New features. Slip's meds. Jerome's lunch. Jerome's lisence. New TV sit com. Confusion. AND Lynerd's Big Adventure continues! I'm Baaaaaack...
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The Mutual Audio Network
Teknikal Diffikulties #126- More Information Than You'd hope for...(080924)
(upbeat music) This episode is brought to you by Experian. Are you paying for subscriptions you don't use, but can't find the time or energy to cancel them? Experian could cancel unwanted subscriptions for you, saving you an average of $270 per year, and plenty of time. Download the Experian app. Results will vary, not all subscriptions are eligible. Savings are not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. (upbeat music) It's time for Friday Follies, right here on the Mutual Audio Network. (upbeat music) The following audio drama is rated R and is recommended restricted for anyone under the age of 17. Welcome back to Technical Difficulties. I'm your host, Kya and Chris Conroy. You know, here at Detective Studios, we take our responsibilities very, very seriously. We believe inherently that while our first order of business is to entertain, a close second is to enlighten and educate, and it is with that spirit in mind. - Actually, that's wrong. - What? - The whole enlighten and educate thing, that that's not the second thing on the list. - What second on the list? - Well, it says here to promote ourselves shamelessly. - Oh, all right, well, third on our list of things to do to the public is to enlighten and to educate. - Nope, sorry, that's not number three either. - Well, what's number three then? - To surreptitiously engender anti-establishment propaganda. - Oh, yeah, that's right. All right, well, number four-- - All right, now that's to drop obscure pop culture references at an effort to look cool. - Five? - Now, that would be making in-jokes for the benefit of only a handful of friends who are the only ones who would ever get them. - I see. By the way, before we go any further, do you want some of this chicken? - Nah. - You sure? - Yeah, I'm good. - It's really, really good chicken. - Nah, I'm fine. - All right, well, I'll save it for you for later. Anyway, somewhere on that list, it is our priority. We feel to enlighten and entertain our audience. - Not on page two or three, that's for damn sure. - So it is with that spirit in mind that we have decided to inaugurate a brand new feature here at TechDiff.com, live show notes. The audio and this podcast will be enhanced from this point forward, each time an obscure or semi-obscure reference is made, an announcer's voice will appear after the joke to explain it to you. And in addition, interesting related factoids will also be presented in an attempt to educate the audience at large. So sit back and enjoy the brand new enhanced features of technical difficulties and feel those IQ points just inch towards the ceiling. Special educationally enhanced podcast begins in three, two, one. (upbeat music) And now, technical difficulties proudly presents the beginning of the podcast. Special TechDiff Live Note, this is the beginning of the program, not to be confused with the introduction of the program which preceded the beginning of the program. That in fact was a separate beginning intended to introduce the program and explain what was going on before the program began, which it did just then. On a related side note, all programs do have a beginning but not all have an introduction. An introduction is different from a beginning to a program because it begins the program with an introduction in which case you were introducing the program as a beginning before the actual beginning begins. Now let's begin by introducing you to the concept of introductions. An introduction to a program precedes a beginning with, and that'll be quite enough for that. All right, August 17th, 2007, you're experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by. (upbeat music) (water splashing) (upbeat music) Welcome back. It's been a whole week, but this is in fact technical difficulties at techdiff.com or the show is called techdiff and I'm your host Kaya and Chris Conroy. Oh good, well here we go again. Those of you who noticed from last week may have noticed there was no show. Basically I had this massive schedule pile up. I had a show drinking with Ian to work on. I had a bunch of other stuff and just, it just didn't work out. I had to work on this enormous amount of housework that I still have to do and it just, it just wasn't gonna happen, I'm afraid. And I feel bad about that but not as bad as you would have felt after you had heard that show in the half-assed fashion, it would have been made. And almost running into all kinds of tech problems this week in case anybody didn't know, the Apple just put out the new iLife program last week and we bought it and I upgraded my copy of iLife. So I would have GarageBand 4, I think it's GarageBand 4.0, 0.0, always a mistake to have that. And I'm running into a problem I haven't seen directly related to on the net. A lot of people running into problems with GarageBand but I recorded a bunch of the show that you heard at the beginning of this piece here. And then I couldn't open it again, it keeps trying to, keeps trying to create, what is it, make a new audio format or something like that. Anyway, my old files, my tech diff files, especially, any large files