DumTeeDum - A show about BBC Radio's 'The Archers'
Dum Tee Dum Episode 36 – A new Tom love in
Dum Tee Dum Episode 36 – A new Tom love in
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- Duration:
- 1h 5m
- Broadcast on:
- 09 Dec 2014
- Audio Format:
- other
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This podcast is a Royfield Brown production. Find others on iTunes. Hello, this is Susan Ray. You may remember me from such appearances as Bewildered Broadcaster in Dirty Dumb or The Voice of Disapproval in Street Crime UK. Today, I want to use my voice to tell you about 1,001 conversations, a new podcast about the stories we all share. First kiss, first date school, where we were on 9/11. To record your story, your memories to be included in a future show, go to speakpipe.com/1-conversations. You don't have to leave your name on the recording if you wish your blushes to be spared. The first topic is my first kiss. That's your first kiss, not my first kiss, so hook her up and go to speakpipe.com/1-0-0-1-conversations and tell us your story. This program is sponsored by Lissner Jean Rose, who very kindly donated to Dumpty Dum. We would also like to highlight the work of the Limfoma Association, supporting people affected by lymphatic cancer. www.limfomas.org.uk Hi guys, I'm in bed with a fever, so I'm probably a bit delirious and that's probably why I'm going to sing Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum, Dumpty Dum. Love your show guys, keep up the good work. You're delirious friend Mary. Bye. Good, so you might just get cracking. Okay, all right, bear with us, let me just move that back as smidgen. You listen this week? I listen every week. No, I mean a lot, because last time you didn't listen a lot. No, I listened to it twice last week. Oh yeah, no, sorry, I mean last week you listened a lot. Normally you don't listen that consistently, do you? So I just want to go before. No, no, no, no. I've listened episodically and I, well, you know, I love, love, love me Ed, and I like that there was a little bit of, and Ed had some joy. I like the fact that Emma's now starting to come into her own and just be horrible. Yeah. And I'm conflicted about the grundies, because I do like the comedy, but then I don't want them just to be... Yeah, look at the funny poor people. Yeah, exactly. And, you know, I've always been on the fence with Grundy World of Christmas. That's a very archer sentence, isn't it? I've always been on the fence about the Grundy World of Christmas. And I'm still on the fence. I've got... It's not me Jackson. And I don't like Adam that much anymore. When Adam, you know what, we should say this for actually, whether we're recording. Yes. Because, yeah. Stop being interested in talking to me. Let's do that. This is Dummy Dummy. The show about the reality of Ducky Drummer, that is centered on Ambridge in the heart of the Midlands. I'm Robby O'Branley. It's 45 in single. It's a game you are small and black. And round one. What? I'll tell you what, I wish I was a long-playing 33. So come on, get me mid-lays ladies. Well, I'm still 45, because I'm not going to be 45 for too much longer. But with me, I have that bass, you know, mid-lingland, and all it stands for Lucy Freeman. And the last part of our Grundy World of Christmas is you. Now, before we start, we'd like to say a thank you to... A Williams. Sven De Burge. Gene Rose. Jane Fitzgerald. For all contributing by hitting our donate button on the Dummy Dummy website with your contributions, we are part of the way to get in a new server upgrade. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Today's rendition of Barric Green was brought to you by Delira's friend Mary. Lucy, can you remind our listeners how that we're in the accolade of Dummy Dumber after work? Because you buggers, you're not sending any in. Are they not? Well, not really. Other than Paul Rooam, every week there's another remix coming from that. I feel sorry for that doctor's patience, because he didn't do any work. I feel sorry for his wife. He's destroying the NHS. His wife's neglected, his patience is neglected, but we're definitely not when it comes to ballroom. But anyway, we did have Delira's friend Mary this week, but we need you folks, so Lucy's going to tell you how you can win the accolade. Can't tell him, Lucy. Lucy's actually playing for time because I've lost the bit that gives me the number on. And I know I say it every bloody week, but I've got to stop swearing, haven't I? Because people said I said a rude word last week. Did you see the picture of that cat and its face? Yes, it was vegan Neil's cat, wasn't it? Looked astonished, I was mortified. Exactly. All about set a cat. If you are excited about Christmas in Ambridge, share the love with us by ringing in on 02030310105 to give us a plot prediction, a secret artist crushed or to leave us a dump to dump. You can also leave us a message via a speaker pipe on the site. Thanks to lovely Harriet from Shambridge, who we are saying tonight, are we not? For your birthday shenanigans. And to Derek for the loan of the back bedroom, he's in a temper this morning, because he's been trying to put the decorations up by himself. Nathan Booth was supposed to be helping. And he hasn't turned up to Derek, managed to do the fairy lights on his own. But he gave up waiting for Nathan and he popped the tree up himself. Oh, sorry. Sorry. That worked well then. I was distracted by a textual message that came through at my mobile phone apparatus. See, it's ruining modern life. It really is, it really is. But that was probably very funny Lucy, so well done. Dylan Moran calls them little black boxes of misery. Mobile phones, and he won't have one. Nodable Paul Merton. Really? They said, if you want to call me, I have a revolutionary new phone that plugs into my house. Ring me on that. On that Luddite theme calls this week come from Cosmo. Who's worried about who's paying for the potatoes? Yokel Bear, who's saying a little bit better this week. Who thinks the pudding has been over-eggged? Dusty sumces, can I just say, I'm in love with dusty substances. It's very interesting. She sees, she's definitely one of my girls. Love you, Dusty. Who's unsettled and uplifted. Paul Roome, who's excited about our mugs and Andrea Melling, who is barking, but first before all that. Let's see what fun can be poked at a board. It's your business this week with Lucy V Freeman and Amusems on Ambridge. It's beginning to look a lot like nonsense. Christmas is coming, the supermarket should help us. Am I putting out the suntan cream and the hot cross buns? I'm wrapping this weekend with said Linda or M.C. Leaf or Bizzle in the bottom, which is packed alone on Saturday nights. The annual turning on of the lights on the village green took place, but Charlie and Adams, whatever it is, seems to have fused as Adam warned Charlie that he'd never get his sticky fingers on his birthright. Daymarked capital sponsored the turning on of the lights and paid for the thermal underwear of the brass band. Emma, inspired by Ed punching Otto the bull in the face, has persuaded A, Cheery Will, to let number one the green to her and Ed as a reduced rent and B, Ed to marry her, which will make her Emma Grundy Grundy. Broke brothers said you're a clever woman Emma, but then you wouldn't make Emma Horribin Carter Grundy Grundy. Yes, yes, oh Susan will be beside herself, she'll be quadruple barreled, lovely. Both brothers said you're a clever woman Emma, but then you always were, but compared to the Grundy boys, the psychic turkey looks like Professor Brian Cox. Alice, the adenoidal wedding planning asteroid for the sisters now. He lives just around the corner from Michel's house. Does he? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We saw him come out of his gaff and go into some big car with his misses and get zoomed off. He lives in Clapham, Old Town. Lovely house, lovely house. It's probably like about 18, it's mid-19th century. It's not proper Victorian, it's a little bit earlier than that, kind of Regency, slightly like the Regency. Lovely bit of Clapham, his Clapham, Old Town, he's got a lovely little house. And she was beside herself with the excitement. Who was? Michel. Was she? Yeah, I know, he does, he does, yes, he's a big, lots of the radio and four ladies are very, very keen on him. Yes. And I had no idea that he was, things can only get better keyboard player. Yeah, you have no idea who anybody is though apart from super, unless they wear a cape, you are completely lost. No, a cape, or they did something of historical importance back in the day. Yes. Then I have no idea who they are. You told me that David Shimmer was trying to get in touch with us and it was David Schneider and I was thinking, why were Ross from France? What's France? Don't know, he is holding the moment. It's their show. Right, so I carry on. Yeah, go. Okay. Alice, the adenoidal wedding planning astrophysicist has now added theatrical director to her CV, which by now must be about 32 pages long. Assistant director. Assistant director, yes. It was very clear. Alice is like a toddler, strolling around the village saying, what are you doing? I will help. Whether people want her to or not. Adenoids has recruited Douglas Harrington from flops into blind spirit. Most of the cast of blind spirit so far seems to consist of a gramophone of the sofa, which is going to make it a much more lively production than all. The archer children, overcome with salant mentality and family feeling, have pulled their money out of what is now always referred to as the family farm, faster than Brian pulling out of Chavon Hathaway what to realize she wasn't on the pill. It is hardly simply evident that the people would rather have some money now than shares in a farm bloody miles away that's quite likely to go bankrupt. Everybody was looking a bit shifty in front of everyone else until Shuler said snotily, who made me the conscience of the family, speaking as the conscience of the family and making everyone hate her even more. Linda and Jenny Darling saddled up their high horses about the archers selling up. Jenny Darling in particular has nothing to get snarky about, as Home Farm has introduced various schemes and wheezes that have had the entire village up in arms before now, so hush up, I say. However, in her defence she did say she was inflamed. Calliston Jenny Darling is brilliant, getting back. Brian has resigned, as a result, from the BL board. Damn it, Marjorie, so the whole Brookfield just in Elliot's crisis will bring the Aldridge family together in the way that normally only the discovery of another of Brian's love children does. They're all marching around, talking about the sanctity of the countryside, while ignoring the fact they want to build on whacking great poo factory in the village. The doctors are disappointed with Tony, poor Tony. They're once ever pleased with him, and he never gets an A plus from anyone. He's holding his own now and turning a corner, poor chap. He's termed so many corners now, he must be feeling like he's on the magic roundabout. Crusty test to say she was thinking about everyone at Ridge Farm, thinking ha ha ha ha, probably. Uh, New Tom has had a word with horrible old Rob, who has introduced simon towels into the herd without asking anybody. New Tom said, "I want my dad to come back to a herd he will recognise." Ha, you won't recognise anyone else in the village, so how's he going to recognise the cattle? You could swap out the herd with terrapins and no one had battered eyelid. Tony had a rather embarrassing chat with his mother, who said, "You could not have been a better son to me, and the only way I could have shown that mole was by not cutting you out of my will and being unremittingly critical of unpleasant for the last few years." "Can he hear me, Tom?" Peggy asked her brand new grandson. "Oh yes, he can hear us, Brian," said New Tom. "He's not in a coma, no, he's just bored to tears." And, as if Tony covered in more tubes than Helen was when she conceived Henry wasn't bad enough, Kate's coming back! What could be better? She has decided to give Roy and Hayley the benefit of her experience on self-control and good marital behaviour, so that'll be something we can all get behind, right behind, and then give her a good kick up the arse. The end. "I don't like Kate at all." "I don't like to, I think." "Oh god, but a load of small drink she is." "So yeah, no, that's not exactly a small field, is it, a load of small drink?" "That's why Connie was so brilliant, wasn't it, the awards?" "Yes." "Let me think about, let me talk about things about Kate that are good, and then he just has a lot of space." "Any side." "But no, so that's it, will be done." "You didn't really go into too much detail about..." "Oh, Grundy Will The Christmas was Sunday's episode, wasn't it?" "Yeah." "Oh, crumbs, that's the reason why you didn't mention it, well done, Lucy." "So what, there was no accident this?" "She says very very clearly that it is entirely accident." "Lucy." "Yes." "Do you think that was any good this week?" "What, are the arches?" "Yeah." "I quite like, there's something I'm quite enjoying about the dawning realisation." "I really enjoy the theatre." "There's something about the dawning realisation for Dave to Ruth, that it almost feels like this, right then, will go." "This kind of slightly petular gesture, and they're now thinking, 'Oh shit, we are going,' and everybody going, 'Well, we're not coming with you,' you know, you're on your own mush, you know, if you were to go and do this cracker thing off your pop, and they're all pulling their money out, and they're now on their own." "And they're not the, the blue-eyed couple of the village." "Yeah." "Everybody was like, 'Wait a minute, but it's 7.5 big ones, isn't it?'" "It is." "You know." "Do you know what else struck me, and you'll go, 'Oooh, because you don't like me doing my psychology bit?' "Can I do my psychology bit?" "Yeah, of course you can." Ruth is an only child, and I think there is a big issue there. I think she's come from, because coming from being an only child, to moving miles across the country to a place you don't know, and suddenly, sort of finding yourself, marrying into not only a huge family, but the entire village, pretty much. This is almost feels like a bit of an attempt for her to get David back to herself, so that she's not second fiddle. 