Ambridge on the Couch

When the motorhome's a-rockin'...run, run for the love of God run - BBC The Archers

In this week's episode, Paul gets ants in his pants and Joy makes Jeff jittery.

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Duration:: 1h 7m
Broadcast on:: 23 Jun 2024
Audio Format:: mp3

Love this podcast? Support this show through the supporter feature from Maycast. It's up to you how much you give and there's no regular commitment. Just hit the link in the show description to support now. This season Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites like snack packs and fresh fruit. And they've got your back to school supplies like backpacks, binders and pencils. And they've got your back when your kid casually tells you they have a huge school project to do tomorrow. Let's face it, we were all that kid. So first, call your parents to say I'm sorry and then download the Instacart app to get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes all school year long. That is $0 delivery fee with your first three orders while supplies last, minimum $10 in order additional term supply. Welcome to Ambridge on the couch and in depth look at the arches with me, Jeff Thomas, Lucy Freeman, Harriet Carmichael, Matt Rodriguez Payne and James Everett. Now before we make a start on your emails, let's have a recap of what happened this week in Ambridge. This week was brought to you by everyone worrying about everyone else deciding not to tell them things for fear of upsetting them, then accidentally telling them anyway and upsetting them. We began the week with Justin at the cafe with Fallon who was worrying about Duke, which was slightly surprising as I'd have bet ready money that Fallon had no idea what Oliver's horse was called or indeed who Oliver was, but there we are. Justin was worrying that Paul was going to half-inch his cafe table, but Paul on the other hand was worrying about something to do with Fallon that he clearly wasn't going to tell us all about. Then Krusty started talking about it as well. Just as I was shouting, oh fine don't tell us and it'll be crap anyway, they did, and it was. All she'd done was get drunk and wrapped a snoop dog on the bar. I think that's probably the death penalty in boardchester, but she seemed to have survived unscathed largely by forcing Paul to wear her coat in the hope that he'd get nicked instead. In the gods of script truly shined on us by giving us a scene in which Tony, Alice and Adam all featured, come friendly bombs and fall on bridge farm. George was 10 minutes late for work and got completely bollocked by Tony. Adam said he suddenly wanted to take the entire morning off, and Tony said absolutely Adam take as long as you want. I wonder what distinction Tony was making there. Alice said she'd left London in a bit of a muddle, which I imagine was due to the bottle of muddle she downed before she got the train. Poor Paul went off to the doctor under the impression that Etienne had opened up their relationship to pubic lice. Turned out Etienne had only given him amps, which is fine if a bit stingy, but not as stingy as this relationship is clearly going to become, so my advice is to run away from Etienne very fast immediately, yes he will miss him for a little bit, but that's why God made grinder. We woke up in a caravan with Mick and Joy, which was disturbing on many levels. Not exactly sure what had been going on, but whatever it was involved Joy being glad she'd got rid of her sling. There was a lot of unnecessary clattering from Mick to remind us we were in a sweaty untidy tin box, which sounds frankly horrendous. Oliver rang and fortunately for us Mick put him on speaker by mistake, which was lucky as otherwise we'd have missed half a storyline. Oliver pointed out that Mick looked like a kebab that had been left in a hedge in the rain, and not the super efficient chilled steel security guard he's supposed to be. Mick trotted back to Joy in the caravan to tell her that he looked to mess, and instead of suggesting he might want to do something about that then, she started ironing things and cooking his breakfast for the love of God woman, pull yourself together, I don't care how many times he taught you up in the roof. Mick seems to be quite keen to avail himself of all the opportunities offered by Gay Grables, mostly after hours and illegitimately, he's like a 15 year old working in Woolies who regards the pick and mix as a perk. Justin is leaping on the opportunity to give Alice the boot. He cannot wait, and is interviewing Carl Otter, who sounds far too glamorous to be stomping about shoveling shit. And poor Dr Malick, one week she's got people doing group visits to her surgery, now even the patient she's supposed to be seeing isn't coming in, but he's inviting her to sit on the handbrake in the car park, with her brother perched on the booster seat in the back with his knees up by his chin. Good news from Fallon and Harrisman, turns out all she needed was a night out in Borchester with a pounce on her head and a day hunched over a pile of twigs. They made up. Well done everybody. Next, and finally Alice and George, who both told the truth. Alice finally managed to listen to the still small voice inside that she'd been trying to drown for years, and if she keeps that up she'll stand a good chance of recovery. And Hero of the Week was George, who when asked by Adam if he'd like to go out for a pint with him, reared back in alarm and responded as if Adam had asked if he'd like to be bitten by a snake. Keep this up and you have us all cheering from the rooftops, the end. Yeah, yes, I like to think of when Alice said that she'd left London in a bit of a muddle, I'd like to think that it was London that was in the muddle by the time that Alice had been there for weeks. Yes, it's a bit of a mistake now. It's all right. Not at all. I don't know what the fuss is about London, it's a beautiful place. It's like smoking ruin, and Alice on the train to board just a blithely waving from the winter. I've left it, how can I put this kindly? I've left it in a bit of a muddle. Yes, I think my favourite bit of the week was George, should we go for a pint of a pint? No. Are you out of your mind? What? What makes you think I'd want to do that? It wasn't really fantastic acting from Adam this week all around, wasn't it? I particularly like him when he's in Motivational mode. Yes. Come on, Alice. But then when they were at the court, she said, "Oh my God, I can't believe you know." Well, at the start, she was sort of saying, "I'm worried, but I've just got to be strong and everything else," and he was going, "He sort of undoes it. He gets half of it right. He goes, 'Don't worry, whatever happens, it'll be fine.' I mean, if it isn't fine, it'll be an absolute catastrophe and you'll go to prison for years. But it probably won't happen. He's like the worst person. It'd basically be the end of your life, you know, and then you'll be a complete pariah and nobody's ever going to want to speak to you again. But it probably won't end up like that. But you'll probably be fine. Yeah. It's like he can do it for half the sentence and then the second half just deteriorates and it's like, yeah, it's not going to be good that this is it, let's face it, let's face it. But you know, don't face it. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. I can't be proud of him. He starts every sentence as piglet and ends as Eeyore. He's a Dr. Piglet and Mr. Eeyore. Yes, no, he was being particularly, you know, when she said, "Adam's been brilliant." I was thinking, "No, he hasn't. He's been there, and I suppose when you're Alice, that's, you know, because unless you're trained, you can't be brilliant with somebody like Alice, you can literally just be there and accept that they're going to be a nightmare and put up with it, and that's, I guess, what he's doing. Yeah, and I do, I actually think there is some value to honesty in those circumstances, actually. Yeah. So there's not a lot of point in pretending that it's not an enormous shit show, which could have very serious consequences, or already has had serious consequences, but could have serious consequences for Alice as well. I suppose, you know, you could, you could sort of try and smile your way through that, but actually, I'm not sure it's really helping. And anyway, that smiling your way through it goes along with the whole addiction thing. You shouldn't do that. You shouldn't be going. Yep. This is awful. It's not. It's very, very far from good, but it is your fault, and it is your fault, but it's okay, because you're not perfect and everyone makes mistakes and you will get through it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So Adam's like, it's not perfect, it's very far from perfect, but it's okay, and you might get through it, or you might die. Yeah. Yeah. He's, I mean, yes, he's just, he's really close and yet, miles away, yes, but you know, it's really difficult and we shouldn't, we shouldn't slag him off for that because if it was easy, we wouldn't have so many addicts because their families would be able to steam in and just get them a pat on the back and say, come along, everything will be fine, and then off they go. I'm not slagging him off for that. I'm just slagging him off for being Adam because Adam just exactly because Adam absolutely wouldn't matter if he was, you know, commentating on the snooker. I'd still be having exactly the same issues with him, I think. How did you find the, because I know you're, you're well-known love of the, of the, of the radio intimate. How did you feel about joy and Mick this week? No. Well, you know how I felt about it because you were there, and it was all I could do to keep the car on the road. I was cringing so hard. You just kept going, oh, no, oh, try not to drive into the hedge. I love the way that she's so breezy about it when Fallon and Kirstie are quite sort of coy, you know, and she's like, oh no, you know, why, she said, oh, you look, you look full of joy, joy. Well, that's down to Mick and this magic performing cop, what do you mean? Look, if the fans are rocking, or no, no, don't, don't, please, please, joy, don't, oh, no. Tell you what, he does this thing, I was waiting for the kind of, for it to, for it to ramp up because, and do you think they're, they're bonking on the roof? Oh, no, that was the, that was the theft definitely implied. Yeah. But joy, Mick's going to get the sack easily, what's the matter with him? Has he never had a, a job before where, you know, you don't, well, he was a roadie, wasn't he? Yeah. And I think probably, you know, not, not turning up with your clothes, not ironed. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, taking advantage of any opportunities that might come your way is a, is a different story when, when you're not working in a five-star hotel. You're entitled to a quick rummage through the stock cupboard when you've been there for two years. That's, you know, you don't, when you're still on probation, you don't go, that reminds me I need a stapler. I must, I'll just write that down. Pop back into the office. I'm not working, I pop back into the office whenever I'm running a bit short of posters. No, he's, he, I think he is going to get the sack. Yes. He's just tearing the arse out of it to start to degree. He is. And it was so disappointing that instead of saying, right, do you know what, I've got to pull myself together. I am turning up to work looking like a tramp. Joy, Joy went rushing in and, and, you know, he can use an iron for crying out loud, surely. Yeah. Well, I think she, yeah, you know, she was still in the post-coital glow, wasn't she? Yeah. Yeah. But in the post-coital glow, your first thought is not, I must do some ironing, surely. Or is it? I don't know. Sometimes I suppose. In a post-coital glow, you do ironing. Yeah, yeah. Do you? Well, you might as well, you might as well do it when you're feeling good about it, you know. Yeah. But rather than simmering with resentment. Yeah. Exactly. Matt's, Matt Rodriguez Payne was very, very cross with Oliver about me. Was he? Yes, and said, uh, can I volunteer, no, but of the week as Oliver, there is a way to speak to people. And he was, in my humble opinion, unnecessarily rude to Mick, who while obviously was a scruffy git, has the job of maintenance, I believe, so it couldn't be outside the realms of chance for him not to be wearing his Sunday best and spats. But he's not maintenance. He's security. That's security. That's right. And for security. You know what security men are like. They've kind of got that. Yeah. They all love to pretend that they're ex-special forces or some shit, don't they? Definitely. And they like having a little headpiece and the big suit and the shiny shoes. Yeah. That's somebody that looks like they were the most likely suspect to have nicked or whatever it was. You know, he doesn't, he doesn't fill you with confidence really, does it? No, no. I think he... I think that's what Oliver was getting at. And again, if you're head of security at the local travel lodge, then... Yes. You know, and you haven't balded your boots that morning, you'll probably get away with it. Yeah. But, uh, this is gay gravels. Yeah. Where people wear apparently two grand sunglasses. Exactly. And insane. Yes, it is. Yeah. That even two sunglasses worth £2,000 get made is mad in itself. Did I... By the way, did I... I think I might have misunderstood something with the missing ring, so to speak. Did you say you found it in a chambermaid's bag? Well, exactly. So, that was okay. That was what I also understood. I thought it was a Hoover bag. That's how I made sense of that in my head, because clearly then the chambermaid has licked it. No? Yes. Well, that's... Yes. That's what I got from the story. Right. And then... And then then Mick said... So, that was all completely fine. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. No. Not ha-ha-ha, Mick. But I bet you... But I bet you... Stealing is bad, Mick. We've been through this on the course, do you remember? Yes. Stealing not good. People hanging onto the property that they arrived with. Beaving things where they are good. Yes. But then... But then Oliver didn't upbrae him for thinking it was hilarious that the chambermaid had nicked the guest's ring. Yeah. He upgraded him for his, you know, for his general demeanor and appearance. So... Yeah, no, I... Maybe we just did misunderstand that. Okay. Maybe we should re-listen, because I clearly... No, Christ, no. I'm not doing that. I'm not be joking. Right. I have to listen to Joe. No, I might... Mick enjoyed it. Yes, exactly. I might get noises again, and I can't... I just can't, with the noises, I'm afraid. In the... The police where I work in the village, somebody stole the throw cushions from the little hotel. Last week... Good God. It's a very nice, it's a very nice little boutiquey hotel, and the cleaning lady went up there and said, "What have you done with the cushions? Where are them?" She said to the owner, "Where are they? Have we moved them? They're cleaning them." And she said, "No, they should be there, and they hunted everywhere, and they'd gone." Well, presumably they have those guests... Yes, but she said, "Oh, I don't feel like I can't... Bloody white. I can accuse them." What if... I mean... But who else... I mean, it's got to be them. They were there. The guests were there. The cushions went. You know. Unless they're in the chamber mains bag-lose, you never think about that. Yes. Along with a ring and some credit cards. Yeah. Yeah. And a portion of Thai curry. Yeah. Actually, you normally have a type of wear full of food by the time you come home from... I do. It's great. And I live off that for the rest of the week. Penny Roberts has questions about the Bartleby storyline. Really? Yes. She says, "How will the 1,500 be split ten ways, or will there be prolonged and occasionally vicious arguments over who did all the work looking after him?" Of course there will. Jake essentially- This is the grondies we're talking about. Jake essentially forced the sale, but I can't see George happily agreeing to him getting a 150 quid when he's never mucked out, filled a haybag, or fed him horse nuts. I foresee weeks of drama of the Grundy clan disintegrating as they each spend their money before they even get it. Oh, yeah. If they want to do. Yes. Good shout. Penny, do you write this? No. I think that there is a very, very good possibility that exactly all of that is going to happen. Yes. Especially the spending it before they've got it. I do think it's a little unkind to pin the sale of Bartleby entirely on Jake. Bearing mind, he didn't actually vote for it. He just didn't vote against it. He spoiled his paint had basically, didn't he? Yes. I was thinking the W may not well have stood for whatever, and it could have stood for something for George. Another Jeff has a message. That what? Yes. There is one. Yes. I'm not sure about this Lucy. This week I was listening into the number one podcast available. That is us. It was disturbed by a sudden ad break. I know these ads are personalized, but this is ridiculous. What I heard was find joy this summer with KLM Royal Dutch Airlines. Amazing. The joy found this really was super personalization, but there are a few loose ends. They didn't say where joy actually is. Is skippole sufficient or do I need an onward connection? And to where? Also, will Mick be there too? Hot tub ready in his budgie smugglers, or even fingers crossed, the elusive Rochelle. Obviously, I'm waiting in hope that the next personalized ad will fill in these gaps, he says. Yes. He was probably nearly 40 times a year with KLM, and I've never seen joy. So I... You've never found joy with KLM? No, I haven't. No. I think that may be sort of what they call it, false advertising. Misleading, at the very least. Yes. Because the sandwiches, the pitiful sandwiches that they hand out these days, aren't sparking joy in anybody. That's for them, sure. No. But... Oh, I was reminded of something there. What was the second half of the email? That would make me there in his budgie smugglers in the hot tub, or Rochelle. Rochelle, that was it, right. Yes. So, there were definite signs. Yes. I really, really hope they're not stringing this along again, because there were definite signs towards the end of this week that joy is going to tell. Yes. Well, it was the miraculous everybody being hunched over pile of twigs made them all have an epiphany. Yeah. And so, felons was... An epic fanny. An epic fanny. I am going to be less of a cow to harassment, and joy is what I'm going to open up to Mick, which was a bit worrying, because from what she'd said, it sounded like she'd opened up a fair bit already. I can't imagine. Oh, yeah. No, I'm sorry. I'd wide open up, and I could say it to them. Stop it. God. No, don't, don't. Don't. And in numerous locations as well. Yes. I've walked up on the roof, I've walked up on the caravan. But, talking of, talking of Fallon... But, God for that, I thought... Yes. Well, I mean, we listened this morning to yesterday evening's episode and you witnessed my eye when Fallon in the nick of time for this show. So everything we'd wanted to say. Exactly. Yes, exactly. Because she was being utterly unreasonable. When we listened to the one where she was just sort of saying, you know, nope, nope, you're not allowed anything. It's mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. I know I got very cross about it. I did too. And then obviously, you know, that's good script writing because when a character acts out of character and then catch themselves, that's, you know, that's... No, it's not because we've got all angry about it, but can't actually... Now you have to go wild on balance. Yes, exactly. Then I have to say, well, okay, she got there in the end. But no, she was, yeah. It was very... I thought Harris, Harrisman used a lovely phrase, though, where he said something like thinking up a baby. I've built this up into a baby. I've built this into a baby or something like that. And it was, he's gone from an idea to potential to paperwork and none of it's making a baby for him. And, you know, it was very... It is really sad, but I'm not going to say it's really sad again because every week I say, it's really sad. But yes, that felt like a more... Because they've had a few reconciliations where you think, oh, maybe they're back on track and then they're not. No, because they haven't actually... Exactly. They hadn't launched the boil previously. No. No, they think now they have. And that might actually be the end of that storyline to all inteds purposes. And instead, we move on to Alice. And George, who's hanging around the edges of that storyline, isn't he? I think he is, yeah. George is on the edge, I think. Crack up or crack at least and just throw his arms up and say, it's a fair cop. It was me watching it and no mistake. I'll come quiet, et cetera, et cetera. Because he's going to panic now when he finds out she's... Because he's going to say, well, who does she think did it then? Who does she think did it? And then he's going to... Then he knows that the police, the solicitor's going to start ferreting around looking for evidence and, you know, he's going to... Yeah. Good. Good, good, good. Because it doesn't do him any. Even if you liked George in some weird parallel universe, you liked George. I do quite like George, I think. You like George, but you don't like what George's behaviour? Some of the time, certainly. He's a much more rounded character than he was a couple of years ago. Yes, yeah, that's true. But even if you liked him and wanted him to get away with it, ultimately, it would be a terrible thing for him as a person to get away with that, to have that always, always hanging over. Oh, yeah, yeah. It would be like torture. And he wouldn't ever forget it. He wouldn't ever... Well, especially as he's getting away with it, it means Alice's life being in Tatas, even Tatiya Tatas than it already is. I know it sounds ridiculous, but the fact that she was unable to say guilty, because