanted him to be her lover or her wife. He said, "I think we should split up." So they look more like the rest of Ambridge, presumably. The save campaign has discovered that Ambridge is going to be a little more than a gigantic floodlit Ikea warehouse, which will presumably make Susan very happy as you get the impression that she would secretly love Ambridge to just become a massive car park. Jimus said he was a crack detective, which must be relatively easy, and which is there are so many huge arses. What we did to discover was that Justin Elliott is planning on raising Brookers to the ground. He's going to bring in an architect and presumably Kevin McLeod from Grand Designs, who will be the next archer's special guest. Brookers will be transformed into one of those homes that McLeod continually refers to as unique, even though it looks exactly like all the others in the series. There will be a glass wall, under floor lights, a ceiling 80-foot high, an ironic bread oven, and a pointless passageway that Kevin McLeod will refer to as a narrative journey between the living space and the landscape, or some pants. And the whole thing will have as much warmth and family atmosphere as the bridge on the Starship Enterprise. Roy Ranghaly, but she said... I quite like that program, though. - They made it back. - Grand Designs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not appointment viewing for me, but if I'm channel surfing and I bump into it, I've got, oh, all right, let's go. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What's appointment viewing? You know, when you go right, it's 5, 15, it's time for Crackerjack on a Friday. But, you know, but... Oh, stop, Crackerjack! I miss Crackerjack. Sorry. It's very good. It's very good. Crackerjack pen. But no, so that's what appointment viewing is. And it's not appointment viewing for me. But you flick along your TV, and it's always on some digital channel for channel. Isn't it running on a loop? That can come dying with me. And whenever it's on... It's the thing every week! It's all. There's a couple who've got more money than cents, and they've got a perfectly nice house, or they want to turn a compost heap into a 12-bedroom bungalow, or something. And they knock it down, and then they live in a caravan, and then we have this... It's actually like 20 minutes of actual stuff happening, and sort of 30 minutes of recaps on what's just happened. And then he says, "Oh, what will happen? Will they... Will they get in there and time for Christmas?" And they do. Don't you think? That's not true, actually. There's very frequently, if not always, there's a budgetary overspend. Of course, three. And they... It's never finished on time. It's never finished on time. But if something happens... It gets finished, I'll give you that. It's not exactly a crisis point, then, is it? No, listen. It's not a crisis point, but I don't watch it for the faux drama that they throw in, or will they get it finished before they go bankrupt, because no one ever goes bankrupt, and they always eventually get it finished. But in terms of clever usage of space, I think there you can learn a lot from that show. Yes, you are right. Invariably half the houses look like some... Scandinavian flat pack kind of... Or an airport lounge. Yeah, but I actually quite like that. And I don't like things looking too homely. However, I think you're putting that. That homely isn't really me. I've got a bit of a design. I like strong, clear lines. I like the golden perspective in terms of proportional space. I love all of that. But then again, I did design. So I look at that and I've got... Yeah, they've done something quite clever there. Not always. You know, the people do... There are some kind of flights of fancy, and it's a bit much. But fundamentally, I quite like this show. However, you knock it from your middle England perspective of looking at things little mistwee. You go for it. Twee 17, that's all I love. Yeah, but it's not appropriate for the middle of a farm thing, is it? Oh, are you talking about Justin Elliott now? Yes, sorry. I'm referring back because I suddenly remember we were doing a podcast about the archers. You know, he wants to sort of bring in an architect and everything, and he'll have glass, bloody great glass, dory, window-y things. Wokey, glass, walls, looking out over the anaerobic digester. No, he won't. What he's going to do is he'll just have... He won't, but Jill's not going to let him. She'll beat him to death. No, that's going to be the straw that breaks the camel's back. She gives her your knocking down my brookers. She'll have a fist fight, and then she'll go into cardiac arrest. I don't want her to die. I know you don't like Hootie Jill, but I really do. I don't want her to die. I'd like us a bit rich, just because I have a much irritate to be slightly. I don't want her to die. Oh, that's good, then. But you best crack on with this monologue. Sorry, yes. That person emailed you to say there's two minutes of interruptions if your monologue is going to be dropping at the mouth if they're still listening. Yes, they probably switched off ages ago. Roy rang Haley, but she said she couldn't talk as she was in the middle of the ballroom with Otto, presumably. I can't, I can't talk Roy, he's called Benatmi. We had to thoroughly appalling glimpse into the true horror of Christmas at gay Gribbles. They seem to be playing some sort of calypso version of Christmas carols on a Hammond organ, and no one was playing with sad Roy's organ, so he went and had a little cry in the cup. Anyway, Kate will soon be back, and Jennifer's hoping she'll be able to build some bridges. Has Jennifer ever met Kate? She's more likely to blow up the bridges and do a tribal dance in the rubble. But in one of the week's most irritating scenes, we had David, Jennifer and Brian, all attending Justin Elliot's shoot. So this is Jennifer, key part of the save campaign. Brian, who was resigned from the BL board because of Justin and David, who is being vilified by the whole of the village, for his association with Justin, who all had their noses so far at Justin's bottom, you could hardly see their feet. Jennifer giggled away. Can I just say one thing? Yes. Right. Did you see that picture that was tweeted by that Chilean radio station? No. Absolutely outrageous. Now, I know that we have young listeners, but some... Even my young listeners, am I going to have to brace myself for this as well? Nose is at bottoms, right? It's the thing that just reminded me. So this went out live on air. This woman had to do something to get some tickets to go to some concert or something or another. I kind of forget. But they tweeted a picture of her with a nose up the DJ's bottom. There's been absolute outrage. You know, it's obviously this is some kind of shock jock and people just do whatever. But this was true for art. A, she did. A, he asked her to do it. B, she did it. C, they tweeted out the picture. Oh, hell and damnation has come down on them. And oh god. Yeah. And yes. And there's people want to see such a thing. It's there on the interweb. Unbelievable. Could you imagine somebody doing that to Steve right in the afternoon? Never mind in the afternoon, never. Outrageous things that people do on Chilean radio. Oh god. Can you imagine the Chilean version of feedback? Well, she was very close to the DJ's feedback. Wasn't she? Good lord indeed. Good lord indeed. It was one of those things you just go that it cannot have happened. But it happened. Unbelievable. I can't think of anything. I can't think of anything that even if I got the chance to have dinner with Alan Bennett, I still don't think I'd do that. And I can't imagine Alan Bennett would want to have dinner with me after I'd have. God. How about what would you do to have dinner with George Clooney? Yeah, I'm not that fussed about him. Are you not? No, actually he's a bit too handsome for you, isn't he? You're like him kind of insipid and kind of insipid and white-looking, not ruggedly handsome and white-looking. But anyway, listen, let's crack on with this monologue and then we'd link with Josh about afterwards. Jennifer giggled away girlishly when told she was a good hostess. "What about those dumplings?" said Charlie. "I'm not sure who should be talking to us." That's right. So while they're all there, simpering away and smarming around Justin, the three people in the village who have no connection with farming whatsoever are working their arses off, trying to stop the devastation of their rural heritage to us ever thus the end. There you go, I've ended on a political note for Christmas. I must admit, my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking, right, I need to explain to me. That's