because it keeps the romance alive. Small gestures of love and affection go a long way in maintaining a strong emotional connection. This is what the song of Solomon said. Welcome to Mind Matters with Dr. J. A. Jones. Dr. Jones is the head pastor of the Faith Community Church of God in Orange Park, Florida. Relationships, finances, our spiritual life, whatever it is, our problems start with end in our minds. Dr. Jones explores mental wellness through the application of God's word in our lives. It's just what the doctor ordered. Let's join him now and dig into Mind Matters because your mind matters to God. Welcome back to Mind Matters with myself, Dr. J. A. Jones. And today we're going to deal with why marriage maintenance is important. There's so many marriages that are crumbling. They are falling. They are getting a divorce. They're separated. All of these issues. So it's so important for us to understand marriage. It's God's ideal. It is not man's ideal. God's ideal is for a man and a woman to come together in holy matrimony. God's ideal. It's counseling. The Bible says there is safety in the multitude of counseling. So today it's about picking up what we discussed last week as it relates to why marriage maintenance is important. And it is part two as we go forward to understand marriage. We have talked about the first thing was marriage requires effort and patience. We share with you the second key. Marriage is continuous growth together. You have to grow individually and you have to grow together as a couple. Marriage requires maintenance as it relates to communicate openly. You should be able to share your thoughts, your feelings and your concerns honestly, not dishonestly, but honestly and respectfully. People don't do that today, right? So now we're going to discuss as we pick up the next point, but I have a special person with me today. Cindy, you want to share anything today or say anything? Many things as we get into it. Absolutely. Yes, yes. The communication, the growth together, all of it, we need to remember that as a merit couple, it's your life together. Yes. Your life together. Your life together. It ain't my life and your life, but it's our lives together. Yes. And so there's a lot of maintenance that has to take place. And as you had mentioned last week, it's not a competition. No. No, we are not working against each other. We're not competing with each other. We shouldn't be jealous of each other. We shouldn't be envious of each other, but this is our lives together. And if you don't want anything else, you should have peace and you shouldn't want peace in your house. In your home, please put it that way. In your home, a house is just a house, but if it's not peace, there's not peace there, it's not a home. A house is just a house when there's not. Now, what if the house calls $500,000? It doesn't matter. What if the house calls $1.2 million? It doesn't make it a home. Oh, no, I'm an athlete. I make $10 million a second or a minute or per gain. And I just bought my wife a house. Exactly. A house. Okay. But not a home. It's not a home. It's a big difference, right? It's a big difference. Okay. And I think people get it messed up and misconstrued or whatever you want to call it because that is so true. What you just said, a lot of times people get it twisted when it comes to a house and a home. A home is built. A home is made. I mean, a house is technically built from the ground up depends, but then you have a home. You got to make it a place of rest and peace and tranquility. You got to make it a place of refuge, right? I like that. Right. Because God is our refuge and our strength. He's our portion forever, but a home should be a place of refuge, a place of safety, right? Yes. And so coming together, you want to ensure that your house is a home and you can come together. You can rest. You can have peace of mind. You can enjoy each other and you can communicate openly and freely and you are a team. Yeah. You are a team. Yeah. Together, everyone achieves more. So a relationship is the way two or more people are connected or the way they behave toward each other. Someone coined that definition like the question was, what is the real meaning of relationship, right? So what is the deeper meaning of relationship? This is what someone said relationships are connections between two or more people that involve emotional and physical intimacy, right? So that's important. But now we're dialing it down to help us to understand marriage maintenance is important, right? So let's pick up today. Number four is this. We're talking about 10 keys. We own key number four. Embrace each other's imperfections. That is so important. Wow. Because, you know, embrace each other's imperfections because why? No one is perfect. No one has wings on their back. No one has it completely all together. So because no one is a perfect, no one is that and we got to recognize because this because it helps build a stronger and more forgiving relationship because when you embrace each others imperfections because they're going to happen, right? The Bible said in Romans chapter 15 verse 7, "Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us to the glory of God." Amen. And so we are growing and changing. So we are to pray for one another and let God do the work, not try to change each other. But, you know, when you accept each other or as you were to embrace each other's imperfections, you just have to accept them as is. Right. And, you know, over time, you're helping one another to change. Yeah, to get better in those areas. Yeah. That's why you strengthen one another. Absolutely. That's why you use a term, you know, I could have said tolerate each other's imperfections, imperfections, that is. A lot of people tolerate the other person, imperfections, and they don't use it where tolerate, but eventually it comes out in their actions. They