she knew somewhere that she wasn't, that is such a good sign, because she started to put herself over other people. She's not defining us. Other people are saying to her, "This is what you need to do, to do what we want." And she's going, "No, that's not right. That's not what I want." And that's a huge progress. And also, she has been quite vocally down on herself and sort of saying, "Oh, I'm a complete disaster. I'm a catastrophe. I'm a waste of space. I'm bad for everybody. Everything I touched her to shoot." And actually, she stood in that courtroom and thought, "No, I didn't do that. I wouldn't have done that. That's not me." And that's also an incredibly important step, I think, in reclaiming her sense of self-worth. I mean, all that other stuff. That's typical alcoholic, bollocks self-pitying. "I'm not good enough. I might as well just give them diamonds." Which just makes you want to throttle people. Right, this is from Anne, who says, "Lillian found Duke's paperwork after all. Might it show that all of it wasn't up to date with Duke's care and might have been the source of the strangles?" Don't, don't. According to my father, my mother's grandfather would end grace before meals with "for Christ's sake" sounding more exasperated than without, rather like the response of Alan and Harrisman's service. Yes, there's quite a lot of... What do you call it? We take God's name in vain, perfectness. Blaspheaming. Blaspheaming. Blaspheaming. Blaspheaming, yes. And she said, "I really, really, really want to know about Joy and her daughter." Well, Anne, I think the end, I think you may be getting there. But hopefully they're going to open the box office soon and we can all get tickets. Helen, who found us accidentally, when our podcast started playing on her nine-year-old speaker after her kid's story had finished on Spotify, and I'd gone to her bedroom to turn it off, I thought I'd better give it a listen to make sure she hadn't heard anything she shouldn't have. But she did. So she said, "I've been listening to the archers on and off for 20 years and I've no one to talk to about it." So you have found us, who are Helen? Well done. So where is Helen then, if she don't know what is wrong with it? Helen's in Lancashire. So the novice to the archers? No, there's the blackout ban. Yeah. She said, "Just a quick question, has Brad ever had an autism diagnosis or has he's ever been discussed? It seems pretty obvious to me that he's on the spectrum, including his social awkwardness and inability to read social situations. Also seeing things in very black and white terms and his affinity for numbers. It only occurred to me after it was mentioned last week that Brad was a bit of a tinker as a kid. Neurodivergent children are often labelled as the naughty kid. So I asked whether it had ever been mentioned. I think this would be an amazing story and it would be nice to have an ND character in the archers highlighting the challenges they face and represented as an ordinary character rather than in a stereotypical way. Yes, it has been mentioned, but by us. Yes, not on the show. Not on the show. I don't think has it. When he was going off to university and he got a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of lots of people and all that. We talked about it quite a lot, didn't we? Yeah, yeah. So I think it's there, but I agree with you, Helen, that it's much better to do it rather than a, "Here I hope, you know, let us dealing with autism." Yes, oh no, he's caught autism. Yes. No, it's not a disease, mother. It could be absolutely beltingly awful, but I think they're going to do it in a nice subtle way where he's going to say, "Look, you know, I find these things..." Well, he sort of has happened already, because Tracy said to him, "If you find those things difficult, it's fine, don't, you know, find something that suits you." Because he spoke to Jazza, didn't he, and said, "I'm not ready to go away. I'm not ready to leave." I mean, so I don't have a, well, maybe I do have more experience than I realise. A great deal of experience of neurodiversity, but I quite like that approach, because you've got Brad, who may very well be neurodivergent. You've got Jakob, who I think almost certainly is, and who I love very, very much for his neurodivergence. I loved it when Lillian said, "Oh, Jakob, I could kiss you," and he said, "No, there's no need for that." And he's right basically. He's got the mace right out. Don't want to let me relate to your game, just right in the kisser. Just because he's palm right across Lillian's face and he's holding her at length. No, just stay where you are. Because I think it's normalized. I think it's a bit like the old mental health. It used to be... The old mental health. The old mental health. It used to be that, you know, there'd be whispers, "Oh, he's got the old mental health." And these days, of course, everybody is wagging on about their mental health. Thank goodness, because that's exactly as it should be. And I hope, I trust and hope, that we are heading the same way with neurodivergence and autism and ADD and all that. Where it's just part of life and nothing. And actually, you know, a lot of people are... I mean, you know, what the hell is normal? Yeah. A lot of people have got... A lot of people are happily peculiar, and I'm definitely one of those. And so are you. Yes. More power to them. Exactly. So I'm off. And I don't know whether you need to whack a label on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Right. Now, Gene Rose. Auntie Gene. Hello Auntie Gene. Says, "We ride at dawn on Monday the 24th of June. Because Jim, Bartleby's friend, is still alive, and Jim and Bartleby will be paired, and it will be very cruel to separate them. I am very cross." Blimey. OK. Auntie Gene knows a great deal more about this than I do. Ponies, really. Sometimes ponies and other species as well. You can have like a pony in a goat or something like that. When they pair bond with another animal, it becomes... You know, if that animal's moved, if that animal's even taken away to the vet for a day, they will pine. The fact that Bartleby is paired with Jim and... Who's Jim or what is Jim? Jim was a little pony, like a Shetland, and I can't remember how Jim ended up in the series, so somebody will tell me us. But yes, they've been together for a long time. I mean, whether they're still at Grange Farm, whether Jim's still at Grange Farm, I don't know. If Jim is a tiny pony as well, then how come Bartleby is the celebrity? Because Bartleby isn't tiny. He's old. Bartleby is a Northern horse. It's a tiny horse. No, it's not tiny. No. What? Where did you get that title? No, I don't know. I don't know. What's what anymore? My entire world has been turned upside down now. Bartleby used to pull Joe's horse. But Joe's caught. I really, really need more attention to this. That's right. No, it wasn't. The art world's oldest horse. That was what they were. It's good you don't like horses, is it? It is because they all try and kill me. Every horse I have ever met has tried to kill me. Some more surreptitiously, more surreptitiously than others I would have made. Some more more cunning. Yes, but they are all definitely out for me. Right. Okay. We've had a little spate of people talking about birthdays and anniversaries. That way. Kate says it's dawned on me that it's not long been Neil and Susan's ruby wedding anniversaries. I don't recall any mention of this. I even thought about. How do we know? Is Kate keeping track of these things? Yes. People do. Hey. Wow. She said I then thought about ambridge wedding anniversaries in general. It seems to me that while the world and his wife remember the birthdays at the most obscure and unconnected of fellow residents, we don't often hear of couples marking their anniversary whether landmark ones or not. Clarion Eddy's vow renewal aside. There aren't actually that many long-term marries now, Jenny's gone. Apart from the aforementioned Grundy's and Carter's, I can only think of David and Ruth. People tend to die split up or move away. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, and she also said did we realise that the infamous shower scene with Jolien and Sid was 25 years ago. Good. I hope it stays there 25 years ago. That's not how time works. Honestly, you and Harry are terrible. Um, Helen Sherwood has said, um, who else thought that Fallon had snogged Paul on the big night out? Yeah, of course. Yeah. I'm sure we were supposed to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And honestly, she got up on the bar and wrapped to Snoopy Dogg Dogg or whatever it is the kids call him these days. Yes. Uh, we've all done, I've died did worse than that yesterday, probably, without even, you know, no. Yes, I was there. Yes. Um, uh, now we have an email from tomato tomato, or tomato tomato, depending on how Lily is feeling. Uh, who said, um, Paul and Fallon. This is a. This season, Instacart has your back to school. As in, they've got your back to school lunch favorites, like snack packs and fresh fruit. 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As far as I know, the second time we've heard Paul dealing kindly and sensitively with someone who is drunk and the first was Rory, who on air did explicitly make sexual advances towards him. Paul was very understanding and generous about it, although he understandably didn't hang around to look after Rory all night. And I was very strongly reminded of that occasion in the aftermath of Fallon's excursion into Alice territory to make matters even more confusing sexuality wise. The song Fallon allegedly wrapped to, Sweat, is the radio-safe version of a song imaginatively entitled "Wet", which is sung by a man who wishes to put a certain lady into what we used to refer to at school as "A State of Happiness". I can't see where it's going, but as Fallon was out in public and possibly made sexual advances to Paul, maybe that would be the death blow for her and Harrison. Side note, I really didn't like Paul at first, because he sounded like every line was delivered as a condescending sneer, but absolutely everything he's done and said in my opinion shows it to be a really good egg. It may be a bit annoying that partying is his solution to everything, but he is compassionate, respectful, generous, and actually really mature and responsible. Yeah, no, I don't disagree with any of that, I think that's spot-up. She said, "Joy, so many plausible theories, but I just can't get on board with the one where Joy has done something terrible. She is so thoroughly lovely. I've also been in a number of abusive relationships, one of which is familiar and has involved a family member finding out the addresses and contact details and friends of next partners by various means. I read her reaction to having her address put filched as fear and betrayal rather than chilling. Any anger arising from the shock that someone close to her would invade her privacy and safety that way. Yes, yeah. So to the first point, I think Joy has always been lovely because, as you know, she used to work as the secretary for Jacko in breaststrokes, and she was lovely then as well. So it's hard to see where she could have fitted in anything awful between her job as the secretary for Jacko in breaststrokes, in which she was charming and... And called Sandra. I think it was Sandra, I'm not sure about that. She was charming and funny, and being Joy now who's charming and funny as well, she's not going to have a dark episode in between those two. No, no. This is from Jin David, who says... Oh, I haven't gotten upstairs, says Mick. Never were truer words spoken on the arches. Yes, that caravan is just so grim. It's not a remarkable job bearing a mind. This is radio, you know, and of course, we haven't seen the caravan, but I think I certainly have a very clear picture in my mind. Yeah. I've just watched health and safety and hygiene smells like hot bodies in a metal box in a car park. It's just too grim for words. I can't even, Lucy. Ray Bedo has ventured into the people looking like people, you know, what the cast looks like. Ray Bedo, isn't this here actor? Is that an actor called Ray Bedo? Sounds like it, doesn't it? Go on, keep talking. I'm going to look it up. He said, "Just a quick comment on your running subject to what characters look like. Can I be so bold as to go a little off-piste and say whenever I hear you, Lucy, I think of Sandy Toxvig for some reason." Strange that because I saw you once at Birmingham Town Hall, and I don't remember you looking like her. Still loving the show. Thank you, Ray. Why were you hanging about at Birmingham Town Hall? We were doing a live show. Back on the other show. Yes. In the old days. Yes. Yes, I think we're both quite curt and snappy. I think that's probably what's doing in that for you, Ray. And also, someone said the other day, "You don't have to look like Claire Baldwin." So... What? Yes. I don't know. So, clearly, I've cornered blonde lesbian. Is my go-to. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not Claire Baldwin, though. No. Martina Navratilova, possibly. Right, this one is for you from Vicky. Is it? Yes, this is Hedy. Oh, Vicky. Mostly Jeff. Oh, I like the sound of this one. Yeah, I was going to say, you'd like all emails. That would be fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hmm. Finally, firstly, I was intrigued to hear Jeff tell me I was number 30 in the queue on the phone to the GP surgery on Monday morning, she said. I was hoping for a breeze would take over when I reached single figures, but it was not to be. Oh, yeah, no. Are you moonlighting? That's my morning job, yeah. You also drink cashew. Remember sex, please. It's done live. Oh, okay. You are cooler number 23 in the line, and then I have to do it for each of them. Sorry, Vicky. Someone's nipped in just in front of you. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't that rude. I'd have a word if I were you. Anyway, sorry. No, obviously not me. I'm afraid. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Jeff, Harriet does all the voices in the world apart from these two. And Jeff and I are hanging onto these by the skin of our teeth. I have to tell you. Well, I do voice over work, but only for the company that I work for in my day job. So unless you happen to work for the same company as me, you won't have heard me. And it's not a GP. But I do. It's funny though. I do get recognised around. It's a very large company, a very large global company about sort of 300,000 employees. And I get, I get recognised by my voice all around the world. Wow. But it's, it's, it's quite a specific pool and not a great deal of use to me. Celebrity wise. She also said on the subject of dating, I think Jeff mentioned his son had a girlfriend. And it reminded me of the conversation I had with my granddaughters. I was reliably informed that the first stage is talking. Yeah. Okay. That sucks. Nothing serious, but showing an interest. Yeah. Next, we have a situation ship. Ah, that's right. No commitment from one or both, but doing relationship things. Yes. That's right. Yes. Incidentally, one of them was in this stage for about a year and kept saying, "He just hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet." Finally, there's a relationship. Yeah. This puts a firm label on the agreement and they become an item. Yeah. It all seems very stayed and proper somehow. Yeah. Although there was no mention of one night stands probably because they didn't feel I needed to know that. I'd say that Mick and Joy have definitely reached the relationship stage after Tuesday night episode. That is the official label, aren't they? Gay Graebels has become a complete shit show. I've stayed at Better Run B and B's to be honest. Also, where was the ring? I thought at first it was in the chamber maze bag. Oh, yeah. But listening again may be VAC. Incidentally, that's where my Sapphire earrings turned up, but we don't talk about that. Or me and losing earrings in general, really. Okay, maybe that would, I mean, it would make more sense if she'd factored up. Although that's what you do, wouldn't it? Yes. You wouldn't stick it in your pocket and stick it into the VAC and then get it back out of the VAC when you were like, "If you thought nobody'd noticed." Yeah. She said, "Oh God, this is such a Vicky. Stop blowing smoke. This is ridiculous." I think Jeff was absolutely right, she says, to say, "Harrisman's realization that it will never become a father had devastated him. And unless he comes to turn with that, it's curtains for him and Fallon." Oh, and then she said, "Lucie, I love your diary and look forward to each installment. I'm thinking of buying a diary of Rich Lady on Audible, but I worry it won't be as good as yours. That's it. I'm done." Ha ha! Vicky, you have to get it. You have to get the derivative of a provincial lady on Audible. Particularly because the woman that reads it, and it doesn't matter that I can't remember in there because she's the only one reading it, is absolutely fantastic. It's so brilliant. Honestly, you will love it. Yes. Perhaps I'll do that as well then. Can I just say that I think Vicky is my favourite listener, and she's incredibly astute, I think, and very interesting points of view. Yeah. And she should write in much more than she does. Yes. To just have the Vicky and Jeff show, where she tells you you're fab but you say thank you thank you. Well, exactly. I mean, I've often thought that this amateur on the couch would only be a stepping stone for me to my true calling. Which is what? Being me and being fabulous all the time. In an accountant kind of a way. This is from Shahn, who sent us a screenshot from her apple car play inside her car. And it's put us in a section called alternative and punk. Yeah. But why not? Oh, no, sorry. She's put the archers in alternative and punk. Oh, I see. Mmm. Well, both of those. Not so sure about that. We are we are definitely more punk than the archers. Yes. Well, I'm not sure that's gone. It's more punk than the archers. Let's face this. But anyway. I'm not sure. It's really. No. No. She said read the crusty Fallon friendship a while back at least 10 years, I guess. crusty and Fallon worked together at Jax and went on double dates. crusty and Iftikar with Reese and Fallon. Don't know why there hasn't been much in between. I completely forgot that. I'm sorry. What is what? What is Jax? Jax was a cafe that was owned by Jack Woolley who then sold it to Kenton in Rochester. OK. And what is an Iftikar? Iftikar was a chap who tutored. Because Elizabeth quite fancied him. He tutored Freddy in maths when Freddy was about to bugger all his exams. And he was a really nice bloke. And Elizabeth had the hots for him. And he'd been out with crusty for a bit. That's all I can remember. OK. Yeah. Right. I mean, Freddy might as well have bugged his exams to be honest with you. Well, he went straight from that to prison. Exactly. Yeah. Michael Gorman said I thought the archers hit a lower than usual trough a couple of weeks ago with strong storylines abandoned in favor of who cares what the hell is happening here scenes. It has come roaring back in the last week. I've been genuinely moved by and interested in the stories of the stables. Alice Fallon and the hapless Harrison and the clueless Alan. The machinations of the sinister, spiv, tough Justin and so on. Good script writing and acting too. Yes, it has. This week was good, I thought. It's been really good for a while, I think. And yes, you know, I mean, it wouldn't be the archers without silly weeks, would it? No. But no, I think it's been great. And actually made a lot more sense to me this week once I realized that it was Justin that Lillian was talking to and not Oliver who appeared to me to have had a complete personality transplant. What the hell is going on? Has everyone forgotten that he was really, really, he was really relaxed with Lillian last week and now he's now he's crossing. Then he was crossing. Now he's shouting at her and now he's saying I'm worried about you. Yes. This is going on. Now I've realized it's two different people. Yes. And Jolliver is not one of the same. No. No. But they do sound sufficiently similar to to occasionally catch. I don't know. I don't know what I was thinking about driving to be fair. Sarah says, I fear we may be seeing the end of Alice. The loss of her job. Wow. The court case going against her, Valium and undoubtedly alcohol. I think she may be doomed. If this does happen, it'll be a very sad reminder of how addiction works and how cruel it can be for all involved, however close. But on a lighter note, we did hear no knocking when the van is rocking. Yes. W2TF. Not sure if you're allowed to say that, but it really was one of those moments. Yes, it was Sarah. It was a mind-eye bleach moment. No, and we are definitely allowed to say WTF when it comes to things like that. Yes. Because it was horrendous. But to the original point, there's definitely a shaft of light through the clouds. For Alice. Yeah. Just at the end there, I reckon. Yeah. And she's definitely not going anywhere. Well, she's not going anywhere anytime soon now, is she? Because I don't know how realistic they will make it. But based on real life, I think, she wouldn't get a date at the magistrate's court before about the end of 2026. Yeah. Yes. So this really could run and run. Yeah. Oh, God. But it will give time. It will give Georgie time to sort himself out, won't it? Well, things crossed. Yeah. Sorry, my stomach's rumbling chaps. I haven't had any brekka yet. And Kate has said I spoke too soon because she emailed at the start of the week and now it's the end of the week. And she said, I shouldn't have complained about Mick and Joy not being in the same scene a few weeks ago. I'm convinced he'd have a "if the motor homes are rocking, don't come a knocking" sticker. And since when have he enjoyed being doing the deed, last I remember hearing, she was very wary of taking that step. And now she's flinging his jacket across the van with gay abandon. Yeah. She also said on a similar theme, I