D&M's with DEAN
Episode 106 - Elly Miles // " I was famous but I was so unhappy, until I found this new path.."
Dive into the inspiring journey of Elly Miles, a Gold Coast influencer who transformed her life from humble small-town beginnings to the bright lights of reality TV. Growing up in a close-knit country community, Elly's life took a dramatic turn when she stepped into the world of fame, forever changing her private life.
In this revealing video, Elly opens up about the struggles that came with her newfound fame, including the challenges it posed to her personal relationships. She shares candid insights into how being on reality TV affected her deeply, bringing both heartache and invaluable lessons.
Elly's story is one of resilience and transformation. She discusses how the pain and struggles she faced became the catalyst for her personal growth, eventually leading her to become a life coach. With her characteristic positivity, Elly aims to inspire and uplift others, sharing a powerful message of hope and self-improvement.
Join Elly Miles as she takes you on a heartfelt journey of self-discovery, showing how even the toughest experiences can pave the way for a brighter, more fulfilling future. Don't miss this chance to hear her story and be inspired by her unwavering optimism and dedication to spreading positivity.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellymiles/
This episode is brought to you by Athletic Greens.
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Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
- Duration:
- 1h 47m
- Broadcast on:
- 14 Jul 2024
- Audio Format:
- mp3
Ryan Reynolds here for, I guess, my hundredth mint commercial. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Honestly, when I started this, I thought only I'd have to do like four of these. I mean, it's unlimited premium wireless for $15 a month. How are there still people paying two or three times that much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be victim blaming here. Give it a try at midmobile.com/switch, whatever you're ready. $45 up from payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes of CDTails. I have a secret. I wore the wrong foundation for years. Then I discovered Ilmakayaj. Their AI powered quiz makes it so easy to find a perfect match. Customized for your unique skin tone, undertone and coverage needs. With 600,000 5 star reviews and 50 shades of flawless natural coverage, this foundation is going viral for a reason. And with Try Before You Buy, you can try your full size at home for 14 days. Take the quiz at ilmakayaj.com/quiz. That's I-L-M-A-K-I-A-G-E.com/quiz. My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big row as man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend. My friends still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B. But with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com/results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com/results. Terms and conditions apply. Linked in. The place to be. To be. What is going on everybody? We're back again, another episode of D&M's with Dean. Now, in this episode of the podcast, I sit down with Ali Miles. Now, Ali Miles is a podcaster, a speaker, a life coach, and just an all-around legend. Now, we get into a lot of different topics on this podcast going in from why she became a life coach. What Ayahuasca taught her, why a situationship was actually the hardest thing she had to go through, what she learned by being on TV, how the perception of other people from her being on TV, how she's been stalked, how she's been followed, how she's had photos taken of her in inappropriate places, and just how she got sucked into the whole life of being an influencer and being seen on TV and the kind of back end of what fame brings with it. We also go very in-depth into relationships and how they affect you and how you can come out of them still being yourself and how to find yourself again. Just kind of little bits of life and things she's learned to help other people and continue down her path of being a life coach. I really enjoyed this episode. The time flew by and we definitely got into some really cool topics. I hope you guys all enjoy this app. Before we get into it though, a quick word from the sponsors. Are you ready to take your morning routine to the next level? 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Now these guys do nasal strips and mouth tape and I've been using these pretty much every single night to get the most out of my sleep. And even if you don't want sleep, even if you're looking for performance, I've been doing my runs and rides, I've been getting back into training and I want the most airflow I get through my nose because I am not as fit as I used to be and I'm trying to get back to there. So if you try out the nose strips when you want to add performance to your runs or cycles or whatever athletic endeavors you are doing, try the nose tape. If you want to sleep better, breathe better, try the mouth tape along with the nose tape and let me know what you think. All you do is go on, use the code DEAN, I check out and get a discount and get to your performance and your sleep to the best possible level it can be. Now, enjoy the podcast. All right, Ali, welcome to the podcast. Do your best goal right now on the spot. Keep it going. No, what is he? What else does he do? I'm really good at Cartman. Isn't he like real? Yeah, you're good at Cartman. Give me a best comment. What's that, Dan? Thank you so much for giving me on your podcast. Ma'am. Meet love. Does he say? Does he come home and yell at his mom? He's like, "Ma'am. Ma'am." I used to get in this trap with Cartman and I could not turn him off. Like just all day. All day. Like when I lived in Newcastle and my friends, like little girlfriends were all just really weird together and I was constantly Cartman. Even my thoughts were like Cartman thoughts. Okay, what's a Cartman thought? I don't know what a Cartman thought. I'd be like in the kitchen and I'd be like, "Ah, fuck this." Something wasn't going my way yet. Do you find it funny how like we all have so much weirdness inside of us, but we hide it. Yes. And we hide it and it's so funny that you meet people and you've got to like hide it for a certain amount of time until you're like, "Okay, to be weird." And then you drop this wall, but it's like, that's always there. Right. It's like, and you'll test the waters with someone. You'll be like, "I'll just get a little bit of weirdness out." And I'll see how they receive it. If they like it, I might get a little bit more out. I don't think you want to come into a friendship or someone you know and be like super weird. It's like when you're easing to like some cold water. It's like you don't just jump in. You feel the water as you go in. Exactly. It's kind of like in a relationship where at the start, you just put on your best self and then as time goes on, you let those go down. You let it go. You let it all out. I feel like you can hurry that process up so quickly. You can cut that down so much quicker because I started doing stuff where you know when you're going to date with someone and you'd have this perception of what the date should be, but then it just got back to like, "I'm going to do what I would actually want to do." And if the person doesn't like it, then it's like, "Well, that's not my person." It's like you try and play this role for a person that you don't actually know yet. Exactly. You're like, "You're perceiving what you think they might perceive of you and then acting in accordance to that." And it's like, "Well, fuck, why would I do that?" Well, I think it's to try and impress them to try and further it. But then you've got to play that role. If you set the first initial interaction, kind of sets the tone for how you're going to be. And this was a little while ago. I remember I was talking to this girl and I was like, "In my head, I need to take her out to a fancy restaurant." And I'm like, "I don't want to do that." I don't mind going out to a fancy restaurant, but it's not my go-to first date. I don't think a first date, you should be sitting down face to face, forced to stare at each other. I feel like that's down the track. If you can go somewhere and walk or have something to distract you and you don't have to be in your own head about how you look eating or talking, it's just real weird. What do I say next? Exactly. So I was like, "I'm just going to go do something else." And then it was funny when I met up with her. I had mentioned, "I was going to do this." And she's like, "I'm so glad you did it. I hate doing that." And I was like, "How crazy is it that the perception that you, what I thought of you originally was completely wrong? Because I think it comes back to everyone judges people by the cover and doesn't actually try and read the book to actually figure out who they are. Have you felt that? Have people, like, have a perception of who you are?" Oh, for sure. Like, people, I think a common or in the past, people would kind of, I don't know, I think maybe I used to wear makeup a lot more or something. And then people would be like, "She's kind of like this girly girl or whatever." And then when people get to know me, they're like, "Wow, she's actually a bit of a bogan." Like, she's very down to earth. Like, she's quite just like a fucking normal person, you know what I mean? Just like your friend kind of thing. Channeling carbon energy. Because I was going to ask you as well. Because obviously, I don't know you from the bachelor. Like, I don't know. Like, I've met you at this version of just you face to face. And that's all I know. So I don't know all this backstory or all this stuff that's happened. But I was going to say, "Did that even change the perception of what people had of you?" Because you obviously went on a TV show. So then they see this version that's an edited version. And then you've got to kind of fight that version of you. Then there's actually who you are as a person. And they kind of meet somewhere in the middle in people's mind. Well, I honestly, I was pretty fortunate throughout the show. Like, I was perceived as that version of me that I was then. And back then, I was just this like, down-to-earth country nurse, like, sweetheart. And I'm like, there's still that in me, right? And I've evolved so much since then. And so I was really just portrayed like that on the show, you know? And my edit, like, my exit wasn't exactly how it went. But that's kind of TV, right? They need to make it make sense to the story that they're telling. And the story that comes out on TV isn't congruent with what actually happened in real life often. And so I was lucky in that sense. I think there's always a little bit of a fear of judgment, like putting yourself out there in that way. Like, I did grow up in a country town. And then I just fucking go on TV and just do this random fucking thing. And then so, you know, I think for so many people, they have that same fear. It's like, oh, what are people going to think? Are they going to judge me? And then you just got to remember like, hey, I'm living life for me. Like, I get to do what I want to do. And if I were to limit myself based off what I perceive people might think, they may or may not even think that. Anyway, like, that's just limiting me at the end of the day. So I've always been pretty great at running my own race and doing what I want to do, because that's what I want to do. But even if they do think that, why does that change anything? Exactly. It's more so like the depth and then problem, really. Exactly, because I was just talking about, you're a snow-curdie Adams. I did a podcast with him, and he's obviously perceived a certain way. But like, he talked to me about like, that's him. And it's like, all these people always tell us to be authentic, be yourself, do the things that you want to do. And then you do that. And then everyone just rips you down. And it's like, what's the right way to go about this? Obviously, be authentic. But it's like, why are you viewing someone and going, what they're doing is wrong? And I'm like, that's just them. And it's a reflection of something you've got going on inside yourself, right? If something stirs in me, I'm not looking at the other person being like, you're a ship, whatever. I'm also being curious as to what that's bringing up in me. What about this person being confident, being sure about saying whatever they want to say? What about that trick is me? Because that's a me problem. That's got nothing to do with them. They're the one speaking their truth and able to be authentic to whatever their reality is. Even if it's different to what mine is, that's the reality of life. We all live in a different reality. And so it's like, let people do their thing. They hold a mirror up to your own insecurities and fears and all these things that you know you should be doing, but you're not. And they go, well, I'm doing it. And a lot of the time, you might be in the exact same situation that they are. They possibly could be even in a worse situation. And they're still showing up more than you are. And that makes you question your own, I guess, goals, drive, everything that comes with who you are and who you're trying to be. So I guess when you see it, you're like, well, I can't do anything. Well, I can do stuff about this, but I don't want to. So instead, I'm just going to bring this, try and tear this person down. So then maybe they stop. So then I feel better about myself because we're both in that same boat. And sometimes that can be an unconscious thing. Yeah. Right. That can happen outside of someone's awareness. They may just be like, Oh my God, I just don't agree with what they're saying. And they think that that's what it is when really it's like, hang on, look a little bit deeper. What's this actually showing you about you? And like you said, maybe it is that they're