Ambridge on the Couch

Ed and Fallon; time for a re-run? #TheArchers weekly roundup

Correct version this time! Febreze commentates Cantering Away, and should Alastair be quite so convinced about Denise already?

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Duration:: 59m
Broadcast on:: 11 Aug 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

Love this podcast? Support this show through the supporter feature from Makecast. It's up to you how much you give, and there's no regular commitment. Just hit the link in the show description to support now. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com/Results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com/Results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Welcome to Ambridge on the couch. In depth, look at the arches with me, Harriet Carmichael, Lucy Freeman, Jeff Thomas, Matt Rodriguez-Paine and James Everett. Now, before we make a start on your emails, let's have a recap of what happened this week in Ambridge. This week was brought to you by litter bins and rubbish. It was one of those weeks when every time anyone else was on a part from Emma or George, I was saying, yes, yes, yes, get out of the way and metaphorically peering round people to see what was happening behind them. We began the week at the cricket with Justin, who appeared to have catapulted himself right into the middle of village life. He was bustling about, giving advice, knowing all the village gossip. I'd have thought he'd have spent his Sundays going through the FT drawing loser signs on the forroids of anyone making less money than him. Fallon helpfully told Edge that 40 was 4-0, just in case Ed wasn't aware. Ed was doing a surprise party, unfortunate choice really, as Emma had frankly had enough surprises over the last week. Flushed with her apparent success at the hen party, which we never heard a word about annoyingly, Fallon has gone completely mad and was doing sausage rolls, a cake and rather unusually forcing Ed to dress up as a film character. Ed suggested the shining, so I had hopes of him coming pedalling through the doors in a dress on a little tricycle, but no annoyingly he picked Saturday night fever. Fallon then went completely power-crazed with the choreography and started shouting, "Shake your body, shake it!" while laughing maniacally. Will has suggested George should run the under 60s junior team, just what they need, only under 16s, a depressed thug about to purge her himself, but no, at the last minute, harassment took it on instead, so he could find one presumably to adopt. At the fate meeting, Linda found herself unusually on the back foot in her attempts to inflict her own personal views on a community event as usual, and she nearly fell over, Joy pushed back so hard. Linda was threatened with bins if she didn't behave herself and nobody wants to be on bins at a summer fate, because you spend the day being chased about, feared by furious wasps. Nicely done, Joy. Harassment was on bins when Alice turned up and conveniently, Harassment remembered police rules and that he must not talk to her. When at least one rule went in, it's just odd it was the only one that coincided with not doing what he didn't want to do anyway. In the episode of DIY SOS, John Lane wait for Alister and broke his gate so they could fix it together in an metaphor. Kate offered to help Krusty find a lost photograph by using her special skill. Her special skill seemed to be asking a lot of questions and rummaging for a load of stuff that was nothing to do with her. If that's her special skill, I've got it too. Will and George trailed around the village looking for the birthday girl. Will seemed to have turned to the sort of rural Ray Winston, which was odd, with a very deep, throaty voice. All of them little squirrels running round a plate. Lovely. Will's brilliant idea was let's ignore the fact George is letting someone else go to prison on his behalf and it will all go away and then brought up Nick. Is that part of the plan? Let's cross our fingers and hope George gets sepsis and then we're in the clear. Sadly, Georgie seems to plump for that option too as sepsis would be preferable to trailing round the village leaping skywards every time anyone talked to him. Alice now sounds calm and confident, but the wobbly voice is contagious and now Emma's got it. Their combined genius came up with blaming another hapless bystander Harry, who actually wasn't even standing by. He was miles away being talked to by Uncle Chris. Well, well, well. That's a test for Carter family loyalty, but the way George is behaving, I'd throw him under the bus. I'd say let him spend six months in prison, but thinking about it at the moment, he'd end up sharing a cell with a forage enthusiast imprisoned for nutting a riot shield and God knows how many more unpalatable views one adolescent can hold. The end. Yeah, that's true. He goes to prison now. Yeah. That's just not going to be good. Not a good out conference. He's going to come out with far more unpleasantness than he went in with quite frankly. If there wasn't room before in the prison, there's definitely no room now, so George is fine. Yes. It could be a suspended sentence. It'll be on the house arrest or whatever it was. This is an absolutely perfect time to go and confess all your sins at a police station. Yeah. Go. God really? Shit. Right. Okay. Well, I'll make a note of it. We'll come back to you. What are you doing in 2028? So much happened. I know exactly what you mean this week. Like, oh, no, no, I know it's really important in literature, et cetera. But come on. Where's George? Where's George? I love how any of that was Emma had that voice to it was like, but it was very quite powerful. I thought her. Yeah. Her. I'm at the end of my tether voice. But how anybody can have met or talked to or even looked at Emma in the last week and not thought what the hell is happening to that woman? I mean, I was a bit the talk of the village, you know, because bags under her eyes, hair unwashed and jail every time I knew a talk to her, she went, whoa, yeah, literally her voice changed. Yeah. I mean, suddenly doing the bill junkie wasn't for the best. The best thing was when she turned it on for the party and went, what George, you didn't tell me. How could you all piss off because I was so funny that I had this similar experience on my 40th, although I wasn't carrying a terrible, unshared problem. You just don't want to surprise party. Did you? No, because I just had a baby that had come out of hospital and I just wasn't really wasn't in the mood. And I was so looking forward to not doing anything. And but then when I got went into the restaurant, which I thought I was just going for a put makeup on. Oh. So I then went into the restaurant with Rufus and then into this hot, hot, fat room and everyone's like, surprise. And I just went, Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and then I walked away and it was so embarrassing. I couldn't, I couldn't hide my true feelings and it was awful. And then I had to do it. And everyone was really sad because I was sad. Anyway, but the moral is never, ever do as it look, guys, unless you're going to tell them somehow that you're doing a surprise party, don't do a surprise party. I'd probably, I'd say eight out of ten times the person is just not up for it. I think surprise parties are only fun for the people doing the surprise. Yes, exactly. Not the surprise. Exactly. But also, I thought quite a big surprise in this was the chemistry between Fallon and Ed. Yep. Did she accidentally touch his boot? No, isn't it? What? His boobs. Does he have boobs? Well, he was, well, he was, well, while he was doing that thing that muscle men do with their boobs. Oh, oh, I see. No, no, no, no, but it sounded like he accidentally touched her boob or, you know, and they collided. Right. He sort of spun out of control and I thought he'd accidentally reached out and grabbed a boob. It's a cure for himself by memes and a breasticle. Yes. Well, it, they sounded quite shocked, didn't they? But there was definitely... I'm sorry. I don't know. He just grabbed your chestel area. I didn't mean to my hand slipped. Oh, squishy. They are lovely. Yeah. Because I didn't feel that there was, that was, that was deliberately, and then there, because there was also Will and Emma now sort of sharing this, this boob. Yeah. So I... Well, everyone, when I say everyone saying... Oh, because I'm not on Twitter anymore. I can't see what everyone's saying. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Yep. It's going to, it's going to... Oh, for God's sake. I thought I had an original thought. No such thing. Well, once in my life. Twenty years ago, that would have been an original thought now, not so much. Ed and people are predicting that Ed is going to go bananas when he finds out. Will and Emma are going to canoe to get George off. Ed's going to go nuts, leave, go off with Fallon, just when Harassment thinks that he's got everything sorted with, with Fallon, and then I can see Harassment and Crusty adopting. Oh, that would be lovely. That's actually, that's really nice if Harassment and Crusty get together. They are perfect for each other, aren't they? And I think Fallon and Ed are. Yeah, I do. They are much more fun than Fallon and Harrison. Yeah. Because Ed's got that silliness. I know Harrison's sort of has it a bit, but he's... He's too heavy-handed and prodding, you know. Yeah. That's the thing. He's become a lot more earnest, and what's the word, the thing that Kirsty has as well, which is, you know, for the greater good sort of thing. Yes, worthy. Worthy, that's the one. But when... But when... I was so crossed with Harassment when she was going on about the... Yeah. And he was just sulking. Yeah. He was just like, "I cannot..." Because she was... She was tiptoeing so carefully, wasn't she? Yeah. And she genuinely wanted his opinion about the thing, the charging station, because it was going to have a big impact on them, and he was like, "Whatever. I don't mind. It's your thing." It's your thing. It's like, "You didn't ask me about the baby, so I'm not asking. I'm not..." Just pathetic. And then she was like, "You know, because that thing, like when you decided to go part time and I was really supportive, that thing, do you remember?" And then he was like, "Oh, maybe I should go back full time." So, yes, actually, you probably should, to be honest. What else are you doing? Well, actually, that was stupid, wasn't it, because she said sort of... You know, when you just try to cheer someone up and you... Like, you make some incredible, incredibly stupid offer. Like, if someone's putting you down... Oh, I'll have your children to live with me for the next two years. I know. And just to make you feel good about yourself. And they go, "Oh, that's really lovely of you." But, you know, it's like... But then that's what happens when the other person goes, "Brilliant, when?" You know, you're like... You never think it's going to happen. I've done exactly that. It's coming up in a couple of days. And now I'm like, "I'm stuck." And I've got like seven kids again. All the day, why do you do it? No, because you just throw it out there. It's sort of like... Because at the time as well, you genuinely do want to help. It's just when the day comes. And also you want to have a nice, rosy picture of yourself as I'm the sort of person that does that. Only, unfortunately, you're the sort of person that takes me up on it, which is not part of the plan. Also, people are so used to seeing me with like six children in a row. Yeah. They're just sort of like... Oh, you know, like a couple. A couple more. No, of course not. No, it's just different things. I can be horrible to my own children. I can't be horrible to yours. Yes, so... Oh, so I wasn't the only one that thought that. Never mind. But no, in fact, if they could just hurry up and get on with that. Although, Emma, if Emma's with Will, I don't think Emma could stay with Will. No. Because he'd drag her down. Yeah. Now, he's got his new walkies digging stuff. I can foresee, in Emma's future, I'm doing wiggly fingers like a crystal ball unfortunately. Okay, good. She is going to end up very, very rich in the village. She's going to end up marrying somebody or developing a massive company herself or something. She's going to end up. She's going to be like a lilyard. This is a special woman. Yes, that'd be great. Yeah. Well, it might mean that she has to buy Ed out of that. Because she's the one that's much more into the lopping trees. Yeah. Yeah, he just seems slightly confused by the whole thing really, isn't he? And a bit scared. Emma... I've wet myself again. I've wet myself again. Oh, hey, stay down there. I'll do it. That would be great, wouldn't it? Yes. She takes... No, no, I... Well, because she's much more busy. Yeah. It seems to me... It's funny, actually. Sometimes they play Emma as super sharp and intelligent. And other times, they... You know, like when she was with Fallon recently and being all gossipy and... Yeah. It's strange how they sometimes forget. But I like the direction... But that's like Susan, isn't it? Yeah. Because Susan has her moments when she's all too wet. Yeah. And she doesn't think about the emotional impact of any of this on anybody. Yeah. And then some days she can be really, you know, kind, like she was with Alice and all that. Yeah. Emma is smart and she's doing her GCSE again and... Yeah. And she'll be learning a lot. Yeah. Like if you're in your own business, oh my God, you learn a lot, don't you? Yeah. About like tax and stuff, Lucy. Yeah. You know you have to pay it? This is mad. Dude, you do. No. No. No. You want to see my friend said you don't? So I haven't. Anyway. Your