hadn't expected the dull Etienne situation to be an action line driven safe sex storyline. Yes, it was a bit. Poor old Dr. Malik. She must feel like a walking placard. Please wear a condom. Don't do this. Have sometimes a pan for alcoholism. Bob, Bob, I suppose that's the lot of the GP, isn't it? Could you put the air conditioning on in the car, please? Because it's a bit warm. Well, I'm hunched up here next to the world as originals. Um, Steve says the Fallon Harrison storyline had me swinging from one side to the other, so nuanced. I can understand Harrison turning to his faith, but then he should have been open with Fallon. I can understand Fallon's attitude to the miscarriage, but then she's overreacted to Harrison. The script writers are playing this really well. Haven't listened to Thursday or Friday yet, so my swings will, I'm sure, continue. Well, hopefully they've reached some sort of stability now. I mean, it bears repeating anything that Harrison wants to do by himself is under ought to be, and I think is now accepted as by Fallon as being completely fine. Anything he wants that he wants to drag her or her name into or do in public, not fine. And I think they both appear to have figured that out. Thank goodness. Thank goodness. This is from lovely Laurie Dudley. Oh, well, lovely Laurie Dudley. Who says? I was talking about lovely Laurie Dudley yesterday because he sent me the family tree and the book of everybody, what he has wrote about all the arts characters. When I first started, and I cannot tell you what a gods and that was. It's, I don't, I honestly don't know if I... It was one of those maps that National Trusters say you are here. Here is the world garden. I don't know if I'd have made it through, honestly, without those things. So what was I talking about and saying I needed a map for something else? Because I was telling you about somebody in the village and you said. Oh, that's right. And it turned out to be the sister-in-law of my next-door neighbours' arms. Yeah. So Laurie, if you would like please to come to Lucy's village and spend a year or two Figuring out exactly. We'll give you access to the, to the, to the census and yeah. Yeah, I'd very, very much appreciate it. Anyway, sorry, Laurie's email. It was, do you remember last week we were saying, have we ever heard Jake? Yes. Jake, who put the W on the ballot paper. Laurie says, I'm sure I'm not the first to point out we have occasionally heard Jake. Most recently when he went on a couple of dates with Chelsea who trod on his little heart. Oh, really? I'd completely forgotten that. So had I. You are correct, Laurie. Laurie said, I am also beginning to suspect. What did he say? I'm starting to think. Think. Pip might not. I'm starting to think. I'm starting to think. I'm starting. I'm starting to think. I'm starting to think. I'm starting to think Pip might not be pregnant after all. No. No. No. I think it would be having driving lessons by now, Laurie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Maybe she's just going to introduce a new child. Yeah. Just had in the meantime. You look tired, Pip. Yes, I am. What with having the baby and everything? Yes. Right. This is Claire Everett has appointed herself our physio correspondent for Ambridge on the couch, which I desperately need as I've stuffed my shoulder. Yes. Claire, if you could pop by, that'd be great. She said, as Lee is off the Ambridge scene, I'm going to promote myself to the resident physio of Ambridge. I am in awe of Joy's recovery since the slip off the bridge. She's gone from being struggling with her arm in a sling a week or so ago, just swinging from the 60 watt light bulb in mixed caravan and undertaking bushcraft activities with not a whimper of pain. Now we have Dr. Malik on the scene. I'm hoping for plenty of work. Claire Everett, available for all your physio therapy needs. Yes. I don't want to dwell on Joy swinging from the lampshades in mixed caravan. No, indeed, he'd heard doing bushcraft, to be honest with you. It was Mick. No, no, no. Joel is from Dallas in Texas. Is that Dallas? No, that's Dynasty, isn't it? No. I think that might. That is Dallas. That's Dallas yet. That's Dallas yet. Yeah. I'm sure I'm sorry. I missed the name of... Joel. I'm sure Joel has absolutely no. I don't know. It was an American series, wasn't it? Yeah, he said. I live in Dallas. Yes, that one. Yes. Okay, right. Good. He's been listening to the archers since 2015. Good work. But as I don't know anyone else who listens, I don't have anyone with whom I can discuss it, laugh about it or share my theories about Joy and Rochelle. Well, now you do. He said, "I vaguely recall some months or years ago that Joy confessed to Tawny that Rochelle didn't want to have anything to do with her, but she didn't elaborate. I think this statement was true, so I've come up with two theories about the cause." I don't remember that, Joel. No, I don't remember that either. She's only ever been sort of... She's only ever been, to my memory, she's only ever been sort of very vaguely positive about it. Yes. Yeah. Speaking of sparing with the detail. Well, that would be it. She did say that. Yeah. There's first theory, Joy abandoned Rochelle and her father and ran away with another man who later left her. Rochelle has never forgiven her. Mm-hmm. I think it's worse than that. Theory two. Related to Joy's surprising ability to validate and calm Ben when he had a psychotic break and went chasing after Best who he believed he could hear barking, although she was safely at home. Perhaps she learned to do this through dealing with Rochelle's father, who was a schizophrenic, and in order to devote all her time and care to him, she sent Rochelle away to live with other relatives and didn't see her for years. Or maybe she just ignored Rochelle and gave all her attention to her husband. Rochelle has never forgiven her for this. What do you think? Other people, Joel, when this first happened, said on the podcast, she's clearly dealt with this before because she's handling it in exactly the right way. And it was more than just luck that she just knew intuitively how to do it. It was kind of, she was using techniques that implied people thought that she dealt with it before. So whether that was Rochelle or whether it was an absent husband/father, I don't know. But yes, that seems likely to me. I have a hard time imagining that Joy has done something to hurt Rochelle. Because she seems to have an awful lot of love for Rochelle. I don't think whatever has happened was Joy's fault. I think Rochelle, when she talks about Rochelle, she's creating a dream daughter. She was captain of the cheerleading team. She was a dancer. She was a, it's not real. And I think Rochelle has either mental or physical restrictions that mean that she can't be the idealized. So Rochelle has, I don't mean, I don't mean that Joy is dismissive of her. But I think that she is, so Joy's created this, whatever happened, Joy is blaming herself for it. So she's created this false daughter that's perfect to comfort herself. If that were the case, she wouldn't have said what she said to Mick the other day about sort of hinting at that she was going to, because you would never ever be able to come clean about that. You'd have to keep that potential going forever and ever and ever. But I think Rochelle was maybe, is maybe in, I said, last