brilliant. Yes, I need to explain that he dropped his trousers and everything. Don't just think, folks, that she just put her nose in the DJ's bum crack and he had his trousers and his pants. Children, listen to this, Roy Fields. That's true. That's true. And we have a little note actually about children listening later on, which we'll come to. But it's not just talking about bum cracks. No, it's not. But you did bring up bum caps first. Do you read it? I did. When you said, like, Jimus was a crack detective, I thought you meant he's on the hunt for cocaine. Ah! That's what actually what I thought, you know, with old, cuddly-to-boggin being some drug dealer. Drug dealer. Um, did you hear the episode of the, um, of the part, the shoot? I did. Did you not think it was one of the most nauseating things you've ever heard? I didn't really know where it went and you're completely right that, you know, yes, David's a crack shot. And that's what I learned. Write it again. Oh, gosh, yes. He's a dead shot. Is it the only sponsored by crack? He's a dead shot. Um, and there was Adam getting all angry. He's an angry person, Adam, isn't he? He is. Just, oh, yeah, um, you know, just an Elliot Bean, all incredibly charismatic and charming. I didn't think it was that charismatic and charming. I thought it was a little bit kind of creepy myself. Uh, but yeah. Uh, yeah. And exactly. Mine's just been booted off the board. But there was- But it was, like, over and above smarminess. I mean, I wouldn't have gone full stop. But not only did they go, they were saying, oh, thank you so much. Justin's so charming to, you know, to his face. It was just- it was unbelievable. Just incredibly, uh, yeah. Just really, really, um, nauseating and sycophantic. And just Uriah Heepish kind of, oh, we're so grateful to you, Justin. We're so grateful to you. When he's caused, you know, single-handedly caused all the trouble in the village, practically. No, I wouldn't say all the trouble in the village. It didn't cause, um, Roy- Did cause Roy the lizard. Yeah, exactly. You can't blame him on that. But you know what I mean? The- the- the whole root B thing is all to do with him. And then they're all going and he- He's just nuts, bonkers. And David's really gone down in my estimation. But I suppose he's in a bit of a hard and tricky position. But just whilst I'm here, my little kiddlywinks over here in Canada land, they, uh, we went, um, to a friend's kind of lodge a couple of years ago. And I was, by far, the worst Noah knocking these cans off of this fence. It, Ella, picked up this little air rifle, bang, knock, you know, was hitting these things. I was all over the place. But their video game, kid, you know, from the beginning generation. Yeah. So for them, it was incredibly easy. You know, Noah wouldn't know nearly what his pants are as to how bad I was. You know, the guy kept on bringing the target closer and closer. He says, "Come on, Dad. Come on, Dad." Just hit it with the end of the gun. Throw the gun at the target. But no. But anyway, um, so, um, now we've done that, shall we do some calorineras? Yes. Cool. Hello, ambridge 3962. Ladies and gentlemen, Roy Field, this is Jeremy Smith. I'm the first time calorinera. I tweet as, well, as Jeremy Smith, but with the funny spelling. If you want to know what I do for a living, I'm a data conversion analyst. But if I told you what that meant, then you'll probably be sorry you asked. I've been meaning to call in for ages, but I hate the sound of my own voice. So if you could edit me and make me sound like I have a deeper voice, then that would be really good. I've been listening to the arches since about 1998, and I really got into it a few years later when I moved to the US because it was that link to home, like other people have said. Now I'm back in the UK, living in Wales. I just wanted to say about the scene with New Josh and New Pip last week. I've been having as much trouble as everyone else getting used to the new voices, and I'm disappointed to hear there's going to be a new Kate as well, because I thought Kelly Bright was brilliant. But anyway, the scene with New Josh and New Pip, that gave me hope that there's a reason that these new actors coming in and that they really want to develop these younger characters into proper characters. For a while there, it seemed like there wasn't going to be anyone left in Ambridge under the age of 70. So I do have a good feeling about this. The other thing I wanted to say was it's Christmas next week Lucy. So I hope you've remembered the Christmas present I asked for, and that was to have your review of the year in Ambridge. Cheers guys. Jeremy Smith, the data conversion analyst, because you told everyone they had to tell us what they did, and now they've all started doing it, but after we threatened them we'd make stuff up if they didn't. I think you sound very nice. Why don't all the men that ring in want to have deeper voices, and all the women worry that they have funny accents. The first half of nearly everyone's calls me the first time are, I wish I sounded different largely. He wants a review of the year. Are we going to do it? I think what we're going to do is put lots of monologues together aren't we? And cut it up with the calls and things like that. Yes, yes. And that will be, we'll do that next week. Yes. Cool. Apologies for not sending in a call in or a piece last week, but I feared I was getting as overexposed as Carol Trigorren. Also, I came down with a jolly seasonal bug and spent the weekend moaning and groaning with the snuffles. Another reason for my decline was my world being turned upside down. Unbelievably, when talking with three people on separate occasions last week, who know not of my love of the archers, they use the phrase "right you are". In my delirium, it felt as if real life was now the archers and somehow everyday life had merged with that in ambridge with some strange disruption of the spacetime continuum. I thought, my field, that you sounded a bit down in the dumps last week and in need of cheering up. I was dismayed to hear you say I wouldn't care if you stayed in Canada. Of course I would. I would be distraught if the Atlantic separated us and would sense it in the podcasts. I'm sorry I couldn't make your birthday drinks in London as it's hard to get up to the metropolis on a school day. Your birthday has led me to an amazing discovery though that we had twin brothers. You were less than four weeks older than me and obviously what happened is it was a twin birth you popped out first, then there was a bit of a delay before I arrived. Then the inevitable mix up on the maternity ward and I was taken off by a random couple. I can't wait for the next dumpty-dum meet up for a fond family reunion. Back to the archers, I've enjoyed the ongoing debate amongst listeners about all the new actors sounding the same and it being confusing. I must say it really hasn't bothered me. I used to love listening to ambridge extra and there were whole swathes of programs with various Russians and friends of Jamie Perks and different storylines who I struggled to identify. I just laid back and let it all wash over me without worrying about who was who and must admit I found the whole experience rather pleasant. Happy Christmas to one and all. Paul room, his world has been turned upside down. The grocery people, I'm associated with the archers, have said, "Right you are" to him. Paul, I think these people are following you around. I think it's a bit like The Truman Show and you're part of some massive conspiracy because nobody in my life has ever said "Right you are" to me and people seem to say nothing else to you. Yes, and also he thinks that you may be his twin voice. I think that's very possible. There is a likeness. Well, with both human beings. You're both human beings, there's about a five foot height difference for us. He's rather rather tall and we now both wear glasses. Yes, you are black, he is white. This is also something of a challenge to geneticists but he's the doctor. It's not beyond precedent though, is it? It's not. It's not. No, Paul. Yeah, yeah. Well, he's doctor so he will know about this. He'll know. So he feels safe. He would sense if it wasn't likely, would he? No, he wouldn't. No, no. So it is true then. He is your brother. I love Paul Rube. Paul have a wonderful, wonderful Christmas and I'll see you in the new year at Mama Dad's house for Sunday dinner. Oh, this is very weird. Hello, lovely, dumpedy dumb. Long time no listen. Well, no here either. Sarah Brown here. I have been listening to the archers. I've been catching the occasional snippets of podcasts but basically I have been running up to Christmas like a mad elf and I haven't really caught up