friend who lives in the Bahamas. Yeah. Er... I don't know if I'm sound... If I'm just bitter and twisted and romantic. But... Your... None of them things. None of them. Erm... Alice Tefil seems very, very sure that Denise is absolutely the woman with whom he was spent. Yeah. The rest of his natural born days having spent, at the most, a week with her. They've done one night in a hotel. No. It went away on that training thing, didn't they? Oh, right. Recently. Mm. I missed that. No, I totally agree. When Paul was like, well, not Paul. What's the dad? The dad. John. When John said, erm... No, no, no. Think about it. Are you completely... Mm. Basically, are you going to live with the rest of your life? And Alice there was like, yes. She is, you know, the love of my life. We're going to be together forever. I thought the same. I thought, why are you... Hey, it's sort of none of John's business. I mean... Yes. You just say, I love her very... You know, you don't have to commit to... Living the rest of your life with her. And I thought the same. I thought, well, they haven't even started living together yet. Their relationship is still mostly at work. Yeah. As far as I can tell. Yeah. And that's very different to... Yeah. To not be able to work with someone. Yeah. You don't have somebody who stacks the dishwasher. Exactly. For instance. And how lazy they are when they're at home. Taking an example at random because the only thing that Jeff and I argue about is the dishwasher. Do you always suck it? No. No, we take it in turns. He says, I put it on when it's not full enough. And I say he jams it so full, nothing can get clean. Oh, that's interesting. And I also put things in the dishwasher that apparently shouldn't go in there. But in my view, everything should go in there, including the dog, the cat and the children. Yeah. So I'm sorry. If something says it's not going in the dishwasher, well, either you take the risk and it smashes or you just never ever use it for the rest of your life. Yes. It's like having dry clean only clothes. You dry clean them twice, then go sod this for a game of sod. You go after you've gone, how much you then put it on delicate swash, which doesn't get anything out. And also the thing shrinks. Oh no. But you still feel that you've beaten the man somehow. I do anyway. And then you never wear it again because it's too small. Yes. And the armpits still sell. And it's crumpled and the lining is shrunk or the lining hasn't shrunk but everything else has. That's... It is. Yeah, but not... Household tips with average on the cat. It's all... Well, I tell you what... I take it as a challenge. I take it as a challenge in the microwave. I clean only and not dishwasher safe. I take it as a challenge. Although I would suggest don't put stuff in the... You know, like bowls that say not microwave safe. Yes, that could be. But you're never going to read the back of the bowl before you put it in the microwave. And the other way you're going to find out is by trying... Or burning your fingers. Yes. Because it makes it so hot that when you take it out you completely burn your fingers. Yes. And then it cracks. Yes. And so that really is. Don't put it in the microwave. Yes. But in that case, don't do what I do and always buy cheap bowls from weight shows. Because none of them are microwave safe, guys. Just FYI. But yes. So Denise and Malice still will have a... We're having these kind of conversations. Denise, darling. I'm... Can I just put the bread knife in there? I mean, I personally... I mean, I don't mind washing it. I don't mind washing it. Don't put this in there! And if we honestly... Oh, you need a little rinse. It's just bread. So you only have bread on it. No, nothing greasy. Can I just... Oh, you did cut it. You cut lettuce with it. You cut lettuce with the bread. Okay. No, it's interesting. It's fine. It's fine. That basically is cutting lettuce with it is washing it. You're just slicing it through water. Just water. Held together with a few cells and chlorophyll or something. Yes. You're so good at science. Can I just... This is a very pressing question on the dishwasher. Does... Because my... My beef is... I actually... I rate myself as a very, very good dishwasher stacker because I take my time. Okay. Whereas Rufus just puts everything in willy-nilly. Right. And therefore doesn't make room for... Because if you stack it beautifully, they've got room for everything. Yes. Maybe you just... Like they show you on the brochures or on the adverts. Yes. Because there's a place for everything in the dishwasher. And if you put the places... It's not a ramping board wonky across the top. No. Or just a bowl that's like in the middle of two plates. In the cup bits. Yeah. Oh yeah. Don't put the bowls in the cup spits. And don't put the cups in the plate spits. But you see, that is my... I find that very irritating. Yeah. It just takes... It just takes a bit of thought. Don't just shove it in. Anyway. I think... Fit like sex. Bit of thought. Don't just shove it in. Don't put your willy-nilly where it's not wanted. Go! Don't put your willy-nilly when it goes. Anyway. So yes. Exactly. That just sums up the sex life of... No. Yes. Yes. Gonna be not... I think all is not gonna be quite so rosy in the future, is it? No. But it can't possibly be. And he's got... He's just got... But the gate... The gate was hilarious. Yeah. Book my gate now. I actually do... I still like John. I liked the fact that he was sort of... Because even... I thought the fact he was vulnerable at the end. But at the beginning he was so angry. Yeah. And then Alistair sort of went, "John, oh John!" And it was sort of like... I think that... I admired the writing in that episode because I thought it was quite truthful. And that actually... It was a war between... You start of... Oh, was it? All right, really? Yeah. And they didn't repeat their names. No. And there was much less... That was a sentence. Funny, funny. Apart from Linda being put on bins. Linda... Linda... Kirsty... Yeah, that was funny. Yeah, that was funny. And I like the... That's proper arches, isn't it? Yeah. But now the little conspiracy between Kirsty and Lillian... Yes. In the fight. Yes. So I'll just leave that with your darling. Anyway, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Darling, a date massive. Come here, darling. Oh! Oh, no, sorry. That was joy, not Kirsty. Oh! Oh! Yeah, that was good. I enjoyed that. Yes. I don't care what happens, whether it's a success or not. Well, actually, I thought I probably would opt for the scenic route if you're going on a horse. Yes, I would, totally. Yes, be lovely. Yeah. Horse ride to the next bit is... Yeah. Well, why don't they just do it all together in... Oh, I don't know. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's going to be awful. And it doesn't matter. It's such a cue. It's made a good sketch this week, so, you know, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. And it's called "Canturing on" which I really like. Yeah. But the cues for getting to... But you guys, I suppose you could walk. Yeah. I mean, is any in the village, isn't it? Yes, yes. Anyway, anyway. Yes, they are treating it like it's sort of a transpennine way. Maybe it'll become... Oh, I know. ...become something more permanent in the village, and they'll decide they need a cable car. Oh, public transport, do you? Oh, don't talk to me about rural public transport, darling! Oh, dear. No, I don't know. I mean, I don't live in a village, but my brother does. And there's a bus stop, but there's no bus. No. No bus. And, you know, he has teenage kids now that come and can't go and play football and... Yeah, anyway. Whatever. This is terrible, darling! It's a shame, though, isn't it? It's a shame. It is. If you don't have a bus and you're a kid and you're in a village and you can't get to the town to do leisurely activities. Well, here, there are buses and there's also a train, but they're thinking of reducing or cancelling the train service. No. And there's also, it sounds ridiculous, but because we're on little mountain roads, there's no pavement. So people can't even walk. Oh, do you see? Don't you talk to me about... No, there's no pavement in my brother's village. No. There's no... because the pavement was, because there's a stream that runs through it. And the pavement was on the other side of the stream, but now the houses that are on that side of the stream, that has become part of their property, whereas originally that was a rite of... Well, it was the pavement, wasn't it, I guess. And now there's no pavement, and the cars go at 30 miles an hour, and... Yeah. Yeah, and you're just, if you're walking, then you're sort of taking your life in your hands. Yeah. But it's terrible not to have a pavement, but I suppose on a mountain road, you can't... And what annoys me is all these people going, "Oh, kids, they don't do anything. They don't go out. I was out playing football." And you think, "Yeah, because you could walk everywhere." Or you had buses or whatever. Yeah. Now, it's like you've got to ask your parents to drive you. Yeah. Everywhere. Yeah, but it's just terrible, actually. And now I was saying to my nephew, he's so lucky, because his mum takes him to his football clubs and things, but if she didn't do that, or she didn't have a car, if they only had one car in the family, then that wouldn't happen. And he wouldn't have the opportunity to do the training that his friends do. Well, it's really interesting in terms of sustainability and everything. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It sounded like Kresty. My... Larry Lee Harrison. My kids, and I was talking to a friend of mine who lives in San Francisco. And he said, "None of his children, and none of their friends who are all sort of early 20s, can drive." Because they say, "Why would I? There is Uber." Right. Very expensive, and I'm never going to have a car anyway, and you can't park it. Yeah. And what is point? Whereas here, the first thing kids do, the second they hit 16, they're signing up for, because they have to. Yeah, totally. Freedom. Yeah. Freedom. And then, apparently, drink driving is on the rise, isn't it? Oh, God, is it? Yeah, bit of a worry on country roads, isn't it? Yeah, I heard it is. Is it on the rise of the first time in 15 years or something? They're the old giffers that used to drink, and I've tried what I've had to drink. They're all dead now. Yeah. Crushed like cars. Ditches. Anyway, now we've solved the rural crisis. Well, we're talking about- My face, guys, is just come and live in London. There's lots of public transport, and it's very reliable. It's a nice house to rent now, as well. Okay, this is from Neil, who's talking about village shows. Yeah. Things. He says, "I haven't written in for ages, but have been prompted by Harriet saying she was in The New Forest last week and wondered whether she'd been to The New Forest Show." Oh, no. It was my first visit, but my girlfriend has been going for years. She already barely tolerates my obsession with the archers, but she almost broke up with me on the spot when witnessing my excitement of seeing an actual texel in real life. I think I'd be excited, too. Oh. There we go. Hello. We're still there. Oh. Have you pulled your thing out? Yeah. Oh, no. It's back again. I wasn't. He said, "It actually really was a great day out, and the perfect event for any archers found to drift into experiencing Ambridge life and imagining that you're about to bump into David or Ed." He says, "P.S., my money is on Georgie doing a runner after Emma spills the beans." Yes. I think that's exactly what's going to happen. Well, I can't see what else they're going to do. No. Exactly. Well, no, no. I think they are Emma and Will are going to collide. Collab. Collude. Collude. Collude. That's the one. For a while. Yeah. Because there's going to be a bit of, but, yes, then the only option is George runs. But when is the... Oh, no. Hang on, actually. No. Actually, I think you have a good point, because I'd forgotten Chris and Harry, were they together that night? Yeah. Did you remember? But we couldn't work out, because for no reason, Susan suddenly said, "And I'm coming with you." And I thought, "Why are you going with him?" He said, "Right, I'm going to go and see Harry." And she said, "And I'm coming with you." Yes. Yes, yes. Which just seemed completely peculiar. Oh, okay. But so now there's two people. She can alibi Chris that he was with... Yeah. Yeah. And Harry. And Harry. And Harry. Will alibi Chris and say, "Yes, he was here." I mean, Chris will alibi Harry to say he was with me. I was with him. But then Chris has got to then bust his own nephews, you know, alibi, his own... Which he will, for Alice, but then that is very significant then, isn't it, that happened on the same night? Yeah. And so it might well end up in court. Yeah. I don't know, but clearly, that's clearly George is going to say he is going to lie to the police now, isn't he, and say, "I saw someone that looked like Harry." Yeah, he is. And then... I didn't see his face, but he just kept saying, "Alice, Alice, Alice and then leaving long pauses," and saying it again. Laurie Dudley, who says, "Am I the only one who found himself crying?" on the Elizabeth line this week at the apotheosis of Roy. I had thought his Zoom call was our final goodbye, so it was lovely to hear him celebrated again. That was really nice, I think. I agree. I really loved that episode. And they did it so... And they did it so... So gently and funnily. Yeah, it was really, really sweet, and I actually, I loved all the memories. Yeah. And then they did it again. Well, they didn't, but they mentioned it, didn't they, and then I can't remember what they said the next episode