'Cause she's always been not an archer. She's married in. And now, this is almost like, right, now it's my, you know, you're my wife now, Dave. You're, you know, she's... "Who are you? You're jamming it in a Kenton, then, Dave." "It's from League of Gentlemen, which is where character ego is. You're not my wife. You're my wife now, Dave, evil to all." So there's kind of an element of that. I'm feeling, anyway, I don't know whether that's being me over on, being me being over on a liticle. I think you've been over on a liticle. Because if David's saying, "Oh, they don't seem right," and "Oh, they're all putting their money out," and she's going, "Well, that's good, isn't it? That's good." And she's the one that's always talking about the new start. This is a new start for all of us, new start. But he doesn't want a new start. He was quite happy with where he was. Well, I'll tell you what. What? I could have a new start and have 7.5. Yeah. You know, you can get me to do just about anything without a matter of money. My principal's flying right out the window. Yeah, you can get me to do pretty much anything for a pack of frazzles, though. That was a lot. Shut up. Not very much for a benchmark. Two packs of frazzles. How was in a pack of frazzles in a hard time? Listen, I'll vote you, Kit, for three packs of frazzles. I'll stand for you, Kit, but... Mom and Dad, leave the country. Plenty of immigrants there. On that profound note, we should hit those phone lights. [phone rings] Hello, Ambridge 3962. Hello, Gumty-Dum. Call Snow here again. Still a retired accountant. But in future, I would prefer to be known as a person having holidays. I'm having a lot of them soon. Last week, you seemed to think that I was joking over Rob. But this week, I'm wondering if the man has already seemed to be. It does not seem unreasonable to feed a few movies so old tatties. After all, Jazza probably lives on nothing else. There was other me that he ordered some cows of a new foreign breed, when he had no means to pay for them, because I assume that Chex can only be signed by Tony or Pat and possibly Helen. So I am starting to wonder if Rob is maybe not as reliable as I have previously believed. I am worried that he's also falling down on the job of looking after Helen, because he's not making sure she eats properly, and she does seem to be missing the old meal. And we all know where that's going. She will be very slim. Turning to Brookfield, is anyone really surprised that the Archer family members want that money? They would have taken it even if the offer had been $5 million. Indeed, I reckon it's about the only certainty in the entire process. Lizzy has a loan to pay off, as she mentioned this week. She has Alistair's loan sharks to pay off, and Kenton has always been good at spending money he does not have. On more serious subjects, do either of you remember the story a couple of years ago, when after a lot of agonising, Nick agreed that she would have a baby with Will? And there were scenes of them chasing each other in the woods at night. Well if so, then did she keep on taking the pill? Or is Will working permanent nights? And if things aren't going according to plan, why haven't they consulted the doctor? Both have had children before, after all. And then new Emma was sweet talking Will into a bargain deal for another one the Green. Do we really think that at some point that will lead up to another bust up between the brothers? Near the end, I hear that Kate is appearing at Christmas. How is she going to manage this? Or will it be a new Kate? Old Kate, I understand, is busy having or not a baby in Enders, and she's hardly going to get time off to Reeve's Danbridge. I wonder who new Kate would sound like. Will she and new Phoebe even recognise each other? Posh happening this coming week as a visit to form with an enormous concert. I will however have been London for the last part of January at some point, as I shall be seeing every order just singing in the West End. See you long next week. Bye for now. Cosmo, worried about pinning all his hopes on Rob? Well yes Cosmo, I think you probably should. And no, Rob is not a counter-signatory on the checks for the potatoes. Cosmo, you have to stop this now, it's going too far. You need to get another job, I think, because you can't be trying to work out, you know, the vagaries of of of Ambridge finances are as are as are as difficult to comprehend as the geography of it. And the fact that nobody ever wins anybody. Everyone goes around to see everybody, which is just not like real life. So don't don't stop worrying about who's paying for what. But also he said what happened to Will and Nick romping in the woods. And where's the baby? The baby's poppy, she's had it. Yes. I can't. I did think, am I going mad here? I've only not had the baby when he said that. Yeah, no, I'll tell you what, I am going seriously mad, but I'll tell you about that later. Cos that's really, really peculiar. And New Kate and New Phoebe might not recognise each other. I don't think it's just you, you know, is it? We can't love New Kate too. If we have New Kate too, I think I'm giving up. Well, it has to be New Kate because, as he said, normal Kate is on East Enders. But anyway, moving swiftly on from that. So he said, how the hell could he have ordered the feed or the cows, whatever, without signing anything. Now, you can't you just, if you've got a standing order, you just order it. Oh, but you wouldn't have because it's a new supplier. Oh, it was a new supplier. Yeah, that's what all the first words, cos Tom was going, "Well, I don't know who this is." Ah, cos I was gonna say, they've probably heard about Tony's accident, and he could just get on the blower, and so, oh yeah, we just need to order this, but it's a new supplier. Yeah. Oh, he's right. He emailed us as well, not content, with worrying about it on its big part, who's now worrying about it on the email. And he says, yes, he is a retired accountant. He said, as the siblings, as in the archer's subjects, "One cash out, there will now be a CGT liability at 28%. It can only help invest into the new farm." So, they have significant shares. We don't know the share split, we're still with me, but it will be in the documentary company's house for Andridge Farmers Limited, if you want to have a look. And Keaton had his money for archers antiquities, not the wine bar, so he may have a smaller share. He says, "I could go on for ages." [LAUGHTER] Does this is not going to happen? I won't. Quite right, Cosmo. This feels like a massive, this still feels like a massive waste of energy spending. Well, it's like when you have an interview for a new job and you don't get it and you've mentally got your desk, brought you your wardrobe for it, and thought about what you're going to do and everything, and then you don't get the job, and then you think, bloody hell, when do I get that week of worry back? You know, just as a pure nutter aside. Yes. How many job interviews have you gone to in your life? Approximately. How do you know? Or more to the point. How many jobs have you got from having a job interview? Do I have to answer this? Because I've never been to an interview that I haven't got the job. Yes, I have once. Once? Once. Me too. I've only... Twice! Twice, twice, twice. I've only had one job interview and the how many years have I been in the labor market? 