not showing up, they're not speaking their truth. So someone else standing in their authenticity, doing that for themselves is triggering and uncomfortable, right? And so they're like, Hey, don't actually like what you're saying. But it's not about that is that there's something that you need to work on. And I think you can't just turn that off either. Like there's a difference between feeling something and going to like say it or post it and put it out to the world and feeling something and then understanding that being like, Oh shit, that's not a good feeling. Like why do I feel like that? And I know I still feel that all the time. Like I'll see people doing something that I've either thought about doing in heaven done or they're doing it better or something like that. And it just it's that triggering thing. And it's like I catch myself in those moments where I'll see someone doing something and I'm like, Oh, that's what I was going to do. Well, I wanted to do that. And it wouldn't it would annoy me. But then it's like, I have to always turn that around on myself and go you're annoyed at yourself. You're not annoyed at the person doing the thing. And once you can understand that, it's like when you feel judgment towards someone, and it's like, it's just judging yourself because you're not doing what they are doing that you want to do. Exactly. I've done this too kind of recently, and I'm very self aware, like this is a muscle that I've worked at a lot throughout my twenties, like reflecting and being curious and observing what's coming up for me in terms of thoughts, in terms of emotions, and looking at what it's showing me right. And I was looking at an amazing business woman in the wellness space and looking at what she was doing, all the success that she was having. And I was observing like this feeling of, Oh, fuck, like, I want to do that. Yeah. And then I was like, hang on, sis, zoom out. Like, let's look at where when you started your business 12 months ago, look at the trajectory that you are on, like within 12 months, it's amazing. Look at the evolution of you as a human in what you've done, like in, you know, whatever space of time. And it's like, me focusing on someone else's journey is just a distraction. And it's like doing yourself in justice, really, because it's like you're doing yourself a disservice by almost discrediting where you're at in your journey and the growth that you've had. And so I invite people to like, be like, hang on, pause, look at where you're at, look at where you were, look at where you're now, look at that trajectory, that's fucking awesome. Like you're killing it, keep going. Yeah, the whole, it's real cliche to say, but like you verse you. And we have all these other people that get involved that then we compare ourselves to and we go, Oh, well, I'm not as good as them. I'm not as fit as them or sexy or whatever. And you're like, sexy, you know what I mean? Yeah, dude. And you look at them, you go like, Oh, they're whatever. And you're like, oh, just, I said to this person, and they were, they were really into someone. And the person they were into wasn't into them. And they were getting really frustrated about it. And I was like, you can't change that. So I'm like, every time you think about like reaching out at this personal trying something, work on yourself, like do something for you, because then you do something for you, that's going to make that person more attracted to you over if you're just chasing them, but you're not changing. Like if you keep trying with someone that doesn't like you for your values or who you are as a person or how you eat or how you show up or whatever it may be, like they're not going to suddenly change their perception of who you are, you need to change you for them to then be attracted to you. Like a lot of the time when you see like a relationship and like someone will break up with someone and they're like, no, please don't. And I kind of like throw themselves back, it like pushes the person away more where if the person you're like, okay, you're right, like maybe we should have a break. Like when this isn't working, like that's probably going to be more attractive to the person breaking up with them because you're like, Oh, fuck, you can't you get it. Yeah, I understand. And that might make them them question it. And then if you do break away, you might go, Oh, well, she's actually, well, he's actually kind of understanding of the situation. That's already a better start to try and mend things and going like, oh, please, no, like, like, 100%, 100%. And it's like displaying a level of emotional intelligence, right? Because then it's like, okay, like one, they hear what I'm saying to they're taking it on as feedback. And if they're putting action behind that, it's like, Holy fuck, maybe I like it again. Yeah, you know, if that is like, if, you know, it ends up being like a good solution to whatever their problem is, then that's awesome. Have you, you said you were very self aware? Do you remember there was like a turning point or a certain series of events when you're in your 20s where you kind of had to? Yes. Do you remember the point? Yeah, 100%. What happened? I, this like changed the trajectory of my life. Like when I did go on the Bachelor, right? Like after that, all of the attention was quite overwhelming for me. And that's when I really first experienced feelings of anxiety, like, like proper physical feelings. Like after Bachelorette, actually, I felt like I had a hand around my throat for like three weeks. The only thing, and that was because like true, like when you think about your throat, it's like speaking your truth, I couldn't, I didn't feel like I could speak my truth at that point, right? Like, there was all that there was all this stuff going on in the media. I was with this guy and he was like not faithful to me throughout like us being together and whatnot. And I didn't know what the truth was. I had a really tough time communicating with partners at that point as well. Like I'd kind of anytime I'd go to say something or be vulnerable, I'd just cry. Like I just had so much emotional baggage, I guess, like living in my body that I hadn't ever dealt with because I didn't have the tools or resources to that I'd go to try and say something, just like come out in emotion, right? And so, yeah, just all of the overwhelm from the attention, the public breakup, the stuff in the media about him cheating and me just not knowing what was right or what was wrong and me being unable to communicate with him, it was just like I felt like I was being choked and the only time I felt relief from it was if I went to the gym and got out of my head and into my body by moving my body, which was really great. And so, I have always been like a pretty happy, upbeat, positive kind of character, right? And had a really fun childhood, like had challenges throughout and for the most part, had a great time. And so when something was off, like when I did notice the change in how I felt, I was like, holy shit, like I need to do something about this. I don't know what's going on, well, I kind of know what's going on and I need to be proactive, I need to be, well, at that point it was reactive. So, I got into kinesiology, like there's this awesome chick named Tegan Martin and she lives in Newcastle and we're friends and she was telling me that that's what she did as a form of therapy and it really helped her. And it just like opened my mind, like I was able to talk to someone and she was able to give me like a, is objective the right word and objective. Yeah, objective. I'm like, is it subjective or objective? I couldn't figure that out. But yeah, she was able to give me like a kind of zoomed out feedback on the situation and what not and helped me to reflect on what I grew up with and how that is kind of playing out in my life in the problems that I was experiencing at that time. And it like just that, that process of reflection is where it all really started for me. And then I was just more curious. And then I was like, wow, like, you know, people can kind of go through life and life can kind of just happen or they can participate in their life and be curious as to the things that come up and go in search of a solution, right? And like when you do that, you get to know yourself on such a deep level and it's just like going to the gym and working out a muscle and getting stronger in that regard. Like, I feel like the more I've done this, like the higher my level of consciousness has gone and like the more my self awareness has expanded, as well as like my emotional intelligence as well. Yeah, it's sitting with it, understanding it. It's funny when you see people and something will come up in their life that will challenge them. And they'll just put in the corner, put in the messy drawer with all the other messy stuff and they don't, they don't deal with it. And then it comes up in other elements or aspects of their life where they're just like, they'll be doing something and then like this thing will come back and they'll suddenly be angry or pissed off. Like you haven't dealt with the thing you need to deal with. 100%. How was it? You said there, like when you went through your breakup and it was public, how was that dealing with something that's so public that it's like so private, that's so public at the same time and like what you believe and what you don't believe? Because if you're seeing articles, it's like he's cheating and like, do you believe? And then chicks would message me on social media and be like, he's just tried to take my friend home from the pub and I was just like, oh my God, what's happening? I didn't really know how to deal with it honestly. I was just like in survival mode at that point because I was so overwhelmed from the show, like the whirlwind that filming is and then coming out and then having all of this attention, I went through a period of paranoia. I thought people were following me because paparazzi did follow you and then you'd fucking see photos of them, photos of yourself like at home, like in Newcastle and I'm like, what the fuck did someone like follow me from Sydney? Like it was just creepy and it was just like pretty foreign and uncomfortable and yucky and so I was just like, I was just reeling. I did not have the tools or resources to like regulate my nervous system at that time and so yeah, I've, I just kind of hit the gym hard because it was the only time like that feeling went away for me. Do you feel like that was just a distraction? Like a band-aid fix over what was actually? Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Just like block it out as long as you can because I couldn't imagine that the whole people following you and because you would be like, are they? If there actually is people that are doing it, you're like, where's that? Where are they? Where do you, when do you stop thinking that? And you don't see it? Well, yeah. I don't know when I stop. I think like I kind of laid low like for a long period of time and then like after enough time passed, it was kind of like there were more interesting things to report on them, my love life and you know, the next bachelor and bachelor, it's come along and stuff and so the media kind of forgets about you and then I was like, I stopped coming up in articles and stuff. I was like, oh, okay. Like I'm safe. How long do you think after you went on that show? Did you actually feel that sense of, oh, I'm not getting followed or I'm not a center of attention? Like, and did that help with the anxiety as well? Once you felt like, okay, it's like over almost. I don't know how long, I don't know how long, like honestly, looking back, it was pretty foggy time for me because it was so overwhelming. I wasn't very present. I was kind of dissociated. I was up in my head and just surviving. It's wild. It's pretty well to think it's like, I think a lot of people want fame and then they don't realize what comes with it. It's like you're almost in a prison but all the time. Yeah, because it's like, you see people get so famous and it's just like you get to a point where you can't go live life normally. You can't just go out and just be a normal person anymore. Like, that's gone. No. And it's like, how many people, like once a genie comes out of the bottle to a certain point, once you get like famous, famous, that, and I've got a friend and her ex is blown up and got really famous. And it's funny because he will message you and like they're just friends still, but it's funny because he messages her all the time because I think he knows that she's like a real one. Like, she's someone that liked him before he was famous. And now that he's super famous, it's like everyone that meets you is not all the time, but probably has an angle. And it's hard to meet people that obviously you probably have to meet people on a certain level to you or else you think they're trying to get something out of you or like you think you're a fan of you or whatever it may be. But I couldn't imagine being super famous and actually trying to make real friends. Yeah, it would be tough, hey, because then I guess like the fears around other people's perception kind of increases. Because people change. If they're a fan of you or they know who you are, like, I've had this is a very small world, but like when I used to race mountain bikes, I remember it was real clear one day. I think I was at a race or something. And this guy was like, really, this kid was really nice to me. And then I was hanging out these other kids and they're like, oh, he's really mean. He's a dick. And I was like, he was nice to me. And the kid just goes, yeah, look who you are. And it was like, I only get their version of how they treat me. But if I'm like doing well in a sport, obviously all the kids looking up to me in the sport are going to treat me well. But that doesn't mean they are a good person. Like, that just