with everything. But I think perhaps I offer a unique perspective on going on in Ambridge because I have been listening to the archers since I was very tiny. Well, I haven't since I was nine so I've been listening to it for 50 years really and frankly I'm not unhappy with all the things that are going on because I've seen odder and more peculiar rural practices taking place in Ambridge over the years and the fact that they might not Brookfield down yeah and the fact that they're going to build up what to call it, digestery thingy biscuit thing somewhere is near you know and even if Carol does turn out to be a witch that would be hilarious because I'm sure Prue was. Anyway, a couple of things really that I did think were funny this last few weeks. One is why did Jenny have to tell us so many bloody times that she'd go to Christmas market in Prague? I thought that was setting her up for being some disaster or other but she told us endless numbers of times and then just slipped in a couple of remarks about oh Kate's coming home for Christmas. Oh wow really gosh oh yes well think ahead because that's going to bring some delights isn't it with Phoebe and Roy and Hayley and everything. I particularly did enjoy Hayley phoning in her performance this week. I imagine that's what happened. Very cheap then for the the sound effects you know you didn't have to put her voice through mince or whatever you do to get the sound of somebody talking on a phone because that's ring up and say her piece and the other thing is I think Daniel might come back from his recent scientist trip and you might be a different actor because things do change radically or the young people seem to have changed into mum to your young people and I reckon that Dan's going to come back as Daniel Craig. I don't think the arches are going to bugger off to sorry language but you know Lucy I have to compete with you really. I don't think they're going to go. I really really do not think that that family are going to go. I think there's going to be some absolutely catastrophic financial disaster where they turned down this huge money offer they've had massive rounds. They're all going to stay in ambridge and it's going to be possibly a bloodbath but I certainly don't think they're going to go and it might all be because of the little butterfly. Things have been sewn haven't they for us to follow. They may grow into great stories. I'm sure there's more to say but I'm taking up loads of time. Nice to talk to you. Happy Christmas everybody. Catch you soon. Bye. Far around. She's been listening to the arches since she was nine as well. Um I liked her saying that it was an anaerobic digestive biscuit. Um and I guess Haley did ring in her performance. Uh it was in the ball river. Yes but also because she's just had a baby. So I don't think she's probably whizzing down to burning and very often to record her bits. Um did you notice? I think you need to say the actress of place Haley's just had a baby. Sorry to people. Yes. The rain codie has just had a baby and she was very very very amazing and lovely and despite only just having had a baby came to our award ceremony. Um and was great. Uh and um yes I guess that means that she's probably not getting down to uh Birmingham all that often to record her bits so that explains why she is ringing in her performance. Um I love Haley. She's one of my favorites. Um did you notice by the way that Pip, new Pip, didn't sound very enthusiastic about Spencer coming back for Christmas at all. But she sounded very interested in Danakin Skywalker coming back. Did you notice? I didn't notice that actually. I did see somebody that somebody said that somewhere on something but I didn't notice. No that that was bit she sort of said yeah Spencer's Spencer's with his parents to do so when Dan back I would be really good to see him again blah blah but they're cousins aren't they? Of course they're direct. They're cut first cousins so I mean there's not going to be some inset storyline is there? Oh please stop it. You see. They can have a baby with three heads. Everything. You absolutely do stop it. Sorry. Wasn't just me though. It's someone else said it on Twitter. Mmm hmm. The only way. Yes because two old ladies just get a bit friendly. Lesbians? Lesbians storyline OAB Grey Sex. You know it's like oh come on. Yes all right then there's probably a grade of truth to that but you know we've had older storylines. Hello I'm stomach joker bear here. Um I just realized I didn't tell you what I'd do for a living. Now you think it will be international glamour modelling and to be honest with you I'd understand why you thought that but it's not. I'm actually a lecturer at Oxford and I work in the department called International Labour and Trade Union Studies which is thrilling. I'm sure you'll all be fascinated by it but I may still give it all up for the international glamour modelling because frankly I think I've got what it takes. Anyway onto the archers. Well it's been an interesting week for me with the archers because I've started selectively listening. It's all the stuff at Brookfield. Only half listening when it's on not particularly interested. From what I can gather from half listening just in early it's going to basically bulldoze Brookfield to the ground and create an evil lair. Probably liking James Bond's probably got a fake lake with missiles underneath or something. Next thing you know he's holding the world's capitals to to round some one million dollars and all that kind of stuff all 7.5 million dollars even but where the archers has been brilliant this week is Lillian and Linda and the play and Linda just being Linda Lillian just being Lillian and just the little tensions and lovely little quips between them. Just this is this is classic archers this is kind of people you know what they do and they're putting on a play. I haven't seen Ambridge every Christmas it's all about the dialogue it's all about the kind of rice, smiles that you get of kind of you know when Linda makes a ridiculous statement. So yeah I've been kind of just trying to tune out the other stuff also as well tonight it's Sunday a cow in a ditch. Classic archers if you ask me it's like the cows in the ditch they all pulled together, cows out of the ditch. Nobody got gored, nobody got crushed, the bulls, the cow didn't run a mark. This is what we want more of maybe just have the goring as a kind of once-a-year thing maybe anyway that's me for this week so yes okay bye. The international glamour model that is Yoko Bear that I thought that was a lovely lovely comment yes the episodes with Blind Spirit with Linda and Lillian bickering getting on each other's wick. Perfect no one got shot, no one cried, no one developed alcoholism. These were just people wrestling with their egos and their petty annoyances and it was character led and that to me and I know this is ridiculous but that to me is as engaging as finding out what happens with Jess and the baby. Which I don't give a think it's cost about to be honest but I've said this before but no no absolutely wonderfully written and acted and yes you know we complain about the majority of us anyway complain about the blooming panto every year but actually this is one area where you know we do like to kind of complain but they always kind of knock it out the park and it was absolutely lovely. Yeah and I do think Linda really needs to have a hug with herself. I love Linda I do adore her but calling somebody in you know calling Lillian in 15 minutes early so she can tell her what she will do and what she won't do but you know I will there will be no this there will be no that I want you off the bottom this is Linda's this is Lillian's spare time she's devoting to this nonsense which is going to be a complete shambles and Linda just you just think who do you think you are sometimes she's director well yes but it was her idea clearly no one is remotely interested otherwise there'd be people would be wanting to be in it she's having to coerce people to be in a damn thing and then she's just once they agree once she's buttered them up enough to be in it oh thank you you know then she's just absolutely fell to them and people would just say do you know what Linda shove it I think hmm well how long have you been doing the pantos oh about 150 years hmm and no one's quite said it yeah well that's not quite true people have told her to shove it on occasion but you know the the production never collapses she always kind of you know yeah gets it done she she delivers she brings it home yes the yanks would say so yeah I say more you know good honour for being a little petty dictator this is her thief them she wants it done her way let us sniff and let it be done her way