Ambridge on the Couch

Brace yourself, Paul - a podcast for fans of #TheArchers

Denise's sudden decision, George's cider obsession and is Pip good for Stella? #TheArchers

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Duration:: 1h 8m
Broadcast on:: 14 Jul 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

Love this podcast? Support this show through the supporter feature from MakeCast. It's up to you how much you give, and there's no regular commitment. Just hit the link in the show description to support now. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man, then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laughing me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get a $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. Linked in. The place to be. To be. [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] Yeah. Welcome to "Ambridge on the Couch" and in-depth look at the arches with me, Harriet Carmichael, Lucy Freeman, Geoff Thomas, Matt Rodriguez Payne and James Everett. Now, before we make a start on your emails, let's have a recap of what happened this week in "Ambridge." We began the week with Alistair and Denise sitting in a boat looking at clouds together and generally being so nauseating I was quite hoping they were going to capsize and drown. Alistair said comfortably to Denise that she would know when it was the right time to tell John she wanted a divorce. In my view is about two weeks before John took Denise on a week's holiday to Spain, but I'm old-fashioned like that. It was Lillian's birthday and her present was apparently Carl Otter, who has a great deal to say despite being entirely silent. She's a bit sucky-uppy and lovely in her birthday card, despite only knowing her for about 17 hours. Aiden Beauchre was a proper idiot. You heard it here first. Ben attempted to have a civilised conversation with Georgie, which ended up with a teder in the ditch because Georgie was distracted by tilly button failing to reply to his "Are you up?" text message, as she was too busy texting Aiden Beauchre or the proper idiot. Anyway, Molly told Lily that tilly is going with Aiden, if only he was called Willy. That would have been perfect. Pip came bam gambling into the bedroom where Stella was attempting to have a lie in while simultaneously producing a pitch document for Borchester Land. Pip mentioned Rosie and Stella made the most half-heartedly unenthusiastic noise I've ever heard from anyone ever. And I realised I'm now starting to think of her as a sort of Joyce Grenfell figure, all gangly in walk with a looping walk and an over-enthusiastic smile. She then came over all maternal about some kittens in one of the more weirdly scripted scenes of the week. "Seems ashamed to leave them here," said Ben, and Neil said, "She has made a nest between two bales and she will keep them there until they are old enough to look after themselves, which came straight out of the Osborne Book Pitcare that I had when I was six." Again, Stella sounded as if she'd happily drowned them all in a business like such a manner. I sense a talk with a capital T coming up. Sadly, George then spotted the social media possibilities in the kittens. George E is like one of those wallies who take selfies in mortuaries next to the body of their deceased grandparent. Anyway, he was then triggered by a can of fruit cider in the hayfield. He really needs to confess quicker he's going to spend the rest of his life running away from apples. Paul spent the week cornering Alistair and telling him that his parents' marriage was a sort of sitcom-esque rosy Elysium of TV watching while holding hands. This said Alistair spiralling into yet another crisis. The trouble is Denise has all the power here, and that's never comfortable. She knows what's going on, and she knows all she has to do is put her foot on the gas and Alistair's knees give way immediately. Alistair needs to create a secret girlfriend immediately. Beverly Drains is probably single again, he should ask Jolene. In the meantime, John was just about to become a village fixture when Denise sat him down by the pond and metaphorically pushed him in. I don't know what set her off. One minute she was fiddling with the jammy dodges, the next moment it was brief encounter on a bench. There was far too much chat about Georgie's acne-dense sunburned back. I just can't believe in him as ripped somehow. Chris Carter, yes, but Georgie? No, probably because he sounds like a petulant eight-year-old who's been forced to share his tonka trunk. Stella had to go into a presentation at Borchester land to persuade them of her plans in her role as Head of Bees or whatever it is she is. Afterwards, Pip rang her and said, "Hello, Stella," and she said, "Hello, Pip." I presume they've had sex and that, surely they don't have to name check each other all the time. Pip decided to be supportive after Stella's meeting, and David couldn't get them out the barn quick enough. It's all very well, dear, but don't frighten the cattle, eh? And we entered the week with shit getting real for Alistair, who really didn't sound as if he was expecting there to be people involved and feelings and that. Also, John sounds quite hefty, so I'd watch it if I was you, Alistair. So what can we expect from Paul when they break the news that now he'll get to go to the zoo every Saturday and have two birthdays and Christmases? I'm taking bets. He's either going to go full on Garbo Ice Maiden and not speak to Alistair or Denise ever again. Just gaze at them frostily across a concussed spaniel, or there's going to be a screaming Barney at Alistair, which will result in him leaving his job. I'm hoping for the Barney. Frosty glasses are a bit rubbish on radio. The end. It is a bit like Paul is seven, isn't it? I love the money I mad at you, and when I'm big I want to be like me. And they hold hands over me so that I am protected outside of a cosy. Please do it again, my bad dad. I am a big little, because I always need to be the centre. She does put me before everything. It could have gone for a pic, Nick. I mean, I know it's really tough for - I thought Paul was going to be sweet when he was going. My mum does too much for me and it's because my sister's away and she's really outgoing and I'm just a homebody and it was all very sweet. I guess he is only in his 20s maybe, so it would be a big deal, but clearly he can't be that blind that he hasn't noticed that his father has been cycling for six months. Yes. I mean, they haven't been living together, have they, basically? I love the way that the first thing anyone says to John - if he is, how's the bike? You can now imagine your bike and he's like, "What? No? Sorry? Well, I'm got a bike. Yeah, I mean, I'm not married to it or anything, and everyone's going, "Ahh!" But you're always cycling. I feel like me and Paul have a lot in common. I'm always cycling. But I know he must just constantly be dressed in lycra and I want to joy his eyes lit up when he walked into the shop. Oh, he's so big, isn't he? Oh, what a handsome man she gets lit in. She's so handsome or attractive or something. She's so well-meared. Yes, she was - she didn't hold back really, did she? Yeah. And then she was like, "You're a lovely couple." Together, and I was like, "You're steady, Joy. Steady. We're heading into Pampas Plus." So athletic! Yes, it was a little girl, but steamy, didn't it? I wish Mimic was on his bait more, with