means they treat me well and then they treat everyone else shit. I see this in the influencer world all the time, right? And it's funny. It's kind of like your amount of followers, like people who will, like, I've seen this a lot, like people who will give you the time of day will have like either a similar amount or a lesser amount. And it's like people with like 400, 300 plus fault, the 100,000 plus followers, they only want to hang out and be friends with the ones that are up there too. That's a generalization. But for the most part, that's what I've observed. Yeah, it plays a role in it. I have this thing and it's like, if you're a good person, 99% of the time and a shit person with that 1%, you're a shit person. You're a shit person for 99% of the time and a good person for one. You're a shit person. It's like it falls back to being a shit person. Like, you've got to be a good person all the time. That means with different people, different groups, different whatever. If you, like, are nice to heaps of people and then you're really shit to someone, you're a shit person. It's like you've got to carry yourself the same through every, I guess, walk of life or every social group you're around. Otherwise, the perception of who you are is like, you're false. Yeah, it's false. You're faking it. And some people have different values, right? That comes down to people's values. Like, some people don't value living in integrity or living in accordance to their values. Some people don't even have values, right? Maybe they've never thought about that. It's like, okay, what's important to me? And that's just their reality, right? That's where their level of self-awareness is. That's the information and the tools and the resources they have. At the end of the day, they're still doing the best that they can. It's just that that's where they're at. Yeah. How nice is it when you do see someone that's either like super wealthy, super rich, super famous, and you'll see them interact with people even possibly yourself like you're a normal person. Actually, Elle Ferguson is a fucking legend. She's just like that. She will give anyone the time of the day. She's like, she's quite a big influencer. And she's gorgeous. She's really lovely. And you see those people and you're just the good one. Yeah. Yeah, you treat everyone the same. They had someone, a guy in mountain biking, his name's like Bruni. He's like one of the best in the world at the moment. I remember I met him when I was kind of like a nobody. Like I was coming up, but I just hadn't no good results. I was kind of like no one you are was. And I remember him being so friendly and so nice. And like, he just gave you the time of day. And I was like, you're a good person because you treat everyone the same. And that's how you need that. That's what that's how you become a great champion, I think, or a great influencer or a great business person because you treat everyone the same. You don't have this like, Oh, what are you worth? How many followers do you have? Or this like, these metrics that somehow put you on a scale that's like, okay, you're here. So I can, I can give you time of day makes you wonder what people grew up with. If that's the behavior, they are exhibiting as an adult. It's like, what did they learn about value from their parents? Like your value is based on your achievements, or based on X or Y or Z. And then it's like, then they're reflecting it in how they, how they interact with people. I think they want that rub though. Like I get it at the same time. Like if you're around someone that's like got a bit of influence, a bit famous or whatever, like it feels good. And it feels good because it's like they're killing it, they're winning. And you obviously want to try and level yourself up. So it is nice to be around those people. But if you're just trying to be around them, because it's like, oh, I'll, like, I can say I was around them, I can get a photo, I can whatever. And like, hang out with this guy. It's like, what's, what's the why behind why you're doing the things you're doing? And if it's just for that, it's like, well, you probably should hang out with other people. If it's like, because you're like, these people are actually my people, I generally get along with them and think they're absolutely amazing. Have you felt that like being like in that shift, because you obviously said you went from like country girl, like simple beginning kind of thing, and then you've kind of fallen into that world. Did you find that hard to like find your feet about like who to actually be around, and like the friends that surrounded you? The fact you're thinking about it for this long makes me feel like it's a big yes. I don't, I'm actually thinking it's a no. Like, I've had really, like, pretty great interactions with people. And I, I believe you, you know, you, you attract what you are. So it's actually really weird that even in those spaces, you'll kind of gravitate towards people that are a little bit, you know, more in line with like your values and your character and stuff. I'm just trying to think of a negative experience actually. There have been times where it's like, you'll have a bit of small talk with someone and they'll, oh, actually, here we go. We found it. We've located it. It wasn't necessary. It wasn't necessarily a bad experience, but I went on this, like this yacht thing, this yacht party thing that I was invited to, and I was invited to kind of stay overnight. And I was definitely a fish out of water because of, you know, one reality TV. There's a lot of people like in that world that kind of look down on people in reality TV, unless you've got a lot of followers and then you get that follower credit and you get respect because you got all the followers. So I was kind of, yeah, I was like, oh, yeah. And then also just this kind of country gal, like, and I'm on this yacht full of models and like this and this. And it wasn't that people were, like, people weren't mean or awful. It just was like, it was just hard to connect with them because we came from very different worlds. And, you know, I kind of played the game. Like, I was like, all right, let's do the model thing. This can be, this is going to be fun. And it was fun. But it was like, you know, it's hard to have meaningful conversations with people when your values in your worlds are so different. And so that's the experience that I've had a few times like even going to different events and stuff. It's like, okay, these are the kind of people here. But recently, like more so like the events that I go to now are kind of wellness events. So I find it really easy to connect with girls there, even if they are like more so from the influencer scene, because there are at least a couple that are into wellness and you can have a little bit of a deeper conversation with them rather than like, Oh, yeah, what do you do? And it's like, I'm not getting much from you. This is really hard. You know, you're not really that interested either. So it's like, whatever. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah. I'm noticing that more even like opening this space being more in that world, because I've just kind of recently dived into it. And yet so funny, the difference in people you interact with and people that are just don't have that much substance. And but from from their profile, look like the most out there happy person. And then you meet them in person and they're just like, there's nothing. Are these are these generally like really good-looking people? Oh, gorgeous. Yeah. Yeah. Stunning. Stunning big-followings, all that. Like that's some like the girl I met a little while ago. And from the outside, you think she's like the happiest out there lovely person. And I met her in person. And you could tell she was like, deeply anxious and just not like she didn't seem present. She seemed anxious. She seemed like, I was like, you need to like, you need to like do something, go see someone like, and it sounds mean saying it. But it's like your perception of what I'd think you are was so far off. And I think it comes back to don't judge a book by it's cover, because you don't know. And it comes back to this, I guess you felt that that anxiety and that pressure and that way of being. And it's like, I guess when you get this certain influence or this certain following that that comes with it. As well as depending on what it's based on, like if it's a based on this image, this like idea of who they are. And if they're not it, like that's, that feels like a massive conflict internally, right? Because perhaps this person has based their value off their image for their whole life, right? And just like internally, just feeling so fucked because it's like, man, people don't even know who I am. I don't even know who I am. I just, I get love because of how I look. Yeah, yeah, it's the basis of it. It comes back as well. We're talking about relationships and you going to be entering a relationship, trying to play the role of someone you're not. Like that's not going to have a long shelf life. Like that's not kind of, and well, if you're constantly, and I see, you see people all the time, like they do it because of beauty, like beauty is in their eyes, the most important part about holding that relationship together. But like past that, there's not much substance or not much connection, but they're like, well, she's gorgeous or he's gorgeous. So I'll suck it up and I'll go along for this ride. But that runs out, like that runs out eventually. 100% and if you're cranky, if you jump on that ride and you stick it out, like you can waste a lot of important years of your life. So again, it's like, what do I actually want? Like ask yourself, what do I want? What do I want for my future, right? What kind of person is going to be like my, be like my teammate in that, you know, because it's like, when you like, this is how I look at relationships, I'm like, I am, I'm so like, I'm so excited for that next one that I'm going to have because I know that I'm the version of me that I like, I'm really proud of. And also, it's like, you're choosing to spend and share your life with someone else. Fucking pick well, you know, that's not, that's not like something to take lightly. Like, this is your life, you know, and I feel like it's such a sacred thing to be like, I'm going to share my life with you. We're going to create life together. Like we get to do this thing together. Like it's such a, I feel like it's such a special thing. Yeah, that's subtle for less. Make sure you set boundaries, you set wants, needs, values, everything from like the get go. And then you kind of, then you know, I guess it is hard. Like once, you know, when there's like, there's someone that's like, all my, and I know perfection is bullshit. So, but like, they're so close to like being that version of who you see yourself with. But there's just like a few things that don't align. And it's like, no matter how much you yell and scream and kick, that's not going to change. And I know like, I'm currently in that situation where it's like, you kind of, you see something, you see potential, like a lot of really good potential. And you just like, it's right there. It's right there. And you just want to like grab it. But it's like, you can't force someone into feeling that void between where you are and where they are. And it's not fair to put that pressure on them, right? Either. Because it's like, I've done that in the past, where I've been in a situation ship and I held onto the potential, the idea of what it could be. Because, you know, the 10% of what was great, like, I was happy to kind of settle for that and hope that it would grow. But it's like, man, it's either it or it's not. Like, are you going to stick something out for what it could be? Or should you wait and look for something that is it? Yeah. Rather than it could be. That's a hard thing to. It's so hard. When you're in it, when you're in it, you're just like, especially if there's like a traction there. And it's just like, it's like everything. Yeah. And there's like, there's nothing bad happening. Like, everything is really good. And you're like, this is perfect. Like, you're just like, what's the thing? What do you mean? What's the thing that it's like, shit, that thing's not quite it. They're just not ready. Oh, they're, I guess, they're their version or values of connection or what they want is not the same as mine. Yeah. But that's it. Everything else is amazing. Oh, that sucks. So it's like, and it's like, I'm to the point now where I can like, understand like, okay, you're where you are and I am where I am. And that's like, okay, it's not wrong or right. It's just different. And that's fine. But it's just like, it's sometimes it's hard to accept that when you're just like, it's hard to like, let someone go that you really care about when there's actually nothing bad that has happened. They're just in their point of their life and you're in your point. And it's a whole like, right person, wrong time, that I think so many people go through. And I think you just got to kind of go, okay. Cool. And I guess there's a reflection piece. It's like, okay, what's this, what's this showing me? How's this happening for me? What do I get to learn from this? Yeah, I think it's trying to be alone a lot after that. Because I think, and I've seen friends do this, but they, as soon as they stop seeing someone, they distract themselves with other people. And it's just band-aid mentality where they're just like, oh, well, I don't want to feel those feelings because they suck and it hurts and I'm alone and sad and rejected. I'm going to go see another person and then they're going to make me feel happy, get a bit of hit a dope for me, lead them on for a short amount of time and then go, well, I actually don't want any of this and then hurt that other person. It's just like, flow and effective, just