with lots of tracks on it won't open in GarageBand, I've tried reinstalling it and removing it and throwing out preferences things and repairing admissions and permissions and all that stuff and nothing's worked so far. So it looks like the new GarageBand is off my plate for the time being. We're just too bad at some really cool features. But that's neither here nor there. What is here is the show which begins now. (upbeat music) - Welcome back to 24 Hour Action News, I'm your host, Slip Zippily, with today's Business and Technology Report. Today it was announced by the Matsushita Corporation, Japan's largest manufacturer of vending machines that they had formed a strategic alliance with Square Enix Games, the creators of the famous Final Fantasy series. This new strategic alliance is designed to create a brand new technology to use mobile phones to access vending machines. Reportedly, the consumer simply stands in front of the machine with their mobile phone out, calls a certain number, enters a key code and their account is charged and the vending machine then ejects its contents such as a can of soda. The can of soda then comes to life and attacks the consumer. The consumer can respond with any number of attacks of their own, including simple attack, flea, magic, or using an item. And for an additional fee, they can also use their phone to summon guardian spirits and for materia upgrades. The preceding joke referenced the Japanese video game series Final Fantasy created by Squaresoft in 1989. On a related note, the author of this podcast is a huge frigging geek. And if you got those references too, well, you came to the right place, didn't you? - Hey, hey, hey, who's talking during my broadcast? That's really annoying. - That's the educational show notes there slip. - Oh, for the love of God, we're actually doing this gag. - But you don't want an educated audience? - No, not at all, to be perfectly honest. I consider an educated audience to be a pain in my fuckhole. - Which hole would that be? - Go ahead and pick one, Buster. You can't afford my price list. - Slip, do you know we're on live television? - Oh, wait, well, good. Hello, America, I just wanted to say thank you for making my books one of the best-selling series of right-wing reactionary books in the entire country, and I wanted to say that I hate you from the bottom and darkest core of my black tarry heart. Famous personality and news commentator, Slip Zipli, uses contempt disease. - That's right, Bill, thanks. Hi, I'm Slip Zipli, and you know, I used to be a laid-back, easy-going, sort of tolerant kind of guy, until I discovered contempt disease. Now I spend every waking moment brimming with liquid spite. So if your lifestyle requires that you have ill-considered reaction or review points, or a mean-spirited, globiating, ask your doctor if contempt disease is right for you, and if your doctor is on it themselves, they'll probably just call you names and kick you in the groin. contempt disease is not for everyone. Common side effects include headache, irritability, ulcer, high blood pressure, irritable bowel syndrome, and short attention spent. No, wait, sorry, that's what it's supposed to do. That's contempt disease. Ask for it by name, or face judgment, nigh from the very gods themselves. - All right, class, I would like to get back to the lesson in hand, and I've just taken my contempt disease, so let's not mess around. So wait, now, if you remember here, the Franco-Prussian alliance began with... Jerome? Jerome, are you eating in my class? - No, no, I'm not. - What were you chewing just now? - It's my tongue, you know, I've got that nervous habit. Sorry. - Yeah, you just swallowed your tongue, did you? - Yeah, you should call a doctor. - Admirable efforts, son, but you're busted. - Oh, sorry, I was just really hungry, that's all. - Now, show me what you're eating now. - All right. - Turducken, yeah. - Well, did you bring enough for the entire class? - Well, yeah, this catering truck parked right out back. - Thank God, I was wondering what I was gonna have for lunch. - And now it's time for a tech diff live show note. Turducken, a turducken, is a deboned turkey that is stuffed with a deboned duck, which in itself has been stuffed with a deboned chicken. An American variant is also served wrapped completely in bacon. And on a related note, American lifespans are getting shorter every year thanks to diet, mostly caused by Americans' hearts exploding out of their chests like that thing in Alien. And now, back to the sketch. - Thank you, informative disembodied voice. Anyway, that's how I'd spend my power ball millions. - Hurt ducken for the masses. That's an idea whose time must come. I like the way you think, young man. - Oh, thank you, concert. - Unfortunately, it's not gonna help you get your license renewed. This is the DMV. - Bummer, what do I have to do to get my license renewed? - Well, first we're gonna have to see some identification. - All right, here's my driver's license. - Well, I can't use this, this is expired. - I know, I'm trying to renew it. - Nah, no good, you could afford this. How do I know for a fact that you are you? - Well, last time I checked out it was me. - You have anybody who can vouch for you being you? - Yeah, hold on. - Bronson, come here for a second. - Hey, what's up? - This guy needs to know if I'm me. - Yeah, he's him. - Who are