get frustrated, they get mad, they want to come home, they want to do other things because they don't like the imperfections that they see in their spouse. But not knowing, they have imperfections too. Right. I think I'm a paraphrase this scripture. Why people focus on the spec in someone else's eye, but they overlook the plank in their own eye. Correct. Because they can't see correctly. They can't see correctly. They can't see properly. Right. That's why, you know, you can see the little spec in somebody else's eye. Why the beam is in your own. Come on. Talk to me. You know, you're knocking them all upside to head with the beam. Oh my goodness. Beating them down with the beam. You know, the Bible said bear one another. Forgive one another. If any has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you. So you also must do the same. So we're talking about relationships. Hopefully, they're Christian relationships because Christ is the glue that keeps a marriage together. I don't know the statistics lately or the data, but I know many marriages are crumbling bottom line. Many people are taught being tolerated in that relationship, but that's not you, sir. That's not you, ma'am. Right. You love your spouse. You like your spouse because y'all have a healthy relationship. But today, we're going to give you some marriage maintenance keys. We talk about number four. Right. And just think about this, accepting each other flaws, it would create a safe space for vulnerability and authenticity, which are a since dough is very essential for a deep and lasting connection. Let's talk about number five. Right. And it's so important. Right. Number five is this. Check this out. Support one another. Not only should we embrace each other's perfection, we should support one another. It's so key to understand that. You know, that is our fifth point. The importance of supporting one another being each other's biggest cheerleader strengthens your bond and it will be all resilience. I know that for a fact. The Bible said in the book of Ecclesiastics, chapter four, verse nine and 10, it says, two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor, for if they fall, one will lift up his companion, but woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Oh, wow. That is so important. So we have to support one another. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. And in a marriage, you know, no one wants to be given up on, you know, God doesn't give up on us. And he wants us to extend grace to each other. Yes. And so we have to support one another. Yes. That is so important. It kind of gives you a sense of security knowing that your spouse is going to support you. Oh, absolutely. Be there for no matter what, no matter what with your imperfection, your flaws. Yes. And all and be impatient with you. What I like the cheerleader part, right? Mimi, because sometimes it's not always right, encouragement, it's not always about pointing out something. Right. It's about encouraging them that they can do it. Yes. They can overcome. Yes. Because sometimes we can notice that it, but we can fix it. Right. Because God is the fixer. What happens in a relationship is that the other person is trying to fix the person, trying to give them a solution, but the person don't need a solution. They just may need you to listen. Yes. Just listen to what they're saying. They don't need you to solve it. God is the one that can solve all problems. Yes, the person may give their advice and their opinion, but still we have to understand the power of encouragement, supporting. I remember during the Jacksonville River run several, several years ago, maybe one day I get back there, but I don't know about that. But I remember, I think it's 9.2 miles, something like that. It could be 9.1, but I remember maybe the fifth mile. I was getting tired. And then I come around a bend with thousands of other people, and there would be a large amount of people encouraging us. You can do it. You can finish. You can overcome. Greatest he that is in you, then he that is in the world. There were some Christians out there and they would say, "You can do all things through Christ that strengthens you." So I remember that and it was just awesome. It gave me, it reinvigorated me. It helped me to know that somebody is on my side. I was getting dog tired. I was wearing. I was wearing down. I was slowing down. But when I heard that encouragement, when I felt that support, I got my second win. I did, and it did something for my mind and my brain. It's like, "Wow, I didn't think I had that energy left in me." And that's what we should do in a marriage. No matter how down the person is, because marriage is 100%, 100%, it's not 50%, 50%. You get 50 and I get 50. No. Marriage is that you got to know you're all in. Whatever it takes, you are all in. In a relationship, that is key, because we got to support one another. The Bible said, "Bear one another's burdens, so fulfill the law of Christ." Because when we encourage our partners' dreams and aspirations, we can celebrate the victories together and offer comfort to one another in times of failure, because where there's success, there could be some failures, or setbacks. And that's so important in what we're addressing as it relates to supporting one another. Now, just imagine this. Picture a couple running a three-legged race. It can be a bit awkward, and they might even stumble. But with mutual support and cooperation, they will cross the finish line together, because they in it together. That's what marriage is all about. Dr. Jones is the pastor of Faith Community Church of God in Orange Park, reaching a hurting world with the love of Jesus. We thank you for listening to Mind Matters, and we encourage you to show support for the many community outreach ministries that Dr. Jones and Faith Community Church tend to. You can give at