[music] Good morning, afternoon, or evening, and welcome to the Bloody Disgusting Network. The following show is just horrifying. Beware. [music] Chad, there's a serial killer on the loose. Please don't say you want to choke me. Okay, jeez, sorry, I'm tight. [clears throat] You like that? I love having sex with the corpse. What? [music] And welcome back to Porno Queers. It's our look at "Sexy Shinnegan" takeoffs of real films, and I'm Joe. And I'm Trace, and yes, we are discussing a Chi Chi Laroos Scared Stiff 2, the Amityville Horror. And do you have to see Scared Stiff 1? Um, no, I didn't. And I mostly understood the plot of this. Yeah, I mean, folks, so we're releasing this to coincide with the 45th anniversary of the original Amityville film. And I'm being generous if I say that this porno parody is doing a decent job of benchmarking the original actual film, but it does kind of follow a similar vein. Yes, and I will say, so I think this is a naked sort original, and I was a little shocked when I saw the runtime for this movie, which is two hours and 55 minutes. But everyone, there are five sex scenes in this movie that each range between 28 and 36 minutes in length. So the actual, like, dialogue and plotting is maybe, maybe three minutes between sex scenes. Yeah, yeah. Um, the weird thing that I found about this was that I actually really enjoyed the dialogue/narrative portions of the film. I mean, your mileage is going to vary depending on how much puns you like and how much stupid humor you like. But I found the sex scenes bad. Um, I did not find them bad. I actually think the best one's the first one. Wow, yeah. And then the couch one, and then the Taylor Rain one, and then the last, and then he did her on the boat, and then. Yeah. Honestly, the worst one's the last one. We'll talk about that in a minute. Um, but, uh, yeah. This is a very self-aware porno. So we are being very meta about how, again, like, we have a character that breaks the fourth wall, looks straight at the camera, at the audience and says, you know, a plot and a gay porno. What are you expecting? Um, so I appreciate this level of self-awareness. Um, the acting is still porno-level quality. Exactly. They might as well be delivering a pizza, or in this case, an exorcism. So it's a thing where I was like, oh, I think the script is more clever than the acting. Um, but. Right. Yeah, I mean, I, I, I, I did have fun watching this. Although I will confess that for some of the sex scenes, I, um, I did skip through them a bit because. Oh my God. Yeah. In nearly three hours, it's the only way. Like, when I told my husband that we were doing this, as always, he said, you have too much time. You entrace knee therapy. But then he also said, wait, who would actually sit there and watch this? Like he, he very much wanted to make sure that I had skipped through it. And I was like, Oh God, yeah. No, I think I spent about 30 minutes on this. I, I was thinking about this though, because I said for me personally, obviously I watch porn. I, I, I, I enjoy porn. I don't often sit there and watch the scene from beginning to end. Like, you know, basically, like when they start making out, I'll watch the making alphabet, then I'll skip to when they inevitably like start blowing each other. Then I'll skip to when the rem job happens. And then I'll watch that for like, you know, a little bit. And then, you know, I, I watch like the beginnings of each segment of the sex scene. But sure. I am curious for you, or I guess even listeners, is anyone out there just actually like, watch the porn. Just sit there and watch. Yeah. Because I mean, I know some couples, you know, they, they, they watch porn together. And then my husband had done that before, but we've also like, we've done it before. We've just skipped throughout because we're, you know, obviously doing other things while we're watching that. Yeah. But I don't know. Some people maybe just watch these for actual entertainment and maybe jack off like sporadically, like throughout the three enormous three hour one time. I thought, yeah, maybe you're edging. Possibly you've got something gone in the background and you're just kind of like, yeah, sex. Joe, it's not edging. It's gooning as the kids are saying. God, okay. But let's circle back to this plot because we did mention that the writing is probably better than the performances because these are not professional actors. Like, they are paid to look amazingly hot and fuck each other. So the fact that they can deliver dialogue is up bonus. Yes. But we're going to give credit to Jackie B2 is the writer of this. It does appear in a cameo from an Australian bathroom. I saw it. I saw that. And yeah, you know, we have iconic gay porn director Chichi LeRue as well as Mr. Pam directing this. And I mean, direction in a porn film is, you know, interesting thing. I will say though, there was some genuine effort put in the non-sex scene parts of this. Even in like, like, filtering and like, like, the haunted stuff. Some of this felt very