I say and I do agree what Yoko Bear said last week Alice slinging rock yeah but keep her and Lillian together the knock about you suck when that you suck when they did the when they went off to Chelsea Flasher brilliant brilliant brilliant have them pair together much more often them as grandmothers them as antagonists you know fantastic lovely I used to when I I lived in Switzerland for a bit and I was involved with them amateur dramatics out there and honestly the the the diva like behavior of the egos on amateur dramatics people way way out diva anybody that's actually a proper actress and I remember one of my favorites was a couple who kind of sort of dominated the whole thing and they directed everything and they were in everything and all that and she said oh of course well when it was in the West End uh they had Richard Richard Burton took Peter's pot and I thought that should probably be the other way ramping hi it's Miss Mid City here in response to last week's podcast I probably ought to say hello you too and the other thing I ought to say because of the timing of this week's podcast is Merry Christmas Merry Christmas to Royfield and Lucy and Harriet Carmichael to all the cholerinerers and everybody who subscribes to the podcasts have a fantastic Christmas and a fabulous new year and again in response to last week's podcast I should point out that I'm not chief executive of commentary city council I am in actual fact an immigration and family law barrister so in my immigration work I do delight in upsetting the daily mail and Theresa May and I don't care which of them is more crossed with me the other thing I do apart from upsetting right wing nasty folk is um I do a lot of work involving domestic violence so that's both in the immigration court and the family courts in the family courts I often act for the perpetrator and in the immigration courts it's the reverse of that and I act for the victim so from my perspective the Helen and Rob storyline is being handled really well but around the edges there is total foolishness going on with Jess and the baby and Rob's family and his parents and the dinner that never was that that's been pretty unsatisfactory but I've complained enough about poor storylines as for Royfield saying last week that Miss Mids City doesn't give a tinker's cuss if he comes back from Canada to record the podcast or not of course I do how can you say a thing like that Royfield honestly man you are smart this episode is brought to you by progressive insurance you chose to hit play on this podcast today smart choice make another smart choice with auto quote explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once try it at progressive.com progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates not available in all states or situations prices vary based on how you buy my dad works in B2B marketing he came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend my friends still laughing me to this day not everyone gets B2B but with LinkedIn you'll be able to reach people who do get a hundred dollar credit on your next ad campaign go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit that's linkedin.com/results terms and conditions apply linkedin the place to be to be Ryan Reynolds here for I guess my hundredth mint commercial no no no no no no no no no no no no no honestly when I started this I thought only have to do like four of these I mean it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month how are there still people paying two or three times that much I'm sorry I shouldn't be victim blaming here give it a try at midmobile.com/switch whatever you're ready $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month new customers on first three month plan only taxes and fees extra speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of CD-Tails we are friend right here we go back like we are sedentings for just fit off sadly you know I care about you and I care about Lucy I care about everybody contributes to the podcast because it's such a great show and I have so much fun listening to it and laughing like a drain makes up for all those dull hours of actually having to do work as for some of the other things that arose from last week's podcast that were funny and entertaining the Werner Herzov class Kinsky reference was a bit highbrow and erudite but it wasn't so much about mentioning Klaus Kinsky who's a little bit not the word is quite a esoteric possibly but there was a famous incident between Herzov and Kinsky where Herzov threatened Kinsky at gunpoint on a film sir because he was going to storm off and leave the shoot or something that's not going to happen in blind spirit but I'm really looking forward to it I think the actress who plays Linda is going to have a field day with Madam Arkarty so I shall be glued to my radio over Christmas I might listen to that and repeat it depending how good it is obviously but as someone said a few weeks ago it's going to be a bit odd because it's actors pretending to be amateur actors and that's all a bit meta for me but the other two stories that I'm going to comment on at this point are this really weird one with the this geological thought that seems to be developing around Ambridge which is threatening to turn the village into some sort of Hollywood disaster movie with a massive sinkhole opening I can just see it now and Russell Crowe or Bruce Willys or someone having to parachute in and rescue everybody all this this hinting that they're being a problem with the land now that's bound to put pay to this road that's being proposed and as a result that people like Alistair and Shuler and Kenton and Elizabeth who've got plans to spend money as a result of selling their shares in Brookfield there's a cautionary tale developing there and people spending money that they don't have or planning to spend money they don't have and when those dreams fall apart at the seams they will be drumming Ruth and David out of town and not a moment before time in my view anyway those are my thoughts Merry Christmas once again and hopefully catch up with you very soon Taty by yes Miss Mid City says she does love you Royfield I love it when she does her West Indian thing I don't understand a lot of what she says but it's very funny um and fly me barrister I would want her on my side definitely well I would not want to be against her bloody hell funnily enough right now this is partly the reason why I wanted everybody to tell us what they do because then if there is a question that comes up in the plot let's say if there was um a 14 year old boy who's come on the back of a lorry all the way from Afghanistan turned up at Dover then the authorities at Dover says right you've got asylum but you need to live in Ambridge right then we can then ask we can ask Midmy City um you know how exactly things would work in terms of would he be deported back to Afghanistan when he's 18 because that's exactly what is happening to my step brother Mohammed who traveled all he hid in the back of a lorry turned up at Dover and he's the most loveliest boy he's been with our family for about six seven years all his family in Afghanistan were dead his uncle he only had one relation left his uncle said just get out of Afghanistan because the Taliban are coming after us and so he hid for two weeks in the back of this lorry you know Daily Mail readers will not like this he did turn up at Dover and said asylum and you know I think it's great that our country can take in somebody whose mother and father were murdered and now the home officer he was detained two weeks ago and the home officer saying we're going to send you back to Afghanistan he's gone through the school system he's actually working now he's actually paying taxes it was not he's I think he's 19 20 now and we need a lawyer and no joke actually to help um Mohammed San country because he's quite clear I cannot go back all my family are dead my only family is Joyce and Glenn Brown now how did your mum and dad find him? no so um they've been taken in children since about 1998 foster boys and he was the third from last and suffice to say that boy so bloody lovely he's gonna chew into my inheritance he's an absolute credit every other sunday comes round to my mum and dad so he doesn't live there anymore and brings them flowers uh brings my mum flowers and he comes round and just says you know very clearly I have this is my family this is my country I love England and I love I love Joyce and Glenn and I couldn't believe it when I went home last week just before I came to Canada so I decided to go and see my mum and dad to say Merry Christmas and they said Mohammed had been detained for two days he was locked up the home officer saying no