you? - I'm me, can you prove that? - Yeah, here's my driver's license. - All right then. - Sweet, you sent me to get my driver's license renewed. - Not quite, you gotta get these papers verified by my supervisor, Mr. Doppler. Ah, here he comes now. - Hey, everybody, it's really good to see you really can't talk right now. I'm kind of busy, see you later, bye. - Oh, that wacky Mr. Doppler. - That wacky Mr. Doppler. ♪ Mr. Doppler ♪ ♪ That wacky Mr. Doppler ♪ ♪ He's always in the groove ♪ ♪ That wacky Mr. Doppler ♪ ♪ That's because Mr. Doppler ♪ ♪ Is the living embodiment of a change in frequency ♪ ♪ And wave length of a wave ♪ ♪ As perceived by an observer moving relative ♪ ♪ To the source of the waves, yeah ♪ - Brilliant, tell it by everyone you've got in stock. - Huh? Well, don't let it happen again then. - What? - What? - Tech diff live show note. - What? - Hey. - What? - Huh? - Hey, hey, hey. - What? - Hey, hey, hey, hey. - Special question report. Is America more confused than she's ever been? - We asked this man here. - No, no, no, I would have to disagree with that. I don't think that America is more confused. I just think reality is being less cooperative. - Strong words, but do we have any empirical evidence to back this, aren't you going to introduce me? - No, I think that ruins the veil of mystery, don't you? I got a book to talk here, Buster, introduce me. - All right, Mr. Bourgeoisie, party pooper. We're speaking with Dr. Clifton Morse. - How do you do? - Yes. - Dr. Morse is the president of the Institute of smugly clever, hoity-toity type persons for a better America. - We're thinking of shortening it to smug bastards for America. - Yes, yes, now what's your empirical evidence there, Chester? - Well, a long time ago, we had a little thing called good and evil things were very clear. Things were good were good, evil were evil, and you could tell them different right away, but then we introduced a little concept called moral relativism, and then just look how things have turned out. I mean, look at this chart here. See that? See that? I'm sure your listeners can all see that. Now, now what do you think of that? Huh? That's telling figures, don't you think? - This is audio only you moron. - Exactly, and now you know why your medium is a complete failure. So what you're saying is America got screwed by moral relativism. - Right in the pooper. - Well, give me a for instance then. - All right, I will, Mr. No Visuals, man. Now, listen to this example that my institute just put together. - All right, which one is it? - File, what is it? - File, file nine, all right. - Hey there, how you doing? - They tell me this is the hottest truck stuff in these parts. - Well, why don't you slip off those jeans and I'll show you this. - Mm-hmm. - Sorry, sorry, hold it, hold it, stop, stop. - Sorry, it was actually file nine A. You did that completely on purpose, didn't you? - I sure did. File nine A. - Well, I'm so glad you called Blanche. Listen, I wanted to tell you that I saw Dr. Hubert, my gynecologist the other day, and he told me I had some very fascinating, unique features involving my female plumbing. - And both of them. - Get it? - Oh, hold on. Dear, are you all right? - I'm fine. - All right, well anyway, he said that my fallopian tubes were so uniquely configured that he wasn't even convinced I was human until the DNA test proved otherwise. So anyway-- - Damn it! - Oh, hold on. Dear, are you all right? - Yeah, I'm fine. - All right. Anyway, he wanted to get in there with a camera and take some pictures because he thought we could make a pretty penny off of that and split the profits evenly. So I said to him-- - Oh God, oh Jesus, go on. - Oh dear, dear, are you all right? - I'm fine. - Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm good. - All right. Yes, where was I? Oh yes, the pictures. Well anyway, I'm no fool. I went out and got myself my own little camera that'll fit right up there in my business. And I could take those pictures myself and I could put them out on eBay or Craigslist or something and I thought for sure-- (screaming) Oh my God. (screaming) Dear, dear, are you all right? (screaming) I'm fine. - Men. - Yes, men, they won't ask for help and they won't stop for directions. And when they do, it's usually to start a war. Yet somehow, fate is decreed that they run the world and that is because God hates us all. So the next time you have some business that you need taken care of, ask a man for all the good it'll do you. Now, as you can see from that clip, that's what moral relativism leads to. Now I ask you, is that any sort of world to leave our children? What the hell did that have to do with anything? Get off my show. No, no, I'm not leaving. What are you gonna do about it, huh? I like my little chair here. My butt's really comfortable on it. It's a nice, comfy chair. I think I'm just gonna stay right here for the rest of the day. What are you gonna do about it, huh? Well, maybe I'll do this. What? What, where am I? Where is this place? It's so cold and it's so desolate. It's like, I'm all alone. Don't leave me here. No, I'm sorry. I take it back. Just don't leave me here to die. No, no, no. Thus began my darkest hour. I don't know how long I spent in that place, before the madness set in from the isolation. As I sit here and put pen to paper for one final time, I only hope my words have cautioned, reach the