scary movie to me. Yes. And so I actually thought, I mean, for a porno, the production value of this was pretty good. I would love to know whose house this was. Oh, yeah. This is a big old McMansion. Because of course, folks, if you know the Amityville story, then you have a general sense of what the plot of Scared Stiff 2 is, but in principle. So let's begin, Trace. The first scene involves newlyweds. I've got characters, but they're not really characters. So I'm just going to call them by their porn names. Yeah. So newlyweds Calvin Banks as well as Dante Cole by a house that we will eventually learn is haunted by a drag queen called Amityville Horror. And they are purchasing this house from real estate agent Josh Moore. And the Amityville Horror we should know is played by Chichi LeRue in a very brief flashback where we learned that she murdered everyone because the house used to be a whorehouse back in the 80s. It's the 70s. The 70s. Oh, sorry. No, you were right. It is the 80s. I thought it was the-- it's fine. But basically, she got so mad that no one wanted to fuck her, but wanted to fuck everyone else that she killed everyone and hence the haunting of the Amityville Horror House. But the haunting is like sexy dreams and occasionally you get come thrown on your face in the middle of the night. Oh, my God. Which is the best site gig in this entire film. It's a really good site guy. I wanted to know actually if it was like some, obviously, lotion they were throwing on them or if they just like actually like all bucocquied into some kind and just like threw it on them. It's obviously the first one. This looked like someone had filled a bucket of industrial lube and just thrown it on these two poor actors. It's great. But yeah, so nevertheless, I-- okay, so I think Calvin Banks is a very attractive man. Sure. Not in this movie because he has a man bun for 90% of his screen time. Oh, boy. Yeah, I couldn't tell if this was the very 2019 of it all for this. I mean, I told you offline. I've seen nearly all of these performers in other productions and Calvin Banks has done a bunch of work with cocky boys, so I've seen him experiment with a variety of different haircuts. I do have to say I think this is one of the worst. It's not great. Good performer though. Oh, sure. I feel like he and Dante Cole actually understood how to balance the comedy with the absolute stupidity of this. Yes. So even though, again, they're not professional actors, they know how to sell the jokey haminess of it so that even the dumb stuff goes down a little smoother. Absolutely. And then this is where we get our only like kind of reference slash flashback to Scared Stiff 1, which start called the Keller. Oh. Yeah, right now. It's problematic. We don't need to talk about it. I guess Calvin Banks though, because it was called it was a summer camp set piece and it was called Camp Camelot and when I was writing this on my notes, my phone corrected Camelot to Comshot, which appropriate, which really made me think about how often I text the word Comshot to people. Interesting. We're learning a lot about you right now, aren't we? Yeah, yeah. But nevertheless, so Josh Moore sells them this house and he's like, they don't seem to mind that it's haunted and I did love this bit of detail because Josh Moore's Real Estate agent takes a commission based on the length of their deck. So he takes a nine and a half percent commission from the sale. Yeah. There's some other funny elements in this, right? So we learned that they have to pay him in inches and commission because they don't have a ton of money. So they actually fuck him to get the house because they have spent too much on their lavish wedding because they are newlyweds, which is very similar to what the actual Amityville plot is. It's like, oh, right. We're financially poor, so we need to move into this. Ooh, why is this house so cheap sale? But I did love the detail that they had this lavish wedding, Calvin Banks and Dante Colted, with custom tuxedos by Donna Telversechi and Paleo-friendly menu that was made by Wolfgang Puck. Again, this is just satire off the walls. It also feels like very pointed at LA gay culture, right? A little bit. Yeah. A little vacuous, a little hoity-toity. Very much so. But yeah, the sexy in itself, this is my favorite sexy in the movie. I like that Moore, who is, basically, Calvin Banks is the main bottom in this scene. I think he's the only bottom in this scene. I think he is. Cole will bottom at some point in the future. I like that Moore gets rammed, because I feel like in so many point scenes I watch, it's always the bottom getting rammed and then the top getting blown, but I always appreciate seeing a top get rammed. See, that's interesting, because I do feel like I've seen a fair number of tops get rammed, but it's partially because you know they're not going to do anything. But stuff related. Yeah. Yeah. I've seen it happen. I just feel like I don't see it more often than not. Oh my god, that's a good double negative. But