say's like that! Ohh! It booms, dragging across the gravel and gay gravel, so he really needs to tighten up. Um, I - yes, I mean, it all got - it all got - I mean, it's - it's - it's really hard. I was trying to work out whether Denise did the right thing in immediately going to sit on a bench and telling him or - But what - and then where? Exactly. All it was when Joy was saying something like... No, she said, "Is that it? No, is that enough for you?" No, do you want anything else, I think she said? Yeah. And she said, "It's not what you want. It's what you need." Yeah. Or something like that, actually. Yeah. I was very extended, so to say. Sometimes the thing - the thing that you want isn't what you need or the thing that you've got isn't what - no, God. He was so - she was probably talking about a pack of rollos or something, but she got confused and ended up ending her marriage. What - what you need isn't what you want, but what you want is what you need. And I want it. And Joy's like, "Huh? Was it a bag?" It tends to eat. I have some for free. Uh, it was - no, but then I was thinking. So when - and then when - I'm excited. It's on offer. Not only is that all anyone who's talking about now is fruit cider, fruit ciders everywhere. It's like sponsored by fruit ciders. Well, they worked at George got triggered. I got a bit triggered when - when they were like, "Do you want a cider?" Why is everyone else drinking beer and I've got cider? What are you trying to say? Because it was mentioned at the beginning of the week, wasn't it? Neil said, "Oh, Chris is going on about the cider in the car." Yeah. I mean, I'm surprised George wasn't more on edge this week, to be honest. I was surprised he can concentrate on his - and what was the sunburn about? I didn't know if it was just a detail that was insignificant, or was it like a health and safety message? Well, I was wondering if it was a bit of - don't forget your sunblock, everybody. Yeah, that's what it sort of sounded like unless - surely it's half that, aren't we? Is nothing just going to get out across the road next? Well, then I thought, is it like a vital clue to the car crash? No. What? No, I don't know. No. I don't know. But there's some - there's some burn thing. Oh, oh, oh, if you want vital clues. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Listen to this, from Fran, who is a sodding genius, she said, "Why no mention of George's distinctive walk that Emma spotted from up the tree? Why was that put in unless there's some video footage of someone who can only be identified by their walk?" Oh, I've got chills. Wow. But there can't have been a camera anywhere near. I don't know. Unless it's like in the car or something. Wow. That is a really good point, because why would they - we know that they love teasing us. Yes. Yes. And why on earth would they put - but that's what I meant about the sunburn. It was so - I don't know if it was a red herring, but it - there was - I just couldn't understand why they kept banging on about it. Yes. So, what is it some - I don't know, who knows, who knows. Yes. And what with all - yes, because obviously George is now completely all over social media all the time. Yeah. And again, it might be that thing of someone goes, "Oh, that guy." I saw him, you know, in a car with the lead piping, et cetera, et cetera. But there was nobody there, wasn't there. He was walking on the road on his own. She was on her own. As far as we know. As far as we know. We know. We know. And the kittens, Lucy. Mm. What is that? I don't know. Is it? Do you think it's as you - I thought you were suggesting Pip and Stella are going to be talking about - do you think it was Stella sort of going, "Oh, you may be like - oh, thank you. Thank you." Oh, amazing. Thank you. Shall I tell you what I've got? Yes. Oh, sorry. I'm going to rub it in because you're feeling poorly in COVID-19. It's fine. I don't care. I live vicariously for your food. Okay. Rosé. Mm. Don't like Rosé. That's fine. What? You don't know Rosé? No. Popodom. It's a really nice one. Popodom and mango chutney. Oh. Yes. How nice. That's quite sticky and messy. I don't think Popodoms really go very well with Rosé. They don't go very well with keyboards and microphones either. I know. They're very close. They're all of it. All of it is very close to leaves. Oh, God. Expect to compare disaster. I'm calling it now. Taps have got about 20 minutes. I give it before she's got halfway down the glass of Rosé and then - and then it's all over. So was the kittens another sign for Stella that these girls want different things? Mm. Maybe. Because she went, oh, I've never seen you so maternal or something, didn't she? Mm. And she didn't sound like she liked it. No. She sounded quite brisk. Yes. Yes. And then I - again, I can't tell, but tonight when Pit went, oh no, no, we're having dinner with Mum and Dad, me, and Rosie, and Stella was like, oh, yeah, great. But I didn't know if she... I think that was genuine. Yes. So it sounded genuine. Yeah. OK. Yeah. Which is annoying because I only really like it when she sounds more and more pissed off that she's going out with someone she actually doesn't like very much. Oh, now. Yeah. Somebody - sorry, I'm just going to have to whiz on to the twitters, which I don't. Yes. I'm just going to shut the door behind me. OK. Oh, it's all go here, isn't it? It's all go. It's all go. It's all go around. Let's take my headphones off. Just grab a cushion while I'm watching. Yes. You can take your time. Make yourself comfortable. Hi. Sorry, I'm back. This is from Fi, who says, "I really like Stella and so do you and Harriet and have appreciated her as a breath of fresh air being a strong, competent farm manager who could stand up for herself while are they now making her nervous and unpleasant, asking Pip and Justin for help and advice?" And she's got #dumppip, which is a little harsh, but I do take her point. Yes, I didn't like that either this week. I just think she wouldn't - well, I suppose maybe it's seeing another side of her, but I don't think she is the type of person that would be freaked out by a load of posh people on a board. Even if they weren't listening to - I understand that it was obviously a really difficult - it's obviously a horrible situation to be in, isn't it, when you know people are not interested in what you have to say. Yes. I was surprised that she was so nervous about it. I think it's because maybe it was a reflection of the fact that she knows she's in a green washed job. But, I mean, she's getting paid for it, isn't she? So, who cares? Is that not the right attitude? Sorry. I don't know. I'm not making any moral judgments at all. I just think, if you know that, it's like when you're half heartedly trying to pitch a story to an editor and you know it's shit. Yes. And it happened to a friend of mine after we went through this enormous long pitch that was just awful and it sort of trailed off and the journalist went, "Yeah, yeah, it's a bit, it's a bit shit, isn't it?" Oh God. Oh God. Yes, it is. Goodbye. Oh God. Oh God. Oh, so awful. When you're dying on your eyes, that's like going to seem really bad comedy and you can't get away. Or an audition where you're - oh God. You know, it's dark. You just feel like, "I'll leave the room and we'll never think of this again. Goodbye." Oh, is it a bit like the time that I sang the Nazi song in my Lambda audition? Yeah. And just - I didn't know it was a Nazi song. No. The sun on the middle is about - it's a beautiful song. As you goose stepped across the stage. And they just went, "No, thank you." And that's why I'm not on the telly in this thing. But I thought actually - I actually did think Pip was quite - I actually quite enjoyed her supportiveness of Stella. And I think in the clumsiness with which it's done. Continue. Well, don't you think? Well, do you mean - I don't know what you mean. Oh, come here, you. And all that. Oh God. Yeah. Yeah. When she was in Dickman, that was great. Yes. Dickman I liked. That made sense and I didn't feel cringy. Yeah. But all that. Oh, dear. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not - we were talking about it because I was - we were saying, "Oh, we hope of it." But we decided no. If it was Fallon and Harrisman talking to each other like that. Or anybody. Oh, it's like, "Oh, you're a cheeky little thing." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There was quite a lot of cringe bands. Also because I always think of Stella as miles older than Pip. Yes. And well, I'm just sort of more mature, really. Yeah. But that's the thing I did. Her being sort of molly coddled was a bit uncomfortable, wasn't it? But also, it felt like - I was thinking because, you know, when you're in that situation and you're sort of like, "Well, should I just give up now?" And Pip didn't go - no, don't get - she said, "Well, you could either carry on and do that, or you could just give up now because it's obviously green washing." But actually, I just thought - and then because it was like in a way, sort of like, "Well, Pip wants her to give up." So that Stella - it's sort of weak and Stella almost. I don't know. Yeah. There was something I didn't like about that. I thought, "No, Stella wouldn't do that." Did you finish her a bit? Yeah. I don't know whether we're supposed to be to show that it is more of an equal relationship than we think, because we always think of Stella as the strong one on Pip as well. Yeah. Slightly flappy one. But there's a bit reversal maybe, but I didn't - Well, I didn't like tonight when I thought - I thought Stella was going to go, "You know what? It's made me realize. It's made me realize that I don't need this - I don't really need these ambitions in the corporate. I need what I need is you and a family." You know, I didn't want that to be the conclusion of the week. I know that she was like, "You love kittens. Let's have some kittens together, and I'm going to give up all this high-flying, polluting, mini-quass-ons board meetings, because I've got you and my babies." I didn't want that to be the end. No. Oh, God. No. I'm sure it's not going to be. Well. It's just much more fun when Stella's slagging - well, not well, internally slagging - Rosie. Rosie. Yes. Yes. Yes. The thing is, we can't ever hear them all in the scene together, can we? Because Rosie's... Unfortunately not. Not at all. Unless we heard... Well, the funny isn't her or something, and then running upstairs and banging doors or something. Well, the best time was when Stella - well, it was Stella and Hannah. Yes. And Rosie was there. Yes. And Hannah was like, "Just tell me you don't like kids." Or something like that. No, you don't like kids. Just not her kid. Yeah. Yeah. Not that one. So we need more of that. Yes. Now, we have many, many, many armchair detectives, as always. Yes. Red Agnes says, "Was the fruit cider in a bottle or a can? Was it empty? Or was it full? Did it get fingerprinted? If empty, would George have bought empty tin or bottle back from a party? If full, why would an alcoholic not have nicked it? God, Harrison is rubbish. I think because by the time he got in the car, she was passed out pretty much. So he had - Yeah, sorry. She couldn't have had any more alcohol, I don't think. But didn't he have two full cans or bottles? He bought a - he bought a four - didn't he buy two and drank one there? He only said I only had one drink. Yeah. Yeah. So the others were full. And he must have been bringing them back. Yeah. Terry White has reminded us that it was Stefan that Rob tried or succeeded to drown. Oh, yes. Yes. And we said it was - we thought it was Charlie Thomas. That's right. It was Rob Saw, Alistair kissing Charlie Thomas and threatened to tell Ian. That was - Yeah. Yeah. And did tell. Helen. Is that quite loud? My pobroms. Can you hear them? Nice. You've made that soggy with the mango chumpties. So that's right. Right. It's really well with Rosie, by the way. Pat said, "I don't think Alice's case will come to court. We would have to wait at least a year and I can't see how the story can go on that long." Oh, year of little faith, Pat. We certainly can't take it. I'm hoping George will confess, but if not, he could be found out once the truth is out. The charge against Alice would be dropped. We need a Chris Joy and Alistair conversation about Cidron Vodka. Wish they'd hurry up. I spoke to my friend who is a solicitor and is our legal correspondent. Oh, yes. That I have been keeping quiet. And she - Oh, we have a legal correspondent. Sorry? Well, we've got a legal correspondent. One of our listeners is our legal correspondent. Yes, but we've also got her, who is my secret one. Okay. And a secret one. Okay. All right. Yeah. She says this is a text message conversation, so it's a bit broken up. I said, "Is Georgie going to confess, do you think?" And she said, "No, he will be rumbled and do a runner." Oh, God. "Join Johnny on the oceans." And I said that Johnny must have web bloody feet by now. She reckons that Alice might remember and confront him. She said, "The fruit cider, that will trigger someone, possibly Alice, then everyone will remember it being on sale. Joy will slowly put it all together and remember selling to George. A bit of emergency fingerprinting will do the rest." And I said, "Oh, oh, oh, emergency fingerprinting. That sounds good." And she said, "I'm not sure, that's a real thing, the emergency person I've been. But it could be." Then she said, "Finger prints can be checked really quickly, but they have to be queue jumped. Say at the end of Alice's trial on the brink of a guilty verdict. Fruit cider, the undoing of many criminal enterprises," she says. "I represented a burglar once who was unable to resist a bottle of whiskey he came across in an office in the city and was found to sleep on the desk the next morning." So, basically, the possessions that were found in the car, including the cider, are presumably evidence at a police station now. Yes. If anybody's thought to fingerprint them, if they thought it was cut and dried, maybe they wouldn't. Yeah, exactly. That's what I've been wondering. But I guess now Alice has said, "Not guilty. They've got to look someone else, haven't they?" Okay, fine. Yes, okay. They're going to do some investigating. Yes. Okay. No. I think that's right, though. I think it won't come to court. It'll be resolved somehow without the court. Carolyn also reckons, Carolyn in Germany, reckons that George is going to do a runner. She said, "First of all, I was positively ecstatic when someone finally mentioned the cider bottles. Thank you, Sherlock Chris." And second of all, I think the storyline has passed the point where George can come clean of his own accord. Considering how nervous and jumpy he already is, I don't think he'll be able to keep his call in a trial, and although he's overestimated his abilities to