uh reviewed case we're going to send you back now mid-miss city no I'm not going to be knocking on your door and saying please can you help us but I think one of the reasons why I did want people to reveal exactly what they did is so that we could you know refer to you know listeners uh professions and how it will affect the story lines and how and if they could actually comment on things it just adds an extra layer of familiarity to these voices but you know when she said that I just I just couldn't believe it because I say this is exactly what our family's going through at the moment and as I say Daily Mail really don't like me for saying this but if a 14-year-old child comes to our borders and says asylum I just think it shows you the you know the good and greater countries that they take them in and I don't I don't want Mohammed to go back he you know he is as far as I'm concerned British and he's actually paying taxes now mmm krikey where's he being so he's being detained while reviewing his case yeah no that he was detained for two or three nights he was locked up but now they've let him out they've obviously believed that he's not going to be abscond because he is working you know he has got yeah he's got our family and he does have a job and they said okay whilst reviewing your case but this is like the first time he's actually been detained but this is periodic they do you know beat down his door quite frequently and say I you know we're going to kick you out and he's been given a stay at least once if not twice but Midmi City will know exactly the process of this so anyway he is my brother from another mother you know it's easy to say but he absolutely is and yeah he fled Afghanistan five six years ago and came here and I'm glad that he did cool can't remember what our call said now crumbs you know what I've spoken about just about every member of my family in this episode I've got a little brother called here and hello where are we where are we mr. t is looking forward to blood spirit as well yes hi this is john cop it's sunday evening wish you a happy christmas first and remember what ryfield said the other day i am retired anyway i was driving back home from the match this evening i had radio for on listen to the archers and then left it on which was a mistake because feedback came on and feedback as you know is produced by an independent company and is beholden to the bbc not to upset it or else it won't get its contract renewed and is always very vile to the bbc people it has on anyway they had the director of radio for on and surprise surprise lots of questions about the archers people were complaining about the fact that it was becoming like eastenders and someone had done a very clever merging of the two theme tunes and i could have written a script for the bbc lady because she would say that wouldn't she to paraphrase mandirai stavis um full of defense for her wonderful editor doing a tremendous job and want to hear a word of criticism about her but if you want to get your blood pressure up she did say that he's going to be back on feedback um he's going to be on feedback at the point when the program returns sometime in february so there's something to look forward to and keep those defibrillators handy happy christmas and new year bye and john cop let john cop don't listen to feedback just don't listen it's like never read the comments under the uh under a contentious piece in any online forum uh and never listen to feedback these are basic rules of life love do you remember i've always quoted steven fry on this i don't know why if someone noticed the other week that i did uh oh he's dammit margery yeah fry and law reference um but steven fry said don't do that we'll get letters dear bbc why oh why was my four-year-old grandmother subjected to da da da da and that's what feedback's full of four-year-old grandmother yeah exactly that's what he meant they're always either saying my my 100 year old grandma was extremely shocked or my four-year-old child was extremely shocked or whatever and you think just turn it off if you don't like it there's a massive button that says on off press that um yes well yeah i don't ha i think everybody new editors don't come in and start chucking their weight around without having been given a very strict mandate by the bbc so i think possibly we're all laughing ago at shawn what's his face and actually he's just trying to put into action the points that he's the advice that he's been given by the bbc which is probably for god's sake let's have some more excuse me young people in um and uh blah blah blah you know uh let's just pep up the storylines a bit and yeah and he's doing what he's told but but it's two things they did he apply for the job or was he head hunted for it you know so because the case of we want shawn because he's gonna sex up these storylines or he's got expertise in x and y and z and that's what we need um there's that then there's just the basic common kind of ego in that you come into a position like this even if it's not broke you're gonna want to fix it aren't you because you want to put your stamp on it here is this great British institution it's been running for you know a thousand and one years um and you know you want to put your stamp on it you know so so there's those kind of two things um but in this push to have in inverted commerce proper actors um they are all coming from the same kind of gene pool and hence they're sounding the same you know but you know I kind of understand that basic um desire to wanting to put your stamp on this great British institution that's completely understandable and dare i say it us listeners have been listening for 2030 plus years we're incredibly sensitive to change and dare i say it for a lot of us this is and i mean it's in the nicest possible way because i am a fan it is our old wallpaper and we and we like it to create these kind of familiar shapes and patterns and it's kind of in the background of our lives what we don't want is explosions and you know and and uh contrafos and bypasses and you know selling up of Brookfield we just go well that's just nonsense it's never going to happen type of thing we want the Lillian and um the Lillian and Linda uh battles it over blithe spirit however as i said a few podcasts ago um by the by the looks of the ratings um we is in a minority and um you know shawn sexting up of things he's having um an effect on ratings and dare i say it if no if listenership of the archers was just getting grey and dying off um then people be moaning and saying well you know why is this thing you know on our radio because no one was listening to it blah blah blah blah so it does need to move along with the times to a degree but i think we're just moaning about the rate of change not that you can't have any change it's the rate of change there is something to be said for you know there's no such thing as bad publicity and if people are talking about it for every one person that's moaning about it there's going to be two others that go and listen to find out what they're moaning about so you know i suppose we're kind of we're part of that aren't we absolutely absolutely um i have a quick aside um i know it's normally you that does the aside but i'm decided to go off on a tangent um i will endeavour to pull you back on a track uh towards the end of your aside i'll try and sense when you come into the end of your aside please desist or whatever it was you have to say to me shut up under this um there it's for people that really enjoy the linda and lillian um exchanges and their relationship and the nuances of that and i know i think i think a lot of people do there is a show coming out an adaptation coming out in uh shortly i think uh called mapon lucia and mapon lucia was a book written by the ex mare of ri uh ef benson who graduated from came with a Cambridge don um and they are very camp class ridden chronicles of a village in esus ich which is ri but he calls tilling um they are second only to pg would house is my most beloved books uh there's about five or six of them and they just deal with the squabble for social supremacy in tilling between uh lisabeth map and uh lucia uh lucia oh i've got a completely blank lucia pilsen and if you like the lillian and linda bits you will love mapon lucia and get in there now and read them before uh before the adaptation because you'll get so much more out of it they are i cannot stress how fantastic they are and you don't forget them and they it's so English in that ostensibly nothing is happening and yet everything is happening because they're minor triumphs minor scores minor skirmishes that reek devastation on this little on this little village it's absolutely brilliant