and he said, "Oh, we love, we love Roy." Yeah. It was, there was a few... It was still nice to think of him at the centre of the village. Yes, that was it. At the heart of the village. Yeah, yeah. It was really, really, really great. He must have been a very popular cast member, I should think, for them, because they kept saying how much we all think of him or something, or, you know, and it was very clear it was the actors talking as well as the characters. Yes. I loved it when they went and came and... Elizabeth! She's quite self-aware Kate, in some respects. Yeah. So when she said, "Oh, he's some books, but boxes of memories about people he really loves and Kate went, "What, me?" Yeah. Yeah. The idea that you today have nothing but horrendous memories of Kate. Yes, no, Laurie, you were, I got a bit, as well, he says elsewhere, "George's plan to frame Harry, with which I fear William and Emma will play along, is of course doomed to fail, as Christopher, and come to think of it Susan, drove to see him, and know he has an alibi." Yes. Ah. The synopsis in a few weeks mention a surprise visitor. Could it be Uncle Clive coming to take a chip off the old block under his wing? Ooh, that's a good thought. Incidentally, I can imagine nothing better than spending a year in your village making a family tree. What's the fee? Laurie, it is far, it would take far longer than a year, I tell you. So what are you doing? No, we were saying, I think, no, Jeff was saying. He said, we were talking about somebody in the village, and he said, "Who's that?" And I said, "Oh, it's somebody's neighbor's brother-in-law's sister." And he said, "Oh my God, can we get Laurie to do a book of, you know, like he did for Jeff when Jeff first started listening in the arches, just of what that, you know, who the hell everyone is." Yes. Right, this, ah, hang on, this is Andrew Horn, who says, "We are all supposed to pick up on the Fallon Ed versus Fallon Harrison chemistry." Oh, God, I just can't, I just literally can't believe it. I just, I'll never be clever when it comes, I'll never be clever, A. I'll never be never be clever when it comes to the arches. He's headed his thing, merry-go-round. He's headed his email, merry-go-round, he said, "I think Ed and Fallon will have an ill-advised stab when Ed finds out Emma has been keeping that secret from him. It will blow his trust and they will be drunk and bumping of uglies, lots of remorse, and they will go back to their marital beds to patch things up." Oh, okay. Yep. Could happen that. Yep. Yep. Because something just feels a bit, kind of, um... Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my hundredth mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know, honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim-blaming here. Give it a try at midmobile.com/switch, whatever you're ready. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of CD-Tails. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man, then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friend still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get a hundred dollar credit on your next ad campaign. Go to LinkedIn.com/results to claim your credit. That's LinkedIn.com/results. In terms and conditions apply, LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Between Harrison and Fallon, yeah, that something's building up to a, you know, a massive row or something, something that tension's got to pop. Whenever they're getting on with each other, something happens and it reminds them that there's still an massive issue. Kate Lyle is taking issue with everybody being sympathetic towards Georgie and said, "I hate that everyone is forgetting what a vile misogynist bully George is." Well, I have to say Kate, yesterday's episode, when he was so horrible to Emma, I lost sympathy with him again and I thought, "Good, I hope you get bumped up." Yeah, exactly. Did you notice Will doing that weird thing, by the way? Was he just, if you thought he'd just had to be about to saw Fred or something? I, I, he was very shocked. Well, I just think ever since he's got that walking stick, he's got his staff now. He's, I don't know what, yes, he's doing that thing that people do, which is getting old before their time. Right. I didn't really notice, I was just so, I loved, I liked Emma's tired voice so much. I didn't really clock Will, but I think... What? Huh? Yeah. No, Georgie. I can't do it. I can't get a zig around my own. Hey, Mary, tea room's on fire. What's wrong? Nothing. Oh, all right, then fine. I've got to finish this essay. I don't really notice Will's voice, but I, but he always sounds a bit hapless, doesn't he? And also, he talks to George as if he sits. Yes, yes, that's, that's exactly right. He exact, yeah, he is, he, he can't have a sort of adult to adult conversation with George. It's like when, when... Maybe it's a rest of development because of when he left George. Yeah. He thinks of him in that, but when he bought, when George bought that bloody plate, which sounded horrible with squirrels scampering all over. - Unless it was like one of those, you know, those Beatrix Potter ones were screwing up, Kenon. - Yeah, I know that you wouldn't buy that, you'd buy that for a, a christening present for a baby, you're not for a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a Harris mother of eight. - I have buy a nice copy of "Pride and Prejudice." - Yeah. (laughs) - It's just on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But it's, it was, he was talking to, he was talking to George as if it was something he'd made in preschool. - Yeah. - It's a, it's lovely, that ain't it, Georgey, with the, - Oh, the squirrels. - Is that a little squirrel you've done there? - Yeah. - You picked it all himself, didn't you? - Didn't you, Georgey? - Yeah, I picked it all myself. - That was even the fact it had to be sort of like, oh, little, little Georgey's got you on me. Are you gonna open it? - Yeah, that was all very weird. - I liked it whenever, it was like, oh, he just let yourself send it, yeah. - Yeah. - Might just have had hope. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh dear. - Yes, Will cannot be, yeah, he can't, I don't know, he's just so indulgent with Georgey. - There's many things in the human adult world that Will can't do, and that's definitely one of them, isn't it? - Oh, Paul, Will. If only Nick could stayed alive for him. - Well, I don't know, because Will and George, Nick and George definitely didn't get on. - Yes, that's true. - That would only have made things worse, wouldn't it? - Yeah, that's very true. - Well, do you know, she might have straightened him out, to be honest. She might have made Will see sense, and anyway, one of us. - We have this. ♪ Joy, joy, joy, joy ♪ - Joy. - This is from Anne in Ottawa, who says, "When Joy first appeared, I was not a fan, "as she seemed to be the sort of neighbour "who goes out of your way to be friendly. "But she's grown on me, and today, at least, "is my favourite character ever. "Someone finally stood up to Linda, "and Lillia stood up to Justin. "Not for the first time, I know, "but it was wonderful, in tandem with Joy." - Yeah. - Yes, there was a lot of standing up, wasn't there? - Yeah. - Standing up to people. Her ratio was convinced that Alice was drunk when she turned up at the stables. - No. - But I don't think she was. - I think she's also trying so hard to do a serious voice, or I am very composed and sane. - And I know the time in a world of shit, but I'm just going to crack on, yeah. - So sometimes it might sound like she's trying too hard, and therefore she is drunk, but no, she's definitely sober at the moment, isn't she? - Yes. - But I do really like her attitude to sort of like, I'm having my job back now at the stables, because like, you've, you know, I know we all have to be super sympathetic to her, but she left them in her eye, or pickle, by just, you know, having to just, you know, be drunk and then go. So I feel like she actually, I didn't really like her defensiveness, and well, I am coming back, and-- - Yes. - I didn't really, I think I would probably have been a bit more, thank you so much for, you know, I sort of left you in the shit, and you know, and you've dealt with that crisis all by yourself, and I feel so terrible about it, and I'd love my job back, but-- - Do you think she's overcompensating, though? - No, I think she's just sort of being like, now I'm back and I'm ready, and I'm going to, you know, no, I think she thinks she's sort of like, well, I'm back now and I'm better, and I'm not going to let Justin decide what my future is. Yeah, I don't know, I just didn't really like her attitude in that moment. - I didn't like it, but I could understand it, okay. - But I can also understand Justin's attitude, which is, you know, like, is this going to happen again? - Yes. - And it's quite messy for the-- - Yeah, especially when the stables are just recovered from-- - But exactly, yeah. - A totally devastating sort of thing that could have collapsed, isn't it? - Yeah, and, you know, Justin had got outside to rely on-- (laughing) - And Justin had a point in that, you know, he was like, would Will parents want their-- - Yeah. - No, anyway, no, but I understand why Justin is saying, you know, children might, you know, parents might not want their kids to-- - Yeah. - Be around her. - Yeah. - And also, you know, there's-- - It's a dangerous environment. It sounds daft to say, you know, a stables is a dangerous environment when it's a little kid's problem. - It is. - But so many people get injured and thrown and bad backs and, you know-- - Yeah, you can't be half cut looking after a horse. - No. - And also, the animals can often smell booze and react oddly to it. - Yes, or they will probably notice the change in heart. But, you know, anyway. - Yes. Right, now we're going to do, what are we going to do? We're going to do this. Are we going to do what the hell is happening here? - Yeah. ♪ What the hell is happening? ♪ ♪ What the hell is happening? ♪ - Right, do you remember last week? - No. - It was Little Rory in the garden. - Oh, yes. - Weeding for Auntie Lillian. And apparently, according to Jimmy Jams, he says, I was completely wrong. In last week's clip, Rory was helping Lillian in her garden to save up money to buy one of Eddie's dog statues after the farm dog passed away. So I was, I think that the thing that I was remembering was Rory really wanting to do something nice for the family because he was trying to sort of fit in. And Jennifer, I thought Jennifer had supported him, but actually, Jams said that Jennifer thought that the statue was awful and wouldn't buy it for him, but after finding out what Rory wanted the money for, Lillian paid Rory handsomely for his gardening just to annoy her sister. That sounds excellent. - Oh, cute. - Yeah, no, I do remember, 'cause I remember it was, you know, you could imagine what Eddie's statues and gnomes and things alike, can't you? You see them at the... - Really up Jennifer's taste, don't it? - No, no. - Is it Apollo? - No, it's gnomes, it's trousers down. You see them at the worst kinds of garden centers, don't you? Right, so this is this week's. What is it? - Good. - Come on, Ocean! - No chance, look at William's wriggle action. - Come on! - Jeff Ranks was in Stephen's belly and they're trying to recover from that. - Come on, what's he catching up? - Yeah, come on. - Come on, Amy, I haven't got the sleeping bag zip code. - Things could be looking very different. - Oh, come on, Harry, go, the phone! - It's not even dignified, isn't it? Riggling along the ground like that. - You thought of it as very funny, y'all. - That's a very true shot! Look, look, look, look, Amy, I can come on. - And just look at Freddie Potted up of the stables, he's really found his action. - This is a tatani battle of about... - I don't know what to see Freddie funding is actually, in or out of a sleeping bag. Surely that would have been Elizabeth's, you know. - Well, that was, was it that she brought action in sleeping bags, is right up Elizabeth's street. - Oh, I'm so tired, though, because I had a night with Roy. That actually wasn't Kenton on the microphone. It was Alan, wasn't it? - No, it was Kenton. - Was it? - Yeah. - At the end, I thought, oh, it's Alan. - No, but that was not the megaphone. That was just Alan shouting, come on! - Oh, okay, okay. - Yes. - That... - I thought, I don't... - Was it? - Was it? - Yeah, but I don't. - I don't remember that episode. That sounded really fun. - Must have been a St. Stephen's fate or fun day, so. - Yeah, yeah. - And was it Amy before she left? Yeah, but was Amy in her first sort of... - Iteration. - Proper visit to Ambridge. - Yes, I think so, yes. - Yeah. - Yeah, 'cause I don't remember that episode, so I think it must have been... - Well, Lucia was mentioned, so it must have been 20 years ago, yeah. - Yeah, I think that probably is 15 years old. - Do you think, oh, she will re... Oh! - What? - Oh, I've had a think, I have. - Oh, yeah. - You know the new person. - Will... - What? - What? - No, she will represent someone. - Yeah, no, I think Anna Trigorin will. - Oh! - She'll come back and she'll represent Ed. I mean, Georgie. - Oh, and Alice, she'll represent Alice. - And then that will sow seeds between Pipp and Stella as well. - Oh my God, you're obsessed. You're obsessed. (laughing) - Isn't Anna Trigorin quite a lot older than Stella? Is she in her 60s? - What? - No, that's Carol Trigorin. - Yeah, but I think Anna is quite old, isn't she? - Yeah, she represents it. - Oh, two? - She was for Helen. - Yeah, no, I think older than that. - Really, she's got very low voices, isn't she? - Well, not that that means anything. Okay, no, I think she's well into her 50s. - Oh. - 'Cause, well, Carol must be into her 90s. - Yeah. - So I think she's probably pretty old. - Damn it. - Yeah, but it doesn't mean that she's clearly still in there. I sort of imagine her, like, who's that really attractive lady with the blonde hair who was in "Not Queer Eye". Not Queer as folk. The other one with, you know, the Irish guy. And then it came back. - Oh, god. - Hermione Norris. - Oh, yes. - Yes, quite sort of muscular face. - Yeah, and terribly attractive. And she's probably into her face. - I think she looks like a duck face on four weddings. - Oh, right. Yes, actually, that's a better shower. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - It's awful, isn't it? - She's spent a whole career big, okay? - Duck face, you have your whole career big duck face. (laughing) - What's she, what are you thinking of? - Um, with James Nesbitt, Hermione Norris. - Oh, yes. - In your bar first. What was it? What was it called? It's not queer as folk. - Cool. - It's a similar thing. - Yes. - I have a look. I have to, it's gonna bug me. Cold feet. - Cold feet, that's the one, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then they bought it back. Yes, anyway, okay, that's a good prediction. - Yeah, come on. People listen to this. It must be tuning into an even tied home. Anyway, right, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yes, so Barbara Williams said, 'cause she was talking about what the hell is happening here when it was little Rory. She said it was interesting to hear young Rory on what the hell is happening here. Do you remember when he first turned up in Ambrage, he had a strong Irish accent, which was odd, as he'd been living in Germany with his mother and Jitter. My mother had a strong county Durham accent, but I never copied her way of speaking, grew up speaking fluent Croydon, admittedly with grammar school overtones. Any chance James can find a clip? - Oh, that would be good. - Thank you, Barbara. James, if you're still, if you're still listening, we need little, little Rory speaking. - Speak to Rory. But then did you teach the actor? Then the actor must have changed then. Because the end, because that was very RP actor. - Yeah. - I don't remember him being super, super little, actually. Oh, I'd quite like to hear it when he first came back. - My friend's little girl was born in LA and lived there 'til she was six and American as anything. And she came back here and two months later, she was speaking like this. - Oh, that's so funny. - Two months in Chichester, and it knocked it right out of front. (laughing) - I'm not surprised. Yeah, but children adapt so quickly to their new surroundings, so it's incredible how they believe that. - They're like chameleons, and it's like code-switching, isn't it? They just go into whatever, what's going to be acceptable to the rest of the group? Right, I'll do that then. - That is so, yes, exactly. What's gonna make me more popular? - Yeah, well, just not, what's gonna make me not different. - Yes, yeah, yeah, that's very interesting. - No, but it was so quick, it was incredible. - Yeah, that's amazing. - Right, this is from Richard Keeling, who says, "Not really plot-related as it all seems "to be ticking along nicely. "I'm assuming the net will close in "on Georgy this evening for a lovely Friday cliffhanger. "How wrong you are, Richard. "Ready for him to share a prison cell "with the grey man and Matty. "Who am I kidding? "We'll probably never hear anything "about the crash ever again now." Now, he says, "I'm emailing as a few weeks ago, "Matte's theme included some Morse code at the beginning. "I spent the first half of the England euro final "trying to work out what the Morse code was. "It was a lot more entertaining than the football. "Did I miss the big reveal? "Can you please remind me or put me out of my misery?" Well, Richard, I can reveal. Dot-dash, dot-dot-dash. That it was archers. It spelled out archers. - Ah, very clever Matte. - Of course it did. - Of course it did. So there you go, Richard. You could have watched the football after all, although, as you said, it was a bit dull. - Yes. - Now, we are going over to cantering away, slash the fate, to find out what's going on this weekend. - That's added sound effects in the end. - Thank you. - If you want us to fade out of that. (upbeat music) - And I said to him, there is no way I am doing that. Not with my fact, the way it is. And anyway, I am just entirely grounded. And they say, what? What's telling me? It just turned on yet. Oh, for now. Hello, hello. This is me, Fabrizio, Fabrizio. Looking like I have just stepped out of this salon, because I have, except you cannot see me. Sadly, as I am in very hot tin port cabin, called commentary box. Anyway, you can take my word. I am look very style. And I've gone for traditional cowboy look, like Beyonce, but not as conservative and very slim. Anyway, welcome to countering on at the fate. Is that right? That is not a very good name. Can't a fate? Fattering on. Carry on. Fating. I will be your host for this very delightful and potentially confused event. It's take place across two sides. It's say here. What is this village green? What is covered in duck-bread crumbs and dog poo? And one act destabil. I have with me Joy Orville and Lilia Bellamy, all popped in to explain how this shambles will work. Hello, everyone. Now, if you'd like to visit the two sides, we've got the Gleason twins ferrying people in a sedan chair. Well done, boys. Carry on. Marvelous for 75, aren't they? Don't worry, there's a defibrillator outside the village hall. You'll be fine if you make it that far. Oh, dear. I will be getting executive Uber with choice of and sanitizer in Glala Cop part. So let's look down the itinerary list of what is all. There is welly one in 11 Februarys. What is that? I do not have a welly. And I would not throw out a whang if I won't throw it. You just throw it far as you can. And the winner wins the welly, which is a clever marketing rules, as then you've got to have another goal to win the other one, as one when he's no good to anyone. Well, then, shoot throwing. OK, there is shoot throwing at 11 o'clock. And that's 12 o'clock. Don the vicar. Is he Chinese? Oh, no. Don't the vicar. Oh, there is beer tent. Where is Prosecco Markey? Oh, please, there must be. The bull is very kindly provided a beer tent with bottle deals. 