25 years? That's three. Sorry. Shut up. But no, I never get jobs from job interviews. I never get jobs, but I never get jobs from job interviews anywhere. So I just do nothing but a book. But they're not jumping their chats. I guess they're so sad that you're all right. Come in and have a chat. Yeah. But anyway, there was a point I was going to make there and it's gone clean out of my head. Cosmo... Oh, yeah, that's it. Cosmo. Big ups to Cosmo. Props to Cosmo. He's the only person who actually listened to what I said last week and actually started off by saying exactly what his employment status. No, someone else did too. Oh. But they didn't leave a message. They just emailed us to tell us what they did. Yes. And there was somebody on the Twitter's. Yes. It also said something. Why didn't you do that job interviews? No, forget job interviews for now. It will work for me. Oh, yeah. Can somebody tell me where I'm going wrong? And why I never get jobs. There you go. Do we have any recruitment consultants that listen to this show? Or do we have anybody that does anything vaguely where they have to put any message on the interwebs that needs me to come along an album? And that would be great. However, that's not really the forum for me soliciting for work. However, it just fell out of my mouth. Next caller. It just fell out of my mouth. It's Christmas. Need some work. Good, don't do dumb, don't pay. I just wondering what the hell is going on in your studio. Just fell out of my mouth. Hello, you two. It's Shokobear here. I just wanted to talk about two things today. First of all, new Tom. I like him. I really do. I was, you know, obviously I was apprehensive. I knew it was going to be a new actor and everything like that. But he's come back assertive. It seems as though he really has found himself in Canada. I think it's, you know, the old sulky Tom seems to be gone. And I'm liking the new Tom. His, um, him squaring up to Rob was just the joy to listen to. One of the best things that the script writers have done in a long while really, really enjoyed that. But talking to kind of script writers and the way things go. That's the second thing I really want to talk about. I've been having to think about all the changes. Now, I think a lot of the plot lines are now silly. Brookfield farm sale, dragging out the Charlie and Adam tension for months. It's just, and yeah, I don't like some of these stories. But I think there's a middle ground to be had. And what I mean by that is is, um, I think the artist does have to change. It's the 21st century. It can't be stuck back in the, you know, the 1950s and 60s. It's not a historical drama. It's meant to be a modern drama that keeps up with the time. So I think things do need to change. But I think the pudding has been over rigged. I think it's changed too much and it needs to kind of notch it back a bit. But I think there's solution, but it's probably a rubbish one. But I'll tell you anyway. They should resurrect Ambrage Extra and put the racy plot lines on Ambrage Extra. So you could do the kind of real kind of exciting. You're, oh my God, somebody's been gored by a bull, that kind of thing. And do them separate from the main artists, which could essentially be brought up to date, but in a more gentle, leisurely way. And keeping its essential, it's a central character. So yes, that's kind of what I've been thinking. I think that's it. I think that's all the thoughts in my head at the moment. So on the artist, that is. So yes, OK then, bye. Yoko Bear, new Tom, he likes him. Well, he's fine. I mean, he's certainly put Robin in his place, thank God. But he sounds exactly like Charlie Barbara's spreadsheet. They've even got the same information. They do this funny, they do it funny. Yes, they've got a PCS. And they both do funny pauses in exactly the same places. They sound, their intonations are exactly the same. It's really strange and disconcerting, because it puts me off what he's saying. I can't believe in him, because I'm just thinking, goodness, you sound like Charlie Barbara's spreadsheet. You know, if you beat him in the ball, will you say to him? Blimey, you sound like me, because it's just really odd. And yes, I know, I appreciate Yoko Bear that we cannot be stuck in the 1950s. Yes, I know, and I know things need to change, but resurrecting Ambridge Extra is not the way forward. I don't know about that, I don't know about that. I think there is mileage in exploring the characters away from Ambridge, which is the whole point of Ambridge Extra. You know, take the racey storylines and the story, story lines of the Ross and Mafia, put that completely to one side. There is definitely enough stuff for us to go through, as listeners that could be put on another show, without completely destroying the continuity of the favourite doggy drama that we all love. But that's what happened before, when they did it before, that's what happened. It was like I always say, it was like listening to an argument through a wall, and you could only hear half of it, and you don't know really what was going on. So when you're listening back again to the archers, let's say, "Oh, well, of course, when I had my chat with Senator last week, did you think one chat? What was that?" But I hear you, but the way that they dealt with Matt and Lillian in Russia didn't have any ramification on the main storyline. Matt and Lillian had gone, and then... It did, because Lillian came back and said, "Oh, Matt's not with me." And none of us knew why, and then there was all this funny stuff... That's the wrong way around, because Matt went, and then Lillian went over there. They came back together. But I think it can be done, and I think that towards the end of the "Run of Ann" projection, they had it just about right. You know, when Kenton and Jolie went off to New Zealand, it didn't knacker up the main storyline in the archers. But I appreciate that you are resistant to change, and it's all a bit newfangled for you. Intinctively, you're against it, and because it had a different theme tune. Yes, you know, that's probably completely right. Exactly. It's a little bit too jaunty this theme tune. I don't like it. And Yoko Bear didn't tell us what he did, so black Mark for Yoko Bear. Yoko Bear didn't tell us what. Oh, no, he didn't, did he? No. Oh, dear. No, I know something. I kind of know what he does. It's something to do with their employment and unions, and he's a tub-thumping dyed-in-the-wall. When it comes to weight loss, no two people are the same. That's why Noom builds personalized plans based on your unique psychology and biology. Take Brittany. 