like, you're wrecking ball of emotions that keep like messing up people because you haven't dealt with your own shit. Right. And it's like, you know, we attract what we are. Right. And so for me, with my two year situation, the thing was that he couldn't commit to me. And he was like, it's not that it's you. It's that I can't commit to anyone. It's just where I'm at, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, okay, cool. Well, I'll stay with you anyway. And yeah, but then like, after like enough pain and like then I went and did I was growing, I like grew enough self-respect out of that to be like, all right, bitch, you're not going to fucking lie to yourself anymore. It's time to end this. Like you deserve so much more. And I did that. And within a short period of time, he was in a committed relationship with someone else. And I was like, oh, hang on, wait, wait, there's something I need to look at here. If and like I'd done enough work in the personal development space and in my own healing journey, that I was like, okay, law of attraction, you attract what you are. If the issue was that he couldn't commit, how is that me? Where was I afraid of commitment? And then I reflected on what I grew up with. If that's commitment and that's unhappy, what belief did I create? That commitment, man, unhappiness. And that was living inside me. In my unconscious awareness or subconscious. And I was attracting that in all of the men that were coming into my life, no one could fucking commit to me. No one was emotionally available to me because that's actually what I was energetically. So that awareness, after that situation, I was like, oh, oh, shit, I'm the problem. I've got a lot to work on before I can actually like receive love from someone and have someone commit to me. Like this is stuff that I really need to work on. And so that's pretty much been my journey for the last 12 months, like just going in with like an excavator and digging this stuff out, looking at it and rewiring beliefs. Because like you said there, it's like, even if you feel like you can love someone, if you can't accept someone else's love, that like the problem is just as bad. Because it makes them feel like they're not, they're inadequate because inadequate because they can't actually give you the thing that you need. So it's like you're both having this like back and forth of like, I'm trying to love you. I'm trying to give you this, but you won't accept it. So then you get stuck in this stalemate and it makes them feel bad because I'm like, well, why are we here? And obviously you get attached to some feelings. But yeah, it's like how you like, how do you cut away those layers of trauma and those issues and those things you've seen and those programmings from your parents and your family and everyone else around you that has gone through these other relationships that you pull little parts out of and rewire that to be like, what do I want and what do I need? Because like you said, he couldn't commit to you and then shortly after you split, then he's committed. So you kind of go, okay, was it me or was it him? And you kind of like, well, I looked at the energetics of what was happening, right? Like you attract what you are. The problem was that he was within our situation, right? Within our dynamic because people will be different with other people. Like I literally watched this on the perfect match, like on Netflix the other day. And I was watching it like with just like with an interesting set of lenses on. I was like, huh, like there was this guy with this girl and they were quite secure. And I was like, cool, he seems like a great guy. That's nice. And then he kind of jumped ship and went with this other girl and it was toxic as fuck. And they were showing each other all this other stuff. And I was like, ah, like people can be very different depending on who they're with, right? And everyone's going to show you something different. You're going to learn something different from everybody, like different people that you're with. And so yeah, with my guy and our situation, like what was happening was that he couldn't commit to me. He was kind of emotionally unavailable, unable to receive love. And I was like, okay, and then after he found someone else, I was like, okay, shit, let's look at what was happening. How was that me? And then that's when I looked at what I grew up with. And I was like, oh, it makes sense. And this was all unconscious, right? Consciously I was able to pretend that I could commit. I was consciously saying to him, I want to commit to you. Like, let's be together. We're amazing. Like, um, cute week. And energetically, it's like, narcissist, you're safe. You're not going to have to commit because it's crazy what you see and how you take on board from from those things. Yeah, because I know yet for the longest time as well, like I would keep think I was committing to people, but it was like, I wasn't going all in on that. And I remember I used to think I was like, if this girl left me tomorrow, would I care? And I like, I would be upset for like maybe a bit, but I'd be fine. And I think it sounds bad. Like if you love someone and they just leave you out of the blue, like that's going to rip your heart out. And like, that's the thing about like, when you love someone, like you give them something, a part of you and it's like, protect this place. Like, look after this because this is me. And it's like, if you're not willing to give that, it's like, you probably don't actually love the person. So if you're putting up this safety wall of like, Oh, well, if you leave or you go do something, I'm all good. And that's why people don't drop it because they don't want to get hurt. But like, if you don't actually open to being hurt, you're not going to be open to being loved either. So it's like this fine line about trying to like, Oh, yeah, you kind of just have to be like, all right, I'm ready to be hurt again. We need to go in. It's going to happen. It's going to happen, right? I've got to open this up and be like vulnerable and honest, because I know I got hurt because I wasn't vulnerable or honest. I was kind of like, trying to play it kind of cool and just being like, Oh, we'll just see how it goes. Like, and at backfired and the girl didn't feel safe and ended up going out with someone else. And I was like, because I wasn't like, I'm into you, let's make this a thing. I was like, let's just kind of like, take it slowly. And I thought we were at a point that it was would have been all good. But then learning my lesson from that and moving forward, like, if I like the person, I'm like, I feel like you're my person. Like, let's do this. So I'm just like, and the thing about being vulnerable and honest, if the person doesn't feel the same way, and they don't want to continue it, you tried. Like, you, you tried to do it. So I was like, if you go, Hey, this is me, I like you. Let's make this work. And they go, I don't think that's a me. Okay. All good. Yeah. And then you like, then it comes down to just like trusting that what's meant for me won't pass me by. This person actually isn't for me. And that's okay. Cool. They can go explore other things. And my person is still making their way to me. Yeah. You know, I heard this thing the other day. It's like rejection is just redirection. I was like, I was like, I heard that and I was like, that's good. I like everyone. It is good. And it's like what, because it's how often have you been with someone? And I've I've been victim of this where you're like, this is my person. I'm in love. I'm going to marry this girl. Like this is this is everything like head over heels. And then you break up for whatever reason. And then you look back at it like a year or two later and you go, Oh, that's not my person. Like obviously. Yeah, exactly. But you're just like, well, like it's not like they're a bad person or anything. But you're like, I wouldn't see myself with you now. Yeah. And it's so I always think that whenever and it's probably I don't know if it's a good or bad thing to think that. But if I'm seeing someone and I'm very into them or like in love and it's not working, I'm kind of like, I'm going to fall on my feet. And it's like, no matter what, I'll be okay. If I keep being who I should be and showing up how I should be, like the right person eventually will show up. Yes. It's like, if you get like spiteful and angry and hate the world and like, no one loves me or ever will, like that's when you're going to attract no one. Well, this comes down to what you choose to focus on, right? It's like in that sense, it's like, yeah, say you've got dumped and it's or just the situation in the relationship, whatever it's not working out. And you decide to focus on, Oh, well, there's another one. It happened again, like poor me like, Oh, I'm never, never going to find anyone like one. When you choose to allow your mind to go there, right, that's going to create emotions. That's suck to experience, right? And it's like, you know, this is your life. You're actually in control of how you feel and your thoughts. Like it does take a little bit of practice, but you can choose like intentionally to focus on something else. So like, this is something that I teach my clients all the time. Whenever something shit happens, or you know, isn't necessarily going the way you expected or hoped it to, ask yourself, how is this happening for me? And then choose to believe that it's like, if the universe is always conspiring to support me and give me the best possible outcome, then this is the best possible outcome right now. And what's this showing me? Like, what am I learning? And then you can kind of alchemise that feeling of shittiness, fuck this situation sucks into something that's great. And then you can feel like, you know, different feelings. So feelings that like gratitude, it's like, yeah, I'm actually really grateful for that experience. Yeah, well, it's going to teach me or what it is teaching me now to actually get the time to sit with it. Yeah, and also, it's like coming down to like time. It's like, all right, well, I'm grateful now that that's ended where it is because if it were to keep going on and it's actually not going to go anywhere, then that's just a waste of my time, my energy. And now, there's no longer a question mark next to that person. So like, I'm kind of in like, I'm dating now, like, I mean, I'm getting back into the dating world. The guy's out there. I'm so terrified. Anyway, I'm kind of like, anyway, I was going to clip that little bit and just throw that up as the trailer. So I'm dating again, guys. Here's that tag slide in, whatever, you know, have a good pickup line. Yeah, have some fun with it. Do your best. Do your best carbon compression. That'll get me done. He's it. Oh, I hope you get one now, at least. Oh, I don't even know where I was going with that. Um, where were we? Were you saying you're dating again? Yeah. Yeah, I'm dating again. So it's kind of like, there's a little bit of fear around it. And I'm just having a lean into it because it's like, oh, if you keep doing the same thing, you'll keep getting the same results. Like if I'm just not dating, I'm not going to end up with my person. Am I really? Yeah. But a lot of the time I've had people come into my life, I'm not looking at all. Like some of the most, like some of the past girlfriends that didn't, obviously I'm not with them now, but people have come and played such a massive role in my life. I wasn't like on a dating app or like, like, I was so it's so funny. Everyone has a different answer to this, right? It's so obvious from the outside that every time I've been so happy with myself and not cared about trying to attract someone else, they pop up and go, hey, and it's just because like you are subconsciously showing up exactly how you want to be and people see that, they want to be a part of it. So it's like this whole idea is like, if you're so focused on you and bettering you, the right person will show up in your life. If you're so focused on trying to find someone else to come and like validate you and give you that happiness, like you're going to attract the wrong people. Well, yeah, I absolutely agree with what you're saying there. And also there's something to be said for the fact that it's like, hey, if you want a relationship and you're in a place where you're really happy with where you're at, you might need to go on some dates, you might need to at least put yourself in situations where you're going to meet new people. Like for me, I'm fucking home a lot of the time. I'm just like at home working, go to the beach, go to the dog park, go to the grocery store. Like that's kind of in the gym. That's that's kind of my life. And I'm like, I'm not meeting like the kind of man that I'm not putting myself in situations where I would meet the kind of man that I want to spend my life with. Right. So it's like you kind of got to put yourself out there a little bit. Where do you reckon the best place is to find young, stunning chiseled men on the GC? Well, that's not necessarily my shopping list, and it's entirely smart, driven, intelligent, little bit chiseled, little bitches. I know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where would you find a good, decent person that you actually want? Well, wellness events is kind of where I'm looking for my man. Well, not looking for my man. Like I'm flying around in that ice bath. I see him. I seem like a bit of cereal just bothered up in there. You see me at like conscious connections every Saturday, like, I know what she's doing. Fishing, just kind of fishing. But yeah, you know, like if I was going out, like on a Saturday night to the pad every night, I'm not finding my husband there. Like, it's pretty unlikely. So it's like, you know, I'm just open. I'm just open to it. It's good. There's some good people go to the pad as well. I want to put it