68 gallons of that red wool beer. There was a one-hit wonder. All the leftover scruff chin and an electric fence. What is that for? To keep all this out. We thought it was best. I caught a licking of saddle soap yesterday. We've also got a candy floss slush do not pop on machine. Machines, you mean? No, it's just one. Very much a luxury what you end up with. A tasty and colorful. Look, little Jack's just got away from Helen and had one. Look at him go. I'm sure the twitch will ease off when he's got it out of his system. Well, a quick burst around the stable's obstacle course will sort him right out. Through the inflatable shoe hept in Lloyd, hurdle the disinfectant tanks, and a quick test for straggles on your way out. I think it's lovely this. A real testament to all the English village traditions. Oh, yes. A warm beer, terrible food, and throwing things. Oh, don't be so critical, Babrieze. I've got a special treat for you. You won't need your Uber to get to the stable's. I've lined up Chris Carter to give you a piggy bath. Oh, I love this for me. Chris, a Chrissy, saddle up, oh, Tally Ho. [MUSIC PLAYING] Hang on. Hang on. A canter would be this. Yeah, hang on. Oh, can't do it. I can do a trot. I can't do a canter or a gallop. My tongue won't move that quickly. I don't want you to know. Stop it. God. So that's it. Thanks, Lucy. Your predictions for next week. Ed and Fallon, warm embrace. No, that's-- no, no, no. It won't be next week. I think there'll be a little bit of Ed going to Fallon and saying, I don't understand what's going on. There might be a few more heart to hearts. Maybe Fallon will open up about Harrison a bit. More litter. Oh, good. You could never say-- Too much rubbish in one episode of the "Arches." I loved it when Harrison was like, come on, let's go and pick up the litter. And then Fallon was so cross, and she went, oh, I never said I was actually going to do it. I was with her. Let someone else do it. That's a bad, bad thing, bad. So more lit. More Georgie. I think he will start saying I saw Harry. Harry was there. Yeah, because he's just desperate, isn't he? He's going to leap onto anything that makes even the slightest bit of sense. And then Chris is going to have to choose between telling the truth to harassment or backing up a false alibi in order to save his-- No, I think he'll-- Well, no, he can't, because he's got to choose then between his nephew and his ex-wife, who he still loves. And ultimately his daughter, he's definitely not good. There's no way he would decide with Alice in this, because he'd-- I'm sure he can't like George, particularly. No. What's your prediction? That, what do you said, I agree? Yeah, more of that. What's exciting? It is. Yeah, it's good. It's really cracking, really cracking. And it touches. Well done. That matches. And now we have Matt's bit, and he's attached. He just says casually, I attach a Mozart piano sonata. Of course you do, Matt. We've all done it. I hope you like it, he says. Of course we will. For musical geek corner, which you and Harriet have previously shown a fondness for, the term sonata has many different meanings in music. Oh, can I say one? I've got my hand up. Yes, yes, does it come from to dream? Or to sing? I don't think so. Sonare. Oh, well, it must do then. But anyway, Matt says this piece being the first of a three movement piece for solo piano, which Mozart described as four beginners. I personally think he was taking the piss with this description, Matt says. Piano sonata's grew in popularity as more people could afford to buy a piano. Therefore, more music was written for it to provide entertainment in the home. Christ, I'm such a nerd, he says. [LAUGHS] Sorry, I was just looking at it. I couldn't remember my Italian. OK. Sorry, sonare is to dream. Sonare is to sound. Ah, OK. So it's just a sound. A sound. But yes, isn't that interesting? I missed all of that because I was on Google. God. Right, pay attention this time. OK. OK. Mozart described this as four beginners, which Matt thinks he was taking the piss with this description. Piano sonata's grew in popularity as more people could afford to buy a piano. Therefore, more music was written for it to provide entertainment in the home. Oh, that's nice. And then Matt says, Christ, I'm such a nerd. Which isn't, he's just-- I don't know. No, we love-- that sort of history is on the map. No, he is on the map. Right up our street, social history. It is. Thank you, Matt. It's very nice. Thank God. Right, so we'll plan out Sonata anyway. With this piece, four beginners. Ha, ha, ha. So bye-bye, everybody. Bye, Harriet. Harriet is away on her jollies for the next three weeks. For at least five, I think. Plus, yeah. Next week I'm in Bogner. Next weekend. Are you? Then the week-- well, yeah. I'm in Bogner because I'm picking up my daughter and then seeing family, et cetera. OK. And then the week after that, hopefully we're going on a holiday. Ooh. And then the week after that, you are as well. Well, we should be coming back. But can you just hold that thought? Yeah, I don't know what it could be. Anything could happen. Yeah. Basically, I'll see you on a seer. OK. It's like getting and relaxing when I try to do a weekie podcast. Berlin, thank you. Thanks, Jeff. Bye. Oh, no. Yeah, I'll definitely see you in a couple of weeks and a half. OK. Play out with Mozart while I go to play Harriet's diary with my head in my hands. Oh, my God. When I'm back, George-- oh, it'll all have kicked off me. I'll be-- I'm going to be so annoyed because I'm going to be listening desperate to talk to you about it. Well, you can chip in and leave voice-- you can do me voice messages and I'll play them in with you going, no! [LAUGHS] Or with the C in the background. Or unlikely. I said that would happen. But anyway, because it never happens as we think it's going to. But anyway, thank you very much, script writers, because this-- as I said on Twitter, you are having a hot girl summer, all of your own. It is fantastic at the moment. And I'm loving it. I can't believe you're still on Twitter. I'm glad you are. I haven't had to cringe myself inside out for weeks now, apart from that drunken scene. Let's just keep moving. Skipping lightly over that. No, we-- that's all forgotten. Yes, OK. All gone. OK, so here's Mozart, and there goes us. Bye! Goodbye. [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] [MUSIC PLAYING] Oh, I loved that. I did. It kept reminding me of the James Harriet theme. It's also what they always play on "Pride and Prejudice" and stuff. They're doing little tinkles. And my sister used to play that. And we used to sing, because I think it has words. It sounds like, "There, there is some old forgotten nook. There, there, there, there, there, there." We used to sing along to it. We had some words somehow. Oh. You like the Von Traps, you're funny. Oh, we were. We were. Not anymore. How often were you beaten up by other children? Yes, quite often. I was so annoying. Can you believe it? [LAUGHTER] Yes, frankly. [LAUGHTER] Trouble is, I see it in my children, too. And I'm like, "No, no, don't, don't be mummy." [LAUGHTER] That's not a way to make friends. [LAUGHTER] No, no. You will be the audience. Yes, guys. And I'll show you how to do it. [LAUGHTER] It's over it is. Yes. Guys, just watch me. Yeah. Oh, I'll do it. No, not like that. Not like that. No. [LAUGHTER] Oh, so annoying. OK. Bye. Bye. Bye.