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Recently, I asked Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies are allowed to raise prices due to inflation. They said yes. And then when I asked if raising prices technically violates those owners to your contracts, they said, "What the f*ck are you talking about? You insane Hollywood s*ck." So to recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to just $15 a month. Give it a try at Mint Mobile.com/switch. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes of details. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Make another smart choice with Auto Quote Explorer to compare rates from multiple car insurance companies all at once. Try it at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. That big 70s socialist or something for another. What is a job? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, no, no. Because I think that's what he says on Twitter. But I'm exaggerating somewhat. Red Yocal Bear. Who's next? Dusty Substances. Oh, I love this woman. Hello, it's Dusty Substances here, the wrong sort of listener. I just wanted to say it's been both an unsettling, but uplifting week in average this last few days. You know things are badly wrong when you hear yourself cheering on fake Tom. Not a fan of Tom, really. But I loved hearing him put Titchinob in his place. I mean, but how totally weird is that to be enjoying fake Tom? I suppose I really just hate Titchinob totally. I'm a little bit concerned that he will now take out his feelings about this on Helen. Not that I'm very fond of her either, but it's all a bit unsettling that really. On the other hand, go Lindy Box, sniff and all. She is going to be utterly magnificent. Now that she knows that the Dopesters plan to sell Brookfield to Justin Thing, well, except that they aren't, but it's going to be such fun hearing Linda and probably Jimus sorting all this out. It's absolutely what I want to hear on the archers. And if it makes trouble for Ruth and David, well, what's not to like about that? Absolutely wonderful. And Blind Spirit is going to be epic. I really am so excited. I don't know what to say really, except that, I mean, I just want to hear it now, really. Anyway, that's it for this week. Bye for now, bye. It's a real shame she's married, you know. I know. Because she doesn't even live that far from me in West London. I could knit down there and just snuggle up to her. She's great. She is. She is. She's just... You need help. No, no, I don't. I don't. I just need a bit of dusty substances in my life. This woman is proper funny. She is. She knows a little bit too much about skunk, though. A woman, a woman, her social standing should not be down with... It's a bit of a disconnect, Ben. When she was talking about skunking people up, I looked at a photo and I was thinking, "Exactly!" "Okay." "Okay." "I do like Jimus, though. Can we adopt that as the new name for Jim?" Absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. And Paul Roon had a new name for somebody as well, and I've forgotten what that was. It will come back to me. She's cheering on you, Tom, when he stood up to roll two, like Yoko Bear and me. Whoa, it's quite good because you've got two kind of controlling men and now battling over the same farm. But Helen has stopped eating. Can we all notice that? She just keeps turning up to places that lunchtime and telling people that she's eaten at the place she was before. And it's, oh, it's so... That's the worry. Helen, Helen, Helen is just horrible. I just want to canter in and pick her up and take her away and look after her. It's just awful. Well, at least she's referring back to character type. But this new Tom, you know, Tom's whole residential has been to change the farm, hasn't it? But now he wants it to stay exactly the same and, you know... Because he's in the way. And he's far that... Yeah. But also he's realised, you know, I am my father's son and what my father has done has built up over the years, has been significant and important, and it now cannot change, you know. But, you know, if I saw me all pops, you know, lying in a bed, cut open and wires and chupled over the place, you know, I might have a personality transplant too. Yeah. But hey. She says, "Blied Spirit" is going to be epic. Do you know about the, you know about the "Blied Spirit" thing? Yeah, yeah. They're playing it on Boxing Day for real and that. And apparently, Julian Rindt-Tut is going to play Douglas Harrington. Okay. For those of us not steeped in kind of British acting lore, who the hell is this gentleman? Did you watch "Green Wing"? Oh, kind of sort of. The tall, gorgeously, fantastically sexy, delightful one with Red Hat. How could he tell he was tall and gorgeously handsome if it was on the radio? It wasn't, that's why I said watch. But you said you never watched TV, remember, Lucy. Do you remember? You know, you always say, "I never watched TV, I just listened to radio for..." "I listened to the home service and nothing else." Yeah, is that like you saying, "I am never miserable"? Shut up! Good luck! If every time you say anything cut into me, you're usually right. And every time I say anything cut into you, you're going, "Shut up!" Like Tracy Beaker. And that's the end of it. Shut up! When was I ever miserable? You're 45, man. When was I? Anyway, Julian Rindt-Tut, her art. He's brilliant. And he's got the most amazing voice. So he's going to be fantastic. And I saw him outside at Cafe Rouge. Um, where was I? Somewhere near New Broadwick Street. And I checked over Paving Stone. I was so busy looking at too much looking. I love you. That was quite embarrassing. It's a good job, you just know who I am. Is that all? Probably recognises you from from the radio. Yeah, I have a very good face for radio, so I move down. Yes. Hi, this is Andrew Meling from Missouri City, Texas. And I'm ringing to say something I never thought I would say. I can forgive Tom. I can forgive Tom everything. I can wish him to be the master of bridge farm, reunite with the lovely Kirsty, and live happily ever after. And all he has to do to earn my favour and eternal gratitude is send rob packing. Preferably with a punch on the nose or a kick up the ass. Sorry, when a bit Texas on your ass. Kick up the ass. The new voice helps me forget all those years of bile. I find myself willing to forgive him. Boo-hoo! It's because I hate rob that much. Even more than dog murderer Dumbo Ed. Or selfish Vince Lizzie and Kate, who I also despise. What a great character rob is. To trump years of enmity in such a short time. The snake. And apologies to bird constrictors everywhere. But that's how I see him. Coyled round Helen. Squeezing tighter and tighter. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Loved hate rob. What a great character. Enjoyed the show. Sorry to miss out on the awards. Would love to try and come next year if you give more notice of what the date is. Because I normally come to England around that time. And keep up all the good work. Bye. On that note, Royfield, I think now might be a good time to pop in our message to remind people about the great cause that WJW is supporting. This Christmas buy a refuge parcel and support women and children escaping domestic violence. Refuge parcels provide essential support for women and children who have experienced domestic violence. There are four parcels you can choose from. Emergency parcel, children's parcel. Safety and independence parcel. And law parcel. Ranging from 10 pounds to 100 pounds. The value of each parcel that you buy will be used to offer support and places of safety to the 3,000 women and children refuge supports every day. Go to refuge.org.uk/get-involved for more information. Andrea Meling, who's got dogs barking in the background. She wants to send Rob packing with a punch on the nose. I think we all do that. But I don't know, I kind of... He deflated surprisingly quickly, didn't he? When Tom said, "No, not going to happen." He said, "I went okay when it's your farm." In his kind of subdued creepy voice. But I just worry he's now going to take it out on Helen. Well, this is it because it has been established way back when he's actually a coward. If another man confronts him, there was the whole thing with Charlie. It wasn't when he was reported directly to Charlie and Charlie was saying, "Well, work through your dinner and work through your lunch hour. Sorry, and why have you got to go and pick up Henry and all this kind of stuff?" And he couldn't confront Charlie, could he? You know, we'd kind of pitch behind his back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But hey, Tom, he's a rat bag and he's actually a coward and he's a bully and I don't like him. However, he's constantly played and yes. And I think he's got a rather nice voice. Roll. Yeah, lovely. Yeah. You know, there's just about enough sinister undertones without it being sinister. Yeah. You know, when he says stuff. Yeah. He, you know, it's very, very kind of cool. It's just incredibly controlled and incredibly well-portulated. Exactly, exactly. Which makes you think everything he says has been incredibly well-thought out. Which it has because it's still designed to get. Well, of course, it's been well-thought out. It's been a whole load of script writers, right? You didn't just think of it on the spot. The act is not riffing, is he? You don't know what I mean, you thought. "The archers turned all lovely in Christmassy this week. Friday's episode had the village lights being switched on and the Tamara Capital financed brass band whose fee was slightly over the odds. I thought at seven and a half million playing carols in the background. It couldn't have been more seasonal if it came with a free mince pie and glass of mold wine." Hearing Alice engage the services of Douglas Harrington as Charles Condiment in Blind Spirit to be broadcast on radio for unboxing day, it did get me wondering whether we'll be listening to archers actors, playing archers characters, hamming it up as blind spirit characters, or will we hear archers actors being proper actors? Seriously playing blind spirit characters in the play. Another exciting announcement this week was the Dumty Dum shop sourcing right UR logo mugs. I shall wake up especially early on Christmas morning to check my stocking is bulging with one of these. I've been keeping count over the last few weeks and have a right UR score of archers three real life nil. These have been slipped in in various scenes. We had Eddie and Jim discussing mystical turkeys. I must admit that the turkey episodes are getting right on my nerves. Anyway, one of the turkeys was noticed by Jim to be listening attentively to their conversation to which Eddie replied, "Right UR." Rather egotistically, I took this to mean that I am that big-eared listening turkey and the script was written specifically to wind me up. The next rendition was beautiful with Berton veiling a new poetical variation. Agreeing with Carol when she pondered that life must go on, even though Tony is so unwell, Bert replied with a yoda like, "Quite right UR." Then we had another given by Joe during the bizarre turkey fortune reading scene. Keep it up script writers, as I will enjoy right UR spotting whilst drinking tea from my appropriately themed mug. Paul Room, you know Paul Room's call? He talked about the psychic turkey looking attentive and I am now that big-eared turkey. Do you want to know something really weird and I'm actually probably thinking you should chop this out because I think otherwise people are going to come and take me away. I dreamt that whole call. What are you talking about? I had written the notes for his call without hearing the call. Then I didn't realise I had heard the call. Then I played the call and it said exactly what I knew it was going to say. So you're a psychic podcaster. I'm a psychic podcaster. I'm talking about a psychic turkey. Serious, I couldn't believe it. Me either, me either Lucy. I am that big-eared turkey and I'm now thinking that they're writing it for me. They're writing script for me. I've got that all in my head. Honestly, this job is driving me around the twist voice. Me too, working with you. I know, well, I'm sorry. I think it is probably contagious. That's why we just get over Skype. So I can't get near enough to you to extend the media. Wait, though, isn't it? But can we just say that pool room and you're picking up the whole kind of right you are malarkey? Yes. That people are so just right behind right you are, that we get those messages on Twitter whenever, well, I say whenever. Whenever somebody mentions right you are actually on the archers, but then also it has, if you heard it's leaked over onto Cori. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, and it's also now leaked over to the dumpy dump store. So if you want to get yourself some right you are merchandise, maybe on a mug or a hip flask or on a baby grow or whatever, you can do that at dumpydump.com. So I want to suggest that on the baby bib, when the babies are being breastfed, which is Nigel Farage's favourite topic at the moment, then we ought to have right you are and left you are. Oh, yes. Yeah, I like that. I like that too. Um... Can I? Well, isn't it the shop? Listen, there's more talk about the shop. Oh, sorry. Later. I'm just quite excited. I've never had a shop. We're not since I was six, so they used to charge my sister to eat her own biscuits, but yes. I've had two shops. Have you, okay, you had close shops, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had two close shops, one in Birmingham, one in Manchester, and I could riff on about owning a shop and female customers, because so we did female and male apparel, and it was a very joyous time in my life. And... Why can you only riff on female customers? Because women are very different when it comes to shopping and can very much take you into their confidence in a way that male customers don't. It's still very much a transaction with female shoppers, it's an experience completely, not really different. Famous shoppers I had in my shop were Ryan Giggs, Paul Skolles, and the two Gallagher brothers off the top of my head. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The shop in Manchester, and I remember when these guys bowled out of this beamer, and they all just looked like kids, and I'm like, what, you cannot afford anything in it. But they had come out of a beamer, and they just bought the shop up. And you know, when the guy came to pay, and he's check was like, oh, Giggs was like, oh, okay. And then I realised that was Paul Skolles and whatever with them. But yes, happy times in the early to mid 90s in Birmingham and Manchester. And it's... If we do a dumbly dumb late night extra, then I can tell you about female customers in close shops. Is it like Warren Beatty in shampoo? Suffice to say, right. I don't even know if it's called shampoo. Is it called shampoo? I feel, I think it is. Where is the, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a hairdresser. Yeah, yeah, yeah, do. So I bought a lot of off the peg new designer stuff, and designers that had just left university and stuff. They were just starting out their careers. And if I bought, and then I'd buy a maximum of three in any size and had to be exclusive to Birmingham or to Manchester. So what we ended up doing was doing a lot of clothes, which you could have altered at the tail is just around the corner. Because we didn't have, you know, that much of any one product. Anyway, the amount of women who were in changing rooms and would say, "Oh, can you just pop in and tell me what this looks like?" And you'd walk into the changing rooms and they'd be topless. Very good belief. And there was a period when I was working in the shop just by myself. Didn't have a female assistant. And somebody said, "Oh, can you just come in and just tell me what you think this looks like?" And I'd say, "Okay." And I'd walk in and they'd be like, "Topless?" And they'd be a pair of trousers and they'd say, "Oh, I'm sorry." They'd say, "Oh, it doesn't matter." Or whatever. And it was a real eye-own. As I said, for a woman, they'd walked into this place. You, they were going to have this transaction take place, but it was an experience. And you were helping them through this experience. And there was so much implied trust that all of a sudden, I was gender-neutral. Yeah. You know, it didn't matter. I was just the expert. There were all those films. Late night on Channel 5 are all absolutely, they're quite accurate then. And they're like, "Who's got my top smaller mouth sort of thing?" And they're changing. Listen, I saw so many breasts. I saw... I saw a inn down below. I just, it's just, just ridiculous. And, you know, I was after the first, like, month or so, then... You became immune to... I was in... Well, it wasn't quite that far. But I was immune to the fact that somebody would, that a woman who I didn't know would let me see her naked. Because as far as she was concerned, we were in an area where she felt safe. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely an eye opener in more ways than one. Gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I enjoyed my time owning shops. Lucy. Yes. Should we have a commercial break? Yes, why not? Fancy getting your mouth around something warm. Something comforting you can really get a firm grip on. Why not buy a dumty-dum mug from the shop at dumtydum.com? Goes down lovely. Right then. So why don't you take us through your hashtag #theartroustweet of the week? OK. Willem Harvey says, "Charlie only turned..." This is to the switching on of the lights. "Charlie only turned up because he turned there was some action going on in some local cottages." It's naughty, Willem. Akley Lewis said, "I put that bull in the yard with him," says Peggy bragging about her impressive upper-body strength. Emily D. Thomas said, "Newton can only be ingratiated into the arches' Twitter peat heart by punching Rob repeatedly and then slapping him with a tuna." A tuna? A tuna? He's allergic to tuna, isn't he? He said he might tell him we cook his dinner because he and he need him much. Hinge Sandal said, "News this week, shop as it turns out, Heather is perfectly healthy and Ruth has one-chows in my place." But tweet of the week and we have to stop this. Dunty Dummies, and Royfield, and me, we have to stop finding it funny that Tony is in the hospital on a live sport machine. It is not funny! And yet, it is. "Treat of the week," Chris from Paul Solotti. "Nurse, I'm sorry Mrs. Archer, but throughout your speech to new Tony, you had your foot on his oxygen pump." You done? Yes. Noooooo. All right, then I think we're almost over. Lucy, remember last week was Cyber What's It, and we said, "Go to our site or go to Amazon to buy stuff." Yes, I did, I think I do. Well, yes, well, guess what? What? People did it in their droves. James, Victoria Cole. Misty Telford. Misty P. Green. Shelly Albright. Richard Mary Peake. Rupert Brun. Claire Schofield. Julie Mins. Kate Blackwood. Claire Steep. Sarah Hedges. Mr Lynn O'Malley. Oh, no. Mr Lee O'Money. Oh, Mr Lee. Oh, O'Money, sorry. Yeah, even you couldn't say it. John Martin Bickering. Paul Dishman. Richard Fawcett. John Mark Latissier. David Snowden. All room. Clive Haywood. Polly Ann Cummins. Gary Voor. Helen Palmer. Sherry Dun Pratt. And Claire Steep. Oh, but stuff, stuff, stuff. And what's absolutely lovely? When you look at the kind of sales reports, it's just from like all over the world. Yeah, really? Yeah, like Isle of Wight even. Wow. I thought we decided that it's the Isle of Man that doesn't exist, isn't it? Because the Isle of Man marketing man, I'm going to get to trouble again now, on touch. The Isle of Man marketing man said that Ambridge was a ridiculous mythical country. So we said, no, is the Isle of Man? And now that's a making process. Sorry. But we've had, as I said, across the water in the Isle of Wight, America, Ireland, there was some place somewhere else, somewhere else. And oh, no, it's all four points of the globe. You know, people have been buying dumb-deed on merch from. It's perhaps it's filled my heart with joy. Excellent. And it's helped ease our overdrafts, just a little. It's still our overdraft with joy as well. Absolutely. And we have a new range of clever pun-related words in our shop. Don't we, Lucy? We do. Mm. So if you fancy a t-shirt that says, you know. Hello, you two. Oh, you're so good. I didn't even put that in red. And you just knew that little pause. Or a baby growth sport in the legend. Made in Ambrage. Or a mug that says, Splash of Gin in there, darling. Click on our shop, on our website, folks. Because remember, Christmas is a comment. Now, hey, and I thought it was going to have to retire this section. Oh, no by Jimmy No. News of reviews, reviews, news. People will be so gutted if you