out there. It gets a lot of hate, but I said there's some people going to the belly pavilion. Well, I just mean, like, yeah, like... I know what you're saying now. It's like, but also, like, I met my girlfriend a while ago at the belly pad, but it was funny because I never went like, I wasn't going that often and she wasn't going that often. She got dragged there by a friend and I went to like a birthday at the Tropic and I was like, I will cruise over. So you get those rare little like, diving in the rough kind of thing. Yeah. And anyway, it's kind of like, anyway, get me away from the pub, Dean. No, it's like, I feel like at least when you're going on dates, it's great because it's like, you learn what you do want, you learn what you don't want. Like, the last date I went on, like, I hung out with this dude and it was like, he ticked a lot of my boxes and there were some boxes that I was like, and I... And it was great for me to up level in terms of my communication or in that area because I have ghosted people in the past and I'm not proud of it. I feel like we've all been there, right? And I had... I don't normally ghost. You don't? Well, to what level, like, if you've seen them a couple of times and you've, like, been seeing them or just like, you stop replying to someone who I met up yet. I don't know. Like, I've been kind of out of the dating game for years. Like, I was in a situation ship for two years and then I was a year off. So, I'm talking like early 20s. I did a little bit of ghosting. Okay, let's... So, how many times have you seen the person before ghosting? Gosh. If you haven't actually met up with them and you stop replying, like, that's to me not really ghosting. Like, if you've seen them maybe once or twice and then you're just like, this isn't it and you just don't leave it, I think that's good. But if you're like seeing them. I'm also talking about, like, you'll kind of breadcrumb it out and let it kind of fade out rather than being direct with them and just being like, hey, you know what? I think our people are still out there. I think that's more common though to do that because it's like... Well, that's what I was talking about. That's what I've done in the past and I refer to that as a bit of a ghost. Like, and where I'm at now, like, if I'm dating someone or being on a date, I will let them know straight up. I'm like, hey, like... This ain't it. I appreciate you. I was thinking about this the other day because I was actually this fair while ago now. This is maybe like the end of last year. I went on a date with this girl and she did some things that I'm like, not it. One, she had her ex's dog who she knew was still in love with her but was like kind of like... So if someone's in love with me still, I'm not going to pick up their dog and hang out with it and go on dates with that. I'm like, that's a red flag. That's a red flag. So I was like that and just a few other things and I just went on the... I went for a walk, ended it. We just never talked again. But I was like, there's a part of me that wants to go, hey, like, you're a lovely person and all that but these were red flags for me that I wouldn't. This is why I'm not going to... I would love it if someone gave me that feedback. It's like an audit to your like date. You know what I mean? Like it goes through... I would love it. I would be like, fuck yeah, that... Look because... It's just blurred. Exactly. People aren't like, and that's what I'm liking about dating now. Like, you know, you'll have a couple of guys or people in your awareness and you're like, hmm... They can your awareness. And so it's like, go at least go and hang out with them. So then you're like, okay, they're no longer in my awareness. That's no longer wasted energy. I can move on. I know that that person's not for me. You know, you kind of like sifting through. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Does that make sense? Well, it's like, I guess it's just being honest about where you're at or what you want or what they didn't give or did give. Like, it's so, it's so funny where... I would froth that if someone said to me, hey, like, I had a great time with you and like, you know, this is, you know, this may be the reason why you're not for me. I would be like, yeah, sir, off you pop. That was fun. Thanks. Well, I think that comes back to the whole thing, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. It's because your enemies, it will tell you and give you a direct reflection of what you're doing and what's wrong with you because you look at when you have a breakup and at the end of a breakup, you guys could get to a point where your ex is like, you do this and you do that and I hate this. And this is all things that you've probably always done but have never, it's never been brought up until you get to a point where you're like, well, this is done. So I'm going to air out all your dirty laundry. And it's like, if that was drip fed to me throughout the relationship, we might still be in a relationship because you wait until it's over. And now it's like, okay, now I'm going to say everything I've been thinking from day one, how do you expect that to be a good thing? But it's like, you should take on board what they say, but say that from the start. I think it depends on how people like, actually. Did you know one in two women were the wrong foundation? 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Intentionally engage in a relationship, right? Like, again, it's like what I said earlier with like, you know, some people just let life happen rather than actually engaging and being intentional with what they do. Same thing with relationships. Some people just let relationships happen. And it's like, hang on, why don't we have a weekly check-in where we give each other feedback? Why don't we agree to some relationship values that we choose to uphold to each other, like respect, support, communication, like love, always choosing love. There's no, there doesn't have to be a winner, you know, like, doesn't have to be like a, you know, win-lose situation. We always want to win-win. So it's like, if you have those kinds of things present in your relationship, you're gonna have a much better chance of success than, you know, just letting it happen and seeing what happens. Yeah, just winging it and seeing what ends up. I guess that communication, like, said, checking in with that person and actually going, okay, like, where are we at? Or like, you're doing this and it's making me feel like this. And not doing it in a way of like, you do this and it's making me like, not in like an angry way, but like, hey, you've been like, staying out every weekend and I'm at home and I'm feeling kind of lonely. Like, I kind of just want to like hang out and watch a movie and just like see how that's the reaction because it's like, okay, well, I want to go out of the time. I don't. It's like, okay, maybe again, that's not your person. But like, if you talk about it or she goes or he goes, say, oh, I didn't know that. I just been enjoying going out. I can stay at home. Let's watch a movie. Like, that's fun as well. It's like, you don't know. Like, we all pursue, like, we make up all these stories and I head about why something's happening. And then you actually talk about it to the person. And it's like this fear of their reaction that is always like, it's never that bad. Yeah, we build it up in a head. They're gonna get angry or no, it'll piss off or leave me. And then you tell them like, oh, that's fine. And it's like, where do we learn those kind of communication habits from, right? Like, for a lot of us, like, did our parents communicate? Well, did they, you know, get, did they come to solutions? Well, like, were they a great team or was it kind of like, or you have a problem in, you get on with it and you just kind of tuck it away. And then maybe they stone wall each other and give each other silent treatment. And then life kind of just happens again, but it all builds up. When you think about it, you can't really blame them because when you look at the generation before, like, Nan and Pop, and then the generation before that, great grandma, great grandpa, a lot of them came from war, you know, their feelings didn't matter. It was kind of like, you actually have to leave the country and maybe go die. And it was like survival mode, you just have to get on with it. Doesn't really matter how you feel. And like, oh, we don't really talk about our problems, we just get on with it. And then that filters down. And then it's up to us to zoom out, make that reflection and then learn new ways, find new tools and resources of communicating that's effective and is an awesome strategy for like a successful relationship or friendships or whatever. Yeah. And you see the generational change in connection and like affection, especially on like a male side through like your dad and grandfather and that is just how it shifted. Is there things that you do that you see as a direct relation to what your parents did? Um, yeah, I did tell me the other day on the phone to my dad when we were younger, when I was younger, and he was younger, I guess. We used to butt heads a lot. We're kind of similar and like, if we had some kind of flight, he would kind of hang out for me. And I did that. Like, this is just a couple of weeks ago. And I was just like, well, well, fuck you then dad. I'm not funny. And then I called him back straight away. I was like, I am so sorry. I reacted like that. And then like, I explained how I was feeling and stuff and then hung out for you. And then like kidding. I think I know it's my mom is a very giving person, like super, super giving, but it was funny that like she would give and this is like to us as kids and in a relationship with my father and everything she would give so much. But then at a point, she would kind of expect something back, which again is like fair enough if you're giving, but it was like that point. It's like you can only give as much as you're willing to give without receiving anything in return. And I know as a person that I like giving, it feels good. Like I love giving stuff time, whatever it is to people. But I learned that it was just like, I was giving more than I was comfortable with. And then sometimes you wouldn't receive it back. And then you get resentful towards that person. So it was that hard thing for me to go, I can't do what makes me feel good by giving. But I know if I give too much, then I'm going to hate the person or resent the person because they're not reciprocating that. And it comes back to just give as much as you want to give. And you couldn't care. That's free from expectations. Yeah. Yeah. I think we do so much for this expectation of I'll help you. But then I've got that in my back pocket. If I ever need something, it's like that. Well, this is like a in relationships. That's like a 50 50 mentality. It's like a tip for tat. I do that. So I'm expecting that back when really it's like, you want to be 100 100. It's like, I will always give you 100%. And you will always give me your 100%. And that might look a little bit different each day for each person, right? And it's like, again, it's been intentional in that relationship and having that conversation and setting that expectation with each other. It's like, hey, I'm going to fucking give you 100% that I've got all the time. And do you want to do that for me too? Yeah. And you want to have that person that you do want to do that? Yeah. And it shouldn't even be like, I have to do this. I'm like, I got to get to do this. Yeah. And it's like, sometimes, you know, that means the other person might like, what's the word? So like, say someone's sick. And it's like, okay, I've got it. I'm going to give them my 100% like this whole throughout this whole process. And they're getting that. I know I'm not going to get 100, like, you know, I'm going to get their version of 100 with where they're at. But it's like, there's not like this expectation that after they're then well again, that it's like, oh, well, you got to make up for all that shit that I was doing. It's like, no, that's not 100 100. Yeah. Like you're trying to bank it. You're trying to bank favors. Yeah. Remember, I did this for you. I did that for you. And you're just like, why are you keeping tabs on, like, like being kind and like generosity? Like it comes back to if you or a nice person. Like, and then you can't, it's like, if you're just doing stuff for how people are going to receive that and give back to you, like, that's, that's not a good thing. Like you're just doing it for yourself. It's just wrapped in this, like, it's actually kind of selfish. It is. It's like, I'll help you with this, but you've got to help me with something else. And it's like, so you're only doing it for the return help, not because you actually want to do it. Yeah. Yeah. And it takes, it just changed the whole energy around it. Hey, yeah, it doesn't feel right. You're going to ask you, what's the biggest heartache you've gone through on biggest, like, battle you've had to overcome with, with love? The situation ship, honestly, like I was, oh God, I remember meeting this guy and I was just like, oh, I'm in trouble here. Like I knew from the start, it was going to be a ride. And it was just like, I totally lost myself like throughout those two years. Like, I like to think of life as a game, right? And we're the main character of our game. We've got the controller. We're navigating the different levels, you know, playing along. And it was like, I gave him my controller. It's not like he took it. Like, I kind of just gave him my controller and I made my game. Like, just, I surrounded my game around him. He was the main character of your game. He was the main character of my game. Yeah. And I was kind of just making all my dreams about his dreams and, or his dreams about my dreams. So, and yeah, just totally lost