you know what I mean? I see tops not getting rammed more often than not. Right. I mean, the other interesting thing is that all three of these performers are versatile. I've seen them all in various positions. I feel like I've actually seen Josh Moore in bottom positions more than I've seen him in top. So, maybe that's appropriate. Josh Moore was in the discovery for me, and he is going in my notebook of porn stars to Google. The idea that you might actually have a notebook with porn stars in it. I don't like it. Okay. Here's, I'm actually real. I think I said this before on this porno craze. I'm really bad at remembering porn stars, so like honestly, the only ones I really remember are like the single name ones from sites like cocky boys, you know? Okay. Like Daniel and Tanner and I'm like, I don't know. Also you're naming people from Sean Cody, not cocky boys. Oh shit. Oh my God. Oh, oh, oh, cocky boys. Oh, Jake Bass. Jake Bass, I knew for cocky boys. And you're skewing younger, of course, all of a skewing younger because the only person in here that I was like, okay, I know, I know this one off the top of my head is Taylor Rain. Right. Well, why don't we talk about his scene because that's the second one when we flash back to 1985. And yes, he plays a sex worker whose character name is surfer boy. So cute. I love the set design for this set actually. It's a very red bedroom. Yes. He is with Cade Maddox, who is married. Sure. I did love this though, you know, because he's like, oh, Taylor Rain goes to him. You know what's better than a little companionship, a big cock. Yeah, I think at one point he says, speaking of members, how about you suck on mine like the cock hungry closet case that you are, which again, like Taylor Rain was being so aggressive here that I fully expected him to be the top. And then he is the bottom for this, which, but which I feel like that's par for the course for Taylor Rain. But, um, wow. Yeah. I gotta say though, Cade Maddox gets so sweaty in this scene, that would be distracting. Yes. Was the air conditioning broken or is he just a really enthusiastic performer? Little column A, little column B, I don't like, I have to imagine these rooms get like steam filled by like all the sex that's happening. But I mean, I'll confess I'm somebody who like, I go really flushed when I get physically exerted to the point that once when I played beach volleyball, people thought that I had a third degree sunburn and I was just like, no, I've over exerted myself. So maybe it's that situation where Cade Maddox is just a sweater. Yeah. He very much could be. I just again, Pete, me personally, I found it distracting, but nevertheless, this scene, so yeah, it's this flashback to 85 and I was trying to figure out narratively why it was relevant until we then cut back to the present because basically, I did like this. So they both finish and then Taylor Rain is like, well, I can come again and Cade Maddox like me too. So they both just come again, but when they come, that's when we flashback to the present and Dante Cole and Calvin Banks get "coated" in "demon" and folks, as we previously mentioned, it is not just a little, you know, moisture across the face. It looks like someone hose them down and it is, it's comically funny because it is so obviously not come. So I just thought it was very gleeful. That's the thing for me though. I was like, okay, because it's supposed to be funny and it very much is, but then they start getting on, you know, scruff and yelp to like look for an exorcism slash look for a guy to hook up with and they are so coated in this fake jizz that I was like, I just please go wipe this off. Please go like, oh, you're being triggered because you hate the sticky. Yes. I love a good facial. I love being in the middle of a cocky. I thought I'd been in the middle of a lot, but I have, but, but, but this, it didn't look good. It doesn't work for you. Let me get some of this, right? It's not my kind of thing. Somebody get these more, it's a towel, please. And then we get some more like fourth wall breaking shit, you know, where they kind of say some joke and then Calvin Banks just looked at the audience and goes, really? Jesus Christ, who wrote this shit? Well, yeah, because he says that they're looking on scruff to find a man to take care of our souls and our holes and then we get a record scratch. He looks at the camera and says, Jesus Christ, who wrote this shit? And then that's when we get the cameo of Jackie beat. Yes. Who just comes in. I did. I fucking wrote it. Man. That was very funny. Yeah. It's, it's all very stupid and very silly. I did like the moment to where they wake up and they're, yes, they're covered and come and they talk about, oh, this feels like a premonition and I think it's Calvin Banks who says, I don't know what that is. So don't take whole goes. Oh, it's like pre come, but you're brain and I did write that down like this is the kind of stuff where it's very silly. It obviously is self-aware and I like that it can be hot in