Faith Community's website, faithccop.org, or just text money sign and the amount you want to give to 833-435-8022. That's 833-435-8022. We are blessed to be a blessing. Now, let's get back to the program. It's so exciting to be married. I've been married for 46 years. You have? Absolutely. Yeah. Well, on paper 43 plus, but I said I was all in. Memory talking about whatever it takes, you all in. I was all in at 46 because I prayed about it, and God showed me you. So, as a husband, the Bible said, "He that finite the wife." Well, I found you. You didn't find me. But it was started in prayer. And we've been together 46 years. We went together three years. That's what she's talking about, really. But on paper, it's 46. But to me, in God's eyes, it's 46 years of marital bliss. Wonderful. So, just in case you just tuned in, we're talking about why marriage maintenance is vital, and it's important in life. Number one, we talked about the first key. It requires effort and patience. Number two, it requires continuous growth together. We talked about number three. It's important to communicate openly for was embrace each other's imperfections. Number five, we talked about support one another. Now, we're going to go to the sixth key to understanding why marriage maintenance is important. And number six is prioritize quality time and handle conflicts with empathy. Oh, my goodness. Because the sixth key, prioritize quality time, and it helps us to understand how to handle conflicts with empathy. Regularly, we got to spend quality time together. It keeps the connection strong and helps address issues with understanding. First Peter three and eight says, finally, all of you, be of one mind, having compassion for one another, love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous. Amen. So, prioritize quality time. Quality time is not is is not quantity time. Right. Absolutely. Quality time. What do you do together? Make the most of the moment be present. Yes. But they say be there or be all there. Right. Whatever they say nowadays. Right. But be present in the moment. Don't be halfway there, or you're in a person's presence, but your mind is somewhere else. Yes, absolutely. You know, because we're living in an age of so many distractions. Absolutely. So much selfishness. Right. What about me and all of this? And what do I get out of it? And, you know, yes, it's important to care about yourself. Yes. But you got to extend that love to someone else. So your spouse is so important to have quality time together. It really is. It's so important because quality time, as you profoundly stated, it's not quantity. So what is quality time? What do we think quality time is when we say that? Like I said, being present in the moment, whether it's your wake up in the morning time, speak to one another, you know, you may or may not have time to have breakfast with each other, depending on the time, the moment, the kids. Right. But just acknowledging each other and even to say, I love you, or, you know, I care about you. What are you doing? All of those things. Yeah. Absolutely. I heart to heart conversation. Yeah. It's very, very important. And whatever activities that you do that both enjoy it. Right. That's quality. It's something you're doing together. Take a wall, take a wall quality time and you're talking and sometimes you don't need to talk. You just look at each other, your whole hands, just staying connected one way or another. And I think quality time has a lot to do with what that what you like to do and what I like to do. Right. I want to do what you like to do, even though I may not like to do it, it still helps. Sometimes we sit there and watch HDTV. Thank y'all. Know what that means. I am not an HDTV fan. Hopefully I'm saying it right. I am not, but I have sat there and watch HDTV with her. I've sat there and watched chick flicks, chick flicks. Okay. Some men may like it. I eventually, you know, like some of them, you know, they kind of grow on me a little bit, but still, but we have in quality time. Yes. You are recognizing and to me, Cindy, what quality time it is root when the spouse recognize the other spouse is sacrificing to be with them. Right. And they don't necessarily want to do what they're doing. Right. But they're sacrificing their time in a sense of what they were want to do to do it with somebody else. Like I said, HDTV shared space together. Yes. And and I do appreciate the time that you see it to watch sports with me. Yes. Which you're not a sports person. And you're trying to figure it out. You're trying to figure out what those guys are doing with that, that pick skin, that football, and you didn't understand it. You understanding it more. You understand probably basketball better than football, but whatever the things I am watching. Who are these people playing tennis? Right. Who are these people playing tennis? So, but again, I enjoy it. It makes me feel good because she said they're with me. Yes. Yes. And at least tolerate it or or you have a commerce, you don't tolerate, but have a conversation is like, Oh, well, I gained some knowledge. Yeah. You're watching the sports. Who's who? Right. What they doing and all of that? Absolutely. And then you say, you're right. What are they doing? And why are they doing what they're doing? And they rank and you want it out to me. Absolutely. I did the ranking. Yes. I remember you asking, how do they rank the top 10 in players or teams? And I had to break it down to you because you were interested genuinely, not to appease me, not to flatter, but you were spending time with me and we were doing it together. And that's why we are saying audience as you join us today, how important it is to handle and spend time with each other and also quality time and as well as handling conflicts with empathy. Sometimes you may not understand what I'm going through when we have a