just completely brilliant that's it you didn't need to say desist or shut up or anything right cosmo it's on holiday and he has worked himself up into a frothing mess quite frankly this is the most category takedown of of an arches episode i've ever heard hello dumpy-dum can i nominate the exchanges on Thursday between adam and charlie as the worst writing and editing ever now that is a big statement there cos it's a big statement one adam and home farm do not need that now you're gonna have to put put the kettle on brace yourselves for this because it goes on like adam and home farm do not need or have a digger as the capital investment would not be justified two if adam needs a digger he calls eddie who looks after drained ditches and hedges three the estate has multiple entrances blimey cosmo saw his farm where the estate office is based barrow farm for the mega dairy and the access used by ed for his cows so it would not be cut off four at present the only team going on and off the estate is adam and the home farm team so no one else needs access five rebuilding a trackway would not form part of any farming contract it is a special job and would need a quote and approval he's put five again six are be farming repointed because they are large and flexible as am i they would have been key to demonstrate this if asked digger and man would appear quickly stop and desist the image of you being flexible large and flexible i said well i i'm a gentleman so is it going to refer to your size six where on earth is ambridge if it is in the countryside then how did charlie order sandwiches and coffee is the orangery doing takeaways now this entire sequence disrespects ambridge history and continuity as well as being poor writing and editing oh and why did the road collapse another strange change in underground waterways p.s. david you prat you have not found anything yet you can still back out there we go you know what that no wonder he needs a holiday i'll tell you he's lying on it this sunbed good staring up at the sky i should think what do you reckon cosmos iqis how the hell yeah i yeah how do you know the exit does it bloody far but it sounds so plausible when i mean anything that is oh yeah well yeah i know i'll tell you what if we ever have capital infasment needed for a digger do you know what royff if we ever needed if dumpty dum god forbid ever had to sorry i got fout copper though i can't stop coming if dumpty dum ever had to uh take on a legal battle we have got a bloody crack team of experts here i think we could probably take on the cabinet we've got so we've got terrifyingly bright people with the kind of attention to detail that makes grown men weep quite frankly it's astonishing and i'm always tempted to start a massive squubble with somebody just so that i can go chaps over to you and let them rip them apart great no you listen you're absolutely right let's not do that in any legal rumble you want cosmo in yep and miss mid-city oh god yeah yeah yeah i think if miss mid-city just did that voice i think that would that would i think a little good after population of back off like mad oh that they do seem like a little pair of rock wireless don't they um but um do you remember last week i wittered on about me old guy on a bike in warbing the man who shouted at the rude things yep yeah of your skirt now well i did say that some listener would know who it was and yes the starchers and Langbard oh tweeted to us that the gentleman in question was one Horace Duke who unfortunately died in the mid-90s now he was the town dandy from the 1950s to his death in the mid-90s and there are loads of places dedicated to him on the interwebs so you've got to love our listeners for help in fill in the blanks ah via the twitters we had an interesting question from candida beaching who asked who are the youngest proper not like my kids who are made to in the car and and oldest listeners of the arches now i know that jembe who's millie bell's daughter absolutely actively listens to the show she's about nine are you older than piggy woolly and still listening or are you in reception class and down with abby tucker let us know folks now before we do the top five hashtag the arches tweets of the week let's have a commercial break and then it's millie bell's roundup of the book of face fancy getting your mouth around something warm something comforting you can really get a firm grip on why not buy a dumdee dummo from the shop at dumdee dum.com goes down lovely good day everyone it's millie bell here today i've been taken up with rehearsals for me because we have an interesting tradition over here which is carols by candlelight it's usually really hot light today and people sit out on rugs and we have lots of christmas carols and because i'm actually from the uk it always seems slightly odd to me i want to be cold when i'm doing christmas carols anyway i'm just between the sound checking going back and i've had a quick look at the facebook page and we asked you what is center bringing the residents of ambridge and some of you were not very kind with your suggestions uh Alexandra raystrich has suggested coal so many lumps of coal and mark evident rather unkindly said herbal tea poisoning which i didn't think was quite in the spirit i'm tom alfield has suggested put in mouth however i think we've been there Daniel green said a letter for david and Ruth to remind them that a couple of lanes of road won't bring the whole farming system grinding to a halt peter mabot said kondong centred aftershade for roy which uh was interesting and celia collins also wanted you to a present for roy which was sour grapes sarah charlie harding said a sense of perspective for jenny darlene a blow up doll for pc carpet burns and hopefully a standing ovation for linda snell however my favorite this week was from sherry robsen and the present that santa will bring to the residents of ambridges a patreon would be have a great christmas everyone loose yeah what are you top five hashtag arches twitch in the week yeah yeah go uh mave this is two tweets squished into one because i like both of them mave in the big press this is oh have a heart attack jill please you can join monee in the hdu for christmas anything to break the root be brookfield tedium i think she's just trying to get herself written out of this god awful storyline keep trying jill mr bean who is uh uh not mr bean jinger beans who is very dry said it's kennelkoff john john 21 said if anyone has any ideas for a plot please forward to mailbox at bbc burn again uh melt this everyone's focus everyone's just waiting for the big thing the big medical thing that is going to happen bell parker just put jill face down in sausage meat and don oliver said after listening to the the last rehearsal of uh blind spirit if this is an example this is the tweet of the week if this is an example of what the boxing day performance is going to be like i am going to need a bigger jin bottle uh we do align in jin hip flasks on the dum de dum shot by the way marvellous yeah and need to say what what did what does it say Lucy on them something about uh splashing jin and splashing jin in that skulling yep and we've sold a couple of those so oh we're done we are oh and thank you so much for everybody who's been wishing us happy christmas and all that it's really really nice lovely we're making very very happy this week uh so i didn't i have to tell you to desist once what i did but that was just like bit of a comedy desist yes that'll be good this week no you have you have and um again i'm i'm sorry if i if i appeared to be a bit kind of an angry last week you just sounded quite grumpy oh god i'm sorry i don't know but some some alignment of me of me cosmic stars or something i think it's because you were stressing about getting your tickets and leaving and all that oh god no oh god no that wouldn't have been the reason but that's it don't you don't is over remember to go to our site dondydom.com to get involved where you can get your credit cards out and you can get dontydom merch to cheer up your new year but just to remind you all we have a new range of archerous swag which i guarantee to peppe up any sofa gathering and bling up any fridge or cupboard now um if you do buy something please tweet us back on facebook with a pick like vegan meal mike blake and karl cunningum did this week because we need photographic proof of how wonderful you all look with our swag were they the four that looked three sheets to the wind yes they i want to do that yeah that was mike blake and karl cunningum they did make that they looked very they looked in an advanced state of refreshment exactly i have really people seen two people who looked more hydrated than they did