ears, eyes of someone else. I hope they will never make this mistake. No man should have to suffer this kind of loneliness. Well, how do you like them apples, huh? That's the sort of thing I can do to you, huh? I'm back in the studio. It's like I never left. Yes, that's the power of audio only. Ah, all right, well, you win this round. I'm leaving, but I will be back. Is that so? Yeah, I'll be on tour to promote another book in about eight months. All right, cool. Well, make sure to talk to the show bookers. She'll have it all set up for you there. All right, see you then. Bye. All right, thanks for being on the show. Dr. Clifton Morris, everyone, from some institute or another. And we won't be back right after this. ♪ Leonard's Big Adventure ♪ Hey, what a back? Did you miss me? Last time on Leonard's Big Adventure, Leonard was telling Steve and Dr. Amnauk about his super secret, secrety, secrety, super secret, secret origin. And all about his strange connection with Pastor Ermai. Well, so you're really trained as some sort of secret, super assassin for the KGB, yeah? I'll accept for the killing part, yeah. Oh, very interesting. So does it get you girls. By the bucket, no. Damn, I never should have become an evil genius. Yes, Leonard had been trained by the Soviet Union, but the project was abruptly cut off and his mentor was murdered. Although not really, by some mysterious guy, although not really, sort of. And Leonard ran off to swear his revenge. Don't worry, I'll get the even for what they've done to you. I will avenge your death. He's still alive, Leonard. He's probably behind all of this, Leonard. La, la, la, la, can't hear you, la, la. This is what he's always like. Oh, only 24/7, my condolences. Hush. And now, Leonard picks up the story in the secret origin of Leonard, but two. And Leonard, that sounds like that. One Bill Cosby joke and you die. Okie dokie, so anyway, I decided I needed two things to get my revenge. I needed power, and I needed the elemental fear and mystery. The first one I could get easily enough, I certainly had all the training. I could build a criminal empire and use that to wreak absolute havoc and revenge on all those who had wronged me. But I needed to do more than that. I had to strike fear into the hutch. And for that, I needed a secret identity. So the first thing I did was flee to Scotland, and I holed up an updrafty, mossy, wet, drippy old castle, and plotted my new identity. Broom. Note to self. Next time, if I'm going to hol up somewhere, find a motel six. Alright, what am I going to do here? I need to find a secret identity of some kind. I need some sort of method, a methodology. What would I, I know, I sit here, and I'll wait for something to crash through the window and inspire me, like Batman. Ooh, that was convenient. Alright, let's see what we've got here. Aha, the hubcap to a 68 Volkswagen. Oh no, that's not going to work. I was hoping for some kind of creepy animal. Aha, uplying squirrel. Oh, that's not very scary. I should have been more specific. A trout. Well, that's just stupid. Well, I guess I'll just have to wait this out then. And so I did. And two weeks later, I hit payed her. A hoping crane. Oh, that's just great. Boy, the bodies are really piling up. This was a terrible idea. Now what? Oh wait, what's this? Well, it's some sort of cloaked costume and a mask. What does it say on the inside here? The night emperor. I wonder who would have thrown away a perfectly good piece of costuming like this? Well, I don't care. I finally got it. I've gotten my identity. This is what I will use to strike terror into those who have wronged me. I will be the hoping crane. Kidding, kidding, kidding. I will be the night emperor. Oh, let's try the mask on and see how it is. All right, let's try it out. I am the night emperor. Terror is my breath and vengeance is my blood. Ooh, nice voice modulator. And that's the greatest criminal mastermind the modern world had ever seen was born. And it was me, who knew? And soon the world would tremble beneath the weight of my criminal empire. But there are some things even the greatest criminal geniuses can't foresee. But that'll have to wait 'til next week. That'll be when you meet Pastor Ermine, right? And he turns you away from your life of evil or something? Well, maybe, I mean, you know-- Well, duh, I mean, that's what this flashback is supposed to be about, isn't it? Well, you don't know that for a fact. I mean, there could be a twisty surprisey kind of-- Well, you kind of telegraph this from episode one, you know. Cheesh! Next time on Leonard's Big Adventure. Leonard, as the night emperor meets Pastor Ermine and he turns him away from a life of crime. Don't ruin it! Back in action! This has been Technical Difficulties for August 17, 2007. I have been your host, Kyan, Chris Conroy. And, hey, I did a nice long show for once. I've been skimping on these lately. I gotta get back into the groove. Feels good. Took that week off last week, as I said. It wasn't really a restful week, but I didn't have to think about the show. I had to think about other things. And, what are you gonna do? You know, I got a week off and I think the show's a little better as a result of it. I got my brain just kind of re-geered or something. Anyway, if you'd like to send me a message, comment on the show. If you'd like to comment on the show and let everybody know what you