disagreement, but it's important to empathize because as you know, you're a woman, I'm a man. Yes. And we think differently. True. Women think on both sides of their brain, they can flip the script just like that. But most men are logical. They're singularly focused. They have a direction they want to go. But then the wife wants to say one moment. It's amazing how she's thinking that Cindy can be logically one moment. And all of a sudden she get emotional. I said, Oh my goodness, what happened? She went on the other side of her brain to help you to relate, as you say, with empathy. Oh, absolutely. But so that's why quality time is so important, right? It is vital. But it happens, you know, you go to the store, I go to the store with you. But whether we go out and eat together, whether we go to the movies, whether we go to the park, whether we go to the store, we are constantly communicating and talking, not just about church, not just about work, not just about what I do or what you do. We just sometimes talk about life, talk about our beginnings, talk about our childhood. I mean, and as we say, you know, we're constantly changing. And so when we even like the simplest thing, what do you where you want to eat? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, you know, and you find out how each other's appetites have changed and the prioritized. Are we eating healthy today? Are we splurging? Absolutely. Is this once a week or once a month thing? Yes. Or is this a everyday kick we done got on? Yeah, every day kick or bad habit, we don't want to go down that path. Yeah, eating, noticing the various changes all the time. Yeah, getting so let's go to the next one. All right, let's just go to the next one, which is I believe is number seven, right? And my seven is keep the romance alive. These is important in maintaining healthy maintenance in your marriage. Listen to me, you have to do that. When we do premarital counseling, three things that we emphasize, communication, money, and intimacy slash sex, very important, right? Because it keeps the romance alive. Small gestures of love and affection go a long way in maintaining a strong emotional connection. This is what the song of Solomon said. Let him kiss me. You want me to let you read it? Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. For your love is better than wine. My goodness, some people like wine now, but toxicating. Yes, intoxicating. But it said, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. Amen. I know you love when I kiss you. I know we love some, you know, we do the small kiss with big kids, but I think it's important. It's healthy. And then that is not sex, but that's intimacy. That's touching, right? You know, you know, the Bible said, love suffers long. Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself in the book of first Corinthians chapter 13. Love thinks no evil. Love does not seek its own. It's not easily provoked. It does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth. Love bears all things, believe all things, hope all things and endures all things. This help to keep the romance alive. Yes, and we shouldn't get that mixed up as a definition of love, the expressions of affections. The world has tagged love as expressions of affection and don't know what real love is. But real love is treating a person the way you want to be treated, or doing the right thing by them, no matter what. Yes. And it's a decision to do that. That is real love. But as the scripture said, let him kiss me. Those are expressions of affection. Okay. And you know, and when you love someone that goes a long way. You want to, you want to receive expressions of affection to know that you are love. But however, true love is different than affection or, like you said, intimacy is expressing those affection too, with one another, spending time with one another, things like that. Absolutely. But you know, people can do that in the dating world with hidden agendas. And then they get hurt when they find out it was just a matter of satisfying their feelings or their flesh or their emotions. But they didn't really love you. Right. Or, you know, and then when you have tied your identity, right, being with that other person. And then you, when they have turned on you, or they are no longer there, then you feel like you have no reason to live, or you have, it's all out of balance, out of order. Nobody is worth dying for. Nobody is worth committing suicide over. Nobody is worth being depressed over because they moved on. You may have been a divorcee. You may have gotten divorced before, but nobody is worth it. Whether you're trying to date somebody or not. I love when you said that. Don't, don't tie your identity in a person. Keep your identity in Christ. Here's some couple of other things to keep the romance alive. What about thoughtful acts of kindness, opening the door for your spouse? What about handwritten notes? A surprise date. Well, we going on a date. Are we going out tonight? Oh, just simply saying like you love to hear. I love you more often. And that's very, very important because think of romance as sprinkling on sprinkles on a cupcake. The cupcake is delicious on its own, but the sprinkles add an extra bit of fun and sweetness. Thank you for tuning in to Mind Matters. We're going to see you next week as we pick up our three on how important marriage maintenance is to your life. Thanks for tuning into another episode of Mind Matters with Dr. J. A. Jones. Be sure to tune in next Sunday at 5 p.m. right here on Praise 107.9. For more insightful discussion about how God's Word can get our minds right. You can also hear Dr. Jones preach in person Sundays at 11 a.m. at Faith Community Church of God at 1268 Gainell Avenue in Orange Park, Florida, 32073. Thanks again for listening. Stay mindful and keep striving for improvement because your mind matters to God.