i tell you it was that don did a mug it got party started it absolutely did um now folks don't you don't will always be gratis it will always be free however time and bandwidth don't come cheap so if you've got any spare readies um why don't you hit the paypal donate button on the site and give us some cold hard mula none of that russian ruble stuff because that's all like de-appreciating faster than what drops really fast um i don't know i can't think of anything oh god you i don't you drop famines knickers yes there you go jolene's knickers no oh sorry oh but anyway um no no rubles just like you know sterling pound sterling please um go to patreon.com um or slash donty-dum and you can donate two dollars a show which is about one pound thirty in your earth money yes now um a couple of people have said to me um why is it in dollars it's in dollars because it's an american website um don't worry it will you know it will just take it off of your debit card um and do the currency conversion for you and it is about one pound 30 but there's nothing we can do and there are people saying you can just put it in pounds please royal field can't it's an american website um now reviews news news of reviews we have two folks yay bonus sequence and auto the bull who wrote that you are the regina of monologues and that will regina oh thank god for that of monologues and that we are a great british institution of a great british institution and we probably should should be in some sort of institution to be perfectly honest anyway yes we should be producing this show from the institution that is famed across the globe for broadcasting the bbc yes now i think right then we wouldn't be able to make jokes about crack would we well i don't care i'll sell my soul just like david archer's prepared to sell his soul you know and i wouldn't even need seven point five million big ones you know um exactly if the bbc were to say to me royal field right um we'll give you pack of frasals each week right and then we need to replace you because you can't even read out your own scripts but we'll take your idea we'll get somebody more competent with all Lucy Freeman to produce this whack it on radio for extra are be well happy so i think what we should do we should get our listeners to have a spontaneous ground swell of uh and create a movement and they should tweet at an email radio for extra and say wait a minute you've just spent how much money getting that serial podcast that american malarkey on radio for extra when there is a cut there are a couple of people uh in the uk producing something which you know is as good and is extremely relevant and you know what is made in britain it's british god damn it let's get that done can we have that play in the background absolutely absolutely land of open glory Lucy and royal should be on the radio royal doesn't mind if he isn't actually but as long as he gets the credit and a packet of frasals please email from tumbridge well i don't think asking people to have a spontaneous ground swell of opinion strictly counts as a spontaneous ground for a little reason no it's just a gentle nudge you know about these kind of nudge techniques yes yes it's a gentle nudge and i know that somebody like paul rumour mid-missity or cosmo they will yes we'll throw we'll say to them if you don't let us on radio for extra cosmo will email you every day for a fortnight absolutely absolutely that'll put that in god it's not that man's bloody rock viler go for it cosmo the balls in your court or anybody else no because if it's spontaneous people should just do it from the four corners of the united kingdom shouldn't they yes exactly so there you go folks um let's get us on radio for extra um and but whilst you're doing that remember you can also send us a voicemail message via the site or you can call us at oh two oh three zero three one three one zero five from a normal regular phone that let you call people on and you can leave us a message because that's cool because that's kind of the the grist to the mill of our show and you can ping us a regular textual type message or an email um via the site too because it works like that or you can find @domdumdum on the twitters or you can tweet me @royfield or me @lucv freeman so it's um coming to the end of the year so what we'd like to say is please please please have a lovely christmas you've given us so much happiness this year if you have a half as good a time at your christmas then we have had doing this over the year then you'll have a fine time and thank you all so much for your messages and your support and your incredibly funny tweets and um the general dumpty dum love because it makes us very very happy it's one of the well it is the nicest thing that i've done for years and years and years this so thank you no it uh it absolutely means an awful lot to me also and we will be giving a role call of people who've donated and who have bought stuff um in not in the next show the show after because we realized that not everybody wants the fact that they've bought something uh probably sized because some of them are for presents but um it does mean an awful lot to us not that just you listen but also um you're so behind what we do that you're prepared to get uh credit cards or debit cards out of wallets and purses um thank you everybody have a wonderful christmas and we'll see you the other side bye oh i've got all emotional now don't laugh no no no it's lovely so oh would you please desist oh sorry yes i'm desisting come on you are british after all yes stiff up a lip yes i'm an english woman and i'm on dry land hello dumpty dum it's john from new castle here just a really quick message this week um i'm not even going to talk about the arches that much except to say that i am really looking forward now to the blind spirit episode on boxing day um following lucy's recommendation on last week's podcast i looked up the blind spirit film on iTunes um the one starring Margaret Rutherford and Rex Harrison and it was absolutely brilliant i really enjoyed it so i can't wait to see that um here that rather should i say on boxing day and hear the arches take on it particularly lin to doing madam r karti i think it'll be great no the reason i really want to call in this week is just to say um a big thank you and mary christmas to the two of you and to all the other listeners it's been a genuine pleasure to listen to you this year and to hear everybody and speak to you all on twitter of course um i've really really enjoyed it and uh my weeks wouldn't be the same without it now so a big thank you i hope you both have a fantastic time over the christmas period i hope all the listeners have a fantastic time and i look forward to speaking to you and hearing from you again in the new year thanks very much and bye for now oh uh also don't forget to check your paper stocking because i think santa might have slipped something in there once again a massive thank you and i hope that goes some way towards keeping with fantastic podcast on the air thank you again and bye for now hello dumpty dum it's jan from can calling um it was so awesome to hear that royfield is going to be in toronto i'd gather uh this coming weekend maybe for even longer um and royfield you were right um i am a fair distance away so it might be a bit difficult for me to get to you um it's 4,300 kilometers from where i live in bancouver on the west coast and toronto is a slightly east of the center of the country uh but you were right royfield um alberta is one province away and i was born and raised there anyway i would love to meet you sometime and the only other way i can think that we might meet is if you wanted to fly from toronto and have a stop over in vancouver on your way to san francisco well a person can fantasize anyway i love the show today it was super good super fun awesome and i wish you a safe and happy journey and if i don't call in again before christmas merry christmas and the very best to both of you oh i forgot can i say something quickly yeah go but it'll have to be put back in or not it's up to you i don't mind uh on new year's day uh bbc radio 4 are doing a 10-hour consecutive broadcast of um war and peace and i am doing the social media for it so i will be tweeting as bbc radio 4 hashtag war and peace so uh if any of you want to tweet bbc radio 4 at hashtag not at you know what i mean hashtag war and peace then it will be me that answers you um and it'll be very nice to have a chat with any of you because i'm feeling a bit nervous about doing it so it will be uh very lovely to hear from anybody and um it's a fantastic adaptation so we're guessing that our audience is going to be either people who are too hung over to struggle over to