think, head over to techdiff.com and leave a comment on the comments page there. If you'd like to send me a message personally, go to techdiff, we'll not go to, send it to techdiff@gmail.com and or at techdiff@tcinternet.net. And, if you wanna donate money, you can do, there's a PayPal thing. There's a PayPal link over at techdiff.com or you could go over at techdiff@gmail.com, yes. No, techdiff@tcinternet.net. I think actually the techdiff@gmail also takes PayPal. But either way, you could donate there 'cause I'm always looking to upgrade or change my equipment. And, as you mentioned earlier, as I mentioned earlier, we did have a little equipment problem earlier. I bought the new iLife and the new garage band did some sort of weird screw up thing. It won't open my older techdiff files. I'm working off the previous edition of garage band that I've been using for the last few, for like, you know, it's well since iLife 6 came out. Presumably, Apple is gonna fix this problem, I hope. The weird thing is, is that the files, maybe one of you out there may have heard something about this if you are a Mac head and know what the thing is, what's going on with this. Basically, what happened is Apple has a new audio format and when you open up a file, it goes into the audio format and starts to change your file over. And initially, I had some real problems. I use a lot of sound effects, as you well know, if you listen to the program. And I tried to drag from the iLife window, from the iTunes window directly into GarageBand, and then I tried to update to the new audio format. It's supposed to convert the file from MP3 to AIFF or something and then do some sort of conversion thing. And I was moving the theme music in, and then the program locked, and I had to force quit. And then it wouldn't allow me to reopen the track. It just says updating to new audio format, which I guess, as I said before, GarageBand uses a new audio format. And like, maybe MP4 per seps, I'm not sure, instead of AIFF. I don't know what the deal is, quite frankly, I don't look under the hood that much. But anyway, I tried to update the file, and it wouldn't do it. Some of my stuff, my earlier files, some of my earlier projects that aren't that big can open no problem. But if it has a lot of tracks, it seems like it can't update. It just gets to the part about updating to the new audio file, and then it just hangs. I can quit, I can open another project, but it won't actually open the file up properly. But the weird thing is, is my wife has an identical iMac, and she's running iLife 8, and I moved, I brought the file downstairs to her, to her computer, and she opened it up just fine. So it seems to be a quirk in my computer as well. I don't know what's going on, quite frankly. It's just, it's very, very distressing and very annoying, 'cause I really like to use all the new iLife features, but I can't. And I'm even worried that, as I said before, I tried recording with it. I thought maybe I could update the show, at least the new shows I'm doing could be in the new GarageBand 4 format. But I tried recording a show, and something went wrong, and then it locked up, and now I can't reopen the file. Very bizarre. I also tried opening other people's files, like Nine Inch Nails, trying to put out those remix, for those versions of his songs for GarageBand. I tried to open those, and they wouldn't open either. So it just hangs when it tries to get to that point. I guess it's the sheer number of tracks or information that has to load. I don't know what it is. I've done all the stuff that people say. I've repaired my permissions, and I've thrown out my preferences file, and started over with that. Didn't help. So I don't know what's going on here. I noticed it's four, it's GarageBand 4.0.0.0, releases are always a problem. I hope they're going to fix this, but I haven't seen this particular specific problem yet anywhere in any of the bug fixes. Who knows? Maybe they'll rectify it. Maybe they won't. Maybe I'll just be stuck with GarageBand 3 for the rest of my life. I don't know. Anyway, that's all I have to say to you people out there. Uncomfortable-questions.com is my wife, Susan's podcast, and well, who knows about one? We'll ever do another video thing, but we might. But if you haven't seen our video show or the remnants of it, go over to channelsurfingwipeout, one word, dot com. Just channelsurfingwipeout.com and you can check it out there. And I've bent your ear off for far too long, as far as I'm concerned. And oh, one bit of note here to Zack Daggie. Your audio is a little bit behind. I will have it ASAP. You will have it with probably this coming week. And I had some audio for Zack that I had to do. I tell him that here in public. Great. But there you go. I'm done. Bye. See you guys next week. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye now. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, oh, ow, shit. So, do you have children, or are you just a child at heart? In which case, Saturday Story Circle might be a good place to kickstart your weekend. Because we have the very best of family-friendly audio, which is all rated G, for great. Join us on the main mutual audio network feed, or you can find us at the Saturday Story Circle wherever you get your podcasts. The mutual audio drama network, where we listen and imagine together. [MUSIC PLAYING] (bell chimes) (chiming)