the sex scenes, but it knows it's not hot when we're just forcing these porn actors to try to deliver a straight face performance better to amp up the comedy and the camp and just to let everybody have a good time. Well, it's so campy and this will absolutely carry over into our next scene when they bring over priest slash exorcist played by Adam Ramsey. I did recognize this one. I did know the same. Oh, I love Adam Ramsey. I do love Adam Ramsey. He is a very hot. He needed to get out of this priest garb more faster, faster, more, I think he still wears the rope for a good chunk of this. He does. But what I appreciated is that he doesn't wear any underwear. So you know, they basically just like rip open the bottom part of it and it's just dick out. So, okay. They invite him over. They're all sitting on the couch together, which by the way, my ass sweats. And so like sitting on a leather couch like I can't. Oh, it's a big no, no. I cannot do it. So watching these three men just fuck on this couch, I was like, oh, God, please stop practicing. Go down. Yeah. And every time somebody talks about putting a towel down for sex, I always, always go back to crazy ex-girlfriend. Period sex, period sex, the towel down because it's period sex, whereas for us gays, it's like, watch out for poop. You never know. Sure. Yeah. I mean, do you want to ruin your expensive furniture? No, put down a $12 target towel. I guess maybe that's the idea of its leather because then you can easily just wipe it off. Oh, nevertheless, you're wiping shit off your leather couch. No, I mean, but it didn't look like a very expensive leather couch. It looked like a cheap leather couch. This is our rental property, Sarah. This was loaned to us by a gay, older gentleman with disposable income who wanted to see his house featured in a porno. Yes. So they want to Venmo this priest, the $500 for the exorcism, which I love. So we learned that his Venmo username is DonkeyDong69 because the first excuse he gives, okay, I really like Donkey Kong, but that was taken and 69 was the year of the Stonewall Ramps. I love that because he's a history buff. And then, of course, actually, I really enjoyed Adam Ramsey's comedic delivery because he knew to give a beat and then he goes right into the line, just kidding. I have a huge Donkey Dong and I love to 69. Yes. Okay. So I, I, because he does a monologue to do the exorcism, which we will eventually learn his fake, but again, I'm, I'm a sucker for a rhyme. So this is what Adam Randy says before we start this basically a dirty liberal. It's so good. "Almighty father removed this hex. It's been many years since I swore off sex with the Lord in heaven and Satan down south. I'd like to put what God blessed me with in another man's mouth for morning prayers to midnight mass, which of these sinners would like my dick in his ass. I shall remove the spirit of the Amityville whore and I will fuck you both good for 500 more." I was gonna say, one of those lines has a few too many words in it and it doesn't quite work. It's, it's, it's the God bless me with it. It's that, it's that big. Yeah. Nevertheless, I thought this was very fun, very clever. I, I did like this sex scene though. I mean, because we're also like, this is a good threesome. We're also because we're fucking both Dante and Calvin. Right. Yeah. When I set off the top that I don't think the sex is good, I probably should have clarified. I find the sex very familiar and very formulaic. So as you said, you know, it's very much, okay, we're going to do maybe a little bit of making out and then it's going to be blow jobs, maybe a little bit of bringing and then fucking in two to three positions. And we've talked about this on porno queers before. It's a standard industry format. So I wasn't surprised by that, but because the house is so non-descript in a lot of ways, like we're fucking on the couch, we're fucking on the bed, I was hoping for something a little bit varied or different. Yeah. Well, again, like, yes, they, they feel stretched to 35 minutes. Oh my God, let's get to it. Let's get to the good stuff. Yeah. I mean, we do truly three different positions, but I mean, I think, oh God, like the most varied positions or maybe the most like, oh, that's an interesting, like turning my head trying to get it is maybe the Taylor Rain one because I feel like we throw him around a lot. But yeah, he seems a little bit more limber, maybe as though he had a gymnastics background or something. Oh, that wouldn't surprise me, actually. I mean, you see some of these bottoms on some of these porn sites and they're able to do the splits while taking a dick and it's just, I mean, I don't know if it's pleasurable or if it's just meant to look interesting for us as the viewer, but yeah, if I've got to crank my head, I'm more worried you're going to break your dick and end up in the ER. Yeah. There's a hundred. I don't, I don't think it can be, maybe it is pleasurable because if you're, if you're used to doing the splits, then I don't know, maybe