retired this section. It's my favorite section, I'll tell you. There could be a riot of disappointment. Um, we have some reviews, folks. Poodle in head with. And good hems. I don't know how you say this. But, um, feel at stonecraft. And I'm sure it's supposed to be music, but the run out of characters. So it's stonecraft music. Who decided to send me a little birthday present. And I can say this on the last day that I'm going to be 45 forever. So thank you for sending in, uh, some reviews. Now, remember there are various ways of which you can support this podcast hard cash. If you want to hit that donate button on our website, or you can purchase something from the shop. Or for the type of wads amongst you, you can always do an iTunes review. If your wallet or purse refuses to leave your pocket. Now, on the Facebook, here is Millie Bell with other arches related Facebook goings on. Hello everyone. It's Millie Bell here. Don't worry if you hear any odd bangs. We're gearing up for a summer storm here and the local orchardists all have their hell guns going. And I haven't been able to find a quiet time. So this is it. We've had a really busy week on the Dumty Dum Facebook page. So I haven't really had to spend much time on the other pages this week. We've now got 561 likes. And you're a pretty active lot. And this week we saw Alison propositioning Roy feel publicly. We also asked the question, where will you be listening to the arches over Christmas? Mike Blake and his dog will be listening together. Sarah Harding will listen whilst being mocked. Good luck with that Sarah. Isabelle Barak and John Burns will both post it that they will have to hide away, which is a bit sad. But we do understand that it's a secret pleasure. We also have Cara Poirier listening from Australia, Andrea Melling in Texas and Claire Steep in Canada. And just to bring us back to our roots, Rosie Cross will be listening from Prada. Now, my favorite post came from a post that we put up to say that we now have some right to our merchandise for sale. We've all been eagerly awaiting this. Polly came and I think, or Coleman, then posted that she placed an order for a hip flask and some dramas for when she takes Lucy and Roy Phil to bed with her on podcast night. I always wondered why I couldn't get hold of Roy Phil and Lucy on podcast night. And now we all know. Now remember, you can send us a voice message via the site. We can call O20313105 from a regular normal phone to leave us a message because that's what we need on the show. Messages from you. But remember, no one's getting on the bloody show unless you tell me what you do for a living. I will blackball you from coming on to the show, right? Okay, so you can ping us a regular text message if you like. You don't have to tell us what you do for a living who's going to do that. But it's nice if you do or you can find us on the Twitter @dumbdydumb or you can tweet me @royfield or me @lucvfreeman. So please, please, please keep those reviews coming because you want to be top of the podcast charts before Susan orders a top hat and tails but Ed and Emma's big day. Doodaloo, everybody. Bye. Bye-bye. How are Ed and Emma going to afford this wedding? Well, it's going to be all upcycled and a bit kind of... Oh, God, you're right. Of course I'm right. She's going to be dressed in like Peggy's throw off with the Peggy's bag, stained, or tea, stained lace tablecloth or something, isn't she? And they're going to be driven to the church in Bartleby. Oh, no, they can't do that. Not after that's got a bad association, doesn't it? What? Oh, after Crusty clopping through the village. But it's going to be something like that, though, isn't it? They have to. It's all going to be because... And now we're going to have six months of Fallon rubbing things down again. That dad's quite appealing to me, quite appealing. Be rubbing me up, not rubbing me down. I tell you, that's ideal for Ambridge extra. You know, Ambridge late extra, Fallon rubbing things up. Mmm. Have you noticed the poets stopped sending us things? Yes. Why is that? Oh, I don't know. And I'm a little bit sad about that. Does he not love us anymore? But people do go in and fix the starts, don't they? Because mid-missity's kind of trailed off and whatever. But, you know, and dusty senses kind of come in and, you know, cosmos is a stalwart. So, you know, it does go in and fix the starts. But, yeah, out of all of our callers, I'm missing Maeve. Yeah. And I hope she'll be able to call us again soon. Yes. Who else will we miss soon? Miss Elias, but she's always travelling. So, she saves us up and listens to about 14 episodes of the arches and us all in one go. And then gets very disorientated, I would imagine. Who else hasn't run into ages? I don't know. I'm missing. Mm-hmm. Not contrary. Yeah. I'm missing extra to Dormouse. Yeah, god. I think I came up too strong with extra to Dormouse, didn't I? Didn't you just? I think I broke! You don't have my subtlety when, you know, trying to woo. I want to go out, just to subsince his house and cut from her! Yes. Never of no. Just never, never have picked that up. Right. You like her. Yeah. So, not contrary. Are you scared to exit a Dormouse? Which other male listeners have you scared away? Well, no way near the amount of female listeners. Oh, shut up. I'm the only reason why they tune in. I want to download this podcast with my Dulsit tones. My Dulsit can't quite read out what I've written tones. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, there was that woman from New York. The first couple of shows that we did that ran in and she had that lovely American twang. Oh, yeah, yeah. What's happened to her? No, no. Maybe she's gone off us as well. Oh, bloody hell, I hope not. God, what are you doing to our listenership? Why is it me? Whoa, it's not... it's obviously not me. I think people are just saying, "Oh, God, these Lucy monologues going on a bit long, aren't they?" They'd probably just skip your bits and just like, go to... Did you get all the people? These reviews of the week! I think people are just tuning in for my giggle. Yes, but first of all, Richard, actually, you do have a very infectious giggle. Oh, thank you. Fetch the other things as well, but luckily people don't come up. Shut up! There we go again! I'm very careful in that department. The department? Shut up. Mm-hmm. That's short and sweet. Mm-hmm. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game? Well, with the name your price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law, not available in all states. Forging ahead together drives Colorado's pioneering spirit. At Chevron, we donate funding and volunteer thousands of hours in support of the community's we call home. We also employ our neighbors to deliver the energy needed as the state's largest oil and natural gas producer. All to help improve lives in our shared backyard. That's Energy in Progress. Visit Colorado.chefron.com. [BLANK_AUDIO]
Dum Tee Dum Episode 36 – A new Tom love in
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