myself. Like, I was just such a sad human. Like, I had this cloud. I felt like I had this gray cloud just following me. And I felt like I wasn't good enough. I felt like I wasn't worthy or lovable because like, I wasn't getting what I actually needed. And I was settling for that. I settled for that for a long time. And it was just such a shit time. Like, I'd wake up every day. The cloud would be there. He would be the first thing on my mind when I woke up in like a stressful, like anxious, attachy way. And the last thing I would think about before I'd go to bed. And I would, I would get to the end of the day and I'd be like, I'm so excited to go to sleep because I just want to escape how I feel. Like, it sucks. And I was partying. I was drinking. I was just not treating myself. Well, I was doing, I was using shitty tools as a way of feeling something or feeling some kind of relief. And really, it was just kind of me spiraling lower and lower and just hurting myself more at the end of the day. And yeah, like, I wouldn't change any of that for the world, actually, because it showed me so much. Like, if I didn't have that tunnel and I didn't get through it, like, it wouldn't have shown me what I needed to work on for myself to be able to create a different reality for myself, to actually start playing the game myself and being really intentional with my life and creating a vision of what I want and like connecting me to my purpose and now my mission in life. So, I'm actually grateful for the part I can. Yeah, I think you can, you can love that person for what they taught you. Yeah, I massively. Yeah, I'm like, thank you. Yeah. We don't need to be together. You've taught me a lot. Yeah. Enjoy, enjoy your life kind of thing. You said before as well, you said you had done ayahuasca and that helped open your eyes to being the person you needed to be. How did that go? Well, I have a bit of a different outlook on ayahuasca now because I know that for some people who experience like significant trauma in life, if they go, do ayahuasca, it can re-traumatize them and that kind of happened with one of my clients and I recommended like, don't go. Like, let's clear out all of this emotion and emotion attached to the memories that you experienced growing up. Let's clear that out before you go do the iron, she did it and it was a bit of a horrible experience for her. I was fortunate enough growing up to not have like really significant trauma, like scary stuff happen. And so, when I went, it was like, it was towards the end of that situation and I'd done just about everything. Every kind of personal development thing you could do throughout that time, still just ignoring what my intuition was telling me. To be honest, I wasn't connected to my intuition at all. It was like, I just had these conflicting voices in my head telling me what to do and I was just lying to myself. And so, I just thought, I need something big, I'm going to go do ayahuasca in Costa Rica with the shamans stuff it. And I took myself halfway around the world and I was like, I'm going all in. Like, I'm going to give everything I have to this experience. And I did. And just the essence of that, of like truly committing to myself in that moment and giving everything that I had, like that was the thing that created enough self worth and self respect. And, you know, I felt so fucking proud of myself because it was the hardest thing that I've been through. Like, there was some that one night, I actually thought I was going to die. It was really scary and it was really, really hard. Like, I faced a lot of fear, like throughout those four nights and it wasn't a walk in the park, right? And so, going through all of that, I was like, all right, sis, like, it's time to stop lying to yourself now. Like, we're done. Like you said, then it wasn't actually like doing. It wasn't a plant medicine that did it. It was committing to myself. Committing to doing it, yeah. Did you feel though, because like you said, your friend had this bad experience, but like you committed to doing it. And when you committed to doing it, that was like almost a healing that you needed. So then when you did it, you could actually enjoy it. And I'd say it helped you in the aspects of your life that you needed help with. Well, it's funny. It's like my visions that I had on over the four nights, like the perception and the lessons from those change significantly. Like in the moment, the guy that I was with at that point in time was, I think he was a little bit scared that I was actually going to leave him because I think he knew that I was like, I'm going to get some answers. And so he was kind of showing up and being like, I love you. Like, you know, it's just us like, blah, blah, blah, but I still won't put a label on it or commit to you. But you know, like, you know, blah, blah. And I'm like, okay. And so at that time, all of my visions were like, oh my god, he's the one. Like, that's how I perceive them. Like they're on the third night, I had this vision of me holding a baby attached to the number 29. I'm 29 now. And so I was turning 29. And I was like, oh my god, we're going to have a baby this year when I'm 29. Wow. Really? No. Like when I got home and everything actually crumbled, and we broke up and I was very confused based off the meaning that I made from the visions, I then realized, oh, the baby is actually symbolic of my rebirth through him. Not that we're having a baby when we're 29. It's that my, my year of 29 is going to be my rebirth. And you start a fresh start. Yeah, massively. Yeah. It's, I just find it so interesting. And I don't know what obviously this girl that had pulled up the wrong emotions, but I always find with certain, I guess, psychedelic drugs, it's like they will show you the things that you need to see. And that's how you perceive them. If you're ready to see them, that's like, everyone talks about having like a bad trip. And it's like, you're just not ready to see the things you actually need to look at. Like most of the time when that happens, it's like you have your life and other people do them to try and find answers when I got this analogy. I've talked about it once before, but it's a whole idea. It's like you have all these different rooms in your head. And when you look after yourself, when you have a good relationship, when you are healthy, when you eat good, when you exercise, that's you cleaning your room. So each time you clean these rooms while you're looking after yourself, when you take a psychedelic drug, it's like a key that opened a door to that room. So when you open the door and you can go and you can enjoy the room, and you can sit it and go, Oh, okay. Yeah, this is how it should be. And you can think about whatever you need to think about, you can process and you can, and you move forward. If you haven't got a clean room, because your life is actually not in order, and you've got, it's chaotic and got shit everywhere, when you get that key and open that door, you're trying to clean that room and that, however long that experience will go for. And that's a bad trip, because you can't clean your room and also try and figure out the things you need to figure out. Like imagine you've got guests that have just showed up and you're trying to clean the house and talk to them at the same time. It's like, it's sporadic. It's like, it's not, you're not going to get what you need out of that experience. So it's like, you need to be at a place that's good and it's funny that you committing to doing the thing was you kind of cleaning your room to then enjoy the thing. Yeah, yeah. Well, even like, I've actually been feeling the medicine calling me back recently, because now like you say the room, I call it the energetic container, like my energetic container is clear. Like, I don't have emotions from the past bothering me anymore, right? Like when I used to talk about my feelings, again, like I'd get that lump in the throat and I just cry because there was just so much that I hadn't dealt with. I've dealt with it. Now I can speak freely about how I feel like, and now that that's all clear, I'm like, ooh, I'd like to go back now. And also now since like, I don't drink, you know, or do drugs or anything like that, it's like my vessel like really is clear, like emotionally, like physically. So it would be a really different experience. With your life coaching, how did you decide to go down that path? This is such a cool story. I'm so ready for it. So get comfy. Get some pillows and get comfy. So after the situation, and he got a new girlfriend, I was like, oh my gosh, again, needing answers from outside of myself. So I reached out to this tarot card reader, and I was like, help me like make sense of what's happening. I've just had this ayahuasca journey, and it's told me that we're going to have a baby and we're soulmates. And now, and to love him where he's out and just support him in his journey and stuff. And now he's got another girlfriend like, help me. Here I am being like, please tell me he's going to leave her and come back to me. And she did not tell me that. And so that's what you wanted to hear. That's what I wanted to hear, but she did not tell me that. So she was saying all these things, she was like, you're really unhappy with where you're at and work and blah, blah, blah. And like, I worked with him. And I was like, yes. Oh, that's messy. Yeah, it sucked. It sucked. He was the main character, wasn't he? Yeah, yeah. And she was like, you're really unhappy with work and actually your role is going to change soon. There's actually going to be a whole restructure and some people are going to get like, go and stuff. And I was like, that's kind of already happened. She was like, it's going to happen again. And you're not going to like the changes to your role. And I was like, okay. And then she was like, something's coming up in July. You need to do that. And then a decision will be made out of work. And then after your birthday, everything will be different rebirth 29, remember. And so then I was like, okay, cool, whatever, didn't really feel like I connected with her that much. Cause again, she wasn't telling me what I wanted to hear. And so then my friend. So this is, this isn't right. This is a, I didn't agree with what you're saying. So it's wrong. So you're wrong. Anyway, my friend tribe reached out to me, and he's also a coach. And he's done all the training that I've done. And it's funny though. This is interesting. Like, I met him through airlocker, which was my past job. Like, I met him when I came up to the Sunshine Coast to help open up a gym. Right. So I, I would not have had this realization if I didn't do that job and I didn't take that path. It was just like a little, a funny, like, you know, confirmation of that it was like, yeah, I was meant to go through that. Like I really was. Anyway, Trevor and I connected at this gym opening and just state friends and, you know, kind of had similar interests in time in terms of wellness and spirituality and whatnot. And just grew in parallel and stay friends online. And he was like, Hey, legend, come on my podcast. I'd love to chat about your, I was good journey. And I'll tell you everything I've been doing. Like coaching and stuff will catch up. And I was like, yeah, absolutely. Let's do it. And so having this conversation and the energy is firing. And when you do this work, like with a coach, like, it clears your energetic container so that you can connect with your intuition more. Like you're no longer clouded by emotions or limitations or fears from the past. It's no longer like in your energetic container in your body. And so he was very intuitive. I was still not. And we're having this chat and like the energy is flowing. It was amazing. And I'm telling you about the Iowaska journey. And he's telling me about coaching is like, Ellie, like, it transformed my world professionally, personally, like emotionally, spiritually, like, I just, it's hard to explain like how amazing it is. And I was like, sounds pretty great. And he was like, Oh, he was like, I'm getting such a strong feeling that this is something you need to do. And I was just like, Wow. And I was like, Oh, fuck off. If you tell me it's in July, and he was like, it is in July. And so I was just like, okay. And I just like felt like that was a message from the universe. Because the tarot car lady was like, something's coming up in July. You need to do it. And then he was like, I feel like you need to do this thing. And I was like, and then just July, like, came into my mind. I was like, you say it's in July. And he was like, it is. I was like, okay. So I didn't even know what I was signing up for. I just knew that I needed to do this thing for my healing. And I walked into the room. And I was like, Oh, I don't want to be a life coach. I'm just here for my healing and yada yada yada. I'm not here to be a life coach. I'm here for healing. And honestly, like what that week did for me changed the trajectory of my life. It was like I'd come out of the tunnel that I'd spent like two plus years in. It was like that great cloud had cleared. And I wish fucking me again. And I was just like, oh my god. And I was just like, how do people not know about this? Like in terms of mental health, like we are taught like from society, see a psychologist for every week for the rest of your life. Take the pill, keep taking the pills. Here's another pill. Like, and it's just like, it's a band-aid, you know, and this was the deepest healing I have ever experienced in my life. Still to this day, like a dumb breath work, dumb meditation, shadow work, like the journaling, the reflection, like all of that stuff. This cleared it all. And then so I was like, I have to do this for people. And then now I'm a life coach. What was the biggest thing, like what was the biggest thing that made you feel that way? Well, what you do, so if you picture a post office