it unlocks something in your like prostate area. Jesus. So the Thanksgiving short kill where the girl gets a bail at the knife, is that a dick or is that a knife? So we do this exorcism as they call it, I absolutely laughed at that. Yeah. And again, we have the trademark line. This house is cleaned, which then again, this is the scary movie to like ghost sound where it's like, yeah, I can't, I can't do it obviously, but it's like the ghost just screams and will now become a prominent auditory presence throughout the rest of the film. It's true. The demon gets up always and it is amusing because we move into our fourth scene, which is where we bring in ghostbusters. So really, you know, like a lot of parodies, we're bouncing around in terms of what we're evoking. So poltergeist, amityville, and now ghostbusters. So we bring in Drew Dixon, Shane, as well as Colby Tucker as Scooby, and they are straight acting who wear what, like, mechanic overall uniforms with the, like, ghostbusters down to their abdomen. Yeah. Although, okay, I heard, I heard Scooby, Colby Tucker, Colby Dixon, shaggy when they get to the attic. Although maybe that was just like a joke they have with each other. Oh, maybe I am using the listings off of IMDB folks, so that's where the character names came from because yes, you can look up adult videos on IMDB. I had no idea, by the way, but okay, so this is when also the plot kind of starts to become a lot more non-intuitive in the film. Oh, it's not important. We have lost it. We have completely lost it by this film, which granted there's only 55 minutes left in the movie. He hated when you say that. No, so they come in, they talk in a Dante and Calvin and they're like, okay, well, we're going to go in the attic. I thought we were going to get a for some scene and we, I was a little disappointed that we don't. Even Colby go upstairs after being told like, oh, you know, like the ghost brings out your most innate, like homosexual desires and they're like, well, I'm straight. Yeah. Yeah, they both got, you know, oh, I'm straight except for that exact to suck to get this show because it's meant to be a paranormal activity kind of thing where we're videotaping it. And then the other one says, oh, well, me too, except for that time when I was in a fraternity. You know, and I'm going to tell you right now with, uh, Josh Moore and Drew Dixon, I think I have very much learned that British guys really do it for me. I don't think I've ever been with a British guy, sexually, and I'm really sad and trust out. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, I mean, obviously it's a sexy accent. As soon as you leave North America, all of a sudden people get hotter because they speak a little differently. By all means, British man, Australian men come my way. So they go upstairs and they're making whatever small talk. And then we get to go suck as fucking cock. I did like it. Yeah, because it's in the background and they're not quite acknowledging or hearing it. So they're having a conversation. I will say this attic set is probably the most visually interesting because, you know, we've got mannequin bus. It basically looks like we took everything from a regular movie production and just threw it onto one set or spirit Halloween. Yeah. That too. But at least there's some interesting things to look at. So they're talking about how they're going to go about this, whatever. And yeah, we've got this demon voice being like, suck is cock, and they're not paying attention to it. And at one point it just goes, suck as fucking cock. They are like overacting more so than you are born actors, like really not good. These two are not good actors. They are not. And I will say though, I do think this is the most basic sexy in the film. Oh yeah. Yeah. I was really excited because I think through Dixon is really hot. Oh, it is. I was just kind of like, oh yeah, we're really going through the motions with this one. It's true. And it is kind of disappointing. So Drew Dixon is also a favorite of mine. He often is the bottom. So it's a little bit weird that he is topping in the scene. You can actually find still images with them switch positions. So I think that there's either deleted scenes or maybe we just shot a photo, but then didn't actually film it. Question marks. I'm used to him being a filthy motherfucker like he is dirty and he is vanilla in this scene. Like he's dirty like in his language and his actions. Yeah. Like he takes on a often a little bit more kind of risque scenes with some of the people that he works with. So he does a lot of like minute work stuff where we're doing, oh, I'm the boss and then you rip open the slit of my pants and fuck me hard against the photocopier. But yeah, he often has a really like filthy vulgar like Monie demeanor. And I feel like because he's not bottoming in the scene, he doesn't get to do as much as he normally does. I do wonder, and I do wonder if that's also a conscious choice by Chi Chi LaRue like, Hey, stick to the script, Drew. Yeah. I don't want to hear unnecessary moaning coming out of your mouth. I just want to hear the usual porn dialogue. Fuck me. Fuck me. Oh, fuck me. Okay. So this scene and the last scene has the most basic dialogue like nothing inspired about it at all. Yeah. I mean, before we go up to the attic, we do the death becomes her joke of now a warning. And I did enjoy that, I think that they gave a good reaction, but that was the only comedic bit that works. Do you remember if they looked at the camera when they did that? They did. Okay. That's okay. So they knew if you're watching that, you're probably gay and you knew death becomes her. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Overall, this is very fine, but it's not particularly memorable apart from the set design. And then they finish and they get spooked. So they just run out of the house. And then we go into this fifth and final scene and trace. It is agonizing. It's really long. So I really like Link Parker, who is unfortunately, I don't know who he is. This is my first introduction to him, but I really like him. Again, I'm also a sucker for a southern accent. But okay, so we are introduced to this gardener played by Brock Banks as Drew and Colby run away. And they're like, you know, whatever you do, don't go in the house unless you want to have mind-blowing sex with a gay ghost, which may be laugh. So Brock is, you know, gardening or raking or whatever. And he looks up and there's Link Parker in a pig mask on the balcony and they go inside, they meet on the sex, but they, oh my God, they meet on the sex. They meet on the stairs. Now I got to keep it big because it's funny. I know. But no, so Link as Jody the pig, we learn his name is he goes, you ain't, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. In a southern accent, southern draw, you ain't Jewish, Arya, because you're about to eat some pork. That's probably the last decent line in this, but also a bit ew. It's, I was a little cringe. The punchline said it for me, but when you first asked it, I was like, why, why are we, why are we, why are we? Yeah, let's not. And say we did. So yeah, they do the sex scene on the stairs and it's literally, I do think it's kind of good. We get some cool overhead shots here, but it's also very limiting to them. Oh, yeah, because we never leave the stairs. So it's basically a landing in between the first and second floor. And there's not a lot of room for them to do. I have seen people have sex on stairs before. Sometimes we use the banister sometimes, as I said, we get a little gymnastics, we'll stick a leg up there so that we can do different angles. And you're right. I appreciated the overhead shot, but these two don't interact much. Yeah. And we haven't met either of them in a previous scene before, whereas all the other performers, like there was some kind of connection to the storyline. So it didn't feel like a now two people are going to have sex. So this felt very. And now a sex scene. Yeah, the fact that this is the last one and that we don't bring in either Dante or Calvin back at some point for a sex scene, I was, again, just shocking, just like normal, like my movie critique, like that, this doesn't make any sense. Yeah, there was this opportunity to have this turn it like even typically with these sorts of movies, you might end with a big orgy. So you know, have a bunch of the guys here, you know, start on the stairs with the two of them and then bring in other people or move the action to somewhere else. Like, I assume this house had a pool. We're not using the pool. Okay. But the other issue that I had with this, my husband begged me not to say this. Oh, no. What is it? You're right that Link Parker has a very sexy voice, but he is also the loosest of the bottoms that we see on screen and I did not enjoy being able to see up his entire anal cavity because it is kind of gross. Okay. So that makes me think maybe he's a, like, maybe he does fisting scenes a lot. Maybe which in that case put that in this movie. Well, really, because the vanilla sex throughout most of this is quite dull, like we're not using toys, yeah, we're not fisting. There's no felching. There's no urine play, pea play or whatever. Like, yeah, I think that they thought that the scene was a little exciting because it's edging into pop play with the mask. And he does wear the mask for most of the scene, but also it's a non-starter. It's just like, oh, cool. You're wearing a mask. Actually, that's a good point. Well, he's also wearing like a harness, but I guess it's supposed to be like, oh, look, he's real beauty SM here. Because I guess the kinkiest thing we get in the entire movie, it's in the Taylor Rain sex scene when Kain Maddox, I want to either licks the calm off of his asshole or sucks it out of his asshole and then spits it into Taylor Rain's mouth. Oh, I think I miss that. I thought that he was just spitting a butt. Oh, no, no, no, because he basically that comes up from like licking his ass, but I couldn't tell if he was just licking