do pretty much anything repeatedly in the past, I think he knows that he won't stand a chance in the witness box. That's why I think he's going to run away, and while he's gone, the whole mess will unfold with Alice remembering, and Joy remembering, and so on. There are also people who were at the party with him that night who might remember that he'd drunk a cider, like that there, Tilly Button, etc., if she was there. Yep. I don't know. I think the social media is going to come and bite him on the bum, and it's all going to be linked up to, you know, for someone who's supposed to be keeping his head down really, and hoping this will all go away, he's a bit thick, isn't he? Yes. Showing off his abs, because you're going to make people, if you're that visible on social media, being a prat, you're going to make enemies anyway. Actively, sort of raising your own profile is just ludicrous. Catherine Rowan-Jones says this week, "I've been fidgeting with excitement in Miss Marple Mode as Chris puzzles about fruit cider while Neil is off of a bottle after haymaking sends Georgia to a massive strop, baffling both Neil and Ben. I agree with last week's correspondent who predicted a tree accident with Little Grunge. If Ed took the fall, Emma could marry William again and become Mrs. Grunty Grunty Grunty. Would this normalise Georgia or finish him off? Winge time, romance at the vets has been dragging on for far too long, wrap it up, o' fates, and move on." She says, "Well, I think it may have been wrapped." Catherine. Ooh, it is not going to end well, is it? It's not. It's really not. And then, to be fair to Paul, Denise has been a ... I know she hasn't had an opportunity yet, but the real betrayal for Paul is that this has been going on under his nose, and that's terrible, actually, isn't it? Yeah. I would not be happy about that. Yeah. Even if it wasn't my mother, it's just, "Oh, you two have been having an affair, a secret affair." And that's just not on, I'm sorry. Well, Michael Gorman wants to know if Paul has a self-absorbed emotional intelligence half-wit or a sadist bent on driving Alistair into paroxysms of jealousy and madness. Well, he couldn't very easily be mistaken for the latter, because what he was saying was like it had been scripted by ... You know, if he ... He couldn't have done it better. I thought he knew. Yes. If he'd known. Could he? Well, exactly. It sounded like he was leading Alistair on and was going to say, "Obviously I know what's been going on." Yeah. But his sort of ridiculous innocence is just staggering, isn't it, naivety, are you? Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. My mum, yeah. She doesn't really have much fun anymore, so yeah, she was at a picnic all day. She loved ... Yeah, all of that sort of like ... Oh, he's ... Yeah. Yeah. She was blinded. Yeah. Now, I'm good to put these emails in the filing cabinet marked miscellaneous. Misque. These are misque emails. This one, I don't know what to think about this one, it made me laugh and horrified at one at the same time. This is from Kathy in Tasmania, which I am very glad that she's in Tasmania for reasons you will understand. Oh, God. Okay. "I work in intensive care," she says, "and we regularly have to assess our patients during our shift. For those in an induced coma, you start by giving them a maybe a hand squeeze or a gentle shake. You also call them quite loudly by their name. We generally say their name two or three times. You are looking for how awake or not your patient is. If they react to you, then you follow up with other questions and stuff. My patient's name yesterday, Colin. I found myself saying his name in the Philippines. I looked around at my fellow staff, but no one reacted. So I suspect I was the only archers listener on that shift. So I let myself carry on doing it each time, making myself smile. Oh, Kathy. It was not just that he's gone. And it's just that she would have been saying it to silence as well. Colin. Colin. Colin. Oh, Kathy. That is so funny. Oh, dear. Anyway, I love to think that's such a great picture, isn't it, of Kathy just sort of like tried suppressing her giggles. I'm in a Febreze. Colin. Colin. We're wishing Colin a full recovery. Yes. Thoughts go out. Colin. Um, there's not a group of people sneering at you. Of course. God. From Terrell's side of the world. So far away. It's not even Australia, is it? No. She says it's the little island hanging off the bottom right of Australia that even got left off the map in the opening sequences of the film entitled Australia. That's just rude. Is it smaller than the Isle of Wight? Probably. Let's have devils on it because these devils, doesn't it, these dogs? Yes. Are they dogs? Yes. Something like that, aren't they? They're like fanged wolves, aren't they? Well, they are, aren't they? It's a cartoon. Tasmanian devils. They're real, aren't they? No, they're real. But I don't think they're dogs. I don't know. Oh, are they not? I don't think so. You're going to Google that. Tasmanian devil animal. Oh, God. They don't think like dogs. No. They're like one batty things, aren't they? Yes. Actually, they're really cute. Yes. Oh, they have a pungent odour and a disturbing screech. What are the other ones? Oh, dingos. I'm thinking of dingos. You know what? Baby. Oh, baby. Yes. Dingos are like proper wolves. Yes. They're like foxes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Right. I was sorting out some old photos the other day and came across some taker to big arches day out, complete with barn dance in the evening with Eddie doing the calling. Oh, wow. It would have been maybe 1994 and was held at Stonley Agricultural College. Does anyone else remember this? I have a picture of me with Eddie Grundy. I'm wearing his cow horn hat and he's wearing my top hat. What? Oh, so this isn't an archer's picture of an archer's episode? No, no, no. There's a real thing. You remember where the cast used to do cruises, used to be archers cruises. Wow. Wow. Oh, how cool. Yeah. Oh, mind a barn dance with Eddie doing the calling. That'd be really fun. Well, another one, this is from Marilyn, who says, "This week's clip of Posh Elizabeth selling Mr. Snowy ice cream prompted me to ask if you've ever heard about the archer's play. I can't remember the exact name of the production, but there was a clever stage version of the archers at the Watermill Theatre in Newbury in July 1985. It made excellent use of the Watermill's location with open-air scenes as well as inside the theatre. During the interval, Elizabeth and Nigel were selling Mr. Snowy ice cream from a van. I've had to look this up immediately. I recall it well because my ice cream dripped messily down my dress. This was a bit embarrassing when I had to go on stage as that night's lucky ticket told her to be presented with an ambridge summer fair mug by Brian Aldridge. I've still got the mug. Most of the cast were the real radio actors, so it's very exciting for long-time archers fans of whom I am one, born the year the archers began. Crikey Marilyn! That is… I'm gobsmacked, how can you do a play about the archers? Well she sent us pictures of the mug. What was it called? Do you know? Because I'm trying to find it, but the only thing that's coming up is a play that Kenton has been in. No, it was the Watermill Theatre in Newbury, July 1985. 