room, right, this is your energetic container or your room, right? Let's use your room analogy. You've got your house with your rooms. And no, I'll use the post office one. I like to stick with what you know, sis. So picture a post office room and you've got pigeonholes. So you've got emotions on this side, anger, sadness, fear, hurt, guilt, grief, shame. And then on this side, you've got beliefs that you've created, like, and typically what you first create in childhood, and then you continue to, like, I guess, store evidence in favor of these. So some common ones are, I'm not good enough, or I'm not worthy. The people that love me always leave. That's like a fear of abandonment thing, fear of judgment, fear of rejection, anything that limits you, a belief about yourself that basically is false, that you created off something that you experienced. And so what happens, like, your unconscious mind categorizes every single experience that you have into these pigeonholes, right? So it's like, throughout life, if you know, you're quite an angry kid, and you don't know how to deal with it, and you just keep tucking it away. And like, for a lot of us, our parents didn't have the tools or resources to really teach us how to regulate our emotions or to move that energy and let it out, because emotions are just energy, it just needs to move and be felt right. And so, appreciating they were doing the best they could with what they had, yeah, given their grandparents came from war times when they're feeling didn't matter, so they didn't know any better. And so you live a life where you just keep pushing down your problems, and you keep experiencing this stuff that you keep viewing as you're not good enough, you're not good enough, you're not good enough. What I have been trained in is a technique called emotional change technique, which takes you through, let's just say anger is the first one, right? And let's just say you've got this experience where you had this fight with your brother and you haven't spoken for a year, and it's just, you know, that's the thing that you hold most of your anger about, right? That's not where you first felt anger. So with this technique, you go back to the first time anger imprinted on you. It was probably when you were three or four, when you wanted to get the toy and you couldn't get the toy, and that's when you first felt angry, and then my mom was like, stop being cranky, and you're like, oh, OK, that's anger. So with this technique, you like utilizing your unconscious mind, you go back to the root cause, often early in life, or could be generational or past life, which is a really cool experience as well. And what you do is you disconnect that emotion from the root cause, you change it into something else using a resource that you have now in life, and then it clears it from your entire timeline. So then when you go to think back about your brother, and that fight that you had, you're like, oh, I'm feeling neutral about it. There's no anger there anymore. It clears the emotion from your whole timeline. So you do that for all of the emotions, and the beliefs, and it is like a fucking full-scale upgrade. Like, you're a different person. It's amazing. How do you find that? Because I'm sure some people would have those traumas or issues, and they wouldn't even know where it stems from. You don't need to know. You don't need to consciously know your unconscious mind tells us where to go. How so? It's by asking your unconscious mind. Just say you'd have an issue, and you're like, why am I like this? And you can't actually pinpoint it. Well, that's part of the get to know your personal history process, right? When I get to know my clients, I'm like, what are your challenges right now? What's the problems? And then we talk about that. I'm like, all right, let's talk about your life. Let's talk about mum and dad. What's your relationship like with them? What was their relationship like? What are your siblings like? What was school like for you? Like, I go through their life with them. And then I'm like, okay, here are the dots. And I help them connect it all. And then we clear it all out. You see it? Yeah. You're a psychologist in a way of like figuring it out. Yes. Because a lot of times it's funny as well. If you can ask the right questions to someone, they will answer their own. Yeah. Like they'll answer it all on their own. Realistically, if you can ask some of the right questions, it gets to their own brain ticking over work. Oh, and you'll hear them like answer these questions and like, oh, that's why. Oh, that's why. Like you have all the answers. Yeah. You just need someone to like unlock them. Mirror it back to you. Yeah, exactly. And I guess like we were talking to it before people can mirror your insecurities, your angers, your hate, all that. Like people could also mirror all the good things in you that you know are there, but you haven't been able to get them out because you put up these blockages and these walls and these things in place to not be your true self. And someone come and ask you those questions and actually get them out. Yeah. I often find like from my first session with people that even just did talk it all out and then to, oh, okay, now I get it. Like I get why I have trouble like actually like having healthy relationships and letting people love me. It's because of what I experienced as a kid. And then you can meet yourself with some compassion and understanding and kindness and love and be like, I just like it. Yeah, yeah. That's why. Oh, that's okay. And then it's like once you empty the stuff out too, that's when it's like, holy shit, life, this is how I get to feel like often people get used to the state that they're in because it's just kind of like the normal, the normal, you know, and it's like, it becomes our identity. Yeah. I'm this person that does this. Yeah. And they might not even know because of why, but if they do, it's like, oh, it's because of that. Yeah. And like you said, people fall into that. People say my anxiety, my depression, it's like, why do you want to hold onto it? Why do you keep saying it's mine? Yeah, it's not. It's a feeling. It's a feeling of anxiety. It's a feeling of depression. And it's a result of a full energetic container based off the shit you went through when you were younger. Like, let's clear that emotion. Like, let's actually empty it out. And your reality will be totally different. You're a chef. Yeah. What's the biggest thing you get from people that come and see your clients? Like, what's the biggest thing you see in people that come to see it? Is it this idea of holding on to something? Well, for me, all that I see in my client, you see like, what is like the biggest thing you get when clients come to you? Are they looking to like, well, I get a lot of people. I get a lot of different people. I've had people with quite significant trauma and abuse, like early in life. And it's still like, you know, really traumatic for them. I get people that are kind of just like, get to like their mid to late 20s, early 30s. And they're just like, I don't really know what's wrong. I just feel a bit fucked. Like, I feel stuck. I don't, I don't know. I don't feel like happy, but nothing's like that bad. Like my life's good. I kind of feel guilty that I'm not happy. Like, you know, so I get a lot of people like that. And it's just like, it's just a matter of clearing like all of the past stuff and like creating new habits off the back of that as well. It's probably worse, isn't it? When you're unhappy, but you don't have a reason. At least if like, you've gone through some shit and you're unhappy, you're like, well, it's still not good to be unhappy, but I got some good evidence for why. Yeah. But if you're generally just unhappy for no reason. Everyone lives a different life and has different experiences, right? And the level of trauma is relative to the individual. Like, if the worst thing that happened to you was that you stabbed, like stubbed your big toe. And that was the worst thing that happened. That's still the worst thing that happened to you. You know what I mean? So it's like, everyone has the same shit, really. You know, like, I'll see people, yeah, that have had like abusive childhoods and then people that have had really lovely families. And yet there's still stuff that they went through that has made them feel like they're not good enough and impacted how they show up in life or in relationships. And like, it's real for them, you know, we all have our own reality and everyone just has the same shit. Yeah, well, their own version of their own, their own shit. Yeah. It's funny, like you said that because I always thought that it was, it was sad to feel lonely. And then I thought it was really sad to feel lonely when you surround with people. And it's like, once you kind of realize it's like what's actually worse. And I think when you feel like you're alone, but there's people everywhere, it's almost like that being unhappy, but everything's fine. Yeah, well, it's a it's a well, yeah, it's like, I've got this title on my hand. It says as within, so without right. So it's like, your external world, how you perceive your external world, so relationships, so say someone that's got people all around them and still lonely, that's a reflection of internally what's going on for them. Does that make sense? Yeah. As within, so without. So it's like, if you're, if you hate your job, if you're kind of, you know, not finding like love in life, and you know, you're just not really enjoying life, like, that's a reflection of something that you need to work on inside. Yeah, from inside out. Yeah, as within, so without. I, um, yeah, I find it crazy how I think you'd, you'd see this because obviously you'd have people coming to, but it's this idea that we see people and like, everything seems fine from the outside. And there's so much on the inside that we hide and we distract and we cover up, but it's like, it's, it's there. And you realize it's not so obviously you get close or connect with someone that like, all that stuff kind of comes out. But I guess you being a coach, you would see that on a more personal level and more often, but it's coming to the point now, where I think we've been at a time in a society where it's so easy to be distracted by so many different things. And like, comes back to that, like actually healing those emotions. And I guess you just give people a bit of a torch to see the things they need to see within themselves. So it's like, they do the healing. You just give them the light to see it. Yeah, 100%. It's like, I have the tools and resources. And you get to do the work. Like, I can't do the work for you. You know, yeah, I love it. I find like this stuff so fascinating. And I love like helping people like explore their life and connect the dots in that way, because it's like, once you look at it, you get to change it. Like, it doesn't have to stay like that, which is so cool. And it's like, you get to know yourself on such an intimate level. And it's like, I just feel like that's a really like empowering, nice feeling to be like, I know me, I get me, I love me. And look at me here doing the best that I can every day. And being happy with that. Being happy with your best and wherever that shows up on whatever scale or whatever metric you want to put it to, it's like, I'm happy. Yeah. And I'm like, proud of what I'm doing. And like, I can look in the mirror and go, yeah, you're killing it. Yeah. And be happy with that. Yeah. You're doing your best. Like, your best is enough. And it looks different every day. How do you feel about like, toxic masculinity and like, femininity? Like, do you see that as like, something that is more like, you said before how you're different with different people, or not you're seeing other people? And like, how do you think that's affecting now with, I guess, society in general with people being, I don't know, you see both sides get like women and women kind of get put into certain boxes of like, you've got to be like this, or you've got to be like that. Well, society loves to put everyone in boxes, like in general, right? And what I, how I see it, rather than toxic masculinity, toxic, you know, femininity, I see it more so as like, unintegrated masculine and unintegrated feminine, right? You know, they haven't integrated the emotions and beliefs from their past. Like, I was definitely an unintegrated. I was in like, it's an energy, like masculine and feminine energies. Like, I was in unintegrated, dark masculine, and unintegrated, light masculine energy, right? And they have their own set of characteristics, right? So you could have been in unintegrated light femme at some point. And that kind of energy is like avoids, distracts, victim mentality, poor me. Yeah. So it's like, I see it as energies rather than, you know, as simple as toxic that that and people can, it's like a kind of rambling a little bit. It's kind of like a, a table, and you've got light masculine, dark masculine, light femme, dark femme. And then there's integrated or mature categories and then characteristics. And then there's unintegrated and immature characteristics. And we can kind of swirl around this table in, you know, integrated, unintegrated light dark femme mask. And the goal is to get to a point where you can be in the integrated and mature characteristics through masculine and through feminine. Because for me, masculine is like integrated masculine is like logical order control. Like, that's useful energy for me to access in business, right? And not so much in relationships because then it's not really empowering my man to be the one that gets to be in control and lead and do this and do that. So it's like a different, in different areas of your life, you'll be accessing different energies. I think it's just like, yeah, where you play those little different, like different energies, like you say, it's like, don't beat all the time, but it can come in on certain points of your life and go, Oh, this is useful now. Yeah. And then I might not be useful later. Yeah. Like you see a lot of women go like harden themselves, because they've been hurt, right? They harden themselves. They go into like this, fuck you. I don't need no man kind of energy. I'm independent. I'm in control and let anyone like near me. And then they attract these men that are kind of like war and a light femme, unintegrated, poor me victim thing. And then there's just this resistance in the relationship, because you're not where you're most in flow, right? Yeah. And you're showing that to each other, then the guy's like, you're so controlling. You won't let me do this. You won't let me do that. Like, oh, poor me. And it's like, yeah, just in the wrong energy, guys. And you both have been to work to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get that and you see it all the time. Like it's super common. Hey massively. Yeah. There's a lot of unintegrated and immature individuals out there. And they don't know any better. It's just where they're at. And maybe this conversation will have people thinking about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're like listening to this now. Where do you shop in your relationship? Like, where do you fall on either side of that? Me. No, no, like someone someone listening. 