week, not last week, I don't know, Harriet and I were talking about at some point, I said maybe she's in in care or she's in a halfway house for drug addicts or she's been released from prison or something like that. That's my guess. Right. Are you ready for a bit of what the Ellie's happening here? Always. Do you remember last week when, and I got it right? Can I just say, I'm going to say it anyway, that Jazza went in to pick up the keys from Ambridgeview and found Susan in a state. Yeah. It was a bikini. Ah, there we go. It was from 2014, Susan and Neil had won some money in the lottery and had decided to go on holiday to St. Lucia. This is James Everett telling me this. Susan had bought a new bikini with a sarong wrap, allowing it to transform from beach to bar. There we go. Neil requested Susan tries it on and thought she Jazza turned up to pick up the keys to the pigs. So, you were thinking Rudy type, Basque things weren't you? think I was that doesn't seem like something I think okay anyway so this is this week's yes you did you both did sorry we're really sorry I'm going to go and take a bath with candles and nice floaty music great yes you do that good plan I don't need your approval sorry that was it so that's really Freddy and Elizabeth with them clearly in the ship so whatever they've done well that's a real teaser James there's nothing to go on there you either remember that one or you don't I think was it a party was it something they'd done they said you're already stressed and we've made it worse they both sounded old it didn't sound like they were no they are now fairly recent yeah well who knows I've gotten no idea um it's the sketch now oh is it yeah I can't remember which one it is Jeffy what is it I mean did it that day before yesterday and it mentions a terrible thing ladies and gentlemen now I know what it is I know what it is it's the oh yes the women's yes it's it's when it's power yes so we are now crossing over to the rewilder rating where crusty is teaching the women of ambridge survival skills right so is everyone here oh squeeze up a bit auntie cardboard Sabrina's not got any of the fire there we go now welcome wild women to our rewilder rating survival skills all night when you say oh no we'll be going to sleep at some point I'm in the dairy at 30 tomorrow morning and it's why die an away day where are you going no why die when we sort out the way whatever that is put essentially wing in this day everything we never even went on a course Helen just sent us a powerpoint and we've been meddling through ever since oh well this is an all-night a clarry nocturnal survival skills do you see any tents any dormitories no but all our police lately and it begins to try wouldn't be the first time this is about strength not weakness clarry this is about discovering your inner woman warrior reinforcing your female energy and handing the power back to women to hello hello it is me Fabrizo fella what are you doing here frighten me to death looming up out of the darkness sorry it is my black cat suit very slimming I saw a sign for wild women all nighter and I thought it was some sort of Tina Turner tribute night or at least the rain Kelly why are you all sitting in the dark as your cabinet come we're not getting a cab we're staying here it's nocturnal survival skills yes I've certainly had a few nights I felt glad that I've survived but mostly they were in a travel lodge this is about fire lighting wild food gathering making shelters water purification oh not to come from that river would rather look condensation off a woodlands and go near that what is wild food plants fish maybe oh I win that then I brought prone mayonnaise sandwich with salad all meal bread too which is quite wild and outdoorsy it's not a competition and you're not even supposed to be here I will be quiet and listen until the mini cap turn up I promise there isn't oh fine now fire making does anyone know anything about friction fire yes soda cream is your friend there does anyone know how to start a fire George does but only in post boxes I've made a foyer look it's going lovely and I'm starving can we do the food gathering bit yes now if you are planning on going into the wilderness it's a good idea to take slow release energy food with you like oats raisins nuts for flapjacks no how can you make flapjacks on a mountainside over a campfire oh oh see not having the fan you mean you probably just have to get them a bit longer after you'd covered them in tin foil so they didn't catch this isn't a picnic clarry it's survival no it isn't yes it if you were planning on going into the wilderness if you were planning it you take sandwiches or don't go anywhere without sandwiches and emergency bike and what if you had to go into the wilderness unexpected because of maybe an ex-boyfriend always very very cross with you because of some things you might have said on instagram after you accidentally add some night nurse after Prosecco you don't seem to have grasped this at all it's about feeling secure in the knowledge that wherever you are however remote whatever time of day and night you have rudimentary survival skills and a minicap you who rexy I called him earlier I thought yours was taking too long where are you going I told you Tina Turner tribute act at night there is bound to be one somewhere and I am in mood now let's go Rexy bushing up the city limits oh wait for me oh sorry Kristy you can have me emergency bike and I'll leave it there have a lovely time you simply the best thank you very much February you you're you're welcome and you are welcome just copying Harriet that's why I do yes and so that's it we are done we're done we're done to understand that normally to say something yes there we go there's the last little bit so isn't there hmm hmm shall I do that now yes okay if you have enjoyed the show and I know that's a long shot but if you have enjoyed the show please give enjoyed the show yes in touch in touch they say do us off do do as though do also you have enjoyed the show please give us a review on iTunes or Spotify or wherever you like and you can find us on Facebook on Twitter at at on ambridge Febreze is at fabulous Febreze or you can email us at ambridgeonthecouch@gmail.com that's ambridgeonthecouch@gmail.com yes and Febreze is slightly huffier at the moment because everyone's treated him and said was he anything to do with is he the third party that Etienne wants to introduce into the relationship and he's very keen to make it clear that no he's not and he certainly would not touch with a rented the barge pole and he's also nothing to do with any crabs that may have infected Paul yes um so we are going out with a marvelous piece from Matt Rodriguez pain which I was very excited about when I played it this morning it is trumpet voluntary oh just lovely um so we'll go out with that thank you very much Matt as always thank you Matt for your contributions and to Jim Jams who's done a marvelous job but completely baffling us this week that was short and obscure rather like me and um we will see you next week yes and Harriet will be back next week ladies and gentlemen you will be pleased to know so it's been it's been it's I've had a I've had a good run I've enjoyed it very much but Harriet will be back next time's up now Jeff he's back in your bed anybody else okay I'll go out with Matt bye bye bye you