turn the radio off or people who uh have a kind of war and peace obsessives who've been looking forward to this for six months or something um but yes so but anybody who wants to have a chat anybody who wants to um to to listen and and tweet along that would be absolutely amazing thank you very much i'm going to send you a tweet from san francisco are you yeah because that's where i'll be then yeah i'm gonna say hello from the other side of the world um just whilst we're talking about kind of tweety podcasty type things um two things um i've gotten to podcasting by doing a thing called how to make a conquered the world which looks at the spread of jamaican cultural influence uh throughout the globe and i know a lot of people will think well like that doesn't sound like my bag but i think you might well be surprised because i'd like to think that i've put together put the show together somewhat of an entertaining and informative way so um i wonder if i couldn't a invite some listeners actually to listen to it and be um if you like it if you don't it's fine but if you do like it um could you pop us a review on iTunes and whilst i'm on iTunes i'm not going to say what you think i'm going to say about the lack of reviews but somebody um told me there is another way of getting to the top of the podcast charts and there's something which somebody did on XFM basically folks if you subscribe to the show in iTunes this week could you please unsubscribe and then subscribe again and the very fact that so many people did it within a week that show rocketed up the charts because as far as iTunes was concerned these were all new subscribers so i repeat if you listen to dummy dumb via iTunes if you listen to it via the website what happens if everyone unsubscribes and then forgets to re-subscribe we're stopped there not wait no because they're gonna subscribe again straight away so don't wait a day and out you know and then forget no what you got to do is unsubscribe then subscribe again straight away and some XFM DJ figured this out and then he showed when into the the top 10 so yeah it feels like cheating though which is well it's i think it's called gaming the system okay and that sounds better yes it's not cheating cheating but it's a case of looking at the system it's known where the floors are and exploiting those loopholes so let's exploit away folks unsubscribe and then subscribe again on iTunes there you go oh and have a listen to me how Jamaica because some of my proudest work other than work on Lucy V Freeman is on there so i haven't heard that you know i've been meaning to listen for a whole year oh please do i i had such an amazing ride with that and it's still not finished i've still got about 10 shows to go so i interviewed general calling pal jazzy b dying abbot prime minister jamaic the last prime minister jamaica me mom my dad i've done music producers steely and cleavey well dare i say steely's dead now but i did cleavey i've done king tubby old jamaican kind of record producers you name it i've done and also one of the most interesting people interviewed was a guy called professor paul kur as well and if you listen to the little trail that's at the start of this show for it how jamaican uncle the world you'll hear david starkie talking about jamaican patwa which was taken from when the the riots in 2011 and he famously or infamously went on to news night and said this because of the you know because british kids want to now sound jamaican and had they speak in this jamaican patwa now the expression jamaican was actually coined i believe by the sun newspaper but it's professor paul kur as well that actually wrote the academic paper in about 2005 documenting the change in cockney traditional kind of cockney english as we'd understand it and have been infused with this jamaican inflection and everybody by everybody has said this you know you'll get on a bus in london and you'll hear some kid behind you and you think that they're black and you turn around and they're white and whatever and he wrote that academic paper that explains how uh this jamaican inflection because if these kids go to jamaican they do not sound jamaican but is this kind of mash up london cockney way like london starry that kind of thing as well exactly exactly that's what my children speak sometimes so i interviewed him professor paul kur as well did a whole show about uh jamaican and just talking to him was absolutely brilliant so i haven't just got um a whole bunch of uh jamaicans and uh people who have a direct kind of ancestral link to the island you know have looked at this spread of jamaican cultural influence you know why is it for argument sake that somebody like you saying bolt is the world's most popular sportsman it isn't just because he runs bloody fast it's also because actually he's not american and why is it that uh jamaica when it comes to the olympics is everybody's kind of second favorite country uh it's because it is this third world country which punches above its weight and is seen as non-threatening in kind of in that way in in a way that let's say american sportsman or australian sportsman have a certain kind of swagger inadvertently swagger kind of associated with them so and then i weave this all together with a wonderful tapestry of jamaican influence influence music and the last show i did was about the real cool runnings uh bobsleigh team so and um gosh i was just talking to somebody about this just the other day but the so the film cool runnings um is obviously based on you know on in fact that in the um 1988 oh um winter olympics that jamaica did send a team yeah to um to calgary to compete in the bobs bobsled but little known fact that actually the person who pressed the button on it was actually a major in the jamaican army and it was a major barns who's actually john barns' father john barns the footballer comes from this military family in jamaica and when the americans um these two americans and they're knocking about in jamaica and they're saying we think that um these printers can push a bobsled they actually go to the jamaican military and it's actually john barns' father that says yes um we can do that and we'll find you a pilot who's got good hand-eye coordination who can actually pilot the uh pilot the bobsled uh bobsleigh sorry and um that was a great show just speaking to him and his kind of recollections of the of the crash in in sochi but little known fact that actually um two olympics afterwards they actually did quite well and actually came 10th or 11th really yeah yeah yeah yeah but dare i say it that doesn't a disney movie make you know so uh but anyway how jamaica conquered the world um it's how i got into podcasting um i'm going to pick up the baton again get the series finished um so please please please um if you're just interested in popular culture world popular culture because without jamaica you wouldn't have any hip hop and i'm not a lot of people so bloody always should have any drag like hip hop but just the very uh fact of talking um over music uh was a jamaican invention in terms of popular music and without jamaica you'd have no hip hop and people always think hip hop that's american but the genesis of that is even jamaican and i could go on and on and on and i have done and at that point i really think the after show credit talk needs to end right field please desist desist yourself sir it's now longer than the show to you everybody have a merry christmas bye-bye lisa v freeman bye-bye bye bye cool we're done 1800flowers.com knows that a gift is never just a gift a gift is an expression of everything you feel and helps build more meaningful relationships 1 800 flowers takes the pressure off by helping you navigate life's important moments by making it simple to find the perfect gift from flowers and cookies to cake and chocolate 1 800flowers helps guide you in finding the right gift to say how you feel to learn more visit 1 800flowers.com/acast that's 1 800flowers.com/acast hey it's mark marin from wtf here to let you know that this podcast is brought to you by progressive insurance and i'm sure the reason you're listening to this podcast right now is because you chose it well choose progressives name your price tool and you could find insurance options that fit your budget so you can pick the best one for your situation who doesn't like choice try it at progressive.com and now some legal info progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law not available in all states

Dum Tee Dum Episode 38 – Christmas tears

Lucy and Roifield talk about The Shoot, Noah, Ella, Quincy and asylum seekers

Podcast rss feed

E-mailTwitter

The post Dum Tee Dum Episode 38 – Christmas tears appeared first on DumTeeDum.