the calm off of his ass or if you're like, oh, wait, so admittedly, I'm not a big fan when bottoms like push come out of their ass. Like, I just, it's not something like again, I love calm. I love come play. I don't like post anal come play if that makes any sense. Not my king. Not my king. Once we've shot, we're done. Well, once it's entered the butt, it's done for me. Like, by all means, lick it off me, spit it on my knees then. But like, once it's in the ass, it's in the ass, but yeah, you're like, it's done. It's, it's not my king. I get the people like it. It's not for me. But one thing in this movie, I was like, oh, like, that's, that's something that's not vanilla. But yeah, this movie seems to think that pig mask and black harness, honestly, what they should have done too, it's talking about the splits. So you have Link Parker do the splits on the railing, you know, one leg on each side of the railing. And then you have brought banks like be two steps up and like fuck him there, like I'm trying to envision how this even be possible because it's like a spiral staircase too. So it's like, there's not really a lot of angles to play in it. I was gonna say this isn't the parallel barter, sir. No, no, it's probably actually very dangerous, which may be why they didn't do it, but it would have been visually interesting. Yeah, this just felt overall. I'm going to say the sex in general for this film is pretty darn vanilla. And for 2019, that did surprise me. Yeah. So I appreciated that we were making efforts at comedy. You know, even after this super long, not particularly exciting sex scene is done, we do have this coda, which is amusing, which is everybody from the film is now just hanging out a year later, eating breakfast in the kitchen, which again, would have been an opportunity for an orgy. Right. I mean, I don't want a six scene in this because it's already three fucking hours long, but maybe get rid of the fifth scene, make this the fifth scene. Yeah. Like the ghost guys, you know, Drew Dixon and Colby Tucker, like, you know, they have them run away, there's no gardener outside and then, like, you know, Dante and Calvin, you're like, Oh, like, what are we going to do now? Cut forward a year later. If it can't be, then join him. And then they're all just like fucking in an orgy, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Because even the, I mean, I'm not expecting a huge narrative resolution for this film, because again, it's a porno parody. It's not an actual film. But Joe, no, no, no, no, this is the staircase, sex scene ended and there were like two minutes left in the runtime. And I was like, how are we going to wrap this up? Exactly. Yeah. Well, I'm never surprised when we just end a porn scene or a movie because hypothetically, the audience has done what they came to see and/or do. But at this point, you know, we're watching this as a parody. And it definitely feels like, Oh, I guess we're done. Hey, does anybody have an ending? We really didn't plan this out. Right. Right. So I actually wondered too, if maybe it's like they arrange the performers and like the scenes and then write the script around it or right, who's available on these days. But even I'll confess the fifth scene to me just feels like we needed to tack on another scene or we already paid these dudes or something because it just, it doesn't feel like it goes at all. It has a different energy. It doesn't have any of the same kind of jokes. Yeah. There's very little dialogue. I just don't understand why the fifth scene is here. Yeah. It's because yeah, yeah, you're right. There's no jokes in it. I just managed having sex. Link Parker just disappears because, Oh, the reveal is he was fucking a ghost, you know, and it's like, womp, womp. Yeah. Let's just say that the end of this film gave me blue balls. Yeah. Yeah. Very much so. But you know what? It's fine. Maybe we can look for. To scared stiff three exists. Maybe maybe this didn't get it. Let's see. No, it does not. It does not. We only have scared stiff one and two. Well, you know, currently two was enough. Yeah. We'll have to go see. But scared stiff one, which is the summer camp one at some point. Jesus. I just love the idea of James Brolin and, you know, the ghost of Marco Kitter celebrating the 45th anniversary of the Amityville horror by listening to this trash. Uh, yep. That's exactly what he's like, you know, I've seen the Amityville horror too many times. So the Amityville horror though. Yeah. All right. Where could that be about? But yeah, that is scared stiff to the Amityville horror, everyone. If you watch it, let us know what you thought or if you didn't watch it, let us know if we painted a vivid picture of what happened. Right. Or if you have any British or Australian porn stars that trace should follow. Oh, yes, please do that. Also open to other accents as well, clearly, um, but until next time, whenever we do one of these again, we can cross out scared stiff to the Amityville horror. Indeed, and cross out porno queers.