100%. But even for you, like you said, you were kind of more in the masculine in certain ways and in business, but then you have to be like, all right, we're going to leave that at the door and not carry that. I want my man to lead. I'm like, there's nothing like, I don't want to make decisions. Like really, I'm like, can you just tell me where we're going and when? And that's like the fucking most sexiest thing like ever to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I see, I actually know a fair few friends where it's just like, yeah, just tell me like, there's certain certain parts where you just like, tell me what you want. Tell me what you need. I would like what that. Because I think you have someone's like, is this okay? Is this all right? Can we do like it's? It's not sexy. That's literally light femme. It's light femme and it's yak for a girl. It's uncertainty. Yeah. You want something certain? Yeah, you want to do it. You want a masculine man. It's like, we're doing this babe pack a bag and it's like, oh, fuck. Yeah, let's go up on a horse. Get on. Get on going. Grab that gun. Get on the back. Oh, yes. Hot. Yes. Hunt me a meal. That would get me gone. But again, I'm from the country. So I don't know. I'm going to see right now. Palm Beach on the beach with a white horse and a man. I'm like, she's done it. Ali found her man. It's like, you go. You go. Yes. Yes. Oh, my God. I got a few more questions. We'll finish up on. But what do you, what are you scared of? Oh, the first word that came to my mind. And that's, that's how you know it's come from your unconscious or your subconscious. Very first micro answer. The first answer that came up was getting hurt. And yet it's like, I just got to like, closing my heart off. And like, that doesn't, that's not going to get me what I want. I want to, I want to be in love with someone. I want to continue to be in love with life. And like, I want to build a life with someone. And I want to have that kind of relationship where it's like, we are like, we're intentionally in this together. And we choose each other over and over. And we're committed to growing together, right? And showing each other what we need to work on, right? So if something comes up, it's like, hey, this is coming up for me. Can you help me get through it? And it's like, yeah, babe. And like, being intentional in that unconscious. And so, that's what I want. And my fear is to get hurt, right? And to have that heartbreak feeling again, because of fucking sucks. And yet, like, you know, you're just going to have to, like, if, if I were to let that fear stop me, like, I'm not going to get what I want. So I have to, I have to just get over it. Yeah. What are you most excited about? That well, that's the same thing that what you're most scared about is also what you're most excited about. Yeah, 100%. Because yeah, balance of both. Yeah, it's polarity, isn't it? Yeah, light and dark. Yeah, the yin and yang. I'm most excited for that next phase of my life, because I'm like, well, I get to do all like the cute, like, honeymoon fun feelings again. Like, there's just so much to look forward to there. And the vision that I have for, like, my future with my partner, like, it's fucking great. So I'm pumped. It's going to be awesome. Let those walls down, knock them down. Yeah, yeah. If you go back and teach yourself one lesson or that lesson, be. There is nothing like, I feel like, I know I'm where I'm meant to be. And I know that everything that I've experienced, like, I have learned lessons along the way. And, you know, maybe there's some more stuff there from my past that I, that hasn't come into my awareness that there's a lesson to learn yet. And I know that I'm continuing to learn. I'm open-minded. I'm curious and I'm willing to take on that feedback, right? So, you know, I don't think there's, yeah, there's nothing, really. Nothing? No. That's the best bit of advice you'd give to someone. It's only as big a problem as you make it. So just choose to not make it a problem. I get to cool it up on it. Yeah, it's okay. Guess what? It's only a problem if you make it one. But what about for something that to, yeah, I know you can use it with everyone. Everything, can't you? What's it going to teach you? Yeah. And like, this is what I say to my clients. I'm like, it's only a problem if you make it one. And just ask yourself, how's it happening for you, right? There's always going to be shit, shit that happens. There's always going to be challenges and obstacles. Like, that's a part of playing the human game. That's a part of navigating the levels to then go up a level with a new set of resources and tools, right? So it's like, you are the creator of your reality, and you get to choose the reality that you want to experience. So if you're choosing to make things a problem, it's going to be a problem. And that's the reality you're going to experience. So for what purpose would you do that? It sucks. Don't make it a problem or choose to focus on what it's actually teaching you. I love that. And then it's easier to move through. Yeah, I really like that. My last question, when you're dead and gone, how do you want to be remembered? I want to be remembered as someone who has been of service to others and has just, like, spread light over, like, the darkness. You know, that's what I want to be remembered by. I like that. Very similar to mine. Don't be similar to that. Yeah. It's yours. It's just like, I would like to be a light in people's lives. I like to be a light to people that probably don't have much at the time. Like, when it's dark, you can kind of show up and let someone see a bit further or a bit clearer. And I guess it's just by, yeah, sharing a message or helping someone or just being there for someone. Being that good person, right? Just showing up, yeah. Just in little ways, little and big ways, depending what that is. But if you can just show up in people's lives in little, big ways, just to, like, when you're around them or when you put out stuff, it's all in a, like, a positive way to make people go, "Oh, maybe I could do that better, or maybe I can shop today, or maybe I don't need to give up, or maybe that person's not so bad, or the world's a good place," like, just by, like, little things. Yeah. So if everyone does that, in my head, then life just becomes a lot nicer. 100%. I love that. All right, Ali, is there anything else you would like? What's your plans for the near future? What have you got going on in your wonderful world? What am I doing? Oh, I'm studying breathwork, and I'm pumped about that. So in September, I've got, like, an immersion weekend where I think I'm going to the mountains. It's actually on my 30th birthday, too, so I'm excited for whatever kind of transition that's going to lead me into. Breathwork's really powerful, and I'm excited to have that as a part of my toolkit, so I'm doing that, and I'm going to go to America for this, I think, maybe, for this, like, summit thing with this amazing group of people that are also in this work as well, so I'm excited for that. Amazing. It's crazy what the breath can do, hey. If you actually dive into it properly, can show you the things you need to see. 100%. You can just have, like, I did breathwork on the weekend, and I, oh, this is such a cool thing to talk about. Maybe we'll just chat for like five more minutes. I'd been navigating, like, this new level for myself, and it's about holding myself to a high standard, and up until this point in my life, it'd never really been a desire for me, because I just don't think I had self-worth until now. Like, I've done so much work on myself that I really, highly regard myself, and I'm very proud of who I am, and it's like now there's this standard of how I want to hold myself, and it even comes down to, like, how I engage with my lifestyle, like, how I choose to move my body, what I choose to eat, that's kind of the biggest point there, because in the past, like, binge eating was a thing for me, and, like, emotional eating, I know a lot of people can relate to that. I was talking about that with my housemate this morning, like, emotional eaters, like, I'm sad, ice cream, or, like, something like that, or, like, yeah, it just makes you get that little dopamine hit. Yeah. So common, so, so common. Yeah. And so, I've just been exploring this new standard that I want to hold myself to, and I was like, what behaviours and habits am I still engaging in that aren't congruent with these new standards, right? And so, I, like, wrote down all this stuff, and then I went and did this breathwork journey, and it was honestly just like, I just shed that layer, like, that old identity that used to hold on to those things and seek out those things as a way of comfort and regulation, and it just wasn't a useful strategy for me, because it's, like, creating inflammation in the body, bloating, like, putting on body fat and stuff like that, and I'm like, that's not where I'm at anymore. So, like, that breathwork experience was so powerful, because it was like, I was able to really just let that version of me die, and just, like, cement this new version with these new standards in, and it was just so powerful, so cool. I had this big scream, and just, like, screamed my head off for a period of time, and then just had these moments of just, like, pure bliss and euphoria, and I was just, like, yes, bitch, like, I'm so proud of you. Yeah, I love breathwork. It's such a good way to end it. Yes, bitch. Oh, I love breath. I felt that. I felt the love for breathwork that... So, yeah. I hate repeating myself on the pod, but sometimes it just things come up, and I just, I remember doing, I do the brief run over, but I did one here, actually, and it had a lot of stuff going in my life with relationships, with injuries, with business, with just all these different things, and I just, again, it comes back to nothing was that bad, but I just had a lot of stuff that I was putting too much energy into and mental power, because it was just, like, worry, rejection, stress, built, like, all this stuff, and I did this really long breathwork session, and by the end of it, I came out, and I was me again, and I was like, "Oh my God, where have you been?" And I was like, literally, I just, all this stuff just completely dropped, and I was like, "Oh, I'm deep. I'm back to me." And it felt so nice, and I was like, "My life's amazing. Everything's fine. Everything is always going to be fine. Like, you're good. Stop stressing. Stop worrying. Stop thinking about all these things that you can't control. Just like, keep doing you, because when you're like that, everything works, and you enjoy why it works as well. And it's like, sometimes you need to do that stuff to find you again. And when you do find you, you're like, "Oh man, like, I'm, hold on to him now. Like, I'm going to hold on now." And yeah, it's funny how you just need one of those, like, big shifting moments to go back to you, and then you can normally be back in that state forever, really, unless something else comes up, and you're going to check back in and rewire. It's great to have just those tools that you're disposable. You're disposable. I love breath work. I get enough of that breath. It's pretty powerful shit. Well, Ellie, thank you so much for coming on. I had more than a good laugh. We've talked a hell of that relationship. It's really like the basis of all this, but it's been fun. It's been really fun. Yeah, thanks for having me, Dan. It's been so good. Yeah. And hopefully, like, the studio. I love this studio. Relaxing in. Hope you hear more coming out of here, then. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you, Ellie. Yeah. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you guys for listening to another episode of the podcast. If you guys would like to help myself and the podcast in any way, that would be amazing. The best way you can do it, though, is to leave a review on Apple podcast or Spotify. That helps the podcast grow, and that helps more people listen to these episodes. Also, if you want to go on Instagram, share the podcast, share the clips, let me know what you think. All of this helps grow the show and make it the best it can possibly be. So, if you guys want to share the love, let me know what you think. It is much appreciated. Thank you so much, and I'll see you on the next episode. Bye. Want to teach your kids financial literacy, but not sure where to start? Greenlight can help. 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