1985. Ah, it took me ages to find it. I'll come back. Wasn't it called the ambridge summer fair, maybe? Alright, well that was what they said on the mug. Ambridge Summer, I think maybe the Watermill have buried any record with it. No, it wasn't us, no, it definitely wasn't us, no, no, it definitely wasn't us. There's literally no record of it online. They've destroyed it and the evidence. Tell us more about it. Tell us more, tell us more. What was it called? Well, we could ask, we could ask, um, can I ask Lizzie? Yeah, okay, yeah, hmm, interesting. Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my 100th mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Honestly, when I started this, I thought I'd only have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited to premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at midmobile.com/switch for whatever you're ready. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month, new customers on first three month plan only, taxes and fees extra, speeds lower above 40 gigabytes of CD-Tails. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man, then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get a $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit that's linkedin.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. Last week, you - What did I do? What did I do wrong? I'm probably doing it this week as well. You were talking about - we were both talking about things having moved on so much that before men weren't even considered as allowed to come into the delivery room, the maternity room. Why would you? And everything. We were talking about how far it's moved on with miscarriage and stuff that now - oh, yes. We are included in all that. Men have to have feelings now. Yes. They have to. You're on. Kate Morris said - Oh, she said her colleague recommended listening to us. Oh, great. Thank you. Thank you. She said - Your chat about the changing role of men in maternity took me back 17 years to when I was in labor with my son. I got to a point of pain where I decided walking around the room would help. Big mistake. No sooner did I get up that my husband scurried on to my bed. "One!" I yelled accusingly. "Are you doing on my bed?" After he tried to argue with a small voice that he was tired and needed to lie down and I was preparing to manhandle him to the ground in a fit of rage, the midwife hated intervened and suggested he go and buy himself some food and to take his time. So yes, and the bet she named the baby George. Oh. For George Grundy. You have so very recently come into the world. Honestly. Which I loudly announced to the room right after my Georgie was born, which really pissed off my husband. So revenge. Ha ha ha. But honestly, her George was named after George Grundy. Apparently. Oh, no. I know. Let's hope he comes good soon. Yes. Yes. And she also said, "Didn't we all think Rochelle lived at the other end of the country, hence the infrequent visits in Joyce's version of events, when Elizabeth and how much do I love Harriet's impression, saw the actual local address at the surprise party? Didn't she say something to that effect? I'd love to know if others have picked up on this." I always just assumed Rochelle was living nowhere near, Georgie. Yes, because someone commented on it, didn't they? Someone in the script said, "Oh, I thought that she lived." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Unless that was a ruse. Oh, unless it brings us back to the police protection thing. Oh. Come on. We need to find out more. Come on. Kate said, "And thanks to us both." She gafford very, very loudly in public when Harry knocked on Alice's door for the competitive alcoholicing and said, "Hello, Alice." Oh dear. We need to go easy on poor old Harriet, don't we? I know. I feel like I've just always been so mean about him, and it's not his fault. He's supposed to be annoying. Emma said the same thing. She said, "I don't think I can recall a time when I rewound the arches because it made me laugh so hard, but that certainly happened today. It was this exchange between Lillian and Justin. Lillian, spoken like a Justin, Justin, what does that mean? And Lillian, "Oh, nothing. I don't even know." She said, "I bust a gut. Go, Sonny, and the writers. Maybe you could take a crack at it, Harriet. We need to go back and have a listen to that." Oh, I don't know. I don't even know. Oh, I will listen to that. I hear I miss that, actually. But there were some really good lines this week. Yes. Again, "Armed." Oh, right. Yeah, because again, I noticed the script was peppered with funny stuff. Yeah. Just the odd line here and there. Um, how old is Ben? Is he about to-- He's four. Twenty-two, maybe twenty-two twenty-two. He-- Because I quite fancy him. He fancy Ben? Yes. Really? I think he's so funny. Did you fancy him this week? Yeah. Was it-- I took an office out of Georgie. Yeah. He's just funny. He was. He's got all the comic timing. Yes, but sometimes he's a bit earnest, don't you think? Yes. Um, we can sort of work out, couldn't we? Because he-- Uh, because he went to-- Is he like a year behind the uni that-- Oh, I can't remember. I reckon he's only like twenty-one. Oh, God. I'll Google it, but you see. Google our friend will definitely tell us when Ben was born. Ben, the archer's archer. Ben, the archer's archer. Born. I probably don't want to know, do I? Because it's going to make me feel a bit-- 2002. He was younger than mine. He's 22. Okay. Okay. All right, that's all right. He's not as-- No, he's legal. He's slightly older than one of my children, so that's all right. Oh, actually, sweet. Because he's played by Ben Norris, isn't he? Uh-- But actually, clearly the photo of Ben Norris was taken quite a few years ago. And oh, he's got a sweet-- it's actually a really sweet photo. Very cute. Um, yes, did you-- yeah, I don't know. I like Ben. I do like Ben. Hmm. I'd find it was something a little bit, um, I don't know. A bit too earnest, maybe. But that's the mental health stuff. You don't like that to you. Maybe that's the thing. Maybe he's just-- and also very, I assume, typical of his generation. He's sensitive and-- You don't like that either. Sensitive and reflective. Oh, that's already. I don't want to be talking about her feelings, Lisie. Is it about you again? Well, I don't care. None of that won't nonsense. None of the arches, thank you. Um, no, I love Ben, really. Um, uh, yes, no. But it was-- oh, yes. No, that was my burning question. Oh. Whose hay is it, Lucy? What are they doing it? Who is it for? All week, I've been going-- I must remember to ask Lucy. I must remember to ask Lucy. Whose hay? 'Cause they said-- No, it's bridge farms, isn't it? Because someone's gone away. No, not bridge farms. Someone's gone away and said, are you sure that you can leave it with Georgie? Yeah, and Georgie said the kittens were found on my farm. I'm sure he said that. Yeah, it must be Grange Farm, then. But I thought they didn't really have Grange Farm anymore. They've got some of Grange Farm. They just haven't got enough. Okay, so it's Grange Farm and Ed and Emma were supposed to be doing the bulk of the hay-making. Yeah, yeah. But because of the tree stuff. And then Ben is helping. But why is Ben helping? Is he getting paid for it? Yes. Okay, fine. And why is Neil-- Neil's just coming along for the fun. Because Emma said, would you check up on them? Right, fine. Okay, thanks for clearing that up. I think that's right. I knew you'd know. Someone who did never speak that right in Italian got like a completely wrong. It's just when it comes to the farms, it all gets quite confusing, doesn't it? Actually, it would be much easier to say it's in Grange Farm. Why can't they just say the Grundy's Farm? Ed and Emma's Farm, yeah. Ed and Emma's Farm. That little bit of land, what they got left. Oh, talking of the Grundrators. Joanne has come across an absolutely marvellous device for Clary. Not what you're thinking. Oh, yeah. She said she's found the perfect tree. Oh, there's so much better than I thought it would be. Oh, maybe that explains why she talks like that. [laughter] Get away from me, Eddy. The time I've heard. [laughter] We nearly have a real host while we talk. Nate Menon, I don't know. [laughter] Susan, Emma, go on this. Oh, yeah, Neil gets it out all the time for me. [laughter] How much improved sings after a carry when we were a bit bloated? Chili! Chili, Chili, sorry, sorry. [laughter] Sorry. There was a lovely little device for Clary. She said it's the perfect thing to spend some of the bar to be money on. She said, "I feel like we'd have heard if the Grundy clan was already aware that this existed because they always make such a very big deal in capital letters over plucking day turkeys at Christmas time. And how cold it is, and how much work it is for them. By them, of course. I mean, Clary and Emma. I'd never even heard of this tool until today when Facebook, for reasons unbeknownst to me, off this up as something I might want to purchase. I think we need to send a copy of this over to Clary. So it is, after years spent clipping Joe's toenails, I think the lease room deserves that windfall is a chicken plucker drill bit to make her life a little easier. Hell, tell all of us to order two. One for Clary and Emma. So it's $45 and it's a chicken feather plucker. And you stick it on the end of a drill and it has detachable rubber fingers for easy installation and replacement. I'm actually feeling sick. I'm not going to look up on Google because I'll be sick. It's just a picture of a drill with wibbly bits on the end. With wibbly fingers on it. Wibbly fingers. Wibbly fingers that pull out the... Yeah. Right. From the... Yeah. No. Thank you. Yeah. Oh, too. The other thing. The special fingers. The other wibbly thing. Oh, God. Yes. It's horrible. I've got Clary six toenails. Clary six toenails. I'm not going to think about that because... No, don't. I feel a bit off kilter now. Joanne also wanted to say that she was wicked impressed with Max Cannon indeed from a few weeks ago. The original is a piece I like to play on the organ and his interpretation of it was phenomenal. You're not going into the organ territory. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Where's Jakob? Right. This is from Alison who... You know you were talking about... Let's all send in names for Chelsea's haircutting. Oh, yeah. Salah. Yeah. Where she... When she used to live in Stockholm and there was a salad there called Cut the Crap. Oh. Direct. Nice and brisk. Yep. Yes. With a K or a C. Nope, C. Wow. No. She says, "We've given her a reason for listening to the archers again." She said, "I'm in my 70s, come from farming stock, so always knew about the programme. In the 1950s my great aunt refused to answer her doorbell when the archers was on. And any visitors had to sit very still and not utter a word for the whole 15 minutes of any episode. We are so lucky being able to listen any time of the day anywhere." Yes. So she said, "She's travelled a lot and sort of has been often on listing. But she said, "I won't be doing that as long as your podcast continues. When I first went to Hong Kong in 1978, my mother used to record every episode on a cassette and send it out to me." Oh. Then I discovered it was broadcast on Forces Radio. It was the last item each evening, 645, as I recall, exactly the same as Radio 4. Before the Gurka service started from the same studio, obviously the studio managers set the archers' tapes going and then left the building. So something went wrong. We just had static for 15 minutes. Occasionally the tapes were put in the wrong date order. One Friday evening we had the denouement to a plot line exactly a week early. The story that was going to be building up for the previous four nights, no Sunday episodes in those days. That's amazing, isn't it? Wow. What was it? They just, for the Forces radio, they just played the tape in the studio. I'd leave. And then the Gurkas would come in and do their stuff from the same studio. That is brilliant. Wow. Wow. Right. Excuse me. This is from Terry. Terry woman Terry. She said, "I'm bucking the trend here, but I was disappointed that Fallon and Harrison have trundled their way back together. I've been irritated by Harrison for quite a while, now long before the Phantom baby trauma. I really, really don't want to dismiss listeners or anyone's experience at miscarriages, but this wasn't a longed for and partly grown baby. Harrison and Allen between them were such bungling idiots. I'm amazed Fallon could forgive the whole episode. I think Fallon will be more fulfilled elsewhere. As my favourite character, Jakob, is unaccountably settled with the vacuous Kate. My next in line of favourites is Stella. I think she and Fallon would make a fantastic partnership. Harrison could perhaps fall into a heartbroken Pip's arms and thereby assuage himself with his longing for parenthood by living with the excreable Rosie that provides store-watched babysitting services for Pip. There. I've said it now. Oh, my God. A Pip would love that. I think Fallon and Stella are too similar. I think they'd lock horns. Yes. Yes. Because they're quite similar characters in a way, aren't they? They are. They are. Both terribly attractive. I think so. But I think there are two. Yes. I think even Harrison's patients would be tested living with Pip and Rosie. Pip and Rosie. Pip and Rosie are the books. Pip and Rosie are busy. Now, the old clip that we played. Oh, it was incredible. What was that funny thing she said? It's positively sunny or something. Is it positively peculiar? Positively his last appearance. It's definitely not mine. I've been it for years. She said it was lovely to hear. I can always remember the episode. This is from Kate Lloyd Jones. And I do remember the outcome of Joe's sheep-dipping case. I thought I should point out that in 1985, Elizabeth was only 18. Not early 20s, as you surmised. Nigel was 25. She was not long out of Cheltenham Lady's College, expelled. Which might have produced the clipped tones. I don't think the over 60s club exists anymore. It was them off on the coach to Western. I hadn't realised Edward Kelsey took over the Joe role that early in my listening career. I thought it was a little later. That clip must have been one of his earliest outings as Joe. Winding back a week, she said I was somewhat confused by part of Susan's outburst to Alice. She said she looked at Christopher and realised she had to stay alive. Why didn't she feel like this when her first born Emma arrived? And she said as I recall she rejected Chris when he was born because of his cleft palate. Really? Yep. Which I think she recalled to Alice when she was having problems bonding with Martha. All right. Yes. Wow. Yeah. Wow. That is well remembered. But it's weird, isn't it, that she said Christopher I thought to stay alive because of Christopher. Or maybe it was because of the cleft palate. Yeah. So she saw him as more vulnerable? Maybe. Or maybe it's just one of those memories you have. You know, they will blur into one, don't you? Because you say tired. Yeah. But you're just looking at a baby and then you have a sort of, or you know, I guess she might walk, she probably just remembers that moment in time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so she's probably more sleep deprived with number two. Yeah. Probably that. I didn't know that about the, I don't remember the mentioning the bonding thing, but no, no, vaguely rings a bell actually. Yeah. Interesting. I think I remember it. Do you? But how old's Chris? He's own, well, he's only, he's maybe 30 something, 32 or something. Okay. Oh, so I would have been, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I definitely don't remember. Um, those sort of babies being born. No. I remember, I think my earliest baby would have been, um, Josh or Ben actually. I think Chris was the first baby I remember because I remember worrying about him and thinking. I mean, I'm worrying that, that, um, that she wasn't. Wouldn't be loved. Yeah. Yeah. So interesting Lucy, maybe you could just go in further into your brain and find that memory for me and world while you're there. Can you find Rex's picture that he did that I can't find? Yes. Have your envelopes also. Um, my keys. Thank you. Your keys. You've got keys now. Oh yeah. But it's the envelopes I really need. Well, the match just sent over. Oh, that. Off we go. Mm. Mm. Right. I'm playing for time as you can probably tell because Matt's just sent over. Right. Oh, that's what it is. That's what it is. There have been a few. So I thought our silences, which is due to fatigue and who haven't COVID fatigue. No, it's due to. I'm drunk half a glass of wine. Me trying to do more than one thing at once, which is always. Well, that's a trouble. If there's ever, if there's ever sort of like, you know what it is, you can always tell when you're listening to a podcast, when focus slips. Yeah. Because the, you know, a presenter is looking at the internet. Yes. In my case, checking my card is even delivery. Yeah. But you can, you, you, as the listener, you, you know, exactly. That's why those people on radio for us are good because they never are lose figures. Yes. But you get, because you have to be, you can, you know, you're very close to a person when you get them, aren't you? I find. Yes. Hello. People that we're very close to. Are you still there? Yes. No, I've gone on here each the go. Um, right. Do you remember last week's what the hell is happening here? Oh, I do. Do you? Not really. No. Is it the Lizzie one? No. Oh, is that just an archive clip we played? It was a flood. Oh. They were sitting on, Pat was on a tractor. Oh. Yes. And we didn't know why she was on a tractor. Yes. So. Yeah. Two people got it right. Kate Lorde Jones and Amanda Champagne. Amanda said last week's what the hell is happening here. That name never gets old. It's not the flood that happened in Amazon. Can I just say it? Sorry. Sorry. Does it matter Champagne? Look at anything like Amanda Barry in her sort of glamour years. It's not Amanda. I mean, Amanda. She's. Oh, it's Amanda. M-A-N-D-A. Amanda Champagne? Yes. That's even. Amanda Champagne. Yeah. Wow. Right. Sorry. Yeah. It's just so distracting that name. I know. Okay. She said. So we thought it was the flood in which people were pushed into culverts and things like that. She said it's not that. The year before a flood happened in a nearby area and Brookfield and Bridge Farm agreed to rescue and care for some flocks of sheep endangered by the flood. And the wedding in question must have been Tom and Crusty's. And Kate Lloyd-Jones agrees and said it was February 2014. There was a lot of real life flooding in Worcestershire in the southwest and suddenly Ruth had a friend that way, who doesn't have any friends, who was flooded and in need of fodder accommodation for her sheep. Brookfield and Bridge Farm went to fetch them to come and live in Ambridge for a while. I think it was a semi-topical insert and also planted the seed of the Ambridge flood with the production team. And yes, it was Tom and Crusty's wedding. Right. Gotcha. Yes. It was Sue Newmarsh, her friend, Ruth's friend, who's farmed and completely flooded. Who on earth remembered that name? James Everett. Oh my god. So, this is this week's. What the hell is happening? What the hell was happening to you? Great, great. That's lucky. Linda? Linda. No, no. Hold on. Oh. Kate. Practicing for the talent show. Oh, I remember this. Come round. Have a garden chair. What the hell? I remember that episode. Do you? Yes, I do. They were intense on... Or maybe I'm thinking of Alan in a tent. Or maybe I'm thinking of an episode we did. Oh, it really massively chimes. It was something to do. Was it a protest and she was in a tent? No, she slept outside. Was she pretended that she slept outside the ball? Who's that? Is that Cooper? No, that's me mixing my Bloody Mary with the kids. Oh, Lucy. Lucy has COVID, poor thing. I'm sharing myself up with Vitamin C. How much vodka have you put in there? Quite a lot. Good. I honestly, that really, really rings a bell. But not to the extent that you couldn't remember anything about it. No. No. I feel like she was protesting about something and therefore... She'd not be interested. And Kate would be quite interested in her. Yeah. And her or Kate was also in a tent. Oh, so annoying. I can't remember. But I do remember. Part of me remembers. We haven't heard Tracy and Chelsea for ages, have we? You just reminded me going, "Rrrr!" "Rrrr!" That's because we heard so much of them, Lucy. "Rrrr!" Oh, they need a break. And the talent show was because I did a chambridge about the talent show. Oh, we started again. It's got Shushly. Shushly. Not so long. Maybe it did sound like Vicki, didn't it? Yeah. There was a talent show. Mmm. Surprise surprise. Yes. Come on. I know. But there's always a talent show, isn't there? Yes. But there was... Wasn't that awful Jasper Carrot one? So it was before that. I really, really want to find out what this is. But I'll have to wait till next week. Yes, you will. Oh. Now, somebody who is not waiting for next week is Alex Rodriguez Payne. Who is 50? No. It is her birthday. She looks way too young. Yes, she does. She said, well, map said, to say happy birthday to her from him. And we are saying happy birthday to her from us. Happy birthday. She said the big party. Happy birthday. Alex got out of control. Oh, dear. He spent a bloody fortune on bread cheese, cold meat snacks, nine bottles each of vodka and gin. And additional ingredients for 30 liters of cocktails. Nine bottles per person. What? Nine bottles of vodka and nine bottles of gin. OK, fine. And additional ingredients for 30 liters of cocktails. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Sounds like a brilliant party. It does. I'm not quite sure. He's actually going to be ready for next week. Considering the parties tomorrow night. They love a party. They do. They're such a sociable family. Yeah. Yeah. I'm jealous. Yeah. But you're doing something next year. Yeah. You know what? Because most people, you look at other people, you go, they're having fun. Why aren't I? Oh, my God. They're always having parties. They're always inviting people to have a party spontaneously. And remember what hell it is. I know. And I'm never doing that again. They will also, if I ever have a party that I never do, I worry about it for weeks ahead. Yeah. I worry about it. I hate it during the night. Yeah. I'm just worrying that nobody's having a time. And then afterwards you do the post-mortem and think of all things that you've thrown in. Oh, the post-mortem goes on for weeks. Yeah. Yeah. So awful. But some of us were made to be guests, I think. Yeah. So if your good man was a guest, then, you know, you've... I work so hard as a guest. I think you do. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I absolutely do. And I'm always grateful and appreciative. Yes. Good girl. I sing for my supper, Lucy. Yeah. Yes. Not literally. We please do. Tapping. Sometimes I do. Tapping. Around the room. Yes. It never goes well when I sing for my supper. You're like, okay. Can you be quiet now? Who is the blonde woman? She was so annoying. I liked him. Oh, she. Why are they together? (LAUGHTER) Right. And now... Let me talk about... Yeah, anyway. And now. (LAUGHTER) We are going over to the bull where Jolene is talking to someone that we haven't heard from for a while. OK. (MUSIC) I am a darling. How are you doing? Shut the door. The light hurts my eyes. Sorry, Wayne. Not better? Yes. Thank you. Have you come to tell me off about the cheese and pickle? I won't smear it again, I promise. No, not the cheese and pickle this time. You're all right. Although you know we do like it tidy, and if it gets messy again, we will have to take away your mop. Oh, not the mop. I'll have no one to dance with. I saw Fallon. Fallon came to see me. She said she'd been for a swim in the car, and I didn't really understand. But she looked happy. She's got older, Jolene. No braces anymore, and she could ride a bike without stabilizers. How long have I been down here now, Jolene? Never you mind. You just keep slicing like a good boy. Now, look, Wayne, can I sit down somewhere? Don't move that sourdough. That's my friend. If you look at the crust and squint, it looks like a happy face. I talked to it. All right, then. I'll move your friend over here. Now, the environmental health inspector is coming to see us. Do you remember what happened last time? I wet myself. Yeah, and you cried a little bit and held onto his jacket and shouted help me, help me. Don't let them take my bread away. You frightened him, Wayne. We don't want him to be frightened. We want him to think this is a nice, happy kitchen. It is. I like it. I don't want to go out there as it's still the war. I peeped through the cellar door the other day and everyone had red lipstick and victory rolls. Is it Putin? No, Madarlin. It's all fine, but what we want you to say is that you are very fulfilled down here, making buckets of egg mayonnaise and slicing lettuce. I am fulfilled. Wednesdays are the best when the new butter comes. That's my little man. So you know what you're going to say? Oh, yes, that's all fine. I'll introduce him to Mr. Sourdough and the mop and tell him how happy I am. Say, I hope he's having a good war. No, don't say that, Wayne. You might confuse him. Oh, that reminds me. If he's coming here, you're going to have to warn Beverly, too. Beverly? Beverly drains. My girlfriend. I'm hoping she'll come and see me soon. Every day, I hope this will be the day. She's really playing hard to get. Ah, now you see, Madarlin, that was a joke. Well, sort of. He was to get Kenton off my back, literally and figuratively. He was jealous of me working with you. Mr. Kenton. Jealous of me. But he could drive and he could walk a mountain in not pub. Yeah, but he felt I might still have feelings for you. And he felt threatened when he saw how you handled your cheer batter. Right. So you made up a girlfriend for me and called her Beverly drains. I did love, yeah. Christ. You're madder than me. Thank you very much. Jolene. And Wayne. And now we... Oh, do you want to do the bit, the scripty bit? Oh, God. I have to sing from a supper. I'll just find it, sorry. I lost focus for a minute. I was raised. Honestly, I've only had half a lot of time to lose him. Practically on the floor. It's because you're tired. I know. I shouldn't. I've been in this situation before where, you know, if you're tired doing this, you shouldn't have a drink because basically you're just not at all. Yeah, well, the tiredness can sometimes make you feel slightly. A bit giddy, yes, exactly, exactly. But if... And it's a big if... You've enjoyed the show. Please give us your time to come here and ramble. If you've enjoyed the show, please give us a review on iTunes or Spotify or wherever you like. And you can find us on Facebook, on Twitter, @@onambridge. Vibrize is @fabulousfabrize. Or you can email us with your thoughts, plot predictions or what you think we all look like. Send some photos. Send some like, you know, like in police things where they do mug shots. Yeah. @ambridgeonthecouch@gmail.com. Oh, that's... I'm finished. Sorry. I'm sorry. I want to reiterate. @ambridgeonthecouch@gmail.com. And thank you all for responding about the whether or not you want... Oh, yes. ...recording of the diaries or the text of the diaries. As I'm going to do both anyway, I might as well just send both. So... I bet your... I bet the response for "please record" was overwhelming. It was three quarters to record. Oh, to chart. Three quarters record, one quarter. No, I like... I like reading it. Yeah, but they weren't... They didn't sort of spare... They didn't say, "I really like reading it." And I would hate to listen to it. So, they would actively hate to listen to it, you know. And I would definitely unsubscribe if you recorded it. Yeah, if you recorded it. "Come to your house and shoot you." No, they did not say that, so that is good. Good. So, I'll do both, basically. Great. So, you can have a choice and if you want to listen through your ears, you can. And if you want to listen through your eyes, you also can. Now, Matt has... But considering he's planned an alcoholic party for 742 people, I don't know how he's had the time to do this as well. But anyway, he said, "As Chris is spending a lot of time thinking about Alice's crash and how it couldn't have been her driving, his persistence is quite police-y. Hence, he's used the Inspector Morse theme." As you probably know, the start of the piece is the name Morse depicted in Morse code. I did not know that. I did not know that. Wow. "I have changed it," he said, so the start spells out something else in Morse code and repeats throughout the piece. So, we want you, listeners, to work it out. And if you get it right, you get a chicken plucker drill bit. You don't pray. But, yes. So, if you can work out what it says in Morse code, then you have to email us and tell us what you think it is. Wow. Who knows Morse code these days? I don't know. Soldiers. Spiles. Matt. I bet Alex doesn't... Alice is having a party. She doesn't care. Yeah, exactly. Matt's like, "Hey, Alex. Do you want to work out?" She didn't know. No, I don't. She's dropping a party. Her hat on wonky. One of her false eyelashes is dangling off. She doesn't care. She's swinging direct from a bottle of gin. She's 50 and she looks 33. Yep. Absolutely. She's loving life. Happy birthday, Alex. Happy birthday, Alex. Thank you very much, Matt. Thank you all of you for listening. And we'll be back next week. And I will leave you in the capable hands of Inspector Morse. Yeah. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ What did it spell? I'm not telling you. Okay. Bye. Bye.